WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.040 --> 00:00:02.759 Hi, everyone, Welcome back to their podcast episode. My name is Alicia 2 00:00:02.759 --> 00:00:05.599 Gogin, the host of the Globe Secrets podcast, where I help you expand 3 00:00:05.599 --> 00:00:08.240 your mind to become more self aware so that you can glow up into the 4 00:00:08.240 --> 00:00:13.119 best version of yourself. Happy Monday, I am fueled by coffee and anxiety. 5 00:00:13.160 --> 00:00:16.519 Okay, listen before you guys freak out. I'm fine. It's just 6 00:00:16.960 --> 00:00:21.120 I'm a little bit overwhelmed today and probably will be for a little bit, 7 00:00:21.120 --> 00:00:26.120 which is totally fine because I am getting ready to launch the pre order of 8 00:00:26.239 --> 00:00:29.280 my book. Now. A lot of you guys know that I have written 9 00:00:29.320 --> 00:00:33.479 a book and it's about to be published. It's gonna be published January ninth, 10 00:00:33.880 --> 00:00:38.600 but we're doing a pre order, so when you see the Thursday episode, 11 00:00:38.640 --> 00:00:41.640 we're gonna be talking about like healing your relationship with food, and you 12 00:00:41.640 --> 00:00:46.079 guys had asked me a lot of questions regarding your relationships with food and like 13 00:00:46.119 --> 00:00:50.200 the advice that you want from me. I'm obviously not a licensed therapist or 14 00:00:50.320 --> 00:00:54.119 like food therapist, but I also healed my relationship with food without that and 15 00:00:54.200 --> 00:00:58.359 I actually only ended up going to therapy after I had moved away from my 16 00:00:58.439 --> 00:01:00.079 unhealthy relationship with food, and even when I went to see a therapist, 17 00:01:00.159 --> 00:01:03.280 it wasn't regarding my food anyways. Whatever, I'm gonna be talking about all 18 00:01:03.359 --> 00:01:07.599 that in the next episode, but we're gonna be talking about the book. 19 00:01:07.680 --> 00:01:10.319 So I'm going to be doing a cover reveal. The book is going to 20 00:01:10.400 --> 00:01:15.840 be ready for pre order. I also have to make a main channel video 21 00:01:15.079 --> 00:01:19.280 about this book as well. So there's just a lot of planning, a 22 00:01:19.280 --> 00:01:22.840 lot of great, amazing things. But I'm a little bit. I'm scared, 23 00:01:23.000 --> 00:01:26.959 I'm nervous, I'm stressed a little bit because I have to like plan 24 00:01:26.040 --> 00:01:30.400 out so many pieces of content to make sure that everything is exactly the way 25 00:01:30.439 --> 00:01:34.319 that I want. But it's fine, it's good. Stress. Just right 26 00:01:34.359 --> 00:01:38.200 now, I felt like I needed to go on a walk and get Amocha 27 00:01:38.280 --> 00:01:42.359 and come back to be able to move through this episode. But I hope 28 00:01:42.359 --> 00:01:47.239 everyone's doing great, and I hope you guys liked my last episode, which 29 00:01:47.439 --> 00:01:52.239 was that girl Favorites. I also did not mention one of my favorite things 30 00:01:52.280 --> 00:01:56.239 currently. Well, I've been wearing them forever, which are my Amazon slippers. 31 00:01:56.319 --> 00:01:57.920 I will have them linked in the description. I can't believe forgot to 32 00:01:59.000 --> 00:02:01.560 mention these. I've had these slippers for probably like two to three years. 33 00:02:01.560 --> 00:02:05.200 I'm not even joking. I've worn them every single day, and I only 34 00:02:05.239 --> 00:02:08.080 really repurchased them because they were just getting really old. But they're still intact. 35 00:02:08.199 --> 00:02:10.560 It was just I should have probably washed them a little bit more, 36 00:02:12.360 --> 00:02:17.800 probably shouldn't have worn them so often with no socks on when my feet were 37 00:02:17.840 --> 00:02:22.199 like maybe a little bit sweaty or dirty, not like I have dirty sweaty 38 00:02:22.199 --> 00:02:25.080 feet, but whatever, it's fine. Anyways, if you're looking for a 39 00:02:25.120 --> 00:02:29.159 really good pair of slippers for the holiday season, I'm telling you you need 40 00:02:29.199 --> 00:02:32.919 to get these Amazon slippers. They're so durable, so comfortable, and they're 41 00:02:32.960 --> 00:02:35.960 so affordable. So I'll have them linked down below. And also, I 42 00:02:36.039 --> 00:02:38.639 just got a new electric toothbrush from Phillips. I don't know if that's the 43 00:02:38.680 --> 00:02:42.479 full brand I forget, but I'll have it linked down below. It is 44 00:02:42.560 --> 00:02:46.159 pink, and it's so cute and it's so good. It is way better 45 00:02:46.199 --> 00:02:52.639 than my Oral b electric toothbrush. And it's like the head is longer, 46 00:02:53.080 --> 00:02:55.159 like a rectangleish type of vibe instead of like a circle, so I feel 47 00:02:55.159 --> 00:02:59.639 like it just like glides on my teeth, and it gets more teeth and 48 00:02:59.680 --> 00:03:01.120 amount of time, even though of course I'm still brushing for the same a 49 00:03:01.159 --> 00:03:06.759 long whatever. You guys know, I'm really into my teeth journey right right 50 00:03:06.800 --> 00:03:08.840 now. I always have been. But if you're interested in a nice, 51 00:03:09.039 --> 00:03:13.000 cute, pink toothbrush, then I will have that down below as well. 52 00:03:13.000 --> 00:03:15.120 All right, So today's another off topic episode. So we're gonna talk about 53 00:03:15.240 --> 00:03:17.599 a bunch of random things. And the first thing that I really want to 54 00:03:17.639 --> 00:03:23.639 talk about is this concept called limerens. Okay, I was on TikTok scrolling 55 00:03:23.319 --> 00:03:29.719 as I do because I am a hipakrit, although recently I haven't been scrolling 56 00:03:29.719 --> 00:03:31.919 that much on TikTok. And you guys know, I listen and I watch 57 00:03:32.039 --> 00:03:37.560 funny videos. Okay, just leave me alone. But there's this girl and 58 00:03:37.599 --> 00:03:43.039 her name is Danielle Walter, and she has like big sister advice. She 59 00:03:43.159 --> 00:03:45.840 makes videos on like things I've learned in my twenties. She talks a lot 60 00:03:45.879 --> 00:03:49.960 about dating. She talks a lot about anxious attachment. Girlies. I feel 61 00:03:49.960 --> 00:03:53.479 like we're all anxiously attached to our core love that for us. So she 62 00:03:53.560 --> 00:03:57.080 made a video and I kind of wanted to like recap it, and I 63 00:03:57.120 --> 00:04:01.080 want to talk about how I've actually overcome limbrence. I believe that's how you 64 00:04:01.080 --> 00:04:06.000 say it limbrence in relationships, and I know that you guys are going to 65 00:04:06.039 --> 00:04:09.960 resonate. So there's a lot of different definitions of what limbrens is, So 66 00:04:10.000 --> 00:04:13.560 I'm just going to quickly pull up one from Mind Body Green. It says 67 00:04:13.759 --> 00:04:18.279 limerence is a mental state of profound romantic infactuation, deep obsession, and fantastical 68 00:04:18.480 --> 00:04:21.360 longing. I think that's how you say it, fantastical. That does not 69 00:04:21.399 --> 00:04:26.079 sound like the right word, but whatever. The experience can range from euphora 70 00:04:26.160 --> 00:04:29.879 to despair. It refers to the exciting feelings you get when you first meet 71 00:04:29.879 --> 00:04:32.639 someone. During this time, we often just want more of that person, 72 00:04:32.800 --> 00:04:38.240 more time, more affection, etc. It's an intense emotional arousal that leaves 73 00:04:38.319 --> 00:04:42.800 us craving for the other person. Often people refer this feeling as love at 74 00:04:42.839 --> 00:04:46.519 first sight. And I actually found an infographic that you guys will probably even 75 00:04:46.560 --> 00:04:50.639 resonate with more. And for me, this obsession and infactuation always usually will 76 00:04:50.680 --> 00:04:53.800 start at the beginning of a dating phase. Right, So, like, 77 00:04:53.879 --> 00:04:58.079 let's say you start talking to someone, and it depends on where your state 78 00:04:58.240 --> 00:05:01.160 of being is over time. I am I've fallen less and less into this 79 00:05:01.240 --> 00:05:04.560 obsession with someone, but even in my earlier days. But regardless, there's 80 00:05:04.600 --> 00:05:09.839 usually a stage in which you fall into this. Now this person is constantly 81 00:05:09.839 --> 00:05:13.759 consuming your mind, so things like you know, when you're checking to see 82 00:05:13.800 --> 00:05:18.079 if he's seen your Instagram stories, You're constantly like being very aware of the 83 00:05:18.079 --> 00:05:21.040 fact that, okay, like now I'm talking to someone, like what are 84 00:05:21.079 --> 00:05:24.360 they doing online? Are they watching my stories? Are they following me? 85 00:05:24.399 --> 00:05:28.240 Are they liking my photos? Another one could just be you waiting all day 86 00:05:28.279 --> 00:05:30.079 for a text message, and if you do not get that text message, 87 00:05:30.240 --> 00:05:34.040 then that affects the way that your mood is for the day. Regardless of 88 00:05:34.079 --> 00:05:39.959 like how hard you try, You're just you're always waiting. You're always waiting, 89 00:05:40.079 --> 00:05:43.879 You're always making meeting of whether that person texts you back or not, 90 00:05:43.959 --> 00:05:46.040 or when you're going to see that person again. You're just very like it's 91 00:05:46.120 --> 00:05:49.519 giving waiting energy. Or even as soon as you start dating someone, let's 92 00:05:49.560 --> 00:05:54.480 say, when you go to sleep, you're creating scenarios in your head of 93 00:05:54.600 --> 00:05:59.720 like your wedding and the man's last name with yours, Like you're going into 94 00:05:59.800 --> 00:06:05.000 this insane rumination obsession over this person who, quite frankly, you've just been 95 00:06:05.120 --> 00:06:08.839 dating. You probably haven't even actually talked to them for that long, and 96 00:06:08.879 --> 00:06:13.040 even if you have, like obviously, it's just very unhealthy for you to 97 00:06:13.160 --> 00:06:18.079 always be consumed by a person. And the problem with limeren story, in 98 00:06:18.120 --> 00:06:23.120 a way is the fact that because you're so in your head, you start 99 00:06:23.160 --> 00:06:29.680 to almost perceive this person way better than maybe they even are. And maybe 100 00:06:29.680 --> 00:06:32.120 they are great, but maybe they're not, or maybe you're just at a 101 00:06:32.160 --> 00:06:39.399 stage where okay, maybe he's treated you well a few times through the dating 102 00:06:39.399 --> 00:06:43.480 experience, but in your mind you think that every single day he's treated you 103 00:06:43.519 --> 00:06:46.959 well, or every single day he's showing up one hundred percent, or like 104 00:06:46.000 --> 00:06:49.639 he is the one just because he's done a few things like compliment you, 105 00:06:49.759 --> 00:06:53.240 or he asked you out on a date, or he pursued you a little 106 00:06:53.279 --> 00:06:58.600 bit. But because you're always so infactuated and obsessed about the good qualities of 107 00:06:58.680 --> 00:07:03.639 him, you don't necessarily see how potentially he's not the best guy for you, 108 00:07:03.800 --> 00:07:08.360 and maybe he is, like maybe he actually is, but because you're 109 00:07:08.399 --> 00:07:13.920 so consumed with this object, meaning this guy. Let's say, it doesn't 110 00:07:13.920 --> 00:07:16.560 really matter how much or how little he has done, because all you've been 111 00:07:16.560 --> 00:07:21.160 doing is thinking about this person. And when you're constantly ruminating and obsessing over 112 00:07:21.160 --> 00:07:26.759 a person, you automatically put them on a pedestal. Like literally, even 113 00:07:26.839 --> 00:07:30.199 if you are ruminating and stressing about the fact that this guy has not texted 114 00:07:30.199 --> 00:07:33.839 you back. Let's say, the fact that you are spending your entire day 115 00:07:33.920 --> 00:07:38.279 thinking about the fact that he hasn't texted you back puts him up here and 116 00:07:38.319 --> 00:07:44.120 you down here. And so when your object of infatuation is up here, 117 00:07:44.560 --> 00:07:47.319 regardless of what he's doing, good or bad, because he's all the way 118 00:07:47.399 --> 00:07:53.319 up here, it's really hard for you to even bring yourself to like a 119 00:07:53.480 --> 00:07:57.839 rational conclusion of like, Okay, this person doesn't need to be on this 120 00:07:57.920 --> 00:08:01.040 pedestal, like maybe he's not all that, or you know, okay, 121 00:08:01.079 --> 00:08:03.600 yes, maybe he treated me a few times good, but it doesn't necessarily 122 00:08:03.639 --> 00:08:07.639 mean he's the one for me yet. You know, he could again be 123 00:08:07.720 --> 00:08:09.279 the guy of your dreams, but maybe not. And now, if you're 124 00:08:09.399 --> 00:08:13.399 watching on YouTube, I'll put a little pop up. But if you're listening 125 00:08:13.399 --> 00:08:15.680 audio, then I'll just try and describe it the best way. But I 126 00:08:15.720 --> 00:08:20.680 found this infographic where there's two sides. One says what non limereents think about 127 00:08:20.879 --> 00:08:26.480 versus what limereents think about. And by the way, this whole like nonlimerent 128 00:08:26.639 --> 00:08:30.439 like this person that just never obsesses over someone. I can guarantee you it's 129 00:08:30.439 --> 00:08:35.159 a very small percentage of the population. And I'm just gonna say women because 130 00:08:35.200 --> 00:08:37.960 I'm a woman and that's just my experience and a lot of you guys are. 131 00:08:37.039 --> 00:08:41.279 But like, obviously, I'm sure there's definitely guys out there that have 132 00:08:41.399 --> 00:08:43.759 that same issue. Or if you're dating women but you are a woman, 133 00:08:45.200 --> 00:08:48.960 same thing. Whatever. So there's like a square and it has like job, 134 00:08:50.120 --> 00:08:54.360 finances, relationships, hobbies, family, and friends. In the box 135 00:08:54.480 --> 00:09:00.519 is divided pretty equally through all different segments of someone's life. Evently, so 136 00:09:00.639 --> 00:09:03.080 you know, let's say twenty percent of the time you're thinking about your for 137 00:09:03.120 --> 00:09:05.799 finances, twenty percent of the time you're focusing on your hobbies, twenty percent 138 00:09:05.919 --> 00:09:09.600 is for family and friends, twenty percent is for relationships, twenty percent is 139 00:09:09.639 --> 00:09:13.639 for whatever. So like you have a good mix. And now, obviously, 140 00:09:13.399 --> 00:09:16.399 like life is not always black, and white. But I'm just saying 141 00:09:16.480 --> 00:09:20.200 as an example, and then the other side, Essentially, your liminent object 142 00:09:20.639 --> 00:09:26.240 takes up probably eighty percent of the entire box, and then you have like 143 00:09:26.320 --> 00:09:28.120 finances at the top, and then you have family at the bottom a little 144 00:09:28.159 --> 00:09:31.440 tiny bit and like friends in the middle. And now this brings it back 145 00:09:31.480 --> 00:09:37.159 to people who have anxious attachment styles. When you have an anxious attachment style, 146 00:09:37.320 --> 00:09:43.879 essentially there is this like object of focus always, whether that be let's 147 00:09:43.879 --> 00:09:46.519 say a romantic partner or somebody that you want to date, or maybe just 148 00:09:46.600 --> 00:09:50.879 I don't know, obception over Let's say, this brings it back to what 149 00:09:50.919 --> 00:09:54.679 I was talking about having being skinny Roman empire or someone who's obsessing over food 150 00:09:54.759 --> 00:09:56.600 so much. I used to do this with men. I used to do 151 00:09:56.639 --> 00:10:00.639 this with food. I used to do this at one point when my finances. 152 00:10:00.720 --> 00:10:05.840 And now this type of living is so dangerous obviously, because when you 153 00:10:05.720 --> 00:10:11.960 have let's say, a person who is just infiltrating your entire mind, you're 154 00:10:11.000 --> 00:10:16.039 not living a full life. You're not even being able to see what's even 155 00:10:16.080 --> 00:10:18.799 really going on, right, You're creating these scenarios in your head that may 156 00:10:18.799 --> 00:10:24.080 not even be happening. You're also you just can't create every scenario possible, 157 00:10:24.159 --> 00:10:28.159 Like there's so many outcomes that you couldn't even imagine, good ones right, 158 00:10:28.200 --> 00:10:31.519 that you couldn't even imagine, But you're creating this, you know, this 159 00:10:31.720 --> 00:10:35.159 focus and obsession. And for me personally, it was because I was trying 160 00:10:35.159 --> 00:10:37.600 to gain control. I was trying to feel safe in my life. I 161 00:10:37.639 --> 00:10:41.120 was trying to do that with my fitness and my health because I so desperately 162 00:10:41.559 --> 00:10:45.360 wanted this body and I wanted to be wanted by others, and I thought 163 00:10:45.360 --> 00:10:46.240 that that was going to be the way that I was going to get it. 164 00:10:46.279 --> 00:10:50.080 So I did that. I thought that obsessing and making money an issue 165 00:10:50.120 --> 00:10:52.200 all the time in my life was going to be the way that I was 166 00:10:52.240 --> 00:10:58.480 going to have abundance. It wasn't me obsessing over being with this man and 167 00:10:58.559 --> 00:11:01.320 what my life life was gonna look like. I use that as a way 168 00:11:01.320 --> 00:11:05.399 to cope for my own loneliness in my life. I was essentially just trying 169 00:11:05.440 --> 00:11:09.519 to make myself feel very safe and in control in my life until I realized 170 00:11:11.159 --> 00:11:15.080 hyper obsessing over all of these things actually leads me nowhere, and what I 171 00:11:15.120 --> 00:11:18.120 really need to do is learn how to sit with being alone, learn how 172 00:11:18.159 --> 00:11:22.279 to be with myself, learn how to be with myself while in a relationship 173 00:11:22.279 --> 00:11:26.039 with someone else, learn how to be okay with the fact that financially I'm 174 00:11:26.080 --> 00:11:30.159 not exactly where I want to be. But I'm not going to continue to 175 00:11:30.200 --> 00:11:33.360 wake up every single day stress about this or Okay, I'm not going to 176 00:11:35.039 --> 00:11:39.360 have being skinny my fucking roman empire and let that take over my life to 177 00:11:39.360 --> 00:11:41.879 the point where I don't go out and live my life because I'm only telling 178 00:11:41.879 --> 00:11:45.480 myself that I live my life if I have a skinny body, like that's 179 00:11:45.519 --> 00:11:48.519 not a way of living. You know. I ended up getting into so 180 00:11:48.960 --> 00:11:54.879 many unhealthy behaviors and suppressing myself and not living my life because I had this 181 00:11:54.440 --> 00:12:01.000 huge object of focus that really actually either didn't deserve my focus or attention, 182 00:12:01.559 --> 00:12:05.879 but even if it did, let's say a guy, he did deserve some 183 00:12:05.919 --> 00:12:09.799 of my attention. Or eating healthy or working on my finances. These are 184 00:12:09.840 --> 00:12:13.559 all things that are definitely healthy to focus on. But when we're ruinating, 185 00:12:13.679 --> 00:12:18.159 constantly stressing about it, it does nothing. And so the way that I 186 00:12:18.279 --> 00:12:22.039 moved from being a limberent person, it happened in phases, and there's a 187 00:12:22.039 --> 00:12:26.000 lot of things that I did. One of the things definitely was to do 188 00:12:26.080 --> 00:12:31.080 inner child healing, because you always have a young part of you that is 189 00:12:31.159 --> 00:12:35.799 trying to essentially keep you safe by doing certain behaviors, trying to control, 190 00:12:35.200 --> 00:12:41.159 trying to change yourself so that people can love you, trying to constantly think 191 00:12:41.159 --> 00:12:45.600 about how every single circumstance will work out so that you don't get disappointed. 192 00:12:46.039 --> 00:12:50.559 And this routs back to your childhood. There is probably an attachment style that 193 00:12:50.639 --> 00:12:54.159 was created in childhood where you felt this like anxiousness to the point where you 194 00:12:54.200 --> 00:12:58.960 had to obsess or daydream or fixate on something. And in my book, 195 00:13:00.080 --> 00:13:03.440 I actually have a section where there's like multiple sections where there's going to be 196 00:13:03.480 --> 00:13:07.120 like a journal guide so you can actually write in the book, which we 197 00:13:07.159 --> 00:13:09.600 will talk about next week. And I use this example a lot when I'm 198 00:13:09.639 --> 00:13:15.679 talking about anxious attachment styles versus secure attachment styles, because essentially the opposite of 199 00:13:15.720 --> 00:13:18.720 being a limit person would be someone who has a more secure attachment style. 200 00:13:20.000 --> 00:13:24.440 When you are secure, your box isn't like eighty percent full of this one 201 00:13:24.480 --> 00:13:28.360 person. Your box is like, you know, obviously this is too perfect, 202 00:13:28.399 --> 00:13:31.879 But like a twenty percent of this person type thing in your mind. 203 00:13:31.919 --> 00:13:37.720 But I use the playground example of an anxious attached child really wants to go, 204 00:13:37.799 --> 00:13:41.759 let's say, play with their friends at the sandbox. Right, all 205 00:13:41.799 --> 00:13:43.320 the kids are like calling it over, Oh my god, come play whatever, 206 00:13:43.720 --> 00:13:48.320 But that kid second guesses itself. That kid doesn't even believe it's deserving 207 00:13:48.440 --> 00:13:52.200 of going into that sandbox. Or even when that kid goes to the sandbox, 208 00:13:52.360 --> 00:13:56.399 that kids looking back to see is mom and dad there? Are they 209 00:13:56.399 --> 00:13:58.559 going to leave me? Or are they mad that I'm going to the sandbox? 210 00:14:00.240 --> 00:14:03.879 You really have to understand your attachment style. Now. The Power of 211 00:14:03.879 --> 00:14:05.879 Attachment is a really good book, which I'll leave down below if you're interested 212 00:14:05.879 --> 00:14:09.639 in that to learn more about how to heal that because everyone's a little bit 213 00:14:09.679 --> 00:14:13.679 different. But just thinking about a child who, let's say, wants to 214 00:14:13.720 --> 00:14:16.440 really go play in that sandbox with the kids, what are some of the 215 00:14:16.480 --> 00:14:20.559 things that that child probably didn't hear from their parents that they need to hear 216 00:14:20.600 --> 00:14:24.720 from their parents. For me, personally, I needed my parents to tell 217 00:14:24.759 --> 00:14:28.279 me you can do it. You are so worthy of being in the sandbox, 218 00:14:28.360 --> 00:14:31.720 like every single one of us. And also you don't have to worry 219 00:14:31.759 --> 00:14:35.919 about me leaving because I am not leaving you. And even if let's say 220 00:14:37.039 --> 00:14:39.360 I need to go to work or I need to go somewhere and I'm not 221 00:14:39.399 --> 00:14:43.639 able to watch you at the playground, I'm going to make sure that someone 222 00:14:43.000 --> 00:14:46.080 is in replacement of me. I'm gonna make sure that you are safe no 223 00:14:46.159 --> 00:14:50.080 matter what. Unfortunately I did not necessarily get all that support, and a 224 00:14:50.080 --> 00:14:54.320 lot of us didn't. But in our adult lives, where are the areas 225 00:14:54.360 --> 00:14:58.679 of our lives where we can start to incorporate those type of behaviors. So 226 00:14:58.679 --> 00:15:01.960 obviously it's not gonna be the same sandbox situation. But let's say you're starting 227 00:15:01.960 --> 00:15:05.519 to date a guy for the first time and you're starting to move into this 228 00:15:05.600 --> 00:15:09.320 like limberents, like obsession about this guy, and you know it's important for 229 00:15:09.360 --> 00:15:13.360 you to go to sleep and you need to get proper sleep in the morning, 230 00:15:13.480 --> 00:15:16.399 and you want to do that it's good for your wellness, but you're 231 00:15:16.440 --> 00:15:18.919 like talking to this guy and you just like don't want to put your phone 232 00:15:18.960 --> 00:15:22.799 down in that moment. It is so important that you choose yourself. Okay, 233 00:15:22.840 --> 00:15:24.320 obviously we know this, and what we'll do is we'll get into a 234 00:15:24.360 --> 00:15:28.440 pattern of constantly not choosing ourselves to the point where now we're getting pissed off 235 00:15:28.480 --> 00:15:31.720 and we're not happy with our lives and we're not doing our wellness things, 236 00:15:31.759 --> 00:15:33.480 and we're falling off of everything because we're staying up late. Let's say this 237 00:15:33.559 --> 00:15:37.200 is a very small example. What you need to tell yourself in that moment 238 00:15:37.399 --> 00:15:41.519 is this guy is going to be here in the morning. If I say 239 00:15:41.519 --> 00:15:46.039 good night right now, I cannot be afraid to say good night and put 240 00:15:46.039 --> 00:15:50.279 my phone down. I cannot keep doing this and pushing past what I don't 241 00:15:50.279 --> 00:15:54.080 deserve. And also, if this guy is not here in the morning, 242 00:15:54.320 --> 00:15:56.879 this guy is not for me anyways. But in that moment, when you 243 00:15:56.919 --> 00:16:00.200 are staying up late all the time, in teching whatever, you're not even 244 00:16:00.240 --> 00:16:03.799 realizing, but you're essentially telling yourself that he's not going to be here in 245 00:16:03.799 --> 00:16:08.879 the morning, even though maybe consciously you know he's probably you're gonna text him 246 00:16:08.879 --> 00:16:11.559 in the morning, But there is a part of you that believes, oh 247 00:16:11.559 --> 00:16:12.919 my god, no, no, no, I need to keep chasing, 248 00:16:12.919 --> 00:16:15.720 I need to keep holding onto this thing. Oh my god, he's not 249 00:16:15.720 --> 00:16:17.559 going to be here in the morning. Oh my god, it feels so 250 00:16:17.600 --> 00:16:19.759 good. Don't mean cake blah blah blah blah, or you could be using 251 00:16:19.840 --> 00:16:22.519 him as a distraction right, Oh my god. At the moment I put 252 00:16:22.559 --> 00:16:25.519 my phone down, I don't know how to deal with my emotion. I 253 00:16:25.519 --> 00:16:27.080 don't know how to be with myself. But in those times, okay? 254 00:16:27.080 --> 00:16:33.159 What are tools that I can use to help myself be okay with being alone? 255 00:16:33.200 --> 00:16:34.879 Right now? You know? How? Can I be with myself as 256 00:16:36.000 --> 00:16:40.159 my man goes to work or as my man is not texting me? Can 257 00:16:40.200 --> 00:16:41.960 I reach out to a friend? Can I let my friend know that I 258 00:16:42.039 --> 00:16:47.279 am this person that gets a little bit anxiously attached and instead of constantly going 259 00:16:47.279 --> 00:16:49.679 to the man and constantly texting, double texting, triple texting, stressing, 260 00:16:49.919 --> 00:16:52.559 can I talk to my friend about some things? Can I get my mind 261 00:16:52.600 --> 00:16:57.120 off of these things? This is another thing I easily moved out of this 262 00:16:57.240 --> 00:17:03.360 Limerens way of being when I genuinely got real with myself about how much I 263 00:17:03.440 --> 00:17:07.160 was not pouring into my own cup in my life. My finances were a 264 00:17:07.200 --> 00:17:11.359 mess, my health was a mess. I was not prioritizing myself. I 265 00:17:11.359 --> 00:17:12.759 didn't look at myself like I was a main character. I didn't look at 266 00:17:12.799 --> 00:17:17.000 myself like I was a gem. I was not pouring into myself. I 267 00:17:17.039 --> 00:17:22.680 put all my energy into guys who quite frankly didn't necessarily deserve it, considering 268 00:17:22.599 --> 00:17:27.039 the stages that we were at in our lives. But I wasn't focusing on 269 00:17:27.079 --> 00:17:30.200 myself because I was so afraid of this guy leaving. But you need to 270 00:17:30.240 --> 00:17:34.960 tell yourself in this moment. If this guy leaves because I choose myself, 271 00:17:36.720 --> 00:17:38.519 then is he really for me? Don't you want to be with a man 272 00:17:38.599 --> 00:17:42.000 who wants you to choose yourself. Don't you want to be with a man 273 00:17:42.079 --> 00:17:47.160 who wants you to go to sleep at the right time. Don't you want 274 00:17:47.160 --> 00:17:51.640 to be with a man who wants to see you so happy with your friends, 275 00:17:51.680 --> 00:17:53.960 you're going on your shopping days, or you're putting your energy into your 276 00:17:55.000 --> 00:17:57.039 work, you're writing a book, you're doing social media, you're doing whatever. 277 00:17:57.359 --> 00:18:00.319 Isn't that amazing to have? Don't you want that? Why are we 278 00:18:00.400 --> 00:18:04.400 wanting men who would want to have us attached? And by the way, 279 00:18:04.440 --> 00:18:07.720 something that I also kind of told myself, this is a more like harsh 280 00:18:07.720 --> 00:18:12.480 reality, but it's not really attractive to men, to healthy men. I 281 00:18:12.559 --> 00:18:18.000 mean when a woman is not working on herself, not pouring into herself, 282 00:18:18.440 --> 00:18:22.240 not doing anything really with her life, as somebody who's just waiting for him 283 00:18:22.240 --> 00:18:25.319 to come home and like, oh my God, desperately, I need you 284 00:18:25.359 --> 00:18:27.440 and I want you, and on an energetic level, and we're talking about 285 00:18:27.440 --> 00:18:33.839 men who are genuinely in their masculine energy. You give this man ample opportunities 286 00:18:33.839 --> 00:18:37.880 for him to continuously pursue you. When your energy is pulled back to yourself 287 00:18:38.319 --> 00:18:42.519 and when you're doing this limberent behavior, your energy is all on them, 288 00:18:42.839 --> 00:18:47.880 right, It's always on the object, all on them. You're either chasing, 289 00:18:48.200 --> 00:18:51.559 You're like way too available, you're picking up the phone all the time. 290 00:18:51.640 --> 00:18:53.000 And again we're not trying to play games here. But at the end 291 00:18:53.039 --> 00:18:56.359 of the day, it does shift that dynamic. And what I also found 292 00:18:56.559 --> 00:19:02.440 was when I start pouring back into my own cup up when my man wasn't 293 00:19:02.440 --> 00:19:04.400 in front of me, or even let's say, when I had those situations 294 00:19:04.400 --> 00:19:07.359 where like the guy would pull away, Like I feel like we've all had 295 00:19:07.400 --> 00:19:12.559 those circumstances. I think the second time that ever happened to me in my 296 00:19:12.640 --> 00:19:15.839 life, or like a man was pulling away because I had been pouring into 297 00:19:15.839 --> 00:19:21.279 my own cup when he was pulling away, it wasn't really rocking me because 298 00:19:21.279 --> 00:19:23.759 I'm like, Okay, well, first of all, I'm very happy with 299 00:19:23.839 --> 00:19:27.519 my alone time, I'm very happy with my life, with my job, 300 00:19:27.559 --> 00:19:33.839 with my finances that I'm very solid and safe right now that I'm witnessing you 301 00:19:33.880 --> 00:19:37.200 pulling away, and I can acknowledge that, and yes, maybe at first 302 00:19:37.200 --> 00:19:41.799 it kind of like feels like shit, but I'm instantly pulling myself back to 303 00:19:41.799 --> 00:19:44.799 myself because my life is good over here. I'm fine. And what that 304 00:19:44.839 --> 00:19:47.839 guy ends up doing is he either tries to chase you back or he just 305 00:19:47.880 --> 00:19:48.960 goes away, which like, go away if you're going to do that, 306 00:19:49.200 --> 00:19:52.000 But the end of the day, what I'm not gonna do is chase you. 307 00:19:52.200 --> 00:19:56.079 But also, on top of that, we logically know chasing a man 308 00:19:56.119 --> 00:20:00.039 does nothing but push him away more okay, And honestly, I'm not in 309 00:20:00.119 --> 00:20:03.960 the business to understand why a guy is pulling away, right because I know 310 00:20:03.079 --> 00:20:07.079 my worth. I know if a guy is pulling away, if a guy 311 00:20:07.160 --> 00:20:08.880 is not showing up for me, or if he is not like whatever the 312 00:20:08.920 --> 00:20:12.359 fuck he is doing that is not none of my business, honestly, and 313 00:20:12.400 --> 00:20:15.839 when I mean none of my business obviously depends if you're in a relationship with 314 00:20:15.920 --> 00:20:17.440 him, like, yes, you, maybe you need to have a conversation 315 00:20:17.519 --> 00:20:18.839 this, that and the third. But at the end of the day, 316 00:20:18.839 --> 00:20:22.240 it's like, Okay, well, I know my worth. I'm happy with 317 00:20:22.279 --> 00:20:25.960 my life. So if I know those two things to be true about myself, 318 00:20:26.480 --> 00:20:29.720 why you are pulling away has nothing to do with me. But what 319 00:20:29.759 --> 00:20:33.279 we do as women is we internalize it and we completely tell ourselves, oh 320 00:20:33.359 --> 00:20:34.440 my god, it's me. Oh my god, I'm a piece of shit. 321 00:20:34.640 --> 00:20:37.240 Oh my god, da da da. And so when you have those 322 00:20:37.359 --> 00:20:42.480 natural thoughts sometimes will come up. Even the most self aware, confident person 323 00:20:42.519 --> 00:20:47.279 will have those thoughts. What will help you combat those thoughts is turning around 324 00:20:47.319 --> 00:20:48.519 and looking at your own life and being like, wait, no, this 325 00:20:48.559 --> 00:20:52.519 doesn't make any sense. It can't be me. Why I'm happy with my 326 00:20:52.599 --> 00:20:56.000 life. I'm a good person. I take care of myself, I, 327 00:20:56.279 --> 00:20:57.880 X, Y, and Z. But what happens usually when a man is 328 00:20:57.880 --> 00:21:02.640 pulling away, you're not in energy. You actually haven't been pouring into yourself. 329 00:21:02.880 --> 00:21:06.440 You've actually only been obsessing over this guy. You actually don't know your 330 00:21:06.480 --> 00:21:08.839 worth. You actually don't know your value at all. So working on your 331 00:21:08.880 --> 00:21:14.640 self worth, working on your life outside of a man. It changed all 332 00:21:14.680 --> 00:21:18.920 of my relationships after I kind of like came to those realizations. And listen, 333 00:21:18.039 --> 00:21:22.200 when I was younger, I genuinely did not understand the importance of a 334 00:21:22.279 --> 00:21:27.920 woman having her own life and being really happy with herself outside of a man. 335 00:21:29.000 --> 00:21:33.240 And I'm talking about having a life and being happy with your own life 336 00:21:33.599 --> 00:21:37.559 with a good man. I used to only do this when a guy would 337 00:21:37.559 --> 00:21:40.920 be pulling away and I'm forced to care about my life and fill up my 338 00:21:40.920 --> 00:21:42.839 own cup. But I started to realize over time, and once I started 339 00:21:42.839 --> 00:21:47.359 healing that, oh my god, even when my relationship is so amazing, 340 00:21:47.519 --> 00:21:51.279 I want to make sure that I'm always pulling my energy back to myself. 341 00:21:51.440 --> 00:21:55.400 Why, Okay, even outside of changing any sort of dynamic in a relationship 342 00:21:55.440 --> 00:21:57.960 or making sure the relationship is good, I deserve it. My life is 343 00:21:59.039 --> 00:22:03.400 not always about just living for this man or living for this relationship or whatever 344 00:22:03.440 --> 00:22:07.359 it is. But when that man or when that object becomes your only source 345 00:22:07.400 --> 00:22:11.319 of happiness, that's really what you start doing. So I think that It's 346 00:22:11.359 --> 00:22:17.400 a long process, for sure, And I think that you guys and myself 347 00:22:17.440 --> 00:22:22.279 were constantly doing this, This pouring into ourselves and finding ourselves again and healing 348 00:22:22.319 --> 00:22:26.720 ourselves and becoming our own best friends and loving ourselves through things like those are 349 00:22:26.759 --> 00:22:30.880 all really good practices for you to continuously keep doing in the moments where you 350 00:22:30.920 --> 00:22:33.920 do start to date, and when you are starting to date and you find 351 00:22:33.960 --> 00:22:37.720 yourself going into that obsession. Am I a catch? Am I worthy of 352 00:22:37.799 --> 00:22:41.720 love? Am I worthy even of this man? The answer is yes. 353 00:22:42.000 --> 00:22:45.880 But if you don't believe the answer is yes, then you it's a you 354 00:22:45.039 --> 00:22:48.920 problem. Whatever else is going on here, whether he's choosing you or not 355 00:22:49.359 --> 00:22:52.079 doesn't matter. You need to know that you are the gem and you are 356 00:22:52.079 --> 00:22:56.880 the prize. What will help you feel like you are the gem and you 357 00:22:56.920 --> 00:23:00.000 are the prize is, for sure, inner child, healing to the subconscious 358 00:23:00.039 --> 00:23:04.720 beliefs that you hold about yourself, but also taking physical action in your day 359 00:23:04.759 --> 00:23:10.119 to day life outside of this man in his life or whatever you're dating life 360 00:23:10.480 --> 00:23:14.440 by okay, working on your finances, working on your career, working on 361 00:23:14.480 --> 00:23:18.400 your daily habits. What are the things that you can control? Continue to 362 00:23:18.440 --> 00:23:21.920 pour into that that will really help you on the moments where you start to 363 00:23:21.920 --> 00:23:23.160 second guess yourself. Be like, no, way, I am worthy, 364 00:23:23.880 --> 00:23:27.759 I am beautiful, I am so in his league, I am so X 365 00:23:27.839 --> 00:23:30.839 Y and Z. But you're gonna have to tell yourself in those moments. 366 00:23:30.240 --> 00:23:33.839 It's not just going to be automatic, especially at first. And let's say 367 00:23:33.880 --> 00:23:37.000 bringing it back to the example of you're always texting this guy or you're always 368 00:23:37.000 --> 00:23:40.799 available because you're afraid if you don't answer the phone, then he's like, 369 00:23:41.200 --> 00:23:42.960 what, You're not going to miss like he's just gonna go away. Think 370 00:23:44.000 --> 00:23:45.559 about that for a second. If he is not going to call me back 371 00:23:45.599 --> 00:23:49.559 because I missed his phone call, then this man is not for me. 372 00:23:51.079 --> 00:23:53.359 Okay, again, this is bringing it back to an US problem, not 373 00:23:53.440 --> 00:23:56.519 really a hymn problem. And I'm not saying to play games right, but 374 00:23:56.640 --> 00:24:00.640 genuinely, let's say, you know you have this goal of yours to go 375 00:24:00.680 --> 00:24:03.680 to sleep at a really, really good time at night, and you're wanting 376 00:24:03.720 --> 00:24:07.079 to be good at your routine, or you know you're spending so many nights 377 00:24:07.119 --> 00:24:11.759 at his house and it's super late nights and whatever, you need to stand 378 00:24:11.839 --> 00:24:14.720 up for yourself and say I cannot do this, but you're too afraid because 379 00:24:14.720 --> 00:24:17.720 you're afraid of losing him. You can't be in that situation. At this 380 00:24:17.759 --> 00:24:21.000 point, you've lost right. So anyways, that was a total rant. 381 00:24:21.039 --> 00:24:25.759 This episode just became all about Limerens. But yeah, I just thought that 382 00:24:25.799 --> 00:24:29.960 you guys would resonate with that. But I will say it does take consistent 383 00:24:30.480 --> 00:24:34.240 persistence on your part when it comes to telling yourself a new story in the 384 00:24:34.279 --> 00:24:40.119 moment when you find you are going into the daydreaming or the obsession. Fill 385 00:24:40.240 --> 00:24:42.960 up your time with things that make you feel good in your own life. 386 00:24:44.359 --> 00:24:49.119 Have some goals, tell your friends, have conversations, have people supporting you, 387 00:24:49.319 --> 00:24:52.400 pour back into your inner child, and I promise you you will feel 388 00:24:52.400 --> 00:24:56.480 so much better and over time it will lessen because you will start building more 389 00:24:56.480 --> 00:25:00.400 self worth within you. And that's essentially really what it is like. You 390 00:25:00.440 --> 00:25:04.160 gotta get to a point where you are in that sandbox being like I'm worthy 391 00:25:04.200 --> 00:25:07.240 of being here with all the kids. Quite frankly, the kids only want 392 00:25:07.240 --> 00:25:11.440 to play here because I'm here because they're so obsessed with me. Okay, 393 00:25:11.440 --> 00:25:14.039 maybe not, maybe we won't go too far, but I'm just saying, 394 00:25:14.079 --> 00:25:15.480 like, you want to have that kind of level of self worth, and 395 00:25:15.680 --> 00:25:18.720 on top of that, you want to be the kid who's like, I 396 00:25:18.759 --> 00:25:21.759 know my mom's coming back, My mom's gonna pick me up. When she's 397 00:25:21.759 --> 00:25:23.440 gonna pick me up, I'm fine, you know what, It's fine, 398 00:25:23.480 --> 00:25:26.440 she's a little bit late, All right, no problem. I think this 399 00:25:26.480 --> 00:25:30.119 even comes back down to like the abundance mindset. Right, let's say something 400 00:25:30.160 --> 00:25:32.480 didn't work out, I'll bring it back to myself, like a brand deal 401 00:25:32.480 --> 00:25:36.960 didn't work out, Okay, I'm gonna get another one. But somebody who's 402 00:25:37.079 --> 00:25:40.039 like a stress case all the time would be like, oh my god, 403 00:25:40.079 --> 00:25:41.519 it's the end of the world. Like I shouldn't do this, I should 404 00:25:41.559 --> 00:25:45.680 rebrand my whole entire life. Like what am I doing? Like contemplating your 405 00:25:45.680 --> 00:25:47.680 life? No, no, no, no, baby, it's fine. 406 00:25:47.759 --> 00:25:51.519 We're cool, all right. Next thing, and this was also on TikTok. 407 00:25:51.839 --> 00:25:53.880 So I don't know who this girl was because she was on some random 408 00:25:53.920 --> 00:25:56.960 podcasts, and I don't necessarily know the name that she called it, so 409 00:25:57.039 --> 00:26:02.720 I just created my own name. But she was basically saying that there's this 410 00:26:02.799 --> 00:26:07.440 thing called the pandemic freeze, where depending on whatever age you were at when 411 00:26:07.480 --> 00:26:11.480 the pandemic happened, a lot of people right now, whenever you're hearing this, 412 00:26:11.640 --> 00:26:15.920 like today are feeling like the age that they were when they were in 413 00:26:15.960 --> 00:26:21.079 the pandemic. And I think she was saying it because like basically, the 414 00:26:21.079 --> 00:26:25.480 pandemic took away a few years of our lives. It set people back. 415 00:26:25.519 --> 00:26:30.240 Obviously financially, it could have set people back, like dating wise, people 416 00:26:30.240 --> 00:26:36.160 feel like they got duped. People feel just really behind in life. And 417 00:26:36.200 --> 00:26:38.759 like I was looking at the comments and everyone was like, yeah, that's 418 00:26:38.799 --> 00:26:41.400 so true, that's so right, Like I feel like I'm still twenty five, 419 00:26:41.400 --> 00:26:45.480 but I'm actually twenty seven, or I feel like I'm twenty three, 420 00:26:45.640 --> 00:26:48.160 but I'm actually like twenty six. Whatever, the pandemic screwed me up. 421 00:26:48.160 --> 00:26:52.480 This that and the third And it was an interesting observation that I made and 422 00:26:52.559 --> 00:26:55.599 a conclusion that I came to, and I want to quickly talk about it. 423 00:26:56.000 --> 00:26:59.440 On one hand, it's if you have to think about it, it 424 00:26:59.440 --> 00:27:00.880 could totally be true, right, Like I could sit here and be like, 425 00:27:00.960 --> 00:27:03.799 damn, you know, I kind of sometimes do feel like I was 426 00:27:03.839 --> 00:27:07.319 like twenty five and like where did those times go? And yeah, the 427 00:27:07.359 --> 00:27:11.799 pandemic fuck. Like, financially, I was going through it, and yeah, 428 00:27:11.960 --> 00:27:15.400 you know, maybe I did miss out on some dating opportunities because everyone 429 00:27:15.440 --> 00:27:18.160 was locked down and this, that and the third. Yes, and quite 430 00:27:18.200 --> 00:27:19.559 frankly, a lot of people had it even worse than I did, and 431 00:27:19.599 --> 00:27:22.200 I had it very bad. That wasn't my hand. Pain was a thing 432 00:27:23.039 --> 00:27:29.119 all everything. We're not gonna get into it, but genuinely people really struggle 433 00:27:29.160 --> 00:27:33.359 through that time. People are definitely still coming back from that. On one 434 00:27:33.359 --> 00:27:37.160 hand, yes, it's an absolute lived experience that a lot of us went 435 00:27:37.200 --> 00:27:44.240 through. But what I was looking at in the comments was disempowerment, because 436 00:27:44.759 --> 00:27:48.960 yes, we could look at it and be like, a pandemic took so 437 00:27:48.000 --> 00:27:52.000 many years of our lives and we're so set back, or you could just 438 00:27:52.079 --> 00:27:59.160 not think that because these comments, all I was reading was I'm not gonna 439 00:27:59.160 --> 00:28:03.000 get anywhere in life, and I'm so far behind in my love life, 440 00:28:03.079 --> 00:28:04.759 and I'm not going to have the future that I want, and I'm not 441 00:28:04.759 --> 00:28:07.200 going to find my husband, and I'm not going to get my dream job, 442 00:28:07.200 --> 00:28:11.759 and I'm not going to X, Y and Z because of this pandemic 443 00:28:11.920 --> 00:28:15.640 freeze, and this is all I want to say, be very careful with 444 00:28:15.680 --> 00:28:19.039 the stories that you were telling yourself, because these stories could either make or 445 00:28:19.079 --> 00:28:23.759 break you. These stories will either keep you stuck or get you moving forward. 446 00:28:25.000 --> 00:28:29.799 Is it okay to acknowledge the fact that hard shit went on in our 447 00:28:29.839 --> 00:28:33.680 lives? Yes, But if it's to the point where this story is now 448 00:28:33.960 --> 00:28:37.599 hurting you and not helping you, I would highly suggest you let it go. 449 00:28:37.960 --> 00:28:41.039 Does it need to be true that I need to move through life now 450 00:28:41.039 --> 00:28:44.640 thinking oh my god, I lost years out of my life and oh my 451 00:28:44.640 --> 00:28:47.640 gosh, I'm not going to get what I want financially or romantically, or 452 00:28:48.160 --> 00:28:52.200 the whole entire world is fed up. How is that going to help me 453 00:28:52.359 --> 00:28:56.160 get to where I want in my life. You have the decision to take 454 00:28:56.240 --> 00:28:59.880 that on as a belief or not genuinely. And I know it can sound 455 00:28:59.920 --> 00:29:03.960 like, oh my god, that's so insensitive to say that that's essentially a 456 00:29:04.000 --> 00:29:07.880 limiting belief, But what she said on TikTok was essentially a limiting belief, 457 00:29:07.920 --> 00:29:15.400 and people were buying into it. Okay, I'm not interested in stripping my 458 00:29:15.519 --> 00:29:18.559 future away from me based off of what I went through. And you know 459 00:29:18.599 --> 00:29:23.240 why, because the stories you tell yourself dictate your actions, and your actions 460 00:29:23.400 --> 00:29:27.559 is what creates results in your life. So if I believe that I can 461 00:29:27.599 --> 00:29:30.200 never get ahead in my life, then I am not going to wake up 462 00:29:30.240 --> 00:29:33.079 every single day and try harder in my life. I am not going to 463 00:29:33.119 --> 00:29:37.480 look for opportunities that are going to bring me more finances. I am not 464 00:29:37.519 --> 00:29:40.359 going to try and go out into the world and find the love of my 465 00:29:40.400 --> 00:29:42.400 life. I'm not gonna do it. Why because I believe, well, 466 00:29:42.519 --> 00:29:47.440 it's too late. And so I just want you to think about the stories 467 00:29:47.440 --> 00:29:49.279 that you tell yourself about the love that you're able to get in your life, 468 00:29:49.319 --> 00:29:52.480 the money that you're able to get in your life, the success, 469 00:29:52.960 --> 00:29:56.440 the health. What is it? Because you tell yourself a story the moment 470 00:29:56.480 --> 00:30:00.319 you wake up in the morning, you tell yourself whether the jim going to 471 00:30:00.359 --> 00:30:03.359 be hard or not. You tell yourself how the day is going to go. 472 00:30:03.519 --> 00:30:06.839 You even tell yourself a story about what this person, let's say that 473 00:30:06.880 --> 00:30:08.880 you're dating, why he hasn't texted you back. If you woke up in 474 00:30:08.880 --> 00:30:11.920 the morning you didn't get a text. What are you telling yourself and is 475 00:30:11.960 --> 00:30:15.559 it helping or is it hurting you? And I highly suggest you tell yourself 476 00:30:15.599 --> 00:30:18.359 a better story, because that is the thing that is going to get you 477 00:30:18.400 --> 00:30:22.359 out of this situation. And it might take a while, it might take 478 00:30:22.400 --> 00:30:26.240 a little bit of work, but I promise you the only good things that 479 00:30:26.279 --> 00:30:30.279 have ever come out of my life are from this place of me going low 480 00:30:30.680 --> 00:30:33.039 and me deciding to rise higher. Before I was even able to see the 481 00:30:33.160 --> 00:30:37.319 light, I had to believe that there was a light. I was not 482 00:30:37.559 --> 00:30:40.799 going to look at my circumstances in my life, and there was a lot 483 00:30:40.839 --> 00:30:44.119 of them, and they were hard. I was not gonna let those dictate 484 00:30:44.200 --> 00:30:49.319 my future. So if you have been feeling a little bit low about your 485 00:30:49.359 --> 00:30:52.079 life, I want you to take a real good look at some of the 486 00:30:52.079 --> 00:30:55.920 things that you've been telling yourself and the stories you've been telling yourself, and 487 00:30:56.119 --> 00:30:59.000 I would highly suggest telling yourself a new one. And that brings me to 488 00:30:59.319 --> 00:31:02.359 another thing that I think is actually just kind of funny, Like lately, 489 00:31:02.400 --> 00:31:06.559 the universe has just been playing with me. The universe has really loves to 490 00:31:06.599 --> 00:31:08.119 play. And this kind of brings it back to like the stories that you 491 00:31:08.119 --> 00:31:15.200 tell yourself and belief. So we tend to have some sort of story that 492 00:31:15.200 --> 00:31:17.839 we tell ourselves about how things are going to play out in our lives. 493 00:31:17.880 --> 00:31:19.559 It's healthy to have that. Obviously, we need to expect certain things. 494 00:31:19.599 --> 00:31:26.000 But sometimes when you're too rigid and how you think things should be or how 495 00:31:26.079 --> 00:31:29.039 you think that they are gonna go, it kind of can set you up 496 00:31:29.079 --> 00:31:32.599 for failure. But also it could just be a lesson and then you can 497 00:31:32.680 --> 00:31:34.839 learn to like not be so rigid, which is what I've done, and 498 00:31:36.160 --> 00:31:38.160 it kind of just frees you from just being a stress ball all the time. 499 00:31:38.160 --> 00:31:42.720 Honestly, So recently the universe has been showing me that I am wrong 500 00:31:42.880 --> 00:31:48.279 about what I think is the full story or what I think is an outcome, 501 00:31:48.359 --> 00:31:51.319 which is actually a good thing though, because I clearly needed it, 502 00:31:51.400 --> 00:31:55.599 because I try my best to not like be super limiting and try and like 503 00:31:56.000 --> 00:31:59.759 predict any sort of outcome or come to any sort of conclusion until I actually 504 00:31:59.759 --> 00:32:01.920 see what it is. But of course you naturally come to certain conclusions, 505 00:32:01.960 --> 00:32:07.519 like let's say a guy's pulling away, you usually come to the conclusion that 506 00:32:07.559 --> 00:32:09.559 it's you. But guess what, a lot of most of the time, 507 00:32:09.640 --> 00:32:13.559 especially when it comes to that situation, is actually not it's not you. 508 00:32:14.000 --> 00:32:16.759 Now there's a small percentage where maybe a girl's constantly chasing and like, oh 509 00:32:16.839 --> 00:32:20.680 my god, I need you and just that and it technically is them, 510 00:32:20.720 --> 00:32:22.440 but still even at the beginning, it probably wasn't you, and or probably 511 00:32:22.440 --> 00:32:24.960 was someone whatever. You always comes to some sort of conclusion. But I 512 00:32:25.039 --> 00:32:30.039 just think it's important that you remind yourself that you have no idea things could 513 00:32:30.119 --> 00:32:35.200 change, for one, but you also just don't know the full picture. 514 00:32:35.400 --> 00:32:38.640 So try not to come to so many conclusions, especially when the conclusion doesn't 515 00:32:38.680 --> 00:32:43.319 make you feel good, just don't do it. And also just not coming 516 00:32:43.359 --> 00:32:47.880 to so many big conclusions can allow you to let the universe work things out 517 00:32:49.160 --> 00:32:52.240 and show you that there's more possible in your life, right, because a 518 00:32:52.279 --> 00:32:54.119 lot of the times when we come to certain conclusions, they're pretty negative and 519 00:32:54.119 --> 00:32:59.160 they're pretty limiting, and that kind of tears us down. That might even 520 00:32:59.279 --> 00:33:01.960 make us place mall in our lives when really we can actually achieve things in 521 00:33:02.000 --> 00:33:06.799 our lives, whatever the case is. But the other night, I ordered 522 00:33:06.960 --> 00:33:10.079 donuts from Tim Morton's. Okay, I really wanted donuts. I ordered a 523 00:33:10.119 --> 00:33:14.880 maple dip donut, a Boston cream and an apple fritter, and no, 524 00:33:15.000 --> 00:33:16.720 I didn't eat all of them, but yes, I ate most of them. 525 00:33:16.960 --> 00:33:22.400 I just wanted, like I wanted originally to get Krispy Kreme donuts okay, 526 00:33:22.200 --> 00:33:24.240 and I could only order a twelve pack of donuts. I was like, 527 00:33:24.240 --> 00:33:27.440 I'm not doing that, so I just like ordered three of them because 528 00:33:27.440 --> 00:33:30.720 I really wanted it. I ended up getting the donuts and I opened up 529 00:33:30.720 --> 00:33:32.319 the bag. I also ordered a rap. So I pulled out the wrap 530 00:33:32.359 --> 00:33:37.440 and then there was a bag of donuts and I saw three donuts. It 531 00:33:37.599 --> 00:33:42.160 was the apple fritter out on the bottom, and then it was the Boston 532 00:33:42.200 --> 00:33:44.759 Cream. I think that's I think I said Boston Cream. It was a 533 00:33:44.799 --> 00:33:47.400 Boston Cream and there was a chocolate dip donut. And so when I saw 534 00:33:47.440 --> 00:33:51.759 that I didn't get that maple dip donut, I instantly went to the negative. 535 00:33:51.799 --> 00:33:53.680 I was like, oh my god, I didn't get what I wanted. 536 00:33:53.799 --> 00:33:59.400 I'm so mad. I'm upset, like going into this, what was 537 00:33:59.440 --> 00:34:01.519 me? I'm a victim And also it was ruining my mood right Like, 538 00:34:01.839 --> 00:34:06.079 I saw a circumstance and it wasn't what I wanted. And I came to 539 00:34:06.119 --> 00:34:08.679 a conclusion of I'm not getting what I want right like when I didn't see 540 00:34:08.679 --> 00:34:10.920 it, I wasn't getting what I want, And I even went to the 541 00:34:10.960 --> 00:34:15.159 point where I was like taking a photo and I was gonna try and see 542 00:34:15.159 --> 00:34:17.320 if I could like kind of get some sort of refund or whatever, because 543 00:34:17.360 --> 00:34:21.719 I just didn't get the right one, and then the photo wasn't working, 544 00:34:21.719 --> 00:34:22.679 and I was getting really annoyed, and I just kept telling myself, like, 545 00:34:22.719 --> 00:34:24.760 it's honestly not that big of a deal to like go to the point 546 00:34:24.800 --> 00:34:28.400 of like trying to get a refund. Anyway, this donut was like didn't 547 00:34:28.400 --> 00:34:30.960 cost anything, but I was just annoyed. But as I was on my 548 00:34:30.039 --> 00:34:32.599 phone trying to figure out what I was going to do, I wanted to 549 00:34:32.599 --> 00:34:36.000 have a bite of the donut because I was like craving it. So I 550 00:34:36.000 --> 00:34:38.199 picked up the Boston Cream donut and like I bit into it, and right 551 00:34:38.199 --> 00:34:42.679 when I was gonna put it down into the bag, I looked and the 552 00:34:42.760 --> 00:34:46.039 maple dip donut was underneath the apple fritter. So not only actually did I 553 00:34:46.079 --> 00:34:51.320 get four donuts, I actually did have my maple dip donut under there. 554 00:34:51.360 --> 00:34:55.599 And it was just a crazy moment for me because you are so convinced in 555 00:34:55.599 --> 00:34:59.159 that moment that you are not getting what you want. And we could bring 556 00:34:59.199 --> 00:35:01.920 this to any sort of example where someone just says no or rejects you, 557 00:35:01.920 --> 00:35:07.440 you instantly take that as truth of the matter of fact of a life, 558 00:35:07.679 --> 00:35:09.679 like Nope, you're never gonna get what you want. It's never gonna change 559 00:35:09.679 --> 00:35:14.840 whatever, because you see it solid you looked in this bag, or somebody 560 00:35:14.880 --> 00:35:16.440 said in front of your face, No, I don't want you, I'm 561 00:35:16.440 --> 00:35:20.480 rejecting you. Or no, you don't have the mapel dip. It's not 562 00:35:20.599 --> 00:35:23.719 here. You literally have a chocolate dip, don't it. But sometimes through 563 00:35:23.760 --> 00:35:27.679 the lens in which we look, which the lens I was looking through, 564 00:35:27.960 --> 00:35:31.159 was and instantly going to the negative because that's how we tend to do things 565 00:35:31.159 --> 00:35:35.320 in our lives, and especially when it came to like ordering something on Uber, 566 00:35:35.360 --> 00:35:37.599 I kind of already had this filter of like, oh, there's a 567 00:35:37.679 --> 00:35:39.760 huge chance that I'm not gonna get something because I haven't gotten it before. 568 00:35:40.079 --> 00:35:45.239 Like literally, we have these preconceived ways of seeing life, and we have 569 00:35:45.320 --> 00:35:47.800 these glasses on, so we're only looking at things through this glass, these 570 00:35:47.840 --> 00:35:52.400 glasses. But once you take those glasses off or the universe says, hey, 571 00:35:52.440 --> 00:35:53.559 I'm gonna take them off for you so you can fucking see and you 572 00:35:53.599 --> 00:35:57.760 can learn, you realize that there's so much more to the picture. And 573 00:35:57.800 --> 00:36:00.119 for me, the donut was actually there the whole entire time, I just 574 00:36:00.119 --> 00:36:05.199 couldn't see it in the moment because I was essentially being very small minded. 575 00:36:05.400 --> 00:36:07.519 And the same thing goes with let's say someone says no or rejects you, 576 00:36:07.679 --> 00:36:12.800 or let's say a job opportunity they say no, we will take that as 577 00:36:12.920 --> 00:36:15.360 truth of the world of the universe, and we just tell ourselves, oh 578 00:36:15.400 --> 00:36:20.079 my god, like I'm the worst, not gonna get what I want, 579 00:36:20.159 --> 00:36:22.760 this person doesn't like me, or I'm never gonna make money, whatever it 580 00:36:22.840 --> 00:36:25.239 is, we always go to the negative, and then we stress ourselves out 581 00:36:25.280 --> 00:36:28.519 and then we don't usually take action, and then we just like go in 582 00:36:28.559 --> 00:36:34.400 this like self pity moment when realistically, who is to say that that no 583 00:36:34.760 --> 00:36:38.199 will not change? But we look at it as it's the truth, and 584 00:36:38.280 --> 00:36:42.360 because it's the truth, and because I look at it as bad, I'm 585 00:36:42.360 --> 00:36:45.679 gonna look at myself as bad. I'm gonna look at myself as unworthy instead 586 00:36:45.679 --> 00:36:49.039 of looking at that no as first of all, it'll probably change. But 587 00:36:49.159 --> 00:36:52.280 even if it doesn't, that doesn't mean that I'm not worthy. Doesn't mean 588 00:36:52.280 --> 00:36:54.159 that I'm not gonna continue to find a job that's gonna make me more money. 589 00:36:54.280 --> 00:36:57.719 Who is to say that that job actually wasn't for me and I'm going 590 00:36:57.760 --> 00:37:00.519 to find more money over here, or who's to say that this guy was 591 00:37:00.559 --> 00:37:02.559 even the guy that I wanted to be with, or whatever the case may 592 00:37:02.599 --> 00:37:06.719 be. But instead we lower our self worth in on top of that, 593 00:37:06.760 --> 00:37:14.119 we usually go into this spiral of unnecessary anxiety and stress that we don't need. 594 00:37:14.239 --> 00:37:16.960 And bringing it back to my donut example, obviously I wasn't looking at 595 00:37:17.000 --> 00:37:20.880 myself like, oh my god, I'm not worthy this that, But what 596 00:37:20.960 --> 00:37:25.079 I was doing was getting highly stressed for no reason. I was stressing on 597 00:37:25.119 --> 00:37:28.800 my phone trying to figure out if I can do the refund, and I'm 598 00:37:28.960 --> 00:37:30.199 you know, I'm letting that ruin my night. I was gonna go watch 599 00:37:30.199 --> 00:37:34.199 the Kardashians and sit with my donuts and everything was gonna be okay. But 600 00:37:34.199 --> 00:37:36.440 because I didn't have it, it's like the end of the world, Like 601 00:37:36.960 --> 00:37:39.639 that is so not necessary, right, That's that's me coming out of the 602 00:37:39.679 --> 00:37:44.280 present. Moment and into my head and stressing about things that are very irrelevant, 603 00:37:44.280 --> 00:37:46.880 and then on top of that, the goddamn donut was in the bag 604 00:37:46.960 --> 00:37:52.360 the whole entire time. So it's really important that you understand we have lenses 605 00:37:52.400 --> 00:37:57.519 in which we see the world through. These lenses are made up of our 606 00:37:57.639 --> 00:38:00.519 childhood, our traumas, the good, the bad, the ugly everything. 607 00:38:00.639 --> 00:38:04.199 And it's also not bad to have glasses. We need to kind of like 608 00:38:04.239 --> 00:38:08.199 look through a certain lens, of course, But when you are constantly looking 609 00:38:08.440 --> 00:38:13.840 through a lens in which everything you find is negative, it's wrong. You're 610 00:38:13.840 --> 00:38:16.239 feeling shit about yourself. I would, for a moment, do your best 611 00:38:16.360 --> 00:38:21.880 take off these glasses and analyze these glasses and look at these glasses and say, 612 00:38:21.960 --> 00:38:28.400 hmm, are these lenses even accurate? Are these lenses upgraded from the 613 00:38:28.480 --> 00:38:31.400 old ones that I used to look through? Because maybe you're wearing old glasses. 614 00:38:31.440 --> 00:38:36.480 Maybe you're wearing glasses that are tuned to your eyesight from years ago that 615 00:38:36.559 --> 00:38:39.599 you know don't serve you anymore. And what I mean by the lenses essentially 616 00:38:39.760 --> 00:38:44.840 is like, Okay, maybe back in the day you had low self worth 617 00:38:45.039 --> 00:38:49.400 and when a guy was pulling away from you instantly. You always thought it 618 00:38:49.440 --> 00:38:52.880 was yourself. Now that you're older and you're trying to have healthier relationships, 619 00:38:53.440 --> 00:38:59.840 you know it's important that you have self worth in relationships if for some reason 620 00:39:00.000 --> 00:39:04.719 and you're feeling some sort of distance from a guy. We don't always have 621 00:39:04.840 --> 00:39:07.559 to have the lens of oh my god, it's me, I'm not worthy. 622 00:39:07.719 --> 00:39:12.920 Can I put on a new lens and a new lens could be Okay, 623 00:39:13.480 --> 00:39:16.400 Yes, it's no denying that this guy's pulling away. But do I 624 00:39:16.480 --> 00:39:20.559 have to go to the conclusion that it's me? And can I look somewhere 625 00:39:20.559 --> 00:39:23.199 else and see ways in which I'm actually very worthy? Like let me look 626 00:39:23.239 --> 00:39:27.519 over here and remind myself, Oh wait, I have an amazing life. 627 00:39:27.719 --> 00:39:30.760 I'm an amazing person. I have a great heart. I have done everything 628 00:39:30.880 --> 00:39:35.679 right in this relationship. I'm not perfect, but I've done my absolute best. 629 00:39:35.760 --> 00:39:38.639 I've tried my hardest, I've done the work. These are things that 630 00:39:38.679 --> 00:39:43.239 you need to search for, but you're looking through a lens in which it's 631 00:39:43.400 --> 00:39:45.840 very hard for you to look for. Sorry, my camera heated up if 632 00:39:45.880 --> 00:39:51.000 you're watching on YouTube. But yeah, essentially, you want to ask yourself 633 00:39:51.280 --> 00:39:54.280 what lens am I really looking through? And if it's hurting me, then 634 00:39:54.559 --> 00:39:58.639 what lens do I want to look through instead? Now? For me, 635 00:39:59.079 --> 00:40:00.960 I have usually I have a multiple lens that I like to look at certain 636 00:40:01.000 --> 00:40:06.320 things. If I see something that I'm essentially coming to a conclusion on, 637 00:40:06.920 --> 00:40:10.760 let's say I can't see a way through this, or I'm getting rejected or 638 00:40:10.800 --> 00:40:15.400 whatever, I like to tell myself that I'll be able to figure it out 639 00:40:15.440 --> 00:40:16.440 and it's not going to be the end of the world, so that I 640 00:40:16.480 --> 00:40:20.760 don't continue to spiral like there's just going to be things in your life where 641 00:40:20.800 --> 00:40:22.559 yes, things don't work out right, like maybe you're going through a breakup, 642 00:40:22.639 --> 00:40:27.280 or maybe the maple dip don't it was not in your bag. What 643 00:40:27.400 --> 00:40:30.239 can you tell yourself in that moment? And for me, I don't need 644 00:40:30.280 --> 00:40:34.800 to now ruin my night because they didn't have that thing right. So just 645 00:40:34.800 --> 00:40:37.360 telling yourself in the moment, like it's gonna be fine, this is not 646 00:40:37.440 --> 00:40:40.440 worth stressing over, reminding yourself that the more you stress about this thing, 647 00:40:40.639 --> 00:40:45.920 it's only going to create more suffering. Anyways, or things could easily change. 648 00:40:45.960 --> 00:40:47.639 This person said no, who knows, Maybe they'll call back and they'll 649 00:40:47.639 --> 00:40:52.920 tell me the second candidate for this job decided to drop out last minute and 650 00:40:52.920 --> 00:40:55.280 they actually want me. Or you can just pick up a lens. That's 651 00:40:55.320 --> 00:40:59.239 more optimistic telling yourself, I don't know the full picture. I don't know 652 00:40:59.239 --> 00:41:00.360 how this is going to play out, and I'm not going to come to 653 00:41:00.400 --> 00:41:05.199 any conclusions yet because things could easily change. This person could change their mind, 654 00:41:05.239 --> 00:41:07.400 this job opportunity could change their mind. I'm not going to internalize this 655 00:41:07.480 --> 00:41:10.119 thing. I'm not going to stress myself out. I'm not going to come 656 00:41:10.159 --> 00:41:15.639 to this really shitty conclusion based off of a little bit of evidence that I 657 00:41:15.679 --> 00:41:17.800 see in front of my face. Even if I see this evidence, even 658 00:41:17.800 --> 00:41:21.159 when it came to the donut, I thought that I knew, and I 659 00:41:21.199 --> 00:41:23.360 really don't. And that's what I like to tell myself sometimes when I'm finding 660 00:41:23.360 --> 00:41:27.679 that I'm fixating on something and I'm telling myself something that clearly is not going 661 00:41:27.760 --> 00:41:31.360 to help me, I always remind myself who knows, who really even knows? 662 00:41:31.400 --> 00:41:35.079 Nobody even knows. Anyways, at the end of the day, the 663 00:41:35.159 --> 00:41:37.639 universe is going to have my back, So let me just let things be 664 00:41:37.800 --> 00:41:39.400 what they need to be. And where can I put my focus in attention 665 00:41:39.639 --> 00:41:44.760 right now where it clearly needs to be, instead of focusing on all these 666 00:41:44.800 --> 00:41:49.280 negative situations that might not even occur, or even if they do occur, 667 00:41:49.360 --> 00:41:52.039 I'm going to be okay, Like there doesn't need to be that. So 668 00:41:52.679 --> 00:41:57.480 anyways, just become very aware of the stories that you tell yourself and remind 669 00:41:57.480 --> 00:42:00.760 yourself that you don't know everything, and that's actually a very good thing. 670 00:42:00.920 --> 00:42:06.800 Sometimes you actually don't know, and that's good sometimes. And also if you 671 00:42:06.920 --> 00:42:09.920 are a limberent person, pour into your own cup and continuously do that, 672 00:42:10.159 --> 00:42:14.239 and do that while you're in relationship. See, this is actually one last 673 00:42:14.239 --> 00:42:17.519 thing I'm gonna say about that, going back to that, I was highly 674 00:42:17.920 --> 00:42:24.000 highly aware of my tendency to be this limberance person. I would say the 675 00:42:24.039 --> 00:42:30.800 past three years of my dating experiences that I made sure when I got into 676 00:42:30.880 --> 00:42:37.639 relationships that I was pulling my energy back to myself even when the relationship was 677 00:42:37.679 --> 00:42:40.320 good, because especially when the relationship is good, right, it's like, 678 00:42:40.320 --> 00:42:43.599 oh my god, I'm in love, Like I love this person, Oh 679 00:42:43.639 --> 00:42:45.719 my god, this person. Like again, you could be dating somebody who's 680 00:42:45.719 --> 00:42:49.599 actually great for you, they have all the good qualities whatever but because I 681 00:42:49.679 --> 00:42:52.639 knew my tendencies, I didn't want to slip back into these old ways of 682 00:42:52.679 --> 00:42:57.599 obsessing. Because I also just didn't want to be concerned with what this person 683 00:42:57.679 --> 00:43:00.079 is doing at all hours of the day, Like it's actually really annoying, 684 00:43:00.119 --> 00:43:04.360 Like it's actually draining to think about someone all day, every single day, 685 00:43:04.400 --> 00:43:07.599 even if things are going well. And I like to look at things as 686 00:43:07.679 --> 00:43:13.119 like quality versus quantity. Sometimes like, Okay, I could think about this 687 00:43:13.159 --> 00:43:16.239 person all day because this person is really amazing. This person does check off 688 00:43:16.280 --> 00:43:20.719 every single box. I do want to be with this person. But wouldn't 689 00:43:20.719 --> 00:43:23.360 it feel so good if I just pulled my energy back to myself. I 690 00:43:23.440 --> 00:43:28.119 was working on my business, I was working on my career, my hobbies, 691 00:43:28.159 --> 00:43:30.719 I was seeing my friends, and then I would have something to look 692 00:43:30.760 --> 00:43:32.599 forward to at the end of the night by calling my man or letting him 693 00:43:32.639 --> 00:43:37.119 know what I did all day, instead of constantly texting him all day telling 694 00:43:37.199 --> 00:43:40.480 him what I'm doing all day throughout. No, Listen, at some point, 695 00:43:40.559 --> 00:43:45.320 you need to graduate from this texting a guy all day every single day 696 00:43:45.480 --> 00:43:51.679 updating your life. I am so sorry I thought that that was even a 697 00:43:51.679 --> 00:43:54.760 healthy thing to do. When things were going well with a guy until I 698 00:43:54.840 --> 00:44:01.400 realized it wasn't because of my tendency. Because when you are that person who's 699 00:44:01.440 --> 00:44:05.440 let's say, you're always texting constantly, what are you doing? What are 700 00:44:05.480 --> 00:44:07.119 you doing now? What are you doing later? Every day all day, 701 00:44:07.280 --> 00:44:12.119 even if on paper it looks like everything is fine and healthy, it's not 702 00:44:12.360 --> 00:44:16.800 because you end up creating this hyper obsession even if you don't want to, 703 00:44:16.960 --> 00:44:21.679 because you're that person's always on your mind, You're always texting them. It's 704 00:44:21.679 --> 00:44:23.760 like, Okay, I just texted them, and I'm updating them about my 705 00:44:23.800 --> 00:44:27.559 life, or I like their Instagram story or I'm watching their stories, and 706 00:44:27.599 --> 00:44:30.119 then I go back into my life and I do my thing for like twenty 707 00:44:30.159 --> 00:44:32.039 minutes, and then I'm texting them again because I'm having this conversation with them. 708 00:44:32.280 --> 00:44:35.880 It's not about playing games, it's not about being cold with men. 709 00:44:36.280 --> 00:44:39.880 But if you are this type of person, understand quality is so much better 710 00:44:39.920 --> 00:44:43.320 too when it comes to like, Okay, you know what, I'm not 711 00:44:43.360 --> 00:44:45.199 going to text them all day every day. I'm going to wait till the 712 00:44:45.280 --> 00:44:47.519 end of the night. Let's say I'm not saying you can't never like text 713 00:44:47.559 --> 00:44:52.199 your man like. Obviously it depends, but especially when you're first dating. 714 00:44:52.440 --> 00:44:57.639 Okay, I'll just have a nice, genuine, long, great conversation at 715 00:44:57.639 --> 00:45:00.800 the end of the night and we can both tell each other what we did 716 00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.960 or whatever it is, or like I'm gonna look forward to it on date 717 00:45:04.039 --> 00:45:07.079 night, or I have all these like random thoughts that I want to like 718 00:45:07.119 --> 00:45:08.599 text him, and I want to send him a million things. But you 719 00:45:08.639 --> 00:45:13.480 know what, I'm just gonna keep working on myself and then when I see 720 00:45:13.519 --> 00:45:16.360 him, I'm gonna be able to have this amazing conversation with him instead of 721 00:45:16.400 --> 00:45:21.320 like constantly updating him on every single fucking thing that I'm doing, which, 722 00:45:21.599 --> 00:45:23.800 again, it just doesn't necessarily help you when you are that limerent person. 723 00:45:24.039 --> 00:45:25.920 Again, this is not to mean you can't have joy in your life. 724 00:45:27.079 --> 00:45:29.960 Doesn't mean you can't text this guy when you're wanting to, doesn't mean you 725 00:45:30.000 --> 00:45:31.920 can't call your man, doesn't mean you can't talk to your boyfriend throughout the 726 00:45:32.000 --> 00:45:36.519 day. I'm not saying that, but just be aware of when you know 727 00:45:36.639 --> 00:45:40.119 you're doing a little bit too much, even when it's technically healthy, because 728 00:45:40.159 --> 00:45:46.079 you really like this person, this can lead you into the obsession of the 729 00:45:46.119 --> 00:45:50.320 rumination, because what will happen is when you create this type of dynamic. 730 00:45:51.360 --> 00:45:53.079 If there is a time where he's not able to get back to you, 731 00:45:53.800 --> 00:45:57.639 if he doesn't answer you, and you get like this, that's when you 732 00:45:57.679 --> 00:46:00.639 know you shouldn't probably be doing this dynamic. And for me, I would 733 00:46:00.639 --> 00:46:04.960 get into these situations where we would do this like texting all the time back 734 00:46:05.039 --> 00:46:08.599 and forth, and the moment that I didn't hear from him, I went 735 00:46:08.639 --> 00:46:15.039 into a spiral. That's when I realized that this texting back and forth actually 736 00:46:15.079 --> 00:46:19.800 was never even healthy because I was actually using him as my limberent object. 737 00:46:19.840 --> 00:46:23.440 I was actually using him as a way to only feel good about my life. 738 00:46:23.480 --> 00:46:27.239 So I mean, this is what I'll say. If you want to 739 00:46:27.280 --> 00:46:30.880 text somebody here and there, whatever, that's fine. But if you don't 740 00:46:30.920 --> 00:46:35.480 hear from them and you start stressing the f out, then you know you're 741 00:46:35.519 --> 00:46:37.519 probably actually using them as like a crutch in a way. And this is 742 00:46:37.559 --> 00:46:40.440 what I say. Like, I think about the relationship that I had towards 743 00:46:40.480 --> 00:46:45.119 my best friend. I talk to her essentially all day every day, but 744 00:46:45.159 --> 00:46:47.440 when I don't hear from her, I do not stress. I do not 745 00:46:47.559 --> 00:46:52.840 go in this energy of oh my god, what is she thinking? Oh 746 00:46:52.840 --> 00:46:54.960 my god, I'm not good enough. It's a different type of relationship. 747 00:46:55.199 --> 00:46:59.119 So I don't try and do that a lot with my romantic relationships because I 748 00:46:59.119 --> 00:47:01.480 know where that can lead me, because that's a different type of h dynamic 749 00:47:01.639 --> 00:47:07.480 and attachment style that I would be recreating, because that's just like what I 750 00:47:07.519 --> 00:47:10.119 would do with men based off of my childhood. But when it came to 751 00:47:10.239 --> 00:47:14.519 like women like or friendships is a little bit different. Some people will do 752 00:47:14.559 --> 00:47:17.440 this with friendships as well, but it's just like a good indicator to realize, 753 00:47:17.519 --> 00:47:22.440 Okay, well maybe I can't create this full dynamic with this man because 754 00:47:22.480 --> 00:47:24.920 realistically, the only reason why I'm creating this full dynamic with this man is 755 00:47:24.960 --> 00:47:30.360 to create safety in my life versus doing this behavior of talking to him all 756 00:47:30.400 --> 00:47:32.199 the time just because I want to, like I do with my best friend, 757 00:47:32.239 --> 00:47:38.440 because realistically, most of the time with romantic partners, you don't necessarily 758 00:47:38.480 --> 00:47:43.280 are like you don't have that relationship that you have with your friends in that 759 00:47:43.320 --> 00:47:46.880 way, like I text my best friend about random shit all the time that 760 00:47:46.960 --> 00:47:51.280 like I'm not interested in telling my man like I don't need to it's not 761 00:47:52.519 --> 00:47:57.440 needed in my relationship. But anyways, I digress. I hope any of 762 00:47:57.480 --> 00:48:01.320 that made sense. This topic episode really was not as off topic. I 763 00:48:01.320 --> 00:48:05.199 feel like I kind of like only talked about two main things. But I 764 00:48:05.239 --> 00:48:10.239 hope you guys enjoyed. And please be sure to listen to next week's episode 765 00:48:10.280 --> 00:48:14.400 because I'll be talking about my book and I'll be showing you guys the cover, 766 00:48:14.679 --> 00:48:17.320 and we'll be talking about healing your relationship with food. You guys had 767 00:48:17.320 --> 00:48:22.079 a lot of questions about that, so yeah, I will see you guys 768 00:48:22.199 --> 00:48:22.760 in the next one. Bye.