Hey there, it's me Steve from the podcast, just getting back from Authors
and Dragons Can twenty twenty free in Portland, Oregon, and boy was that
fun weekend. I feel like death now may you may sense what's about to
happen. Yes, there's no regular episode this week because everybody's tired and hungover
and has just put on an amazing event where everyone had a wonderful time,
which means no fresh content to date, but gobs of fresh content coming up.
We recorded a lot of the shinnanigans taking place at the con event,
and we will be putting them up for you all to hear. Technical difficulties
pending obviously now I'm kidding, they'll be fine. They'll be absolutely fine.
In the meantime, we're gonna give you a taste of the archive. As
you may know, in our Patreon we do Patreon exclusive content, which we
sometimes put life for funzies. One of my favorites to do is am I
the Asshole, where we read through it Reddit's am I the ass Alfred and
decide who is the assol. Sometimes it's them, sometimes it's us, but
it's always a lot of fun. So if you don't know what this is,
you can join our Patreon not only as in an awesome community, but
you do get to look at stuff like the Mimic Chest and at the movies
before anyone else does. And there's also live scheduled hangouts and occasionally we just
stumble into the chat with our nonsense and bullshit. It's a good time.
You can find more of that at patreon dot com, Forward Slash Authors and
Dragons. And if you have already heard of this and you are already a
member of the Patreon, first of all, thank you. Your Patreon bucks
makes all of our extraneous content possible. Without you, it does not happen.
And apologies. I hope you can forgive me and you will not hunt
me for sport. But if you do, I understand see you hire.
Welcome to the Mimic Chest, the secret monthly podcast we do for patrons only
unless we decide to make it available for everyone else, as we do sometimes.
And the premise of the Mimic Chest is we mimic other generally better podcasts,
and we used to have a pretty good run of mimicking my brother,
my brother and me until Yahoo Answers quite deservedly stopped being a thing. So
now we troll the reddit boards of m id asshole so that we can still
offer advice to people who maybe don't need advice, maybe just I don't know,
maybe just need to get off the internet and stop bothering us with their
weird problems. But then we wouldn't have a podcast. Speaking of podcasts,
who do we have with us today? We have myself, Steve Weever,
We have Emily Kaplan, Robert Bevan and Misty Massey. Hello, hello from
pie. Did we all have fun trolling the m id asshole thread? Very
briefly it I was in a hurry to get get something before we started recording
professional. As always, I found it mostly crammed up with very tedious Thanksgiving
problems. It's like I don't give a shit about whether you like your grandma's
pie or not, and Neiva should you? And Neiva should your grandma?
Life is too short. But I've managed to find a couple of weird once,
so I'll start Nobody else minds. Okay, am I the asshole for
banning my fiance from showering with me? I, twenty six female, have
banned my fiancee twenty eight male, from sharing with me indefinitely Part of the
reason this one's weird is the phrasing. It's very odd phrasing. We usually
tend to shower with each other every other day. One day together, one
day alone is our specific routine, as we get up at the same time
and my back can get exfoliated dexterously. Oh we'll unpack that later. Whilst
there are many benefits to sharing with a significant other, we both are not
avid talkers in the early morning, so we just freshen up, shower,
make tea, and go to our backyard to watch the sunrise. After our
routine, we become avid talkers. Therefore elated until a couple of days ago
when we had our shower together and he joined me at the mid eight point,
even though he had had a shower before me. He began to dry
himself off in the shower and got upset at me for getting him wet when
I was washing my hair, even though there was plenty of space behind me.
I told him to get out and dry off like a sane human being.
He proceeded to think what he did made sense and told me he doesn't
want to Maybe it's the early morning time that made me do something so backwards.
Or made him do something so backwards, but I had to ban him
from sharing with me indefinitely. He thinks I'm being overly harsh because sharing with
me made his mornings better. But I still think what I did was reasonable
from doing such a foolish thing. Am I the asshole talking? Talks like
an alien? But you know, there wasn't even a warning system. Feels
like there should be, like a couple, like two strokes are out.
Maybe yeah, we're a lifetime band. That does seem pretty hard. Not
lifetime, just indefinitely, definitely, yeah, just could she could lift the
sanction just until she gets past it? Yeah, or until her I guess
her back heels or something expoliated dextrously. It must have like a really course
Harry chest or something. Maybe I don't know. Oh yeah, okay,
he says dextrously, and I assumed like hairy palms. He doesn't. You
don't have to be dextrous and scrubbing someone else's back. It's your own back
you gotta worry about. And they've got that figured out. This seems to
me like they've got a good system going one day off, one day on.
They enjoy it. I'm not sure about that. What's the what's the
point of that. Either you enjoy showering together or not. Why do you
need a break between showering together? Or maybe they shower only every other day?
Maybe they're no, no, they said one day they take their separate
showers and one day they showered together. Yeah, that's fine, whatever,
just a little weird. It could be anything. Could be work schedules or
you know, because they gonna watch the sunrise. Oh that's fine. Yeah,
I don't know what happened. What happened there. Being talkative has to
do with it. You know, it's not like you're showering together. It's
not for the conversation. Yeah, that's only well, And I should point
out that on Reddit a lot of times people use words that really don't mean
what they thought they meant, So who knows conversation I can say, like,
well, I was going to say, like, the individual showers make
sense because no matter how good your relationship is, you never really get over
wanking, do you, So you're going to need that time. I do
like the fact that we're not avid talkers. They're just getting up and sharing
together in complete silence, probably a grunting or something these people are harmlessly weird.
But I feel like this is right in line with those joint toilets,
you know, the couple of toilets like two that are feel that way at
all. One of those expectically creepy and weird. One of them seems more
reason. Yeah, what's the new sesame street thing. One of these things
is not like the other. I've never wanted to take a dog alongside a
partner. I don't know anyone who's that synked up with that partner. But
well, the singer Megan Trainer famously as one of these dual toilets built for
two. And I feel like, I don't know, maybe I am super
private, but I feel like showering should be as private. And you were
going to say maybe the private, but I don't want to hold hands with
someone while I'm shitting. But well, that well, they have the private
shower time and they have the bonding shower time. I don't know, I
think that's nice. I mean, there's no real reason to shower to give.
You're not saving water, you're not really saving time because they just kind
of go off and watch the sunrise afterwards, so they're not in a hurry
and I'm assuming it's one of those those box showers, you know, where
where you just step in, not like a shower in a tub. I
don't know. Otherwise wouldn't have any room to dry off. Yeah, apparently
not roomy enough Bevin, because he wasn't able to dry off in the shower
without getting wet. Thought he would be able to until she started whipping her
hair around. What's she doing that deliberately? It sounds like she has a
real problem with a concept of drying off while you're still in the shower.
But that's a good way to not slip over and die. And like they're
they're in the twenties now, but it's going to become more of a risk
as they get older. So best practice. Maybe you have a map out.
Maybe he was trying to use the hair dryer, maybe the toaster,
making breakfast in the shower like a lunatic. Well, that would be completely
reasonable. It's a health hazard, and also it's probably not hygiene. But
no, maybe it's a tub shower. Maybe they'd have to step out.
Maybe they haven't worked out the bath map thing, you know, not getting
water everywhere when you get out of shower. It's not the end of the
world. But I can see the logic of doing it, but maybe not
while somebody else is in the shower. Definite, at least splitting up.
She just had told him yet this this is very much a first world problem.
There are more healthy conversations to have if things aren't working. Maybe like
never shower with me again, you dry, idiot? Isn't isn't a way
to go. But I don't know it. To me, this sounds she
sounds like a very particular person, and it seems like they're a very particular
couple. So maybe he's just fucking with a routine here, and maybe they
had a good routine. Maybe you should respect that and not try and mix
things up. Also, he was already mixing things up because he had his
individual shower and then jumped in anyway where they clearly have a one day on,
one day off system. Yeah, what was he doing? Some people,
some people are really hung up on their schedule and don't like a change.
Dexterously hung up on her schedule. Sure, buy a shower time you're
supposed to be adjusting the blood, so we watch the sun rise according to
the schedule. I mean, there's if you've got a system, and the
system works, and then one day somebody goes, you know what, anarchy?
Then I don't know that is a you can't just spring that. I
guess if getting dried in the shower isn't a thing you do together and you
clearly have every morning mapped out in your weird alien life, then I went
into this one thing. Yeah, she kind of is an assail. It's
a big extreme. But as I get into the particulars of this, I
don't know. I mean, they say, after our routine we become avid
talkers, therefore elated. Why would he fuck with that? Why would he
fuck with elation? Maybe he was so dextrous that he thought he could get
away with drawing off in the shower. Maybe that's what it is. I've
got this mad too close to the sun. I've got this mad dexterity,
and I'm just wasting it all on scrubbing your back. Can do more?
Let me fly woman. It's you know, on on Reddit, it's am
I the asshole? Or am I not the asshole? But there's also the
option of everybody's the asshole? So I think that's the situation. Is there
an option for what the fuck? Please elaborate on your weird life. I
do want just like a fly in a wall documentary of how these guys lived
the life. Did they watch the sun come up and then they watched the
sun go to noon, then they watched the sun go down, and they're
sitting there and their eyes are bleeding. Dextrous compromation, dextrous conversations elatedly.
So it's a tricky one. I don't know the system that works is good.
We have just enough information to judge them harshly, but not enough to
actually figure anything out what's going on. Yeah, I do like judging people.
That's great. I think this is part of the attraction of this podcast.
But I like to come to a healthy conclusion. And also, I'm
really I'm kind of weirded out. I mentioned the masturbation finger, but sex
wasn't mentioned once, which is and he maybe you don't have their privacy.
You showered together for a reason, like I said, not to conserve water.
Yeah, I know it's bonding. But you think she's been pretty thorough
about everything so far. I assume she'd say, like, and then you
know, five fifteen, we have sex for eight minutes and then we dry
off or you know, at least you know, we get the towel involved.
But no, I'm up in the air on this one. To be
honest, I went into this. I'm thinking you're a fucking weirdo who just
pulls words out of the EFA but it suits you. But no, now
I'm starting to think you had had a good thing going on and you fuckedwards
a system. But I do think it should be a case of, like,
all right, no more sharing with me indefinitely until you get your you
know, get your fucking head together. Yeah until he what what? What
does he have to clean up your acts? Mister? You'll learn how to
dry outside the show until yeah, until he refers to the written instructions they
definitely have for their morning routine and memorizes them again and chooses not to he
fly an anointment. I think he is. I think he's unnecessarily fucking with
something here. I have one. I hope you don't mind if I switch,
but I feel like it could be the same couple. Okay, well
we'll move on to death. But first of all, we need a verdict.
How are we voting on this? I don't care about this, don't
judge anyone. The assholt. I don't think there's an assholt in this.
I just think they're most weird. I yeah, there's somebody assholes. That's
I don't think either of them are an asshole. I think it's very particular
and I hope they find their perfect schedule again. Maybe they need an outdoors
or a really good thing. Yeah, they need an outdoor shower so they
could watch the sunshet at the same time, a window. They're not going
to get a therapist on their level at all. Therapist is not going to
know what to do here. I mean they've got it worked out, they've
got a system. The therapist is going to say, okay, right,
don't draw yourself in the shower. It seems like that's the od problem you
have and you're very well full outsketuled lives. He'll say, don't draw yourself
in the shower. That'll be seventy five dollars, see you next Tuesday.
Why didn't Why do you think the guy did take a shower earlier? Is
it because he masturbated earlier so that when he came to their shower together he
wasn't ready to get still had one of the chamber or he wasn't ready to
go, and he still wanted to be on schedule, but he just woke
up with a heart on the guys, he's twenty eight. You know,
sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. If that means wasting water and
fucking with the schedule, I don't know. I don't think he's the asshole.
I don't think she's the asshole. I think I'm glad they found each
other. So I'm going with Okay, let's move on to you. Possibly
the same couple, Emily, Yeah, possibly the same couple. This one,
as says, I'm just going to get right into it. My boyfriend
twenty eight years old, she's twenty five, likes to be called daddy in
bed while we're being intimate. I've obliged this request, but it's starting to
creep me out, and I decided I don't want to do it anymore.
He's not happy with this and insist has nothing to do with the connotation of
the word. He simply enjoys hearing me safe. But since he wasn't budging
on the issue, I told him I'd like for him to call me Grandma
in bed as a compromise. He didn't like this option and said it was
giving him visuals he would prefer not to have, like, okay, join
the fucking club anyway. The last time he tried to initially intimacy with me,
I started to refer to myself as Grandma in a third person. Do
you like when Grandma does that? Et cetera? And he flew off the
handle, said I would. I ruined the mood made him feel gross and
I was being ridiculous. But I think I proved my point. Am I
being the asshole? Oh? She took a gamble there because what he liked
it like, yeah, now put your hair and oh she is my leader.
I love her. Oh that's perfect to bring a margarine container, recycled
marks, a tray of short bread. You're right, I don't know,
m hm right, Well, could be leftovers, could be yarn, you
don't know, just crocheting, neglige ah man, Yeah, that could have
backfired terribly. Yeah, although there's probably a category for this, and like
porn, fights definitely guilt. Sure, there's no there's no wider free market
than porn. The customer is always right, even when they're terribly terribly wrong.
I do feel like it was the previous couple, just like at the
next level, I don't think so this doesn't feel like a couple with with
with structure. She would have just said, well, that's that's not in
the fucking my tinery, is it. You? You're barred for having sex
with me indefinitely, go find your shower buddy somewhere else. But well,
stepping away though from the from the funny of it all, I think she
was right to do what she did because he demanded something of her that she
wasn't comfortable with, and when she indicated that she didn't want to, he
pushed the issue anyway, So he deserves what he got. Yeah, I
mean, it just happens to be funny at the same time. Everybody's kind
of into weird stuff. But you know, you can't just kind of spring
now on someone expect to be cool of it if they're not. It's kind
of like, yeah, well fair enough. Maybe just call me Michael or
whatever his name is. But yeah, I don't know. It just seems
like poetic justice, horrible poetic justice, Like for you to call me a
rabbi. It probably is about I know, you know, it's not about
like, hey, think of your dad while I'm fucking you. It's about
like power structures on stuff. But you know that's what I was going to
suggest. You could say, you know, like you said, call me
Michael if that's her father's name. Ohe oh god, oh that's what I
thought. You'd a step to think, kill me daddy. No, okay,
well call me Michael, call me mister Johnson. No, no,
no, I'm gonna write a parody of that movie Call Me by your Name,
but I'm gonna call it call Me by your Dad's name. It's gonna
be the worst movie that ever happened. Could always write the sing well he's
as a depository for terrible ideas, But I never did follow up on that
idea to you write up a Shingles parody. It's a double parody for the
Herpies series, which would be totally like erotic Shingles. O don't know,
Oh dear, Well, maybe it's just as well these things don't happen.
Maybe they should just live here on the Mimic Chess podcast. A movie for
that. I don't know what ifout being arrested, probably, but I don't
know. Given the way things are going, it's inevitable. I need to
explore every dark facet of humanity and drag it screaming onto the page where allfers
and dragons listeners can enjoy it. Yeah, he had a thing he wanted
to try. She wasn't into it. That's the end of the conversation,
except it wasn't. Yeah, I mean he could just kind of but she
shut him down. Beautiful. That was that was artful but dangerous because he
could have been like, oh my god, I've never come that hot.
Yeah, something we ask you. Girls like funny guys. It's like a
they're attractive, humor is attractive? Does it go of the rep And no
one told me that, Yeah, the reps. This is a lie that
we would say, I think men attracted to funny women. Uh, they're
funny women. No, jerk. Well, now we've got out of the
way into my eyes. Now we've got that inevitable fucking reply out of the
way. Yeah, of course is why wouldn't you be attracted to somebody makes
me feel good? Let's are laughing at you like they're like nice dick bozo.
It's like, yeah, I don't like funny women anymore. Yeah,
that's a whole different level. Here comes mister clown. Dick. No,
okay, okay, so but Liken Robes just walking toward well looking here,
Oh cock, isn't this a clown, Dick? I guess the large shoes
really do. Yeah, I mean if that, if that logic holds up,
I guess maybe clown that it's a compliment. I don't know, I've
never sucked the clown yeah yet Yeah, No, I'm thinking like Sarah Silverman
Chelsea Handler. They're so abrasive and I guess are allegedly funny, arguably funny,
but attractive. I don't know. I'd like to think I'm reasonably funny,
and my relationship experienced that can become really fucking tedious really quickly. So
I don't know how I'm attracted to you. But this is getting old now.
Mm yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Why wouldn't you
be attracted to a funny woman unless she's being incredibly cruel about your clown dick
or I mean, this, this girl that we're talking about sounds funny,
hilarious, but she's also deliberately making herself unattractive. Yeah, which again a
gamble, but yeah, yeah, I mean she is being cruel about it.
But I think she won. She definitely. Who's the asshole in this
scenario is like a different question to who won. She definitely won. Yeah,
yeah, Yeah, he wasn't a complete asshole, but he was kind
of he was. He was assholesh to to not take her initial no as
as the answer, so she's not there. And then well and then he
continued, you know, the first time with the grandma thing, and and
he said, oh, that's gross, don't do that, and she said,
well, how do you think I feel? But then he kept at
it. Well, I don't know, was that specified? Yeah? Did
he keep that several rounds of this happening. It's like if she did the
grandma figure, you went, oh, no, you're right, that's gross,
and then she kept on doing it. It's like it's still hilarious,
still one maybe a bit unnecessary. No, shed do it the first time
and he said, oh, that's gross, and she said, oh,
here's how you know, you know how I feel? And then all right,
be carried on. D that was supposed to be the in, and
then he carried on with the daddy thing. Yeah right right, right,
yeah, and then she did her third person. Do you like it when
grandma does that? Yeah? Man, Well, she sounds like a really
cool person, right, I would date it. She can be our friend,
anonymous woman that we don't know. If you're listening to this podcast,
come on over to the discord and be our buddy. We like you.
Ah. It seems like a perfect response. She's definitely not the asshole.
He's definitely out. Yeah, you can't just press something after it, you
know, it makes somebody else uncomfortable, not even if it's your birthday.
But well, I come back, brilliant you. I kind of think she
is the asshole, but in the best way, like weaponized asshole, and
it's like asshole Judo. I think maybe on your birthday, Oh my god,
if it is his birthday and he's just like he let it drop for
like eight months and you know it's my birthday because he just just like,
oh, like Grandma, get the beads out. That's great. They're definitely
not a shower couple that I guess not. No, they're an entirely new
beast. Well, I have one that that also takes place in a bathroom,
right, the couple toilet. I'll jump in if that's okay. No,
no couple toilet, thank god, Right, Okay, So the title
is am I the asshole for doing weird or awkward poses whenever my mother in
law accidentally walks in on me in the bathroom. So my mother in law
came to stay with us for a few weeks while her home is being renovated.
The problem is that she randomly walks in on me while I'm in the
bathroom. Thankfully, not once says she's seen me naked because I picked up
on her behavior actor the second time in the first week. She'd barge in,
then turn and say oh sorry, and close the door. I tried
talking to my husband about it, but he kept ignoring me. Then said,
so what if she actually accidentally sees you naked? She's family. He
seriously said that we have a lock and I could have used it, but
I have passed trauma from the idea of locking or being locked in a room,
so she doesn't want to use the lock. You know. I'm sorry,
we could get past that, but anyway, so I came up with
this idea. I'd go inside the bathroom, pretending to use it and wait
for her to come, because honestly, it's deliberate. At this point,
when she accidentally barged in. She'd see me in a weird, awkward position,
doing a ballet stand, standing on top of the toilet, or standing
facing the wall with my hands up fully clothed. I could see how awkward
and weird this would be for her, because she'd stand there for a few
seconds trying to figure out what I was doing. It was hilarious. It
was hilarious at first seeing her initial confusion, but then she complained to my
husband that I was practicing rituals and my husband was living. He called me
childish, said I made his mom feel terrified and weird it out, and
I should have acted maturely and locked the damn door instead of play mind games.
And in my opinion, no, I love what she did, and
she too is my hero. So I'm gonna have to like, Okay,
you can't lock the door, that's fine, but locks on the bathroom in
there for a reason, and I wild people piss more, and she might
just because she might just want to take a pits and you'll sit in there,
hovering above the sink like some fucking demonic possession. She probably pissed,
all right, She's probably moved onto depends because of you. This is a
this can only accidentally happen, but so many times. Yeah, if you're
sharing a bathroom with two other people and it happens a couple of times,
you learn to knock. I don't know. I don't know if I ever
knocked on my own bathroom because I assumed that an occupied bathroom will be locked.
Yeah, but I mean somebody like that. There's a chance that the
mother in law here isn't just like trying to see her naked or impeeing or
something. And honestly, the fourth time you like in some weird crap position
over the behath, wouldn't you just kind of, like, for your own
sanity, stop doubting that. It's like, if you had the choice of
not being horrified by your possessed daughter in law just desperately trying to explain to
your son that his wife is his host to a demon, you'd probably stop,
you know, if it was distressing enough. Maybe she just really needs
to take a ship. Yeah, but it's you know, she's doing it
every time the daughter in law goes in, so she's up to something,
and it may very well be that she wants to to see what her daughter
in law has under her clothes because some women are like that. The in
law is like, what's she doing in the bathroom. Sounds like she's a
kind of you know, she's going in. I feel like she's going in
to use it. And the mother in law's right after. We have a
voyer and exhibitionist situation here and that they both kind of are enjoying and feeling
this absolutely. His thing is like you start of peeing, like she's going
to have you know, that's kind of like ha ha okay, voya interest
sated. I guess, I don't know. I don't parte on people peeing
often, but because people lock your door, because because they locked the damn
door. But yeah, I don't know. It sounds like she was kind
of just sort of hanging around in the bathroom waiting to get and at the
end of it she definitely I think she was doing it before. It's gonna
hang it out of three solutions, one of course, get over your trauma,
lock the door. Two, lean into the ritual thing, get candles
and like big blood and whatever, just really go for it instead of the
stupid poses or whatever. Just have a sign that says please stop walking in
on me on the bathroom and wait for holding that, or just write it
on market pen on your naked ass, there you go. Or leave the
door open. Just lift the door open to shout. I'll take it as
ship. Yeah, in my house, we just if the door is closed,
then someone is using the bathroom. And if the door is open,
obviously you can see that nobody's using the bathroom, and you just if the
doors close, you leave them alone. But well, I don't know.
That's actually kind of like I like to move through the world unseen, like
a vampire ghost. Someone I was sharing a house with free guys. Sometimes
the bathroom door would be closed. I would be like, I can't possibly
try to lock in case I go in and accidentally see them naked, and
that would be awkward. So then I'll just kind of sit and wait,
and then I'd figure out that the three guys were sort of not in the
bathroom and no one was in the bathroom, and I pissed myself for no
reason. So wow, you could not, Yeah, you could not.
I could, but then they'd you could lock the door. I honestly weird.
Poses seems a little bit not to sixty to be honest, it seems
like there's a lot of middle ground larious. It's hilarious. I do too.
Yes, I mean it's absolutely I think. I mean I could see
it. She reached her limit and she's like, fine, you're gonna walk
in. I'm gonna show you something and not what you think you're gonna see.
So walk in, and I'm going, Yeah, She's hanging around in
the bathroom all day like some weird kind of toilet vamp, dangling from the
shower curse's hissing, waiting for her mother in law to walk in. It's
like, again, she's one, but she's definitely the asshole. No,
she's going. It's the mother in law that's lying in wait. The mother
in law goes, she's in the bathroom. Here I go. The mother
in law hiding behind the arm warm waiting for her to go in the bathroom.
It's just like a fucking wily coyote road runner situation, the worse than
you could ever possibly imagine. She's she's waiting and watching it all right,
this is how long it taste John Putner shirt. Excuse me, I mean
that's a ludicrous assumption, which might be true but likely isn't. What's definitely
true if she's hanging around in the bathroom all day just to freak out an
old lady. Have you ever been in it? Well, obviously when you're
in a public restroom. Yeah, And and you like a single bathroom and
somebody knocks and and you know if the door's locked or whatever. It's fucking
awful and you don't know what to say. What do you say? Do
you have like a go to try to concentrate? I said, just a
minute acupado? There you go. That'll don't really, I mean, bathroom
can be stressful enough. Come in, come in. That's an option you
wouldn't You wouldn't want to do a picard, would you? Somebody knocks on
the toilet door and you go come wrong? Time to do that? The
ritual is almost done? Yeah, really some some creepy of a chant thing
going on. What she should do is just get a realistic looking deal though,
put on some box, the shorts hang out at the front, and
when she comes into is this what you want to see? Is this what
you want to see? Mother in law? And if she can also rig
it so she can somehow piss on the floor while she's doing it, said,
that's like a lot of special effects involved, but still less effort than
what she's doing. Now, may I call you grandma? Right, Oh
my god, that's the most frightening thing you've ever said on this podcast.
That's perfect. I mean, it is hilarious, it is brilliant, and
I do want to shake that woman's hand. But I think she is the
asshole in this scenario. I don't know. I'm ahole too. Yeah,
I don't have a problem with the I mean, if if she's telling the
truth, I don't have a problem with what she's doing. She's doing a
goopy, funny thing that's far better than how I would have handled the situation.
If they're both keeping himself entertained with this ridiculous game of cat and mouse,
I guess nobody's the asshole, But I'm growing with the mother in law.
Mother in laws are notoriously caddy and mean, so I'm not allowed to
say that because that would be sexist. In laws are notoriously caddy. That's
why we're here. I only know that I've never had a father in law
tried to watch me piss so or a mother in law. To be fair,
I only go for everyone in this situation is a bizarre asshole I think
I think that the mother in law was the asshole first, and so the
daughter in law gave her an asshole response, and I'm happy with that.
I don't know. I still there's a real possibility that maybe she's just maybe
she just wants to pee and wasn't expecting this, this fucking amount of escalation,
which, to be fair, why would you how many times be person
look accidentally? How many times did she say you do it? Are we
going to take the word of somebody who hangs around in the toilet, possibly
for hours, in a weird pose, wearing a fucking two too, just
to get one over on law. I feel sorry for her husband. It's
like they're both they're both going to It's like the mob's like, I think
your daughter is possessed, and he's talking to his wife is like, sorry,
I'm not making dinner tonight for other plants. I love about you taking
this to such an extreme, just a mother in law behaving badly, taking
it, Oh man, Yeah, if you are taking just spending hours in
there, I'm thinking the way she's presenting this is that she doesn't need to
spend hours because, like you know, ten seconds after she goes in there.
She barely has time to strike a pose before my in law is opening
the door with a pair of binocular really has time to get the sacrificial dagger
out for the over lauring camo page sneaks across the carpet. She needs to
do is get her partner to shower with her extrasly, one day off,
one day on. You know, That's how I'd solved this. I'd say,
all right, okay, all right, husband. Maybe you think I
am a weirdo for spending three hours a day hiding in the laundry hamper,
but here's what we're gonna do. You're going to go into the bathroom.
I'm going to follow you in after ten minutes, and your mother in law
will appear like a fucking genie and trust me. And if she can prove
that, then I will. I will come down on the side of the
mother and bo is the asshole. But until that experiment has been done,
no progress is being made by this weird post thing. It's just it's making
a bad situation worse. I'm fine with that. What posts would you do?
Walk like an Egyptian? I think she was doing like cool spider Man
stuff. I would just standing in the corner facing the wall. Make it
just make it really fucking uncomfortable, and I'd be nude and i'd write,
is this what you want in market? Pen on my ass? I need
some textures exfoliation. And I'd stand like that for three hours until my mother
in law tried the unlocked bathroom door, and I'd be like to buy husband,
you see, you see, and he'd rightly divorce me as a fucking
maniac. Oh yeah, Apparently in the comments, everybody's saying the husband is
the asshole. He was saying, they're waiting any other bathroom and like no
one's coming in. His only crime, somehow, is the fucking husbands.
I'll tell you what we're leaning into. Sexist stereotypes. Yeah, that fucking
tricks. I'm I'm inviting all of these people over to dinner and eating them
lack tips. Oh man, somebody said that they would be even petty,
or they would draw something weird on the mirror and lipstick and stand within view
of the mirror so that when the mother in law looks in, she sees
the reflection and smile very creepy and say I've been waiting for you. I'd
be genuinely surprised if he hasn't already done that. Yeah, can you imagine
a kind of Cludo style dinner party with these people? Ah, let's not
imagine. Now let's move on, Bevin. What did he get for?
Is in your ten seconds of research? Now are we doing? Are we
only doing one inch? Are we gonna get around it too? We might,
We might get a couple more. All right, well then I'll just
let's see. Do I want to choose? Do I want to gamble?
Yeah, I'll gamble. All right. I didn't read this one. I
just looked at the time. No, mate, it's never as interesting as
a title. Well, here's what he's Grandma's pie, isn't it. Well,
it's something about Grandma. We cannot say Grandma's pie anymore on this podcast.
I'm sorry that's been ruined for me, all the fucking waste of time
once about thanks with Grandma wanted me to try a pie and I didn't,
Am I the assholets like, now you've brown that for me. Now it's
become weird and sexual. All right? Well I chose this one without purposely,
without reading it, because I thought this is it's one of those the
title is too loaded, Bevin, don't try to pass off your lack of
preparedness as fucking comedic artistic genius. If even if I was going to prepare,
I just wouldn't have looked at this one. Okay, I'll take you,
all right? So I now know what Bevin sounded like in high school.
If I did read the book, I would have broke all right.
Am I the asshole for offering to help an old lady? No? I
think it's think this one because and it's a boring one. Is it a
boring one? Yeah? Because I was really hoping that who's gonna help her
like sexually achieve an orgasm? No? No, that's not all works out.
Basically, the gist of this is he goes to help at ninety five
year old woman gets something off the shelf, and the woman's like, oh,
do I look like I need help? He's like, yes, you're
ninety five. If you if you reach for that and break your hip,
society has to pay for it. So just take the fucking win. I
hate the fast forward. He's not the well that's fun too, all right?
Then? Am I the asshole for telling my boyfriend his cancer? Isn't
that serious? Fuck. I mean we could probably we can probably skip that
one night, just like skip to do you call that cats up? Lets?
See, you've got nine more? Did we really need to explore that
one? Or can we just give us some details? All right? That's
kind of a long one. Oh my god? Why is it? Give
us the highlight? I wasn't that careful reading. Let's see, YadA YadA,
YadA. Oh all right. My cousin thirty two females told me twenty
five female that she recently lost her twin pregnancy due to it being ep topic.
She's three kids with their abusive acts husband. She finally met a good
guy who settled down with a couple of years after living with their all right,
I told my boyfriend twenty six male, and he said that my cousin
is fine and that she didn't lose anything. He mentioned that she already has
children and used as a point to imply that her situation is somehow diminished because
she already hit the goal of having kids. To his credit, her words.
To credit, he said some stuff about the removal was needed to save
her life and generically disgusted in a medical sense. He works in the medical
field. Black compassion and didn't sit that well with me at all. I've
tried many different ways to show he's being callous, telling we needed to see
things from a human point of view and that yes, this may be just
another Monday for him, but his life altering for someone else, all right,
yeaddddi dada. And then he gets cancer, all right, and here's
where I might be the asshole. Earlier this year, he learned that he
had a particular type of cancer. He was an absolute champ and was so
brave about everything. He caught it early and had the effective body part removed.
The surgery was likely curative, but he did one round of chemo just
in case again and chemotherapy yeah dadda YadA uh kind of super early chemo is
still rough. He refused to listen to my logic and see my point of
view with regards to my cousin. So I flipped the scenario. I told
him that he's okay and he didn't lose anything. Exact words he used when
he spoke about my cousin. In fact, she misspelled lose in both.
Yeah. People to keep doing that these days. So really, there is
no hope for humanity. Because he had one round of chemo and he can
survive. Just for him thought the body party had to remove. I told
him that other people had it worst and he shouldn't make such a big deal
about it. He got mad and told me I'm minimizing his struggles and refuses
to talk to me until I apologize. I even attached a pick of his
social media bio or he had Cancer Survivor and some other cancer related inspirational stuff.
I told him I didn't mean any of that, and I just wanted
to show him exactly what it sounded like when he was talking about my cousin.
All right, yeah, that was long. All right, Well,
okay, if you're going to cite someone like well, you'd think differently when
if you had cancer and then they get cancer. Dan is the type.
I'm just shut the fuck up that times ah, now, who's laughing?
No, you ca'ts a boy. He wanted to be an asshole because about
the cancer, because the dude was an asshole about somebody else's topic presidency in
the past. That's not how karma works, though. It's like if you
had a homophobic black friend and then you were really racist to them, it's
like you'll still an asshole. It doesn't matter what point you're trying to fuck
improve. Yeah, if you want, if he wants universe to be get
him back, that's not that's not the way do it. Yeah, there
there are better ways to teach someone empathy than being callous to them when they
are diagnosed with a horrible disease. What a fucking depressing choice. But she
did wait till he got through it, you know, as soon as he
was diagnosed, she said, Ah, I she came in with some strong
energy, but very misdirected. Yeah. You know, we read these and
all these stories, and nine times out of ten, I'm going, why
are you people still together? Like because they sound like they hate each other?
Well, yeah, I think I would have been gone after you know,
so so your friend had some babies die big bills, that would be
it. I mean, everyone's an asshole in this scenario. Yeah, yeah,
but yeah, you're not a good person for like you see, take
that previously non cancer having person. Oh no, great, look, but
yeah, alright, I've got a weird one movies. Swiftly on, let's
go weird. I'm only reading this because I've read a paragraph of it and
it sounds like a really weird horror story, and I don't know why.
It's just the way it's worded. I'm one the asshole yelled at my family
for messing up podcast. Even sounds like, yeah, it's pertinent, and
I'm already sympathetic to this guy, but he sounds like he's in this like
in this style of raw Shark from Watchman. I say, it's like I've
been making parts for the last few months. My sister and her girlfriend have
been poking fun at it, at first laughing at my subscribe numbers and how
many people actually watched, and then just laughing. Over the last few months,
more people have been watched. I joined a larger channel at five K.
Over the last few months, we've grown to ten K. My sister
plus girlfriend are staying here with my mom and I. I reminded them on
Tuesday and once again last night when the shows were too laughter. Halfway through
my part, people are asking if someone was scratching during the last thirty minutes.
It was my family whispering. It was getting me too. I finished
a pardon, say that was fucking awful. Could it all stop talking or
go somewhere to else's room for any five minutes till the next part, laughter
from my sister and girlfriend. I repeat, show is about to start.
Go to someone's room, more laughing. My sister mentions that since I live
with my mom, I have no right to say what to do. I
told her, since I gave her twelve thousand dollars two years ago, she
has no right to tell me edithing, especially since I've seen none of it.
She then starts to compare me to our uncle and continues to laugh at
me. I hear a girlfriend telling her to stop and to just leave,
while still poking fun. I yelled downstairs at him that I'm done and leaving
and canceled my podcast because I was in an awful mood and couldn't take a
show. Not to mention, they are still laughing and whispering smart. I
go downstairs and talk to my mom. She says she doesn't want to be
involved. She understands both sides. I tell her that I don't have the
stats. Oh, she can. They've been fuck They'd been poking fun at
my show for weeks and they don't take it seriously and ruined a show and
money I make from it, and we're comfortable doing it to get She says
that she was in shock that the argument came out such an easily fixed issue.
You mentioned how I could have handled it better. I agree, I
could have used better words, but I'm mad and upset. I don't think
we should be focusing on my tone instead of how they treat me make fun
of me. I come back and make an immature joke, asking her if
she's talk to dumb and dumber yet, and she says, don't bring that
back in here or some Victiday extent extent, it's the wrong word. I
respond, we're funny. How you can stand up for people. Now,
she says she's not defending anyone, and another fight has begun. I explained
that I feel like no one is listening, that I take this show seriously,
and no one else is. I'm getting laughed at and made fun of.
Yet all we talk about is my tone and creating drama. She says,
I don't know the conversation she's had with my sister. I agree with
her, I don't, but I've yet to hear her say that she understands
where I'm coming from, or that my sister was wrong for that, or
even I'm I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Instead, she goes
to I can't believe you're attacking me now too. I'm generally surprised, genuinely
surprised that this how my the asshole didn't wind up with a murder. I
was convinced he's got to kill his sister and it didn't happen. Your tone
makes me picture the velvet smoking jacket, I asked Scott, like with a
quill. I know, but the guy's clearly thirty eight years old. Where
do you get that twelve grand? The loader's sister? I think I think
the mum gave them twelve grand and he hasn't seen any of it because he's
thirteen. But yeah, I was gonna say, they all sound like eight
year olds, except where does an eight year old get money to give to
anybody? So I don't know. It's great because you start out thinking about
like, oh, here's a grown man with a problem, and it's like,
oh no, it's it's an eight year old with a podcast with five
thousand listeners. So that blake to yeah, move out, doesn't matter how
old you are. You got that podcast, buddy. There's a proper way
to deal with your family members that are interrupting your podcast. And and you
know, when I'm on video you can see it every once in a while,
you know, live, it'll look like this, right. Yeah,
but you know you have children who are easily intimidated by your ability to kick
them out of your home. But this is a sister, and everybody knows
this is an evil and yeah, they're really really enjoying. Really, sister
and his girlfriend are having a hell of a fucking time. And the more
he complains, the better they like it. He's doing his podcast on fucking
whatever. It's thirteen year old. He's doing his Pokemon podcast The fucking Loser,
but he needs to make it a bit invite them to join us.
Yeah, yeah, is my jack sister and a girlfriend and making fun of
the fact that I'm trying his girlfriend or her girlfriend her girlfriends. Okay,
I'm trying to have a serious conversation about pokemons here. You made them people.
Actually, you know, we laugh at that. But if we had
like a serious Pokemon podcast, we'd probably have five thousand listeners and a sister
making fun of me. No, that's exactly what we'd have. But you
know, my sister doesn't live with me anymore, so I can take it.
I'm not going to ruin the podcast, is the point I'm making.
If there had been podcasts when we were kids, my sister would probably have
been she's younger, but she'd have been the one that would come in and
bother me and go what's doing, what's you doing? What's doing? You
know? And laugh. But well, we used to do but I knew
how to lock doors. So if there anyone used to do the fake DJ
thing where you had a music tape, record yourself as a DJ and introduced
a song, no, well, my brother definitely fucking crushed out, So
deal with it, kid. But at the same time, yes, your
sister is definitely the assule in this scenario, and your mum as well.
He could be a bit more supportive. Five thousand listeners, that's nothing to
fucking sneeze at. I don't know, no, especially not that young.
I think the sister and her girlfriend, why are they giving him so much
attention. I think they're enjoying it, and he's missing an opportunity to incorporate
them in here. And he's got to be a little bit of the asshole
too. It sounds like kind of an asshole. It sounds like a child
and chill. Children are assholes. Yeah, and why is he not doing
it? You know in his room behind again locked door. But I don't
know, and I don't know, but like a twelve year old, it
has a luck on his door, and he's probably twelve. He's got a
twelve grand it's got twelve I think, you know, maybe they just have
one computer that's for the whole family, and so it has to be in
a central location. Oh that's why he's stuck. But I don't know.
He's just lucky. He's not got a mother in law. ChIL ding intro
and see him naked and he shouldn't be recording a podcast naked anyway, but
especially not making weird poses. It sounds like a teenager with an older sister
and the mom probably does not give a ship and he just wants to make
a podcast. Then they're making fun of him. But the oin I thought
this was funny because it starts out sounding like the diary of a vigilante about
the snap. But he doesn't snap. He's quite reasonable. He just complains
to the authority figure who ignores him. Yeah. The next amid the asshole
from me and was like I heard in my entire family with an x am,
I the asshole, and you know what he might not be. I
think him from an asshole would be a manifesto if you know, somewhere and
then we had them, unless he say it is roof a good and welcome
to my I Hate Women manifesto podcast, in which case you know, that's
fine. It should be interrupted and like you know, poetically by his older
sister and her girlfriend. But we don't know that. It could have been
a Pokemon podcast. He's probably a Pokemon. I'd like to think it was.
But yeah, my vote is that he's not the asshole. He's just
a podcaster, the best kind of people who deserve the most sympathy and subscriptions
and likes and comments and Patreon subscribers. Yes, yes, I agree,
he's not the asshole. He's just he's just a little brother. He's just
a hell brom, which means he probably is an asshole. He's probably an
asshole, but not in this specific scenario. Yeah, in this respect,
Wellington, that was a that was a nice deep dive into the murky world.
Have Reddit people having ridiculous problems that don't really matter and turning into the
Internet to mock and deride them publicly. Is that justice? I don't think
so, but I don't make the rules. We are. We are the
sister and the girlfriend. Yeah, we are the asshole Bevin. But that's
the same conclusion for every podcast we do. It's don't surprise to our listenership.
We never pretended otherwise. Oh my god. Oh, let's not make
this too weird. Save that for another mimic. Oh that was a Oh.
There were some colorful characters there. I'd like to have them all over
but dinner one day. They were all assholes, but you know what,
I like them. So this has been quite a positive Internet experience for me,
which you don't often get. So I hope that you the listener,
also enjoyed listening to the problems of ludicrous people and maybe take a look at
your own ludicrous lives and take a moment to enjoy it and ask yourself,
are you the asshole? Probably? Definitely, And we'll see you next time
on a mimic chest. Bye bye bye, goodbye friends. By