WEBVTT

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You're listening to KFI AM six forty
on demand, so I'm PFI A and

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six forty. We're live everywhere on
the iHeartRadio app. I know you've been

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waiting for this. I've been talking
about this for a couple of weeks.

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This is my Doctor Wendy after Dark
Special, and we're calling it Worthy of

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Love because I fully believe that every
single human on the planet is worthy of

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love. There are many people who
find it difficult to find partners sometimes because

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they're lacking relationship skills and a lot
of that, and they have a faulty

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model for love and a lot of
that is taught in their home, in

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their family of origin. Other people
may have different abilities, As one of

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my upcoming guests tells me, not
to use the word disabilities. Different abilities.

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Maybe those different abilities may be physical
or maybe mental, maybe they're not

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neurotypical, if you will, or
maybe there's something that they've done or experienced

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in their past that causes some stigma. And oh, don't we love to

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shame people? Don't we love to
tell somebody that they're not good enough,

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that we're better than them. It's
something that humans do and it's very,

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very cruel. On this show,
you are going to meet a number of

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people who have had difficulty finding mates
but have succeeded. They've succeeded because they

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had self esteem and self worth,
they believed in love, they believed in

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themselves. Before we get going,
I want to remind you I have a

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PhD in clinical psychology. I'm a
psychology professor at cal State Channel Islands.

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I've written three books on relationships because
the science of love is my passion,

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and my dissertation was done on attachment
theory. I'm not a therapist, although

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I'm a veteran of participating in therapy
for good eighteen years, and I just

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love to report on all the various
aspects of interpersonal relationships and human bonding.

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And I want to tell you how
I got the idea for this special.

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It came from the guests who I'm
about to introduce. I got a call

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from someone wanting to connect me with
a woman who they said is so dynamic

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and she has this great idea for
a matchmaking service and she was going to

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help all these people who are different
or might be stigmatized in some way find

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mates. When I got her on
the phone, I was so impressed with

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her poise, her ability to describe
the problem, and the fact that she's

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getting at it and solving this problem. Her matchmaking service is called Loveworthy and

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believe it or not, it's the
first and only all inclusive matchmaking service.

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It specializes in matching adults with each
other. They may be people who experienced

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incarceration. They may be people who
worked in the adult film industry. They

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may be people that are LGBTQIA plus, or people who practice ethical non monogamy.

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This Loveworthy matchmaking service is body positive
and it is all inclusive. They

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promised to work with everyone from all
backgrounds, all ages who are seeking traditional

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or non traditional relationships. They believe
everyone is worthy of love. I would

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like to welcome the founder, Eve
Marlowe. Hi, Eve, Hello,

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thank you so much for having me. It's such a pleasure to meet you

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in person. After that dynamic phone
conversation we had earlier. Absolutely, so

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let's start with your experience that gave
you the idea to create this kind of

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matchmaking service. I can believe you, see this is the business of radio.

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They can't see you that such a
beautiful, attractive woman would ever have

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a difficult time finding a mate,
Why was it tough for you? So

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I am actually a retired adult film
star, and that I mean, dating

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is already hard, right, So
for the average person, dating is already

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difficult for a lot of people,
But then you add this layer of being

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an adult film star where you go
to a restaurant and you might get recognized

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by the staff. It puts a
lot of pressure on the people that you're

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dating, and a lot of people
aren't comfortable with it. I was having

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a tough time on the dating apps
when I would tell people I wanted to

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be open and honest about my job, and when I told them, they

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automatically went to hooking up with me. So I gonna go one of two

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ways, right, like, oh, that's cool, can we meet tonight?

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Or uh, thank you very much, ma'am moving along one hundred percent.

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And it was really hard to convince
these people that I was ready for

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a long term, committed partnership while
still being an adult film star. They

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couldn't because at the time you were
still working in the industry. I was,

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and so I went to a matchmaker
because I thought, Okay, this

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online dating thing is not working,
and I don't know where to find people.

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So I went to a matchmaker.
It's an old school matchmaker, the

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match in person. So you tell
them what you're looking for and then they

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have a vast network of people and
then they set you up on a date

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with high quality people who are compatible
with you. And I thought, great,

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this is exactly what I need,
so I don't waste my time swiping

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for hours anymore. And I went
to this matchmaker and I did a phone

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interview with her. We were on
facetimes. She said that she loved my

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looks, she loved my personality.
She was super excited, and then she

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asked me what I did for work, and I want wanted to be honest

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with her because I want someone to
accept me for all of me and adult

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work is a part of me and
it's been a part of my life for

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a long time and I want someone
who is okay with that. So I

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was honest with her, and I
told her that I was in the adult

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industry and she just said, oh
no, I can't. I can't take

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you on as a client. She
didn't think that any of her members would

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want to date me, and she
also just she said that if she took

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on someone of my kind, then
you're kind. Oh no, did she

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say that this woman with three heads
I can't manage your kind? I exactly

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if she took on someone of my
kind, then she would start to attract

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more people like me, and she, god forbid, might become a matchmaker

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for porn stars, because that would
be awful, right, Oh my goodness.

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Yeah, So Eve, tell me
what that experience felt like to you.

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Emotionally, It was very difficult because
it was not the first time I

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had been rejected. So when you
sign up to be in the adult industry

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of any kind, you start to
experience rejection of all kinds. Sometimes it's

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from your parents. Luckily that wasn't
my case. Shout out mom. Sometimes

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it's you know, when you're applying
for other jobs, a lot of people

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won't hire you if you have done
adult work, and it's definitely you get

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a ton of rejection from potential matches
and potential lovers. So I was just

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getting turned down again and again and
again, and I felt like I was

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getting dehumanized when everyone was turning to
wanting sex right after I told them my

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career, and when she said that
she couldn't help me. This was my

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last resort. This was really like
the last, the last you know,

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end that I could do. I
had already tried it all. I tried

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in person, I tried online dating. I was swiping for hours, I

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was going on bad dates or not
even making it to the date, and

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she was like my last hope.
And when she told me that she couldn't

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help me, I felt devastated,
like like I wasn't worthy of love,

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like no one would love me because
of my choice and career. So we

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have to go to break and when
we come back, you're going to tell

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us how this seed became the beginning
of your new business, Loveworthy. You're

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listening to The Doctor Wendywell Show and
KFI AM six forty were live everywhere on

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the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to
KFI AM six forty on demand. Welcome

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back to the Doctor Wendywell Show on
KFI AM six forty live everywhere on the

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iHeartRadio app. This is my very
special two hour Worthy of Love Show because

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I believe everybody is worthy of love. My guest Eve Marlowe, founder of

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love Worthy, which is an all
inclusive matchmaking service. Eve also is a

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retired actress from the adult film industry. Okay, Eve, So you went

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to a matchmaker even she rejected you
the apps weren't working. How did this

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become the seed of your new business? Well, first I cried a little

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bit, and then I realized that
there was a gap in the market,

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that it was untapped and it needed
someone to come into this business and fill

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it. And we should say that
you are a trained, licensed matchmaker.

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You went to a school for this, I am. I did. I

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went to an institute for matchmaking and
I got my certification pretty much right after

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I got rejected. I used that
to fuel my passion for finding other people

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love who have difficulty just like I
do. So it's interesting that although you

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yourself aren't focused on finding love for
yourself at this time, you're now working

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to help others. How did that
come about? I'm always open to finding

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love, but right now I am
so focused on helping other people find love.

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It's really fulfilling so much in me
right now, and I just,

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yeah, I love what I did. I know what Sigmund Freud would call

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that, by the way he calls
it sublimation. Sublimation is a defense mechanism

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against psychic pain, where you take
your own pain, you recognize that pain

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in other people, you go to
care and help and heal them, and

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at the same time, you heal
yourself. It's self consoling. Well,

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that is exactly what's happening, exactly. That's one of the reasons why people,

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by the way, who have been
through addiction treatment often become sponsors to

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help others because it continues their own
healing while they're they're helping others. So

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tell me about your clients. What
kind of people do you represent? What

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kind of people? I said,
like that matchmaker. No, No,

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not at all. It's there's a
huge variety of people that we have in

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our database. So we have a
woman who owns a law firm, but

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she's open minded and okay that I
was an adult film actress, and that

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she may be dating people in the
adult industry. And then we have people

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that are in the adult industry of
course looking for love. Sometimes we match

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them up with other people in the
adult industry, and sometimes we match them

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up with people who are not so
all. I just asked this question because

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I know every listener is thinking it
right now. When you have sex on

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camera, is that very different than
having sex with someone you're in love with

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it definitely is for me anyways.
But I feel like it's more like a

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one day hookup, you know,
like when you hook up with someone and

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it's just like that one night flaing. That's kind kind of what a movie

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is. It's like it's just a
fling when you're in love with someone.

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That adds a whole different layer and
depth to the intimacy. Interesting. Well,

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thanks for sharing that. Okay,
So you also mentioned that your body

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positive. I know that some people
are stigmatized in our culture for having non

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traditional body types. You represent people
like that as well as LGBTQ. Absolutely,

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we are all inclusive, non judgmental, open minded, and we firmly

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believe that everyone is worthy of love
and can find love, and we have

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been proving that. Can you tell
me a story of somebody you matched,

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Yes, definitely. So. We
had an adult film star and she felt

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just very similarly to how I did, and she was kind of on her

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last She wasn't feeling good about herself
her dating life, and she actually was

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thinking about exiting the industry just so
that she could find love. The problem

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is, even when you exit the
industry, even when you've retired, there

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are still people who won't accept that
that was your past. Oh even if

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you don't love to judge people's past
too, yeah, present exactly exactly.

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So I reassured her that there are
open minded individuals and she is capable of

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being loved, and we set her
up with someone who was not in the

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industry and just open minded to it, and she ended up staying in the

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industry and they have been together for
a few months now. Isn't that wonderful?

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So how can people contact you?
And how can people be represented by

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you as a matchmaker at Loveworthy?
So our website is loveworthy dot us,

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as is our Instagram and our Twitter
is loveworthy underscore us loveworthy dot us,

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loveworthy dot us. Yes, I
love that, not us US. It's

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all about us asks together, Eve
Marlowe, I wish you every success.

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Thank you so much for giving me
the idea for this show, and thank

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you for the good work that you
do for so many people. Thank you

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so much for having me. There's
another group of people who are having often

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great difficulty finding mates, sometimes because
they're stigmatized, but more often because they're

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not neurotypical and they're missing many social
skills and relationship skills. Next up,

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I have a dating coach who only
helps. She's like the wing woman.

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She helps people who are on the
autism spectrum. Let's meet Mandy when we

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come back. You're listening to the
Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI AM six

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forty. We're live everywhere on the
iHeartRadio app. You're listening to KFI AM

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six forty on demand. Welcome back
to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show and KFI

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AM six forty live everywhere on the
iHeartRadio app. This is my very special

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Worthy of Love episode because I believe
everybody is worthy of love. I know

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that probably therapists see people all the
time who go into a therapist's office saying

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I'm lonely. We know that chronic
loneliness is epidemic in our country right now,

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and so I thought I would invite
on a mental health professional who hears

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these stories every single day and helps
people, you know, bolster their self

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esteem enough to find the love they
deserve. So I'd like to welcome doctor

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Eva Ritfo, a Miami based psychiatrist
with a clinical practice. Hello, doctor

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Ritfou, how are you hi,
Doctor Wendy Walls. It's a pleasure to

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be with you. So do you
see are you seeing this epidemic of chronic

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loneliness in our culture? Well,
I'm sad to say absolutely yes, it's

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very very common. It's common amongst
all ages, it's common amongst everybody that

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I see that people are having a
much harder time connecting than they did in

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the past. And what kinds of
interventions are you able to do? How

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are you able to help people get
out of the state. Well, I

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am a psychiatrist, So if a
state has progressed really to a depression where

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they're not able to get out and
try to participate in the world, sometimes

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people do need medication, but more
often we use different forms of psychotherapy to

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help them gather the tools to understand
why they're having difficulty connecting and be who

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might be an appropriate person to connect
with, and then how to hang in

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there when relationships get difficult, because
in our you know, sort of fast

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paced world, what I'm finding is
people are also too quick to give up,

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and sometimes they just need a little
encouragement because all relationships take work,

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and so sometimes it might just be
as simple as helping them problems solve with

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the relationships they're in, you know, I often say relationships are far more

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about skill than luck, and that
relationship skills can be learned at any time

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in the lifespan. So I'm glad
you're doing this work now. I agree,

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and I agree, and I disagree
because I think, you know,

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relationships are also a lot about timing, and at certain times, in certain

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geographical locations, it's much easier to
get into relationship. And what I find

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is that people get older, more
set in their ways, more set in

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the circles that they go in.
Then I think relationships do, in fact

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become much harder to find. So
I think your skill set improves as you

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get older, but the cards get
start to get stacked against you at a

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certain point in your life, and
so people need really a lot of support

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and encouragement to get out there and
try, and to be willing to fail,

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fall on their face and try again. I think I find that,

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you know, particularly as people get
older, they just need a lot of

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support. Some of them may have
had good skills, but they have used

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them in a while, and they
may not be bumping into the right people

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right because a mating marketplace changes when
we live ramatically, Yes, when we

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live in different places now, I've
always been under the impression that people with

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physical disabilities physical differences have a much
harder time finding mates. Is that true?

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Well, I would respectfully disagree with
you, Wendy. We have a

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project called the Bold Duty Project where
we take women with disabilities, paired them

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with photographers and create our shows.
So I have a fairly large sample size

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of women with we say, disabilities
or even different abilities, as my daughter

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Joy likes to say. And people
who have disabilities oftentimes were raised in a

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more intimate family setting because they need
help with many things daily living. They

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are more used to being in relationship, asking for help, being around other

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people, being patient and kind.
And so what I find in the Bold

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Duty Project is many, many,
many, many of these women are really

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happily married. And then when I
go out to dinner with my friends,

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you know, or we all can't
connect with anybody because we're all strong,

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independent women and it's hard for us
to let people into help. So I

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think you really have to take each
each example one by one, but to

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recognize that there is always a gift
in disability, which is that you are

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asking someone for help, and then
the person who's giving help feels good in

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the process. And so you know, remember in Legally Blonde, when she

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drops the thing and then she does
the vendan snap, Yes, he could

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pick it up for her, because
helping is a very human characteristic and people

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do feel good when they help.
So I think, you know, we

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want to watch our generalizations, both
in the positive and the negative. Each

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person is very unique. But I
do see a lot of beautiful connections in

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the women that I've worked with with
disabilities, beautiful marriages, beautiful long term

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relations of beautiful relationships with families that
are more intimate and more involved than in

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other families, as well as caretakers. You know, just having a caretaker

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teaches you the skill of how to
get along exactly. You know, I

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say that some of us are just
too independent, and we have dependency issues

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that we don't trust love, we
don't trust being able to depend on others.

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But if you've grown up your whole
life depending on others, it's a

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natural progression to transfer that to a
romantic relationship. Well said, Now you

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mentioned your daughter Joy, and joy
it is a daughter with different abilities,

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having a daughter growing up that way
and being a parent. Now not a

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psychiatrist, did you worry about her
romantic future. Well, Joy has always

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liked boys, and she has always
been very brave and very outgoing and very

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active with her dating, starting at
a younger age that than some and so

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you know more, I worried about
the quality of men that she would attract,

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because of course she's a very high
quality woman. So that was really

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my worry. And she certainly,
I think, you know, like all

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of us, in her younger days, I think she's made a few,

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you know, too many compromises to
receive affection from a man. But I

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think she's matured and has a beautiful
story to tell. Now how old is

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Joy now? Oh, well,
she's twenty nine. Sucks like I am,

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just exactly so Joy. Joy had
a beautiful, gorgeous, romantic wedding

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last year, of which I was
honored to attend as a guest. When

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we come back, we will meet
Joy and hear her love story. You're

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listening to the Doctor Wendywall Show on
KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere

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00:21:42.559 --> 00:21:48.200
on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening
to KFI AM six forty on demand.

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Come back Wendywell Show, I Am
six forty Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.

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This is my special Worthy of Love
show. I'm so excited, and

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I promised you that you would meet
doctor Eva Ritfoe's amazing daughter, Joy Paloso.

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Did I say it right, Joy? Yes, you did. A

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missus at the front, because Joy, I attended one of the most beautiful,

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romantic, elegant weddings, probably in
decades, and it was your wedding.

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You were the bride. Oh thank
you, So Joy, tell us

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a little bit about yourself and your
early life and your as you liked as

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you so well trained me to say, your different abilities. So I grew

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up with a form ofsuriable palsy called
Hemi Paris's, which means the left side

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of my body is significantly weaker than
the right. And because of that and

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limb differences, I do feel like
I look a little different when I walk

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and move, and a lot of
things that I do are hard for me.

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So I've become as It's funny.
I was brave when I was younger,

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but as I got older, I
guess from teasing and stuff I like,

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was very shy and would sort of
turn into myself. And I had

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some very bad boyfriends in high school, which turned me off from dating for

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a while, and then I did
the Bold Beauty Project, which completely changed

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my life, and I decided,
then, okay, I am I am,

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I am worthy of love and I
want that love. So I put

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myself online as I had like no
one in school, and I pretty quickly

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found my now husband. So before
we talk about your love story with Vince,

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00:24:06.279 --> 00:24:11.240
let's talk a little bit about the
early years and your feelings around rejection

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or being teased, and you mentioned
bad boyfriends. To talk a little bit

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about that struggle and what it felt
like to you, Well, I,

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because of my different ability growing up, I always felt like I was a

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burden and I was wrong and I
just I didn't feel worthy of good love.

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And I think part of that was
my dad wasn't the nicest person,

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so I sort of gravitated towards I
guess, the not the best guys because

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I guess you kind of Oh yeah, daddy issues are real. Yeah,

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exactly. So when my mom brought
my mom brings me into all her projects

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because I love her dearly. But
so when she had said, I have

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this new photo shoot idea that you're
gonna do, I was skeptical at first,

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but she brought in. They had
Robert Zuckerman, who was a Hollywood

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photographer until he himself got differently abled, and then he moved to Florida and

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was doing charity work. Mom,
being the mom there that she is,

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asked him to do my shoot and
we refer to that day as a love

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fest because he came. He brought
a little assistant who was he had met

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through through Make a Wish who wanted
to be a photographer, so he was

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00:25:57.039 --> 00:26:00.599
mentoring the little boy. He brought
the little boys, and he brought a

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00:26:00.680 --> 00:26:07.079
model for me to shoot so that
he could mentor me. And in the

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photo shoot. I want to let
all our listeners know if you'd like to

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see Joy's beautiful photo from that Bold
Beauty Project shoot. It is on the

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00:26:17.000 --> 00:26:22.759
KFI website on the doctor Wendy Walsh
page. It is so gorgeous and glamorous

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and doesn't try to hide your different
abilities. It almost tries to showcase it,

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right, yeah, yeah, And
it was the first time I really

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felt a beautiful person on the outside. I knew I was, you know,

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beautiful on the inside, but I
had never felt it on the outside.

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And after that shoot, I did. And what's funny is I know

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the exact date of that shoot because
I had You can see my Halloween nails

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00:26:52.559 --> 00:26:57.119
in the photo. I was seampunk
Ariel and you can see the purple nails.

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So you use this photo, this
one of this, this photo and

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00:27:02.519 --> 00:27:06.759
some others in your dating profile.
Tell me about your love story with Vince.

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What was that first date like?
So we had We actually texted for

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three weeks before we met for our
first date. We would we texted incessantly

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from like the moment we woke up
to like the moment we went to bed,

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just all day, like we immediately
clicked. And then when he came

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over for our first date, I
actually had like a migraine that day and

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00:27:33.640 --> 00:27:37.799
I wasn't feeling well and he was
like, oh, I'll come and like,

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00:27:37.119 --> 00:27:41.400
you know, I'll cuddle and hang
out with you, and I come

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to find out what a dedicated guy
he is. He took like two buses

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and walked a couple miles to come
meet me on camp. We took the

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direction walking and I remember at the
wedding he said to me when I showed

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up at the first date, I
was totally sweating. I didn't think she

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would like it. Yeah, and
the rest is history. How long did

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00:28:06.519 --> 00:28:11.359
you go out before you planned and
got married? So we dated for three

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years and he helped me through college, and then on my graduation trips he

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00:28:19.200 --> 00:28:26.839
proposed, and then I had originally
I'm very into numerology and numbers and dates,

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so I'd originally wanted to get married
on ten ten, twenty twenty.

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But we all know how the world
went. Yes, So after that,

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I was like, Okay, the
next date I want to get married on

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is ten twenty two, twenty two. And we made that happen, and

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you were there, Wendy, And
we are also going to make sure that

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we put that beautiful wedding picture on
the KFI website with your permission, because

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I want people to see, of
course, our beautiful ride and groom.

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We have to go. If you
could, in one sentence, tell me

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00:29:00.200 --> 00:29:03.400
the best advice you have for a
single person with different abilities. What would

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00:29:03.440 --> 00:29:07.839
that advice be? Be brave and
put yourself out there. I went online.

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00:29:08.000 --> 00:29:12.039
I just wrote to the most raw
and real profile I could, and

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here I am seven years later,
seven and a half years later. Oh

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joy, I'm so happy, happy, Thank you so much for being with

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us today. You have inspired many
of our listeners. When we come back,

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we're going to meet a trans man
who found a beautiful bride. You're

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00:29:29.839 --> 00:29:33.039
listening to The Doctor Wendy Wall Show
on KFI AM six forty. We're live

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00:29:33.160 --> 00:29:37.880
everywhere on the iHeartRadio app, KFI
AM six forty on demand