She sounds like Dracula, and my husband would be able to remove it magically.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're at him. How about if I
just fucking sit on him with my asshole, tighten it up and pull it
off so you do win. I don't know if you want to scare away,
say something really insulting to a Russian check, she'll leave you alone.
You cannot scare her away. A polar bearer couldn't, couldn't scare her.
She is not intimidated by anything he's He's clearly being intimidating. Like if Margot
was in her position, she'd be like, good God, that guy's angry
at M. But Laura's like, I think he would make a super Bowl
husband. Yeah, what's up? Welcome to board? Hi? How are
you? I am, Dylan. I'm saddled up next to one Patrick kicking.
Great to be here, Great to be here joining us tonight in studio?
Is what am I saying? The producers over there? Hi, Kalin?
Hi, So man, do we have a wonderful two episodes of Belowdeck
to get into any public service announcements to get out of the way beforehand,
Well, dyll, I just want to put a little feeler out there,
Okay, because Bravo has launched a new show. I don't know if you've
heard this. It's gonna be helmed by one of our friends of the show,
Queen of the See Kate Chastain, and old fake captain himself, Captain
Lee, and they're going to sit down one hour a week and discuss all
the shows on Bravo. And I just want to throw out there, Kate,
if you're listening, or any producers, if you'd like Dylan and I
to help out with the writing, because obviously with anything that involves Captain Lee,
it's going to be dreadful and unfunny. So if you need our help,
just hit us up at How do they get hold of us? Still?
Who do we give them my email? Yeah? Yeah, I don't.
Can you believe they're going to have old fake Captain Lee sit there and
talk about Oh Anne, what's he know about Luanne? They can? They
can email you at Pat at another podcast, Patrick at another podct worked up
Bravo, hit me up if you want Dylan and I to write. We'll
take writing credits on that because it's gonna be a horn. What are you
doing with the board? What are you doing. I'm I'm changing it back
to your settings. Oh okay, um all right, oh okay, okay,
and uh all right, I just here's the second feel of Dylan forgive
me for and just please entertain this. Dylan and I are trying and Ruby
are trying to decide what's like. I don't know if I you say forgive
you, but I don't know what you're gonna say, right right, all
right, Dylan and I are trying to figure out what our next thing we're
gonna put behind the five dollars paywall, you know, for you guys to
enjoy. And there's a lot of Belowdeck people that love us, you know.
I think we should do that one that has all those sad people on
it in the jungle. What's that one? You know? It's a terror
read and fucking scanned all and and uh, I don't know all those fucking
people doing military ship. Oh yeah, that sound a bad idea. Well,
if you'd like Dylan and I to recap season one of Belowdeck, which
we started, but I got ruined when Bravo ded to do two goddamn episodes
a week derailed our plans. But I think Dylan I should throw that behind
a paywall. Yeah, I really wish Can we be can we just oh?
Can we be done now? Oh? Yeah yeah, but let us
know in the comments well, and also go to Patreon. That's where we
can communicate directly with you. To the patrons. We will have our meet
and greet this uh month promise. Sorry we didn't do it last month.
Also, um, which has been very busy. Patrick's having a baby,
I'm going to muay Thai. It's all been really jam packed. Um.
But our next fan gathering, I think we're gonna We're gonna field you guys.
We're gonna talk about the network, what we're what are your likes or
dislikes. It's gonna be a whole town square, you know what I mean.
It's gonna be great. Kaylen, how are you doing? I'm good?
How are you doing? Um? So, did we get his favorite
movie last episode? Did we? What did he say? I asked him
when his dad's his favorite? No, but I didn't want that one.
But didn't we ask him what his favorite movie was? What did you say?
It was something pans Labyrinth? Oh yeah, that's right. Very dark
and depressing, also uplifting at the same time. The power of imagination.
But it wasn't any imagines she died that. It wasn't she got killed.
Maybe she was just asleep and it was a dream. No. I think
she got like shot or stabbed or something. Little girl with an imagination got
shot or killed or stabbed or something. Shame on you killing. All right,
let's get into the episode. Okay, it was two combined, so
I don't remember which one was? How many pots? Let me break down
the game film for you, sure below deck Episode three, season two down
and was just okay? Yeah, episode four right, ship goes off the
rails. Wonderful episode and I can't wait to recap that after we're done recappy
this one. But episode three are you talking about five? It was four
and five? Oh? It was four? Oh? Sorry, yeah,
four and five. Jesus, you know the fans come at you for those
little I know they do. All right, So first one of the week,
second episode? What oh, and can we do this one last public
service announcement. Anybody who is getting like sincerely upset about the Jason and Asia
stuff, take several seats. I'm I'm seeing these comments that are like how
do you? And it's like take it easy. They're banging each other.
It's not a big deal. Yeah, we're just joking around about how they're
totally banging each other. She's in love with Scott. He shits in buckets
and they're in love. Just take it easy, we're just doing our best
here. How many pots for this episode? Fourteen? Good? One?
Huh? No, it was just okay. Oh, it was just so
oh you like the next step? The next episode better? All right?
All right, So I'm not really sure what's going on here because of what
they're doing. You know, they're smushies, and I can't differentiate the episodes.
But what I will say about this one, these thoughts I think apply
is that the casting is really working for me right now. There are so
many sea rats and I believe it's episode. Um no, it's this episode.
I can get specific with this. I could do this, Klein,
what do you give the episode? I thought it was pretty decent. So
two people are rising to the top of that. We have a podium of
shit right now. It's Luke, it's Laura, and it's Angry Adam.
Okay for someone great name, by the way, I was trying to find
a name for him, but he is, in fact always angry and names
Adam. He seems like it just writes itself. Yeah, he's so angry,
he's pissed. Turn that frown upside down. If you can't enjoy this,
what can you enjoy, Adam? You're hanging out with your peers on
a stupid joke job with no real uh no one really no judgment here.
Yeah, you're supposed to get drunk and stupid and half of the time of
your lives. If this can't get your rocks off, what can well?
So this is something. This is the reason why people hate America. Fingers
gophers, What is going on? You had food poisoning yesterday and you're just
I mean, that made no sense. That was of nothing, Helen,
can you mark that please? Sure? The reason why people hate Americans is
because Americans don't assimilate. They just think that it's okay to be American in
places that are in America, and there are certain pockets of the country where
people excel at being that kind of ugly American. Brooklyn Nights and people who
are Los Angelenos are bad bad about a two um. You know, people
from the South, you know, don't drop a proud you know, Dallas
person in fucking Florence. You know, they'll piss people off. But when
someone sits down at a upscale Australian restaurant and says, hey, let me
get a bacon, egg and cheese, soupepper, catchup, jump off a
bridge, not a tall one, just a cute one. And then when
you're down there, take a breath and realize that that is one of the
most infuriating fucking things possibly ever said on this show. You get a stop
bacon, egg and cheese. It's not about Daga, it's a different country,
angry Adam. Well, hold only two Americans on this Well, we
have two male Americans on this vessel. One is called the CEO slash Butterball
Butterboy. He comes in, he assimilates quite well, yeah not really though
he's still just I don't I have a vague idea of the assimilation that I'm
talking about. You know, I feel like you really kind of like shout
on my point there, What do you mean? I don't know. I
just kind of feel like you shot on my point. Don't get defensive.
No, I'm not defensive. I'm heartbroken. I'm down. Oh, don't
be I just don't want to I don't know. Sixty general Americans, you
know what I'm talking about. Yeah, I could listen to you screen bacon,
egg and cheese all day than I appreciate. All right, So sixty
pots, let's get into the episode. Pat, how do we kick things
off? I know, with some broken glass and a foot on a guy
called named Fletch. I love that, Nate, And he also has a
beautiful foot, no hair, no Bunion's just a beautiful foot. Somebody to
aspire to angry. Adam Um is the dickhead on the dick team, and
he is trying to slaughter the feet of the wealthy. Now we've talked about
it before. Thrusting incompetence on them is a okay, we welcome it,
but but not violence. The young man has anger issues. We've talked about
it. It's he's angry at him. So we move on to Luke,
who has a Gary moment here he Um. He goes up to the captain
and he's got a lot of professional integrity in this moment, and that's because
there are no women involved at all. But once there is a woman involved,
he becomes different and a moral reptile. So yeah, was that unnecessary?
No? I feel like it was a shot across the bat. I
have trouble with Luke because I actually kind of like his leadership, but the
other part of his personality is he's a douchebag. Yeah, he's a scumbag
chauvin us quite so yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm excited to get to
him and Laura being friends. Oh that's oh, that's in the next Poor
Asia. Oh my fucking god, poor Asia having to sit there and and
look at the gaze of a fucking horny, fucking Australian guy. He looks
like he's on bath salts. He's like friends. Fuck, It's like,
oh God, what do you want me to do with that? That's so
awkward? Works well with her anyway. Luke does not disclose that it was
Adam that fucked up with the tender shackles or whatever. What. That's great
hosting, so um, we get some Tomahawks steaks to get delivered, and
then we get to Laura being a ship bag. Well I was gonna say
zena because they planned for the beach picnic. She wants it to be a
extra extravaganza. Yeah, with steaks, your favorite sea bugs, right right,
go bigger, go home. The three choggiest of the chug Tomahawks,
steaks, lobster tails, and barata. Holy fuck, that's not a seven
hundred dollars billet cut. I don't know what is parents. Parents. Someone
looks like summers over, back to school, Back to school soon. There's
a lot of drama on below deck, but you know where you don't want
any drama making our lunches for our kids. And you know what can help
with that? Ah? Well, yeah, our newest sponsor. So proud
to have these guys. Yeah. Today's episode is brought to you by Little
Spoon, an amazing, amazing company. Little Spoon is a one stop shop
for healthy, easy, meal time and snack time for your baby, toddler
and big kid, delivered right to your door. Yes, you heard that
right. You can have Little Spoon in your life for years to make meal
time healthy, tasty and easy. Pat I can't tell you, you know,
I don't have as you refer to them as crumb crunchers. I don't
have one of those yet, but I can imagine this would make your life
a lot easier. Well, before we started getting a Little spoonship to the
house, Dylan, my wife would run around like a maniac. At eight
in the morning, I'm watching Ellie. She's trying to rip the tail off
our dog. And you know, my wife can't figure out what she's going
to pack for a lunch that day. And that's when we found little Spoon,
Right, and little Spoon does all the work for you. Ellie's almost
four years old. This would have worked when Ellie was a baby, but
right now we're in the stage of I guess what do you call her?
They have biteables for transition to table early finger foods. They have plates for
toddlers and big kids. They also have smoothies. That's a great way to
introduce them to the efficacy of smoothies. Ellie loves the chicken fajitas. Oh
fantastic? Did I mention? It all comes right to your door, so
flexible, so easy, and everything stores right in the fridgid freezer. I
picked the menu, or Pat picks the menu and changes it up whenever right,
Absolutely can just change it. Go on their site, just go Nope,
I'd like to switch this up. She likes a little bit more mac
and cheese. Yea, the price is right, the quality is unmatched.
Pat loves it, His kids love it. The grandparents love. It a
huge win win for the entire family, and it can be yours. Make
this year's back to school KOs a little bit more manageable with time saving and
delicious meals and healthy snacks your kids will love. Go to Little Spoon dot
com slash bad TV and enter our code bad TV at checkout to get thirty
percent off your first Little Spoon order. That's l I t t l E
s p o o n dot com. Hope I did that right. You
know what it is. It's l I t t l E s p o
o n dot com Slash bad TV. Enter promo code bad TV for thirty
percent off at checkout. No one bothers to check the weather report at this
point. By the way, I want to say, oh, okay,
well hang on, because I really clued in on this. I guess we
can get to this right now. When Captain Jason is looking at this weather
app, I don't know if you felt this way, but I uh,
I was like, that is a fancy app. Did you see Did you
feel any type of way about that? I did not see the app,
okay, because I was like, that's like an eight dollar app right there.
That's a really that's a crazy app, and it was one of those
things it's like you need that app when you're out there. That's a that's
a c rap kind of app, you know what I mean. Really kind
of made me Harlan William a little bit. But let's talk about Laura really
quickly. She wants to go to the beach because she doesn't trust Asia.
Now I think I abandoned this thought when I was talking about the podium of
shit. Laura is a revolting human being. Um, maybe not revolting.
Three hours in the makeup chairs. You know, when she comes out,
she still revolved. Don't make me answer that question. What kind of disgusting
question is that? I'm talking about her, her lust for power and her
blatant disregard for others and her she's a Taurus that you're tarnishing Taurus is when
you say I am the way I am because I'm a Taurus. And also,
you know, I've been less and less impressed with the ZODIAX projections.
They've been wrong often. What sign are you again? What are you?
Aries? Can't trust them? No, you can't trust what is it?
Sagittarius? Whoever's June? Now? Yeah, yeah, yeah, the two
faced Yeah, yeah, they are two faced. Yeah, they're two faced.
My father, Danielle, I'm talking about you. Who's Danielle? A
girl? I slept with a liar? All right? Captain Jason heads down
for a little pep talk with Serena. Now, a theme of this episode
and next episode is that Serena has no idea what's going on. Serena is
in La La Land. She is easily flustered and not that great at cooking.
She is among my favorite people on this show, might be my favorite
person on the show. But she is severely struggling in that kitchen, which
is what she's there to do. Yeah, yeah, it's true. Yeah,
no, I know. By the way, I want to say something
about hot captain pants here. He is an equal opportunist offender of his staff.
Like how he doesn't have to walk the line when it's a male or
a female subordina. Oh no. He gives this a young lady the business.
When she fires back that she kind of doesn't want any of his help
in the kitchen, yeah, he tells her that he hates that attitude,
and he has the right attitude. He's like, this is this is five
star service. You're on a super yacht here. So this solution, because
we're on a quote unquote super yacht and not some kind of sick, twisted
life aquatic type vessel, because we're on a luxury yacht. The solution to
this whole Tomahawk problem is to pull out a George Foreman and cook the steaks
in the front of the boat. To quote hot pants. If you can't
barbecue, you're not Australian. Yeah, which is cute, but it does
kind of still hit home that this is not quite the Four Seasons on Water.
We're grilling steaks outside of the kitchen. A guest could just walk by
and go, hey, captain, what are you doing on the floor there,
and then he'd say, I'm cooking for you, and they'd be like,
but you aren't wearing shoes really really, um, just so below deck.
I'm loving this season. I am too. I think it's so fantastic.
Yeah, I especially the episode after this. I keep referring to that
apologize, but it's it's coming together well cast I get rid of angry at
him, though, oh yeah, in a heartbeat he raises my anxiety,
fucking why do you? I'm like, why are you so angry all the
time, and um, it's like dumb angry. It's like overcompensating for stupidity
angry. Everyone's like, you're not even angry about something that's actually a thing
to be angry about, and you're ordering bacon, egg and cheese sandwiches at
nice restaurants. I mean, you've completely lost the plot. He flares up
so often. I don't know if it's next episode of this one, but
when Laura's like flirting with him, he's like, what the fuck are you
doing? As I asking all these fucking questions like what are you writing?
Damn good fellah, my god, fuck my buddy, Finny Babarina. All
right, so let's get to quintessential Below deck, the captain's got to make
a call because he has that fancy app He knows that the weather is coming
in and he says, you know what if it rains, at rains,
these people are on a super yacht, so they go ahead with this picnic.
Customers are always right, this picnic should not happen, because if they
could set this up, they did not. The guests would not have a
good time, which they didn't. But what we got instead was a nightmare
beach picnic. There are people. Imagine you're just sitting there eating a meal
awkwardly at this kind of last supper type picnic table, and culvert is two
and a half feet away from you, holding down, and there's wider boys
on the other side. There's there's rain in your baratta. It's like,
it's just nuts to me that they went ahead with this. Well, you
know who disagrees with kermit. She arrives to announced it it the beach picnic
looks wonderful. Yeah, and she's like they're they're genuinely upset and they're like
mocking how this is like really not good. And she's like, ohly,
she'll never forget it. Thank you for the Yeah, but to be fair,
that's not a good thing to say to people who are going through something
bad. You know, make a good memory. Yeah, well I lost
my arm. Yeah you won't forget that way, Yeah, yeah, no
I won't. It's quite the battle. I'll see it every night when I
try to go to sleep. It will thrust me awake and I'll slowly lose
my mind because I haven't slept in four days. Also, it's tough to
brush my teeth now. I used to be right handed. Yeah, you
know, you gotta be so grateful to have just everything working. I see
these people that don't, and they're just they're charging forward in life, and
I'm like, what are you complaining about, you bitch? You know what
I mean? Kaitlin, how you doing? I'm good, dying? How
are you? I I'm grateful, I'm grateful to be here with you don't
have anything dying. Yeah, that's why Bill Gates is trying to feed us
all. Chiten us? All right, what happens next? Alright? Alright,
alright, So back to the boat. Both Harry and Luke flirt with
Margo in the laundry room. Guests return. Harry thinks Adam is annoying and
he's a bit dramatic about safety. I think we can all concur with yet
and Laura now needs a break. And this is this is forming a pattern.
I don't like when people think they are three D chess masters Game of
Wars. They're they're their Game of Wars players who are too loud about playing
the Game of Wars. Um. This is a reference that a lot of
people will get The redhead from season one of Rock of Love Lay Lacy.
You talk about how you're manipulating everybody, and you're playing this game and it's
like everybody, everybody can see what you're doing. Like just nobody likes you,
like you're you're you're You're going to be an outcast very soon. It's
been three days. We're not doing a good job. We see that a
lot. And also Flavor of Love season two, Delli and I cover that
on Bad TV podcast. Check it out. Yeah Boots, Boots, yeah,
Bucky, Yeah, Bucky got sent home because she had her pies.
Beautiful got sent home because oh that's right, Beautiful got sent home because she
had her pies. And buck Wild got sent home because she's a white girl
from Rancho Cucamund doing a black accent. Yeah, And eventually Flavor was like,
this is inappropriate. The guy who openly mocks women for being fat was
like, this is this is inappropriate for two thousand and seven. This is
inappropriate. Dah, you're dropping the lead here. Forget. He sent a
young lady home because she shit on his floor, and to quote him,
he just couldn't get past it. Yeah yeah, yeah, And he said
another young lady home because he found out that she did porn and then he
printed out a photo of her doing porn and then showed it to everyone on
set and was like, yo, a whore and then sent her home.
Crazy show. Yeah, check it out Bad TV podcasts. All right,
So Laura needs to take a break to fix her hair. She says that
she always gets what she wants. Yeah, tell that to make Jacker,
and that it's really easy with Asha to get what she wants. Asha,
you have to crack these little pieces of shit early. Yeah, you can't
let this. You gotta set a tone metasta size like this, it's just
not good. I can appreciate the management style. Start with nice and you
know, hopefully that will works out. But as we saw with Frasier in
his Mediterranean season, so you start off nice, you become friends. You
gotta pick one your manager of a friend. Yeah yeah, yeah, I
know, poor Kermit. But what happened. But she's got to stand up
straight and she's got to throw a punch mhm. Figuratively. I'm not advocating
violence, although it would be fantastic television. But Asia would throw away her
career and Laura would win. Yeah, that would be fantastic TV. I
mean, can you imagine. Yeah, you know, she could end up
on that spinoff they're creating over there about all the horrible people that see rats
that were on this show. Yeah yeah, I don't know what the fuck
that is. Yeah, we dropped it. I know we talked to that
that got that got picked up by so many things, and I don't I
don't even know if he's accurate. I don't either, to be honest,
it's like this, did you guys do any due diligence or just listen to
the podcasts and write an article? I have no idea what he's talking about.
I gotta make it a little confession. They said it. I didn't
even care, and I forgot that they said it because it meant nothing to
me. And the next thing I know, someone sends me an article.
Yeah, so we don't know if that's in fact true. Like for old
Weedo, he could have been like he could have been pitching a sea rat
that one night drunk and and like misremembered it. You know, it'd be
great if all you pieces of chick on his show. He came on our
podcast, he's like, there are there's something's in the works, all right,
So then we get to Adam kind of holding court about safety regulations aboard
um this fishing vessel. All right. I don't know why no one just
says, would you shut the fuck up? Why does no one say anything?
I think there were very early on in the season, and I think
everybody's trying to be on their best behavior and feel out the weirdness that is
angry at him. At this point, it will, I think it will
come down on him like a hammer. Yeah, very shortly, I hope
so. Um Greek food it's gonna be for dinner. I'm gonna need some
help with this. What's this hole being painted like a butterball like a Greek
goddess that represents a club they all liked in Micanos. Yeah, it's it's
Scorpios. It's the hottest club in Mecanos. I think it's in Micanos.
I can't remember, but it does um call. It makes an illusion all
the way across the sea to our backyard, the Coachella Valley, which is
a flat plot of land that is disgusting and too hot. It's not an
ocean to be seen. Nearest ocean is no four and a half hours.
There's a ton of drug use, though to be seen. Okay. Uh,
you know when like you're driving in the desert and there's just like rusted
metals everywhere, and you're like, good, what the fuck is out here?
That's where Coachella is? Now, mean, I'm kidding, it's it's
close upon springs. Let's listen. It's hot. It's hot right now.
But you know it didn't always used to be like that. People got killed
at that music festival. Really. Yeah. You know the first time I
went, we got there just as youngsters didn't have a clue where we were
going to stay. Did you have tickets? Yeah? I had tickets,
but nowhere to stay. So we snuck into the employee campground and just pretended
like we were working there the entire time. You pull that off with confidence,
people won't bat an eye at chat. What time you volunteering? Oh,
We're not sure. I gotta figure that out. I'm a drugs right
now. They're like, oh me too cool? All right, so sorry
if I've told that story before. Um, all right, let's let's talk
about the egg. So let's talk about him being painted gold Greek god,
a giant, really tacky looking, motherfucking chocolate egg, and it will be
worshiped like there's a fucking dragon in Okay, this is all stupid, Okay,
all right, I do want to say this really quickly. The d
constructed Greek salad looks like a seven year old got into culinary arts. It
looks awful. Then we get to this painting of Culver, real quick line.
Laura says she will make him feel like a god. I want to
throw up when she overtly hits on men. I want to throw up a
little too forward for you. It's just like and Luke, it makes me
feel the same way. Can you feel that? Oh? God, you
too are disgusting? Um? All right, so Culver is painted in gold.
They come out and they legitimately pull this off. I could have done
away with the Oh, of course, of course you could have. This
isn't Guardians of the Galaxy or whatever. I don't know. It's fucking weird.
The reason why you could have done without that is because you would like
to go, and these people too would like to go on a vacation where
Culver's role as the chief engineer officer is nowhere near as vital as it is
aboard this vessel. The fact that their tips rely on the pass or fail
of Culver's whimsy ideas of nighttime entertainment. It just goes to show you how
awful these experiences. Do you use a metaphor just because we're discussing eggs,
I want to crack this egg. If you knew Culver in high school and
you know a different Calver than we're seeing on TV, hit old Patti up.
I want to know. I don't trust this acting, this good old
boy Veneer you hate, you hate butterboy. I don't know. I'm torn
with this guy. I don't even remember what I thought about him last season,
but I just don't like this whold stick coming on here. Well,
regardless of whether it's a stick or not. I mean, what's worse it
being earnest or it being a stick. Imagine you're you're paying it for just
exorbitant amounts of money for a luxury yacht vacation. You show up, it
looks like an old man had recently died in here alone, and then this
fucking guy comes out. He's clearly spray painted, all blotching and shit,
and he's yelling about some sacred egg. You didn't even ask for an egg.
You asked for a pinata, which is a completely unreasonable request. But
still we'll tell you know, I always like to put myself in the position
of said guests there if I was flatching on my foot still fucking bleeding.
Yeah, I take no issue with like love it. We all really love
it, right enough, and put the egg down, get out of here.
Where's the fucking sea bucks? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
beat it all right? So meanwhile, meanwhile, Luke and Adam have a
little chat um and Luke comes away from that feeling good and with an understanding
about him though Adam can't really do the job, so he has a solution.
He is going to get someone else to tell him to do the job.
And that's management. That's a work around, all right. So Adam
and Laura, this is when we get to that moment that we alluded to.
She's asking too many questions and he has a CTE kind of freak out.
Um, she goes so Flatia live sorry it sounds like a Nazi.
I just can't do her her voice. Well, she did something interesting here
what she talked about living fucking Boklyn. Where's the ring of an ex fiance?
And it shall not be removed from her finger? Until someone removes it
from her finger. I actually, in this moment like kind of liked Laura
when she's like, I have lovers all over the world. I really can't
do her ex how do you do it? I can't do lovers love the
world. I still live a ring. Shends like Dracula and my husbman will
be able to remove it magically. Yeah, you're at him. How about
if I just fucking sit on him with my asshole, tighten it up and
pull it off. I don't know. If you want to scare away,
say something really insulting to a Russian chick, she'll leave you alone. You
cannot scare her away. A polar bearer couldn't couldn't scare her. She is
not intimidated by anything he's he's clearly being intimidating. Like if Margot was in
her position, she'd be like, good God, that guy's angry at him.
But Laura's like, I think he would make a super Bowl husband.
He's flipping out of you. But that's actually probably you know her type of
guy, you know the colder he is, you know the hot. Yeah,
she needs to get with somebody named Alexei who once he's done with vodka
bottles, throws them against the wall because he's not satisfied with his career.
Hey, you know it's on dinner. I forgot what dinner was. Fucking
sixty four minus thirty pots um. Serena's knocking out of the the part with
the platters. The platters are magnificent, but when it comes to dinner,
and I understand it's the size of the kitchen and the functionality of the kitchen,
she is struggling. But my hat it here with Serena moment comes in
the next episode when she's like, no, no red meat, no wheat,
what am I going to do? Try blending up all of the food
that you make. You don't have it that bad. Just calm down.
You can make gluten free stuff now, del I think we're getting to a
point where we're going to drop these guests off at the dock or whatnot.
It's mentioning kermit. It had it all wrong. And again I want to
point this out. I did not describe my feelings good in the first episode.
That's okay. Typically, I think as Americans have working on these vessels,
we like to shoot on Americans, and I was happy to see that
an Australian would do the same to her, right, right, right,
But Kermit was absolutely wrong. Aside from one little burp up of I think
one female charter guess said she'd like breakfast now asap, which is a little
rude. She said it jokingly though. She was one of those things where
you develop a rapport with somebody that doesn't exist and they say something and you're
like, oh, I don't know you. Oh wow, okay, well,
Kermit, strike one. The I guess the family money range roving.
Uh, you know, jerks weren't that bad after all, they're actually quite
tamed. Yeah. Anyway, Butterball calls this mom because I talk about Norman's
interactions with fans on the show What Mark Norman the comedian. No, he
said, when you when you interact with somebody who's famous, you have to
be quick and you have to like just get in, say your thing,
and then go, well, okay, don't linger there because he goes,
oh I don't know you. Though there's nothing for that. They don't know
who you are, so you have to just say your thing. You have
to go away. Otherwise there's a lull. I don't know why, you
know that's in listening back to the show. That's one of my least favorite
things that I do. Would I just bring up something now it's in the
podcast world? Has nothing? Can I tell you something? Dan? This
is what's everyone should know this about famous people at their height. Sure they
can be arrogant like that, like, hey, I only got four minutes
for you talk cook. Hey, at some point your career is gonna go
on the fucking shitter and then you're gonna be an old man or woman.
You're gonna wish someone recognized. Yet that's the way it always goes. No
incorrect? No, Uh, you think Ryan Gosling's career is gonna be in
the shitter. You think Ryan Gosling needs to dedicate four minutes to every fucking
lunatic woman that tries to rip his shirt off? Perhaps not, but Tony
Danza could use a few friends. Total loser, Oh my god. And
I didn't mean to sound like tomlis there where he said lunatic woman like that,
you know, but there are crazed people people find it very attractive.
Did you see Barbie yet? I haven't. I can't wait. Do you
see Barbie yet? And yet? Where am I going to find the time?
I think I'm gonna see it this week supposed to be fantastic, all
right, so um, such a Jay Law moment. Speaking of celebrities,
We've got our own, and it's Jay Law. It's Margo or now her
name is Margaret. What's her name? Margot or Margaret, Margo, Margo,
it's Margo. Yeah, okay, Harry scooches in between Margo and and
Laura the power player. Fucking Laura needs to be on House of Cards.
I don't know what she's doing here. You're more sorry, that's too mean.
See I can't say stuff like that, Dylan. There's a reason where
the number one below deck podcasts. I know, but now that we are,
they all listen. I feel bad just openly calling people morons. I
don't mean it. It's just me being lazy. I'm trying to fill time.
I apologize. I don't even know you. So I do know Harry
though, because goofy looking motherfucker. He is just such a goofball. He
stands in between Margot Lauren, he goes yes on the throne in between two
roses and Margo. Such a j long moment. She just goes yeah,
yes, so composed, so Jennifer, So, Pat what with down under
your responsibilities at the tip? The tip meetings, they've doubled because not only
do we have the tip meeting, but we also have the award of at
least improved all right tip meeting fifteen grand Uh it's American dollars at sixteen seventy
each. I have to say this, I we have to figure out did
past seasons a blowdeck used to be four charter days and now they've just been
Now, this is what's going on. That part of the world doesn't tip.
Ah. I think I've heard that somewhere that like Aussies are notoriously not
tippers. I don't know if it's because the hospitality infrastructure of that country is
different. People actually get paid living or something like that, but they don't
tip. And if you don't tip in a country, or you're not mary
of being to tipping, change that or know that that needs to change.
When you come on these bes incentivize people because this is actual service. I
mean, with that being said, it's horrible service. So tip whatever you
want, but if you did have a good time, you should tip more
than fifteen thousand dollars. Absolutely pulling glass out of people's feet, but the
glass was put there because of them, So again, you tip whatever you
want. Cheffie gets the helmet. Now I have to say, if this
in no way is an honor, I think Zarina takes it as such,
maybe because it was being handed to her by hot Captain Hot and I love.
What I love so much about Serena is her verbal sexual assault of hot
Captain in her talking heads. It doesn't make me feel like I want to
jump out of my skin the way that Luke and Laura make me feel.
She's being humorous, but she's being very blatant and overt with how she wants
to you know the captain. Yeah, don't we all, But she's charming
about it, and it's it's funny. Laura's just like, I will make
you a Gould. It's like, what the fuck? I'll say this about
Zarina. She's my favorite. I find her the most attractive. Not sure
if listeners scare about that, but I do think as a chef, I
think she should be limited to serving food at banquets. All right, So
Laura wants to cut her shift in our short so that she can have more
time to get ready. Asha obviously refuses, and she in response to that
I'm speaking of Laura is in quite a huff. Now once again we despite
how disgusting that ask is and how entitled and pathetic it is to treat if
you have a boss who is a dickhead and incompetent, I can understand being
a little rude. Asha is the loveliest, sweetest human being who doesn't have
the ability to make good on the threat of don't mistake my whatever for kindness
or whatever it is to be rude, and this gross and disrespectful to her
speaks volumes about Laura. It's just really really awful behavior. And then it
continues with this getting ready shit Now I'm late all the time. If you
spot it, you got it. I think that's why this triggers me so
much. When you are an hour late to something a dinner reservation where a
bunch of other people are going, and you are late because you are standing
in the mirror like some haunted child in a Stanley Kubrick movie, cutting the
bottom of your hair. There are these little things that take place that are
so awful, and Asia getting the text from the restaurant, Hey, what's
going on? And that's Asia's responsibility to deal with because you couldn't give two
fucks. And well, the fans can say whatever they want about I'm not
gonna go there. It's it's I'm not gonna go there. I'm not gonna
go there. He went there. I'll finish it. She fixing herself in
front of a broken goddamn mirror. All right, all right, Jesus fucking
Christ. Anyway, this is what you do, Dylan, because I used
to have this with a keyboard player and I band. He'd show up to
a gig. We'd be the second into the second song at the roxy and
he's loading his ship up on the stage and I tried to punch him.
Next time. Well, you can start lying and saying times are off,
you do an hour early, or you can just leave without him. Should
just drive off in those vans and leave without him. I did that with
a friend of mine with with tea times. Kid couldn't get to a tea
time on time. He'd meet us on the second hole and we'd have to
pay for his thing, and it's like, you know what we're gonna do.
We're gonna tell you that this is two hours hours earlier, and then
maybe you'll be on time. But it's really really gross to do that.
With that being said, I don't know why the other sea rats don't just
leave. It's early. That's the only thing I can That's the only reason
I can give. It's early in the season. No one wants to,
you know, bumpany heads just yet. There's another thing, like, dude,
what does our audience give a shit about tea times? Why am I
talking about tea times? Golf is around the world. Man, I guess
maybe I'm too critical byself tonight. Um all right, so um, dinner
at Hemingways. Dinner at Hemingways. Harry and Margot are so weird slamming meat
into each other's mouths, and Laura um full cord press on Adam full core
press on Adam. She licks his hand. Um, I'm not going to
my Gaitar is not going off with Adam. I think it's a very easy
thing to say, Oh, clearly this guy's angry, because it's not at
all. I don't think that's what's going on. I think that he is.
I think that he is a social disorder, like he's he's like an
angry robot that JJ Abrams company. But yeah, we we do have the
Saalt Pepper catch up moment, and then we have this thing where she licks
his hand and he he recoils, He doesn't eat, he doesn't even recoil.
It's like he just stays stiff and angry. Robot. It's just not
working. So Laura naturally moves to her next target, which is Luke.
I wanted to. I wanted to leave my body watching this. I wanted
to. I wanted to get out of my body watching this to be Asia.
The thought of Asia having to deal with these two fucking people who she
is never going to see it ever again, talk about how is fucking cock
is on her haunches and she's all fucking like fucking kissing him. And the
weirdest thing is there's no context for this. They haven't been flirting, so
it's just this weird, out of place Craigslist ad kind of intimacy that Asia's
like, oh god, yeah, friends do fuck. I guess I'm gonna
go to the bathroom. That's the fun of Sea Rats, all the sex,
sexual attention, all sexual attention, sexual tension, all day long.
You know, you're cleaning blood glass out of people's feet and serving drinks and
wiping toilets. Also he can get out and get a little burn, a
little steam off. Yeah yeah yeah, name of fucking yeah yeah exactly.
Now they hook up. Um, Luke says, this girl's got a twinkle
in her eye, little twinkles, another thing called attention. But also he
he speaks like a hillside strangler or something. She's got a twinkle in her
eye. And then we've got Margo lying to herself. And I'm so happy,
just I am the happiest darned girl right now watching these two make out.
The thing that's so heartbreaking about this is gonna be I hope Luke gets
kicked off the show early because this back and forth. No, this is
fun. This is why we're here, Dylan. The Luke and Margo thing
is good. I like Margo. I don't want to get upset with her.
Her being boy crazy over Luke is gonna make me. I don't have
much of that to give. I can't see people going after Luke or being
love sick over Luke. That's gonna make me lose it. Anyways, that
remains to be seen. I think Luke will violently assault a wall and then
try to shove a door. In a producer's face or something. I think
he's gonna get kicked up with the yeah, but we'll find out next week,
in a couple of days or what is it. I don't know when
we're releasing these. When do we do this against Tuesdays and Thursdays? Um,
So we'll drop this Tuesday night and then we'll see you in a day
or so for episode five. We love you guys very much. iTunes,
ratings and reviews, Patreon. Subscribe to bad tv everywhere. I'm Dylan saying
goodbye, pat Say goodbye, Kaylene