Right, so did you. They're gonna be tags maam, chill out?
Okay, can we get the party started first? What's the saying? What's
going on? Everybody? Welcome to another edition of the Death Fresh Show.
Is I mister tone Death? I am off camera today because I didn't get
a haircut yet, so y'all not gonna see me for this particular episode.
But then again, for the song entire tour, y'all ain't seen me,
so it's new. But as you can see today, I am not joined
by my partner in crime because for this last episode of the say the Best
for that, for this last for this last stop on the What Is Love
Tour, I decided to uh bring a few of my most honest friends with
me on this particular trip. Uh. If you have ever had an opportunity
to sit down and catch their show, they should not be on Saturday during
the daytime. I take that much. But I am joined by seventy five
percent of the Inside the Group Chat podcast for this particular episode today. So
how you ladies doing today? We're good, Well, I'm good. Yeah,
you just ate so you should be cool. So, for those of
you who have not listened to your podcast, yet uh introduced yourselves. Let's
start with the start with the one with the cup in her hand, and
that be me. Hey, y'all, what's up this little baby Bianca?
I am one of the hosts of Inside the Group. Yeah, yeah,
that's me. What's up? Hey, y'all, Hey y'all. My name
is Alicia. Hey, hey, y'all, I'm tied and these are my
three headaches. It's toning the headaches, you know what? You know,
I really don't really thank you. You're not really my headache. I have
had people I have worked with that really do stress me out trying to work
with them. You three are not here. I really wanted her to come
because I knew she was gonna talk her ship all right, but I'm gonna
get her on her ass about the pleasure because we're having this conversation because of
her. But no, y'all really have not been too too big of a
headache. Actually, I learned more and more about each one of y'all every
single episode, which is very eye opening. And y'all are not the good
girls that I once thought you were, especially me. I'm an angel.
She got a dark side in her too, but everybody has a dark everybody
had a dark side. It is just that, you know, I put
her on a higher pedestal than the rest of y'all because Lindsay said Tom could
be the biggest headache. Amen. Hallelu who see Lindsey and I just showed
her so much love and proud of her in the whole nine yards not too
long ago, because you know, she almost getting her to graduate. Yeah,
and we need to have her own hair while she joining us in the
grass both day. So today's episode is about dating preferences. And one thing
I realized is as black people, because that's all were gonna talk about these
black people. I don't give a care what nobody and other other race,
creed or culture do. We only talking about black folks because we are only
black folks. We tend to have either no preference at all or some of
the most outrageous requirements in regards today they what are some of y'all must haves
when y'all choose y'all mates, Because I don't know if y'all got a man
now or not, Like based on the way the show go one week,
y'all might, the other week you might not. You just gotta figure out
when you tune in. You just keep an Excel spreadsheet, y'all. So
do we want to talk? Okay? So, so what are some what
are must haves? Like? What is something that over the course of your
lifetime whatever guy or girl can sexualizy's the spectrum that you date. They just
it's just got to be there. I cannot not have it. Lindsay,
you can still participate even though you're married. Here because she definitely got a
must have that she had in order to choose him. I think that the
for me my must Okay, so are we talking about it doesn't matter,
It doesn't matter, It doesn't matter. So outwardly, one of my must
haves haves is that he has to know how to dress like that, Like
there's nothing better than seeing a well dressed man with a nice shoe gang and
the cologne to match. Talk my language. Cologne gets a lot of men
in trouble. It absolutely does, and you better know how to get your
ship together and ignore the temptation before. No, I'm talking about That's how
I'm y'all choose them because you know what, So that is so true.
I know someone who goes to work specifically and wears different cologne and and the
different cologne that he wears. He knows the reaction, the reaction that he's
gonna get based on the woman that it is absolutely because we know what types
of colognes to wear that will trigger the type of woman reaction we want.
That's great. Yeah, y'all need too much deeply, like y'all like getting
these hoes and ship like that. Y'all get this down to a science,
like how you know and then be trying to ecto all innocent like y'all don't
know, oblivious to what y'all knowing. Y'all know the same way. Y'all
know what y'all be doing, and I don't know, I don't know what,
but you you know what outfit to wear, you know what location to
go to to get a certain nigga. You know how to talk to a
certain you know the right way to say daddy to make that nigga give you
what you need. Don't make me pull y'all cards on air. I'm just
saying, like, I know what I'm worried because I know what I look
good in from what y'all said. What y'all explaining y'all putting on cologne because
y'all want to attract a certain crowd. I feel like that's not what I'm
saying. The difference between is because I know what I look good in.
I know my body type, I know what frequence is going to go good
with my pheromones, and that's what I'm shooting for. I'm not My goal
is not to go out and put this on a lot of women do things
for themselves, and what you described is us. That's me though, that's
you. That's why I say to you, I don't. I will never
put a generalization on y'all because y'all are different individually. So, but there
are a lot of women that do have multiple different fragrances as well too.
Like I literally learned from one of my sisters that she combines two different fragrances
and by stacking it it creates a different, a particular reaction from certain guys.
Yes, so y'all do know is whether or not y'all choose to weaponize
it. I mean, and I'm not even I'm not even gonna lie because
I know that if I go and I put on this, that man likes
this smell. Yeah, So I know like in that sense men that you're
dealing with. Oh yeah, but but even still you're still weaponizing, still
weaponizing it. You're just only doing it for when you So when you go
over that man's house and you put your perfume or your colonel you spread on
your ankles, you split it on the crack of your ass. How was
that wild? That's what you're supposed to do the joke. Yeah, if
you're gonna get that win and win, we didn't know. Oh yeah yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely, here's a hot tip. Absolutely
put it on those zones. You forgot your ankles, don't forget the ankles.
Yeah yeah, I got high. I got high preferences. I have
high standards for men that like mine's is crazy. So I call it the
big three. You can only have two other three. I don't care which
two, but you only can have two other three. You gotta have She's
not playing. That's why I her you gotta have a nine to five.
I don't do drugs. I am not your trap, queen. I will
call the whistle on you as quickly as I can. Okay, not bullship,
I said, I'm blow. Matter of fact, I'm taking you.
Say nine to five can an entrepreneur be considered or is that off the table
for you now a legal entrepreneur, are you willing to deal with the highs
and loads of entrepreneurship? Yeah? Can There can definitely be more lows and
highs. So yeah, if he's definitely like financially stable, like as far
as being able to make sure he has like savings and investments and stuff like
that, I'm you know what comes with being an entrepreneur. Like, you
know, it's good months, it's bad months. You know all this before
I come in the picture. You know what I'm saying. So you right,
you know what I'm saying. I definitely understand, like you know,
if it's a bad month or a good month, Like I'm not gonna be
like, well it's a bad month, and like you know, but I
just want to I just don't want you to be like, oh, well
in a twelve month span, seven of the months was bad last year and
then this year that happened again, And you ain't learned nothing from last year.
You ain't learned to put a little something up when the month is good.
That's all I'm saying. So what's number two? Number two is one
kid? One kid, That's it. And I can not. Absolutely I
agree with her. I will agree with you on that, especially the fact
that you're under thirty, absolutely and we're no kids. I have no kids
under thirty, so I will give that to you because it is kind of
hard to find people with less than one kid, let alone no kids.
And you know what, I was just thinking about that today because I said
to myself that I wish that I was not as green as I was at
the time when I when I really started kind of like taking dudes serious.
And you know what I'm saying, because if that was the case, and
I love my babies to death, but if that was the case, I
would not have had the children that I had with the man that I had,
because he had four when I came in the door and had none.
I was twenty five. So and that's what, you know what I'm saying,
Like anytime, like when we talking, and I'd be like, nope,
if he got molder his kids and y'all don't have no kids. Fuck
no, nigga, get go, get go, get your baby, mama.
But that's fucked up because somebody could say that to me, go get
your baby, dad is and I ain't okay, what's the next up.
The last one is living with your parents. Nah, you can live with
you you go. Only pick two struggles with me? Only got two and
this is coming from a homeowner on my own home. So get two struggles.
I really don't care which one. I mean. I'm about fifty to
fifty on the kids because that baby mama joke, Baby mama god ain't no
joke. Yeah no, but those the three gods job and his own crig.
But got two kids, you can work with that. It depends on
the baby mama situation. It depends on the baby mama situation. Is the
baby mama moved on? Is what was going on with your baby mama situation?
Let's just say they moved off like they they good over here? So
do he got two kids? Two baby mamas? Are two kids, one
baby mama, let's just be let's keep it simple. One baby mama,
two kids, older kids. If y'all in y'all twenties, they let's just
say they less than ten mm hmmm, because y'all still in y'all twenties.
So if he wasn't fucking at twelve, they gotta be less than ten to
be what that wasn't let me look, I might give him a data two
to see what's up? Data two? Fill it out, see put it
out fun. In fact, my dad was twenty years old when he had
me and my sister and we're seven months apart. Yet that never stopped him
from dating. Women loved him. They said he looked like Bernie Max,
so he was definitely going. But I've never been a person who wanted to
have kids at a young age, and even in my twenties, majority of
the women I dealt with had one of two kids, so it was one
of those I got my own shit, I got a great job over here,
but my only choices of women happened to be ones who got kids.
And dealing with a woman who's raising kids that came to be real, real,
tricky fast. It definitely can. I feel like you went deep with
your preferences, and I was just I didn't even know that the surface.
But I'm glad she did because a lot of times when we're talking about dating,
things such as in the nine to five, your own crib, your
own car are things that are dubbed as preferences, but I feel like they
should just be basic requirements to be an adult, and a lot of us
tend to look past basic requirements to be an adult and be willing to accept
it. That's why, like when you said you can't live at home with
your parents, but if you ain't got no kids, you staying at home
and you got a great job, you still okay with that? You know,
even though all it takes is you to move out and you got the
trifecta. I can't. That's because you have a high needs for intimacy level.
You went to the vulgar side of it. Just always specific intimacy.
Okay, you have a high level for intimacy. It is a need,
it's a requirement. It has to be part of your relationship. Therefore,
you can't be as touchy feeling as you want with big Mama sitting on the
front room couch. So and then on top of that, I'm forty three,
so I feel like at forty three or because I'm not dating anybody that's
too much younger than what I am, but I feel like at that age
you need to be you need to have your own place. Absolutely, there's
no you know what I'm saying, unless you've had like a life setback.
Because I understand that things have, you know, things happen, But I
feel like at my age, if I'm dating somebody that's the same age as
I am, regardless of whether you have kids or not. Like I said,
unless there was like a huge set back, maybe you got divorced,
you lost the house, maybe you know what I'm saying something like that.
However, No, but that's also why I purposely didn't want to talk about
age in regards to preference right away, because all three of y'all sitting in
different age categories. Like you're mid twenty, you're about to introduce thirty and
that turn, make sure you attend the party in April. Period details would
be posted letter and then you're with me in the forty. The way we
look at dating is completely different. Yeah, purpose which is why I find
it funny because it's in a full blown relationship, I mean getting I love
it well, like we literally in about a year. I expect us to
probably be, you know, getting plus ones from marriage. Absolutely so absolutely,
and he do me too. The three requirements you could technically say three
technically and that's what and see, this is the thing about preferences and standards
and some people that you know have been listen or there listening now and they
hear Alicia with her with her requirements. And this is one thing that I
really I love about Alicia is that she she knows what she wants and she's
not afraid to say in her relationship, this is what I want, this
is what I required. This is even before she got with with him,
she wasn't able to or she wasn't afraid to say that. And for me,
when I was her age, I wish or even you know, like
I said, when I got to actually having kids and really taking niggas seriously,
because before that, I can give two ships about y'all classes. But
I wish that I had the courage and the because really, honestly, before
I actually had kids, that was my requirement was that I would date no
one that had kids because I had none. I was twenty five years old
and I did not have any kids, and everybody else around me had kids,
you know what I'm saying. So it's just like and then I got
with somebody, like I said, that had four kids, so it was
like damn, and I was pregnant within a year. Mind you, I
had just moved from Chicago, so you know what I'm saying, Like I
was, I was living you know what I'm saying, Like I was good,
but I was pregnant within the year. Why because I came back to
Milwaukee, got in that trap, got with a nigga that have folk kids,
and bam, I wind up having two. So you know what I'm
saying, Like I definitely like admire you for that, like that, like
I love that. And when I see you know what I'm saying, like
you at a young age being loved correctly and being oh, don't cheer us,
and being of correctly, and you know what I'm saying, like that
really warms my heart because I'm like, damn, you know what I'm saying,
Damn, Lisia, do that ship. Don't suck up now, because
you know, Lisha can be a little you know, we had a conversation
about some of her issues. Yeah when it comes to the relationship, but
it's natural things that they bicker about, basic stuff. It's something that's major
in the black community. So well, we're gonna dive in that real quickly.
In a minute, TI with your standard spooky or not your standards,
but your preferences, because standards and preferences different about that. A good main
one for me, Like, I won't say it's something that i've it's something
that I've grown into is emotional maturity and comprehension. What that like to you?
So being able to not only communicate how you feel about something or how
you feel about me, but to understand or put yourself in the other person's
shoes when they're expressing to you how a situationbody with empathy, Yeah, how
a situation made you feel, because you might can tell me, hey,
this hurt, this hurt my feelings. I may not understand, I may
not feel the same way you feel, but at least I love you enough
to be like, Okay, I understand, then I hurt your feelings.
I apologize that regardless if I agree with it or not. And I feel
like a lot of people lack that that a lot of people lack accountability or
when it's somewhere come to a point where I'm telling or I'm expressing to somebody
how I feel, they try to shift blame and finger pointing. Yeah.
So that's something that I'm really like growing into, Like, that's that's something
that I need that somebody moving chairs, you know, normally I have this
the curtain pulled all the way back, so nothing out there comes in.
But I didn't pull it back because I gotta keep I heard it a couple
of times, Chicken, I would have said the show, I would have
been done that. I'd be over here on door dash, been order fooded
and came to me midshell, I've done it before, nothing new. Uh
Yeah, what's your toxic trait that you love in a relationship that make up
to break up, break up to make up sex. I love it.
I love a good argument and in a good love, are you purposefully starting
the argument to get that kind of second a while? Yeah, I used
to do that a lot up until recently. I used to do that a
lot. But now I'm really trying to, like because now I'm in a
situation where motherfucker's starting to do that to me and I'm like, no,
I don't like that. I'm really just trying to be happy, Like I'm
on bro and I'm just like but that ship. Yeah, I think I
think I'm the same way. Like I like, not necessarily because I don't
I don't start nothing. However, I so if I'm not no, because
it's like I feel like like if I'm not getting the attention or you know
what I'm saying, Like if it's if I'm due, I'm finna cut up,
like if I feel like I miss you, yeah, like if I
feel like I need reassurance, like I'm going to I'm gonna I'm gonna act
the ass and not really act to ass, like but I will. Are
you one of the women that you get your tub and he's like, Okay,
I know what you want and then he got to just hand you some
d and then you're good again. Yeah, but I'm trying not to be
like that though, Like literally that's the text. I don't want just to
dick though, Like I want to right, And that's the thing. Da
don't we gonna get to that? Yeah, I want that too, but
it's it's just like I want that quality. I want that my man like
right, And that's the thing like that that was no no, no,
no, not in a bad way, like you need those moments that get
us. But there needs to be a day and time it's just me.
It's just me, yeah, And like that was like literally the text and
it was and I said I miss you, and it was you must want
some dick and it was like, no, I don't want I don't just
want the dick, like, of course I want the dick. I want
the dick all day every day. I want that we're gonna get to the
dick, like I want the dick Like that's not like do I gotta breathe
type ship Like Yes, however, I miss you. I miss your presence.
I miss hugging you, I miss being around you. I mean,
I just want to cook for you. We vibe watching you know what I'm
saying. Listen to a little music, have a little movie night, just
one on one. Like right me, I'm a little bit of a manipulator.
So I learned something new, explain so it Me and my dude get
into an argument. And because usually I'm right, I'm like right now,
I'm like usually right, but it comes a rare occasion that I'm not right,
so I can I will manipulate the situation so I can be right,
or I will manipulate the situation to make him feel bad for being right.
He wants to marry younipulated him into that too. Don't do my girl like
that now, I'm a little bit I mean, she owns it. So
and it's it's not it's not often, but when he be, he'd be
making sense some times. And I'm like, no, I can't have you
making sense because if you're making sense now, you feel like you're gonna make
sense later, and you not. And I hate that because when you men
think that y'all right, Like we just had a conversation the other day when
I'm and I'm just like he's like, yep, I'm right, and I'm
like, we don't win too often. So much ego, Oh, it's
so much easy. But the ego of me and you versus the ego of
us is something you have to mature into. Yeah, and it's not always
going to be Like a lot of both men and women, we both collectively
deal with that, like dating and getting in a relationship and being solid.
A lot of that transformation is just less about what me and you are doing
and more about what are we going to do? And a lot of people
are not prepared to give up that independency of themselves, you know. Like
We've had a conversation in the past about financial responsibilities, and a lot of
people refuse to give up their financial freedom, even though them being financially independent
is actually hurting the situation more than helping it. So it does. And
you know financials mean okay, so to be financially independent, and that's very
important for an entrepreneur that y'all be financially yoke in order for you to understand
before you decide to pull the trigger and go all in in the business.
So you definitely got to be on the same page with that. All right.
So seventy five percent of y'all are actual blood family on y'all show,
and Bionca is basically an honorary system right at this point, Yes, blood
family doesn't. Blood doesn't make your family, just to say that right there,
So all of y'all are family. That's why there's a group chat.
How how important is the opinions of those to you and your decision making when
it comes to who you date. I'll say, for me, and I
think we talked about this a little bit, I think it's important, and
I think that that my answer from them from now is going to change.
Before I was like, oh, it's not as important, But as I
think about it, I think that it actually is important because when you have
people that you actually trust, and I'm not just talking about just any you
know, any anybody that I call a friend. So if I'm if I'm
dealing with somebody or I'm having a situation, we often have these. And
I was just telling me, she'd like, I know it's people that like
literally be like damn, they really like yeah, But like we often have
these what we call them update girls girls' nights. Well we basically we update
each other on what's going on in our love life. And we're absolutely yeah
yep, and so we're absolutely honest with everything that we say. We give
updates, whether it be hurtful to us, whether it be it be a
good thing, whether it be embarrassing because bitch, I done been embarrassed sometimes,
like damn, I got to share this shit. But you know what
I'm saying, Like, I think that when you're talking to people who,
like I said, that you love and that you trust, and then also
for them, they don't have anything to gain or lose. They're not trying
to fuck my nigga. They're not you know what I'm saying, They're not
trying to get more time with me because we see each other damn there every
day. So it's like they don't have anything to gain or lose, and
so all that they're telling me is what they believe to be true, you
know what I'm saying, So it does absolutely make sense for me to and
you know, listen to what they're saying. And because we're all different,
so you know, those opinions do matter. Yes, Also, it's like
we know each other best, So it's not only that, I mean,
it's important because they know me damn near more than I know myself type of
thing. You know what I'm saying, Like, they know the depths of
what I have been through, you know what I'm saying. So they're not
giving me an opinion because oh I hate that, nigga, I don't like
it. Maybe it's really not for you, or maybe this is for you
and you fuck it up. Like and sometimes I feel like I feel like
we either sometimes like us females will either caught up in our emotions we don't
want to let go or were not following the right situation. And sometimes some
your sisters you need to be checked, like you need to be checked to
be like okay, yeah, yeah, because there's a there's and there's a
lot of times that we do that we like literally we may not talk in
the group chat for maybe you know, a day, and then somebody would
come in and be like, Okay, that's some bullshit. Hey meet up,
you're gonna have to shit out, Like yeah. It be times where
you need to be checked by your and you need to be checked by your
peers. And who better to hold you accountable than the people that you call
family, the people that opinions you value, both really good or bad,
whether you're doing something good or you're doing something bad, Like we not gonna
steer each other wrong, right, And I mean, at the end of
the day, it's good to have your own opinion, you your own individual
but the people that love you is only going to give you advice because they
love you. They're not It's I don't feel I will. I don't never
feel like, oh, she's just saying this because she you know what I'm
saying. She feels some type of way, like I really genuinely love these
women, like and I know like, at the end of the day,
they have my best interest, so it's only right there. I don't have
to take their opinion, but it's only right that I consider their opinion.
Like I feel like that's just a low of me. Yeah, Alicia,
have they talked you out of doing something stupid in your relationship? Yeah?
Yeah, yeah, they didn't see me. I'm one of them. I'm
so logical that I don't pick up emotional stuff, so I overstep emotions or
like emotional things that like I'm supposed to catch, but I don't catch because
I'm so logical. So they be like, wait, no, no,
no, this, this is what you need to do for this, this,
this, this, like we just had this Thursday, like, yeah,
you you missed that sign. You need to go back and yeah,
and that there are times when like even when like when Alicia talks about like
her preferences and things that she wants like out of life and stuff like that.
It's it's it's it's all logic. It's not based off of emotions at
all. Okay, do y'all parents ever play a factor in y'all decision're making
with who you date? No? Yes, Okay, you are old enough
that your mama and daddy shouldn't even matter anyway. You're right, Okay,
I don't even feel like you listen to your parents, I don't think,
but you did say yes. Why so I've been doing a little sol and
I was talking to my dude and his parents. You know, they've been
together for a real long time. Is that just like you know, in
the sixties, and you know he has you know, vivid memories, good
memories of his family. And I'm like, when it comes to my turn
to talk, I'm like, I've never seen my biological parents like kiss,
hug, be like any like emotional. It was just like all transactional and
logically like, hey, my dad, I'm f in a barbecue tonight.
If y'all need anything, talk to you mama, Like you know what I'm
saying that That was really it. So I think most of it, especially
the emotional side, Like I'm not like my emotional IQ is probably at a
negative. So I'm more logical and I think, Okay, well we can
do this and this is an equal this not negating all the emotions that come
with this, this and this. I don't know if I'm making any sense.
And you know, yeah, and you know what, that's very interesting
that you said that, Like as far as because like your question, you
know, like does do your parents play apart? Like now, like as
far as like me call on the phone and saying, Mama, what do
you think about this. No, but when I think about what I grew
up, seeing absolutely absolutely plays a part and how I deal with me.
And you know, just how I see my my mother interact with her husband,
and you know, I see it all the time, or I say
it all the time, like how I see my aunts and you know,
my grandmothers and acts with their husband. They were all married. You know
what I'm saying, Like I like, I don't I don't have any flusies.
I don't have any flu like like all literally all of my all of
my aunts, they did not leave the house until they got married, every
single last one of them. Yeah, So that definitely played a part in
and plays a part in how I deal with the men in my life.
The Yeah, he's overly emotional, very like in tune with his emotions.
And it's like I feel, but it's like I show emotions by doing instead
of by speaking. So like I can make sure everything is good, you
got everything that you need to have a up see, I can be logical
for dective week. I want somebody to speak to me, but I can't
speak, like I won't, Like I love words of affirmation, like that's
love language, but I don't know how to yeah, yeah, and see
I want that. I want reassurance, like like I want you to touch
me. Like if you don't touch me, there's a problem. Yeah,
you don't love me. No more, like what's up? We just yeah,
like what the is you my homeboy? So you don't need know that.
I just need to consider, especially like when we out at a bar,
like you just be drunk and vibe and like here mane for me.
It's like like I like you are yes, heard me definitely friendly? Oh
my god, we'd be having fun listen. But no. Yeah. But
then okay, so well you said he was gonna talk about that later,
so we're here now. Okay, it's later. So preferences versus standards.
So when we talked about preferences, that's why, Like the first thing that
I brought up was I need you to know how to dress. So I
think those type of things that can possibly be bent our preferences. I need
you to know how to dress. I need you to not be skinny.
I can't. Yeah, I can't. I can't fuck with no skinny dude.
There's absolutely no way. I can't. No, mother, I can't.
I need I need a stocky. I need you to, I need
you to feel inside a man. Okay, look like I'm straight, and
I don't need no super big either. That's a preference. That's a preference,
but a standard. Yes, I need you to have a job.
Do I need you to have a job making a certain amount? Not necessarily.
I just need you to be making enough to where you're not in my
pockets, but to wear your needs or yeah, your needs, because your
wants is a different thing. Well, actually your ones too, but your
needs should not impede on what the fuck I got going on, And you're
not saying to me on a consistent basis, I need you to help me
pay my bills. I need you to you know what I'm saying, because
I'm not gonna do the same thing to you. So what if he only
got enough to pay his bills, and that's absolutely fine, So you okay
with like him not being able to take you on a day. However,
so this is the thing differently, but he only he got a job,
but he only got enough to pay his bills. So I'm not gonna be
I'm not gonna be okay with that. I'm not gonna be okay. It's
not able to have. Well, don't hear me out, I shouldn't want
to date, Okay, Like, if all I make is enough to get
by, adding someone new into my lifetime is adding a new expense. I
need to be prepared for this new expense, even though we may not go
out every Thursday to eat or whatnot. But I should still be able to
afford to be able to add you to my life because you still have birthday,
you have holidays, we may go somewhere, we may spend time I've
created. I need to create an expense for you, okay. And it
may not it could be large amount. It could just be enough that it
costs to go for a meal. I can't make that kind of adjustment.
Yeah, I shouldn't be dating until I can figure out how to make that
adjustment. Whether it's adding the job, getting a better job, saying fuck
this job, whatever the case may be. Whatever you need to do,
you need to be able to afford to at the extra space, right,
And that's right, And that's what I was gonna say, Like, there
has to be some type of plan that you can level up, whether it
be you know, me assisting you and putting in you know what I'm saying,
like, hey, let's let's talk about let's see. You know what
I'm saying, What type of shit do you like to do? Do you
got a hobby? You know? Is this something that you can make some
money out of? You know? Like with Glenn, the last relationship that
I had, he was an electrician. He's getting you know what I'm saying,
He's getting these jobs, and unfortunately, because of some things that was
going on in his personal life, he was not able to keep the jobs.
So me being a woman, like I've been making money from you know,
since I was thirteen, and I automatically have that entrepreneurial mindset. Dude,
you're you're an electrician. You can make money with this. And it
wasn't until I put that seat in his head to say, damn, you
know what, let me go ahead and do this, you know what I'm
saying. So you have to be able to if you're not financially where you
think you should be as far as you know, I'm paying my bills.
Yes, I'm okay. However, sorry text from the kids, But I
need to I know that I need to level up because that's the same way
that I think if I'm having issues with my you know what I'm saying,
with my bills and stuff like that. Guess what, I need to do
something to level up. That's how I started cooking, because you know what
I'm Yes, I'm I'm working a job. I got a pretty good job,
but I also have this this that I also have four kids. You
know what I'm saying. So it's like we just can't be complacent and where
we are and just like, Okay, I'm just gonna bring another person along
because on my birthday I needed I need a birthday gift. On Valentine's Day,
I need a Valentine's Day gift. Like I used to tell Glenn,
I need to go out on dates. You're not just gonna hide meet in
the fucking crib. But I'm your woman, Like I'm your woman, woman.
No niggas showed me off, bitch. You know what I'm saying.
Let me get dressed up, take me on the tam daddy you that.
But yes, so those those preferences and standard I think are a lot different.
And I think that when we talk about standards, that a lot of
us have problems with people expressing their standards. However, I think that when
you express your standards. There's a fine line between being like disrespectful and degrading.
Because I've had, like, I watched some a podcast the other day
and it was a bunch of yeah it was me and so it was doctor
doctor Boyce Watkins, and I forgot the name of the other guy. But
the other guy he has this whole thought process where you know, he comes
down so hard on single moms, and of course I'm a single mom,
so I'm automatically, you know what I'm saying, took it personal. However,
some of the things that he was saying it made sense to me,
but then some of the other things that he was saying made me sick to
my stomach because of the delivery, and I had to turn it off.
And I was like, folks like you, like, you don't have to
be disrespectful, right. I think part of the problem with that is somewhere
over the course of the last two years pre Kevin Samuels, when folks talk
about relationships, especially in the black community, it's a lot of finger pointing
in regards to it, and we tend to generalize things that should just be
individual, Like there's things that Tie likes that Lisha doesn't like that. You
may be okay with once or twice, so because TI doesn't like it.
Now my argument is, oh, women don't like this, and that's not
the case. Then you get situations like Kevin Samuels, who, once you
go back and actually listen to them, said a lot of great things that
made perfectly good sense. But because a lot of times people felt attacked because
of his delivery, it wasn't received. So sometimes that conversation just needs to
be readjusted. There is nothing wrong with you having your standards. Because I
have a standard where I to date white women. I would never date a
white woman. Never will never date a white women. I have. I
have my current and historical reasons why why I won't. And I will say
that sometimes and white women would be like, they'll get offended, Like why
are you offended? Because if you don't want to talk to me to begin
with, it shouldn't matter that I choose not to. Okay, But now
if I say no black ones though, who said that Lindy she was more
nigga didn't want than anything? But uh no, see that standards. But
no, that's seriously because I won't. But that is like we stand firm
on our standards, and I think that's where people need to respect that and
stop putting prejudice standards on individual just because because I'll see guys who go on
a day and they'll be like, well, I need my woman to do
ABCD, which to me is like not necessary, Like why do you care
if she cooks her clean? Well you should care she cooks the clean,
but why does this have to be a requirement Because before you met her,
did you not have your own place where you have to do your own cooking
and cleaning? So why are you adding unnecessary standards that are archaic in a
mind state? To begin with Black people, we tend to focus so much
on titles, gender roles, and unnecessary stuff that we're not even working towards
real relationships. And to be honest with you, black folks don't even want
to get married no more. And that's definitely true. Like my whole thought
press over marriage, it's totally changed, Like men can't be Men's attention span
is not long enough to be with one person solely one person consistently for an
extended amount of time. And you know what, I would love to to
figure out what the statistics are on the reason why marriage ends. Because the
reason why I say this is because I've seen multiple times where people are saying
that black women are actually the ones that are filing for divorce at a higher
rate than black men. Yes, but they fail to actually cite the reasoning
as to why those black women are quicker to or not even quicker, because
there's no there's no timeline to say, oh, I got fed up on
this day and then you know what I'm saying, But there's no there's nothing
or no one is actually saying this is the data on why they're actually filing
for divorce in the first place. Well, let's let's let's stop and let's
flip that a little bit. The question is not why women black women are
filing for divorce more because at the end of the day, it's usually munication,
financials, and infidelity. Okay, there used to be three. The
issue should be wire black men probably for divorce less. Why because in most
cases, the black man or the man period is the one that has more
to lose, So a lot of times they'll just suffer in silence. Okay,
I'm not saying that women won't either, because there's definitely some women who
will stay in an abusive relationship because they don't see it out. But more
importantly, he checks all the boxes, and even though there's this infidelity issue
going on over here, I musa still stay because I'm living the dream I've
always wanted to live when it comes to the house, the car, and
the status that I have. Okay, So I got a question for you,
though, Is that really the plight of the black woman though, in
the relationship though between between men and women the way society has perceived it.
Unfortunately, yes, status perceived. But I'm saying realistically, our black men
actually are actually our black men statistically. And it's a lot of motherfuckers that's
gonna get mad at this, but I don't care, bitch uh. Statistically
our black men actually making more than black women in a sense to say that
black women are staying because I got it good over here financially, no hold
on, say something like a minute, Oh you fine? I think to
what tone was saying about status and financial I think when you combine it so
typically the black men probably make maybe about five thousand dollars more than the average
black woman, but when you combine it together, they're over a six figure
income annually, which is pretty powerful as a cub, right, So that
part, yes, And then it has been a little play of you know,
sprinkle sprinkle, getting you a body of the NFA. All of its
that. From your perspective, yes, women are doing it all, doing
it big and doing it on their own. But the fact that you could
don't have to do it if you get you a good man holds more weight
than the amount of money you bring in. My girls' moms make three times
more than I do because of the field that she's in, So she can
easily go out and just do everything on her own, but she didn't want
to because us being together worked better. It was more sustainable, it's less
stress. The girls have both parents and the household. The girls were able
to be able to do whatever they want. The girls didn't have to go
through what we had to go through as kids. They didn't have to see
none of the things that we have to see. See living in Chicago,
living in Milwaukee, living in Mississippi. So that status looks great. It's
tolerable. Even though we may have our conflicts. Okay, today's society,
marriage is not an option because we run after first conflict. We are a
microwave. Jen Alpha is a microwave generation where I don't have to stay here
and fix this problem with you, because I can log on and I can
log on Facebook and I can be talking to Tie about my problems and she'd
be like, Oh, you ain't got to stay there, Come over here,
come to death row We're good over here. So now I gotta fix
this issue, even though you could have been the best thing that ever happened
to me, the best thing that can ever happen to me. And then
as women, I know, y'all get dick though at y'all daily, whether
you want it or not. Okay, so, y'all will have endless options,
but the option you currently have for you mentally, emotionally, spiritually is
better than anything that this man with this one hundred thousand dollars in his bank
account is presenting to you. But okay, so again, because you no,
no, no, I know, I danced around a little bit.
Yeah, so so because the answer is still yes, but it's also no
at the same time. And that's gonna be our next episode. Okay,
keep going. Because I think because when we talk about when we talk about
divorce, I think that typically when a when a woman, and specifically,
like you said, we're talking about black women specifically, when a woman decides
that she's going to fiul for divorce, or that she's going to even just
break up with her boyfriend, with her man, or let's just keep it
real, somebody's that she's fucking she's literally at her last she's literally at her
last breaking point. Most women do not just say, oh, there's a
problem, let me get you, get the fuck up, and me go.
Most women don't do that. So when you say that black women are
at the top or they file for divorce more than men do, absolutely they
probably do because they were probably at their fucking breaking point and couldn't take it
anymore, whereas men just one second, whereas men, whereas men, y'all
will stay around because y'all, because of like you said, because what it's
in for y'all, y'all will stay around and still want to do the same
bullshit that y'all doing. Y'all will stay around and still expect for a woman
to love y'all and respect y'all, and and and be there for y'all when
you out in the streets doing fuck shit and you embarrassing me. Why I
don't want to get married because there's a lot of married men in my inbox.
You like, believe me, I've seen y'all inboxes. So I know
y'all don't know podcast producer, I see all the timeline that off because I
can and I'm not even just talking about these three. I'm talking in general.
Nigga, y'all need to kill the fuck out. Yeah, So I
think so when that when they try to make that, yeah, it's like
a negative thing and say always black women that don't want to get married.
No, it's we're tired. And I think that a lot of black women
I don't think. Fuck I know, yeah, like we have been tired
for a very long time. So when you see I ain't done. So
when you see things and you see the sprinkle sprinkle, when you see the
you know what I'm saying, all of that ship that is that, that's
we're trying to fight back from that because I, like I said, I've
seen my my mother. I've seen my mother be a housewife. I see
my mother. You know what I'm saying, be good to a man who
and I'm not. We talked about that before a lot, and I'm talking
about my my biological father. I've seen that were that be fucked up and
who fucked it up? The man fucked it up, not my mama.
So you know what my mother did. My mother got a divorce, she
bought a house, she got two degrees, and she raised her children.
And then she married a man that was able to take care of her and
do what he was supposed to do as a man. Whereas me seeing that,
I fucking tired. Yeah, my mom is the fucking bomb. She's
not single, right, you're still married? Nigga? No, but no,
go ahead, no, but we're gonna we're gonna put a pin on
that one because that's a whole. That's the next episode of the group chat
because it's three women actually four technically fine, she just walked away. I
wasn't gonna win, wayhaking their head on the side like I'm not gonna win
this. Let me. I'm hungry, I'm weak, I can't fight.
No mo coming next. You need to you know, when you get your
hog last and here period. Don't talk about her now. I can talk
about it. I love her too, but still she'd be she'd be common,
but she needs to be See what I'm saying, but I want to
thank you lady. I'm gonna have to cut this one short. It was
getting good too. This is this is part one. Part two will be
on inside the group chat because you know, I'm supposed to come on y'all
show next time anyway, so we will finish this conversation. Hopefully the other
one is here so we can have a full blown conversation. But make sure
y'all checkus out on streaming platforms that's Freaker, Spotify, iHeart Radio. Make
sure you like share this, follow us at the Death Fresh show as well
as inside the chat. I mean, this is a dope conversation. Uh,
hopefully by the time this drop, it should be almost your birthday.
Okay, thirty thirty. Enlighten what we're doing. So we got a two
day bit. You know, I'm not extra going out the group chat.
Oh yeah, Lord, please help me, Please pray for us that weekend,
y'all get three hours of my time. That so Friday up twelfth,
we're having a little freakingnick kickback at the crib, you know vibes. Oh
my dad he on a grill on the ones, and so I'm probably gonna
shout out to demo pull up for that and then my official birthday is Saturday,
April thirteenth. If y'all don't remember, that's today, NICKI MI gonna
be here. Hey, don't do nick Yeah, we all we're gonna outside.
I don't know she's c but her attitude ugly and it's a blackout.
It's a black So if you come on Saturday's Dominatrix Dominatrix Blackout, Oh we
had room seven. Yeah, that is the Dominatrix ladies out that night and
all black. It is with the whoops and chains, handcuffs, mask.
We're doing it real dirty for my thirtieth. So yeah, but with that
being said, we're about to get out of here because these child I gotta
go prep for these egg rolls child anyway, get it,