Yeah, Comedy Central Podcast pull up and say some nights a question before you
start like this, how many people here have come because I was acting four
good geeks is my fucking career. It' s not me you really don
' t feel. I see guilty faces. Don' t feel bad.
Don' t feel bad about me. This really doesn' t offend me.
It takes a lot of pressure away from me because I know no one
expects much of this performance. This is like when you' re going to
make love to someone who has a very small penis. Not that any little
thing that makes you is already like good, for look, for in the
end it really seemed not. No. That' s my status at Comedy
Central. I' m a very small penis. Eye. Recently, a
scientist came out on the newspaper to ensure attention. He claimed he had done,
a head transplant between two monkeys. You know, I had picked up
a monkey and put the other one' s head on it. No,
and this gave me a lot of hope. I mean, I' d
volunteer for that experiment. You know, I want me to put it on
a monkey' s head because, like, the human doesn' t go
so well with me. I mean, I' m forty years old,
my career, you see, they' re coming down from hell, I
mean, I don' t have my own living apartment for rent, in
fact, from the last month, I mean, I don' t have
a date right now until the complicated thing. I mean, as a human
being I' m a failure, but as a monkey I' d be
batting him. You know, I figure you' re gonna go to work
tomorrow, and we were fucking about how the guy turned out a monkey to
tell jokes, but he was good. What' s wrong with a fucking
monkey. Ja was there, he got on stage and he got to talk
and he was trying to get out. Funny, pathetic way. It was
like watching him zapping. Well, Ja, not Ja, but good.
There are also things that raise my morale. No, there are things that
raise my morale. For example, the waiter under my house. He always
calls me champion. You know, it' s like the time to spare.
The other day I was drunk and I left without paying and he told
me eh boy and it was like ah I lost the crown. Not me,
I think I screwed up. I started shitting her when I picked out
my stage name, not really my real name is Dennis. But of stage
name I put Tennis Horror as a tribute to the movie Rockie Horror. Pixoseo
thinking everyone knew her, you know, and no one' s ever known
that fucking movie in Spain. Then people started calling me a horror and I
said good look what matters. You know, it' s kind of the
name of the queens, but, you know, and the other day,
in a dating with more comics, a partner introduced me as attention makes a
mistake and made me very angry. That I was very angry that it hadn
' t occurred to me, because I think it defines me and not just
as a comedian, but as a person. You know, I' d
take that name forever, that' s the person who drops it like an
aunt and tells me how I could have made a mistake as much with you
as you could have let me down as an aunt. I' m Dani
' s mistake. I was hoping, you know. The truth is,
my first idols. Not on stage, they weren' t funny, they
weren' t musicians. I really liked heavy metal not as a teenager you
knew for sure, because it' s called' 80s Wash. No,
well, I was a singer when the situation ended. That one always ended
if it didn' t, I mean, it had the state infervorized towards
that if people started ovationing, I mean, that was the shit. Not
me, when I get a notation out, I always go like good,
some nights then I wanted to get off the stage. You know like a
javy metal burst that just hit it, and I always leave like a teenager
who just left a baby in the trash, like oh. It' s
funny, because it' s true and it' s not. If you
search me on Google, if you search the Internet, one of the images
you' re going to find of me is a photo of me disguised as
a Roman soldier with Packyring if it' s a series that maybe a couple
of years old. I' m not a Roman soldier and Pak Ring is
a centurion, not in other words the image, not in other words the
Pak Ring and I of Romans is not like the living nativity scene of the
canyons, that is to say and fuck me, because it' s like
the most humiliating moment of my life and it' s in the networks you
know to see whoever I want not and it worries that maybe Javid on other
planets, extraterrestrial life and that one day they begin to investigate in thousands of
years what humanity was and one of the documents that comes to them by waves
is a video clip of Pakering and say leader attention. We have found the
most subnormal being in the known universe and then you will find in the photo
in that centurion state, me as a soldier and you will say, as
you hope there was another one with less graduation here. Nothing is complicated to
be funny, especially if you have a beard. It' s very difficult
to travel these days every time I' ve attacked this. You know,
you know, you know, at stations, I got pulled over when they
were the last ones in Paris, and they also stopped me when they were
in London a few years ago. Do not remember according to the attacks in
London and I knew sold of the performance in Barcelona by bus as you see
Lopeto and had already met another comedian of this channel, called Igir Rubin,
that surely or will sound, because it is one of the best comedians that
is now in the channel and was waiting for him. Two cops didn'
t come to stop me. You know how to document your comment, gentlemen,
when they call you a gentleman, you know, you know you'
re in trouble. No, and I' ll give it to him,
he won' t tell me, and it' s all here. Gentleman,
nothing waiting for a friend already a friend. Not much tension, no,
but just more time came and Ggy Rubin and I, Robin, who
don' t know him. He' s a great comedian, he'
s a very handsome boy. She' s very successful with girls, but
we don' t know you. We know he' s got a little
bit of a pen. It' s okay It' s okay. You
can tell me if I' m a friend of mine I' m telling
you openly. You know, he doesn' t get mad, and if
he gets angry, he sticks too loose. You know that one can'
t be told, because at a more tense moment when I already thought I
was going to be stopped appeared and g Rubin as an angel Savior. You
know that day he was wearing some fur gloves and he was taking one off.
So and I see the police panic look like they' re not terrorists,
they' re faggots. And it was very nice, because I,
fuck, is the first time in my life that one prejudice saves me from
another. I' ve told you before I don' t have a boyfriend
now and I want to have a girlfriend again, but it sucks. That
doesn' t piss me off when you' ve got 40 tacos. You
know, I can' t go out on a date anymore, or if
you want to get there, I' ve got a hundicap that I think
you' ve already noticed. Don' t mean I have a big nose
and this I' ve learned creates expectations. Some girls laugh at lost men.
I' ll make a myth out of the big- nosed men,
a two- size, basically my drama is that my nose spreads check,
it' s that my pear can' t pay. No, but it
' s very complicated. It' s very complicated not to get, to
get a girlfriend. I want to get a girlfriend, but make it forever.
Now why don' t I want to cut again. Cutting with a
girl is the saddest thing, which is the worst thing to cut a relationship,
not especially when you already live with her. No, I mean,
it' s time to break up the house. It' s the saddest
thing I' ll do and I' ll step aside because with my pride
it happens to me the same as with my nose, which is too big
for my chances. I mean cut with a girl. I got super proud
and I told him you know that take everything away from micrate with everything I
' m going to throw away take everything the next day I' m crying
drunk with an empty room. No. No. No, no, no.
No. It' s just one thing happens to guys, that is,
since when you' re in a relationship, that is, it'
s a stable relationship. You let yourself go physically, you know, and
the moment that that' s over, you haven' t noticed and you
' ve become a little monster. I noticed the other day. The other
day I was walking out of the elevator and there was this girl who was
looking at the phone, no, and I got out of here, and
the guy did, as you know, what I' m saying. It
' s okay. I was out of my mind, I didn' t
expect to see someone get scared, you know, it' s normal,
no, but after the initial or something, it got back together and made
a man. Warn it' s like a visa. I have to warn
you that I' m going to the places I mean, at that point
I' ve come to say oh grubo so that people are preparing. I
need a girlfriend, especially because I have a problem. It' s just
that I live in a very small building. I' m a very poor
person who lives in a very small building. Okay, and there' s
a five- year- old girl who' s afraid of me. And
of course I, when I had a girlfriend in a fun situation, I
was going down with my girlfriend. The girl was hiding, the parents were
laughing. My girlfriend laughed at a nice situation. He doesn' t say
I' m an otero of a building. It' s already tense.
You know and you don' t know. It' s not that joy
anymore. I don' t mean, I know God doesn' t want
it, but I know it' s that girl. God doesn' t
want it. But as something happens to him, I' m going to
be the first suspect, I mean, obsessing, obsessing that girl is good.
The point is, I' ve started following her. I' m
going to school to take pictures. You know, I noticed who he'
s with I put cameras in his house. It doesn' t obsess your
safety and I' m afraid this can be misunderstood in some way. I
don' t need a girlfriend, because it' s very complicated. It
' s very complicated, so a fruitful relationship that' s not very complicated
to maintain a relationship. I went against it the other day. The other
day she was in a bar and the lady bar was a wonderful lady of
about seventy years. No, and it came out on the news about these
powers of Santiago that they accuse of killing their daughter. Not sure, older
people, you know, affect him a lot. No, sir, she
got very angry and she told me that I can' t understand these things
happening, because killing your son is worth it. But the two of you
agree is just like this, ma' am, the idea of killing your
son here a marriage is more reasonable, make plans together. You know,
I mean, it' s been hard It' s gonna be a relationship.
It' s very hard to have a relationship, to keep it,
and it' s very easy for you to fuck off. You know a
reaction. It can be damaged by a communication problem. You know what nonsense.
I lost a relationship years ago because we didn' t understand each other.
You know a bad on, a miscommunication. I won' t explain.
I mean, I' d been convincing her to try the golden rain
for days. Okay, yeah, let' s see, it' s
okay to put people in someone else' s room. We' ll give
a few seconds when we all know not to see. In this case it
was me about her, but if I fire the other way around, I
' d also be full. With that, you know or what to say
I' m not a fart. The point is, we' ve been
talking about the idea for days, and one night we got home drunk.
You know, we' re there lovingly not and I went to the bathroom
and I sat down to paramear, because I, when I got drunk to
my house, I felt like paraming. You know, if I' m
in another house, I don' t care, but in my house I
know what can happen. I sit down to pee,' cause then I
have to scrub it. I was sitting there and he was already looking at
me. We were so cocky. No, and I got that vicious point
that gets us into it when you' re drunk and you get evil in
your head. You don' t know, and right before I peed at
her, I looked at her and I said you love her and I looked
at her and she said yes, of course. Then, speaking to him
I saw what had happened, she understood you love me. Hey, I
' ve had it. It was nice, because we never told each other
I love you, I mean, it was like the first time we recognized
our love. You know, and I mean, of course he really did
say yes, yes, I love you no, and I guess you were
expecting a kiss, but hey didn' t count on Dani mistake and another
one on something else, not that he had to be worth it for this.
It' s a little embarrassing. I just got hit. This happens
sometimes. There' s nothing wrong with these cases. I always carry a
chop, you know, so this cuts me off. There' s nothing
to say. That' s your time. I' m sorry. It
' s unprofessional, but I have this no, no, no, no,
don' t do that That' s how you don' t applaud
someone who' s doing more of their job than saying that. Started Spain,
you know it' s already, already, it' s all controlled,
it' s got plan and hello, tenni quiet, you' re
in a performance. If you' re reading, this is not going.
All right, it' s okay. Take your time, but not too
much. You see those people in front of you are the audience. They
' re waiting for something funny to happen. They believe that, since they
have paid an entrance, they have the right to see a perfectly finished show.
How unwary to explain is that in life you don' t always get
what you want doesn' t work. So, we' ve come to
a point by reading to Dennie that we must be honest now, this isn
' t really a chop. You wrote this gars thinking it would be funny,
but it' s not working. Danny, nobody' s laughing much.
There' s starting to be some tension and worst of all. Worst
of all, you' re only halfway through the sketch. You have to
finish reading this fucking sheet, even if nobody trusts me to be very funny
anymore. You hear some nervous giggle like waiting for this to go back at
some point. He' s not gonna do it. They' re already
beginning to doubt that you have a psychological problem. Imagine that this is broadcast
on TV and someone turns on TV. Now Danny' s gonna see a
cateto who' s barely capable of reading. While a lot of people are
laughing at him, they may think you' re an eye- catcher,
we only have a dignified way to close this sketch. Do the only thing
you know how to do in your artistic career, make an abnormal face and
throw a cultural cry. I mean, this sucks because I didn' t
want to finish the performance. Cool you know if it' s been a
little anticlimatic and I don' t know how to fix it, because I
don' t have any more sketches. You know, I just have an
idea. That occurred to me. There' s a legend. There'
s a legend with a comedian. It' s such a rush you can
ask for help next to humor. It' s a character my uncle who
helps comedians and nicknames, but you have to help me summon her. You
can do that for my audience. We have. We have to get started.
Okay. You have to say Come on in the mood, first very
low and then we go up. Okay. Start with me Come on,
come on, come on, let' s see you all alone, love.
I came from a birthday. I see a guñero. I asked him
thanks for the fairies. He told me that so he pulls out my pony
and I waited for him how his head will grow this and you believe in
this, you believe in this. It also costs rooms to see. You
want to go out a room. Well there was this a child was born
dead end to see is oh my ca tale worth it is funny, because
it happens many times. Now I' m going to make a monologue for
girls. They are worth our things, for example, not and there are
only men. What' s wrong with them? She likes to eat her
dick and not like shopping, but what would you do to that one?
It never happened to you that you have those moments, not like lucidity,
what do you see your life like from the outside, and you think about
all the decisions that you' ve made, that have taken you this particular
moment, in space, in time. And you see yourself if you think
what the fuck or ome two ice cream where you love it. In my
village, there' s a kid you were doing, you' re sick
of it, but I' ve already put together a million plastic plugs and
taken them so he' s entertained. Hahaha why. Because hospital clown sun.
You know there' s already this paraya hospital. What you guys were
doing, hospital clowns. It' s not like the craziest way to get
public to see those people are fucking enough, you have to go It'
s like you' re in a concentration camp and they' re bringing you
into Banglou' s ear. No, no, better, no, but
it' s this, this is really true. I mean, I,
uh, once went to the comedy hospitals and there was this kid who was
English. I didn' t know how to make it go you know without
then I started to make faces, not make faces and I started screaming to
laugh. I didn' t start laughing and I said I was Fabry,
I was Fary. No. He tells you you' re a mother,
you' re a fairy no and I said okay he started playing dumb.
It doesn' t start jumping not like a fairy doesn' t. And
you know if the guy laughed more and more. I didn' t think
you know they could do I don' t know how to be a fairy
aga. I think love, I think love, yes or no come,
love comes. I believe love, but it confuses me. I' m
confused that a person with us sees on the street falling in love with that
person is so beautiful, she' s so pure. I want to dedicate
the rest of my days to making it happy. Right. It' s
been a month and you' re saying what lets you run into his face.
Not that it' s like oh wa wob or, what happened here,
there' s a month serious, in a past esport I love you,
I want to make to Turre the your car I the bedchando of my
dick. I want it in your face. It doesn' t make any
sense, it won' t give me any pleasure, but I think it
' s her place. I think that' s fair, because my chicken
is very ugly and your face very pretty. There' s what I just
thought. So let him throw the liquid you beat the debugger of my dick
to touch or you don' t love me. The case that I finally
talked to central comidias, I decided to record the sketch is told of humor
and I told my girlfriend, well now she' s already ex- girlfriend.
I told him I' m gonna do this. I didn' t
tell him the kid' s story. You know the kid who told me
you' re a fairy, you' re a fairy and she looked at
me and told me I had you. You know, in English, Fabe
doesn' t mean anything. It also means faggot, but you know.
In a way, I' m happy. I' m happy because I
' ve got something with this, it' s that the next time you
see my picture with packaging Ring will no longer be a more humiliating moment of
my life, because I' m no longer damaging horror, I' m
no longer Dani error, I' m no longer such a mistake. Now
I' m forever. There' s nothing. Dolo mor is enough sepramenos,