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This week on Softcore History, we're
discussing Joshua Norton, the first and

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to date only Emperor of the United
States of America. Now Dan, Joshua

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Norton had a pretty impressive palace.
Yes, and impressive palace is a state

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of mind rob But no, he
lived on the streets of San Francisco.

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Well, it's a beautiful city,
it is, and he was a beautiful

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man. And to this day as
well as at his time, he was

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revered by the people of San Francisco
and the King of Hawaii. For some

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reason, well, game respects game. Welcome to Softcore History. Welcome back

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to softcore History. I'm your host
for the week, Damn Regester. I'm

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joined as always by Rob Fox Hello, and special guest Gabby Emergency. Those

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good Spanish danell it, we're all. We're all doing our Carlos Alcarez before

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the show, Eliot, I don't
even what's yeah, just Spanish names.

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Why has it not all gotten hair
plugs? How come he hasn't fixed that

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with all the money. Is one
of the biggest glowdowns in sporting history.

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Him and should have gotten their human
history. It's insane. Do something about

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it. Nobody always looked like that
to me though, but he but he

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went like they went. They started
losing hair so young, and they had

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so much money so young, and
yet mm hmm. He could have worn

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hats and he chooses to wear bad
like Ronaldo took care of it pretty quickly.

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Yeah, the hair, the teeth, because like it's a look the

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face. Yeah, I think like
Nadal was just like he just went from

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the hottest, most strapping young dude
to like it like it was. He's

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like the Indiana Jones dude who drinks
from the wrong Holy Grail. He's just

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like halfway through that it's like it's
like he's not hot enough to not care

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that he's not hot. Yes,
he's still like he should. He's fit,

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but like he should do something or
wear more hats. It's an Eastern

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European thing to look bald and not
fat but fit fat, not even fit

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fat, just a belly paunch.
Mm hmm. He's not there yet.

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But the hair is there. The
hair is not good, the hair is

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rough. Where's like Feederer still looks
like he's thirty, looks good. Yeah,

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he looks Fantasy has a full head
of hair. He does. Yeah,

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and Djokovic thick black hair. A
big joker fan. We're a joker.

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We're a joker fan base here.
I love his whole vibe me too.

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You can't speak for the entire pod. I do, though quite loudly.

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Yeah, yeah, allowed us voice
on the show. I mean by

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octaves alone, it's the vocal minority. Yeah. I'm trying to think of

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anybody that's kind of like a fringe
guy that has a chance. But there's

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really nobody what in tennis that doesn't
exist. Yeah, it's just like one

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or two dudes who are just monsters. And then everyone else's really no American.

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Uh, Taylor Fritz is getting there. Ben what's his name from UF

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is a little bit getting there.
We've already scared off enough people. Yeah,

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yeah, we're so sorry. This
is not a tennis podcast. It's

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a history podcast. But you already
heard that off the top of the show.

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And today our topic for the week, we're getting controversial. Good good,

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I got takes. You have to
yeah, fire them from the hit

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What do you need? Don't even
think? What do you need me to

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say? Everything? Okay, but
nothing at all. That's what takes the

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time, That's what I take.
Is No. One of the biggest fears

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of both sides of the political aisle
at the moment is that the other party

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will ultimately take control and not give
up power, whether through some type of

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one world government or a fascist ruler
for life. Yes, yes, there's

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a Hitler around every corner. Not
here to argue if there's a legitimate threat

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of those concerns, but rather inform
you that this country, do you know

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it already had an emperor? I
did not, did not, Okay,

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I thought you're abo George Washington was
a fascist, which, if you need

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me to say that, I will
say that I'm married to nothing but the

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take I live in in the moment. No, this isn't me harping on

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the actions of Washington FDR or even
lbj Okay. Fascist fascist fascist country had

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an actual emperor and his name was
Joshua Norton. Joshua. That's not an

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emperor. This guy sounds like he
created his own empire in the Oregon Woods

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in the eighties. Rule number one
we fuck whenever I want. Rule number

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two. No, this podcast was
built on weirdos and we're getting back to

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our roots. Let's hear about them. We're talking about the only emperor in

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the United States history. He's even
recognized on a US census with his profession

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emperor Emperor. Yeah. Well,
but you can write whatever you want there,

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right, It doesn't have to correlate
with your w two. Yeah,

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it's whatever you want it to be. It's like a media badge at an

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airport. Yeah, who cares?
Just photoshop that bitch, did I used

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to do thirty percent off of my
bags? Now is it really? Well,

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it depends what you have. We're
flight bags are at least thirty percent

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off. Really, fuck life,
they don't. I'm going to need that

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I'm gonna need that ps. Yeah, for real. It just has to

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look legitimate and your face is on
it. Okay, media, you can't

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hand them what looks like a temporary
Texas driver's license. But if it's like

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a laminated and in like a little
that, you just flash it to them.

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They're like, oh, that's good
enough and then boom. But so

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like when you pay for bags at
the airport, they immediate like they put

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in like a media discount code so
we could show them we could be media.

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So like what what who are you
with? Oh? Softcore history?

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You just show more podcast? Yeah, that's thousand reviews, that's a thousand

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depends what airline you're on. But
I mean some bags are as low as

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like twenty five or thirty bucks.
Bags fly for free on Southwest they do.

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I don't know if you know that
you're always media on Southwest airlines.

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Everyone's media. Yeah, but you're
not getting media. No one's media.

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True. You don't feel better by
the way, real cool guys will say

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with your emperor talk, did you
know that originally Napoleon wasn't going to be

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sent to Elba. He was going
to be sent to Nolans for his first

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exile. Oh he would he would
have never left. I know he's trying

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to get power. Game was the
Count's exile. If you have a good

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time, I know, right,
although elbow was a good time. He

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was like got to kind of ball
out and throw balls and have a good

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time. It was the second exile. Everyone well, they just exiled him

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and he came back stronger. Yeah, it was like fuck this. But

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it was a Napoleon House, which
was Caddy corner from the hotel. I

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got married at right there, Napoleon
House. They alleged that they invented the

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Pim's cup and maybe the muffalletta.
I thought you got married at the La

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Laie mansion. Uh No, that's
just that's just a person, like a

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personal hero is a lollery family.
Yeah, let that sink in. I

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just want a muffalleta, I know, right, minus the top of it

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top. I'll snort and all of
I don't care. I love a little

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put capers on everything now, our
sweet boy. Joshua was born in Southeast

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London February fourth, Southeast eighteen eighteen. OK. The date is disputed,

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and his family moved to South Africa
quickly after as part of the UK's colonization

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program known as the eighteen twenty Settlers. Okay, so he's not even not

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even American, Yeah, not even
American. Didn't even immigrant to America first,

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We're like a second choice at least. Who knows where else this guy

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goes. You go to Hong Kong
to it's on the way. Yeah,

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we don't know. He disappears from
the resort. Joshua does not sound like

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an eighteen hundredth name, much like
another Holy Savior. Little is known about

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his early years, and we start
the story in his thirties. Okay,

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so he's much like the Emperor of
Heaven. Jesus Christ shows up to San

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Francisco in eighteen forty nine. What
was he what? Oh, he's in

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his thirty Okay, sorry, yeah, I told you. We don't know

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about the shadow. I wonder if
he took the long way. We don't

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know if he was a bower.
We don't know what if he was a

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bower. Eight Wait, we went
and he went to San Franisco in eighteen

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forty nine. So gold Rush,
yes, okay, I mean that's what

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brought people out to that part of
the country. I don't know how many

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South Africans came to San Francisco.
I know it brought a lot of Chinese

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people and a lot of Americans.
Isn't that funny that even in the eighteen

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hundreds, a get rich quick scheme
is what built this country. This country

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is built on scams. Yes,
on what dreams and scams? Yeah,

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always has been a dream and a
scam. It's like a dream and scam

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is like genius and insanity. Right, It's it's like it's only crazy if

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it doesn't work, and if it
works for one person, it's like,

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well maybe too. Yeah, America
is not about patients. It's about right

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now the microwave. Baby, we're
not roasting and we're nuken. I want

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soggy nuggets. Even people who claimed
like slow cooked meats, they show up,

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get the meat immediately served to them. They're not doing the work.

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No, they're not. They're not
slow smoking. It's like, oh I

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slow smoke meat. Look at my
Instagram. There are ten thousand that show

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up and what that wet, hot, smoky meat just shoved in their face

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immediately? I want to brisket right
now, I'm hungry. I think you

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want to call the show and was
just yeah, there's a great barbecue briskets

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upon arrival. Joshua Norton crushed in
commodity markets, in real estate speculation,

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and by eighteen fifty two real estate
speculation, he was one of the most

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respected and prosperous men in town.
So I'm sorry, this guy shows just

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like gold, just gold. No, we'll get into the commodity land and

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hoping that there's gold on it.
We'll get into the commodity that kind of

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shapes his Is it women? No, he's not trafficking humans. Oh well,

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wow, very Unamerican of him.
Honestly, in that type period,

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that's the second best commodity in the
area. Maybe some Oriental rugs. Is

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that what he's into? No,
we're calling it. I like how I

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do like? I already think this
guy is smart. He already maybe has

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my vote for emperor. Because what
do we talk about? What did the

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smart people do? Well, I'll
just say I voted for him, I

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didn't vote for you. What what
did the what did the smart people do

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at the gold Rush? The idiots
show up and start hacking at the ground.

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The real smart people build other businesses. Yes, they hey buy pickaxes?

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Here, hey buy your horse.
Hey, come gamble. Yeah,

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that's what the intelligence cards and fuck, do you know that's how Levi's started.

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Yeah, yeah, Levi's gold mind. Wow. You know they were

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called overalls until they didn't start calling
them jeans until like the fifties or sixties,

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after James Dean wore them in a
street cur named Desire, And I

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think it's like a portmanteau of James
Dean Jane. Oh, overalls were like

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what your grandparents were, and the
kids in the fifties and six started calling

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him jeans. I also heard dungary
as a name for dungleries. But isn't

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that like, that's not an American
term. It sounds Australian. Yeah,

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it's a DUNGARYU onries why you drank
your fastest? But I expect this guy

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don't go out there like an idiot, like an entrepreneur and just dig in

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the ground sell shit to the idiots
digging in the ground. Now, the

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commodity that really shaped his life was
rice. This sounds pretty racist already,

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but we're just gonna power through something
about Josh the rice farmer. No,

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he just gets there. He's like, hmm, there's a lot of one

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type of person here. He's like, you know what, they want mochi,

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And you know what, that's fine
because I've dealt with that racism myself.

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Every time I go to get tacos. There's a great Takorea at my

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gas station that like at the front
of my neighborhood. It's it is genuinely

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really good, all staffed by these
really super nice Mexican ladies who do not

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speak English very well, and they
know that you can get flour or corn

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tortillas. They do not ask.
They just look at me, flower.

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Flower. They know you want flower. Yeah, he yearns for it.

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Flower. But they know you're not
eating it there, yep, yeah,

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yeah, they know, they know
you're taking it to go. Yeah.

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I mean, look, I I
it almost offends me, but I actually

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appreciate it. And depending on they, I'm a little bit more racially ambiguous.

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So they have to guess you look
pretty like German Viking right now.

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The blonde doesn't help, no,
yeah, yeah, yeah, you need

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to get back to your Portuguese.
Do you a little more tan, a

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little less blonde, and maybe you'll
be more accepted by your people. But

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is that what you want? Kind
of really yeah, I don't want them

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to know my next move. You're
like, am I taking it? To

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go about eating it? Here?
One corn, one flower? So like

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you're a car complement, like a
compliment to me. You're like to an

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older woman is like you get carted
right and you're like, oh, oh,

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oh, you're a sweetheart. I
haven't been guarded in years. A

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comment to you would be getting carted
by an Ice agent. I was gonna

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say, I want Homeland Security to
show up to my door. Yeah,

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yah, yeah, yeah. Norton
made to play for Rice in eighteen fifty

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two because China have one of their
famines and they all of a sudden they

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shut down their export of rice and
there's a shortage in the market there.

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He had to had to fill gap. Respect it is the Rice Roni,

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is the San Francisco treet. Is
this the man who created Rice Roni?

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It's not. I'm sorry to disappoint. I was ready to go be crazy

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if you called it though. No. Rice went from four cents a pound

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to thirty six cents because of this. Goddamn that's good, Joe Budd.

205
00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:03,320
You want to get out, you
want to get on the bottom floor of

206
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:07,200
that. Yeah. So trying to
corner the market. Norton bought twenty five

207
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:13,000
thousand dollars worth of rice at twelve
cents a pound from Peru. This sounds

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00:15:13,039 --> 00:15:16,799
like the episode of Always Study where
they put gas in the traction and they

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00:15:16,919 --> 00:15:22,120
go selling gas door to doors.
You're just like putting rice in bags and

210
00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:26,039
selling it door to door. Now, twenty five thousand dollars back then,

211
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:28,759
how much is that? It's a
little over a million dollars today? Yeah?

212
00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:33,360
How do you have that kind of
liquid cash? Because he's a businessman.

213
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:39,600
We got in the real estate and
he is his previous commodity success.

214
00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:43,399
Did he have that cashally borrow that
money? Did he leverage? Yeah?

215
00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:48,320
Yeah. I mean, look,
if you're speculating on real estate in San

216
00:15:48,399 --> 00:15:50,480
Francisco at that time, it's like
all you're basically saying is like, what

217
00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:54,000
about this land's gonna get more valuable? It was a little bit like,

218
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,440
yeah, a little bit of column, a little bit of column. Every

219
00:15:56,679 --> 00:15:58,720
fucking movie is most land. I
mean, I guess until I feel like

220
00:15:58,759 --> 00:16:03,320
Helifornia, was that true? Until
now? Like now it's getting less valuable.

221
00:16:03,519 --> 00:16:07,559
It's it's going to fall into the
ocean pretty soon. Probably. I

222
00:16:07,559 --> 00:16:11,120
mean if it just breaks off cross
just kidding, yeah, get but yeah.

223
00:16:11,279 --> 00:16:15,639
Also, it's just you got a
plateau at some point. One would

224
00:16:15,639 --> 00:16:22,279
imagine although the ch if I had
ten thousand dollars in the eighteen hundredths,

225
00:16:22,639 --> 00:16:25,759
oh my god, I wouldn't work. What this guy's insane for even I

226
00:16:25,759 --> 00:16:29,519
wouldn't work because I wouldn't be allowed
to. True lucky, lucky me,

227
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:33,679
he was not the only person that
had this brilliant idea. Well, yeah,

228
00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:37,799
maybe it's the market. It's a
no. Peru was packing that void

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00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:41,919
to the brim with shipments, causing
the price to plunge back down the three

230
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:47,440
cents a pound by the time Norton
was ready to sell. What do you

231
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,000
mean ready to sell? Like it
took that long for the rice to get

232
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:52,919
there. Takes some time to fulfill
the order. Mm hmmmm. I mean

233
00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:56,679
it's the international. They got a
few months to get it over here on

234
00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:59,039
the steam. You put it on
a steamer. If you're even lucky enough

235
00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:03,200
that Peru has a steamship, you
know they might be sailing old school.

236
00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:07,319
So Norton tries to avoid the contract, and he gets into a nearly two

237
00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:11,680
year legal battle, which only cost
him more money, and the case goes

238
00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:17,319
all the way to the California Supreme
Court where they ruled against him in October

239
00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:22,359
of eighteen fifty four. What was
his case? Uh? Stuff changed?

240
00:17:22,559 --> 00:17:30,519
Like what what a bitch man?
The roller coaster ride of your emotions towards

241
00:17:30,519 --> 00:17:34,440
this man, it's a bout.
I never like a bad lawsuit. We're

242
00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:37,799
over We've been overly lit tous from
the beginning. Yeah, it's like it's

243
00:17:37,839 --> 00:17:41,160
not a good it's not a great
fast I mean it's like the amount of

244
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:45,960
people that have made their wealth from
just like a lucky lawsuit. Oh that's

245
00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:48,160
kind of a dream. I know. I want to get hit by a

246
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:52,640
bus all the time. Every day
there was someone Do you see that that

247
00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:56,160
there's a girl who that kind of
goes back to our get rich quick skime.

248
00:17:56,799 --> 00:17:57,880
Right now, hit by a right
place, right time, a miracle

249
00:17:57,920 --> 00:18:00,400
baby, the fucking girl. I'm
so jealous of that girl. Take a

250
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:03,480
dive. Was left in a cop
car and it got hit by a train.

251
00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:08,799
It's like eight million dollars. Yeah, and she got out of jail.

252
00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:12,440
She was fine. Yeah, they
just like they left her. They

253
00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:17,599
parked on the tracks. Wasn't she
pretty? Fuck they're so stupid. Cops

254
00:18:17,599 --> 00:18:22,640
are so like season high school.
That's what cops stands for. It's like

255
00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:27,279
all like it's people with no common
sense and just like posturing. I mean,

256
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,519
who parks on a railroad track?
Yeah, that's pretty funny, that's

257
00:18:30,559 --> 00:18:33,519
bad man. Like bus drivers know
not to do that. They don't even

258
00:18:33,599 --> 00:18:37,519
have degrees. Well, vers have
to stop and then they have to open

259
00:18:37,519 --> 00:18:41,200
their little door. Yeah, but
they don't park all they move. They

260
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:44,519
park they stopped before, and then
they look and then they move past.

261
00:18:45,119 --> 00:18:47,440
It's true, it would I could
be a bus I could be a bus

262
00:18:47,519 --> 00:18:52,440
driver for children, like in a
week right now they're hiring. I don't

263
00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:55,920
want to wake up no of the
cops. But true, either way,

264
00:18:55,960 --> 00:19:00,000
you get a gun good benefits.
Yeah, you get pretty much the same

265
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:03,119
pay as an airline pilot. What
is a bus driver? But you don't

266
00:19:03,119 --> 00:19:07,200
get the cool benefits of flying stand
by anywhere you want all the time.

267
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,880
Is that cool? Kind of sitting
in the little jump seat? You also

268
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:14,240
get that. Like you means you
pay, you basically just pay the taxes

269
00:19:14,279 --> 00:19:17,799
and fees of an uncle and a
cousin who's a pilot, and they can

270
00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:21,160
like and if sometimes if there's an
unsold first class seat, it's still like

271
00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:25,519
sixty two bucks. I just really
love the point of entry being, you

272
00:19:25,559 --> 00:19:27,240
know, almost half a million dollars
to get your license and then they pay

273
00:19:27,279 --> 00:19:30,480
you like forty grand. Yeah,
it's like law school. Do you have

274
00:19:30,559 --> 00:19:34,680
good vision? You can't do it
if you need glasses good of good vision.

275
00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:37,960
Do you look at the pilot before
you go on and be like I

276
00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:41,440
trust him? I fuck him?
No? What that's too Yeah? I

277
00:19:41,519 --> 00:19:45,519
look, But is a what is
an airline pilot? A fuckable profession?

278
00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:48,880
Kind of like you're like, they're
gone half the time and you can fly

279
00:19:49,039 --> 00:19:52,720
for free anytime you want. Sounds
awesome, elite. Yeah, they're probably

280
00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:56,680
ex military. That's where you hope
it benefits. Yeah, that's a good

281
00:19:56,720 --> 00:20:00,759
They're gonna get a good loan.
That's a mortgage loan. Oh yeah,

282
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:03,039
oh my god. And when they
die, Wow, you're gonna get so

283
00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:10,400
much money pension. If I look
at the pilot and he's just sloppy overall,

284
00:20:10,599 --> 00:20:14,480
you don't want to hungover fat pilot. I'm concerned. I actually don't

285
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:15,720
think I've ever seen a fat pilot. I see him all the time,

286
00:20:15,799 --> 00:20:22,960
really, but you fly spirit sometimes
sometimes it's the best flight. Well best

287
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:27,400
is of all the issues that we
currently have going on in the airline industry,

288
00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:33,480
name one that's been Spirit Airlines,
just everything, it's always United experience.

289
00:20:33,559 --> 00:20:38,640
I don't fly United, and it's
always American. I don't thought of

290
00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:44,119
dying in a plane crash honestly sounds
nice. I don't think it's as peaceful

291
00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:48,799
as fire somehow, thinking you're burnt, you gotta put your ear you gotta

292
00:20:48,839 --> 00:20:52,279
like put your earphones in because everyone'snna
be screaming. But it's like, it's

293
00:20:52,319 --> 00:20:53,640
horrifying. Can you do You can't
do anything. It's just like, let

294
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:57,880
go here, we go. Well, I think you got to open the

295
00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:02,559
emergency door and try to jump out
and maybe try to make a parachute out.

296
00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:06,119
Yeah, I don't think give you
parachutes. I don't understand why everyone

297
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:08,119
just doesn't have a parachute out of
their seat. You can pack a parachute

298
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:12,359
in your carry on and just pay
thirty percent less for it with your media

299
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:15,079
pass. Yeah, yeah, that's
yeah, that's the dream. Why would

300
00:21:15,079 --> 00:21:19,839
I want a flotation device right over
water? I guess, But I feel

301
00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:22,319
like there's a lot of there's a
lot of things that could substitute as a

302
00:21:22,319 --> 00:21:26,319
floatation device, but there's not a
lot that could substitute as a parachute.

303
00:21:26,359 --> 00:21:29,559
Exactly. One of the odds,
we're gonna land this plane, this bird

304
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:34,599
on the water, and then you
know, I'll be slow totally with it

305
00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:41,680
to take my cushion. It's just
not likely. Give me the parachute.

306
00:21:41,759 --> 00:21:45,839
Yeah, out the door, like
you just like think about it, like

307
00:21:45,839 --> 00:21:48,359
the plane's going down and you're like, parachutes. We're gonna open the emergency

308
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:52,200
door one by one, like we're
fucking World War two paratroopers just jumping out.

309
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:56,400
If you have a baby, best
of luck to you. Pick your

310
00:21:56,400 --> 00:22:02,000
favorite. You have to pick your
favorite. Lucas Turner and Company bank foreclosed

311
00:22:02,039 --> 00:22:04,319
on all of his real estate holdings
to pay some of the debt, and

312
00:22:04,359 --> 00:22:10,200
he declared bankruptcy in August of eighteen
fifty six. By eighteen fifty seven,

313
00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:14,400
he was pretty destitute, bouncing around
from boarding homes to sleeping on the streets

314
00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:18,400
just like Jesus. And in eighteen
fifty nine he had finally had enough of

315
00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:25,759
the political structures in this country.
So he was mad that the Supreme Court

316
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:29,799
ruled that he had to pay for
the rice he bought at the price they

317
00:22:29,839 --> 00:22:33,720
agreed upon. Yes, I'm sorry, you have to honor your word.

318
00:22:33,759 --> 00:22:37,559
And he was like disc God,
he had to pay a lawyer, probably

319
00:22:37,559 --> 00:22:40,400
in like court fees to hear that. You have to just do the business,

320
00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:44,319
he said, you were gonna do
with the fucking country. Shit.

321
00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:48,480
He ends up writing a manifesto.
Well, don't worry. Oh god,

322
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:52,839
it's always in fucking man. It's
like you could be a unibomber, you

323
00:22:52,839 --> 00:22:55,640
could be an emperor. But it
starts with a manifesto. It does,

324
00:22:55,880 --> 00:23:02,200
it does addressing the citizens of the
United States. Oh, this is bullshit.

325
00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:07,079
We agreed upon twelve cents. They
can fuck me, they can fuck

326
00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:12,000
you. The price they changed three
cents before product in hand, three cents.

327
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:15,519
When twelve cents and three cents,
how's that a fair deal. I

328
00:23:15,559 --> 00:23:18,720
don't think I want to live in
a country where you can't fuck over your

329
00:23:18,759 --> 00:23:22,920
customer for your own profit. Our
nation taking advantage of a good old American.

330
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:26,920
I like that he was British,
but we're all giving rednack accent.

331
00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:30,519
Yeah, I mean it's this is
it's a redneck. It's a state of

332
00:23:30,559 --> 00:23:33,799
mind, you know. Yeah,
this guy I mean, this isn't even

333
00:23:33,799 --> 00:23:34,880
redneck state of mind. This is
a rich guy's state of mind. It's

334
00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:41,480
like how it's just like I should
not be poor. Essentially, No,

335
00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:45,559
even if I'm poor because of my
own decision, I'm going to make the

336
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:49,000
argument this is the most American man
to ever live. And he's from England.

337
00:23:49,759 --> 00:23:53,440
A right, Well, so was
George Wathington a kind of. He

338
00:23:53,519 --> 00:23:56,759
was an English citizen, was never
never from England, so he's new England.

339
00:23:56,839 --> 00:24:04,680
Sends his manifesto to the San Francisco
Daily Evening Bulletin. We found it

340
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:11,240
too long a paper name. I
agree. They found it hilarious. Yeah,

341
00:24:11,279 --> 00:24:15,400
they're like, okay, loser,
fucking great. It's like the equivalent

342
00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:18,039
of somebody like when somebody like hates
on you and you post it on your

343
00:24:18,079 --> 00:24:22,240
story, like when somebody posted me
in common and like they posted on their

344
00:24:22,319 --> 00:24:26,839
story. So go look at this
dork people his profile picture. What a

345
00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:30,319
loser. We did an episode a
long time ago on sort of like the

346
00:24:30,359 --> 00:24:33,559
air, like how modern news came
to be, and it was it started

347
00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:37,119
right around this time, a little
before that, during the Mexican American War,

348
00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:41,720
and essentially, like they were,
this was the rise of like what

349
00:24:41,759 --> 00:24:44,759
we know as newspapers today. They
were called penny papers, which I assumed

350
00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:48,799
this paper was one of those,
and essentially like they were rags. So

351
00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:53,720
like papers before that were very like
I think, like the Wall Street Journal

352
00:24:53,799 --> 00:24:57,119
without the opinion section, and you
know what I mean, just like dry

353
00:24:57,359 --> 00:25:03,519
shit like do not you do not
care about it unless you are like an

354
00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:08,319
educated person or whatever. And then
someone got the undeniably bright idea to be

355
00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:11,200
like New York Posts you know what
people, Yeah, you know what,

356
00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:14,400
people, the New York Post,
the Daily Mail, and they start writing

357
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:17,759
all kinds of fun I mean,
it is essentially like a blog like like

358
00:25:17,799 --> 00:25:21,000
remember like that Hilton, the heydays
of blogs like Prez Hilton and Gawker,

359
00:25:21,079 --> 00:25:25,480
stuff like that, where it's just
like trash, publish trash, make fun

360
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:27,759
of trash. Let's point and laugh
at this trash. That was petty.

361
00:25:27,839 --> 00:25:33,039
So this is like they're just looking
for content and this is glorious cond This

362
00:25:33,079 --> 00:25:41,000
guy is a content. Yeah,
he's not a dork. In fact,

363
00:25:41,079 --> 00:25:42,759
the paper, well, you get
published once you're gonna you're not. So

364
00:25:42,839 --> 00:25:47,079
it's like it's not maybe it's still
a thing when don't listen to the radio

365
00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:49,559
enough to know. But like back
in the day, like morning show radios

366
00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:52,440
or radio morning shows. I mean
you know, they would get like weirdos

367
00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:56,039
calling in or like that, because
yeah, and they would re and they

368
00:25:56,200 --> 00:26:00,319
they would be making fun of the
person. You were clearly exposed to laugh

369
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:03,480
at the person, but they're doing
it to the person, and the person's

370
00:26:03,519 --> 00:26:07,359
like, yeah, they're on the
joke. And yeah. But here's the

371
00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:11,039
thing. Those people always becoming dear
into the fans m hm or to the

372
00:26:11,119 --> 00:26:14,640
people listening, people reading. It's
like the uh, that's what happens to

373
00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:18,799
him. The famous one is the
Paul Fine bombm caller, the woman from

374
00:26:18,839 --> 00:26:22,680
Alabama, and that Paul I ain't
played nobody, Paul I forget her name,

375
00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:26,599
but she died. She died in
a car act and I think he

376
00:26:26,759 --> 00:26:30,240
later, two months after his initial
manifesto post, wrote a letter declaring himself

377
00:26:30,279 --> 00:26:36,640
Emperor of these United States. By
the way, you could probably get laid

378
00:26:36,799 --> 00:26:41,079
pretty well if you just show up
with a newspaper clipping being like I wrote

379
00:26:41,079 --> 00:26:44,519
this, what's up, babe?
Because I bet most women can't read.

380
00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:48,039
Yeah. He would continue to write
royal decrees and have them published over the

381
00:26:48,119 --> 00:26:52,720
years, royal decrease his delusions on
this guy. I like him. This

382
00:26:52,799 --> 00:26:56,839
guy's sick. What are you talking
about? I'm into him. His first

383
00:26:56,839 --> 00:27:00,759
action is emperor. Imagine calling every
tweet a royal decree. Now is he

384
00:27:00,839 --> 00:27:07,720
still homeless? Yes, his whole
time. So he has a twenty year

385
00:27:07,799 --> 00:27:11,559
reign and he's a hobo. So
this is like Vermin supreme, like a

386
00:27:11,559 --> 00:27:17,240
guy that wears a fucking boot on
his Yeah, he was at one time

387
00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:19,880
a successful businessman. Okay, and
he'll hear me this guy And I saw

388
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:22,759
this, like, you know,
one of those megaalong threads on Twitter where

389
00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:27,240
he was like a you know,
bootstrappie. You know I'm rich now,

390
00:27:27,319 --> 00:27:30,440
but I could do it all again. I could start from zero and I

391
00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:32,839
would make a million dollars in a
year, and I bet you I can't.

392
00:27:33,079 --> 00:27:34,880
So he did it. He gave
away all his money. He like

393
00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:37,559
sold his house, he gave away
everything. He starts from zero. He

394
00:27:37,599 --> 00:27:42,240
starts like busking, and like he
keeps trying to like make these different and

395
00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:47,599
basically like he ends up in a
trailer with like four other dudes. He

396
00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:51,839
starts like a coffee company for hobos
from hobos like that nothing worse, sounds

397
00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:53,920
worse than where he had to have
started the first time. But he like

398
00:27:55,039 --> 00:27:57,720
technically was a millionaire, but he
was one of those like hustle grind minds,

399
00:27:57,720 --> 00:28:03,599
grindset millionaires, and he was like
or like the paper clip, the

400
00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:07,039
same business, and it's drop shipping, and it's it's always or insurance.

401
00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:12,920
It's just like, hey, never
sit on product. Fucking flippers. I

402
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:17,640
hate a fucking real estate flip.
There's just middleman. Yeah, every great

403
00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:21,920
industry in this country is just flipping. Yeah. I mean that's what country

404
00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:25,359
is built on. Middleman, that's
what the built on would look flooring and

405
00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:33,799
fucking drop shipping. Always export your
work. Yeah yeah. See it's cool

406
00:28:33,839 --> 00:28:37,599
to be like in import export versus
the drop shipper. Like coming from Texas,

407
00:28:37,759 --> 00:28:41,640
all the rich people I knew in
South Texas and they're like, oh,

408
00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:45,319
my dad's an import export. I'm
like, your dad's laundering stuff and

409
00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:48,880
money. Cool, Like that's more
interesting. Well, if you are a

410
00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:56,000
drop shipper, why don't you call
yourself impoart export thirty different businesses. I'm

411
00:28:56,039 --> 00:29:00,400
an entrepreneur. You just get a
for on like Instagram, YouTube all the

412
00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:03,799
time where it's like I made a
million dollars last year. We have fourteen

413
00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:07,880
different ross dress for lessons and buy
all of their yoga mats and put it

414
00:29:07,920 --> 00:29:11,000
on Amazon Easy. You don't even
have to do that. You don't have

415
00:29:11,039 --> 00:29:14,160
to go to an actual store.
It's like you never see the product.

416
00:29:14,279 --> 00:29:17,480
You never actually hold the problem.
Like the people that the gift card,

417
00:29:17,720 --> 00:29:19,599
I don't even understand the gift card
where you just make a link where they

418
00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:23,799
like buy thousands of dollars of gift
cards. Links like I have fourteen credit

419
00:29:23,839 --> 00:29:26,640
cards and I max them all out
and I buy gift cards and I flip

420
00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:30,039
gift cards, and I'm like,
what are you doing? Get a job.

421
00:29:30,119 --> 00:29:33,039
Their job is scams. Their job
is scams. And also all those

422
00:29:33,039 --> 00:29:40,039
people, all those people play poker. Respect What was his first action as

423
00:29:40,079 --> 00:29:44,160
emperor? You may ask, who
did he what did he to criminalize?

424
00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:49,160
Yeah, he abolished Congress. Ah
smart, smart, but just like Emperor

425
00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:52,400
Palpatine had to. Yeah, this
is actually where they got the idea for

426
00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:56,839
Star Wars. Is it? No, that'd be great if it was.

427
00:29:56,960 --> 00:30:00,200
I mean, Lucas was living in
this area. He was like northern California

428
00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:07,319
in the eighteen hundreds. Well shortly
after January eighteen sixty, he summons the

429
00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:11,599
army to carry out his orders and
dispose of the elected officials in Congress.

430
00:30:11,039 --> 00:30:17,640
Dispose Yeah, like he ordered murder. Yeah, oh sorry, so he

431
00:30:17,759 --> 00:30:21,599
ordered the Union army. I think
it plays crazy, hobo. I think

432
00:30:21,599 --> 00:30:23,640
it played then. I mean there
a year before a civil war happened.

433
00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:27,400
I want to see this guy on
TikTok live right now. Like this guy

434
00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:30,279
is. He's a content creator,
is what he is. He was made

435
00:30:30,319 --> 00:30:33,720
for as he was. He was
born before his time, right, A

436
00:30:33,720 --> 00:30:36,480
lot of people say, like,
oh, I should have been born,

437
00:30:36,759 --> 00:30:41,720
this man should have been born later. Nineteen ninety two, surprisingly, crushing

438
00:30:42,079 --> 00:30:48,160
Norton's orders were ignored by the army. What it's weird, It makes no

439
00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:51,559
dude, like, come on,
recognize in his past, Well, did

440
00:30:51,599 --> 00:30:55,519
the Washington did he like post or
whatever pick up though? Did he incentivize

441
00:30:55,559 --> 00:31:00,519
it? Was he like anything he
ordained or anything he did decreed or you

442
00:31:00,519 --> 00:31:03,480
know, gave out that the papers
would publish, right, But I mean,

443
00:31:03,519 --> 00:31:07,079
I know those San Francisco paper publish
it. But we're other papers picking

444
00:31:07,079 --> 00:31:11,200
it up and being like dipshit emperor
from San Francisco decrees. No, this

445
00:31:11,319 --> 00:31:15,200
is kind of local. Okay,
it was just all the same. Maybe

446
00:31:15,200 --> 00:31:18,720
it didn't make the army just didn't
hear that's true. That so this is

447
00:31:18,759 --> 00:31:22,759
I mean, it's I think he's
kind of picking up on current events too,

448
00:31:22,839 --> 00:31:26,400
right, because you got to think, fuck, when was Harper's ferry,

449
00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:30,240
like eighteen fifty nine or eighteen six
something are in there, so like

450
00:31:30,279 --> 00:31:34,039
there's already rebellions going on, there's
bleeding Kansas is going on, civil wars

451
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:38,519
brewing. It's a year away from
starting, probably less than a year away

452
00:31:38,519 --> 00:31:41,640
from starting. If it's if he
decreases in eighteen sixty and trust me,

453
00:31:41,680 --> 00:31:45,440
he's got takes on the civil wars. Oh, I'm very excited. What

454
00:31:45,599 --> 00:31:49,599
side is he on? Well,
he's on his side. In eighteen sixty

455
00:31:49,599 --> 00:31:56,319
two, Norton ordered both the Roman
Catholic and Protestant churches to publicly ordain him

456
00:31:56,319 --> 00:32:00,200
as emperor and he would resolve this
little conflict called the Civil War. He

457
00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:05,359
said it'd be that while sleeping on
the street or you know, occasionally he

458
00:32:05,359 --> 00:32:09,319
could afford a boarding room, Yeah, bouncing around. Are they not paying

459
00:32:09,359 --> 00:32:14,279
him for his art? For his
contest? I would love to have that.

460
00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:17,799
It's hard to say how he made
money these days. Yeah, he

461
00:32:17,920 --> 00:32:22,240
lost all of his real estate of
anything left, the bank took it all.

462
00:32:22,440 --> 00:32:23,599
God damn dude. See, I
feel like if you would have just

463
00:32:23,640 --> 00:32:27,720
shut up, if he would have
just like l if you just lay low,

464
00:32:28,319 --> 00:32:30,759
just you had to eat shit on
the road. So I think it's

465
00:32:30,799 --> 00:32:36,519
a lot easier to do crime in
the eighteen hundreds. You do do little

466
00:32:36,559 --> 00:32:40,880
petty crimes, stack some coins,
pat your bills, and just move around

467
00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:45,599
through the West, just you know, just do small robberies, not enough

468
00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:49,359
to and don't hurt anyone, right, little rob I would love. That's

469
00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:51,440
what I If I could time travel, that's what I would do. I

470
00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:54,319
would just go back to the eighteen
hundreds and do crime. Oh I dream

471
00:32:54,519 --> 00:33:00,319
about like a train. I want
to go into a saloon and just and

472
00:33:00,359 --> 00:33:06,759
I want to like you and the
boys and just steal people's pocket watch dynamite,

473
00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:08,640
like on the train tracks. You
get a man up to a room

474
00:33:08,680 --> 00:33:13,759
in the in the saloon, time
flirt play cards. Yeah, yeah,

475
00:33:13,839 --> 00:33:15,799
yeah, that's what I want.
I still a towel today from the Soho

476
00:33:15,839 --> 00:33:21,440
house. I love a little I
love a little avery, just a little

477
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:24,920
who we have a friend. I
forget who it was, but the Kanye

478
00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:29,640
West tried to like have sex with
at the SOHO House cool in Austin.

479
00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:34,200
Ye, any woman in the SOHO
House. It was someone who we both

480
00:33:34,440 --> 00:33:37,440
know. I feel like that doesn't
can't remember who it was continue because you're

481
00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:38,680
not going to publicly put their name
out there. Yeah, but it was

482
00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:42,720
I know who to ask. She
got in an elevator with him when he

483
00:33:42,799 --> 00:33:45,119
was like yeah, like at this
like hold up in the Austin Soho House,

484
00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:49,960
and he was just like did he
just say can we fuck? Yeah?

485
00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:51,799
He's like, hey, con back
to my hotel and would fuck me?

486
00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:57,599
Like it was so direct it was
stunning. What's your point to that?

487
00:33:57,759 --> 00:34:00,440
I just want to let everyone know
rich guys have no game, truly,

488
00:34:00,799 --> 00:34:07,839
they don't need it. They don't
need Rizel is not and has never

489
00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:12,880
been attractive enough to just do that. He was talented enough for like four

490
00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:16,440
years, but that was like fourteen
years ago, so to the day almost

491
00:34:16,559 --> 00:34:22,079
almost. Yeah. Well, the
cowards in both churches ignored his request.

492
00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:28,079
Throw the fact that he first off, there is no Protestant church, so

493
00:34:28,119 --> 00:34:31,599
he's asking like the Catholic church,
and then I guess twenty other fucking churches

494
00:34:31,639 --> 00:34:35,320
to do it. You stick to
the pope, stick to your guns.

495
00:34:36,239 --> 00:34:42,039
We obviously I speak for the podcast
when I say we are papists, we

496
00:34:42,079 --> 00:34:45,559
are, yeah, and we chased
the Jewish man out. That's our latest

497
00:34:45,559 --> 00:34:54,039
review is two papists chase a Jew
away, which is but because of this,

498
00:34:54,199 --> 00:34:59,760
because they did not ordain him,
the emperor, civil war continued.

499
00:35:00,840 --> 00:35:04,159
You can't prove that. That's not
one the reason. You can't prove it.

500
00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:08,840
Prove that negative, prove that negative
civil war could have ended had you

501
00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:15,719
just done what I said the emperor. He decrees the civil war over bang.

502
00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:22,960
He also proclaimed himself Protector of Mexico
when Napoleon the Third installed Maximilian as

503
00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:27,039
his puppet ruler, but later revoked
the title, saying it was kind of

504
00:35:27,079 --> 00:35:30,960
impossible. I like that. He's
like, Okay, let's get real.

505
00:35:31,039 --> 00:35:34,519
I don't think. I don't think
this is actually me. I am the

506
00:35:34,559 --> 00:35:37,880
Emperor, but I can't be the
protector of Mexico. So that's not why

507
00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:39,920
he said it was just an unsettled
nation. I liked it. He was

508
00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:43,960
like, they're savages. I don't
want anything to do with that. I

509
00:35:44,599 --> 00:35:47,079
like that. He was like,
you know what, like he's he's you

510
00:35:47,159 --> 00:35:50,519
want a politician who's honest, right, And he said, you know what,

511
00:35:50,960 --> 00:35:55,440
a bit off more than I can
chew Mexico by the America first America

512
00:35:55,599 --> 00:35:59,440
burst. That's one of the reasons
that the US didn't take the rest of

513
00:35:59,480 --> 00:36:02,199
Mexico when we won that war.
Is we were like, oh, it's

514
00:36:02,280 --> 00:36:09,360
kind of wacky change. It's that's
self awareness right there. He knows what

515
00:36:09,400 --> 00:36:14,320
he can and cannot control. We
love a self aware king, you do.

516
00:36:15,159 --> 00:36:20,039
In a proclamation in eighteen sixty nine, he called for the dissolving of

517
00:36:20,039 --> 00:36:22,519
both the Republican and Democratic parties.
I'm sorry, so maybe we should have

518
00:36:22,559 --> 00:36:28,719
listened, guys, maybe could be
all united. Smart. Did he have

519
00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:30,840
anything else to say about the Civil
War? Did it end? And he

520
00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:34,239
was like, and I thought so, I thought this would be about the

521
00:36:34,280 --> 00:36:37,760
time, so I thought it would
play out. He just said that he

522
00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:39,440
could have ended it. He could
have ended it earlier, much earlier.

523
00:36:39,519 --> 00:36:44,639
Could have saved lives. Now command
he gave in eighteen seventy two, finally

524
00:36:44,719 --> 00:36:49,480
stuck, which one was it?
He got one on the board. Finally,

525
00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:53,039
let's hear it. No longer being
able to take the disrespect of his

526
00:36:53,119 --> 00:37:00,800
adopted city. He made an imperial
order that anyone calling Sam for Francisco just

527
00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:06,440
by the words Frisco would face public
shaman and a twenty five dollars fine to

528
00:37:06,519 --> 00:37:10,719
the Imperial treasure, which holds up
to this day. If you call San

529
00:37:10,719 --> 00:37:15,639
Francisco Frisco, people that live there
will berate you. I actually like San

530
00:37:15,679 --> 00:37:20,360
Fran Fine, SF Fine, Frisco. No, they hate San Fran too.

531
00:37:20,480 --> 00:37:22,760
Really. They think they're like,
you know, someone is not from

532
00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:24,559
San Francisco when they call it,
but they say SF. They say SF

533
00:37:24,599 --> 00:37:28,480
is what they call it. Yeah, they just they go off the giant's

534
00:37:28,519 --> 00:37:31,239
hat. They're like, yeah,
we're SF. They're gonna be in the

535
00:37:31,239 --> 00:37:34,360
ocean in a couple of years,
so let's just let him have it.

536
00:37:34,719 --> 00:37:37,960
Yeah, it's all going underwater.
They'll be well, there'll just be a

537
00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:42,519
new beach and a new cool place. Now, you could find Norton on

538
00:37:42,519 --> 00:37:45,800
the streets pretty easily. Sounds what
I assume he was. That's where he

539
00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:47,679
lives, decreeing things. Yeah,
that's where they that's where he is.

540
00:37:47,840 --> 00:37:52,559
Well, No, the decrees are
in the papers, Rob. No,

541
00:37:52,719 --> 00:37:57,159
you could find him pretty easily because
he routinely wore a blue naval uniform,

542
00:37:57,400 --> 00:38:00,599
a beaver hat with a peacock feather
sticking out, and either a walking stick

543
00:38:01,039 --> 00:38:07,519
or umbrella. Can you get a
picture of this man? Now? Is

544
00:38:07,599 --> 00:38:12,920
he the original? Yankee doodle Dandy
stuck a feather in his cap? Do

545
00:38:12,960 --> 00:38:15,760
you know the point of that song
is they're just calling Americans like dip ship

546
00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:22,800
backwoods idiots. But Americans adopted it
as like a like a sort of like

547
00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:28,000
they owned the joke and made it
a point of bride. But n word

548
00:38:28,079 --> 00:38:30,920
like if you remove the hard arts, like now it's our worst. Yes,

549
00:38:30,960 --> 00:38:32,519
it's our word. Yeah, Yankee
doodle Dandy was about how we were

550
00:38:32,559 --> 00:38:37,360
all just like backwoods morons who were
like, oh, he sticks a feather

551
00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:39,760
in his cap and he thinks he's
all fancy because he's a dumb fuck.

552
00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:45,400
That's what it is. I don't
know. He became a bit of a

553
00:38:45,480 --> 00:38:52,119
local celebrity. He's kind of saying
in general, Leslie, Yeah, throughout

554
00:38:52,119 --> 00:38:57,719
the entire time, people love him
people Leslie. I don't know who that

555
00:38:57,840 --> 00:39:01,639
is. But Leslie was the famous
with the two Austin hobo who it was

556
00:39:02,039 --> 00:39:06,400
like trans but he wore like ladies
clothes a lot walked around in like a

557
00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:12,000
thong a lot like aw ran for
mayor and got a not insignificant amount of

558
00:39:12,079 --> 00:39:15,599
votes for mayor. Like true,
I'll actually look up how many votes Leslie

559
00:39:15,599 --> 00:39:21,360
got. Or the chicken guy,
the guy with the chicken downtown lady.

560
00:39:21,599 --> 00:39:23,719
Every town, every city has a
guy. Let's see that old lady.

561
00:39:23,719 --> 00:39:28,079
Have you seen her with her vagina? I have not what There's a lady

562
00:39:28,079 --> 00:39:31,719
who walks around either wearing a granny
panty and nothing else or like shirt and

563
00:39:31,800 --> 00:39:35,159
pussy out, like what are you? The pool? Every town, every

564
00:39:35,199 --> 00:39:39,760
city has a weirdo like this where
they do nothing malicious. They're Leslie Cochrane

565
00:39:40,320 --> 00:39:45,599
is the name no criminal activities.
He got almost eight percent of the vote

566
00:39:45,599 --> 00:39:51,440
for mayor. That's impressive. Will
be lucky if you get yes. Like

567
00:39:51,480 --> 00:39:55,559
literally, a hobo got eight percent
of the vote for mayor. We're talking

568
00:39:55,599 --> 00:40:00,519
about a hobo that was emperor true, which is obviously more depressive, but

569
00:40:00,039 --> 00:40:05,079
you know, just say it.
There's a long, rich history of hoboes

570
00:40:05,280 --> 00:40:07,199
in political office. You also have
to know your hobo, you know,

571
00:40:07,280 --> 00:40:10,639
like you have to know who's in
your in your neighborhood, know their name,

572
00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:15,239
know there what their dealings are,
what they're up to the good hobo

573
00:40:15,320 --> 00:40:19,079
because on their good side, he'll
tell you make sure they're not a total

574
00:40:19,119 --> 00:40:22,239
liability. And then they kind of, you know, shepherd you like they

575
00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:27,239
they let the other hoboes know that, like no, she's cool. The

576
00:40:27,320 --> 00:40:30,199
other the homeless like no, no, like thank you so much, Frederick,

577
00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:32,159
I'm good. It is Frederick here. It was. It was one

578
00:40:32,199 --> 00:40:35,119
of mine. I haven't seen him
in a long time. It's like,

579
00:40:35,199 --> 00:40:42,480
please, don't wipe the windshield.
People would address Joshua and bow to him

580
00:40:42,519 --> 00:40:46,599
formally while walking by other hoboes.
No people, other people much real.

581
00:40:47,559 --> 00:40:52,239
Oh, it's like he's not wearing
shoes. You're bowing to a guy with

582
00:40:52,519 --> 00:40:58,639
Yeah, so like it's you bowing
to your your homeless guy wouldn't do Joshua.

583
00:40:59,280 --> 00:41:04,440
Public Transit gave him free rides.
Nice, it's his, he's he

584
00:41:04,519 --> 00:41:09,039
owns the public HM and stores around
the city began selling Norton dolls for kids

585
00:41:09,079 --> 00:41:12,960
to play with. What what did
it look like? Did have the feather

586
00:41:13,039 --> 00:41:16,840
in the hole? It's just it
had his likeness. Cute. Norton even

587
00:41:16,880 --> 00:41:22,800
began printing his own currency, and
some local businesses of residents did, in

588
00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:30,440
fact take it knowing it was not
real money. What that's endearing? How

589
00:41:30,480 --> 00:41:32,880
do you ask him for anyway?
I got the doll, You got the

590
00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:37,559
doll? Wait, actually, that
looks really cool. That looks really kind

591
00:41:37,599 --> 00:41:39,760
of like avant garde and fun.
We need to get one for the set

592
00:41:39,800 --> 00:41:44,400
if we can. That's good.
It's very bizarre to me that children were

593
00:41:45,400 --> 00:41:49,360
all into it all, but I
think all dolls were like, there was

594
00:41:49,400 --> 00:41:52,880
not a cute looking doll during this. They're all like, that's no more

595
00:41:52,960 --> 00:41:57,119
or less horrifying than any other doll
that's available. It's more just like,

596
00:41:57,639 --> 00:42:00,119
I guess we almost have a rich
tradition of hobo in this country. Like

597
00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:05,079
cabbage Patch kids were kind of homeless, weren't they. Yeah, that was

598
00:42:05,440 --> 00:42:08,000
that was like kind of part of
the backstory. Yeah, yeah, I

599
00:42:08,039 --> 00:42:13,159
think we we revere hobo. It's
like the whole like train hopper, box

600
00:42:13,199 --> 00:42:16,239
car children. Here, the box
car kids a little stick with a bandana

601
00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:22,800
that we very much love, like
a bootstrapping hobo. Yeah, well except

602
00:42:22,800 --> 00:42:25,199
they don't pull thoselves up by the
bootstrap. They're just like they're living free.

603
00:42:25,440 --> 00:42:30,079
I think that was just depression propaganda. It's not so bad. It's

604
00:42:30,159 --> 00:42:34,840
not so bad, and this was
a lot of the population like, hey,

605
00:42:34,840 --> 00:42:37,639
this was your neighbor. Now yeah, like he's having a better time

606
00:42:37,719 --> 00:42:40,760
than you'll ever have. Yeah,
he's free. Now, then I'll show

607
00:42:40,800 --> 00:42:45,920
you wrestling over a piece of bread
in a train car. Yeah, but

608
00:42:45,920 --> 00:42:50,039
there's somebody getting shang. The hobo
goes from place to place with not a

609
00:42:50,039 --> 00:42:52,679
worry in the world. Well,
you're tethered to your job and your family.

610
00:42:52,679 --> 00:43:00,760
The world is his oyster. He
shocks where he pleases. Now this

611
00:43:00,840 --> 00:43:07,320
currency had no value, obviously most
of it doesn't until now. Norton bucks

612
00:43:07,320 --> 00:43:12,519
are still floating around in the collectible
space and are going for about five figs.

613
00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:15,440
Okay, Also we need if somebody, if a listener out there,

614
00:43:15,519 --> 00:43:19,559
wants to get us a Norton book. It has as much value as you

615
00:43:19,599 --> 00:43:22,199
say it has. So it's worth
about time people were accept If people were

616
00:43:22,199 --> 00:43:25,679
accepting it, then Norton bucks are
like better than ethereum right now, Yeah,

617
00:43:25,719 --> 00:43:32,039
then you had value. Whoa the
Imperial Government of Norton. Oh I

618
00:43:32,079 --> 00:43:35,480
can't read the rest. It's like
in that script. Oh that's what I

619
00:43:35,519 --> 00:43:38,800
meant to ask. How is he
to have this printed? That's the thing.

620
00:43:39,079 --> 00:43:43,239
Businesses just did things for It was
just like, ah, it's funny,

621
00:43:43,320 --> 00:43:45,840
it's like a good advertisement. It's
just a cool dude. I guess

622
00:43:46,039 --> 00:43:51,559
yeah, apparently it's so cute.
I honestly, I am into it the

623
00:43:51,559 --> 00:43:57,840
more I hear. I like his
gumption. He's got boxy day real quick.

624
00:43:57,840 --> 00:44:00,480
Before we get back into this week's
episode, we do you have some

625
00:44:00,559 --> 00:44:04,639
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626
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627
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629
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630
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631
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632
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635
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636
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637
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642
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643
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644
00:45:10,480 --> 00:45:15,599
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645
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646
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647
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I've touched their cooling technology below before

648
00:45:27,960 --> 00:45:30,440
and it did not make any physical
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649
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was just a ghost inside of it. Ghost Bed. I mean, this

650
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651
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653
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654
00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:57,119
some of his royal decrees also had
foresight of what would eventually happen, so

655
00:45:57,159 --> 00:46:00,000
we should we should credit him for
some of these colt run up with crypto

656
00:46:01,719 --> 00:46:07,639
no invlockchain. In the eighteen sixties, he was calling for the League of

657
00:46:07,719 --> 00:46:13,360
Nations. Okay, sure, and
he also said that they should build a

658
00:46:13,360 --> 00:46:16,679
bridge between San Francisco and Oakland.
Look at him, I feel like these

659
00:46:16,679 --> 00:46:22,280
aren't creative ideas really, but he's
on that block. He's the first one

660
00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:24,960
on this. Well, he suggested
a fast rail that connects Austin, San

661
00:46:24,960 --> 00:46:29,559
Antonio. Houston. Tell that sounds
like if you hear like a hobo,

662
00:46:29,639 --> 00:46:31,559
if you like walk around downtown Austin
and some hobo is like, we need

663
00:46:31,599 --> 00:46:36,280
to build a city on the moon, and then like in two hundred years

664
00:46:36,280 --> 00:46:37,079
there is a city on the moon. They're like, well, that hobo,

665
00:46:37,199 --> 00:46:40,360
you should be credit that man actually
has a point, he actually knows

666
00:46:40,360 --> 00:46:43,800
what he's talking about. You should
at least get a building on the minon.

667
00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:49,960
Okay, all right street just random
hobo way. Norton spent most of

668
00:46:49,960 --> 00:46:55,599
his day inspecting the streets, wandering
the parks and looking for cigarette butts the

669
00:46:55,840 --> 00:47:02,679
street, all right, collecting just
can now. Uh. He was wandering

670
00:47:02,760 --> 00:47:07,239
parks, libraries. He'd make friends
with stray dogs, as one does,

671
00:47:08,079 --> 00:47:12,239
and he would go to musical and
theatrical performances that would let him in.

672
00:47:12,920 --> 00:47:16,519
Yeah, he's cultured. Mm hmm. He's got a show face, he's

673
00:47:16,559 --> 00:47:21,840
got a you know, hold court. Would he get a good seat?

674
00:47:22,639 --> 00:47:25,039
Sometimes I think any seat is a
good seat if you don't have a home.

675
00:47:25,880 --> 00:47:32,679
But he's an emperor without a home. He gets a box. Yeah,

676
00:47:32,760 --> 00:47:37,400
he's a man without a change,
smoking cigarette butts. It's a life.

677
00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:43,199
Just imagine him with two stray dogs, just walking into a performance of

678
00:47:43,280 --> 00:47:47,000
like The Nutcracker late. He probably
shows up late. Yeah, he just

679
00:47:47,000 --> 00:47:52,719
comes to what he wants. It's
it's easier if you know, we don't

680
00:47:52,719 --> 00:47:57,760
say anything. Let's actually give him
five dollars. It's called hush money.

681
00:47:58,679 --> 00:48:00,880
He's quiet, don't bother interrupt the
performance. I feel like there's a lot

682
00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:04,480
of restaurants like that where it's like, yeah, he's just he comes,

683
00:48:04,599 --> 00:48:07,840
he sits on the porch, he
drinks water water and sits in the shade.

684
00:48:08,440 --> 00:48:10,880
It just let it be. We've
tried to throw the trash out.

685
00:48:12,239 --> 00:48:15,400
He scoops the roadkill from the from
the street. There was one time there

686
00:48:15,480 --> 00:48:19,159
is like a hobo going through a
dumpster in college at the Attorney House,

687
00:48:19,159 --> 00:48:22,239
and I like, I was a
dumb freshman and I was just like to

688
00:48:22,280 --> 00:48:24,119
the president. I was like,
should we do something? And he was

689
00:48:24,119 --> 00:48:27,840
like, do what. It's fucking
trash. Just let him take it.

690
00:48:28,679 --> 00:48:30,320
He's just he's gonna go take it
and recycle it. Somebody did that to

691
00:48:30,360 --> 00:48:35,039
me this week, my trash,
Like on this the cans, the cans,

692
00:48:35,320 --> 00:48:37,960
I felt pretty bad. What the
cans you have? I drink a

693
00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:39,760
lot of sparkling water, Okay,
I mean for us makes sense. I

694
00:48:39,840 --> 00:48:43,719
drink a lot of sparkling water on
a Monday morning, crushing like three to

695
00:48:43,760 --> 00:48:47,400
four sparkleys a day. Okay.
What like Lacroix Liquid Death? Buy Liquid

696
00:48:47,400 --> 00:48:51,199
Death. They're not sponsored anymore,
but maybe they will some day. I

697
00:48:51,239 --> 00:48:53,599
buy the Randall's brand because it's the
cheapest. Oh boy, you do it,

698
00:48:53,599 --> 00:48:58,840
Okay, I should scratch a lot
of sparkling water. Okay's living that

699
00:48:58,840 --> 00:49:04,280
emperor life. Yeah, wasn't all
sunshine and rainbows in San Francisco for Norton,

700
00:49:04,320 --> 00:49:07,719
however, Oh no, there's a
dark side. Well it is.

701
00:49:08,079 --> 00:49:12,679
It is San Francisco. I like, by the way that the Emperor of

702
00:49:12,679 --> 00:49:20,599
San Francisco then is of America America, but respect No. In eighteen sixty

703
00:49:20,639 --> 00:49:24,159
seven, Norton was arrested by a
local police officer, which was more of

704
00:49:24,199 --> 00:49:30,280
a private security guard at the time, rent a cop armand barbier. Of

705
00:49:30,320 --> 00:49:34,000
course he's foreign. Do you have
a foe? He sounds foreign for mental

706
00:49:34,039 --> 00:49:40,679
insanity with the intention about it.
That's subjective, that's mean. He's our

707
00:49:40,880 --> 00:49:45,159
lunatic. He's not a lunatic.
I feel like the city probably rose up

708
00:49:45,199 --> 00:49:49,239
and it did give him back.
They did. The city was outraged.

709
00:49:49,719 --> 00:49:54,960
Citizens went to the station in droves
to complain. Newspapers wrote scathing editorials about

710
00:49:54,960 --> 00:49:59,920
the department, and by the end
of the week, police Chief Patrick craw

711
00:50:00,199 --> 00:50:04,000
He ordered Norton to be released and
issued a public apology on behalf of the

712
00:50:04,039 --> 00:50:07,440
force. It was it in the
paper. I want a binder, I

713
00:50:07,440 --> 00:50:09,760
want like a book of everything he
ever wrote, and it ends and like

714
00:50:09,840 --> 00:50:13,360
with that in it too. Oh
man, I wonder if those are on

715
00:50:13,400 --> 00:50:15,840
newspaper dot com. They've got to
be his editorial. Just go through San

716
00:50:15,840 --> 00:50:20,679
Francisco papers in the eighteen sixties and
seventies. Yeah, can somebody do that?

717
00:50:20,840 --> 00:50:22,719
Yeah, you can do it newspapers
dot com. Baby, it's kind

718
00:50:22,719 --> 00:50:25,840
of expensive, you know when I
when I say somebody I want, can

719
00:50:25,880 --> 00:50:30,320
somebody else like compile do it for
us, do the work for us,

720
00:50:30,400 --> 00:50:32,719
and then send show the link,
send the link. We'll share it.

721
00:50:34,559 --> 00:50:39,840
Mm hmmm. After this, Norton
then issued an imperial pardon too Officer Barbier.

722
00:50:42,039 --> 00:50:45,920
Well that's kind of a bigger person, yes, yep. And from

723
00:50:46,000 --> 00:50:50,920
then on out he was saluted every
time he passed an officer on the streets.

724
00:50:52,159 --> 00:50:55,639
Wow, that's funny. I tick
back what I said about the police.

725
00:50:57,480 --> 00:51:01,760
They're not so bad. After in
eighteen seventy US census, like I

726
00:51:01,760 --> 00:51:07,840
said earlier, actually had Norton officially
listed with the profession Emperor. Norton also

727
00:51:07,920 --> 00:51:13,639
wrote many letters to Queen Victoria of
England, his peer, his contemporary.

728
00:51:13,719 --> 00:51:15,400
He loved her. Yeah, is
he a chubby chaser? She's a big

729
00:51:15,440 --> 00:51:20,679
woman. Well, he was offering
marriage after the death of her husband,

730
00:51:20,679 --> 00:51:24,880
Prince Albert, to strengthen the ties
between our two nations. Oh my god,

731
00:51:25,119 --> 00:51:30,199
even you know what I mean,
a super empire England and the United

732
00:51:30,239 --> 00:51:35,199
States that would have really been cool
rejoined. The queen never responded and died

733
00:51:35,239 --> 00:51:38,159
a lonely widow. Yeah, that's
you need to be. First off,

734
00:51:38,159 --> 00:51:42,400
the queen could have lived longer.
Needs the self awareness to know, like,

735
00:51:42,559 --> 00:51:45,199
yeah, your second second go round, you're not gonna get what you

736
00:51:45,239 --> 00:51:50,960
want necessarily. That's like Travis Kelsey, how he was like outwardly talking about

737
00:51:50,960 --> 00:51:53,719
how much he likes Taylor Swift.
Yeah, and he gave her his number

738
00:51:53,840 --> 00:51:59,440
on in the friendship bracelet and then
they ended up together like he manifested it

739
00:51:59,519 --> 00:52:02,119
like she did. She wasn't reading
the DMS, but then she looked,

740
00:52:02,159 --> 00:52:07,159
she considered it, She entertained the
idea, and it was like, actually,

741
00:52:07,599 --> 00:52:08,920
this might be good for America.
And you know what it is,

742
00:52:08,960 --> 00:52:13,800
the NFL is reaping the financial benefits. Can't go in if you don't shoot,

743
00:52:14,039 --> 00:52:19,960
yeah, shoot or shoot. Norton
did, however, have much correspondence

744
00:52:20,000 --> 00:52:24,760
with the King of Hawaii. Wait
what king, Oh, this is pretty

745
00:52:25,440 --> 00:52:29,280
before it's the state King of Hawaii. Before we got there, there was

746
00:52:29,280 --> 00:52:35,159
a kid fu Comho the fifth.
I can't say his name. Day.

747
00:52:35,800 --> 00:52:38,400
It's not an easy language. It's
not good. Sounded pretty good, actually,

748
00:52:38,840 --> 00:52:40,719
like it was pretty close. I
said it really slow. I'm sure

749
00:52:40,760 --> 00:52:47,639
you say it sounded it out very
fast. But the King of Hawaii ultimately

750
00:52:47,760 --> 00:52:52,639
refused to recognize anyone but Norton as
the sole leader of You know, I

751
00:52:52,719 --> 00:52:55,800
think that maybe why we invaded dol
Banana took that as ah. Do you

752
00:52:55,840 --> 00:53:00,079
think hates him? Do you think
Hawaii blames Norton? May it's not for

753
00:53:00,159 --> 00:53:06,000
the emperor. I think they recognized
Norton as the rifle leader and the problem

754
00:53:06,039 --> 00:53:08,000
that the fruit went around him.
The fruit companies show up and they're like,

755
00:53:08,159 --> 00:53:14,440
by decree of America's Emperor, Josh
Norton, you are not allowed here.

756
00:53:14,480 --> 00:53:16,199
And they were like, yeah,
I don't. Okay, well we're

757
00:53:16,199 --> 00:53:21,880
gonna kill all you. Now give
us your pineapples, fuck off. Pay

758
00:53:22,000 --> 00:53:29,920
nine dollars a gallon for gas.
When I was in Hawaii for uh make

759
00:53:29,960 --> 00:53:32,480
it worth its perfect, we were
on some rum safari. It was really

760
00:53:32,519 --> 00:53:36,559
cool. We're in Kawhi. We
had a rum plantation and we're doing like

761
00:53:36,599 --> 00:53:38,719
a whole like little thing through the
jungle, take different drinking, different ru

762
00:53:38,840 --> 00:53:43,360
rum drinks and all this shit,
and uh, you know, I you

763
00:53:43,400 --> 00:53:45,599
could tell his guys to answer this
question a million times, but he's a

764
00:53:45,639 --> 00:53:47,599
local, like running the rum tour, and people are like, so,

765
00:53:47,679 --> 00:53:50,519
what's it like to live here?
You know, like, I mean,

766
00:53:50,679 --> 00:53:52,960
you know, it's got to be
crazy. And he's like, yeah,

767
00:53:52,039 --> 00:53:57,039
you know, milk is six dollars
a gallon or whatever it is. And

768
00:53:57,559 --> 00:54:00,599
he's like, so that's crazy.
But you know, I get fresh tuna

769
00:54:00,559 --> 00:54:04,719
right off the coast for like,
you know, way less than a costs

770
00:54:04,760 --> 00:54:06,960
in you know, the mainland.
And I was like, I don't think

771
00:54:07,079 --> 00:54:10,360
that's a good trade off. I
don't think that the tuna. You just

772
00:54:10,440 --> 00:54:15,119
can't possibly eat enough tuna to make
up for milk and gas, milk and

773
00:54:15,239 --> 00:54:19,039
gas and everything else, the amount
of tuna. And by the way,

774
00:54:19,360 --> 00:54:22,000
you can't take boats really between islands. You have to fly at this point

775
00:54:22,159 --> 00:54:28,719
because they were just mrking too many
humpback whales, right, the ferries were

776
00:54:28,800 --> 00:54:32,599
just murking whales. Yeah, oh
no, just like speed bombs, like

777
00:54:34,119 --> 00:54:36,639
shaving off the top of the way
we hit it. The way we hit

778
00:54:36,920 --> 00:54:39,199
a deer with a car. Yeah, she's like, oh, there goes

779
00:54:39,239 --> 00:54:45,119
another street rat. Yeah, another
giant rat. But I love whales.

780
00:54:45,719 --> 00:54:47,679
But yeah, I was like,
well, good for you and your tuna,

781
00:54:47,880 --> 00:54:51,519
the one animal that got on land, and was like, nah,

782
00:54:52,440 --> 00:54:58,480
back to the ocean. Yeah.
Now, all great rains, unfortunately,

783
00:54:58,639 --> 00:55:00,400
have to come to an end.
It's true. Oh no, did you

784
00:55:00,440 --> 00:55:04,800
ever have a woman and she her
wife or a lady lover or man?

785
00:55:06,039 --> 00:55:10,559
Yeah, Queen Victoria, Oh an
unrequited love. Yes, he was chasing,

786
00:55:10,760 --> 00:55:15,039
but not like a partner. He
didn't have a he didn't have a

787
00:55:15,599 --> 00:55:20,960
you know, you don't think he
used his local celebrity to maybe. I

788
00:55:21,159 --> 00:55:27,199
definitely think before he was like hyper
homeless. He was waving newspaper calling people's

789
00:55:27,199 --> 00:55:30,239
faces. But I assume he had
been Mars talking a big game. Yeah,

790
00:55:30,760 --> 00:55:32,639
I bet he was a charmer.
Like I bet if you were,

791
00:55:32,719 --> 00:55:35,440
like, if he had just got
in a shower that day, and if

792
00:55:35,440 --> 00:55:39,599
he's in the bar sitting on he
could take her to a show, get

793
00:55:39,639 --> 00:55:44,320
him free and look, we can
get on the trolley for free. Yeah.

794
00:55:44,360 --> 00:55:45,880
When you're when you're on the arm
of a man who just like knows

795
00:55:45,920 --> 00:55:50,599
everyone and everyone knows him. It
is impressive, and you don't know why

796
00:55:50,719 --> 00:55:52,000
they know him. You just know
that, like everyone knows his name,

797
00:55:52,000 --> 00:55:55,119
he must be really rich and important. Turns out he wants to come back

798
00:55:55,159 --> 00:56:00,159
to your place, doesn't have one. He gives the establishment his own currency,

799
00:56:00,320 --> 00:56:04,440
and they take it. They take
it. Are they smile? My

800
00:56:04,679 --> 00:56:07,639
god? What more could you want
from them? I hope he I hope

801
00:56:07,639 --> 00:56:12,159
he had a couple, you know, I bet he did. I want

802
00:56:12,199 --> 00:56:14,800
that happiness for him, because he's
given me a lot of joy right now.

803
00:56:15,840 --> 00:56:17,320
So you swung back. You hated
this man at first? No,

804
00:56:17,440 --> 00:56:22,239
I did, But I'm on board. I'm fully on board. So January

805
00:56:22,320 --> 00:56:27,920
eighth, eighteen eighty, Norton collapses
on the street across from Old Saint Mary

806
00:56:27,960 --> 00:56:34,119
Cathedral. By God, Norton died
before a carriage could arrive to treat him.

807
00:56:34,639 --> 00:56:40,000
Carriage and the following morning, the
San Francisco Morning Call printed his obituary

808
00:56:40,440 --> 00:56:46,639
that red upon the reac impavement in
the darkness of a moonless night until the

809
00:56:46,760 --> 00:56:52,320
drip and rain. Norton, the
first, by grace of God, Emperor

810
00:56:52,320 --> 00:56:57,400
of the United States and Protector of
Mexico, departed the day he renounced that

811
00:56:57,559 --> 00:57:00,039
title. Yeah, he didn't keep
it. Get a fact checker. San

812
00:57:00,039 --> 00:57:07,199
Francisco Chronicle Observer page. Whatever the
fuck this fucking editorial rag is called what

813
00:57:07,320 --> 00:57:14,199
a beautiful obituary? Though the San
Francisco Chronicle led its article on his funeral

814
00:57:14,280 --> 00:57:19,760
with the king is dead, Oh
my God, and everyone's like, Queen

815
00:57:19,840 --> 00:57:25,039
Victoria's still alive. She owns America. Now it's hers hers. She got

816
00:57:25,079 --> 00:57:30,480
it in the in his will.
Yeah, Norton died in complete poverty.

817
00:57:31,440 --> 00:57:37,360
Disagree? Five dollars in small change
was found on him. Five five Norton

818
00:57:37,400 --> 00:57:39,800
dollars or five regular Yeah, that's
a good question. A little bit of

819
00:57:39,800 --> 00:57:44,880
calm mad, a little bit of
calm bee. He's supposed to have been.

820
00:57:44,920 --> 00:57:49,199
Have he tasted in one of these
small boarding rooms that he would occasionally

821
00:57:49,320 --> 00:57:53,079
rant. It was discovered he had
a collection of walking sticks, a battered

822
00:57:53,119 --> 00:57:59,119
saber, a variety of hats,
a handful of Norton bonds, And I

823
00:57:59,239 --> 00:58:01,639
like, did he get a bo
he is? He issued Norton cash and

824
00:58:01,920 --> 00:58:07,679
Norton Yeah, I like him.
He's entrepreneurial. Fake telegrams from the Tsar

825
00:58:07,760 --> 00:58:13,079
of Russia congratulating him on the marriage
to Queen Victoria. Oh, he was

826
00:58:13,440 --> 00:58:19,159
manifesting hard. They also found ninety
eight shares in a defunct gold mine.

827
00:58:20,119 --> 00:58:24,800
That's the most real thing. Yeah, he ever owned. But I would

828
00:58:24,840 --> 00:58:31,480
say he didn't die destitute or in
complete poverty. A man's true wealth is

829
00:58:31,559 --> 00:58:35,639
his friends. Well, you die
twice. The first time is when your

830
00:58:35,639 --> 00:58:37,000
heart stops, and the second time
is when no one says your name.

831
00:58:37,440 --> 00:58:39,599
And we're continuing to say his name
right now, live, right now.

832
00:58:39,800 --> 00:58:46,199
And in fact, citizens paid for
his funeral, and over ten thousand people

833
00:58:46,280 --> 00:58:50,719
showed up to say they're goodbyes.
I feel like the pope has less people

834
00:58:50,800 --> 00:58:53,800
show up to his funeral. I
don't think that's accurate. I think it's

835
00:58:53,960 --> 00:58:59,840
arrivals to the pope. I will
check, and I'll do the least popular

836
00:59:00,000 --> 00:59:01,840
pope, which is Pope Benedict.
Yeah, you gotta do it by population

837
00:59:01,920 --> 00:59:05,280
though, right, So, how
many people were in San Francisco at this

838
00:59:05,440 --> 00:59:07,360
time? Okay, we're doing right. Stats? Probably not right. Let's

839
00:59:07,400 --> 00:59:12,480
just look at numbers. Yeah,
right, But anyway, ten thousand people

840
00:59:12,480 --> 00:59:15,880
showed up said the goodbye, and
he's still an iconic figure to this day

841
00:59:15,920 --> 00:59:16,880
in the city of San Francisco.
Does he have a statue. Is that

842
00:59:16,920 --> 00:59:22,400
what Norton software is named after?
No anti virus. Yeah, they're like,

843
00:59:22,840 --> 00:59:25,920
it's all a scam. We're making
this up. That's why they called

844
00:59:25,920 --> 00:59:32,320
it Norton. They just idolize him. Fifty thousand people were at Pope Benedict's.

845
00:59:32,400 --> 00:59:37,480
Okay, but if we did do
ratios, if we did ratios,

846
00:59:37,719 --> 00:59:42,159
well there are a billion, like
two billion Catholics. So he kills it

847
00:59:42,280 --> 00:59:45,360
in the ratio. Oh yea yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.

848
00:59:45,400 --> 00:59:49,719
San Francisco only had in the eighteen
eighties two hundred and thirty three thousand people.

849
00:59:49,760 --> 00:59:52,400
Okay, he's doing better. Five
percent of San Francisco showed up to

850
00:59:52,679 --> 00:59:55,920
wear Hobo's fucking funeral. It's probably
not right. That math. That math

851
00:59:57,000 --> 01:00:00,559
is definitely not right. I wasn't
gonna question it. It feels we don't

852
01:00:00,559 --> 01:00:04,199
do math here. Yeah, I
wasn't in softcore math. And that,

853
01:00:04,920 --> 01:00:09,639
my friends, is the story of
Emperor Norton. Okay, long may he

854
01:00:09,760 --> 01:00:14,840
reign eighteen When did he die in
eighteen eighty? It was a good life.

855
01:00:15,639 --> 01:00:17,920
It's a good long time back then. Sixty two not bad for a

856
01:00:19,000 --> 01:00:23,000
hobo, not bad for a hobo
on the streets and twenty years on the

857
01:00:23,039 --> 01:00:28,320
streets for sure, twenty year rain. It was a great reign, mostly

858
01:00:28,360 --> 01:00:34,199
peaceful rain, mostly peaceful, the
small wars. It wasn't ruler. Also,

859
01:00:34,320 --> 01:00:37,360
every good ruler gets imprisoned against their
will. True, and he was

860
01:00:37,440 --> 01:00:42,320
like the Mandela he has. What
I'm saying is he is of San Francisco.

861
01:00:42,400 --> 01:00:45,360
They they were going to the streets
for him. They wanted him out,

862
01:00:45,960 --> 01:00:51,119
and they got him out. The
Norton effect, you just the Norton

863
01:00:51,159 --> 01:00:55,320
effect is you just manifest and just
kind of scam your way into rooms you

864
01:00:55,360 --> 01:01:00,079
don't belong in. I Also another
thing that's very modern American about this man

865
01:01:00,199 --> 01:01:05,039
is that he was super famous but
never made a dime off it. The

866
01:01:05,119 --> 01:01:08,159
amount of like for every like you
know, every TikTok star, it's that

867
01:01:08,320 --> 01:01:13,599
is every TikTok star, right,
like for every whatever. Like obviously Tom

868
01:01:13,639 --> 01:01:15,360
Hanks is an old actor, but
even like Sidney Sweeney just bought a fourteen

869
01:01:15,400 --> 01:01:20,000
million dollar house, right for every
like super rich celebrity you know about there's

870
01:01:20,039 --> 01:01:23,400
a hundred other people that are hell
of famous that have nothing. Yeah,

871
01:01:23,440 --> 01:01:28,920
do you think they have a lot? They maybe even get all the actors

872
01:01:28,960 --> 01:01:31,119
that all the Hollywood actors that live
in Austin. Yeah, I mean,

873
01:01:31,199 --> 01:01:35,599
what's Chewbacca mom up to? Yeah? Right, she has zero dollars to

874
01:01:35,679 --> 01:01:44,679
her name, guaranteed. Would you
guys learn today? I learned to withhold

875
01:01:44,760 --> 01:01:47,400
my judgment until I hear the whole
story. That's a good it's a good

876
01:01:47,480 --> 01:01:51,840
lesson, and I think we should
all kind of take from this story.

877
01:01:52,800 --> 01:01:59,679
I learned that I don't know.
I just learned that America has a true

878
01:01:59,760 --> 01:02:04,840
rule and we need to find his
He had to have sired a bastard at

879
01:02:04,880 --> 01:02:07,760
some point. We need to find
the Norton line and get them back in

880
01:02:07,840 --> 01:02:10,480
power. See if they continued give
him back, put them back on the

881
01:02:10,519 --> 01:02:15,679
throne. Yes. Also, I
learned that in twenty thirty, I'm going

882
01:02:15,760 --> 01:02:19,159
to come up with the best possible
job title for myself and put that on

883
01:02:19,199 --> 01:02:25,519
the census self reported. Yes,
who's Hitler? Today's Hitler's queen Victoria and

884
01:02:27,119 --> 01:02:34,239
the cop that arrested him for Yeah, but he pardoned him. That I'm

885
01:02:34,280 --> 01:02:37,719
saying Norton pardoned the cop, So
he's the bigger man. I am not.

886
01:02:38,039 --> 01:02:42,440
I'm not pardoning him. I hold, he's asking you as a bigger

887
01:02:42,480 --> 01:02:45,800
guy one of his you know,
followers, followers, citizens, believers,

888
01:02:45,880 --> 01:02:51,679
subjects. He wants you to forgive
this cop. That's fair if that's what

889
01:02:51,800 --> 01:02:54,119
Norton wants, if that's what he
wants. But Queen Victoria, I won't

890
01:02:54,159 --> 01:02:57,880
forgive. Never got back to him. Why did you leave that man on

891
01:02:58,000 --> 01:03:02,199
red? Absolutely ghosted? Pathetic.
That's why he died alone. That's what

892
01:03:02,320 --> 01:03:07,519
she died. She died alone,
fat and alone. She was circumference was

893
01:03:07,559 --> 01:03:09,760
the same as her height, more
or less. She was a virgin who

894
01:03:09,760 --> 01:03:14,239
couldn't drive, virgin who could.
He was willing to take one for the

895
01:03:14,320 --> 01:03:17,360
team, for the love he so
much from a distance. Yeah, he

896
01:03:17,480 --> 01:03:22,519
just saw one. He's not a
pretty woman. Homies with the King of

897
01:03:22,599 --> 01:03:30,199
Hawaii. I do like that the
King of Hawaii made a really not advisable

898
01:03:30,239 --> 01:03:35,039
alliance, kind of unfortunate. He
never made like probably there's a lot of

899
01:03:35,320 --> 01:03:42,199
unadvisable choices made for a visit.
Yeah, I just think may look,

900
01:03:42,360 --> 01:03:45,679
I don't know it sound racist or
anything here, but I have to imagine

901
01:03:46,360 --> 01:03:51,400
that the King of Hawaii didn't know
what a po box was, and it's

902
01:03:51,480 --> 01:03:54,519
just a red flag. If the
leader of a country you're mailing, you

903
01:03:54,599 --> 01:03:58,239
have to send it to a po
box. Honestly, it's a red flag

904
01:03:58,360 --> 01:04:01,719
if the address ends in any thing
other than a zero, like if it's

905
01:04:01,760 --> 01:04:05,400
not like a perfect address. Oh
you know, like sixteen hundred. Yeah,

906
01:04:05,519 --> 01:04:08,840
you know, like ten. You
need a whole block, you need

907
01:04:08,880 --> 01:04:11,719
a whole block like. It needs
to be like a perfect round number,

908
01:04:12,400 --> 01:04:15,639
clean number. Yeah. If it
ends it's or or it's fine if it's

909
01:04:15,679 --> 01:04:18,800
a double digit number, if it's
like ninety eight. Oh what is a

910
01:04:19,519 --> 01:04:24,760
like twelve? What is the Where
does the UK Prime Minister live? It's

911
01:04:24,800 --> 01:04:29,320
somewhere Downing Street ten nine ten,
Downing Street nine, Downing Streets only there

912
01:04:29,400 --> 01:04:31,760
it's ten. You're probably right,
yeah, why would it be nine?

913
01:04:31,960 --> 01:04:35,599
I don't fucking know. Ten's just
like a good number. It's always a

914
01:04:35,639 --> 01:04:39,639
good it is ten down. It's
always a good zero number. It's always

915
01:04:39,679 --> 01:04:45,039
a number that is zero. That's
wealth that yes, or a two number

916
01:04:45,119 --> 01:04:50,599
address, A two number address is
wealth ten ten. Well, that's our

917
01:04:50,599 --> 01:04:55,440
show for today, ladies and gentlemen, thanks for tuning in. Like we

918
01:04:55,480 --> 01:04:58,440
said off the top of the show, got a Patreon, Patreon, dot

919
01:04:58,519 --> 01:05:02,920
com, slash soft or history.
You get two additional episodes every week Wednesday,

920
01:05:02,920 --> 01:05:08,159
and Friday and then uh, software
history dot com. We got merch

921
01:05:09,039 --> 01:05:11,639
that you can buy. I'm gonna
try to get some new designs up there

922
01:05:11,639 --> 01:05:16,559
in the next month, so stay
tuned. And then YouTube software History on

923
01:05:16,599 --> 01:05:19,800
YouTube. Make sure to subscribe on
for the dogs. Just search it.

924
01:05:19,880 --> 01:05:24,280
Yah, dog do you really?
I do? And I'm a patron.

925
01:05:24,400 --> 01:05:26,880
Get those views? Okay, you
knew I'm a patron. I did know

926
01:05:26,920 --> 01:05:30,039
that. Yeah, yeah, we
appreciate are we not just supplying the people

927
01:05:30,119 --> 01:05:38,519
with endless content? The whole back
catalog is literally evergreen, So like Evergreen.

928
01:05:38,559 --> 01:05:41,760
I'm a patron and I'm in the
discord and I saw that not many

929
01:05:41,800 --> 01:05:45,719
people liked my little chit chat a
couple of weeks ago, so sorry about

930
01:05:45,760 --> 01:05:48,280
that. Wait what No, they
just didn't I like, how to mute

931
01:05:48,320 --> 01:05:50,800
the discord notifications. I was like, this is hurting my field. Oh.

932
01:05:50,880 --> 01:05:55,719
The producer she was just like,
I was like, oh, the

933
01:05:55,800 --> 01:05:57,960
Patreon. I was like, it's
a lot more relaxed. No, it's

934
01:05:58,000 --> 01:06:01,159
not, it's that it should be
less relaxed. No. No, they

935
01:06:01,199 --> 01:06:06,159
were just caught off guard because you
were talking about what who is is that

936
01:06:06,280 --> 01:06:10,960
the voice of God? It's okay, but yeah, I didn't read it.

937
01:06:11,039 --> 01:06:12,960
I saw that it wasn't nice and
I didn't read it. We have

938
01:06:13,039 --> 01:06:18,239
game shows. We have an episode
last week in the defense of Benedict Arnold.

939
01:06:18,639 --> 01:06:23,679
He did and I agreed with Benedict. Kind of shocker. I'm a

940
01:06:23,719 --> 01:06:29,280
boot licker, Yeah, lickor make
sure to leave a review on Apple write

941
01:06:29,320 --> 01:06:32,039
it out five stars please and thank
you, and then Spotify just five stars

942
01:06:32,039 --> 01:06:34,199
if you can. You don't have
to write anything. Yep, that'd be

943
01:06:34,320 --> 01:06:38,679
greatly appreciated. Views help us go
up the charts. And honestly, the

944
01:06:38,719 --> 01:06:41,599
best way to grow the podcast is
to just tell your friends, tell your

945
01:06:41,639 --> 01:06:45,480
friends word of mouth, check them
your favorite episode, send the link to

946
01:06:45,519 --> 01:06:48,239
an episode. Don't just say listen
to this podcast, send hey, I

947
01:06:48,960 --> 01:06:53,480
think you'd like this episode. That
is the way to do it, certainly,

948
01:06:54,159 --> 01:06:58,000
because you know we're not always on
every week. Gabby working people find

949
01:06:58,039 --> 01:07:02,599
you follow me on Instagram at gab
Monte and if you're in Austin, come

950
01:07:02,639 --> 01:07:08,039
to our stand up shows. Yeah
you'll see it. Yeah, you see

951
01:07:08,039 --> 01:07:11,039
it on the Instagram. You'll see
it. Yeah. Well, thanks for

952
01:07:11,159 --> 01:07:15,039
thanks joining us this week. For
Gabby and Rob, I'm damn regester and

953
01:07:15,119 --> 01:07:16,119
you just guess all served
