Welcome to soft chore history. Welcome into softcore History. I'm your host,
Dan Rochester, and I'm joined as always with Jake Goldman. Hey o first
first mentioned, first mention, Rob Fox, You're always the first mention.
This is weird. He I always try not introduced me if he could.
No, No, I would go the entire episode without mentioning his name.
If you want to do the intro, go ahead, Jake, and joining
us as always is Robert Edward Fox. The third yep, what's the other
one? There's a confirmation name I missed. Leonard Leonard Patron Saint of POW's
is he yeah? And something else I can't memory. He actually he's famous
for the king. He did something for the King of France. I don't
know his prayers worked or something. I can't remember what it was. And
the King of France was like, you're such a good holy man that you
can have all the land you can ride around on on a donkey in a
day. So I would be kicking the ship out of that donkey. To
me, you just have like a meal sack full of cocaine and you are
smacking it on the ass just like actually donkey punching it. Yeah, I
literally don't. Yeah, Donkey punching it? Do you go? Do you
a straight line or do you just find the dopest spot and ride a big
circle around it. I would have been like, cool, I'm gonna start,
Uh, let me go to where I want to start and where I
would just go to the south of France and like start at one point on
a beach and then just make a big fucking you and then just get to
another point on a beach. I would just have what's that country Monica?
Monica? There you go? Yeah, just the French reviewer and the coat
diesel Man language just sounds like something about to spit up flat. Danny Donkey
was actually my nickname with the cartel my brief time with them. Yeah,
Danny Donkey, Danny Donkey. I don't know what it meant. When Dan
was a pledge, they made him put airplane bottles up his asshole for UCF
Knights football games. Yeah, I mean no alcohol was served at the stadium,
so I had to so many balloons, guys. Yeah, it's crazy.
It was a weird uh Fiji UCF hazing technique, but all the pledges
had to eat a bunch of balloons to go to Mexico. And you know,
it's really easy for me to just squeeze one out with Crown's disease.
Yeah, I can say, yeah, you d drop them out. Yeah,
and leave it to UCF brilliance to send people into Mexico from America with
drugs in their butts. Yeah. Yeah, Well listen, Jake, a
degree from UCF many it means virtually nothing. That's why we'd always paddleboard in
lakes full of gators. To be fair, we weren't much different there.
No, just not totally not thinking about the gator system there. But yeah,
you have predators roaming your campus. Actually, yeah, murderers, not
just pardator I'm gonna say, and I'm not just talking about Urban Myers players.
They raped and murdered. All that good will we've built in the last
few weeks as all these new fans that are tuning in maybe for the first
time. Uh, we just squandered your listening. I'm sorry. Yeah,
they're gone, they're gone. Bye. See it's been real. Hey,
Dante LUs what we're talking about today? Well, why don't you let me
lead the show? Jake? Oh okay, you want a little inner fighting
for this show. We would never. We never didn't let you lead the
show. You actually handed it off to Jake. Liked you said he want
for our counterpart? Well is he our counterpart? Who? Yes, Rob,
Yes he's he's our call made me say his name? God damn it.
Yeah. No. So today we got a super interesting topic. It's
called the East Indian Trading Company or East Indian Company. They have, I
mean multiple variations of the name. I was kind of inspired by this topic
by the Suez Canal, the debacle that happened there where they couldn't turn the
boat. Well, the boat got stuck for what a week? Yeah,
and it got it got freed on passover. Yeah, because from Egypt on
because of the times. Yeah, exactly, it's interesting all that works.
Uh yeah, I did a little deep dive when I was high, just
kind of like how that could I actually elaborate on that a little bit ahead.
It also makes sense because there was a lot of sex toys on that
boats, and your people are a bunch of dildos, So it works out.
Who's people, Jake, Excewish people, Jewish people. Okay, I
didn't know if you're referring to the Egyptians or no, No, I'm very
Egyptian looking. Yeah, I'm team Egypt all the way. Um, he's
a big amorsdat guy. Well, you guys were not time team ancient Egyptian
transplants, right, I'm I'm a Ramesses the second voter. Yeah, he
was all hardcore until his fucking kid died. Like what you Yeah, everyone's
what's what's that old Mike Tyson saying everyone's got a plan until Yeah. Yeah,
It's like, I guess you should have painted the rams blood above the
doorway. Idiot. The guy turned a staff into a snake in front of
his face. He's like, I don't buy it. Uh. Speaking of
WI, should you ever find out about Saint Patrick and those snakes? I'm
not even touching that, dude. It's so hotly contested on the internet.
It was real snakes. Well, so biology, we're the Catholics here.
We biologists say that snakes haven't lived in Ireland for way before Saint Patrick's.
No, I think I don't know if I trust science on this. Yeah.
I mean his name was doctor Emmett Goldburger, but wow, that's I'm
just kidding. So yeah, I did a little deep dive kind of on
just world trade and supply chain got into a really dark rabbit hole there over
the weekend when I was high, so I figured I'd go even darker with
the East Indian Trading Company or Easton. Is it not a fun history?
Not the funnest for whom for the world, for their CEOs? Probably,
Yeah. None of them got Kenneth laide as as far as I can recall.
No, No, nobody got Kenneth Layde. But you know they did
some uh some interesting stuff that kind of impacted the world as we know it.
So let's just get into it. Yeah, Dan, because it's talking
big geo Paul before you got here today, he was just like it affected
so much and they had their hands their hands in like literally everything. Yeah,
because they were bringing all the ship was working like today times. Yeah,
Like the sun never sets on the British Empire and it's because of the
East Indian Company, Okay, I'll tell me more. So started as a
few boats making voyages into the unexplored seas on behalf of the Queen, at
at least in England's mind, and it became one of the largest empires,
an army of up to two hundred and sixty thousand soldiers. One of the
largest economies in the world and one of the biggest drug dealers and slave traders
in This company had two hundred and twenty six thousand military people. Two hundred
and sixty thousand soldiers. Yees, wait, so soldiers and sailors. Okay,
it's still well still if you're a soldiers, if you're trading company has
a a team of mercenary. Yeah, well, I would assume they're kind
of budging that, so like they're probably counting like a person on a boat
with cannons. Sure as a well, well we'll get into yeah, like
you know, it all derived kind of it all kind of starts. Uh.
This is a little little bit of an origin story here. Fifteen seventy
seven, a man by the name of Francis Drake is authorized by Queen Elizabeth
the first to go on a little raid in expedition. Yeah, he was
a state sponsored terrorist as a Catholic, I can say that, right,
yeah, right, right, So it was fighting a Catholic crown. His
boat and four others sail across the Atlantic. They lose three boats and just
traveling across the Atlantic to South America. That's just what happened back then.
Yeah, you lose boats. Yeah, it's like if today, like the
three of us, like we're like, hey, let's all go meet on
Rainy Street and grab a drink. And we all drove there separately, and
two of us just are gotten horrible car crashes and died along the way,
right right, And we'll get to the mortality rate with the East Indian Company,
the e I C as I'll refer to it. Is it low?
It's not low? Okay? Working for this company? Yeah, working for
this company was weird. The uh deathly you know, real boom er bus.
Yeah, kinda weird. So uh sails across Francis Drake, sails across
the Atlantic, hits up Spanish South American ports, robs them blind, takes
a few boats himself, go through the Strait of Magellan all the way up
the West coast, chills in California for a bit, then decides the Yolo
as the first Englishman across the Pacific in fifteen fifteen seventy nine, runs into
these little things called the West Indies. Yeah yeah, yeah, like okay,
like the Philippines and stuff. I believe that's in Adnesia. Oh is
the West Indies. The West would mean the East Indies East yeahs yeah,
the West Indies is the Caribbean. Yeah, the East Indies I think is
like Indonesia. Right, Yeah, that it makes sense that crash from the
records. Yeah yeah, yeah, Well we're all here to help each other,
that's right. Yeah, sparks up a friendship with a sultan Baba La
and loads up the Golden Hind, which is his ship with a large hall.
That's a rad pirates ship named Golden Hind. The Golden Hind, Yeah,
with something wildly exotic to Western European whites. Spices. Yeah. Okay,
I'm really thrilled you're actually talking about this, and we'll probably get into
spicetok a little bit more later. But what were they doing before this?
Was it even salt? Like? What were they using on food? They
definitely had salt, believe they just take That's how you kept meat, right
it They just made a porridge, right, They didn't just lived off for
they probably the garden herbs would imagine maybe throw some wood in there. It
wasn't cherry wood flavorless all right. I know, I know to white people
mayonnaise is spicy, but yeah, they had some stuff, bake some bread.
Yeah, I'm a big fan of that. First off, they had
cheese should be noted too. Cheese, Yeah, because we figured out insumer
that if you leave the rack of milk out, yeah, turns into fueling
cheese. Yeah. First you get the cottage cheese and then you just keep
going from there. It's like, well if I leave it out in the
sun for longer, what happened? Yeah, we'll just put some some leaves
in it too, see how that goes? Hold? Only get the goats
one too? Ye, goat that goat jizz? Is that stuff too?
Let me get that. Yeah. So he's got a ship full of spices,
sails around Africa back to England. Fifteen eighty gets back, celebrated as
a national hero. First brit to circumnavigate, right, that's insane. Yeah,
nighted by the Queen. Gave investors for people that invested in his journey
five thousand x the return. That's a great Roy. It's great Roy.
Does game stop Roy? That's definitely topical. No one was short squeezing him,
No. Fifteen eighty eight, Our boy Francis Drake gets the call again
with Lord Charles to fuck up the Spanish Armada sick, uh what trading?
What's going on earth? They were just like fucking up. Well he was
in this straight in the battle. Yeah, we're not We're not even at
the East Indian Trading. This is just like hey go do this okay?
Yeah he was also are we are you? Are you going to talk about
him banging the Queen? I mean so there's speculation. I couldn't find any
hard evidence, but yet pretty much speculation of Francis Drake was boning Queen Elizabeth
the First. Yeah, hell yeah, the virgin Queen as it were,
Virginia was named after her, but she was getting it from Drake and I
think Walter Raleigh too. It was like both of the Raleigh was she loved
her herself an adventurer. I actually I'm pretty sure unofficially, like unconfirmed at
least based on rumors, Queen Elizabeth the First and pocahonas or Eskimo sisters with
John Smith. No, with Sir Walter Raleigh. Oh, Raleigh was giving
it to Pokehonust like later like yeah, she he was after John Smith.
She married Sir Walter Raleigh. Oh so we got her actually when she was
like of illegal, Yeah, I could be wrong about that. It was
Francis Drake and someone else that she was like getting it. Let me look
up who Clive Owen played in, uh, the Second Queen, the second
Elizabeth movie with Kate Blancheten was banging her in that movie. I'll describe how
what if it was just Clive Owen it is he's a time traveler, Yeah,
yeah, like Nick Cage absolutely. Yeah. So Francis Drake, Lord
Charles, they fuck up Spanish Ramada because they have a small fleet of faster,
more compact ships that just reeked havoc on this their lossle once thought of
invincible group of boats. Yeah, that Armada was a pretty big Armata,
but like turning radius was shit. Yeah, they you know, they just
giant, clunky boats. Robin knows who it is now, Yeah, I
was right, Okay, Yeah, so they fuck up the Armata. That's
so they capture brought back plenty of Spanish and Portuguese ships and cargo, which
kind of sprung their ability to sail globally because before this, like I mean
like Francis Drake's first expedition across the Atlantic here he lost three ships just getting
there, and it was kind of a guerrilla expedition. They weren't the main
naval power in the world. Now, their ships were kind of kind of
trash. Yeah, they were kind of trash ass ships for England at the
time. But they get all these Spanish boats. They allow them to travel
further and uh, kind of getting the mix with Spain and Portugal to dominate
the Far East trade market in the Indian and Pacific oceans. So ninth or
fifteen ninety one, Queen Elizabeth grants London merchants permission to sail those oceans.
So this is all These are all like kind of precursors to what kind of
leads to the East India. She was just she was just like, heave
at it boys. Yeah, Like what was holding them up before? I
guess should we do it? For whatever reason? It seems like everything I
read you have to like pass everything through the queen back then, Yeah,
I mean it is an absolute monarchy, so terrible job. When they were
actually doing that, she has the Queen's just micromanaging every little thing. Yeah
yeah, right, like what color we're gonna paint the hall? When do
we get off on Friday? Yeah, And she's like just get it out
of here. And trying to get dick down by Francis Drake or Sir Walter
Rawleigh. Yeah, whoever's around, Frank and round, you're gonna wish.
Fifteen ninety two, Sir Walter Raleigh captures the Madre de Dose the second Mother.
Yes, this Madre did dose of two. Actually, wait, isn't
that mother of two? Yeah? Yea mother of two. Yeah. When
they brought it back to Dartmouth, it was the largest ship to ever enter
an English port. It was chock full of valuable jewels, pearls, gold,
silver, spices. But the most valuable thing other than the ship itself
was the rudder, which is the marine handbook, which had a bunch of
intel on China, India, Japan and the rest of the Far East.
Wait, the rudder has like notes. The rudder is the notes. It's
like a it's a handbook. So not the actual rudder, rudder of the
ship that steers the ship. No, it's r U T T E r
oh rutter Okay, rutter, got it. I don't know. I can't.
I can't talk when we're not we're not as well established. Yeah,
we're not here to expect correct pronunciation out of you. I'm sure it's not
even Madre did how did you spelled those d e U s da? Mother
of God? Yeah, I mean it means mother of God, but also
mother of God. I don't know Spanish, man, you don't know.
You don't know Latin letter, so you don't even know alphabet that are based
in the it's the same alphabet based listening. I dated in Argentinian girl in
college for two years, and I squandered that by not learning a single lake
of Spanish that wasn't Spanish. Is dais God day in Spanish? I think
that's just Latin Mother of God. That's a cool name. Actually, that's
a great name. Mother. It's way better than mother of two. Like
every time you see this giant ass ship coming on the horizon, mother of
God. Yeah yeah, yeah. They capture Sarah Walter Raleigh captures that ship,
and uh, they get the kind of the playbook for the far far
East. So they just learned and they're like, oh, here's what to
do in China and India. Here's how to sail those waters. Here's what
these people think. Like, yeah, here's what to say to them that's
gonna be. Here's here's a little bit of their alphabet and ship. Yeah,
I mean, like you gotta think. I mean even today, doing
business in the East is still like there's classes on how to just conduct yourself
for like doing business meetings and things like that. Yeah, in Japan and
China and places, So having that kind of mental I'm sure it's just like
off to the races for yeah, dude, even today. So I read
this hilarious thing a while back, like just the gulf between like Chinese social
culture and American social culture Western social culture. You could say, it's just
like way bigger than people give it credit for. I've discovered this by like
reading this thing about the troll operations that all our major enemies are running,
Like basically Iran and Russia and China are the big three for like troll operations,
and they were and they were just like the Chinese one is horrible.
Like it's not they're not good at trolling on like social media and shit,
And it's just because like they don't understand how West like they just understand like
the nuances of the like Western world way less than Russia, which is basically
a part of the Western world, and Iran, which is in between.
Yea in China's just more like to the point, they really are. And
then there's another thing that happened soon after that where some Chinese official like gave
a speech somewhere in Europe to like a bunch of EU people, and he
was like kind of just a big, like to the point dick about everything,
and they were all pissed off, Like the EU people were all pissed
off about it, and the Chinese guy was like, what I just said
a speech? Yeah, like yeah, but so it's just and that's now.
Yeah, right, that's right. I could go I could talk to
someone in China right now if I wanted to. Yeah, let alone in
fifteen whatever the fuck? Yeah, where you've never been, right, you
don't even know what to expect. So yeah, that's I mean, it's
a huge start. Yep. So they get this ship, they get this
playbook. For the next eight years, a lot of like lone wolf merchants
kind of go out and do their thing, Like Ralph Geitch, he kind
of dips his tone into the water in that part of the world. And
we really get rolling in fifteen ninety nine, when a group of merchants come
together to form an alliance project to pitch to the Queen, coming in over
thirty thousand pounds or four million dollars in today's money. Initially they were denied,
so they up their investment to sixty eight thousand pounds and in sixteen hundred
I believe December thirty first, the Governor and Company of Merchants of London,
trading in the East Indies was officially born as a long name. Yeah,
it's the trash name. Yeah, but they had the they have the capital,
man, so someone someone had them drop the du Yeah right, don't
call it the Facebook, just call it Facebook. Get rid of the Governor
and Company. Yeah, yeah, of Merchants of London. Now the whole
name Press East India Company. But that sounds to the pointe. Yeah,
you don't the first thing. You you don't hit the hit the you don't
blow money on branding first thing. No, you you gotta get the LLC
going man, right, Yeah, you're fillowing the paperwork, you're getting You're
getting everything kind of like in order before you actually launch. It's literally not
how companies are made anywhere there. I was like, this is a cool
idea, and it's like, yeah, you do the branding first. Yeah,
everyone disa branding, Yeah, which is crazy like everything, Like you
you have to have a random name with a cool thing. Where's the gimmick.
Yeah, it's like you gotta call it like sky Frog and you sell
fucking Twitter Watch crawlers. Yeah. Whatever the fuck? Well, I mean,
there wasn't there a fucking company called battle Frog that sponsored the Fiesta Bowl
for a few years. I have no idea what they did use a battle
Frog. If you want to sponsor to the podcast, go ahead and reach
out to us. I assume battle Frog is no longer existent. Do you
think invested in the Fiesta Bowl was a watering scheme on its own? But
yeah, no, the worst bowl to possibly invest in is probably the Fiesta
Bowl. Fair enough, So, this group of dudes, it's six dudes
who run this whole operation out of Sir Thomas Smith's house. Classic story pretty
much were awarded by Queen Elizabeth a stranglehold on trade for the English with all
countries east of the Cape of Good Hope and west of the Straight of Magellan
in Chile. That's quite that is huge. Africa to Argentina. Yeah,
yes, so any merchants, any merchant found doing business in these seas without
the proper license and approval from the newly found company, we're subject to forfeit
their ships cargo and faced imprisonment to the royals satisfaction. Can you imagine if
you were just like, you know, a normal dude from India sailing around
where you've been your entire life, and they're like, hey, what the
fuck what are you doing? Without queen promotions? British people just not for
British So any British ships go out there without this company approval. If you're
just an average British joe with a boat, you know, trying to rob
India blind to feed your family, it's not state sponsored anymore. If it's
not state spot Yeah, if you're not a part of that company, you
can't do it. How was it supposed to make a living? Yeah,
it's ridiculous. So the company have libertarian have one governor. Yeah, we
should all be able to es, especially on the open sea. Uh.
Company had one governor who reported to the Queen, and then they've made twenty
four directors under that governor who reported to a committee, a committee of proprietors
that appointed them. Many of the hallmarks of the modern corporate corporation were first
popularized by the East India Company for example. Example, the company was the
largest and longest lasting joint stock company of its day, so it raised capital
by someone's shares of the So what you're saying is you could buy stock.
You could buy stock in the company. You could, you could. Those
dividends were probably way cooler back in the day. Like here's a gold necklace
from a mummy. Like here you go, right, Yeah, that's like
the stock news the pearl necklace from a mermaid. Yeah, we raided a
pyramid and found cursed jewels. They're really expensive. That's what big stock go
up. Now Now it's like Manx, like CEO accidentally posts Penis on Instagram,
stock goes down six percent. Yeah right, Well, they would actually
have instead of like corporate board meetings, they had meetings like kind of town
halls with all their stockholders. So they would just go in and start yelling.
That's awesome. I would love to be there. Yeah, which new
about that? Every time I'm asked to weigh in on a stock through cash
app AMC right now, I just screwed. I just write shit in all
caps, screw right messages and rob Yeah. So their board meetings were essentially
Wall Street beats. That's awesome. Yeah. Sixteen o one, Sir James
Lancaster commands the first voyage for the East India Company aboard the Red Dragon.
Yes, only only good names for these ships. Mother of God, mother,
I actually prefer a mother of two. Fuck God. What's more impressive
than a mother of two? Probably single? Yeah you know what I mean?
Yeah, there's no harder job single mother of two, widow of two?
Will you look up how to say a single mother of two in Spanish?
That's what I'm gonna name my ship. Solo Madre de dose yea.
Yeah, so that's my boat, the single mother of two, strong woman
and God you sink your cash into it Madre. All right, great,
that's my fucking boat. I'm in fact, I'm My car is pretty dusty.
I'm just gonna write that on the back of my car right now.
I feel like you shouldn't. Why you're gonna scare people that read Spanish and
be like, why is this guy riding round in a car that says this,
because they're just gonna think there's a single mother of two in the trunk.
Yeah, pretty much like she was, like I was shoving her in,
and she somehow she was able to write it on there. It's like
this will be my warning. Yeah yeah, yeah. So James Lancaster takes
a twelve hundred ton Portuguese ship plunders that sets up two English trading ports with
that money in what is now Indonesia. Uh sixteen oh three. Queen Elizabeth
the First dies kim. King James the First takes over and invest more money
and uh ships into this company. And they didn't even have to fuck him.
Yeah. No, he was just busy writing his Bible. Yeah.
Yeah. Elizabeth was just like getting dicked down, you know, and giving
selling rights to everybody. And King James was just like, I'm really interested
in getting this book done. James was like, I gotta write about my
imaginary friend Jesus. Guys, I don't need that kind of talk out of
you. Easter just happened. You say it's over, You got a year,
Well you until Christmas. Guess that's a big holiday for you. It's
big w Where is it that the Friday? Yeah, well it's a real
good friday for you. Huh y Can you guys rewrite history like he disappeared?
He's not okay, Like yeah, okay, sure, rolled that rock,
rolled that rock out of the way, and then he ascended into this
guy. If it's like if after the last time Florida lost hip, No,
he rose three days later, then ascended forty days later. That's what
I'm saying. I'd be like if after Florida lost the last SEC championship,
Jake was like, no, actually, three days later we came back and
won it. It was played again and we won the SEC championship. Yeah,
exactly. Album is like, no, you guys just wide. I
don't know, like what's to say. I'm sorry. If you can't believe
a prostitute in a graveyard, who can you believe? It's good? Point
man? Yeah, wait, but hold on. He was chilling for like
forty days after he moved to the rock. He yeah, no, he
kind of just he was going. He was going around making you know,
he say goodbye. I feel like that part's not talking about. One point
he showed up to a party and there was one of the apostles, Doubting
Thomas. His name is Doubting Thomas. Still a saint. Somehow, I
don't think you should be uh. He he's a loser. Just sound like
Trump the loser didn't believe loser. Everyone knows its. Us shows up to
a party and Thomas is like, you're not fucking Jesus, and Jesus was
like, yeah, here's my hand and he took Thomas's hand, was like
here, put your finger through my hole and he made and he made Thomas
Fingerham Jesus just strolling Thomas, Jesus made. Yeah, Jesus made one of
the apostles finger him to prove he was Jesus. It's like gross out,
just like it was. Jesus had a couple uh crafts of the wine.
Then night he's like Thomas, he motherfucker. Yeah just put your hand finger
like, look at this, you bitch. You'd on think get happened?
Yeah, you think he did. Right after that, he did like one
of those person that was about the cross was bitch? Asked John? No,
Mary Magdalen and his mom were they I'm talking about the apostle? Oh
yeah yeah yeah of all the apostles, bitch aske John was the only one
at the cross. Do you think Jesus was disappointed by that? Probably John
showed up. He knew that's it, He knew it was gonna happen.
It's like your birthday. Also, if I was Jesus, I would have
been that angry too, because like, yeah, he rose from the dead,
but he still remembered, like he still got crucified. Like that's still
hurt, you know what I mean. Like if if you get your dick
cut off and then you get it sewn back on and everything's good again eventually,
that still doesn't mean that you didn't feel your dick getting cut off.
You have that pain forever. Yeah, that's with you forever. Yeah,
Like he he remembers getting crucified right now, and he's like, you bitch
anyway, Yeah, he ascends into the sky. Mary ascends into the sky,
like the prostitute goes to heaven. No no, no, no,
yeah, prostitute went to heaven, but Mary and Jesus's physical bodies went to
headen. So you guys get the dow right, Like, no, okay,
I think I think you are just a doomed piece of shit. Yeah
that's fair. I mean we listened to a burning plant. So yeah,
it's really same guy, same guy's doing all this. You could be more
direct, It's all I'm saying, Like, where's the fun in that?
Yeah, actually I would trick one. If I created a universe, I
would just be playing dumb trades. Why wouldn't you? Yeah, it's just
like fun. These guys, they're like, an't see what these monkeys can
figure out? All right, So let's let's get back on topic talk about
That's enough about Jesus for this one. Yeah, you guys can follow me
on Instagram from more Jesus talk. Let's get into something a little bit more
lighter. Uh. You know, as they started to expand slowly in the
sixteen hundreds, they get you know, they're pretty early on in the slave
trade. Yeah, they they as they sail around Africa, they start to
think they are there people here, and what can we use them for?
Yeah? So I will like bitcoin the yah, Yeah, the value he's
exponential. People just there just looking at them, like what do we do?
I don't know, is minding it? I guess it's gonna be a
thing. Maybe let's just invest. Yeah. So, I mean they did
enough shitty things that I don't think we have to address the whole slavery thing
too much. Um, it's pretty like, yeah, they what a sentence
we don't have to cover? Like that's pretty much. You know, we
know where that we know. Yeah, they start in sixteen twenty one and
they pretty much don't stop until the eighteen hundreds. Yeah. Uh yeah,
ladies and gentlemen, Black History Month is over. We're just gonna gloss over.
We're glossing over because terror. I think we all what are years like
a history teacher. It's up high school and you're like, there were slaves.
I think we all get the gist. So anyway, reconstruction yeah yeah,
uh so over the next few decades and sixteen hundreds after the sixteen twenty
one, like from sixteen twenties to like the sixteen eighties to kind of set
up shop in India China. Uh. Even though East India Company was technically
a private venture, it's royal charter in battle ready employees gave it political weight.
Indian rulers invited local company bosses to court, extracted bribes from them,
and recruited the company's muscle in regional warfares. Say yeah, the Mughal Empire,
I believe, yep, uh yeah, you like at this happens.
This happens essentially every time there's colonialism in from about from the discovery of America,
on for sure, where when Europeans show up, a lot of people
have this idea of the European show up and they just start cutting off everyone's
heads essentially, But they can't do that at first because they don't show up
in numbers. But what happens is is that certain smart but maybe short sighted
locals see this new power show up and are like, you know what,
we can use these guys to fuck those guys. And the reason the Aztecs
went down it wasn't because the Spanish, you'd just mean, and the Aztecs
were like, you're just trying to live our lives. Like everyone around the
Aztecs fucking hated the Aztecs because they were also a colonial empire, right,
subjecting everyone, yeah, just regional, subjecting everyone around them to whatever they
wanted to do. So the people who they were fucking with were like,
you know what, let's use these guys to fuck those assholes and maybe we'll
figure out the rest later. Yeah, and that didn't work out. Well,
yeah it was, but but they get into a four year war.
Yeah the empire, let's use these guys. The mool Empire was actually strong
though, and they just wanted to use the strength to like tip the skit
because who are they fighting, is well the seats or something. Just yeah,
regional kind of like tries. But they also get into a four year
war with the East India Company. They beat. The East India Company starts
in sixteen eighty six, goes till sixteen ninety. Damn. The East India
Company loses, but they're given permission to stay in the country because that's a
good idea mistake. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's like if you beat
cancer, but you just let it stays. You just beat cancer and you're
like, oh and the tumors like just a little bit. You're like,
all right, tumor, you're so cute, sweetheart with your little tooth.
It's really weird. Yeah, it's like, you know, it's a little
skin, a little mole on your skin, and it's just like, yeah,
that's cool, just a little I just want to stay. You'd have
a good time. I like you, all right, he's sweet, old
tumor. Uh So yeah, they uh, they stay, and they sort
of squeeze themselves into political power for throughout the seventeen hundreds um by putting over
five hundred factories into the country and hiring a bunch of locals for their army,
what kind of factories, because people are thinking probably like you know,
eighteenth century or eighteenth century Industrial Revolution. Before that, we're probably talking like
what textile mills, that type of ship? Yeah, okay, yeah,
uh So the London office of the East India Company didn't concern itself with Indian
politics. As long as trade continued, the board was happy and didn't interfere.
Since there was very little communication between London and the branch offices. Obviously
because it would take like three months to get a fucking letter, it was
left to the branch officer to write the laws governing the company cities like Bombay
Calcutta. It should be noted that, yeah they named those cities too.
Yeah, those cities weren't named Bombay and Calcutta. That's why Calcutta is not
Calcutta anymore. What's Calcutta, No, I'd forget. And Bombay's not bomb
Bombay's Mumbai, Mumbai. Yeah, but Calcutta changed its name back or either
that or we were just referring to it incorrectly, like when I was in
grade school, because that's where sister Teresa was Catholics in Calcutta man, well
in Catholic grade school. Fuck dude, our fucking nun principle would come down.
She was great, sister, result was the best, but she would
come down and always talk about uh, sister Teresa or mother Teresa, sorry,
and would just it was just like the paint picture painted was so grim
that I was like, India sounds fucking terrifying. It's just like everyone on
the street has leprosy, right right, it's just like the it's the play,
yeah, the entire like every like, if you're just walking down the
street in India, you'll catch leprosy typhoid. That's it. Literally. Sixth
grade me one thought that, well, so this company's in India for two
hundred years, and we'll get to a point where they do some really shady
shit in India or are we gonna we're gonna gonna talk about it. We're
just gonna slavery it. We're gonna talk about it. But it happens over
such a long period of time that we're gonna get back to it, Okay,
it circles back, Okay, Okay. So meanwhile in the seventeenth century,
because I still weren't kind of like they did so many terrible things that
I'm trying to like do this in like a timely fashion, like, so,
yeah, take care of the sixteen hundreds then seventeen and showed me the
amount of terrible shit he had on paper before the episode started. He's like,
I could probably do two episodes on this for sure. Yeah. Yeah,
but we're just gonna gloss overything like slavery for the episode. You know
what we're talking. You can imagine people are property probably actually don't know much
about the African slave trade being used in the East or was it just they
got involved in the normal like Atlantic slave trade and we're just pumping them over
to them going Africa. I mean they pretty much like I didn't. I
didn't know anything about I'm sure there were Africans in India to some extent,
but I didn't know if it was more than more than negligible. Right,
So meanwhile, seventeenth century Portugal and Spain kind of fall off, and the
EIC's main competition was the Dutch, who also who already had like kind of
an established company over in the East as well. I believe they ran Sri
Lanka for sure, Yeah, and uh also pretty prominent the West Indies as
well. Yeah, and like they kind of just poked the bear. They
just kind of provoked the Dutch for no reason. Um, the Dutch not
a big country, but a rich country. Yeah, and full disclosure,
my favorite country to play an empire total war is the Dutch. They would
start passing out pamphlets about the Dutch and just kind of like ran a huge
smear campaign about against the Dutch, saying that they would uh kind of what
we would call waterboard so like their slaves, slaves and their their captives,
and they would burn their armpits and assholes on fire. So what was the
British's bragg here? Were only the second meaness to ourselves. Yeah, we
don't burn their butts. Yeah. But what weird we talked about in in
the Lalaie episode is that the French were there's still slaves, still horrible,
all that stuff, but the French treatment of slaves was much more equitable than
as much as equitable as you can be to a slave then the English system
and apparently the Dutch system. Yeah, this would be like Coke though saying
that Pepsi water boards their employees or something like. Because again, these are
not nations, these are fucking companies, right, yeah, um, so
is the are the Dutchess democracy at this point by the time of the American
Revolution, they are a democracy. So all of this kind of mud slinging
pretty much causes the Anglo Dutch Wars, which is technically four different wars from
sixteen fifty two to seventeen eighty four. But it's fought entirely on the sea
for the most part, and it's between these two companies. It's not really
even so it's essentially like a proxy war like the US and Soviet Union had,
where they kind of one side would kind of fight the other side,
but in like dumb little ways like in Vietnam and Afghanistan and Korea and just
on the open ocean. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. Fun.
Proxy wars essentially wars kind that they're directly conflicting with each other in the ocean.
It's still war. It's not proxy. If they don't want to tangle
on land in Europe, it's not a real war. I don't know if
I agree with you, but okay, I don't need you to agree with
you, know, I mean, if the countries are directly fighting each other,
there's nothing proxy about it. They're just kind of like you're misusing the
words proxy. Sure it's it's not a full fledged land war, but it's
still all right. And I mean during the time seventeen hundreds, they get
in the fight, these fights with the Dutch, the French. Oh,
they're just constantly a war. Yeah, this is all all of what you're
describing is essentially what happened from essentially post Spanish Armada up until the end of
World War One. And that's why they didn't think World War One was gonna
be such a big deal because they were like, oh, here we go
again, and it's all kind of they kind of get away with what they
do because obviously the the British are kind of distracted, like the government is
like, oh no, we got we got a few wars to fight.
Well, the English Civil War goes on in this time. Yeah, what
the sixteen eighties, I believe sixteen sixties, sixteen eighties, something like that.
Oh, let's look it up real Quick's the one regarding the seat of
the monarchy. Yeah, sixteen fifty one, sixteen forty two to sixteen fifty
one, and then the Glorious Revolution. It was the sixteen eighties or something
like that. Yeah, which it was just another English civil war, but
like no one died but everyone it was like a Mexican standoffer. I don't
know. Back to India sixteen ninety five, the e C was still financially
recovering from that war that they lost to the Empire in India to the mcguals.
He the mcguals, and they had seen its annual imports drop from a
peak year in sixteen eighty four of eight hundred thousand pounds to just thirty thousand
pounds in sixteen ninety five, mainly because of pirates. Pirates, Yeah,
they lost that much money because of pirates. Pirates fucked their ship up in
India from eight hundred thousand to thirty. They robbed them, They got fucked.
Man, that's that's terrible. It's essentially it's it's the it's the South
Park and it's gone. Yeah, dude, like what what happened? Just
pirates they just did were they just being so like all right, from my
understanding of the East India Trading Company, they had a lot of highs and
lows. Yeah, clearly, not even in terms of just like oh the
pirates did it, like they hit lows and then shit like that would happen,
So that was mine. They were also terrible with their finances. They
constantly have to be like bailed out by the British Parliament because from what they
what they wrote or what I read, was that a lot of the guys
cooking their books and writing and just keeping track of their finances were like interns,
so they just didn't know what they were doing. Just imagine Bob Cratchitt
and fucking Scrooges. You know, Bob cratch It's there with a camp you
know, a little candle. He's cold, he's like writing in his ledger,
and Scrooge is just like right. Yeah. The accountants were essentially like
a low level employee. So like imagine me doing the books for just fucking
like Amazon and Sacks. Yeah, yeah, no, it's not a good
idea. Well back then, you know you had to It wasn't just calculating,
but like you had to write everything down like five fucking times. Yeah,
bitch work right, you're fucking wrist hurts and shit. Yeah, it's
like you're typing it in a spreadsheet and it's not even like you're right,
you just have a normal pen. You're dipping the quill in ink every twenty
second, scribbling, God, that's annoying. Ship. Yeah, so glad,
so you can afford a goose. So we're gonna focus on one pirate
in particular here. His name is um Henry Avery. Lucky you also goes
by John Avery, has a bunch of alias. His name is Henry Avery,
say lucky you because it was easy, easy to pronounce, I know,
But the ship he takes is not. So I'm gonna struggle. So
the ship is the Ganji Sawi. I think that's a name. That's the
name means mother of four. And so this is a Indian ship that,
historically speaking, is the richest ship ever taken by pirates. WHOA, yeah,
this is he said, this is an Indian ship. It's an Indian
ship full of jewels and you know, rubies, pearls, the usual silver,
gold. Uh. It carried a total value up to six hundred thousand
pounds at it during its time. So what is that? Well, if
third thirty thousand pounds was four million, then I don't know. Do the
math. That's times. It's just thirty times twenty So what's four million times
twenty eighty million million that's worth eighty million dollars. Damn, I could have
totally fucked that up, but I think it's worth eighty I'm trusting you.
I'm not doing fast, I'm not doing the math yet. Yeah, we're
not like you. It's like if you if you found like Jeff Bezos driving
to a fucking Whole Foods. He just took he took his like third best
debit card. Yeah, free money. Yeah. But yeah, every or
every Henry every was a just former British uh captain in the in the navy.
Well, we talked about this turned pirate kind of standard we talked about
before the Yeah, here's what you did. Here's you. You joined the
British Navy two essentially, and there was basically three options. You spent your
whole life in the navy. Option one are just four options. Option two
become a company man, yeah, and you just sail privately. Option three
you're a drunk hobo treaking sailor gin yeah. And an option four is,
uh, you start your own small business, which is piracy. Yes yeah,
yeah, because you have all the skills from the British Navy. Yes,
you are trained militarily, so you just go become a terror and single
handedly almost bankrupt one of the largest corporations in the world. That's awesome.
Yeah. Yeah, it's like if we actually I equate this dann early,
it's like a Google, you know, like everyone works for Google, but
then they leave to start their own company. Yeah. Yeah. So to
appease locals and obviously India who just got this massive ship full of goods kind
of just you know, taken from under him, the government issues which government,
we're not the e C. Okay. They put out a declaration that
every and pirates are enemies of the human race. Oh and they issue a
five hundred pound bounty on every's head, offered a free pardon to any informer
who disclosed his whereabouts, and then they up that to a thousand pounds.
And this was actually the first worldwide manhunt in recorded history. So could I
go back to something real quick? Sure? Called him enemies of the human
race. Yes, you know that gives me big vibes of what access of
evil? Yeah, which plays into our ship. Don't change theme because we're
not original now, nothing ever original, absolutely not access of evil. Enemies
of the human race, of the human race. Yeah, I imagine if
someone hacked again it's gotta back to Amazon because these people are like Amazon or
just hacked the shit out of Amazon. And Jeff Bezos was like, people
aren't getting their groceries. These are enemies of the human race. Yeah,
you're causing starvation. I'd be like, I don't know, man, I
think he's just they're just fucking you. Yeah, maybe you should up the
security right anyway, Shit don't change. Yep. They grant every no amnesties,
no pardons. Uh no matter what. He ends up kind of sheltern
is himself and the Atlantic Colonies kind of gets never actually gets caught wearing the
curban caurribbean curb, the curbian um. Yeah, just kind of lives off
that balanty he stole. Why would you keep working? Yeah, you hit
the jackpot. That's the last job. Fucking seriously, you need to what
else do you need to do this? He is constantly on the run,
and uh yeah, he's never really he's never caught, but he's never They
never really explain where he ends up. He ends up dead in a brothel
at sixty five. Yeah, literally more rum than man, covered in just
filth and gold. Yeah, lived as good of a life as you could
live for what the pirates seventeenth century pirates? Yeah, wow, else does
a pirate want to die? Pirate goes that way? Yeah? Yeah.
He Basically that's the pirate equivalent of Mario getting the star, yeah, and
then just running until the star doesn't run out. Yeah it star doesn't run
out until you fall down like a hole. Yeah, which he did.
He fell into a hole, quite a few, quite a few holes.
Uh, seventeen hundreds. The company grows to one hundred and fifty nine people
in the London offices who are in charge of multiple regions. Even that salary
low, I mean a lot of you got what half those got to be
interns, righting? Fifty nine people in the London office who are in charge
of millions of civilians of different races in different parts of the world, a
quarter million soldiers several regimes who are not super pumped that they were there to
begin with, all over the world. During this timeframe, they're constantly being
bailed out by the British government with loans because they were terrible with money.
As I said earlier, they're just yellowing it. Because here's the thing,
this company's already spanned like one hundred and fifty years, but no human life
has. So these people are getting richer and getting older and yoloing, and
then the company gets fucked and then they get bailed out because they've got too
many fucking fingers and too many pies. They're doing what every startup does,
and they spend way too much money early, but they last so long that
they almost become kind of like a respected it's an institution they become. They
go from spending too much money into just being too big to fail, literally
multiple times, several times. And the other nice thing too, is is
that they've lasted so long that you know, the people mad about the first
bailout are dead by the second bailout. Yeah, so who's they can't be
that? Like, no one's like, oh good. The records aren't on
like a digital record, right, It's a parchment that probably is on fire
somewhere, yeah or gone. And they keep getting in the wars with the
Dutch and the French and these Indian governments because of the aggression of the e
i c. The actual English do yes, yeah, so the entire country
has to go to war on behalf of this company several times. Man,
I just want to read the the like justifications for that, and in English
publications at the time like it's all due there all go. There are company,
you know, like there are they're a part of us. Yeah,
like I because I can imagine that now. Maybe not so with Amazon or
Google. Well, I mean, for instance, but if like Walmart or
something. I think a perfect example would be like air Bus and Boeing for
instance. Yeah, like because there's um geez, what was it. There
was some sort of illegal subsidies being given Airbus I want to say, in
the Europe and it was making it hard for Boeing to compete. Yeah,
and so we sued and then like I think the EU counter sues or I
don't even know how that is all up in the ass of every American fucking
tech company, right, So, I mean, yeah, it's that shit
still happens. It's just not in a level like all out war. It's
legal strong arming. But well it's it's called what gray zone where it's between
peace and war. I believe it's the term. I don't know, you
could probably correct me shrift Dan was here, what correct? Yeah? So
the Battle Plassy in seventeen fifty seven pitted fifty thousand Indian soldiers. Uh against
just three thousand company men. Gonna have to assume only really one side had
guns. No, Uh, that's not true. Oh both sides, both
both sides. I had guns. Was one side more technologically advanced? H
No, there's a back room deal that happens with Indian bankers. So most
of the Indian army refuses to fight at plas. Yeah, easy war.
And that's not to say, Look, I'm not like being like, Oh
India, they're like primitive. They didn't know the guns, like they weren't
inventing the best rifles and muskets at the time. No, but this man,
this dude by the name of Robert Clive, strikes up a backroom deal
with these Indian bankers. Pretty much they win by default. Guys just throw
it down their guns. So they bought them out. They bought them out,
They bought out these soldiers. Classic diplomacy. Yeah. So Clide's victory
gave the East India Company broad taxation powers in Bengal Bengal Bengal Bengal yea then
one of the richest provinces in India. Clive plundered the treasures and shipped it
back to London, keeping plenty for himself. And this was a seismic shift
for the East India Company in seventeen fifty seven, where they go from becoming
a trading company to really tax in the ship out of any area they kind
of take over. I don't know what the I don't personally remember what the
turning point is, but this sounds like it because they're like when the British
showed up to India like they were empires there, like it was they were
big, like you couldn't just walk in and fuck with them. And at
some point it became very fun with able and this might have been that this
is where they completely changed their business model from focus in on trade to just
focus in on tax collection. So they did what British had been doing for
hundreds of years, which is lording over other people and collecting taxes from them,
not even in the name of the queen, when you can just take
money tax a product. Yeah they're the mafia. Yeah, Yeah, they're
taking protection. They're they're just feudal pirates. Yeah. Even worse off in
Bengal. There's a little thing called the Bengal Famine of seventeen seventy sweet,
which was actually engineered by the e C. Wait, they made a famine,
Yeah, what they do so a third of the population they ever saw
died. They forced farmers to grow in edible, high value crops like indigo
and poppy. The surplus couldn't be set aside for hard times. But it
wasn't the sort of thing you fed your family on. That's the same name
that happens in that people complain about now and corn law. No, not
with corner for a while in South America where just farmers are more inclined to
grow cash crops than they are ye food and it's okay, it's a cash
crops. They were also charging peasant farmers fifty percent of their cash harvest,
even up to sixty percent to help recover some of the losses of the taxation
of those dead peasants. Jesus once, you know, once they kind of
up the tax once people started dying, it's like, hey, there's not
enough people making revenues, so we're taking more of yours. Ten million people
died. But the East India Company had a bannery year with high profits and
uh record high profits. They would go on not so much. The East
India Company, I had to look I was. I'm pretty sure, but
I want to double check. They would go on to use these tactics on
good old Ireland. Always comes back they caused the Irish potato like it was
more it was it wasn't so much a blight as it was just the English
being assholes that caused the Irish potato famine. Yeah, that that checks out.
The English being assholes the Irish pretty much always checks out. I would
like to say, although the Irish potato famine happened after, I always like
to say that the English kind of perfected their colonialism on the Irish right there.
Yeah, it's ye, it's a good practice. It's easy, it's
a practice court. Yeah. And then yeah, then there they go exported
around the world. Yeah. In seventeen eighty four, British Parliament passes,
uh, the William Pitts India Act. This is in the midst of the
American Revolution, I believe, yep uh, and we'll we'll get what's from
the American Revolution a little bit, but just kind of wrapping this up.
Parliament kind of saw enough with this famine that they're like, all right,
all right, you guys, it's time we have some British oversight. All
right, let's let them eat. Yeah, just all right. So the
British government took any of the East India companies landholdings in India, and it
was then under British rule rather than the EICS. So what you're saying is
the English actually did not colonize India for the first one hundred and fifty It
was really the it was a company. It was an English company that did
it. And then England was like, I were taking over, you know
how to govern better, and you know what's weird. By the way,
what was seventeen eighty something, still a monarchy, but not quite as absolute
as it was when the IC started. Well there's parliamentary procedure, I'm imagining
it. Yeah, George the third was not the same absolute monarch that Elizabeth
the First was at all. Around this time, it was a commercial stagnation
in trade depression throughout Europe. Directors of the EIC attempted to avert bankruptcy by
appealing to Parliament for financial help. Again. This led to the passing of
the t Act in seventeen seventy three, which gave the company greater kind of
control over American colonies and allowed it an exemption from t import duties which colony
competitor or colonial competitors had to pay. Okay, so the EIC has basically
gotten the UK to every conflicts and probably lost them America. Yeah literally,
Yeah, that's that's kind of like one of the foundational things, like the
whole taxing problem, taxation without representation. So yeah, I mean the American
companies that are important tea had to pay attax, but EIC would never have
to pay at tax when they exported their tea to America. Makes it non
competitive, right yea, so it's not very capitalist. Yeah, American colonies
boycott the tea um. The price of tea actually drops because of the Act,
but it also validated the townshend x Townsend. Townsend is that Townsend?
How do you spell it? Yes? Townsend Act set in the precedent for
the king to impose additional taxes in the future. We're under the history category,
which is like an academic category. I told you three times today we've
been like, how do you spell it? I can't say things right like
this is well established, all right? So yeah, I mean obviously this
trigger is the Boston Tea Party, Providence of mass Chusetts Bay is a very
problematic Boston tea party where they dress up like Native Americans. Yeah, we
should cancel this. There's a lot of there's a lot of problematic things that
happen pre revolution that inspire the revolution. For example, a justified police shooting
some of the maskers, the Boston Masker. You guess who they shoot first?
A black man. They don't shoot him first. He's just one of
the many that catches well, he's he's also Native American. But but yeah,
I'm gonna do that one day. And it's hilarious because it's like,
when you read about it, you're like, oh, yeah, i'd shoot
them too, even though they're the Americans. I'd do it. They were
they were being fucking nightmares. Were they being nightmares? Clip because of the
tea? Yeah? I guess actually maybe yes, it might have been.
I don't remember, but uh yeah, man, the Boston Maskers wild Hey,
John Adams got him off. John Adams got those soldiers off. It's
weird in more ways than one. You suggesting that John Adams sexually placated those
guys, all like fucking fourteen of them. Yeah, well, you had
to do a lot of different stuff when you were a lawyer. I want
to man, I want to see historically accurate John Adams forty Yes, like
all right, boys, just like a stubby man being like, oh what
about your coats and tick off your I don't know that I want and that
had already had contact enough contact to like know that these people weren't like from
heaven or like the Aztecs literally thought that Cortez was a guy that's not me
me and like, oh, like you know, the aspects are dumb,
like they actually thought that. Um. But the Chinese and Japanese were like
I've heard about these guys and fuck that they're dicks. Yeah, they seem
like fucking dicks, and we'd rather be dicks to our own people, yeah
than let them be dicks to all of us guys. This is gonna end
up bad. Yeah, so yeah, I see. Establishes a monopoly of
trade. Uh with China. There was an imbalance of trade, however,
as the Chinese needed far fewer British items than the British desired. As a
result of uh, what are they? What are the war? With the
British trying to sell them well, because China gave Britain tea. Yeah,
so yeah, what what what? What is this? I see where this
is going. By the way, we've got to create a demand. Gott
to create a demand. Uh so you know you hit that black market and
you know you already have a foothold in India and Afghanistan and Pakistan, which
where you can produce a lot of opium in the Hindu kush and guess who
needs that? Who? Uh well, I don't need it, but super
don't need it. It's outlawed. So but in like the early seventeen hundred,
China outlaws opium. But the addiction situation there was. It makes the
most rednecked part of Ohio look like the most Mormon church in Utah. I
don't know how else to put that. Just to give credence to the drug
we're talking about, it's pretty addictive. I get that, and they still
went fucking crazy for it. Yeah, because there's no m that's straight,
no ant there's no real anti education. There might be just people saying don't
do it or it's bad to do it, but there's no real, like
persuasive anti education. Yeah. Because and there's no pervasive anti education. Some
town elders like don't do that, it's bad. Then you take a hit
of just straight opium out of a pipe, you're like, right, old
man, it's not the it's not the fucking same. So it's illegal in
China, but in the rest of the world, the EISE has the exclusive
rights to be able to sell opium. What's a great trade. Yeah.
I mean people, by the way, are smoking opium in the UK as
well. Yeah yeah, and they I mean they smuggle it into China through
the black market. Um companies, investors grow rich, and millions of Chinese
men waste to weigh an opium dens like millions where million created, like legitimately
they were all like to the point where it triggers a war in eighteen forty
yeah, there wasn't opium. It was called the opium Yeah, I mean,
dude, it's to the point where so a lot of times people call,
uh the French generation that fought, and I think it was specifically with
the French, the French generation that fought in World War One, because so
many people died, men, young men died in that war. They call
like the lost generation. But like really, like, dude, how many
fucking Chinese men in particular probably were lost to opium and the lost problem that
the Lost generations, and then the British fucked them up royally in the Opium
wars. Just destroy them. It's not easy to shoot a gun when you're
barely awake, when you're not an off from a nice opium take. Yeah,
when you're just think about that next fucking yeah, I can't think about
drug. I'd rather have my enemy on than opium war. I guess heroin,
Yeah, I mean same, same, yeah. Yeah, that's why
the Nazis did math. Yeah, that's the drug you want your enemy least,
right right, because they're nuts or bass like current current soldiers take ripped
fuel, which is just meth sick? Is that state sponsor? The United
States? We give them meth. We give them like a four uppers.
Yeah, yeah, called, it's called ripped fuel. I forget what it's
made of. But do they talk about in Generation kill all the time.
Fucking Dan Holloway just talk our boss does the Dream Roads podcast. We're just
talking about how they do lines of ripped fuel sometimes awesome. I'm looking that
up, well, compare it doesn't compare to Cardo Max, So go ahead,
well what could yeah? What could? What is that it's our sponsor.
M Well, not for this podcast yet, but maybe one day anyway.
So, uh, they destroy the Chinese um and actually force China to
pay fifteen million dollars in restitution to British mercians. Should be noted this is
just happens in the eighteen forties from the Opium War. Yeah. By this
point, the British Army is really fucking good. Yea. In thirteen years
they're about to beat the shit out of Russia in the Crimean War. Uh.
I mean this is like probably peak I would say, like the American
Revolution to eighteen we'll call it actually to World War two is peak British Army.
And they get to keep Hong Kong. Yeah yeah, yeah, that's
how they got. Yeah, great kit, great, great kit. That's
a five star prospect. By eighteen fifty, Um, we'll go back to
India. So again, India is kind of all over the like they have
India for two hundred plus years. India is pretty collectively sick of the East
India Company by this time and weird, yeah, just tired of getting fisted.
Oh that little tumor, that little tumer grew up and do a big
Yeah that little tuber probably be. So this is actually a statement in eighteen
is actually just another human being? Eighteen fifty six is a statement from the
Earl of Albemaller. I don't know if you spell it. I'm not gonna
say. You said it right, it's Albemar. Let it be. What
do you say, stop stop kicking that dead donkey, Danny donkey. So,
according to his testimony, the Eic practice deprivation of food and water.
They hindered men from their sleep. They hung a necklace of bones and other
disgusting materials around their necks. Uh uh, this is a punishment offensive obviously
the hindus anyone, hopefully but definitely definitely. There's no place you can go
for the bone necklace and they're like, oh, you're wearing new human bones.
Did take that out of the leg just now, that's great. They
made men and women sit on their heels, heels, so bows and toes.
Pretty much wall sets um they would have. They would put sharp stones
under people's asses. They would strike the head of people who pretty much defied
them anytime they talked. H pretty much. They forced two people together to
go in a stupid posture by the hair of their heads, so they they're
doing handstands for a long period of time. Sure, yeah, I guess
is that not just yoga or no, it's it's not yoga if it's not
consensual, yes, right, torture, Yeah, oh, it's just torture.
Yeah, this is actually kind of what happens, and I don't I
don't think this would happen now, but you never fucking know. This is
kind of just what happens when people just have free reign to do whatever they
want to make money, and they crucify people to treats. Oh that they
saved the kicker for the last time? What? Sorry? What the pretty
much crucified people to treat They nailed people to treat the nail. It was
rope, but same, I mean, was the only person I got.
Now, I suppose appreciate that they were such pieces of shit that they were
like, fuck it, let's be sacrilegious too, in a time when being
sacrilegious was like actually like a very punishable thing. Like they were like,
you know what, fuck everything, fuck it all, we're running drugs,
we might as well crucify. Yeah, well, I only I only appreciate
that in so much as at least they were just plain bastards. Yeah,
there was no like moral high ground they thought they were taking. Yeah,
it's not like I'm pretty sure like there's not like a I mean that might
mean an official war. There might be, but like no Christian, especially
a like very devout Christian, is like down with crucifying someone. Yeah,
I'm pretty sure killings off the list in general. Yeah, but we do
killing people, But I don't think the Spanish Inquisition they weren't crucifying people.
Yeah the last time they crucified a Jew. Like, might need to fact
check that, but yeah, yeah, yeah, you don't want another one
of them running around. But that's not actually what a You know, it
causes an uprising in India UH in eighteen fifty seven though, they start handing
out their soldiers that work for the company that are Indian cartridges that are coated
with animal fat. Oh and obviously that product UH is both against Hindu and
Muslim law. M not all animal phase. I think it. No,
I think it's like pigging cow. Yeah, is that we'll take. Yeah,
the Hindu and Muslims have different things. Well, I mean still I
just assume they piss off both groups. Well, I'm sure like two that
the Hindus are probably they're already the Hindus would be the bigger, So Muslims
if they're handing it off to the Hindu, so they're probably using it against
Pakistani Pakistan is part of India's point. Oh yeah, you're right. But
also damn so I would think it would have to be cow fat because all
right, so here's the two moves. Here's the two options. It's cow
fat and it pisses off the soldiers because the soldiers are Hindu, and they
would they would be employing I assume the Hindu soldiers because Muslims are a lower
cast in India, like in general, that's not like I I know,
there is a cast system. Yeah, there's even if they say there's not
one anymore, there's still cast Yeah, Muslims are are very low cast in
India. Hindus are the high cast um. So either they have cow cartridges
piles of soldiers or they have pig cartridges for the Hindu soldiers soldiers to shoot
the Muslim soldiers with and that pisss off the Muslims. Yeah, either way,
it's not good. Yeah, where they just combine both animal fats just
to piss everybody. Yeah right, I mean, if they're crucifying people's trees,
roped, they're probably yeah they're not. Yeah, yolo, yeah,
they're they're yolowing everything. I mean, it's at this point it's very clear
the East India Company has no shame. No, they really don't. Again,
I told you that's why we glossed over the slavery because that pretty much
is you know, what, what do you want us to say? Yeah,
you have to add about it. Yeah. So yeah, eighteen fifty
seven, India rebels against this company until July eighteen fifty eight, when pieces
declared after India kind of fights back and takes it back. Brutal response by
the EIC resulted in deaths of hundreds of their soldiers and other Indians. But
yeah, with this, this was kind of the last straw. This is
the last stand of the East India Company. The British Parliament finally has an
excuse interview once and for all, and dismantled the company. The brutality and
chaos on both sides of the revolt prompted the British government to take control of
India in eighteen fifty eight and in eighteen seventy three, So like almost fifteen
twenty years later, the e C is legally ceased to exist with the East
India Stock Dividend Redemption Act of eighteen seventy three, and it goes into effect
on the first of January eighteen seventy four, dissolving the company completely. Damn
man, about their hundreds were pissed they were dead. Well, yeah,
we're fucking two hundred years dead, three hundred years dead. Long, long
running company, older than America. So you have to still in age a
y sixteen hundred to yeah, eighteen seventy four, eighteen seventy three, Yeah,
to two hundred seventy three years old. No America, yea, almost
about the same man. Yeah, how long was the Roman Empire? A
thousand years? Well, actually, if you want to go, if you
want to count the Eastern Roman Empire to two thousand years, shit, it's
a long one. Yeah, yeah, Okay, So they're like, I
kind of think the Eastern Eastern Roman Empire is distinct, although it is directly
lineated from the Western Roman Empire or the Roman Empire. I kind of think
it's it's a it's kind of cheating fair, I guess I don't know goths
vandals. I'm just I went on a deep dive on goths. Yeah,
there's not much to Barbarian, but I mean pretty pretty good for a company
that all I knew before this was kind of uh well, I knew about
the rat but pretty much the only exposure I've had to them is in the
Pirates of the Caribbean movies. By pretty much, you do mean only yeah,
yeah, yeah, I was gonna say, like, all I know
about the East India Trading Company is the East India Company is like t and
fucking opium. But you have heard of them? I have? How could
you not? Yeah? No, it's um. I think it's hilariously fucking
ruined the America thing for the provision pretty much they cost America or they cut
to the British America. Yeah, although in the I think England at the
tire of the British at the time, like they didn't own the whole continent
or at all, you know what I mean. The thirteen American colonies were
not I don't think that profitable if you could take thirteen states out of the
US. Not a lot of those are either. Was like this company that
existed for two hundred and seventy three years Jack and around. They were constantly
on the verge of bankruptcy, always had to be bailed out by Parliament.
And how many times were they bailed out total? I don't I couldn't keep
you at least said three times. Yeah, so basically, if you're bailed
out once a century, you're good back then, well better than how many
times a GM been build out For Ford for that matter, Ford took no
bailout money. Yeah, Ford has Ford has principles there. Yeah, I
think they did something else way even more fucked up or you know, something
they can't campaign on, But I don't know. I drive Ford, fuck
it, Yeah, I have a Ford. Yeah, I almost ran you
over with it in the parking. That's true. You did almost hit me
with a car. You start a bitch, and I like to think,
you know, this is in the past. No way that modern corporations could
pull off some evil shit like this talking about look at all the oil and
gas. But again the theme of our podcast, shit don't change. Have
I told you my my favorite conspiracy theory that I have no proof of.
Sure, we's here to talk about oil and gas and that well, obviously,
like you know everyone talk is all in on like Haliburton and the Iraq
War and stuff like that. They're very real connections there with Dick Cheney and
everything. Yeah, you can easily. Yeah it's not not all. I
mean it's easy. I don't know if there's anything happened, but it's very
easy to see the connections. Sure, and not like you can. It's
fair to assume things or fair to be skeptical. Okay, now you're setting
something up. But anyway, I was gonna say, my favorite conspiracy there
that I have no proof of is that UM oil companies somehow got car companies
to make the first um Um hybrid cars look super for lack of a better
word, just like feminine and gay. Oh like the leaf in the and
the and just the previous in original pros being like an egg that you could
get in pastel colors. Like they did that on purpose so no one would
want, so that hybrid cars would seem not desirable. Yeah, Like if
you look up what a current Prious like. If you think of a current
Prius looks ridiculous right now, look at what they looked like when they first
came out. Yeah, it is an absurd looking car my my conspiracy that
I have no evidence tough. Yeah, that makes told I would believe that
if someone told me that, like a report came out and I was like,
oh yeah, like X Mobile was like they wanted to press the public
urge to get it. No, it's it's like when uh computers came out
and they looked there, and I think and the other one. What I
would say is they also when there were normal looking hybrid cars. This could
be just a market thing, but hybrid cars are typically more expensive to repair.
Yeah, that could be a market thing, but maybe they all think
that has to do with just computer chips, and they also fudge that.
I don't know, but I do think that is my That is my total
no proof. I'm just throwing it out there. Thing is they were like,
yeah, let's make them look fucking as girly as possible so that no
one wants to get them. Yeah. Absolutely, I think honestly, they
probably could have accomplished that by just saying hybrid in it, or like electric
mentioning electricity. I feel like Francis Drake right now, how did we get
here? That was his whole kind of you know, I want to say
an East India Company, you know, conspiracy shit. Yeah, dude,
we're talking just fuck up not conspiracy shit, fucked up company shit. Yeah.
I mean, like who's more evil? East India Company or Enron?
Yeah, without question. I mean I would say, like a comparable thing
would probably mean testing couple thousand four Mike Hays, Yeah, Nike with weaker
stuff or NBA with weaker stuff, but or like even for instance, with
weaker stuff. Yeah, anyone with weaker stuff. Yeah. Yeah. But
also like think about like Elon Musk's family, were they like just brutal emerald
miners or something like that, like Dutch emerald miners in Africa, South Africa,
like a lot of blood apartheid money, yeah, blood diamonds, yeah,
yeah, minerals. Yeah, his family he it does come from a
white family in South Africa that you know, didn't grow up poor at all
and had apartheid, you know it like benefited from apartheid. I don't really
know Elon Musty, that wouldn't surprise me at all, no, I mean
that or like even there's like I mean, I would say, I don't
know if it's shell the Deus we're talking about Dutch folks, but like oil
companies in Africa totally exploit the locale and take over and fucking ruin water and
shit like that. I mean that shit happens like it's not it's not at
all new. That's why acons that are to save it. Acon is making
Wakonda Acon City Akonda with a coin. Yea a coin. That's actually what
are we doing? Final thoughts? Here are we doing? Lessons learned?
Yeah? Sure, what would you learn from today's episode other than I'm just
I learned that, you know, a company will do what it needs to
do in this way, A corporation, a corporate corporate corporations are people in
this way, they will do what they need to do to get as much
as they can. Yeah, they're resource holders. Yeah, you gotta have
faith. Do you think they ever lived up to the original vision of the
six guys that started the company out of I think they Thomas Smith's house.
They exceeded their wildest expectation expectations. Imagine the first trip that they brought back
just a bunch of stolen gold. They're like, fuck, yeah, oh
my god, this is great. You got a boat full of what awesome?
It's shiny? Hell yeah, yeah, I actually assume that the first
people that founded the company couldn't even fucking fathom what happened eventually, not not
the human atrocities, but just the widespreadness of it, because like they go
from like simple spice traders now like waking like free. If I froze myself
now and woke up in two hundred fifty years and people were like, are
you surprised to see that we have like eight New York's on Mars, I'd
be like, yeah, I'm really fucking surprised by that. Yeah, that's
bananas. It's not expecting eight yeah, nor one. Really Yeah, Well
that's your takeaway, Jake, my takeaway, I mean obviously top one takeaway
with every episode of Shit Don't Change, Don't Change. Yeah, that.
But I do find it interesting that basically I always had this idea of um,
British or you know, English colonizationist being like a top of the government
effort to colonial wise different places. I'd realized it kind of started with like
some fuck boys in their business ships. Business boys. Well that's how I
mean, that's what John Smith was. I know, I know, but
like that's not what I guess, like Plymouth colony, what I'm saying though
too is like considering, no, that's wrong, because like Native America did
really have like like cities and government set up before the ransacking. Like there
was obviously, I think a lot of Native American cultures load. I mean,
like all of North America for sure got kind of hit by a pandemic.
Well right before yeah, we showed up, and but like there were
I mean, so there's people into nomadis nomad Yeah, yeah, I mean
there was a there was a outside of Saint Louis. It's called the Cookey
Amunds. There were like there was like a pyramid city. Oh they're all
over like miss twelve hundreds. Yeah, yeah, so there was a whole
Mississippian culture. But it just yeah, but the twelve hundreds, like there
was a full ass fucking city across the river from Saint Louis, modern Saint
Louis. Um. Yeah, like it was a city, a full city
culture and everything, and then just went away. And at the at the
top, we we Europeans showed up at a kind of opportune time, I
guess you could say, because they were kind of down on their luck right
at some I'm saying that's a little different than the East India company showing up
to an empire and fucking shit up. No, yeah, I mean the
East Young jup to like like the Mughal Empire was a full ass, like
strong empire. Yeah. So like they lost too and then got a second
chance because they're like, you're cool. Can't let that tumors stay. Yeah.
So what I learned is if you managed to beat down a colonial empire
on your turf, don't let him pitch a tent. Probably kick him out.
One please, just gonna drink my gene. You're like, no,
you can't have anything, get out, please leave. Yeah, we follow
war go We're not cool man, Yeah, can we come back? Everyone's
in a while. Get your tea year sam, did no? Just get
out to sleep. That's it? Uh day what you learn? Yeah,
I mean I learned that uh a lot of these modern day corporations and a
lot of the uh I mean, obviously a deep dive a little bit more
into the supply chain and just how the world works. Over the weekend with
Evergreen and all these ships kind of getting stuck in the Suez Canal. But
really, man, it's nothing has changed now. Everything is just it's insane.
How these countries, in these companies will just kind of put forth profit
over anything else. The more you read history, like truly, especially when
you get deep into it, like even just write a book and read a
book on anything, Like I'm reading a book right now and from the Fall
Room to the rise of the Islamic Empire, and like I just read things
and I'm just like, that is exactly what people do now and the impact
that it has on the entire world, Like we'll feel the effects in the
next just from this from one tiny boat being stuck in one little ass canal.
Oh yeah, it's going to impact the entire world for one to five
years. Like it's it's absurd, absurd, But then you have an entire
company that kind of takes over the world and dictates what it is now so
sh don't change. And for that, I am damn regester. Thank you
to Jake Goldman and Rob Fox and you just got self served.