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Hey guys, it's E. J. Miller with another episode of Fast Food

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Horror Classics. I'd like to apologize
if I sound a bit off. I've

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been under the weather for the last
couple of days, which has delayed this

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episode coming out. And I am
very, very excited by this episode,

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most notably by the voice talent mister
Jonathan Inbody. Jonathan comes to us from

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Gray Matter and Acid Horror Anthology.
He writes fantastic adaptations from well known works

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that just breathe new life into well
known classics. He is also a fantastic

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voice talent, and I count myself
very very lucky to have him help me

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bring this classic to life now.
Unfortunately, Igor Froedrich, who normally is

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the master of ceremony here at Fast
Food Horror, is away with his ghoul

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friend for the holiday, so you're
stuck with me. So here we go.

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One of my favorite Edgar Allen Poe
short stories narrated by the one and

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only Jonathan Inbody, The Cask of
a Montelado, The Thousand Injuries of Fortune

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Hoo. I had borne as best
I could, but when he ventured upon

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insult, I vowed revenge. You
who so well know the nature of my

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soul. Will not suppose, however, that I gave utterance to a threat

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at length I would be avenged.
This was a point definitely settled, but

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the very definitiveness with which it was
resolved precluded the idea of risk. I

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must not only punish, but punish
with impunity. A wrong is unredressed when

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retribution overtakes its redresser. It is
equally unredressed when the avenger fails to make

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himself felt as such to him who
has done the wrong. It must be

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understood that neither by word nor deed
had I given Fortunado cause to doubt my

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good will. I continued, as
was my wont to smile in his face,

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and he did not perceive that my
smile now was at the thought of

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his immolation. He had a weak
point, this Fortunado, Although in other

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regards he was a man to be
respected and even feared, he prided himself

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on his connoisseurship and wine. Few
Italians have had the true virtuoso spirit.

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For the most part, their enthusiasm
is adopted to suit the time and opportunity

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to practice imposture upon the British and
Austrian millionaires. In painting and Ingemmoryo,

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like his countryman, was a quack, but in the matter of old wines

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he was sincere. In this respect
I did not differ from him materially.

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I was skillful in the Italian vintages
myself, and bought largely whenever I could.

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It was about dusk one evening,
during the supreme madness of the carnival

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season, that I encountered my friend. He accosted me with excessive warmth,

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for he had been drinking much.
The man wore motley, he had on

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a tight fitting party striped dress,
and his head was surmounted by the conical

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cap and bells. I was so
pleased to see him that I thought I

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should never have done wringing his hand. I said to him, my dear

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Fortunato, you I luckily met,
how remarkably well you are looking today.

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But I have received a pipe of
what passes for a montiado, and I

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have my doubts, how said he, A montiado a pipe impossible, and

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in the middle of the carnival,
I have my doubts, I replied,

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And I was silly enough to pay
the full a montiado price without consulting you.

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In the matter. You were not
to be found, and I was

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fearful of losing a bargain a Montiado. I have my doubts, a montiado,

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and I must satisfy them, a
Montiado. As you are engaged,

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I am on my way to Luceesi. If anyone has a critical turn,

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it is he. He will tell
me, LUCHESI cannot tell a mantiado from

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sherry, and yet some fools will
have it that his taste is a match

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for your own. Come and let
us go whither to your vaults, my

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friend. No, I will not
impose upon your good nature. I perceive

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you to have an engagement. Luceesi, I have no engagement. Come,

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my friend. No, it is
not the engagement but the severe cold with

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which I perceive you are afflicted.
Vaults are insufferably damp, they are encrusted

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with nier. Let us go.
Nevertheless, the cold is merely nothing,

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Montiato, you have been imposed upon. And as for Lucceesi, he cannot

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distinguish sherry from a montiado. Thus
speaking, Fortunado possessed himself of my arm,

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and putting on a mask of black
silk and drawing a roau Claire closely

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about my person, I suffered him
to hurry me back to the plazzo.

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There were no attendants at home.
They had absconded to make Mary in honor

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of the time. I had told
them that I should not return until the

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morning, and had given them explicit
orders not to stir from the house.

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These orders were sufficient, I well
knew, to ensure their immediate disappearance one

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and all. As soon as my
back was turned, I took from their

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sconces to Flambeaux, and, giving
one to Fortunado, bowed him through several

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suites of rooms to the archway that
led to the vaults. I passed down

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a long and winding staircase, requesting
him to be cautious as he followed.

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We came at length to the foot
of the descent, and stood together upon

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the damp ground of the catacombs of
the Montressors. The gate of my friend

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was unsteady, and the bells upon
his cap jingled. As he strode the

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pipe. He said, it is
farther on, said I, but observe

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the white web work which gleams from
these cavern walls. He turned towards me,

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and I looked into his eyes with
two flimsy orbs that distilled the room

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of intoxication. Niter, he asked. At length, Niter, I replied,

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how long have you had that cough? My poor friend found it impossible

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to reply for many minutes. It
is nothing, he said. At last,

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come, I said, with decision, we will go back. Your

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health is precious. You are rich, respected, admired, beloved. You

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are happy as once I was.
You are a man to be miss for

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me. It is no matter.
We will go back. You will be

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ill, and I can not be
responsible. Besides, there is LUCHESI enough,

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he said. The cough's a mere
nothing. It will not kill me.

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I shall not die of a cough. True, true, I replied,

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And indeed I had no intention of
alarming you unnecessarily, But you should

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use all proper caution. The draught
of this mattock will defend us from the

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damps. Here I knocked off the
neck of a bottle, which I drew

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from a long row of its fellows
that lay upon the mold drink, I

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said, presenting him the wine.
He raised it to his lips with a

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leer. He paused and nodded to
me familiarly, while his bells jingled.

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I drink, he said, to
the buried that repose around us, and

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to your long life. He again
took my arm, and we proceeded.

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These vaults, he said, are
extensive. The Montressors, I replied,

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were a great and numerous family.
I forget your arms. A huge human

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foot door in a field azure,
the foot crushes a serpent rampant whose fangs

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are embedded in the heel. And
the motto nemo may impune lessesss it good?

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He said. The wine sparkled in
his eyes, and the bells jingled.

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My own fancy grew warm with the
medoc. We had passed through the

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long walls of piled skeletons with casks
and puncheons, intermingling into the inmost recesses

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of the catacombs. I paused again, and this time I made bold to

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seize fortune out of by an arm
above the elbow. The nier, I

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said, see it increases. It
hangs like moss upon the walls, wheel

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below the river's bed. The drops
of moisture trickle among the bones. Come,

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we will go back ere. It
is too late. Your cough,

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it is nothing, he said.
Let us go on, But first another

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draft of the meadock, I broke
and reached him a flagon of de grave.

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He emptied, it had a breath. His eyes flashed with a fierce

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light. He laughed and threw the
bottle upwards with a gesticulation. I did

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not understand. I looked at him
in surprise. He repeated the movement,

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a grotesque one. You do not
comprehend, he said, not I,

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I replied, Then you are not
of the brotherhood. How you are out

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of the Masons? Yes, yes, I said, yes, yes,

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you impossible a Mason. A Mason, I replied. A sign? He

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said, A sign? It is
this, I answered, producing a trowel

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from beneath the folds of my rou
claire. You jest, he exclaimed,

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recoiling a few paces. But let
us proceed to the MANTIATO be it,

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so, I said, replacing the
tool beneath the cloak, and again offering

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him my arm. He leaned upon
it heavily. We continued our route in

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search of the Amantiado. We passed
through a range of low arches, descended,

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passed on, and descended again.
Arrived at a deep crypt, in

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which the foulness of the air caused
our flambeaux, rather to glow than flame.

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At the most remote end of the
crypt there appeared another, less spacious.

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Its walls had been lined with human
remains piled to the vault overhead,

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in the fashion of the great Catacombs
of Paris. Three sides of this interior

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crypt were still ornamented in this manner. From the fourth side the bones had

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been thrown down and lay promiscuously upon
the earth, forming at one point a

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mound of some size within the wall. Thus exposed by displacing of the bones,

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we perceived a still interior crypt or
recess, in depth about four feet

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in width three in height six or
seven. It seemed to have been constructed

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for no especial use within itself,
but formed merely the interval between two of

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the colossal supports of the roof of
the catacombs, and was backed by one

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of their circumscribing walls of solid granite. It was in vain that Fortunado,

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uplifting his dull torch, endeavored to
pry into the depth of the recess its

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termination. The feeble light did not
enable us to see proceed I said herein

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is the amontiato. As for Luceesi
he is an ignoramus, interrupted my friend,

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and he stepped unsteadily forward, while
I followed immediately at his heels in

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niche, and finding an instant he
had reached the extremity of the niche,

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and, finding his progress arrested by
the rock, stood stupidly bewildered. A

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moment more, and I had fettered
him to the granite, and its surface

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were two iron staples, distant from
each other, about two feet horizontally.

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From one of these was depended a
short chain, and from the other a

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padlock. Throwing the links about his
waist. It was but the work of

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a few seconds to secure it.
He was much too astound it to resist.

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With drawing the key, I stepped
back from the recess. Pass your

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hand, I said, over the
wall. Cannot help feeling the night.

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Indeed, it is very damp.
Once more, let me implore you to

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return. No, then I must
positively leave you. But first I must

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render you all the little attentions in
my power. The Amontiato ejaculated my friend,

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not yet recovered from his astonishment.
True, I replied the Amontiado.

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As I said these words, I
busied myself among the pile of bones,

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of which before I have spoken,
throwing them aside. I soon uncovered a

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quantity of building stone and mortar.
With these materials, and at the aid

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of my trowel, I began vigorously
to wall up the entrance of the niche.

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I had scarcely laid the first tier
of the masonry when I discovered that

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the intoxication of Fortunato had in a
great measure worn off. The earliest indication

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I had of this was a low, moaning cry from the depth of the

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recess. It was not the cry
of a drunken man. There was then

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a long and obstinate silence. I
laid the second tier, and the third

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and the fourth, and then I
heard the furious vibrations of the chain.

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The noise lasted for several minutes,
during which then I might hearken to it

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with more satisfaction. I ceased my
labors and sat down upon the bones.

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When at last the clanking subsided,
I resumed the trowel and finished without interruption

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the fifth, the sixth, and
the seventh tier. The wall was now

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nearly upon a level with my breast. I again paused, and, holding

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the flambeaux over the mason work through
a few feeble rays upon the figure.

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Within a succession of loud and shrill
screams, bursting suddenly from the throat of

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the chain form seemed to thrust me
violently back. For a brief moment,

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I hesitated, I trembled, unsheathing
my rapier. I began to grope with

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it about the recess. But the
thought of an instant reassured me. I

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placed my hand upon the solid fabric
to the catacombs, and felt satisfied.

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I reapproached the wall. I replied
to the yells of him who clamored.

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I re echoed. I ate it. I surpassed them in volume and in

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strength. I did this, and
the clamberer were still. It was now

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midnight, and my task was drawing
to a close. I had completed the

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eighth, the ninth, and the
tenth tier. I had finished a portion

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of the last, and the eleventh. There remained but a single stone to

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be fitted and plastered in. I
struggled with its weight. I placed it

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partially in its destined position. But
now there came from out the niche a

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low laugh that erected the hairs upon
my head. It was succeeded by a

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sad voice, which I had difficulty
in recognizing as that of the noble Fortunado.

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The voice said, a very good
joke, indeed an excellent chest.

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We would haven't many worse laugh about
it at the palazzo over over all wine

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the Amontiado, I said, yes, the Montiano, is it not getting

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late? You will may not be
awaiting this at the palazzo the lady Fortunato

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in the reds. Let us be
gone, yes, I said, let

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us be gone for the love of
God montresor yes, I said, for

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the love of God. But to
these words I hearkened in vain for a

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reply. I grew impatient. I
called aloud Fortunado. No answer. I

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called again, Fortunato. No answer. Still I thrust a torch through the

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remaining aperture and let it fall within. There came forth in return, only

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a jingling of the bells. My
heart grew sick. It was the dampness

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of the catacombs that made it so. I hastened to make an end to

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my labor. I forced the last
stone into its position. I plastered it

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up against the new masonry. I
re erected the old rampart of bones for

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the half of a Century No Mortal
has disturbed them in Patchayreck with Scott.

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Hey, listeners, I really hope
you enjoyed this week's installment of Fast Food

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Horror Classics. As voice this week
by Jonathan Inbody from Gray Matter and Acid

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Horror Anthology. You can find his
shows on most any podcast platform. They

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are everywhere and anywhere, and most
notably, if you enjoyed this kind of

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story, they just released The Red
Death adopted from Edgar Allan Poe and The

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Whisperer in the Darkness adaptive from HP
Lovecraft. Great episodes to go check out

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that's episodes fifteen and thirteen, but
most truly and sincerely you can check out

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any episode. I know you'll really
enjoy them. So from everyone here at

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Fast Food Horror, I'd like to
wish you and yours a merry Christmas,

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a happy Hanukkah, a happy belated
Festivus, and a happy New Year,

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and hopefully you'll join us again next
week for another episode of Fast Food Horror

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Classics, and then join us again
in January twenty twenty four when we start

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with season two a Fast Food Horror