Hey, it's the second Street bridge open. Yeah, okay, good,
I'm gonna go jump off of it. I don't know, I'd go with
the Kennedy's taller. I'll get you another song here. You're lucky you live?
No, I know, ah some lover boy. It's gonna be the
theme of our list. Rediturs were asked, what is something you are embarrassed
to admit? Arouses you? Alright? Look at the toes on that one,
Rex Ryan. Here are the responses. I once had some form of
exema on my hands, and when I washed them with very hot water,
the feeling was identical to an orgasm. Are you serious? Hang? Note
to self get ema. It is proof to me that the centers of pleasure
and pain in the brain are extremely close. Look different different strokes for different
folks, right, but I've never gotten like the uh because you're not going
to get a date with all that XM all over. I should be called
weirdos. Explain what turns them on? No, but you know and listen,
God bless you. If this turns on it just does not me.
But what they did the deal where Hey, I'm gonna light this candle and
drop hot wax on you I've got nobodys are even try that bad. That's
bad. Just one little drop each time. Oh my gosh, on your
nipples. I don't get the warm You don't like that? Yeah me neither,
Yeah me neither. I don't know. I've never tried it, but
there's a lot of things I've never tried. When I get a haircut,
well, there's not too many things I haven't very You're right. When I
get a haircut and the barber runs the raisor over the back of my neck.
Uh no, Now that that does not turn me on. That kind
of freaks me out a little bit. I will say that sometimes if I
get a lady barber, stop talking. I know what you're gonna say.
They're saying the way that yes, we we know, yes, thank you.
What if Stephen Wright say he said, I my dental hygienist is really
pretty before I go in and eat a box of oreos. It's true.
Watching donuts get made, I discovered somebody on. I discovered this while at
Krispy Kreme late at night with the hot sign on. It's a turn on
to watch the machine squirt out the liquid hoop doo into the oil. Then
they get scooped up, and this would be something else. This is stuff
that has nothing to do with sex, but somehow it turns you on.
Oh contraer bonjour, making donuts turns Have you ever made love to a hot
Krispy Kreme? All right, what's the next one? Sitting naked in my
backyard I do that. It doesn't turn me on. But I have a
gazebo on my patio with private curtains, and we'll have my morning coffee out
there in the buff. Well, why are you messing with the curtains.
I just walk around. I would be naked out. I think being naked
out doors is a turn on. It doesn't turn me on about it.
I just like it, especially like our so the couple of hotel when we
get out, because we go nude. But if you're wearing shorts, you
know, like a swim trucks when you get out and it's a little bit
cool, they're sticking to you. Oh yeah, you don't get that when
you're naked. We acully can't do it much in ours because we have a
school in our backyard. How did Vanetti get over on the Fender List with
one hundred yards within one hundred yards would Okay, don't judge, but a
S M R. Gardening videos get me. It's my guilty pleasure. We
had to look that up. Let me look it up. I already did.
What is autonomous sensory meridian response that makes total sense? Clears that up,
doesn't I think you do that right at the point of the path of
totality in the middle, in the middle of the day. Turns me on.
Okay, guys, huge noses on men, and if they have that
bump where it was broken, why I'm weak in the knees. Why is
that? Okay, stop, stop, you need a position. It's two
for one, alrighty guy with a big nose like Pinocchio, Lie, Lie,
Lie. I think I like girls with the larger nodes with that little
bump there, I like it. I think it's I think it's hot.
I don't know. I like a big I don't like big nose. Some
perfect big nostrils. Yeah. The big nose hose always get me though,
because I always like, if I have a conversation, I always start going
to look as straight at their nose hose. I don't know where else to
go, you know, don't bother me. Bother me? Why would it
bother you, Uncle Milty? But Adams, I mean the rest of us
would like tiny hands just for the optical illusion. But what do you care?
I like dainty and nose hose, Bobby and big nose hose. I
don't really know what you're talking about, like this, this big I'm saying,
I don't know any girls like that. The hair on my arms.
I want to make love to your nose touching another not too bad looking guy's
arm hair when we sit close to each other, you could probably touch my
arm hair two feet away. Yeah, don't shushave these down. Yeah,
Robin Williams, you might want to take care of that. Are you serious?
Is it that bad? Yeah? Did you find Robin Williams attractive when
he was shirtless? And that's you? No? But I wouldn't find Tony
Dan's attractive shirtless either, he was he was hairless. What do I care?
I'm just saying that's the difference Tony Danza or Robbin Williams. Most people
are picking Tony you know, if you don't say hold me close or Robin
Williams, thank you, Dave? What about girls with dark arm hair?
No? I like it? No, I like it, not a chance.
Like we watch Survivor. Well, if you have dark arm hair,
yeah, older than seven years old and eight years old, and you've got
issues. We talking about I don't know some hot girls with dark arm hair.
No, I don't. I know your old women with arm hair.
Are you serious? Yes, you shave it, or you you don't have
it at all, or they're blonde and it's very fine. Why are you
laughing? I don't know one. I know't know. One upsets me for
something, so he upsets you. So we talked about this. Why I
love it. I love the delicate dark hair on a girl's hot so whoa,
it's no secret. We watch Survivor, we watch old reruns out of
everything, and after about thirty days the women start getting arm hair. You
get there, No, I can't do it kind of turns me on.
Oh it's gross. It does rend its weird turn ons. This is a
Christmas time thing. I guess when you're cutting gift wrapping paper and the scissors
start to glide, I hate that. Got heck, I hate wrapping paper,
wrapping presents and it shows. I guess the sound just hits up,
like like maybe a vibration or something. I don't know that it's a cool
move. I could never do that. I'm the I start to do it,
then it bunches up and but like Susan will wrapping president back to the
armpit hair. Yeah, that's like my hall pass or or the hottest girl
in the world if she raised her arm and had the full bush right there
in her armpit. I'm out, what's your hall passes name? Kitty?
What's his name? You know you're telling me the hottest girl in the world
comes up to you. She's got some stubble there. You stubble because I
can, uh, I can get over this stubble. I guess see.
I wanted to feel like full arm guy long. I want Susan. Susan
won't do it for me. I want her to look like she's got don
King and the head's class. Why she's glassy, she's got buck We get
a headline. How the hell are you married to her? Look? At
ty? Would she settle if you take? I don't know why. She
must not be right in the head. I love when my husband works on
our car and successfully fixes something. He turns his cap on backwards and comes
in and it smells like sweats, if I if I if I'm out of
the yard with a shovel digging a hole, or I'm I'm I'm putting some
I'm building some wood. Yeah, oh yeah. Then she she gets a
little She's like, oh, the manual labor. It's the same thing at
my house, when Susan goes out and changes my oil. Yeah, when
she comes back in, I just want her to take me, Jackie,
take me now, like I'll be positioned on the couch like this position.
Take me right now. Okay, thank you. We have a window.
You know people will see you. Jackie says, come on in ar mind.
I mean tony men in vests. I don't know why, but vests
make me horny as heck vests. I remember there was a point in the
early nineties where dudes that were in shape that went to the Chymlot would go
shirtless but with a vest to the club like a like a dress vest.
Like a dress vest would be their shirt, and it was just like,
what are you doing, dude, juice alert, come on man, Garlic
creutons. I had a bag of them sitting next to my bed for some
snacking when I was going through puberty. Now the smell of them is associated
with arousal. You never know garlic creutons. I'll probably bump into that guy
at the eclipse of first who gets garlic croutons. What's wrong with garlic?
Yeah, I know, I'm not sure about that. I get my creutons
for lots of Pasta. Oh, lots of Pasta has other homemade croutons,
and they do some ranch creutons. These things are unbelievable, Quentin said.
When they're making them back, they're kind of snacking as they're mak and because
they are that good. Lots of pastas the salad dressings, you need the
croutons everything you. Becky went yesterday got me a pound of the bores head
chicken breash against nice cheesy potato soup for herself. They had a slice braschutto
too, Yes, all the fixens too to make our homemade pizzas. We
do that all the time. Each slice of the brashutto is on the wax
paper as a single stripe, so it takes about ten minutes. So if
you got your shopping order the brashutto first right, because they thinly slice it
and put each slice on the paper by itself. It's so good that reminds
me I haven't done the brisket pastrami for a while. I ring for you
guys. Oh I loved it. You'd feed us like baby birds exactly.
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this on news Radio eight forty whs all right back on news Radio eight forty
whas The Tony and Dwight Show with Dave Jennings, brought you by the Kentucky
Office of Highway Safety. Sometimes when technology gets better, it gets worse.
Yeah, like let's say a telephone. Yeah yeah, I want to think
we got it this time. I want to bring right now one of my
favorite comedians also actor director, I mean composer, composer. Hey, Paul
riis Er, how you doing man? Oh? Nice to be here.
I'm well, how you guys. Hey, we're doing great. Listen,
brother, Sorry about last Thursday of Migo. We had some problems. But
I want to tell everybody the catch Cat's Paul Riser right up the street at
Troy, Ohio Saturday, April thirteenth. It's a hell of a show.
Don't miss it, and it's on a Saturday, by the way. But
let's talk about your acting career, because I find it fascinating that the story
I get on you is that your big break in acting was actually an accident
because you walk in the wrong office. Is that a true story? You
know what? I wish I could have made that up, but that's the
actual truth. Wow. I was walked in. This was nineteen eighty one
and I was with a friend and I he was auditioning for something and I
just was waiting next door, and then the casting director said you're next.
I'ment. No, I'm just waiting for my buddy. They said, well,
come on in, and next thing I know, I'm in the movie
diner. So go figure don't. But I always tell people, don't don't
use this as a career plan. It's not something that's gonna work again.
It doesn't happen too often. Diner's pretty good man. That's a pretty good
start. Well, you know that sort of opened the door for everything.
Because of that, I was at Beverly Hills cop because of that became you
know, one thing led to another. So I walked in the right door
on the right day. As it turns out, you have a unique delivery.
And I think you know, when you hear your voice, you know
it's Paul Riiser, like it's and not all actors have that, And you
know, I don't know. I think probably were people doubting that you could
translate in Aliens because I know you were comedian and then all of a sudden,
and you know what, play the bad guy in this huge sci fi
movie. Well, first of all, let me say you say bad guy,
I say misunderstood. Wait a minute, one second, Paul Riser,
because when I promoted you were gonna be on the show. You don't know,
you had so much hate about Aliens social media were David and I are
huge fans of Alien It's a cold classic. So you know, there's a
comic book that came coming out called the What If Aliens? What If Aliens?
And it's a Marvel Comic book first issue came out, uh this this
week, and then there'll be five more. And it's basically, what if
Burke my character lived, and and I'm not kidding. And in this book,
which I'm involved with, we get to clarify what I've been saying for
thirty five years, which is, you know, maybe you don't know all
the facts, and maybe it was just an unfortunate workplace accident. Just like
Johnny from a Karate Kid, he was actually the good guy, right,
not the bad exactly exactly. If you wait thirty years, you can correct
everything. I just I see that that scene where you're sitting in the chair
after the fight in the med center and you're the You're sweating on your lip
and you're like, this is nuts, and they're explaining how you're going to
plan on sabotaging the freezers and all that stuff. It was just a great
It's a great movie. But you stepped out. I look at me.
I'm nerding out here. I'm nerding out for you. So you know what's
so? Buddy? You said, you know, did a lot of people
have doubts that you could do it? I was the first guy on that
list to go. Are you sure you want me? Why don't make any
sense? One of my favorite movies, that's kind of a cute little movie.
It was Bye Bye I Love. You're a divorced dad, Randy Quaid,
Matthew Modin. I remember the scene with your daughter. She's been riding
you for the entire movie. You finally blow up. There. Anything you
remember from Bye Bye Love? Uh? You know, you know what I
remember? Okay, it's not my favorite, No, I remember, I'll
tell you what I remember. But about we were shooting one night and it
was during the OJ thing, and it must have been a night, so
I guess that was like the night of the Bronco Chase. I remember we
kept like, we kept like trying to finish this scene quick so we could
run back to the team. So I watched that movie. I go,
yeah, I think that was the night of the Bronco That's what I seem
to remember. But you know, yes, go ahead, go ahead.
Yeah. So you know, so I've been in the last couple of years.
I've gotten to do all these wonderful fun things that I never expect,
stranger things and the boys and people say, well, that must be fun.
I go, yeah, But you know, what's really fun for me
is getting back and doing stand up because that's what I started. When I
started, that's all I meant to be. I was hoping to be a
stand up comedian, get on the Tonight Show. I didn't picture of all
this other stuff, and so as a result, I took a a whole
bunch of years off doing stuff. And it's only recently that we've gotten back
on the road. And it's truly. People don't believe me when I say
that's the part that's the most fun, getting in front of a live audience,
making people laugh, you know. And so I'm looking forwards. A
month from today, I'm going to be writing your neighborhood then, well,
yeah, and that's why I wanted to bring up Paul Riser's our guest see
him live in Troy, Ohio. Saturday thirteenth is right up the road.
It's gonna be a hell of a show, and it's a Saturday night,
by the way. But I got to ask you a comics I always they
play smaller rooms to work out material. Is it difficult for you to do
that and for it to be genuine, because you know, not to be
kissing your ass but you're Paul Riser and some people are going to laugh no
matter what. Is it tough to gauge audience, you know, you know,
let me let me correct you on a couple of things. Friend,
Okay, okay, So first of all, feel free to kiss away.
I'm not gonna stop you. But there's not a lot of idolatry like my
house. You know, people say to my wife, is he always funnies
you? No, no, he's not. But you know, but you
know, it's funny. When I a couple of years ago, when I
had not been doing stand up for years, I went back to the club
we all do, we go to the club, Comedy club, and I
went on stage and so now, okay, so they knew me and it
will go and there was a nice applause. There's this guy that lasts about
five seconds and then they're looking at you like, well, what what did
you want to tell us? Oh? Wow, that's fantastic. That's that's
the part that I didn't work out yet. That's what I mean. It's
it's tough being a stand up comic because it's just you and the mind that's
it. And you know, there's nobody who passed the buck to that's true.
You can't say who wrote this crap? Yeah, and look man,
yeah go ahead, yeah, yeah, let's get to it is true,
though, I will say when the audiences come in now, you know,
if they're coming and I bought a ticket, they know me. We've grown
up together, so it kind of has this feeling for me and them.
It's like getting together with old friends. It's really been. It's really been
great getting back and doing live shows. All right, let's let's talk about
old friends now with Helen Hunt and of course mad about you. And I
was telling Dave off the air when when we didn't work out last week.
I was like, you know, he had the number one show on television
when people watched television and when when if you had the number one show,
it was like a thirty share. It was crazy, did one hundred and
seventy four episodes. It's right, so you got but you're looking at thirty
shares and now the number one show on TV has like got a three point
four uh so but you yeah, yeah, I mean, but you owned
it for a while. You got to that's definitely a feather in your hat
to say, look, I was we were number one when uh, when
people watch TV and uh, and you I understand that you stayed friends with
Helen Hunt. Yeah, yeah, we you know, we it's we worked
together for seven years on a show and then we did a little reboot of
a couple of years ago. You know, it's it's really great when you
get along with it and we we hit it off. We had a great
time and I'm very proud of that show. And uh, but it's funny.
The world has changed. I remember a few you know now I already
knows streaming and every platform. At a couple of years ago, I said
to my son, who was a teenager at the time, I said,
I have a big meeting to me. He said with who? I said,
ABC? He said, what is that? That sounds like my kids
never heard of it, never heard of never heard of this. I said,
yeah, like you as you said, not watching TV. But yeah,
it's definitely a different landscape in a different world. But that's one of
the things I love about to stand up is that that has not changed.
There's nothing you know people, it's it's it's the same as it's been for
years and years. It's you standing up telling people things that you find funny.
You make them laugh and then you go home. It's pretty uncomplicated.
And if you ask me, Paul Reiser, you were in the golden age
of stand up because so many greats in the era when you came up and
and doing all your I wonder if we'll ever get back to that caliber of
comedy, because I mean, you couldn't swing a dead cat without hitting an
a list of comic you know. You know, well, it's funny.
A lot of a lot of the guys that we all started together ended up
having shows, you know, Ray Romano and Seinfeld and now Rosande. You
know, there was it was a period and there's there's plenty of funny people
still out there, for sure, it's just harder to you know, in
a way, it's I say, it's harder to get noticed because there's so
many, but it's also easier you could. You know, there are people
with a you know, being hits on the YouTube thing that I never heard
of, but they got to million people watching it. Oh no, there's
a lot of huge stars there. Yeah, they're huge. Charge We're just
we're old, so we're not going to know it. My eighteen and twenty
year old are like, Dad, this person's huge. He's got sixty million
followers are like, who the hell are you talking about? So we will
be we won't even know it. You know what killed me? Somebody told
me. I've had a couple of friends tell me that they're teenagers. When
they heard I was doing, you know, come to town doing a stand
up show, they were confused. They went, wait, the doctor from
strangers, Come on, come on, what's the inspiration for your stand up?
Is it? Family? Is that your life? Do you delve into
politics? No, there's no Here's what truth. I tell people, I'm
not smart enough to make anything up. I'll just tell you. I'll tell
you what happened to me. I'll tell you what's going on in my house.
And people are laughing because they're going that sounds like my house. So
I was like, we're all going through the same stuff and we just get
to have a laugh about it together, which is it's good for them,
it's good for me. Frankly. Our guests appearing in Troy, Ohio or
right up the street here, Saturday, April thirteenth. Hey, Paul,
listen, from what I understand, you got into writing because it was easier
for you to pitch a concept by writing they're just straight up talking about it.
Is there truth to that at all? Yeah? You know, you
know when you tell somebody something something really funny happens, and then you tell
it to somebody. Yeah, and then you're staring at you and you go,
well, you had to be there. It's not funny when you say
so. I remember, I had, you know, ideas for shows,
and it's like, I can't explain it, but let me. Let me
just write it and then read it and they go, you know, although
you know mad about you, that pitch was pretty simple, and we go.
We went to the networks. We said, here's the idea for a
show. So you know, when you're married and you go to a party
and you're having fun and you're all talking to you and your wife and you're
mingling and you're laughing. Then you say good night, you get in the
car. The minute the car door closes, that's the show, because the
car rice when the other person goes why would you say that, I know
they were divorced. Yes, I told you. You never told me,
and everybody got it. I said, okay, I think we have a
show here. When did you know you could turn the smart assery into a
paycheck smart as Yeah, well you know what, like you said, when
people laugh when people see themselves and you you know, when we heard all
the time I'm mad about you, we would hear, oh man, it
sounds like you must have cameras in my house. That sounds like my house,
right, and we would look at each other and go, all right,
we're doing something good. And it was always the smallest things, you
know, we would have, you know, the little moments in a family
and relationship. That's what people recognize. The go oh I never George Colin
used to call it, ooh yeah comedy, like everybody goes through it,
but when you say it, they go, oh yeah, yeah, yeah,
that happened to me. I always love that phase it, oh yeah
comedy. Well, when you were still a yeah, when you were started
out, who who was the comic that you were like, I'm never going
to be as good as that guy? Oh you know, it was always
George Colin and Richard Pryor and uh you know still you watch those great oh
yeah Colin did eighteen specials or something. It's like, well, that's you
know, Robert Klein was the big, big influence and uh, you know.
The great thing I'm mad about you is we got to have as guest
stars. We had a lot of guys that were our idols. We had
mel Brooks and uh, Carl Reiner, Sid Caesar and Carol Burnett, you
know, the legends, and we got to work with him, which was
always icing on the cake forr Us. I've got a perfect pitch for you
to kind of wrap we apologize. Okay, you and Greg Evigan, your
divorced dads. Sigourney Weaver is both of your exes. She she loves you
both, but you hated the vagabond lifestyles and together you're raising an orangutank I,
miss, I don't see how that can miss baby. Yeah, let
me let me know. I'm gonna jump off the phone. I'm gonna call
ABC. What is that all right? I'll see you on the thirteenth in
Troy. Yeah, thanks man. We appreciate you for the Tome Ohio.
See you man, man, Troy, Ohio. Just up the road.
Thank you, Troy, Thank you. Paul. Know what you could do
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Thank you.