WEBVTT

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This episode brought to you by Cards
against Humanity, who asked us not to

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read a dad and so we won't. In lieu of that, Flora's got

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some improvisational jazz poetry. Ding dinging
ding dinging boo. NBA, NHL,

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where do MLB? Do you out
of your league? Baseball? We're sorry

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Cards against Humanity, but thank you. I'm sorry jazz and in sports,

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in sports. Good evening, ladies
and gentlemen, and welcome to week two

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of the twenty fifteen Masscrypture. Oh, I'm Dasteco and I'm David Flora,

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and thank you for joining us as
we parade a captivating cadra of carnivorous creatures

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for your incredible eyes to see.
Julia magnificent multitude mutated marsupials, some of

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which aren't marsupials in the true sense
of the term. Tonight, we have

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three amazing, horrifying contestants. Some
of them are quite alluring. You'll find

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some of them people found quite alluring
finably, and we will also announce the

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winner, yes of week one,
that's right, who took home the advancement

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token. Who did this bachelor give
a pointy rose to? Was it new?

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Perhaps Nay, it was jack a
Loo or could it have been coutable

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pus. We'll find out. You'll
find out at the end. And don't

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forget to go on to the Blurry
Photos homepage. Yes, vote, vote,

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cast your vote into your name an
email to win your very own golden

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Goatman, of which there will definitely
be one this year. This year there's

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an actual golden goatman. I know, I said we weren't going to do

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that anymore, but you're used to
my lies by now. This week,

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Dave, who are our lovely Asteris
contestants? Oh, each of these elegant

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Asteris ladies Asteris. They hail from
all over the globe. From here in

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the beautifully United States of America,
the Wisconsin ho dag oh da. From

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northern Georgia. That's Georgia, the
country, not the state. Right on

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the Russian border. We have Zanna
the ape woman, a lovely firehead,

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she beast, and from the altogether
not very sunny and mostly rainy but sometimes

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foggy plains of southern France, the
beast of Jevaudan. That's right, got

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us, We got us a fine
French lady, a little bit of Eurasian

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flair, Central Asian, the Russian
George, what is that? Cossacks,

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American Cossack, Cossack Laura, any
good old cheese farm, and terror Um

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Wisconsin. Yep, those those are
our contestants this week, right, So

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why don't we shut the fuck up
and get right into us? Did you

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hear what he says said? Shut
the fuck up and get round into Sorry

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children, all right, well,
let's kick this thing off in high gear.

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Ron with the Hodag. Hodagdag Flora. Tell them all about the Hodag.

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Let's hear about the Hodag, a
strange beast found mainly around Rhinelander,

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Wisconsin. Rhinelander first seen by a
man named Eugene Shepherd in eighteen ninety three

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in the woods outside of Rhinelander,
supposedly a resurrection of the restless spirit of

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a dead lumber ox. The Hodag, reported by Shepherd, was a two

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hundred pound seven foot long lizard like
beast covered with horns. It was a

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supernatural beast which in its first life
took the form of an ox that belonged

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to Paul Bunyan, whoa Upon its
death, the ox was burned for seven

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years to cleanse it of the profanity
of its master. Yeah, see,

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babe, the blue Ox didn't start
that way, but Paul liked to work

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a little blue in the leadershifts,
and yeah, he transferred all of that

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to the Ox. Later. That
Ox was like dirtier than fifteen Richard Priors

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on shore Leaf Richard Prior and a
truck stop. Urinal Wall had a baby,

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but seven years was not long enough. The soul of the Ox emerged

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from the ashes in the shape of
a hodag exuding a foul odor. Newspapers

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reported that it had the head of
a frog, the grinning face of a

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giant elephant, thick short legs set
off by huge claws, the back of

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a dinosaur, and a long tail
with bears at the end. Love it

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a giant elephant, by the way. Yeah. Unable to capture it,

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Shephard ended up blowing its sky high
with dynamite. He roy shidered the thing.

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The papers said it was the fiercest, strangest, most frightening monster ever

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to set razor sharp claws on the
earth. It became extinct after its main

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food source, all white bulldogs and
those only on Sundays, became scarce in

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the area. Really, yes,
it ate all white bulldogs only on Sundays.

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It probably had two meals. Yeah, it proved to not be quite

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extinct. For in eighteen ninety six, Shepherd gathered a group of lumberjacks and

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bear wrestlers and cornered another hodag in
its din. Whoa lumberjacks and bear wrestlers?

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Now, oh yeah, let's see
what did they do in the life

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In the Wisconsin life cycle, where
who comes first? Lumberjack or bear wrestler?

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I think that you start as a
lumberjack and become a bear wrestler.

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I'll see the opposite, of course
you would. Let's let's see what our

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Wisconsin friends say. Yeah, which
stage are you in? Friends? Yeah,

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well, we have some great Wisconsin
friends. We met a lot of

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them last weekend. So using a
chloroform sponge on a stick, he was

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able to knock this one out just
in time for the Oneida County Fair.

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Oh lucky. Oh. He set
up a tint and charged a dime of

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you, and it was the most
popular attraction of the fair. Dime that

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was like twenty dollars back then a
dime is quite a bit. Yeah.

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As words spread, some scientists from
the Smithsonian decided to come and have a

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look. I love this part.
He's all like, gather around, witness

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the most tip. I'm sorry,
who's coming? I'm fund the Smithsian.

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Oh Um, can I talk?
Can I talk to you really quickly?

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I'm very sorry. This whole thing
is just to take other people's money.

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I can't I can't run a follo
of this miss what. I'm sorry,

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I can't hear you. I'm from
the Smithsonian. I can't run a phone

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of the Smithsonian. That's right.
At that point, Shepard reluctantly admitted it

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was all a hoax. Who would
have thought aside from everybody. However,

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the popularity of the Hodag could not
be denied. You know, you can't

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break the spirit of the Hodag,
and it became the official symbol and mascot

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of Rhinelander, Wisconsin. Rhinelander,
that's a story of the Hodag. Yeah,

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I dig that. I dag that
is? Anybody? Is anybody out

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there from Rhinelander? Or do you
do you pass this thing? I'll bet

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you bet your greg box's been there. I'll bet your box. I'm not

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sure what part of the state that's
in. Actually, I get to feeling

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it's northern. Yeah, but I
don't know. It's weird enough to be

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remote. So that's that's the hodag
for you. Look at the dance up

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next, sachetting onto the platform,
killing everything, mandibles, dripping blood,

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put your hands together a little bit. The Beast of Javaudan. This is

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a hell of a great story,
so good that they actually adapted it into

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the two thousand and one. I
want to say Brotherhood of the Wolf,

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which I own on DVD, because
it's a great, fun, weird movie.

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Yeah, it really, it's really
cool outfits. I've always really liked

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the costuming. The rain jacket with
the collar that comes up to just below

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your eyes. Yeah, I thought
that was then the big brimmed hat.

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Yeah, they made tricorn hats look
awesome. Yeah, why can't the goths

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get into that? I could get
on board with that. I get a

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little on tattoo somewhere if that's what
was in the mix. Just saying,

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but enough about movies. I've seen
Flora. Do you know anything about this?

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Oh, this is great, this
is a this is creepy and real.

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Yeah, this was a genuine story. Between seventeen sixty four and seventeen

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sixty seven in the former province of
Jevaudant, central France, in the mountains.

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The populace was terrorized by strange,
violent attacks by an unidentified beast or

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beasts resembling a dire wolf. This
thing apparently killed between sixty and one hundred

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men, women, and children and
injured many more. Right, that is

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an enormously huge number for an animal
attack. Yeah, and and and the

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thing is that sixty to one hundred, that's that's like conservative, Like,

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yeah, that's like the ones they're
pretty darn sure. Yeah, and it

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could be you know, as high
as two hundred and by some accounts,

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but I mean, like even the
people who really did the research were like,

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no, no, no, we
really were careful on this one.

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It was only sixty two one hundred. That is so many people in three

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years. Yeah, man. So
this thing was said to resemble a wolf,

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about the size of a calf,
with a wide chest and a large

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toothy mouth. The color of the
beast's fur was especially variable. Sometimes it

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was red, sometimes red with a
large gray patch, or red with faint

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stripes along the back. Other Times
it had black and white patches spotted over

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its body with no trace of red. Rarely, it had colors or patterns

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that didn't incorporate red, black or
white, and one of them had a

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lightning bolt. Yeah, one of
them. In one account it had racing

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stripes. Now that was when it
was the fastest. One drive by chawing

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saw so black, My friend,
he has been chawed. It had a

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long wolf or pig like snout lined
with large teeth. The ears were small

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and round, or maybe straight and
pointy. They may have not been there

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at all, or two feet long. Some reports at the time said it

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were minds witnesses of a bear,
hyena, wolf, and panther all advance.

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The tail somewhat risembles the long tail
of a panther, but it is

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so thick and strong that the beast
uses it as a wipe and knocking mean

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anonomous down with it. Anyone struck
by the tailor reports that it hits with

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considerable force. The feet of the
bit are the hardest to describe. Some

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say it has cloven hoofs, or
that each digit is tipped with a hoof.

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Others says that they clause they're so
heavy, thick and formidable that they

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merely risenble holves. Oh oh,
he was having fun with that. Report

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brought to you by fromage. In
the summer of seventeen sixty four. The

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first attack occurred when fourteen year old
Jan Boulet was killed and partially eaten.

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Gross your gross. A few weeks
later, unnecessary, a young shepherdess was

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similarly killed, and a couple days
thereafter another young girl killed. A few

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days later, a fifteen year old
cowherd was fatally wounded. Attacks like this

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continued, and hysteria broke out among
the population like it does. Yeah,

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when there are when a mysterious giant
beast is preying on the children. I

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don't know, fourteen year old at
that time, like middle age. That's

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true. They were. They'd taken
out a mortgage. They'd been voting for

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seven years. Do not vote in
rons may tell you a king. Supernatural

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theories abounded, including the thought that
the beast was a werewolf or perhaps a

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shape shifting sorcerer. I like that
one in January. No one did no

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one say animal? Well, I
think that was implied with werewolf. Dude,

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the werewolf is different from a animal. All right, you're right,

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okay. I can't get in the
mind of eighteenth century French farmers. I've

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tried in January of seventeen sixty five, a local name Jacques Portafe was all

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named Jacques was attacked along with seven
friends. Apparently they managed to drive the

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beast away, and their story reached
King Louis the fifteenth, who gave Jacques

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some cash, a scholarship, and
a promise that the crown would help find

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him kill the beasts. Yeah.
The other people in the group also,

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which is kind of weird, Like, I like, was it an expedition

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he was leading? I do not. It just feels like he just called

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DIBs on ownership. So the king
gave him three hundred and fifty livres and

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then gave the rest of his party
another three hundred fifty to split right,

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And then he gets the scholarship.
That yeah, he gets to be educated,

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which is I don't know. I
don't know what he this one up

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from the mucky. Make him one
of us and my pet now elevate him,

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let him look down on those he
once sawze equals. I don't know.

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I wonder if this one was like
the guest on of the Bunch though,

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you know, yeah, maybe he
probably like I mean, what do

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you think he is up into Flora? Well, he probably ate two dozen

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eggs for breakfast. So, I
mean, how big you think he would

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that would make it down. I'm
gonna guess i'd say roughly the size of

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bunch. He probably also was really
good at persecuting harmless crackpots. What else

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did he do? Well? You
know, his exploits were many and varied.

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But one thing I can't tell you
from personal experience that every last inch

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of him is covered with her.
Wait, he's the one, He's the

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one that's killing little girl. He
is the beast Gaston Labette. No one

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runs from the hunters, from kings
like Gaston. No one kills teens like

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Gaston. Oh okay, we're not
gonna make this work on your clock,

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so moving on, all right,
that's a good way to put it.

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We're not going to get this,
this musical off the ground in time.

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So the king promised that that,
you know, they'd help track this thing

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down. He hired professional wolf hunters
and uh, the these uh, these

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wolf hunters killed a number of wolves. I all say this. I like

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that that they were um, pretty
pretty rational about this. They didn't hire

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witch hunters or anything. They were
like, listening, guys, this this

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looks like it looks like wolves,
like big wolves. Maybe maybe particularly weird

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wolves. But yeah, wolves,
we're gonna we're gonna go with the wolf

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hunters on this, which I enjoyed
that part because I feel like, you

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tell us you have a story like
this happened in other parts of the world.

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It doesn't, it doesn't go this
directly. Yeah, and I'm sure

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that stories were going around that were
like the devil as attacking people, you

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know, or well, like they
said, were wolves, sorcerers or whatever

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else. But you got all manner
of supernatural stories. But you I think

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there were enough attacks that that people
were like, no, it's just a

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big damn wolf, right, yep, yep, that's just vicious. Uh.

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So these guys go out and then
they kill a bunch of wolves.

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But it wasn't until September that a
guy named Francois Antoine killed a rather large

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wolf, which survivors confirmed was indeed
the beast. It was stuffed and sent

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to Versailles, and Antoine won a
lot of cash, titles and awards for

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his bravery. Oh I'm sure that
everything worked out fine. Yeah, nothing

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ever, was there. There's no
PostScript to that story of success. So

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00:18:14.920 --> 00:18:25.119
that is the but wait, there's
more. Oh French snap sound yeah,

202
00:18:25.160 --> 00:18:29.920
I'm gonna use that more often.
Oh god, but wait, there's more.

203
00:18:30.079 --> 00:18:37.000
There's more. In December, however, attacks resumed and dozens more died

204
00:18:37.039 --> 00:18:42.319
thereafter. Way to go, how's
one. How's that money spending now,

205
00:18:42.400 --> 00:18:47.119
you dick? Yeah, I'd never
heard that, you know, anything happened

206
00:18:47.160 --> 00:18:48.960
to him after that. I mean, if I were the quick King,

207
00:18:49.000 --> 00:18:56.839
I'd be like, wait a minute, refund porte, see who play monsieur.

208
00:18:56.160 --> 00:19:03.400
It wasn't until June of seventeen sixty
seven, two years later, that

209
00:19:03.440 --> 00:19:10.480
the beast was finally killed for good
by a local hunter named Jean Shastell.

210
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He fired two homemade blessed silver bullets
into it, thinking it was not a

211
00:19:17.519 --> 00:19:23.559
werewolf but a vompire nice, and
he killed it. Okay, so that

212
00:19:23.680 --> 00:19:26.079
just undid my whole theory. Really, hey, guys, we rationally picked

213
00:19:26.119 --> 00:19:27.759
the right. Nope, No,
it's the guy who thought it was a

214
00:19:27.799 --> 00:19:32.920
vampire that the chop done. But
you know what when you when you shoot

215
00:19:32.960 --> 00:19:37.319
for a vampire and hit giant wolf, you know, win win. Yeah.

216
00:19:37.400 --> 00:19:41.160
It was said to have human remains
in its stomach, and that's why

217
00:19:41.160 --> 00:19:44.480
they think that this was the thing. Also, I guess the attack stopped

218
00:19:44.519 --> 00:19:47.920
after that. So yeah, that
is the end of the attacks. That's

219
00:19:47.920 --> 00:19:53.359
it, is it? But wait, there's no more. Yeah, it's

220
00:19:53.400 --> 00:20:00.680
not known what the beast was.
Now this is this is trying to armchair

221
00:20:00.759 --> 00:20:06.079
quarterback, this from twenty fifteen and
say, you know, what's going on

222
00:20:06.160 --> 00:20:08.160
in Lead? Why didn't they just
use night vision goggles and GPS to track

223
00:20:08.200 --> 00:20:11.279
the item? Then post would have
told him what it was. I should

224
00:20:11.279 --> 00:20:17.400
have posted selfies to interest. But
if it wasn't just a huge wolf,

225
00:20:17.759 --> 00:20:22.720
some people think it might might have
been a hybrid, maybe even from Jean

226
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Chestel himself. Yeah, perhaps one
of his hunting dogs. He had a

227
00:20:26.920 --> 00:20:30.880
red mastiff, and it's thought that
maybe maybe it bred with a wolf or

228
00:20:30.880 --> 00:20:34.880
something like that. Even and some
people think it could have been a foreign

229
00:20:34.960 --> 00:20:40.559
beast or a hybrid of another foreign
beast and a wolf. It's it was

230
00:20:40.599 --> 00:20:45.319
pretty wolf like, like wolf is
in the pie somewhere right. It's just

231
00:20:45.359 --> 00:20:48.440
like, what's the crust made of? You know, well, what's the

232
00:20:48.519 --> 00:20:52.799
salt? I think the crust is
made of wolf, the crust of the

233
00:20:52.920 --> 00:20:57.079
wolf, and the filling is mastiff
hyena or mastiff or line or it's a

234
00:20:57.079 --> 00:21:00.880
weird way to talk about in animal
what's the crust and what's the filling.

235
00:21:02.519 --> 00:21:06.000
It's a weird way to judge,
judge your co host on a podcast.

236
00:21:07.039 --> 00:21:15.160
What kind of stupid analogy you doing? What your metaphors? Well, there

237
00:21:15.160 --> 00:21:19.680
you go. If it was a
cake, I'd frost it with wolf the

238
00:21:19.759 --> 00:21:26.839
first layer high, second layer massif
that middle part where they put something weird

239
00:21:26.400 --> 00:21:33.640
vampire, I like. I like
that they thought it was werewolf even though

240
00:21:33.839 --> 00:21:40.039
it was attacking like days of Heart
from from previous attacks. Now does does

241
00:21:40.200 --> 00:21:42.200
does the werewolf in that part of
the world? Is it attached to the

242
00:21:42.200 --> 00:21:48.039
moon? I don't know that.
Yeah, that's I guess that's something done

243
00:21:48.400 --> 00:21:52.079
one day look into but not today
from all I mean, from all werewolf

244
00:21:52.119 --> 00:21:59.640
knowledge I have. That's that's a
pretty central component of It's the two components

245
00:21:59.680 --> 00:22:04.519
are man becomes wolf and uh man
becomes wolf because there's a full moon.

246
00:22:04.720 --> 00:22:08.759
Well, I mean there's three components. Okay, it's boy becoming man,

247
00:22:10.319 --> 00:22:18.240
man becoming wolf, will wear wolf
bar mitts, the spooky scary boys becoming

248
00:22:18.359 --> 00:22:25.200
man, men becoming wolves. And
there's also the core belief that you get

249
00:22:25.240 --> 00:22:29.119
really good at basketball when it happens, is true, They never said anything

250
00:22:29.119 --> 00:22:33.319
about him winning a championship. Well
that was the predated basketball. They didn't

251
00:22:33.319 --> 00:22:38.799
know. That's what they've been bred
for. Keep calling me out, trying

252
00:22:38.799 --> 00:22:41.759
to help your theory. Well there
you there, you go. Um,

253
00:22:42.279 --> 00:22:47.079
silver bullets brought it down. Yeah, any any bullets brought it down.

254
00:22:47.200 --> 00:22:49.960
Silver bullets brought it down. But
yeah, was it the bullet or wasn't

255
00:22:49.960 --> 00:22:53.440
the whole the bullet made? I
don't know. Yeah, you tell me,

256
00:22:53.559 --> 00:22:57.640
Frenchie. That is the beast of
Jevudan. Yeah, yeah, she's

257
00:22:57.799 --> 00:23:02.880
beautiful. Take back to the dressing
room. Reattached the muzzle. You'll be

258
00:23:02.920 --> 00:23:07.119
glad you did. And now let's
bring out our third contestant of the evening.

259
00:23:07.880 --> 00:23:14.119
Oh, she looked so lovely in
that dress with her largely overdeveloped and

260
00:23:14.240 --> 00:23:19.119
muscular physique. That's that's not a
dress, that's here. Oh, French

261
00:23:19.160 --> 00:23:29.160
snaps ound. That's right. Our
third contestant this evening is my friend Zannah.

262
00:23:30.279 --> 00:23:33.680
Could be Zanna, don't know,
don't know for sure, No one

263
00:23:33.680 --> 00:23:37.759
knows for sure this Maybe her friend
will write us and tell us, yeah,

264
00:23:40.319 --> 00:23:42.319
uh, this is a really fun
story. And this is also a

265
00:23:42.400 --> 00:23:45.960
true historical tale. I like that
we've got two of these in one.

266
00:23:47.079 --> 00:23:48.160
It's true. I feel like maybe
we should have spread them out a little

267
00:23:48.160 --> 00:23:52.079
bit more. But do you light
now? Do you light now? Zoops?

268
00:23:52.119 --> 00:23:56.880
So this story is actually in the
western Cacassus Mountains, I believe,

269
00:23:57.119 --> 00:24:04.279
which at the time was called Khazia. And apparently these people no no of

270
00:24:04.400 --> 00:24:11.680
this, this type of creature called
an Abo. It just becomes a new

271
00:24:11.799 --> 00:24:18.000
Zealand no. After that, just
all weird vowels uh in other words,

272
00:24:18.759 --> 00:24:22.200
an alma, right, yeah,
I think so that's that's kind of the

273
00:24:22.920 --> 00:24:30.559
the Russian or or the the Western
Asian version of sasquash. Yeah. So

274
00:24:30.680 --> 00:24:34.759
this this story starts like all stories, like all stories do. It starts

275
00:24:34.759 --> 00:24:41.079
with the capture of Zana, who
had been caught by hunters and maybe even

276
00:24:41.160 --> 00:24:45.519
changed hands a few times before finally
kind of washed up on the doorstep of

277
00:24:45.559 --> 00:24:52.119
a of a nobleman named Edgi Ganaba, and he took her with him when

278
00:24:52.160 --> 00:24:53.599
he left he was kind of passing
through this region, took her back to

279
00:24:53.599 --> 00:24:57.640
her home. They had to have
her shackled up, chained and kind of

280
00:24:57.799 --> 00:25:03.920
kind of locked her into a a
kate in a fully enclosed area for three

281
00:25:03.000 --> 00:25:07.359
years. Yeah, wasn't it like
a pit? Well, it had a

282
00:25:07.400 --> 00:25:10.559
dirt floor, and she would dig
a hole for herself to sleep in.

283
00:25:10.720 --> 00:25:15.200
It's how she preferred to sleep.
After three years, she kind of mellowed

284
00:25:15.240 --> 00:25:18.839
out a little bit and they changed
it from like a fully blocked off enclosure

285
00:25:18.880 --> 00:25:22.000
to sort of a I don't know. The account that I read called it

286
00:25:22.039 --> 00:25:26.000
a wattle fence, which I think
is just kind of a loose stick like

287
00:25:26.079 --> 00:25:29.759
picket fence. Maybe. Yeah,
I don't know what that means. I

288
00:25:29.759 --> 00:25:32.839
could have looked it up, but
I didn't call the Internet police. If

289
00:25:32.839 --> 00:25:37.079
you're so tough about it. He
said, well, what was zan or

290
00:25:37.200 --> 00:25:41.559
what did she look like? At
least? Um, there's just no way

291
00:25:41.559 --> 00:25:48.720
of knowing that, Okay. So, so Zanna was very very tall,

292
00:25:48.160 --> 00:25:52.640
very muscular, like six six right. Yeah. It mentions that she had

293
00:25:53.119 --> 00:25:57.920
very developed breasts, very developed buttocks, like very big, powerful muscle groups

294
00:25:57.920 --> 00:26:03.160
in the lower body, and she
was covered and hair her hair. Her

295
00:26:03.200 --> 00:26:07.839
skin was dark either it says either
black maybe dark gray, And she was

296
00:26:07.880 --> 00:26:11.519
just covered with reddish black hair.
And she was kept kind of a way

297
00:26:11.559 --> 00:26:14.599
from people for a while. But
then they put her into this kind of

298
00:26:14.640 --> 00:26:17.519
better enclosure sort of, but people
could get to her, and of course

299
00:26:18.279 --> 00:26:22.240
it's the locals of poker with sticks, and she'd freak out and get angry

300
00:26:22.279 --> 00:26:26.039
and snarl at them. But they
overtime taught her very simple tasks to perform.

301
00:26:26.079 --> 00:26:33.599
She could collect firewood, she could
remove her master's boots like little just

302
00:26:33.720 --> 00:26:37.160
little things. I don't know.
They would dress her, but she would

303
00:26:37.200 --> 00:26:41.680
inevitably just destroy whatever she was wearing. Not intentionally, but she would just

304
00:26:41.799 --> 00:26:45.960
run a muck through the woods and
things like that and just not think about

305
00:26:45.960 --> 00:26:49.200
it, so her clothes are just
get ruined. She would also get incredibly

306
00:26:49.599 --> 00:26:52.759
warm too, right, Yeah,
well, I don't know if she was

307
00:26:52.839 --> 00:26:56.920
I don't know if she herself was
warm or if she just liked the cold.

308
00:26:56.960 --> 00:27:00.400
She was very uncomfortable and really avoided
warm room. Yea, she preferred

309
00:27:00.400 --> 00:27:04.279
to be cold. She preferred to
to dig these shallow holes in the ground

310
00:27:04.279 --> 00:27:07.279
to sleep in. Um. And
we'll come back to that, that cold

311
00:27:07.279 --> 00:27:12.799
affinity later because it matters to the
story. Other interesting things about her that

312
00:27:12.920 --> 00:27:18.559
I forgot to mention before is that
she had she could she could move her

313
00:27:18.599 --> 00:27:26.079
toes very very far apart us.
Also kind of towards the ape Simian direction,

314
00:27:26.599 --> 00:27:30.200
but in her face was broad.
She had a low forehead, high

315
00:27:30.319 --> 00:27:36.920
cheek bones, and her nostrils also
sort of ape like in that they were

316
00:27:36.960 --> 00:27:41.640
turned outwards a little bit. She
had things that she enjoyed. Once she

317
00:27:41.720 --> 00:27:45.480
had kind of mellowed out to the
point that they keep using the word tamed,

318
00:27:45.559 --> 00:27:48.359
to the point that they she kind
of was free to go as she

319
00:27:48.440 --> 00:27:52.880
will. Um. She loved eating
grapes. She loved fruit. She would

320
00:27:52.960 --> 00:27:57.119
just just shimmy up trees, get
as much and just eat until she couldn't

321
00:27:57.119 --> 00:28:00.680
eat anymore. Just loved it,
went nuts on it. And then that

322
00:28:00.759 --> 00:28:03.279
she was like that about all food. She had um sort of a eat

323
00:28:03.319 --> 00:28:08.079
everything you can while you can sort
of disposition towards the availability of food,

324
00:28:08.119 --> 00:28:11.559
and just would go crazy about it. She would like to She would play

325
00:28:11.599 --> 00:28:17.240
with rocks a lot. She'd clank
rocks together, break him um, which

326
00:28:17.279 --> 00:28:18.279
I guess if you were thinking about
it, you could say, well,

327
00:28:18.319 --> 00:28:22.960
this is sort of maybe she's re
replicating sort of a flint napping behavior,

328
00:28:22.960 --> 00:28:25.759
maybe something like that. I don't
know, but she liked it. She

329
00:28:25.839 --> 00:28:29.039
lit up play with rocks. She
loved to be cold. She would often

330
00:28:29.440 --> 00:28:32.799
hang out in cold streams, one
of her more comfortable places. She would

331
00:28:32.799 --> 00:28:36.519
cover herself with mud and just lay
in the mud with with like a cattle,

332
00:28:37.079 --> 00:28:41.240
um, just just to stay cool. Hey guys, Hey, guys,

333
00:28:41.880 --> 00:28:47.440
hell of a day. Huh you
use all that mud? She loved

334
00:28:47.440 --> 00:28:52.279
to swim um in a year round
like the cold just didn't touch her.

335
00:28:52.279 --> 00:28:57.000
She was completely okay with it.
And that's in the freaking border of Russia.

336
00:28:57.200 --> 00:29:00.960
Yeah, yeah, this is in
a cold place in the winter.

337
00:29:00.440 --> 00:29:03.119
Now, while all this was happening, while she had her kind of freedom

338
00:29:03.160 --> 00:29:08.559
to move about, some other things
were happening, and some never identified gentlemen

339
00:29:10.119 --> 00:29:15.319
decided to avail themselves of this young
lady. And she got pregnant a number

340
00:29:15.359 --> 00:29:19.440
of times. Yeah, she had
a lot of kids. And it took

341
00:29:19.480 --> 00:29:23.960
them four kids to find this pattern. She would give birth to a child,

342
00:29:25.359 --> 00:29:29.079
and then she would insist on washing
the child in a cold spring water

343
00:29:29.599 --> 00:29:33.960
and new more babies just couldn't handle
it. Yeah, and so she lost.

344
00:29:33.079 --> 00:29:40.720
She inadvertently killed four of her kids. And then they finally got wise,

345
00:29:40.759 --> 00:29:42.839
which I don't want took him that
long to they got wise to this.

346
00:29:42.920 --> 00:29:45.759
Now, first of all, that
means she keeps getting praised, So

347
00:29:45.839 --> 00:29:52.279
that's you know, minimum thirty six
months, you know, probably closer to

348
00:29:52.319 --> 00:29:56.319
five years. Sure that this goes
on, then she gets pregnant again,

349
00:29:56.359 --> 00:30:00.000
and this time when she gives birth, they the locals, take the child

350
00:30:00.119 --> 00:30:03.920
the way to be raised. So
she had four more kids after they started

351
00:30:03.960 --> 00:30:10.759
taking the children away. These kids
were all completely normal human beings. There

352
00:30:10.839 --> 00:30:15.960
was no no, no, no
carryover phenotypically from her. There was there

353
00:30:17.000 --> 00:30:18.880
was none of the hair, There
was none of the broad features, any

354
00:30:18.880 --> 00:30:23.599
of those kind of things. Yeah, they I think they had hints of

355
00:30:25.079 --> 00:30:27.319
stuff. Yeah, but I mean, like I'm when I say, like

356
00:30:29.200 --> 00:30:33.720
these kids would pass in society without
a second look. You know, obviously

357
00:30:33.759 --> 00:30:37.759
there's going to be something there.
But like when you think, okay,

358
00:30:37.960 --> 00:30:41.319
one human, one sasquatch, what's
the middle ground? None of those things

359
00:30:41.319 --> 00:30:45.000
you think would be in the middle
ground were present. Right. They were

360
00:30:45.039 --> 00:30:48.200
strongly built, they were kind of
muscular kids. They had darker skin,

361
00:30:48.000 --> 00:30:53.799
but you know, nothing that would
really set them apart from society. They

362
00:30:53.799 --> 00:30:57.880
could pass very easily. Nothing as
far as hair goes, or any any

363
00:30:57.960 --> 00:31:03.279
herosotism, which is when your body's
covered with hair, and and these kids

364
00:31:03.440 --> 00:31:07.359
Uh, the the younger son.
Um lived until nineteen fifty four. Well,

365
00:31:08.200 --> 00:31:11.640
um, you know they all reached
you know, they died, but

366
00:31:11.759 --> 00:31:15.519
you know, sixty five seventy years
old. Um, they were you know,

367
00:31:15.559 --> 00:31:18.680
they lived full, rich lives and
everything was fine. So her kids

368
00:31:18.799 --> 00:31:22.920
ended up having kids at their own. They sort of scattered. She died.

369
00:31:23.759 --> 00:31:26.720
Zanna died in the town. She
was buried in the family in the

370
00:31:26.759 --> 00:31:33.359
cemetery plot, same the family cemetery
plot as Edgy he was. She was

371
00:31:33.400 --> 00:31:38.000
buried in the same family plot as
Edgy. Um the the owner, right,

372
00:31:38.200 --> 00:31:42.200
yeah, whatever, he was,
Uh, the boss. So their

373
00:31:42.480 --> 00:31:48.920
kids all scattered. Um. In
the sixty nineteen sixty four an archaeologist decided

374
00:31:48.960 --> 00:31:52.039
that he would try to find Zanna's
grave and see, you know what,

375
00:31:52.039 --> 00:31:55.640
what are we dealing with here?
What's what is there? Uh? There

376
00:31:55.640 --> 00:31:59.720
were several expeditions back they you know, and it's hard because they was a

377
00:31:59.799 --> 00:32:02.599
huge burial mound, and a lot
of time had passed and the few villagers

378
00:32:02.599 --> 00:32:07.359
who knew the story were all very
very old. Some of them said,

379
00:32:07.359 --> 00:32:09.519
oh, you need to check underneath
this tree. It turned out it was

380
00:32:09.559 --> 00:32:15.319
one of them, one of the
children that had died early and they found

381
00:32:15.359 --> 00:32:21.240
like her son quit I think that's
a quit. Yeah, they his grave

382
00:32:21.279 --> 00:32:23.400
was still clearly marked. So they
were able to find um. One of

383
00:32:23.440 --> 00:32:27.559
her other daughters, I think it
was called. Her name was gemessa Um.

384
00:32:28.039 --> 00:32:30.680
They were able to find graves of
her offspring, but they were never

385
00:32:30.720 --> 00:32:35.119
able to find a grave that that
contained remains consistent with how she was described.

386
00:32:36.160 --> 00:32:38.599
And when they look at the skull
of her kid, there are some

387
00:32:39.000 --> 00:32:44.119
sort of proto hominid features to it, and so, you know, while

388
00:32:44.640 --> 00:32:47.799
not as not as compelling a case
as if had they had found the original

389
00:32:47.839 --> 00:32:54.160
skeleton, but even the skeletons of
her offspring carried with them a fair amount

390
00:32:54.200 --> 00:33:02.720
of interesting unusual features that ledding credence
to this story. But they never did

391
00:33:02.759 --> 00:33:07.160
actually find the grave of Zanna herself. That's uh, it's nuts. It's

392
00:33:07.279 --> 00:33:13.839
it's very interesting. And some of
the videos that I watched, I went

393
00:33:13.839 --> 00:33:16.119
to YouTube and just see to see
what, you know, the Peanuts had

394
00:33:16.119 --> 00:33:20.599
to say about it. Right,
there were some videos that said that they

395
00:33:20.720 --> 00:33:24.039
had done DNA evidence, and I
don't know, they made it sound like

396
00:33:24.119 --> 00:33:31.119
they had something from Zanna because they
kept saying it was DNA that that conclusively

397
00:33:31.200 --> 00:33:39.720
proved she was either not a Neanderthal
but buzz from Sub Saharan Africa. I

398
00:33:39.759 --> 00:33:42.920
did see that, I did,
I did hear. I read a little

399
00:33:42.920 --> 00:33:45.880
bit about that. Yeah, but
like the Sub Saharan Africa link and and

400
00:33:45.880 --> 00:33:52.440
and was um was either from from
there or something something they don't know about,

401
00:33:52.680 --> 00:33:58.599
Yeah, which is interesting of course
that you know it's it's a video

402
00:33:58.640 --> 00:34:01.839
on YouTube. Hey, yeah,
came from something or some show. I

403
00:34:01.839 --> 00:34:06.519
think it was an audio pulled from
it. But one of the theories that

404
00:34:06.559 --> 00:34:12.159
they had was that if she wasn't
a straight up cryptod a a an ape

405
00:34:12.159 --> 00:34:22.199
woman something yettish or yeah or sasquittic, that she might be a slave,

406
00:34:22.760 --> 00:34:30.679
a straight up African slave that had
been brought to the region and maybe the

407
00:34:30.800 --> 00:34:37.239
locals felt bad about it once it
was sort of at the tail end of

408
00:34:37.039 --> 00:34:42.119
the slave trade or something, and
maybe they didn't want to admit to still

409
00:34:42.280 --> 00:34:46.880
somebody someone still having a slave.
True. Yeah, however she got there,

410
00:34:47.039 --> 00:34:50.440
you know, if she was from
there, like, it wasn't a

411
00:34:50.519 --> 00:34:54.159
legal practice or right legitimate thing.
It wasn't done in her best interests,

412
00:34:54.159 --> 00:34:57.840
so right, I can't see why
I know it would be all that forthcoming

413
00:34:57.840 --> 00:35:01.360
about it. Yeah, so yeah, it's it's it's very interesting and also,

414
00:35:01.599 --> 00:35:05.559
like you said, the second one
tonight where it's like, yeah,

415
00:35:05.679 --> 00:35:10.039
this this one is a real,
the real deal holy Field. Yes,

416
00:35:10.719 --> 00:35:19.360
actually happened, provable and yet mysterious, terribly mysterious enough enough to be considered

417
00:35:19.920 --> 00:35:24.920
a cryptid. Yeah, I think
I because people don't know exactly what you

418
00:35:24.960 --> 00:35:28.599
know, if the stories are true, they don't know exactly what she is

419
00:35:28.639 --> 00:35:30.559
so exactly. So there you have
it. There you have it. There's

420
00:35:30.639 --> 00:35:39.159
Zanna and your three lovely cryptic ladies. Now we have the results you're voting,

421
00:35:39.480 --> 00:35:46.320
and in true TV fashion, but
first, punss when we come back

422
00:35:46.800 --> 00:35:57.639
the shocking conclusion. But first first, how about but I have a town

423
00:35:58.079 --> 00:36:02.000
in Wisconsin, Oh yeah, where
the locals tried to make a new piece

424
00:36:02.000 --> 00:36:07.480
of equipment for archery nice and it
didn't work out for him. It failed.

425
00:36:07.519 --> 00:36:12.000
It was it was kind of I
don't know, kind of fake to

426
00:36:12.320 --> 00:36:16.199
not there's there's too much going on
with it, and some people who knew

427
00:36:16.199 --> 00:36:20.199
what they were talking about called him
out. Oh oh what happened? Well,

428
00:36:20.599 --> 00:36:23.079
the town it became famous though for
this, uh, this piece of

429
00:36:23.119 --> 00:36:30.400
equipment that they tried to get and
so the town is known for their bow

430
00:36:30.480 --> 00:36:37.280
bag. Nice, I've got a
really delicious punt. Uh in that in

431
00:36:37.280 --> 00:36:38.920
that neck of the woods. Um. You know, there was a creature

432
00:36:39.280 --> 00:36:44.599
that was found, uh in the
middle of town, not out in the

433
00:36:44.639 --> 00:36:46.480
woods, found in the middle of
town. Found in town. Um,

434
00:36:46.519 --> 00:36:52.519
actually in a bar, Greg back. It was Greg Bok. The legend

435
00:36:52.599 --> 00:36:57.360
goes one man went into the bar
and was like, what are you doing

436
00:36:57.440 --> 00:37:00.760
here? The creature didn't say anything, and he's like, hey, what

437
00:37:00.800 --> 00:37:02.920
are you doing here? The creature
looked him straight in the eye and said

438
00:37:05.239 --> 00:37:09.360
why didn't she? Vimy and jank, And thus the legend of the hoe

439
00:37:09.360 --> 00:37:15.239
bag was born. It's so bad. I thought there was going to be

440
00:37:15.320 --> 00:37:19.239
a component where he went into the
bar with a chloroform sponge on his head,

441
00:37:19.880 --> 00:37:22.800
that it would be better. Well, this wasn't good. This wasn't

442
00:37:22.800 --> 00:37:25.519
that good. This wasn't that good. All right, Well I have I

443
00:37:25.519 --> 00:37:31.400
have a fun story about a guy
from France, La who liked to cook.

444
00:37:31.719 --> 00:37:35.960
And it was funny. He had
Irish ancestry, but he was he

445
00:37:36.039 --> 00:37:42.039
was from France, really yeah.
His name was John o'bann and um he

446
00:37:42.119 --> 00:37:45.239
was he was good at cooking.
But the thing is his meals were so

447
00:37:45.320 --> 00:37:49.719
good and so rich, it ended
up killing a lot of people, Oh

448
00:37:49.800 --> 00:37:52.800
my god, in a short period
of time before they figured out what was

449
00:37:52.840 --> 00:37:55.840
going on. Well, what was
going on? Well they figured it out

450
00:37:55.559 --> 00:38:01.239
one when one night he invited a
lot of people in town over to his

451
00:38:01.320 --> 00:38:06.079
place. He cooked for them,
and then they were all dead the next

452
00:38:06.079 --> 00:38:14.159
morning from the feast of chef obaan
nice that was really well done. I

453
00:38:14.280 --> 00:38:16.199
smelled it just at the right moment, right before it came out of the

454
00:38:16.199 --> 00:38:20.480
oven. I was like, oh
there, I goes. Okay, I'm

455
00:38:20.519 --> 00:38:22.719
double bunting. I'm just the worst, But this is what I've got right

456
00:38:22.760 --> 00:38:29.079
now. Did you know that in
central France there's a tiny town in the

457
00:38:29.119 --> 00:38:37.440
mountains. Peace girl, there,
I'm here a place in France in the

458
00:38:37.440 --> 00:38:44.800
town there was. It was a
little bar and had a really hard time

459
00:38:45.159 --> 00:38:51.079
getting people to come in until finally
one day a woman came in and she

460
00:38:51.199 --> 00:38:55.000
was She was very tall, long, thick red hair, and powerfully built.

461
00:38:55.000 --> 00:39:00.920
And the other thing they noticed was
that she had a very powerfully built

462
00:39:00.960 --> 00:39:07.519
buttocks, as well as other other
attributes. Up top top, Jelvi,

463
00:39:07.719 --> 00:39:12.519
you know what I'm saying there why
and she would She would try to introduce

464
00:39:12.559 --> 00:39:15.159
herself as Zona every time she came
out on stage, but the guys they

465
00:39:15.159 --> 00:39:19.559
were just staring. They weren't listening
to her at all, because even after

466
00:39:19.800 --> 00:39:22.800
after months of explaining what her name
was, she was just known in the

467
00:39:22.840 --> 00:39:28.880
area as the breasts of Javaudin.
I feel like I got some part of

468
00:39:28.880 --> 00:39:31.000
my soul for at least stitching two
of them together into one narrative. But

469
00:39:31.840 --> 00:39:37.599
I'll give you points still low too
low grade misogynistic puns For that. I

470
00:39:37.159 --> 00:39:43.039
can only offer the usual pun apology, and not just the one that comes

471
00:39:43.039 --> 00:39:46.519
with each one. That's right,
Oh, them's puns and ladies and gentlemen.

472
00:39:46.599 --> 00:39:52.800
That's right. There are results from
week one, Flora, you already

473
00:39:52.800 --> 00:39:54.480
know the results. I don't know
the results. So we'll play our usual

474
00:39:54.519 --> 00:40:00.880
game. Okay, from week one, Dave's gonna guess it was Tablepus,

475
00:40:00.079 --> 00:40:06.880
Zamu and Jackalope. I'm going Catablepus. Is there is there any reason that

476
00:40:06.920 --> 00:40:13.719
you that you choose chose him her
him one? Lots of uh, lots

477
00:40:13.719 --> 00:40:16.639
of descriptions. It was fun to
talk about it sounds like a big sad

478
00:40:16.639 --> 00:40:22.599
eyore of a cryptid and uh,
it's just fun to say catabolopus. Yeah,

479
00:40:22.599 --> 00:40:24.559
I want to put it on a
business card and say, Hi,

480
00:40:25.079 --> 00:40:30.719
my name is Russell Catabolopus. It's
really nice to meet you. How are

481
00:40:30.719 --> 00:40:35.920
your guys doing for pet insurance?
You guys all set there, You're you're

482
00:40:35.960 --> 00:40:42.079
pets covered in case of pet problem. Well, I'll tell you what this

483
00:40:42.079 --> 00:40:45.800
This one turned into a heck of
a race. Nice. Oh, I

484
00:40:45.880 --> 00:40:49.599
love it. Yeah, at first
I didn't think. I didn't think.

485
00:40:49.639 --> 00:40:52.400
I thought there was going to be
a clear winner. Yeah, I feel

486
00:40:52.400 --> 00:40:57.000
like it's going to be Catabolepus,
Jackalope Zimu. That's how I feel like

487
00:40:57.000 --> 00:40:59.400
it's gonna go. And then in
the in the past few days. And

488
00:40:59.480 --> 00:41:01.440
thank you so much if if you
did vote, thank you. It's great

489
00:41:01.599 --> 00:41:06.239
because it makes it. It makes
its Yeah, it does. It makes

490
00:41:06.239 --> 00:41:07.880
it feel like that matters. It
was. It was a very close race.

491
00:41:08.360 --> 00:41:13.519
And the fun thing is it was
close between all three. Oh kick

492
00:41:13.599 --> 00:41:16.719
ass. Yeah, but there can
only be one. There can only be

493
00:41:16.760 --> 00:41:22.880
one Highlander. The winner this week
is the Highlander. It was a writ

494
00:41:22.920 --> 00:41:29.360
and vote. Christopher Lamber again,
I killed that Catablo called I'm Christopher Lambert,

495
00:41:34.119 --> 00:41:37.920
the winner of Week one twenty fifteen
Miss Scriptured Contest is We're back.

496
00:41:37.239 --> 00:41:50.760
No, just is the Jackalope?
Jackalope by how much? Five votes?

497
00:41:51.320 --> 00:41:53.079
WHOA? But we had a lot
of voting. Yeah, that's a that's

498
00:41:53.079 --> 00:41:59.039
a really narrow margin. Yeah.
I mean in the past we've had spreads

499
00:41:59.079 --> 00:42:05.199
of ten or more, yep on
on stuff. So for a spread of

500
00:42:05.239 --> 00:42:09.679
just five sounds like quite a bit. But when you only got three forces

501
00:42:09.800 --> 00:42:14.840
running, yeah, that's that's close. And that's that's it. That's your

502
00:42:14.840 --> 00:42:19.639
winner. Jackalope moves on to the
final round. Who this week, we're

503
00:42:19.639 --> 00:42:23.920
gonna join the jack Lope in the
circle of ambivalence to be elevated to the

504
00:42:24.079 --> 00:42:30.599
sphere of celebrity. Will it be
the ape woman, Zanna do? Will

505
00:42:30.599 --> 00:42:37.119
it be the Beast of Gerard de
Pardieu? Or will it be Hoopa Stankopa

506
00:42:37.159 --> 00:42:46.480
stank? Charles Barkley isn't doing this? Oh stank Zenna do? What are

507
00:42:46.519 --> 00:42:52.079
y'all gonna win? Are you gonna
be a champion? Beasta cheff chefood beast

508
00:42:52.199 --> 00:42:59.320
Chefyodi? That's right, Zanna,
the Beast of Jevodon or the hoodag?

509
00:42:59.480 --> 00:43:04.239
Who will win? That's so go
ahead, I'll go to blurry photos dot

510
00:43:04.360 --> 00:43:07.159
org. Right there on the home
page is the survey that you fill out.

511
00:43:07.400 --> 00:43:12.440
There's one bubble to click on your
own which one you want to win,

512
00:43:12.800 --> 00:43:15.760
and then if you want, you
can enter your name and email address

513
00:43:16.039 --> 00:43:23.360
to get in the drawing to win
a miscrypted prize pack include a goaden goutman

514
00:43:23.519 --> 00:43:29.519
of your own. Mmm. Remember
you can vote once every week yep,

515
00:43:29.679 --> 00:43:31.960
once a week, once a week
for that week. You can't vote for

516
00:43:32.119 --> 00:43:35.440
last for week one, we already
know the winner. Yeah, it's done,

517
00:43:36.119 --> 00:43:39.400
silly, it won't even be on
there. So so why am I

518
00:43:39.400 --> 00:43:43.199
even telling you? I don't know. So that's how you do it,

519
00:43:43.400 --> 00:43:46.400
yep, So please do it and
don't forget to follow us on Twitter,

520
00:43:46.960 --> 00:43:52.760
like us on Facebook, five star
us on iTunes, do some other stuff

521
00:43:52.800 --> 00:43:54.320
on some other social media that we
don't even know about yet, so that

522
00:43:54.320 --> 00:43:57.760
when we when we do finally get
to it, we'll be like, oh

523
00:43:57.800 --> 00:44:00.639
my god, there's this beautiful garden
waiting for for us. Tell tell your

524
00:44:00.639 --> 00:44:07.480
friends to listen listen to us.
Yeah, in general, tell them to

525
00:44:07.559 --> 00:44:10.920
go and shut up, tell them
to go and uh vote, you know,

526
00:44:12.039 --> 00:44:15.679
and and if they don't want the
prize pack. Just you know,

527
00:44:15.960 --> 00:44:17.639
take it from them, say vote
anyway and take it from Yeah, take

528
00:44:17.639 --> 00:44:22.719
it from them. And then someone
someone start the blurry photos tumblr. Someone

529
00:44:22.760 --> 00:44:25.639
just do that. Just take the
reins. Now you're on the team.

530
00:44:27.119 --> 00:44:30.760
What. I don't even know what. I'm such an old to my point,

531
00:44:30.880 --> 00:44:32.639
that's my point. I don't out. Then when we get there the

532
00:44:32.639 --> 00:44:37.119
tumbling roller, we'll be up and
running and we'll be so happy. Kinds

533
00:44:37.159 --> 00:44:43.679
of Dave and David Pinterest hot fiction, snapch it. I don't know what

534
00:44:43.800 --> 00:44:45.960
snapch it is. Well, if
you're if you're a big, if you're

535
00:44:46.000 --> 00:44:52.800
big into imjur, then uh tell
everybody on m chair pass Yeah im jigger.

536
00:44:53.159 --> 00:44:57.199
But nf BLib lab. That's week
two. Ye that fifteen, miss

537
00:44:57.239 --> 00:45:00.559
crypt Did I hope you liked me
too? I've been David Laura. I

538
00:45:00.599 --> 00:45:02.920
will continue to be Dave Stecco.
We'll come back another week for you,

539
00:45:04.000 --> 00:45:06.920
which sure will. We'll do it
again. We don't jinx us. I

540
00:45:06.920 --> 00:45:12.159
don't want to die in a fire. Okay me either, me either,

541
00:45:13.159 --> 00:45:14.920
by everybody,