Want Want. It's going to be such a different kind of episode, but
it's not going to be a bummer. This is like a vulnerable life lessons
style episode, which I think, like sometimes it is a little bit important.
So grab your quaffee and welcome back to the Straight Shooter Recruiter Podcast.
My name is Emily Durham. I've been a recruiter for over seven years.
I've been a careers content creator for just over four years. I've got this
podcast. I'm a writer for Canadian Business. I'm on instant, I'm on
TikTok. I do the whole thing, including accents that will pop in and
out. You know. I sometimes pretend that I'm like an Italian from Jersey
instead of an Italian from Toronto, but that's neither here nor there. Today's
episode, honestly, I had a different topic scheduled. I had like my
notes and a bunch of things I was going to go through, and then
I got some news and I was like feeling really down about it. I
guess, and I think it's been a while since I faced rejection, actually
just period like that, I faced rejection, and I talk about rejection a
lot on this show and in life and just generally because I genuinely believe that
rejection is redirection. However, when you are in the midst of being rejected,
it's really difficult to think that way and to keep that perspective. So
this is just going to be us talking about what it was that happened,
and like, what does it mean and how does one process this? And
then my goal or like hope from this conversation is that not only do you
get a sense of the fact that you know whoever you see on the internet.
As much as it might look like I have my perfect life together and
that I have like the cool job and I get to do all these cool
things because I post on the internet like, it doesn't mean that everything is
always peachy, keen and perfect. And I also hope it gives you tangible
skills and tools you need in order to move on from rejection. So that's
the goal. If you are interested in this episode, if you've ever listened
to this show before, or please make sure that you share on socials that
you are listening. I love seeing y'all post, and make sure you leave
a rating and review and follow the show. So let's just get into it,
Okay, So it's currently August, and probably like four months ago.
I got contacted by Forbes. Yeah, because they were creating a new list,
like you know how they do their thirty under thirty awards that you can
be nominated for and win and it gets published and it's like a whole big
thing. They came out with a secondary version of that, which is the
Forbes thirty under Your thirty local lists, So it basically would be that same
thirty under thirty awards, but they had a couple of core regions that they
were focusing on where they had local talent being like spotlighted, and a big
part of that was basically aligned to how people were growing their businesses and it
was very like business entrepreneurship focused. So like about a month and a half,
maybe a little bit longer ago, the timelines are all like a little
bit fuzzy. I had Forbes reach out and they were like, hey,
we wanted to let you know that you were nominated a bunch of time for
this like thirty under thirty list for Toronto, and I was like, oh
my god, and listen, like I've been nominated for awards like this before,
and for the most part, like most times I've been nominated. I
got it, like I ended up winning or being in like the top thirty
or whatever, the like, you know, the situation was, and I
just kind of assumed that when they reach out, it's because they've already decided
that you're probably like a top contender. So I read that email and was
like, oh my god, Like, am I going to be on this
list? And I was in the top thirty under thirty this past year for
the university I went to, and that was such a huge door opener,
and I was like, oh my god, if I get this for Forbes,
like that is so huge for my career and like what a big personal
accolade. So there was like a five page submission that I had to do
that asked a bunch of questions about how I grew my business, what my
business is, like, what my revenue is. I was literally like pulling
up my financials for the last four years, and it's so hard to like
categorize what my sore a revenue are from this because a lot of my revenue
comes from social media. It comes from this podcast, Like that's a really
core component of how I make money. But there's also like career coaching and
all of these other things. And one of the other questions they asked is
like, where do you see yourself scaling your business? And it's so interesting
because that's something I've been talking to my agent about quite a bit, because
I love the content side of things and I want to expand that. Like
I don't necessarily see myself building out like a recruiting agency or a coaching business.
I more so see myself building like a like a platform, like I
would I would love a book. I would love a book that really encourages
and teaches people how to feel confident at work, how to feel confident outside
of work, Like I see myself focusing on the content side of things.
So I wrote all about that, and I had so much imposter syndrome because
all of the questions were so business focused. I was like, like,
do I count as a business? So anyways, I'm making this long winded,
but I submitted it and then I I didn't hear back for a few
months, and they told me that all of the winners would find out at
the same time the public did, and I don't know what overcame me and
they told me it would like come up in early August. It was like
a few days ago I was doing a Google search look to see if the
list had been published. I hadn't. And then today I just woke up
and was like, you know what, let me check again, and it
had it most certainly had been published. And guess what, girl, I
was not on it. I was not on that list. And honestly,
I'm not saying this to like discredit anyone on that list. I was reading
through who won and like, oh my god, are they ever so impressive?
And like deserve it and have built massive, massive, scalable businesses,
And I totally get that the work I do doesn't really fall into that.
But it was just the first time in a while where I was like,
damn, was I not good enough? And the answer was yes, Like,
the answer was yes, I was not good enough for that list.
And I think this happens to a lot of us when we're looking for jobs,
or when we're dating, or when we're honestly doing anything. That opens
us up to vulner is the reality that when we let ourselves get excited about
something, we also let ourselves get hurt if it doesn't work out, and
that can be really scary and it's really easy to not want to put yourself
out there and fear you're going to land in a disappointed spot. Same goes
with interviews. You have that big interview for the job you want, you
find out you didn't get it. You're fucking crushed, like you are crushed
at your core, and it makes you question your worth. And that was
the moment I was having today where I was like, I'm questioning me,
I'm questioning my worth, Like is this a me thing? And I'm talking
myself through this The way I hope you talk yourself through this is this is
not a reflection of me. This is not a reflection of me not being
good enough. You are in the room because you deserve to be in the
room. You were in that interview because you exhibited the qualifications needed. And
sometimes it's not a matter of you not being the right candidate. Sometimes it's
they had a candidate in mind, or someone who is just slightly more experienced
in mind. And same goes for this list, Like I look at the
people who won, and they've straight up built bigger businesses. They have built
more scalable businesses, they have done more, and sometimes it's kind of humbling
and hard to realize that even though we feel like we are so far along
on our journey, when we compare, maybe we're not quite as far.
And it's not about making me feel bad, like I don't want to make
myself feel bad for not getting on that list, but sometimes it is a
check in to realize that you can't get stagnated, you can't get too comfortable.
I need to learn from those winners and really adopt their mindset and their
philosophy into some of the work I'm doing, not to get on some list,
but like for me to improve. And I think when we use rejection
as a tool to self reflect and ask ourselves how we can get better,
that's when rejection is powerful. And I also think though it is really easy
for us to sit and look in the mirror and be like, oh my
god, you're a loser. I was literally waiting to get email being like
congrats girl, you made this list. Certainly, certainly that was not the
email that I received. And it's not about me not being good. It's
about that just wasn't my calling, Like, that wasn't my opportunity. That
was somebody else's opportunity. And we need to stop getting so personally hurt and
attacked by these situations because sometimes it's just a job, it's just a list,
it's just all of these things, and we have so much value attached
to them, which is understandable. But when we take things so personally and
make everything in us issue, suddenly the reason things don't pan out is always
because of us. And I'm not saying we blame you know, the companies
that we blame their recruiter, or we blame other people, but sometimes it's
as simple as the ship is just not meant for us. At the end
of the day, rejection is a circumstance. It is not a status.
You are not rejected, You are not a failure. You are not missing
the mark. You were in a situation that was clearly not the situation for
you, and that is that is it. It really is as simple as
that. We can't keep absorbing the onus and the responsibility of sometimes things that
are out of our control. As long as you are making the time to
self reflect and see what you can learn and improve on from the situation,
you have to master the art of letting go, because if you keep clinging
to wondering why you're not getting interview callbacks, or why you're wondering why that
job didn't pan out. You're not doing yourself any favors. What you should
be doing is asking for feedback, learning from people who are being successful around
you, and maybe that's doing things like coffee chats. For me personally,
I'm just going to creep the living hell out of the business structures of all
of these people who won, because maybe there's something that I can learn from,
Like maybe there is a scalability element I haven't been thinking of that would
actually really help my business. But the reason I share this is more so
like from a job search perspective or promotion side of things. The first step
is really making the time to understand where you authentically can grow, and the
second step is just letting go. Nothing in your life is totally in your
power and totally in your control role. And if I would have gotten every
single opportunity that I wanted when I was nineteen or twenty or even twenty five,
I wouldn't be where I am. And I think the best thing you
can do is part of rejection, and it's the hardest thing you can do
is just trust that if it's meant for you it is not going to pass
you by, and you stressing about whether or not you're going to get that
job is not going to change the outcome of whether or not you actually end
up getting that job. So how am I tangibly going to get over the
fact that I'm a loser for the day? Honestly, like I've mourns that
I've moved on, you know, Like I think it's important to self reflect.
Like we talked about, I'm a big believer in meditation. And if
you're someone who used to be like how I was four or five years ago,
who thinks meditation is kind of bullshit and you can't meditate because you don't
have the ability to have a clear mind, or like it's not something you
can do, you not being able to meditate is a sign that you should
start meditating. Because I used to be someone who couldn't sit in silence with
my thoughts because I was always thinking about work or what was next or whatever.
And I've learned that being able to sit in silence and either do a
guided meditation or just take like five minutes of quiet, silent, intentional breathing
has really helped me ground myself in this present moment, and that has been
so valuable because I'm not obsessed with controlling what's going to happen tomorrow or controlling
the outcome of something that happened yesterday or happened this morning, and I'm rooted
in today. I'm rooted in what I can action today, and the rest
ultimately is out of my control. All I can do is control how I
behave in this very moment. So, yeah, if you're going through rejection
or like a really difficult time where it feels like things are just stacked up
against you, as long as you are taking care of the things that are
within your realm of control, the best thing you can do is realize that
rejection is circumstantial. It is not a character trait that you own. You
are not someone who is damaged or unwantable or unqualified. You are none of
those things. Nine times out of ten, it is extremely circumstantial, and
give yourself permission to have some feelings and then give yourself permission to level up
and move on, because that is the only way you're going to get what
you want is by healing from things, by allowing them to brush off our
shoulders and practicing the art of letting go and being present with where we are.
So yeah, that was my like borderline therapy session. Thanks Forbes.
Honestly, though, I'm very honored that I was nominated, Like it is
a huge honor and twenty twenty four better believe I'm making that list. You
better believe I'm making that list. But anyways, I just like it was
on my heart, it was on my mind. I wanted to share this
with you guys. I just I don't know if I needed to hear it.
I feel like maybe you guys needed to hear it too, So you
can let me know if you liked it. If you do have questions though
for the show, hit me up in the link and the description for it.
As you know, I always have questions there. I'm not going to
answer any today because I feel like I talked a lot. Like I'm looking
at my audio setup and this episode is already it's already pretty long. But
make sure you send in your questions. I answer them, if not every
week, every other week. Thank you for being here. I love spending
time with you, and I'll talk to you in my next episode. M