This is not don't expect to be put on your life Daniels straight from because
you'll find me so mind side cost Hi, Aaron, Welcome to side Quest,
the episode we do in between our adventures where instead of fighting wizards and
dragons, we fight television and opinions. I guess that's just as heroic when
you think about it. Who do we have with us today? We have
myself, Steve Wevill, We have we called Harry, we have Robert Bevan,
we have Joseph Brassy. Hello everyone before we kick off to I mean
on side quests sometimes where you will play a different game. Sometimes we'll have
fascinating guests. Sometimes we'll just sit here and bitch. It's going to be
a bitch in episode, so get your bitch in boots on, get ready
for a bitch. But before we get into the bitching, something that we're
not bitching about. Shingles. The movie is finished. If you backed the
project, you should have received your digital copy by now. You'll finally,
finally, five fucking tries after a series about well, I wasn't doing you,
Rick, It's entirely so um, nothing for me to bitch about,
as far as I'm concerned, you know, I'm in a different time zone.
I just went to sleep while Rick struggled. But yeah, you should
have your digital copies by now. You should have watched a movie by now.
That's exciting. You'll probably be getting your physical copies soon and all your
wonderful perp such as signed postcards and posters and whatever you signed up for.
And there'll be a digital screening events with the cast and writers that being us
coming soon. So if you signed up to that events, you'll be getting
an email with a date very soon, something to look forward to. Yeah,
I guess we're all seeding movie producers now. Yeah, I mean all
all the DVDs and Blu rays have gone out the door. Some of them
are coming to people direct. If that's what you got as a as a
perk. If you got other stuff as a perk, like like postcards or
that creeps sloppy puppet or so, your stuff is going to go to Your
stuff is going to go to one of us so we can fulfill it and
then get out and get it out into the mail mail for you or pour
holy water on it. I don't know that puppet is genuinely haunted, so
enjoy that. Yeah, I fully expected to expect whoever who are forgot that
puppet to disappear. Hopefully they're not a member of the patreon because like I
don't we don't want to lose your support. But I did factor into the
contract that should they die in mysterious supernatural circumstances, we get the puppet back
should we ever want to do a sequel, so it works out either way.
Why would we want the puppet back? More chaos, Rick, I
don't care how many souls have to be lost, dude, That puppets probably
coming back anyway. It's probably It's probably going to somewhere in like in the
Midwest, like Minnesota, and three days from now, Steve, you're gonna
wake up and it's gonna be sent at the edge of your bed, you
know. I like, I prefer to think I'll just click on the news
one day and I'll be mysterious puppet cult materializes in the Midwest, and then
I can just ignore it and let the apocalypse happen as it should. Yeah,
I'll be perfectly honest. I mean, you created the worst worst puppet
I like, I like Bob's like Gnome. I mean, you could,
like you know, be Walter White without doing any of the work there.
Yeah, well just feed him your neighbors. You can have a partnership with
a gnome that ship's cocaine, but a magical talking puppet is effectively just as
sleazy Hollywood producer. There's no way you've got to get an equal partnership out
of that. It's just it's not going to happen if you've got no fucking
idea what we're talking about. That's reasonable. But yeah, Shingles the movie.
It should. It's available to pre order now. If you want a
physical copy, you can go to authors and Drags dot com and find that.
And we'll be looking at options to stream it in the future. But
we don't know what else going to look like yet, but rest assured,
will let you know as soon as we do. Yeah, we want to
make sure that there's options out there for you to stream it, rent it,
or buy it, which is even better buying skill. And I mean,
if you really want to pay a lot of money, I'm sure for
like several tens of thousand dollars, we'll just come to your fucking house and
pantomime to damn thing live. Yeah, to a one man show. If
you just want to give his money, that's fine. Whenever you want to
do that, we want to ask any questions. We don't care where it
came from. You can pay me not to come to your house. That's
very troubling. I thought it was quite fat Joe. He did say that
they could pay him, you know, it could be a reasonable amount.
But this implies that Bevin knows where everyone's houses. I mean, we have
addressed not hard to find houses. You know, these people to get their
perks. It wasn't just about giving them prizes. It was also about Bob's
secret mass to plan. You know Bob's got to do is start on his
block and work his way out from there. It was just a it was
just a plan to give Bob more things to feed on. Yes, we're
working up to something, some terrible, terrible Bevin related supernatural Epucky the mean
Time enjoy Shingles the movie. It's hilarious. It's a lot of fun zombies
being murdered by Dildo's, hilarious redneck girls in drug partnerships with garden gnomes.
It's got something for everyone. I think, and I'll say this with all
honesty. You know, I watch I watch a lot of comedy movies on
Netflix and Prime, and a lot of them are not funny, and technically
we shouldn't be laughing at our own jokes because we know the fucking things,
and this movie is funny. I'm still laughing at it. It's great because
Jennifer Lawrence has just kind of relaunched herself as a as a comedian, and
she looks like she's done a really good job as a really I think it's
called like no hard feelings comedy, like straight comedy coming out. Looks like
it's going to be hilarious. It's not going to be shingles, So fuck
you, Jennifer Lawrence. Yeah, you know something. You know something,
Jennifer Lawrence when when you play like you know when you when you decide to
play buick, come talk to us. But no, we already have the
perfect buick because Jenny Hops. Holy shit that she owned that role. She
did. Yeah, Jennifer Lawrence, until I see you fist a puppet and
I'm afraid you know, get on her level. All right, all right,
now that we've slacked off a successful Hollywood actress for no reason, that's
going to whatever the comedy anyway, because she just we launched herself in a
comedy career. Looks like it's going to be funny. Maybe we shouldn't pick
on somebody rich enough to like have each and every one of us killed.
I don't know, man, at this point, it's all great press,
Internet idiots murdered by Hollywood starts. Man, that's where I'm dead. I'm
gonna make so much money. You could my family shown up a camera.
It's like the best thing that ever happened to us was Daddy pissed off Jennifer
Lawrence. Ah well, I shall follow her career with interest. Yeah.
In the meantime, again, it's a side quest. We're just bullshitting and
sometimes we just like to catch up with TV, see how TV's getting on.
And it's pretty significant drop era of new shit. Piccard season Free,
Mandalorian season three, two of the biggest sci fi franchises swinging their cocks about.
One of them is an energy sword cop the Ever some kind of it's
basically a penis, but it's wharf as well. I don't know. I
don't know where I'm going with with this analogy. It's like a coupla.
Oh my god. If there is one thing I could change about myself,
it would be that I'd turn my penis into wharf. But that's a whole
other side quest. So, Rick, you're the only one who started watching
Mandalorian season three and Picard season three. Yeah, I've been saving all up
for a proper cocaine binge session. I wanted to, but I've been really
fucking bored, and you know, I'll think before I'll see this. Um,
Like, let's start with the Picard. I didn't like season one.
I absolutely fucking hated season two, but I did even do season two.
Season three it's pretty good so far. I've heard it's good, but no
season one. The writing on it annoyed me so much that I didn't finish
it. And then when season two came out, I just looked at a
trailer for it again to see if I was right to be absolutely fucking outraged.
And I believe I am, as I always believe I am on these
podcasts, completely justified in my insane overreaction to what is essentially yeah television.
But yeah, there's a line in it where he's talking to Q and Q's
giving him shit about like, oh, the game never ends, and Pocard
says Q I am way too old for this bo shit and spot the problem.
Then you're probably gonna think it's just swearing. But it's not the swearing.
It's Picard would have said, I am far too old for this bullshit.
And that might seem like a little oversight, but it just tells me
whoever wrote this for hey, I've got a cool line, and not I've
got a line that Picard would say. I thought it was just tired of
cliche line that you had a problem with partless bothered with that and the fact
that they like, you know that that most of the plot of season two,
Like when I watched Star Trek. I watch Star Trek to see the
fucking future. I want to see Klingons. I want to see Ferengi.
I want to see starships going at work. I want to see blowing shit
up with photon torpedoes. I don't want to see what I can see outside
my window, which is like you know, twenty twenty three depressing us.
Don't give me that bullshit of like, oh, we're gonna do a time
travel story. No, all you're gonna do is try to save some bucks.
And because you realize that, hey, if you have a car chase.
That's cheaper than like spending sixteen million dollars on a CGI starship. No
you're not, like, that's not Star Trek No one episode once in a
blue moon. I'll deal with you, know, because every Star Treks had
to do that. You give me that for a whole season. All you
do is just leave me anger and angry and bitter and senter going, gee,
if all the characters die at the end of this episode, I'd be
okay with that. Well, watching season two, you did bed to me
great because I heard that line in that trailer and then I just threw my
TV through the window. Now, I didn't have a TV for a long
time, so it's taken me a while to catch up and stuff. In
all fairness, I watched the first three episodes of season two and then I
skipped to the last two episodes of season two, and I didn't feel like
I missed a fucking thing. Well that aside, I did say never again,
fuck you Picard. But now I'm hearing season three is really good and
they just kind of like went, how about instead of like not paying attention
to what people actually liked about Star Trek, we pay attention to what people
actually liked about Star Trek, which I think is a winning formula for people
who like Star Trek. Call me crazy. For a while there, it
seems like it seems like Star Trek, I guess from an internal standpoint,
was taken over by people who hated Star Trek. It was kind of like
that guy who wanted to produce like a Superman like Superman Lives, but secretly
hated the character Superman. Yeah, you gotta shit and every re else's parade.
I had the same feeling for Discovery. I never again I think it.
Everybody says it got better as it went along, but defense good.
I'm glad to hear it that that gives my spite and vitriol a much needed
boost. But it just felt to me like somebody who's being forced to write
a Star Trek episode. And it's like, you shouldn't force people to write
Star Trek. Find somebody who wants to do it. Yeah, there's there's
so many any Internet nerds there who would, like you know, who would
quite literally sell their parents, you know, probably to CBS because I'm sure
they'd be buying for the chance to write a Star Trek episode. I mean,
I'm one of them. That's basically you know why Henry Cavill left The
Witcher allegedly is the writer's room didn't actually like the books. Yeah, I
mean I think it kind of makes sense. I remember that's being spun very
differently online. Like Henry Cavill was becoming a problem. Turns out he actually
likes this ship. Yeah. I mean, CBS showed up to my house
and said, hey, Rick, we'll let you write an episode of Star
Trek, but you gotta let us, like snort your dead mom's ashes.
I'd get a mirror and a razor and they start making lines, you know,
come and come on. I mean that sounds excessive, but you know,
I know Star Trek fans, and it's quite reasonable. Yeah. So
I got put off Discovery. Well, I think are quite legitimate reasons.
It's like, if you want to write something different, write something different,
don't be a coward, don't hide behind the aesthetic and the livery of an
established franchise. Just do your own ship. It's fine. Yeah. For
the longest time there it seemed to people who actually like Star Trek, we're
writing for the Orville. Yeah. Yeah, to be honest, I started
watching the Orville and I started ree watching TN and I was like, as
like getting into a warm bath, It's like, ah, this is the
ship. Whereas like season like season three, like after season two of Discovery
was like getting into a warm bath with a plugged in toaster. It's warm
because it's piss but something that did come out of it, which again I
was reluctant to get into because one spit and twice shine. Strange New Worlds,
which seems to be their entire philosophy, said, what if we didn't
hate Star Trek and it's a to be working out quite well? I'd put
it. I'd put it kind of in terms of the glow of the familiarity
of the tone and the I want to say gentleness of it, the baseline
kind of gentleness of it. Yeah, strangely world seems to be I'm only
a few episodes in, but just consistently good, clever people being calm and
solving problems with intelligence rather than doing a fucking barrel roll and firing a million
phases. Well, it felt like it feels like the original Star Trek because
you know, there's there's there's some there's serious episode they're interspersed with like you
know with space faring goofiness. Yeah, you know, and and but it's
it's not terrible like cringing, cringe worthy goofiness. It's kind of like,
all right, this feels like Star Trek goofy. Yeah, that's it doesn't
feel like i'd there was just such a kind of mean spiritedness about Discovery and
about Piccard. Literally, I was like, in the first episode of Picard,
it just seems to be everyone shouting at an old man. Yeah,
well I don't want to see this. I can just I can just go
outside and shouting shouting an old man dude every day. The first a couple
of seasons of our first couple episodes of Harvard, like when when DC put
out Titans and like they're using as a promer like in Robinson are going fuck
Batman, you know, as they were trying to be like cool and edgy
and mostly failing at it. And that's what Picard felt like, like like
almost like you returned to the camera like fuck star Fleet. Yeah, but
it's not. It's again, it's like fuck Batman, and like a large
percentage of the audience sort of went I like Batman. That sort of why
I'm here. I don't know. Yeah, it all feels a little bit.
It reminds me when Marvel brought out the Ultimate Editions, the parallel world
stories of all their characters, which relied on all their edgy twists, relied
on you being familiar with the characters and them fucking with your expectations, which
is really fucking easy to do. Some of some of the Ultimate stuff was
really good, but some of it they were just like, it's like,
okay, so so Quicksilver and Scarlet, which their brother and sister, and
they're fucking yeah, that's haven't fucking But it was a case, just a
dialogue. It's like, oh, everyone's a bitch now. It's like,
you can't all be Wolverine. You know, you need some light and shade.
Oh dear god, Bob and Joe's tell us about something you guys like,
So it's not just us talking about you guys dere pensively at your cameras.
I'm drinking, so, yeah, I'm fine. I just finished a
glass of sake, so we'll see how how much my brain bubbles in a
few minutes. Let's find something that's gonna make Joe furious, Something pointless that's
gonna make Joe furious. Joe a museum shingles. The movie dialogue, Joss
Whedon's dialogue, actually Joss Wheden's dialogue, or specifically the imitation of the everyone
imitating it for years and years and years drives me up the wall. It's
just game cake all the time. Now it's like some kind of plastic in
the water supply. It's just yeah. I mean, it was fine when
it was Buffy, because that's what Buffy was. Also, there are teenagers,
and like now everyone's talk like super quippy teenagers and everyone is quippy,
and everyone has a joke and and the other thing that really infuriates me about
that style of talking. I think, like and honestly, like Joss Wheden
isn't the isn't the first one to do it. Aaron Sarkin did it before
him. But it's this, it's a way of talking where every dramatic,
serious and emotionally waited moment has to be broken up by a joke, and
usually, like Joe, a moment where the character kind of winks at the
audience to let you know that this isn't going to be one of those shows
where things are serious. Yeah, Yeah, I know. I remember.
Here's a thing I remember in the Marvel franchise, which they're basically comedies.
They are like it's consistently funny movies. But that's scene in Avengers Too,
where Hawkeye is talking to Quicksilver and like, none of this makes sense.
Man, I'm a I'm a guy with a bow and arrow and like basically
just licks the camera. Yeah, okay, that's fine if you do it
once. But then you get into more modern Marvel movies and all of a
sudden, everyone's the self referential funny guy. It's like, yeah, I
would find this insufferable if I was just out with you guys for a drink.
It's like, you can't all be the funny guy all the time.
You can't just be quick, quick quip, quick quip because it's tedious.
Yeah. I'm like as a horror fan, I I mean, I enjoyed
the roller coaster, but too much of that roller coaster ruins it. There's
a there's a there's a movie out there called The Prophecy and asked Christopher Walking,
And there are points where it almost approaches kind of like disturbing scary thing
the Territory, except they keep ruining it, ruining it by having him just
throw out ridiculous quips. It's like, you could have been a real this
could have been a really good movie, except he's busy throwing out one liners
that I'm like that it strikes me that an ancient angel of death probably wouldn't
make yeah again kind of weightingism is like, isn't this wacky? Or in
this crazy situation which would never happen in real life, isn't that wacky?
It's like, no, shit, That's why I'm watching television again. If
I want real life, I will go outside, which I do notn't want
to do. One show that just got canceled was Disney Plus Is a Willow,
and I can't say I'm really sorry to see it go because it was
so full of fucking anachronisms, Like the movie had moments I didn't know that
wasn't out yet. I was waiting. I was kind of waiting to see
that something that is there's a word there's really been to annoy me recently.
I see it on the internet and something will happen and it will be like
they'll say, finally, finally a Willow series. I'm like, who thinks
like that no one was waiting for a Willow. It's like, it's a
movie I saw when I was eight and I loved it. Then I saw
I was on was fifteen of Oh I remember loving now I was eight and
I never thought about it again. And it's still fine. It was a
great little piece of nostalgia. But who's saying, like, oh, finally
a series about Willow. I was really itching to know what happened after those
events. Well, I was itching to find out what happened after those events.
But I did like the movie. I watched it more, you know,
was in the past couple of years, and watched it again and still
oh yeah, Yeah. The humor is kind of topical in it, you
know, like it makes sense for it's a lighthearted, like you know,
fantasy romp, whereas the show basically just had everybody acting like once again,
like teenagers from nine two one o cosplaying as people in Willows World. You
just dated as severely. I there, And I don't mean the remake.
No, you're that Jason Priests ship. You could have said the OC.
I think that's the thing that young people used to like about eight years ago.
They're like characters like from saved by the Bell. We all get like,
that's the thing. Man, They keep our remaking ship references are fresh
as fuck. Yeah, but they don't remake it good. That's the problem.
Did the did the World need a serious re make of the fresh Prince
of bel Air? Nah? I don't know who asked for that. There's
something about capturing a tone and you could even look back to TN. The
first season was disastrous because it was trying to be like the original series,
and then it found his voice and that was fine. You can't keep that.
We should have learned lessons from that. That was a while ago.
But speaking of serious remakes, and this is something I'm a little bit torn
about, but I think everybody universally likes and or the new Star Wars series.
I haven't seen it either because I don't have things but university set for
everyone on this podcast. I've heard, I've heard, I've heard really good
things about it, But I think you have to I think to enjoy it,
you have to enjoy like slow burned political thrillers. And if you don't
like that in Star Wars, then it's probably not going to be I think
you've just summed up break you had the same problem. You've started watching it.
Yeah, I've heard it gets much better after episode one, but I
literally fell asleep four times trying to watch episode one, and by the end,
I was like, this is not me. I'm like, not not
turning narcleptic. This is this show boring this shit out of me. Yeah.
Not to be honest, it gets better after like episode four. Yeah,
they really stick with it. It's really slow burning. I mean,
if I have insomnia, I'll try to catch up. Then stop. Who
you watched two seasons of Picard that you fucking hated and then but you won't
give up? He was episode exactly I was. I was. I was
hating it while I was awake. You know, if, like I mean,
I'm old, I will fall asleep in front of the TV. Usually
when like when the show just gets interesting, I'll start nodding off. But
you know something, It's one thing for me to do that once during an
episode, but like over the of course of four nights, I'm trying to
get through this guy damn episode. I just keep being like, at that
point, I was like, this is not doing it for me. Star
Wars really shouldn't be work. It should be the opposite. Of work I
will say about and Or, it's like it does. It's scripted really well.
The writing is really serious. It does not talk down to anyone at
all. It really does explore the reality of living under imperial over each and
as like corporate over each and the militarization of securities. It takes all this
shit seriously, and it follows people in the empire bureaucracy, and it's like,
I now know what it's like to work in an unfulfilling blue collar job
in the Star Wars universe. I now know what it's like to be tied
up with bureaucracy and power politics and the Star Wars universe. The thing is,
I didn't really fucking want to know that. Yeah it does. I'm
boring. One of the reasons why I like the Mandalorian is Okay, there's
no Jedi and it, but there's a guy who just pretty much is it's
like a walking tank, you know. Yeah, yeah, no, I
was just saying, it depends on what you want out of Star Wars.
Yeah, but that's the thing. It's kind of again. I really liked
and Or. I thought it was really well written, really beautifully shot.
I think it like Rogue One, to me was the first time that Star
Wars felt like a real, lived in universe. I didn't think Rogue One
was a great movie. It's kind of a mess. It had some like
good pasts, but like as an actual sequential movie didn't really work. That
probably would have worked better as something episodic, but andals kind of the same
as that it feels like a real lived in universe is rewarding. Has got
some fantastic performance and in some really great writing. But the thing that gets
me, there's loads of people saying and again it's that word. Finally.
It's like, finally a Star Wars for grown ups that I can relate to.
It's like, did you not if you didn't like Star Wars, fucking
watch it? It's I was saying, they make the cab As remake.
It's like, finally a cab As remake that really nails home the message that
you can't you know, you can't just change people with social shaming. It
has to be backed up by political violence. It's like, you probably didn't
like cab As, you know, I care bears. I've been waiting for.
Yeah no, I actually legitimately hate the phrase, like finally ex property.
But for grown ups, I'm like, there is so much grown up
stuff out there. Yeah, I mean, and I get it to an
extent, because you know, the the emotional range of like your average Marvel
movie. You know, I actually do kind of agree with Martin Scorsese and
the idea that that superhero movies are kind of taking over everything, and you
know, there is a certain degree of threat to the art of American cinema,
Like that's that is, that is a thing. Um. But but
when you when you live and breathe all that media, it's like, this
is this is adolescent stuff. You know, That's just that's that's what the
that's what the intended audience for these base properties has always been. And yeah,
it's completely reasonable. And also I think if you want triple X care
Bear stuff, I'm sure that's out there. Oh I am not googling that
ship because I know because the next time you see me on video, I
have seen I have stared into the void between the care Bears legs. The
people demand that we tackle the heart issues, the hard care Bear issues.
I don't want to. I don't want to google hard and care Bears still
just because you know what they're gonna do the second you plug in, they're
gonna be like care bears stare. That's care hard eye contact, just stare
at you things. Oh god, god, it's it's it's it's like like
some your porno bondage version of Five Nights at Freddy's. There's no matter what
they're doing, they're always looking straight at their camera. So they're staring straight
out the screen at you. Their eyes follow you around the room, standed
tips of their penises. God damnage. But yeah, I agree with Joe.
It's like, if you want it's hard sci fi that already exists,
you can go and have that. You can go support stuff. It's I
didn't really I'm not really into the expanse that much, but people fought for
that because it was given them something they wanted. Star Wars doesn't have to
be that, it can be. And then, like I said, as
you said, Endor is good, So I'm not hitting on Endor, but
yeah, that is good. I don't blame it. It's just the finally
thing that the finally thing is just annoying as fuck. M Yeah, you
were just sitting around waiting for Star Wars to become this different product when you
could have been supporting other products. Yeah. Yeah, it's like all of
these things exist in the realm of fanfic, you know, so either go
read it or write it. Well, let's not send people down that rabbit
hole, right, they never come back. That's how you get Cab bad
Paw. That's how you get some dude who wrote who wrote a like three
hundred thousand I heard about this. Some dude wrote like a three hundred thousand
word grim dark my Little Pony. Oh god, yeah, now that was
a big thing. That was like, that was a cultural curiosity for a
while. Yeah. Fuck, what what made you know? He had a
vision and he saw it through I can respect that. I don't know,
Rick, I've I've read samples of this in I didn't say. I didn't
say I respected the writing or that it was good. I just said,
just I can respect somebody saying sitting there going I have a vision for taking
this beloved child's property and just turning it into something terrible, and I'm gonna
write a Drew hay sized novel about it and then seeing it through that sticktuitiveness.
That's that's impressive. Yeah, I mean there's someone out there saying,
finally, a sexy my little pony being tortured to death. I mean,
someone is absolutely they are right now as you listen to this podcast, somebody
has come on that and said finally, and with most finally, there's also
disturbing amounts of illustrations out there. I bet like eight people just stop watching
this video to go find that. Now. Well, as long as they
pause it and they're coming back, I don't care. We've still got bitching
today now now, mind you, we're kind of guilty, guilty of that.
I guess maybe with Shingles the movie, because it's kind of like finally,
this beloved, beloved children's series, but for terrible adults, No one
stop. Finally, Yeah, it's a fight. I'm hoping people say,
like, why is this happened? That's the point. I mean, we're
deliberately being pricks. But the people who are writing and or I'm not saying
handle's good, the people are writing Discovery, I don't think they were deliberately
being put pricks. I just think there they just did not get what it
was about. Whereas we are deliberately subverting what the popular children's series that we
shall not mention for fear of being horribly sued. We knew what I was
about, and we subverted it very deliberately and very obviously. But it's like
if somebody has just said to me, like, hey, how do you
feel about writing? What's something I don't give a shit about? How do
you feel about writing? I don't know. I just long list. Hey,
Bob names something you don't give a shit about, and or Mandalorian this
podcast. Fuck you Harry Potter. I never gave a shit Harry Harry Potter.
Somebody had asked me to write Harry Potter, I'd be like, I
can write Harry Potter. It's got to be very sarcastic. And I asked
you to do that, and that became a single. Yeah, but you're
deliberately being a prick. But if something had sincerely asked me as well,
we need a writer on this, uh tell you know eight part Netflix series
based around in the Harry Potter universe, I'm like, you've got the wrong
guy universe. Yeah, you would have, and you would have been fired,
and that would have I will say this, you will say you've got
the wrong guy up until the point that day, like you know that they
hand you that bag of money and then it's like I wouldn't, Okay,
I would. Yeah, I'd be like, here's your terrible Harry Potter,
give me my just as long as the check clears. Harry Potter and a
guy who did not give a fuck. Well, that's that's that's a whole
different thing. Yeah, we've been talking about like just a franchise, but
a franchise idea insert x franchised idea. If somebody asked me to write for
CIS. I don't give a fuck about CIS. I don't want dramas.
But if they're like, you know, if they're like, yeah, here's
here's the check and I look at it, I'm like, fuck it.
Um, yeah, I mean I'll give it whatever. It's just a butler
at every episode of But yeah, I kind of that's why I didn't like
Discovery because it felt like that was It felt like they were just forcing someone
to write Star Trek. Why would you do that? It's like, yeah,
we need to at least a new Star Trek series, and the first
thing we too is just put in the airlock everything I don't like about Star
Trek, which coincidentally happens to be what you know, most people like about
Stoctrick. Well, you know something, they might have been able to get
away with it if they had put it in like the jj Abrams universe,
because that kind of set that did its own little spin off there. Everybody's
knowledge was a separate timeline, different shit happened. You can probably get away
with it there, but in the main universe there's too much established cannon.
Yeah, you know. It's it's kind of like when when they when they
did that Doctor Who movie where they said, oh, the doctor's half human
and oh and he lives in New York or whatever the fuck. Yeah,
that thing was where a lot of people were like the breaks on, Yeah,
we're going to do a Doctor Who movie, but we decided we don't
really like Doctor Who and it's a bit shit and you guys are weird,
so we're gonna do something entirely different. Yeah. I'm still not convinced anybody
likes Doctor Who. It's a conspiracy, mate, it really is. Red
Dwarf is right there. That's that's Doctor Who for people with substance abuse problems.
Finally two from people which but yeah, when I'm arguing with people online
and in between me threatening to send them envelopes filled with amprex. I Uh,
they do say like, oh, well, this Star Trek is in
the the ape in the different universe. I'm like, well, say that
up front and fucking commit to the bit. Don't take the livery of something
else and fly as a flag and say well, if you don't like this,
maybe you just don't like Star Trek hard enough. That's that's what That's
what annoys me when, like, you know, when they fall on when
they fall on things like like that, for like defending stuff where it's like,
oh, if you don't like this, you must be some sort of
bigot. No, it's possible to not like something. Yeah, the super
diverse cast simply because the writing is bad. That's true. We've really got
into and I try and a vote. I actually do try and avoid talking
about online. If I think something is in the them stage, I won't
talk about it. When ghostbus Is twenty sixteen came out, I didn't slag
it off for a while because for a while it was in the US and
them stage. It's like, well, if you're a good person, you're
going to support this really fucking bad comedy and if you don't, then you
are some kind of sex offender. So I thought, I'm staying out in
that fucking discussion, which is not a healthy way for things to be.
I think I think you should be allowed to bitch about things without being on
a terrorist list. There were a lot of terrible people, like, you
know, slagging off on it for not the reason then it was a female
cat so actually yeah, yeah, but we're on the internet, Rick,
Statistically speaking, everything that happens on the Internet is going to have a percentage
of awful people. Discovery you're talking about we're still talking about ghosts or sixteen.
Yeah, they always I always come back to ghost Us twenty. It
was the same thing with like, you know, with I mean, Wonder
Woman was kind of the same deal. It was like it was like,
you know, if if you don't think this is the best movie ever,
obviously you're like a misogynist or so as opposed to like, you know,
being like okay in some parts of the movie were good, but the cgi
was fucking terrible, and mostly it was kind of a rip off of Captain
America. Yeah, and the villain the villain fight at the end of a
ship. But there are lots of charming bits in it, and I think
Galcada was a very great wonder Woman, but thankfully that wore off enough.
Like if a movie's bad enough, the US and M thing just very quickly
dies. Like Wonder Woman nineteen eighty four. It was like, yeah,
if you don't like this movie, then you're is like, no, this
is just a bad movie. Yeah. Yeah. They tried that with that,
and it was just like, yeah, ok, yeah, you can
just like this movie. It wasn't very good. That's fine. I would
like things to be a little bit more like that of the time. I
do hate the US and then bullshit, I do think it moneies to Wars
of innocence. Internet bastards bitching about stuff they basically get for free, so
which is what I think is at the core of the side Quest experience.
I mean, yeah, people are getting the side Quest for free. Yeah,
bitch about it. You can bitch about as much as you want.
Just linked linked to shingles of the movie. You said while you're doing it,
we are mostly bold, middle aged white man. This is fine.
You can attack this as much as you want without it being some sort of
political stage. If you don't like a indie side Quest, why do you
hate middle aged Yeah? I think you're fairly safe in attacking side quest.
Please do loudly on Twitter as much as you like. God, start a
war about it. Please start. I know we could do it. It
clicks. I keep waiting for us to say something that will just be like,
oh, look a five hundred thousand people like you know, jumped on
us. They finally know who we are, all because Bevin finally sets something
to wed too far. Finally. What else can I say? I don't
know. May You've been trying really hard and waiting for it to pay off.
Lessen Jackson positivity then, Um, it's because it's because you kind of
when I say the N word, oh god, that doesn't happen. My
internet connection is kind of going out here. But if that would as a
sun cut, it's not because it's just because I'm not great editing. It's
nothing to do with something terrible. But yeah, I was about to say,
let'son checked some positivity into this Mandalorian Raik. You've been catching up with
season three William Falls. I mean, okay, so this past week's episode
I haven't finished yet, but it was a little boring because it pretty much
catches up with characters that I don't give a shit about. But the first
I think three or four episodes, they're really solid, like it like adventurous
spirit of Okay, we're catching up to this badass bounty hunter and he's doing
cool shit, and he's flying of starships and he's firing weapons, but he's
also with like cut the cute little like you know, the cute little baby
Yoda who's busy doing cute little baby Yoda things. It's pretty finally a Yoda
for babies. But you know, I agree with you. That's what I
really liked about the Mandalorian had the Star Wars aesthetic, and it had it
in modern day prestige direction and filming and set building and everything looked sweet.
But it was just a TV serial, basically a space western. Yeah.
I mean, you could have done this. Somebody would have done this on
an enth of the budget sixty years ago, like as a radio serial or
something. And it's it just works. It's just it doesn't try too hard
to be something it's not. Writing is solid enough, the adventure is solid
enough to characters are all very cool. The aesthetic is everything you love about
Star Wars. It didn't have to go to the fantastic sort of intricate writing
efforts that and or went into where you had this whole series art that takes
about four episodes to get interesting. It's just every week the Mandalorian has an
adventure. Yeah, and like you know, the main character is kind of
like you know what, we always kind of imagine Bob Be until we actually
got the Boba Fette show, and we're disappointed. So now we pretend that
this actually is really just like you know, yeah, Boba Fett, we
already gote. He didn't need actual body. He could have just stayed in
and saw that game would have been fine. Yeah, but um, I
guess the segue from that, speaking of Pedro Pascal, uh, The Last
of Us? Does anybody watch that? No? Oddly enough? Yes,
Jesus Christ, right, you're really fucking carrying this podcast episode, you know,
The Last Last of Us? It was it was well done. I
mean there's enough in there for for fans at the video game to like be
like, holy shit, that's cool. There's enough of fans who just like
zombie apocalypse movies and be like holy shit, that's cool. If you're just
looking for something for some like good acting and like you know, fun stories.
There's like it just it really did work. And if you really just
like watching Pedro Pascal killed a lot of people, it also works, you
know. Yeah, sometimes that's all. I think every fetish is kind of
like served by this show. Yeah great. Now I haven't watched it yet
because I never played the video games, so I'm sort of thinking to myself,
I should play the video game first. But now I remember I'm very
lazy and I don't have much free time, so I might just watch it
anyway. But I am glad. I mean, I think we've been out
out of it for a while, but I think now we are inarguably out
of the stage of all video game adaptations are shit. I mean some of
them still are, obviously, but statistically, you know, shit television happens.
People looking to take advantage of established ips are probably not the most careful
of adapts Luie Bowl, for example, I think this is kind of like
this is prestige television based on a prestige video game. Video game adaptations kind
of started to get better a few years ago. And I'm going to name
a movie that I may be well disagreed on. I watched the live action
Warcraft movie and I didn't hate it hate it. It wasn't very Hollywood in
its pacing. It felt a lot more like a to be honest, it
felt more like a Chinese historical epic. But with all yeah, you know,
they did some really interesting stuff with the Orc plotline and especially and I
remember thinking as I was watching it, like, I don't think this is
gonna go anywhere because I don't think the audience base is there for it,
and I don't think it like it just didn't hit the right way at the
right time. But it was. It was a solid movie. I didn't
mind it. I was not a everyone knows what warcraft is had to be
living under a rock not too, but I'm not a big Warcraft player.
I try and play it now again with people, but they've been playing for
fifteen years, and I literally feel like I'm being dragged around the shops by
my parents. It's just like we're going over here now. It's like I
don't have no fucking idea what's going on. But because everyone's been playing it
for fifteen years, So when I watched a movie as kind of just as
somebody watching a movie, I liked it as a guy enjoys fantasy movies.
It's good. Yeah, yeah, I like the original like you know,
Warcraft games up until Warcraft three and stuff, because I don't really like playing
playing video games and other people and that's what kind of kills like you know,
World of Warcraft for me, because I just want to go through this
and like, you know, get my thing. I don't want to go
on reads like people that I don't, I don't want to talk to them.
I want the World of Warcraft. I wanted a rick of Warcraft.
Yeah. It was kind of like because I was a big fan of the
strategy games and I played those a whole bunch in high school. There was
a there was a little nod to that in the movie as well, when
they had the map going on. It's like, yeah, that's a little
not there. I appreciate that little red meat for the nerds. It was
nice. Like I think I'm not saying, you know, Warcraft watch the
Last of Us could Run, but I think that I think that, like
at least a few years back, we've started to see video game movies that
are being done not as like a uebol gimmick. Yeah, well, I
got to put it out there and it was an unexpected hit and no one
was expecting it to work. The first Sonic the head Chog movie. To
me, the fact that you could make an entertaining movie about a blue head
chock with superspeed and make it. It didn't have to be a classic.
It didn't have to blow anyone's mind. It's just like the challenges here is
can you make this work without it being an absolute pile of dog shit?
And they did. I mean, there was also detective Pikachu ejective Pikachu.
I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it, but everyone I've talked to
says that it's actually if I was an old school Hollywood producer and somebody came
into my room and into my office and said, Detective Pikachu, them bating
to death. So I'm glad we're in an age when that's not happening anymore.
But we still get, you know, like the Uncharted movie was,
it tried to hit the beats, but it like it was kind of like
one of those things where like it felt like the Uncharted games, as if
somebody played the telephone game and like the fourth person down the line wrote the
movie. I do think that is generally what happens with video games. The
original Mario Brothers movie was somebody was just playing a game and just got passed
up for a lot of people who are like, how the fuck are we
going to make this a reality? This is just a man jumping on animals.
And then they got something they just had nothing really to do it again,
but yeah, that was like, that was extra effort. Now to
make something shit. Somebody had a really weird I wasn't a telephone game that
was travels. No, that was like a sabotage or something. I don't
know. Somebody wanted to make a movie about something completely different, and somebody
said, make a Mario video game movie. And no one gives a shit
about video games. So here's some money, here's some drugs, go have
fun. Yeah, I think I think somebody just said, you know what
I want to do. I want to spend six weeks on a set with
drunk Bob hearts askins. I want that rac who doesn't want that? Be
sadly gone? And speaking of Mario movies, it's all come full circle from
the first video game adaptation two what I hope will be the pinnacle of animated
entertainment. The new Mario movie with what everybody's saying is perhaps not the right
voice cast. Maybe they should have just stuck to falsetto Italian. But I
don't know how long they could do that without it being terribly racist. It's
I don't know, I'm looking forward to it. It's Italian racist. I
could be racist to Italians. I try. I think the entire I think.
I think the quire superior way to voice the Mario movie is to find
a way and never have Mario say anything other than he already says in the
games. Yeah, everyone else talks. Mario only ever says it like it's
a media scenes and he just shows up the very end Mario that he should
have him like as a fully articulate being. But then the first time he
heads butts a brick is like he can only see. He can only say
six phrases after that. That's a really dark Mario. But logic wise consistent.
It can start off because he can start off as doctor Mario, which
was a game brain damage, and now we can only like the Ussio game
is like we really need a doctor. They bring him in Goober Fight.
It's like, now we've just got this psychotic plumber Mario, this is what
we've got. Send them against the Turtle Dragon. Nothing makes sense. God,
no, no, I suddenly want to see this movie. That's why
they never made a Legend of Zelda movie or a series, because that would
be great. That world would be fantastic to see. But you've got a
lead character. The only thing he ever says is angry screaming, which I
think would be great, but I think ninety nine people would probably find weird
and intimidate. Yeah, there was Legend of Neil, Legend of Neil.
How much angry screaming was in Legend of Neil percentage? There was more Masterbid?
Oh yeah, but was that angry screaming while that was going on?
I don't think so. Was he like yeah, ah, now I'm going
to have to google that. Yeah, that's a functers m h. I
don't know. Maybe when it's finally a good Sonic The Hedgehog movie or finally
a animated super Mario Brothers movie, that's fine. When it's finally the Gummy
Bears, but they've all got fucking Baretta's maybe not as much the Gunny Bears.
The Gunny Bears. Oh man, Now, I really think that should
happen. I'm such a fucking hypocrite. The Gundy Bears, they're back and
they're pissed. They drink and then they just pull out fucking tommy gunns,
just bouts of the round firing guns. It could be the Comy Bears,
Oh no, oh my god, would be really dynamic, pawn. You'd
have to get a lot profinally bears with facials, finally, finally, gummy
bears for gross. All right, well, this has been a solid hour
of angry old man bullshit and inadvisable remake ideas. Anything else you guys want
to throw into the pot. Not before we wrapped this up, Bevin,
what remake do you want to see? And bears? Commy Bears, just
Commy Bears. It's a solid choice, mate, You're not going to top
that. I mean, I'm I'm desperately trying to figure something worse than that,
but I don't think it's going to happen. No, No, that's
I'm trying to think of. I'm trying to think of some thing I could
do with Teddy Rockspin, but a lot of you, Oh Rick, I'll
be like Teddy Spin. I was talking about putting your dick in one.
Well, well yeah, I mean, but if you're gonna do that,
you might as well put like a tape in of screaming. Finally, someone
had the guts to say it. That's great, because yeah, you can
fuck it Teddy rockspan and put you know, a tape in whatever you wanted
to say, whatever your fantasy. You can put a flashlight in a Teddy
Rock spin and record and you can sell that on the end to that for
a love buddy, Hi daddy, it would be great if you could.
If you could suck my empty eye socket again. Oh yeah, I guess
you don't have to put a flashlight in the Teddy Spin. Finally, Jesus,
clearly, if you don't spend the next six months just hand making Teddy
Fox spins, then you have lost an opportunity, my friend. Finally,
a Teddy Rock spin for degenerates. Oh god, Teddy Fox been showing up
at Andy Con would be August eleven. If you cause play as Teddy Fox
spin. Oh, buy you a drink, friend, I might even comp
your ticket price, but only for the first person to turn up. If
you like the twelve Teddy Fox spin, I've already lost interest, I would
say, that that would get me kicked out of Portland. But honestly,
that one has the naked bike ride every year, or just like hundreds and
hundreds of people ride around the town naked on bikes. Yeah, we could
have like twelve Teddy Fox spins on unicycles and they'd think it was art.
It wouldn't be. It would be the opposite of arts. But I don't
know if that's what we want our our convention to become. But then again,
is that the news If everybody who buys a ticket turns up as a
Teddy Fox spin, we can't control that. That's not our fault. Well,
we'll take the headlines and just roll with it. Somebody calls in the
military. We can't be held responsible for that. Oh. I like to
think we've ended the podcast on a high. Finally a side quest that allows
us to fuck as teddy bits. Hey they're old enough now, Oh you're
right, because that was my first concern. Ah, well, thank you
for joining us on another side quest. We hope you enjoyed this rambling and
chaotic um spiral into Hell, and we hope you will join us next time
for more wacky adventures on office and dragons. Bye bye online, we need
the publicity. Authors and Dragons brought to you under Creative Commons license, meaning
you were free to share this material so long as credit is given to those
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