WEBVTT

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Want Want. It's going to be
such a different kind of episode, but

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it's not going to be a bummer. This is like a vulnerable life lessons

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style episode, which I think,
like sometimes it is a little bit important.

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So grab your quaffee and welcome back
to the Straight Shooter Recruiter Podcast.

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My name is Emily Durham. I've
been a recruiter for over seven years.

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I've been a careers content creator for
just over four years. I've got this

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podcast. I'm a writer for Canadian
Business. I'm on instant, I'm on

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TikTok. I do the whole thing, including accents that will pop in and

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out. You know. I sometimes
pretend that I'm like an Italian from Jersey

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instead of an Italian from Toronto,
but that's neither here nor there. Today's

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episode, honestly, I had a
different topic scheduled. I had like my

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notes and a bunch of things I
was going to go through, and then

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I got some news and I was
like feeling really down about it. I

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guess, and I think it's been
a while since I faced rejection, actually

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just period like that, I faced
rejection, and I talk about rejection a

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lot on this show and in life
and just generally because I genuinely believe that

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rejection is redirection. However, when
you are in the midst of being rejected,

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it's really difficult to think that way
and to keep that perspective. So

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this is just going to be us
talking about what it was that happened,

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and like, what does it mean
and how does one process this? And

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then my goal or like hope from
this conversation is that not only do you

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get a sense of the fact that
you know whoever you see on the internet.

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As much as it might look like
I have my perfect life together and

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that I have like the cool job
and I get to do all these cool

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things because I post on the internet
like, it doesn't mean that everything is

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always peachy, keen and perfect.
And I also hope it gives you tangible

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skills and tools you need in order
to move on from rejection. So that's

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the goal. If you are interested
in this episode, if you've ever listened

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to this show before, or please
make sure that you share on socials that

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you are listening. I love seeing
y'all post, and make sure you leave

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a rating and review and follow the
show. So let's just get into it,

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Okay, So it's currently August,
and probably like four months ago.

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I got contacted by Forbes. Yeah, because they were creating a new list,

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like you know how they do their
thirty under thirty awards that you can

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be nominated for and win and it
gets published and it's like a whole big

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thing. They came out with a
secondary version of that, which is the

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Forbes thirty under Your thirty local lists, So it basically would be that same

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thirty under thirty awards, but they
had a couple of core regions that they

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were focusing on where they had local
talent being like spotlighted, and a big

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part of that was basically aligned to
how people were growing their businesses and it

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was very like business entrepreneurship focused.
So like about a month and a half,

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maybe a little bit longer ago,
the timelines are all like a little

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bit fuzzy. I had Forbes reach
out and they were like, hey,

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we wanted to let you know that
you were nominated a bunch of time for

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this like thirty under thirty list for
Toronto, and I was like, oh

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my god, and listen, like
I've been nominated for awards like this before,

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and for the most part, like
most times I've been nominated. I

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got it, like I ended up
winning or being in like the top thirty

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or whatever, the like, you
know, the situation was, and I

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just kind of assumed that when they
reach out, it's because they've already decided

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that you're probably like a top contender. So I read that email and was

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like, oh my god, Like, am I going to be on this

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list? And I was in the
top thirty under thirty this past year for

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the university I went to, and
that was such a huge door opener,

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and I was like, oh my
god, if I get this for Forbes,

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like that is so huge for my
career and like what a big personal

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accolade. So there was like a
five page submission that I had to do

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that asked a bunch of questions about
how I grew my business, what my

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business is, like, what my
revenue is. I was literally like pulling

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up my financials for the last four
years, and it's so hard to like

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categorize what my sore a revenue are
from this because a lot of my revenue

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comes from social media. It comes
from this podcast, Like that's a really

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core component of how I make money. But there's also like career coaching and

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all of these other things. And
one of the other questions they asked is

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like, where do you see yourself
scaling your business? And it's so interesting

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because that's something I've been talking to
my agent about quite a bit, because

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I love the content side of things
and I want to expand that. Like

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I don't necessarily see myself building out
like a recruiting agency or a coaching business.

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I more so see myself building like
a like a platform, like I

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would I would love a book.
I would love a book that really encourages

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and teaches people how to feel confident
at work, how to feel confident outside

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of work, Like I see myself
focusing on the content side of things.

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So I wrote all about that,
and I had so much imposter syndrome because

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all of the questions were so business
focused. I was like, like,

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do I count as a business?
So anyways, I'm making this long winded,

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but I submitted it and then I
I didn't hear back for a few

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months, and they told me that
all of the winners would find out at

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the same time the public did,
and I don't know what overcame me and

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they told me it would like come
up in early August. It was like

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a few days ago I was doing
a Google search look to see if the

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list had been published. I hadn't. And then today I just woke up

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and was like, you know what, let me check again, and it

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had it most certainly had been published. And guess what, girl, I

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was not on it. I was
not on that list. And honestly,

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I'm not saying this to like discredit
anyone on that list. I was reading

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through who won and like, oh
my god, are they ever so impressive?

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And like deserve it and have built
massive, massive, scalable businesses,

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And I totally get that the work
I do doesn't really fall into that.

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But it was just the first time
in a while where I was like,

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damn, was I not good enough? And the answer was yes, Like,

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the answer was yes, I was
not good enough for that list.

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And I think this happens to a
lot of us when we're looking for jobs,

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or when we're dating, or when
we're honestly doing anything. That opens

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us up to vulner is the reality
that when we let ourselves get excited about

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something, we also let ourselves get
hurt if it doesn't work out, and

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that can be really scary and it's
really easy to not want to put yourself

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out there and fear you're going to
land in a disappointed spot. Same goes

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with interviews. You have that big
interview for the job you want, you

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find out you didn't get it.
You're fucking crushed, like you are crushed

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at your core, and it makes
you question your worth. And that was

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the moment I was having today where
I was like, I'm questioning me,

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I'm questioning my worth, Like is
this a me thing? And I'm talking

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myself through this The way I hope
you talk yourself through this is this is

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not a reflection of me. This
is not a reflection of me not being

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good enough. You are in the
room because you deserve to be in the

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room. You were in that interview
because you exhibited the qualifications needed. And

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sometimes it's not a matter of you
not being the right candidate. Sometimes it's

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they had a candidate in mind,
or someone who is just slightly more experienced

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in mind. And same goes for
this list, Like I look at the

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people who won, and they've straight
up built bigger businesses. They have built

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more scalable businesses, they have done
more, and sometimes it's kind of humbling

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and hard to realize that even though
we feel like we are so far along

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on our journey, when we compare, maybe we're not quite as far.

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And it's not about making me feel
bad, like I don't want to make

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myself feel bad for not getting on
that list, but sometimes it is a

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check in to realize that you can't
get stagnated, you can't get too comfortable.

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I need to learn from those winners
and really adopt their mindset and their

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philosophy into some of the work I'm
doing, not to get on some list,

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but like for me to improve.
And I think when we use rejection

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as a tool to self reflect and
ask ourselves how we can get better,

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that's when rejection is powerful. And
I also think though it is really easy

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for us to sit and look in
the mirror and be like, oh my

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god, you're a loser. I
was literally waiting to get email being like

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congrats girl, you made this list. Certainly, certainly that was not the

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email that I received. And it's
not about me not being good. It's

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about that just wasn't my calling,
Like, that wasn't my opportunity. That

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was somebody else's opportunity. And we
need to stop getting so personally hurt and

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attacked by these situations because sometimes it's
just a job, it's just a list,

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it's just all of these things,
and we have so much value attached

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to them, which is understandable.
But when we take things so personally and

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make everything in us issue, suddenly
the reason things don't pan out is always

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because of us. And I'm not
saying we blame you know, the companies

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that we blame their recruiter, or
we blame other people, but sometimes it's

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as simple as the ship is just
not meant for us. At the end

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of the day, rejection is a
circumstance. It is not a status.

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You are not rejected, You are
not a failure. You are not missing

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the mark. You were in a
situation that was clearly not the situation for

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you, and that is that is
it. It really is as simple as

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that. We can't keep absorbing the
onus and the responsibility of sometimes things that

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are out of our control. As
long as you are making the time to

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self reflect and see what you can
learn and improve on from the situation,

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you have to master the art of
letting go, because if you keep clinging

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to wondering why you're not getting interview
callbacks, or why you're wondering why that

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job didn't pan out. You're not
doing yourself any favors. What you should

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be doing is asking for feedback,
learning from people who are being successful around

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you, and maybe that's doing things
like coffee chats. For me personally,

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I'm just going to creep the living
hell out of the business structures of all

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of these people who won, because
maybe there's something that I can learn from,

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Like maybe there is a scalability element
I haven't been thinking of that would

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actually really help my business. But
the reason I share this is more so

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like from a job search perspective or
promotion side of things. The first step

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is really making the time to understand
where you authentically can grow, and the

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second step is just letting go.
Nothing in your life is totally in your

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power and totally in your control role. And if I would have gotten every

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single opportunity that I wanted when I
was nineteen or twenty or even twenty five,

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I wouldn't be where I am.
And I think the best thing you

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can do is part of rejection,
and it's the hardest thing you can do

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is just trust that if it's meant
for you it is not going to pass

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you by, and you stressing about
whether or not you're going to get that

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job is not going to change the
outcome of whether or not you actually end

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up getting that job. So how
am I tangibly going to get over the

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fact that I'm a loser for the
day? Honestly, like I've mourns that

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I've moved on, you know,
Like I think it's important to self reflect.

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Like we talked about, I'm a
big believer in meditation. And if

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you're someone who used to be like
how I was four or five years ago,

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who thinks meditation is kind of bullshit
and you can't meditate because you don't

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have the ability to have a clear
mind, or like it's not something you

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can do, you not being able
to meditate is a sign that you should

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start meditating. Because I used to
be someone who couldn't sit in silence with

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my thoughts because I was always thinking
about work or what was next or whatever.

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And I've learned that being able to
sit in silence and either do a

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guided meditation or just take like five
minutes of quiet, silent, intentional breathing

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has really helped me ground myself in
this present moment, and that has been

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so valuable because I'm not obsessed with
controlling what's going to happen tomorrow or controlling

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the outcome of something that happened yesterday
or happened this morning, and I'm rooted

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in today. I'm rooted in what
I can action today, and the rest

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ultimately is out of my control.
All I can do is control how I

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behave in this very moment. So, yeah, if you're going through rejection

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or like a really difficult time where
it feels like things are just stacked up

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against you, as long as you
are taking care of the things that are

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within your realm of control, the
best thing you can do is realize that

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rejection is circumstantial. It is not
a character trait that you own. You

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are not someone who is damaged or
unwantable or unqualified. You are none of

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those things. Nine times out of
ten, it is extremely circumstantial, and

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give yourself permission to have some feelings
and then give yourself permission to level up

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and move on, because that is
the only way you're going to get what

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you want is by healing from things, by allowing them to brush off our

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shoulders and practicing the art of letting
go and being present with where we are.

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So yeah, that was my like
borderline therapy session. Thanks Forbes.

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Honestly, though, I'm very honored
that I was nominated, Like it is

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a huge honor and twenty twenty four
better believe I'm making that list. You

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better believe I'm making that list.
But anyways, I just like it was

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on my heart, it was on
my mind. I wanted to share this

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with you guys. I just I
don't know if I needed to hear it.

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I feel like maybe you guys needed
to hear it too, So you

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can let me know if you liked
it. If you do have questions though

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for the show, hit me up
in the link and the description for it.

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As you know, I always have
questions there. I'm not going to

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answer any today because I feel like
I talked a lot. Like I'm looking

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at my audio setup and this episode
is already it's already pretty long. But

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make sure you send in your questions. I answer them, if not every

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week, every other week. Thank
you for being here. I love spending

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time with you, and I'll talk
to you in my next episode. M