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W four WN Radio. Hello, and welcome to Fearless Fabulous. You.
I am your host Melanie Young, and I am hopefully you're enjoying today as
Juneteenth, celebrating the freedom of African Americans in our country. Fun fact about
Juneteenth, which originated in Texas and it was basically when slavery was finally abolish.
It was abolished with the Emancipati Proclamation, but people had to go to
Texas to let people there know that it was officially abolish and African Americans were
free. Apparently, the cover of red is a big deal. Eating the
color red signifies the strength and the suffering and the rising up, and so
I hope you're having a big slice of watermelon hibiscus tea, or some red
velvet cake, or we had some strawberry smoothie this morning to celebrate Juneteenth.
Anyway, we're going to talk about a topic that it is important to all
of us. It's and it came even more important in a note in the
news this week because doctor VIVEC. Murphy, the Surgeon General of the United
States of America, wrote an out of the New York Times and said that
he feels that there should be warning labels on social media apps because of the
risk to mental health among the young people in our nation and the world.
And David and I, my husband and I were having to talk about the
impact of social media on people's health, not only young people, but elderly
people and adults, and how all of us are spending way too much time
on social media and it's impacting our ability to communicate in person, our communication
skills, our confidence, and many other things that we're going to dress and
of course then after that and we both agree we should be spending less time
on it. We were at dinner, having a nice dinner here in New
Orleans, and he pulls out his phone and starts scrolling, and I said,
David, didn't we just have a conversation driving over here about tuning off
and putting down the phones when we're eating and doing things together so that we
can have more meaningful conversation and being the president rather than distracted than looking at
your phone. He put the phone down. But it just just shows to
show that it's addictive. It is addictive behavior. So there's a lot of
things that are addictive behavior. And I will go on the record to say
that I support doctor Murphy's feeling and belief and hopefully his initiative to get warning
labels on social media apps. I mean, we have warning labels on cigarettes,
they're addictive. We have warning labels on alcohol, they're addictive. We
have warning labels on gaming and gambling games and whatnot. Those are addictive.
Apparently social media is addictive for many people, and there's some statistics that are
supporting this, and they're scary, scary, scary. So first of all,
we'll start with young people, but then we're going to talk about old
people, and we're also going to talk about the benefits of social media.
I'm not going to demonize social media completely because it does have some INCREDI double
benefits, which I'm going to talk about. But like everything, whether it's
food or drink, everything has to be done in moderation, including your social
media use right and listen. I'm the first to say, mayakopa, I'm
on too much as well, but it can erode your confidence, it can
erode relationships, and it can create unhealthy behavior. And that's what the issue
is. So a couple of things. In February twenty twenty three, one
third of all adult Internet users in United States said the social media had either
somewhat negative or very negative effect on their mental health. Generation ACTS, those
born between nineteen sixty five and nineteen eighty were the most likely generation to state
that their mental health had been negatively affected by online platforms. Video based app
TikTok is known for entertaining audiences for prolonged amounts of time, but the app
does not always make users feel good nor aware of how much time they are
spending on the service. Is of May twenty twenty three, three quarters of
TikTok users in the United States felt the app was addictive, while twenty seven
percent said they've had felt negative mental health effects after using TikTok. And this
is from Statista, a site that I look up for, you know,
evidence space, not special interest space statistics. This report was from March nineteenth,
twenty twenty four. Basically, according to a survey conducted in March twenty
twenty four, thirty five percent of adults reported they had taken an extended break
from social media because it was harming their mental health. And I think that
that's a good thing. As I say, is it too much of a
good thing? Well, further statistics say that is of early twenty twenty three,
fifty five percent of adults in the country said they were concerned about social
media's impact on the mental health of children. Moreover one third felt that social
media was responsible for the increased in depression among America's teens. Okay, we're
also seeing, you know, that US teens use social media for much more
than just connecting and socializing, with twenty five percent saying it helps them learn.
So there is a positive element to this as well. However, forty
one percent of teens with the highest social media use who who rate their overall
mental health is poor very poor, It's forty one percent. So forty percent
of teens who have the highest use of social media are depressed. On average,
they're spending four point eight hours a day using seven popular social media sites,
YouTube, TikTok, and Instagram, representing eighty percent of their social media.
Thirty seven percent of teens say they spend five or more hours a day
on social media. Okay, that's like crazy. So we are all getting
a little too addictive on social media. Now, before we get into all
negative, I'm going to talk about the positive of social media. So social
media was started as a social network to connect people. And well, actually,
if you read you know they were rating women at Harvard, which is
the original way to rate women, which is not good. But it became
a powerful way to connect people who were not together. That's good. But
now it has become a marketing tool, an entertainment tool, a predators tool,
and just a lot of stuff and nonsense, much like all the crap,
and I mean crap coming into my feed every morning when I open up
my computer. I mean I get more paid content targeted crap feed listicles in
my computer every day based on what I happen to be researching that morning or
the night before. And you know, you can tell it's targeted because it
relates to whatever I was searching about the night before or the week before.
And it's just all too much, and we're getting all too much lost in
our phones and our computers. Okay, computers are great. We need them
for work, we need them to learn, we need them to be creative,
and our phones are important tools for connection. But we have to learn
to draw the line when we're doing too much of a good thing and we're
not using it for all the right reasons. So I'm going to start with
that. Then I'm going to give you twenty reasons to turn off the phone
and what you could be doing with all those four point five hours here's pending.
So you should you should like a food diary. Remember everybody says I
want to lose weight, I need to lose weight, and you go talk
to a health coach. And the first thing the health coach does, besides
taking a health assessment and a food intake assessments, they say, keep a
food diary. Write down what you're eating to see if you're doing unnecessary snacking,
if you're overeating, how do you feel when you eat or are you
emotional eating? Okay, do that with social media log, how much time
you're spending on social media, and how you're feeling when you're on your phone.
Now, I'm going to differentiate social media from being on your computer working
or checking the weather or reading the newspaper, because a lot of us,
including me, read their newspaper online, check the weather online, I check
my emails for work, et cetera. The difference is what we're talking about
is social media Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Facebook, Pinterest, blah blah
blah. That's what we're talking about social media. We're not talking about newspapers
and media outlets and stuff like that. Let's just keep that over there,
you know, whole other conversation, but it will go into how much time
you're spending on your phone. So the best us is for social media checking
in on friends and family, wishing them happy birthday, making sure they're okay,
letting people know they're thinking about you. That's a good thing. I
tend to before I pick up the phone and call someone or interview anybody for
this show or my other show that connect a Table or anything, I usually
check social media to make sure they're okay. I know what's up in their
life. Maybe they published an article they've written. You just want to make
sure everything's okay, so you don't just suddenly call somebody up and go,
hey, how are things and they just announced they you know, a family
member died, right, So I do that just to kind of make sure
I'm up with their news before I go on share my news. So checking
in a friends and family that's okay. You don't have to do that publicly.
You can create a friends and family list. Checking the news, the
time, the weather, the stock market, current affairs, things that impact
your day to day life because you need to know because the information is useful
and helpful and beneficial. Like I need to check the weather to make sure
there's not a hurricane coming so I know how to dress for the day,
right, that makes sense. And living in New Orleans, you check the
weather a lot. I read the news. I make sure I'm just up
on things, not incessantly, but I read the paper in the morning.
I do check my breaking news, and you know, I'll check to see
how certain other areas of the country where family are, I'll check their weather.
Okay, that's all okay. Promoting your business marketing and using social media
as a marketing too, For what your business is is important, it's necessary.
Now that's a whole nother ball of wax. If you are doing that,
I do suggest that you have a business page, a business hand,
and a business ID. So you're not just loading all your friends who really
probably don't care about your business. You're not loading all your business talk onto
them. Have a business page, set it up, make sure you know
it's a business, made to admit it is. Make people aware. If
you're doing paid posts, you can make a lot of money on social media
if you have a strategy. That's not what this show is about. This
show is again about how to use social media effectively when it's not good for
your health, and twenty reasons and ways to get off and do something more
with your life. Okay, finally researching helpful information. I use social media
to research places to go, airfares, where to dine, concert schedules,
anything that is going to be part of my day to day life, What
events are happening. That's all important because I want to be out there and
involved. Sometimes I'll watch a webinar on the computer to learn. I consider
it's valuable for learning about something. How to you know. Most recently I
was trying to figure out how to clean a damage chanel handbag. That's all
helpful, helpful information. Okay, that's helpful. I also use social media.
I use YouTube to do my free yoga classes with Yoga by Adrian and
Pilates. I use them to exercise and enrich and educate and entertain in positive
ways. But this is what's not helpful or healthy. Just scrolling along passing
the time watching videos of people eating, dancing, or doing things just to
get your attention. Half the time, they're doing it because they want you
to pay attention, because they're building their audience, and they are praying on
your time to make a dime. Just remember that they're praying in your time
to make a dime. Because if you are an influencer and you're doing this
to make money, the more people you garner, the better you want more
followers because you get paid by the followers. So be very aware of people
that are doing things to capture your information for their time and dime your time
their dime. So that's like clickbait and listicles that want to capture your information.
Silly games are questionnaires for the same reason. Like we've probably all done
the what is your rock star name? What is your you know? What
is your How are you going to look when you're ninety? You know?
All the silly games, those are ways to get your information. They're also
huge time wasters for you, and you have to think about your security.
You don't want everybody, just everybody having your information, do you. I
don't, Okay, uh, obviously, pornography, crazy stunts, anything that
looks predatory or dangerous, silly. Look at me, I'm doing crazy things.
Those are They're not good. Not only should they be labeled, but
they should be banned. Anything that is dangerous are healthy, I mean unhealthy?
You know, I can't stand it when people post these horrible photos of
you know, animals being abused, or just car crashes and crime scenes.
It's just don't do it. It's it's just upsetting. I just can't even
begin to tell you how many people do it and share this information, and
I have to tune them all out. I actually unfollow an unfriend anyone that
is sharing offensive, abusive, upsetting content. It's just not good. And
the thing is a lot of people eat this shit up and they follow it.
And again you're in, You're been baited, You've been baited. I'm
not real big on people sharing photos of babies and children because there are predators
out there. They know where those babies and children are. You've got to
be really careful about that because predators will know how to find you and them,
and you're putting people's well beings at risk. Same with photographing other people's
kids of parties. You should never put other people's kids on your fee without
their permission. I don't even put friends photos on my feed without their permission
because a lot of people don't like the way they look and they don't want
to be out there being photographed. Then there are a lot of people that
just really don't want to be on social media, and you've got to respect
their privacy. Now everybody shares the enthusiasm you have or may have for social
media, they want their lives private, and I'm starting to feel that way
about certain things. I am on it for business reasons as well, and
I will tell you, uh, if I didn't have to do social media
for business, I probably would be on it at all. Bingo Finally,
super rude, super rude scrolling on phone during a performance at an event,
during a speech, during dinner with friends, a graduation ceremony, anything where
you need to be focused on the present and the people. It's just super
rude. And how many times has someone done that too at a meal?
I mean how many times? I mean it happened the other night with me
and David. He started scrolling and half the time you don't really realize you're
doing it. It's like it's like scratching an itch or picking at a ZiT
or something. Half the time people don't know they're even doing it, or
chewing their nails. They just start doing it, and I don't. It's
just weird. I don't know why how we all started to get into this
habit of just picking up the phone and scrolling all the time. But I've
noticed it a lot, and I know that I've done it a lot,
and I'm trying really really hard to pull back and to push back if people
are doing it around me. It is a fact that too many people are
comparing their lives to other people's lives on social media, and it is a
fact that that is affecting our mental health. It is a fact that a
lot of social media stars are dealing with mental health issues themselves, and often
the need to get attention. Is a cry for attention because they need help.
If I get one more news story about a TikTok star that has died
suddenly due to suicide, or their child has died or whatever, it's all
too much and it seems like it's daily, and that's not a good thing.
But what's really scary is that, you know, children are addicted to
social media. Babies are learning just to point all the time now, so
kids are pointing at everything from screens to menus to books. The books they
can just point and pages will turn and things will move, because that's what
they're used to do. And they're losing the ability to communicate. And losing
the ability to communicate as a human being is like losing part of your soul.
It is losing part of your soul. And even when I do this
show, even though I don't have anybody facing me right now, I visualize
people that I'm talking to, and I try really hard to think about people
that I would be talking to in person about this very same subject and what
I want to say to you, which is usually women fifty plus, we're
probably saying, do I really need to do all the social media anywhere?
Does it really matter. No, it really doesn't. You don't have to
be on social media at all if you are doing it to promote a business
or a platform, I get it. But you can also limit your time
on that. It's not about how much you post, but how much you
scroll. And you know everybody's going to pressure you to engage and respond everything.
You don't have to do anything, And if you feel like you do,
then hire somebody to do it for you and create a strategy. Do
you really think that the President of the United States and the First Lady and
all those people are responding to all those emails and texts and posts. No,
they have people, an entire team who does it for them. But
if you have kids, you need to really set a policy. You need
to have disconnect days, disconnect hours, and limit on how much time they're
spending on their phone scrolling they can be and you need to monitor what they're
doing on their computer. You've got to do that because they could get tripped
up very easily by people who are bullying them, pressuring them and making them
feel less secure and insecureity and mental health is a terrible thing right now.
The other thing, as I said, is you want people to learn how
to communicate. You know, you don't get a job, well, maybe
you do these days. That's the frustrating thing about a lot of people are
getting jobs just because they sit in front of a computer all day and do
nothing but algorithms and research. But I'm going to tell you, as a
communication specialist, if you can't hold a conversation over dinner or with somebody in
an interview, you are not going to be hired by me or a lot
of people out there in the world. You've got to go out in the
world to be able to communicate and have a conversation and look people in the
eye. And it can't just be screen time. It's just not normal.
And you know, I say this while artificial intelligence is gaining and while computer
skills and social media skills and digital marketing skills are more important than ever,
but we're just getting lost in the sphere of technology and we're forgetting the human
aspect of all of this. And I think it's really a problem, uh,
and we need to address it, and if we don't, we are
going to just be self inflicting harm on ourselves and the next generation. All
right, So I decided, particularly after the dinner when David pulled at his
phone and I realized I'm doing too much. I decided I was going to
put the and I kept hearing our phones beeping by our beds beeping. So
we're going to put the phones in another room. We're going to have designated
no phone zones in our house. And I am allowing certain days, times
of the day to do my social media work and then stopping. So with
all the time that I'm going to give myself, and you are too,
because you're going to cut back and you're going to just allocate. It's like,
do you eat incessantly all day? No, you have meals, you
eat at certain times, because if you ate in ccantly all day, you're
going to gain weight. Well, if you're on social media all the time,
you're going to be unhealthy as so you're going to gain mental weight.
Okay, So if you eat a lot incessantly and don't organize your meals and
schedule, you will gain weight because you're overdoing it. If you don't organize
your social media time and you don't have certain times of the day to do
certain things, you will gain mental weight, unhealthy mental weight. So here
are twenty enriching, educational, and entertaining things you can be doing instead of
staring and scrolling at your mobile phone. Okay, I'll say this. By
this, many of us are losing ourselves in other people's lives. Why should
someone else get all the attention when you can do something with your own life.
Why live your life through other people's lives on screen and not do something
with yourself? Okay, so number one, get moving because you know you
should never drive and be on the phone, period, but you you really
should be taking walks or riding a bike or swimming or doing something and not
have your phone with you. Or if you're doing it and you're going alone
and for safety reasons you want to have your phone, or you're doing a
step track or app or something like that, just stick it in your pocket
or in a pouch and just have it available, but don't be on it,
talking or scrolling while you're doing this activity. Compart to menalize, I
am a big I do believe that if particularly a woman, and you're going
on alone take whether it's a hike or a walk or a run, you
should have some form of phone or way to have people track you. God
forbid something happens. But you don't have to be on the phone while you're
walking. Look around, you enjoy nature. Okay, you may want to
take a picture every sowing of the bird that's lighting on the tree or whatever.
That's fine, but you don't have to post about it immediately. Right
You don't have to stop the pace to post. Nobody cares that much about
the bird. I've told my husband that many times. Nobody cares about the
whatever right now. You can do it later. So get moving, hop
on a bike, rollerblades, whatever, Because thirty to forty minutes a daily
movement a day is great for your health. It's great not only for your
physical health, but your mental health, particularly when you're not holding a phone
to your ear. Two. Reach for a real book. I love to
read. I have started reading more now because I am trying to regain and
recapture some things that bring me lots of joy. And I do like reading
books, not any book. I don't really like reading on the computer.
It gives me a headache. It's okay if you do, but again,
once you're on that computer, you will get distracted and go into social media.
It's just tempting you. I read real books with pages. I pick
a subject, pick a subject you're interested in, or a novel you've read
about, and try to read ten pages without interrupting, Like ten pages without
looking at your phone. Ten Just give it a shot. I've read two
books because I again have stopped rolling all over the damn place, and I
was able to read a book this weekend without interruption in the pool while I
was doing my leg exercises. So as moving and reading. Call a friend
to say hello. Forget texting and instanmeshing, because I cannot stand having conversations
via text. I just am like, pick up the phone and let's talk
things through. And sometimes just hearing someone's voice or letting someone hear your voice,
can make a world of difference. I have a friend who's going through
a difficult time because her dog is ending that end of life part of its
life. She texted me to say that, you know, he wasn't doing
well. I didn't text back, oh okay, I did an emoji like
I'm sorry, but I immediately picked up the phone and said, tell me
what's going on. How can I help? Because sometimes people can't express how
they're feeling in a text, but they sure can in a conversation again.
Conversation is an art that we cannot lose. It's a skill and an art
art we should never lose. Okay, so stop texting, start calling right,
embrace your creativity. And I have a bunch of crayons and color pencils
and drawing sketchbooks up in the closet that've been sitting there, and I keep
saying I'm going to use them. I'm going to use them instead I'm always
doing something else. Start using them, take a class, sign up for
an art class, or just start doing it. You don't really need a
class to draw our pain. If you feel you to buy a coloring book
and color in the lines or color outside of the lines, it really doesn't
matter. Buy a tied eye kit and check it out in some old sheets.
Sign up for some kind of fun class, or a cooking class that
there's a store around here called Michael's. I've never seen so many crafsy things
in my life. I'm like I said to David, Wow, am I
ever going to be crapsy? I hope so, because I have this friend
who's really good at it, and it can really be a great creative outlet.
Maybe pick one thing and try to learn about it, whether it's sketching
or painting or using clay doough or mosaics or whatever, something that brings out
the creativity and you can bring you joy and again get you off the phone,
and maybe you can end up being a great side hustle as well,
and then you can be on your phone promoting your side hustle and making money.
So this morning, when I was writing up these twenty lists of twenty,
I asked my husband David, what he would be doing if he was
spending less time on the phone, and he said, oh, I'd be
outdoors, so he'd be doing sports, which I think is like awesome.
I'd love for him to do more sports. He also said I would bake
more, and he has been baking bread. So cooking is a great way
to embrace your creativity, use your hands, create something delicious, and have
a wonderful meal at the end. We're both trying to do more of that.
We'll find a recipe, yes, we find them online, but we
also have cookbooks and we will cook and we've started cooking to go, and
that's a great way to use all that precious time that you were spent scrolling
or being on your computer. Sign up for a wine tasting and learn about
a wine region or style you're less familiar with. We went to a wine
tasting at a local wine shop. It was German and Austrian producers. We
met them, We had a good time. There were a lot of people
our age we noticed at the tasting. We went to one the week before
with a friend who does South African wines. It's a great way. All
these are usually free or like five or ten dollars, often redeemable if you
purchase wine. But it's a great way to get out and mingle and taste.
Don't overdo it or spit, but it's a great way to learn.
I do advocate for online wine tastings, but that's a good way. That's
a positive way to be on the computer. If you're taking a wine course
or a course on anything like a webinar, that's fine. Again, that's
not social media. That's learning. If you're a home clean this is so
crazy. I never thought i'd enjoy cleaning, but I decided I wanted to
learn how to really clean things because my mother had such a dirty house.
I became obsessed with wanting to clean things and learning how to clean and dust
to save money on cleaning services, even though I'm going to have one once
a month, But the rest of the time I need to learn how to
clean. So I like to declutter drawers and sort things out, and then
I take what I don't want and I put in a bag. I take
it to the local Salvation Army and Goodwill and I declutter. And for me,
that's calming and makes me feel like I'm doing something worthwhile, and I
get lost in the process. I cleaned out drawers the other day and put
down scented liners. I reorganized. It was a good way to keep busy
off social media and get rid of stuff, because decluttering is like everywhere you
got to get rid of stuff. Here's one I never thought I would do.
Polish that silver and brass sitting in the cabinet drawer shelves that's just been
sitting there. So I bought some brass polished and silver pat and I started
polishing and polishing and polishing all these fines that I found in my mother's house.
Polished him all up and now I'm probably going to post them online.
Yes, I will go back to social media to do that on eBay,
but I'm going to do it to make money. I have a purpose.
I have a purpose and a mission to be on. Or I'll keep some
or I'll gift it to somebody. But that was a great thing to do
with my hands. It kept me busy and off the phone because my hands
were dirty. I couldn't touch the phone. Listen to music, like really
listening to music, or an audiobook or an opera like have you ever just
lay down on a sofa and listen. My husband does it all the time.
He does it, tends to do it on the computer with Grateful Dead,
but I'll forgive him because he likes the Grateful Dead. He's listening to
music. It's just when you're listening to music and scrolling social media, that's
not cool. But if you're really listening to music, and particularly opera or
something gorgeous like that, that could be really enjoyable. We dedicated two rooms
of our house to being TV free. That's awesome. Two rooms in our
house no TV. All we can do in there is read, talk,
or listen to music, or scroll on social media if you bring your phone
in. But I'm trying not even to do that right now. You are
just trying to listen and read and it's very calming, like not having a
TV on all the time. It's really nice. Take an online class.
If you are going to be online, make it an educational class. Like
I've signed up for online yoga. I try to do two back to back
yoga pilate classes a day. I finish them, I put my mat away.
It's like my little time, but it's my educational time. So yeah,
you can use YouTube to learn about things, watch a movie. There's
positive ways to use it. Again, what I'm talking about is not that.
What I'm talking about is incessantly scrolling to see what other people are doing
and how they're dressing and what they're doing, just because you have nothing better
to do, and you're just sitting there doing that and wasting your time.
Take in a real performance music, dance, opera, whatever, comedy,
go to a comedy club. If you go on meet up or next door.
Okay, that's an app. Okay, those are apps. So sadly
everything goes back to apps because there is no more print media. So use
social media to find out what's going on in your community, to connect so
you can actually go out and enjoy things. That's a positive way to use
social media. Anyway. I keep doing this, it keeps taking me back
to social media, so I guess you know we're hung no matter what.
But again, this is about productive ways to use social media versus waste of
time. So I find meetups are really great. I'm actually thinking about starting
and joining an investor of an investment club. I want to learn more about
investing, so I'm actively looking for that right now, not working with an
investor advisor already have that, but like a club where people are doing it
together and sharing ideas. You could join a group that can teach you how
to write or start a business. There's so many groups out there. Join
and connect that way, so you meet like minded people or meet new people
and connect in a positive way. Visit a museum and don't take photos,
Like go to a museum or a botanical garden or something like that and don't
take photos. Just go and let everything sync in as is, and don't
document that you were there. Have you ever thought about doing that? Like
how many times do you go to a concert or a light show or whatever
and everybody's got their phone up documenting it and they're not really in the moment.
They're in the moment through their cameras. Think about that, Think about
what it be like just to be in the moment. You can do both,
but you can't do one exclusively. You need to create a balance.
Take some snippet video and then put the phone away and be in the moment.
Write in a journal, like really write, Like who has bad handwriting
because they never write anymore because we're all busy typing me. Write in a
journal and try to perfect your penmanship in the process. Think about not what
you're doing. Don't make the journal a log of what you're doing, but
and see how you're feeling. Give it a dreamless think about dreams where you'd
like to be going. What are you passionate about the other day, I
lay in the pool as I was thinking about this show and social media and
how I'm on it too much, and you know how it can really right
it me too, because then you once you're on it, you start comparing
what everybody else is doing because you're busy looking at their lives and not dealing
with your life. And I sat myself down and I was like, what
am I really passionate about now? Because as you get older, maybe you're
less passionate about certain things as that matter too earlier, and I realized I
needed to work on that, and I need to think harder about what got
me excited now because a lot of things that used to excite me don't.
And I thought, wow, I'm sure journal about that, and then try
a few new things that I haven't done yet to see if I find new
passions. Okay, so that's a good one. As I said, join
a club or a group, or volunteer your time to do something that you
enjoy. But you're not necessarily it's not necessarily transactional. Just you're doing it
for the fun of it. A garden club offer. Go to your local
park and see if you can if they have days where they do clean up
the park. David and I volunteered our time for some festivals down here.
We signed up to be festival volunteers. We got to go to the events
for free, and we served crawfish and when it was really fun and we
worked the entrance and it was just volunte your time. It was fun,
we met people, we attended the event, and we were keeping ourselves busy
doing things to be part of the community. And we were not on our
social media, write a letter or send a card to friend or family member
in melee with a good old fashioned stamp versus an email. My mother kept
stacks and stacks and stacks of cards greeting cards, as did my father,
and when I was cleaning out the house, I had so many. I
didn't know what to do with them. I was. I tried to sell
a bunch because some of them are really kind of funny. I tried to
keep as many as I could, and sadly I had to donate or give
away or dump a lot. But how many times did people send you cards
anymore? It's like so nice? You know. When my mother died,
I didn't receive as many condolence cards as when my dad died. My mother
received over five hundred cards handwritten with people saying what my father meant to her.
I think I received two cards that were handwritten, two out of maybe
the twenty cards I received at all. Everything else was on social media.
I made five hundred social media notes, but the ones I responded to were
the ones that were handwritten, and they met a lot because they people took
the time to write them and send them and put them in the mail.
And I always send real cards. I send real cards to a lot of
people, even if I don't know them well. But if the person's family
member died and I feel touched by their story, I will find their address
and send them a note. Because the five hundred or six hundred condolences you
get on social media that you will never be able to respond to, because
you will get lost in social media trying to respond all of them. You
can respond to those handwritten notes. They really mean a lot people took the
time to write you. Take the time to write back. Garden or weed,
create a garden, buy it creating to set up an indoor garden,
an herb garden. Go to the local store, or buy something that you
can help grow and get into it. Maybe it's herbs, maybe it's a
tree, whatever it is, get your hands dirty, take the time to
do it. We need to do that here. That's something that I do
want to work on. Sign up to be a mentor to somebody else.
There's a lot of mentorship groups that you can join, and there are a
lot of people who would love to hear your wisdom or just want to talk.
You know. Again, a lot of people just don't ever have anyone
talking to them anymore. You could be that person that could change someone's life
just by giving them your advice and listening to them and helping provide them with
some insights. There are a lot of mentorship groups. Look in your local
community. You'll find them. As I said, volunteer your time in a
local park or a nonprofit, your church, your synagogue. Just get involved.
You know, yes, time is money, but time is also valuable
time to get to know people and enrich and connect. And we're talking about
connecting in a positive way. But do give yourself a disconnect day and stick
to it. Maybe you pick a Sunday, or maybe it's a night where
or maybe it's a time of the day where you disconnect. Just find that
block of time where you are not going to handle your phone. You're not
going to look and see who's called, You're not going to check your texts.
Set it aside. I have a do not disturb on my phone from
ten pm to I think it's seven am. Every day I have do not
disturb. I also put do not disturb on when I'm writing. I do
do not disturb a lot or mute so I don't have to hear from anybody
The problem I'm having and you maybe too, is everybody seems to want to
text you all the time, and then they're like, you did get my
text, you didn't respond to my text. And I can't explain that I'm
not always checking my phone for text. If somebody really wants to reach me,
pick up the phone and call me and I will call back, you
know, just the way it is. But I don't always check my phone
incessantly as well. Like I said, I try to put the phone down,
put it away, don't look at it certain times of the day so
I can do things like read, write, exercise, relax, even take
a power nap, you know, take a thirteen minute twenty minute power nap,
or just meditate and lie down, do nothing, and that will help
you a lot. So these are my tips. You may have more,
But the end of the day, your mental health is very important because you
can't connect with people if you are mentally tied up in notts. You cannot
work effectively if you're mentally tied up in notts, and it will impact your
physical health. And that is something for every age and every generation. And
if you are finding that being on social media is not pleasurable, it's wasting
your time, you're getting agitated when you're on it. Then it is time
to dial back and maybe disconnect. And if you want to take a break
from it all together, you can. You can. You don't have to
do it because everybody else is. Just because everybody else is doing a TikTok
video program or something doesn't mean you have to. And I have to tell
myself that all the time. But the end of the day, is it
worth it or not? And everything you do in life is it worth it
or not? Is it time waster or time enrichment. Is it sucking your
time or is it making you feel good? And if something's no longer making
you feel good, is it bringing you joy and make you feel insignificant or
insecure or not as great as other people? Then take a card, reset,
take some time off and rethink and reset. It's important so parting thoughts.
If you're just scrolling for the fun of it, then maybe you need
to create a new form of fun in your life. Why focus on watching
how others live their lives and then comparing your life to theirs when you can
create your own life and enjoy it on your own time. Use social media
to connect in a positive way, to learn, to educate, to entertain
and engage in a healthy way. But don't let it take over your time,
or your mental health or your relationships. It's not worth it. What's
worth it is being true to yourself and owning your time. I'm Melanie Young.
This this is fearless fabulous. You you can follow me? Oh god,
did I just say this on social media? Lord Melanie fabulous? Or
don't follow me at all. If it's going to waste your time, don't
follow me. Just listen to the show and enjoy it, share it with
friends, pick up the phone and call somebody. Go get that journal,
Go do something that you haven't done in a while. Just go out and
enjoy your own life versus watching other people show off theirs. Thank you for
joining me, and remember it's your choice. Choose fearless and fabulous and choose
to live life on your terms. Thank you.