The opinions expressed by Chayo Busquets are supported by his extensive experience as a family
therapist and in the previous analysis of the cases presented here welcome. This is
Chayo with you in jewel We start very good afternoon to everyone how I am
Chayo Busquets, This is Chayo with you and notice that I will start with
one with an email. As you all know, we had the marijuana show
on Monday and I got two comments. Interestingly, those two comments are from
people who use marijuana a little indignant. Maybe I don' t know what
the word they would use and I want to be respectful of that, but
the way we don' t do justice to marijuana when we talk about it
and I' m going to read it one of the good emails. Nice
to greet you. My name is Fulanito such I am thirty- four years
old. I' ve been a journalist, producer, singer, actor,
therapist, emotional and single dad and marijuana consumption for ten years. I write
this because to deal with a topic as deep as the use of cannabis,
it cannot be treated by referring to myths and realities, since scientifically it is
a substance that has countless benefits of success in treatments of epilepsy, depression,
anxiety cancer and could continue for hours. What depends on this, the use
it is given, and the control it takes to consume it. It is
not about preaching their consumption. It is a question of understanding that there are
two types of consumers. The consumer who is lost in consumption and the consumer
who knows why, for what and how he uses it. What they'
re talking about in their program is an attack on those we do consume.
We have studied the plant, its effects, reactions and consequences. And to
talk about a subject, if you should speak without judgment and without judgment,
I think it' s poorly worded there. He has to say with discretion,
because if not, instead of removing the doubts of an audience, they
confuse them much more. And I do speak this to you as chief of
information, because I have been so for several years, also for open television
marijuana or marijuana. One wrote to him with h and one with g because
both ways of writing are correct. Yes, it serves for anxiety using the
doses indicated. I' m not saying. I just give Google the right
and conscious use to know. My recommendation, as a radio listener, is
that when you talk about these issues, you also include a person who is
an expert on the subject so that the pros and cons can really be seen.
People deserve to know the good and the bad, to know both positions
and to let everyone draw their own conclusions about it. Unsubstantiated judgment is synonymous
with ignorance about a subject. I hope you understand my mail good day,
Of course, I answered this person in writing, but then I thought it
was worth commenting on the air with the anonymity that we always handle with all
the topics, just because first those who usually write in this way. With
regard to cannabis marijuana, they are usually people who consume it Second, because
the person who came to talk about it on Monday is someone who is our
constant collaborator and is more than twenty years old, twenty- five years old.
He' s an addiction specialist. That' s what he does for
lectures, he has his office and so on, and he worked for many
years in Montefénix, which is a rehabilitation clinic for addictions. At no time
and this strikes me there were trials on the program, because we never prosecuted
anyone. Even on many occasions I make the clarification that I am not one,
nor am I here as someone to impose my values, nor my beliefs,
nor anything to do with this. And many times, even when we
have come to talk about abortion, for example, I have always clarified that
I am not a spiritual advisor or a caregiver of moral values, but I
always speak from the psychological processes in my profession. Why didn' t I
talk about marijuana, because I always bring specialists who have many years of experience
and something that is true and that' s why I' m reading the
mail so that you know what this person considers not to be said is that,
in fact, it was said that it had effects, like many other
drugs have drug effects. The point is that for everything he says here that
is used pharmacologically is true. Only it' s the last resort. And
if someone consumes it and consumes it with proper medical management, it' s
because that' s what it was about to be done but for all of
these that number and that, as he rightly says, he could have listed
for more than an hour. Of course it is used, but with a
medical recommendation and a medical check- up, and not because someone became expert
at studying this through the responsible use of Google. Then yes, of course
I do. It is used for anxiety, it is used for epilepsy,
it is used for many cases, provided that other medicines that exist did not
serve. Then it is used, but there is a doctor who is carrying
out that perfectly clear control with the patient, not for self- medicated consumption.
If self- medication does not work for medicines, imagine if you are
going to do something that is recommended for this purpose. It' s just
that I read this email so that the person who wrote it, if he
' s listening to us, knows that we weren' t trying to hide
any information about this. Hi, chayo I' m talking to you.
I' ve been checking my son' s cell phone for almost fourteen,
and I say almost because he' s turning them at the end of the
year. What worries me is that I have noticed you have a conversation with
an anime, which I notice you lie to get your attention. He tells
her that, according to drugs, she is lost and on a motorcycle,
when, in fact, seeing the messages and the time she wrote it at
that time was at home. In short, not only that, many things
I see that invents her and the girl gives her advice and obvious street in
her lies, but that worries me that my son does that and that it
is to get the attention of the girl, since she also writes that no
one wants him who has no girlfriend and only that girl. I clarify that
he is a child with whom I have communication and we talk about many topics
and in fact, I talk to him about topics that I have noticed that
he wants to do what friends do the dress and, well, everything that
is related to adolescence, but this specific one, I have not talked to
him. I don' t want to lose my confidence, as every time
he changes his password to his cell phone he tells me more, the contraction
changes. And it is this I hope you can attend to my mail,
since doubt I am not able to pull it out of my head look.
I think, without a doubt, a lot of what' s going on
with your little one is just part of the teen process. And here that
doesn' t mean we don' t have to do things about it.
Because I always tell you, it' s part of the teen process.
Oh, well, then let it work, no, not of course not.
What I want to first tell you is that behavior can be very frequent
in adolescence, as part of a dislocation, as part of wanting to gain
affection, attention, approval from the girl, thus making herself the poor child
not, and that the girl, from there to the best in the life
of the world, of friends, has a little role that me, the
one that advises, that recommends, that she says that in the end and
in that process, without any doubt, there is a question that I would
have to ask you and it is known that by giving her the cell phone
and having to communicate the passwords, is because the use of the cell phone
is something that is monitored, because I don' t know if I read
between lines a little that you supervise the cell phone in secret of your son
and that is why you don' t want to tell her that you heard
about this. But the reality is that one very important element of this age
and that does not have to be done in secret from the kids, is
to tell them clearly, the cell phone, as well as many of your
activities are going to be supervised many times then, in that accompanying process,
clearly is hear within the supervision that it is my obligation to do. Why
I oversee how you order, your closet oversaw that you comply with such rules.
I oversee your grades, I oversee your departures with friends, I oversee
the kind of friendships you have. Supervising your cell phone is one more activity
doesn' t have to be excluded from the educational process and then, from
there I was able to read something that, of course, jumped me and
I would like to know a little bit what the logic of this is.
Even I wouldn' t tell her why you' re lying, but it
caught my attention that there are things you write to this girl that don'
t correspond to what I do. I think it' s part of your
life so that even by leaving the conversation open, you can get to know
it in a clear way and not making it easier for him to tell.
It' s not true that he got you on motorcycles, it' s
not true that you get high, it' s not true that nobody loves
you. Not the other way around, he kills two birds with one stone
in the conversation. There are things you tell her, which draw my attention
and I' d like to know what happens to see what she tells you
best. That opens a channel to say you know that sometimes if I don
' t feel like they love me, or is that sometimes it or not,
this is not true. The thing is, I told her because she
likes motorcycles. Anyway, I don' t know what' s going to
answer you, but we have to learn to have conversations with children that are
open conversations and not conversations where I facilitate you. That' s not true,
that you do drugs, that' s not true, that you get
on the bike, that' s not true, that no one loves you
and you' re cheating on her, because then, if there' s
something, even a little bit of the other, she' s going to
tell you. Of course, Mom, if you already know it' s
not true, set up open conversations with your children. I' d like
to understand what' s going on with this and we' re going to
see where it goes and if at any point to monitor your cell phone.
He changed the key and didn' t tell you. You talk to him
and you tell him. The condition for you to have your cell phone is
that I have to know your cell phone key. So, if, from
that conversation we had, you' re already starting to turn your cell phone
back. This private, then I will pick up the cell phone and you
will have it only when I facilitate it and with that you kill the birds
with one shot And because already our dear Pedro Hello, chayo how you are,
because I very well. And you' re so ready what. Okay.
I' m very pleased, Pedro, because Horita I have a question.
Mexico, okay. I don' t know other places, because I
know little about the truth, but Mexico is the place of oaths to quit
alcohol, quit drugs. I' m sworn, they say no there and
well, little virgin Guadeloupe here in our country. I don' t know
in other countries. You' ll tell us the truth. But they serve,
serve, replace double a. I believe that if it were, there
would be no more self- help groups. And, obviously, to see
is a subject that, at the end of the day, involves religious aspects,
spiritual beliefs, etcetera. And it' s nothing against religion. It
is, of course, what we are discussing about what happens with this disease.
It' s not clear. This one to see serve could tell you
that temporarily, in some cases it may work temporarily not this to see I
will swear a year that I will not go to drug again and maybe I
commit myself and I can do it, because I already start to think about
the next party, at the next meeting, with which friends I am going
to go, how I am going to celebrate it, that I turned one
year without drinking and then already, as soon as it reaches the date.
Of course, what I' m going to do is go back to what
was going on before, not and probably not just one day, but I
' m going to go back to the pattern exactly that I had in the
previous ones to all this. What' s the matter with an oath?
Actually, what I' m doing is covering the bottle or just and distanced
the drug from me, but I' m not working on a mental level
in terms of the obsessions I have with substance and probably when I take another
oath now, because maybe I do it again for a year but maybe now
it doesn' t work for me. Okay, okay now. This is
what would lead me to think that what was there was a pause. In
fact, it is and pause can generate the false or illusory idea that I
had control over alcohol, as well or about addiction. That' s how
it' s totally agreed. Besides physically seeing if I stop drinking a few,
I don' t even need to stop drinking for a year to start
feeling less physically better. In a short time I' m going to start
feeling much better. The process is already interesting, because if you want to
show it to the couple or to the children or to the parents or whoever
you see, then I can take it again, because I already showed you
that I could not so and then there is as a very interesting self-
deception part of the denial of the same disease, totally, but with a
trap for the other to fall. That' s right Oh, Peter,
how interesting is this? Is it strong? It' s strong. It
' s strong, no doubt. Well, if you have a relative in
those conditions, don' t fall, because this just checks out what you
were telling him that there is an addiction. Not the other way around,
though it seems, because he' s in disguise. Thank you, Pedro.
See you the week that comes in, sell until later, notice that
a video is circulating on social networks because it has had a lot of excitement.
There' s an artist, an actress, Hannah Waddingham. I don
' t know if they put her on the Ted Lazo series and this woman
shows up at an event and suddenly it turns out they' re asking her
to show a leg. The photographer and she answer that. You' d
never ask a man, don' t be an idiot. Or I leave
and finally you see that the man insists and goes and has been very applauded
this participation, this spontaneous response. She' s dressed up elegantly because it
looks like there' s an event. All people are very well arranged,
but they ask him to show the leg and, in fact, his reaction
is oh my God no. If I were a man to a man,
you' d never ask. And I think this continues to talk to us
about how, in all contexts, this situation continues to happen, even at
the low point where we are, even after all, what it is about
pointing out about how we are seen women. Without a doubt, this does
not appear and the answer is forceful. You' d never tell a man
friend of mine They tell him not to be an idiot or I' m
going straight, blunt and he' s leaving. And this certainly makes us
think that there is a process that we do not finish understanding, that is
so introjected into the culture that continues to happen. Not good, it has
had views and views and views and views of the video because without a doubt
look here I have it. She was posing on the Red Carpet of the
Olivier Awards She also came out in the game of thrones in case someone didn
' t place her by teslazo. No. And finally, because all the
audience that was there, Vitoria his answer. How many times it doesn'
t happen to you, man or woman, no matter how much we fall
into these, in these comments, in these ways of describing forgiveness and continuing
to point out as a difference between men and women. What would have been
asked of a man who would be posing and who is asked of a woman
who is posing? I have two three children, a twenty- four-
year- old girl, an eighteen- year- old girl and another thirteen
- year- old boy. The point is, my daughter, the median,
was very rebellious and last year she left the house right now. At
present he returned this already with conditions, therefore, from us, from our
parents, so that she would behave in helping at home tie up his room.
The point is, we' ve been trying her dad me and her
brother to accept her again and all quiet, but my daughter, the oldest,
kind of got used to it that nothing else was her and since she
was rude to my daughter, to my other daughter, then this one now
she doesn' t accept. Even when she sees me with her, she
gets upset and turns around and goes away. They could help me. Yes,
how complex, no, how complex it is when one enters as in
dilemmas in relation to the children, when, obviously, all the children are
important to the parents and suddenly there is a situation of this kind. I
think you need to give your older daughter a little time, because your older
daughter must have several, several situations at stake. On the one hand,
you tell me her sister didn' t treat her very well and then,
beyond being used to being like a daughter alone, not even though there'
s the boy, but being a big daughter alone. Apart from everything,
she must have been much more comfortable and much more comfortable and no longer was
the sister with whom she had the quarrels. So, obviously, because it
' s never going to be the same thing that happens to some parents with
a son who left the house than what happens to a brother and brother who
left the house, because I' m more comfortable, I' m more
comfortable, I relate better to my parents. No one' s bothering me,
well, then we could keep that on the one hand. Second element,
an anger is often generated that is a bit like the one that is
so alluded to by the prodigal son, and I do not say so in
a religious subject, but many times it is spoken because, because it has
pierced that account of the prodigal son. The borders, even of religions,
What happens the son who behaves well, the son who has done things properly,
who has not given the problems suddenly notice in the parents a great taste,
a great concern, a great suffering for the son who did not behaved
very well and that suddenly, when he returns home, as is the case,
he does so because even if limits are placed on him, even if
rules are put on him, even if conditions are put on him, there
is clearly a feeling of my parents are delighted. They returned the peace of
mind, they returned the happy one already have their whole family and I,
who have been the good daughter, for there is no great thing around me
is not how it is given, so it was my obligation and suddenly returns
to my sister and things change and give themselves the opportunities and forgives themselves and
suddenly this feeling of me, that I do it well, I do not
receive recognition and this damn sister who left and who did and who made them
and that made my parents feel sorry for today is here and it seems that
nothing happened. Then there is this double feeling many times and that is why
it is said of the prodigal son no, such that for those who do
not know the story, good is the son who leaves the house and then
when he returns, because the father does a whole party to receive the prodigal
son no. And the brother, who was there and who took care of
everything and who did things, says man, what a lack even party they
made him and I, who have been here, have received nothing. The
point is to have patience, to empathize with the sister, and perhaps it
is worth talking to her, but not for you to fill her with a
sermon about it, but to tell me how you feel about your sister'
s return. I' ve noticed this and I' d like to listen
to you and empathize with emotion, empathize with what she has to say.
And, well, if she wants to give you an explanation, but not
because you have to account for her actions, but so that she too will
listen to the role of parents. What about parents and where parents live things
and, above all, what they recognize. To her who has been and
who, as an older sister, has perhaps presented the expected behavior and perhaps
has rarely been recognized and I do not know if within the rules that put
her daughter who has already returned, there is the respectful treatment of her brothers,
nothing more to the rules of the house, to the schedules of the
house, to the grades of the school. Anyway, I don' t
know what you' ve been set up, but within that scheme it'
s also very important to respect the brothers and give the older sister a little
time to realize facts that her sister might have really changed. After we were
talking yesterday about the importance of saying no and how the vast majority find it
hard to say no and how. Those who do learn it, learn it
with time and after previous experiences and after many jobs and know that, besides,
when you say no, others will get angry, they will be offended
and how it costs us. No, how hard it is and I was
telling them on the show yesterday. Well, then and here comes an additional
question, which is the one on the net today. What is it,
what price or what prices have you paid for not having said a no on
time. And well, the answers go from many places, but a constant
is that no one says I haven' t paid any price even though I
haven' t said no. No. And it is a question rather a
constant that strikes me very much, because normally, even if it is few
times, there are exceptions in the answers, or answers that break a little
with what most people think, or answers that are divided into half imitated.
Anyway, but in this question when I was reading all your answers, those
that have come so far in the different networks. I haven' t run
into anyone I say. I haven' t paid any prisoners for not saying
no. And this is rarely the case. Some of the answers I can
get you to share is to take responsibility for not saying no in time.
I would have saved myself a hundred flavors, many bad experiences and, above
all, the regret of not saying it in time. After that I am
not happier, freer and more independent. They have trampled my rights, my
tastes, and I have been filled with fears. Say no more of what
size to fall into an economic crisis, not to say no, and that
this crisis has been one of the triggers to fall into a deep crisis of
alcoholism. Wow. I think moving from my comfort zone to which I initially
saw it as a paid price, now I see it as learning, the
most expensive price of life answers someone else for not understanding the power they have.
The swearing is not a word of a syllable and yet its impact is
very great that the supposed friends would get away from me and started the exit
to have fun without my company for not drinking more than one glass of alcohol.
Many say someone else, but it is never too late to say no
and assume the consequences of my decisions with humility and responsibility. I know I
' ve been criticized, but blessed God, not as neither drink of criticism
nor mental health, it' s also healthy to say that I don'
t highly recommend it. Someone else says. The consequences have been many,
but especially to face being an adult at seventeen years of age what my dear
chayo can tell you. It' s a little hard to realize what they
really want from you because you realize they don' t love you or appreciate
you like they said when you say no. But it' s better to
realize who' s sincere and who doesn' t overdo things when I was
tired and when it was my break. And yet sometimes it keeps happening with
people who did always come to sell me things and when I said no,
I was withdrawn from friendship for not knowing how to say no in time I
neglected, I forgot to live, as the song says, and I only
thought of others not me. Fortunately, I learned my lesson. I think
by not knowing how to say it hasn' t affected my emotional health and
I think people take advantage of that, not knowing how to say no.
In time I did not enjoy my youth and filled myself with responsibilities that did
not fit my age. A very high price tells me another woman to allow
me to be used and deceived by believing in those people, but I too
was responsible for allowing it. I won' t regret it anymore, someone
else says. Someone bad says a lot of things that stopped me talking.
Two of my aunts just the least. One of them died without lilac laziness
and the other aunt, a year before she died, changed her decision about
her last will that she had ordered as fifteen years before pushed me away as
far as possible and pain and insecurity are already in the sky. And I
regret that so much, because history may have been different to suffer and,
as a result, I take responsibility for having made decisions that I should not
have made having been preferable to say no and keep what I had, because
I think as a child. My mom never taught me to say no.
I always tried to give the best to others, but that taught me that
the first is I now think first of myself UFFF is a feeling of tremendous
impotence, not daring to say no, not to hold it, despite the
emotional conflicts it causes. I have been provoked to think of the unjust that
rolls life, for most of the time neither giving in is a valued physical
and mental health, binding myself to people and to things the material. I
lost my home, my dignity to the extent that I didn' t know
who my peace of mind was and so many answers follow. What a price
it' s not to say don' t call, why I' m
a boundary lover, because I' m convinced that well- placed boundaries protect
people. And well with this we get to the end of the Socha Yo
Busquets program. This was chayo with you. We hear each other here again
tomorrow at 1: 00. Until then Audio Center