You're listening to KFI AM six forty on demand. Welcome back to the Doctor
Wendy Walls Show. I'm KFI AM six forty, this very special holiday show.
I know one of the things I love to do during the holidays is
either see holiday pageants and shows and parades and light shows. But I am
thrilled to tell you that I have the executive producer of John Seller Sailor.
I'm getting it wrong every time John Sailor. I want to say Sailor,
but I know it's salar zalar Zaler, John Zeller, executive producer of van
Go the Immersive Experience. Now, first of all, the immersive experience means
that means what what am I going to be immersed in when I get there?
Is it a light show? Is it sound? And how is van
Go's art sort of not ruined by this so immersive experience does it's a it's
a very uh on vogue word right now, I mean everything. There's a
lot of immersive experiences that are out there. Van Go the Immersive Experience is
really the first of these immersive experiences that landed on the US shores. And
when people think about immersive experiences, quite often they think about projectors on a
wall, and that is definitely an important part of our show. We use
three D projection mapping to bring Vang's works to life, and I can tell
you a little bit more about that after I tell you a little about what
immersive means to us, which is an immersive experience to us is something that
from the time you enter to the time you leave, you are immersed in
the subject matter. You're transported to another place. So from your when you
first very at the very beginning, when you enter the exhibition in Montebello,
you are you're already confronted with projection mapping technologies, but also in depth text
panels and help you learn about Bengo's life, three D recreations of his paint
of some of his paintings that you can literally step right into. Wow,
and it's really incredible. So we want you to literally be surrounded and immersed
in the subject matter from the beginning to the end, and part of that
is the immersive gallery. We actually have two immersive galleries in LA. The
first one is a smaller immersive gallery that details the important influence of Japanese art
on Bengo's works, but also on Monet and on Clint and on other artists
of that era. Japanese art was just coming across the pond or across the
continent and was picked up by these artists because it was so unique, it
was so different from what they'd seen. You know, when you talk about
immersive experience, I'm reminded of when my kid did her semester abroad. She
went to Sweden, and when I got to Stockholm to visit her, I
am immediately wanted to go to the Abba Museum because I was told there was
an immersive experience with holograms where you can literally get on stage with Abba and
perform karaoke style, and that was the highlight of my whole trip to Sweden.
I'll just let you know. So these immersive experiences feel real, don't
they. That's actually I actually was on the team that created the Abba Museum.
There you go, thank you. It's life, you know, And
that's the thing is that you have. You know, you've got sixty minutes
or seventy five minutes, or an hour and a half more time if you're
lucky, But those are memories you're going to take with you and they're going
to last with you for a long time, because there's just like the Japanese
art, it's so different from what you're doing every day. And that's really
our goal was to take you out of the day to day to focus you
in a space where you really can, you know, meld or become a
part of the work in a way that transports you and maybe transforms you a
little bit. I think that newer generations have trouble because of their short attention
spans and their need for constant screens and dopamine rushes. Do you think they
have trouble with traditional art museums and that this is a way to bring important
classical art to younger generations. This is absolutely a way to bring classical art
to new generations, without a doubt. It's we have about twenty five percent
of our audience is actually eighteen to twenty four, which is incredible for museums.
And then a lot of our guests who come say, I would never
step foot in the museum, but I didn't think twice about coming to see
your show. But what we can do because of the way we have so
much educational content as well, and you offer me have reproductions of Angoes works
at their actual scale. We actually can start you on the process to a
greater appreciation of art because at the end of and we and we can help
people channel their inner artists as well. There's actually a coloring area at the
end where you can color in evango painting or create your own artwork, scan
it into our scanner and it goes up in the big screen. It becomes
a part of our show forever. So you there's a lot of ways we
can connect younger, this generation, this new generation with art. And you
know those digital screens, while they're typically full of tons of confusing, chaotic,
stressful information, digital art actually helps reduce stress and can really help you
center and focus yourself and even bower your blood pressure. So it's a great
thing to do during the holidays with the family, and so it is appropriate
for all ages, correct absolutely from from two to one oh two. That
you know, I've seen the kids in there running around having a great time,
jumping into the various recreate built out recreations of the paintings. They love
the immersive gallery. And then we have a virtual reality component two, which
you had mentioned you loved so much, where you actually can see the world
through Vango's eyes, which really does work for all ages as well. So
the Van Go Immersive Experience is in Montebello, that's like ten minutes from downtown
LA. How do people get tickets? Where do they go? So the
best way to get tickets is to go to vangexpo dot com and then select
Los Angeles and you're in. If you have the Fever app, you can
also go to the Fever app and we're typically listed as the number one or
number two experience in LA. So you know a lot of people are coming
and really enjoying it, and it is a great way to get out of
the house with the family during the holidays, if you got that time off
between Christmas and New Year's it's just a it's a wonderful day out. And
actually at the Exhibition Hub Hub Arts Center in Los Angeles, we have two
other experiences as well, a dinosaur exhibition and an exhibition experience called Bubble World
Wow. So you can really make a day of it right there at our
art center. That's amazing. Thank you so much for sharing this with the
world. It's amazing work. You do the van Go Immersive Experience, you
go to van Goxpo dot com and get your tickets. Thanks for being with
us, John, You are listening to the Doctor Wendywall Show. When we
come back, I am taking your social media questions. Yes, it's time
for me to weigh in. You've been listening to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show
on KFI AM six forty were live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening
to KFI AM six forty on demand. Welcome back to the Doctor Wendywall Show
on KFI AM six forty, live everywhere on the iHeartRadio App. I know
it's Christmas Eve. I'm not even opening the phone lines because you're either with
your family and you're listening to this later on the iHeartRadio App. So I
decided this is a great opportunity to simply go to social media because so many
people DM me and I can barely get to all the questions. By the
way, if you do want to send me a question on social media,
ye, the handle everywhere is at doctor Wendy Walsh at d R Wendy Walsh,
and I think Kayla Check's TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, just Facebook.
Just post it anywhere and we'll see your question and take it down and answer
it on a future show. And I always keep everybody anonymous. Okay,
that's really important. All right, Hi, doctor Wendy says, this person,
the guy I'm currently dating, takes a long time for everything. This
weekend was his birthday, and yesterday we were supposed to meet at five.
I gave him an extra hour, so I called him around six to see
where he was. He said he had to fold his clothes. It took
him four hours to fold his clothes. I communicate with him about how long
him blah blah blah goes on. Anyway, I dropped off the cake at
ten thirty, so we meet another time. He was laid again. I
just want to say this. Your question is simple. Was it wrong for
me to kind of be rude to him about his lateness? So I want
to tell the reasons why some people are late. It's not always because they're
trying to hurt you. Many people have trouble with planning. They have an
underdeveloped prefrontal cortex. They may not be non they may be non neurotypical,
they may have an inability. I'm going to tell you flat out, I
dated a guy once who was a doctor. So I'm like is he keep
being his patients waiting as long as he's keeping me waiting who couldn't get on
time for anything? And it drove me crazy and we were a bad match.
But one day I got a window into why he was this way.
We were in Santa Barbara. We had my kids with me, they were
kids at the time, and we went online and got tickets for a movie.
The movie was starting in thirty minutes. Now it is Santa Barbara.
It can take five minutes to get anywhere, right, And he says,
oh, why don't we stop for a cocktail on the way and sit down?
And I said to him, do you know how long it takes to
park a car into a lounge it was a hotel lounge, order a drink,
have the drink, arrive, consume the drink, and leave. That's
a minimum of forty five minutes. The movie starts in thirty minutes. And
he seemed like flabbergasted that I was able to do that calculation. He's like,
oh, I just thought we could just stop. And I realized he
was literally missing the kind of planning ship that you need to anticipate time on
things, and some people just can't anticipate time. Now you're implying that the
guy you're seeing is being passive aggressive. I gotta full my clothes, I'll
be there when and every once in a while. That is what it is,
Right, somebody's just being passive aggressive and they're being mean to you.
So my answer to you is if this is a big problem for you and
you can't find a workaround or an agreement, like what I eventually did with
this guy, is if I was serving dinner at let's say seven pm,
I would tell him we got to eat at six, don't be late,
we got to eat at six, And I would always tell him an hour
earlier, and then he would still show up at seven thirty, but at
least I yeah, because I understood that's the way it is. So I'm
sorry. Somebody's late. Sometimes they're passive aggressive. Sometimes they just can't be
on time, and you have every right to get your needs met and you
don't have to hang with a person like that. Uh. Dear doctor Wendy,
what are your thoughts on having each other's phone password? My live in
boyfriend of three years won't give me his yet, but he has mine.
Is this a red flag? Yes? This is a red flag. If
you're living together for three years and you do not trust each other enough to
look into each other's phone, then somebody's hiding something. There is no reason
for him not to let you into his phone unless he's hiding something, all
right, So yes, this is a giant red flag. If you're living
together and thinking about getting married, don't do it until you've been in that
phone. Maybe even his big accounts see what's going on. It's about trust,
And the question is it's not cause he's going to say, don't you
trust me? Or maybe he doesn't trust you. It doesn't matter. Something's
wrong with the situation. If he can get into your phone and you can't
get into his, that's just weird. Hi, doctor Wendy, My boyfriend
and I broke up via FaceTime while he was on holiday. I dropped him
off at the airport and I have a spare key to his car. The
plan was for me to pick him up, but I haven't heard from him
in two days. Wait a minute, did you break up? My last
text to him was a hey on Friday and no reply. Do I text
him to see when he lands? Do I just sit tight? And wait?
I'm shocked. I've heard nothing from him, and I don't know what
to do. But you say, my boyfriend and I broke up via FaceTime,
So basically you he broke up or he broke up with you. Somebody
broke up with somebody, and that's not clear to me who did the breaking
up. You've still got his car and you're supposed to pick him up at
the airport, So I think a hey is not the text you send.
You need to be very clear. That says I know we're not together,
but I promise to pick you up at the airport. Please tell me what
time your flight lands, or if you'd like me to bring your key to
another friend to pick you up. I'll be I'll do that. That's all
you do. You don't hey and try to read the tea leaves about what's
going on. You just ask what the deal is? All right? Oh
my god? Why are people afraid to just be honest? I don't know
who broke up with who? What if she broke up with him, she's
worried he's going to get off the plane, all mad? I don't know.
All right, when we come back, I am going to continue to
answer your social media questions if you'd like to send me a question. The
handle everywhere is at doctor Wendy Walsh. That's at d R Wendy Walsh,
Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, YouTube, all those I'm everywhere. We'll have
more for you when we come back. You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Wall
Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
You're listening to KFI AM six forty on demand. Welcome back to the Doctor
Wendywall Show. I am six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. Continuing
to dive into my social media and the questions. I want to remind everybody.
I'm not a therapist. I'm a psychology professor, but i am obsessed
with the science of love. I've written three books on relationships and my dissertation
was on attachment theory. I've also been the beneficiary of some great therapy in
my life, and I'm a woman of a certain age. I've had a
lot of life experience I'm happy to share with you. All Right, heading
on to the old Graham, Let's see what this DM says. Dear Doctor
Wendy. Since online dating worked out so well, for you and Julio.
I think I'm ready to give it a try. Is there anything special I
should put on my profile? I'm an empty nest and willing to work with
someone's schedule, but I need them to make time. How can I say
that without being bossy? It tells me I need them to make time.
I'm willing to work with I need them to make time. So I'm going
to read into this language. Here. I can give you some basic tips
for how to build a profile, what you need to do to get someone
to call you back, and how to do the dating thing. But there's
that sentence that bothers me. I'm an empty nester and willing to work with
someone's schedule, but I need them to make time. I want you to
take that sentence, and I want you to take it to your therapist.
I want you and your therapist to ask why you have a fear that somebody
won't have enough time for you? Why you have a fear that you'll be
left waiting and having to work around their schedule. Because that's an interesting prediction
when you haven't even met anybody yet and you don't even know how they're going
to behave So your therapist may be able to advise you what's going on,
because I think there's something a little deeper. But here are a few tips
for how to use the dating apps to get a good response. Now,
dating apps are not bad. It's like saying every night club that ever existed
is bad because you couldn't meet anybody there. No, it's people with poor
relationship skills who don't know how to use the apps that are the problem.
It's not the apps themselves. So I want you to think of the app
and somebody's profile, even your own, as a billboard that you might see
driving down the street, maybe on Sunset Boulevard, a big billboard. Just
because you've read the billboard, Do you know them? Do you understand?
No, you've got to go try that product. You've got to see if
it's real and if it works. So therefore I recommend getting into the real
world as soon as possible. I think the way to find a great mate
on a dating app is to get really good at eliminating most every mate on
a dating app. It's about going no no, no, no, no
no no. But humans do the opposite. We get on a profile and
we start to fill in the empty spaces and gaps with our own therapists would
call it projections. I would call it our own imagination. So we would
go, Wow, they're standing in front of that nice building. They must
be wealthy. Or he said he doesn't want drama. Poor guy. He
probably had a terrible ex wife and he's actually a nice guy. No,
when I see the words no drama, I see somebody who doesn't have enough
emotional intelligence to deal with conflict and relationships, so they just don't want any
at all. So what I want you to do is only match with two
people at once. This way you can avoid something that's called paradox of choice.
Paradox of choice means the more choice we have as human beings, the
less likely we are to make a choice. And if we do make that
choice, we will value it less. So I want you to get rid
of paradox of choice by only matching with two people at once, and then
say to yourself, how can I eliminate one of them? And here's the
first way. After you send them the text. Like on Bumble, the
woman has to send the first text. If they're not responding in a timely
manner, get rid of them right away. They lose. That's it.
They're gone. But if they're engaging and they get back to you quickly,
and they're asking questions, et c. Then very quickly send your phone number,
three or four texts messages into it. Don't get into a long imaginary
relationship on a dating app. Send your phone number and get on the phone
and interview them. You can learn so much by the tone of somebody's voice.
Have a nice, chatty little conversation, and after you get off the
phone, think about it. Do I want to waste my time in the
real world? Did this person intrigue me enough to want to get dressed up
and get in my car and go somewhere. I suggest after that first phone
call that if you do want to see them, you simply meet for a
quick coffee twenty minutes somewhere. So again, now you're going to add the
visual to the sound. Right. If you're not interested in them, send
them a lovely little TEXTA says it was lovely chatting with you. Mention something
they mentioned, good luck at whatever whatever. I don't think romance is in
the cards for us, but I'll keep you in mind for a friend.
This way you're able to you know you could go into a business meeting in
two weeks and run into that person. Okay, so you don't go somebody,
You don't hurt their feelings. You just say it and then you move
along. Right, if you do like them, get together for a quick
coffee. If that goes well, then the next meeting should be your first
date. Right, But there's three stages before that texting, phone call,
meeting for a coffee, then the first date. And if that doesn't go
well, it's okay, go back in and do it over and over until
you find your person. But don't sit there on those dating apps juggling six
different people and you can't even remember the conversations and wondering why they're not getting
back to you quickly. If they're not getting back to you quickly, because
they are doing that, they have paradox of choice. They have too many
people in there in so get rid of them. They're not ready, they're
not at a state of readiness. All right, let's move on. Dear
doctor Wendy, after a cheating how can I be intimate with my husband?
You're feeling betrayed, you're feeling hurt. Resolution hasn't come yet. I don't
know what happened in this cheating episode. I don't know whether he's admitted his
wrongdoing and professed his love to you, but you have to spend some time
in therapy working through your own feelings, because you can't come back to a
place of love and commitment until you've rebuilt trust. And you rebuild trust by
dealing with your feelings of betrayal. You know, doctor Tammy Nelson, who
wrote the book The New Monogamy, always calls an affair a messenger. It's
a messenger about your relationship. Your relationship is not going to go back to
how it was. It's going to be a whole new relationship that you two
have to build together, and it has to be a collaborative thing that you
build together. It's not like you're going to go, Okay, I'm just
going to get over it and we'll just go back to how things were.
They will never be the same, but something better might be ahead for the
two of you. So I encourage you to seek therapy yourself or a couple's
therapy for the two of you so you can work through this and get to
a place again of trust and love. Okay, got to go to a
break now you are listening to The Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI AM six
forty Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to KFI AM six forty
on demand. Welcome back to the home stretch of The Doctor Wendy Walls Show
on KFI AM six forty. I want to talk about a couple things before
we go. One is, you may be alone on Christmas, and I
want you to know that loneliness can have very adverse effects on your mental health.
But there's a way to reframe being alone as a time of well self
care. Right you can find a way to care for yourself if you haven't
done it already. Pour yourself a nice drink. Whatever you like to drink
doesn't have to have alcohol. This is a time to read your favorite book,
watch your favorite show, eat your favorite food, and spend some time
thinking about the year before and planning for the year ahead. It's a time
to journal if you need to, a time to be introspective. But I
also want you to think about ways that you can get more social support in
the new year. That may mean saying yes to more invitations. It may
mean inviting people more often, whether it's even a coworker for lunch. Right,
if you have noticed over the past few years that your social world has
been shrinking and shrinking and shrinking. It happened to many of us during COVID.
I want you to think about volunteering in the new year. There's so
much research that volunteering can improve our mental health. Right, and maybe this
is the year that you're going to make some New Year's resolutions about your own
health. Maybe it's the year you're going to make some resolutions about your career.
But if you are alone, it's okay to enjoy the solitude. Sometimes
it's just what you need. I also want to talk to the couples out
there. I know holidays are full of stress. They create financial stress,
family stress, having to go back to our family of origin and deal with
that. So I encourage you to go easy on your partner a little bit
and take the time, you know the season's not over yet, to create
some new traditions together, whether it's a new holiday recipe, whether it's a
place a museum, or a place that you go. Maybe you do want
to check out the Vango Immersive experience. It is the small rituals that become
the strength in any love relationship. So take some time to literally focus on
your relationship, but also understanding that your spouse may be involved with their family,
with the kids or whatever. This might be time for you to plan
some time alone or practice some self care. One of the things that Julio
and I do a lot, which brings us a lot of great joy and
happiness, is we do really boring errands together. We never make each other
do something boring alone. In fact, the other day, this is so
funny. We get in the car, I'm sitting in the passenger seat and
he goes, oh, I forgot to cover my motorcycle. I'm going to
go put the cover on my motorcycle. So that's a cue for me to
look at my phone and start swiping right. And I hear him go,
that's your cue to come help, Like, oh, I'm sorry. I
thought you're gonna criticize me if you're not putting it on rider hooking it under
the wheel. But anyway, that's what we do. We do all the
stuff we don't really like together. And whenever he'll say, oh, Traffe's
gonna be so bad, I'll go it doesn't matter. We're together. Right,
You might be in a relationship where you want to give a small doesn't
have to be huge, unexpected gift. Maybe you want to do something cheesy
and romantic. Yeah, those rose petals in the bed thing. I know
they stay in the sheets, but you never know. It might be kind
of a cute, little cheesy, romantic thing that you might do together.
But take some time this holiday season to focus on your relationship, to give
some love and care to not only the people in your life, but also
some self care for yourself. Guess what the New Year's is coming? And
next week I definitely want to talk about New Year's resolutions because there's all kinds
of science, the psychology of change, what we can be doing to make
our New Year's resolutions stick. Also, next week, I don't want you
to miss the show. I'm teasing it a whole week early. I have
got two super fascinating guests. One is you know, I talk about gender
and gender studies and trans. I've had trans guests on Oh No. I
have a guest named Julie Mayfield who's not trans at all. She's literally intersex.
She has both sets of chromosomes, and she's going to talk about her
life growing up, her psychology and biology, and it's just a fascinating interview.
And then I want to talk about bad boys, and you're going to
meet a woman who's with the ultimate bad boy and paid the price of going
or a husband went to prison, and now she's about to go to prison.
So literally, I don't want you to mass next week's show. Anyway,
It's always my pleasure to be with you. I'm here every Sunday from
seven to nine pm, and I want you to enjoy the best of the
holiday season. Thanks for being with me this year. You've been listening to
the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. I'm KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere
on the iHeartRadio app, KFI AM six forty on demand