In the year twenty seven fourteen, a new squad of Opera Davis was chosen
by the College of Illusion. These fools promptly went on to frustrate their DM
at every opportunity. Today, still working together, because really, who else
would work with them? They survive as adventurers of fortune. If you have
a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find
them, maybe you can hire the Second Breakfast Club. Tony Kinney as Eddie
Falzoni, Jess Owen as a deer a Glow, Michael Cole as Urag and
Jesse Wicks as Bill Crilliance, Nico Rodriguez as your DM. Welcome back to
the continuing Tales of a Fool's Quest. You are looking out over a horde
of demons. It's a lot of demons. It's a lot of demons.
Wow, that's a lot of demons. It's nighttime. They're burning fires.
You're illusionists. What do you want to do? Well, find glasses.
I can't help to think about those five demons we just killed, and that
there's five of us, so we could, you know, just look like
them, get waltz on in there. Maybe just had a brilliant idea to
go as a bunch of turtles just for Master dis Guy's purposes. We still
got this wagon, which conveniently is a place of power for at least another
couple of weeks. I could maybe use that to disguise us all with some
illusions, make us look like those those sticky gum monsters gum wands. Well,
damn it, I like it. Let's do it. Yeah, all
right, that's what we go for. All right. So in the place
of power, you want to weave the illusion to turn you all, all
five of you, Valley included, Valley included into gum monsters. Please tell
me she's going to fix her crossbow first. Okay, you do this,
and it strikes you, especially Rag, who heard them communicating. They only
spoke to each other in one way by going gurgle, gurgle, gurgle.
Everybody got that. That was what they said as they chased you Rag through
the forest. All right, gurgle gurgle. Okay, So you use your
place of power to create this spell, and you do get some help from
Valley. She's willing to help you put together and your friends all need to
take some of the gum from the last fight. Some of it's still stuck
to their outfits. Chew it up and add it to the tincture. Well,
put it in your mouth, you know what, I'm going back to
dead. It's much harder to do with a symbol. It's a lot mess
here. I can give you a hand, a little barley axe. All
right, Yeah, I need you guys chew on some of this and then
let's spit it in my little uh a little cop with there. I got
a big piece. You want me to bring it into yeah, sure,
okay, I'm gonna do it. But then when I go to split it
in the goblet, I'm gonna miss and hit you in the chest with it.
Scoop it up with the goblet. Yeah, and then uh, I'm
gonna mix that around and finish up the ritual, and uh, everyone's got
to happen sick. Yeah, that's the only point. But the good news
is it'll last till sundown tomorrow. So I'm gonna walk around and maybe certain
wattle around the carriage and practice my wattle. You got the moves, you
got the words. Gurgle, gurkle, burkle. Okay, So this it's
a place of power. You guys, make this happen this is how it
just happens. You are good, this is successful. You have become the
bubble gum. And you make your way toward the demon camp. Ye all
right, so you defeated a five pack and now you are that returning five
pack heading back. So you make it past the guards without even them really
questioning it. And like I said, the demon camp is huge. There
are roughly forty five hundred demons that are camped in the area. Many of
them are sleep around the fire, some of them are working on new fortifications.
The temple appears to have guards at the front door that you see,
but nobody has impeded your path so far as you go. So there's guards
at the front door. Is there anyone going like in and out of the
temple? Construction workers? So they carrying parts of like wood, some tree
that they cut down, boards, some stone wrench. Is there a pile
of materials around? Yep? Cool, go over and grab some boards.
I'm gonna grab a plunger. Okay, so you guys stick yourself to the
plunder and grab it. But it looks like you're two. Yeah, okay,
head right on up into that temple. All right. This continues to
be successful, you head right on up, you pass the first two guards
and you go into the main area or into the end of the temple.
Inside there are several rooms. There is at the very beginning giant war room
with like a big table and drawn out maps, like it's used with charcoal
to draw out a map of the surrounding area to kind of figure out where
they're at. And they're looking at putting up like forts inside the forest and
pushing the spiders back to make a formal a fortress here. So, yeah,
that's the war room that you first see. Okay, would you definitely
check that out? Gurgle, gurgle, gurgle, gurgle, gargle. Okna,
I can carry my board right on over by that table and take a
little flutter look at that and see, uh anything anything surprising about it that
I I don't know. I just see they're they're planning on on just expanding
throughout the forest and pushing the spiders back to make their differences. And what
would you roll? Uh that's and plus whatever it would it would be uh
realities thirteen. Okay, So yeah, we get to ask three questions of
that. What should it be on the lookout for What you should be on
the lookout for is different packs that they've dispatched, So you can see where
they have packs that they put on the outliers. One of them is the
pack of smokes that's in the general area that you had defeated them. They
were supposed to maintain that specific area. So you can see not only that,
but there are other demon packs spread throughout the illusination that they have dispatch
to go to different places. Who's really in control here? You see there
is a scroll with a report written on it addressing the Lord Commander Anchovies on
Pumpkin Tide. There's a name again, Purlerle Gurdle. Well here is not
what it appears to be us, you know, that's a terrible question.
There is an imp running around this main room, barking orders that people about
the construction, and everybody's calling the imp master nameless. And you would assume,
being an imp, that it would be the lowest form of the demons,
because that's what you've experienced so far. But this one's running around Boston.
People like crazy name Lieutan, I mean gurgle girls. You also see
kind of a layout small model of the temple that you're in, so you
could get a layout of what each room is and where you want to go.
And in that you see there is the war planning room that you're in
right now. Next to that there is a torture chamber kitchen. Just beyond
that they're like connected really treasury. The Treasury is right next to the Lord
Commander anchovies on Pumpkin Pie's bedroom, and just beyond those two places is the
poor ol so and you can go through. It's like you go through one
of those or the other. So you can either go through the kitchen or
go through the torch room. And then you can either go through the treasury
or go through the lower Commander anchovies on Pumpkin Pie's bedroom. And then you
end up in the portal room. So you can choose one of the two
to go to go through. I vote the torture room. And then yes,
yes, Curle, Turgle room, Curricle, I think we're on the
same page, Okurdle. All right, So you leave the big warror Planning
room and head on into the treasury. Yeah, right, the treasure,
Treasure Room, torture room. Jesus. You head through the torture room.
So the torture room surprisingly has not really been utilized a whole lot. There
are some spider bits, some arachnid bits that are about, you know,
hung on the wall and stuff looks like they caught them and then you know,
pulled the legs off them and stuff rude. But outside that, there's
no like humans that have been torture, humanoid creatures that have been tortured here,
or anything like that. They just haven't really brought people back to do
that sort of thing at this point. They haven't been established here that long.
It's their birthday decorations though, like they're playing on a party in here
later. Yeah for sure. Yeah, yeah, that's what Nameless has actually
been barking orders at everyone for because there's a construction, but there's also the
birthday party, so it's a big, big thing. They've got streams.
Assume that's where demons would have it. Isn't the torture room. They've got
a cake there. It's quarter. They booked it many many weeks in dance
Fingers. The spiders weren't actually there to be tortured. They were just ingredients
the spider cake. So you luckily you make it through that room with no
problems. That is the easy room. Now you come up to where you
can either split to go to the treasury or to the bedroom, and you
chose the treasury. Yep, the Treasury's door is locked. All right?
Can you sweet talking? Open? Gurgle gurgle, Never mind, gurgle.
What's the door made up? It's made of stone. You have to speak
gurgle gurgle to it, though. Look around? Is there anybody else nearby?
There is? But you can wait until they finish passing by and get
a moment along. Okay, So patiently wait until I got a clear opening.
Okay, spiritual stone, would will you let us in? You hear
the door? Go? Ah? Why other bits? They cut off my
other bits to make me into a door. I was a part of the
mountain, and now my bits are Is that my bit over there? I
can see it, I can't see. Perhaps if you let us in,
we can return you to the mountain. God's why why have they cut me
into pieces? I believe the door might be somewhat inconsolable. I will let
you make a roll to see if you can can get it. Yeah,
with your with your modifier? Yeah, okay, all right, so I
will let you run if you bring those forced wounds over and put them on
me. Please, just reattach them. You're made of goop. Just goop
them to me, please. I don't actually have goop, but I do
have some polstices and stuff that I carried with my medicine. And see,
you're literally made of goop. I didn't say that to him. I was,
oh, yeah, I thought you're saying to tear off a piece.
So yeah, I'll gather up some stones and see if I can, you
know, lodge him in someplace. All right. So you go pick up
a stone and he's like, one, put it on my lower half,
girl, let you stick it to it, okay, And you go to
drab another one. It's like shoulder all right. So yeah, So so
a couple of demons walk by as you're like loading up these stones onto this
uh stone. And once you've got them all like lonched up against him,
he's like, okay, just a moment, let me work crack and you
here is you know, the handle on the other side on lock, and
the treasury room opens to you burble, gurgle, gurgle, gurcle. And
while the fools break into the treasury, we are going to break for commercial
This portionable. Fool's quest is brought to you in part by It's chocolate covered
caffeine and pills are the only all natural statement that loaded with more chocolate than
Wonka's factory and enough caffee to give a freaking elevant a heart attack. Now
you can stay up all day and all night thinking about just how fast your
asses that you getting eating up all that chocolate. What do not take your
Edge chocolate cover caffeine piels if you are allergic to ads chocolate caffeine piels.
No, I never understood why they fucking do that. That's don't stupid.
If you're fucking allergic to it, you ain't gonna take the damn shit in
the first place. And besides, how the fuck do you know that you're
allergic to Edge chocolate cover caffeine pills unless you're painting Dead's chocolate cover caffeine pills.
What the fuck? Let's just do it, and now let's get back
to the fuck. Gurgle, gurgle, gurgle, gurgle. Okay, we're
in like lynn Y, you guys make it in there. You see a
small imp that's in there with a clipboard and they're writing off all the spaces
like A one, A two, A three, doing inventory. And they
come in and like, oh my god, are you guys here to drop
off more stuff? Look around somewhat confused, pointed the plunger. H gurgle,
gurgle. I'm gonna hold up my board. Gurgle, gurgle. Put
them in columns Q one and Q two. I'm just gonna hold it up
again, gurgle, gargle. Yes, it's Q one. Cute God,
sinnamon fox. Just put them in the que section. Waddle over just some
random location, you know what. I'll do it myself. And she goes
storming out of the room and she's like Bradley eating cauliflower. Bradley eating cauliflower.
Come here, please pull the door shop behind her ship. Ye okay,
Now I'm gonna take a look around the treasury. Okay, so the
Treasury right now only has a handful of things in here. Give me an
intelligence role eleven eleven. The handful of things that are in here are all
cursed, all of those dick Hey, listen, curricles. I don't think
we should mess with any of this stuff. I'm pretty sure it's all cursed.
Okay, Uh onto the portal chamber. Then you know somebody that takes
cursed stuff, though you're not wrong. He put your plunger in Q two,
and I stick my board in Q one. Yeah we should, we
should just move everything around sucky off. I'm gonna keep you. I don't
think we should touch it, but that would be hilarious, so maybe it's
worth it. No, probably not. Yeah, so we'll stick the board
in the plunger in Q one and Q two and then onto the portal room.
Who says he's keeping the plunge stick the board in Q one. Okay,
yeah, all right, So you can go through the back. There
is another locked door on the back end that you can unlock and walk through.
Both of the doors locked from the inside unless you have the key,
obviously, So you unlock the back door and you go through, and it
takes you into the portal room. In the portal room, you see a
giant portal. It is about seventeen to eighteen feet tall, and it's the
same amount wide. Its giant circular portal that's in there, kind of stargate
esk, only way bigger. And you see there's nobody coming in and out
of it right now. But it is still active. Just below the portal,
you see a a small suspension bridge that is sitting right on the ground,
right in the center of where the portal meets the the uh floor.
It's like a little artifact, a little item that's like a toy suspension bridge
just sitting there or is. It looks secured. It looks secured, not
like super secured, but like it's It's got two blocks on either side of
it holding it in place so it doesn't get kicked or knocked over or anything.
Just like bricks, just block, just wooden blocks. Wood gurgle,
gurgle. I'm gonna cope. I'm wanna cope. I'm want to go pick
up that little bridge. Okay, purple, purple. So you just back
and you pick up the small bridge, and before you do it, I'm
gonna nope. Okay, defy danger as an iron cage falls from the ceiling
to catch you. Oh, I'm gonna die about the way. Wait,
that's as I pick up the bridge, the bridge that the iron cage falls.
You pick up the bridge and the blocks move and an iron cage falls
from the ceiling to land. I'm gonna try to kick one of the blocks
to land under the corner of it that there's a gap and then I'll be
able to slide through because I'm thinking, can of use intelligence? Ah man,
it's probably yeah. I was gonna say agility PARADEX yet now I roll
a three. Now you roll a three. Now I rolled the three.
Okay, all those other great rolls. And you didn't notice that the small
blocks, even though you moved them, you kind of like lifted them up,
they're also anchored to the ground on one end, so when you went
to kick it, you just stubbed your foot really bad. You take one
point of embarrassment down and the metal cage lands around you, and you hear
someone with a giant, roaring voice go o the fault to small bridge and
uh into the room comes Lord Commander anchovies on pumpkin pie, wielding a giant
war mace and chain mil with spikes on it or no, it's he wields
a giant war mace and a chain with spikes up and down the lynx,
so he's got two weapons. Want to pick the bridge up? That anything
happened to the portal, not until you do something with the bridge, kind
of like you had to screw the the Sphinx together. There's something you have
to do to deactivate the suspension bridge, and he's gonna charge into the room
to find out what happened with Eddie locked in a cage. The other four
of you, though, I will say, will get an attack on him,
because he doesn't realize that you're not demons. If you choose gurgle,
gurgle, gur I'll as he comes in, I'll I'll just approach him with
the plunger. Gurgle, urgle, burble. Okay, he'll reach down to
take the plunger from you. Give it here, gurble, give it here.
He takes it from you. Whack he doesn't it. Yeah, no,
that doesn't it. That's that's a six drop one of his other weapons
to so he just he swings and he thinks he's going to hit you in
the gup because it's an illusion, it kind of just goes through the illusion
and he's like, what did he drop one of his other weapons to do
that? Oh? Yeah, well he has his uh Shaine like on his
thing. Yeah, gurgle, gurgle. I'm auld cast blink on myself and
see if I could phase through the bars this cage. Oh all right,
here's perspective problem school. That's seven. So I will forget the spell out
like, okay, all right, I'd rather not attract. All right,
so you you phased right through? How's that look? Hell? Yeah?
Well, I mean, what happens is I momentarily shift into the ethereal there?
What was that? What happens? I momentarily shift into the ethereal plane
and just step through the bars. But what it looks like is this gum
monster just mushing through the bars because I still clicking gum marks. Yeah?
Yeah, Are you able to hide the suspension bridge while you're doing this?
You know, I'll just just stick it behind my back, okay. And
I rolled for him to try and I rolled for him to try and see,
but he did not see this suspension bridge distracting Uh huh. He was
distracted by your plunger and by trying to whack you. What are the rest
of you doing? I'm gonna I'm watching it all and walk past him into
his room and just start like bumping into stuff and knocking it down on my
way to the girl. Gurgle, gurglele, walk back. I'm gonna walk
back into the treasury and gurgle and beckon everyone else to come with me.
Gurgle, gurgle. I'm gonna make one more role for him. I might
let you guys just walk in and out without fighting him. I'm gonna make
one more role. If it's a seven or higher. He sees it though,
Oh that's a ten. So you walk you walk past him with the
suspension bridge still behind you, and he's like, and he takes the plunger
and just chucks it at you can I you can try. That's a ten
to hit. So I'll let you take the hit. Oh yeah, I'll
take the hit. Okay, So that's not two six for him. We
have a fucking wagon in this bitch. We want to let some place of
power. I don't think you want to bring a place of We probably webbed
it into the tree. Lord Commander anchovies on pumpkin pie chucks this plunger so
hard it does eleven points of damage, matches into you, and uh yeah,
I guess we're like into initiative at this point. What do you guys
want to do? Pull the door shut and lock it. Yes, that's
what was gonna be my move when he walked in. You're gonna leave,
boo rag in the room. Okay, there's this bedroom, and I'm hoping
it's got the same kind of door and you can just run in there and
pull the door shut and lock it. I'll leave him in there in the
portal room, and then I'll figure out the bridge. We'll turn the portal
off, and we'll just stay in there. No, I'm gonna He does
have a key ring on his belt, by the way, so you assume
he can get to this. I assume yet, the Lord Smander, I
am going to cast invisibility on myself. Okay, once you're in the room,
yep. Invisible this bridge yep. Okay, except no, I'm not
because that's the room. Oh man? What's oh man? Indeed, I'm
going to give you the option. You are holding a cursed artifact in your
hand, right, and so far nothing's really happened because it was by the
portal and it has been powering that portal. But if you're going to cast,
one of two things are going to happen. You're either going to drop
the suspension bridge and it's going to become invisible for one D ten rounds,
or it does the opposite of a visibility and you brighten up like a beacon
for one D ten rounds where everyone can see you. I'll drop it,
okay, So it sparks in your hand as you try to cast invisibility like
you know, little power jolts through it of magic and it turns invisible.
And roll a D ten to find out how many rounds of combat this thing
is invisible and you cannot find the suspension bridge. So much for escaping combat.
You were so close. I almost gave it to break and ship the
room. It didn't work. I almost gave it to you. Two do
you guys get so lucky with that ship? All right? Two round?
Sorry, so not including this one. So you guys got to survive two
rounds of it being invisible and on the floor somewhere before Eddie can find it.
But you're in the treasury with the item somewhere. And then the Lord
Commander anchovies on. Yep, who wants to go after Eddie? Oh go
okay, I'm gonna gurgle, gurgle a deer, a gurgle. She knows
you know, you know, gurgle. That's not the sound gum makes.
So yeah, you get no healing to your full help, but you got
four D four damage already. No, No, run around to the other
side of the cage, thround the cage from the demon. Oh are you
not going through his bedroom? You're in his bedroom. Yeah, I mean
you can run back out of his bedroom around him and over to the cage
if you want. But I wouldn't advise that. Derek close the door still
blinking. Huh because I had cast blink Yeah, yeah, forgot Okay,
cool, but you forgot it, so you can't cast it again. I
did forget it. When you blink into the ethereal rooms. There a chance
you could see the bridge. I don't think it's ethereal though, it's just
invisible. Yeah, it's just invisible. Can you grab him and blink into
the ethereal room? No, I can't. They put him in the cage
charge thee. I can get in the cage. That's not a problem,
all right. Who's that after? Either Adeira or they're they're all doing their
things, So I'll go last, because Adeira, you're up. I know
where we are. We just in his bedroom. No, you're in the
portal room right now. Bill's in the bedroom, Eddie's in the treasury.
You three are in the portal room with him. With the Lord Commander Anchovy
Tom pumpkin Pie. M hm. Can I not join Eddie? Yeah,
you can run in with Eddie. Yeah, let's run and enjoin Eddie.
Okay, all right, So yeah, if you want to make that your
turn, you can easily skirt around, evade any kind of attack and make
it there. Yeah. There, I will say that Valley been here the
whole time. She creates a third sixth bubblegum beamon that pokes its head out
of the bedroom where Bill had just gone in, and just pokes its head
out, and it's like girkle gurkle, and starts meander in toward toward the
portal like it's gonna go in it. And then she's gonna slowly, uh
tiptoe her little halfling self over toward the toward the armor treasury as well.
And that takes us too, rags. Yeah, so you're safe. You
two are safe in the treasury for now. I mean, I get he's
still right there trying to kill us at all. Yeah, relative, but
I have my my plunger back now, right, Yeah, because he checked
it it, you intercepted it, you plunged with it, all right,
I'll just look at it mean gurgle, gurgle, and then I'll smack him
with it. Okay, all right, and you do your normal damage with
a plunger. Yeah it's a sturdy plund goddamn it, it's not as sturdy
as I thought. What was it? That's grip fail, crip fail.
All right, So you take a swing at him. It's a double snake
eyes with the plunger. And don't you roll that again? Oh yeah,
see how bad it gets? That another one? Goodness, you suck one.
No, no, no, keep going with that one. You just
stay guys again. You have to go to jail, like you have to
go commit a crime, all right, that's a okay, you just have
to park your car and your some bicycle. So two in a row.
He decides to try and grab it, but he tries to grab it with
his uh, his chain, the spike chain that he and he slashes out
at the same time that you slash him, and that chain wraps around your
arm and pulls you forward and breaks out of your illusion. Cool, you
are now normal. Rag. Just look at it, girdle. It's like
red gosh polk and he isn't gonna do damage with that with your critical but
he is about to hit you now and he's got you looped in his grasps,
so that is a hit. But you get to hit him back,
so that's good. And he hit you for maximum damage eighteen points of damage
as he uses his spike chain to bring you forward and just brings his war
mace down and smashes you on your chest. I do damage to him too,
Oh yeah, you do damage to him, which is okay. Nine
okay, yeah, nine is good. So I will have you all know.
This is the big bad of this of this season. So this is
as big and bad as they get. So I'm very sorry if he's about
to fuck your life up. Oh it could happen. It already did happen
till that was before the biggest that was the wind Up's pretty big, all
right, you get taken out by gum. So this is round number one
that it's still invisible. Eddie. I'm gonna cast cure wounds on hou Rag
because I just saw him get smashed with a gigantic warms Yes, thank you
the first time. Gonna light of smoke and actually I'm gonna cast it through
my my wand of that that that double the spell. Yeah, I want
a double vision, so I'll cast it on myself as well, and I
get plus one of my spell casting for that, but minus one for having
blink up, minus one for having blink up. Oh well, that's an
eleven on the disk. Hell yeah, hell yeah. That is seven hit
points and me that is seven hit points. All right, all right,
Bill, I believe you're next precipice off. How you feeling? Still a
single digits? So that's it's it's like the hardest you've ever seen. Who
I get a hit in your life? Gurgle, rad I'm gonna I'm gonna
cheer o ragon. That's a six. Oh no, it's a six.
Mm hmmm, it's not great. I don't even remember what happened that the
fail. I just thought that fails, right, uh huh uh huh uh
huh. All right, we gurgle. So, girle, you didn't believe
hard enough. It's your fault. You play the symbol and uh. The
Lord Commander reaches over with his hand and says, knock it off with the
noise, and he shuts the door, locking you in the room. Jokes
on you. I didn't want to come out just smashing this stuff. That'll
distract him. This concludes this episode of A Fool's Quest. Join us next
time for more fun and daring adventure. Thank you for listening, and don't
forget to like, subscribe, review, and comment on your favorite platform to
listen to A Fool's Quest