Doctor Jen, as you take a drink from your hydro flask, staying drinked.
I know you have a couple of books that you want to share.
Well, it's yes, at some point today I'd like to talk about it.
So Rubin and I my boyfriend, we celebrated our two year anniversary dating
anniversary this weekend. Congrats. On Saturday, I saw you made a nice
comment on my photo of us on Facebook. We were celebrating brunch and oloya.
It was lovely. Anyway, I can't believe it's been two years.
It's amazing. Time is going by Ques, I know, but I'm so
grateful for him in so many ways and so in love with this man.
I'm just so appreciative for this relationship. And he feels exactly the same way.
And so one of the gifts he gave me as an anniversary gift,
and this is like what a what a perfect man for me? Is two
books. One is called Questions for Couples. It's a journal. It's four
hundred questions to enjoy, reflect and connect with your partner. And you could
see and then so it's got questions like do you feel that you and your
partner are currently striking a good balance between being a team and leading independent lives.
And then there's space for you to fill in answers. How do you
stay focused on your top priorities? What is one small thing you can do
to cultivate goodwill and friendship with your partner every day anyway? And then there's
another one that's called a Year of Us. But before we dive into that
one, and wait, wait, the one that you just said is what's
it called. It's called Questions for Couples Journal. Four hundred questions I enjoy
reflect and connect with your partner. And he was so and then he gave
me another one and so but I'll talk about that one in a bit,
but it was so sweet he gave him to me. And then he's like,
I thought we could start doing these tonight, and I was going to
get us stecks of cards, but then we would just answer the questions and
this one we actually get to write it down and then we can come back
and look at it. And a year later and I was like, whoah,
pretty smart people. Sure do know how to make the best of your
communication skills. Yeah, well, I mean I'm sure two years ago he
might not have thought to do something like this, but this is you know,
he loves this part of me. He loves the way we get to
communicate about everything hard things, were reflecting on things. We're working on things
always, but we're also always having fun. So yeah, it's such a
great gift and something I can use in my work and with couples that I
work with. So it's awesome. I'm gonna be looking into it before we
do the other one. What the hell? You had some tough week last
week? What's going on? Let me tell you? Okay, So,
so it all started two Sundays ago with being stranded for three and a half
hours outside of Dudley's Bakery the towing company. If you remember, I was
telling you didn't show up right for me the run around? Okay, whatever,
cool, you know, move on, we get home. My wife's
super under understanding about it because I wanted to spend time with her that day.
She was the one who suggested get out for a ride. I know
you need to, So that was that was awesome that she understood. But
you know, but a little rough when you don't plan on that. You
know, you want to have dinner and watch a movie with your wife.
Okay, Cool, so rolling into the week, and I don't know why
I got this in my head, but I did. I had a meeting
with my boss Taylor on Thursday. I know you told me about it at
the beginning of the week. I was literally thinking about you, wondering and
hoping that the meeting went well well and so we don't meet often, right,
And I knew it was coming, and I had asked about, you
know, when's the best time to take vacation time, and you know,
the whole thing, because I'm trying to respect the ratings period for the radio
station and just making sure that she is a boss. She's only been there
I think what five months now, something like that. I just want to
make sure that we're good, you know, that whole thing, and that
I'm respecting the process. And I have a ton of time off, but
we just don't have a lot of meetings at all over the last four or
five months. So when one was set for ten thirty on Thursday morning for
some reason, about a day ahead, I started to think, oh,
oh, this is it. I'm being let go. I don't know why
I just did. And then by nine o'clock Thursday morning, an hour and
a half for the meeting. I was convinced, I don't. I just
somehow convinced myself. I'm gone, this is it? What am I going
to do? So that really sucked, right, Yeah, So then moving
on until that afternoon. I'm at my house and my dad calls me.
Does not sound good at all at all. Never heard him like this.
He says, I need you to take me to the er. His voice
sounded strange. His oh shit, well, he sounded so bad at eighty
one years old that I actually said, no, pops, that's what I
call him. I said, no, no, call an ambulance. You
do not sound good. You don't sound like yourself. And he came back
with you know, almost, you know almost. It sounded like he was
almost delirious and crying and and no, I don't want to go on an
ambulance. You he's never been like this. I think it might have been
his voice though, actually, because he was so sick. Now that I
look back at it, it's probably what it was. You know, your
voice can sound really funny and weird. Yeah, yeah, So I took
him to the er, spent several hours there. Now, you know,
fast forward to Friday afternoon and my son calls me and says, yeah,
Hey, looking forward to you guys coming up to the show. I have
some not so great news though. My car broke down and it's stuck in
front of the theater where I'm at right now for my first show. And
I'm just like, oh God, okay, okay, let me figure out
a way to get it, Bud, long as you're good whatever. So
now fast forward to the next day, which is Saturday. Gotta go up
and get the car, Gotta go figure out how I'm gonna do this,
you know, and all of these things. Now I'm going to back it
up. Now, that is a pretty crappy week by all standards. It's
it's a scary, crappy week. But it wasn't. Let me tell you
why. It was a phenomenal week. I'm going to back up to last
Sunday, and I'm only sharing this with anybody listening. If you're going through
a rough time, yours might be a real rough time. Like I'm not
saying my life is falling apart. I'm just saying it's been a trying week.
And this is how I spun this in my head as each thing happened.
Because a lot of people. Oh crappy week, dude, No,
actually not at all. So let's go back to Sunday when I'm stuck for
three and a half hours. I talked a little bit about this with you
with my friends and next to Dudley's got to have great conversations and make jokes
with those friends for three and a half hours while we bad mouth the towing
company, which was kind of fun. You got to spend time with these
people, and one of them even pointed out, dude, this is good
for you. I'm glad this happened because you are always rushing off you never
have time. And I'm like, yeah, you know what, You're right,
so now let's yeah yep. Thought I was going to be fired,
turned out to be, Hey, here's the best time to take vacation,
and let's ramp up social media a little bit. You know. It's kind
of the future of the business and the whole thing. One thing threatening a
great meeting, just like, okay, cool up my game. Uh there's
some challenges with that because I am trying to up my game with that,
which means I'm using a new app and doing everything on my phone. That's
a little challenging, or is it. Actually I'm learning something new that I'm
forced to learn. Yeah, so that is a great thing. Yeah,
my dad at the er, they ran what do you call it? They
ran X rays on his chest, on his lungs, his heart, a
CT scan on his brain. They did a full panel of blood a blood
work. Turns out he had COVID. Not that that's a good thing,
no, but here's the thing. So now I'm in the truck with him
taking in there. We did wear masks. The ran back and I asked,
what is my protocol now because if he's got this and I was just
in the truck with the doctor says nothing, he goes. If you don't
have symptoms, you just business as usual. I said, I don't warn
anybody. He goes. You don't have to know. He goes. It's
almost like the flu. Now he goes. But if you get symptoms,
yes you quarantined for five days. But until then nothing, And I'm like,
okay, So I drive my dad back. I went to the store
and got him water and some other stuff. Turns out my stepmother has COVID
as well, who's eighty three. Yeah, now that's rough, but think
about what could have happened. I didn't know what was happening with my dad.
They put him in a room right away before they knew had COVID.
They were running all kinds of tests. It didn't look good or they wouldn't
have done that. Yeah, mud pressure was low, heartbeat was like yeah.
I was like, oh god, you know, and I've never seen
my dad that fragile. He's now recovering. It was COVID. Sure it
sucks, but he and Carmen, my stepmother, are recovering. Could have
been a lot worse. Now let's fast forward to my son and his car.
He was not on the freeway when the car went could put Oh thank
god, and a freeway in LA during primetime traffic is not good, so
he was not harmed. He made it to his destination, to his job
because it's a professional theater. Yeah. And the next day, let's fast
forward to that. I'm in the shop after being offered several trailers by friends
to go up and get this car right. Yea, even my buddy's triple
A he offered that does two hundred miles a to I don't even know anybody
else who has a two hundred mile range of towing a vehicle. On Triple
A. I didn't know it went that high, so I was gonna use
that. But at the shot, my buddy Lawn goes, hey, dude,
what are you up to today? I said, I got to pick
up my son's car. Told him story. He goes, well, I'm
not doing anything. Let me drive up in the truck behind you. I'll
drive my truck, hook Bob's trailer up. Bob Lloyd who loaned me the
trailer next door it to Lloyd's collision and paint. And yes, that was
a shameless plug. He he went over, picked it up for me,
hooked it up so that I could go home, clean my truck out,
and leave my truck with my son instead of having to make two trips to
take it with the trailer. So we get there and I go, dude,
I go, I gotta pay you. I gotta do something. And
then and I looked at my son and I said, look, I know
the plan was for us to get the trailer back down with your car to
San Diego and then Mom and I come back up to watch your show.
But at this rate, I'm not gonna make it. There's no way I'll
make it. So Mom's gonna come up alone. I'll see it August third.
At least I can see it once. He goes, okay, I
get it. Dad. Lawn looks at me and goes, no, you're
not. He goes, I'm driving the trailer down, the truck the car.
I will drop it off. Oh here's another thing. My friend Tom
finds out about this and goes, hey, dude, don't drop it off
at your house, drop it off at mine, because he's a former mechanic.
And he goes, just let me look at it for you, so
you at least know what you're getting into. I said, wait, really,
he said yeah. So Ln takes the vehicle drops it off at Tom's
house and I asked Tom too, I said, are you okay with this?
Because I feel like I'm abandoning you guys doing me such a huge favor.
He goes, Nope, see your son's show. Right. So I
found out I didn't find out. I was reminded this week about how blessed
I am, and especially in the area of friendship. I am not a
rich man monetarily I do, okay, but I'm telling you I have several
not just one or two. I have many lifelong friends who would give anything
for me and I them, and I will tell you, doctor Jen,
it is a blessed, phenomenal week. That is just me wanting to share
my perspective. Now, this car may cost me a lot of money.
I don't know, and I don't have it right now, but it's okay.
You know what I have. I hate to say it if I need
it a credit card, but at least I have it if I have to.
Yeah. So the just all of that could have gone much worse.
Yes, didn't it was. It was a challenging, stressful week and everything
turned out quite well. And you have so much gratitude for your friends that
stepped in and helped out in truly unexpected ways. It's it's fricking awesome.
And I'm telling you, I do pray a lot, Jen. I'm telling
you, doctor Jen. I know sometimes you may get sick of hairing this,
but Jen, I'm not trying to push my stuff on anybody else.
But I got to recognize God has blessed me and has watched out for me
and my son and my father. That's just how it is. So Yeah,
Anyway, if you're having a bad week, you know what, maybe
you can turn it around. I don't know that's what I did. Well,
there is, there's a lot to be so for one of the keys
of happiness and like sustainable happiness in life is to find things to be grateful
for and to literally make a daily practice of that and to see I think
the only you know, I'll speak to you know, what you're doing,
I think is great, right because you know, it was a tough week
and you saw so much positive in it, and that's a great way to
move through life. I would say that only dangers. Sometimes when folks do
stuff like that of what I call quote unquote toxic positivity, they literally won't
allow themselves to acknowledge that something's hard or that they're struggling, or that they're
suffering, or if someone else's they'll be like, you know, only positive
vibes, no bad energy, and that's horrible and it's bullshit. And those
are people who are afraid to feel negative things. That is not like higher
vibration in this world. That is fear based. Yeah, and then you're
asked to other people. So that is a weird thing that, especially in
southern California, we have around like you know, positive energy and but like
yeah, so listen. I'm I'm with you on that, and this is
why this was not that for me. No, I can tell it's not.
No, it doesn't feel that way. It is, And just to
be clear for anybody listening, the reason that it's not is it did start
that way. It started out where I was just pissed off and oh my
god, what the fuck else can go wrong? And then I just stopped
and you know where it's you know where it turned around in the truck ride
taking my son back up to LA to get his car and leave him there
while he does his show, because the show must go on. He's not
gonna lose his job over this. And I went, oh my god,
you know what I get an I get two hours in the truck with you
that I wouldn't have had. And you came down last night. You weren't
coming home for a couple of months. Yeah, but it forced him to.
And that's where I turned it around. That's where I went, you
know what, I'm not going to have this kind of attitude. I'm gonna
I'm gonna look at this as what could have gone wrong and did not,
and how lucky and blessed I am. So No, I get it though,
because there are people You're right that you're just like, shut the fuck
up. Well and there. And the thing is what when I've come across
that, which has been frequent, they they are very self righteous about it.
Because I've I've based this like when I've done workshops and because my you
know, I if people aren't addressing their struggles and their suffering and their insecurities
and their fears, and and if that means first of all, they're not
being honest with themselves and then giving themselves the space to actually process it and
move through it, they just like pretend it's not there and stuff it down.
Oh it's what I call putting icing on a ship cupcake, right,
And I was like, no, I could, I could still smell the
shit. But they are really bulling themselves. And then the problem with those
people. At the core of compassion is compassion for other people is recognizing their
struggles, recognizing that they're suffering in some way, recognizing that they're having a
hard time, and it's having the mindfulness and the courage to actually be able
to sit within feel that if you are a good ViBe's only person, not
only are you denying your truth in your own personal growth. You're also not
able to be compassionate to other people, and that's what serial killers are made
of, by the way, But no, you you actually you were.
I think if I remember the first person who made me sit and realize,
let it settle, Let that uneasiness settle and recognize where it's coming from,
and sit with it long enough. Yeah, not too long, but long
enough to recognize and move on from it and build from there. Which I
still remember that you told me this. That's the core of my your ago
I think six months ago or whatever it was. No, it was why
it was probably a few years ago. That's at the core of my book,
how to Build Comfort with Discomfort. That's right, that's when you said,
I just couldn't remember the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and
then you know, tying it into then my friend Sarah who's a big fan
of the show, Sarah shier Hi Sarah Hi, Sarah of the Compassionate nonprofit
like I learned all about compassion and compassion research through her and classes that she
teaches. So, oh wait, hold on, since we were just doing
a shout out, can you do another shout out to my sister's birthday?
This week. Hey, happy twenty ninth birthday, sister. She's I could
say, she doesn't care. She's fifty four. She'll turn fifty four tomorrow.
We're recording on July seventeenth, So happy birthday, teener, and I'll
be I'll be there next week so I'll get to celebrate in person with her.
We're gonna do it. We have to do it. It's gonna it's
gonna be a tune ou, but let's do it. Happy birthday day to
you, give it all you got. Happy birthday to you, as doctor
jenn Is bouncing hap. Happy birthday, dear Teene, Happy birthday too you.
That was me blowing out your candle. Hey, we've never sag any
happy birthday to anybody on this show. I guess because people don't like it.
I'm sure. Oh did that sound horrible? Well? I am positive
My sister is gleeful right now, and that's worth it. That's all that
matters. Our three listeners who just tuned out now they're back in. I
don't it's worth it. Everyone else is warrified. Okay, Well, let
me get back to then. Those books that I said Reuben gave me and
I wanted to share this other one, which is the one I've already started,
because we don't live together, you know, and we see each other
multiple times a week, but he lives with his kids halftime, and he's
up in Rancho Penasquitos and I'm down in Pacific Beach in San Diego, and
so we have about twenty twenty five minutes between us. So and I always
know when you're at your house, by the way, recording on zoom and
his, because with yours it's a multi colored brick wall background and with his
it's these really nice palm trees all yeah in his kitchen. Yeah, really
really nice. Either one I like. Yeah. So the other book he
got me is called A Couple's Journal, A year of us, one question
a day to spark fun and meaningful conversations. And so I started it.
And so what I thought I'd do that if we're together on a day,
then we could fill it out together. But I started it two days ago,
and so on July fifteenth, I started it and it says what's your
idea of a special weekend together and why? And so then you could see
Clint. So it's got like half a page space in this journal, and
so I took up like half the spit and just put Jay for me,
and then I left the space for him to write in his and then I
did day two, which is, what are the words you would most like
to hear me utter about you in my sleep? Such an interesting question.
Now, wait, just so so that I because I was so interested in
looking at your book, I didn't hear something you said, is this the
first book or this is the second book you were going to show us?
Well, I showed you the first one that was four hundred questions, and
then this is a day by day though, so it's numbered day wise.
Okay, because I think this one's one I have even more interesting because I
like that day by day stuff. Yeah, no, it's super cool.
The other one is really great. I would suggest four because I'm gonna start
suggesting it to clients to use on a date night, to use on a
long road trip, to use on a weekend away. Just flip through the
book and ask each other some questions. I think that is great because there's
four hundred of them, like, huh, pick some good ones. But
then this one is a really nice day by day thing, and like literally
you're talking you and your partner sit down like less than five minutes and jot
down your answers, so my thoughts. Since we don't live together, I'm
going to also do day three today. So, which is what famous story
book or movie character did you relate to most as a child and how did
it reflect your inner struggle at that time in your life. I actually have
no idea how I'm going to answer that. Yeah, you think about that
one. I was never kind of wired like that, so, I mean,
nor was I honestly. I mean I'm a big movie guy, but
yeah, I never thought as a kid, who who do I most?
Well? Anyway, Yeah, it was funny. I think of the fawns
on TV. Well, not that I identify. He was just the one
that I was like, Oh, that's who I want to be, you
know? Or is that what it means? I guess that's what it means,
right, It could absolutely. Yeah, it's not a movie, but
it's a TV show. Yeah. You I can't even imagine because you're not
a movie buff or a TV buff. No. I mean I I read
books all the time, though, so and of course, well here's the
thing. I'm not a buff because I just don't remember things like your brain
does, and so many other men's brains seem to. I mean, I
watched TV, I watched movies. I loved all of that, and I
read all the time. So I was constantly surrounded by, you know,
characters, but I wasn't sort of wired that, you know, I didn't
have like an inner struggle that then, you know, I could identify with
a character who gave me strength or courage or a different way of doing thing.
That's not how I don't I don't know that's that's not how your emotions
or your brain works. No, they don't. I wait, let me
ask you this real quick. Hold on, because that's a great Now that
you've said this, I get stuck sometimes on work books like mine. Is
the disease to please? Yes, certain thing, I'm like, I don't
know how they want me to do this or how I want to do this.
I don't get it. Yeah, what do you do? Then?
Do you skip it? Or do you no? So I was thinking about
for me, But then I started thinking about what was there certain characters I'm
particularly in a book that I just most loved. And I mean there was
once I read when I was a little kid, there was like the Beverly
Cleary books and stuff like that and Nancy Drew and I know I like that,
but I actually don't like nothing specific stays with me. So honestly,
the book that I most remember from like I think my Maybeh I was fourteen
or something, fifteen sixteen, I don't know was the book it by Stephen
King. Oh my god, I read that book and it was like eight
hundred and fifty pages. I read that book, yes, and it was
so like I still feel it, like I miss those characters when I was
done. It was so compelling, it was scary. I think it was
my first like real introduction to like horror and scary movies like that. And
but I so I don't know. That doesn't answer the question, But that's
probably what I would do if I don't have an answer for the question.
I'm gonna whatever still comes to mind, I'm gonna jot that down so that
I'm still answering something and still giving something of myself. I mean, that's
what most matters with these questions, that you're revealing something that maybe you haven't
talked about before with your partner or you haven't shared in a while. But
see, I love that because the fact that you're even talking about this because
just by chance you're you're telling us about these books, and here you come
to a point where you're like, I'm not sure how to answer it,
but I'm gonna find a way, And now that helps me, and maybe
there's others like me, because I get stuck and I just spend it in
my mind going, well, I want to answer this correct I get way
over analytical. Well I'm not sure what they mean, and how do I
answer this? And and well I'm not sure, so I'll skip it.
But I don't want to skip it because I don't want to move forward past
it, and then I get stuck. Seriously, so I would to me,
I think it's better to be to take the approach. There's not a
perfect way to do it. If you are. If you're not answering questions
because they feel too scary or you want to avoid her and they feel too
uncomfortable, excuse me, that's one thing. Make yourself answered. If you're
not answering because you're like A, I actually don't feel like I have an
answer, it doesn't resonate with me. Then just jot something down, or
even jot that down, and then move on to the next one. The
thing is also sometimes I know when I've done that because the question got planted
in my head. It could be a few days later and then I'm like,
oh my god, I totally do have an answer for it. And
then you can go back to it, but just don't. Don't let it
stop you like, let it, let it shift to match who you are,
and then keep moving forward. And then so let me read tomorrow's I
haven't even read this one yet. If you could be totally absolved of something
you regret, what would you ask forgiveness for? Oh my god, boy,
that would dig out the worms? Wow? I don't know. Yeah,
god, I mean, I'd like to think I haven't done too many
horrible things. But boy, if you dig deep on that one, I
know what's that book? This one? This is a year of us one
question a day to spark fun and meaningful conversations. Okay by Alicia Munnos.
Oh god, Alicia Munos, Oh no, is this not gonna? Let
me hold on my computers, give me fun, shut up? And it's
a year of us. Yeah. Wait, why do you say shut up?
What's going on? The author? I think? I I think I
wrote a blurb for her like two years ago with another book she had.
I reviewed the book. I think, oh my god, this is only
seven ninety five paperback. Really really, I don't know. Yeah, it's
fourteen ninety nine on the back. Does it look like this? Yeah,
but yours is hardcover. Mine is mine? No, it's soft. No,
it's soft cover for seven ninety five. Yeah. Oh is it because
it's prime. No, it doesn't say it's crime. Oh, that's right,
it is prime. I'm doing it. I'm ordering this right Noway,
a year of US one US. I don't know this one meaningful conversations at
least, that's it. Yeah, hell yes, Oh my god, yeah,
it's fifteen so funny. I didn't even look at the author's names on
these, and I was like, I actually recognize her. So anyway,
so my thought to do, since we don't live together, and for other
folks who may be in that boat, I'm going to fill it out every
day and then give it to him and then he's got to play catch up
a little bit. Yeah, and then he'll have it then, you know,
till I see him again. So he'll have it for a couple of
these, and we could just keep swapping it back and forth, and so
then he'll fill out the days when I'm not there, and then when I
get it back, I'll fill those in and then keep moving forward. I
love that, and it's but here's the thing too, that it's you may
have said this, I apologize, and now I'm ordering this as we speak
because I don't want to drop the ball on this. No, no,
no, this is resonating with me. And normally you say, don't do
other stuff, but I gotta get this ordered. The thing is is it's
not just good for you as a couple. I think this is amazing for
you just as a person, even though you're trying to share it with the
other person. Yeah, I'll bet it's things that you haven't thought about ever
or in years, like things like oh yeah, yeah, no, what
about that? Yeah No, I think it's super interesting. I mean,
it's fun, and it truly does. If it's taking you more than a
few minutes, then maybe the question isn't resonating with you. And then,
like I said, that's okay right down. You know, I don't have
an answer for this, but this is what popped in my mind, So
somehow it's connected in my brain even if it doesn't answer the question. And
I'm so frickin Alicia Muno's right, yeah, okay, it'll come up Munos.
Yeah, yeah, there it is. Okay, yeah, yeah,
I'm ordering it. This is great. And the other one was the Couple's
Quiz book, uh questions for Couple's Journal, four hundred questions to enjoy.
I mean, I won't do that one yet because I don't want to get
like no, yeah, yeah, eight us. I haven't done any one
of them. The one a year one I think is a good place to
start. So I love that anyway. And ye Rubin for getting such neat
anniversary. Seriously, that bohunk deserves a credit. Yeah, and then we
always do. We had a beautiful brunch at Lava Alencia in La Joya.
We went for Sunday brunch there. So if it's too personal, you don't
have to answer. I'm gonna look it up anyway, is it. I
mean it's probably fairly expensive because I thought about taking my wife to that,
but I never really Oh yeah, I know, I've actually never eaten there.
I only had a drink there, but I was like, I'm always
like, oh, this is super expensive. You know what it wasn't.
It wasn't nearly as expensive as I thought at all, basically because like in
peb Pacific Beach, here used to be cheap food and since COVID times price
has gone up. Go to like a just a cafe and get like an
omelet for breakfast that's like sixteen dollars, And I really so the omelet.
I got the vegetarian omelet that I got there. I think it was nineteen
dollars. Yeah, three dollars more for the atmosphere plus the Yeah, I
reserved it online like two months ago or something, and I told him it
was our two year anniversary. We got the best seat in the house.
We were out on the terrace at the far end, overlooking the ocean and
overlooking like it was. Now. I'm gonna freaking make a reservation for that.
Okay, awesome, all right, we can end our podcast. You're
gonna owe me money, damn it. I'm trying to keep up with the
the doctor Jens. Yeah, no, you know what, it's not keeping
up with the Joneses, it's keeping up with the Gens like that. Well,
it makes me happy that I live a lifestyle now that somebody would even
say that about so okay okay Joe Chow be I like that