In today's episode. You know, I don't know why I'm laughing. I
don't know either. We were realizing that this is probably the end of the
year episode. Yeah, I'm thinking Christmas, Holidays, Hanukkah, all the
things, Festivus, Festivus for the rest of us. I knew that was
coming all. In today's episode, we're really going to talk about specifically inappropriate
Christmas songs. There are a number, I bet there are. There are
lots and lots. Okay, And didn't you want to do a Utah trip
wrap up? Didn't you want to do that? You were going to talk
about that was next week? Oh? I think we're just doing Christmas songs
today. Well, we'll see how much time we have. Okay, next
week. What planet are you on next time? Next time? Have you
seen our recording schedule? Is there a next week that I don't know?
Most time? Next time? Okay, I can get behind that. Okay,
all right, let's take a quick break and get into some inappropriate Christmas
music. You're right back. Hey, everybody, welcome to Latter Day Lesbian
the podcast. Been an ex Mormon gay girl just trying to figure out her
life. My name's Mary. My name is Shelley. Yeah, you know,
we are for the first time in our new studio. How many times
have we moved studios? Oh? God, five or six? I don't
even well. We started at the place on Quinn Terrorists with this when we
started recording, and then we went to Laurel Ridge, sure, and then
Prosperity Flats is in there. Oh god, one Laurel Ridge backing it up.
Okay, Quinn Terrorists, Prosperity Flats, Laurel Ridge Lane, closet of
of here. Oh and Alexandria. That's Alexandria. So this isn't the closet.
This is so before we did in the closet and your other right right,
right, right right? Okay, that's six. That's six. Well,
hopefully this one will be a permanent fixture, at least for a while,
since we're actually in a room that's not a closet's a little bit bigger.
It's a it's a den. It's considered a den like Daniel and the
lions Den Dan from Extension Audio, Daniel from Extension Audio. Okay, I
won't call you Daniel Daniel. Daniel Daniel in the lions Den is another one
of those bullshit stupid stories by the way. Yeah, yeah, because he
refused to like bow down to the king or some shit. Yes, they
threw him in a lions den and the line's just like, yeah, I
ate a gazelle earlier. I'm good. Is that what happened? Yeah?
Yeah, who the fuck knows, like like any of it ever fucking happened.
Yeah, it's like, well, we have to reward. See,
God smiled on him because he didn't abandon his faith in the Lord. So
the lion didn't eat him. Let's lesson analyze that for a hot second.
Okay, so sidetrack, total side track, We'll make a Christmas So it's
snowing out and bells are ringing in Jerusalem whatever it is, and God's asking
this guy Daniel like to deny God. Right, It's typically how it goes
down. Yeah, well he was just like bowed down to me, and
he's like, no, I only worship Jesus or no, I guess Jesus
wasn't around yet, I only worship the Hebrew God, right, Eloheim,
Sure, Eloheim. So my question is this, I'm assuming that Daniel has
possibly a wife, maybe kids, probably friends, and so you are asking
God God, I'm talking to you. You are asking this person to have
enough faith that you will save him from being eaten by the kittycats. But
all he has to do is say, no, I only worship you God.
Can we say narcissism at its finest. Well, Also, the lesson
is always worship your God. Don't put any idols before God or something.
Yeah, right, right? But what if you do all the things and
you still aren't blessed? Oh, I know there's a story of um.
I want to say, a Ben a die real person in the Book of
Mormon, fake person and the real real, made up name, and he
ends up being like burnt at the stake because he wouldn't like deny a God
or some shit the God or the the God, the God. Oh well,
Book of Mormon. Yeah, I know. The point is that,
seriously, the point is you can like do what God says in quotations,
but you might a still get burned up in the fucking fire. You still
might be fucked. Yeah, it's a roll of the dice. Yeah.
I love when you have that parent that you just can't trust completely because they're
gonna just like, I don't know, are they in a good mood today?
Yeah? Today, good day for that parent. You never are they
gonna take their shit out on me anyway? Yeah, they just rolling the
dice like today, Daniel survives, ben a die dies. Sorry boys,
what about Meshack, shad Wreck and a Bendigo. Well they didn't burn.
They didn't either. Remember, I just walk out of the fire and shit,
it's so dumb through the fire. Okay, shuck con Okay, Well
that's not the type of music we're going to be singing today. No,
we're singing. Well, we might sing a lyric or two, just you
can't help yourself. I have lyrics written down. If Mary sees a lyric,
is gonna get saying if I know the two, and I might jump
into it. All right, let's just speaking of jumping, jump right into
inappropriate Christmas songs. You know, I put on Oh. By the way,
if anybody has an Alexa device, you can this is what an Alexa.
Oh. This is not a promotion for Alexa, by the way,
against Alexa. They're not a sponsor, right, but you can say Alexa
play I Heart Christmas, which is what I did. Okay the other day,
and I listened to Christmas music while I was putting up a fake Christmas
tree in my apartment here got it. And I was starting to really listen
to some of the lyrics of some of the songs. I mean, some
are really obvious. We're gonna go through some better people already know about.
But then you get to start thinking about some of these other songs, You're
just like, what maybe it was because they were written so long ago.
That's the other thing. It's like, we're listening to this Christmas music over
and over and over on repeat, and I cannot tell the difference between Andy
Williams, Perry what was his name, perrymo mel Tormet, like they all
sound the same to me. Well, they all did that dumb stylized singing.
I have an issue with old things. You know you do. She
barely will date me, everybody. It's a decision I need to make every
morning. She's taking the curlers out of her hair, okay, putting her
dentures back in. That's funny. Yeah, that's such an accurate picture of
me. I'm not that old, Shelly. I want to say the issue
the reason you were old acting, it's because when you were young your parents
were hella old, especially your dad, So you were surrounded by oldness.
These songs, though, have been played for a decade. Oh I I
decade you not the songs, but yes, correct, okay, let's just
just bring a bone in here. Probably did he well? Listeners, If
you hear bone, it's Domino say hi, Yeah, Dan's pretty good about
getting that stuff out, all right, jumping in. Probably the most inappropriate
Christmas song ever is baby It's cold outside. Yeah, yeah, it's the
date rape song. Yeah. Oh this one lyric is funny. Baby it's
bad out there? Say what's in this drink? No cabs to be had
out there? Say what's in this strenk? What did he roof for her?
That's the thing. He's like, Uh, it's bad out there,
and the girl's like, wait, what's in this drink? I just ignore
that, Like what you can't get a cab at this hour? Yeah,
you might as well stay like what's in this drink? Wow? If you
have to question, what is in your cocktail? Runaway? Run away?
Yeah? Danger stranger danger, no stranger, not so stranger danger rape.
Just can just just say it, just say what it is. I remember
last year, the year before, something I posted on Facebook about it being
away rapey song and people, not all people, but a lot of people
were pissed, like, oh, it's just a fun you know, back
and forth will be boys, Yeah, like how how is what's in this
drink? And you ignoring that you were asked that question and going on with
those stay here to stay Like, how is that a fun conversation between a
man and a woman? Yeah, she sounds terrified. Mmmmmm. At least
she's got a lot of doubts about the way that evening's headed. Yeah,
basically, right, I gotta go. He's like, no, you don't,
right, Okay, let's move on to everyone knows that. Yeah,
yeah, let's move on to Rudolph. Okay. Rudolph is one of those
things you don't really think about being inappropriate, right, but if you really
think about the lyrics and also the stop motion animation special, oh yeah,
you know. The whole story is Rudolph is a misfit, right, He
doesn't fit in, and he's bullied by all the other reindeer. Yeah,
they used to laugh and call him name. They sure did. Until suddenly
Santa realizes he's got this red nose that glows, and he becomes useful.
I don't know why didn't Santa step in when they were first picking up,
right, Yeah, because Santa is an asshole. Yeah, well he represents
God, yeah totally Yeah, which brings me to another song in a minute.
But yeah, suddenly he becomes useful and is accepted by the entire herd
at that point. So if if Rudolph never became useful whatever, right,
like his nose never glowed, Yeah, he'd always be an outcast. Yeah,
they would always make fun of him, and that would just be the
end of the story. It would there'd be no silver bell lining the story.
It sucks to be off. Yeah, Okay, walking in a winter
wonderland? Do you know what I'm about to say on this one thinks,
So go ahead, frolic and play the Eskimo way. God, we can't,
guys, come on, that's cultural appropriation, Like you're making assumption that
some other culture all they do is frolic and play. Yeah, that's kind
of the least of the song's worries if you think about it. I mean,
don't act like you know what an entire culture is all about. Just
don't do that, right, bad idea? Yeah, okay. Next,
Similarly, the Christmas song Chestnuts Roasting and an open fire or on an open
fire, folks dressed up like Eskimos. I tell you, everybody, we
really had it out for those all right, Like what the fuck I know,
stop singing about Eskimos, saying, don't assume that Eskimos like own all
Christmas time behaviors like the fuck tear. My cousin who lived in Canada went
to this camp one time, was a summer camp or something in Ohio or
something like that, and she said she lived in Canada, and this kid
is like, oh, do you live in an igloo? Oh my god.
Although when me and my family and my family and I whatever moved from
Alabama to New Mexico, I was under the impression that it was like just
sand everywhere and camels and shit camels. Yeah, I was pumped. I
mean I was excited. And then when we got there and it was like
a regular ass town. And then my dad was going to go to the
grocery store before we got to our new house, and I want to go
with him because I wanted to see what a Mexican looked like. Oh gosh,
wow, Jesus Christ, you're part of the problem. She was,
all right, Moving on to it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
You know what's wrong with this song, Shelley, I'm not sure? All
right? Let me let me read this lyric now sing it. A pair
of hop along boots and a pistol that shoots is the wish of Barney and
Ben Dolls. That'll talk and we'll go for a walk is the hope of
Janice and Jen. What's the problem here? I would have loved to have
the pistol so it reinforces gender stereotypes for the ways for the weak little girls
and guns for the boys shoot shit and hop along boots boots? Oh?
Is that what that is? Well, I'm just making horse sounds. Hop
along Cassidy, I don't know it's yeah, it's probably cowboy boots. Don't
you think Mary just showed her age again? Hop along boots? I bet
some of her friends in fourth grade got hop along boots for Christmas. No,
I'm using the context clues to piece this together. Listeners help me out
here. Okay, so super gender um gender stereotypes, yes, okay,
Frosty the Snowman, you know the problem is here. In my opinion,
it's my opinion, we have a grown ass man, not a boy,
not a Frosty the snow boy who's playing with children. Your parents are entrusting
you to like your kids to be a babysat by this weird grown man snow
man. And then he's just gonna melt and die. He's gonna die,
and your kids are gonna be traumatized anymore. But if your kids are gonna
be traumatized while their friend who's this weird snow man, you know what I
mean, and he's gonna die and then puddle, and that's so traumatized.
Bach of the West, right, Okay, I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus.
That's just all sorts of fucked up. It's also traumatizing children because okay,
you're watching your mother kiss Santa Okay, so the idea is that it's
dead Dad's dressed up as Santa sure, and Mom's kissing dad. And I
didn't actually get that until I was way older. Oh what did you think
that she was kissing on Santa Claus? Oh? Really yes, because when
you believe in Santa Claus, it's not going to be your dad. Well,
exact the actual Santa clause at your mom's kissing adultery well, not only
that, it's traumatized into your kid. So you either have to fess up
and say, oh, sorry, a little Timmy or whoever, little Janey.
I don't know why I'm coming up with these names, because its names
Tim and Jane and Janey. Put down your little hop along boots. Mommy
wasn't kissing actual Santa Claus. Mommy was kissing daddy dressed up at Santa Claus.
Mommy, why was Daddy dressed up as Santa Claus? Where Santa's Santa
not real and fake? See, you either have to say Santa is not
real or you have to admit to the affair. What do you do?
There's there's traumatize your kids. You traumatize your kids. Here's what you do.
You sing a song about it. That's what you do. Uh huh
uh. And then this is a weird line that a kid is singing.
Oh, what a laugh it would have been if Daddy had only seen I
think it's supposed to bean and seen maybe a rhyme they always make ben and
seeing rhyme they don't anyway, if daddy had only seen Mommy kissing Santa Claus
last night, what a laugh it would be you know, and when I
see my parents engaged in adultery, it's just funny. It's a nice slapper.
Oh, hilarious. That is a little weird. I forgot about that
section of the song, isn't it weird? Okay, most wonderful time of
the year. It's the most wonderful time of the year. Yeah, it's
forced happiness, shelly, seriously, seriously, much jingle belling and everyone telling
you of good gee, damn it better. Don't be sad. Don't be
sad. It's Christmas, for fox sake. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps.
It's Christmas, that's right. Pat that smile on, that's right.
Turn that frown upside down. It's Christmas, right, don't be sad.
It's the most wonderful time of the year. It is. Yeah, all
right, this is a little bit of a stretch, but I thought it
was really funny when I heard it the other day. Okay, we wish
you a merry Christmas. You know what's wrong with a song. It's rude,
threatening behavior by a bunch of hungry carolers. Just wait, please explain.
Um. Oh, bring us some figgy pudding. Oh, oh,
bring us some figgy pudding. Bring us some fig pudding, and bring it
right here. We won't go until we get some. We won't go until
we get some. We won't go until we get some. So bring it
right here. Yeah, that is aggressive. I don't think that's a stretch
at all. That's blackmail. Wow, I'm gonna camp out. We're hungry,
kitch, pass right here on your porch. Yeah, we're not leaving
until you feed us. What the fuck that is? Anyway? Am I
gonna make it? I don't know. I think i'd rather have whastle.
You know, here we come a whastling. Yeah, yeah, would you
rather have um cider and pumpkin pie? That's later in the show. Okay,
sorry, carry on all right? Seriously, Eartha kit and Madonna Santa
Baby. Seriously, it's so I'm a whore by me shit? Yeah,
materialistic? Um, Yeah, give me a fucking diamond ring and some right
minx or whatever she wants. Sable put a sable in the house, added
to a house. Yeah, I mean i'd take that. I mean,
like, oh, it's a fun cutesy song. Sure, however you want
to seduce Santa and yeah to Baby, I don't know, I've never liked
that song. If I'm being honest, Well, you just wouldn't throw yourself
at Santa. No, he's kind of gross. Maybe missus Claus and well
she's kind of older, oh really like older than you even. Okay,
Plus she likes to knit, she wants to do We don't know. Maybe
she's cool and slutty. I don't I don't know. I have no idea
what she's like. That changed my entire view of Christmas. Thank you very
much. Ye slutty missus Claus, missus Claws. Well, you know Santa's
out doing his thing. I mean, he's out there kissing the moms,
right, so missus Claus should get some, That's what I'm saying. Okay,
Grandma got run over by a raindeer. I just well, here's the
thing. She's poured drunk, Grandma, like she's had too much egg nog
at a party or whatever. Seriously, she forgot to take her meds.
That is in the song. She forgot to take her medication, and she
like has a hoofprint on her forehead from being run over by dear God.
Yeah. Oh, and this is a great lyric It's not Christmas without Grandma.
All the families dressed in black and we just can't help. But wonder
should we open up her gifts or send them back? What the fuck Grandma's
Jesus? Oh, do you hear what I hear? It's a blatant disregard
for the hearing and later seeing impaired When they say do you see what I
see? There's no do you smell what I do? You smell what I
smell? Like? Manger smells yeah, cowshit, cow shit, yep.
And who are the people hearing all that? Is it like a shepherd boy?
It's like a shepherd boy. Yeah, the shepherd boy just kind of
like hanging around this day. Shepherd boy. Oh, for sure. Girls
don't do shit Chmas time. No, it's the only thing a girl does
for Christmas. Is Mary gets knocked up by God in an adulterous situation pedophilia
situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and it's forced to um give birth
to the newborn king, probably rejected at the end because you know, like
Jesus was a bastard. Oh I just said that Jesus was a bastard.
Well yeah, maybe born out of wedlock, you know. And so they
had to go to the stable because they weren't fit to be in the inn
with the respectable folk. Nope, it's scandalous if you think about it.
Truly, it's like a lifetime movie. And that's how Jesus story. Jesus
stories a lifetime it really is. We should make it into one. Oh,
jingle bell rock, it's animal abuse, right, here's the lyric,
giddy up, jingle horse, pick up your feet. Oh, let's go,
let's go, jingle horse, entertain us, Mary stretching the shit out
so much. I love it. White Christmas? Is it just about wanting
it to snow? Is it about the white and delights in Christmas which leads
us to motab Absolutely? Okay, so we've talked about sleigh ride a million
times. We're not going to play that clip this year. If you want
to hear that funny clip about the last two Christmas episode, now the Coffee
and the pumpkin Pie or the cider and the pumpkin pie. Say the word
coffee, Yeah, can't even say it. Um Oh. Also, you
were saying that joy to the world, heaven and nature, saying when do
they change it to? Yeah, the Mormon switch it up to saints and
angels sing, We've got to throw saints in there because we are the Latter
day Saints. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll be singing with the angels.
Uh huh. This reminds me of something else that Christians have done with
Have yourself a Mary Little Christmas. I think it's um, through the years,
we all will be together. Maybe if the fates allow allow that's the
original. If the fates allow what the Christians do, If the Lord allows,
that's what the Christians change. There's no faith because the Lord is oh
yeah, yeah, yeah, Lord's charge. He's moving those chess pieces around
on a board up in heaven somewhere. Yeah. So basically it's like,
well, we'll be together unless you know, God wants to kill one of
us off. Thanks God. Basically is what U saying, What a fucker
he is? That's hilarious, you know. To wrap this section up,
I was going to talk about all the gay mentions and going on Christmas.
Yeah, lots of gay mentions. Um, have yourself a Mary Little Christmas
again. Make the Yule Tide gay? I think the Uld Tide should be
gay right always? Um, or the most wonderful time of the year again,
did we talk about that when already? Yeah, we've talked about gayness
yet. Oh, just holiday holiday greetings and gay happy meetings. Meetings come
to call gay happy meetings. Oh, Carol of the bells gaily. They're
rating well, people say songs of good cheer. Christmas is here, gaily,
gaily. That's not really an adverb I use very often. I'm gonna
start, yeah, three goal your new year resolution? Okay, bring back
gaily? H deck the halls. Don we now are gay apparel? It's
like put on gay clothes. This is so great. Yeah, flannel,
flannel, maybe some Doc Martins. Oh hell yeah, cargo pants, cargo
pants. And then we go to yeah mm hmmm. Oh and I found
this interesting little tidbit. In twenty thirteen, the Hallmark company came under fire
for removing the word gay from one of its Christmas ornaments. No ship.
Yeah. So it was like a tiny sweater on an ornament. Okay,
and the sweater had the expression, don we now are fun apparel? That
is not the song. You can't just change coffee to cider those fuckers.
But why haven't they changed the word dawn? While they're at it? Don
down our apparel? Who says that you would? But most of the world
wouldn't say Dawn we now, I wouldn't say that instead of let's get dressed
my shoes. No, I have never said that on my underwear. Who's
down? Why is she dressing you? It's d o n I know Jesus.
All right, That's all I've got in this segment for um an inappropriate
Christmas song, loves inappropriate Christmas? For sure. I guess we should take
a little break. Yep, don't talk about Utah. Sure, Okay,
well let's do it. We'll be right bagged. We are back here,
we are, we are. So you went to Utah a little bit ago.
Your mom had a doctor's appointment. You wanted to take her too,
Yes, And I hadn't been out there for a while, so I want
to get out there and see him. I knew that my mom's health was
declined because my brother Mark had been out there a few times. And you
know, you can't really talk to her on the phone. Yeah, they
were actually throwing around hospice for her, which when you went out there and
you were describing your time with her, it seemed like that's not yet the
case, right. It seems like you're way is away from hospital and this
is the thing. It depends. But let me let me back up.
This might take two episodes, but let me let me start from from go
okay, Once upon a time, just killing Okay. So I flew in
to the Salt Like airport. Wow, you are really going back. I'm
actually going to go back. I flew into the Detroit airport. You got
the right airport this time, I did. I did. It's very happy
about that. I had to lay over there of like fifteen minutes, not
a good thing. So they dumped me off on Gate A one and I
needed to get to Gate A seventy eight, and so I thought, well,
I can walk this. So I started walking, and then I started
jogging. And then I realized after five minutes of jogging, and I'm not
in shape right now at all carrying luggage. I'm like at Gate A twenty
six or some shit. So now I'm panicking because I can hear them all
the way down the hall saying last call for boarding to Salt Lake City.
I'm like fuck. So I run to some other gate and say, hey,
can you call ahead to Gate seventy eight blah blah blah, Like yeah,
why don't you take the tram I didn't know there was a tram.
Oh shit, I didn't see the tram. So I ran upstairs to trim
and yeah, they got me there, but I was still late. I'm
like hauling ass through all the chairs and ship to get there. And there
were like two agents staying there, and one's like, it's okay, you
don't have to run. The other one goes you better hurry. I know.
It's funny. So there's nothing more fun than getting on a plane that
they have held up for you and having to walk down the aisle with your
luggage hitting people on the head as you're walking, and they know, the
people there know that it's your fault that they're running late. Yeah, what
do you just carrying your luggage and your arms? Is that why? I
had a backpack and I had two backpacks, and I had the bigger ones
lung over only one shoulder, which isn't good because then it's like heavy on
the right side with a big neck pillow on it, and so that was
hitting people in the face. Yeah. Wow, you sound like a good
time on an airplane. Such a good time. How many airplane neck pillows
do you own at this point? So this is a It's like a running
joke between It used to be a cause for contention. Now it's just a
running joke. Marriage given in trying to make me stop this. But I
always of the time forget to bring my airplane pillow when I travel and I
get to the airport. Now I'm like, fuck, and so I buy
another airplane pillow. I probably have at least twenty in my closet, you
thank Yeah, that many sit fifteen minimum. I mean I have taken several.
I use them like to read and stuff in bed. I put them
under my behind my neck, and I have them like at all of our
airbnbs and everywhere. I've got one everywhere, Yeah for every place. Yeah,
yeah, that I inherited from Shelley. Yes, but I did remember
this time. Oh yeah, look at you go? No, thank you?
Wow? Any who, so we land in salt like I don't know
if those of you know this who were kind of newer listeners. But back
in the day Mary created a ring tone. Can they still download that?
Yeah? Yeah, yeats camp. Anyone can download it. If you're anyone
at all, you can download this. Well, why don't you just tell
what it is and then I'll say the link to get there. Well,
I want you to sing it. It's the fucked up more men call of
the day, but m bomb. So let's just call the dancer phrase.
So we've talked about the ring tone. I know it's been a while,
but it's so great, and that is my dad's ring tone. I think
you can just go to letterday lesbian dot org slash ring tones. Okay,
go find it. I think that's what that is. Anyway, it's phenomenal.
So every time your dad calls, which is a lot, it's at
least once a day. Oh, but when I was in Utah, it
was probably every thirty minutes average, like like Psycho and so kip. It's
the second we land, right, you know, we pull into the Oh
there's clean and explicit versions on that link. By the way, Oh,
what's the not fucked it's the fed up I chose. I went with fucked
up. Yeah. Yeah, my ringer was on super loud. I didn't
realize it, and of course my dad calls and it blasts. I was
on the airplane, but it was quite on the airplane because we were like
we had taxied up to the gate thing and we're just waiting for them.
To open the door. Anyways, had laughed myself, so I didn't really
care, and I'm sure there were Mormons there, but I did turn my
finger down a bit. So the drive m it doesn't matter. Didn't you
rent a card or not? I did, but it was an orum doesn't
matter. Okay, So the drive back, my dad just starts calling.
He can't not call. Um he's got dementia, but he also has OCD
for sure, one hundred percent. This is not me like making fun of
an OCD issue, but it's so fucking annoying with my dad because I don't
think he called because he forgets to call. Maybe some of it. I
don't think he calls because he thinks he has important things to say. I
don't know. But it's it's like he gets this urge to call and he
can't not call. Yeah, I know, too bad. He can't just
channel that OCD energy to someplace. So it's something else, like cleaning cleaning
he does. He does that to picking up little pieces of lint off my
mom's carpet. Oh wow, he's fastidious. He is. He is,
and again like a person word I don't even know what that meant. But
again, not making fun of anyone who suffers from OCD. I'm just explaining
how it is for me dealing with my dad with the OCD. Well,
I have to say, you know you're venting about it now, but on
the phone with him, you are so patient. Thank you, because it's
literally the same conversation every time he calls you. Yeah, whether it's daily
or multiple times a day, and I know it's going to be zact and
conversation. I didn't have that sort of patience with my mother quicksidebar. My
mother would tell me the same story more than once. I would just help
her with filling in the details and an engaging, interactive way. Sure,
I bet she appreciated that. Well, she didn't at all. I'd be
like, she'd start telling the story. I was like, oh, yeah,
that's the story where you left your I don't know, purse or whatever
in Pat's car, whatever happened with that, right, I was trying to
be engaging, and she'd say, well, you could at least pretend you'd
never heard it before. So much for making conversation. Yeah, so much.
But you're really good about pretending you've never heard it before. Thank you.
You really are. I mean, I under as much as annoying as
it is, I understand that he can't control it, and it doesn't do
any good to get angry at him, doesn't do any good to point it
out because it's no And I feel like he probably doesn't realize how bad his
dementia is because I think that I don't know. Probably not, yeah,
because that's part of dementia's You don't know that you're dealing with it. Possibly,
Why would I want to sort of shame him and remind him of him
getting old and having dementia, Like that's, oh yeah, you're you're very
patient, thank you. So you're patient with older people as you are with
your children. You're a very patient person. Thank you. Maybe I'm just
too lazy to actually'd fucking say anything. You're not really listening, that could
be well, you know when to stop listening. Like when my dad calls,
I just tune out. I know when he pauses, I say,
oh yeah, Dad thinks that's awesome, Like I get it. Anyway,
As I'm driving toward or Um, my dad starts calling, and of course
he's asking me what time I'm going to be there for the twelfth time,
and I just remind him and everything. But the best best slash worst part
is he keeps saying, well, now do you know where to park?
And you know I've been there a bunch of times. Oh yeah, Dad,
there's a there's a parking lot there. Well, you can't park in
the musing dad voice, Well, you can't park in the parking lot because
it's only for residents. And I'm thinking, how may those residents actually drive?
Yeah, you don't want them to be driving. Probably, No,
you certainly don't want your parents drive. Oh god, no, they haven't
driven in forever. And so he was telling me, Oh, you need
it. You need to park at Magglebees and just walk across the street.
Like okay, Dad, I'll go out there and wait for you to show
you Dora park my dad, it's snowing. Like no, Dad, Dad,
you don't need to oy. Yeah yeah, I'll hope you get across
the street like Dad, I know how to cross a street. Like I
can do this, you can? I sure she can't. Well, you
know, I need to show you where the door is, Like Dad,
I know where the door is. Why don't you go inside and warm up?
I know it's snowing, Go inside, warm up. I'll just call
you soon as I get there. Wow, okay, ten minutes later,
Ah, so looks like there's parking on the street. My dad, go
inside. There's been outside the whole time? Yes, Why because he didn't
think that his daughter knew how to drive or park or walk or find a
door. You know, we're helpless women, little ladies. Would he do
the same for your brothers? No? Really? Yeah, okay, he
might call a few times or reminding where in the park, but he's not
going to make sure they could walk across a road like stand out in the
parking lot. I should compare notes with your brother Mark to see if he's
ever had that. You should ask if he ever if he ever stands in
the snow waiting for him to help him get across the street. I doubt
it. I sincerely doubt it. Oh my god. So, as I'm
getting closer and closer, he's literally calling every ten fifteen minutes reminding me of
where to be right the last time because I'm like, Dad, I'll be
there in a minute. Just go inside. I know where to park,
YadA YadA. As I'm pulling up, I'm like, I don't even want
to see him, right now I want to go spend time with my mom,
because when I'm with my mom and my dad, my dad really takes
over the conversation and he's very speaks for her. He does granted she can't
really speak for herself right now, but he's always spoken for her, and
he's very down, like, well, your mom's arthritis and blah blah blah
and Russia and Ukraine, and I mean, it's always just something end of
worlds shit. So I parked around the side of the building and I snuck
in the side door so I wouldn't have to see my dad because I wanted
some time with my mom. So I went in there and I'm sitting there
chatting with my mom and will not really chatting. I'm just kind of saying
hi to her and hugging her. She she wasn't being at all conversational at
all the first night I was there, and within a few minutes, I
look out through the blinds and there's my dad staring into her room. Why
did he just come in because he was trying to wait for me to in
the snow, to show me where to park and how to walk. I
got a great picture of that. By the way, too, when he
should probably make that the picture that goes with this episode, okay, of
my dad in the snow, staring into a window, and I'm like,
oh my god. Then I part of the blinds and saw my dad now
just trying to call me over and over. Oh okay, see who's on
the phone trying to call me? Is your fucked up Mormon call of the
day ringtone? Hell? Absolutely, This is why it's so funny to me.
Did your mom flinch? No? However, finally answered the phone,
I'm like, oh, yeah, Dad, I'm inside. How would you
get in there? Like? I just went inside the door? He was?
He was. You couldn't believe it. No, I couldn't believe you
got in there on your own? Yeah, Like wow, how what kind
of a miracle that's a dendermercy? Is a Dendo mercy? Well, maybe
you're a little more intelligent than he gives you credit for. Could be Could
you figured out how to get into a building all on your own? Well,
at first I figured out how to park, where to park, and
how to walk. Yeah, you're doing You're doing a great job. Thanks.
Thanks. Despite my upbringing, the first time I got any reaction out
of my mom that first evening and that I was there was when I told
her that I snuck in past Dada and that he's standing out in the snow
not knowing where I am, but I snuck passing because I don't want to
deal with him. She smiled. I got a smile out of her.
There's something some kind of connection between me and my mom making fun of my
dad that we kind of bond over yea, And that always makes her smile,
always lifts her spirits, And I know I can always bring that when
I'm visiting. So now, in my regular fashion, I'm going to back
up. Oh where are we going? Mary loves a good backup. I'm
like, where where is the story headed? I said, wherever I take
it, wherever it lands. Listeners, just try to keep up, stay
on board. We have to reverse and try to stay awake. Yeah what
wake everybody? Okay. So, for some re in this particular drive from
Salt Lake to Oorum, maybe because it wasn't dark out yet I got in
at like two o'clock, I was just having a lot of nostalgia, I
guess, just from seeing the landscape. Yeah, but lots of lots of
memories just coming through and maybe it's because I'm not angry anymore. I think
I'm more like like that was my story, that was my upbringing. I
don't know it's weird. I'm not angry. I just don't think I'm angry
anymore. Well good, I mean, I don't know. Be whatever you're
gonna say, I mean, because you too, It doesn't matter. Moved
through a lot of that. Yes, And that doesn't mean I'm better or
I've improved. Doesn't mean a damn thing except for for me personally. I've
moved through the anger. Does it feel better to not carry anger around?
Yes. Having said that, other memories then started popping up, and it
was weird because it was God, I don't even know how to describe it.
It's it's like there were a lot of not great memories in my marriage.
It's very difficult. Sure. At the same time, I always enjoyed
Christmas time in Utah like snowy and it felt like Christmas, and it smelled
like Christmas and you'd go see family, and so it was weird to have
these good memories but also the bad memories. At the same time, it
was almost like it was more good memories because I wasn't angry anymore. Yeah,
either memory good, bad, in different They're all valid, right,
But to have I don't know, it's like the less angry memories. Does
this make any sense? Feeling? The angry memories were not there, Okay,
it was the good memories that were there. And then that kind of
threw me off because typically back in Utah, angry memories, right, So
it was this weird feeling of I don't want to say visiting home because it
wasn't quite like that, but it was visiting something familiar, but not not
in an angry way that it was. It was just in a this is
my past feelings? Did it make sense? Good feelings about it? Sad?
What were you feeling? I don't know. It wasn't good like,
oh my gosh, I loved it here, and it wasn't sad like like,
oh this sucked. It was it was nostalgia, yeah, but usually
I think that we when we talk about nostalgia, we talk about good feelings.
It was like I was feeling the feelings of when I was there.
You are good at that? Though? Am I better or worse? When
I think of old memories For the most part, unless it's of my father
dying. I don't really picture it so vividly. I think you just have
a really vivid picture of a lot of things. I think, so it's
probably trauma. It's probably a trauma. Yeah, trauma response. I'm constantly
having nightmares awake or sleep you are, Yeah, because that's why I probably
can remember finding my father dead. Is because it's a trauma response and I
remember it. You know, I can't make it go away. It's imprinted
on my brain. Yeah. So I think similarly, you just have these
really visceral responses to memories because it's probably a lot of it as trauma.
Sure, like some of the things you've been through with some of the fun
patriarchs in your life. Good times, Yeah, good time. We get
into that more on scandal session. We do, fact the most recent scandal
session. It's about family. Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty in depth.
Yes, yeah, saved it for scandals. I don't want that out everywhere.
Yeah, you really don't, Yeah, you don't. I'm wondering too,
if my drive was more nostalgic, whatever you want to call it,
less angry, more feeling feelings that are not I wish there was a word
for the feeling I can't get that feeling into words. I U see.
A'm good at describing feelings, but this is escaping me. It kind of
felt like it wasn't that long ago, but it was. And the Christmas
Eve feelings were there, but they were distant, but they weren't gone when
they used to be just gone? Is it conflicting because those memories were steeped
in Mormonism for you, you know, for some reason, that didn't cross
my mind, the Mormon aspect of it. And I'm just talking about the
drive there. I mean, some Mormon shit obviously seeped in on the visit
and we'll talk about it later. Maybe that's what it was. There was
no Mormons shit involved in my feelings as I was driving, because I wasn't
thinking about the MOTAB. I wasn't thinking about anything warm and related. Honestly,
there was nothing for that part of the trip. I didn't you do
some sort of church service with your parents? Yes, and we will get
I know the Church is true, Okay, that's what I contribute. That's
what I would say. That's all I would notice say, which I don't
think the church is do it all lie? I know the church is fake.
That would be what I would say. Yeah, they probably don't wuld
appreciate that. Yeah, I'd been kicked out, they'd shut down my mic.
Yeah. I wonder too if my feelings were what they were in knowing
that my mom is so kind of near the end dish. I mean,
who knows she could go on living for a long long time, but she
is mentally checked out. Yea, And so maybe that was part of it.
It was just so different. I don't know. I wonder if few
listeners have had a time where you've sort of worked through your trauma and then
when the anger's gone, like other things seep in that are not angered,
but they're just I mean, were they good feelings for you? Good memories
or hard to describe? Yeah, it wasn't. It wasn't necessarily specific memories,
although I did remember back when we lived there, I would go horseback
riding up in the mountains and the snow a lot, and I love that,
And that popped into my head because the mountains were covered in snow.
And I'm sure you have a conflicting childhood and young adulthood because you, I'm
sure enjoyed many aspects of it. Then you had a lot of trauma and
you're abused a lot. Yeah, so it's it's got to be challenging.
Yeah, you know, you're still working through your stuff. You may not
feel angry right this minute, or even most of the time, but yeah,
I'm sure you're still processing. Oh sure, And so when you go
back there, it's gonna bring up a lot of things. We are definitely
complex beings. Indeed, there's there's no black and white. It's just a
big mixture of a bunch of shit. Yeah, and then we peel it
apart and feel different things. And yeah, I mean, and I'm here
for it, Like really, I'm along for the ride. I feel like
this as hard as things can be, sometimes as traumatizing as saying it's it's
who I am. Yeah, these things make me who I am. Could
I have done without some of the things? Hell yeah, but it is
what it is. And so now moving through it and having other emotions come
in, other feelings come in, Like that's the human experience. It's kind
of badass if you think about it, that we have all that within us.
Don't you wish though, that some of the memories or some of the
events that were not so great that trigger memories today. Don't you wish you
could just be done with them? I wish I could be done with them.
Sure, Yeah, it's awful. Some of them are horrible to have.
I'm not saying that like, oh, I'm I'm so glad that I
was molested when I was date. Let's think about that now. Fuck,
that absolutely not matter if I hadn't thought about that in a while. Thanks
for bringing it up, Mary, But just that we are capable, I
guess, of experiencing so many things and moving through it and processing it and
feeling the different emotions. I don't know. Maybe that's just me, Maybe
that's just how I work. Is now I'm finally recognizing all the shit that
I feel. Well, you're open to it. You have to be open
to that experience because it's not always fun, you know, and it doesn't
hit you all at once, and sometimes it can be like, oh,
I didn't expect to feel this feeling right now about something completely unrelated that will
happen to me. Yeah, you and I have difficulty over schedules and planning.
We do. And I got to thinking about it. Why I can
be so rigid about schedule stuff and knowing what the schedule is, knowing what
the plan is, knowing what is expected to me, and all that sort
of thing is because what was the most unexpected, horrible surprise ever in my
entire life, Oh, finding my father dead at age twelve. Yeah,
with no one in the house, no one in the house, no coping
skills, no right, And that was my main panic attack that I've ever
had in my life. Was then yeah, right, And that's why it's
so vivid. And that's why I think I try to control the unexpected.
I just don't like the unexpected. I like to know what's happening, what
to expect. It's got to be related to that. It's got to be
related to that. It might be. I'm trying to be like mitigate that
whole process and keep the surprises on the lowest level. Right, I can't
handle it, right, So we're all working through our shit. Man in
different ways and affects us in different ways. So that thing that happened when
I was a kid still affects me to this day. Yeah, it affects
your behavior, It affects how you take things in. You know, it
hurts your feelings in a way that I don't that I don't understand until you
sort of understood it and explained it to me. It's not even as simple
as it hurts my feelings, it sends me into a panic. Well yeah,
but a lot of it was being abandoned. Yeah, sure you felt
abandoned. And when when we talked all that through and you were like,
I feel abandoned if you ditch me for something else. Yeah, like if
you're I feel and you know, we process that and I realized, fuck,
I don't. I know, I'm not abandoning you. But your feelings
are legit, they're real, they come from trauma. Like, I'm not
going to argue that shit. Well right, yeah, there's no point in
doing that. We have right, your experience as yours and mine is mine.
There's there's no right or wrong. Absolutely right, yeah, absolutely,
I know this stuff's complicated. Is this how we really want to wrap up
our Christmas holiday episode? Christmas? You don't celebrate Christmas? Happy holidays to
you. Actually, let me throw one more thing in there to stop this
section of the Christmas holiday, because there's a lot more about sacrament, meeting
with my parents, and I mean there's a lot in there, just jammed
into three days. One thing that I was able to enjoy Christmas related is.
And I've said this before, I missed the Christmas songs, whether they're
bullshit or not, I just kind of miss appropriate Christmas songs. Do you
miss those? Sure? No, because they were still played it. It
was like the Jesus Christmas ship that I had to let go of is it
was like fuck that lie. Well, now that my boy David Archie Letta
has left the church and has come out of the closet as a full blown
gay, I listened to his Christmas music and I loved it. Somehow,
I didn't feel like I was being coerced. Does that make sense? It
does, Okay. I wonder if he would release an album like that now
though, because he didn't you release that album when he was still in the
Mormon Church. Probably there's a recent one. Yeah, yeah, I don't
know. I'm not saying that that matters, but I'm just wondering if he
would release something like that now. I don't know. For some reason,
I appreciated that he's now gay and left the church and I could listen to
the Christmas ship. Well, the Christmas songs are pretty like oh Holy night,
it's a beautiful song. But I just don't buy it. I'm sorry
where he's like, I'm not about it. It's a pretty song. Let's
change. I'm sorry. I think it's all fake. Yeah, sorry,
can't can't get behind that. Wow? Okay, but happy holidays? Yeah
and all? Yes, we really know how to bring the Christmas cheer,
don't it was excited for Christmas? Nah? We fucking crushed this episode?
Yeh? Did we? If you're killing sad? I just want to sleep
through to the new year. We don't blame you are bad. Maybe we
want to do that too, I actually we do. Fuck? I know.
Well, maybe it'll be better after we do some patron names. Oh
yeah, we should name them after inappropriate Christmas songs. Perfect, Okay,
let's take a break and do that. When get back sounds good. Did
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holidays. We are back for some patrons. Before we jump into patron names,
just a little reminder about the Christmas letter, which will not be delivered
in time for Christmas but never really might be your thing. It's written,
we gotta do all the things. We gotta print out some sort of card
thing that you want to sneak over to my ex's and print out the paper.
Oh yeah, in a picture. We're trying to get a picture lined
up too, so sure, yeah, yeah, I don't know all that's
involved out What do you think this episode will come out probably in the next
couple of weeks before Christmas, right before Christmas. So let's say anyone who
joins by December thirty first atay five dollars level Patreon or supercast, you will
get a Christmas letter. And can I just say this letter is three pages
front and back. Whoa Shelly gosh, do you have carpal tunnel? All
right? You all right? A little bit? You might kissed them later,
Okay, one at a time, one at a time. So yeah,
it's a good one. And you remembered that our other listening platform is
super Cast. I'm so proud of you. Christmas Mirrica, squad Cast,
super Cast a Christmas miracle. Thank you, baby Jesus. If you are
interested in getting of three pages front and back Christmas letter from Shelley and whatever
else we're throwing in them, stick whatever we can, whatever we can find,
throw in their dog hare I like it. You can join us at
latter day lesbian dot org slash support that's the one, yeah, and join
us at the five dollars in above level to get your Christmas letter. Okay,
first, Patron, I've got the list here this week, I want
to say him, oh, you're gonna say, wrote them down. Oh,
okay, okay. First patron is Becky b B. I want to
do this one. Okay, balls, duh, Christmas balls, Chrismus balls,
Becky balls, Becky balls. You're welcome to the walls the balls with
Becky's balls. Speaking of balls, next one is Rachel h. What does
that have to do with balls? Hung? Oh Jesus, these are appropriate
Christmas songs. Well they are Rachel Hung. They are now Becky's balls,
and Rachel is hung. Thank you. Well, I'll take the next one.
Okay. Jody I and a funny story about Jody. We have been
friends for I think twenty seven plus years. Actually that was the last time
we saw each other. It's probably about I don't know, over thirty years.
I'm guessing we've known each other. We've lost touch off and on,
but we are back in touch. In fact, she and her husband just
came for a visit. Shout out to Jody and Steve. Jody and Steve,
sorry I couldn't make the visit. Thanks for picking up the tab at
the ship. I wish I would have made the right I know. There
was such a lovely surprise there at the end anyway, we gotta give Jody
a new name. And because it's inappropriate, I don't know. Maybe the
I can stand for Eglu because that's did you say Eglu? What did I
did? I say it wrong? You said Eglu? It's an Igloo.
I'm pretty sure they have eglus and Zion. Oh my god, I am
pretty sure. No one, no listener here says eglu. All say the
sentences lived in igloos say it. I'm not saying, just say. I
want to say. You say it's terrible. I know it is, but
we're going after the stupid song god Igloo coolers. Doesn't the Igloo company make
well? Now you're saying igl you were saying Eagle, I say something between
Igloo and I can't even say it now, Jody Igloo, thank you?
Sorry about pronunciation for your name. Oh my god, who's next? Chris
Chris w w Wastle? I can do better than that? What white,
White and delights some Christmas? Yes, I'm dreaming of a white and delights
some Christmas. Yes, Chris white and delights some Christmas. That you're dreaming,
Chris, Christmas, it's even better, Chris White delights some Christmas.
Thank you for your patronage. That's long. That's too long to get on
a license fast for It might take two or three lines, but it might.
Okay, who's the last patriots? Lastly, Emily are are? And
you know if you have not heard your name yet, we're back in June.
Kids, We're we're backloged. I don't know. Shelley likes to dull
them out in these tiny little amounts. I said, we could do more
of the problem as you're like, I can't think of enough Christmas names.
Oh it's my problem. Yes, I would do them all right now with
Christmas names? Boom boom boom. Okay, do you have one for Emily
R? Reindeer? Enough? Appropriate? Just was the first thing that came
to my head. It's not word association, okay, Emily, Oh Rufy?
Like, what's in this drink? Say? What's in this drink?
Rufi? Brought to you by Emily Rufy. Emily Rufy. Oh my god,
that's kind of horrible and funny and horrible. Sorry, it's like two
horribles and one funny all at once. Oh my god, what a fucked
up song. And sorry Emily Rufy, But thank you, thank you for
your support. Thank you everybody for your support. We really really appreciate it.
One day we're going to get through that list. Gosh darn it.
You know it's funny because some people will drop off Patreon for various reasons and
then come back six months or a year later what have you, and we
read them again and give them a new name. Is that fair? People
trying to collect new names? Is that what's happening? We need to keep
a record. I know I'm terrible at record. Record in Heaven. Keep
the record of who's been in a record? Ven your name? Okay,
here's the problem is I don't know the exact name of it. Just go
with record in Heaven? Whatever record? Did we keep the music already?
Yeah? Okay, Um the fuck? That Mormon phrase of the day today
is record in Heaven or Heaven's record, Heavenly record, heavenly record. Now
record sounds really weird time the more you say it, what do you think?
Uh? Well, is it like if you become baptized here on this
planet, you are now entered, Like maybe you're name is entered into some
sort of book, like Heavenly book. Fine, she got it right.
That ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding. Yes, well it
makes sense. But there's also the part of that where if you and I
don't know if this is actually taught. It was taught to me that if
you leave your church and have your records removed, they like your name is
blotted out, expunged, no blotted. The word was blotted. Oh from
the heavenly record book. Yeah. Did any else hear this, grown up
Mormon? Or is it? I'm sure it's not just me? Who else?
What else have you guys heard about? Maybe that's why they need a
lawyer to remove your name here on earth, because I don't know how we're
gonna get to heaven and block that shit. That's right. They send More's
code up there. Yeah, or facts, because facts they're really behind the
times. The Mormons. Oh, I just paused and looked up Record in
Heaven LDS. It says when a person has a testimony of the Gospel and
bears witness to others, that test teimony is recorded in heaven and the angels
rejoice. That sounds so fucking dumb, And then let's talk about how boring
acid is to be an angel. It's like you're sitting through eternal fast and
testimony meetings. Well. Also, I still am flummixed old person by the
fact that angels were humans according to Mormons. Of course there were angel or
humans who never got married or sealed to anyone. Now they're just angels.
Oh my god. They have to come up with reasons for again. It's
like, well, then, okay, then that seems like a better,
more exalted thing to be than a human. No, sure, So why
there was angel Morona? I was he married? I don't fucking know.
Like again, we're arguing about fake shit. M hm, yes we are
whatever, and on that we're gonna wish you a merry fucking fake christ Man.
Just kidding. That was a weird episode. It was a little weird
kind of meandered it did. I mean, don't they all guess Christmas is
based on the birth of a savior and I don't believe that's true. So
does that make it marry fake miss Mary? Fake mess? Oh wait,
we're really bringing people up. Sorry if we brought you down too much in
this episode, everybody. I had a good time though. If you're feeling
down, you just sing those inappropriate Christmas songs and cheer yourself right the fuck
back up? Yeah, what was that one. It's the most wonderful time
of the year. Don't be depressed. See yeah, the funk out of
bed. It's the most wonderful time of the Year's right, It got nothing
to be sad about. It's right. Plow yourself up by your damn Christmas
bootstraps. Santa's boots. Wait, what were those boots? Boots are made
for walking? No, the boots that little boys get for Christmas. Oh,
hop along, hop along boots. Plow yourself up by your hop along
bootstraps. And now we have come full circle. We really have Thank Dan
from Extension Audio. Thanks for leaving it in Dan for another whole year.
We really appreciate you, and we appreciate all of you listening. Thank you
so much. Happy New Year, Mary, Holidays, all that stuff.
Happy New Year to everyone listening. We'll talk to you in twenty twenty three.
Wait, why still? Oh? I have to stare clear of cults
because they're no joke, no joke at all, even in twenty twenty three.
Yeah, I'm gonna start the new year right, all right, everybody,
talk to you later. Bye.