Hey, if you gang me popping fresh? How's it go? How's it
going? Everybody? Welcome to the Snark Tank Podcast. It's me Chris Derek
Sweeney. That's me. Now I'm gonna let the other guys introduce themselves.
Hi, I'm Kingston. Hi, I'm Lord sex Man's Lord sex Man.
Welcome to the podcast. We've been we've been itching, We've been feverishly scratching
our necks like crack addicts, waiting to have Lord sex Man on the podcast
for years. Man, this is the first episode. We talked about it,
like we couldn't get him, so so we went with Zach instead.
But uh right, right, yeah, Lord, thank you so much.
I wish I god Man, I wish there was a celebrity named Lord.
I wish. I feel like it's the one part of society that that we
haven't we haven't encroached with just the stupidest fucking names, Like I feel like
gen Z are capable because you know they're doing the the over the top tattoos
on their faces, like there's there's what's his name, blue Face. I
think blue Face actually has like Benjamin Franklin tattooed on his face. You're talking
about blue Eye. No, I'm talking about I learned. I learned about
blue face on the on the radio, because yeah, blue face, blue
faces. Yeah, if you've heard of blue face, you know you know
about blue face. But I'm just saying that, uh, there there are
there are gen z. There are younger people now that are getting the most
wildest tattoos on their face. So I think the next thing is to where
I feel like a blue face might be like you know what, I'm gonna
just change my name to blue face. If I have a kid, his
name is gonna be Lord sex Man. It's like that. It's like that.
It's like that girl who rode into the show, who is like,
my name is what is it? Combat Evolved or whatever? Yes, like
Ashley, Combat of All actually Combat of All that was it. That's a
real name now, And it's like, that's fucking sick. I love that.
Excuse me if it isn't Ashley, but I think it is. I
think I think it's like that. Yeah, that's so terrible. Lord sex
man, you're getting on, Lord sex Man. You want me to you
want me to go into detail? What's on? Lord sex? You want
me to so much pussy for you? Named Lord sex Man, your name.
You're not gonna get. You might be okay, you might get a
ton of pussy, but you are going to there's gonna be nights where you
sit up here like my parents named me Lord sex Man. It's gonna be
sitting up in your room, like like right after a shower, already sit
down. You're gonna be like, what would they do? Were they thinking
to be fair? I think that's what you would think once you're after when
you're an adult. Absolutely, it's kind of like me even thinking this is
you somewhat related where my mom knew how obsessed I was with martial arts and
didn't even try to put me in martial arts, and I thought as an
adult that I'm like, I'm like, wait, that's kind of fucked up.
I'm sorry. I want to point out that Kingston just equipped a different
laugh that was more like like a fucking bird that like a Disney princess summoned
from by singing. That was so funny. It's so funny because that is
literally, that is literally how you just laughed. You fucking whistled, yo.
That is you dude, You do cycle laughs. That's pretty awesome you
have and he's like entering into your mouth. It's like cyberpunk different because understand
how memories work right, and you don't understand how, Like you how remembering
things work right? Like how you and you just grab a few memories in
the bank and you're like, all right, what is why somebodys remembering some
days? You don't sure? That's how my laugh works, where like I
wake up and I'm like, all right, cool, this bread comes up.
There's like, what kind of laugh do you want? Bird? Like
hyena, gorilla and gorilla. We just got tagged again in your fucking demonic
laugh of that that Paul Rubens saying it again, like that thing is you.
It's really the part where you you tilt your head to a forty five
degree angle, your eyes wide and as as wide as they can go,
and you are just hysterically losing it. It looks like you're you're you're about
to go warp speed. You're like approaching, bro. It's crazy that it's
pretty due man shout out to Penis Man, Doug and Lord sex Dude,
Lord Lord sex Man Dude be called Penis Man. Is you gotta be something
really like Jack? Like your neck can't move too much. It's just like
so much muscles covering your neck that you can't move to what was your your
actual You're not pretty much. I was gonna say you your real neck is
like Keaton's Batman, you know, or like he's just like you are rigid
movement. Yeah, you're rigid as well. You're fucking you're fucking you walking
from the Hey I'm Penis man. That's like one of the things where like
your dick is under your shirt, under your shirt and is the resting on
the head, and it's like, well, what's what's that? I feel
I promise I feel like we're close to it. And and on that note,
like, so there's one punch man, you know you have. I
just watched the first episode of chainsaw Man, and so I think because of
this stuff weird on the cusp of people being named uh something vulgar and man,
there's there's definitely an there's definitely gonna be somebody who was like, this
is my son chainsaw Man, like one hundred percent, like a hundred percent,
this is my son chainsaw Man and chainsaw Man Reynolds or whatever the or
some nonsense, and that's that's gonna be the world. Now. The question
is like like, if your name is, if your name is Lord sex
Man, are you are you getting health insurance? Are you just winging it?
Mmm? You got it. You're gonna have too much sexy, way
too much. You got antibiotics, you gotta if your name is, if
your name is Penis Man or Lord sex Man, you gotta get it shut
because you're gonna catch something. Yeah, I feel like you'd be such a
regular test like every six months, even with even no partners, Like it
wasn't possibly gonna have a partner every fucking week in different week, you know.
But what's going on? Guys? Yeah, I'll go to my room.
You know, I know where I gotta go. He goes in it.
I don't know. Cardio is a scanny scan to give yourself of his
own blood test doctors. I was going, Penis Man, you know,
I remember, I'm just fucking in every fucking day, like I like,
right now, I have three appointments. Man. You get you get acquainted,
man, you get acquainted with the planned parenthood. You know, you
go and you're like Steve and I fucking invested. There was there's a good
year in my life where I was like I was well acquainted with with the
people who worked at a planned parenthood. I was getting tested a whole.
But let's go there. There was a period of time. There was a
period of time where I got very well acquainted with the pharmacists at Walmart.
So I gotta saying and I kept coming to that pharmacy and he was like,
I can't help you here, dude, Like this is not the place
to go for what you got someone different, And I'm like, God,
damn it, it's crazy. How like we we we whipped its task.
I get ads on my my streaming services and it's just like just we we
do. We beat the We held it down and we kicked the ship out
of AIDS that in fact we gained AIDS. AIDS is what we that AIDS
can regress to HIV and then become undetectable in your blood. It is something
if you would have said in the eighties, no one would have believed you,
dude, would be crazy. If if they have technology would have been
available, if that medicine would have been available in the eighties, just imagine
the just exponential amount of butt sex that would have been having, you know,
because a lot of people got scared then you right now were like ken
froze and like I cast like somebody cast a freezing spell. And all the
homos were like, no, they're no longer able to move. They were
like, yeah, man, you can't. Yeah, I guess if your
name is Lord sex Man, you really you can't be. You can't be
stirring up the volume of lube canoes that you would be without without getting fucking
you know right, a healthy amount of medicine, you know right, And
you better rise to the occasion of that fucking name too. That's the thing.
The weak ass dick that would be like, imagine if your name was
Batman and you were just like an accountant who got fucking killed in a deli,
you know, like fucking it, he's so sad. It'd be like,
oh man, Batman shot in delli. It's like a ship being killed
in a bodega is so sad because you know why, they'll keep their day
going. They won't even close the bodega. They'll clean up, they'll close,
they cloy you're exaggerated cloth. The will said they have to close the
boga because the cops would force them to close. The cops the cops will
come into bodega. They'd be like, hey, give us an hour.
We can't do anything. As soon as the cops get that body out of
there and they move everything to open thatga back up, they can't open.
They got to make a bunch of They gotta make a bunch of chop cheeses.
They got a lot to do. They can't. Here the camera's right
here, we saw who did it. You guys got twenty five thirty five
minutes before I got to open this back up. I got a lot of
baking negatises to make. Here's what I would say. Here's here's what I
said. If there's an investigation, if there's an investigation that has happened,
I feel I feel like here's what would happen. I feel like the cops
would come and they would be like, hey, listen, you're gonna have
to close up shop. However, can I get a bacon, egg and
cheese in a spread? They would do that, That is absolutely they will.
In fact, some real New York someone said, let me get a
bacon, eggan, cheese and a mystic. That's the most New York thing
I've said in a long time. Get a mystic. Let me get a
blue Mystic and a bacon, egg and cheese. I got is like this
like fucking the most New York drig where it comes in these glass bottles which
they used to the probably it's all gone, it's all gone now. And
they had this like they had this like very like the top part was more
slender than the lower part. And then there was like this gruse on that
had this like weirdly like stylized M. And I remember mystics being fired.
There was the blue one was so good. It was like blue raspberry and
like it was like raspberry and blueberry. Bro shout out to mystic. Shout
out in New York for a second, real quick shout out to I never
actually had mystic in my life as far as I can remember. Now,
I was. I was a snap. I see it. You know,
Yeah, I wonder if I want to try one to sple was the other
that was the other drink that was like that in every every pizza place you
went to there was there was like they had a Snapple machine. While the
one I talked about literally Buhamma Bluebear. Like no, I described the literal
picture of a mystic like I looked up mystic drinking the one I described is
right there. Yeah, yeah, I remember them, bro, I remember
a few times right there, but I remember, but I remember twice,
yeah twice, but I remember specifically mystic. I remember that because they had
the same kind of caps that Snapples do. I remember that. It's like
weird but bottom at the bottom of a loosen Yeah. Yeah, But both
of them are no longer in glass. So now that's not true for the
mist, bro. I think the only drink that's still in glass now is
uh what Coca cola? Well, Mexican coke? Right, but you can
still get it, That's what I'm saying, Like you can't, can't.
I was just thinking like a regular like American drink, like like, uh
uh you who who fucking drinks? Who I have? Okay, I have?
I have a fucking real issue here, how the fun? So glass
is so expensive, right, that's the reason. It's like glasses like heavier,
it breaks more often, it's difficult to ship in comparison to plastic.
It's a lot cheaper. We Snapple can't afford it. But fucking you who
you who can afford glass? Who you know? What? You can afford
it? Because you who's making the effort to do it, man, And
so anyone that I have that one that drinks you who will beat the funk
out of anybody like like the like the Snapple fan base is not violent enough
to be like if they're like if we put it in plastic, don't get
mad, but they'll get mad. You who like we put it in plastic,
don't come here and they'll eat us. Okay, plus come here and
they'll feed on. It'll be chewing through the metal, Like what'll be like,
why is it in glass? Taking a huge mine out of a metal
gate? And they'll be like, yo, this is bad. I've never
I've really never. I will never let that go man, Like like glass
models are just so much better objectively for drink storage. Like it's just so
like you're right, yeah, it chills it better. It chills it better,
It gets it way colder, way more secure. Taste follows it.
They a stupid fucking taste to it, especially like when it's transferring a lot
of times when drinks are being transferred, like, oh it it's fucking cold.
Probably for like the like the last few minutes it was actually ship They
don't turn that thing on for the entire time. So it's a hottish ship
in the truck and it just sweet fucking plastic chemicals are just seeping into it.
It's so weird. It's so frustrated plastic now, but I hate that
ship. You are exemple last nine percent plastic. That's fucking terrible. It's
it's pretty bad. I'm so plastic plastic man. Yeah, but yeah,
don't trust. Don't trust people that drink you who that if you see,
like across the street, if you see a guy drinking across the street.
Do you see a guy drinking you who don't let him know you saw him.
Yeah, don't draw attention to it, like notice him and then across
when you see when you see a man with you, put on, put
on your shades, put on your sunglasses. When you see a man sh
yes, absolutely put in your shades because notice that he's gonna eat you.
He's not gonna notice. No, no, no, no, you don't
understand. You have to keep you have to put your shades on so you
can survey him without him understanding that he that uh that you're saveyian, you
know what I mean? Like you can you know, shad on. It
doesn't matter because they're not going to. They're not going to. They're like
fucking predator, like twenty eight days later. Have you guys seen twenty eight
days later? You know they wanted to like looking around like this, doing
the little thing, and they take a sip of the you know, they
bite, they bite the bottle. Dude, I have run. They eat
it like it's sucking sugar glass man, like it's fucking Willy Wonka eating the
fucking teacups. The idea, the ideo the way where you just painted you
who drinkers as some human man. They don't deserve glass, I mean deserve
that. What the are you preserving? Don't know what taste? What flavor
profile are you preserving with your fucking glass chocolate water? You savage? Get
the funk out of here, Get out of here. Funny. What's funny
is that I bet the ones when they drink the what you call it,
when you know, when they come in like the paper bottle, the paper
like ones, because they have the paper, you hoos, I bet they
just eat that like paper. What there's a there's a paper or there's the
paper like the juice boxes. What like a fucking snow cone? What do
you mean, but there's like there's like you Who juice boxes, the juice
the boxes of you Who. You've seen me before, that's like I see
like juice. Okay, that's not okay, all right. I bet they
eat it like loafs of bread, but then just pick it up and start
chewing on like loads of bread. They rip it apart. Man, I
have so little like I used to. So funny. It's so funny too,
because like I remember, I'm sure I've told this story on the podcast
before, but like I remember being a kid. I remember being like maybe
six or seven or whatever, and I loved you Who, and then like
literally one week on Wednesday I loved it, and on Thursday I couldn't stand
it. I was like, what the fuck am I drinking? Like it
was like overnight where I was like, like half one of them, Chris,
You're half one of them. If you loved you, you're half one
of them. You got that, you got the gene for in you one
of how I know. That's how I know, man, That's how.
That's the reason why I this sat this, this, this this deep hatred
because I understand you have a child. You have a child, and your
child is like a regular like four month old baby and you bring you in
and it gets up at long it's up that you would start eating I've never
I know, I want there's no blood in its mouth. It's that ship
into the trash can afterwards. It'll kill you that time will be able to
kill a grown man. You gotta make sure, like you gotta like you
gotta like all right, cool, I'm gonna train normal miracle that it really
is a miracle that you who still survives, especially like first of all,
it's already weird that you know, grown ass person would even drink chocolate milk,
Like it's a little it is a little like as as a beverage.
You know, you just go out of your way to drink chocolate milk.
It is a little bit funny. But on top of that, like there's
nest quick, there's like there's like you would think that it would not even
bro not even because you who isn't even milk, it's chocolate drink. I'm
not looking that up. There's a dude, I'm if you if you go
to convenience stores, you will find you who on the shelves unrefrigerated. And
that shattered my life. When I saw that, I was like, that
is unsafe to drink when I should not be fucking unrefrigerated. That's insane time,
And I was like, why is it not in a milk out?
I changed at that moment. It's an immediately I from like a child to
like dry milk. So there's basically no absolute yeah yeah, so and then
there's just a little bit of way and it's so I see how okay,
Yeah, it's it's it's like a it's it's like a fucking it's like a
way. It's like a protein shake with no protein in it. It's like
it's so not that's it's just shake. That's all it is. Those money
they call it. They call it chocolate drink. It's crazy because dude,
I respect chocolate milk. Man. I like chocolate. I don't go out
of my way to have it, but like, you know what, if
I'm feeling it, it's delicious. I don't begrudge anybody for having a nice
glass of chocolate milk. But you can customize how chocolate it is, dude,
Like it's great. It's a great drink, top tier drink, sincerely,
but like, fuck man, you who they're something else going on in
there that that's like a it's like a fucking Shrek tube potion or something like,
what the fuck, how are you making this? Yeah, I don't
know. I can't. I can't chocolate milk, and you feel like,
Look, I don't really even drink milk anymore. Actually, I'm an almond
media. I just do like a vanilla almond milk. And then if you
have some fucking cocoa puffs. I don't really do coca puffs either, but
like on the rarity, then that that fucking the leftover that ship right there,
beautiful, beautiful, A little bit milk absorbs cereal or really well,
like I've noticed just generally compares malmond milk. But I just wish. I
just wish I could drink regular milk. Man. I miss regular milk.
Yeah, I just I mean, I'm I'm I'm not one hundred percentactose intolerant,
but I'm enough to worry. Just I don't funk with milk. I
drink, and then I just feel agony the whole rest of the day.
I know, there's a I farted through my pants before, through fucking solid
dickies. Bro he blew, he blew them out blew them back up of
the mount and I was like, well, did I. I'm very far
away from my house, so I just gotta walk it out through the streets
like this. Did I tell you that? I didn't know? Did I?
I don't know if I told you guys, I didn't know that that
was I thought that. I thought everyone was just like that. Everyone was
like lactose intolerant. When I was young and I I had a I had
like a kickback of my house when I was like I don't know. It
was freshman year and this girl she just started pounding the milk in my fridge
like I'm talking about three four glasses and I was just looking at her,
like, you need to leave. You're gonna like fucking break my toilet,
bitch, like you're gonna like but I didn't, I didn't know. She
was like, no, I'm fine, I don't know what you're talking about.
And that that kind of like fucked me up because I never had this
conversation with anyone. I just thought like, oh, milk fucks you up.
And I just thought like that's just what it does. And I didn't
know that there's levels of this ship kind of blew my fucking mind. Yeah,
so yeah, there's some people and also people that just chug milk like
that tilt too. Anyway, it's weird. It's a weird thing to watch
them too. You gotta watch off for them too. Yeah. They they
they definitely, they definitely like they'll definitely eat your food off your plate.
If you look away, they definitely grab your whole plate, open their jawn
and put the plate back. It'll be clean. Oh yeah, first first,
first one. Yeah, nothing happened really this week, and which means
I'm sure tomorrow all of the like the rest of the Friends cast is gonna
die. So uh let's yeah, so before that happens, we're just gonna
go through some of your questions. We have eighty questions, and the thread
has we have eighty three questions and the and the question thread has been open
for just like like not even a day yet. So come on over there
patroon dot com slash to start tank and ask your question. You can get
in very cheap on this tier, so uh, thank you all for supporting,
but we got to get through these otherwise we'll never finish. So elber
elber Gone wrote in with the first question. He's like hell, Hey,
Puerto Rican, Puerto Ricantan certified cholo Derek, has your dark humor? I've
forgotten you? In trouble with normal folks slash non online people for me in
the third grade. Okay, has your dark humor ever gotten you? In
trouble with normal folks? Slash non online people for me and the third grade.
A teacher was telling my Spanish class about a case where the uh,
I'm not gonna read this. No, I just I literally know honestly,
I'm not even joking. I just got so lazy that I didn't want to
read the rest of it. I don't even know what the rest of it
says. But the but there's so much, there's there's so much of their
le No, but how much I don't have. No, but his five
dollars doesn't mean anything to me. No, you mean anything to me?
You all, you all mean nothing to me. I'll kill all of you
now. I'm just joking for me. And a teacher was telling me my
telling my Spanish class about a case where a man chained his child to a
tree, and I blurted out, poor tree. Needless to say, my
parents got a call from a very concerned teacher. That's just funny. That's
not even a dark joke to me. That's like teachers do that ship dude,
I know exactly what, Like, I hate that sis bullshit joke.
Yeah, that's that's poor tree is a good response to that. I like
that. That's good. But I had an experience like this sort of recently,
or almost did, because like I thought I might have messed up for
a second, but then I managed to turn it around, and I want
it over. But like, uh, we were at a friend's birthday dinner
where we were at this Korean barbecue place and it was a bunch of bunch
of other content people and some close friends of mine. We were all kind
of sitting there and it was just this girl that I've ever met before,
is like a friend of a friend who was brought to this thing, and
we were at this Korean restaurant and she was she'd never had Korean barbecue before,
and we were eating. I was like, yeah, man, it's
super good. And I said like, hey man, there's like a secret
menu where you can get a it's on the download. You can you can
order a cat's face. And she was like, that's not She was like
that's not an okay joke. And I remember why. I remember thinking like
why, and I was like, oh, yeah, that's right. I
forgot that that was even I just genuinely thought would be a ridiculous thing to
have on a menu, period. But I forgot that there was even a
stereotype oriented with that. Because that's what I'm saying, it's not even in
my mind. You didn't even think about it. But so then I turned
around and I was like, it's wild. I was like, it's wildly
racist actually of you to assume that's what I meant. I just just I
just think it's bizarre. I just think it would be weird for you to
be offered a cat's face. You I don't know what you're on, but
you made it weirdly racial for no reason. God bless you. I just
would have hit her. Would Yeah, I should have actually put her face
down on the grill. Realized what I should have done, but I didn't
know you. You hit her so hard, hit her in blood. I
love the idea of like I think it's just because I find the idea of
like serving face is really funny. Like the the idea of like, here's
like it's like, oh man, yeah, can I get that? Can
I get like a b L T with a pig's face? Like yeah,
it is, Uh, it's very I don't know, I'm very good at
talk situations, especially when it comes like jokes. So like I haven't gotten
in trouble from it ever, And I'm just like, that's the least interesting
answer possible. You seem like I was like, are you like genuinely,
there's nothing like whatever, Like I might have said, like I might have
said the ED word one time where I shouldn't know when people got offended.
I was like, yeah, that's WRONGFDB. Yeah. The landing. Eventually,
every time I think of my my buddy Alex, his in high school.
His his grandpa recently died and you know, really close to him,
and uh, we were kind of insulting each other back and forth, and
I didn't want to just be lazy and say like oh, your mom or
whatever the default, so I tried to just think of a different family member
of my brain accidentally landed on your grandpa and I was like, oh god.
It was like his reaction he was like fuck you, but like he's
at it in a in an okay way where and I was like, dude,
I am so sorry. I did not. Where is when you gotta
apologize about I haven't apologized about a joke in a very long time. It's
I don't know if I can anymore. I don't know if I can't even
like I feel like my pride, like, nah, I said it,
I said it. If I mentioned it, I would, I wouldn't apologize.
But that was just a that was just a freak, like oops,
you know, you just you just land on a family member and like oops,
bad, bad, bad timing. That's pretty fun of my mom.
And I'd be like, that's kind of what happened is a funny. I
will always laugh at a funny joke. I always swear by that if a
joke is funny, I'll laugh. Yeah, if it's actually funny. There
have been times people have made fun of my mom and it's been funny and
I've laughed, and then I think about I'm like, dang, my bad
ma. I hope you're doing good up there. I go back to like
one, like, dang, that was a funny fucking joke. No,
I feel you, I think, man, and I I found humor in
my grandpa. I saw him on his deathbed, and he looked so like
finished, let me finish. You see your face is getting ahead of my
story. I saw I saw him. I saw him, and he looked
awful, right, he looked he look a fucking zombie like he looked.
It was. It actually haunted my dreams for a minute. But uh,
when I saw him at the funeral, like normally I hate open caskets,
but like seeing at the funeral like erased that memory and I was like,
oh good, and actually had a dream again. And the thing is,
though it became like Shanna the Dead type of a thing. My my,
my brain like kind of put it to rest to where his the image of
the zombie version of him was dealt with in a comedic way, essentially in
my dream to kind of compartmentalize it. And I just remember waking up later
and kind of laughing about it that how fucked up is it that you're dreaming
of like defeating your yours? I was like, what the fuck is this?
And uh it felt pretty good afterwards, because uh, yeah, it
was. It was one of the things that we turned it around. Man,
we turned it. Want I want to make a really joke about caskets,
but I can't, like, I like, there's like there's a part
of me. I was like, man, I love open casts, almost
trying to get a nut off, but then I realized, oh my god,
caskets are just I just they're so man, I've never seen have you
ever like had like seen like a dead body. And my grandpa was open
casket, and I was that was good for me because I was like,
that was like a very good fun because when he was sick in the hospital
obviously the same thing as me. Right, they were letting me see him,
obviously, but when he when he he didn't he didn't look bad.
My grandpa was a strong dude, so he was like he was a big
guy. Well, I don't know, I'm probably way bigger than him.
Now think he died, you're just pushing them. I think it's the opposite
is strong. But that guy's a fun Drake's colic now. But seeing him,
but seeing him was good for me because I got to like I got
to like one last time I put my hand on my grandma's side. I'm
like, I missed it. It was good for me. It was good
for me because I really, I really like my grandpa was my I've I
don't have My father sucks, so my grandpa Will has always been my first
father figure. Your dad I've had in my life. Your dad does suck.
I don't know, but that is horrible, horrible. He comes over
to my place every now and again for poker n ide, but like he
sucks. Why is my dad my dad? Would my dad would hate you,
Chris. I couldn't. I couldn't imagine my dad. He comes here
purely to disrespect my home. I'm like, what are you doing to see
you? Though? What is he not? Is not gonna? Like?
Does he not make a stop by your house? Case? I don't even
live far from Chris. Pretty if you're coming away from New York to visit
my chrisy, you can stop at my place. That nigga, Man,
that's crazy. I kind of respect parents that that feel that way, you
know, the ones that don't feel obligated to love their kids. I was
like, man, fuck this, fuck this kid. There's there's some there's
a little bit of respect. No respect so crazy that I respect that your
children is crazy. Not loving your children for no reason, it's crazy level
respect it and not like trying to like, you know, play like I'm
not trying to hear these rules. Like, no, bitch, dude,
I could. I could easily not love my kids. Watch me, I
clatch for a reason, not for no reason, for no reason, not
loving your kid, I would have I would have to curve because you know,
they can still be normal, functioning people. But if you don't suppress
that gene, you'll become monsters. Now, you who, You people cannot
be normal people. You who people must normalize them. Look, I know,
I know this is like that. I know this is a weird time
to be saying it like this based on like what's happening in the world,
But like I think you who people need to be called like sincerely, like
you. If you could normalize a social you can normalize you who person.
It'll be more difficult for the you person, but it's possible. Yeah,
all right, Well who people are just born with extra strength, they're they're
they're more predatory by nature. Yeah, they're stronger, they're faster, they're
more dangerous. But can you how to be human? You choke it choking
on choking on your drink? There? Yeah, fucking what if there is
camera veered over there? You you fresh? Look he's one of them,
he's one of the I wouldn't feel betrayal, but I would feel something weirdly
close. You guys want to cancel doing the podcast, and and and uh
in person, we would, we would take we would at least take away
Derek. Finding out that Derek had are you just off screen on screen like
off off stage left would at least make us pause the podcast for a week.
It would be like if there was like an intense like if one of
us died, you know what I mean, and we had to figure out
like what the fuck we're gonna do? Like it would be like a week
of just like all right, well we got we gotta sort this ship out.
And I would I invited you to my home. I've my home before
you podcast with somebody. Can you imagine doing a podcast with somebody that you
refuse to speak to, so like you, like you just refused to talk
with Derek, and then so I'm talking to Derek, I'm talking to you.
No one's I love that idea. I want to do a podcast where
it's like, no, I want to do a podcast with three people that
don't want to speak to each other and won't address each other. That's what
I want. So pretty much everyone's on mute for everybody else, so it
is mute to podcast. We're talking. It's just three separate audio attracks of
people talking by themselves. All right, Uh, if you spread your ass,
does it almost feel like you've been gaged? Before I wrote in?
He says, hello, twink Bear and Otter. What is the worst possible
game to mod? So everything everyone is nude? Uh, I'm possible,
Harry Potter. No, probably like Tetris or something, right, not even
put some tits on some bricks. Don't care about that. I'll put tits
on bricks, man, I just mean for the Uh. I think I
think the Hogwarts games are all kids or some shit, So I think that
would be like oh yeah, point yeah, yeah, so like any children
game. So like trying to think of another children game. That was the
first one that pop my head. Yeah this, I can't think of any.
Like there's there's my Street for the PlayStation two, which is fucking horrible.
But uh, that's such a deep cut that I can't even imagine.
I can't imagine ninety percent of the people listening to isn't it even know what
the fuck that is? But yeah, yeah, fucking that's that's everybody's nude.
Mario. Why Mario, that's too big of a dick. It'll be
really, it'll be really, it'll really fuck up the energy of the game.
If you see how big a cock is. I'm sure dragging on the
floor pretty cool, like slaps a goom ahead with it and then blows up.
Wow, that's my kind of Mario man, Like somehow Peach has a
bigger dick than him. Let's go now we're gotting a rifle. Now we're
talked on her. Like he does a spin and like her dick is like
dragging on the floor around and she spins fast. It's like out and it's
like a helicopter, like when like when crashed with a twirl and people like
this is a shake it up, it up. When I was a kid,
I used to think, I really did used to think that that was
like a valid combat strategy, like if you just had your arms, if
you had your hands out with your like fists like clenched and you just twist
it around real quick, like that was like a good way to do a
lot of damage. I really believe that for at least a little bit,
because it seems so effective for crash banding. Dude's breaking through wooden boxes and
sh what's spinning? And yeah, well spinning and punching does a ton of
damage. Spinning and punching, just like with your arms outstair, you probably
just hurt yourself. Really, you're probably just you can't have to be really
strong to do something like that. So spinning backfist and fighting like in MMA
is actually pretty effective. But it is a high probability that you you'll break
something, so you miss a lot. It's just too much force. You
do miss a lot just because you know you take your off the prize.
But like a lot of times people break their hands, then they break their
arms when they do that shit. It's terrible and like level people, like
a lot of people who got knocked out by spinning when you spin, But
it's just it's just not a good it's high risk, high reward man.
That's that's how Vern Troyer died. I think a spinning punch man do a
spinning kick man when those ships land. Can you imagine you spinning backhand punch
to Vern Troyer Of all people, Vern troy So for people who are listening
who might not know Vern Troyer is the small like the little person actor who
played fucking Mini Me and Austin. Now he's dead, also very dead.
Yeah, that's why I'm joking up. Uh, he's been dead for a
long ass time and there was so little of him to begin with that he's
definitely just like dust By now. So yeah, yeah, this might as
well feet into something, you know. Yeah, YouTube on his corpse.
I wonder what would happened he comes back. You think has any re animation
properties. Yeah, he came It was literally the shift of the re animator.
It's literally that goop from the re animator. It's literally the same property
as it just turned you to a feral beef and it breaks you back to
life. How prevalent you? Who is in this episode? It's gonna because
it's gonna makes it easy for me. It should be like a thumbnail of
like Derek holding a you Cara, like if you only have K ninety stupid
it's like and look like monster. Yeah all right, Mikeyden says hello,
Rick to and Stan. Oh. I guess it's the last half of all
of our names. I guess because I wanted to write in to give Sweeney
some overdue props as goofy and out of pocket as he can be, He's
funny as fuck. It is correct about things a lot more often than he
gets credit for. So cheers to you, Sween, for uh and for
the other boys. My question is this, what is something you must grudgingly
admit that Sweeney is right about nothing. I can't think of anything off the
top of my head. But I mean, I know there's been plenty of
like you're right, or concessions or what. I just can't think of anything
like nothing because I'm so out of pocket that when I'm right, when I'm
right, people argue automatically because of how often I'm out of pocket. And
I understand you guys. Got to you guys, let me be. I'll
do some. Function will happen, I'll do some. I can't think of
anything specific. You gotta do it. Yeah, I can't. I'm I'm
like that guy that uh, the person that wrote in. They probably have
an example in their mind or something, so there you should you should have
write with it. Mike. I'm curious, man, don't only one that
I could think that I could think of the only one that I could think
of, And it was like semi intentional was the cribby Patty with the with
the onion. She was more of like a gash so good. I saw
it too, and I was like, oh, ship, it's there.
And then I didn't say ship. There is there nothing speaking of gas lighting.
The ghost of Mama j Froad and she says, she says, I
love my children. Have you ever fought? Have you ever wait? Okay,
hello my children? Have you ever fallen? For Chris's gas lighting?
I did for the Full Metal Machine bullshit. I was out delivering pizza when
I first heard that created the memory and be watching the fake show. Also
doctor yeah, we haven't killed. We haven't killed doctor Drew in a while,
the yeah, full metal scene. I'll never be more proud of gaslighting
campaign in my life because I was like really committed to that bit for like
years, and I would tell like when I when I first meet people,
I would tell them about it, and I told so many people about it
that people edited they edited a Wikipedia to like make it real so that when
people would look it up, they would see they would see if you didn't
look into it further, you'd be like, holy shit, it's real.
Uh, But but that's that entry is gone now, it's all it's it's
completely gone. Like somebody said, somebody white. I believe a few things
Chris said when we were like teenagers, and then I was like, oh
no, this guy is just the He just lies. He just lies and
he makes up fucking falsehood. It was funny because Lily, but Lily didn't.
Lily didn't know that you were a bulltioner so often. So there's been
times where she's repeated things he said and I'm like, Lily, that is
absolutely not real. He's lying. Why would he lie? And just like
that's the point. Can you please give you an example something that I convince
Lily of? She said. She said something ridiculous about like a cat doing
something one time, and I was just like a cat doing math? And
then Lily was like, yeah, apparently I heard a cat did math one
time and I was like, little can't do math math And she was like
like, what do you mean. I was like, honey, they're not.
That's like a fucking cute stepping stone and evolution, like being able to
quantified numbers is something that only I think like humans and maybe apes can do.
She was like, why would Chris lie about that? And I was
like, it's because just because of this, it is because of this thing
to happen. He wants to know this happened. That you knowing that happened
has fed me sincerely, Like I feel like, I bet you can even
feel like I'm glowing a little bit more like that, Like that actually like
sustained me in a way that protein doesn't. I can't. I don't know
how to explain it. I don't know how to explain it. I love
it's I don't know, man, if it's if it's just all in good
fun and it's just like for a joke and like it's just like funny.
I'll absolutely just bullshit to people constantly. I like, right, but like,
but the thing is, I've also given my but I've also I also
ran into the problem where like when I say things, people don't trust me
now because I'm just so much. But but I've and to my credit,
I've held to this. Whenever there is something whenever there's something that I am
genuinely serious about and it sounds ridiculous or sounds like something that I would lie
about, I will I will genuinely say, like listen, I know that
sounds like something that I would lie about. But I'm not joking. And
if I make that clarification, I'm telling the truth sincerely. I've never broken
that. That is a truth promise, absolutely. But if I don't say
that, it's you know, I'm one hundred percent fucking lying to you,
a million percent two thousand. The idea of someone, the idea of Chris
is getting beaten, you know, like in the Pokemon movie, the first
one where like Ash gets turned into stone and then all the Pokemon have to
cry to bring him back. That idea of Chris being like dying, and
everybody's like, just just say someone to bullshit. Chris just said you would
have people believe it. Yeah, Gash like someone quick. Yeah, it
starts coming back, and then eventually it's like I'm back. I am a
full power. People just kept fucking lying to each other. Did you see
these Obama dick pics? And then I slowly, slowly, let's go,
So I slowly, I slowly come to life. Stupid. I remember,
like, this almost doesn't this almost doesn't count, but like I still kind
of count it because uh, it was still an absolute lie and it was
just such a complete bullshit. But the people who believed it were very drunk,
so it's like it's it's kind of like a half victory. But I
remember when we had our chickens Giving party, when we rented out that house
to throw that ridiculous party where we watched like Spider Man three in the living
room and fucking drank like crazy, and we were all watching I think we
were watching Pirates of the Caribbean or something in like in the living room,
all hammered and I said when the titles came on, I said, it's
a friend of ours girlfriend, But I'll never forget. I was like,
you know what's really crazy is that, like Pirates of the Caribbean spelled backwards
is still Pirates of the Caribbean. And this girl was like, no way,
she earnestly believed it because he was so drunk that I will never forget
that for as long as I live. And that's all he needed. That's
all he needed. Chris is going to live six more years because of that,
dude. Years of life, dude I had, I had. I
had amazing sex immediately after that, purely because of that, Purely because of
that, Like if that didn't happen, it would have been like, oh
man, I'm not even the mood. Man, I'm not even the I
don't really, I don't know. Pussy's not really that interesting to me right
now. But nothing. Oh, I successfully gasolate. I successfully made somebody,
But I made someone believe that Pirates of the Caribbean spelled backwards was still
Pirates of the Caribbean. Let's go, let's go. It's pretty to a
woman. I can't. We're we're not sleeping tonight, We're not. It's
over. But uh, anyway, thank you for the question, Thank you
for the question. Telling somebody that it's you're done, You're doomed the rest
of the night. Oh man, pile pile of prem sary. And he
says, hey, sexist, racist and xenophobe, what's the dumbest thing you
or a friend did for money besides a job or some ship. I had
a friend back in high school who ate a bug off the ground for a
singular buck, a singular terminal. I don't think I've ever heard anybody use
the terminal the term singular buck before. I like that. Yeah, because
redudular dollar, you need to say it. But I love I love it.
It's emphasis. I get it. I like it. I love it.
The emphasis of it singular buck that's crazy. Yeah, I mean,
I guess people, I guess that's a person who would you know what that
is though, That's somebody who would eat a bug off the ground for free.
That's I'm trying to be like that, bro. I remember I told
you us last But so what I'm trying to be like that, Like I'm
looking like just a creature of instinct, like a fair and you know what
you gotta do. You know what you gotta do, because that's that's living.
You know, I'm tired of I'm tired of being alive, and I
want to start living more. You know, I kind of know it's just
stupid big alive, but I want to start living. I agree with that,
I totally. I don't I know what you're talking about. That's why
that's why I don't have That's why I specifically avoid health insurance. I don't
have health insurance at all. I mean I don't, but it still just
sounds so stupid. I have. Anything I say just sounds fucking ridiculous.
Now, Like I'm aware that has gotten to the point now that no matter
what when I speak, it sounds fucking crazy. I mean, you Chris
ruined you by doing the and it's kind of somewhat gas lighting the whole.
I hate the gaze thing. Yes, it set the tone for you forever
exactly. I can be talking about something really serious and everyone's like, yo,
dude, like a you're a monster. You're not a real Barnett thinks
I'm insane. That is the funny. Ever, Josh Barnett thinks I'm someone
that needs to be culled. He's like, he starts acting crazy, y'all
handle him. I'll take him down for you guys. Thinking about that the
other fucking day. I will literally think about the other day. I was
just thinking about that. I spoke to him a few days ago and I
was just like, dude, like, you don't have to be a phrase
like no, man, you're a wild card and I gotta watch out for
you. And I'm like, don't, Josh, you can people. You
don't don't worry about me. You have Josh Barnett looking over his shoulder,
you understand. But but here's the thing. Also, here's the thing.
Also, it's like I say, like I hate the gays. That's it.
It was like a little joke, a little meme that does you have
carried you have carried that into places that I did not set up for you.
Okay, like I set jam you are all right, point even engaging,
there's no point even are you saying I'm Chris. Are you saying I
have not balanced out owarded years and I've gotten far more tamed than I was
before. It doesn't matter because here's the thing. I had to edit you
into saying something that ridiculous. I have not had to edit a single thing
that you've ever said since then. You have done everything you every insane take
you've ever had, every like out of pocket that you've ever said. That's
you, that's your brain. I have not had to me it's you me.
It's not I'm not that. I'm not that. Yeah, I'm Josh
Beggs different, different, Josh Barnett. He begs, dude, if I
got loud in the place, he would walk up to Yo. You's a
calm down buddy. That's what makes it because he's because he's nervous. He's
actually he's nervous. He's like, dude, like, I gotta quiet this
guy down before he comes too powerful. When you speak, when you speak
loud, body. I gotta w when you speak loudly, Josh Barnett's central
nervous system shakes shakes, like independently of his body, like he's he's gonna
do something. Why it is over, just I got I gotta do something
about this, cancel all my wrestling matches, like I need to go now,
I gotta go put this guy down. He's gonna be signing that everyone's
gonna pay. We were like, we were like, this kid is gonna
be like everyone is gonna pay for what this kid did. That affects everybody
we were talking about. We were talking about someone else. I don't remember
who's who whose kids we were talking about. We were talking about like our
friends kids or like people we knows kids, something like whatever for kids.
It was I don't remember either. It wasn't important it was, but the
joke was that like, oh, yeah, you know, everyone else is
going to have to pay for that kid, like like we're all going to
have to something that everyone's God, damn, this affects me too now right.
Oh, I don't think we answered this question. No good question about,
uh, what's the most out we've ever done? Something similar to the
bug thing I've never done anything too crazy, but this one. I felt
terrible for a while where I was on the way to the mountains. Uh.
I went to a church retreat a couple of times because you know,
there's some good pussy there, and I was, you know, just you
know, I'm trying to see what's up. And so this dude made a
concoction. It was like jello Tic TACs skittle or Eminem's was Eminem's some other
bullshit. It was the tic TACs. Like everything would have been fine.
It gave me five bucks to eat the bowl, and I was like,
well five bucks, why not? Yeah, an entire thing of tic tax
Dude, I like, I felt so clean, My insights felt so like
the like you know, you know that feeling that MINTI feeling. I felt
it all through My insights was terrible. I feel like sheet, Oh that's
crazy. Five bucks though, got five bucks. I guess, like I
think I the only thing that I can vaguely remember that I've experience. I'm
sure that I'm sure I've seen people do outrageous things for money, but I've
seen it so many times that nothing really sticks out. The nothing that I
can remember was in the sixth grade this. This girl gave me. This
girl gave me five I don't remember if it was five dollars. Maybe it
might have been one dollar. I don't even I don't know whatever whatever.
Ins like it was in a menial amount of money, but like it was
a lot for a child, because I was like, oh, man,
I can get a hers. She war with this and she's like can I
kiss you? And she was like A really not It wasn't I wouldn't have
you know, I would have done. But I was like, yeah,
I mean for a dollar, yeah whatever. But that was like sixth grade.
That's the only thing I could remember. That was your destiny. You
you went a different route, right. You could have been a fucking jiggle.
That was the beginning, and you ignored it. I think it was
just some really insecure girl who had a crush on me. And then that
I would never look at a million page ye what if? I have never
been offered money to do anything to a woman that score. That was one
time in my life though, to be fair, so like I've definitely been
done dumb shift for money, but I can't remember anything of it. Like
I've I've never done I never kissed anyone for money, under done something like
that. But I've definitely like I don't know, bro like set fires for
money or something like that, or like you don't know, Christ like like
rats off the suit out the sewer for money, but like nothing like crazy.
Yeah, definitely like hunted rats and like Carlo one one fifth grabbed the
rat and I wears my dollar and yeah, yeah, I mean I would
I would like I would like I would like bite the I would bite the
skin tags off of elderly Italian woman for like five dollars. But like,
I mean, I did nothing crazy. I think like I went to the
Bronzo and beat a gorilla half to death or was like sick, where's my
fifteen cents? Just like climb out bloody. Yeah, I said the service
they were like the service for people where I would go to people's houses and
wipe their asses with my bare hands. But like I mean, like aside
from that, it was just like fucking never nothing. But you're like nothing
crazy, Like I know, I like, I've definitely done fuckery for money,
like I've definitely because our friend our friends are the kind of guys that
would do shit like that, especially when were younger. You were definitely those
kinds of kids. Yeah, but I just I don't know. There's yeah,
there's like moments that you probably you know they're deep in your subconscious that
you don't want to bring to the service. I imagine I've definitely open hands
smacked the pregnant woman for like six cents, but like that's nothing really,
that's hasn't done that. So that's that's a that's a bargain, that's that's
and you're giving me any sort of commerce, wow, any false stomach though,
that's how you get the most benefit. That is so fucking outrageous.
Baby just shoots out of her. When I was in school, school when
you set the kids off those weird like oblog tubes on like fucking like tanker
missions and it is go fly. Yeah. I mean when I was in
middle school, like my friends would like pay me like five dollars apiece to
watch me like ship up my own back into my hat, down my face,
and into my own mouth so I could eat it. But like,
aside from that, it's like, you know, I've never really about that
ship. Dude, I'm thinking about you turned the venom bro. That's crazy,
you've been thinking about that, like thinking about that. I think you're
so frustrated and hungry. It's been so funny. It is. It is
a reference to the last episode, But like, I've been thinking about that
for a while. I thought about that premise for a long time because like
it was like you and me, Kickson, right where we learned about like
babies shipping up their own backs because they were we didn't know that was real.
The fact I didn't know that was real because I found that out after
I had nieces that enoughhews that I grew up with. I didn't they enough.
He's never did. They never had to explode. They would have ship
when they shot out their pamper, but they never ship straight up their own
backs like in their air crazy idea. The thing that I love about it
is just like, Okay, that's first of all, that's so fucking disgusting
for a baby, but then to imagine the amount of force needed to do
that with it for an adult, with the amount of like mass, I
don't know, man, I love it that that premise is so fucking hysterical
to me. Oh got all right, let's let's fucking anyone that ships up
their own back as an adult human that needs to go to sleep Man.
Yeah, yeah, that's that's that's incredible of the Richter Rictor eighty six,
incredible Rictor eighty six and Personnity goes Hey Fellers. Sort of late, vaguely
Halloween related question. It's not whatever, you know, Halloween just ended.
We're fresh off the heels. Uh, what is the best most s tier
chocolate slash candy bar. I've always been a big advocate for the kit cat
myself. Thanks for the entertainment, epathetic goblins, thank you, Thank you
Richter for your question. M kit Cat, I don't see it's I don't
think I would put kit cat in like a bee. They're good. I
like them a lot, but it just they're not special enough. So for
me, the eighth year doesn't does an eighth year easy? Regular bars,
Almond Joy exactly? Oh well yeah, regular Hershey's. That's crazy. They're
simple, they're perfect chocolate look, and I understand that you enjoy them like
that, but I feel like the same way how I love playing vanilla ice
cream. A lot of people wouldn't just put like a plain vanilla as an
s t here not because it's not beauty. It's good, but it's not
it's painting with one color. It's beautiful still, No, it's not.
It is, but it's not. It's not st here though. First of
all, you can't pay with one color because then it's just that it's just
when you can then it's just one color, that's the thing. No,
you need more than one color. The whole thing. That one color,
Chris, But you know that's what I'm saying. That's what you're saying.
One color that paint the picture. That's still beautiful color. It's still using
the negative color space of the canvas. No, it's not, Yes,
it is. I think on average people would enjoy moreltiple colors, more than
one color. Yeah, dude, y'all are look at you? Who so
whatever that's think? This is crazy? Fine? Look look why can't you
acknowledge that? Like just I acknowledge with my vanilla. I love Hogandas vanilla.
I fucking love a pine of Hogandts vanilla. I think it's the best.
Okay, But what about French vanilla? French Vanilla's I mean, I
like French vanilla too, but I just there, as far as all the
ice creams I've had, the Hoggandaws playing vanilla is fire to me. But
I feel like people would disagree that Sherbert vanilla where it's like kind of yellow,
is really fucking that's a great vanilla. Man. That like, of
all the vanillas I've had, it's like, this is fucking dope vanilla.
Whatever. Okay, so what about there's the Crunk. I like the Crunk.
I like kick cats a lot. Yeah, yeah, my personal what
is your personal favorite? What is your personal favorite? I would say probably
Reese's Reese's peanut butter cups. Yeahcenter cup is esterio. There's one in my
fridge right now, like that. That is that my freezer right actually nice
and the freezer dope the best way. Then. I've told that to people
and they've been so confused by it, where it's like, dude, like,
how would you not wait? Is it? It's crazy that I put
my reces in the in the freezer. It's crazy. People think it's weird.
Do you freeze like everyone freezes chocolate? Like that's what you do.
You got you can freeze most chocolates. You can't freeze the twigs otherwise you're
kind of fucked. Yeah that's different. Yeah, you can't freeze came but
like but like dude, like it's it's so good like that that that's satisfying
snaff and then like there's nothing on your hands afterwards. It's like it's like
if it melts or anything, it's like it's so dude. Colds are I
almost feel like regular recess peanut butter cups aren't even in s tire by themselves.
I feel like they need that freezer to really be up there. Like
I feel like like a normal recess peanut butter cup at like room temperature is
like maybe low a but like room temperature that it melts right away. It
melts, imadi, the second you touch it, it melts. Yeah,
it's like if it's chilled, amazing, absolute ster. You're right. If
you can have a couple of a cup of vanilla almond milk with it.
Fuck, there is so man, it's it's best snack. But there's others.
There's crunch bars, crunch bars fantastic what crunch bar like Nestley Okay,
okay, I remember they had a thing. They had a thing where they
had like m and ms in the crunch bars for a little bit and I
really liked those. That was that sounds cool, baby, I feel like
that's old people. A good Year. There's good Year is more elderly.
But Babe Ruth is good man. Is this something? I feel like bakers
would obviously have to be up there. I feel like sneakers is the like.
Look personally, I don't eat Snickers very often, but when I see
people talk about a perfect candy bar because it kind of has a little bit
of everything in it, like it's got your nougat, it's got your peanuts,
it's got your caramel, It's like, this might be a very shocking
thing for you guys to hear. I've never had a I've never had a
Snickers. I'm honest. I'm honest there. I like them, but people
woul probably you're crazy. I I don't. I look so when I'm eating
a candy bar, I don't need an immense amount of crunching it. I
don't need peanuts in my fucking candy bart. The milky Ways better. I
think the milky Ways better because the Milky Ways kind of like a fucking one
will no peanuts and it ship for me. My thing is this, right,
I exist in the extremes of I like blandness, but then I also
like really ram like very like robust flavors, so like, I like he
either he either eats plain white rice or roaches off the ground exactly. I'm
vast bro the so fucking big ass roaches off the wall found out inner city
apartments. You know. I found out recently that fucking if if if people
have seat like allergies specifically like lobster, they have, they they're also allergic
to roaches. Really, that's disgusting that, like, how how did somebody
find that out? They ate the roads, you know, I'll tell you
how they found it. I tell you how they found it out. This
is how I found out. I was like on TikTok scrolling through TikTok and
Joe Rogan came up and he was on Fear Factor. He was talking and
he was like, oh, man, like well, they were asking people
like what their allergies were. It's like, oh, somebody had like a
shellfish allergy, like the specifically the lobsters and crabs and stuff like that,
and they were like okay. And one of the one of the one of
the challenges was to eat roaches. And he ate roaches, and he had
the fucking same exact reaction that he had the fucking lobster, so like they
had to like get like anbuless is in there, and I'm like, I
knew it. I fucking knew it this whole fucking time. There were obviously
bugs, people trying to convince me that it's different, but they were the
same sea bugs. If anybody says differently, they're like, fucking all of
those they're like lobsters, shrimps, their sea bugs. No, But the
fact that they're similar, the fact that they're similar enough to trigger the same
exactology, is amazing to me. Like that's like, that's all I needed
really saying this, I feel like I almost ripped out of my own skin.
And because of how much I hate the fact that people eat seafood period,
Like people may like seafood in general, Like how how could you look
at a lobster and be like, I like to eat that, feel you
if if I fill you with that like they do, especially shrimp look absolutely
just disgusting a gross. I went to Kate Barbecue with Joe, and Joe
had the nerve. He had the nerve, the nerve I was gonna snap
at him, but it was like, calm down, he had the nerve
to put fucking calamari on a grill. I was gonna use bro I was,
like you pieces I was so I was. I haven't gotten that mad
Okay, First of all, time, First of all, I want to
separate things a little bit. I love calamaria, Calamari fucking bad. I
just I don't octopus should be eaten. I just don't. I don't believe
you're probably right about shot at Why what do you mean? How could you
eat? Shouldn't go to bed? How could you how could you dare?
Because could you walk upright? An attempt to live as a civilized human after
eating an alien like that? That's civilized? You know who eats the most?
You know who eats the most aliens? Kingston, by your estimation,
the most probably civilized society on the plant that doesn't litter all over the city,
that is like polite, that actually puts masks on just because technology.
That's the people you're talking about. We we bombed them. We bombed them
in the subservience, you know what, because no, they didn't get stronger,
they changed, they changed. Now they draw women with vascular big dicks.
Now that's what they do. Well, we do that. We do
that specific we do. They do that too, Bro, they got paid
to it because they actually don't think so. I think it got popular here
before. I think they learned it. Isn't the name called a fuda?
Isn't that their invention? I think it's Weves. I think that's Weaves who
did that? Man? Maybe women? They give women pipes than Colin.
Me and Colin talked about this is like sometimes the idea of like is there
like a Japanese web, Like somebody in Japan who's like, I really love
Cowboys and Xbox you know what I mean? Like like I've I've seen not
in Japan, but I saw Chinese man on ninety Day Fiance. He was
literally that Cowboys, Oh my god, Metal Gear Solid Creator. He just
he just said it. What's you? Could? You said? Koma?
Sorry my bad, I was talking and thinking. I didn't think about it.
But yes, Kojima literally literally Kojima is that? Yeah, I guess,
I guess in some way, Yeah, in some ways he's his whole
game was the eighties a movie. But yeah, yeah yeah, but he's
also like very successful, you know what I mean. That's true to kill
Norman Ritas and like replace him. He can killed dormant that's a fucking android
or something, and he's gonna unveail into the world for my next game.
For my next game, I've killed Norman Ritas and and I've been walking around
this normantas android. You haven't noticed, because my next game, my next
My next game is about how how how not unique humanity is and how how
easy to replicate the human experiences to the point where even society didn't even notice
that Norman Ritas was dead for featuring featuring Norman Ritas and gammeld Toro for some
reason, for some reason, he's new game. I love I love this,
but but I'll say this. I'll say this, man, uh,
I understand aversions to to shellfish and all that. Sh I get it,
man, they're objectively insects. We have direct things to compare them to octopuses.
I would agree, like squid As where Derek goes like they probably shouldn't
be in because they're so fucking smart. At the same time, Calamari is
really good, Like it's just like shockingly, I just can't get that lemon
on it. Just squeeze the lemon on it and it's like, ah,
like I love good Klamary but that's also specifically because it's it's also specifically because
it's not an insect. If it wasn't if we had like a if we
had like land octopuses, you know what I mean, like land squids,
I wouldn't be I probably wouldn't be fucking eating calamary m. Yeah, I
just I don't know. I can't. I'm just not. Yeah, those
aliens, those smart aliens. I'm not a fan. I don't. I've
been eating meat less and less because it's just it's just the right thing right
now. It's just the right thing to do. Man, this is the
right thing to do. I mean, I don't. I don't know if
I'd ever go full blown vegetarian, but it's just it just after a while,
like my stupid brain starts thinking, and I'm like, god, damnit,
I'm contributing to all this ship. See, I'm the opposite. I'm
the opposite. I know. I I feel like time is running out for
us to be able to do that without a moral problem. So like,
I'm going to take advantage of the amount of time that we that we do
have when we can eat meat in peace without it being some big fucking like
imagine in like ten years. Eating meat is like as controversial as Israel Palestine,
you know what I mean, Like, I want to make sure that
I get as much meat in before before that point as possible, only meat
if animals gain sentience enough to be added society. In the same way that
I am tell you what, stop immediately, I'm like, I'll stop the
next day. Tell you what, I'll stop eating the animals when they ask
me to stop exactly until then, when when the chickens like I feel and
I don't want you eating because it's not okay, When when the cow can
turn to me and say, excuse me, sir, please don't, Then
then maybe I'll consider it. Maybe you got another two undred thousand years,
maybe yeah, and then I and then your head even then stop your head
in with the cow. But even then I was gonna kill you for sport.
Even then, It's it's contingent on the complexity of the vocabulary, Like
how many words do you know? Really A hundred and half? No idea,
the idea of at that moment killing the animals. Don't kill me not
enough that smart enough. You didn't say please, He didn't get the cowboy
stop oh around under his head is breaking, bro, that's how hard I'm
the cow scathing. All right, well, I'm sorry for all the vegans
and you throw it on a vegans, you guys. Let me say let
me say that. Let me say I like the fact that they kill little
animals. It makes it happy, It makes it more hungry when I eat
them. Let me say this, Let me say this to all the begans
you are listening. You are totally morally correct. So what you are,
you are You are at least on this front morally speaking, way better than
me, one hundred percent. You're like, oh, I'm not, That's
not me. I've been bugging this whole episode. Pan your camera down where
the funks the you? Who at? Where is the you? There's no
It's around there somewhere. Can't go. There's a fucking tower. I'm legitimately
people on the floor marks and he's I'm gonna try to get a sponsored by
you who, because like who the fu? Who fus? With YouTube?
I be we can get you who sponsor. I should we should next episode
we should just all we should all get you Who's and drink them without and
not say anything like throughout the show we even like who merch on. We
have you who merch on, like you who racing jacket. I will see
if they have one of those on. There's a big green skame behind with
you on it. We don't even we don't acknowledge it. We just take
a sip. We take a sip when we when we're thirsty, and then
we like, well, well but that's it. That's it's a little bit.
But yeah, but don't we don't acknowledge it. We never mentioned you
who the whole episode take a sip and I vomit out my nose. Bro,
that's it. You see somebody do that? Yeah, it's crazy.
It's crazy. I saw a chick, this went viral on Twitter years ago,
blow up some dude and the out of her nose. I saw it
and literally like was that on? Saw that and I started flowing so much.
I stood up, like I started rolling around and moving someone. I
slipped straight up off my bed. That s it was crazy. Dude cleared
out her sinuses and everything. He blew. It was a little it was
definitely blood in there too. That he definitely like unclogged her whole ship and
it was just out now, and I was like, damn, bro,
force to come out of the ears too, out of a dope. Yeah,
that's it's all connected. It's all connected. It's possible. A little
bit more, just a little bit more. It could have came out of
kind of that bitch up pop their head back. Then go find that.
Go find that video. You'll enjoy it. Becca wrote in She says,
Hello, you, three kings. If you could, if you could time
travel and take one medieval peasant into the present day, what would you do
and what would you show them? Or what would you show man? I
would clearly get one of those like farm hand girls with like one of them
like jumbo huge titties, and I'd bring her to like the future, and
I'd wed her that's it, like one of those like Renaissance fair bitches with
the titties that are so big they're falling out our dress. It looks like
they're fucking it's like jello swimming on a fucking lake. And I would be
like, all right, cool, I'll take you to this time. Choose
to do things yourself. I would take I would take a I would take
a simple poor man and I would bring him to today and I would slap
him. I would slap a vr headset on and show him like very specific
modern TikTok means like specifically like like drawn like construction paper. Peter Griffin dying
in a hospital, singing like a skibbity toilet kaysinat version of fucking hey there,
Delilah, and just watch him fucking implode in on himself, literally fucking
die. You'd literally watch this poor man fall undone. That is terrible.
I would drast one of those racing tracks where they like, you know,
go like two hundred some miles an hour. Yeah, put him in a
car, put him in a zero gravity and like a zero gravity like like
a wind tunnel thing. Just watch him cry. Oh you know, I
don't want to do anything like that, you know what I just want to
do. I just I just want to just torture him. I want to
strap him to John Damn all right, cut him up and just cut him
up and the slash him open and sew him back up and slash him open
again and then carterizes wounds and ship you fucking psycho, Chris Is. I'm
giving this guy's shell shock. You're out here mincing a person and I'm just
getting fucking big old. I'm just getting fucking I'm just getting good old milk
from a fucking what from a big movie, fucking pre pre runaissance woman,
you're getting yourself a renaissance escort. You're like, uh, You're like you're
like, uh, you're like a time traveling boogie two nine A A hell
yeah, Oh dude, you should a documentary that I should out. I
did. Did you see him? Watched it? But I saw the previews.
It's I gotta say, Man, it's not look it's not. I
watched it, and there wasn't really much of a point to it other than
look at how this guy fucked everything up. Uh, you don't leave with
any real you know. It wasn't It was well made, though I got
to give the guy credit. It's like that's a really well shot and well
edited, and it all looks post documentary. Sincerely, It's like a really
good actually, but there's not really much of a point to it other than
like, look at how this look at this guy. He fucked up everything.
He spent two hundred thousand dollars on hookers. Man, No, that
is insane. He blew he he fucking the amount of money because the thing
that pissed me off about Buggie because everybody has all these different takes about him,
and they always say, oh, if if Boogey has focused on the
positives, then he wouldn't be getting into this. But if you've ever looked
at his algorithms or just looked at his views, when he would talk about
things that had to do with him being fat or like say, certain trauma,
they would be his most viewed videos. So there was a connection that
there was people that actually were seeking comfort in that type of stuff. Not
like, oh, let's point and laugh at this fat, sad, sack
of shit, but people you would read the comments and they'd be saying very
wholesome things, and they would relating to his plight. And instead of like
being oh, I'll just kind of be a I'll be like your uncle or
something that's going through it, and we'll go through this shit together, he
just was like, Nah, I think I'll just keep responding to trolls and
spend all my money on fucking hookers and do all this dumb shit. And
I got to the point where I first I was one of his defenders,
saying like, Okay, let's not act like this guy's cheam star or some
fucking actual villain. Like, let's not like act like he's the worst person
on earth, because that's what some people were doing. But after seeing this
documentary, I'm like, oh, this nigga doesn't want to help at all.
He he he is completely content with being the Internet's punching bag, and
I just like lost all respect fro him or I just I'm like, damn,
bro. And then trauma bonding with his girlfriend, his twenty year old
girlfriend, Oh yeah, dude, literally trauma bonding. Yeah. She's literally
talking about like how I have no support system, and I'm like, you
know, it's it's like, oh man, it's like fuck I used to
be I was like, I retract anything that I said about him. Where
I'm like, damn, he's not that bad, y'all, calm down.
He's just he's, oh he's a fat loser, Okay, big deal,
Like like we've never seen one of those before. But then I'm like,
Okay, where he's at right now, I'm like fuck, I'm like I
can't even I got nothing gonna say anymore sucks, but I'm gonna watch it.
I'm watching it because it does look like a shot well, and I
kind of wanta. I kind of want to just pay attention to when the
relationship is gonna implode, because obviously a relationship built on trauma never last.
So he just wastes so much money, man, it's crazy, Like two
hundredand dollars on hookers is insane. That's like a stupid amount of money that
lets you know that those those are probably high class escorts, like just just
throwing you're not even thinking about it or should I cut a deal or should
I? No, just I'm gonna get the highest end ones where I'm like,
dude, her pussy's exaglus game as the low end one who gives a
fuck? They can't be possible. It's just I don't know, man,
I just watched it and I was just like, how do you how you?
Like I'm not great with finances either, right, Like I'm really bad
with like managing an awful like I don't know the first thing about it,
Like I'm really fucking horrible at it. But I'm definitely not like spending money
on fucking frivolous shit like that. Like if I buy something, I'm always
thinking about like, fuck that's expensive, Like what can I is this gonna?
Like like when I bought my I remember when I bought my guitar.
I was like, fuck, do I even like do I really need this?
Like is this like a thing that like ah, this feels like absurd
really, But then it's like, oh, I can I still dabble in
music sometimes, like I'll I will put this to use in some way at
the very least, but like he'll just buy like here's a statue, here's
a statue of fucking I don't know, like a like a two hundred dollars
statue of uh, fucking I don't know the stateypuff marshmallow man, why what
purpose? Yeah, I don't know. And he's and he had so much
money too, is the thing. It's like, and I get it,
like the more money you have, the more money you spy. I get
it, right, But like at the same time, it's like not that
much man, he had like four he has that's seven hundred thousand dollars at
one point, and he like blew it all on crypto and like just bullshit,
And it's just like, bro, how do you just pay off your
And he hasn't paid off his house, which is like only like one hundred
and something thousand dollars which pay off your crazy house, the fact that still
he lives in He lives in Arkansas, where the houses are fucking dirt cheap,
because a tornado can blow him away at any moment, and he's just
like, I'm not gonna pay off my house. That's crazy. It's great.
I could buy his house. It's it's so it's so irresponsible, And
I'm like, yo, I I I get it to a certain extent,
like why pay it off if I don't have to? And I mean,
why pay it all off at once if I don't have to. I get
that sentiment. But if you have an abundance of money like that, that
is just stupid. Why not just get it over with? Just get it
over with. But like, especially if you can, it's such an easy
It's not like, oh if I do this, I'm gonna be broke,
you know what I'm saying. It's not like it's like if he's still even
if he paid off his whole house, he would still be so well off.
Yeah, especially in Arkansas, dude, especially in Arkansas. He would
be well off here. He would be well off here if he did that,
if he paid off for one, if he was in California. Granted,
California doesn't have one hundred and sixty thousand dollars houses, but if he
paid off a one hundred thousand, six if he if he paid off one
hundred thousand, sixty thousand dollars house in California with seven thousand dollars, he'd
be fucking set still anywhere, totally fine with some money. Yeah, sold,
it's my mind. I don't know. Oh well, anyway, Yeah,
come on, after all that shout out to Boi, after all this
critique, shout out to him though, Oh, Derek, did did you
see my Did you see bald Goku? I want to show this to you
before we move on? No, yeah, I put in I put in
that, put in the little chat I want you to. Why don't you
see this is? Uh, this is bald Goku. I thought you might
appreciate it. I love I love it. That reminds me of that reminds
me of fucking Aladdin where they showed him without pants on and like his skin,
his groove. It's just like two big testicle legs. Completely not second.
I just I really wanted to, I really want to get that reaction.
All right, Uh, let's see let's get one. Oh yeah,
yeah, yeah, we get yeah, we get like two. Uh,
we're now in twenty, we're our twenty. Let's see see. Oh man,
there's like, okay, there's a lot. Uh, I don't know.
Look Piper Nigga rode in? Why hyper Nigga Hyper? What's going on?
What's going on? Oh man, I can't I can't land on it.
Cameron Cameron Tolson. It says, hey, twunk giggachad and non pedo
e d P four four five Jesus Christ, God, damn. I guess
this nigga wants to throw this nigga wants to throw hands. It was compliment,
compliment? Fuck you? What that was? I fall asleep at the
wheel. What's up? I've done that before. It's crazy. Uh.
If you some there found yourself, yeah, it's crazy. I was working
at Sears and I was like, hmm, I don't want to die for
Sears, so I quit. If you found yourself in a situation where death
was both imminent and guaranteed, what would your last act in an attempt to
spite God one last time be? You wouldn't be despite God. That's petty
ship. I don't be, like, would I wouldn't be I wouldn't do
anything to spite him. I know I love him. I'm like, hey,
guys, I love you guys. You guys are rock. You know,
just die. What if you didn't have enough time? What if it
was like you have like ten seconds? I would ahal and I'd be like,
Okay, well I'm going. I think I would try to jerk off
at least once. I don't know if I'd be able to succeed, but
I would try. That's always been my sentiment, like, oh, if
I was tall height or something, I want to beat my deck off and
then splat. You're frustrated because like the wind is ruining the mood, so
your follow your folly like from like fifty you're probably from like thirty five thousand
feet and you're trying, but it's like it's uncomfortable. It's like just come
on, because how much you're thinking like turbulence, it's like flopping. Oh
man, I don't know on your back. I don't know, man,
I don't I think I would try to get one last joke in. Truthfully,
like I think that would be the thing. It doesn't even have to
be a good one. I would just I think I would just be like,
I don't know, if I was on a plane and it was like
going down or something and it was like absolutely going into a nose dive into
a volcano or something something something unavoidably bad, and the guy next to me
was like crying. I would turn around and I would turn to him and
like, uh, not even a joke, just like something that would make
me laugh or just be like you crying, what are you gay? And
then we would die. The last thing. It's the last thing. This
guy here is vague. That's it. This vaguely homophobic man just making fun
of his masculinity because he's crying, shitting a single tear because he's reading into
a volcano in a fucking Bowie seven forty seven from a Jet Blue flight to
Atlanta. That's crazy, But you know, God bless, that's how you
do it. I'd whatever, not just good, don't go. Yeah,
I'll take a ship. Yeah back last final cum where I just don't blast
of common it consumes me and I disappear. I'm like, I feel like
a fucking roll up got empty roll up two based. That's not really how
gone. I mean, you could try fifty shades of gay Road, and
he says, who's tune force would you want to have? And how would
you fight each other with it? Tune force is basically the world breaking things
cartoon characters get away with, like wiler Hally being able to get blown up
and still survive. I would want SpongeBob or Patrick because they seem to be
invincible and too dumped to understand the consequences of They're all powerful actions, so
all complications of immortality go away. Well that's you're you're adopting like the entire
character of those people then at that point, because like if you're just if
it's just the tune force, then it's just then it's purely just. You
wouldn't be inheriting the naivete. You'd be inheriting I don't know, being able
to like fucking I don't even know, like transition into a different place with
bubbles, you know what I mean? Like he would still you could still
understand the complexities of like what that meant. But uh, I don't know.
Man, you can't beat those Loney Tunes. Man, those Lindy Tunes
had some crazy tune force, Like yeah, he is, he's he's literally
invincible. I would I would take his Bunny's power set. Yeah, Bugs
Bunny is like Bugs Bunny but kissing men exactly exactly. And and notice how
notice how he's not canceled. Notice how he has he has crossed, appropriated
trans culture and sexually abused and harassed everyone. He's ever everyone, he's ever
interact. He's been he's been racist. He's he's called and he's called Native
Americans engines and shot them. He's he's referred to black people as a Literally,
there's a cartoon. There's a cartoon I'm not even exaggerating where he's like
he's behind a rock in like fucking I don't even know Arizona or something,
and he's like shooting a bunch of Indians and he's singing like one little two,
little three little engines, and he's for all little five ill sikes little
engines. And then that's real. It's a real episode of fucking Bugs Bunny,
and Bugs Bunny was just in in the last five years. He was
in a movie where no one brought that up. He shared the screen shows
me how selective all that ship is, right, Yeah, no, I
mean it is also a cartoon character lavish and that ship I think it could
be racist if I could go cartoon racism, everything's like bonkers. Just start
saying whatever the fuck I want to do whatever I want and no one could
kill me. Oh it's over. That's it, just like you know the
mask. Just to remind you, Space Jam two is a movie that exists
in the last several years, and they cut Pepper a pew out. They
cut Pepper a pew out because his whole thing was about trying to seduce women.
That was his whole thing, even when they changed it later on where
that wasn't his whole thing. But they kept Bugs Bunny, the guy who
shot Indians and wore black face and did all this ship because Bugs Bunny has
four orange guys too. Yeah. He also invited the Clock with Darns rapists
to the Space Jam ball game so they could say the Iron Giant, such
a cluster, the Night King, the guy that like brings eminent death to
a world, and tongue the fire. It's just that. It's you remember
when you you remember when you came back from that movie to the apartment and
you said you loved it, you couldn't get enough of it. I never
said that, never said I remember that you said there's a whole podcast.
You weren't there. Stop lying there's a whole podcast. Ship there ship,
there's a whole podcast episod you can you can look it up right now.
It's I thinks it's just crazy. And I never once said I love it.
I was I wasn't that bad look at it and said I looking at
right now. He can't stop saying Kingston, I love this. I love
Jameson, I adore this movie. Is hot Lebron James's hot, especially Son.
I loved Rick and Morty. Yeah, Woul do you think of what
do you think of the new uh Rick and Morty? Have you seen any
of it? I saw some of it. I didn't see the show.
I saw like clips of the voices because I was curious how it would sound.
And it sounds fine, I guess. I Look, here's the thing
I understand that I understand that this is I feel like they did a good
thing in the sense of, like it would suck for one person to ruin
the jobs of a bunch of different creators, you know what I mean,
Like all these people worked on the show, all these writers who are good
at writing the show, Like it would suck for them to fucking not have
a job anymore, just because like the lead guy did a bunch of dumb
shit. Yeah. At the same time, I haven't watched Rick and Morty
seriously in a in a caring way since like season two, you know,
like season I technically checked out at three. I technically I tuned in.
I tuned into the series premiere of three, and I thought, oh,
that was a crazy episode. And then the rest of that season was just
kind of like, I didn't it just wasn't good really, and then I
was like, okay, and then four came around and I just wasn't interested
in it at all. And I saw a little bit up to eight.
Now seven yeah, seven, seven, Uh seasons. I've definitely watched all
of Rick and Morty, and I don't remember most of it. Yeah,
that's exactly what I mean. Like, I know, I've seen some other
of the seasons, but I just I the first two seasons. Those first
seasons I would still recommend. I think those first se seasons are fucking awesome.
They're they're fun. With three, though, I remember there was like,
or was this in the second season, it was there was a thing
where they were doing therapy and they got to see like what the others perceived
of each other. And that was that too. It seems like it was
older that that was the one where where where Jerry's like a like a slugman
or something. Yeah, it's like they like wants to get But no,
that was a different That was a differentid was one that was season one.
No you think that was the same. That was like the subplot or something.
Yeah, uh episode couples there coun going to see what they see each
other. Betha's like a big alien monster and there's like a little cut like
yeah episode yeah, yeah, it's so it's called Big Trouble. So it's
called Big Trouble in Little Sanchez. It's the seventh episode of the second season.
So that's what I mean. Wow, the second the first two seasons
are great, like sincerely like actually like I had, they're fucking awesome.
I think they're hysterical and and so the show has been going. It's like
a Simpsons thing, but like on a short sale where it's the third season.
Pickle Rick was the third Rick was the third season. I think that's
when everybody kind of like got soured. They were like, yeah, it
wasn't great forgot And it's funny too because like I as just purely as a
fan, right, Like I loved I was what I've been watching like Dan
Harmon and Justin Rohan for a very very long time. Like they had a
show called Acceptable TV on v H one that I fucking loved because it was
just a bunch of losers. It was just a bunch of guys writing fake
TV shows for thirty minutes. Like that's the whole The whole thing was like
do you guys, do you guys remember Acceptable TV at all? You showed
me, Yeah, I didn't watch it. It was it was like the
whole premise was like you have you have a thirty minute block and you'd have
five TV shows all like and so you had five like mini pilots and it
would be like an it was like kind of Internet oriented where like three of
the episodes, three of those shows would get canceled that they didn't get enough
votes, and two of them would get a second episode, and then the
three shows that got canceled we replaced with new ones. So it's just like
a bunch of like there was there were like a bunch of shows like there
was like Homeless James Bond, where like it was just like it was just
like it was just like this really yeah, I loved Homeless James Bond the
show because it was just like, uh, it was I don't even know.
It was like like one of one of his gadgets was like a clean
shirt, you know what I mean. It's like it'll make you look really
respectable, but it gets dirt and it's just like and it was awesome.
It was like actually like really good because it felt like something that like we
would do, Like it was like ideas that we would have that would like
improv but but like turned into videos in this in this TV show and it
was awesome. And it was justin Royland and Dan Harmon and a bunch of
other people. And then obviously Dan Harmon with community was he I loved Community.
And so when they got together again for Rick and Woody, I remember
being excited. I was like, oh shit, people don't understand how cool
this is. And then it was cool. And then it just kind of
that that third season really just kind of fucked everything up, and so I
just I just lost interest based on how it just wasn't really that good anymore
and as I as I've learned. It's funny though, because like the conversation
around the show, especially around Justin being so horrible right, like he's like
this fucking horrible person. He's definitely said some creepy shit to women under age
women though that's a little weird. But at the same time, people are
like, well, big fucking deal, Like it came out like, well
he hasn't been involved since the second season or something, and it's like,
yeah, that, I mean, they they bring that up as like a
point of pride where it's like, well, hey, look, the show's
been been doing good for a long time. Like he hasn't really been involved
with the show for the majority of it. He's just done the voices and
it's like, I see, you're right. But also like, as as
a fan who just kind of like dropped off without knowing any of this ship,
it makes a lot of sense now that the first two seasons Okay,
I mean, I don't know, man, that show, Like, with
all due respect, like I'm sure people love that show still. I'm sure
it's I'm sure it's entirely fine, But that show was Dan Harmon and Justin
Royland, Like it just was and without just in there, I don't even
see a point to continue it. But I'm glad. I'm glad they are
for the people who like it, so like whatever for me weird, Like,
granted there's a there's there was an episode in season maybe five where like
you found that Betty's cloned, Betty's cloned. Yeah, I'm aware of that.
There are some I've seen episode is very good. Very some episodes I've
seen some episodes since that are that are fine, But like it's not enough
for me to like get invested in like watching the entirety of a show,
you know what I mean? For me, it's like like a lot of
other things. The people that like that show, maade me not like the
show. I feel like that's a lot of people. That's for a lot
of people. I think that's the general sentiment that like the fan base.
Because as much as some people would want to push back against that and be
like, oh no, I'm in control of what I watch, so I
wouldn't know. That's not that's that's not how social creatures behave. It's just
like watching It's just like looking at a YouTube video and seeing the numbers being
low and then you don't feel you feel less compelled to click on it because
the implication is, oh, it must not be that good because the views
are low, when it could be the best fucking video we've ever seen.
But then you would think. You don't feel that for YouTube videos, with
the fact that a lot of things that watch are the obscure ship I use
them on car crafting ship like uh ideas of basic narratives, how concise ideas
can't probably watchers of that though, though I am I am sometimes can I
say, speaking of speaking of you and all that stuff? Yeah, I
don't like man. Uh So, So there's a scene in the booget Unity
Date documentary where he's he's kind of gathering with his friends to play uh magic
or whatever, and it's in his like living room, and it's it's it's
really tragic because his whole life sucks. And then to see that environment,
which is an environment that I've seen, like I've seen at Kingston's house so
many times, scared me a little bit, Like I was like, oh
my, I'm I'm worried now, Like I'm actually worried. I don't know,
I don't know, I don't know, though I don't know yet the
thing, the thing for me is this, right. The thing for I
saw it, I was like, it literally looked like you're the old apartment
that you were. I was like, that's fucking scary. It was the
same set at the same table. And I'm like, oh, man,
I don't like. I don't like that I'm seeing anything that even seems remotely
familiar that I relate to anything in this documentary at all. It's like a
red flag at the first that's you. It's you fearing the relation of it.
Not it's just for me. Like the thing for me is like I've
been a nerd my entire life. Don't spend your money on hookers. Just
don't. That's it. Not yet, not yet. Hookers is when when
I start doing the Lily is like, yo, you can't do that to
me. That's when I go hookers, right. But that's like, that's
like, that's like forty. It's like when I'm like, yo, let
me, let me bring the horse in. She's like, no, bring
the horse, bring the horse. I bring the golden, bring the golden,
and she's like, no, no, you can't come in your contact
lenses and then put them on. Stop it. Hey, that's really good
lube. That's good loub dude, that's crazy. You can't bring a whole
bottle Virgin Olivoy in the bedroom. That's crazy? What are you doing?
And I'm like, then I'm gonna called hookers. I'm like, all right,
listen, listen, lady. I need you to be here in twenty
minutes and be gone in forty five minutes. Can do you do that?
Can't? Wow? You got a twenty minute window, you gotta can you
do that? All right? Let's let's let's let's have it up a two.
Let's drive it up with two more. There's one hollow, any one
that I want to get out of the way now before it's like too far
into November to get on. But there's there's also one that I think is
a good one to end on. So like, here's the first one.
Holman Brown wrote in Holman Round ninety eight and he says, high boys.
With Halloween just gone, I'm still in a spooky mood. If you were
tasked to create the most fucked up haunted house possible, what would you include?
Weirder? The better? Keep up the good work, you sexy slags.
I would I would have Oh god, I would have projectors. I
would have projectors right that are projecting footage from their lives that I should not
have access to. Well, that's just like that is ultimately the scariest thing,
the thing You walk into a haunted house and then like your home movies
are playing on the on the wall and you're like, yeah, it would
be a little shadowy figure somewhere in the background. That is the ultimate frightening
thing period. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got it. So I
it's it's just one time of year. It can't it's not like, oh,
you can just do it. It has to be. It's gonna be
really expensive too, because it's only it can only work one time. You
have to sign a release too. With the sign a waiver. So you
go in. It's a big group. It's a big group. You know.
It's all dark and spooky, all the you know, all the nine
The group is dark, dark and spooky. I think you're gonna starting spooky.
It's like the whole nine Yard, you know what I mean, it's
all the tropes. So the group is spooky, It's what I'm saying.
No, it's just regular people going in, you know. But it's just
like it looks like a regular scary house, but all all the only addition
is that they're these you know ghosts, human ghosts, dudes with sheets on
with the whole cutout where their penises are, and they're just coming all over
you. You're such a You're just fucking They're just a cunt. I was
gonna have the same thing. I was gonna be the same. I hate
you. I hate you so much. Mine was mine was gonna be this,
right, Mama's gonna be. You walk in and you see you sign
a waiver, right, and you see this thing where this bukaki is happening,
and you're watching it as you walk through the thing, and then once
you get to the end, come flies out of everywhere on you. You
get you get at the end, does a lot of bloody come. So
what we gotta do is combined dars together to where you think you've escaped the
come afterward, because I'm like, you go through this door and then come
hits you and you're like fuck, You're trying to get away from the cum.
You're trying to find the exit. And then when you think you're finally
safe, that's when the finale when like face holes opening the wall and people
put there and they start coming coming. These are shooters. These are shooters,
like ed They've been edging it the entire day, just waiting for God.
One. A good one would be you walk into a you walk and
do one. You pull the curtain back and you step inside and the lights
are off, and then the lights turn on and then you're in Gaza and
then Palestine. Yeah. Yeah, and that's that's that's the that's hot house
sold. That's so not funny. That is so unfunny, like not even
not even not even just the just the aircraft overhead, like damn it.
But then right before the bomb hits, the guy comes in you on your
face, extra guy, your face and you get blowed up on that note
best wishes to everybody and best wishes to everybody in the Middle East dealing with
that ship. Of course crazy, You're like, oh man, that note
and you just disrespected the entire the entire situation and played it for a fucking
cum joke. Uh. That is so out of pocket, bro. Yeah.
Anyway, it's question Cory and Okay, go ahead, go ahead,
Corey, Corey, Corey and co. Mom is just too funny though,
Like that, I like that idea because I'm just thinking of Kyle Massey's smiling
cherub face and like in Hamas like insane, you know, like you know,
they would have like on some TV channels, they would have like the
the the green screen people in the bottom left corner, like doing hilarious little
things. I think of those all right with with his buddies with this,
they're all mad because they're all trying to be serious. He's all smiling and
ship. Yeah, and finally this is today. The Quartermaster wrote in it
says, hello Steve Reagan, spurt of Ignorance and Donald J. Trump parody
account. Recently been playing Alan Wake two. It's phenomenal in my opinion,
it really is. It's fucking amazing, And it's got me thinking, what
was the first video game that you played that you consider to be a true
masterpiece for you? It would be disco Elysium. I've heard really good things
about Discolesium. Haven't gotten around it, Yeah, I haven't on I have
it, I just haven't started yet because I know I know that that's gonna
be like a really different that's gonna be like a really consuming game together that
genuinely had been questioning my entire life playing games up to that point, dude,
with sheer quality. Yeah, I excited to finally it's like they came
out maybe in December when I had When Everything first one first one Metro for
Super Metrode. Yeah, Super Metro really first game. I was like,
this game is amazing. I don't think I ever felt that way a video
game. I think I ever felt that way about a two D game really
mmmm, like even Tris, which I think is like the best game ever.
Like I don't, I don't, I don't know, like I didn't
feel like, oh, I didn't feel like there's like next level art,
you know what I mean. I guess because of the fact I didn't have
a super heavy narrative. But while I was playing a game of this game
is a perfectly built video I said, this is a perfectly built video game.
I can't argue that that's entirely games like, it's just this I was.
I was playing, and I was just like, this is so well
designed. And the fact that like Metroid Veneus with the idea that the map
is the same map the whole time, but the way you get to explore
it is as you explore the map itself, is such an unbelievable mechanic to
me that I feel like is so like under underappreciated, underspoken about how like
just genius of a design that is. Yeah, I think I think for
me it would be I think for me it would be BioShock. I think
BioShock was the first time that I was like, oh, like because I
really liked dude. The Hail two story was awesome to me, Like I
loved it, Like that impacted me a lot, like sincerely, but like
it didn't like I don't know. There's something about BioShock that I got to
the end of that game and I was like, I that that reshaped the
entire way that I look at like video game natters, where it's like,
oh, it can be like, well you speaking biostrack, I have to
show you something one second, okay, cool, Yeah, he's probably gonna
grab something. I'm curious. I was just I was just over his house.
If he had anything bioshoppriented. He knows how much I love biotrack.
I feel like he would have showed me, but uh, yeah, like
the meta narrative of it, where it's like, oh, it could be
like you could have a game with a great story. There's been plenty that
was like Middle of Your Solid two is one of those two and and and
uh. I didn't play those till like way later though. Uh, but
like Biostrack was like the first time that, like biotrack was the first time
that I was playing a story, and I was like, Oh, this
story really can only exist in a video game. Like you couldn't really make
a TV show of this because it would really miss the point because it's all
about like the players actions and ship and that kind of like that's fucking so
sick. That really blew my mind. Oh what is that Is that an
art book? Put your fucking head set on. What is that is that
an art book? This is the BioShock one, the whole entire game,
game book, game pay book. Yeah, the guy, wait open it?
What do you mean? Like I don't understand what that is, like
like like a strategy this is the table. This is the entire guy for
the first game, talking about every weapon, every encounter you go into.
Oh that's dope. Wow, that's to give it to you when you were
here. Oh fuck, that is sick. Who gave that to you?
Was that Nikki? Yeah? That is that's fucking so cool, that is
all. It's not mine. I had just have it because that's the herd
last as. I'll definitely sup over there and take it. I love have
aio have a BioShock tattoo, which is crazy. It's it's would you consider
like how much I talk about Halo and how like that's really integral to like
my entire existence on the Internet. It's kind of crazy that I don't have
a Halo tattoo, but I have a BioShock tattoo. Yeah. Yeah,
it's funny how life works out like that sometimes. Yeah, it's like totally
get a tattoo of a legendary on your arm. That's too. I don't
know. I wanted to get like a sleeve done with like some Halo stuff
in it, but it's it's it's so hard to get it. The thing
about like doing a sleeve is like my arm is so like I have a
small like it's not like a big arm, so like I feel like I
have to like I don't want. I feel like people with bigger arms like
they have more space to to get like a full image across as opposed to
like like wraps around. I don't know, it's it's tricky. Just find
an artist. Find an artist to reconstructive surgery. So I could become an
elite. Yeah, that's cool, that is that's cool. I would never.
I'll be real with you, man, like I could not friends with
you if you look like imagine it came out really good though, how and
what way? What do you mean like an elite? Like, oh,
that's a really an elite. Yeah, so that's not good, Kingston.
That didn't come out good. That came out convincing. That came out Wow,
that's really accurate to the source material. That's not a good thing.
That is a bad thing for you. That'd be cool as funk. I'm
like, damn, dude, that's really nice. Okay, good saw your
jaw in half and both play and in both places just to get separate and
then I get the back of my head elongated. I could never. Man,
oh man, we would. We would cancel this podcast so quick.
It's crazy. But that's that's my that's crazy, because that'd be we would
get so much more views there. But that's the show with the elite on
it. Take a picture and showed a Keith David, But hey, what
do you think that that said? It was because of you, Keith there
that I decided to do this. I love the arbiter so much I wanted
to become him. He I genuinely think if he saw that, if she
would go to cardiac wress and die. I genuinely I don't that would kill
That would kill Keith David. I don't believe that anybody. I don't believe
that anybody who's even remotely over the age of twenty can say something like that
without dying. That is that is fucking crazy. What have I done?
What have I done all this time? What is this? Get this away
for me? He goes insane, He has flat, He starts all his
characters, all of his characters. He just turns in the spot. Keith
David turns into spawn. After that, turns in the spawn and then fat
nigga, how you have to he's stupid drone that he turns in the spawn
and dies. It's like that dream that Jalen had where like the fucking Pokemon
we're fighting and then somebody killed what is it mouth and then just turned into
a regular cat or something. Dream is so crazy because he's a stupid a
pokemon killed the pokemon and then it turned into a regular cat. There was
a dead cat in a living room. I remember that is one of those
rare instances where I remember somebody else's dream more vividly than most of the dreams
that I have. Like he described it so well, but he was so
panicked that morning. That's what makes it crazy. That morning he didn't go
the work, is how unsettled he was. He was like, what the
are you right? Like this didn't happen, but like I really felt like
it happened. That's crazy dream living in that house like that was the worst
of times, but also the funniest experiences I've ever had in my life were
in that house. I was talking with my I was talking with you.
I took my When my parents were here, I took them, and because
Jalen obviously knows my family very very well, we drove out here together.
So like when my parents were in time, we met up with Jayalen and
we got some got some food at the same tavern that UH that Jack Films
got insulted at UH and and we were just talking about like living there and
like there was so much shit that came up that I forgot about, just
like in the just by talking about it like memories kind of like I forgot
that we just had a homeless person living in the corner of that apartment for
a period of time. Like, we just had a homeless man living in
the corner and he would he was fine, but he just he would look
around and that was it. That was just something that we did. It's
insane anyway, such a experienced We gotta oh, real quick, real quick.
I just want to convert more people. Uh, illusion to guy.
Play that masterpiece. It's on it's online. It's online. You can play
it, you can emulate it, whatever, feel it. That was the
masterpiece. I still stand by. It's better than a link to the past.
I still stand firm. Illusion to guy. Yeah, illusion to guy
yeah, or allusion to time to some other people like in other countries,
but like illusion of guys like it in America. Oh wow, that ship
is Oh yeah, I have seen that. Yeah. I think I think
it is way better than a link to the past, and which is which
says a lot. And I think people would actually think that too if they
if they get a chance to play. It's just the story in the combat,
everything, it's just it's just better. It's just better manage. I
clicked over into a different window and ball Goku just really kind of scared me
a little bit, and he just that's perfect. I feel like, Okay,
so what did we talk about in this episode? You Who? I
would put like ball Goku in the thumbnail. You Who? Could? We
can talk about it. We could. We could call it like, uh,
kill the you who drinkers or something something, you know what I mean,
call call the you who drinkers or something? Yeah, yeah, the
great Yeah, like take it out, I'll go buy. You need to
put thumbnails for it. You should put Yeah, everybody make the cover last
of us like clickers. But they're holding yous. That's too specific. We
need you who front and center. It can't just be like a small beast
creature with a you who in its mouth, like you have an assignment.
You have to you have to go get a you who right now. Yeah.
I don't even know where I would find them. I don't know if
they sell them. I don't even know if they sell them anywhere near me.
But I don't either. I'm gonna go check seve eleven see if they
still have them. Right. Seven eleven is seven eleven is low quality enough
that they probably got. They got it. It is the last bashion of
like having filth, you know that they just carry that. I can't imagine
that they sell any They sell fucking dust. They sell just packets of dust.
They sell fucking like loose bacon grease in like a they sell pape worms.
You can. Seven eleven they got a terful tapeworms. In fact,
it's a dust ass trays full of loose bacon grease. They got fucking they
got the ship. They have like grass clippings, and they actually have the
fucking you face the cats faces a bag of cats faces, like cat f
that's so aious, dude, they would the seven eleven really is like I
don't know, man, I go to seven eleven every time, and I'm
like I'm blown away by like the lack of selection that they have, Like
they just don't have things that I feel like they said they don't have,
Like the one around me has got no arizona, which is wild to me
because like that's like a I think it's just very that's like a staple convenience
or thing like look Snapple. I guess it's like a more specialized thing like
okay, fine, like most in New York. It's everywhere, but like
I get it, okay, fine, like Arizona's bag, it's just fun.
You're not gonna have and if they do have Arizona, it's just like
it's specifically like a weird like orange, like a weird flavor and stupid flavor
like watermelon or something like watermelon, not lemon, not even green tea,
Like I understand. Look, I don't, like I'm not big on the
green tea, but like I'll if I see it there in place of lemon,
at least at least I understand the logistics. But like it's it's I
don't know, man, seven leven sucks. Apparently it's amazing Japan seven less
and sells you hot bottles of piss, warm bottles of fresh. They're actually
like on a hot plate. They're they're on a hot plate, like like
you open up, you smell it. This is brand new piss. Gozzle
you that's how little, that's how little water. The person that made this
piss is very brown. You can still smell. It's so fresh, you
can still smell the honest you've gotta put it to the temperature. You gotta
kill that syphilist though, you know, yeah, boiler first, I don't
remember. Remember kids, remember kids always boil your piss. I'm done by
good night, guys. We still gotta do, hold on, I do
want to, I do want to. So let me let me make sure
that we got everything right. I want to make sure. I want to
see how many how many questions we got to today, because I think we
got I think we got a fair amount. I was going to count them,
but then I accidentally refreshed it. God, oh yeah, by the
way, I forgot. We did uh. Derek and I uh we we
did a uh well, Derek primarily did a uh uh uh terror time cover
from Scooby Do on Zombie Island where I I am also on it, and
it's, uh, it's pretty dope, So go check that out. Even
though it's after Halloween, like whatever, it's a good song. Yeah yeah,
yeah, it's after Halloween, but hey, it's everywhere. It's on
Spotify now sick. All right, So we got one, two, three,
four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, uh ten
eleven because we got eleven questions out today, which is good. That's a
good. That means we only have seventy level. So we're on track.
All right, we're gonna read the names. Now, We're gonna read the
names of all of our beautiful patrons over at patreon dot com, slash and
the Stark Tank mykah read the yeah two one, hold on, I wasn't
ready, God damn, yeah, sorry about that. Yeah, hold on,
Yeah, all right, I'm not sure what's happening. Yeah, coming
down. Hold I'm not ready, all right, coming on one more time.
Rudolph the Red Tipped Reindeer had a very shiny cock, and if you
ever saw it, you could even see, you could even say you'd blow.
It doesn't even rhyme, does it? Rhyme? You can't. I
mean, I feel like that had to be a purpose. He mustn't.
Ye rute Off the Red Tipped Reindeer had a very shiny cock, and if
you ever saw it, you could even say you'd blow. That would make
me so mad if I heard it. Oh fuck, just the lack of
care that went into that. God bless you. Yeah that's pretty cool,
God bless you. I see Derek said, ex cameras lose it. It's
fucking mind thaying, man like I'll set it to like not and then it'll
just do it again. It'll just this podcast with a connect For the last
several months, and it has not been cooperating. Gayleen Ye who welds Nut
Sacks the finapp porn parody featuring Freddie fuck beear In Cell turned transferm Alexander,
the Gay The Adventures of slender Man and Thin Boy, sucking down a crisp
diet cock. I mean die cock, I mean die cock, I mean
di cock. Just in my eyes? Can you glue them shut? Jac
was a gay man? Throw your come in the air and spray it like
you just don't care if you like dick and balls in that gay shit everybody.
Uh John, my friends have three ways without me, Guido the Fourth.
I listened to every episode of The Stark Tank and all I got was
this lousy dick Uh square in the face. This handsome man better prepared to
get caked because he's gonna taste by semen, semen by semen. Muh bungeee
died, Thanks Joe Brandon, Uh, stop with the Brittlander already. It
sucks here. Uh? Did you did you guys see? Did you guys
see they're making a new planet? They apes? No, it's cold,
that's right, right, no, hall, you had so much in your
voice is like even asked me to do that. You would ask me like,
no, what you what were you saying? Kingsen, It's called Planet
of Apes Atlanta's rain. Okay, sorry, I know its king the Planet
of the Apes. Sorry, this is real, not kidding, it's actually
really he said Atlanta's rain like Atlanta, Georgia around kidding, kidding. They
would never have a movie about about fucking monkeys named after Atlanta. That's insane.
Sometimes people are ambitious and like, let's see we can get away with
it. You guys, you're sound crazy. Also, it's crazy I figured
out yesterday. So this is real. This is not a joke at all
at all. Arnold Schwarzenegger's last name, Swort in German means black, black,
and the nagar roughly translates to the N word in both German and Austrian.
I would have to fact check that. Look it up right now.
Look it up right now. I'm being dead serious. Look it up right
now. Go ahead. You're saying his name is black nigga, No black
nagar nagar stupid. I swear, I swear. I found out day and
I was like, what that really completely. Is that your name? Well,
I knew Schwartz because because of because of what was that Jewish guy's name,
Millbrooks and Schwartz. Yeah, oh man, that really threw me off
entirely. Like I don't even remember what the fuck I was were we talking
about? We were like going and then this dude goes on a tirade of
apes and fucking swords and what's happening? Damn? Think about a thing about
the N word immediately. So what I'm seeing is that it means black plowman.
It roughly translates to and look up the N word in German. Yeah,
look it up. Plan. How are you doing about? Plow ager?
Is one who plows man? Jerry, that's my plow man right there.
Yeah. I think you're I think you're falling for some ship man.
Yeah, clearly you're falling. This is the same thing as seeing It's the
same thing as him seeing the Last of Us trailer four years before that even
happened. So like, I still saw it before you guys, didn't you
guys? Listening to Sweeney makes me consider racism even though I imagine that I
still saw it before you guys. Perfect, perfect, fair enough, baller
of the first in there goes my Home, I'll watching. She blows gape
with a of the machine. Two episodes are Ready to be Afraid, Gulp
me down at the hamp helped me down at the Hama Hammadi, at the
Homo Dice City, Homo Dice City, Come on where the ass is clean
and the girls have peepee make me come, and the girl you please make
me come. Friends theme, So no one told you al I was gonna
cease this way. Glove glove, glob glob. That's pretty good, John
Johnny Silvercox ciphergraph bal Twister machine. If you like, if you like,
if you like Penis Alata getting cock in the rain, if you're not into
your girl and you love antal Pain Gaemian Rhapsody. Mama, I have tasted
com and I know for sure that I am gay. Mama. Coom uh
uh uh uh Walter, I'm squirting. Get a glass. I want to
see it, Walter, Walter, I'm squirting. We would have been fined
if you would have just collected must were in his glass, Walter, would
you just collected my squirt in this glass, Walter, we would have been
fined. But with your greed, and your orgasms ruined it for everybody.
You came all over the floor and Gus slipped on it and died. And
now we don't have an operation anymore. Walter, look what you did.
Couldn't keith your cock to yourself. Couldn't just focus on making the fucking meth
The idea of cracking like an egg and his brain being out. I like
the idea of of Gus riding Hector Salamanca and like fucking to let him know
that he's about to bust. He starts hitting the bell like he's just bouncing
on him wildly. Day oh my, will be the last thing you ever
see, Hector. That is the most homosexual thing ever. Fucking Guss is
just bouncing on him. Bro. I just walk out of making all those
faces like I hate this. Finish the games, please, He's Gusses bouncing
on him, Bro. Like the clap is so loud it sounds like it's
other explosive. It's not explosion that killed Gust, but it's his ass clapping
bouncing so hard it sounds like a fucking wet sandal hitting a bouncy house.
It is out. He just man, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no. Then he walks out off he's
done sucking him and he fixes his vest and one side is completely drenched,
and come, that's exactly he fixes his side. This is just it's just
not bro. That shot. That shot is like in my head like forever
like that that shot so much, a really good shot. And then he
just walks out really calmly with covering and com Yeah. I thought he survived
almost like my brother. He's fine. He would have been fine if he
just had if he took like an aspirin and had like neo sport, he
would have been fine. Right, He just the whole hollowed up part of
his skull. He's one of those. He's one of those holistic fuckers.
Or he just didn't go to just just didn't go to the hospital. Would
be fine if he would just walked in. What if he called an uber
salt bath. Can you imagine that guy getting into a fucking uber driving an
Uber and looking back at the car and it's sucking half faced gust and he's
like, I would I would scream out loud. I'm looking face sixteen.
You've had quite the day, huh's been watching the dark night? That's a
great Honestly, that's a great Halloween costume. Is dead Gus like specifically like
that that, Like I I think I might want I'll try that next time.
Yeah. He gets in first, and the uber says, okay,
Harvey did he just starts driving. I think you're missing something. That's right.
It would just be That's right, it would just be Harvey. So
I have to make myself a lot tanner. I have to do something to
my skin to make it out of put on black. Right, No,
I didn't know. He's not black. It's not black black. I mean
he's he's he has African uh you know, he's a he's an African,
he's Chilean. Yeah. Yeah, but he's not like a black guy,
you know what I mean. He's not like it's a black man. He's
got nigga jets. That is phenotypically a nigga. That is a nigga.
I don't know, man, we just saw that Nigerian guy last week.
So now I don't know. I don't know what to believe. I don't
know what. Look, we're already established, we already established, we were
establaged on last week. We already established you are not black. You are
not a black person. That is a black person. Look look look look
look look look look at the way the sun's reflecting off you like that.
Look at that. You're you're a white Hell yeah, Chris, Chris,
Chris, that what I am, What Derek is, what guts are?
We are niggas. Guy is the nigga that is thine nigga? Right,
No, no, no, the second I saw, honestly, the second
I saw that guy saw the water that touched that guy became oil. That
is the second I saw that. Guy's like, I I don't feel comfortable
with you guys saying the N word anymore, honestly, Like when the second
I saw that, I was like, I don't know, man, I
don't know. That's crazy. That's like a whole secondary. Yeah, he
gets mad at us. Yeah, they stop that. Stop that right now.
Don't call me that, Joe. And then he punches you with it.
You fucking evaporate. I'd be doubly confused. I'm like, isn't it
isn't this like an African American thing? Though? Like it? And he's
like, no, no, you can't see that. We called it first.
They tell you got called it first. Technically we was season one.
That's why they're stronger, faster, and smarter than us. Bro. They're
the first generation before your contaminated with any other blood. We were the superior
race and then we got the guys are stupid smart actually, like it's it's
like they're all like fucking like engineering Americans. Africans in general are very smart.
Well just why yeah, but like I mean, but because they're for
their foreign their children of foreign people when they come here and they actually really
care about their culture, is to that is true. That is true.
I'm sure that I'm sure there's a I'm sure there's I'm sure there's some Nigerian
guy who doesn't know the difference between a cloud and like an ant or something.
Think think of it like this, right, like this Puerto Rican people.
I can say this for my grandma, being first generation of Puerto Rican
I came here. She's smart as ship because she her family had to come
from somewhere else to America. But they had to make that. They had
to make it, and as they exist here, we get stupider. I
think that's I think that's true. I think America makes it true. That's
why that's why there's so many idiotic Asian people. Now in school, I
was surrounded by a bunch of stupid ass ages. It did bother the hell
out of me that everybody assumed I was like very smart because I had glasses.
Like when I was people people trying to copy people. I remember this
kid got mad at me because he copied off of my test and didn't get
He only got like a seventy eight or something. I was like, what
the fuck. I was like, what are you talking? This is I'm
not smart, this is this is this is fucking chemistry, dude, Like
I don't know, I'm not a fucking chemist. Maybe alone, I'm dumb.
I never said I. I never said that. I never said that.
I never said that's nuts. You have that kind of reaction. Like
I said, at the front of the class, not because I want to
be at the front of the class because I love learning. I said the
front the class because I can't see the board otherwise, Like I'm not I'm
really not. I'm just a guy. That that would be. That would
almost be like looking at somebody in a wheelchair and being like he must be
pretty strong because they have because they have no relation. That's exactly the point
it's like there is no relation. You couldn't be smart. You could be
smart in a with glasses. You could be strong in a wheelchair. They're
fucking body buildings with no legs. We're doing crazy ships. But like that
doesn't mean anything. There's no there's nothing that makes sense. Media has shown
that kids with glasses that are fortunately built like you. Who is Jo Just
Wanson and family guy. That's one person, right, the most popular crippled
person in the world. He's jackas Ship. He's I don't think he's person
in the world. He's the I can't think of a more popular crippled person
in the world. Robot, maybe Stephen Hawk, He's he's a real person.
You're talking about media, right, You're talking about media physical like actual
like media, like media, television is media as well. Chris often point
dexters and nerves. They tend to they tend to be small and not even
even intelligence intelligence. No. I was gonna say, it's not even necessarily
true because like there's so many scientist who are like fucking tall as ship,
like they're like Oppenheimer was like a fucking lanky motherfucker. Like all these people
like there are some was angry. He was muscular because he would hate There's
that scene in Oppenheimer. There's that scene in Oppenheimer where he he he was
like shirtlessly masturbating and then uh, he exploded come out of his at his
penis and then it like made like a mushroom. It made like it made
like a like a yeah, it made like a mushroom. Was like yeah,
yeah, and it was like I have an idea on how to get
rid of the Japanese. And then he just started started coming started they just
started coming there in the planes and started coming all over them. Work,
let's go back to the drawing board. That would be worse than the neuke.
Honestly, like I feel like like that gallons to come. Yeah,
they just dressed, and that would be so you can't. That is so
disrespectful, Like just thousands of gallons of calm just dumped out of a fucking
to the point where like it's jumped out of a plane from so high up
that like people are like they're getting drenched by it, but like they think
it's rain for a little bit. They get that smell, they get the
smell where it's like doesn't it's not that's familiar. What is that? The
idea, the idea of dropping it just gets cho one big one, big
like glob like a meteor, The idea of dropping giant giant trucks full of
come out of the highest point you can let them fall, so they hit
terminal velocity, hit the floor and just devastated cover. So insane. What
if? What if? What if that was? What if that was actually
the plan? And and and like so like the idea was like, Okay,
we have this big canister full of com and we're gonna drop it on
Japan and it'll be really funny. But it landed in such a specific angle
that it just happened to split an at him what happened? And then they're
like, what the fuck? We didn't mean to blow them up. We
just meant to dip cum on them, and like that do it again again?
No way? They were like they were like, no way, guys,
And they were like, oh, that was an accident. We didn't
even get the com outcome that we wanted. Let's go to this other place
and try it because there's no like, what are the likely things that happening
again? And it does happen again, and it just literally just out of
sheer coincidence, like it lands on an edge that like lands on a really
pointy rock that like is it's going like on a very specific speed, and
it's like it shatters an at him, and then it just does it twice,
and you're like, okay, we were gonna do a third one,
but now it's clearly there's something wrong. Come from high up creates nuclear explosions
like this isn't, this isn't. How did we do Okay, let's do
this, let's uh. The Emperor is like, all right, all right,
I guess we're done. I guess we're done here. The idea of
them being taken like not for months, The idea of the dude, the
idea of the Americans being taken by surprise by that is awesome. Anyway.
I have a friend right now, and I'm like, dude, what is
it like? Like, come fun, come over there. Come. He's
like, excuse me, I bet Chernobyl smells like Mega definitely smells like come.
That's for Sureyl smells like smells like whatever. The devil's dick smells like
bro whatever. His cock smells like just like hot and funny, hot and
funny. Then I guess I get the sense that Chernobyl is like if you
breathe like it, you know, like you know the feeling of carbonation like
that, but like for smell like carbonation. Yeah, I feel like like
lads bad exactly, like the like the sound like the sound of a radioactive
like detector thing, but like if it was like a sensation in your head.
Anyway, let's move on. We gotta we got a fucking list to
read before we got like a bunch of psychos. Gayo, here comes the
penis up as butt. Uh when we get harder, men, we suck
on cock. Were going fuck on the bus. Uh, Chris yelling it's
Sweeney over spider Man and we come all over my programming socks, the Everlasting
Gaze, back to tank of coum, Caucasian container, the cracker bell for
gays, tinfoil tyrant, putting on, putting black faces on my light bulbs.
Do Christian girls squirt holy water? Uh? Hopefully I looked It hurts
me so yeah, probably holy Yeah it stings me since it stings me specifically,
it's like a vampire in church. I looked too long into Craven's eyes
and it made me gay. Sweeney Sweeney Sweeney swallowed my Peenie BC sings.
Weren't you the one who tried to fuck my intestines? You think I'd bend
over you to get spread my ass and wine? I don't know. She
picked my pip A possum better. Possum is better at skanning. Listening to
you. Elbergne average clip energy, great god Yakub greeting his Caucasian creations.
Mama JF martyred in an idf air strike. Been blowing lots of guys living
in a gay man's paradise, taking dogs of every size living in a gay
man's paradise. Transferend Gramblin exposing people with like those intolerance in ninety million Rodgens,
who of ionizing radiation. USh not vinpenned the angelic dam. His name's
Apollo. He was a homo, but that was thirty years ago and he
still had bros to blow. Uh Craig the Canadian slip not wait and bleed.
I felt the gay rise up in me. Kneel down and suck the
penis clean. I wander out to find some seed. It's your boy,
shawnee de My penis link so long and make you say, oh my lord
the song huh. I like when they put I like when they put the
name and like they acknowledge what it is. Good. It's good. It
gives you context of how to continue. Yeah, it's good. It's a
good it's a good practice. H What the fuck is this next page?
Yeah? I got text for my mom and it's usually like serious, but
it's never This one was just me, do you have any milk? Yeah?
My penis like so long and make you say, oh my lad,
thank you for fucking me? And the butt real rough with it, Okay.
I was waiting for someone to show this list of people that don't know
about the show. Yeah. Yeah, I often think about like what it's
like to if you just watch these segments. Yeah, I mean like it's
just like like like I really love the credits of this starting tank. That's
my favorite part. When they just really say fucking bullshit names. It's like
really serious. They have been out pocket lately though, to be FAIRTS are
you serious? You see? That makes me laugh every time I hear it.
I love just kidding Simmons, You're serious. Just kidding Simmons is great.
Serious. It's like one syllable somehow it's nuts. School shootings prove school
shootings prove white people are the best. Adam Ben and Jerry's Funky Monkey Doctor
Botonix Mean swing Machine. There exists a video which are prying magic. It's
a woman's nipple having a heavy Halloween slots three xl, letting people know that
one piece has a better story than the Halo, Mastic and Destiny, the
truth slipper and stroking, spoken joking and Emoticon's going like this morning, Alexi,
David Drip, mh the Lord of Drip, Matthew Perry getting double teamed
by both worms and maggots as he's laid to rest. But Bobie, won't
you blow me? Docks me, stalk me, docs, my friends stalk
me, docks me rate me by noirvala s song by Jacksonills a pizza guy
accidentally at Chris Hansen's house. There goes my quiro. Watch him take my
load, gay peace fucking police coming hard as I thrust and pounds Abby.
I don't want to be here anywere by rest against I don't want to be
quer anymore. Here there's nothing left worth gaying for wage lay five eighty three.
I feel gay. Fuck you blasting in the background of a cod moontage.
Come bend me down. You're drilling me, drilling me. I am
finished with you. The Peppini Brothers imporium of realistic cami and Chunley thigh shaped
neck pillows, self tinying soul severally. Donk Conkerson. Do you see my
banana man laying over his white hot ass. Here he comes with come for
me, freshly flowing from his banana tree. You've got to pay the troll
sold to get in the boys hole. Gage six, Christopher Raymond gunther m
f Nicholas Dexic. Fuck you call my dick an avacus the way, only
one the way, the whoa call my dick an avocus the way. The
only one whoever used it is my grandpa. Tell him Steve damn heyo.
I'm feeling pretty GAYO fill your a hole. Leave that mattress stained though boral
force at the end, but like not bad big screme boy, I mean
lesbian milfour de Kempt, I'm high on twelve Jason Bourns looking to beat the
come out of I think fresh oak. John Strickland, give me you so
I need to make sure, I'm not straight. My friends aren't the men
from getting nickeled, getting ran through like a nickel something Merks eighteen eighty nine.
Fucker stood in my path, so I ushered him down the path of
the River Styx. The First Church of Key David featuring Chris is TF two
scout looking ass, ranting and raving about the name spider Man Miles Morales being
gunned down by the IDFF because they think he's a Palestinian pre Rise Blake eight
ninety six. Uh brog Cox the ginger who looks like Edge Shearing with a
tiny peepee? What the fuck, dude? What the fuck was that?
Man? I don't know that. I don't know man Brock broad Cox,
the actual strap on Lacey used to peg me being sold on eBay for sixty
nine thousand dollars. She better not be selling that nice. It's a lot
of money. That's that's pretty insane, dude, like someone getting the money
back for the tool she used on you, bro getting I'd mean, I
don't know how I feel about that. If like I found like, like
if I found out that something like that was going on, I've ever been
pegged, but like this idea of like something like even just like something I
used, like that the X had, you know what I mean, like
a condom that I used, like Chris Reagan's condom that he used. It's
like what oh from that? What from One Night Stand twenty nineteen? You
serious? Why are you selling this? Who's buying it? Who buy this?
The right mind would pay sixty nine thousand dollars. Thanks for the cunning,
one fucker, Thanks for the cunning, cunning, uh cunning linguists recommendation.
It's in the playlist now getting suspended from school from mispronouncing that one African
country. Stir your dad's booty hole like a bowl of chili. Oh yeah
for shiz for oh yeah for his for his genu wine. What's up,
homie, I'll ask you. I feel trash Texas Stater salad. Fun fact,
Kobe Bryant died on my birthday. Remember it? Tn Sin is a
Trojan horse, suehak tack on my ass? Here is nink. He's like
Chris Marcus again. Cole lost his flash ball and is taking yours since you're
autographed one, since he does say his name is on it. A roughly
human shaped pile of red flags emoticon. That'd be wild. You imagine you
look at somebody it's like, this is my cousin. Jeffrey's like, that's
just a pile of red flags and you look at in the right light and
it's literally is just like a It literally is the fucking pile of ever insane.
You stay far away. I've been talking to this guy for a weeks
and it turns out he's just been It looks like a person for a moment.
Then next moment you're like, how did I know? Like a person?
There was great, there was a great I did I saw. I
saw this amazing gag from family guy recently and it was just like completely out
of context online. It was just like where they were missing Cleveland or something
and they and they look over at the bar and you see like Cleveland's back,
Like it's he's clearly him at the bar, and he goes, oh
my god, Cleving, you're back, and he turns him around and it's
a lamp and it was like the funny. It was like it was one
of the fun It audibly like I cracked the funk. I was so insane.
I love it, but uh oh man, anyway, yeah, fucking
uh emoticons going like this Treek, she'd be like, fuck you ass,
I'm gonna fuck your ass or gate Trik and she'd be like Jackson DuPont badly
brave hugger, Derek duck Hunt Gyllithoyds, I've done that everything, even my
cum Mathery and Virginia Hunter Melvisson. The angry crowd enjoyed the view on Dealey
Plaza from the sixth floor and right and running out. Our list is always
He's the king, King King of hat the haphazardly boy off off to the
race again with his kingly, with his kingly aura. God bless him.
That's gonna be it for us today. I remember you can support us over
at patreon dot com slash a snark tank. I can't imagine why you would
be here if you aren't. I can't imagine why you made it this far
into this this kind of episode without at least being on this list, or
at least you know, caring. So God bless you. We appreciate you,
and we'll see you. I don't know when when the next friend, Guys