WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.200 --> 00:00:04.320 Doctor Jen, as you take a drink from your hydro flask, staying drinked. 2 00:00:04.639 --> 00:00:08.279 I know you have a couple of books that you want to share. 3 00:00:09.359 --> 00:00:12.199 Well, it's yes, at some point today I'd like to talk about it. 4 00:00:12.320 --> 00:00:16.879 So Rubin and I my boyfriend, we celebrated our two year anniversary dating 5 00:00:16.920 --> 00:00:20.960 anniversary this weekend. Congrats. On Saturday, I saw you made a nice 6 00:00:21.000 --> 00:00:25.920 comment on my photo of us on Facebook. We were celebrating brunch and oloya. 7 00:00:26.879 --> 00:00:29.559 It was lovely. Anyway, I can't believe it's been two years. 8 00:00:29.600 --> 00:00:34.880 It's amazing. Time is going by Ques, I know, but I'm so 9 00:00:34.960 --> 00:00:39.359 grateful for him in so many ways and so in love with this man. 10 00:00:39.920 --> 00:00:43.719 I'm just so appreciative for this relationship. And he feels exactly the same way. 11 00:00:43.880 --> 00:00:46.679 And so one of the gifts he gave me as an anniversary gift, 12 00:00:46.679 --> 00:00:51.039 and this is like what a what a perfect man for me? Is two 13 00:00:51.200 --> 00:00:55.240 books. One is called Questions for Couples. It's a journal. It's four 14 00:00:55.320 --> 00:00:59.759 hundred questions to enjoy, reflect and connect with your partner. And you could 15 00:00:59.759 --> 00:01:03.000 see and then so it's got questions like do you feel that you and your 16 00:01:03.040 --> 00:01:07.959 partner are currently striking a good balance between being a team and leading independent lives. 17 00:01:08.719 --> 00:01:12.280 And then there's space for you to fill in answers. How do you 18 00:01:12.319 --> 00:01:19.799 stay focused on your top priorities? What is one small thing you can do 19 00:01:19.840 --> 00:01:23.280 to cultivate goodwill and friendship with your partner every day anyway? And then there's 20 00:01:23.319 --> 00:01:27.159 another one that's called a Year of Us. But before we dive into that 21 00:01:27.200 --> 00:01:30.840 one, and wait, wait, the one that you just said is what's 22 00:01:30.840 --> 00:01:38.680 it called. It's called Questions for Couples Journal. Four hundred questions I enjoy 23 00:01:40.239 --> 00:01:42.560 reflect and connect with your partner. And he was so and then he gave 24 00:01:42.599 --> 00:01:45.640 me another one and so but I'll talk about that one in a bit, 25 00:01:45.680 --> 00:01:47.480 but it was so sweet he gave him to me. And then he's like, 26 00:01:47.519 --> 00:01:49.280 I thought we could start doing these tonight, and I was going to 27 00:01:49.319 --> 00:01:52.959 get us stecks of cards, but then we would just answer the questions and 28 00:01:53.040 --> 00:01:55.400 this one we actually get to write it down and then we can come back 29 00:01:55.439 --> 00:01:57.879 and look at it. And a year later and I was like, whoah, 30 00:02:00.280 --> 00:02:02.239 pretty smart people. Sure do know how to make the best of your 31 00:02:02.560 --> 00:02:07.680 communication skills. Yeah, well, I mean I'm sure two years ago he 32 00:02:08.080 --> 00:02:12.719 might not have thought to do something like this, but this is you know, 33 00:02:13.039 --> 00:02:15.800 he loves this part of me. He loves the way we get to 34 00:02:15.960 --> 00:02:21.560 communicate about everything hard things, were reflecting on things. We're working on things 35 00:02:21.560 --> 00:02:27.120 always, but we're also always having fun. So yeah, it's such a 36 00:02:27.120 --> 00:02:30.400 great gift and something I can use in my work and with couples that I 37 00:02:30.439 --> 00:02:32.479 work with. So it's awesome. I'm gonna be looking into it before we 38 00:02:32.560 --> 00:02:37.199 do the other one. What the hell? You had some tough week last 39 00:02:37.199 --> 00:02:39.240 week? What's going on? Let me tell you? Okay, So, 40 00:02:39.240 --> 00:02:45.439 so it all started two Sundays ago with being stranded for three and a half 41 00:02:45.520 --> 00:02:51.560 hours outside of Dudley's Bakery the towing company. If you remember, I was 42 00:02:51.560 --> 00:02:53.319 telling you didn't show up right for me the run around? Okay, whatever, 43 00:02:53.439 --> 00:02:57.319 cool, you know, move on, we get home. My wife's 44 00:02:57.520 --> 00:03:00.919 super under understanding about it because I wanted to spend time with her that day. 45 00:03:00.400 --> 00:03:02.599 She was the one who suggested get out for a ride. I know 46 00:03:02.639 --> 00:03:06.599 you need to, So that was that was awesome that she understood. But 47 00:03:06.639 --> 00:03:07.639 you know, but a little rough when you don't plan on that. You 48 00:03:07.680 --> 00:03:09.680 know, you want to have dinner and watch a movie with your wife. 49 00:03:09.680 --> 00:03:15.719 Okay, Cool, so rolling into the week, and I don't know why 50 00:03:15.759 --> 00:03:16.840 I got this in my head, but I did. I had a meeting 51 00:03:16.919 --> 00:03:22.280 with my boss Taylor on Thursday. I know you told me about it at 52 00:03:22.280 --> 00:03:24.800 the beginning of the week. I was literally thinking about you, wondering and 53 00:03:24.840 --> 00:03:29.719 hoping that the meeting went well well and so we don't meet often, right, 54 00:03:29.759 --> 00:03:31.360 And I knew it was coming, and I had asked about, you 55 00:03:31.400 --> 00:03:35.159 know, when's the best time to take vacation time, and you know, 56 00:03:35.199 --> 00:03:38.280 the whole thing, because I'm trying to respect the ratings period for the radio 57 00:03:38.280 --> 00:03:40.639 station and just making sure that she is a boss. She's only been there 58 00:03:40.639 --> 00:03:44.360 I think what five months now, something like that. I just want to 59 00:03:44.400 --> 00:03:45.960 make sure that we're good, you know, that whole thing, and that 60 00:03:46.000 --> 00:03:50.319 I'm respecting the process. And I have a ton of time off, but 61 00:03:51.479 --> 00:03:53.400 we just don't have a lot of meetings at all over the last four or 62 00:03:53.400 --> 00:03:59.159 five months. So when one was set for ten thirty on Thursday morning for 63 00:03:59.319 --> 00:04:02.840 some reason, about a day ahead, I started to think, oh, 64 00:04:02.840 --> 00:04:04.960 oh, this is it. I'm being let go. I don't know why 65 00:04:05.039 --> 00:04:09.840 I just did. And then by nine o'clock Thursday morning, an hour and 66 00:04:09.840 --> 00:04:11.960 a half for the meeting. I was convinced, I don't. I just 67 00:04:12.000 --> 00:04:14.800 somehow convinced myself. I'm gone, this is it? What am I going 68 00:04:14.879 --> 00:04:20.759 to do? So that really sucked, right, Yeah, So then moving 69 00:04:20.839 --> 00:04:29.399 on until that afternoon. I'm at my house and my dad calls me. 70 00:04:29.519 --> 00:04:31.600 Does not sound good at all at all. Never heard him like this. 71 00:04:32.360 --> 00:04:34.319 He says, I need you to take me to the er. His voice 72 00:04:34.319 --> 00:04:39.160 sounded strange. His oh shit, well, he sounded so bad at eighty 73 00:04:39.199 --> 00:04:41.560 one years old that I actually said, no, pops, that's what I 74 00:04:41.600 --> 00:04:44.079 call him. I said, no, no, call an ambulance. You 75 00:04:44.160 --> 00:04:47.160 do not sound good. You don't sound like yourself. And he came back 76 00:04:47.199 --> 00:04:51.240 with you know, almost, you know almost. It sounded like he was 77 00:04:51.319 --> 00:04:58.800 almost delirious and crying and and no, I don't want to go on an 78 00:04:58.800 --> 00:05:00.120 ambulance. You he's never been like this. I think it might have been 79 00:05:00.160 --> 00:05:02.680 his voice though, actually, because he was so sick. Now that I 80 00:05:02.759 --> 00:05:04.759 look back at it, it's probably what it was. You know, your 81 00:05:04.800 --> 00:05:08.240 voice can sound really funny and weird. Yeah, yeah, So I took 82 00:05:08.319 --> 00:05:10.800 him to the er, spent several hours there. Now, you know, 83 00:05:11.279 --> 00:05:14.600 fast forward to Friday afternoon and my son calls me and says, yeah, 84 00:05:14.639 --> 00:05:16.120 Hey, looking forward to you guys coming up to the show. I have 85 00:05:16.160 --> 00:05:19.279 some not so great news though. My car broke down and it's stuck in 86 00:05:19.720 --> 00:05:24.279 front of the theater where I'm at right now for my first show. And 87 00:05:24.319 --> 00:05:27.839 I'm just like, oh God, okay, okay, let me figure out 88 00:05:27.879 --> 00:05:30.199 a way to get it, Bud, long as you're good whatever. So 89 00:05:30.240 --> 00:05:33.439 now fast forward to the next day, which is Saturday. Gotta go up 90 00:05:33.480 --> 00:05:35.879 and get the car, Gotta go figure out how I'm gonna do this, 91 00:05:38.519 --> 00:05:40.319 you know, and all of these things. Now I'm going to back it 92 00:05:40.399 --> 00:05:43.920 up. Now, that is a pretty crappy week by all standards. It's 93 00:05:44.720 --> 00:05:48.240 it's a scary, crappy week. But it wasn't. Let me tell you 94 00:05:48.319 --> 00:05:51.879 why. It was a phenomenal week. I'm going to back up to last 95 00:05:51.959 --> 00:05:55.720 Sunday, and I'm only sharing this with anybody listening. If you're going through 96 00:05:55.720 --> 00:05:58.360 a rough time, yours might be a real rough time. Like I'm not 97 00:05:58.360 --> 00:06:00.800 saying my life is falling apart. I'm just saying it's been a trying week. 98 00:06:01.439 --> 00:06:05.199 And this is how I spun this in my head as each thing happened. 99 00:06:05.639 --> 00:06:08.720 Because a lot of people. Oh crappy week, dude, No, 100 00:06:08.959 --> 00:06:11.920 actually not at all. So let's go back to Sunday when I'm stuck for 101 00:06:11.920 --> 00:06:13.879 three and a half hours. I talked a little bit about this with you 102 00:06:14.199 --> 00:06:18.319 with my friends and next to Dudley's got to have great conversations and make jokes 103 00:06:18.360 --> 00:06:21.600 with those friends for three and a half hours while we bad mouth the towing 104 00:06:21.639 --> 00:06:25.920 company, which was kind of fun. You got to spend time with these 105 00:06:25.959 --> 00:06:28.120 people, and one of them even pointed out, dude, this is good 106 00:06:28.120 --> 00:06:31.439 for you. I'm glad this happened because you are always rushing off you never 107 00:06:31.519 --> 00:06:33.759 have time. And I'm like, yeah, you know what, You're right, 108 00:06:33.920 --> 00:06:40.439 so now let's yeah yep. Thought I was going to be fired, 109 00:06:40.759 --> 00:06:43.959 turned out to be, Hey, here's the best time to take vacation, 110 00:06:44.560 --> 00:06:46.279 and let's ramp up social media a little bit. You know. It's kind 111 00:06:46.279 --> 00:06:49.279 of the future of the business and the whole thing. One thing threatening a 112 00:06:49.319 --> 00:06:53.879 great meeting, just like, okay, cool up my game. Uh there's 113 00:06:53.920 --> 00:06:57.600 some challenges with that because I am trying to up my game with that, 114 00:06:57.639 --> 00:07:00.360 which means I'm using a new app and doing everything on my phone. That's 115 00:07:00.360 --> 00:07:03.720 a little challenging, or is it. Actually I'm learning something new that I'm 116 00:07:03.959 --> 00:07:08.680 forced to learn. Yeah, so that is a great thing. Yeah, 117 00:07:08.720 --> 00:07:14.240 my dad at the er, they ran what do you call it? They 118 00:07:14.360 --> 00:07:18.199 ran X rays on his chest, on his lungs, his heart, a 119 00:07:18.279 --> 00:07:23.120 CT scan on his brain. They did a full panel of blood a blood 120 00:07:23.160 --> 00:07:26.399 work. Turns out he had COVID. Not that that's a good thing, 121 00:07:26.800 --> 00:07:29.279 no, but here's the thing. So now I'm in the truck with him 122 00:07:29.319 --> 00:07:31.879 taking in there. We did wear masks. The ran back and I asked, 123 00:07:31.879 --> 00:07:34.759 what is my protocol now because if he's got this and I was just 124 00:07:34.800 --> 00:07:38.279 in the truck with the doctor says nothing, he goes. If you don't 125 00:07:38.319 --> 00:07:40.879 have symptoms, you just business as usual. I said, I don't warn 126 00:07:40.920 --> 00:07:43.040 anybody. He goes. You don't have to know. He goes. It's 127 00:07:43.079 --> 00:07:46.000 almost like the flu. Now he goes. But if you get symptoms, 128 00:07:46.079 --> 00:07:47.720 yes you quarantined for five days. But until then nothing, And I'm like, 129 00:07:47.800 --> 00:07:53.759 okay, So I drive my dad back. I went to the store 130 00:07:53.800 --> 00:07:57.120 and got him water and some other stuff. Turns out my stepmother has COVID 131 00:07:57.120 --> 00:08:01.680 as well, who's eighty three. Yeah, now that's rough, but think 132 00:08:01.680 --> 00:08:03.279 about what could have happened. I didn't know what was happening with my dad. 133 00:08:03.319 --> 00:08:05.600 They put him in a room right away before they knew had COVID. 134 00:08:05.600 --> 00:08:09.439 They were running all kinds of tests. It didn't look good or they wouldn't 135 00:08:09.439 --> 00:08:13.720 have done that. Yeah, mud pressure was low, heartbeat was like yeah. 136 00:08:13.720 --> 00:08:16.079 I was like, oh god, you know, and I've never seen 137 00:08:16.120 --> 00:08:20.360 my dad that fragile. He's now recovering. It was COVID. Sure it 138 00:08:20.480 --> 00:08:24.800 sucks, but he and Carmen, my stepmother, are recovering. Could have 139 00:08:24.800 --> 00:08:26.439 been a lot worse. Now let's fast forward to my son and his car. 140 00:08:28.480 --> 00:08:31.519 He was not on the freeway when the car went could put Oh thank 141 00:08:31.559 --> 00:08:39.039 god, and a freeway in LA during primetime traffic is not good, so 142 00:08:39.320 --> 00:08:43.440 he was not harmed. He made it to his destination, to his job 143 00:08:43.480 --> 00:08:46.960 because it's a professional theater. Yeah. And the next day, let's fast 144 00:08:46.960 --> 00:08:52.240 forward to that. I'm in the shop after being offered several trailers by friends 145 00:08:52.279 --> 00:08:58.039 to go up and get this car right. Yea, even my buddy's triple 146 00:08:58.080 --> 00:09:01.159 A he offered that does two hundred miles a to I don't even know anybody 147 00:09:01.200 --> 00:09:03.960 else who has a two hundred mile range of towing a vehicle. On Triple 148 00:09:03.000 --> 00:09:07.320 A. I didn't know it went that high, so I was gonna use 149 00:09:07.320 --> 00:09:09.759 that. But at the shot, my buddy Lawn goes, hey, dude, 150 00:09:09.919 --> 00:09:11.480 what are you up to today? I said, I got to pick 151 00:09:11.559 --> 00:09:13.360 up my son's car. Told him story. He goes, well, I'm 152 00:09:13.360 --> 00:09:15.840 not doing anything. Let me drive up in the truck behind you. I'll 153 00:09:15.919 --> 00:09:18.840 drive my truck, hook Bob's trailer up. Bob Lloyd who loaned me the 154 00:09:18.840 --> 00:09:20.480 trailer next door it to Lloyd's collision and paint. And yes, that was 155 00:09:20.480 --> 00:09:26.600 a shameless plug. He he went over, picked it up for me, 156 00:09:26.759 --> 00:09:31.320 hooked it up so that I could go home, clean my truck out, 157 00:09:31.360 --> 00:09:33.879 and leave my truck with my son instead of having to make two trips to 158 00:09:33.879 --> 00:09:39.559 take it with the trailer. So we get there and I go, dude, 159 00:09:39.879 --> 00:09:41.039 I go, I gotta pay you. I gotta do something. And 160 00:09:41.080 --> 00:09:43.720 then and I looked at my son and I said, look, I know 161 00:09:43.799 --> 00:09:48.000 the plan was for us to get the trailer back down with your car to 162 00:09:48.080 --> 00:09:50.559 San Diego and then Mom and I come back up to watch your show. 163 00:09:50.600 --> 00:09:52.360 But at this rate, I'm not gonna make it. There's no way I'll 164 00:09:52.360 --> 00:09:56.120 make it. So Mom's gonna come up alone. I'll see it August third. 165 00:09:56.360 --> 00:09:58.159 At least I can see it once. He goes, okay, I 166 00:09:58.159 --> 00:10:01.559 get it. Dad. Lawn looks at me and goes, no, you're 167 00:10:01.600 --> 00:10:05.320 not. He goes, I'm driving the trailer down, the truck the car. 168 00:10:05.799 --> 00:10:09.480 I will drop it off. Oh here's another thing. My friend Tom 169 00:10:09.559 --> 00:10:11.080 finds out about this and goes, hey, dude, don't drop it off 170 00:10:11.120 --> 00:10:13.639 at your house, drop it off at mine, because he's a former mechanic. 171 00:10:15.159 --> 00:10:16.840 And he goes, just let me look at it for you, so 172 00:10:16.960 --> 00:10:18.200 you at least know what you're getting into. I said, wait, really, 173 00:10:18.679 --> 00:10:24.679 he said yeah. So Ln takes the vehicle drops it off at Tom's 174 00:10:24.720 --> 00:10:26.480 house and I asked Tom too, I said, are you okay with this? 175 00:10:26.480 --> 00:10:28.960 Because I feel like I'm abandoning you guys doing me such a huge favor. 176 00:10:30.000 --> 00:10:33.840 He goes, Nope, see your son's show. Right. So I 177 00:10:33.960 --> 00:10:37.519 found out I didn't find out. I was reminded this week about how blessed 178 00:10:37.559 --> 00:10:41.440 I am, and especially in the area of friendship. I am not a 179 00:10:41.600 --> 00:10:48.720 rich man monetarily I do, okay, but I'm telling you I have several 180 00:10:48.840 --> 00:10:54.320 not just one or two. I have many lifelong friends who would give anything 181 00:10:54.399 --> 00:10:56.679 for me and I them, and I will tell you, doctor Jen, 182 00:10:58.039 --> 00:11:01.159 it is a blessed, phenomenal week. That is just me wanting to share 183 00:11:01.200 --> 00:11:03.480 my perspective. Now, this car may cost me a lot of money. 184 00:11:03.559 --> 00:11:07.600 I don't know, and I don't have it right now, but it's okay. 185 00:11:07.679 --> 00:11:09.960 You know what I have. I hate to say it if I need 186 00:11:09.039 --> 00:11:11.480 it a credit card, but at least I have it if I have to. 187 00:11:11.879 --> 00:11:16.240 Yeah. So the just all of that could have gone much worse. 188 00:11:16.480 --> 00:11:24.159 Yes, didn't it was. It was a challenging, stressful week and everything 189 00:11:24.320 --> 00:11:30.639 turned out quite well. And you have so much gratitude for your friends that 190 00:11:30.879 --> 00:11:33.720 stepped in and helped out in truly unexpected ways. It's it's fricking awesome. 191 00:11:33.879 --> 00:11:37.759 And I'm telling you, I do pray a lot, Jen. I'm telling 192 00:11:37.799 --> 00:11:39.000 you, doctor Jen. I know sometimes you may get sick of hairing this, 193 00:11:39.039 --> 00:11:41.559 but Jen, I'm not trying to push my stuff on anybody else. 194 00:11:43.000 --> 00:11:46.360 But I got to recognize God has blessed me and has watched out for me 195 00:11:46.440 --> 00:11:50.120 and my son and my father. That's just how it is. So Yeah, 196 00:11:50.600 --> 00:11:56.200 Anyway, if you're having a bad week, you know what, maybe 197 00:11:56.240 --> 00:11:58.360 you can turn it around. I don't know that's what I did. Well, 198 00:11:58.360 --> 00:12:01.480 there is, there's a lot to be so for one of the keys 199 00:12:01.559 --> 00:12:09.320 of happiness and like sustainable happiness in life is to find things to be grateful 200 00:12:09.360 --> 00:12:13.840 for and to literally make a daily practice of that and to see I think 201 00:12:13.919 --> 00:12:16.440 the only you know, I'll speak to you know, what you're doing, 202 00:12:16.440 --> 00:12:20.279 I think is great, right because you know, it was a tough week 203 00:12:20.440 --> 00:12:24.120 and you saw so much positive in it, and that's a great way to 204 00:12:24.120 --> 00:12:28.120 move through life. I would say that only dangers. Sometimes when folks do 205 00:12:28.159 --> 00:12:33.480 stuff like that of what I call quote unquote toxic positivity, they literally won't 206 00:12:33.519 --> 00:12:39.399 allow themselves to acknowledge that something's hard or that they're struggling, or that they're 207 00:12:39.440 --> 00:12:43.879 suffering, or if someone else's they'll be like, you know, only positive 208 00:12:43.000 --> 00:12:48.600 vibes, no bad energy, and that's horrible and it's bullshit. And those 209 00:12:48.639 --> 00:12:54.279 are people who are afraid to feel negative things. That is not like higher 210 00:12:54.399 --> 00:12:58.799 vibration in this world. That is fear based. Yeah, and then you're 211 00:12:58.840 --> 00:13:03.679 asked to other people. So that is a weird thing that, especially in 212 00:13:03.720 --> 00:13:09.039 southern California, we have around like you know, positive energy and but like 213 00:13:09.759 --> 00:13:11.679 yeah, so listen. I'm I'm with you on that, and this is 214 00:13:11.720 --> 00:13:15.519 why this was not that for me. No, I can tell it's not. 215 00:13:16.200 --> 00:13:18.399 No, it doesn't feel that way. It is, And just to 216 00:13:18.440 --> 00:13:22.080 be clear for anybody listening, the reason that it's not is it did start 217 00:13:22.120 --> 00:13:24.600 that way. It started out where I was just pissed off and oh my 218 00:13:24.639 --> 00:13:26.799 god, what the fuck else can go wrong? And then I just stopped 219 00:13:26.919 --> 00:13:31.080 and you know where it's you know where it turned around in the truck ride 220 00:13:31.320 --> 00:13:35.320 taking my son back up to LA to get his car and leave him there 221 00:13:35.399 --> 00:13:39.000 while he does his show, because the show must go on. He's not 222 00:13:39.000 --> 00:13:43.759 gonna lose his job over this. And I went, oh my god, 223 00:13:43.080 --> 00:13:46.440 you know what I get an I get two hours in the truck with you 224 00:13:46.799 --> 00:13:50.200 that I wouldn't have had. And you came down last night. You weren't 225 00:13:50.240 --> 00:13:54.440 coming home for a couple of months. Yeah, but it forced him to. 226 00:13:54.279 --> 00:13:56.559 And that's where I turned it around. That's where I went, you 227 00:13:56.600 --> 00:13:58.600 know what, I'm not going to have this kind of attitude. I'm gonna 228 00:13:58.639 --> 00:14:01.840 I'm gonna look at this as what could have gone wrong and did not, 229 00:14:01.399 --> 00:14:03.399 and how lucky and blessed I am. So No, I get it though, 230 00:14:03.600 --> 00:14:07.399 because there are people You're right that you're just like, shut the fuck 231 00:14:07.519 --> 00:14:11.200 up. Well and there. And the thing is what when I've come across 232 00:14:11.240 --> 00:14:16.200 that, which has been frequent, they they are very self righteous about it. 233 00:14:16.320 --> 00:14:20.279 Because I've I've based this like when I've done workshops and because my you 234 00:14:20.279 --> 00:14:28.159 know, I if people aren't addressing their struggles and their suffering and their insecurities 235 00:14:28.240 --> 00:14:31.799 and their fears, and and if that means first of all, they're not 236 00:14:33.039 --> 00:14:37.399 being honest with themselves and then giving themselves the space to actually process it and 237 00:14:37.440 --> 00:14:41.320 move through it, they just like pretend it's not there and stuff it down. 238 00:14:41.600 --> 00:14:45.679 Oh it's what I call putting icing on a ship cupcake, right, 239 00:14:45.720 --> 00:14:46.679 And I was like, no, I could, I could still smell the 240 00:14:46.720 --> 00:14:50.480 shit. But they are really bulling themselves. And then the problem with those 241 00:14:50.519 --> 00:14:58.639 people. At the core of compassion is compassion for other people is recognizing their 242 00:14:58.679 --> 00:15:01.799 struggles, recognizing that they're suffering in some way, recognizing that they're having a 243 00:15:01.840 --> 00:15:07.840 hard time, and it's having the mindfulness and the courage to actually be able 244 00:15:07.840 --> 00:15:13.159 to sit within feel that if you are a good ViBe's only person, not 245 00:15:13.320 --> 00:15:18.279 only are you denying your truth in your own personal growth. You're also not 246 00:15:18.440 --> 00:15:22.200 able to be compassionate to other people, and that's what serial killers are made 247 00:15:22.240 --> 00:15:26.039 of, by the way, But no, you you actually you were. 248 00:15:26.240 --> 00:15:30.399 I think if I remember the first person who made me sit and realize, 249 00:15:31.320 --> 00:15:35.120 let it settle, Let that uneasiness settle and recognize where it's coming from, 250 00:15:35.159 --> 00:15:37.159 and sit with it long enough. Yeah, not too long, but long 251 00:15:37.240 --> 00:15:41.840 enough to recognize and move on from it and build from there. Which I 252 00:15:43.000 --> 00:15:46.360 still remember that you told me this. That's the core of my your ago 253 00:15:46.559 --> 00:15:48.200 I think six months ago or whatever it was. No, it was why 254 00:15:48.240 --> 00:15:50.759 it was probably a few years ago. That's at the core of my book, 255 00:15:50.759 --> 00:15:54.159 how to Build Comfort with Discomfort. That's right, that's when you said, 256 00:15:54.159 --> 00:15:56.320 I just couldn't remember the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and 257 00:15:56.360 --> 00:16:00.960 then you know, tying it into then my friend Sarah who's a big fan 258 00:16:00.000 --> 00:16:07.399 of the show, Sarah shier Hi Sarah Hi, Sarah of the Compassionate nonprofit 259 00:16:07.600 --> 00:16:11.559 like I learned all about compassion and compassion research through her and classes that she 260 00:16:11.679 --> 00:16:15.320 teaches. So, oh wait, hold on, since we were just doing 261 00:16:15.360 --> 00:16:18.759 a shout out, can you do another shout out to my sister's birthday? 262 00:16:18.799 --> 00:16:25.240 This week. Hey, happy twenty ninth birthday, sister. She's I could 263 00:16:25.279 --> 00:16:27.120 say, she doesn't care. She's fifty four. She'll turn fifty four tomorrow. 264 00:16:27.120 --> 00:16:33.279 We're recording on July seventeenth, So happy birthday, teener, and I'll 265 00:16:33.320 --> 00:16:34.919 be I'll be there next week so I'll get to celebrate in person with her. 266 00:16:34.919 --> 00:16:37.759 We're gonna do it. We have to do it. It's gonna it's 267 00:16:37.759 --> 00:16:41.480 gonna be a tune ou, but let's do it. Happy birthday day to 268 00:16:41.240 --> 00:16:47.600 you, give it all you got. Happy birthday to you, as doctor 269 00:16:47.639 --> 00:17:00.720 jenn Is bouncing hap. Happy birthday, dear Teene, Happy birthday too you. 270 00:17:00.840 --> 00:17:03.519 That was me blowing out your candle. Hey, we've never sag any 271 00:17:03.600 --> 00:17:07.119 happy birthday to anybody on this show. I guess because people don't like it. 272 00:17:07.160 --> 00:17:11.400 I'm sure. Oh did that sound horrible? Well? I am positive 273 00:17:11.440 --> 00:17:15.799 My sister is gleeful right now, and that's worth it. That's all that 274 00:17:15.839 --> 00:17:18.559 matters. Our three listeners who just tuned out now they're back in. I 275 00:17:18.640 --> 00:17:22.599 don't it's worth it. Everyone else is warrified. Okay, Well, let 276 00:17:22.599 --> 00:17:27.880 me get back to then. Those books that I said Reuben gave me and 277 00:17:27.920 --> 00:17:32.000 I wanted to share this other one, which is the one I've already started, 278 00:17:32.200 --> 00:17:34.920 because we don't live together, you know, and we see each other 279 00:17:36.000 --> 00:17:37.880 multiple times a week, but he lives with his kids halftime, and he's 280 00:17:37.960 --> 00:17:41.680 up in Rancho Penasquitos and I'm down in Pacific Beach in San Diego, and 281 00:17:41.759 --> 00:17:45.799 so we have about twenty twenty five minutes between us. So and I always 282 00:17:45.799 --> 00:17:47.880 know when you're at your house, by the way, recording on zoom and 283 00:17:47.880 --> 00:17:51.960 his, because with yours it's a multi colored brick wall background and with his 284 00:17:52.480 --> 00:17:56.759 it's these really nice palm trees all yeah in his kitchen. Yeah, really 285 00:17:56.799 --> 00:18:03.200 really nice. Either one I like. Yeah. So the other book he 286 00:18:03.279 --> 00:18:07.960 got me is called A Couple's Journal, A year of us, one question 287 00:18:07.039 --> 00:18:12.119 a day to spark fun and meaningful conversations. And so I started it. 288 00:18:12.160 --> 00:18:15.599 And so what I thought I'd do that if we're together on a day, 289 00:18:15.640 --> 00:18:18.559 then we could fill it out together. But I started it two days ago, 290 00:18:18.799 --> 00:18:23.079 and so on July fifteenth, I started it and it says what's your 291 00:18:23.119 --> 00:18:29.039 idea of a special weekend together and why? And so then you could see 292 00:18:29.119 --> 00:18:32.759 Clint. So it's got like half a page space in this journal, and 293 00:18:32.799 --> 00:18:34.440 so I took up like half the spit and just put Jay for me, 294 00:18:34.759 --> 00:18:37.920 and then I left the space for him to write in his and then I 295 00:18:37.920 --> 00:18:41.880 did day two, which is, what are the words you would most like 296 00:18:41.960 --> 00:18:48.319 to hear me utter about you in my sleep? Such an interesting question. 297 00:18:48.480 --> 00:18:51.400 Now, wait, just so so that I because I was so interested in 298 00:18:51.440 --> 00:18:53.279 looking at your book, I didn't hear something you said, is this the 299 00:18:53.279 --> 00:18:56.200 first book or this is the second book you were going to show us? 300 00:18:56.240 --> 00:19:00.480 Well, I showed you the first one that was four hundred questions, and 301 00:19:00.519 --> 00:19:03.200 then this is a day by day though, so it's numbered day wise. 302 00:19:03.279 --> 00:19:06.200 Okay, because I think this one's one I have even more interesting because I 303 00:19:06.279 --> 00:19:07.880 like that day by day stuff. Yeah, no, it's super cool. 304 00:19:07.960 --> 00:19:11.200 The other one is really great. I would suggest four because I'm gonna start 305 00:19:11.240 --> 00:19:15.759 suggesting it to clients to use on a date night, to use on a 306 00:19:15.799 --> 00:19:18.759 long road trip, to use on a weekend away. Just flip through the 307 00:19:18.759 --> 00:19:22.880 book and ask each other some questions. I think that is great because there's 308 00:19:22.920 --> 00:19:25.960 four hundred of them, like, huh, pick some good ones. But 309 00:19:26.000 --> 00:19:27.759 then this one is a really nice day by day thing, and like literally 310 00:19:27.839 --> 00:19:33.799 you're talking you and your partner sit down like less than five minutes and jot 311 00:19:33.839 --> 00:19:36.759 down your answers, so my thoughts. Since we don't live together, I'm 312 00:19:36.799 --> 00:19:40.680 going to also do day three today. So, which is what famous story 313 00:19:40.720 --> 00:19:44.880 book or movie character did you relate to most as a child and how did 314 00:19:44.920 --> 00:19:48.440 it reflect your inner struggle at that time in your life. I actually have 315 00:19:48.480 --> 00:19:51.039 no idea how I'm going to answer that. Yeah, you think about that 316 00:19:51.079 --> 00:19:55.799 one. I was never kind of wired like that, so, I mean, 317 00:19:55.839 --> 00:19:57.640 nor was I honestly. I mean I'm a big movie guy, but 318 00:19:57.720 --> 00:20:00.759 yeah, I never thought as a kid, who who do I most? 319 00:20:00.799 --> 00:20:03.680 Well? Anyway, Yeah, it was funny. I think of the fawns 320 00:20:03.720 --> 00:20:07.559 on TV. Well, not that I identify. He was just the one 321 00:20:07.559 --> 00:20:10.559 that I was like, Oh, that's who I want to be, you 322 00:20:10.680 --> 00:20:12.240 know? Or is that what it means? I guess that's what it means, 323 00:20:12.279 --> 00:20:15.839 right, It could absolutely. Yeah, it's not a movie, but 324 00:20:15.880 --> 00:20:18.039 it's a TV show. Yeah. You I can't even imagine because you're not 325 00:20:18.160 --> 00:20:22.559 a movie buff or a TV buff. No. I mean I I read 326 00:20:22.559 --> 00:20:25.480 books all the time, though, so and of course, well here's the 327 00:20:25.480 --> 00:20:27.079 thing. I'm not a buff because I just don't remember things like your brain 328 00:20:27.160 --> 00:20:30.880 does, and so many other men's brains seem to. I mean, I 329 00:20:30.920 --> 00:20:33.200 watched TV, I watched movies. I loved all of that, and I 330 00:20:33.279 --> 00:20:36.599 read all the time. So I was constantly surrounded by, you know, 331 00:20:36.799 --> 00:20:40.720 characters, but I wasn't sort of wired that, you know, I didn't 332 00:20:40.759 --> 00:20:45.640 have like an inner struggle that then, you know, I could identify with 333 00:20:45.680 --> 00:20:48.079 a character who gave me strength or courage or a different way of doing thing. 334 00:20:48.279 --> 00:20:52.400 That's not how I don't I don't know that's that's not how your emotions 335 00:20:52.480 --> 00:20:56.839 or your brain works. No, they don't. I wait, let me 336 00:20:56.880 --> 00:20:59.160 ask you this real quick. Hold on, because that's a great Now that 337 00:20:59.200 --> 00:21:03.960 you've said this, I get stuck sometimes on work books like mine. Is 338 00:21:04.240 --> 00:21:07.920 the disease to please? Yes, certain thing, I'm like, I don't 339 00:21:07.920 --> 00:21:10.400 know how they want me to do this or how I want to do this. 340 00:21:10.480 --> 00:21:11.200 I don't get it. Yeah, what do you do? Then? 341 00:21:11.240 --> 00:21:15.200 Do you skip it? Or do you no? So I was thinking about 342 00:21:15.240 --> 00:21:21.920 for me, But then I started thinking about what was there certain characters I'm 343 00:21:21.960 --> 00:21:26.119 particularly in a book that I just most loved. And I mean there was 344 00:21:26.119 --> 00:21:30.799 once I read when I was a little kid, there was like the Beverly 345 00:21:30.880 --> 00:21:33.960 Cleary books and stuff like that and Nancy Drew and I know I like that, 346 00:21:33.000 --> 00:21:37.799 but I actually don't like nothing specific stays with me. So honestly, 347 00:21:37.839 --> 00:21:42.039 the book that I most remember from like I think my Maybeh I was fourteen 348 00:21:42.240 --> 00:21:48.759 or something, fifteen sixteen, I don't know was the book it by Stephen 349 00:21:48.839 --> 00:21:51.400 King. Oh my god, I read that book and it was like eight 350 00:21:51.519 --> 00:21:55.279 hundred and fifty pages. I read that book, yes, and it was 351 00:21:55.400 --> 00:21:59.599 so like I still feel it, like I miss those characters when I was 352 00:21:59.680 --> 00:22:02.559 done. It was so compelling, it was scary. I think it was 353 00:22:02.599 --> 00:22:07.039 my first like real introduction to like horror and scary movies like that. And 354 00:22:07.079 --> 00:22:10.839 but I so I don't know. That doesn't answer the question, But that's 355 00:22:10.880 --> 00:22:12.400 probably what I would do if I don't have an answer for the question. 356 00:22:12.519 --> 00:22:15.839 I'm gonna whatever still comes to mind, I'm gonna jot that down so that 357 00:22:15.920 --> 00:22:19.319 I'm still answering something and still giving something of myself. I mean, that's 358 00:22:19.319 --> 00:22:23.279 what most matters with these questions, that you're revealing something that maybe you haven't 359 00:22:23.279 --> 00:22:26.480 talked about before with your partner or you haven't shared in a while. But 360 00:22:26.519 --> 00:22:30.880 see, I love that because the fact that you're even talking about this because 361 00:22:30.799 --> 00:22:33.359 just by chance you're you're telling us about these books, and here you come 362 00:22:33.359 --> 00:22:36.279 to a point where you're like, I'm not sure how to answer it, 363 00:22:36.279 --> 00:22:38.519 but I'm gonna find a way, And now that helps me, and maybe 364 00:22:38.559 --> 00:22:42.759 there's others like me, because I get stuck and I just spend it in 365 00:22:42.799 --> 00:22:47.480 my mind going, well, I want to answer this correct I get way 366 00:22:47.519 --> 00:22:49.319 over analytical. Well I'm not sure what they mean, and how do I 367 00:22:49.359 --> 00:22:52.759 answer this? And and well I'm not sure, so I'll skip it. 368 00:22:52.799 --> 00:22:53.920 But I don't want to skip it because I don't want to move forward past 369 00:22:53.920 --> 00:22:56.400 it, and then I get stuck. Seriously, so I would to me, 370 00:22:56.799 --> 00:23:00.000 I think it's better to be to take the approach. There's not a 371 00:23:00.039 --> 00:23:04.799 perfect way to do it. If you are. If you're not answering questions 372 00:23:04.839 --> 00:23:08.000 because they feel too scary or you want to avoid her and they feel too 373 00:23:08.119 --> 00:23:12.000 uncomfortable, excuse me, that's one thing. Make yourself answered. If you're 374 00:23:12.039 --> 00:23:15.480 not answering because you're like A, I actually don't feel like I have an 375 00:23:15.480 --> 00:23:18.200 answer, it doesn't resonate with me. Then just jot something down, or 376 00:23:18.240 --> 00:23:21.359 even jot that down, and then move on to the next one. The 377 00:23:21.400 --> 00:23:25.440 thing is also sometimes I know when I've done that because the question got planted 378 00:23:25.480 --> 00:23:26.839 in my head. It could be a few days later and then I'm like, 379 00:23:26.960 --> 00:23:30.200 oh my god, I totally do have an answer for it. And 380 00:23:30.240 --> 00:23:33.680 then you can go back to it, but just don't. Don't let it 381 00:23:33.720 --> 00:23:37.240 stop you like, let it, let it shift to match who you are, 382 00:23:38.240 --> 00:23:41.240 and then keep moving forward. And then so let me read tomorrow's I 383 00:23:41.240 --> 00:23:45.960 haven't even read this one yet. If you could be totally absolved of something 384 00:23:47.000 --> 00:23:51.799 you regret, what would you ask forgiveness for? Oh my god, boy, 385 00:23:51.799 --> 00:23:55.880 that would dig out the worms? Wow? I don't know. Yeah, 386 00:23:55.920 --> 00:23:56.759 god, I mean, I'd like to think I haven't done too many 387 00:23:56.759 --> 00:24:00.480 horrible things. But boy, if you dig deep on that one, I 388 00:24:00.519 --> 00:24:03.839 know what's that book? This one? This is a year of us one 389 00:24:03.920 --> 00:24:11.319 question a day to spark fun and meaningful conversations. Okay by Alicia Munnos. 390 00:24:11.480 --> 00:24:15.559 Oh god, Alicia Munos, Oh no, is this not gonna? Let 391 00:24:15.559 --> 00:24:18.559 me hold on my computers, give me fun, shut up? And it's 392 00:24:18.599 --> 00:24:22.799 a year of us. Yeah. Wait, why do you say shut up? 393 00:24:22.839 --> 00:24:26.079 What's going on? The author? I think? I I think I 394 00:24:26.119 --> 00:24:30.119 wrote a blurb for her like two years ago with another book she had. 395 00:24:30.559 --> 00:24:34.720 I reviewed the book. I think, oh my god, this is only 396 00:24:34.839 --> 00:24:40.039 seven ninety five paperback. Really really, I don't know. Yeah, it's 397 00:24:40.079 --> 00:24:42.079 fourteen ninety nine on the back. Does it look like this? Yeah, 398 00:24:42.119 --> 00:24:45.759 but yours is hardcover. Mine is mine? No, it's soft. No, 399 00:24:45.799 --> 00:24:48.720 it's soft cover for seven ninety five. Yeah. Oh is it because 400 00:24:48.720 --> 00:24:52.160 it's prime. No, it doesn't say it's crime. Oh, that's right, 401 00:24:52.160 --> 00:24:53.920 it is prime. I'm doing it. I'm ordering this right Noway, 402 00:24:55.519 --> 00:24:57.319 a year of US one US. I don't know this one meaningful conversations at 403 00:24:57.359 --> 00:25:03.519 least, that's it. Yeah, hell yes, Oh my god, yeah, 404 00:25:03.559 --> 00:25:06.440 it's fifteen so funny. I didn't even look at the author's names on 405 00:25:06.480 --> 00:25:07.599 these, and I was like, I actually recognize her. So anyway, 406 00:25:07.759 --> 00:25:11.319 so my thought to do, since we don't live together, and for other 407 00:25:11.359 --> 00:25:15.599 folks who may be in that boat, I'm going to fill it out every 408 00:25:15.680 --> 00:25:18.400 day and then give it to him and then he's got to play catch up 409 00:25:18.519 --> 00:25:22.119 a little bit. Yeah, and then he'll have it then, you know, 410 00:25:22.359 --> 00:25:25.480 till I see him again. So he'll have it for a couple of 411 00:25:25.480 --> 00:25:27.640 these, and we could just keep swapping it back and forth, and so 412 00:25:27.680 --> 00:25:30.200 then he'll fill out the days when I'm not there, and then when I 413 00:25:30.240 --> 00:25:33.079 get it back, I'll fill those in and then keep moving forward. I 414 00:25:33.119 --> 00:25:37.160 love that, and it's but here's the thing too, that it's you may 415 00:25:37.200 --> 00:25:38.759 have said this, I apologize, and now I'm ordering this as we speak 416 00:25:38.799 --> 00:25:41.400 because I don't want to drop the ball on this. No, no, 417 00:25:41.400 --> 00:25:42.759 no, this is resonating with me. And normally you say, don't do 418 00:25:42.799 --> 00:25:48.160 other stuff, but I gotta get this ordered. The thing is is it's 419 00:25:48.200 --> 00:25:51.640 not just good for you as a couple. I think this is amazing for 420 00:25:51.680 --> 00:25:53.920 you just as a person, even though you're trying to share it with the 421 00:25:53.960 --> 00:25:56.880 other person. Yeah, I'll bet it's things that you haven't thought about ever 422 00:25:57.000 --> 00:26:00.119 or in years, like things like oh yeah, yeah, no, what 423 00:26:00.160 --> 00:26:03.359 about that? Yeah No, I think it's super interesting. I mean, 424 00:26:03.400 --> 00:26:06.519 it's fun, and it truly does. If it's taking you more than a 425 00:26:06.559 --> 00:26:10.559 few minutes, then maybe the question isn't resonating with you. And then, 426 00:26:10.680 --> 00:26:12.440 like I said, that's okay right down. You know, I don't have 427 00:26:12.480 --> 00:26:15.799 an answer for this, but this is what popped in my mind, So 428 00:26:15.880 --> 00:26:19.000 somehow it's connected in my brain even if it doesn't answer the question. And 429 00:26:19.079 --> 00:26:26.799 I'm so frickin Alicia Muno's right, yeah, okay, it'll come up Munos. 430 00:26:26.920 --> 00:26:29.240 Yeah, yeah, there it is. Okay, yeah, yeah, 431 00:26:29.279 --> 00:26:33.319 I'm ordering it. This is great. And the other one was the Couple's 432 00:26:33.359 --> 00:26:40.400 Quiz book, uh questions for Couple's Journal, four hundred questions to enjoy. 433 00:26:40.599 --> 00:26:41.480 I mean, I won't do that one yet because I don't want to get 434 00:26:41.480 --> 00:26:44.759 like no, yeah, yeah, eight us. I haven't done any one 435 00:26:44.799 --> 00:26:47.240 of them. The one a year one I think is a good place to 436 00:26:47.279 --> 00:26:52.039 start. So I love that anyway. And ye Rubin for getting such neat 437 00:26:52.279 --> 00:26:56.519 anniversary. Seriously, that bohunk deserves a credit. Yeah, and then we 438 00:26:56.559 --> 00:27:00.200 always do. We had a beautiful brunch at Lava Alencia in La Joya. 439 00:27:00.480 --> 00:27:06.200 We went for Sunday brunch there. So if it's too personal, you don't 440 00:27:06.240 --> 00:27:08.119 have to answer. I'm gonna look it up anyway, is it. I 441 00:27:08.119 --> 00:27:11.240 mean it's probably fairly expensive because I thought about taking my wife to that, 442 00:27:11.240 --> 00:27:14.559 but I never really Oh yeah, I know, I've actually never eaten there. 443 00:27:14.559 --> 00:27:15.200 I only had a drink there, but I was like, I'm always 444 00:27:15.200 --> 00:27:18.559 like, oh, this is super expensive. You know what it wasn't. 445 00:27:18.119 --> 00:27:22.960 It wasn't nearly as expensive as I thought at all, basically because like in 446 00:27:22.119 --> 00:27:27.000 peb Pacific Beach, here used to be cheap food and since COVID times price 447 00:27:27.039 --> 00:27:32.480 has gone up. Go to like a just a cafe and get like an 448 00:27:32.559 --> 00:27:37.960 omelet for breakfast that's like sixteen dollars, And I really so the omelet. 449 00:27:37.000 --> 00:27:41.359 I got the vegetarian omelet that I got there. I think it was nineteen 450 00:27:41.480 --> 00:27:45.319 dollars. Yeah, three dollars more for the atmosphere plus the Yeah, I 451 00:27:45.519 --> 00:27:48.480 reserved it online like two months ago or something, and I told him it 452 00:27:48.519 --> 00:27:52.839 was our two year anniversary. We got the best seat in the house. 453 00:27:52.920 --> 00:27:56.880 We were out on the terrace at the far end, overlooking the ocean and 454 00:27:56.920 --> 00:28:03.079 overlooking like it was. Now. I'm gonna freaking make a reservation for that. 455 00:28:03.119 --> 00:28:08.960 Okay, awesome, all right, we can end our podcast. You're 456 00:28:08.960 --> 00:28:12.799 gonna owe me money, damn it. I'm trying to keep up with the 457 00:28:12.799 --> 00:28:18.160 the doctor Jens. Yeah, no, you know what, it's not keeping 458 00:28:18.240 --> 00:28:22.400 up with the Joneses, it's keeping up with the Gens like that. Well, 459 00:28:22.680 --> 00:28:25.839 it makes me happy that I live a lifestyle now that somebody would even 460 00:28:25.839 --> 00:28:33.000 say that about so okay okay Joe Chow be I like that