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This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're
listening to KFI AM six forty the Doctor

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Wendy wallsh Show on demand on the
iHeartRadio app. Welcome back to the Doctor

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Wendy Wall Show on KFI AM six
forty Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio App.

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Okay, Yes, there's all this
foundational stuff about psychology psychobabble, if you

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will, that has been injected into
our language, and we've been using it

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and not even realizing that it's you
know, there's some science behind it,

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and it makes a lot of sense. But there's also what I call the

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new psychobabble, stuff that people misuse
all the time. They're just throwing around

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these terms. Some of it is
from the science of psychology, and some

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of it is just you know,
stuff from our you know, our colloquialisms,

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if you will. But I want
to go through some of the stuff

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that I think many people get wrong. Okay, first of all, I

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want to start to erase the term
gas lighting. People need to stop using

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the term gas lighting. If you
don't know the term. It actually refers

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to a movie from the nineteen forties
where some husband tries to make his wife

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feel absolutely crazy by challenging all her
thoughts and feelings because he's, you know,

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trying to steal her money or whatever. I can't remember the whole story.

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But what happens is we are using
it anytime somebody just disagrees with us.

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You know, it's okay for two
people to have different opinions and for

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them to even debate it in a
very animated way, but to say things

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like, don't gaslight me, don't
gaslight me, you're just gaslighting me,

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okay. Gaslighting is when they literally
lie to you and trick you and make

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you question your own feelings and thoughts. But if they're just disagreeing with you,

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if they're just you know, debating
with you, that's just a normal

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misunderstanding in a relationship. So giving
somebody a label as a gaslight really isn't

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fair, you know. On the
same lines, here's another one. You

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guys use a lot. I'm so
sick of hearing it out there in the

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world. Triggered. Don't trigger me. Oh, I can't talk to him

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because he triggers me. All right. So what a trigger is in the

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psychological sense is something that really sets
off a super strong emotional reaction and Sadly,

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it's often related to past trauma or
really distressing experiences, and often from

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our early childhood. I mean,
what happens when a real trigger happens is

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it's like a mini version of post
traumatic stress disorder. You're taken out of

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the present moment, You're transported back
to that moment in the past, and

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you end up reacting as if you're
with that you know, bad person who

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hurt you the first time around,
Right, So, you know, because

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you don't like what somebody said and
you're having a little bit of an emotional

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reaction to it, does that mean
you're triggered? Also, when people use

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the word trigger, they're implying that
the person is deliberately trying to quote unquote

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make them feel some way. Nobody
can make you feel anyway. You're responsible

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for your feelings. Your feelings come
from you. You've invented your feelings.

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They might be related to your past
you're present, but they're all yours,

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own them. They are your feelings. Nobody can make you feel a certain

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way. Nobody can trigger you.
So let's let's get rid of this term.

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I hate it. You might say
something like I'm sorry, I didn't

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mean to upset you instead of I
didn't mean to trigger you. Really,

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all right, here's another one I
hear all the time. Trauma, trauma,

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trauma, trauma, trauma, trauma, trauma. If you go on

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TikTok and you just hashtag the word
trauma, trauma, bonding, trauma,

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this trauma that you will go down
a rabbits hole of a million people using

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the term the wrong way. Okay, what is trauma? Real trauma is

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deeply distressing, disturbing experience that literally
overwhelms, overwhelms somebody, makes them unable

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to cope. It may have involved
harm, threat, potential death right,

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it can create long lasting emotional psychological
personality changes. Real trauma. So real

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trauma includes, you know, childhood
sexual abuse, childhood physical abuse, extreme

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emotional abuse in a child, but
using the term trauma bonding is often used

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inaccurately. So a true trauma bond
is when somebody who has endured extreme trauma

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as a child and then they meet
someone in their adult romantic life who reminds

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them is familiar to them of maybe
the person who hurt them when they were

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young might have been an abusive parent, right, And so they develop feelings

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of attraction and arousal around the fact
that their model of love from childhood is

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that love must also come with pain. Right, that would be a true

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trauma bond. But if you're just
dating somebody who's a bit emotionally avoidant and

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doesn't return your text on time and
it gets you all upset, it's not

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a trauma bond. A real trauma
bond are people that can't separate from each

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other and they're hurting each other badly. Right, Okay, The internet is

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also full of my other least favorite
overused term, narcissist. Look, a

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true narcissistic personality disorder is a full
on diagnosis. Yes, it may make

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up about two percent or some stuff, say four percent of the population.

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It's where people have a grandiose illusion
of themselves. They tend to be pretty

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good at manipulating others. They might
be a little sociopathic, but the underbelly

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of true narcissism is actually a sense
of loathing, deep loathing that they don't

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want anyone to see the authentic part
of themselves, so they learn to behave

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in a very charming way to attract
people. But you know what, we

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use the term narcissists sometimes just describe
somebody who's assertive or confident, or even

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demanding, or maybe somebody who's just
disliked. I don't know. But they're

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not all narcissists, and they don't
get a narcissistic personality disorder just because they're

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strong and confident and maybe a little
boastful. That's not a true narcissist.

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A true narcissist can be very manipulative
and very very hurtful, and they're not

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as common, not as common as
you think. All right, And the

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final overused psychobabbl term in our culture
right now is boundaries. Now, I

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use boundaries a lot because I'm trying
to explain what boundaries really are. People

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have this crazy idea that boundaries are
about trying to get somebody else to behave

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in a certain way. I'm going
to put a boundary on you, right,

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That is not what a boundary is. A boundary is putting a safe

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little fence around yourself so that people
can't get to you, and if they

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do, being very clear about your
reaction. So a boundary doesn't even have

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to be expressed to anybody. Let's
say you have a friend, and when

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you're out with this friend, your
friend is kind of negative or boastful or

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puts you down and you don't like
the feeling you have when you're with them.

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But you notice that when there's a
lot of other people around with this

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friend, that they don't behave that
way only when they're alone with you.

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So a secret boundary you can hold
is to protect yourself that you won't go

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alone with them. So when they
call you and say, hey, you

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want to grab lunch, you can
go. No, but I'll see you

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party next week. Okay, that's
a boundary. That's a boundary. Setting

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a boundary is not about telling somebody
if you don't do this, then are

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If you do this, then I'll
do that. I mean, you have

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to think about the logical consequence in
your head. You have to know what

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you're going to do in reaction to
their behavior. But it's not about manipulation.

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It's not about trying to get somebody
to do something. It's about you

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changing your reaction to them. There's
a big difference there that I want everyone

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to understand. All Right, when
we come back, I am going to

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my social media Instagram, TikTok YouTube, wherever producer Kayla's been scrolling through while

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We've been on the show, and
I am going to be taking your calls.

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Reminder, I have a PhD in
clinical psychology. I'm not a therapist,

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I'm a professor, but I've written
three books on relationships and did a

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dissertation dissertation I'll get it out,
a dissertation on attachment theory. And I

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love to weigh in on your love
life. So give me an opportunity to

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do that when we come back.
You're listening to The Doctor Wendy Walsh Show

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and KFI AM six forty. We're
live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're

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listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand
from KFI AM six forty. Welcome back

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to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show and
k I AM six forty, Live everywhere

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on the iHeartRadio App. I promise
you I would be going to my social

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media for some reason. I mean, I love to take your calls.

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It's always great, but you guys
sometimes are far more intimate on the social

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media. So reminder, everybody,
My social media is at doctor Wendy Walsh

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at d R Wendy Walsh, and
you can send me a DM. The

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only other person who reads them is
producer Kayla because she screens through them and

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helps me out and wherever you leave
them Instagram TikTok. I don't know how

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long that's going to be around.
And a reminder, I'm not a therapist.

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I'm a psychology professor. I've written
three books on relationships, and i

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have a lot of life experience that
I'm happy to shire with you. Uh

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okay, So right away, dear
doctor Wendy, how do you answer the

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question what do you bring to the
table? I find it offensive and I'm

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not sure why. Well, I'll
tell you why you find it offensive,

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because now we do know that every
relationship is an exchange of care. That

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care can take many forms. It
can be financial care, it can be

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emotional care, intellectual care, domestic
responsibility care, sexual care, all kinds

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of care. But the union of
two people actually can create so much more

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in the world than any individual can
do alone. And so while somebody should

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be thinking in the back of their
head, huh, I wonder what my

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date could bring to the table.
Here, I wonder how my date could

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make my life better. And I'm
talking about people of all genders, all

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sexual orientations here. That is what
we're thinking in the back of our head,

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but you don't say it out loud. What do you bring to the

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table? Well, your answer,
of course, should be, well,

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what do you bring to the table? Let's start with you. That's what

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your answer should be. They need
to learn to keep that thought to themselves.

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That's what I say. Okay,
moving along, Dear doctor Wendy.

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I've been dating this guy for about
nine months, and I waited to get

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physical because the longer you wait,
the longer the relationship lasts well, according

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to research. That's what I wrote
in my book The Thirty Day Love Detalks.

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When it came time for us to
have sex, he admitted that he

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has a rectile dysfunction. He's had
it for years. He's only twenty eight,

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is a recovering alcoholic, and I
think that this is how the issue

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started. I'm very sexual. Sex
is a huge part of a relationship for

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me. I wish he'd told me
sooner. What can I do? Okay,

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So what I'm hearing here is that
you like this guy. You got

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to the stage, you waited nine
months. You built emotional intimacy, so

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he's able to actually tell you what's
going on with his body. And now

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you're like, well, you should
have just told me earlier, because that's

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a deal breaker for me. Now
you you're the one who's being a little

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superficial. Hey, you waited because
you didn't want a guy to use you

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for sex, you didn't want him
to objectify you. And now you have

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a real, honest to goodness,
authentic person. So the answer is why

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not say to him, Hey,
we're a team, babe. Let's work

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through this together. Let's find out
what you need to do to overcome it.

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I don't know what kind of treatment
he's receiving. There's so much treatment

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for ED, but generally when it's
in a younger man. I remember interviewing

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this urologist one time who told me
that it is often emotional when it's in

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a younger man, and it's also
a learned behavior. In other words,

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they have a recteln dysfunction during one
occasion, and then that causes anxiety that

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they might have it again, and
that anxiety is the thing that causes it

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again, so it becomes this cycle. So there is you know, psychotherapy

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to help people get through it.
So anyway, I think if you've invested

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nine months in somebody and now they're
being honest with you. Why wouldn't you

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just try to be on the team
and help them out, That's what I'd

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say. Okay, dear doctor Wendy, I was at my hookups house.

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I'm sorry, that's just a funny
phrase, my hookups house. I was

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over o my hookups house. I
think what you're saying is there's somebody who

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I'm having a standalone sexual relationship with, and I went to their house.

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By the way, there's no such
thing as no strings attach sex. We

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like to convince ourselves that it isn't, but there's a lot going on emotionally

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that you're ignoring. Okay, back
to you, I was at my hookups

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house and he assured me that he
isn't dealing with anyone else. We got

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intimate, and then I wanted to
get something out of his closet. Why

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anyway, I found a love letter
and he told me he keeps all of

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his love letters. Aw isn't that
sweet? He says he has stuff from

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ten years ago. I'm uncomfortable with
it all. Is this a good reason

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to cut him off and our situationship? Okay, first of all, you're

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not even having a relationship. You're
calling him a hookup. You're calling it

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a situationship, and now you're jealous
that he's a romantic and that he holds

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dear to his heart memories of close
relationships. Okay, what is it?

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Do you want to date him?
Do you want to have a real,

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honest, intimate relationship with him,
or do you just want a hookup?

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Then? Why do you even care
of the lovelairs? I think you care

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because you like him, That's what
I think. And asking him after you

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just met him to get rid of
his memories is not fair. It would

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be like dating a parent and saying, hey, your kids are grown and

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gone, don't keep their baby pictures
anymore. You don't need them. There

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are memories, They're part of who
we are. Who cares? Everyone should

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have a shoebox full of love letters? At least they received some. I

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think that's sweet. Okay, on
to the next one into my dms on

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Instagram. Dear doctor Wendy, if
you saw that your boyfriend of five months

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had been saving naked pictures of women
from Twitter on his phone, would you

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consider this cheating? Not just looking
at the pictures but saving them. He

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doesn't message any of them, but
he as an album in his phone labeled

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guilty pleasure. I don't like it
at all. Okay, you know why

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you don't like it, because you're
a chick. Let me tell you how

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male sexual psychology works. It's just
looking. Men are so visually wired,

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and pictures of women are just a
guilty pleasure. And I'm sorry he even

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feels guilty about it. They're just
photographs. You know what, when you

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scroll through YouTube at those cute cat
videos. I like to scroll through Instagram.

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I don't know why, but Instagram's
figured out that I like baby goats

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and my guilty pleasure is just scrolling
through baby goats and go like, oh,

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he's so cute. Oh they're so
cute. Men do the same thing.

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They might get a little roused,
but they just like it. You

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know. I was in an uber
a few weeks ago and my driver was

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quite elderly, late seventies, early
eighties, you know, almost as old

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as our president. And he had
his phone. His screensaver was a super

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young hot girl in a bikini,
and I just giggled to myself, like,

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there he is driving around with his
phone attached to his dashboard, just

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swiping at red lights, seeing remembering
how life could have been when he was

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a young man and seeing all these
that's all they do. If he's not

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messaging them, you have nothing to
worry about. Okay, I'm going to

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continue looking into my dms on social
media. If you'd like to send me

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a message, it is at d
R Wendy Walsh at Doctor Wendy Walsh.

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And you are listening to the Doctor
Wendy Walsh Show on KFI AM six forty

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00:16:45.000 --> 00:16:51.360
live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand

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00:16:51.639 --> 00:16:55.600
from KFI AM six forty. Welcome
back to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show.

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I'm KFI AM six forty Live everywhere
on the iHeartRadio. You know, there

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was a time we talked about that
iHeartRadio app, like, oh yeah,

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Like if you don't have a radio, I guess you could just use an

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app. Now I realize everybody's listening
online. They're making cars without AM radio,

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some of them. I don't know
I have one, and so uh

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it's yeah, it's the thing.
So if you have been listening to my

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show on the app and you're somewhere
around the country or the world, it's

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wonderful to have you. It really
is all right. Back to social media

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and these questions that you guys are
sending to me. Dear doctor Wendy,

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I was at a private party last
night. Ooh, this is gonna be

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a good story I could tell.
Okay, So I was at a private

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party last night and the bartender asked
for my number after some flirty conversation.

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Who I like that he still hasn't
texted me. Should I text first?

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Or will I appear desperate? I
think he's really attractive and he gave me

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such a protective, secure hug.
You were hugging the bartender? WHOA.

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I want him to take me up, but as a woman, I don't

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want to devalue myself. Remember sperm
chases egg I've always said that, and

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I okay, so here's your answer. There's a slim, slim chance he

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lost your number. You know,
it happens in rom coms all the time,

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and then people are searching for each
other. So I think you should

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do a not flirty one time text
as a test to see about his enthusiasm

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and energy level. And so the
text should say something like, you know,

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make it connected to you know the
night, like hey, I just

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drank a moheedo. It wasn't as
good as the one you made me.

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That's it. Something that can reminds
him of the night, that just says.

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That's not saying like, hey,
cutie, what am I going to

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hear from you? No? No, no, no no. Just a

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little compliment and something light. See
how quickly he gets back to you,

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and see if he writes more words
than you wrote, and don't write too

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many yourself, please. If it
takes a forever to get back to you

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and he's like, oh cool,
yeah, we should maybe go out sometime

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or something, forget it. Don't
even respond. If he's like, hey,

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I totally lost your number. I
was thinking of you. Let's go

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out and he sends it within like
an hour of you sending it. Okay,

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that's good, that's good. That's
a green flag. But just use

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it as a test. It's not
like trying to reel him in and trying

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to get him to behave It's just
testing the water just a little bit.

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See what happens, and use it
as a test. He can fail the

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test, remember that, all right? Move it on, Dear doctor Wendy.

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I am a shy and introverted guy. Ooh, I love guys like

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that. I got the courage to
ask this beautiful woman out, and now

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I need good ideas for a first
date. I'm a little socially awkward,

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and I don't want to scare her
off on a first date, all right.

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So my first bit of advice,
no matter who you are in the

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world, is instead of trying to
pretend you're somebody different, just lead with

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who you are. It's human,
it's vulnerable, it's honest. So it's

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okay to say on the date,
by the way, I'm excited to go

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out with you, just to let
you know. I, in general have

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a little social anxiety, so this
is a big deal for me and they'll

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appreciate the authenticity right now. As
far as what to do, definitely don't

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do a movie dark movie theaters where
you don't even get to know each other.

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It's like she's sitting there with a
stranger. Not a good idea.

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Somewhere where you can talk and do
things. I mean, if you are

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socially awkward, maybe you want to
do something that's a bit of an activity,

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but something you already enjoy and like
that you can show her. I

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don't know whether it's go kart racing, whether it's touring some particular museum or

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something you're into. But it could
just simply be a simple short lunch.

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Just make it short and sweet at
a nice place. Talk about the food,

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talk about the weather, talk about
your work and that's okay too,

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and just be honest with who you
are. People like that. They like

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authenticity. Don't try to pretend to
be anything different. Lots of women love

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shy, introverted guys who are a
little socially awkward. Trust me, all

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right, moving on, let me
scroll through my dms here. Oh,

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here's one. Dear doctor, Wendy, how do you take it slow in

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dating when you're a Type A who
likes to be in control and have an

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insecure attachment style. Wow, that's
that's quite a combination. I'm already in

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therapy, but I feel like I
need a little more. Well, I

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think you do need more therapy.
It sounds like you just said it,

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You just said the answer, because
I think working with your therapist who can

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better identify, because you know,
Type A isn't actually a diagnosis, but

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maybe your therapist has already told you
that you have kind of an insecure or

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anxious attachment style. Maybe your past
history of relationships is that you just hit

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the gas pedal too fast and you
scare people off. So your answer is,

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how do you take it slow?
You take it slow? Hey,

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this is what I would do.
Okay, I'm just telling you about my

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life experience when I was really into
somebody and my heart was pounding, my

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lower regions were throbbing, and I
had to like just cool it and slow

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down. I distracted myself. I
would find I would call up friends,

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work friends, I would call up
girlfriends. I would look for things to

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do on the calendar to keep me
busy for me instead of ruminating about this

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person and whether they were going to
call and what they were going to say

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and what you were going to say
back. I know when I do that,

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I just fall into a rabbit's hole
of spinning thoughts. And so what

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I would do is distract myself.
My favorite saying that I developed along the

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way while I was learning how to
self regu late is wait and see.

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I'm gonna just wait and see.
I'm gonna wait and see what happens.

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And definitely stay in therapy because your
therapist can probably way better advise you than

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I could uh. Okay, hey, doctor Wendy, I asked a man

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out that I have a crush on. I made it seem like it was

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a platonic thing, and it's not
a date. And when I was asking

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him to the park, asking him
to the park for a lengthy talk about

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our similar interests, what can I
do while we're out to see if he

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wants more than friendship? Okay,
well you kind of. I mean,

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first of all, you know I
and it was signed by a woman,

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so it's not a man asking a
man out. Just to be clear here,

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so it while I don't like that
women ask out men, I see

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what you tried to do here.
You tried to make it platonic just to

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get in his company and then see
if he flirts with you. And the

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answer is you got to see if
he flirts with you. There's nothing you

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can do because you know, I
always say that women shouldn't do the asking.

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This is heterosexual relationships, by the
way, but they should issue the

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invitation. You know what the invitation
is, Ladies. It might just be

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a hair flip, a wink,
a giggle. There's lots of research to

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show that men know when you're over
laughing. At their jokes when their jokes

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are not that funny. So anyway, issue an invitation, ladies. But

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now that you've said it's platonic,
just go out and see if you can

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issue an invitation. Hairflips, giggles, all that kind of stuff and see

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what happens. And if you get
no response, move along, move along.

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Okay. When we come back.
Last week, I was talking about

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childhood anxiety. When we come back, I have a very special guest who's

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00:24:48.400 --> 00:24:53.839
been working with children and anxiety for
a long time, and he's a Stanford

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00:24:53.880 --> 00:24:56.799
professor, so he knows his stuff. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy

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00:24:56.799 --> 00:25:02.400
Walls Show and k I Am six
forty We Live Everywhere on the iHeartRadio Act.

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00:25:02.720 --> 00:25:07.559
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on
demand from KFI AM six forty.

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00:25:07.960 --> 00:25:14.480
Welcome show, I Am six forty
Live Everywhere on the iHeartRadio Act. Well,

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00:25:14.559 --> 00:25:17.680
I promised you, In fact,
I think I promised you last week

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00:25:18.000 --> 00:25:23.079
that I would have an expert,
far more expert than me in childhood anxiety.

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00:25:23.400 --> 00:25:27.759
I'd like to welcome doctor Greg Hammer. He's a medical doctor, recently

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00:25:27.799 --> 00:25:33.160
retired. Congratulations, professor at Stanford
University School of Medicine, pediatric intensive care

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00:25:33.200 --> 00:25:41.200
physician, pediatric anesthesiologist, and get
this mindfulness expert his book Gain Without Pain,

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00:25:41.359 --> 00:25:47.240
The Happiness Handbook for Healthcare Professionals.
Doctor Hammer, welcome. Always a

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00:25:47.279 --> 00:25:51.680
pleasure to have Doctor Wendy. It's
wonderful to be with you. I'm glad

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00:25:51.720 --> 00:25:56.200
that you read my board certification and
that they do. It does not include

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00:25:56.240 --> 00:26:00.680
psychiatry, so I just want to
get that out there. I counselor or

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00:26:00.680 --> 00:26:04.079
psychiatrists, right, but you are
a medical doctor. And the thing about

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anxiety, and I want to talk
about anxiety is that it appears to be

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epidemic in our culture right now,
especially with young people, and it has

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a physiological manifestation. Anxiety isn't just
something in our heads. It can create

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heart palpitations, it can create stomach
problems, it can create headaches. I

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mean, you could go through a
laundry list of physical stuff. So first

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of all, my first question is
do you think we're having more anxiety amongst

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young people than we've had in the
past. I think we are. We

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certainly have unprecedented stressors everywhere. Just
turn on the news. There's so many

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00:26:47.880 --> 00:26:51.880
awful things going on, so many
innocent people losing their lives, and for

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teens in particular, they've got all
of the political divide and its ramifications,

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00:26:56.359 --> 00:27:03.039
the awful wars that are happening,
and and the Middle East and Ukraine.

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But they also have things like social
media bullying and a very distorted sense of

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self related to social media. They
have school shootings. Should I wear bulletproof

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vest today? There's a lot of
gender issues, of course, you know

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eco anxiety. Talk about anxiety,
is they're going to be an earth suitable

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for my children and maybe my grandchildren. So these are concerns that I certainly

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never had growing up. I think
that our teenagers and younger children, even

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our face with unprecedented sources of anxiety. Certainly, when I was growing up

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in the sixties and seventies, it
was about did you get home on time

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when the streetcar, when the street
lights came on, and was your homework

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done? And that was pretty much
it. We didn't even know, you

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know, the media wasn't an influence
in our lives. I see it even

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in college freshmen who have spent two
years during COVID online and the amount of

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social anxiety I notice them experiencing and
unable to talk to each other. So

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let's talk about solutions for parents,
teachers, anybody who's working with young people,

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and let's start with the very small
children. It can show up,

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as you know, bodily stuff,
stomach stuff, headaches, maybe just nighttime

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terrors and fears, monsters under the
bed. What can parents do to help

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their kids? All of us,
as parents, Wendy, are well aware

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that our kids are watching us very
closely. So I think the first thing

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that we can do as parents is
to embrace a practice that is essentially geared

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toward rewiring our brains, and our
kids will pick that up from us.

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So what do I mean by that
our brains are hardwired to be rather negative?

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We have a negativity bias. There's
a lot of science on that,

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00:28:55.920 --> 00:28:57.880
and it just rings true when we
think about it. We tend to remember

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the negative and forget about the positive. Another way that our brains are hardwired

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00:29:03.440 --> 00:29:07.920
is that we have a very hard
time being present, and really happiness lives

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in the present moment. When you
think of all your happiest moments, you

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00:29:10.880 --> 00:29:12.799
weren't really thinking about yesterday or the
list of things you had to do when

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00:29:12.799 --> 00:29:18.720
you got home. So this negativity
bias and this obsession really with the past

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00:29:18.799 --> 00:29:22.319
in the future. When you put
those together, our obsession with the past,

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constantly ruminating over things, with our
negativity bias, we generate a lot

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of shame and regret, to leaps, depression, low self esteem, the

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00:29:30.160 --> 00:29:36.640
imposter syndrome. When you apply the
negativity bias with our distraction about the future,

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00:29:36.680 --> 00:29:40.920
we tend to catastrophize and generate a
lot of fear and anxiety. Oh

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00:29:41.000 --> 00:29:44.039
don't we worry. We worry about
the future, We worry about tomorrow,

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00:29:44.119 --> 00:29:48.680
we worry about next week. But
specifically, what can parents do to rewire

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their brains? Because I know what
you're going to tell me that children,

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small children are sponges and they're just
absorbing what's going on with the parents,

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right, Yeah, So I think
the first thing is for the parents to

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get their act together and so you
know, as the kids get older,

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then we can introduce them into mindfulness
based practices themselves. And I think this

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is the key. So what I
was getting at with the negativity bias and

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inability to be present, the good
news is we have this great quality called

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00:30:15.519 --> 00:30:22.079
neuroplasticity, so we can actually rewire
our brains to be more positive and more

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00:30:22.119 --> 00:30:26.440
present, But it takes a plan. Just like physical fitness, sleep hygiene,

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00:30:27.160 --> 00:30:30.839
having a healthy diet, you have
to have a program. So first

404
00:30:30.880 --> 00:30:33.720
you have to define what the issues
are and then you have to have a

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plan to attack it. And so
for me, that plan is a mindfulness

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based program for our mental and spiritual
health and sleep exercise, nutrition program for

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our bodily health. And they're equally
important. So, you know, some

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of my students, I teach health
psychology and we meditate in class every week,

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and some of my students are worried
that it's something to do with a

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religion or something, and I always
say, no, no, no.

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Mindfulness is just about learning to watch
your thoughts so you can create a little

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separation and just be aware. How
would you describe mindfulness, Well, I

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you know, I'm a big fan
of a guy named John Cabotson, who's

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a PhD scientist who really could be
considered the founding father of the Mindfulness Base

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stress reduction program certainly and mindfulness in
general. He defined mindfulness very simply as

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awareness of the present moment on purpose, non judgmentally. So again, focus

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on what's happening right now on purpose. That means to me that we have

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to have a plan because our brains
are wired to be anything other than present.

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So if we want to be present
and be aware of the present moment

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fully, we have to have a
plan. So that's the on purpose and

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the non judgmental he is. We
could talk about judgment and non judgment for

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hours, but my first book begins
with gain as an acronym for gratitude,

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acceptance, intention, and non judgment. The non judgment is key, and

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so the good news that we can
actually teach ourselves to drop judgments of others,

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the world, and eventually ourselves.
I love that retraining the brain.

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We have only a little time left
if you're listening. The book is called

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00:32:14.119 --> 00:32:19.240
Gain without Pain, the Happiness Handbook
for Healthcare Professionals. My guest is doctor

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00:32:19.279 --> 00:32:23.720
Greg Hammer. What do you say
about older kids, adolescents, teenagers,

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college students, When do you think
they should be learning to meditate? I

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actually think that kids can learn to
meditate, you know, when they're seven,

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eight, nine years old. Wendy, The Gain program, just as

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an example of a MINDFULSS meditation practice
can be done in three or four minutes.

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It's just focus on the breaths,
deepening it slowing it down and then

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going through a self guided or a
parent guided, if you will, tour

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of that for which we're grateful.
Acceptance, intention, non judgment, return

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00:32:58.480 --> 00:33:01.160
to the breath, open our eyes, and young kids can learn how to

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00:33:01.160 --> 00:33:07.119
do that quite easily, and doing
it with their parents has many benefits individual

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and for the parents and family unit
as well. You know, just having

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00:33:10.160 --> 00:33:14.440
you on the show makes me slow
down, my breathing, makes me so

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focused. It's so how it is. It's not that company and we just

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need to have a plan, it's
not Thank you so much for joining me.

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00:33:23.640 --> 00:33:28.480
My guest doctor Greg Hammer, a
medical doctor, recently retired professor at

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00:33:28.480 --> 00:33:32.799
Stanford University School of Medicine, Pediatric
Intensive Care physician. It's always a joy

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00:33:32.799 --> 00:33:36.680
to have you on our show.
His book is Gained without Pain, the

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00:33:36.720 --> 00:33:40.640
Happiness Handbook for Healthcare Professionals, and
that brings the Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show to

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00:33:40.880 --> 00:33:44.720
a close. You know, you
can always follow me on my social media.

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00:33:44.880 --> 00:33:47.519
The handle is at doctor Wendy Walsh
or join my Patreon. Every Wednesday

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00:33:47.559 --> 00:33:52.519
night, we have a little Patreon
zoom room. That's patreon dot com slash

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00:33:52.559 --> 00:33:55.200
doctor Wendy Walsh. You've been listening
to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI

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00:33:55.359 --> 00:34:01.279
AM six forty live everywhere on the
iHeartRadio You've been listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh.

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00:34:01.279 --> 00:34:05.079
You can always hear us live on
k five A M six forty from

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00:34:05.119 --> 00:34:08.920
seven to nine p m. On
Sunday and any time on demand on the iHeartRadio app