WEBVTT 1 00:01:23.079 --> 00:01:26.480 Right, so did you. They're gonna be tags maam, chill out? 2 00:01:26.599 --> 00:01:30.040 Okay, can we get the party started first? What's the saying? What's 3 00:01:30.079 --> 00:01:33.439 going on? Everybody? Welcome to another edition of the Death Fresh Show. 4 00:01:33.599 --> 00:01:37.359 Is I mister tone Death? I am off camera today because I didn't get 5 00:01:37.400 --> 00:01:41.480 a haircut yet, so y'all not gonna see me for this particular episode. 6 00:01:41.480 --> 00:01:42.599 But then again, for the song entire tour, y'all ain't seen me, 7 00:01:42.640 --> 00:01:47.079 so it's new. But as you can see today, I am not joined 8 00:01:47.079 --> 00:01:53.640 by my partner in crime because for this last episode of the say the Best 9 00:01:53.680 --> 00:02:04.120 for that, for this last for this last stop on the What Is Love 10 00:02:04.200 --> 00:02:10.280 Tour, I decided to uh bring a few of my most honest friends with 11 00:02:10.439 --> 00:02:17.240 me on this particular trip. Uh. If you have ever had an opportunity 12 00:02:17.280 --> 00:02:23.120 to sit down and catch their show, they should not be on Saturday during 13 00:02:23.120 --> 00:02:29.120 the daytime. I take that much. But I am joined by seventy five 14 00:02:29.240 --> 00:02:38.000 percent of the Inside the Group Chat podcast for this particular episode today. So 15 00:02:38.000 --> 00:02:44.560 how you ladies doing today? We're good, Well, I'm good. Yeah, 16 00:02:44.560 --> 00:02:47.759 you just ate so you should be cool. So, for those of 17 00:02:47.800 --> 00:02:54.120 you who have not listened to your podcast, yet uh introduced yourselves. Let's 18 00:02:54.199 --> 00:02:59.719 start with the start with the one with the cup in her hand, and 19 00:03:00.960 --> 00:03:06.960 that be me. Hey, y'all, what's up this little baby Bianca? 20 00:03:07.240 --> 00:03:15.280 I am one of the hosts of Inside the Group. Yeah, yeah, 21 00:03:15.319 --> 00:03:20.240 that's me. What's up? Hey, y'all, Hey y'all. My name 22 00:03:20.360 --> 00:03:27.400 is Alicia. Hey, hey, y'all, I'm tied and these are my 23 00:03:27.439 --> 00:03:31.560 three headaches. It's toning the headaches, you know what? You know, 24 00:03:31.680 --> 00:03:38.240 I really don't really thank you. You're not really my headache. I have 25 00:03:38.360 --> 00:03:43.639 had people I have worked with that really do stress me out trying to work 26 00:03:43.639 --> 00:03:51.039 with them. You three are not here. I really wanted her to come 27 00:03:51.080 --> 00:03:55.120 because I knew she was gonna talk her ship all right, but I'm gonna 28 00:03:55.120 --> 00:04:00.599 get her on her ass about the pleasure because we're having this conversation because of 29 00:04:00.599 --> 00:04:02.120 her. But no, y'all really have not been too too big of a 30 00:04:02.199 --> 00:04:05.240 headache. Actually, I learned more and more about each one of y'all every 31 00:04:05.280 --> 00:04:12.520 single episode, which is very eye opening. And y'all are not the good 32 00:04:12.599 --> 00:04:18.879 girls that I once thought you were, especially me. I'm an angel. 33 00:04:21.120 --> 00:04:26.319 She got a dark side in her too, but everybody has a dark everybody 34 00:04:26.319 --> 00:04:29.399 had a dark side. It is just that, you know, I put 35 00:04:29.399 --> 00:04:31.720 her on a higher pedestal than the rest of y'all because Lindsay said Tom could 36 00:04:31.720 --> 00:04:38.240 be the biggest headache. Amen. Hallelu who see Lindsey and I just showed 37 00:04:38.240 --> 00:04:42.160 her so much love and proud of her in the whole nine yards not too 38 00:04:42.240 --> 00:04:45.120 long ago, because you know, she almost getting her to graduate. Yeah, 39 00:04:45.160 --> 00:04:47.360 and we need to have her own hair while she joining us in the 40 00:04:47.360 --> 00:04:56.480 grass both day. So today's episode is about dating preferences. And one thing 41 00:04:56.519 --> 00:05:00.240 I realized is as black people, because that's all were gonna talk about these 42 00:05:00.279 --> 00:05:02.480 black people. I don't give a care what nobody and other other race, 43 00:05:02.519 --> 00:05:06.120 creed or culture do. We only talking about black folks because we are only 44 00:05:06.160 --> 00:05:12.639 black folks. We tend to have either no preference at all or some of 45 00:05:12.720 --> 00:05:25.680 the most outrageous requirements in regards today they what are some of y'all must haves 46 00:05:26.360 --> 00:05:30.000 when y'all choose y'all mates, Because I don't know if y'all got a man 47 00:05:30.079 --> 00:05:34.199 now or not, Like based on the way the show go one week, 48 00:05:34.279 --> 00:05:38.680 y'all might, the other week you might not. You just gotta figure out 49 00:05:38.680 --> 00:05:47.160 when you tune in. You just keep an Excel spreadsheet, y'all. So 50 00:05:47.680 --> 00:05:50.560 do we want to talk? Okay? So, so what are some what 51 00:05:50.680 --> 00:05:55.279 are must haves? Like? What is something that over the course of your 52 00:05:55.319 --> 00:06:01.240 lifetime whatever guy or girl can sexualizy's the spectrum that you date. They just 53 00:06:01.279 --> 00:06:04.360 it's just got to be there. I cannot not have it. Lindsay, 54 00:06:04.399 --> 00:06:09.439 you can still participate even though you're married. Here because she definitely got a 55 00:06:09.519 --> 00:06:14.920 must have that she had in order to choose him. I think that the 56 00:06:15.319 --> 00:06:23.480 for me my must Okay, so are we talking about it doesn't matter, 57 00:06:23.519 --> 00:06:30.639 It doesn't matter, It doesn't matter. So outwardly, one of my must 58 00:06:30.720 --> 00:06:36.000 haves haves is that he has to know how to dress like that, Like 59 00:06:36.120 --> 00:06:46.920 there's nothing better than seeing a well dressed man with a nice shoe gang and 60 00:06:47.079 --> 00:06:50.959 the cologne to match. Talk my language. Cologne gets a lot of men 61 00:06:51.000 --> 00:06:54.879 in trouble. It absolutely does, and you better know how to get your 62 00:06:54.879 --> 00:06:59.160 ship together and ignore the temptation before. No, I'm talking about That's how 63 00:06:59.160 --> 00:07:05.160 I'm y'all choose them because you know what, So that is so true. 64 00:07:05.399 --> 00:07:13.680 I know someone who goes to work specifically and wears different cologne and and the 65 00:07:13.759 --> 00:07:17.519 different cologne that he wears. He knows the reaction, the reaction that he's 66 00:07:17.560 --> 00:07:25.480 gonna get based on the woman that it is absolutely because we know what types 67 00:07:25.519 --> 00:07:30.279 of colognes to wear that will trigger the type of woman reaction we want. 68 00:07:31.120 --> 00:07:35.600 That's great. Yeah, y'all need too much deeply, like y'all like getting 69 00:07:35.600 --> 00:07:40.120 these hoes and ship like that. Y'all get this down to a science, 70 00:07:40.240 --> 00:07:43.879 like how you know and then be trying to ecto all innocent like y'all don't 71 00:07:43.920 --> 00:07:47.600 know, oblivious to what y'all knowing. Y'all know the same way. Y'all 72 00:07:47.600 --> 00:07:55.720 know what y'all be doing, and I don't know, I don't know what, 73 00:07:54.319 --> 00:08:00.240 but you you know what outfit to wear, you know what location to 74 00:08:00.279 --> 00:08:03.439 go to to get a certain nigga. You know how to talk to a 75 00:08:03.480 --> 00:08:07.879 certain you know the right way to say daddy to make that nigga give you 76 00:08:07.920 --> 00:08:15.399 what you need. Don't make me pull y'all cards on air. I'm just 77 00:08:15.439 --> 00:08:18.959 saying, like, I know what I'm worried because I know what I look 78 00:08:18.040 --> 00:08:22.920 good in from what y'all said. What y'all explaining y'all putting on cologne because 79 00:08:22.959 --> 00:08:26.319 y'all want to attract a certain crowd. I feel like that's not what I'm 80 00:08:26.360 --> 00:08:30.720 saying. The difference between is because I know what I look good in. 81 00:08:30.839 --> 00:08:33.759 I know my body type, I know what frequence is going to go good 82 00:08:33.799 --> 00:08:37.879 with my pheromones, and that's what I'm shooting for. I'm not My goal 83 00:08:37.000 --> 00:08:43.080 is not to go out and put this on a lot of women do things 84 00:08:43.080 --> 00:08:48.679 for themselves, and what you described is us. That's me though, that's 85 00:08:48.759 --> 00:08:52.279 you. That's why I say to you, I don't. I will never 86 00:08:52.399 --> 00:08:58.320 put a generalization on y'all because y'all are different individually. So, but there 87 00:08:58.360 --> 00:09:03.639 are a lot of women that do have multiple different fragrances as well too. 88 00:09:03.000 --> 00:09:07.799 Like I literally learned from one of my sisters that she combines two different fragrances 89 00:09:09.159 --> 00:09:16.120 and by stacking it it creates a different, a particular reaction from certain guys. 90 00:09:16.279 --> 00:09:18.919 Yes, so y'all do know is whether or not y'all choose to weaponize 91 00:09:18.960 --> 00:09:24.159 it. I mean, and I'm not even I'm not even gonna lie because 92 00:09:24.279 --> 00:09:31.720 I know that if I go and I put on this, that man likes 93 00:09:31.840 --> 00:09:35.279 this smell. Yeah, So I know like in that sense men that you're 94 00:09:35.360 --> 00:09:39.240 dealing with. Oh yeah, but but even still you're still weaponizing, still 95 00:09:39.279 --> 00:09:45.320 weaponizing it. You're just only doing it for when you So when you go 96 00:09:45.399 --> 00:09:48.440 over that man's house and you put your perfume or your colonel you spread on 97 00:09:48.480 --> 00:09:56.039 your ankles, you split it on the crack of your ass. How was 98 00:09:56.080 --> 00:10:01.840 that wild? That's what you're supposed to do the joke. Yeah, if 99 00:10:01.840 --> 00:10:07.679 you're gonna get that win and win, we didn't know. Oh yeah yeah, 100 00:10:07.720 --> 00:10:11.039 yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely, here's a hot tip. Absolutely 101 00:10:11.559 --> 00:10:18.919 put it on those zones. You forgot your ankles, don't forget the ankles. 102 00:10:20.000 --> 00:10:26.440 Yeah yeah, I got high. I got high preferences. I have 103 00:10:26.639 --> 00:10:31.600 high standards for men that like mine's is crazy. So I call it the 104 00:10:31.639 --> 00:10:35.240 big three. You can only have two other three. I don't care which 105 00:10:35.279 --> 00:10:39.080 two, but you only can have two other three. You gotta have She's 106 00:10:39.120 --> 00:10:43.279 not playing. That's why I her you gotta have a nine to five. 107 00:10:43.519 --> 00:10:46.639 I don't do drugs. I am not your trap, queen. I will 108 00:10:46.679 --> 00:10:58.080 call the whistle on you as quickly as I can. Okay, not bullship, 109 00:10:58.360 --> 00:11:05.919 I said, I'm blow. Matter of fact, I'm taking you. 110 00:11:05.039 --> 00:11:09.480 Say nine to five can an entrepreneur be considered or is that off the table 111 00:11:09.519 --> 00:11:18.519 for you now a legal entrepreneur, are you willing to deal with the highs 112 00:11:18.559 --> 00:11:22.559 and loads of entrepreneurship? Yeah? Can There can definitely be more lows and 113 00:11:22.679 --> 00:11:28.399 highs. So yeah, if he's definitely like financially stable, like as far 114 00:11:28.480 --> 00:11:33.320 as being able to make sure he has like savings and investments and stuff like 115 00:11:33.360 --> 00:11:37.279 that, I'm you know what comes with being an entrepreneur. Like, you 116 00:11:37.320 --> 00:11:39.759 know, it's good months, it's bad months. You know all this before 117 00:11:39.799 --> 00:11:48.919 I come in the picture. You know what I'm saying. So you right, 118 00:11:48.039 --> 00:11:50.159 you know what I'm saying. I definitely understand, like you know, 119 00:11:50.200 --> 00:11:54.000 if it's a bad month or a good month, Like I'm not gonna be 120 00:11:54.039 --> 00:11:58.600 like, well it's a bad month, and like you know, but I 121 00:11:58.679 --> 00:12:01.720 just want to I just don't want you to be like, oh, well 122 00:12:01.279 --> 00:12:05.080 in a twelve month span, seven of the months was bad last year and 123 00:12:05.120 --> 00:12:07.960 then this year that happened again, And you ain't learned nothing from last year. 124 00:12:09.000 --> 00:12:11.159 You ain't learned to put a little something up when the month is good. 125 00:12:11.480 --> 00:12:16.000 That's all I'm saying. So what's number two? Number two is one 126 00:12:16.080 --> 00:12:22.759 kid? One kid, That's it. And I can not. Absolutely I 127 00:12:22.039 --> 00:12:26.440 agree with her. I will agree with you on that, especially the fact 128 00:12:26.480 --> 00:12:30.919 that you're under thirty, absolutely and we're no kids. I have no kids 129 00:12:31.639 --> 00:12:35.039 under thirty, so I will give that to you because it is kind of 130 00:12:35.120 --> 00:12:41.519 hard to find people with less than one kid, let alone no kids. 131 00:12:41.960 --> 00:12:46.759 And you know what, I was just thinking about that today because I said 132 00:12:46.799 --> 00:12:54.559 to myself that I wish that I was not as green as I was at 133 00:12:54.559 --> 00:12:58.679 the time when I when I really started kind of like taking dudes serious. 134 00:12:58.720 --> 00:13:01.840 And you know what I'm saying, because if that was the case, and 135 00:13:01.919 --> 00:13:05.360 I love my babies to death, but if that was the case, I 136 00:13:07.039 --> 00:13:11.000 would not have had the children that I had with the man that I had, 137 00:13:11.080 --> 00:13:13.360 because he had four when I came in the door and had none. 138 00:13:13.519 --> 00:13:18.159 I was twenty five. So and that's what, you know what I'm saying, 139 00:13:18.159 --> 00:13:20.919 Like anytime, like when we talking, and I'd be like, nope, 140 00:13:20.320 --> 00:13:24.159 if he got molder his kids and y'all don't have no kids. Fuck 141 00:13:24.240 --> 00:13:28.639 no, nigga, get go, get go, get your baby, mama. 142 00:13:28.840 --> 00:13:31.720 But that's fucked up because somebody could say that to me, go get 143 00:13:31.759 --> 00:13:37.480 your baby, dad is and I ain't okay, what's the next up. 144 00:13:37.600 --> 00:13:41.519 The last one is living with your parents. Nah, you can live with 145 00:13:41.600 --> 00:13:45.759 you you go. Only pick two struggles with me? Only got two and 146 00:13:45.799 --> 00:13:50.639 this is coming from a homeowner on my own home. So get two struggles. 147 00:13:50.919 --> 00:13:54.720 I really don't care which one. I mean. I'm about fifty to 148 00:13:54.720 --> 00:13:58.240 fifty on the kids because that baby mama joke, Baby mama god ain't no 149 00:13:58.320 --> 00:14:05.879 joke. Yeah no, but those the three gods job and his own crig. 150 00:14:05.519 --> 00:14:13.240 But got two kids, you can work with that. It depends on 151 00:14:13.320 --> 00:14:16.600 the baby mama situation. It depends on the baby mama situation. Is the 152 00:14:16.639 --> 00:14:20.799 baby mama moved on? Is what was going on with your baby mama situation? 153 00:14:22.279 --> 00:14:26.000 Let's just say they moved off like they they good over here? So 154 00:14:26.080 --> 00:14:28.840 do he got two kids? Two baby mamas? Are two kids, one 155 00:14:28.840 --> 00:14:31.639 baby mama, let's just be let's keep it simple. One baby mama, 156 00:14:31.639 --> 00:14:35.440 two kids, older kids. If y'all in y'all twenties, they let's just 157 00:14:35.440 --> 00:14:41.120 say they less than ten mm hmmm, because y'all still in y'all twenties. 158 00:14:41.440 --> 00:14:46.399 So if he wasn't fucking at twelve, they gotta be less than ten to 159 00:14:46.519 --> 00:15:03.519 be what that wasn't let me look, I might give him a data two 160 00:15:03.799 --> 00:15:07.240 to see what's up? Data two? Fill it out, see put it 161 00:15:07.279 --> 00:15:13.320 out fun. In fact, my dad was twenty years old when he had 162 00:15:13.399 --> 00:15:18.000 me and my sister and we're seven months apart. Yet that never stopped him 163 00:15:18.000 --> 00:15:20.399 from dating. Women loved him. They said he looked like Bernie Max, 164 00:15:20.399 --> 00:15:26.159 so he was definitely going. But I've never been a person who wanted to 165 00:15:26.200 --> 00:15:30.399 have kids at a young age, and even in my twenties, majority of 166 00:15:30.399 --> 00:15:35.080 the women I dealt with had one of two kids, so it was one 167 00:15:35.120 --> 00:15:39.519 of those I got my own shit, I got a great job over here, 168 00:15:39.120 --> 00:15:43.480 but my only choices of women happened to be ones who got kids. 169 00:15:43.519 --> 00:15:50.480 And dealing with a woman who's raising kids that came to be real, real, 170 00:15:50.600 --> 00:15:54.279 tricky fast. It definitely can. I feel like you went deep with 171 00:15:54.320 --> 00:15:58.960 your preferences, and I was just I didn't even know that the surface. 172 00:16:00.120 --> 00:16:03.279 But I'm glad she did because a lot of times when we're talking about dating, 173 00:16:03.679 --> 00:16:07.240 things such as in the nine to five, your own crib, your 174 00:16:07.240 --> 00:16:11.919 own car are things that are dubbed as preferences, but I feel like they 175 00:16:11.919 --> 00:16:18.720 should just be basic requirements to be an adult, and a lot of us 176 00:16:18.799 --> 00:16:23.919 tend to look past basic requirements to be an adult and be willing to accept 177 00:16:23.960 --> 00:16:26.919 it. That's why, like when you said you can't live at home with 178 00:16:26.960 --> 00:16:30.639 your parents, but if you ain't got no kids, you staying at home 179 00:16:30.679 --> 00:16:33.639 and you got a great job, you still okay with that? You know, 180 00:16:34.039 --> 00:16:38.039 even though all it takes is you to move out and you got the 181 00:16:38.120 --> 00:16:53.519 trifecta. I can't. That's because you have a high needs for intimacy level. 182 00:16:55.360 --> 00:17:02.919 You went to the vulgar side of it. Just always specific intimacy. 183 00:17:03.039 --> 00:17:04.680 Okay, you have a high level for intimacy. It is a need, 184 00:17:04.720 --> 00:17:11.599 it's a requirement. It has to be part of your relationship. Therefore, 185 00:17:11.519 --> 00:17:17.200 you can't be as touchy feeling as you want with big Mama sitting on the 186 00:17:17.200 --> 00:17:21.519 front room couch. So and then on top of that, I'm forty three, 187 00:17:21.839 --> 00:17:26.519 so I feel like at forty three or because I'm not dating anybody that's 188 00:17:26.960 --> 00:17:32.799 too much younger than what I am, but I feel like at that age 189 00:17:33.039 --> 00:17:38.480 you need to be you need to have your own place. Absolutely, there's 190 00:17:38.519 --> 00:17:42.039 no you know what I'm saying, unless you've had like a life setback. 191 00:17:44.039 --> 00:17:47.839 Because I understand that things have, you know, things happen, But I 192 00:17:47.880 --> 00:17:52.279 feel like at my age, if I'm dating somebody that's the same age as 193 00:17:52.319 --> 00:17:56.960 I am, regardless of whether you have kids or not. Like I said, 194 00:17:57.119 --> 00:18:02.400 unless there was like a huge set back, maybe you got divorced, 195 00:18:02.440 --> 00:18:04.440 you lost the house, maybe you know what I'm saying something like that. 196 00:18:06.079 --> 00:18:15.519 However, No, but that's also why I purposely didn't want to talk about 197 00:18:15.640 --> 00:18:18.960 age in regards to preference right away, because all three of y'all sitting in 198 00:18:19.119 --> 00:18:26.839 different age categories. Like you're mid twenty, you're about to introduce thirty and 199 00:18:26.839 --> 00:18:32.799 that turn, make sure you attend the party in April. Period details would 200 00:18:32.799 --> 00:18:37.119 be posted letter and then you're with me in the forty. The way we 201 00:18:37.160 --> 00:18:41.319 look at dating is completely different. Yeah, purpose which is why I find 202 00:18:41.359 --> 00:18:45.160 it funny because it's in a full blown relationship, I mean getting I love 203 00:18:45.200 --> 00:18:51.160 it well, like we literally in about a year. I expect us to 204 00:18:51.200 --> 00:18:56.640 probably be, you know, getting plus ones from marriage. Absolutely so absolutely, 205 00:18:57.000 --> 00:19:03.880 and he do me too. The three requirements you could technically say three 206 00:19:04.359 --> 00:19:11.559 technically and that's what and see, this is the thing about preferences and standards 207 00:19:11.960 --> 00:19:17.480 and some people that you know have been listen or there listening now and they 208 00:19:17.519 --> 00:19:21.920 hear Alicia with her with her requirements. And this is one thing that I 209 00:19:21.960 --> 00:19:29.039 really I love about Alicia is that she she knows what she wants and she's 210 00:19:29.039 --> 00:19:33.880 not afraid to say in her relationship, this is what I want, this 211 00:19:33.920 --> 00:19:37.319 is what I required. This is even before she got with with him, 212 00:19:37.359 --> 00:19:41.839 she wasn't able to or she wasn't afraid to say that. And for me, 213 00:19:44.119 --> 00:19:47.599 when I was her age, I wish or even you know, like 214 00:19:47.640 --> 00:19:51.400 I said, when I got to actually having kids and really taking niggas seriously, 215 00:19:51.400 --> 00:19:55.880 because before that, I can give two ships about y'all classes. But 216 00:19:56.240 --> 00:20:02.920 I wish that I had the courage and the because really, honestly, before 217 00:20:03.039 --> 00:20:07.279 I actually had kids, that was my requirement was that I would date no 218 00:20:07.359 --> 00:20:11.440 one that had kids because I had none. I was twenty five years old 219 00:20:11.519 --> 00:20:15.359 and I did not have any kids, and everybody else around me had kids, 220 00:20:15.599 --> 00:20:19.359 you know what I'm saying. So it's just like and then I got 221 00:20:19.400 --> 00:20:22.319 with somebody, like I said, that had four kids, so it was 222 00:20:22.400 --> 00:20:26.839 like damn, and I was pregnant within a year. Mind you, I 223 00:20:26.880 --> 00:20:30.200 had just moved from Chicago, so you know what I'm saying, Like I 224 00:20:30.279 --> 00:20:33.279 was, I was living you know what I'm saying, Like I was good, 225 00:20:33.200 --> 00:20:37.440 but I was pregnant within the year. Why because I came back to 226 00:20:37.519 --> 00:20:40.960 Milwaukee, got in that trap, got with a nigga that have folk kids, 227 00:20:40.960 --> 00:20:45.119 and bam, I wind up having two. So you know what I'm 228 00:20:45.119 --> 00:20:48.839 saying, Like I definitely like admire you for that, like that, like 229 00:20:48.440 --> 00:20:52.319 I love that. And when I see you know what I'm saying, like 230 00:20:52.440 --> 00:20:57.200 you at a young age being loved correctly and being oh, don't cheer us, 231 00:20:59.279 --> 00:21:02.319 and being of correctly, and you know what I'm saying, like that 232 00:21:02.519 --> 00:21:06.359 really warms my heart because I'm like, damn, you know what I'm saying, 233 00:21:06.519 --> 00:21:11.519 Damn, Lisia, do that ship. Don't suck up now, because 234 00:21:11.559 --> 00:21:15.599 you know, Lisha can be a little you know, we had a conversation 235 00:21:15.680 --> 00:21:21.240 about some of her issues. Yeah when it comes to the relationship, but 236 00:21:21.759 --> 00:21:27.759 it's natural things that they bicker about, basic stuff. It's something that's major 237 00:21:27.799 --> 00:21:30.400 in the black community. So well, we're gonna dive in that real quickly. 238 00:21:30.400 --> 00:21:37.759 In a minute, TI with your standard spooky or not your standards, 239 00:21:37.799 --> 00:21:45.079 but your preferences, because standards and preferences different about that. A good main 240 00:21:45.119 --> 00:21:49.039 one for me, Like, I won't say it's something that i've it's something 241 00:21:49.079 --> 00:21:55.880 that I've grown into is emotional maturity and comprehension. What that like to you? 242 00:21:56.799 --> 00:22:00.960 So being able to not only communicate how you feel about something or how 243 00:22:02.000 --> 00:22:06.839 you feel about me, but to understand or put yourself in the other person's 244 00:22:06.839 --> 00:22:11.079 shoes when they're expressing to you how a situationbody with empathy, Yeah, how 245 00:22:11.119 --> 00:22:14.000 a situation made you feel, because you might can tell me, hey, 246 00:22:14.160 --> 00:22:17.880 this hurt, this hurt my feelings. I may not understand, I may 247 00:22:17.920 --> 00:22:21.160 not feel the same way you feel, but at least I love you enough 248 00:22:21.160 --> 00:22:22.400 to be like, Okay, I understand, then I hurt your feelings. 249 00:22:22.440 --> 00:22:26.920 I apologize that regardless if I agree with it or not. And I feel 250 00:22:26.960 --> 00:22:33.000 like a lot of people lack that that a lot of people lack accountability or 251 00:22:33.119 --> 00:22:37.599 when it's somewhere come to a point where I'm telling or I'm expressing to somebody 252 00:22:37.599 --> 00:22:41.880 how I feel, they try to shift blame and finger pointing. Yeah. 253 00:22:42.200 --> 00:22:48.000 So that's something that I'm really like growing into, Like, that's that's something 254 00:22:48.000 --> 00:22:57.079 that I need that somebody moving chairs, you know, normally I have this 255 00:22:57.359 --> 00:23:00.720 the curtain pulled all the way back, so nothing out there comes in. 256 00:23:00.759 --> 00:23:04.680 But I didn't pull it back because I gotta keep I heard it a couple 257 00:23:04.680 --> 00:23:15.319 of times, Chicken, I would have said the show, I would have 258 00:23:15.319 --> 00:23:18.000 been done that. I'd be over here on door dash, been order fooded 259 00:23:18.039 --> 00:23:22.240 and came to me midshell, I've done it before, nothing new. Uh 260 00:23:23.440 --> 00:23:30.759 Yeah, what's your toxic trait that you love in a relationship that make up 261 00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:37.279 to break up, break up to make up sex. I love it. 262 00:23:37.599 --> 00:23:41.920 I love a good argument and in a good love, are you purposefully starting 263 00:23:41.920 --> 00:23:47.279 the argument to get that kind of second a while? Yeah, I used 264 00:23:47.279 --> 00:23:49.480 to do that a lot up until recently. I used to do that a 265 00:23:49.519 --> 00:23:52.799 lot. But now I'm really trying to, like because now I'm in a 266 00:23:52.839 --> 00:23:56.559 situation where motherfucker's starting to do that to me and I'm like, no, 267 00:23:56.640 --> 00:24:02.680 I don't like that. I'm really just trying to be happy, Like I'm 268 00:24:02.720 --> 00:24:07.960 on bro and I'm just like but that ship. Yeah, I think I 269 00:24:07.960 --> 00:24:12.559 think I'm the same way. Like I like, not necessarily because I don't 270 00:24:12.680 --> 00:24:18.759 I don't start nothing. However, I so if I'm not no, because 271 00:24:18.799 --> 00:24:25.519 it's like I feel like like if I'm not getting the attention or you know 272 00:24:25.519 --> 00:24:29.759 what I'm saying, Like if it's if I'm due, I'm finna cut up, 273 00:24:30.920 --> 00:24:33.480 like if I feel like I miss you, yeah, like if I 274 00:24:33.480 --> 00:24:37.720 feel like I need reassurance, like I'm going to I'm gonna I'm gonna act 275 00:24:37.720 --> 00:24:41.839 the ass and not really act to ass, like but I will. Are 276 00:24:41.880 --> 00:24:45.039 you one of the women that you get your tub and he's like, Okay, 277 00:24:45.039 --> 00:24:48.200 I know what you want and then he got to just hand you some 278 00:24:48.279 --> 00:24:51.319 d and then you're good again. Yeah, but I'm trying not to be 279 00:24:51.440 --> 00:24:55.240 like that though, Like literally that's the text. I don't want just to 280 00:24:55.359 --> 00:24:59.559 dick though, Like I want to right, And that's the thing. Da 281 00:25:00.039 --> 00:25:02.640 don't we gonna get to that? Yeah, I want that too, but 282 00:25:03.440 --> 00:25:07.359 it's it's just like I want that quality. I want that my man like 283 00:25:07.119 --> 00:25:14.440 right, And that's the thing like that that was no no, no, 284 00:25:14.440 --> 00:25:17.839 no, not in a bad way, like you need those moments that get 285 00:25:18.160 --> 00:25:21.680 us. But there needs to be a day and time it's just me. 286 00:25:22.119 --> 00:25:26.599 It's just me, yeah, And like that was like literally the text and 287 00:25:26.839 --> 00:25:29.759 it was and I said I miss you, and it was you must want 288 00:25:29.799 --> 00:25:32.319 some dick and it was like, no, I don't want I don't just 289 00:25:32.359 --> 00:25:33.599 want the dick, like, of course I want the dick. I want 290 00:25:33.599 --> 00:25:37.640 the dick all day every day. I want that we're gonna get to the 291 00:25:37.680 --> 00:25:41.640 dick, like I want the dick Like that's not like do I gotta breathe 292 00:25:41.680 --> 00:25:48.680 type ship Like Yes, however, I miss you. I miss your presence. 293 00:25:48.759 --> 00:25:52.319 I miss hugging you, I miss being around you. I mean, 294 00:25:52.640 --> 00:25:55.920 I just want to cook for you. We vibe watching you know what I'm 295 00:25:55.880 --> 00:25:57.400 saying. Listen to a little music, have a little movie night, just 296 00:25:57.440 --> 00:26:06.599 one on one. Like right me, I'm a little bit of a manipulator. 297 00:26:07.079 --> 00:26:18.240 So I learned something new, explain so it Me and my dude get 298 00:26:18.279 --> 00:26:21.880 into an argument. And because usually I'm right, I'm like right now, 299 00:26:23.039 --> 00:26:27.559 I'm like usually right, but it comes a rare occasion that I'm not right, 300 00:26:27.720 --> 00:26:32.160 so I can I will manipulate the situation so I can be right, 301 00:26:32.279 --> 00:26:34.880 or I will manipulate the situation to make him feel bad for being right. 302 00:26:38.920 --> 00:26:48.480 He wants to marry younipulated him into that too. Don't do my girl like 303 00:26:48.519 --> 00:26:53.279 that now, I'm a little bit I mean, she owns it. So 304 00:26:55.000 --> 00:26:59.160 and it's it's not it's not often, but when he be, he'd be 305 00:26:59.240 --> 00:27:02.039 making sense some times. And I'm like, no, I can't have you 306 00:27:02.119 --> 00:27:04.359 making sense because if you're making sense now, you feel like you're gonna make 307 00:27:04.400 --> 00:27:10.559 sense later, and you not. And I hate that because when you men 308 00:27:11.359 --> 00:27:15.000 think that y'all right, Like we just had a conversation the other day when 309 00:27:15.000 --> 00:27:18.400 I'm and I'm just like he's like, yep, I'm right, and I'm 310 00:27:18.400 --> 00:27:26.839 like, we don't win too often. So much ego, Oh, it's 311 00:27:26.880 --> 00:27:32.400 so much easy. But the ego of me and you versus the ego of 312 00:27:32.519 --> 00:27:37.440 us is something you have to mature into. Yeah, and it's not always 313 00:27:37.519 --> 00:27:40.880 going to be Like a lot of both men and women, we both collectively 314 00:27:40.960 --> 00:27:44.920 deal with that, like dating and getting in a relationship and being solid. 315 00:27:45.400 --> 00:27:49.359 A lot of that transformation is just less about what me and you are doing 316 00:27:49.440 --> 00:27:52.680 and more about what are we going to do? And a lot of people 317 00:27:52.720 --> 00:27:59.480 are not prepared to give up that independency of themselves, you know. Like 318 00:27:59.559 --> 00:28:03.599 We've had a conversation in the past about financial responsibilities, and a lot of 319 00:28:03.599 --> 00:28:08.480 people refuse to give up their financial freedom, even though them being financially independent 320 00:28:08.640 --> 00:28:14.119 is actually hurting the situation more than helping it. So it does. And 321 00:28:14.240 --> 00:28:21.400 you know financials mean okay, so to be financially independent, and that's very 322 00:28:21.440 --> 00:28:25.119 important for an entrepreneur that y'all be financially yoke in order for you to understand 323 00:28:25.119 --> 00:28:29.160 before you decide to pull the trigger and go all in in the business. 324 00:28:29.640 --> 00:28:32.519 So you definitely got to be on the same page with that. All right. 325 00:28:33.000 --> 00:28:38.920 So seventy five percent of y'all are actual blood family on y'all show, 326 00:28:41.480 --> 00:28:48.200 and Bionca is basically an honorary system right at this point, Yes, blood 327 00:28:48.400 --> 00:28:52.720 family doesn't. Blood doesn't make your family, just to say that right there, 328 00:28:52.960 --> 00:28:55.920 So all of y'all are family. That's why there's a group chat. 329 00:28:56.359 --> 00:29:03.480 How how important is the opinions of those to you and your decision making when 330 00:29:03.480 --> 00:29:11.119 it comes to who you date. I'll say, for me, and I 331 00:29:11.160 --> 00:29:15.759 think we talked about this a little bit, I think it's important, and 332 00:29:15.799 --> 00:29:21.839 I think that that my answer from them from now is going to change. 333 00:29:22.200 --> 00:29:26.960 Before I was like, oh, it's not as important, But as I 334 00:29:27.039 --> 00:29:33.680 think about it, I think that it actually is important because when you have 335 00:29:33.880 --> 00:29:37.920 people that you actually trust, and I'm not just talking about just any you 336 00:29:37.920 --> 00:29:42.160 know, any anybody that I call a friend. So if I'm if I'm 337 00:29:42.200 --> 00:29:47.720 dealing with somebody or I'm having a situation, we often have these. And 338 00:29:47.759 --> 00:29:49.200 I was just telling me, she'd like, I know it's people that like 339 00:29:49.279 --> 00:29:55.640 literally be like damn, they really like yeah, But like we often have 340 00:29:55.880 --> 00:30:02.359 these what we call them update girls girls' nights. Well we basically we update 341 00:30:02.400 --> 00:30:08.720 each other on what's going on in our love life. And we're absolutely yeah 342 00:30:10.200 --> 00:30:15.559 yep, and so we're absolutely honest with everything that we say. We give 343 00:30:15.759 --> 00:30:18.680 updates, whether it be hurtful to us, whether it be it be a 344 00:30:18.720 --> 00:30:23.119 good thing, whether it be embarrassing because bitch, I done been embarrassed sometimes, 345 00:30:23.200 --> 00:30:26.920 like damn, I got to share this shit. But you know what 346 00:30:26.960 --> 00:30:30.599 I'm saying, Like, I think that when you're talking to people who, 347 00:30:30.640 --> 00:30:34.119 like I said, that you love and that you trust, and then also 348 00:30:34.960 --> 00:30:38.799 for them, they don't have anything to gain or lose. They're not trying 349 00:30:38.799 --> 00:30:41.599 to fuck my nigga. They're not you know what I'm saying, They're not 350 00:30:41.640 --> 00:30:45.960 trying to get more time with me because we see each other damn there every 351 00:30:45.000 --> 00:30:49.720 day. So it's like they don't have anything to gain or lose, and 352 00:30:49.799 --> 00:30:55.480 so all that they're telling me is what they believe to be true, you 353 00:30:55.480 --> 00:31:00.240 know what I'm saying, So it does absolutely make sense for me to and 354 00:31:00.440 --> 00:31:03.519 you know, listen to what they're saying. And because we're all different, 355 00:31:03.599 --> 00:31:07.720 so you know, those opinions do matter. Yes, Also, it's like 356 00:31:07.839 --> 00:31:11.759 we know each other best, So it's not only that, I mean, 357 00:31:11.799 --> 00:31:17.960 it's important because they know me damn near more than I know myself type of 358 00:31:17.960 --> 00:31:19.960 thing. You know what I'm saying, Like, they know the depths of 359 00:31:21.319 --> 00:31:22.759 what I have been through, you know what I'm saying. So they're not 360 00:31:22.880 --> 00:31:26.960 giving me an opinion because oh I hate that, nigga, I don't like 361 00:31:26.000 --> 00:31:29.720 it. Maybe it's really not for you, or maybe this is for you 362 00:31:29.799 --> 00:31:33.839 and you fuck it up. Like and sometimes I feel like I feel like 363 00:31:34.519 --> 00:31:40.039 we either sometimes like us females will either caught up in our emotions we don't 364 00:31:40.039 --> 00:31:44.519 want to let go or were not following the right situation. And sometimes some 365 00:31:45.000 --> 00:31:48.160 your sisters you need to be checked, like you need to be checked to 366 00:31:48.200 --> 00:31:51.680 be like okay, yeah, yeah, because there's a there's and there's a 367 00:31:51.680 --> 00:31:55.400 lot of times that we do that we like literally we may not talk in 368 00:31:55.480 --> 00:31:59.200 the group chat for maybe you know, a day, and then somebody would 369 00:31:59.200 --> 00:32:01.559 come in and be like, Okay, that's some bullshit. Hey meet up, 370 00:32:01.680 --> 00:32:05.039 you're gonna have to shit out, Like yeah. It be times where 371 00:32:05.079 --> 00:32:07.519 you need to be checked by your and you need to be checked by your 372 00:32:07.519 --> 00:32:09.880 peers. And who better to hold you accountable than the people that you call 373 00:32:09.960 --> 00:32:13.759 family, the people that opinions you value, both really good or bad, 374 00:32:13.759 --> 00:32:15.799 whether you're doing something good or you're doing something bad, Like we not gonna 375 00:32:15.799 --> 00:32:19.400 steer each other wrong, right, And I mean, at the end of 376 00:32:19.440 --> 00:32:22.039 the day, it's good to have your own opinion, you your own individual 377 00:32:22.119 --> 00:32:25.279 but the people that love you is only going to give you advice because they 378 00:32:25.279 --> 00:32:28.920 love you. They're not It's I don't feel I will. I don't never 379 00:32:29.000 --> 00:32:31.559 feel like, oh, she's just saying this because she you know what I'm 380 00:32:31.559 --> 00:32:35.920 saying. She feels some type of way, like I really genuinely love these 381 00:32:35.920 --> 00:32:37.119 women, like and I know like, at the end of the day, 382 00:32:37.119 --> 00:32:40.920 they have my best interest, so it's only right there. I don't have 383 00:32:42.000 --> 00:32:44.880 to take their opinion, but it's only right that I consider their opinion. 384 00:32:45.119 --> 00:32:47.359 Like I feel like that's just a low of me. Yeah, Alicia, 385 00:32:47.400 --> 00:32:51.640 have they talked you out of doing something stupid in your relationship? Yeah? 386 00:32:52.039 --> 00:32:55.400 Yeah, yeah, they didn't see me. I'm one of them. I'm 387 00:32:55.440 --> 00:33:02.160 so logical that I don't pick up emotional stuff, so I overstep emotions or 388 00:33:02.200 --> 00:33:07.160 like emotional things that like I'm supposed to catch, but I don't catch because 389 00:33:07.160 --> 00:33:09.799 I'm so logical. So they be like, wait, no, no, 390 00:33:09.799 --> 00:33:14.039 no, this, this is what you need to do for this, this, 391 00:33:14.039 --> 00:33:16.000 this, this, like we just had this Thursday, like, yeah, 392 00:33:16.079 --> 00:33:20.240 you you missed that sign. You need to go back and yeah, 393 00:33:20.279 --> 00:33:24.880 and that there are times when like even when like when Alicia talks about like 394 00:33:24.960 --> 00:33:29.200 her preferences and things that she wants like out of life and stuff like that. 395 00:33:29.519 --> 00:33:35.960 It's it's it's it's all logic. It's not based off of emotions at 396 00:33:35.960 --> 00:33:40.759 all. Okay, do y'all parents ever play a factor in y'all decision're making 397 00:33:40.759 --> 00:33:47.440 with who you date? No? Yes, Okay, you are old enough 398 00:33:47.440 --> 00:33:54.319 that your mama and daddy shouldn't even matter anyway. You're right, Okay, 399 00:33:55.640 --> 00:34:00.519 I don't even feel like you listen to your parents, I don't think, 400 00:34:02.720 --> 00:34:10.760 but you did say yes. Why so I've been doing a little sol and 401 00:34:12.719 --> 00:34:16.719 I was talking to my dude and his parents. You know, they've been 402 00:34:16.760 --> 00:34:20.639 together for a real long time. Is that just like you know, in 403 00:34:20.679 --> 00:34:25.119 the sixties, and you know he has you know, vivid memories, good 404 00:34:25.199 --> 00:34:30.880 memories of his family. And I'm like, when it comes to my turn 405 00:34:30.920 --> 00:34:35.119 to talk, I'm like, I've never seen my biological parents like kiss, 406 00:34:35.559 --> 00:34:40.400 hug, be like any like emotional. It was just like all transactional and 407 00:34:40.519 --> 00:34:45.000 logically like, hey, my dad, I'm f in a barbecue tonight. 408 00:34:45.239 --> 00:34:49.239 If y'all need anything, talk to you mama, Like you know what I'm 409 00:34:49.239 --> 00:34:52.440 saying that That was really it. So I think most of it, especially 410 00:34:52.559 --> 00:34:58.840 the emotional side, Like I'm not like my emotional IQ is probably at a 411 00:34:58.880 --> 00:35:06.960 negative. So I'm more logical and I think, Okay, well we can 412 00:35:07.000 --> 00:35:10.679 do this and this is an equal this not negating all the emotions that come 413 00:35:10.760 --> 00:35:15.159 with this, this and this. I don't know if I'm making any sense. 414 00:35:15.199 --> 00:35:17.880 And you know, yeah, and you know what, that's very interesting 415 00:35:17.960 --> 00:35:22.599 that you said that, Like as far as because like your question, you 416 00:35:22.639 --> 00:35:27.920 know, like does do your parents play apart? Like now, like as 417 00:35:27.960 --> 00:35:30.239 far as like me call on the phone and saying, Mama, what do 418 00:35:30.280 --> 00:35:34.960 you think about this. No, but when I think about what I grew 419 00:35:35.119 --> 00:35:40.719 up, seeing absolutely absolutely plays a part and how I deal with me. 420 00:35:40.840 --> 00:35:47.079 And you know, just how I see my my mother interact with her husband, 421 00:35:47.239 --> 00:35:50.119 and you know, I see it all the time, or I say 422 00:35:50.119 --> 00:35:52.800 it all the time, like how I see my aunts and you know, 423 00:35:52.920 --> 00:35:58.719 my grandmothers and acts with their husband. They were all married. You know 424 00:35:58.760 --> 00:36:05.199 what I'm saying, Like I like, I don't I don't have any flusies. 425 00:36:05.480 --> 00:36:09.360 I don't have any flu like like all literally all of my all of 426 00:36:09.400 --> 00:36:15.639 my aunts, they did not leave the house until they got married, every 427 00:36:15.679 --> 00:36:22.599 single last one of them. Yeah, So that definitely played a part in 428 00:36:23.760 --> 00:36:28.559 and plays a part in how I deal with the men in my life. 429 00:36:29.000 --> 00:36:35.079 The Yeah, he's overly emotional, very like in tune with his emotions. 430 00:36:35.400 --> 00:36:40.840 And it's like I feel, but it's like I show emotions by doing instead 431 00:36:40.840 --> 00:36:45.079 of by speaking. So like I can make sure everything is good, you 432 00:36:45.119 --> 00:36:50.440 got everything that you need to have a up see, I can be logical 433 00:36:50.480 --> 00:36:52.960 for dective week. I want somebody to speak to me, but I can't 434 00:36:53.039 --> 00:36:59.920 speak, like I won't, Like I love words of affirmation, like that's 435 00:37:00.559 --> 00:37:04.199 love language, but I don't know how to yeah, yeah, and see 436 00:37:04.199 --> 00:37:07.920 I want that. I want reassurance, like like I want you to touch 437 00:37:07.960 --> 00:37:12.159 me. Like if you don't touch me, there's a problem. Yeah, 438 00:37:12.360 --> 00:37:15.320 you don't love me. No more, like what's up? We just yeah, 439 00:37:15.440 --> 00:37:17.599 like what the is you my homeboy? So you don't need know that. 440 00:37:17.719 --> 00:37:21.199 I just need to consider, especially like when we out at a bar, 441 00:37:21.400 --> 00:37:27.400 like you just be drunk and vibe and like here mane for me. 442 00:37:27.639 --> 00:37:34.760 It's like like I like you are yes, heard me definitely friendly? Oh 443 00:37:34.880 --> 00:37:42.400 my god, we'd be having fun listen. But no. Yeah. But 444 00:37:42.440 --> 00:37:45.719 then okay, so well you said he was gonna talk about that later, 445 00:37:45.760 --> 00:37:50.000 so we're here now. Okay, it's later. So preferences versus standards. 446 00:37:50.360 --> 00:37:53.360 So when we talked about preferences, that's why, Like the first thing that 447 00:37:53.400 --> 00:37:58.760 I brought up was I need you to know how to dress. So I 448 00:37:58.800 --> 00:38:02.079 think those type of things that can possibly be bent our preferences. I need 449 00:38:02.119 --> 00:38:05.519 you to know how to dress. I need you to not be skinny. 450 00:38:07.159 --> 00:38:08.840 I can't. Yeah, I can't. I can't fuck with no skinny dude. 451 00:38:09.199 --> 00:38:17.840 There's absolutely no way. I can't. No, mother, I can't. 452 00:38:19.480 --> 00:38:22.079 I need I need a stocky. I need you to, I need 453 00:38:22.119 --> 00:38:31.280 you to feel inside a man. Okay, look like I'm straight, and 454 00:38:31.320 --> 00:38:36.960 I don't need no super big either. That's a preference. That's a preference, 455 00:38:37.280 --> 00:38:39.599 but a standard. Yes, I need you to have a job. 456 00:38:40.480 --> 00:38:45.559 Do I need you to have a job making a certain amount? Not necessarily. 457 00:38:45.719 --> 00:38:49.840 I just need you to be making enough to where you're not in my 458 00:38:50.000 --> 00:38:54.440 pockets, but to wear your needs or yeah, your needs, because your 459 00:38:54.480 --> 00:38:58.760 wants is a different thing. Well, actually your ones too, but your 460 00:38:58.880 --> 00:39:02.880 needs should not impede on what the fuck I got going on, And you're 461 00:39:02.880 --> 00:39:07.159 not saying to me on a consistent basis, I need you to help me 462 00:39:07.239 --> 00:39:09.800 pay my bills. I need you to you know what I'm saying, because 463 00:39:09.800 --> 00:39:13.239 I'm not gonna do the same thing to you. So what if he only 464 00:39:13.280 --> 00:39:15.760 got enough to pay his bills, and that's absolutely fine, So you okay 465 00:39:15.800 --> 00:39:19.639 with like him not being able to take you on a day. However, 466 00:39:19.840 --> 00:39:27.360 so this is the thing differently, but he only he got a job, 467 00:39:27.400 --> 00:39:30.000 but he only got enough to pay his bills. So I'm not gonna be 468 00:39:30.159 --> 00:39:34.840 I'm not gonna be okay with that. I'm not gonna be okay. It's 469 00:39:34.960 --> 00:39:38.159 not able to have. Well, don't hear me out, I shouldn't want 470 00:39:38.239 --> 00:39:43.880 to date, Okay, Like, if all I make is enough to get 471 00:39:44.000 --> 00:39:47.880 by, adding someone new into my lifetime is adding a new expense. I 472 00:39:47.920 --> 00:39:51.800 need to be prepared for this new expense, even though we may not go 473 00:39:51.880 --> 00:39:55.400 out every Thursday to eat or whatnot. But I should still be able to 474 00:39:55.440 --> 00:40:00.480 afford to be able to add you to my life because you still have birthday, 475 00:40:00.559 --> 00:40:04.599 you have holidays, we may go somewhere, we may spend time I've 476 00:40:04.639 --> 00:40:08.199 created. I need to create an expense for you, okay. And it 477 00:40:08.280 --> 00:40:12.760 may not it could be large amount. It could just be enough that it 478 00:40:12.840 --> 00:40:15.880 costs to go for a meal. I can't make that kind of adjustment. 479 00:40:16.119 --> 00:40:20.440 Yeah, I shouldn't be dating until I can figure out how to make that 480 00:40:20.519 --> 00:40:23.599 adjustment. Whether it's adding the job, getting a better job, saying fuck 481 00:40:23.679 --> 00:40:27.480 this job, whatever the case may be. Whatever you need to do, 482 00:40:27.559 --> 00:40:29.960 you need to be able to afford to at the extra space, right, 483 00:40:30.000 --> 00:40:31.400 And that's right, And that's what I was gonna say, Like, there 484 00:40:31.519 --> 00:40:39.280 has to be some type of plan that you can level up, whether it 485 00:40:39.440 --> 00:40:45.280 be you know, me assisting you and putting in you know what I'm saying, 486 00:40:45.320 --> 00:40:46.559 like, hey, let's let's talk about let's see. You know what 487 00:40:46.559 --> 00:40:49.599 I'm saying, What type of shit do you like to do? Do you 488 00:40:49.679 --> 00:40:52.239 got a hobby? You know? Is this something that you can make some 489 00:40:52.280 --> 00:40:55.239 money out of? You know? Like with Glenn, the last relationship that 490 00:40:55.280 --> 00:41:00.760 I had, he was an electrician. He's getting you know what I'm saying, 491 00:41:00.760 --> 00:41:05.880 He's getting these jobs, and unfortunately, because of some things that was 492 00:41:05.920 --> 00:41:08.239 going on in his personal life, he was not able to keep the jobs. 493 00:41:08.639 --> 00:41:13.800 So me being a woman, like I've been making money from you know, 494 00:41:13.880 --> 00:41:20.159 since I was thirteen, and I automatically have that entrepreneurial mindset. Dude, 495 00:41:20.199 --> 00:41:24.440 you're you're an electrician. You can make money with this. And it 496 00:41:24.559 --> 00:41:29.039 wasn't until I put that seat in his head to say, damn, you 497 00:41:29.079 --> 00:41:31.280 know what, let me go ahead and do this, you know what I'm 498 00:41:31.280 --> 00:41:37.960 saying. So you have to be able to if you're not financially where you 499 00:41:38.239 --> 00:41:43.679 think you should be as far as you know, I'm paying my bills. 500 00:41:43.760 --> 00:41:51.639 Yes, I'm okay. However, sorry text from the kids, But I 501 00:41:51.679 --> 00:41:53.960 need to I know that I need to level up because that's the same way 502 00:41:53.960 --> 00:41:59.119 that I think if I'm having issues with my you know what I'm saying, 503 00:41:59.119 --> 00:42:01.599 with my bills and stuff like that. Guess what, I need to do 504 00:42:01.639 --> 00:42:06.079 something to level up. That's how I started cooking, because you know what 505 00:42:06.679 --> 00:42:08.599 I'm Yes, I'm I'm working a job. I got a pretty good job, 506 00:42:09.039 --> 00:42:14.039 but I also have this this that I also have four kids. You 507 00:42:14.119 --> 00:42:19.199 know what I'm saying. So it's like we just can't be complacent and where 508 00:42:19.239 --> 00:42:22.760 we are and just like, Okay, I'm just gonna bring another person along 509 00:42:22.119 --> 00:42:27.639 because on my birthday I needed I need a birthday gift. On Valentine's Day, 510 00:42:27.679 --> 00:42:30.559 I need a Valentine's Day gift. Like I used to tell Glenn, 511 00:42:30.840 --> 00:42:34.360 I need to go out on dates. You're not just gonna hide meet in 512 00:42:34.440 --> 00:42:37.000 the fucking crib. But I'm your woman, Like I'm your woman, woman. 513 00:42:37.559 --> 00:42:42.039 No niggas showed me off, bitch. You know what I'm saying. 514 00:42:42.119 --> 00:42:52.960 Let me get dressed up, take me on the tam daddy you that. 515 00:42:55.039 --> 00:43:00.840 But yes, so those those preferences and standard I think are a lot different. 516 00:43:01.159 --> 00:43:05.920 And I think that when we talk about standards, that a lot of 517 00:43:06.000 --> 00:43:12.480 us have problems with people expressing their standards. However, I think that when 518 00:43:12.519 --> 00:43:17.679 you express your standards. There's a fine line between being like disrespectful and degrading. 519 00:43:19.159 --> 00:43:22.199 Because I've had, like, I watched some a podcast the other day 520 00:43:22.320 --> 00:43:27.760 and it was a bunch of yeah it was me and so it was doctor 521 00:43:27.880 --> 00:43:31.320 doctor Boyce Watkins, and I forgot the name of the other guy. But 522 00:43:31.440 --> 00:43:37.239 the other guy he has this whole thought process where you know, he comes 523 00:43:37.280 --> 00:43:39.480 down so hard on single moms, and of course I'm a single mom, 524 00:43:39.599 --> 00:43:45.199 so I'm automatically, you know what I'm saying, took it personal. However, 525 00:43:45.599 --> 00:43:50.079 some of the things that he was saying it made sense to me, 526 00:43:50.239 --> 00:43:52.559 but then some of the other things that he was saying made me sick to 527 00:43:52.639 --> 00:43:55.559 my stomach because of the delivery, and I had to turn it off. 528 00:43:55.559 --> 00:44:00.480 And I was like, folks like you, like, you don't have to 529 00:44:00.519 --> 00:44:06.440 be disrespectful, right. I think part of the problem with that is somewhere 530 00:44:06.960 --> 00:44:12.000 over the course of the last two years pre Kevin Samuels, when folks talk 531 00:44:12.000 --> 00:44:15.320 about relationships, especially in the black community, it's a lot of finger pointing 532 00:44:15.320 --> 00:44:22.079 in regards to it, and we tend to generalize things that should just be 533 00:44:22.239 --> 00:44:25.360 individual, Like there's things that Tie likes that Lisha doesn't like that. You 534 00:44:25.519 --> 00:44:30.719 may be okay with once or twice, so because TI doesn't like it. 535 00:44:31.159 --> 00:44:35.440 Now my argument is, oh, women don't like this, and that's not 536 00:44:35.519 --> 00:44:39.519 the case. Then you get situations like Kevin Samuels, who, once you 537 00:44:39.639 --> 00:44:44.000 go back and actually listen to them, said a lot of great things that 538 00:44:44.119 --> 00:44:49.199 made perfectly good sense. But because a lot of times people felt attacked because 539 00:44:49.199 --> 00:44:52.800 of his delivery, it wasn't received. So sometimes that conversation just needs to 540 00:44:52.840 --> 00:44:59.039 be readjusted. There is nothing wrong with you having your standards. Because I 541 00:44:59.039 --> 00:45:01.199 have a standard where I to date white women. I would never date a 542 00:45:01.239 --> 00:45:06.480 white woman. Never will never date a white women. I have. I 543 00:45:06.519 --> 00:45:13.880 have my current and historical reasons why why I won't. And I will say 544 00:45:13.880 --> 00:45:19.599 that sometimes and white women would be like, they'll get offended, Like why 545 00:45:19.599 --> 00:45:22.360 are you offended? Because if you don't want to talk to me to begin 546 00:45:22.440 --> 00:45:24.719 with, it shouldn't matter that I choose not to. Okay, But now 547 00:45:24.760 --> 00:45:35.039 if I say no black ones though, who said that Lindy she was more 548 00:45:35.119 --> 00:45:44.719 nigga didn't want than anything? But uh no, see that standards. But 549 00:45:44.800 --> 00:45:50.559 no, that's seriously because I won't. But that is like we stand firm 550 00:45:50.599 --> 00:45:54.360 on our standards, and I think that's where people need to respect that and 551 00:45:54.440 --> 00:46:00.079 stop putting prejudice standards on individual just because because I'll see guys who go on 552 00:46:00.119 --> 00:46:02.239 a day and they'll be like, well, I need my woman to do 553 00:46:02.320 --> 00:46:07.280 ABCD, which to me is like not necessary, Like why do you care 554 00:46:07.280 --> 00:46:09.719 if she cooks her clean? Well you should care she cooks the clean, 555 00:46:09.719 --> 00:46:13.880 but why does this have to be a requirement Because before you met her, 556 00:46:14.159 --> 00:46:16.920 did you not have your own place where you have to do your own cooking 557 00:46:16.960 --> 00:46:22.639 and cleaning? So why are you adding unnecessary standards that are archaic in a 558 00:46:22.719 --> 00:46:27.159 mind state? To begin with Black people, we tend to focus so much 559 00:46:27.199 --> 00:46:34.079 on titles, gender roles, and unnecessary stuff that we're not even working towards 560 00:46:34.119 --> 00:46:37.559 real relationships. And to be honest with you, black folks don't even want 561 00:46:37.559 --> 00:46:43.599 to get married no more. And that's definitely true. Like my whole thought 562 00:46:43.639 --> 00:46:50.719 press over marriage, it's totally changed, Like men can't be Men's attention span 563 00:46:50.880 --> 00:46:55.119 is not long enough to be with one person solely one person consistently for an 564 00:46:55.159 --> 00:47:00.159 extended amount of time. And you know what, I would love to to 565 00:47:00.199 --> 00:47:08.039 figure out what the statistics are on the reason why marriage ends. Because the 566 00:47:08.079 --> 00:47:14.559 reason why I say this is because I've seen multiple times where people are saying 567 00:47:14.599 --> 00:47:20.480 that black women are actually the ones that are filing for divorce at a higher 568 00:47:20.599 --> 00:47:25.440 rate than black men. Yes, but they fail to actually cite the reasoning 569 00:47:25.960 --> 00:47:31.639 as to why those black women are quicker to or not even quicker, because 570 00:47:31.679 --> 00:47:36.079 there's no there's no timeline to say, oh, I got fed up on 571 00:47:36.119 --> 00:47:39.480 this day and then you know what I'm saying, But there's no there's nothing 572 00:47:39.760 --> 00:47:45.679 or no one is actually saying this is the data on why they're actually filing 573 00:47:45.679 --> 00:47:51.679 for divorce in the first place. Well, let's let's let's stop and let's 574 00:47:51.679 --> 00:47:55.320 flip that a little bit. The question is not why women black women are 575 00:47:55.320 --> 00:48:00.400 filing for divorce more because at the end of the day, it's usually munication, 576 00:48:00.599 --> 00:48:04.880 financials, and infidelity. Okay, there used to be three. The 577 00:48:05.000 --> 00:48:09.480 issue should be wire black men probably for divorce less. Why because in most 578 00:48:09.559 --> 00:48:14.880 cases, the black man or the man period is the one that has more 579 00:48:14.920 --> 00:48:20.039 to lose, So a lot of times they'll just suffer in silence. Okay, 580 00:48:20.119 --> 00:48:22.320 I'm not saying that women won't either, because there's definitely some women who 581 00:48:22.320 --> 00:48:28.119 will stay in an abusive relationship because they don't see it out. But more 582 00:48:28.159 --> 00:48:35.719 importantly, he checks all the boxes, and even though there's this infidelity issue 583 00:48:35.800 --> 00:48:38.920 going on over here, I musa still stay because I'm living the dream I've 584 00:48:38.960 --> 00:48:43.280 always wanted to live when it comes to the house, the car, and 585 00:48:43.360 --> 00:48:45.000 the status that I have. Okay, So I got a question for you, 586 00:48:45.119 --> 00:48:50.159 though, Is that really the plight of the black woman though, in 587 00:48:50.239 --> 00:48:55.079 the relationship though between between men and women the way society has perceived it. 588 00:48:55.360 --> 00:49:05.639 Unfortunately, yes, status perceived. But I'm saying realistically, our black men 589 00:49:05.920 --> 00:49:13.440 actually are actually our black men statistically. And it's a lot of motherfuckers that's 590 00:49:13.480 --> 00:49:16.880 gonna get mad at this, but I don't care, bitch uh. Statistically 591 00:49:17.639 --> 00:49:23.960 our black men actually making more than black women in a sense to say that 592 00:49:24.239 --> 00:49:32.519 black women are staying because I got it good over here financially, no hold 593 00:49:32.559 --> 00:49:42.280 on, say something like a minute, Oh you fine? I think to 594 00:49:43.000 --> 00:49:46.000 what tone was saying about status and financial I think when you combine it so 595 00:49:46.360 --> 00:49:52.239 typically the black men probably make maybe about five thousand dollars more than the average 596 00:49:52.239 --> 00:49:55.440 black woman, but when you combine it together, they're over a six figure 597 00:49:55.840 --> 00:50:00.480 income annually, which is pretty powerful as a cub, right, So that 598 00:50:00.800 --> 00:50:07.119 part, yes, And then it has been a little play of you know, 599 00:50:07.280 --> 00:50:10.599 sprinkle sprinkle, getting you a body of the NFA. All of its 600 00:50:10.639 --> 00:50:17.880 that. From your perspective, yes, women are doing it all, doing 601 00:50:17.960 --> 00:50:22.400 it big and doing it on their own. But the fact that you could 602 00:50:22.920 --> 00:50:27.360 don't have to do it if you get you a good man holds more weight 603 00:50:27.679 --> 00:50:31.320 than the amount of money you bring in. My girls' moms make three times 604 00:50:31.400 --> 00:50:36.199 more than I do because of the field that she's in, So she can 605 00:50:36.280 --> 00:50:40.639 easily go out and just do everything on her own, but she didn't want 606 00:50:40.719 --> 00:50:46.559 to because us being together worked better. It was more sustainable, it's less 607 00:50:46.599 --> 00:50:52.599 stress. The girls have both parents and the household. The girls were able 608 00:50:52.679 --> 00:50:54.280 to be able to do whatever they want. The girls didn't have to go 609 00:50:54.400 --> 00:50:58.599 through what we had to go through as kids. They didn't have to see 610 00:50:58.679 --> 00:51:00.480 none of the things that we have to see. See living in Chicago, 611 00:51:00.599 --> 00:51:07.440 living in Milwaukee, living in Mississippi. So that status looks great. It's 612 00:51:07.719 --> 00:51:13.840 tolerable. Even though we may have our conflicts. Okay, today's society, 613 00:51:14.039 --> 00:51:19.320 marriage is not an option because we run after first conflict. We are a 614 00:51:19.400 --> 00:51:27.000 microwave. Jen Alpha is a microwave generation where I don't have to stay here 615 00:51:27.079 --> 00:51:30.719 and fix this problem with you, because I can log on and I can 616 00:51:30.840 --> 00:51:35.360 log on Facebook and I can be talking to Tie about my problems and she'd 617 00:51:35.400 --> 00:51:37.039 be like, Oh, you ain't got to stay there, Come over here, 618 00:51:37.280 --> 00:51:40.440 come to death row We're good over here. So now I gotta fix 619 00:51:40.519 --> 00:51:44.280 this issue, even though you could have been the best thing that ever happened 620 00:51:44.280 --> 00:51:47.360 to me, the best thing that can ever happen to me. And then 621 00:51:47.440 --> 00:51:52.840 as women, I know, y'all get dick though at y'all daily, whether 622 00:51:52.920 --> 00:51:57.039 you want it or not. Okay, so, y'all will have endless options, 623 00:51:57.360 --> 00:52:02.880 but the option you currently have for you mentally, emotionally, spiritually is 624 00:52:02.960 --> 00:52:07.239 better than anything that this man with this one hundred thousand dollars in his bank 625 00:52:07.239 --> 00:52:12.880 account is presenting to you. But okay, so again, because you no, 626 00:52:12.960 --> 00:52:14.960 no, no, I know, I danced around a little bit. 627 00:52:15.159 --> 00:52:17.199 Yeah, so so because the answer is still yes, but it's also no 628 00:52:17.360 --> 00:52:22.519 at the same time. And that's gonna be our next episode. Okay, 629 00:52:22.760 --> 00:52:27.960 keep going. Because I think because when we talk about when we talk about 630 00:52:28.039 --> 00:52:32.519 divorce, I think that typically when a when a woman, and specifically, 631 00:52:32.679 --> 00:52:37.679 like you said, we're talking about black women specifically, when a woman decides 632 00:52:37.760 --> 00:52:40.960 that she's going to fiul for divorce, or that she's going to even just 633 00:52:42.119 --> 00:52:45.599 break up with her boyfriend, with her man, or let's just keep it 634 00:52:45.679 --> 00:52:52.199 real, somebody's that she's fucking she's literally at her last she's literally at her 635 00:52:52.400 --> 00:52:58.400 last breaking point. Most women do not just say, oh, there's a 636 00:52:58.480 --> 00:53:00.639 problem, let me get you, get the fuck up, and me go. 637 00:53:00.159 --> 00:53:05.800 Most women don't do that. So when you say that black women are 638 00:53:06.760 --> 00:53:12.400 at the top or they file for divorce more than men do, absolutely they 639 00:53:12.519 --> 00:53:16.079 probably do because they were probably at their fucking breaking point and couldn't take it 640 00:53:16.159 --> 00:53:23.920 anymore, whereas men just one second, whereas men, whereas men, y'all 641 00:53:23.960 --> 00:53:30.239 will stay around because y'all, because of like you said, because what it's 642 00:53:30.400 --> 00:53:34.360 in for y'all, y'all will stay around and still want to do the same 643 00:53:34.480 --> 00:53:37.719 bullshit that y'all doing. Y'all will stay around and still expect for a woman 644 00:53:37.840 --> 00:53:43.559 to love y'all and respect y'all, and and and be there for y'all when 645 00:53:43.599 --> 00:53:46.199 you out in the streets doing fuck shit and you embarrassing me. Why I 646 00:53:46.239 --> 00:53:50.760 don't want to get married because there's a lot of married men in my inbox. 647 00:53:52.079 --> 00:53:58.119 You like, believe me, I've seen y'all inboxes. So I know 648 00:53:58.719 --> 00:54:09.199 y'all don't know podcast producer, I see all the timeline that off because I 649 00:54:09.280 --> 00:54:13.360 can and I'm not even just talking about these three. I'm talking in general. 650 00:54:13.480 --> 00:54:15.760 Nigga, y'all need to kill the fuck out. Yeah, So I 651 00:54:15.840 --> 00:54:21.960 think so when that when they try to make that, yeah, it's like 652 00:54:22.039 --> 00:54:24.679 a negative thing and say always black women that don't want to get married. 653 00:54:24.800 --> 00:54:30.320 No, it's we're tired. And I think that a lot of black women 654 00:54:30.719 --> 00:54:36.280 I don't think. Fuck I know, yeah, like we have been tired 655 00:54:36.400 --> 00:54:42.239 for a very long time. So when you see I ain't done. So 656 00:54:42.360 --> 00:54:47.639 when you see things and you see the sprinkle sprinkle, when you see the 657 00:54:49.159 --> 00:54:52.280 you know what I'm saying, all of that ship that is that, that's 658 00:54:52.440 --> 00:54:55.400 we're trying to fight back from that because I, like I said, I've 659 00:54:55.519 --> 00:55:00.440 seen my my mother. I've seen my mother be a housewife. I see 660 00:55:00.559 --> 00:55:04.559 my mother. You know what I'm saying, be good to a man who 661 00:55:05.519 --> 00:55:07.920 and I'm not. We talked about that before a lot, and I'm talking 662 00:55:07.960 --> 00:55:13.800 about my my biological father. I've seen that were that be fucked up and 663 00:55:13.960 --> 00:55:16.960 who fucked it up? The man fucked it up, not my mama. 664 00:55:17.239 --> 00:55:21.960 So you know what my mother did. My mother got a divorce, she 665 00:55:22.119 --> 00:55:25.480 bought a house, she got two degrees, and she raised her children. 666 00:55:25.639 --> 00:55:30.159 And then she married a man that was able to take care of her and 667 00:55:30.320 --> 00:55:34.079 do what he was supposed to do as a man. Whereas me seeing that, 668 00:55:34.679 --> 00:55:39.320 I fucking tired. Yeah, my mom is the fucking bomb. She's 669 00:55:39.400 --> 00:55:49.079 not single, right, you're still married? Nigga? No, but no, 670 00:55:49.239 --> 00:55:51.239 go ahead, no, but we're gonna we're gonna put a pin on 671 00:55:51.360 --> 00:55:53.199 that one because that's a whole. That's the next episode of the group chat 672 00:55:53.840 --> 00:55:59.199 because it's three women actually four technically fine, she just walked away. I 673 00:55:59.280 --> 00:56:07.639 wasn't gonna win, wayhaking their head on the side like I'm not gonna win 674 00:56:07.719 --> 00:56:13.320 this. Let me. I'm hungry, I'm weak, I can't fight. 675 00:56:13.440 --> 00:56:16.079 No mo coming next. You need to you know, when you get your 676 00:56:16.159 --> 00:56:20.000 hog last and here period. Don't talk about her now. I can talk 677 00:56:20.000 --> 00:56:23.159 about it. I love her too, but still she'd be she'd be common, 678 00:56:23.360 --> 00:56:28.280 but she needs to be See what I'm saying, but I want to 679 00:56:28.280 --> 00:56:30.360 thank you lady. I'm gonna have to cut this one short. It was 680 00:56:30.400 --> 00:56:37.519 getting good too. This is this is part one. Part two will be 681 00:56:37.599 --> 00:56:42.519 on inside the group chat because you know, I'm supposed to come on y'all 682 00:56:42.559 --> 00:56:49.000 show next time anyway, so we will finish this conversation. Hopefully the other 683 00:56:49.079 --> 00:56:52.800 one is here so we can have a full blown conversation. But make sure 684 00:56:52.880 --> 00:56:58.559 y'all checkus out on streaming platforms that's Freaker, Spotify, iHeart Radio. Make 685 00:56:58.639 --> 00:57:01.000 sure you like share this, follow us at the Death Fresh show as well 686 00:57:01.079 --> 00:57:06.280 as inside the chat. I mean, this is a dope conversation. Uh, 687 00:57:07.559 --> 00:57:10.119 hopefully by the time this drop, it should be almost your birthday. 688 00:57:10.440 --> 00:57:20.599 Okay, thirty thirty. Enlighten what we're doing. So we got a two 689 00:57:20.679 --> 00:57:24.800 day bit. You know, I'm not extra going out the group chat. 690 00:57:25.320 --> 00:57:30.599 Oh yeah, Lord, please help me, Please pray for us that weekend, 691 00:57:30.880 --> 00:57:34.840 y'all get three hours of my time. That so Friday up twelfth, 692 00:57:34.960 --> 00:57:43.000 we're having a little freakingnick kickback at the crib, you know vibes. Oh 693 00:57:43.079 --> 00:57:45.000 my dad he on a grill on the ones, and so I'm probably gonna 694 00:57:45.199 --> 00:57:52.079 shout out to demo pull up for that and then my official birthday is Saturday, 695 00:57:52.119 --> 00:57:55.440 April thirteenth. If y'all don't remember, that's today, NICKI MI gonna 696 00:57:55.440 --> 00:58:01.280 be here. Hey, don't do nick Yeah, we all we're gonna outside. 697 00:58:01.440 --> 00:58:07.599 I don't know she's c but her attitude ugly and it's a blackout. 698 00:58:07.679 --> 00:58:15.519 It's a black So if you come on Saturday's Dominatrix Dominatrix Blackout, Oh we 699 00:58:15.599 --> 00:58:22.159 had room seven. Yeah, that is the Dominatrix ladies out that night and 700 00:58:22.360 --> 00:58:28.880 all black. It is with the whoops and chains, handcuffs, mask. 701 00:58:29.559 --> 00:58:32.480 We're doing it real dirty for my thirtieth. So yeah, but with that 702 00:58:32.599 --> 00:58:36.519 being said, we're about to get out of here because these child I gotta 703 00:58:36.559 --> 00:58:39.760 go prep for these egg rolls child anyway, get it,