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Welcome to soft core History. What
is up? Welcome back to softcore History.

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I am your host for the week, Rob Fox. I am joined

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as always by Dan Jester, and
we have a special guest today because Jake

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left us. He went to Florida. He did Jake is you know doing

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his Florida shit. Uh, she's
back on the show. Gabby montemayor,

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local stand up comedian. I spelled
it right for you if I feminized it

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for you, appreciate it. Yeah, fourth co host. She's probably had

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more shows than Jake at this point. It's getting close, it's getting pretty

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even. Yeah, we should probably
stop paying Jake. I don't know how

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he's a third of our cut.
No, he's not work hell no.

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Now he's actually trying to He's trying
to get out of doing the text.

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One thing he does, he's like, I'll file an extension and that's all

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I'm gonna do. Yeah, he's
like, it's too complicated for me anyway.

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God damn it. It's crazy.
We don't even make anything. Nobody

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listens to the show. How many
reviews are you at now? We have

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not broken a thousand? So Dan
is still not allowed. He's just doing

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mushrooms, cut, the bottle of
water, California sober nice, the hair

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a grease. I also had a
crazy beard that I just shaved, so

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it's already back. I was looking
homeless, but I look a little bit

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more clean cut. I don't agree. Now you look more Silicon Valley.

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There's just it's a fine line between
homeless and Silicon Valley, right, Like

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I could either be on Sunset Valley
asking for change or for funding. Yeah,

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same thing. You're still begging for
money. I think there's more honor

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in being homeless. Why you begging
for change on a street corner than actually

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trying to get you know, a
little cash infusion for your startup. There's

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no honor in that. I like
when they offer a service. So like

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I parked my car downtown under the
bridge and I had like bird shit on

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my car. And he was like, if you give me a couple of

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bucks, I'll take all this bird
shit off your car by the time you

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get back, as long as they
offer it. But like I got the

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bird poop off all of it,
and I came back and I was like,

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oh my god. I was like, this is like a it looks

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like I got my car detail and
then you gave him four dollars. I

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gave it. Well, she doesn't
carry cash dollars. I did care,

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I did, I did, But
thankfully he had a square Yes he has

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been cash up only actually square it
up. The dumbest thing that I hear

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people say, you're homework have a
smartphone because it's twenty twenty four. You

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can buy a smartphone at seven eleven
because it's like a Samsung four. Like

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it's like, it's like not a
phone. Anyone's barely a smart Go use

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it. Connect, connect to Wi
Fi like a game boy. You could

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have like Cricket wireless for twenty dollars
a month. Not that. Yeah,

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they're only using Wi Fi. They're
all like camped out behind a dumpster at

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a restaurant trying to get I find
juice. Actually, at our old studio,

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we had a homeless guy break in
and uh Me and Joel caught him,

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but he was literally just charging his
phone thousands of dollars of equipment that

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you to like know the homeless.
People like to learn names of the people

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you see often because like they take
care of the other homeless one, like

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yeah, and then they'll protect you. They're like No, she's good.

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Like leave her, you know,
she's cool. It's Cleveland. Don't actually

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assault her. That to cleveland On. They are your homeless second juillas.

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Yeah, the guide you through shit. Actually, the best complement I ever

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got from any person on earth was
I was from a homeless woman by the

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old studio. What did she tell
you? She said, I look like

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a Navy seal, She goes.
I think that was ironic. Was it

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the lady that doesn't wear underwear?
Was it the totally she did walk over

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to the p terries drive through and
urinate in the middle of it thirty seconds

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later, So she's got We trust
her judgment, is what you're saying.

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I did. I mean, of
the three people that host this show,

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he is the closest to the Navy
seal. Go on. Just your physical

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fitness, oh yeah, yeah,
yeah, yes, uh, your sharpness,

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your dedication, mentality, ability to
swim. Excellent swimmer? Are you?

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I'm a pretty pretty fantastic You don't
look like you should be outside,

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so that makes yeah, that's wow. Look I learned indoors. The lights

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weren't on in the pool obviously,
shirts on, yeah, shirts, of

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course, you always always swim with
the shirt on. It's just a smart

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thing to do. I feel bad. When were you a chubby child?

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I was. I was not.
Actually, I always laughed at the kids

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who had who swear, do you
have little baby boobies? For like two

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years, I was a peak athlete
in sixth grade because I grew before everybody

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else. And then I got fat, and then everybody caught up to me.

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Flew too close to the sun.
I did, but then I got

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back in ship like theyn't never catch
me. I thought I could just get

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by on raw talent. That's got
to be like I just gotta be just

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like feeling like you're on god mode
when you hit pe for everyone else,

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dude, when I was a running
back, like you're just a man,

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like you're you have a man.
In fifth grade, I was a grown

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ass man. Oh god, I
was the last one. I was like,

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everyone's got pubes except for me.
I was like I would like be

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embarrassed to change because I didn't have
anything to hide that was the same size.

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It was like six foot, like
two hundred pounds in fifth grade.

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You're not six foot, yeah,
I'm very much six foot. Okay,

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he's like on the dot, Okay, have you seen those videos where that

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guy walks around with the tape measure
at the gym and he's like, hey

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man, how tall are you?
And they're like some guy like six to

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two. It's like, hey,
cool, I've got a tape measure.

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Can we check? And no,
like everyone lies, the people don't let

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him check. It'll be like five
ten. It's like, dude, why

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are you lying? He's like I
swear him six too. It's like,

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no, you're not. I wouldn't
lie about that. Being five elevens Actually

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thing to lie about. Five eleven
is actually a cool height that is six

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two is the hottest height though.
I'll say that just like six not too

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tall nothing. You can travel,
like you can get on a plane your

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head. Yeah, but it's like
it's like mid size sedan sports cars.

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I'm not a sports car guy.
We're not car guys. No, but

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like you're just tall enough to be
a normal human. Like I don't like

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like six fours four is like six
four is like why didn't you make it

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in the league. Yeah, it's
like why are you bad at sports?

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I didn't know you were bad at
stuff. It's kind of small for the

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NBA, though you can play in
Europe, though, I mean, I'm

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not talking NBA. Steph Curry sixty
four, right, Yeah, and people

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think he's tiny, yeah they I
know, he's the size of like my

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tallest front. Yeah. But you're
six four, white guy. You played

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a little basketball. You're expected to
go play in like Greece or Croatia,

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right, maybe like a mid major
college type of situation. Should have got

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a dye Wichita two. Steph Curry
six to No, he's all right.

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I was under the impression he was
four wow, six to six nine.

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He's a better golf shorter. That's
too tall. Couldn't do six nine?

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What do you do with that?
How do you even have? How tall

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are you? I'm five to three
for now, for now, until the

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ostio gets made. Gravity, gravity's
gonna get you, and you're only six

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foot like the clock is ticking,
gravity will pull you. By the time

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you're five to eleven, I'll be
five to two for sure. Now.

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My dad's already shrank. He was
six' four and then I broke my

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growth plate. I was supposed to
be six four too, ouch. I

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know it, honestly is better.
You don't want to be six four.

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I think that's you don't like any
unless a woman is five foot eleven,

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nobody's like, oh yeah yeah,
But if I was six y four,

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I wouldn't be podcasting, You'd be
playing basketball in Israel. You'd be marginally

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successful at something else. Just off
sheer height. I think that's a real

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thing, not only looks, but
being able to lord over people be funny.

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You wouldn't have a good personality.
And then when the ostio gets ya,

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what do you have? Do I
still have that? Though? What?

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I think some would argue that I
don't have that a good personality or

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humor? Yes, good is I
meant good at air quotes like it's good

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right? Right? No, Like
it's okay, get right right. It's

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sort of like where we are essentially
like to humor, we are like the

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guy who dominates the y mc A
League basketball, the guy who sprains his

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a cl Yeah, like we're just
like we're like, we're like the best

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amateurs. It's kind of like being
the Make a Wish kid that gets the

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handoff for a touchdown at the spring
game. Mm hmm yeah, yeah,

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pretty much that's more accurate. But
uh. If you like this content,

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go ahead and subscribe to our Patreon
Patreon dot com, slash softmore history,

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Yeah, two additional episodes every week, and a whole back catalog of Evergreen

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content. Also, please leave a
review on iTunes. It gets uh Dan,

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if we get to a thousand,
Dan can drink again and get what's

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in my fucking hand? It's water, it's not foka, but he will

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get extremely drunk once we get to
a thousand on episode so well who and

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it doesn't it's whoever's episode it is, So if it lands on his episode,

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I gotta do it. But like
you need to have like a timer,

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like every ten minutes you take a
shot, like you need to give

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it. You need to not be
able to know. We'll have a counter.

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I think, I think should we
power power Hour? We could?

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What is that? Remind me the
rules of Power Hour? It's you take

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a drink every minute. It's a
shot, a shot of beer every minute.

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But it could be a shot of
celtser, it could be a shot

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of vodka. Who cares, right, right, right? But usually it's

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mostly beer. And I remember the
first Siday a Power Hour, I was

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like, but it's beer? And
then how much is that? A lot

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more than you think? It's like
five beers not enough. I think it's

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I think there should be a liquor
component. Yeah, that's fine, we'll

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toss it in. And I think
there was also Dan to be so drunk

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he shouldn't drive home like he needs
to know. I'm gonna probably sleep in

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the trailer out back, that's the
plan. Yeah, the Rats, I'll

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have somebody who watched my dog or
bring Chase here. It works, King

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and Queen of the Rats, King
and Prince of is that anti Semitic?

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I did recently find out I was
like one percent Portuguese jew So really showing

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your hand already, Yeah, on
your fucking single strand of DNA. I

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identify as culturally Jewish. I like
I would convert to Judaism for like any

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reason. Just married a Jewish guy, I would, But I have a

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00:10:01,919 --> 00:10:05,519
boyfriend. Yeah, I know it's
not Jewish. I know he can converse

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to. He's British Catholic's church like
Church of England, which is just Catholic

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with oh yeah, well anyway,
le's get it today's topic. Uh,

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Gabby, I feel like you're actually
perfect to have on for this topic.

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Like once I knew we were going
to ask you, because as a woman,

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you are routinely poked and prodded by
doctors. Oh my god, is

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00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:31,200
it like the history of gynecology.
It's the history of butt medicine. Okay,

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yeah, shouldn't you get getting your
ass shocked? Especially at your age?

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So apparently, Yeah, it's forty, I'm thirty eight, especially because

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I have given your lifestyle choices and
your eight do my life style choices affect

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the Probably a lot of chicken nuggets, yeah, a lot of white and

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beige foods. I eat spicy foods. I've had a doctor to shove his

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finger up my ass, obviously for
my medical reasons. Yeah, But apparently

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now they can just do blood tests. They don't need to toss a finger

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in. They still do if you
get like an old school doctum. Hey,

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if it costs the same, don't
you think you're missing out if you

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don't get that finger just one for
certainly you're so lucky that it's a finger

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and not a speculum like it's them. It's like it's like the jaws of

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00:11:16,039 --> 00:11:20,919
life, but it goes inside your
vagina and they crank you open and then

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they like hold it and then they
can kind of come in and out and

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00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:28,039
then they're putting other things and they're
scraping, and you you feel scraping,

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00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:31,840
like like in behind your belly button, and it like but it feels like

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they're scraping like plaqu off your teeth. But it's like plack off of your

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service, your service. It kind
of sounds pleasant because it kind of cleans

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you up. Clean is not the
word. It is like a power wash.

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Yeah, it's like taking and like
your fingernail and scraping the roof of

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nobody like getting their teeth cleaned,
right, I mean that's not a pleasant

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experience either. No, sometimes you
gotta get that, but it's super satisfying.

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I imagine it's kind of like you
get an old rug. You yeah,

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but you're walking around old ye after
that, yeah, your little skipping

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00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:05,720
your step, Yeah, after getting
your drum re uh by strings titans,

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00:12:05,799 --> 00:12:11,440
Yeah exactly, my tennis racket restruck, restruck. Yeah. But those videos,

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you know, those videos of just
either power washing or power cleaning,

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Reddit, power washing porn, Yeah, good ones, it's gotta be a

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similar feeling, uh almost exactly,
you think so, yeah, Okay,

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the speculum comes out looking like an
old rug. I'm not an expert,

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but I'm like a speker house.
You know when they do the smokers and

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00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:35,279
it's like pure black. Oh yeah, yeah that's what they think. That's

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what they throw in the trash after
a pap smere terrible. What you wan

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00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:43,120
to do, like beating against a
fence. They used to do it with

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like that honeycomb looking like mallet.
Yeah, you know. But the speculum

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is an advancement in gynecology. It
feels like it's about fifty years out of

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date. It's really it's it's most
of the things with like women's health,

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and like with gynecology, when you
learn about it, it was like mostly

204
00:13:01,679 --> 00:13:05,279
was developed by a doctor with a
kink. Like the reason women in the

205
00:13:05,279 --> 00:13:09,600
West give birth on their back is
because it was like someone's kink. Like

206
00:13:09,639 --> 00:13:13,759
there's no real real like it's harder
to give birth on your back, supposedly

207
00:13:13,399 --> 00:13:16,799
that but like you can't do anything
else if you have an epidural. But

208
00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:20,879
like it was hot now that I
think about it, Yeah, wasn't it

209
00:13:20,879 --> 00:13:24,000
a better time to the poop or
was it the blood or was it the

210
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:28,279
only poop the second time? So
the first time was pretty whatever, But

211
00:13:28,559 --> 00:13:31,360
finn I was like geared up.
And if you see the woman you love

212
00:13:33,159 --> 00:13:37,480
produce everything all at once, that's
how you know she's the one become one

213
00:13:37,519 --> 00:13:43,120
with one year. Yeah, yeah, that's like the ultimate squirt. When

214
00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:48,679
a baby comes out, it's crazy. The doctor's just yeah, but poop

215
00:13:48,759 --> 00:13:50,759
baby. So Rory didn't make your
wife square? Fin did? Fin did?

216
00:13:50,840 --> 00:13:54,320
Yeah? That's BD right there,
that's that second child energy. Yeah,

217
00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:56,840
you knew what he was doing that
kid. Well, that's because Rory's

218
00:13:56,840 --> 00:14:03,279
selfish. Yes, I love your
beef with poor Rory. Finn's my guy.

219
00:14:03,559 --> 00:14:05,879
Not even you wouldn't even hold Finn. I'm gonna adopt Finn. I

220
00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:09,120
think I tried to get you to
hold Finn at his birthday party. Babies,

221
00:14:11,279 --> 00:14:15,600
I held Rory for a second at
my Finn's birthday party. Finn,

222
00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:18,639
he just seems too fragile right now. I didn't want to ask I lift

223
00:14:18,679 --> 00:14:24,440
weights like every day up now I
can. I just don't know. I

224
00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:26,840
don't know my own strengths. I
don't want to crush him, oh right,

225
00:14:26,919 --> 00:14:28,320
right, right right, I do
like a like he's like a ripe

226
00:14:28,559 --> 00:14:33,840
peach. Like you're like guy with
down syndrum, and it's like like a

227
00:14:33,919 --> 00:14:43,039
delicate, like a delicate yeah,
len in the mouth you love? Sorry,

228
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:48,600
give another rabbit. We've actually done
an ass medicine episode before. I

229
00:14:48,639 --> 00:14:50,399
don't know if you know this,
but I don't know how closely you listen

230
00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:54,039
to our show, uh when you're
not on it. But a popular form

231
00:14:54,080 --> 00:15:01,639
of CPR in the seventeen hundreds ish
around then was literally blowing tobacco smoke up

232
00:15:01,639 --> 00:15:05,879
people's assholes, Like you pull a
drowned person out of the river and bread

233
00:15:05,919 --> 00:15:11,679
the take tobacco for them and then
you light up your The thing there was

234
00:15:11,679 --> 00:15:15,639
like kits on the sides of rivers
and you just puk it up and then

235
00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:22,720
it's worked. Is it? Is
it like smelling salts in a way,

236
00:15:22,799 --> 00:15:24,279
or like like poppers. To kind
of give an example, that's what they

237
00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:28,679
did to Joe Biden for the State
of the Union. Heyo, Yeah,

238
00:15:28,879 --> 00:15:31,679
they just had them all jacked up
with but tobacco. Have you seen all

239
00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:37,279
the how that everyone's saying like the
same three adjectives to describe his performance.

240
00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:41,600
They're like, he's so sharp and
he's so like there's like three words that

241
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:48,240
every like that all everyone on every
committee. They're like, he's sharp,

242
00:15:48,559 --> 00:15:52,440
he's remembering that I don't remember.
And he he's just really you know,

243
00:15:54,519 --> 00:15:58,519
he just is so smart something.
They have like the same three words.

244
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:03,360
He's like the least eloquent people I've
ever seen in my life, except for

245
00:16:03,919 --> 00:16:06,759
also Donald Trump. Yeah, now
even more I think about it, though,

246
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:11,279
we describe our presidents throughout history with
the same adjective. So I mean

247
00:16:11,399 --> 00:16:18,399
I I have never respected any Republican
politician except for Mitt Romney when he was

248
00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:19,720
like when he stepped down and he
was like, listen, I'm getting too

249
00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:23,320
old. I'm sixty and I wish
everybody else would step down. I was

250
00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:26,960
like, thank you. That's why
he's actually like, by the way,

251
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:30,080
he's actually almost eighty. That's just
what happened. Rodney, don't drink alcohol.

252
00:16:30,799 --> 00:16:33,840
Never respected a Republican. I guess
you didn't care for Aid B.

253
00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:37,600
Lincoln. Okay. Wow. Also, that's why no respect. That's why

254
00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:42,120
we ride for our goat President James
K. Polk, who accomplished everything he

255
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:45,519
promised to do in his first term
and then just got the fuck out.

256
00:16:45,559 --> 00:16:48,080
It was like I'm done, I
got it. I love it. He

257
00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:49,600
was the guy who took in the
test early and get out of here.

258
00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:52,720
He was the guy who took most
of Mexico from Mexico. Okay, we

259
00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:56,759
got it. Do I ride for
him? Don't know? I mean probably.

260
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:03,679
I guess I don't want to be
in Mexico, so tear it out.

261
00:17:03,359 --> 00:17:08,960
Did you hear about what recently happened
with the cartel? Did cease fire

262
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:15,759
because the creator of dragon ball Z
died? No? They were like both.

263
00:17:15,799 --> 00:17:18,599
They both agreed they were like today
as a whole in honor of his

264
00:17:18,079 --> 00:17:22,960
I guess just you know the Mexicans
and loved the animes they did. Yeah,

265
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:26,759
the cartel loves dragon ball Z like
I mean, like I knew.

266
00:17:26,839 --> 00:17:30,640
I. I grew up with a
bunch of stoners who like like in high

267
00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:33,599
school stuff who love dragon ball Z. But the most people I knew who

268
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:37,440
like dragon ball Z were black,
dude black people. Yeah, I actually

269
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:41,519
love dragon like NBA players love anime
and shit like that you always see and

270
00:17:41,599 --> 00:17:45,640
so cartel members doesn't necessary surprise me
either. I guess. No. I

271
00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:48,799
wish I liked it. I feel
like I'd be hotter if I was into

272
00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:52,640
dorky stuff, like I'd be like
an absolute ten if I liked It's almost

273
00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:56,160
not dragon ball Key though, like
you know, it's kind of almost just

274
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:59,880
pop culture at this point. It's
like Star Wars, but people are like

275
00:18:00,119 --> 00:18:02,039
star I like Star Wars. I'm
so nerdy. It's like, oh,

276
00:18:02,119 --> 00:18:06,559
so you like a thing that a
little more in there, because like I

277
00:18:06,559 --> 00:18:08,720
don't like and I don't like Star
Wars either, So it's fair. Dune's

278
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:12,359
better. I haven't seen it all
jerking off Dune because I saw today.

279
00:18:12,799 --> 00:18:18,960
It was awesome. It was a
masterpiece. You just won't stop. Yeah,

280
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:22,200
so this is our second Button Medicine
episode. But what inspired me was

281
00:18:22,279 --> 00:18:23,839
people who listened to The Drinking Roll
Show will know about this, but I

282
00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:30,200
wanted to show you a listener brought
this in. This is work. It

283
00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:33,759
does work. I believe you don't
need to plug it in. It does

284
00:18:33,839 --> 00:18:36,000
because I don't even know where it
outlet is. It does work, but

285
00:18:36,079 --> 00:18:37,680
it might catch fire. Yeah,
what does it do? It looks like

286
00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:41,559
a vibrator. It kind of is. It's a vibrator for your prostate.

287
00:18:41,799 --> 00:18:45,559
You put it in your ass.
It's from the nineteen thirties. Yeah,

288
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:49,720
it has, as far as I
know, been used. What does it

289
00:18:49,759 --> 00:18:53,720
have a nineteen thirties You said,
doesn't it smell? Someone was claiming it

290
00:18:53,759 --> 00:18:56,359
smell, but I don't know.
So that is a dyla them. It's

291
00:18:56,400 --> 00:19:00,920
a prostrate massager from the nineteen for
actually from the nineteen forties, I'm sorry

292
00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:04,359
now the thirties, from the nineteen
forties post war. Uh. If you

293
00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:08,799
had prostatitis, which is essentially just
a swollen prostate, you put that up

294
00:19:08,839 --> 00:19:12,559
your ass. Let it rip and
there's three levels to it. Yeah,

295
00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:18,799
until your prostate felt better. It
has a it's it both heats and vibrates.

296
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:22,480
I bet it gets pretty hot,
you would think from that era it

297
00:19:22,519 --> 00:19:26,079
probably does not have great temperature control. No, they don't like it,

298
00:19:26,839 --> 00:19:30,079
you know, like it's a two
prong it's this looks like it's been warped

299
00:19:30,079 --> 00:19:34,960
with heat. I mean the cord
it's is it's like it's that looks like

300
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,519
that. It looks like the chord
looks like if you have an estate sale

301
00:19:38,519 --> 00:19:41,279
for your grandma and you find like
an old thing in the back of the

302
00:19:41,319 --> 00:19:44,880
closet, like an old yeah,
an old lamp in the back of the

303
00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:47,640
closet. That's what that chord looks
like. Well, it's literally from the

304
00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:52,480
fort will it gets really hot.
This is this is beautiful. It looks

305
00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:56,279
like, I mean, it looks
exactly like what it is used for.

306
00:19:57,039 --> 00:20:00,319
Yeah, if you ask me what
is that, f you right off the

307
00:20:00,319 --> 00:20:03,759
bat, You're like, oh,
it's a dildo. It's going in some

308
00:20:03,839 --> 00:20:08,960
orifice. So it turns out an
external stimulator. I did a little digging

309
00:20:10,279 --> 00:20:21,920
on this and it turns out that
the asshole was a really really popular entry

310
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:30,200
point for doctors for about fifty years. Like to treat all manner. There's

311
00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:33,359
only so many holes in a human
body, and the ear is not easy

312
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:36,160
to get into. In the mouth, you don't really want to fuck with

313
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:38,839
everybody else to the mouth. Yeah, everyone was so fucking coked out of

314
00:20:38,839 --> 00:20:42,799
their minds. There's deis barbers,
and there's their noses were probably their septums

315
00:20:42,839 --> 00:20:48,240
are all screwed up anyway. So
look, I mean, if you if

316
00:20:48,279 --> 00:20:52,079
the front door is locked well and
given oral hygiene, you know, I

317
00:20:52,079 --> 00:20:55,880
bet the ass will smell better.
It's it's basically it's like how a dog's

318
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:59,640
mouth is cleaner than a human's,
Like a someone from eighteen ninety two,

319
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:04,319
there assholes actually cleaning mouth. That
doesn't. It's honestly not super efficient though

320
00:21:04,359 --> 00:21:08,359
I've taken some positories in my life. It takes so long. I always

321
00:21:08,359 --> 00:21:14,319
shout them out there. They're never
never get enough. Well, maybe you

322
00:21:14,359 --> 00:21:18,200
need a tool like a little like
you know, tampon. No, no,

323
00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:21,839
no, like a tampon applicator where
you can put the thing in and

324
00:21:21,839 --> 00:21:26,559
then you and so you put it
not not the entrance but at the back

325
00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:30,359
corridor. I've used a vaginal applicatory
for like a monostat. Yeah, I

326
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:34,039
had to put them on in not
in cordy, Okay. I was like,

327
00:21:34,079 --> 00:21:37,200
why couldn't she do her? So? Yeah, I I did it

328
00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:41,759
in a in a girlfriend in college
and uh you why I don't remember.

329
00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:45,839
I just remember doing it. If
there was a cruise though, and you

330
00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:52,000
lit it infection, yeah she had? Oh yeah, was she unconscious?

331
00:21:52,599 --> 00:21:56,279
No that she never applied it put
in a tampon. That's such a weird

332
00:21:56,279 --> 00:22:00,599
thing to ask your boyfriend to do. If you have any of your faculty,

333
00:22:00,599 --> 00:22:03,960
she had never done I guess done
it before and that needed help.

334
00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:07,880
Oh no, it wasn't very hot
this poor girl. Wal how long did

335
00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:11,200
y'all date out till until? Oh
that was like at the beginning of a

336
00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:17,240
two year relationship. Oh god?
Yeah, So yeah, the asshole a

337
00:22:17,279 --> 00:22:21,440
lot of medicine going up there for
kinds of like pills. So well,

338
00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:26,920
first off, that's not even the
only applicator that's like the Gen five asshole

339
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:32,400
prostate massage. This is from nineteen
ten. It's called the recto rotor.

340
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:37,559
No, what's cool about this and
not gay at all, is that it

341
00:22:37,599 --> 00:22:42,079
shoots out hot blube out of the
top lubricating vent holes. Yeah, large

342
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:47,400
enough to be efficient, small enough
for anyone over fifteen years old, so

343
00:22:47,519 --> 00:22:52,440
it's good for a fifteen year olds, butthole. Wow. It cures things

344
00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:56,319
like constipation. So if you're constipated, a doctor in nineteen you can just

345
00:22:56,319 --> 00:22:57,599
stimulate it out. Yeah, a
doctor in nineteen ten might be like,

346
00:22:57,640 --> 00:23:04,079
hm, but of something up there
and let it start shaking. Yeah,

347
00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:08,200
they didn't have laxatives. I feel
like, first off, everything back then

348
00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:12,319
should have been a laxed it.
People died of diarrhea, like I kind

349
00:23:12,319 --> 00:23:15,480
of a solid shit would be the
auditor. It's a miracle. Yeah,

350
00:23:15,519 --> 00:23:19,640
I thank god, it's like one. Oh is there anything better than like

351
00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:25,680
a good normal, like perfect solid
shit. I think the perfect time to

352
00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:27,680
spend on the ship too, is
about eight minutes. No, that's way

353
00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:30,599
too long. You think that's way
too long. You'll spend eight minutes shitting.

354
00:23:32,279 --> 00:23:34,279
I've spent twenty minutes shitting. Yeah, that's like a yeah, you

355
00:23:34,279 --> 00:23:37,039
spend that long, Oh my god, yeah, twenty minutes. Yeah,

356
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:41,880
that I'm taking bak. Are you
actively shitting the whole time? Or is

357
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:45,319
it thirty minutes of I mean thirty
seconds of shitting and fourteen minutes of avoiding

358
00:23:45,319 --> 00:23:48,839
responsibilities? Everything depends on all depends
on the diet. Like today, I

359
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:53,039
ate some pizza for dinner, so
that'll probably be a little more b than

360
00:23:53,079 --> 00:23:57,720
a. Oh no, I'm like, you definitely take longer on company time.

361
00:23:57,880 --> 00:24:00,400
Oh yeah, but that's not I'm
not shitting like I shit, and

362
00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:03,920
then I'm just hanging on your phone
and I'm hanging out. I'm doing the

363
00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:07,400
crossword. You don't shit in thirty
seconds, so I mean, the majority

364
00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:10,640
of them you can get out pretty
quickly. But there's always some stuff that

365
00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:14,240
when I'm healthy, everything's coming out
in one fell swoop. Yeah, have

366
00:24:14,279 --> 00:24:18,680
you seen that? In one solid
form? Ship four is what you want

367
00:24:18,839 --> 00:24:22,720
poop types. I don't think Rob
has solid ships though very odd. I

368
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:26,359
feel like both of y'all probably have. I do I have actually really good

369
00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:30,480
work at it. You have a
biome, you're you're conscious of the biome.

370
00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:36,079
Yes, and I know what works
for me. Yeah. Yeah,

371
00:24:36,079 --> 00:24:38,000
I'm pretty swampy. I've been paying
attention to my ship since I was seventeen

372
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:42,920
out of necessity. I had equal
eye when I was eighteen. I like

373
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:47,039
the restaurant I worked at, steal
my valor. Well, I had it

374
00:24:47,079 --> 00:24:48,319
for I got sick for a weekend. No, I had it for a

375
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:52,759
year. I didn't ship solid for
als. It wasn't because of that,

376
00:24:52,799 --> 00:24:57,519
but I did leave. I hadn't
drop out of college because I couldn't shit.

377
00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:00,920
I mean I really took off the
spring semester because my crowns y e

378
00:25:02,079 --> 00:25:06,519
ship fifty times a day. Yeah. I used to diarrhea in like porta

379
00:25:06,559 --> 00:25:10,799
potties at tailgates for like six months, like just anywhere I went out and

380
00:25:15,359 --> 00:25:26,000
Dane out. Uh so. Yeah. The recto rotor shoots hot lube out

381
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:33,920
of its tip hole. Uh cool? Getting cream pie by this thing basically?

382
00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:37,200
Uh it also I don't know how, but it's supposed to cure hemorrhoids

383
00:25:37,279 --> 00:25:40,960
as well. It's just the stimulation, like how you can kind of massage

384
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:45,960
a bruise away. Okay, no, it pops it, I don't.

385
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:48,240
You don't want it to pop,
do you? You wanted to go down

386
00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:51,200
on its own. I feel like
a popped here hemorrhoid in nineteen ten is

387
00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:53,880
almost certain death. Like poop is
getting into it and you're getting infected,

388
00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:57,279
and there's no antibiotics like there.
You can't put like neosporin on anything.

389
00:25:57,480 --> 00:26:02,119
No. I think what penicillin was
in the twenties or thirties or something like

390
00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:04,720
that. Yeah, you rubbed dirt
on it. That's just a cup of

391
00:26:04,759 --> 00:26:07,680
mud. Yeah, if you make
the two germs fight each other, they

392
00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:11,759
both died. And the soap and
water like they didn't even use soap for

393
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:18,440
plenty of things, and the start
washing their hands before surgeries until when were

394
00:26:18,559 --> 00:26:21,559
for sure. Yeah, but I
think they learned their lesson once they killed

395
00:26:21,599 --> 00:26:27,000
fucking Garfield. We'll talk about Garfield
today. Garfield got lostough. Garfield was

396
00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:30,880
a good president. He just never
got off. He never got off the

397
00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:34,240
runway. He had so much promise. They never got off surgeons too.

398
00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:38,319
He probably maybe surgeons began regularly scrubbing
in in the eighteen seventies. Okay,

399
00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:42,119
so right after the Civil War,
right after fucking ninety thousand surgeries. Yeah

400
00:26:42,319 --> 00:26:45,559
right, it would have it would
have been better for that to come a

401
00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:48,920
few years sooner. Yeah, Like, there are probably people that died of

402
00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:52,920
like, you know, a lot
very preventable cut, A fuck ton more

403
00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:56,079
people. More people died from not
battle than from battle in the Civil War.

404
00:26:56,319 --> 00:27:00,200
A lot of diarrhea deaths in the
Civil War. Actually, I I

405
00:27:00,359 --> 00:27:06,480
just never I've never gotten over what's
his name dying in Game of Thrones,

406
00:27:06,599 --> 00:27:10,559
her husband, Denaris's husband who died
of the cut? That one. Oh

407
00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:14,279
yeah, yeah, the one little
baby cut. That's how goes man Jason

408
00:27:14,279 --> 00:27:19,880
Momoa. Yeah, what was her
name? Yeah, it doesn't matter the

409
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:23,880
way that show ended, there's no
reason to rest unforgivable. I agree,

410
00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:30,039
I agree. Uh. There was
also this beauty I believe from the twenties.

411
00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:33,440
I didn't have a picture. Oh
yeah, I do a picture,

412
00:27:33,519 --> 00:27:37,920
but this is uh, they gave
instructions. Oh yeah, you're actually gonna

413
00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:41,039
show me a photo once. Well
you've seen the other two. It's like

414
00:27:41,039 --> 00:27:45,319
a tampon applicator right up there.
Now. I don't think they understand that

415
00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:49,000
a scrotum is actually outside the human
body, because that is. You can't

416
00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:52,799
aim doubt, Like it's like oops, if I pointed down, it'll end

417
00:27:52,839 --> 00:27:59,079
up in the scrotum. Yeah,
hmm, okay, I just enjoy that.

418
00:27:59,119 --> 00:28:02,279
This is the same time that sodomy
is illegal. They're just selling things

419
00:28:02,279 --> 00:28:04,160
to jam up your ass left and
right. I like how they have a

420
00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:10,160
pucker kind of. There's always a
workaround, like weeds illegal in Texas,

421
00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:15,119
but you just nine. Yeah,
it's the same thing. Like the cure

422
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:19,160
for homosexuality is put it up your
ass. As long as it's not a

423
00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:22,240
pin. If you need a friend
to do it, that's fine too.

424
00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:26,000
It's actually just you put it over
the penis. And so this is what

425
00:28:26,039 --> 00:28:29,200
it looked like. Uh, the
actual product. It's still a drawing,

426
00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:33,160
but a lot of cord, a
lot of cord, A light bulb attached

427
00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:36,799
to it. Oh no, look
it's in like a yes, like an

428
00:28:36,799 --> 00:28:38,160
indicator, Like, yeah, it's
an indicator, but it's a full light

429
00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:41,920
bulb because it's the the light bulb
stays out. Light bulb does not going

430
00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:45,799
your asshole. The light bulb just
turns on to let you know it's working.

431
00:28:45,839 --> 00:28:48,640
But I think you would probably know
it's what triggers the light bulb an

432
00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:59,200
idea. You plug it in Eureka, but it makes contact with turns,

433
00:29:00,079 --> 00:29:07,119
strikes gold. Yeah. Just like
so all of these things, over the

434
00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:15,160
course of at least nineteen ten,
two, nineteen forty eight, forty nine,

435
00:29:15,279 --> 00:29:21,200
something like that, we're sold four
men to put up their asshole.

436
00:29:21,200 --> 00:29:25,079
I mean, these are just vibrators. These are vibrators that shoot out hot

437
00:29:25,119 --> 00:29:29,960
lube. I bet it was so
hot like temperature. I want you to

438
00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:34,279
know right now, you two and
everyone listening at home, your grandparents shove

439
00:29:34,319 --> 00:29:37,839
this up your ass. Well that's
I wrote this down. At some point

440
00:29:37,480 --> 00:29:42,759
we each between us six grandparents,
right, six six grandfathers six yeah,

441
00:29:42,799 --> 00:29:48,960
yeah, six grandfathers. There's no
fucking way one of our grandfathers did not

442
00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:52,359
put something up their ass for medicine. There is just no way. Yeah,

443
00:29:56,559 --> 00:29:59,200
Mexico. So do you think were
they doing it down there? Oh?

444
00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:02,680
Who knows? Escaped? They didn't
have this technology. No, Yeah,

445
00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:07,160
they just fucking they just rammed a
long horn up it. There's they

446
00:30:07,279 --> 00:30:12,480
ripped open in agave plant, looped
up a long horn and just they just

447
00:30:12,559 --> 00:30:17,079
you know, when you live in
a potentially I don't know where they're from,

448
00:30:17,079 --> 00:30:21,160
but if it's a little simpler down
there. Then they escaped science run

449
00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:23,720
them up, which is that you
have you have the completely wrong idea about

450
00:30:23,759 --> 00:30:30,160
Mexican hospitals. They're a little bit
more advanced and more experimental, so they

451
00:30:30,160 --> 00:30:32,720
got to this before us. Okay, yeah, you go test it in

452
00:30:32,759 --> 00:30:36,079
Mexico. It's more craftsmanship. You
know, when they close you up,

453
00:30:36,079 --> 00:30:38,039
it looks like in a Talavetta pattern
or something. There's just like a beautiful

454
00:30:38,039 --> 00:30:45,039
embroidery. They also get a lot
of work with the cartels. But yeah,

455
00:30:45,599 --> 00:30:49,720
I'm sure they do. Yeah,
good, good R doctor. I

456
00:30:49,759 --> 00:30:55,000
would trust the R doctors there more
than ours probably, Yeah. Depend When

457
00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:57,559
my dad was in the er rotation. My dad's a doctor and he was

458
00:30:57,559 --> 00:31:00,039
in Houston in like the late eighties, he's early nineties, like pick of

459
00:31:00,079 --> 00:31:03,680
the AIDS crisis and like gang violence
and like the Houston Fourth Ward and stuff.

460
00:31:04,640 --> 00:31:07,440
Sometimes if he was in a bad
mood or he didn't like the patient,

461
00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:11,680
he would sew them up and not
align their tattoo, just like suck

462
00:31:11,720 --> 00:31:17,519
it up just a little bit,
just slightly off they got Staboh he just

463
00:31:17,519 --> 00:31:18,720
thought it was a stupid tattoo.
Or if they were just like rude,

464
00:31:18,839 --> 00:31:22,920
like he would just like not do
a good job of the statue limitations passed

465
00:31:22,920 --> 00:31:27,160
on that. Yeah, practice,
I can assure you, and I'm sure

466
00:31:27,319 --> 00:31:30,960
they're all dead. I'm sure that
everybody that was in this hospital was all

467
00:31:32,039 --> 00:31:37,759
work of their own hands. Most
likely you're not living that long. No,

468
00:31:37,759 --> 00:31:41,440
dumb, kind of a metal,
kind of a cool move. That's

469
00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:45,359
fucking sweet. That's fucking awesome.
That is one of the better doctor stories

470
00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:48,119
I've ever heard. Actually he's a
bully, but like a cool guy.

471
00:31:48,559 --> 00:31:52,039
He's like a cool guy. He's
just like like some gang bangers, like

472
00:31:52,079 --> 00:31:55,559
hurry up, bitch, and he's
just like, Ah, You're dragon is

473
00:31:55,599 --> 00:31:59,680
not going to be where you want
it to be anymore. Yeah, I

474
00:31:59,799 --> 00:32:01,400
love I Now I want to meet
your dad. You would like it.

475
00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:07,640
I really maybe I will if your
sister ever gets married whenever that is.

476
00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:15,039
Yeah, you're going going across country, going to do one here. I

477
00:32:15,079 --> 00:32:16,640
will probably not be in South I
would love to go to South Africa.

478
00:32:17,039 --> 00:32:22,359
Yeah, but yeah, at least
go to the party here. Yeah,

479
00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:29,960
some type of safari'd be sweet anyway. So there was a whole industry about

480
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:34,160
the ass we get me one too, and it is insane to me that

481
00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:39,000
it lasted as long. But it
turns out that jamming rods and dildo's or

482
00:32:39,039 --> 00:32:44,519
whatever vibrators up the ass was not
the only way men or people in general

483
00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:50,839
were treated. Like I said earlier, the butthole for about fifty years was

484
00:32:50,880 --> 00:32:59,440
a very very popular entry point into
human beings for medicine, from about I

485
00:32:59,519 --> 00:33:04,400
don't know, the eighteen seventies to
the nineteen ten. Now I think food

486
00:33:05,359 --> 00:33:07,200
like in the mouth would mix up
with the medicine and make it not as

487
00:33:07,319 --> 00:33:15,200
potent. Kind of is it about
medicine or is it about examinations. It

488
00:33:15,279 --> 00:33:19,119
is about both, like it would
do. The examinations to me is pure

489
00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:22,359
king. It is examination. It
is medicine, and it is general treatment.

490
00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:28,799
So this next thing, it's not
exclusively for men. They did this

491
00:33:28,839 --> 00:33:34,440
for women too, but probably it
was most famously used on two men.

492
00:33:35,920 --> 00:33:39,519
I also think the same time.
Women at that time too were not necessarily

493
00:33:39,759 --> 00:33:45,519
listen to highly regarded or considered.
I actually fun fact there we are for

494
00:33:45,680 --> 00:33:51,680
any type of we only know about
between the year about ten thousand BC and

495
00:33:51,759 --> 00:33:54,480
nineteen twenty seven. We only know
about the existence of about nineteen women.

496
00:33:54,720 --> 00:33:58,039
Yeah, yeah, and that's all
there was. It's a better time,

497
00:33:58,079 --> 00:34:00,240
though I don't. I don't know
of any Honestly, I have too many

498
00:34:00,319 --> 00:34:04,680
rights. I have to make too
many decisions. It's it's like Netflix,

499
00:34:04,759 --> 00:34:06,519
right, you have too many things. I mean, it's like I miss

500
00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:08,719
I missed going to Blockbuster and there're
being four choices. I'm like, well,

501
00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:12,039
tell me what I want to watch. I don't know what I want.

502
00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:15,039
Otherwise you're just there for forty five
minutes and then you turn it off

503
00:34:15,079 --> 00:34:19,000
and some type of disappointment. I
mean, honestly, just being on pills

504
00:34:19,039 --> 00:34:22,639
and dusting the house sounds pretty great. It's a simple life. Wear a

505
00:34:22,639 --> 00:34:28,599
neighbor, yeah oh, giving one
blowjob a day, boo hoo, four

506
00:34:28,639 --> 00:34:30,519
minutes, and then the rest of
the day. I get to do whatever

507
00:34:30,599 --> 00:34:32,400
the fuck I want. Okay,
oh he leaves for work, he leaves

508
00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:35,679
for work. I get to do
whatever. I get to fuck the milkman.

509
00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:37,880
I think, well, now women
earn or I don't think women earn

510
00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:40,880
more than men yet, but I
think it's trending that way because women earn

511
00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:46,039
college degrees at like yeah, alf
they're more educated, and they like work

512
00:34:46,079 --> 00:34:50,119
harder because they like want rights and
want, and I think men are about

513
00:34:50,119 --> 00:34:52,760
to realize like, damn, running
errands is way sweeter. Let's go get

514
00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:57,599
coffee and talk about sports. I
love Look at look at Jake. Yeah

515
00:34:57,679 --> 00:35:00,960
yeah, the dream loving it.
Yeah, he's living bread, He's thriving,

516
00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:07,119
and especially so is Katie, like
because because like stuff gets done around

517
00:35:07,159 --> 00:35:08,400
the happening. Yeah, Like it's
like, well, if I'm not going

518
00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:12,400
to do anything, I might as
well like clean the house and eat it

519
00:35:12,480 --> 00:35:17,360
out. Yeah. He was literally
talking about doing gardening and moving limestone,

520
00:35:17,960 --> 00:35:22,880
which we missed, but I do
that the like I still have to go

521
00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:25,360
to work, and I still have
to like you know, like I have

522
00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:29,199
like investments. I have to like
think about my future. And I'm like

523
00:35:29,239 --> 00:35:31,440
I don't want to stupid. I
just want to take pills and do housework.

524
00:35:31,639 --> 00:35:35,880
Yeah, I'd much rather somebody take
care of me. See. This

525
00:35:35,920 --> 00:35:37,840
is this is the forty chest that
men play. Right if we realize,

526
00:35:37,840 --> 00:35:42,840
like wait a minute, this is
better. Yeah, let's let's let them

527
00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:45,960
into college. Fifth Wade feminism nobody
wants to work. Fifth way femminism is

528
00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:52,320
like let's all stay home. Just
socialism. It's not even socialism, it's

529
00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:54,920
just like an AI nanny state,
we just stop having AI make art and

530
00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:59,559
like have them do tours instead.
I don't understand why art is the first

531
00:35:59,559 --> 00:36:02,000
thing there. I know, like
do other stuff, Like why can't why

532
00:36:02,039 --> 00:36:06,199
can't it come Like when the bill
comes in, figure out like the amount

533
00:36:06,239 --> 00:36:07,159
that I owe, the amount of
my room? I oh, send out

534
00:36:07,159 --> 00:36:09,960
the venmo, Like why can't everything
happen automatically? Why do I have to

535
00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:13,039
be in charge of everything? Right? I don't need it to make me

536
00:36:13,239 --> 00:36:16,360
a van go painting. Yeah,
I needed to. I needed to automate

537
00:36:16,400 --> 00:36:20,360
all of my taxes and bills.
I need it to take out the track.

538
00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:22,639
Oh, well, they're certainly going
to use it with the irs.

539
00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:24,800
Yeah, they use it the wrong
way. They use it to get to

540
00:36:25,519 --> 00:36:29,079
me. Yeah. I want to
use one of those like little pizza delivery

541
00:36:29,159 --> 00:36:32,480
robots to walk my dog, like
just get like those little robots that I've

542
00:36:32,480 --> 00:36:37,079
walked across some No, yeah,
I saw you they were today. I

543
00:36:37,079 --> 00:36:40,519
saw some downtown. He looks both
ways like he stops at intersections, like

544
00:36:40,559 --> 00:36:44,920
they know where the intersections are.
Well, we're eventually going to get to

545
00:36:44,960 --> 00:36:47,360
the point where you can't drive.
Everything's going to be on a band hate

546
00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:52,679
driving. Take that right away too. I want the option to drive.

547
00:36:52,880 --> 00:36:54,480
I'll never use it, yeah,
but I want the option. Yeah,

548
00:36:54,559 --> 00:36:59,159
you can take my steering wheel out
of my cold dead hands. I hate

549
00:36:59,239 --> 00:37:01,880
driving driving, I like you.
I want to sit in the back seat

550
00:37:01,920 --> 00:37:06,519
and fuck on my phone, funk
around on my phone on the way home,

551
00:37:06,519 --> 00:37:07,679
on my twenty five minutes. You
let me sit in the back seat

552
00:37:07,719 --> 00:37:09,960
and fun around on my phone.
I'm just gonna suck around on my phone

553
00:37:10,079 --> 00:37:14,480
in the driver's seat. I also
want to have an excuse to not get

554
00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:16,840
a duy. Oh my god,
I know right, like I didn't drive

555
00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:21,440
the car. Was me? Wasn't
me? I know I'm drunk ro and

556
00:37:21,480 --> 00:37:23,000
I know we crashed into this pole, but I don't do it. That's

557
00:37:23,039 --> 00:37:30,960
the systems for I'm over here.
So again this next treatment most famously used

558
00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:37,800
on two men. Do you know
what a nutritive anemata is? Enema?

559
00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:40,000
Like? Is it like an enema? Like you shoving nutrients up there like

560
00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:45,000
little pellets. I was gonna say, you just shove out of Mammy up

561
00:37:45,039 --> 00:37:49,519
your ass nutri system. I think
you're both right, kind of. It's

562
00:37:49,639 --> 00:37:52,760
uh. South Park did a whole
episode about it. It's pretty mch pretty

563
00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:57,760
much food to eat. Oh no, jabbing food like not not like not

564
00:37:57,800 --> 00:38:00,519
like any toilet shake, but like
eating through your butt a piece of celery

565
00:38:00,519 --> 00:38:05,000
in your asshole. I mean it
was they chopped it up. Yeah,

566
00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:08,159
I would think it was maybe liquid
if you was vegetables or meat. I

567
00:38:08,199 --> 00:38:12,199
feel like it would be like gruel, like shoving oatmeal up at your ass

568
00:38:12,679 --> 00:38:15,960
carrot. It was not whole they
did. They definitely chopped it up.

569
00:38:15,119 --> 00:38:20,760
They definitely blended it or whatever.
So baby burning it into someone a bit.

570
00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:23,679
Yeah, it was a puree certainly. So this was done when someone

571
00:38:23,719 --> 00:38:28,280
was unable to eat. Again.
Most famously, probably this was done to

572
00:38:28,320 --> 00:38:32,320
two men in particular, James Garfield
and William McKinley, presidents of the United

573
00:38:32,360 --> 00:38:37,639
States, and that was like the
pinnacle of treatments, like the VIP,

574
00:38:37,880 --> 00:38:40,519
like this is the best we got. Oh yeah. Garfield didn't need to

575
00:38:40,559 --> 00:38:44,599
die. He got shot. He
was going to survive the wounds. But

576
00:38:44,639 --> 00:38:47,199
the doctors just went in finger Doll's
wounds, which just dirty Finger do all

577
00:38:47,239 --> 00:38:52,280
his wounds just like dripping in like
a gruel shake into all of his holes.

578
00:38:52,320 --> 00:38:54,119
Oh no, he only got the
gruel shake. In one hole.

579
00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:58,599
But while they were both being treated
for their wounds after they were shot by

580
00:38:58,639 --> 00:39:05,320
assassins. Neat should we really call
Charles Catou a fucking assassin? Look,

581
00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:07,360
I mean technically he is, but
he is. He doesn't really earn that.

582
00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:10,719
Charles Gattou. You know what Charles
Gatto did? He he like chucked

583
00:39:10,800 --> 00:39:16,119
up a shot, a horrible shot
that was never going in and it got

584
00:39:16,159 --> 00:39:20,880
goal tended. This is back when
you bounce off someone's head into the Yeah.

585
00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:23,239
Basically, were you aware of this? You can literally stalk a president.

586
00:39:23,400 --> 00:39:28,239
You go to the White House and
just follow him. No, this

587
00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:30,760
is what he did to James Garfield. Basically I can't because I have a

588
00:39:30,840 --> 00:39:34,360
job and I don't get to just
do pills and do whatever I want.

589
00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:37,519
If I could, I if I
could just take pills and do whatever I

590
00:39:37,519 --> 00:39:39,320
want, I would love to do
that. What stock the president? Or

591
00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:43,599
just see what Joe Biden does all
day long? Yeah, just watch him

592
00:39:43,599 --> 00:39:45,960
like rumba into walls. Not know
what he's doing. No repercussions either,

593
00:39:46,039 --> 00:39:50,320
Like, no one's gonna stop,
you's gonna stop. No major his the

594
00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:54,079
dog will stop, the dog will
he will boll you. But I mean,

595
00:39:54,079 --> 00:39:58,519
the whole Gatto thing's funny just because
he was he was in a sex

596
00:39:58,599 --> 00:40:02,079
colt. He got you acted for
being too weird. You can't beat you

597
00:40:02,119 --> 00:40:06,880
can't bring weird energy to the threesome, to the orgy, to the orgy.

598
00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:15,000
Yeah. That company then turned into
a prominent silver brand. Uh.

599
00:40:17,599 --> 00:40:21,079
I thought, I thought of the
only silver brand I could think of.

600
00:40:21,280 --> 00:40:31,760
Crazy the way to pivot, your
way to adapt to the changing market conditions

601
00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:37,559
of Charles because he did stink.
He's a very smelling man. He was

602
00:40:37,719 --> 00:40:42,039
even for the time. Really they
mentioned it. Yeah, oh boy,

603
00:40:42,639 --> 00:40:45,239
well Garfield, his little stink hole
was getting played with left and right.

604
00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:49,760
I don't know if you did you
mention this in your episode you mentioned the

605
00:40:49,760 --> 00:40:52,760
other holes maybe in passing. There
was just so much on that bone.

606
00:40:52,920 --> 00:41:00,760
Physicians provided nutrition rerectedly, uh,
instilling, defibrinated blood and beef extract.

607
00:41:00,840 --> 00:41:04,000
I knew it would be meat.
I knew it would be meat, like

608
00:41:04,119 --> 00:41:07,519
they loved putting chicken and beef broth
up your asshole. Yeah, gotta get

609
00:41:07,519 --> 00:41:10,159
that proteins. So you go to
h GB. You see the beef broth

610
00:41:10,239 --> 00:41:15,039
suit that you can drink or whatever, like without that layer of fat at

611
00:41:15,039 --> 00:41:16,960
the top. Yeah, that broth
you can drink. I don't know who

612
00:41:17,039 --> 00:41:22,920
the fuck does that? You don't. Jake made some to drink some like

613
00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:27,280
yeah, like chicken beef or some
chicken broth or chicken stock to drink.

614
00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:30,320
Yeah, were you drinking it?
No, but I was eating the chicken

615
00:41:30,360 --> 00:41:32,960
that He then used the butt.
You warm it up, you casually sip

616
00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:37,280
it like a tea. Yeah,
gross a lot. Maybe dip one of

617
00:41:37,320 --> 00:41:43,920
his biscuits into it, the bread
into it. Death anything. You don't,

618
00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:47,199
you don't, I don't. I
don't want to drink jew other things

619
00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:53,719
that were put up people's buttholes for
nutrition. And this was by the way,

620
00:41:54,199 --> 00:41:59,519
in this time period like eighteen seventies
to nineteen early nineteen hundreds. If

621
00:41:59,559 --> 00:42:06,079
you could not eat for whatever reason, they basically immediately started pouring things into

622
00:42:06,119 --> 00:42:12,079
your asshole and aming fucking beef and
bones, Yes, eggs, various meat

623
00:42:12,079 --> 00:42:15,360
bros. Eggs. Uh, you
just rocky your fucking eggs in your asshole.

624
00:42:15,400 --> 00:42:19,480
Basically like, hey, you know
those videos where they take an empty

625
00:42:19,480 --> 00:42:22,639
water bottle and they're like, instead
of separating eggs one by one, you

626
00:42:22,639 --> 00:42:24,719
can squeeze the water bottle over the
yellow and then you pull it up and

627
00:42:24,760 --> 00:42:28,960
it'll it'll slurp up the yolk and
then you move it over. So you're

628
00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:30,519
going on the egg white driven that
And what's that you do that with your

629
00:42:30,559 --> 00:42:35,000
asshole? What's that thing you mentioned
earlier with your they put in your pussy,

630
00:42:35,119 --> 00:42:37,519
Oh, speculum. Yeah, so
they put the speculum in the asshole

631
00:42:37,800 --> 00:42:42,840
and just start dropping eggs in there. Yeah, reverse Mario, and I

632
00:42:42,880 --> 00:42:45,199
have to try that out because I'm
not a big fan of eggs. I

633
00:42:45,320 --> 00:42:47,400
eat them, but i'm not I
love it. Yeah, I think you

634
00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:50,239
need to get it for the game. I think you need to get some

635
00:42:50,239 --> 00:42:53,880
stirrups and let me try this.
Yeah. Also, because this was the

636
00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:58,880
late nineteenth early twentieth century, of
course they were putting some booze up there

637
00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:00,320
as well. I was going to
add it was like, tell me it's

638
00:43:00,360 --> 00:43:06,320
beer or gin or something. Actually, usually brandy, brandy brown, brown

639
00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:13,679
and brown. Yes, it's like
liquor before beer. Brown and the brown

640
00:43:15,880 --> 00:43:20,480
milk also commonly employed physicians. They
wanted to get a broad range, you

641
00:43:20,480 --> 00:43:22,920
know, they wanted to carbohydrates,
protein, fat all in the rectal diet.

642
00:43:22,920 --> 00:43:30,880
They wanted to make sure less common
but still done. Blood blood,

643
00:43:30,960 --> 00:43:37,320
human blood, no animal blood?
Sure, gruel, I said, yeah,

644
00:43:37,360 --> 00:43:42,800
coffee. What is gruel or grids? Yeah? Basically yeah, it's

645
00:43:42,800 --> 00:43:46,199
like it's almost like gruel in particular. Honestly, you know what that probably

646
00:43:46,239 --> 00:43:51,519
really is. It's like so it's
sort of like you know how like slaves

647
00:43:51,519 --> 00:43:53,159
and stuff were giving like pigs feet
and stuff. These are like the it's

648
00:43:53,199 --> 00:43:57,239
like the throwaway grain that like the
hops that they already made beer with.

649
00:43:57,320 --> 00:44:00,840
Yeah. Yeah, it's all it's
like garbage. You make it up,

650
00:44:00,880 --> 00:44:02,239
eat it up and add some honey. Ye wait, what was the last

651
00:44:02,239 --> 00:44:08,159
thing you said? Just various minerals, maybe like salt or something, salt

652
00:44:08,519 --> 00:44:12,320
up the butthole. Don't you think
that would burn? Probably salt burn?

653
00:44:12,559 --> 00:44:19,639
Probably um in New York. Uh, The doctor sg Armor preferred milk mixed

654
00:44:19,679 --> 00:44:23,239
with beef blood, although he noted
when using stimulants by the rectum, I

655
00:44:23,320 --> 00:44:29,079
do add cream to the milk,
sure, because that helps to Yeah,

656
00:44:29,280 --> 00:44:31,159
you gotta make a suspension, like
a pharmacist. They make a suspension.

657
00:44:31,840 --> 00:44:36,440
That means like so like if you
if you need a pill, you can

658
00:44:36,440 --> 00:44:38,760
take pill. But for kids or
anybody that can't take pills, they make

659
00:44:38,800 --> 00:44:42,960
a suspension, but they can't just
like liquefy the pill. So they take

660
00:44:43,039 --> 00:44:45,320
like they open it, they grind
it up, and then they add like

661
00:44:45,400 --> 00:44:50,000
sugar and water and it's like this
creamy white. It's like a sea mini

662
00:44:50,079 --> 00:44:53,639
mixture that they drink. They don't
make matchewable like a flintstone vitamin, because

663
00:44:53,679 --> 00:44:58,239
like a crying baby isn't gonna choose
something. You're just fucking like she's supposed

664
00:44:58,239 --> 00:45:00,199
to make baby baby, isn't.
I mean, I yeah, when I

665
00:45:00,239 --> 00:45:01,800
get my kids tiling all or whatever, I got out squirted, they make

666
00:45:01,840 --> 00:45:05,280
everything a gummy at this point.
That's what I did for my dogs too.

667
00:45:05,280 --> 00:45:07,840
They won't take pills. So I
just kind of just like slammed TVD

668
00:45:07,880 --> 00:45:12,119
in the back of his throat.
Yeah, I have to just hold it.

669
00:45:12,199 --> 00:45:16,480
Shit. Amounts put into the butthole
typically ranged between three and twelve ounces.

670
00:45:17,559 --> 00:45:22,440
Eight ounces is a cup, other
twelve ounces cup. I'll look it

671
00:45:22,480 --> 00:45:24,800
up real quick, but yeah,
it's big, big them out. That's

672
00:45:24,840 --> 00:45:29,960
a lot of liquid. If it's
a if it's a whole cup, eight

673
00:45:29,960 --> 00:45:32,199
ounces is a cup, so cup
and a half cup and a half right.

674
00:45:32,400 --> 00:45:37,039
A PIRATEX is two cups it's like
almost a full pirate. Yeah,

675
00:45:37,480 --> 00:45:40,199
yeah, yike, pour right in
there, funnle It is there like a

676
00:45:40,239 --> 00:45:45,280
tube and a funnel or is it
just it like it is a tube funnel

677
00:45:45,320 --> 00:45:51,719
situation. It also has to feel
so weird to hold all that liquid in

678
00:45:51,880 --> 00:45:54,519
you, because I remember my expositories
where I had a it was liquid.

679
00:45:54,519 --> 00:45:59,440
I had to shoot it up and
when it went in it just felt like

680
00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:04,079
I was full. Yeah, it
gets into your large and test. Have

681
00:46:04,119 --> 00:46:07,519
you ever had like X rays or
imaging done where they put that they like

682
00:46:07,559 --> 00:46:12,800
shoot this stuff like this contrast into
your wherever, like your knee or something.

683
00:46:12,960 --> 00:46:16,000
I have not, and it's ice
cold and you're like one knee just

684
00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:20,440
just like freezing cold. I mean
I felt that from getting an IV before,

685
00:46:20,559 --> 00:46:22,000
when you're like your arms like,
oh my god, Like I love

686
00:46:22,039 --> 00:46:25,840
it, It's so good. I
love. I love like a weird foreign

687
00:46:25,920 --> 00:46:30,920
sensation like that. I like a
painful beauty treatment like I like when a

688
00:46:30,960 --> 00:46:35,239
facial hurts, not like that,
Yeah I did just yesterday. Oh do

689
00:46:35,280 --> 00:46:37,119
you do not not like that kind
I don't want those to hurt, Like

690
00:46:37,360 --> 00:46:42,239
I don't really enjoy those kinds of
facials, Like in general women don't enjoy.

691
00:46:43,480 --> 00:46:45,000
Yeah, be weird if I didn't
enjoy. I've done it a couple

692
00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:49,559
of times, and it was like, I think there's so many rules around

693
00:46:49,559 --> 00:46:52,000
it. By the time it's happening, you're just like, do you feel

694
00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:53,239
stupid? Do you just feel good? To you? This is dumb?

695
00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:57,760
Or we're in the shower. I'm
clearly not enjoying it. You can't.

696
00:46:57,840 --> 00:47:00,599
You can't be enjoying. And also
like I'm jerking off to get off,

697
00:47:00,199 --> 00:47:05,239
yeah, and afterwards I need help
getting up, so I'm like, I'm

698
00:47:05,280 --> 00:47:08,159
just like a baby. I'm just
getting up off your knees. You're making

699
00:47:08,199 --> 00:47:10,840
faces I don't want to see.
It's not it's not fun for anyone.

700
00:47:10,920 --> 00:47:15,440
I can never look at you the
same like only in porn. Grow it's

701
00:47:15,480 --> 00:47:20,280
not I mean, like you said, you only it's it's hotter to only

702
00:47:20,320 --> 00:47:22,719
hot and porn like the reality of
it, the reality of the aftermath.

703
00:47:22,800 --> 00:47:27,519
You never really do it to somebody
you love. Yeah, you enjoy,

704
00:47:28,559 --> 00:47:30,119
I mean maybe you do it once
or twice and then you're like, oh,

705
00:47:30,119 --> 00:47:32,480
I feel really bad for you.
I never want to do this again.

706
00:47:32,800 --> 00:47:37,480
Yeah, I think it's kind of
just been once and then like my

707
00:47:37,599 --> 00:47:42,559
reaction is so not what they wanted. And it's like, yeah, that's

708
00:47:42,599 --> 00:47:45,800
stupid good Yeah, are you done? Are you done asking? I'd rather

709
00:47:45,840 --> 00:47:49,840
do a threesome, be less painful, Like was that on the table?

710
00:47:49,920 --> 00:47:54,639
Was it facially threesomes? I picked
the rad door most men tend to do.

711
00:47:57,000 --> 00:47:58,840
It's like, you could have you
could have, we could have had

712
00:47:58,880 --> 00:48:00,079
a better night. He's playing,
let's make a deal, and you opened

713
00:48:00,079 --> 00:48:08,199
the first briefcase and took it twenty
bucks a pretty good deal. I don't

714
00:48:08,199 --> 00:48:15,800
even need to see the other doors. Damn, tell your boyfriend. She

715
00:48:15,800 --> 00:48:17,880
tells you you can do a facial. I think keep it. Definitely,

716
00:48:19,280 --> 00:48:22,760
Yeah, definitely. Dudes that get
off to just I guess some type of

717
00:48:22,760 --> 00:48:29,159
domination or just like disrespect. Yeah, but you can just do that by

718
00:48:29,199 --> 00:48:31,039
dating them, right, you know
what I mean? I like to disrespect

719
00:48:31,119 --> 00:48:35,400
over a long the long con that's
that's the biggest disrespect you can do.

720
00:48:35,760 --> 00:48:37,400
Were things where you just she just
drove him to insanity. Yeah, she

721
00:48:37,440 --> 00:48:40,480
made him talk like a retart at
the end to steal time from the woman.

722
00:48:40,639 --> 00:48:45,159
Yeah, there's nothing to steal their
youth. Yeah they're not, because

723
00:48:45,199 --> 00:48:49,599
you can picasso it and toss a
baby and someone at ninety Yeah, but

724
00:48:49,679 --> 00:48:52,400
her shes got like eight good years, wait till her uterus is decaying and

725
00:48:52,440 --> 00:48:54,599
then yeah, you're six years deep. And he'd be like, ah,

726
00:48:54,639 --> 00:48:58,679
man, I didn't really think it
was that serious. I feel when when

727
00:48:58,719 --> 00:49:01,079
girls are dating somebody for that long
and I'm like and they're like, he

728
00:49:01,119 --> 00:49:04,719
said he's going to propose this here, I'm like, did he did he

729
00:49:04,840 --> 00:49:07,880
say that? Oh? But I
thought that's kind of like a promise ring,

730
00:49:07,920 --> 00:49:10,920
you know, it's whatever at the
time. Yeah, it's like a

731
00:49:10,960 --> 00:49:15,039
soft promise. Yeah, it's like
I I didn't think I was lying,

732
00:49:15,119 --> 00:49:16,079
turns out I was. I mean, that's kind of how I felt when

733
00:49:16,079 --> 00:49:21,079
I got married. It was like, yeah, like we're here in sickness

734
00:49:21,119 --> 00:49:24,039
and in health. Yeah, it's
like I'll just take like, if we're

735
00:49:24,079 --> 00:49:29,599
both healthy, let's act like healthy
people. And if you're sick, open

736
00:49:29,679 --> 00:49:32,519
your asshole, yeah, and I'll
pour stuff in will poor gruel and blood.

737
00:49:34,280 --> 00:49:38,320
Many physicians also included uh, laudanum
or other opiates. The purpose that's

738
00:49:38,360 --> 00:49:44,320
fun for you know, just uh
what I would do that. Yeah,

739
00:49:44,320 --> 00:49:47,480
it's you're butt chugging heroin, just
butt chugging heroin. Yeah, why not?

740
00:49:50,440 --> 00:49:53,599
Yeah, so I can do housework
right after Uh this actually, now

741
00:49:53,599 --> 00:50:02,480
this will you'll find this interesting.
Pouring stuff in the butt specifically drugs was

742
00:50:02,639 --> 00:50:09,280
also used for women suffering from morning
sickness if they were pregnant and audum.

743
00:50:09,679 --> 00:50:16,559
Yeah and oh my god, anyone
survive I don't know, well plenty didn't.

744
00:50:17,199 --> 00:50:21,480
It was also used for abortion,
so they were really walking a tight

745
00:50:21,559 --> 00:50:24,639
rope there when they were like,
Okay, half a cup just feels just

746
00:50:24,679 --> 00:50:29,639
makes the the ouchies go away.
Full cup makes the baby go flush and

747
00:50:29,639 --> 00:50:32,599
everything. Yeah, hey, take
notes. Good to know. Yeah,

748
00:50:32,760 --> 00:50:37,000
if you ever get pregnant with you
something you don't want, you'll have a

749
00:50:37,400 --> 00:50:40,000
plug. That's what I'm saying you
can do. If you can do a

750
00:50:40,039 --> 00:50:44,320
handstand, I can get the loudum
if you have a loudinum plug. Please

751
00:50:44,400 --> 00:50:49,800
leave a comment below, but only
on the patriots across state borders. That's

752
00:50:49,880 --> 00:50:53,840
just book a fucking flight, make
a whole vacation out of the just find

753
00:50:53,880 --> 00:50:58,920
some monkey bars. Jackson, Mississippi
is so far. I don't think that's

754
00:50:58,960 --> 00:51:01,760
the place to go. I think
that's the closest place to Austin to get

755
00:51:01,760 --> 00:51:07,920
a board. Yeah, I think
it's New Mexico. I think I think

756
00:51:07,000 --> 00:51:12,920
Jacksonsissippi is slightly closer. I just
don't think Mississippi. I was working on

757
00:51:12,960 --> 00:51:15,159
a joke about it and I googled
it one time. But oh, really

758
00:51:15,360 --> 00:51:17,559
is the place? How is that
the place? How do they have more

759
00:51:17,679 --> 00:51:22,239
chill laws in Texas? Just have
a fun weekend in Vegas or something,

760
00:51:22,239 --> 00:51:27,000
you know, Yeah, just just
ride roller coasters and sit in hot tubs.

761
00:51:27,119 --> 00:51:30,159
Yeah, well, it's probably legal
that a cheese eat unpasteurized cheeses and

762
00:51:30,400 --> 00:51:38,599
grocery buffet you can even honestly,
there's probably planned parenthoods and laves Vegas that

763
00:51:38,639 --> 00:51:43,039
have slot machines in them. So
it's oh my god. Or like strippers,

764
00:51:43,079 --> 00:51:45,840
like like how they like pass out
like baseball cards for strippers. When

765
00:51:45,920 --> 00:51:50,079
they do that for abortion doctorsday morning
abortion doctors, they're like, this is

766
00:51:50,280 --> 00:51:57,000
doctor. His rates stats were not
good, a lot of failed abortions.

767
00:51:58,920 --> 00:52:01,679
Not everything and not everything leaves Vegas
or every some things do leave Vegas.

768
00:52:01,679 --> 00:52:07,000
I should say, uh eventually,
because uh, you know, this is

769
00:52:07,039 --> 00:52:15,079
America and everything's a business. Uh. This they sold butt juice commercially over

770
00:52:15,119 --> 00:52:17,519
the counter butt juice. Uh,
this is some meat juice you put up

771
00:52:17,559 --> 00:52:22,719
your ass. You can get it
on the before. Yeah, this is

772
00:52:22,760 --> 00:52:28,239
actually I love this. It's it's
called Valentine's Preparation, meat juice, meat

773
00:52:28,320 --> 00:52:34,800
juice, make medicine, romantic shake. Shake, It says shake before,

774
00:52:34,800 --> 00:52:38,679
so shake. What is it for
them? Butt? Whole nutrition? Just

775
00:52:38,800 --> 00:52:43,400
general health like if you're if you're
having trouble eating, maybe like heartburn or

776
00:52:43,400 --> 00:52:46,360
something like that, but you still
need the nutrients. Again, do a

777
00:52:46,400 --> 00:52:52,760
handstand and have the husband or the
missus or whomever or made Yeah, pour

778
00:52:52,840 --> 00:52:58,760
it down your asshole. Is it
like a like a like a needle pump

779
00:52:58,880 --> 00:53:01,039
or is it just like a little
like a like a hose? Oh so

780
00:53:01,199 --> 00:53:05,119
there was oh god, I forget
the name of it, like celestra or

781
00:53:05,159 --> 00:53:08,360
something, a silistern or something like
that. Essentially, it's like a thing

782
00:53:08,480 --> 00:53:14,480
that you fill and then they almost
like a big injector like a meat and

783
00:53:14,559 --> 00:53:16,559
you know, like like a turkey
based yes, exactly that type of thing,

784
00:53:16,599 --> 00:53:22,079
and then you do it like that
juice tampon applicator. Yes, basically.

785
00:53:22,760 --> 00:53:28,480
Some doctors also reasoned that, uh, you know, if you want

786
00:53:28,519 --> 00:53:30,880
to nourish the blood, why bother
going through the digestive process at all.

787
00:53:31,800 --> 00:53:36,079
Why bother putting food in to nourish
the blood and the blood just put in

788
00:53:36,159 --> 00:53:40,320
more blood to nourish the blood animal
blood. So they just they just start

789
00:53:40,400 --> 00:53:45,159
pouring animal blood into your Why did
they figure out blood types? Do you

790
00:53:45,199 --> 00:53:52,920
know? I'll look it up real
quest because the idea one good thing nineteen

791
00:53:52,159 --> 00:53:58,239
one. Like what happens if you
get the wrong blood, Like does your

792
00:53:58,559 --> 00:54:02,519
blood rejected? But reject I'd imagine
rejects it like a like a dead or

793
00:54:02,599 --> 00:54:06,079
like a dead foot that doesn't want
to take. If you get the you're

794
00:54:06,119 --> 00:54:07,320
the you're come from the medical family. I don't know, but to be

795
00:54:07,320 --> 00:54:13,159
fair, they're not transfusing blood.
They're pouring animal blood into your buttthole.

796
00:54:13,480 --> 00:54:16,239
It's a bloodshot, a blood booth. Yes, got it. So I

797
00:54:16,239 --> 00:54:20,480
don't think there's any blood mixing problems. Almost have blood types. I'm just

798
00:54:20,519 --> 00:54:22,320
gonna keep asking questions. You don't
know, it's probably probably, I would

799
00:54:22,320 --> 00:54:25,480
guess probably. It would be weird
if cows only had one blood type.

800
00:54:27,360 --> 00:54:30,599
It would be beneficial for cows.
It feels like it beneficial for everyone.

801
00:54:30,760 --> 00:54:36,320
Let's just have one type. I'm
a universal whatever, I'm a universal donor,

802
00:54:36,360 --> 00:54:37,599
but I can only I have no
idea what my blood type is.

803
00:54:37,599 --> 00:54:40,519
I don't know why my blood type
is either, I can't remember, but

804
00:54:40,559 --> 00:54:44,440
I am the universe. I was
supposed to write it and put it in

805
00:54:44,440 --> 00:54:49,920
my I have it in my phone. But that's fine. Nobody wants youlls

806
00:54:49,920 --> 00:54:54,159
dirty blood anyway. Well, yeah, I'm stained. There were several side

807
00:54:54,159 --> 00:54:59,800
effects to this, including constipation in
one third of cases, uh, rectal

808
00:54:59,840 --> 00:55:08,719
ear irritation surprisingly causing quote immediate return. No like that one scene and was

809
00:55:08,760 --> 00:55:13,480
it hall passed where she like shits
out? Yeah? Actually, you know,

810
00:55:13,559 --> 00:55:15,840
have you seen Zach and Mary make
a porno and they're filling from the

811
00:55:15,840 --> 00:55:22,760
bottom? Yeah, and that he
pulls out and more immediate return. It

812
00:55:22,800 --> 00:55:25,320
seems like it worked. Then what
goes up must come down. I mean,

813
00:55:25,360 --> 00:55:29,320
if if you're trying to cure constipation, I mean, way to get

814
00:55:29,320 --> 00:55:32,679
it out, Yeah, get it
going, and with the blood in particular

815
00:55:34,000 --> 00:55:38,000
quote from a doctor quote. In
two cases, the discharges were so very

816
00:55:38,039 --> 00:55:43,079
offensive as to cause serious annoyance in
the house. So the ship was so

817
00:55:43,199 --> 00:55:45,840
terrible they essentially had to clear out
the house. Whole fucking house. I

818
00:55:45,880 --> 00:55:51,239
mean that does I think this is
a thing you should do outside. I

819
00:55:51,239 --> 00:55:54,480
think that's on them to be doing
any kind of like anal you know,

820
00:55:54,639 --> 00:55:58,800
like on the deck of a ship
on a windy day, and whatses are

821
00:55:58,800 --> 00:56:00,880
for, you know, or like
just go the barn, you know,

822
00:56:00,000 --> 00:56:06,159
like just kick a cow or much
more rural people at this time necessarily all

823
00:56:06,159 --> 00:56:07,639
in cities, but do it outside, like you know, like okay,

824
00:56:07,679 --> 00:56:12,079
in the pandemic when all the I
cut my sister's hair, and I was

825
00:56:12,079 --> 00:56:14,639
like, we're not going to do
this inside. We're gonna cut hair outside.

826
00:56:14,639 --> 00:56:15,400
And that way, you know,
whenever I make a mess, I

827
00:56:15,400 --> 00:56:17,639
don't have to clean it up.
Same thing, but you're able to wind

828
00:56:17,719 --> 00:56:21,119
take your sister's hair your But you
know what you did, by the way,

829
00:56:21,159 --> 00:56:22,559
by cutting your sister's hair outside,
and I assume not really cleaning it

830
00:56:22,639 --> 00:56:29,199
up. I contributed to the birds
nests of the neighborhood. No, but

831
00:56:29,280 --> 00:56:32,280
kind of it does involve birds.
I was gonna say, you wasted an

832
00:56:32,280 --> 00:56:37,400
opportunity to donate locks for love,
like all kinds of birds, like pigeons,

833
00:56:37,559 --> 00:56:44,519
anything. Human hair has been causing
uh tourniquets on bird feet. Ah,

834
00:56:44,920 --> 00:56:46,440
so they lose toes or whole.
If you see a bird without a

835
00:56:46,480 --> 00:56:49,679
leg and you're like, oh my
god, it's because you had it.

836
00:56:49,679 --> 00:56:52,679
It's because human hair got wrapped around
its leg. It's because you did that.

837
00:56:52,039 --> 00:56:55,800
Well, sorry, guys, you
can do it. I won't do

838
00:56:55,840 --> 00:56:59,320
it again. The only way to
grow it back is to actually pour beef

839
00:56:59,320 --> 00:57:04,400
broth into its aka. You committed
genuside baby drop like a little like a

840
00:57:04,400 --> 00:57:07,320
baby motron. You gotta pin that
bird down and just yeah, like pop

841
00:57:07,400 --> 00:57:14,360
right back up. One doctor e
Fie Stewart in New York, he did

842
00:57:14,880 --> 00:57:17,159
you know, he wasn't. He
wasn't just gonna put any blood into your

843
00:57:17,159 --> 00:57:22,239
asshole. This guy was responsible a
one angus grass fed grass finished. He

844
00:57:22,800 --> 00:57:28,719
stressed the importance of obtaining fresh,
high quality blood. You can't have blood

845
00:57:28,760 --> 00:57:32,039
from diseased cattle, blood from animals
that had just traveled a long distance.

846
00:57:32,280 --> 00:57:37,599
I mean, you need a well
well rested animal blood. But it wasn't

847
00:57:37,639 --> 00:57:40,679
cows, cow's, horses, whatever, just up whatever, just they you

848
00:57:40,719 --> 00:57:44,880
need to be strong dog. I
mean, I think it tastes like happy

849
00:57:44,920 --> 00:57:49,239
cows taste better. Probably it's true, And they're better for your fucking asshole

850
00:57:49,239 --> 00:57:51,960
to you, better for your asshole. Uh. He recommended sixty to one

851
00:57:52,000 --> 00:57:54,239
hundred and eighty grams of blood to
be administered two to three times a day.

852
00:57:54,360 --> 00:57:58,199
That's much smaller than a one and
a half cup. Why am I

853
00:57:58,280 --> 00:58:04,719
measuring liquid and grams? I don't
know? Why is it not doctor?

854
00:58:06,000 --> 00:58:09,159
Yeah, I don't know metric system. I don't even know what that amount

855
00:58:09,159 --> 00:58:15,159
of liquid looks like in grams.
Yeah, pretty much, it's probably I

856
00:58:15,199 --> 00:58:17,880
guess it's dropple it's a blood then
not that much. Maybe I really don't

857
00:58:17,880 --> 00:58:25,400
know. Uh. President Garfield's doctors
uh kind of showed that this was a

858
00:58:25,440 --> 00:58:30,400
widespread practice at the time for four
days widespread. They spread them wide,

859
00:58:30,880 --> 00:58:37,440
and they put defibrinated blood uh in
his asshole. But they didn't keep doing

860
00:58:37,480 --> 00:58:43,679
it because quote, the volume of
offensive gases developed together with the character of

861
00:58:43,760 --> 00:58:47,920
the ejecta ejecta, which is another
way to say horrible diarrhea. I guess

862
00:58:49,159 --> 00:58:53,119
no rendered necessary a return to beef
extract. So they were pumping blood up

863
00:58:53,119 --> 00:58:58,840
his asshole, but he was shitting
so horrifically like on them, sitting at

864
00:58:58,880 --> 00:59:02,960
them, probably at them. They
were like, oh good god, yeah,

865
00:59:04,239 --> 00:59:07,639
how do you how do you maintain
your professionalism? When you're getting president

866
00:59:07,679 --> 00:59:12,559
of the United States, mister president, Oh what a presidential loan? Can

867
00:59:12,599 --> 00:59:15,719
you fucking imagine? Like this is
the most not at that point not the

868
00:59:15,719 --> 00:59:19,920
most powerful personal world, but like
top ten again he was stalked by a

869
00:59:19,920 --> 00:59:24,159
homeless man. Yeah, can you
like the last couple months of that guy's

870
00:59:24,159 --> 00:59:30,920
life stalked by a hole shot and
then just a team of the best doctors

871
00:59:30,920 --> 00:59:36,400
in the world jamming fingers and god
knows what else up every hole in your

872
00:59:36,400 --> 00:59:42,760
body? Ones you made, one's
another guy made. Was he asking to

873
00:59:42,800 --> 00:59:45,519
be killed? Like I feel like
you know when you hear stories about people

874
00:59:45,519 --> 00:59:47,400
that are like kill me, kill
me, like they're like, okay,

875
00:59:47,440 --> 00:59:52,480
well oblige, yeah, slowly,
just do it. So two fingers then,

876
00:59:52,880 --> 00:59:59,280
so look we're getting a fucking fore
finger in as bad as Garfield figu.

877
01:00:00,360 --> 01:00:02,760
It's like a fisting. You gotta
start like this and then it goes.

878
01:00:02,880 --> 01:00:06,840
That's where Dane could get from,
speaking of things. No one's ever

879
01:00:06,880 --> 01:00:10,000
done fisting. I know lesbians.
Lesbians do it. Lesbians do it,

880
01:00:10,440 --> 01:00:15,280
okay, because look at my fist
that's so small. Are you going like

881
01:00:15,519 --> 01:00:20,079
elbow deep? You could go like
yay deep to your bang in the drum.

882
01:00:20,599 --> 01:00:22,599
Yeah, I definitely could go this
deepen. I mean, not inside

883
01:00:22,599 --> 01:00:28,079
myself, but I could go.
You definitely go paper first and then turn

884
01:00:28,119 --> 01:00:32,320
the rock. Yeah, domee scissors, that's what that's how you that's how

885
01:00:32,360 --> 01:00:36,719
you give a pap smerror. Yeah, that's how you take some cells.

886
01:00:37,920 --> 01:00:42,079
Man, that that's gonna be rough. It's not fun. It's not fun.

887
01:00:42,679 --> 01:00:45,880
Fist. Oh, fisting, that's
too much. I've never been fisted,

888
01:00:45,920 --> 01:00:52,440
but maybe there's been times where I'm
like, I think fisting would be

889
01:00:52,440 --> 01:00:55,920
easier than trying to get that inside
me. What it was, it was

890
01:00:55,920 --> 01:01:00,639
insane. I was like, I
saw this guy's dick and I I said,

891
01:01:00,840 --> 01:01:02,920
no way, you said not?
I laugh, I like he was.

892
01:01:04,280 --> 01:01:07,280
We were like and I was like, that's not happening, that's not

893
01:01:07,360 --> 01:01:10,239
happening. I can try, and
I did. I tried, and I

894
01:01:10,280 --> 01:01:14,199
was like, get out, get
out, this isn't working. See.

895
01:01:14,199 --> 01:01:19,679
My wife told me that story about
a Dallas Cowboys player that she was gonna

896
01:01:19,679 --> 01:01:23,280
hook up with and he was pulled
his pants down and it was and she

897
01:01:23,400 --> 01:01:27,280
was like and she was like,
yeah, you have a good sized penist,

898
01:01:27,320 --> 01:01:30,320
like I have a goldilocks penis.
Boyfriend Penis. That's no Penis,

899
01:01:30,960 --> 01:01:34,079
it's what you want. You don't
you don't want who she keeps telling me,

900
01:01:34,159 --> 01:01:36,519
you don't want this. Like the
next day, though, I did.

901
01:01:36,599 --> 01:01:38,199
I sent him a picture of my
arm like this because I hadn't met,

902
01:01:38,239 --> 01:01:40,280
because I measured it because I was
like joking, like I was,

903
01:01:40,360 --> 01:01:44,639
I love a bit when you're trying
to when someone's trying to fuck and you're

904
01:01:44,679 --> 01:01:50,599
like, let's just do bits and
I and like we measured it and it

905
01:01:50,679 --> 01:01:52,079
was it was this big. And
the next day I just sent him a

906
01:01:52,119 --> 01:01:58,480
picture of my arm. I was
like, miss you, I'd do that

907
01:01:58,519 --> 01:02:00,840
too. Did you ever get it? No? Not all like I like,

908
01:02:00,880 --> 01:02:06,719
it was like I got like two
thirds the two thirds compromise. Wait

909
01:02:06,760 --> 01:02:09,440
did you three fists? I think
yeah, it was three face two thirds

910
01:02:09,480 --> 01:02:16,239
would actually would that be more?
No? Two thirds would be yeah,

911
01:02:17,039 --> 01:02:22,719
fifteenth three fists is sixty percent okay, two thirds is sixty six percent more

912
01:02:22,760 --> 01:02:27,559
than three fists. Yeah, man, you are terrible at math Why would

913
01:02:27,599 --> 01:02:30,159
I need to know that? Why
are you so good at maths? It's

914
01:02:30,199 --> 01:02:31,639
not even good at maths. Oh, the gambling, that's fine, it

915
01:02:31,679 --> 01:02:37,440
is actually yeah, probably that is
just such a layup two thirds, You

916
01:02:37,480 --> 01:02:40,079
didn't know that was sixty off the
cuff here. I also guessed right,

917
01:02:40,199 --> 01:02:44,519
by the way, I also guessed
right that two thirds was more than three.

918
01:02:44,599 --> 01:02:46,400
You didn't know what three fists was. I just doubted myself. I

919
01:02:46,440 --> 01:02:52,480
did not know what three fists was. I But yeah, so what else

920
01:02:52,519 --> 01:02:55,079
did they put in the well,
that's pretty much all with Garfield. But

921
01:02:55,199 --> 01:03:00,280
McKinley basically from the moment that the
fat one. No, he was around

922
01:03:00,320 --> 01:03:06,280
the same time as Tatah McKinley basically
from the moment he was shot to the

923
01:03:06,320 --> 01:03:12,119
moment he died. Doctors were jamming
shit up his asshole pikes And how long

924
01:03:12,199 --> 01:03:15,280
was that period between a couple of
days, like a week or two.

925
01:03:15,400 --> 01:03:20,400
Yeah, we haven't really covered McKinley's
assassination. No, that's how So McKinley

926
01:03:20,440 --> 01:03:23,320
wasssassinated and then Teddy Roosevelt became president. He was his VP. So is

927
01:03:23,320 --> 01:03:31,199
that why he had three No,
that's FDR FDR one. No. Roosevelt

928
01:03:31,320 --> 01:03:35,239
ran in another party as a third
party. He did run for a third

929
01:03:35,320 --> 01:03:38,239
term, but he didn't win it. Party. Yeah, so by day

930
01:03:38,280 --> 01:03:44,440
three, the president was receiving three
nutritive enemas a day that included eggs,

931
01:03:44,599 --> 01:03:49,320
beef juice, whiskey beef juice.
I like juice because it's like it implies

932
01:03:49,360 --> 01:03:52,480
like a blending, you know,
versus like a stok is just like a

933
01:03:52,519 --> 01:03:58,599
pure liquid. Juice implies a blend
although ingredients. Remember when there was a

934
01:03:58,639 --> 01:04:01,760
whole like juice craze there still is. Let's get rid of all the nutrients

935
01:04:02,920 --> 01:04:05,599
and gave you all the sugar,
Like, just get rid of all the

936
01:04:05,679 --> 01:04:09,559
ruffage everything that's. Get rid of
all the fiber. You get all the

937
01:04:09,599 --> 01:04:13,599
good stuff, the fiber. Spoken
like a guy with crons. Give me

938
01:04:13,719 --> 01:04:17,880
fiber, give me death, love
me some fiber. Uh. My wife

939
01:04:17,880 --> 01:04:26,599
did celery juicing for a while.
Never seen that level of violence in a

940
01:04:26,639 --> 01:04:29,880
toilet. Yikes, you were watching
Why are you? Why do you help

941
01:04:29,920 --> 01:04:32,719
all of your females and ladies?
Well, he puts a camera in your

942
01:04:32,760 --> 01:04:39,400
toilet? Sure, yeah that was
for different reasons. Which toilet so I

943
01:04:39,440 --> 01:04:42,599
know which one to use? None
at our current house? Okay not yet?

944
01:04:42,840 --> 01:04:44,920
No? Yeah? Maybe should it
back onto it? Yeah? But

945
01:04:44,960 --> 01:04:47,199
he is a live stream from his
old house. Cool, yeah, I

946
01:04:47,199 --> 01:04:50,840
do. It's on a couple of
websites. Is there anything in these bathrooms?

947
01:04:50,840 --> 01:04:57,760
Could I use this bathroom? One
of them? Watch the Patreon?

948
01:05:00,840 --> 01:05:04,360
Okay, oh hey Rob, do
you want to keep going? Or yeah,

949
01:05:04,400 --> 01:05:08,840
let's keep killing Okay, sounds good. Let's finish the episode of Pretty

950
01:05:08,800 --> 01:05:13,440
even. Yeah, why so she
can't plug anything? So he was getting

951
01:05:13,480 --> 01:05:18,119
three nutral devenomas a day, but
after a week or so, the doctors

952
01:05:18,159 --> 01:05:23,800
noted that quote, the rectum was
becoming irritable and did not retain the nutril

953
01:05:23,800 --> 01:05:30,960
de vendom as well. So you're
saying when it is agitated, it's going

954
01:05:30,000 --> 01:05:34,960
to spit out. Basically, Yeah, the asshole spits all the medicine back

955
01:05:35,039 --> 01:05:38,719
or not the medicine, the food
back out. Yeah, the food,

956
01:05:38,800 --> 01:05:42,039
the medicine anything. I would think
the opposite, right, Like, if

957
01:05:42,039 --> 01:05:45,159
you've kind of, you know,
warmed up the asshole, it'd be more

958
01:05:45,159 --> 01:05:50,880
receptive, you would think so.
But mostly since what they were doing is

959
01:05:51,000 --> 01:05:58,079
not useful or helpful at all,
that's your medical opinion, which I respect

960
01:05:58,239 --> 01:06:01,480
since you are a doctor. But
it, uh, yeah, it mostly

961
01:06:01,599 --> 01:06:08,760
just they were just douching him with
beef stock, okay, for like a

962
01:06:08,800 --> 01:06:13,679
week or two, and he would
just you know, puck her up.

963
01:06:15,400 --> 01:06:19,400
I guess, like and they so
you know, how like have you remember

964
01:06:19,400 --> 01:06:24,679
like in The Big Lebowski where this
is like a real thing though, but

965
01:06:24,760 --> 01:06:28,639
like where he fucks Julianne Moore and
then she puts her legs up and he's

966
01:06:28,639 --> 01:06:30,119
like, what are you doing?
And she's like, oh, this helps

967
01:06:30,159 --> 01:06:32,519
get get me pregnant. Yeah,
supposedly whatever. So I think they put

968
01:06:32,559 --> 01:06:35,960
it up his asshole and he had
to sort of be in a position where

969
01:06:36,480 --> 01:06:41,320
the body would retain it. That
makes sense, tho. Yeah, yeah,

970
01:06:41,400 --> 01:06:45,360
Like they're sexual positions that are like
totally you're gonna get this girl pregnant

971
01:06:45,480 --> 01:06:50,800
or no chance. It's never no
chance. Man, Please tell me what's

972
01:06:50,840 --> 01:06:55,159
the no chance and what's the totally
anal? Is the no chance? No?

973
01:06:55,280 --> 01:06:58,719
The no chance? Well, yes, but if we're going just vaginal

974
01:06:58,800 --> 01:07:02,440
sex only, maybe like a lifting
carry, when you're just you're just lifting

975
01:07:02,440 --> 01:07:08,320
her suspending the air, there's no
there's no scenario in which semen is inside

976
01:07:08,320 --> 01:07:13,280
of you. That is no chance
you could maybe you're barren. It's not

977
01:07:13,360 --> 01:07:16,000
that it's really hard to get a
woman pregnant if she's not ovulating. It

978
01:07:16,039 --> 01:07:19,440
is actually yeah, it is,
which is something it's actually impressive that so

979
01:07:19,519 --> 01:07:25,199
many poor people get have so many
kids. I've been I've been ow natural

980
01:07:25,400 --> 01:07:28,880
for over a year, year and
a half almost. So basically, you

981
01:07:28,920 --> 01:07:31,039
just make sure when you're ovulating you're
not, and otherwise you're good to go.

982
01:07:31,679 --> 01:07:35,039
Dude, it's crazy like the fact
that I grew up, you know.

983
01:07:35,480 --> 01:07:39,360
It's basically like, if I'm horny, don't come in me. Yeah

984
01:07:39,800 --> 01:07:43,039
is the rule, which is just
only go at her when she turns you

985
01:07:43,119 --> 01:07:46,239
down. Yeah, that's how you
know she's not ovulating is when she's no

986
01:07:47,639 --> 01:07:51,760
no. It doesn't mean no,
no means y, no means yes,

987
01:07:51,800 --> 01:07:59,079
I'm not. That's that's the words
of Gabby Jesus Christ. So yeah,

988
01:07:59,119 --> 01:08:01,639
basically, from the moment was shot
until the moment he died and William McKinley

989
01:08:01,679 --> 01:08:09,599
did die of anal drowning anal it
was not getting from the bullet broth.

990
01:08:09,800 --> 01:08:12,679
But yeah, it's it's he They
were fiddling with his asshole the whole time.

991
01:08:12,760 --> 01:08:14,920
Maybe it's because of a lack of
iron. It kind of makes sense

992
01:08:15,079 --> 01:08:20,159
to inject yourself with beef broth because
they like blue wound comma beef enemas.

993
01:08:20,279 --> 01:08:25,479
Yes, or the lack of the
lack of nutrition. Rob, hear me

994
01:08:25,520 --> 01:08:30,199
out, what if we try for
a month doing this and see if there's

995
01:08:30,239 --> 01:08:35,199
any health benefits nutritive enemas. Put
that on the Patreon. Yeah, yeah,

996
01:08:35,239 --> 01:08:41,600
okay, you can go to Patreon
and me, Rob and Jake will

997
01:08:41,600 --> 01:08:45,439
shove beef anemas up our asshole and
we'll go to doctors first beforehand, and

998
01:08:45,439 --> 01:08:50,000
then after let's like, let's do
like like a like a ten foot long

999
01:08:50,439 --> 01:08:55,680
Yeah, that's fine. Actually,
what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna Eiffel

1000
01:08:55,760 --> 01:08:59,039
tower myself with a French dip.
Sandwich goes in the mouth, shoe goes

1001
01:08:59,039 --> 01:09:01,720
in the asshole. Now I request, could we get like a hot wheel

1002
01:09:01,800 --> 01:09:06,880
track that just drops down into our
asshole like those Rube Goldberg machine. Yeah,

1003
01:09:09,880 --> 01:09:13,319
that's the conclusion where it's actually where
it actually picks up different nutrients along

1004
01:09:13,359 --> 01:09:15,239
way. So it starts off with
a little race car that's just got the

1005
01:09:15,239 --> 01:09:18,359
beef broth in it, and then
all these other things get poured into it

1006
01:09:18,800 --> 01:09:27,520
unnecessarily used, and then it ends
with a beef and going up my ass.

1007
01:09:27,640 --> 01:09:31,760
Yeah. The final the final,
the final stop is like cowblood and

1008
01:09:31,800 --> 01:09:36,039
then it launches right in that's how
we win an oscar. Yes, sure,

1009
01:09:36,239 --> 01:09:40,960
oscar real quick. Before we get
back into the episode, we do

1010
01:09:41,079 --> 01:09:45,079
have some ads. First up is
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1027
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you if you don't know what your
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that. It'll track whatever. It'll
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your progress firsthand, and it's which
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It even switches up like you know, cardio versus way whatever. I mean.

1031
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it helps you learn new movements the
right way. It has over a

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it's great if you're traveling too,
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1041
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out at a hotel or whatever,
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1042
01:11:42,600 --> 01:11:45,359
have a gym membership, can't afford
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1043
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just got stuff at home or nothing
at home. I mean, this app

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d dot me slash Softcore. I
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And look, if you're getting in
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1052
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good for the summer, it's not
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1053
01:12:23,039 --> 01:12:28,239
diet as well, and that is
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1058
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just two minutes. So obviously there's
a lot of meal delivery services, some

1059
01:12:49,600 --> 01:12:53,279
of them, most of them,
I think, Really you gotta kind of

1060
01:12:53,319 --> 01:12:55,880
like you still prepare everything and get
a box of the ingredients, but you

1061
01:12:55,920 --> 01:12:59,680
gotta cook everything. There's a mess
that takes time. Obviously cleaning takes time,

1062
01:13:00,159 --> 01:13:03,359
or maybe the meals are prepared,
but they're probably frozen. This is

1063
01:13:03,399 --> 01:13:05,960
neither of those things. It is
the happy medium, and it is the

1064
01:13:06,000 --> 01:13:11,239
best possible combination of the two.
The meals come to you fully prepared,

1065
01:13:11,439 --> 01:13:14,840
refrigerated, not frozen. You put
it in your fridge, you heat it

1066
01:13:14,920 --> 01:13:16,840
up for two minutes, it is
good to go. When I got my

1067
01:13:16,880 --> 01:13:20,199
first box of this, I tried
it because obviously I'm gonna eat free food.

1068
01:13:20,199 --> 01:13:23,920
Like they sent me a trialbox or
whatever. Obviously I'm gonna eat free

1069
01:13:23,920 --> 01:13:27,520
food pretty much no matter what it
is. I was s Donne, how

1070
01:13:27,560 --> 01:13:30,600
good these were? Like, these
are fantastic and I have two kids under

1071
01:13:30,600 --> 01:13:32,760
the age of two years old,
and you know, me and my wife

1072
01:13:32,760 --> 01:13:38,159
both work, and cleaning sucks,
cooking sucks. These things are life savers

1073
01:13:38,239 --> 01:13:41,560
for a lot of the days of
the week, especially days like the kids

1074
01:13:41,560 --> 01:13:45,800
aren't in daycare or something like that. But whatever reason you're busy. Like,

1075
01:13:45,800 --> 01:13:50,159
these things are so clutch, and
they craft to your diet like they

1076
01:13:50,159 --> 01:13:53,680
can craft to a bunch of different
diets. So they've got low calorie they

1077
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call it calorie smart, protein plus, keto, vegetarian, vegan, whatever

1078
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you need. They do breakfast,
lunch, and dinner, and they do

1079
01:14:00,000 --> 01:14:03,039
snacks and stuff too that you can
order. I think they actually, uh,

1080
01:14:03,199 --> 01:14:05,960
they can do like catering as well, kind of if you're throwing a

1081
01:14:06,000 --> 01:14:10,159
party from March madness or something like
that. Factor can get you hooked up

1082
01:14:10,199 --> 01:14:12,479
that way too. Again, these
are two minute meals. You fuel up

1083
01:14:12,600 --> 01:14:15,560
with their restaurant quality meals that are
ready to heat and eat wherever you are.

1084
01:14:15,079 --> 01:14:17,680
Pancakes. They also do like smoothies, cold pressed juice, stuff like

1085
01:14:17,680 --> 01:14:19,960
that. I mean, it's like
a whole whole range of stuff. It's

1086
01:14:20,000 --> 01:14:24,600
a whole grocery store that you just
get like freaking delivered and cooked like ready

1087
01:14:24,600 --> 01:14:27,640
to ready to your door. It's
it's awesome. It's flexible to your schedule,

1088
01:14:27,720 --> 01:14:30,439
juice. You can get as much
as little as you need by choosing

1089
01:14:30,479 --> 01:14:34,000
your meals every week. I think
you can cancel any time or pause it

1090
01:14:34,039 --> 01:14:38,199
any time. So if you're going
on vacation or something like that and you

1091
01:14:38,279 --> 01:14:41,079
know you're just gonna eat out,
sign up and say we've done the matter.

1092
01:14:41,079 --> 01:14:45,039
Factor is less expensive than takeout,
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1093
01:14:45,199 --> 01:14:47,800
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1094
01:14:47,920 --> 01:14:53,039
Use the code softcore fifty to get
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1095
01:14:53,039 --> 01:14:56,800
Factor Meals dot com slash Softcore fifty
to get fifty percent off. I just

1096
01:14:56,800 --> 01:15:00,560
get back to it. Yeah,
So eventually they figured out putting putting food

1097
01:15:00,640 --> 01:15:03,960
or food like things up your asshole
does not feed you. Yeah, you

1098
01:15:04,000 --> 01:15:08,680
can't really absorb those. Sure,
well there they were pretty sure. That's

1099
01:15:08,680 --> 01:15:12,800
funny that they did that before the
IVY is like, because IVY nutrients work.

1100
01:15:13,720 --> 01:15:18,600
It's it makes sense that it like
it seems that no, not I

1101
01:15:18,640 --> 01:15:23,199
don't trust these medical doctors at all
or these professionals because they were terrible at

1102
01:15:23,199 --> 01:15:28,479
their jobs. They killed two presidents
kind of Yeah, so the first one.

1103
01:15:28,520 --> 01:15:30,279
These animals didn't work. Maybe they
gave up too early. Well,

1104
01:15:30,319 --> 01:15:34,920
they did give up on feeding you
through the asshole. However, for twenty

1105
01:15:35,000 --> 01:15:42,560
years after feeding through the asshole fell
out of favor, before the IV came

1106
01:15:42,600 --> 01:15:45,800
around, they were still hydrating you
through the asshole. That seems like it

1107
01:15:45,800 --> 01:15:50,880
would work, because it worked.
No, it doesn't. Oh, you

1108
01:15:50,920 --> 01:15:55,359
have to say, why why does
a butt truck get you drunk? Because

1109
01:15:55,520 --> 01:15:59,760
the way more fucked up? It
goes through your blood because the tissue absorbs

1110
01:15:59,800 --> 01:16:03,439
the alcohol, but abnorbing alcohol the
alcoholic can you could just dab it along

1111
01:16:03,479 --> 01:16:06,760
your ass. Yeah, that's different
than it's a very picky hole. Different

1112
01:16:06,760 --> 01:16:12,039
than than I can take alcohol,
but I can't take fucking electrolyze. Let

1113
01:16:12,079 --> 01:16:15,600
me guess you want rights too,
You want a bank account? Now,

1114
01:16:15,000 --> 01:16:19,920
you want a credit score? Idiot, whole idiot, whole stupid holes.

1115
01:16:20,319 --> 01:16:25,800
This is actually the last version of
what the hydrating through the asshole ivy.

1116
01:16:25,840 --> 01:16:31,000
I guess looked like it looks like
one of those dune thumpers, that's what

1117
01:16:31,039 --> 01:16:34,960
they called it. Actually that'd be
a good thumper. Due thumper. Yeah,

1118
01:16:35,039 --> 01:16:38,520
this would go and how it's the
sand and I guess just like,

1119
01:16:38,520 --> 01:16:42,920
well it's a little pocket rocket,
a little like bidayu hoping that that hydrated

1120
01:16:42,960 --> 01:16:46,079
you. And so they're just like
passing liquid through it. Yeah, water,

1121
01:16:46,840 --> 01:16:54,119
I think maybe salely No, no, no, proctoli proctolite. How

1122
01:16:54,119 --> 01:16:58,600
did you say, I don't know? Proctoclesis yeah, rectal hydration. Who

1123
01:16:58,680 --> 01:17:03,760
cares tructaclesis proctoclysis, proctoclysis. Yeah, that some things is not an indication

1124
01:17:03,840 --> 01:17:10,319
that you're smart. It is an
indication that you might be pronoun Not being

1125
01:17:10,359 --> 01:17:12,960
able to read is an indication of
being dumb. Yes, I don't think

1126
01:17:13,000 --> 01:17:17,239
so. Reading is kind of overrated
at this point by audible. No,

1127
01:17:17,840 --> 01:17:21,680
we would never do you wish.
Plus they just that's not even reading,

1128
01:17:21,760 --> 01:17:26,479
that's being read to. That's a
podcast. Yeah, that's because people who

1129
01:17:26,520 --> 01:17:30,039
can't read listen to. Like when
people say, oh, I read twenty

1130
01:17:30,039 --> 01:17:31,439
books this year, we'll listen to
them. But then you didn't. You

1131
01:17:31,479 --> 01:17:35,239
didn't read it and read you were
read to. You were read to a

1132
01:17:35,640 --> 01:17:42,159
like I read to my babies before
they pete the cat that said, drop

1133
01:17:42,199 --> 01:17:47,680
the bag audible balls in your court. Too stupid to read audible, Go

1134
01:17:47,720 --> 01:17:50,760
to audible dot com s, Last
softcore History. Those would be the best

1135
01:17:50,840 --> 01:17:56,760
reads. Oh my god, what's
up? Morons? Don't you hate reading?

1136
01:17:56,840 --> 01:18:00,159
Would you wish you could? Now
you don't have to with audible being

1137
01:18:00,199 --> 01:18:04,520
thought of as a mongoloid. We
can't do anything about your forehead, but

1138
01:18:04,560 --> 01:18:10,439
we can do something about your idiocy. I would go the opposite route and

1139
01:18:10,479 --> 01:18:14,760
be like tired of people thinking you're
a queer nerd because you open a book.

1140
01:18:15,079 --> 01:18:17,840
Well, now, audible dot com
s, Last softcore History, he'll

1141
01:18:17,880 --> 01:18:25,239
be caught dead reading ever again.
Uh. Animals themselves date all the way

1142
01:18:25,239 --> 01:18:28,880
back to ancient Egypt, like fifteen
fifty BC. We started douching ourselves.

1143
01:18:28,960 --> 01:18:31,119
Same with the vibrator. Yeah,
no, they go, well, dildo's

1144
01:18:31,119 --> 01:18:35,880
go back to like way back,
dildo, dildo. Dildo's pre date writing

1145
01:18:36,600 --> 01:18:43,079
whoa by a by a lot?
That checks out, though, Yeah,

1146
01:18:43,520 --> 01:18:46,439
we've wanted to get off before we
wanted to write. Yeah yeah, yeah,

1147
01:18:46,560 --> 01:18:50,600
Actually, not only does dildo digitals
predate writing, dildo's predate farming.

1148
01:18:51,760 --> 01:18:58,199
Dude again, we are such a
horny species. That's the only reason we're

1149
01:19:00,039 --> 01:19:03,760
we're just we're just Binobo's monkeys.
Literally, I want to put stuff in

1150
01:19:03,840 --> 01:19:08,239
other places. I want to fucking
Yeah, what do you think was the

1151
01:19:08,279 --> 01:19:12,680
first thing inserted inside a woman that
wasn't in penis? I feel like some

1152
01:19:12,720 --> 01:19:15,600
sort of animal horn? Yeah,
like a tusk. Yeah, it's got

1153
01:19:15,600 --> 01:19:18,760
to be as right. I mean, I guess that would be better than

1154
01:19:18,760 --> 01:19:21,359
a rock. I don't think a
rock would. I don't think I would

1155
01:19:21,359 --> 01:19:26,960
put a rock. Are smooth rocks, yeah, but it's hard to smooth

1156
01:19:26,960 --> 01:19:30,079
if you don't have tools and if
you can't write. Yeah, between how

1157
01:19:30,199 --> 01:19:32,960
rock and a hard place? Rock
and a hard place. That's actually how

1158
01:19:32,960 --> 01:19:40,279
the drum was invented. First drum
was the Cervix people. They were heard

1159
01:19:40,319 --> 01:19:48,640
something then what like, oh I
was? It was like, yeah,

1160
01:19:48,640 --> 01:19:54,079
we've been we've been jamming ladies in
particular, probably dudes too. When you

1161
01:19:54,079 --> 01:19:56,399
have a cave, you're gonna put
stuff in it. Yeah. Yeah,

1162
01:19:56,399 --> 01:20:00,920
that's why Courtney calls Rob the drumstick. It's because I have the girth of

1163
01:20:00,960 --> 01:20:05,920
a modern drumstick, like a church's
drumstick. No, no, an ice

1164
01:20:05,920 --> 01:20:14,159
cream cone. Yeah, I'm become
very conical. Penis like a duck and

1165
01:20:14,279 --> 01:20:16,920
there's nuts all over it, and
you bite inside and there's chocolate. There's

1166
01:20:17,520 --> 01:20:20,720
a guy center, Yeah there is. Yeah, that's what that's the semen.

1167
01:20:21,319 --> 01:20:25,199
It just sits in the middle cream
and then you gotta bite it out.

1168
01:20:26,079 --> 01:20:29,079
That's why. That's why I hate
facials. It's so hard to pull

1169
01:20:29,119 --> 01:20:30,560
out while they're still blighting. Yeah, and get it on their face.

1170
01:20:31,840 --> 01:20:38,159
Yeah, it's a nightmare. A
lot of medicines were delivered in ancient Egypt

1171
01:20:38,199 --> 01:20:43,399
via the enema as well. In
fact, amongst the royal court's the right

1172
01:20:43,399 --> 01:20:45,239
way to put it. But amongst
the people who tended to the pharaoh,

1173
01:20:45,840 --> 01:20:49,760
what the elite. There was a
a keeper of the royal rectum. No

1174
01:20:50,800 --> 01:20:59,000
for pharaohs is ce asshole? Yeah, like that's insane. There was a

1175
01:20:59,039 --> 01:21:02,800
cabinet position in ancient Egypt for the
pharaoh who dealt with his butthole. Yeah,

1176
01:21:02,800 --> 01:21:06,199
there's butt doctors. Yeah. Is
that better than being like a surf

1177
01:21:06,279 --> 01:21:10,000
for like a farmer. Oh,
this guy's paid, he's living in the

1178
01:21:10,000 --> 01:21:13,000
palace. Probably it's better to do
that than be like a slave building a

1179
01:21:13,000 --> 01:21:15,319
pyramid. Also, how often you
have to check on the emperor's fucking hole?

1180
01:21:15,720 --> 01:21:18,479
I mean you know it's I think
it's like I think it's like it

1181
01:21:19,119 --> 01:21:21,520
like, you know, they're doing
their job right when you forget about them.

1182
01:21:21,600 --> 01:21:26,840
Yeah, I think Max maybe like
once a month, he just comes

1183
01:21:26,840 --> 01:21:28,880
in takes a look. He's good. I mean, unless they have crones,

1184
01:21:28,920 --> 01:21:33,199
unless there's something going on in there, unless it's highly irregular. No,

1185
01:21:33,319 --> 01:21:36,119
people don't know those crones was created
by the CIA in the eighties.

1186
01:21:36,199 --> 01:21:44,800
Oh okay, yeah, checks out
about it. We are living in a

1187
01:21:44,840 --> 01:21:47,880
hood to get rid of a fluent
white man they got they dusted your neighborhood.

1188
01:21:48,000 --> 01:21:51,239
That makes sense given what I know
about where you grew up, but

1189
01:21:51,640 --> 01:21:57,000
that you were in an experience,
a CIA experiment. Uh No, I

1190
01:21:57,039 --> 01:22:00,199
tweeted, I tweeted it you today, Uh you were talking about ayahuasca.

1191
01:22:00,920 --> 01:22:04,239
Yeah. Many Native Americans, including
the o Mac and the Mians, took

1192
01:22:04,359 --> 01:22:10,560
drugs up the ass for religious ceremonies, including hallucinogens. They were butt chugging

1193
01:22:10,600 --> 01:22:15,439
ayahuasca, among other things. So
the next time some douchebag tries to tell

1194
01:22:15,439 --> 01:22:19,800
you about how they had a really
authentic ayahuasca experience from some fucking guy who's

1195
01:22:20,079 --> 01:22:25,680
wearing some random shaman and yeah,
some doing it off a finger bl seeing

1196
01:22:25,720 --> 01:22:30,000
God with the shaman's hand up your
asshole and like herbs and spices. True

1197
01:22:30,520 --> 01:22:36,720
it. If you did not take
ayahuasca up your asshole, you did not

1198
01:22:36,840 --> 01:22:42,479
do it. You didn't do it. Whatever. Yeah, whatever jaguar you

1199
01:22:42,479 --> 01:22:46,680
saw was not legitimate. It is
an illegitimate ayahuasca experience. If you did

1200
01:22:46,720 --> 01:22:49,880
not butt chug the ayahuasca, and
your ego is not dead. No,

1201
01:22:50,159 --> 01:22:56,279
well still it always still dies and
then comes back stronger like a phoenix rising

1202
01:22:56,319 --> 01:23:00,399
from the ashes from the asshole,
as ashes of the asshole. Yes,

1203
01:23:00,000 --> 01:23:03,680
cash, asshole, do ayahuasca up
your asshole or don't talk to me about

1204
01:23:03,680 --> 01:23:09,399
it. I'll actually listen to you
about your ayahuasca retreat if you think you

1205
01:23:09,399 --> 01:23:12,359
could request it, like, like
how I like on Uber you can request

1206
01:23:12,359 --> 01:23:15,680
a silent ride, Like I'd like
to request an asshole experience. Yes,

1207
01:23:15,960 --> 01:23:17,439
I'd like to do it like the
Mayans did it. Put it, want

1208
01:23:17,479 --> 01:23:23,239
to get connected and like do it
the way that they intended. Yeah,

1209
01:23:23,479 --> 01:23:28,119
in the ass So I'd like to
boof this tea please. Babylonians used animals

1210
01:23:28,159 --> 01:23:31,520
to flush out a demon they thought
made people sick. Did yank it out

1211
01:23:31,560 --> 01:23:36,680
the Back in ancient Greece, animas
were considered a safe way to induce abortions.

1212
01:23:36,800 --> 01:23:41,079
I don't know what they were enema
eing with, but they're putting something

1213
01:23:41,119 --> 01:23:45,520
up there. Don't see how that
kind of they're two separate they're two separate

1214
01:23:45,640 --> 01:23:48,239
tubes. They're like different, you
know, like they don't converge. So

1215
01:23:48,359 --> 01:23:51,119
like it worked, how I mean, if it worked like it was working,

1216
01:23:51,239 --> 01:23:56,920
are they fucking pressure washing it out? I know I didn't see more

1217
01:23:56,920 --> 01:24:00,680
information or you shove it all the
way up the ass hole that you kind

1218
01:24:00,720 --> 01:24:02,600
of like loop around. I think
if I think if it's at a right

1219
01:24:02,680 --> 01:24:08,640
at a high enough PSI, then
maybe you can kind of knock something loose

1220
01:24:08,680 --> 01:24:10,840
at the top. Yeah, what
kind of PSI you're going to keep your

1221
01:24:10,840 --> 01:24:13,800
asshle at like thirty two. I
think it's more of like a I think

1222
01:24:13,840 --> 01:24:15,960
it's more of like a farm tire
like sixty situation. Like, I think

1223
01:24:15,960 --> 01:24:19,760
it's a lot. I would imagine
the human body can withstand a lot.

1224
01:24:20,000 --> 01:24:25,159
I feel like, you know,
I think it can. It's both extremely

1225
01:24:25,199 --> 01:24:29,479
fragile and extremely strong, yeah,
resilient at the same time. It's really

1226
01:24:29,479 --> 01:24:34,039
a bizarre dichotomy depends on how much
adrenaline you have going through you can't hurt,

1227
01:24:34,079 --> 01:24:39,479
although imagine your adrenaline is pretty hig
when you're getting the asshole. What

1228
01:24:39,600 --> 01:24:45,800
okay, what would be the most
painful abortion method? Like prehistoric abortion medod

1229
01:24:45,800 --> 01:24:48,760
coat hanger? Huh coat hanger?
I see, I don't think that would

1230
01:24:48,760 --> 01:24:53,399
be as painful as getting fucking a
pressure washing off a cliff. I think

1231
01:24:53,439 --> 01:24:56,319
it's like that's just death though,
of course, like it's like an abortion.

1232
01:24:56,439 --> 01:24:58,960
I think it's it's like it just
a tree branch to the belly,

1233
01:24:59,039 --> 01:25:02,399
all right, like a really tall
hill. I don't know. I think

1234
01:25:02,399 --> 01:25:06,039
it would be more painful something on
the inside than like an external I mean

1235
01:25:06,079 --> 01:25:12,560
there's no medicine, there's no anesthesia, I know, but that's why I

1236
01:25:12,640 --> 01:25:15,399
like on the inside it would hurt
more. Yeah, maybe like a heated

1237
01:25:15,760 --> 01:25:19,680
sword, like you just put a
sword on the fire, like a like

1238
01:25:19,720 --> 01:25:24,680
a skewering, like removing you just
like feel the baby kicking and then you're

1239
01:25:24,720 --> 01:25:28,680
like and you're like right there,
Yeah, maybe you still have to get

1240
01:25:28,720 --> 01:25:31,039
berth though. See that's the thing. It's like I thought this was a

1241
01:25:31,039 --> 01:25:35,840
control all delete situation is why is
it still here? Force quit the trash

1242
01:25:36,079 --> 01:25:42,640
force. Quit take the treasure up, Jesus Christ project button. Speaking of

1243
01:25:42,680 --> 01:25:48,199
pain, enemas have also been used
as punishment in Argentina during one of their

1244
01:25:48,279 --> 01:25:55,560
many situations politically, police forces,
as a way of discouraging political dissent,

1245
01:25:56,039 --> 01:26:04,520
would give political prisoners pepper or turn
in tine enemas. Oh yeah, those

1246
01:26:04,520 --> 01:26:08,039
two things. I was thinking,
Like a prickly bush. That's not an

1247
01:26:08,119 --> 01:26:14,560
enema. That's raping someone with a
prickly bush. I mean point taking,

1248
01:26:14,640 --> 01:26:18,520
Yeah, literally a point taken.
When do you think there's a Do you

1249
01:26:18,520 --> 01:26:23,359
think there's a chapter of the Geneva
Convention that says like I don't think they.

1250
01:26:25,239 --> 01:26:27,720
I mean, I think it's just
like a broad like cruel and unusual

1251
01:26:27,760 --> 01:26:30,600
punishment. But some of these guys
are probably getting off to it. So

1252
01:26:30,760 --> 01:26:33,800
yeah, but if someone enjoys it, then it's not cruel for every boner.

1253
01:26:33,840 --> 01:26:40,600
There's a thousand tiers, surely,
but shirt. But if one person

1254
01:26:40,720 --> 01:26:45,840
enjoys it, it cannot be in
the Geneva Convention. Oh man, then

1255
01:26:45,880 --> 01:26:49,600
nothing, Then there's nothing at the
You should be a lawyer if so facto,

1256
01:26:50,399 --> 01:26:57,960
stop being gay? Uh. Speaking
of Geneva conventions, apparently a practitioner

1257
01:26:58,039 --> 01:27:05,239
of the punitive enema is the CIA
at Guantanamo Bay. They would give people,

1258
01:27:05,359 --> 01:27:10,039
according to the prisoners quote, violent
enemas to try and dominate them and

1259
01:27:10,039 --> 01:27:15,680
break their spirit. And also when
these terrorists would go on hunger strikes,

1260
01:27:15,720 --> 01:27:18,279
the CIA, even though this doesn't
work, would give them nutrient enemas,

1261
01:27:18,560 --> 01:27:21,359
so they just go back. They
went back to the James Garfield beef brought

1262
01:27:21,399 --> 01:27:26,039
the kind of proves that it works. Yeah, those guys are alive.

1263
01:27:26,159 --> 01:27:30,399
Man. How violent does it have
to be for like, cause it's like

1264
01:27:30,600 --> 01:27:33,079
inherently violent just by the fact that
it's happening in Guantanama Bay for them for

1265
01:27:33,119 --> 01:27:36,039
them to self classify it as violent, it means it's like, well,

1266
01:27:36,279 --> 01:27:43,880
you know people that happened to Although
the I think of CIA was like a

1267
01:27:43,920 --> 01:27:47,000
country club if you knew the real
shit, if you knew the real stories

1268
01:27:47,239 --> 01:27:57,079
what was going on, not at
Guantanamo but at other places. Alcatraze fool.

1269
01:27:57,199 --> 01:28:00,439
That's our bit on the show.
Have you ever seen his show even

1270
01:28:00,439 --> 01:28:03,399
called Who Cares? Graham Hancock Ancient
something? Yeah, there's some dude to

1271
01:28:03,479 --> 01:28:08,279
Netflix and he is his whole thing
Aliens guy. No, kind of not

1272
01:28:08,319 --> 01:28:11,319
that guy. But he's just like
what if he doesn't believe alien necessarily?

1273
01:28:11,359 --> 01:28:15,479
But it's like if there's a civilization
that we don't know about it because it

1274
01:28:15,560 --> 01:28:23,439
was before, and well if they
beat Pyramids but they did before before before,

1275
01:28:23,439 --> 01:28:27,800
what before we know they did?
No, Glenzanamos seems fine compared to

1276
01:28:28,680 --> 01:28:31,359
I guess I haven't been paying attention. I know Haiti is a terrible place

1277
01:28:31,399 --> 01:28:35,199
to live, but I didn't realize
they were eating people. Haiti's a nightmare

1278
01:28:35,279 --> 01:28:40,880
land. Yeah, the barbecue crazy
that it shares land with the Dominican Republic

1279
01:28:40,920 --> 01:28:45,159
where there's like a hard rock cafe. Yeah, there's like gross atrocities of

1280
01:28:45,279 --> 01:28:50,119
humanity, like twenty miles from a
hard rock mountain range, natural border.

1281
01:28:50,359 --> 01:28:55,079
They're like, don't go over there. Yeah, here where the casinos are

1282
01:28:55,159 --> 01:28:58,960
at the hard rock cafe. A
lot of lifting and like every great baseball

1283
01:28:58,960 --> 01:29:01,560
player, like there's just like all
thirty Major League Baseball teams have camps.

1284
01:29:01,560 --> 01:29:05,960
And that's why I said we shouldn't
build a wall mountain little mountain range.

1285
01:29:05,960 --> 01:29:10,079
Build a mountain range. That seems
easier, build a fault line and just

1286
01:29:11,039 --> 01:29:15,159
yeah, I agree, we have
the technology. I don't think that there's

1287
01:29:15,279 --> 01:29:18,000
I mean, I feel like they're
just over playing it, you know,

1288
01:29:18,239 --> 01:29:21,119
like I don't know. I don't
know that many I don't know. We

1289
01:29:21,119 --> 01:29:26,560
don't need to get into it.
We'll move on. That's all I got

1290
01:29:26,560 --> 01:29:30,399
for today. Listen, Gabby wants
her family members here. They're all here.

1291
01:29:30,560 --> 01:29:32,640
My parents were born here, my
grandparents were born here. This is

1292
01:29:33,079 --> 01:29:38,560
minimum third. I have more family
money than speak more Spanish than you.

1293
01:29:39,039 --> 01:29:43,159
When my parents die, I'll get
something. When your parents die, you'll

1294
01:29:43,199 --> 01:29:49,479
get You'll inherit done. Challenge accepted. I'm going to make so much goddamn

1295
01:29:49,520 --> 01:29:55,439
money out of spite. But it's
you making money. It's not your parents

1296
01:29:55,520 --> 01:29:58,399
giving you money. I'm I'm all
I'm saying is I'm more private. My

1297
01:29:58,439 --> 01:30:00,800
mama. My mama is a angster. She killed it late in her life.

1298
01:30:00,840 --> 01:30:05,520
After I left, You were holding
her back. Probably children do I've

1299
01:30:05,520 --> 01:30:09,560
been so I've been so unproductive they
do. Yeah, it's unbelievable, the

1300
01:30:09,560 --> 01:30:12,920
amount of time out of my day, waste it on children. I want

1301
01:30:13,039 --> 01:30:15,720
kids, but I don't want infants. I want like a four I want

1302
01:30:15,720 --> 01:30:17,319
just like a four year old to
show up one day, but it to

1303
01:30:17,439 --> 01:30:24,920
be mine. Although I will.
That's a misnomer because the first six months,

1304
01:30:25,520 --> 01:30:28,079
especially once you know what you're doing. Like with the second kid,

1305
01:30:28,680 --> 01:30:30,680
that's easy because they just fucking lay
there. You can get a lot done

1306
01:30:30,680 --> 01:30:35,199
with an you get a lot of
it's the toddlers that you cannot get.

1307
01:30:35,359 --> 01:30:39,479
I guess I want like a kindergartener. I'll start with like a kid like

1308
01:30:39,479 --> 01:30:42,079
once, once they have a personality
and I can send them to school for

1309
01:30:42,119 --> 01:30:45,159
free. It probably doesn't help my
argument that my parents are currently visiting their

1310
01:30:45,199 --> 01:30:49,920
time share. No, that's that's
your inheritance. Yeah, one week there,

1311
01:30:49,920 --> 01:30:55,760
it goes a year in Saint Martin, Well, Saint Martin. Yeah,

1312
01:30:55,760 --> 01:30:58,960
but it's a share, time share
Martin. Yeah, and it's a

1313
01:30:59,039 --> 01:31:02,960
it's just it's a obligation, like
it's a financial obligations. You could have

1314
01:31:02,960 --> 01:31:06,359
said Destin, like it could have
been worse. Yeah, Branson, Missouri

1315
01:31:06,520 --> 01:31:09,960
Saints, there's a saint in the
name. St. Martin is good.

1316
01:31:10,039 --> 01:31:15,199
Yeah, it's better than Cabo.
It's actually in Haiti. Porto prince,

1317
01:31:15,359 --> 01:31:20,279
Yeah, Porto princes here, Jesus
Christ. Uh So what did you guys

1318
01:31:20,359 --> 01:31:23,439
learn today? I'll start with you, Gabby. If you don't remember the

1319
01:31:23,479 --> 01:31:25,479
two things we do. What did
you learn today? And who's Hitler?

1320
01:31:25,560 --> 01:31:28,960
But first, what did you learn
today? I mean just the creating,

1321
01:31:29,520 --> 01:31:33,279
the endless creativity of physicians throughout,
Like what how nice it must have been

1322
01:31:33,319 --> 01:31:38,520
to be a doctor before nineteen forty
honestly, because you just guess, you

1323
01:31:38,600 --> 01:31:42,520
just start You're just like, what
if we what if we just pour blood

1324
01:31:42,520 --> 01:31:46,359
in that? What if we just
wasn't so nice because nobody respected them and

1325
01:31:46,479 --> 01:31:49,840
treated them like shit, Yeah they're
barbers. They were barbared like you know,

1326
01:31:49,920 --> 01:31:55,119
like they were just fucking hairstylists.
They're figuring it out. Problem.

1327
01:31:55,479 --> 01:31:59,000
What's crazy to me, when I've
said this before on other episodes we've done,

1328
01:31:59,039 --> 01:32:00,880
is so Mike, Mike grandfather was
a doctor, right, and he

1329
01:32:01,000 --> 01:32:05,840
went to medical school. People have
fucking doctors in their family. Well,

1330
01:32:05,840 --> 01:32:09,680
these people there, who's when they're
when their loved woulds die, They're gonna

1331
01:32:09,680 --> 01:32:12,399
get something. I'm sorry. My
grandfather was a water man and my dad

1332
01:32:12,439 --> 01:32:15,359
was a water man. I'm sorry
too. If it's any consolation. My

1333
01:32:15,520 --> 01:32:19,640
grandfather had ten children and so there
was no inheritance. My dad has too

1334
01:32:19,640 --> 01:32:26,319
many kids. Then my other grandfather
was a cop, sweet corrupt narc probably

1335
01:32:26,800 --> 01:32:29,920
nice. That's the only cop.
Honestly, that's the only cop I respect.

1336
01:32:30,000 --> 01:32:31,800
Is a corrupt cop. I agree, you got my dad out of

1337
01:32:31,800 --> 01:32:35,920
a d u y nice. Granted, my dad got a essentially Rodney King

1338
01:32:38,880 --> 01:32:41,840
in what way he got his ass
beat by the cops? Oh okay?

1339
01:32:41,840 --> 01:32:43,920
And then when he got to jail, they're like he had one colle He's

1340
01:32:43,920 --> 01:32:47,039
like, I'm gonna call Sheriff Murphy. They're like, fuck, beat the

1341
01:32:47,039 --> 01:32:50,800
ship out of the wrong guy.
First off, any cop on the East

1342
01:32:50,800 --> 01:32:57,319
Coast who's beating up a man with
an Irish last name? My dad's the

1343
01:32:57,359 --> 01:33:01,199
last names on Murphy. Oh fuck, that's right. It's my mom's dad.

1344
01:33:01,239 --> 01:33:03,119
So it's right, right, right, his father in law. I

1345
01:33:03,159 --> 01:33:08,640
forgot your Daniel Murphy Regester. Ye, But yeah, I always thought it

1346
01:33:08,640 --> 01:33:11,439
was funny that, like, so
my grandma's a doctor. He became a

1347
01:33:11,479 --> 01:33:14,279
doctor. He was in med school
in the late thirties early forties for like

1348
01:33:14,319 --> 01:33:16,439
two years, like vet school,
like vet tech school essentially it was more

1349
01:33:16,520 --> 01:33:19,000
legit by then, and he was
like a surgeon in World War two and

1350
01:33:19,079 --> 01:33:25,439
stuff like that. But like he
was literally trained by people who we're still

1351
01:33:25,439 --> 01:33:29,520
putting water up people's assholes. He
was trained by people who were trained by

1352
01:33:29,600 --> 01:33:32,840
people that invented washing their hands,
right, he was trained like the people

1353
01:33:32,840 --> 01:33:36,880
who trained him were trained by the
beef broth asshole pores. Yeah. Yeah,

1354
01:33:36,960 --> 01:33:41,479
that's fucking crazy to me. And
just like just they were just making

1355
01:33:41,560 --> 01:33:45,000
asshole compost Like that's like they're just
like, what if we put a worm?

1356
01:33:45,079 --> 01:33:48,239
Like what if we just create a
biome and just and like until it

1357
01:33:48,520 --> 01:33:53,279
until it comes back. You just
keep shoving it in there until it's overflowing.

1358
01:33:53,479 --> 01:33:56,720
Yeah, honestly, just I admire
the creativity and resilience. I just

1359
01:33:56,760 --> 01:33:59,520
kind of wish they went through both
holes at the same time and see what

1360
01:33:59,600 --> 01:34:02,640
happened. They did sometimes just to
see where it would meet. Yeah,

1361
01:34:02,720 --> 01:34:06,680
where's the middle where it just like
a blowhole emerges and someone's fine, just

1362
01:34:06,720 --> 01:34:15,359
like your belly button like a fucking
whale explodes. That's why we all have

1363
01:34:15,399 --> 01:34:18,039
AUDI. That's why everyone had an
AUDI in that time. What'd you learn,

1364
01:34:18,159 --> 01:34:24,159
Dan? I learned you can't break
the human spirit. You could try,

1365
01:34:24,960 --> 01:34:30,159
but you can't do it. U
A who's today's hitler? Honestly,

1366
01:34:30,199 --> 01:34:34,760
no one. We were just trying
things out, you know, they're just

1367
01:34:34,840 --> 01:34:40,560
rough drafts. Baby. I guess
the people that killed are presidents. I

1368
01:34:40,600 --> 01:34:45,800
think McKinley was fucked either way,
but Garfield was Garfield getting fingered like the

1369
01:34:45,840 --> 01:34:49,720
fact that both presidents were just like
tortured. You know what I think today's

1370
01:34:49,760 --> 01:34:54,079
hitler is whoever said that the stench
was so bad, whoever gave the report

1371
01:34:54,159 --> 01:34:56,720
on how bad it smelled? Of, like, you don't need to don't

1372
01:34:56,720 --> 01:35:00,560
be unprofessional, you know, talking
about the president's right that you made it,

1373
01:35:00,720 --> 01:35:03,640
you made make it. I don't
care how you feel about any president.

1374
01:35:04,079 --> 01:35:08,760
You have to respect that position,
respect it, and you need you

1375
01:35:08,800 --> 01:35:12,760
need to go out with dignity.
Yeah, and maybe just do it outside.

1376
01:35:13,359 --> 01:35:18,520
M hmm. If you're gonna do
an aggressive enema of nutrients into something

1377
01:35:18,560 --> 01:35:26,359
that massacred so many pigeons, Oh
yes, yeah, Gabby might be today

1378
01:35:26,399 --> 01:35:30,439
sailor for the Oh I think I
am. Yikes, I had no idea.

1379
01:35:30,560 --> 01:35:33,640
I really did not know that.
I didn't know that till like I

1380
01:35:33,680 --> 01:35:36,960
hate whenever. Also, whenever I
see a pigeon with one foot, I'm

1381
01:35:38,000 --> 01:35:41,079
like, just go die, what
are you doing? It's probably why don't

1382
01:35:41,119 --> 01:35:43,800
you hop with? Why don't you
hop around? Is grossing me out.

1383
01:35:43,960 --> 01:35:45,439
I wish you were dead. It's
a rat. I know. It's just

1384
01:35:45,479 --> 01:35:48,319
like I want to kick it.
I just can't. It's like really hard

1385
01:35:48,319 --> 01:35:53,159
to not kick it. Do it
be the change you want to see in

1386
01:35:53,159 --> 01:35:56,560
the world. Just start kicking pigeons. Well that's all I got for today

1387
01:35:56,560 --> 01:36:00,600
for dan Or Jester and Gabby Monte
Mayor. I'm Rob Fogg. Please like

1388
01:36:00,680 --> 01:36:05,520
and subscribe on iTunes and subscribe to
our patreon for us. Don't do anything

1389
01:36:05,520 --> 01:36:09,760
Gabby tells you to do. Oh
Gabby, I told them to subscribe to

1390
01:36:09,800 --> 01:36:14,079
your Patreon picture. Don't do anything
Gab pitch you ship real quick. Just

1391
01:36:14,079 --> 01:36:15,920
just follow me on Instagram at gab
Monte. I got stand up shows in

1392
01:36:15,960 --> 01:36:23,159
Austin. All that's happening. If
summer tour to random places going to I'm

1393
01:36:23,199 --> 01:36:27,199
going to a bunch of wineries in
small towns this summer. You stand should

1394
01:36:27,279 --> 01:36:31,079
go to like the most rustic,
shitty towns. I yes, North Dakota

1395
01:36:31,159 --> 01:36:35,640
is on the list, so it
will. I'll go to your city probably

1396
01:36:35,640 --> 01:36:38,760
that's if you've heard of it.
That's probably not on the list. Yeah,

1397
01:36:38,800 --> 01:36:42,439
it's gonna be like wineries and like
bump, fuck nowhere, But I

1398
01:36:42,439 --> 01:36:45,920
don't think there's wineries in North Dakota. They drink wine, they drink they

1399
01:36:45,960 --> 01:36:50,279
drink fruit wine. Yeah, but
there's there's like places to go in Missouri

1400
01:36:50,439 --> 01:36:55,079
they do do fruit wine, though
Michigan has like drink blueberry one in Michigan

1401
01:36:55,319 --> 01:36:59,560
like ciders. Yeah, follow me
follow what is it again? Gab Monte

1402
01:36:59,560 --> 01:37:03,680
gabmin on Instagram her she's got stand
up stuff on there and obviously soft coore

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history Patreon. Thanks Audible, yeah
again for your damn regesher and Gabby Montemay

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or not. Jake Goldman, I'm
rob you just gotta saucyrup