The mindset that you have to be with people that elevate you. It's not
about like what's in somebody's bank account, It's like that does that person make
you better? When he left, I remember vividly being I mean, obviously
I was devastated, but I remember vividly having a conversation with my sister where
my first thought was, am I ever going to get kissed again? Welcome
to another deep dive edition of the Chicks on the Right podcast. Before we
get into the nitty gritty of today's deep dive topic, which is going to
be very very ddy and like relationship, ye, we need to talk about
the weather here in Indiana is always so weird, Like it'll be absolutely freezing
one day and then seventy the next day. This is just the time of
year, and I never know how that's going to impact the things outside,
right, the plants and the trees and the bushes and stuff outside. My
magnolia tree like get flowered and now every things dropping. And that's normal.
But like you know, weather is just very unpredictable in Indiana. And you
know, I have my lilac tree right that I got from Fast Growing Trees
dot Com. I also good, well not yet but like because it's not
time yet. But I got that two years ago. I've had it for
two seasons. The first when it first came it's just an itty bitty baby.
When I first got it was such I can't believe she's kept it alive,
you guys. Well, anyway, what I was going to tell everybody
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When you go to Fast Growingtrees dot Com and you use code Chicks, you
will get fifteen percent off your order so I hate to kick off today's show
on like a sad note. And some people who listen to our daily show
will already know this story. But when you and I were together in Nashville
last week, I got the news after one of our live streams, like
right after one of our live streams on the Wednesday morning, that my son's
lacrosse coach had been killed in a car accident the night before. And it
was a really rough several days because he was, I mean just such a
force in all the kids' lives. He's been their coach, not just at
high school, but like since they were any biddies, you know, teaching
club lacrosse or coaching club lacrosse lacrosse. So they've known him and have worked
with him and have been inspired by him for years, for all of their
formative years. And he was such an inspirational figure in the community. I
mean, he was that guy. He was like the he was like that
perfect, beautiful, wonderful guy. Yeah right, I mean I didn't know.
I obviously didn't get to you know, I didn't know anything about him
until except for the things that you told me. You know, because I
live when I lived in India, I lived fifty two miles away from you,
right, you know, so it wasn't but I, but man,
the Steff that you told me about him, And like he had just gotten
his master's degree, and he had won all these awards, and he was
just an unbelievable guy from a career perspective. But he was also an amazing
husband, well and a recent one. So he had just gotten married.
Well in fact, so they he took my son's high school team to the
state championship, which they won back in early June of this past summer,
and of course that was like a super emotional day for everybody, and it
was a fantastic day. My son actually was MVP of that state championship game,
which was an extra super exciting thing, and I just remember everybody celebrating
with coach Jack on the field. It was just such this great moment.
And the following weekend he got married. So that happened just a couple months
ago. Like you said, he finished his masters just a couple weeks before
he passed away, and so he had his he was just thirty one years
old. His whole life was just unfolding in front of him, and he
had everything going for him, this beautiful wife, this fantastic family, just
a great team. Everything was perfect, you know, and then tragedy struck
and it's just senseless and awful and all of that to say, it's I've
just been thinking about his wife a lot. After going to the service this
past weekend. His mom spoke, and she spoke, and both of those
I mean a lot of people spoke, but those two in particular were,
oh my gosh, just like excruciating to listen to. Both of them were
so courageous to get up and say the things and hold it together. His
mom was is just amazing, just such an incredible, strong, just amazing
woman. And then when Bethany, his wife, got up to speak,
I mean, she was just a puddle of tears the entire time. And
one of the things I remember her saying is how much they had both been
looking forward to having a little boy, like they always talked about having a
little boy together. And it's just heartbreaking, so heartbreaking, and so she's
been on my mind a lot. Now. I never met her, I
didn't know her. I'm going to see her on Friday because the team is
going to be celebrated during the home football game. This weekend, so I
know she's going to be participating in that, and so I'll see her there.
But I've just been thinking about her a lot. And then when I
was scrolling on TikTok the other day, I saw this video. And this
is a totally different circumstance, but I saw this video of a woman sobbing
in her car and you and I are like constantly making fun of people on
TikTok who are like crying and think I need a video on myself crying.
But when you show you showed yeah you hear, Okay, you showed this
to me, and I was like, this is yeah, this is totally
different. And I was affected by it too. And I'm usually not I'm
usually well you quick crying, you know, but this was but I found
myself emotionally like, I this one kind of broke me. Yeah, because,
yeah, because I felt for this girl, and especially in light of
what happened last week. But I felt for her because I felt like if
I were put in her shoes, I would feel the exact same way.
And I, yeah, there was just something about this that was different.
Yeah, and I'm glad it's gotten a huge reaction. So this girl is
talking in her car after a date, and she comes from divorce. I
don't know the background, I don't know the circumstances around her divorce, but
she's young and she had had, as she describes it, a whole ass
marriage, and so dating after having had a whole ass marriage is really really
difficult. And so the way that she described what it was like to be
on the state was so relatable, and I think that's why it's gone so
viral and why people have reacted the way they have. Let's share that,
you guys, they were like tried to date after having like a whole ass
marriage. I don't know, you know how exhausting it is to like explain
yourself, like who you are, even just like the basic things like what's
your favorite color? Or where are you from? Or what do your parents
do? It just feels so exhausting when you've had somebody who knew you for
all the basic things, all the really hard things, all the part of
you, like every part of you that you've hidden from everybody else, somebody
that knows you like that, and you didn't think you were ever gonna have
to do that again, and now like re explaining yourself it's so exhausting.
It's I don't want to answer your stupid questions. It's already like one person
that knows me everything about me. Oh I know, I just feel for
her. It totally sucks. So whether it was divorce or whether you know
she's a widow, it's like you could just feel the pain in her voice.
And you know, we've had friends who they lost their husband or it's
you know, significant other, and you know, they find themselves single and
they're our age, they're in their fifties or in their sixties, and you
and I have talked about that and it's like, okay, well what would
we do if we were in that position? And we have talked about that,
and it's like I know that my personal I'm like, I probably would
not ever get married again. And part of me is like, well,
it's it's because of the same reasons that she's talking about from a younger woman's
perspective, where it's just exhausting. I would be exhausted. I would not
be able to get out into the day. I just could not imagine this
age. Oh my god, at this I would just be like I can't,
I cannot deal and and dating guys our age. It's like you just
don't know where some of these guys have been, Like, well they have
a whole Nobody doesn't have baggage at our age, right, I mean there's
just like when we're talking about history, like they are book full of history.
It's like a big ass book full of history. And so you're right,
and like the baggage is you're talking about like trunks and trunks full of
baggage. So yeah, I just that would be exhausting and and I would
just you know what it's as an older person, I would I would probably
just be like, you know, I'll visit my best friend, and I
have my kids and I'm going to have a grandkid, and I just I
would find other things that I would do with my life that are fulfilling rather
than I would just and if I did find somebody that I maybe enjoyed,
I probably wouldn't get married again, you know, because I and then there
would be a part of me. I think I told you this. I
would I would feel so weird, like the inter being intimate with somebody because
I'd be like my husband is watching me, like he's like you know what
I mean, I know, I tell my good like it's just this weird
feeling. I would just be so weird it out, like, oh my
god, Greg is watching me, like from somewhere and he is haunting,
know, and he's haunted. Yeah, he's gonna haunt my ass from afore.
So yeah, that's the thing. So I would be. But when
you're but younger, if I were thirty, I would be, you know,
I think I would be okay with moving on. It would be so
freaking hard, but I would do it. And that's why I think about
the sweet you know, the sweet, sweet young lady who lost you know,
that precious man, and I think I wish her so much happiness.
I hope she finds another wonderful man. I hope she finds love again.
I hope that she has all those sweet little boys that she wants to have,
you know, I hoped. I wish that for her. My heart
aches for her because I want that for her, and I you know,
it just it makes me weepy just thinking about it, because when you're young,
there's so much ahead of you, and they don't even so much of
their lives because they'd married. I can't remember if they've been together for like
seven or eight years, but it's somewhere around that. And so they spent
their their formative twenties together and now just like that, in the blink of
an eye, her entire world is different. And it's just excruciating. I
mean, it's just it's excruciating. It's excruciating too because so many young people
now don't feel that way about marriage. Yeah, I mean, they don't
feel that way about relationships. They don't have that sense of, oh my
gosh, I want to be with this person forever, and I want it
for the right reasons, you know what I mean. And I want to
have tons of babies and I you know, and I want to have this
wonderful build this family. And it's because it's built on a foundation of love
and respect and all the right things, you know, all the right things.
We see so much garbage out there ye the world. It's like when
I see couples like that, I'm like, oh God, my heart just
breaks when stuff like this happens. Because they were they are such good people.
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dot com. You know what's interesting is because we when we had the conversation
this morning about what what would we do if something happened to our husbands right
now, and we both agreed, like it's just impossible to imagine wanting to
get back in the dating world at our age. However, I remember being
what was I twenty nine when my first husband said I can't deal with the
fact that we have a disabled son by and when he left, I remember
vividly being I mean, obviously I was devastated, but I remember vividly having
a conversation with my sister where my first thought was, am I ever going
to get kissed again? And I remember saying that to her and thinking who's
gonna want me when I have a disabled child? Like who's going to want
to deal with that level of baggage? And it was the it was like
one of my immediate thoughts at being left for you know, when he left.
And now it's like I that would not occur to me, Like if
if my husband now were to leave, or if something were to happen to
him and I found myself alone, I would never be worried. It's just
amazing. Yeah, I would not care about that. And so it's amazing
the shift in perspective as you ate totally, as you totally. And I
remember after I got divorced the first time, thinking I will never get married
again. Really, I thought I would never ever get married because you didn't
let to, or because you worried that you wouldn't I just didn't think I
would. I just thought to myself, I'm because I got divorced and I
was thirty. I mean, I was thirty one, thirty one. I
think I was thirty one, and I thought that was old. Really,
I thought at the time, I thought thirty one was old, because when
you're at that age, you just have a different you do have a different
mindset. I thought when I was thirty one, the thirty one, that
somebody would look at me and think, well, you're already thirty thirty one.
It's kind of it's a little bit older. And everybody else was already
established in their marriages, and they were already having kids, and at least
the people that I knew, and I didn't have kids. In my first
marriage, I was very you know, it was really an my career and
all that kind of stuff, and so I just I thought, well,
you know, everybody else is already established, and I'll just I guess I'm
going to be like this spinster lady. Really, you know, I just
thought I'll just be single, you know. And then and then I you
know, when I met my now husband, he already had two children,
and it was just one of the and I never dreamed I would be you
know, people's stepmother, and I never dreamed. It's just interesting how you
think you have, you go in with like this. I think I'll be
this way, and then God has different plans, you know, for how
the things I mean, And then look at you. It's like you ended
up with this amazing guy. It's you just never know what's going to happen,
right, Yeah, and you obviously were kissed again, right, I
was kissed, you know what I mean. Obviously, Yeah, So you
just you never know. I just dating is so different now than it used
to be. It's really different. Yeah, And I mean, like speaking
of careers, like there was just I saw a video a couple days ago
of this girl who she she was demanding that she see the bank accounts of
the guys that she dates. And this is probably a girl I'm presumably she
is also in her she's probably in her thirties. I'd imagine she's in her
thirties, and so I think I would have never I definitely wouldn't have done
that when I was in my thirties. I wouldn't have done it. So
it also shows a shift of you know, the way things were when I
was in my thirties to the way things are now, and I just look
at this and I think, God, this is just it's so different.
It's different than how I would than how I think now. I would never
even do this now, Like if I were in the dating pool, even
if I were thirty, even if I were her age, I would never
think this way. But just the way that some of these girls approach dating
now, And it's like, who put this crap in their head? We
should play the video or just she's awful, Like trigger warning for people who
cannot stand vocal fry. Just prepare your ears. Oh my god, I'm
not joking. I have asked the last three dudes i've dated for their bank
account info on the first date. I don't judge people's actions. I look
at the intention behind that, So like, why do you ask for that?
Because I only want to date a wealthy guy that has money. Valles,
You're getting straight to the point. I think. You know. I
have a job, I'm very successful, so I think I have everything right
to be like, Hi, are we on the same level or am I
wasting my time? Oh my god? I just yeah, gross, right,
I mean I just automatically am. I'm grossed out by that. Now
there are some people you'd be surprised. And the comments are like, she
has every right to ask that, she has every right, and she has
every right to stay single like endlessly because I'm guessing there's a reason that she's
still single and it has a lot to do with that. Yeah. And
the funny thing is is that the people who were saying she has every right
to ask that are women. M It's the women who are saying she's every
right, all right, right, while those are the women, those are
the women who are you know that that probably are are looking for the exact
same thing, which is a sugar daddy. Yeah. And then then the
men are like gross, like that is a red flag, keep her a
million miles away from me. Gross. And I just I don't understand that
mentality. I just don't. Because what happens when crap gets tough, what
happens when somebody gets cancer, what happens when you know, like just crap
hits the fan and life is is it just turns on a dime and it's
unpredictable and you don't know what's going to happen, Like it's in sickness and
in health, well she would say it'd be a lot better to have somebody
rich. I mean, this is that? Is that what it's all about?
Is this? It's like is that? Like? Is it a generational
thing? Maybe I probably shouldn't say it's a generational thing, because I'm sure
that there are a lot of women in our generation that would probably feel the
same way as that they just wanted security. But I just I just find
that to be repulsive. It is repulsive. I mean, it's absolut you
know, it's funny. I remember when I got over the fact that my
first husband left, which was pretty quickly, I must say, because I
mean the circumstances of him leaving showed his true colors in many ways, and
so it was obviously a blessing in disguise. But I remember thinking when I
got to the point where I was interested in dating again, Like I never
wrote it down, but I had like in my mind sort of a mental
tick list. Well, this time around, I want a guy who understands
not my job specifically, but understands like the corporate world, who understand like
I thought, I wanted all of these things, and then I met my
now husband, who was none of those things. And I imagine if I
had put like a restriction, or if I had put on my tick list
he's got to have a certain level in his bank account, we would have
never gotten together, especially because that was so early on in both of our
careers. And if I would have been like, he has to make a
certain amount of money, then we would not be together today. And so
thank god I didn't have such a shallow just I mean, as soon as
I met him, I was like, Wow, he's an amazing storyteller.
I love the way that he pulls out a chair for this girl at a
party, Like those were the things that immediately stood out to me, and
not like I wasn't thinking is he driving the right car? Does he have
the right bank account? I just think that's so vile. And I've always
been of the mindset that you have to be with people that elevate you.
It's not about like what's in somebody's bank account, It's like that does that
person make you better? I tell that to my daughter too. It's not
even just about boyfriends. It's about girlfriends too, Like, who show me
who is in your friend circle? And I'll show you who you are?
Yeah, And It's like, show me who you're married to, and I'll
show you who you are. I mean, like that is an it's I
mean you and I are best friends. I mean I wouldn't be best friends
with you if you didn't make me a better person. Same and it's like
you we have elevated each other. I think over the years it's it wouldn't
work unless that was the case, right, And so I the same way
about marriage. It's like you have to be you have to elevate one another,
you have to make each other better, you have to fill in the
blanks for one another. It's not about freaking money, right. I mean,
money's nice, money is great. I'm not gonna listen. I'm a
capitalist. I'm the first one to tell you I'm a I love money.
Money's fantastic. But at the end of the day, it's like, if
you're not filling in the blanks for one another, because I suck at a
lot of things, he fills in the blanks in those places where I am
not good at some things, and he fills in those spaces, which is
great for me. And then you know when I there are people don't realize
that about him because you know they there are certain things about your husband.
I'm sure that you're the same way I know you are because I know your
husband. But there are so many things about your husband that you know that
other people don't know, right, And so it's like there are days where
I'm having a really bad day and he knows exactly what to say to me
to make sure that that day gets better, just like you do with me,
just like there's a small handful of people do with me. And those
are the people that you surround yourself with. And if you are not surrounding
yourself with those people, you need to find better people exactly, and don't
ask for their checking information, right my god, this is the thing.
It's like, the last thing I care about is how much money those people
have in their bank account. It's what are you what are you doing to
elevate one Anoight? Okay, I have one more question for you before we
like tie this all up with the bow. Okay. So there was a
note from one of our chicks insiders, which you can join on Facebook if
you guys want to join. Those are your people Facebook insiders or our locals
groups. Fantastic group of people. One of our insiders, I won't say
her name. But she was venting and she was asking about her son and
his fiance and they were getting married. They are getting married in September.
And yesterday her son told her husband, listen, you're not going to like
this, but I am thinking about taking my fiances the girls last name.
I'm seeing they're family. Yeah, so their family her family is large and
there are lots of them with that name. Her family, this this woman
her their family is not that big. It's small. And their son is
the only one that's going to carry on the last name and so, and
he still wants to take the wife's name. He's going to take the wife's
name. And this is happening a lot. I see this a lot in
this generation. Like what do you think, like, what would happen if
Jackson, your boy came home, he's like from college, He's like,
Mom, I love this chick so much. We're gonna get married. I'm
going to take her name. What would like, how would you feel about
it? How would you feel about it? Because like in our family,
he would be the only one to carry on that day and that just would
make me really sad, right, And I don't understand, like listen.
It's one thing because our oldest when she got married, she's the one that's
having the baby here in the next like any day now, and she kept
her last name. She kept our name, and her husband kept his name.
And she said it was you know, because of career whatever, so
they kept their last names. Now, I still like, when I send
out invitations for the baby shower, I used his last name because because I'm
really weird like that, I'm like mean or nein and so I did so
I did that because I'm traditional that she hasn't disowned me or anything. She'd
get pissed off, but she but I mean, I just kind of do
that because I'm like, you know, it's your husband. I feel like
at a respect, I just put his last name on the invitations. Nobody
got mad at me for it, but it is what it is. And
you know, they just kept their last names and they but she didn't force
him to take right, you know, her name, our name. I'm
just curious. I just thought that was really interesting. But a lot more
people are doing that. I just find it interesting. That's another thing that
is happening. Just something to put out therefore people to comment, like,
especially like on the Apple podcast platform. Comment if you're somebody that has experienced
that or has reasons for it that you'd like to share. I would love
to learn more about the reasons that people are doing that these days. Very
curious too, because I don't understand it. Because here's the thing is that
I don't know if it's a feminist thing. If it's a feminist thing.
Something she needs to understand is that that is her grandfather's name. Yeah,
so it doesn't make any sense, right, I mean, it came from
it came from a dude. Came from a dude anyways, all right,
So that's that. I just wanted to pose that. But yes, comment
if you can. We'd love to hear from you, and good talk,
good time everybody. We're gonna do it next week. You guys, have
a wonderful week. Until next time, check us out. Make sure you subscribed.