You're listening to KFI AM six forty on demand, so I'm PFI A and
six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. I know you've been
waiting for this. I've been talking about this for a couple of weeks.
This is my Doctor Wendy after Dark Special, and we're calling it Worthy of
Love because I fully believe that every single human on the planet is worthy of
love. There are many people who find it difficult to find partners sometimes because
they're lacking relationship skills and a lot of that, and they have a faulty
model for love and a lot of that is taught in their home, in
their family of origin. Other people may have different abilities, As one of
my upcoming guests tells me, not to use the word disabilities. Different abilities.
Maybe those different abilities may be physical or maybe mental, maybe they're not
neurotypical, if you will, or maybe there's something that they've done or experienced
in their past that causes some stigma. And oh, don't we love to
shame people? Don't we love to tell somebody that they're not good enough,
that we're better than them. It's something that humans do and it's very,
very cruel. On this show, you are going to meet a number of
people who have had difficulty finding mates but have succeeded. They've succeeded because they
had self esteem and self worth, they believed in love, they believed in
themselves. Before we get going, I want to remind you I have a
PhD in clinical psychology. I'm a psychology professor at cal State Channel Islands.
I've written three books on relationships because the science of love is my passion,
and my dissertation was done on attachment theory. I'm not a therapist, although
I'm a veteran of participating in therapy for good eighteen years, and I just
love to report on all the various aspects of interpersonal relationships and human bonding.
And I want to tell you how I got the idea for this special.
It came from the guests who I'm about to introduce. I got a call
from someone wanting to connect me with a woman who they said is so dynamic
and she has this great idea for a matchmaking service and she was going to
help all these people who are different or might be stigmatized in some way find
mates. When I got her on the phone, I was so impressed with
her poise, her ability to describe the problem, and the fact that she's
getting at it and solving this problem. Her matchmaking service is called Loveworthy and
believe it or not, it's the first and only all inclusive matchmaking service.
It specializes in matching adults with each other. They may be people who experienced
incarceration. They may be people who worked in the adult film industry. They
may be people that are LGBTQIA plus, or people who practice ethical non monogamy.
This Loveworthy matchmaking service is body positive and it is all inclusive. They
promised to work with everyone from all backgrounds, all ages who are seeking traditional
or non traditional relationships. They believe everyone is worthy of love. I would
like to welcome the founder, Eve Marlowe. Hi, Eve, Hello,
thank you so much for having me. It's such a pleasure to meet you
in person. After that dynamic phone conversation we had earlier. Absolutely, so
let's start with your experience that gave you the idea to create this kind of
matchmaking service. I can believe you, see this is the business of radio.
They can't see you that such a beautiful, attractive woman would ever have
a difficult time finding a mate, Why was it tough for you? So
I am actually a retired adult film star, and that I mean, dating
is already hard, right, So for the average person, dating is already
difficult for a lot of people, But then you add this layer of being
an adult film star where you go to a restaurant and you might get recognized
by the staff. It puts a lot of pressure on the people that you're
dating, and a lot of people aren't comfortable with it. I was having
a tough time on the dating apps when I would tell people I wanted to
be open and honest about my job, and when I told them, they
automatically went to hooking up with me. So I gonna go one of two
ways, right, like, oh, that's cool, can we meet tonight?
Or uh, thank you very much, ma'am moving along one hundred percent.
And it was really hard to convince these people that I was ready for
a long term, committed partnership while still being an adult film star. They
couldn't because at the time you were still working in the industry. I was,
and so I went to a matchmaker because I thought, Okay, this
online dating thing is not working, and I don't know where to find people.
So I went to a matchmaker. It's an old school matchmaker, the
match in person. So you tell them what you're looking for and then they
have a vast network of people and then they set you up on a date
with high quality people who are compatible with you. And I thought, great,
this is exactly what I need, so I don't waste my time swiping
for hours anymore. And I went to this matchmaker and I did a phone
interview with her. We were on facetimes. She said that she loved my
looks, she loved my personality. She was super excited, and then she
asked me what I did for work, and I want wanted to be honest
with her because I want someone to accept me for all of me and adult
work is a part of me and it's been a part of my life for
a long time and I want someone who is okay with that. So I
was honest with her, and I told her that I was in the adult
industry and she just said, oh no, I can't. I can't take
you on as a client. She didn't think that any of her members would
want to date me, and she also just she said that if she took
on someone of my kind, then you're kind. Oh no, did she
say that this woman with three heads I can't manage your kind? I exactly
if she took on someone of my kind, then she would start to attract
more people like me, and she, god forbid, might become a matchmaker
for porn stars, because that would be awful, right, Oh my goodness.
Yeah, So Eve, tell me what that experience felt like to you.
Emotionally, It was very difficult because it was not the first time I
had been rejected. So when you sign up to be in the adult industry
of any kind, you start to experience rejection of all kinds. Sometimes it's
from your parents. Luckily that wasn't my case. Shout out mom. Sometimes
it's you know, when you're applying for other jobs, a lot of people
won't hire you if you have done adult work, and it's definitely you get
a ton of rejection from potential matches and potential lovers. So I was just
getting turned down again and again and again, and I felt like I was
getting dehumanized when everyone was turning to wanting sex right after I told them my
career, and when she said that she couldn't help me. This was my
last resort. This was really like the last, the last you know,
end that I could do. I had already tried it all. I tried
in person, I tried online dating. I was swiping for hours, I
was going on bad dates or not even making it to the date, and
she was like my last hope. And when she told me that she couldn't
help me, I felt devastated, like like I wasn't worthy of love,
like no one would love me because of my choice and career. So we
have to go to break and when we come back, you're going to tell
us how this seed became the beginning of your new business, Loveworthy. You're
listening to The Doctor Wendywell Show and KFI AM six forty were live everywhere on
the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to KFI AM six forty on demand. Welcome
back to the Doctor Wendywell Show on KFI AM six forty live everywhere on the
iHeartRadio app. This is my very special two hour Worthy of Love Show because
I believe everybody is worthy of love. My guest Eve Marlowe, founder of
love Worthy, which is an all inclusive matchmaking service. Eve also is a
retired actress from the adult film industry. Okay, Eve, So you went
to a matchmaker even she rejected you the apps weren't working. How did this
become the seed of your new business? Well, first I cried a little
bit, and then I realized that there was a gap in the market,
that it was untapped and it needed someone to come into this business and fill
it. And we should say that you are a trained, licensed matchmaker.
You went to a school for this, I am. I did. I
went to an institute for matchmaking and I got my certification pretty much right after
I got rejected. I used that to fuel my passion for finding other people
love who have difficulty just like I do. So it's interesting that although you
yourself aren't focused on finding love for yourself at this time, you're now working
to help others. How did that come about? I'm always open to finding
love, but right now I am so focused on helping other people find love.
It's really fulfilling so much in me right now, and I just,
yeah, I love what I did. I know what Sigmund Freud would call
that, by the way he calls it sublimation. Sublimation is a defense mechanism
against psychic pain, where you take your own pain, you recognize that pain
in other people, you go to care and help and heal them, and
at the same time, you heal yourself. It's self consoling. Well,
that is exactly what's happening, exactly. That's one of the reasons why people,
by the way, who have been through addiction treatment often become sponsors to
help others because it continues their own healing while they're they're helping others. So
tell me about your clients. What kind of people do you represent? What
kind of people? I said, like that matchmaker. No, No,
not at all. It's there's a huge variety of people that we have in
our database. So we have a woman who owns a law firm, but
she's open minded and okay that I was an adult film actress, and that
she may be dating people in the adult industry. And then we have people
that are in the adult industry of course looking for love. Sometimes we match
them up with other people in the adult industry, and sometimes we match them
up with people who are not so all. I just asked this question because
I know every listener is thinking it right now. When you have sex on
camera, is that very different than having sex with someone you're in love with
it definitely is for me anyways. But I feel like it's more like a
one day hookup, you know, like when you hook up with someone and
it's just like that one night flaing. That's kind kind of what a movie
is. It's like it's just a fling when you're in love with someone.
That adds a whole different layer and depth to the intimacy. Interesting. Well,
thanks for sharing that. Okay, So you also mentioned that your body
positive. I know that some people are stigmatized in our culture for having non
traditional body types. You represent people like that as well as LGBTQ. Absolutely,
we are all inclusive, non judgmental, open minded, and we firmly
believe that everyone is worthy of love and can find love, and we have
been proving that. Can you tell me a story of somebody you matched,
Yes, definitely. So. We had an adult film star and she felt
just very similarly to how I did, and she was kind of on her
last She wasn't feeling good about herself her dating life, and she actually was
thinking about exiting the industry just so that she could find love. The problem
is, even when you exit the industry, even when you've retired, there
are still people who won't accept that that was your past. Oh even if
you don't love to judge people's past too, yeah, present exactly exactly.
So I reassured her that there are open minded individuals and she is capable of
being loved, and we set her up with someone who was not in the
industry and just open minded to it, and she ended up staying in the
industry and they have been together for a few months now. Isn't that wonderful?
So how can people contact you? And how can people be represented by
you as a matchmaker at Loveworthy? So our website is loveworthy dot us,
as is our Instagram and our Twitter is loveworthy underscore us loveworthy dot us,
loveworthy dot us. Yes, I love that, not us US. It's
all about us asks together, Eve Marlowe, I wish you every success.
Thank you so much for giving me the idea for this show, and thank
you for the good work that you do for so many people. Thank you
so much for having me. There's another group of people who are having often
great difficulty finding mates, sometimes because they're stigmatized, but more often because they're
not neurotypical and they're missing many social skills and relationship skills. Next up,
I have a dating coach who only helps. She's like the wing woman.
She helps people who are on the autism spectrum. Let's meet Mandy when we
come back. You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI AM six
forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to KFI AM
six forty on demand. Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show and KFI
AM six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. This is my very special
Worthy of Love episode because I believe everybody is worthy of love. I know
that probably therapists see people all the time who go into a therapist's office saying
I'm lonely. We know that chronic loneliness is epidemic in our country right now,
and so I thought I would invite on a mental health professional who hears
these stories every single day and helps people, you know, bolster their self
esteem enough to find the love they deserve. So I'd like to welcome doctor
Eva Ritfo, a Miami based psychiatrist with a clinical practice. Hello, doctor
Ritfou, how are you hi, Doctor Wendy Walls. It's a pleasure to
be with you. So do you see are you seeing this epidemic of chronic
loneliness in our culture? Well, I'm sad to say absolutely yes, it's
very very common. It's common amongst all ages, it's common amongst everybody that
I see that people are having a much harder time connecting than they did in
the past. And what kinds of interventions are you able to do? How
are you able to help people get out of the state. Well, I
am a psychiatrist, So if a state has progressed really to a depression where
they're not able to get out and try to participate in the world, sometimes
people do need medication, but more often we use different forms of psychotherapy to
help them gather the tools to understand why they're having difficulty connecting and be who
might be an appropriate person to connect with, and then how to hang in
there when relationships get difficult, because in our you know, sort of fast
paced world, what I'm finding is people are also too quick to give up,
and sometimes they just need a little encouragement because all relationships take work,
and so sometimes it might just be as simple as helping them problems solve with
the relationships they're in, you know, I often say relationships are far more
about skill than luck, and that relationship skills can be learned at any time
in the lifespan. So I'm glad you're doing this work now. I agree,
and I agree, and I disagree because I think, you know,
relationships are also a lot about timing, and at certain times, in certain
geographical locations, it's much easier to get into relationship. And what I find
is that people get older, more set in their ways, more set in
the circles that they go in. Then I think relationships do, in fact
become much harder to find. So I think your skill set improves as you
get older, but the cards get start to get stacked against you at a
certain point in your life, and so people need really a lot of support
and encouragement to get out there and try, and to be willing to fail,
fall on their face and try again. I think I find that,
you know, particularly as people get older, they just need a lot of
support. Some of them may have had good skills, but they have used
them in a while, and they may not be bumping into the right people
right because a mating marketplace changes when we live ramatically, Yes, when we
live in different places now, I've always been under the impression that people with
physical disabilities physical differences have a much harder time finding mates. Is that true?
Well, I would respectfully disagree with you, Wendy. We have a
project called the Bold Duty Project where we take women with disabilities, paired them
with photographers and create our shows. So I have a fairly large sample size
of women with we say, disabilities or even different abilities, as my daughter
Joy likes to say. And people who have disabilities oftentimes were raised in a
more intimate family setting because they need help with many things daily living. They
are more used to being in relationship, asking for help, being around other
people, being patient and kind. And so what I find in the Bold
Duty Project is many, many, many, many of these women are really
happily married. And then when I go out to dinner with my friends,
you know, or we all can't connect with anybody because we're all strong,
independent women and it's hard for us to let people into help. So I
think you really have to take each each example one by one, but to
recognize that there is always a gift in disability, which is that you are
asking someone for help, and then the person who's giving help feels good in
the process. And so you know, remember in Legally Blonde, when she
drops the thing and then she does the vendan snap, Yes, he could
pick it up for her, because helping is a very human characteristic and people
do feel good when they help. So I think, you know, we
want to watch our generalizations, both in the positive and the negative. Each
person is very unique. But I do see a lot of beautiful connections in
the women that I've worked with with disabilities, beautiful marriages, beautiful long term
relations of beautiful relationships with families that are more intimate and more involved than in
other families, as well as caretakers. You know, just having a caretaker
teaches you the skill of how to get along exactly. You know, I
say that some of us are just too independent, and we have dependency issues
that we don't trust love, we don't trust being able to depend on others.
But if you've grown up your whole life depending on others, it's a
natural progression to transfer that to a romantic relationship. Well said, Now you
mentioned your daughter Joy, and joy it is a daughter with different abilities,
having a daughter growing up that way and being a parent. Now not a
psychiatrist, did you worry about her romantic future. Well, Joy has always
liked boys, and she has always been very brave and very outgoing and very
active with her dating, starting at a younger age that than some and so
you know more, I worried about the quality of men that she would attract,
because of course she's a very high quality woman. So that was really
my worry. And she certainly, I think, you know, like all
of us, in her younger days, I think she's made a few,
you know, too many compromises to receive affection from a man. But I
think she's matured and has a beautiful story to tell. Now how old is
Joy now? Oh, well, she's twenty nine. Sucks like I am,
just exactly so Joy. Joy had a beautiful, gorgeous, romantic wedding
last year, of which I was honored to attend as a guest. When
we come back, we will meet Joy and hear her love story. You're
listening to the Doctor Wendywall Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere
on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to KFI AM six forty on demand.
Come back Wendywell Show, I Am six forty Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
This is my special Worthy of Love show. I'm so excited, and
I promised you that you would meet doctor Eva Ritfoe's amazing daughter, Joy Paloso.
Did I say it right, Joy? Yes, you did. A
missus at the front, because Joy, I attended one of the most beautiful,
romantic, elegant weddings, probably in decades, and it was your wedding.
You were the bride. Oh thank you, So Joy, tell us
a little bit about yourself and your early life and your as you liked as
you so well trained me to say, your different abilities. So I grew
up with a form ofsuriable palsy called Hemi Paris's, which means the left side
of my body is significantly weaker than the right. And because of that and
limb differences, I do feel like I look a little different when I walk
and move, and a lot of things that I do are hard for me.
So I've become as It's funny. I was brave when I was younger,
but as I got older, I guess from teasing and stuff I like,
was very shy and would sort of turn into myself. And I had
some very bad boyfriends in high school, which turned me off from dating for
a while, and then I did the Bold Beauty Project, which completely changed
my life, and I decided, then, okay, I am I am,
I am worthy of love and I want that love. So I put
myself online as I had like no one in school, and I pretty quickly
found my now husband. So before we talk about your love story with Vince,
let's talk a little bit about the early years and your feelings around rejection
or being teased, and you mentioned bad boyfriends. To talk a little bit
about that struggle and what it felt like to you, Well, I,
because of my different ability growing up, I always felt like I was a
burden and I was wrong and I just I didn't feel worthy of good love.
And I think part of that was my dad wasn't the nicest person,
so I sort of gravitated towards I guess, the not the best guys because
I guess you kind of Oh yeah, daddy issues are real. Yeah,
exactly. So when my mom brought my mom brings me into all her projects
because I love her dearly. But so when she had said, I have
this new photo shoot idea that you're gonna do, I was skeptical at first,
but she brought in. They had Robert Zuckerman, who was a Hollywood
photographer until he himself got differently abled, and then he moved to Florida and
was doing charity work. Mom, being the mom there that she is,
asked him to do my shoot and we refer to that day as a love
fest because he came. He brought a little assistant who was he had met
through through Make a Wish who wanted to be a photographer, so he was
mentoring the little boy. He brought the little boys, and he brought a
model for me to shoot so that he could mentor me. And in the
photo shoot. I want to let all our listeners know if you'd like to
see Joy's beautiful photo from that Bold Beauty Project shoot. It is on the
KFI website on the doctor Wendy Walsh page. It is so gorgeous and glamorous
and doesn't try to hide your different abilities. It almost tries to showcase it,
right, yeah, yeah, And it was the first time I really
felt a beautiful person on the outside. I knew I was, you know,
beautiful on the inside, but I had never felt it on the outside.
And after that shoot, I did. And what's funny is I know
the exact date of that shoot because I had You can see my Halloween nails
in the photo. I was seampunk Ariel and you can see the purple nails.
So you use this photo, this one of this, this photo and
some others in your dating profile. Tell me about your love story with Vince.
What was that first date like? So we had We actually texted for
three weeks before we met for our first date. We would we texted incessantly
from like the moment we woke up to like the moment we went to bed,
just all day, like we immediately clicked. And then when he came
over for our first date, I actually had like a migraine that day and
I wasn't feeling well and he was like, oh, I'll come and like,
you know, I'll cuddle and hang out with you, and I come
to find out what a dedicated guy he is. He took like two buses
and walked a couple miles to come meet me on camp. We took the
direction walking and I remember at the wedding he said to me when I showed
up at the first date, I was totally sweating. I didn't think she
would like it. Yeah, and the rest is history. How long did
you go out before you planned and got married? So we dated for three
years and he helped me through college, and then on my graduation trips he
proposed, and then I had originally I'm very into numerology and numbers and dates,
so I'd originally wanted to get married on ten ten, twenty twenty.
But we all know how the world went. Yes, So after that,
I was like, Okay, the next date I want to get married on
is ten twenty two, twenty two. And we made that happen, and
you were there, Wendy, And we are also going to make sure that
we put that beautiful wedding picture on the KFI website with your permission, because
I want people to see, of course, our beautiful ride and groom.
We have to go. If you could, in one sentence, tell me
the best advice you have for a single person with different abilities. What would
that advice be? Be brave and put yourself out there. I went online.
I just wrote to the most raw and real profile I could, and
here I am seven years later, seven and a half years later. Oh
joy, I'm so happy, happy, Thank you so much for being with
us today. You have inspired many of our listeners. When we come back,
we're going to meet a trans man who found a beautiful bride. You're
listening to The Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live
everywhere on the iHeartRadio app, KFI AM six forty on demand