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You're listening to KFI AM six forty
on demand. Welcome back to the Doctor

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Wendy Walls Show. I'm KFI AM
six forty, this very special holiday show.

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I know one of the things I
love to do during the holidays is

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either see holiday pageants and shows and
parades and light shows. But I am

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thrilled to tell you that I have
the executive producer of John Seller Sailor.

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I'm getting it wrong every time John
Sailor. I want to say Sailor,

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but I know it's salar zalar Zaler, John Zeller, executive producer of van

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Go the Immersive Experience. Now,
first of all, the immersive experience means

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that means what what am I going
to be immersed in when I get there?

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Is it a light show? Is
it sound? And how is van

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Go's art sort of not ruined by
this so immersive experience does it's a it's

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a very uh on vogue word right
now, I mean everything. There's a

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lot of immersive experiences that are out
there. Van Go the Immersive Experience is

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really the first of these immersive experiences
that landed on the US shores. And

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when people think about immersive experiences,
quite often they think about projectors on a

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wall, and that is definitely an
important part of our show. We use

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three D projection mapping to bring Vang's
works to life, and I can tell

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you a little bit more about that
after I tell you a little about what

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immersive means to us, which is
an immersive experience to us is something that

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from the time you enter to the
time you leave, you are immersed in

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the subject matter. You're transported to
another place. So from your when you

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first very at the very beginning,
when you enter the exhibition in Montebello,

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you are you're already confronted with projection
mapping technologies, but also in depth text

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panels and help you learn about Bengo's
life, three D recreations of his paint

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of some of his paintings that you
can literally step right into. Wow,

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and it's really incredible. So we
want you to literally be surrounded and immersed

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in the subject matter from the beginning
to the end, and part of that

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is the immersive gallery. We actually
have two immersive galleries in LA. The

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first one is a smaller immersive gallery
that details the important influence of Japanese art

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on Bengo's works, but also on
Monet and on Clint and on other artists

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of that era. Japanese art was
just coming across the pond or across the

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continent and was picked up by these
artists because it was so unique, it

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was so different from what they'd seen. You know, when you talk about

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immersive experience, I'm reminded of when
my kid did her semester abroad. She

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went to Sweden, and when I
got to Stockholm to visit her, I

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am immediately wanted to go to the
Abba Museum because I was told there was

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an immersive experience with holograms where you
can literally get on stage with Abba and

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perform karaoke style, and that was
the highlight of my whole trip to Sweden.

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I'll just let you know. So
these immersive experiences feel real, don't

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they. That's actually I actually was
on the team that created the Abba Museum.

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There you go, thank you.
It's life, you know, And

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that's the thing is that you have. You know, you've got sixty minutes

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or seventy five minutes, or an
hour and a half more time if you're

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lucky, But those are memories you're
going to take with you and they're going

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to last with you for a long
time, because there's just like the Japanese

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art, it's so different from what
you're doing every day. And that's really

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our goal was to take you out
of the day to day to focus you

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in a space where you really can, you know, meld or become a

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part of the work in a way
that transports you and maybe transforms you a

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little bit. I think that newer
generations have trouble because of their short attention

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spans and their need for constant screens
and dopamine rushes. Do you think they

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have trouble with traditional art museums and
that this is a way to bring important

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classical art to younger generations. This
is absolutely a way to bring classical art

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to new generations, without a doubt. It's we have about twenty five percent

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of our audience is actually eighteen to
twenty four, which is incredible for museums.

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And then a lot of our guests
who come say, I would never

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step foot in the museum, but
I didn't think twice about coming to see

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your show. But what we can
do because of the way we have so

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much educational content as well, and
you offer me have reproductions of Angoes works

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at their actual scale. We actually
can start you on the process to a

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greater appreciation of art because at the
end of and we and we can help

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people channel their inner artists as well. There's actually a coloring area at the

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end where you can color in evango
painting or create your own artwork, scan

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it into our scanner and it goes
up in the big screen. It becomes

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a part of our show forever.
So you there's a lot of ways we

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can connect younger, this generation,
this new generation with art. And you

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know those digital screens, while they're
typically full of tons of confusing, chaotic,

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stressful information, digital art actually helps
reduce stress and can really help you

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center and focus yourself and even bower
your blood pressure. So it's a great

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thing to do during the holidays with
the family, and so it is appropriate

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for all ages, correct absolutely from
from two to one oh two. That

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you know, I've seen the kids
in there running around having a great time,

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jumping into the various recreate built out
recreations of the paintings. They love

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the immersive gallery. And then we
have a virtual reality component two, which

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you had mentioned you loved so much, where you actually can see the world

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through Vango's eyes, which really does
work for all ages as well. So

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the Van Go Immersive Experience is in
Montebello, that's like ten minutes from downtown

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LA. How do people get tickets? Where do they go? So the

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best way to get tickets is to
go to vangexpo dot com and then select

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Los Angeles and you're in. If
you have the Fever app, you can

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also go to the Fever app and
we're typically listed as the number one or

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number two experience in LA. So
you know a lot of people are coming

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and really enjoying it, and it
is a great way to get out of

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the house with the family during the
holidays, if you got that time off

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between Christmas and New Year's it's just
a it's a wonderful day out. And

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actually at the Exhibition Hub Hub Arts
Center in Los Angeles, we have two

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other experiences as well, a dinosaur
exhibition and an exhibition experience called Bubble World

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Wow. So you can really make
a day of it right there at our

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art center. That's amazing. Thank
you so much for sharing this with the

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world. It's amazing work. You
do the van Go Immersive Experience, you

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go to van Goxpo dot com and
get your tickets. Thanks for being with

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us, John, You are listening
to the Doctor Wendywall Show. When we

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come back, I am taking your
social media questions. Yes, it's time

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for me to weigh in. You've
been listening to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show

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on KFI AM six forty were live
everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening

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to KFI AM six forty on demand. Welcome back to the Doctor Wendywall Show

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on KFI AM six forty, live
everywhere on the iHeartRadio App. I know

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it's Christmas Eve. I'm not even
opening the phone lines because you're either with

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your family and you're listening to this
later on the iHeartRadio App. So I

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decided this is a great opportunity to
simply go to social media because so many

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people DM me and I can barely
get to all the questions. By the

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way, if you do want to
send me a question on social media,

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ye, the handle everywhere is at
doctor Wendy Walsh at d R Wendy Walsh,

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and I think Kayla Check's TikTok,
Instagram, YouTube, just Facebook.

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Just post it anywhere and we'll see
your question and take it down and answer

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it on a future show. And
I always keep everybody anonymous. Okay,

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that's really important. All right,
Hi, doctor Wendy says, this person,

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the guy I'm currently dating, takes
a long time for everything. This

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weekend was his birthday, and yesterday
we were supposed to meet at five.

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I gave him an extra hour,
so I called him around six to see

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where he was. He said he
had to fold his clothes. It took

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him four hours to fold his clothes. I communicate with him about how long

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him blah blah blah goes on.
Anyway, I dropped off the cake at

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ten thirty, so we meet another
time. He was laid again. I

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just want to say this. Your
question is simple. Was it wrong for

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me to kind of be rude to
him about his lateness? So I want

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to tell the reasons why some people
are late. It's not always because they're

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trying to hurt you. Many people
have trouble with planning. They have an

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underdeveloped prefrontal cortex. They may not
be non they may be non neurotypical,

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they may have an inability. I'm
going to tell you flat out, I

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dated a guy once who was a
doctor. So I'm like is he keep

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being his patients waiting as long as
he's keeping me waiting who couldn't get on

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time for anything? And it drove
me crazy and we were a bad match.

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But one day I got a window
into why he was this way.

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We were in Santa Barbara. We
had my kids with me, they were

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kids at the time, and we
went online and got tickets for a movie.

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The movie was starting in thirty minutes. Now it is Santa Barbara.

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It can take five minutes to get
anywhere, right, And he says,

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oh, why don't we stop for
a cocktail on the way and sit down?

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And I said to him, do
you know how long it takes to

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park a car into a lounge it
was a hotel lounge, order a drink,

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have the drink, arrive, consume
the drink, and leave. That's

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a minimum of forty five minutes.
The movie starts in thirty minutes. And

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he seemed like flabbergasted that I was
able to do that calculation. He's like,

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oh, I just thought we could
just stop. And I realized he

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was literally missing the kind of planning
ship that you need to anticipate time on

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things, and some people just can't
anticipate time. Now you're implying that the

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guy you're seeing is being passive aggressive. I gotta full my clothes, I'll

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be there when and every once in
a while. That is what it is,

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Right, somebody's just being passive aggressive
and they're being mean to you.

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So my answer to you is if
this is a big problem for you and

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you can't find a workaround or an
agreement, like what I eventually did with

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this guy, is if I was
serving dinner at let's say seven pm,

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I would tell him we got to
eat at six, don't be late,

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we got to eat at six,
And I would always tell him an hour

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earlier, and then he would still
show up at seven thirty, but at

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least I yeah, because I understood
that's the way it is. So I'm

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sorry. Somebody's late. Sometimes they're
passive aggressive. Sometimes they just can't be

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on time, and you have every
right to get your needs met and you

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don't have to hang with a person
like that. Uh. Dear doctor Wendy,

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what are your thoughts on having each
other's phone password? My live in

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boyfriend of three years won't give me
his yet, but he has mine.

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Is this a red flag? Yes? This is a red flag. If

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you're living together for three years and
you do not trust each other enough to

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look into each other's phone, then
somebody's hiding something. There is no reason

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for him not to let you into
his phone unless he's hiding something, all

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right, So yes, this is
a giant red flag. If you're living

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together and thinking about getting married,
don't do it until you've been in that

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phone. Maybe even his big accounts
see what's going on. It's about trust,

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And the question is it's not cause
he's going to say, don't you

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trust me? Or maybe he doesn't
trust you. It doesn't matter. Something's

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wrong with the situation. If he
can get into your phone and you can't

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get into his, that's just weird. Hi, doctor Wendy, My boyfriend

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and I broke up via FaceTime while
he was on holiday. I dropped him

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off at the airport and I have
a spare key to his car. The

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plan was for me to pick him
up, but I haven't heard from him

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in two days. Wait a minute, did you break up? My last

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text to him was a hey on
Friday and no reply. Do I text

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him to see when he lands?
Do I just sit tight? And wait?

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I'm shocked. I've heard nothing from
him, and I don't know what

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to do. But you say,
my boyfriend and I broke up via FaceTime,

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So basically you he broke up or
he broke up with you. Somebody

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broke up with somebody, and that's
not clear to me who did the breaking

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up. You've still got his car
and you're supposed to pick him up at

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the airport, So I think a
hey is not the text you send.

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You need to be very clear.
That says I know we're not together,

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but I promise to pick you up
at the airport. Please tell me what

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time your flight lands, or if
you'd like me to bring your key to

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another friend to pick you up.
I'll be I'll do that. That's all

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you do. You don't hey and
try to read the tea leaves about what's

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going on. You just ask what
the deal is? All right? Oh

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my god? Why are people afraid
to just be honest? I don't know

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who broke up with who? What
if she broke up with him, she's

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worried he's going to get off the
plane, all mad? I don't know.

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All right, when we come back, I am going to continue to

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answer your social media questions if you'd
like to send me a question. The

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handle everywhere is at doctor Wendy Walsh. That's at d R Wendy Walsh,

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Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, YouTube, all those I'm everywhere. We'll have

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more for you when we come back. You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Wall

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Show on KFI AM six forty.
We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.

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You're listening to KFI AM six forty
on demand. Welcome back to the Doctor

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Wendywall Show. I am six forty
live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. Continuing

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to dive into my social media and
the questions. I want to remind everybody.

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I'm not a therapist. I'm a
psychology professor, but i am obsessed

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with the science of love. I've
written three books on relationships and my dissertation

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was on attachment theory. I've also
been the beneficiary of some great therapy in

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my life, and I'm a woman
of a certain age. I've had a

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lot of life experience I'm happy to
share with you. All Right, heading

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on to the old Graham, Let's
see what this DM says. Dear Doctor

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Wendy. Since online dating worked out
so well, for you and Julio.

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I think I'm ready to give it
a try. Is there anything special I

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should put on my profile? I'm
an empty nest and willing to work with

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someone's schedule, but I need them
to make time. How can I say

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that without being bossy? It tells
me I need them to make time.

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I'm willing to work with I need
them to make time. So I'm going

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to read into this language. Here. I can give you some basic tips

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for how to build a profile,
what you need to do to get someone

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to call you back, and how
to do the dating thing. But there's

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that sentence that bothers me. I'm
an empty nester and willing to work with

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someone's schedule, but I need them
to make time. I want you to

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take that sentence, and I want
you to take it to your therapist.

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I want you and your therapist to
ask why you have a fear that somebody

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won't have enough time for you?
Why you have a fear that you'll be

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left waiting and having to work around
their schedule. Because that's an interesting prediction

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when you haven't even met anybody yet
and you don't even know how they're going

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to behave So your therapist may be
able to advise you what's going on,

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because I think there's something a little
deeper. But here are a few tips

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for how to use the dating apps
to get a good response. Now,

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dating apps are not bad. It's
like saying every night club that ever existed

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is bad because you couldn't meet anybody
there. No, it's people with poor

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relationship skills who don't know how to
use the apps that are the problem.

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It's not the apps themselves. So
I want you to think of the app

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and somebody's profile, even your own, as a billboard that you might see

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driving down the street, maybe on
Sunset Boulevard, a big billboard. Just

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because you've read the billboard, Do
you know them? Do you understand?

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No, you've got to go try
that product. You've got to see if

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it's real and if it works.
So therefore I recommend getting into the real

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world as soon as possible. I
think the way to find a great mate

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on a dating app is to get
really good at eliminating most every mate on

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a dating app. It's about going
no no, no, no, no

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no no. But humans do the
opposite. We get on a profile and

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we start to fill in the empty
spaces and gaps with our own therapists would

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call it projections. I would call
it our own imagination. So we would

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go, Wow, they're standing in
front of that nice building. They must

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be wealthy. Or he said he
doesn't want drama. Poor guy. He

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probably had a terrible ex wife and
he's actually a nice guy. No,

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when I see the words no drama, I see somebody who doesn't have enough

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emotional intelligence to deal with conflict and
relationships, so they just don't want any

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at all. So what I want
you to do is only match with two

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people at once. This way you
can avoid something that's called paradox of choice.

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Paradox of choice means the more choice
we have as human beings, the

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less likely we are to make a
choice. And if we do make that

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choice, we will value it less. So I want you to get rid

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of paradox of choice by only matching
with two people at once, and then

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say to yourself, how can I
eliminate one of them? And here's the

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first way. After you send them
the text. Like on Bumble, the

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woman has to send the first text. If they're not responding in a timely

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manner, get rid of them right
away. They lose. That's it.

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They're gone. But if they're engaging
and they get back to you quickly,

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and they're asking questions, et c. Then very quickly send your phone number,

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three or four texts messages into it. Don't get into a long imaginary

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relationship on a dating app. Send
your phone number and get on the phone

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and interview them. You can learn
so much by the tone of somebody's voice.

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Have a nice, chatty little conversation, and after you get off the

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phone, think about it. Do
I want to waste my time in the

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real world? Did this person intrigue
me enough to want to get dressed up

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and get in my car and go
somewhere. I suggest after that first phone

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call that if you do want to
see them, you simply meet for a

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quick coffee twenty minutes somewhere. So
again, now you're going to add the

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visual to the sound. Right.
If you're not interested in them, send

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them a lovely little TEXTA says it
was lovely chatting with you. Mention something

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they mentioned, good luck at whatever
whatever. I don't think romance is in

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the cards for us, but I'll
keep you in mind for a friend.

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This way you're able to you know
you could go into a business meeting in

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two weeks and run into that person. Okay, so you don't go somebody,

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You don't hurt their feelings. You
just say it and then you move

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along. Right, if you do
like them, get together for a quick

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coffee. If that goes well,
then the next meeting should be your first

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date. Right, But there's three
stages before that texting, phone call,

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meeting for a coffee, then the
first date. And if that doesn't go

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well, it's okay, go back
in and do it over and over until

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you find your person. But don't
sit there on those dating apps juggling six

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different people and you can't even remember
the conversations and wondering why they're not getting

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back to you quickly. If they're
not getting back to you quickly, because

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they are doing that, they have
paradox of choice. They have too many

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people in there in so get rid
of them. They're not ready, they're

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not at a state of readiness.
All right, let's move on. Dear

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doctor Wendy, after a cheating how
can I be intimate with my husband?

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You're feeling betrayed, you're feeling hurt. Resolution hasn't come yet. I don't

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know what happened in this cheating episode. I don't know whether he's admitted his

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wrongdoing and professed his love to you, but you have to spend some time

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in therapy working through your own feelings, because you can't come back to a

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place of love and commitment until you've
rebuilt trust. And you rebuild trust by

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dealing with your feelings of betrayal.
You know, doctor Tammy Nelson, who

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wrote the book The New Monogamy,
always calls an affair a messenger. It's

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a messenger about your relationship. Your
relationship is not going to go back to

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how it was. It's going to
be a whole new relationship that you two

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have to build together, and it
has to be a collaborative thing that you

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build together. It's not like you're
going to go, Okay, I'm just

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going to get over it and we'll
just go back to how things were.

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They will never be the same,
but something better might be ahead for the

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two of you. So I encourage
you to seek therapy yourself or a couple's

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therapy for the two of you so
you can work through this and get to

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a place again of trust and love. Okay, got to go to a

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break now you are listening to The
Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI AM six

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forty Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to KFI AM six forty

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on demand. Welcome back to the
home stretch of The Doctor Wendy Walls Show

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on KFI AM six forty. I
want to talk about a couple things before

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we go. One is, you
may be alone on Christmas, and I

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want you to know that loneliness can
have very adverse effects on your mental health.

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But there's a way to reframe being
alone as a time of well self

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care. Right you can find a
way to care for yourself if you haven't

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done it already. Pour yourself a
nice drink. Whatever you like to drink

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doesn't have to have alcohol. This
is a time to read your favorite book,

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00:22:26.559 --> 00:22:30.440
watch your favorite show, eat your
favorite food, and spend some time

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thinking about the year before and planning
for the year ahead. It's a time

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to journal if you need to,
a time to be introspective. But I

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also want you to think about ways
that you can get more social support in

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the new year. That may mean
saying yes to more invitations. It may

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mean inviting people more often, whether
it's even a coworker for lunch. Right,

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if you have noticed over the past
few years that your social world has

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been shrinking and shrinking and shrinking.
It happened to many of us during COVID.

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I want you to think about volunteering
in the new year. There's so

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much research that volunteering can improve our
mental health. Right, and maybe this

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is the year that you're going to
make some New Year's resolutions about your own

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00:23:21.440 --> 00:23:25.440
health. Maybe it's the year you're
going to make some resolutions about your career.

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But if you are alone, it's
okay to enjoy the solitude. Sometimes

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00:23:33.359 --> 00:23:38.200
it's just what you need. I
also want to talk to the couples out

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00:23:38.240 --> 00:23:45.039
there. I know holidays are full
of stress. They create financial stress,

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00:23:45.720 --> 00:23:49.160
family stress, having to go back
to our family of origin and deal with

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00:23:49.200 --> 00:23:53.839
that. So I encourage you to
go easy on your partner a little bit

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00:23:55.680 --> 00:24:00.359
and take the time, you know
the season's not over yet, to create

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00:24:00.400 --> 00:24:07.480
some new traditions together, whether it's
a new holiday recipe, whether it's a

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place a museum, or a place
that you go. Maybe you do want

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00:24:11.480 --> 00:24:18.599
to check out the Vango Immersive experience. It is the small rituals that become

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the strength in any love relationship.
So take some time to literally focus on

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00:24:26.440 --> 00:24:33.519
your relationship, but also understanding that
your spouse may be involved with their family,

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00:24:33.559 --> 00:24:36.640
with the kids or whatever. This
might be time for you to plan

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00:24:37.240 --> 00:24:41.839
some time alone or practice some self
care. One of the things that Julio

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00:24:41.839 --> 00:24:45.079
and I do a lot, which
brings us a lot of great joy and

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00:24:45.119 --> 00:24:52.480
happiness, is we do really boring
errands together. We never make each other

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00:24:52.759 --> 00:24:56.519
do something boring alone. In fact, the other day, this is so

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00:24:56.640 --> 00:25:00.519
funny. We get in the car, I'm sitting in the passenger seat and

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00:25:00.519 --> 00:25:06.000
he goes, oh, I forgot
to cover my motorcycle. I'm going to

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00:25:06.039 --> 00:25:08.440
go put the cover on my motorcycle. So that's a cue for me to

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00:25:08.480 --> 00:25:11.759
look at my phone and start swiping
right. And I hear him go,

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00:25:12.400 --> 00:25:17.640
that's your cue to come help,
Like, oh, I'm sorry. I

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00:25:17.640 --> 00:25:19.799
thought you're gonna criticize me if you're
not putting it on rider hooking it under

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00:25:19.799 --> 00:25:22.519
the wheel. But anyway, that's
what we do. We do all the

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00:25:22.519 --> 00:25:27.200
stuff we don't really like together.
And whenever he'll say, oh, Traffe's

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00:25:27.200 --> 00:25:30.400
gonna be so bad, I'll go
it doesn't matter. We're together. Right,

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00:25:32.759 --> 00:25:37.079
You might be in a relationship where
you want to give a small doesn't

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00:25:37.079 --> 00:25:41.599
have to be huge, unexpected gift. Maybe you want to do something cheesy

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00:25:41.039 --> 00:25:45.960
and romantic. Yeah, those rose
petals in the bed thing. I know

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00:25:45.000 --> 00:25:48.160
they stay in the sheets, but
you never know. It might be kind

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00:25:48.200 --> 00:25:51.319
of a cute, little cheesy,
romantic thing that you might do together.

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00:25:52.160 --> 00:25:56.559
But take some time this holiday season
to focus on your relationship, to give

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00:25:56.759 --> 00:26:00.599
some love and care to not only
the people in your life, but also

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00:26:00.799 --> 00:26:06.000
some self care for yourself. Guess
what the New Year's is coming? And

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next week I definitely want to talk
about New Year's resolutions because there's all kinds

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00:26:10.480 --> 00:26:14.799
of science, the psychology of change, what we can be doing to make

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00:26:14.839 --> 00:26:18.960
our New Year's resolutions stick. Also, next week, I don't want you

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00:26:19.000 --> 00:26:22.160
to miss the show. I'm teasing
it a whole week early. I have

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00:26:22.240 --> 00:26:26.680
got two super fascinating guests. One
is you know, I talk about gender

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00:26:26.680 --> 00:26:30.680
and gender studies and trans. I've
had trans guests on Oh No. I

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00:26:30.680 --> 00:26:36.039
have a guest named Julie Mayfield who's
not trans at all. She's literally intersex.

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She has both sets of chromosomes,
and she's going to talk about her

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00:26:40.640 --> 00:26:47.160
life growing up, her psychology and
biology, and it's just a fascinating interview.

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00:26:47.799 --> 00:26:49.680
And then I want to talk about
bad boys, and you're going to

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00:26:49.720 --> 00:26:55.640
meet a woman who's with the ultimate
bad boy and paid the price of going

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00:26:55.920 --> 00:26:57.559
or a husband went to prison,
and now she's about to go to prison.

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00:26:57.599 --> 00:27:00.519
So literally, I don't want you
to mass next week's show. Anyway,

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00:27:00.559 --> 00:27:03.880
It's always my pleasure to be with
you. I'm here every Sunday from

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00:27:03.920 --> 00:27:08.000
seven to nine pm, and I
want you to enjoy the best of the

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00:27:08.079 --> 00:27:14.000
holiday season. Thanks for being with
me this year. You've been listening to

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00:27:14.000 --> 00:27:18.440
the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. I'm
KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere

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00:27:18.759 --> 00:27:22.160
on the iHeartRadio app, KFI AM
six forty on demand