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The opinions expressed by Chayo Busquets are
supported by his extensive experience as a family

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therapist and in the previous analysis of
the cases presented here welcome. This is

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Chayo with you in jewel. We
started very good afternoon, very good beginning

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of March, a month that,
because it will be short, although it

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is a month of thirty- one
days. But at the end of the

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month we will have the Easter holidays, and that does not make the month

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complete with its usual duration. And
well, let' s go in full

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today with material says Chayo. My
message is for my east what can be

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done. I have three children,
two women and a man. The middle

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wife has two sons of 16 and
13 years old. He' s separated

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from the kids' dad and now
he' s living in another relationship.

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Seven years ago. At that time
they have separated several times and will give

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to my eldest daughter' s house. She was inherited from Granny' s

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house. So, every time they
fight, he' s going to ask

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for shelter and in a matter of
days, he' s back with him,

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but he also puts him in the
house the penultimate time for not paying

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for the services. They left after
a year of living there. Starting the

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year, they fought again and went
again to ask for inn with their children.

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My eldest daughter told him how she
wanted things to be so that they

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were in harmony. But in a
matter of days, he started texting his

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partner, calling him on the phone
and ended up seeing him, because a

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few days ago I stopped by his
house and it turns out that they were

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eating and his partner was there.
I didn' t want to comment to

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my older daughter, but today she
told me that she had a fight with

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her sister, the boys' mom, because three days that week, her

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partner spent it in the house and
today told her she doesn' t want

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it there. Then he started taking
it out on his kids. She'

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s treated them very badly, always
rude blows telling them they' re dumb

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idiots. He spends the whole day
watching TV and puts them to do the

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job. At the end of the
week, he put his daughter to laundry

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for ten hours. Besides, he
tells them that' s why he had

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children to do everything to him.
My oldest daughter steps in and tells her

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that' s why they don'
t respect her. Today she recorded some

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videos of how she' s taking
it out on her kids because she told

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her she didn' t want to
be at home anymore. To her partner,

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my eldest daughter, she told and
showed the videos to her half-

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sister on behalf of her dad and
advised her to stay with them legally,

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to present those videos and that the
law will force her to give her child

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support. I really don' t
know what to do. Actually, my

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daughter, the kids' mom,
is a very conflictive person and if I

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try to talk to her, she' s gonna end up in trouble.

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Orient me. Please. Oh,
good. As you will see, we

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are starting to heat up the themes
of Women' s Day on March 8,

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because how complex it becomes to be
able to generate situations where there is

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violence and abuse. And one of
the things I want to comment on here

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today, given your email, is
how violence spreads, as well as we

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spread many other things, like we
spread anxiety, how we can spread harmony,

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how we can spread a nice parent
environment where we can function well.

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Violence also spreads what. It'
s clear to me that your daughter'

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s in the middle of it,
the mom of the kids you' re

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texting me about. She' s
a complicated woman. You tell me it

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' s the one in the middle
and that inevitably leads me to generate the

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hypothesis of how you' ve lived
throughout your life as a daughter in the

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midst of two brothers where there'
s probably or was a topic and I

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' m not saying this to cause
you guilt, but to be careful.

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Everyone who hears me about what happens
when there' s a sandwich son and

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what I' m driving and how
suddenly we can be unintentionally comparing with the

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other brothers. And in this case, when there are three, that is

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the little one, he becomes the
little one or the little one does not,

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and then it is the one that
generates the attraction in the house and

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the big one or the big one. Well, that' s where we

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' ve put a lot of attention, because we' re very demanding and

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we want to be very careful two
of the way And with the middle,

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it' s not the little one, because there' s already a third

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one isn' t the big one. But to some extent she can get

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caught. And I speak in feminine
for your daughter in a complicated situation where

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she doesn' t know what role
she played or where she was. And

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sometimes there' s a lot of
accumulated anger. One of the things he

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maintains or can maintain is not the
case for everyone. I make it clear

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to a person in a violent conflictal
relationship is that, just as conflict is

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intense, reconciliation is intense and they
do not know how to live in an

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intermediate temporality. I think without a
doubt, the sister doesn' t have

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to receive it anymore if she doesn' t respect it, but she can

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offer it as she is willing,
to remove them, even legally, to

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stay with the kids and tell her
leave the kids here in what you arrange

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the issues with your partner. But
your partner can' t come in here

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because we don' t all live
together. And it has to be said

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clearly, specifically, directly, as
a limit is set, but without the

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criticism and the claim of how it
is possible for you to endure and look

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at how, because to the extent
that you feel criticized you will not listen,

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you are going to put yourself on
the defensive. And that happens to

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all of us even though we believe
the other person is right. If he

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attacks us, if he criticizes us, we' re not going to work.

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So I tried it out there to
see what he can do, what

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he can do. And and you
give your children a lot of affection,

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in your case, to your grandchildren, she to her nephews, and make

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it clear to her that they are
not to blame for what happens and that

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adults don' t always do things
right so that they feel backed up.

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And good. Before I send you
to the music court, I want to

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remind you what tomorrow is the croqueton
for the Franciscan shelter. Saturday, March

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2, from nine to six in
the afternoon in the Deer Park. The

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Deer Park is on Avenida División del
Norte, where is the statue of Pancho

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Villa. There in the park they
won' t meet Support. Let'

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s make this croqueton a human chain
for help for the Franciscan shelter that takes

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care of all these pets that no
one is taking good care of the annoying

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evening, because I need you to
listen to me and advise me. Please,

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I have a ten- year-
old daughter. Lately, he usually

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reacts with a lot of anger and
defiance. He doesn' t follow directions

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and I get a lot of complaints
at school. Your dad and I are

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in trouble. I think we'
re affecting him a lot. I want

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to go to therapy with her,
but she doesn' t want to.

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She doesn' t have much communication
with her dad, so many things I

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see her and all the time she' s holding her hands, pinching her

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fingers, feeling anxious and all the
indications. He debates me and he talks

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and he talks and he talks so
he doesn' t do things. Evade

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what she does and say the teacher
never accepts what she does. Even if

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I see her, she denies things. Could you please tell me what I

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can do to take ur with my
problem. This is one of those many

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emails where I tell you whenever in
the problem, in the writing of the

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problem comes the explanation. Of course
she' s reacting to the problems you

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have with your husband, her dad. What there is, this description you

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do in your hands, is anxiety
to everything you give and nothing would help,

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even if she accepted it, go
to therapy if the cause of this

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anxiety, what is happening in the
house, doesn' t change and sometimes

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I get a lot of attention how
they want to change the problem that a

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child gives when they' re not
changing situations is that they' re living

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and that they' re being the
cause of the problem. Your daughter'

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s problem will surely be completely diluted
once things are calm, once you determine

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and define what' s going on
with her relationship and learn to handle her

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conflicts and differences in a way that
doesn' t splash this girl, because

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what you want her to do for
you, to accept her mistakes, not

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to pray to you, to be
obedient, to make life easier for you,

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when life to her is getting very
complicated. She' s in the

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formative process. She' s a
girl, she' s a girl and

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the boys respond to the environment in
which they' re developing here. The

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point isn' t what you'
re doing with her. The subject is

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how resor is. You two let
it go in such a way that this

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girl lives in a quiet environment,
because she is a symptom of your problems.

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It' s not the problem and
I know that maybe right now,

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given the things you have in the
couple relationship, you' d want her,

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please, not to be another cause
of trouble. The point here is

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that parents have an obligation to give
kids a healthy conflict- free environment so

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they can work. And this girl
is not able to function as a result

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of this. So I understand that
you' re willing to go to therapy?

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I don' t know if your
partner, but if you' re

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willing to go to therapy with her
and she doesn' t want to,

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you go, you go so you
can clarify how they solve things on the

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ground. And good at the outset, because the school puts the consequences that

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it has to put in front of
the inappropriate behaviors that it does, because

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we can' t let her do
what she wants to do then either.

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Live as you like and there'
s nothing going on here. He doesn

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' t have to live it,
but he' s going to hold on

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to the problem and he' s
only going to increase his anxiety if,

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on the basis of the things that
are happening, they can' t be

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calmed down. The couple relationship is
very important, it is a basis for

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the functioning of the children. Then
she is clearly responding to what is happening

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in your home and in the homes
of many of those who are hearing me

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and believe that the problem is their
children. When there' s a cause

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so clearly detected, taritarm once again
asks again is that with couples everything is

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a question. Yeah, actually,
yeah, all the issues I think about,

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I say this is quite a question. How much you lie in couples,

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how much we lie to the couple. That' s a very good

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question. No. There have been
several investigations where people say I am very

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clear or honest and I am not
lying. No, and it has been

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seen that when you do these investigations, you have a tendency to lie during

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the day. But you don'
t realize it at all. Not there

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are the social lies, there are
the lies of discomfort, etcetera. Etcetera.

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And then it is also divided into
who mind more like why not.

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And women have a tendency to lie
to take care of each other. Indeed,

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and man tends to lie yes in
his performance, in his performance,

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that is in that little place,
in that little private place, rich or

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rich, but it is also in
what he does, in his achievements,

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in his work. That' s
a trend, performance on one side and

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an environment for her as a woman
now, regardless of what we lied during

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and what we thought was not.
Another thing is a clear lie that I

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' m going to do this,
because I don' t want to be

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responsible. But there is also one
question that I do not know if it

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necessarily falls within the category of lying. Ah By the way, speaking of

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infidelity, let' s see you
lie or mess up and fake protally,

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but that we leave at a certain
point. Another issue is what happens to

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us where it really costs us to
say what we think, we enter and

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want into a relationship. OK,
yeah, it' s me I sold

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you an idea of me That'
s another subject in the courtship, too,

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and I made up a story for
you about me. But part of

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being a couple pushes us to discover
ourselves, also through the look of our

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partner. How complex I am telling
you is not that you see that the

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other feels that finally, also our
partner sees more of us than sometimes than

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the ones we want to see from
ourselves. But there' s one that

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makes me very interesting. I don' t dare tell you this is an

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example. I don' t dare
tell you that I don' t want

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you to accompany me to this meeting
or this party, not because I don

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' t want you to be,
but I want to be able to enjoy

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it in another way. Yeah,
where I don' t want to go

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there as your wife or husband if
I don' t want to hear as

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a friend, partner, etcetera.
About what we were. Yeah, they

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' re the ones that sound pretty
complicated. No, but I don'

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t want to have to be looking
after you or being aware of taking care

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of certain things, because I want
to go relaxed to pass the father unhesitatingly

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that I am your partner and not
be seeing if I already left you too

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much time alone alone and because I
am friends with all those who are there,

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and then I want unconcernedly to have
total fun. Not entirely. And

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another thing is this is going to
be a memory, this is going to

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be going back five years ago,
back to ten years ago, et cetera.

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And there are things that might,
also today our little group, want

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to stay in a small group.
No, then, I mean, I

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also want to experience, experience,
yes, that, that in a way

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where you' re not, because, yes, we' re different.

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When a couple is with us,
of course, there it is not in

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an orbit around us and it is
very valid. But I don' t

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dare tell you. I don'
t want you to, I don'

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t want to invite you and then
I' m between you saying no and

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I don' t explain and I
give you and well, yes, but

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no, but it would be better
then I don' t know, well

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I want you to be angry that
I want you to get angry and that

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' s where the clarity comes from, but that' s where compassion also

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comes from. I know you might
not like it, but it has nothing

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to do with you, it has
to do with me. Right now I

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want to be the cuate de mi
cuate. No doubt nothing else and we

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' re going to talk a certain
way and we' re going to remember

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things where yes, you' re
necessarily excluded, but that doesn' t

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mean that you' re excluded in
my heart and in my head, you

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' re specifically excluded at that moment
from where my life is. That'

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s right. Thank you, Tari
Thank you very much. I' ll

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see you on Friday, and we' re still here in more detail.

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Me with you in Chayo, with
you the most important thing is you.

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How I can handle the times,
or how I can handle the situation that

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my eleven- year- old has
access to video games, that is,

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he gets angry if I limit him, or he gets angry if I tell

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him that no longer daily in your
free time, all the time he wants

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to use it and it doesn'
t seem right to me. How can

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I do it, how can I
handle it, because he' s angry

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and then he' s mad at
me. That' s why I'

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m making you look like you'
re not into video games, because,

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without a doubt, the subject of
video games is something that has to be

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limited. What happens why he gets
into that state of anger when video games

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are taken away from him. Well, the first thing we have to understand

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is that video games are generating an
over- stimulation at the neurological level that

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generates adrenaline and torphins. Nothing is
going to make that more attractive than another

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video game, in another video another
situation that they want to make stimulate the

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brain that way. That' s
why they end up replacing all activity with

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video games. One would think good, because if you' re doing different

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types of video games on your cell
phone, what' s the problem,

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because you' re not always at
best in the same video game. The

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problem here is that it damages the
functioning of the brain in terms of not

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generating an injury as such, but
it does distort in your children the perception

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of what is entertaining, enjoyable,
pleasant, because the brain gets used to

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having those levels of substance production to
feel good. And then any other activity

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is going to be boring, unappealing, even if the activity itself has its

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own level of pleasure. That'
s why it' s so important that

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they are normally limited to breaking the
bad habit in which addiction has already been

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generated by the kids is all one
and in that process it' s important

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to know that we have to tolerate
to some extent the level of anger that

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is causing them, not at the
time we take the video game away,

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but we do talk at another time
and be able to explain it, even

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if you disagree and I understand that
that makes you angry at the correct use

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of the video game. It'
s gonna be just like that. If

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you want to get mad at me, if you want to stay away from

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me, it' s not going
to be a reason for me to lend

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you the video game, then if
you' re not able to self-

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control and access the moment I tell
you the time is up, because we

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' re going to have to help
by warning, because they get so full

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- time into the video game that
they forget even their willingness to stop or

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obey. We have to take action, because substances are being generated in the

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brain. Then we have to be
very clear about it, not about it

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at a time when the video game
is involved, because then it generates more

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anger. But since we explained it, we make it perfectly clear that we

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know that you don' t find
what' s wrong with him, that

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' s you as my son,
but that' s something we have to

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diversify in terms of his activities and
his amusements, and that' s very

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important to establish, since you'
ve broken the bad habit well and he

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' s made it clear that'
s what he has. He' s

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gonna start finding fun for other things. It' s something we all have

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to do. They' re an
extraordinary nanny. They' re not going

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to give us a can, they' re not going to give us a

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problem and they' re going into
video games. The point is that he

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' s going through his brain and
how that' s going to distort his

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perception in life of what' s
fun and entertaining and he' s always

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going to want to be in things
that are exciting or otherwise, he'

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s not going to be okay and
that' s going to impact his school,

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his working life, his partner relationships, the friendships they relate to.

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So yes, it matters, but
it also matters that you tolerate her anger

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a little bit, putting consequences if
she is rude when she gets angry,

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but she tolerates her anger a little
bit in what she does. The new

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habit alone is going to settle.
You can finally share your case with Chayo

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' s whatsapp with you and leave
your voice message no longer than a minute.

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The number WAT is fifty- five, thirty- seven, twenty-

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00:24:48.319 --> 00:24:52.759
four, seven, seven, twenty- seven. Remember the message. Must

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00:24:52.799 --> 00:25:00.359
be anonymous Hi, Chayo. I' m twenty- five years old.

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I am in the ninth year of
the University, ninth year or ninth semester,

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and it has really taken me a
long time to get to where I

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am mainly on two issues. The
first is that I don' t like

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the race. And the second is
that I find it extremely difficult to live

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together when I have to talk to
people to make work teams or for things

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as simple as asking for the time
I panic. At first, the attacks

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occurred every several months, but lately
they begin to give me the attacks almost

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every day, which are the days
I have to go to school. The

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attacks are so strong I have to
run to the school toilets to cry.

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Attacks begin with shortness of breath.
Then I feel a knot forming in my

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throat to the point that I feel
like I' m drowning and my hands

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are paralyzing. This is starting to
be exhausting, as I feel like I

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can' t relate to anyone.
It makes me feel lonely when the worst

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thing happens is when I' m
in college, once I even stopped attending

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a class because it took a lot
of teamwork. I feel like I'

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m a sack full of trouble.
What should I do? I can change.

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Yes, of course you can change, of course, but there are

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two. There are two things here, one that has to do with a

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change of attitude from you, but
the other is that panic attacks are a

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disease. Whenever things happen to us
with respect to anxiety and particularly to extreme

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anxiety like the one you' re
living, we think that we should control

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it and that how we might not
be able to control it and so on,

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and the reality is that panic attacks
do occur because of a number of

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psychological issues. But without a doubt
they are related to the fact that the

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person has a chemical imbalance at the
level of neurons in the brain, which

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are the cells like we have all
over the body, but in the brain

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they are called neurons and what they
do is that, when they debalance,

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they produce these symptoms. I mean, you. You don' t make

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up the lack of air, you
don' t make up that your hands

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00:27:23.799 --> 00:27:26.160
are paralyzed, you don' t
make up that you feel like you'

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re drowning. It happens and this
requires medical attention. What a specialist the

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psychiatrist sees. Nothing more than we
have a lot of taboos about everything that

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has to do with the psychiatrist.
But it is the psychiatrist who has to

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see it and given the situation of
frustration that you come living, the work

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that has cost you the University,
the how you are dealing with a career

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that you don' t like,
that I would have my doubts whether you

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like the career or not. Or
what happens is that you don' t

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like everything that' s associated with
her, because you' re having a

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hard time. Then it is very
important to understand this and to be able

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to understand that medical care is needed. Go to a psychiatrist and explain what

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' s happening to you. When
they were going on a lot of time,

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you thought nothing was going on.
But the reality is that when we

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don' t get a symptom,
the symptom gets worse, and things get

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where they are today. So you' re looking for medical care with a

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psychiatrist who' s the specialist in
this. And for those who still feel

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that going to the psychiatrist is crazy
or crazy. It' s a physiological

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illness in what happens in your head
and, therefore, you' ve been

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associating it with certain situations and it
breaks out in those moments. But we

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have to work it out. Hello, Doctor, I need your help.

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I summed up I' m a
twenty- six- year- old transsexual

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woman. Ever since I was twelve, I realized I' ve been attracted

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to men ever since a little friend
in high school convinced me to dress up

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and be a woman. From there
I liked to show my legs and did

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00:29:22.920 --> 00:29:26.279
the feminization treatment. When I was
15 years old, I had surgery.

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I lived very happy next to the
man who made love to me for the

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first time. I was his wife
for several years and I really liked that

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00:29:33.960 --> 00:29:37.720
he possessed me by submitting to me, as well as that he had taught

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00:29:37.720 --> 00:29:41.799
me to dress very provocative. However, he died and later I met a

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00:29:41.799 --> 00:29:45.440
biological woman and we became very good
friends. But now I dream her a

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00:29:45.519 --> 00:29:49.519
lot and I would like to be
with her, but I, as a

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man, am afraid to think like
this because I am already physically a woman

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and when I am not with her, I enjoy dressing and behaving like a

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woman. But I see her even
in the soup I' ve come to

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think that if I were a man, I' d like everything with her.

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What am I doing, please,
Mira? I think the fact that

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you' ve lived, you'
ve been born a man and today you

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' re a woman by choice,
you' re confusing it with the fact

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that you have a bisexual sexual orientation, that is, today with it you

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00:30:30.559 --> 00:30:33.599
' re discovering that you like women
and you like men. The point is

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that, since you have lived the
alternative of being born a man and today

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being a woman, you know that
there was the possibility of being able to

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live as a man and therefore,
as a man, to have a life

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00:30:53.240 --> 00:31:03.920
with her. I think you would
need to seek terapeur help to assume yourself

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as such as the woman you hear
before deciding medical things that might put you

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in a different situation. Again why
we also need to take care of how

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much we do to the body.
I think it would be important for you

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to take a therapeutic treatment that matches
a little bit where you stand in front

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00:31:27.720 --> 00:31:34.160
of life and, depending on that, determine what you want and how you

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00:31:36.359 --> 00:31:40.240
want to live your sexuality why.
Perhaps what would have always happened, even

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00:31:40.240 --> 00:31:44.240
if you hadn' t made the
change, is that, because you were

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00:31:44.240 --> 00:31:47.240
going to like men and you were
going to be busted by women. It

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is a very interesting case of yours, because it comes to question us how

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early in life we have to make
these changes when we are in the middle

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of adolescence. But today you have
to take this with anyone and think about

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00:32:00.799 --> 00:32:06.400
how you take care of yourself,
how you take care of your body and

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00:32:06.440 --> 00:32:08.319
where and how you want to define
yourself, because it also sounds like you

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00:32:08.319 --> 00:32:14.839
' re very influential. Then you' re full of anguish, seek psychological

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attention to clarify where you are and
how. And, well, this brings

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us to the end of the program. Date I was looking for this was

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chayo with you having an extraordinary weekend
and we heard on Monday Audio Center