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Secretos de Lilí All rights reserved. What is happiness. In the ancient world
there was much talk of happiness. Socrates, Plato Seneca and many other philosophers
treated the subject each from their perspective. However, this issue went unnoticed for
a long time to the illustration with Voltaire, for example. It was barely
talked about again from the 18th century and especially when the 20th came in.
There is an explosion of interest in this concept in the psychology of happiness.
Macco Argao makes an assessment of our degree of bliss through scales of behavior with
which he measures, for example, pleasant activities that improve happiness during the day,
as well as things that are incompatible with depression. There are a number
of activities that increase feelings of peace and comfort by helping us to be happy
in our day to day. This is a list of them collected by Argile
in his book. These are activities that positively influence our mood, as well
as those that are incompatible with depression. To be with happy people, to
be aware of being sexually attractive, to fish openly and openly, to express
love for someone else, to be with someone you love, to laugh with
friends who ask for help or advice, to be relaxed, to see a
beautiful landscape, to breathe pure air, to sit in the sun, to
wear clean clothes, to enjoy free time, to sleep well at night,
to listen to music, to smile at others, to share the joy that
pleasant things happen to family and friends, to do a personal job, to
read stories, novels, poems or plays, to plan or organize something,
to learn to do something new, to do a job well. Some believe
that the less we know the better, because having an intellectual mentality can also
make it easier for us to analyze too long a reality and for thoughts to
be locked in a circuit. However, culture should serve to make us less
wrong, to acquire an art of living and enjoying things that without culture we
would not know how to appreciate. To cement happiness through the stages of life,
we must broaden our horizons. For example, an elderly person with culture
will always have stimulating occupations at his or her disposal, while someone of action,
when his or her stage of work is finished, is left empty.
The four fundamental elements of happiness are love, friendship, work and culture.
The latter not only involves deepening history, literature and the arts, but also
self- knowledge is essential to act wisely, resolve difficulties and understand each other
with us. When we close our eyes to who we are, problems are
perpetuated as we do not move forward and repeat again and again the same mistakes.
The army of becoming aware of our thoughts and actions, measuring their consequences,
puts the solutions in our hand. I hope that reading this book will
provide you with the tools to cultivate self- esteem at all stages of your
life to enrich your relationships with others, to grow emotionally and intellectually and,
above all, to live your life. Part one is the school of emotions
loving oneself to love others. If you don' t have the enemy inside,
the enemies outside won' t be able to hurt you, African proverb.
Alex is nine years old and lately he wakes up at night with startles.
The reason, as I am told in the consultation, is that one
of the leaders of the class has taken it with him during the classes.
He does not miss the opportunity to ridicule him and at the time of the
courtyard, he encourages his companions to empty him out of fear of this boy
of violent character. Almost everyone listens to him and the patient is isolated when
he comes home, Alex does not enjoy playing because he thinks about how bad
he will be in school the next day, which unleashes the night terrors that
wake him up. His school performance has plummeted because the child feels very insecure
and despises himself. It' s a clear case of low self- esteem
motivated by bullying. In addition to contacting the aggressor' s parents to update
them on the problem. In therapy, we work with Alex the necessary measures
to strengthen his self- esteem factors that trigger a low self- esteem one.
There are many causes that can lead to a problem of low self-
esteem in a person, regardless of age. Let' s look at some
of the most common, according to specialists in the toxic family environment during childhood,
when parents have not supported a child at crucial times or have been excessively
demanding, a negative consequence is that the person doubts his or her own bad
school environment. If a child has the misfortune of being the point of view
of the mockery of his companions, such as the example we have seen and
suffer harassments, it is very possible that he will reach an adolescence and later
adult stage full of complexes and insecurities, excess of self- criticism and perfectionism.
With these ingredients it is practically impossible to achieve any goal without throwing the
towel halfway, which also leads to low pathological self- esteem. Chronic indecision
results in a total lack of confidence. There are people with enormous talent and
multiple abilities who never get to do anything because of fear, failure, fear
of criticism. Whatever we do, there will always be people dissatisfied with our
actions and other people who value us. If we only listen to those who
criticize us, we will do ourselves a weak favor. If we begin to
act to please others, as we will see in a later chapter, in
addition to undermining our self- esteem, we will develop dependence on others excessive
of susceptibility. If any other people' s comments hurt us, we have
a problem to solve. We must abandon the addiction of wanting to like others
and give ourselves up to the task of liking ourselves to understand the fate of
being you ten keys to self- esteem. Once the factors that cause low
self- esteem are identified, let us now see a battery of practical measures
to underpin that fundamental aspect in the school of emotions. Many of them are
common sense, although in the transfer of day- to- day obligations we
are often not aware of the way in which we act. Let us look
at ten concrete measures to enhance self- esteem, to focus on our virtues,
to take note of them if necessary, rather than on our shortcomings,
to stop constantly asking ourselves what people might think of us and whether we are
failing to follow the example of people who enjoy a large dose of self-
esteem and use it for their own good and that of others. The question
would be what do they do that I do not set goals and, once
on the way, do not faint in the face of a first failure.
A fundamental thing is not to leave things half- hearted, as it is
frustrating and lethal to our self- esteem. If a long- term goal
seems unattainable, small intermediate targets need to be set that are more affordable in
the short or medium term. Small victories help us achieve goals that we thought
were impossible before. To be assertive, to have social ability before those around
us to say no when it is no, without amulating, fitting in and
learning from the criticisms of others, as long as they are with their destructive
ones. If they are not, we must defend ourselves against them or ignore
them for their futility. Avoid excess self- criticism and demand, as it
ends up undermining self- esteem. We must flee from sick perfectionism, banish
the feeling of guilt, as it makes us susceptible to moral blackmail from third
parties. That does not mean that we do as we please, but we
must be fair to ourselves to practice optimism. Any situation can be seen in
problem key or solution key. If we look at it optimistically, we will
have much more chance of winning the game of educating children with self- esteem.
Childhood is the stage of life in which a person' s potential is
sown. Parents are responsible not only for the health and education of their children,
but also for their self- esteem. Future will depend on how we
guide them in this formative stage of life. Here are the key practices in
which the pedagogues agree to educate the little ones. In this crucial aspect,
setting targets that can be taken up for children, too difficult a challenge can
block them and make them feel incapable. It is more educational to achieve small
triumphs that will make you feel satisfied, not compare it to other brighter children.
This bad habit on the part of parents is behind many complex envy and
frustrations of children. It must be taught that each person is different and has
his or her own skills. Measuring our words a criticism or an unfortunate mockery
of a small one' s mistake can undo what has been built before and
reduce their confidence, instilling in them the concept of effort. Easy success is
very fashionable, especially on television, but day to day has nothing to do
with a TV platoon. It is essential to teach them the culture of effort,
which can help achieve any goal. To give an example, fearful parents
who transmit their fears to their children are instilling in them this very vision of
life. That is why it is important that you know the value through our
actions. That is the best favor we can do to your self- esteem
to show our affection openly. Children need to know that we love them through
our words, as well as caresses, kisses and hugs. The fact that
we feel loved stimulates our self- esteem and builds our self- esteem in
the face of a complicated situation, how you usually react, analyze and face
the difficulty with determination to overcome it. The sooner you see the problems,
the more they weaken me, and I delay the moment to face them for
fear of the consequences. Two. A coworker invites you to a party,
but you don' t know anyone in his circle of friends. As you
consider it an excellent opportunity to meet new people and accept enchanted, go invent
an excuse not to go or ask a friend to accompany you so you don
' t separate from him all evening. Three. You' re very concerned
about what people say or think about you. I know that I cannot please
everyone and I am only affected by the opinion of those who want to be
used to asking and inquiring about the impression I have in others. Four If
a superior criticizes or scolds you for a job you haven' t done well.
I listen attentively and try that the discussion leads to constructive criticism to improve
and learn from my mistakes. B I keep quiet until you pass the bad
drink. Five, someone asks you for a favor that you don' t
have time or desire to do. I' m honest and I' m
telling you, I don' t feel like it or I can' t
do it. Bet, it' s hard for me to say no,
and I end up helping him. Six, you think you' re capable
of achieving everything you propose in life It' s just a matter of effort
and some luck why not. B everything is very complicated and there are things
I wouldn' t even try. Seven in general, you feel safer than
the people around you. In most cases, I feel more fortunate, satisfied
and secure. I' m used to feeling more miserable than the others.
For each answer, add two points. For each answer see adds a point
less than eight points. Remember that excessive indecision can lead to a total lack
of confidence. Start relying more on your possibilities and stop hurting your future with
so many complexes and insecurities. When alarms go off for no reason, never
carry more than one problem. At the same time, there are people who
carry three, those they had, those they have now and those who hope
to haveédward and I will see such a thing three months ago that Luisa
feels in a state of permanent alert since she changed her work in the factory
to a commercial position in the offices, a long awaited ascent. He feels
his hands sweat and his neck sweat. Every time you open the email.
He is distressed to see the huge number of emails waiting for him, as
well as the sales targets set for each month. The worst of all is
that she is transmitting the anxiety to her two- year- old son,
who, noting the state of nervousness of the mother, cries much more frequently
and tolerates bad visits at home Luisa comes to my office to know how to
return to calm and self- control, since her day- to- day
has become an unlived and suffers also for the child. In our visits we
go to the bottom of the question and analyze the fears and complements that have
triggered their alarms since occupying a new position in the company. Anxiety is a
state of alertness two of our organism that is given in the face of a
possible danger, a delicate situation of stress or a crucial decision. We all
have anxiety situations at some point. It' s a normal thing that'
s part of our everyday life. However, anxiety can become pathological when it
appears in situations where we don' t need any kind of self- defense
because we' re not facing any attack We specialists classify anxiety into three groups.
Endogenous anxiety is of internal origin and is given without external cause to justify
it. Exogenous anxiety is caused by a continuing stress situation. That is,
there is a specific cause that causes the reaction of the organism existential anxiety,
caused mainly by fear of death, as it will happen when it ceases to
exist many times it is encompassed in the exogenous anxiety anxiety anxiety crisis. People
who have suffered one of these crises hardly forget the state in which they were
plunged. That is the problem, the fear that it will be repeated,
further fuel their fears and the lack of confidence in their own stability. There
are several symptoms that reveal a general state of anxiety that requires somatic treatment,
tachycardia, excessive sweating, tremors, feeling of vertigo, shortness of breath,
muscle tension, psychics, insomnia, anguish, terrors, restlessness, insecurity about
the classification we have seen before. Exogenous anxiety, as common in men as
in women, is not considered by psychiatrists to be a serious pathology, because
in the existence of a cause, it is a question of confronting it by
addressing the problem. In addition, people who suffer from it often respond positively
to psychotherapy. When we lose a loved one, for example, we go
through a grieving process and symptoms of exogenous anxiety may appear. I have existential
anxiety. However, if the symptomatic condition is severe enough, it is appropriate
to contact a specialist to prevent it from leading to more serious disorders. Endogenous
anxiety is not caused by specific external causes. Being more difficult to deal with.
It is more common in women than in men. It can be hereditary
and tends to occur in early patients, especially during adolescence. From the age
of forty, cases are drastically reduced. It is not usually a continuous and
prolonged state, but more or less violent periods of crisis break out with anxious
spotlights, which makes it difficult to fight. For this reason, the patient
should go to a specialist to receive pharmacological treatment in addition to psychotherapy. There
is a very interesting modality that is anxiety crises. Three plans of shock against
anxiety exist certain habits that fuel anxiety, so the first thing we should do
is eliminate them from our daily diet. These are products or negative attitudes.
In addition to promoting a routine that favors serenity, whether or not it is
necessary for therapeutic help and pharmacological me. We can thus help not to boost
these alarm states by suppressing stimulating products such as coffee tea or cola soft drinks,
as well as alcohol and nicotine. Going out to get the air and
the sun every day, even if it' s bad weather, because staying
locked up at home can cause agoraphobic feelings. Practicing gentle exercises is a good
resource for downloading mental deposits of anxiety and regaining control of our body. To
give up too ambitious goals that cause us too great stress and demand, to
avoid discussions with the people around us, as the resulting anger and resentment are
an extra source of anxiety, the stress of our century pandemic. According to
recent reports from the World Health Organization, in the year two thousand and twenty,
diseases caused by stress and anxiety will be the number one cause of job
loss in the world. In Spain, it is estimated that there are six
million people suffering from stress. Currently, 40 per cent of the wage-
earner population and 50 per cent of employers suffer from a degree of more or
less severe stress. It is clear that the economic situation in the country contributes
to the increase in states of stress and anxiety. It has been estimated that
since the onset of the crisis, the use of antidepressants has increased by 10
per cent and cases of working jas due to depression have almost tripled. Despite
this, according to data provided by the Association of Consumers and Users, in
our country, only 17 percent of Spanish workers resort to some kind of treatment
to alleviate the causes of stress, which in Spain is not recognized as an
occupational disease. We can divide stress into two blocks eus three or natural stress,
distress or negative stress. The eostres is a natural defense reaction necessary to
face any problem or crisis situation. This resource of our survival instinct can reach
ten remedies for stressed almost all the situations presented to us in daily life have
solution only by thinking in this way already we begin to mitigate the excess of
stress. There are a number of practical measures to deal with this persistent enemy,
even in times of crisis, to go step by step, we don
' t have to do twenty things at once. Our management capacity has a
limit and we must not exceed it. It is about solving the issues that
concern us one by one. Proper breathing of long and deep breaths, involving
belly, lungs and clavicles, improves oxygenation of our blood and brain. Related
to nice people, there are psychological profiles, especially stressful. So, let
' s run away from toxic companies that don' t give us anything positive.
Go on a good diet. An excess of red meat, for example,
helps put the body in tension. Listen to relaxing sounds. Soft music
can be a good therapy to deactivate internal alarms and lower the voltage level.
Classical and soft music offer them excellent remedies to calm the mood, enjoy hobbies.
A good movie, a book that we like or any of our hobbies
will manage to defuse stress when we are focused on an activity that requires a
high dose of attention. Pressure' s dropping immediately. Machetism, painting,
origami, modeling with mud any activity we like serves to destress us in the
free time to perform a sleep therapy. A well- rested body is better
prepared for crisis situations. Therefore, it is never necessary to make the mistake
of stealing hours of sleep because of obligations to cultivate cleanliness and order. A
simple well- made bed is a relaxing view. Order in the everyday environment
helps to promote mental order. The order is a sedative and this goes from
the room, where you sleep at the work table or how you keep your
books or at work laughing is a great antistress and an unbeatable antidepressant. We
can promote it through contact with jovial people or by attending comedy shows, either
in the theater or in a movie we watch at home gardening. This activity
helps reduce stress while enjoying the outdoors. The tranquility they offer, the silent
care of the plants and the beauty of the flowers will give us moments of
relaxation. Test one usually sleeps at an average of eight hours a day,
sees less than eight hours a day and I wake up several times during the
night two and when I wake up ah deep breath and take time to undertake
daily tasks. Go analyze and review the plan of the day quickly, stopping
at the most stressful points until my heart accelerates three in the face of an
imminent change in your personal, professional life, etcetera. I try not to
anticipate the situation and take care of managing the moment in a serene and orderly
manner. B I feel uneasy, nervous and tend to isolate four at work
to teamwork and trust in the ability of my colleagues. I prefer to work
alone and avoid delegating functions, even if I need more time to finish the
tasks. Five and when the weekend comes, I try to relax with activities
that keep my mind away from stress B. I don' t know how
to get rid of the worries and I' m still on alert. Six,
what you think your next years will be like. I try to enjoy
the present to the fullest and be less demanding with destination B. I worry
about losing what I' ve achieved and not winning what I deserve. Seven
of you usually think things never go as we expected. I' m trying
to make my expectations as realistic as possible and fit my chances. See often
I' m very demanding and I' m never completely satisfied. For each
answer, add two points. For each answer see adds a point. The
brake of phobias. There are very few monsters that justify the fear we have.
André Gide Carlos is a 50- year- old pharmacist who has suffered
several panic crises while driving his car. Over the past few months, she
has had several episodes in which, while driving, she has had tachycardia,
a feeling of shortness of breath, difficulty swallowing sweats and perkinesia. This has
been repeated so that he has begun to have problems driving, until he has
reached a point where he is afraid to lose control and go crazy. He
suffers from a phobia of driving that has a negative impact on his daily life,
since he cannot travel and begins to fear even the train, the bus
and the plane. When I come to my office, I explain to you
that there are two types of crises, the endogenous ones due to natural substances
that we secrete in these episodes and that they are often confused with heart attacks
and exogenous ones due to some external event, such as the challenges that overcome
us or the excess of occupations. Carlos has suffered an endogenous crisis, he
has developed a traumatic phobia, because the experience of the crisis in the space
where God has become a phobic. If, for example, I would have
had her in an elevator, I would have had a phobia to climb in
them. First, I' ll give you a pharmacotherapy to relieve anxiety and
then I' ll do what we call a soteria. Soterism is a mechanism
of African origin in which a person infers a positive effect on an object,
for example, the one who always wears the same jacket for exams because it
gives him luck. That is, we have a background medication that removes generalized
anxiety from an object with positive properties. At the same time we give him
a quick anxiolytic. I explain to Carlos that when an episode comes, he
' ll do two things. A cognitive message will be sent that will act
by neutralizing that negative anticipation, repeating phrases as calm. Nothing happens to take
the importance to the sensations breath encouragement will take the medication of rapid action,
Following the therapy of progressive exposure, we begin to combat the phobia step by
step. First he gets in the car and starts it. Then he goes
around the block and gradually, following the previous guidelines, until he manages to
drive again and regains confidence in himself from the fear of phobia. Four,
phobia is an irrational fear in most cases, although on other occasions it has
a basis and starts from a traumatic experience. We say irrational because we feel
an uncontrollable fear that one cannot rule. There are many causes that may be
behind the origin of childhood trauma phobia. An adult may have had a traumatic
experience during his childhood. For example, a dog may have attacked him and
the rest of his life experiences irrational fear of all dogs, psychological trauma.
A parent may panic in the water and pass it on to his or her
child through his or her reactions and behavior. In this case, it would
be an acquired fear. Here the examples can be many. A person has
a panic attack while driving on a day out of his city, a long
weekend bridge and in full traffic jam, feels everything I' ve pointed out
before, feeling that he can' t breathe tachycardia that makes him think of
a heart attack fear of losing control of his person and because of that,
reacts having phobia to drive on the road. Another case, one person has
had an anxiety attack in a large, almost empty square with the above-
mentioned symptoms, and that later causes an agoraphobia or phobia to large spaces.
I give a third example, panic crisis in a department store, in days
of sale, with many people and big queues. Shortly after this experience two
complementary phobias appear. Anthropophobia or phobia to spaces with many people on one side,
and claustrophobia or phobia to enclosed spaces, which leads you to avoid or
postpone going to those sites and so on cultural phobias. In some cases,
superstitions can be bred into phobias that are present in an entire society. Recent
trauma, a person may panic speaking in public, for example, if he
has had a very negative experience in the same situation. If you are a
shy person and have been the target of mocking, you can start to tremble
when you have a mic before you attacked by panic. A panic attack is
a very intense fear reaction and, as I have commented on the preceding pages,
it is often accompanied by obvious physical symptoms. There' s a cause
or agent that triggers the trigger call. There are several types of panic attacks.
Spontaneous is the most problematic, as it suddenly appears without the trigger being
apparent and without the victim being able to relate it to any outside agent.
The specific occurs at certain times or places. The patient can avoid the places
or situations that cause the shooting, however, has the drawback that, depending
on which one, it will not be easy to avoid it. Several measures
that can help us fight panic attacks are to lead a life as normal as
possible, not to think about the next crisis or attack to breathe properly.
If you notice that you are approaching a situation that scares us, let us
take a deep breath to stay busy, think positively and not get angry with
yourself, not to give more importance to the attacks that you really have to
put in the hands of the doctor. If the problem limits us, progressive
exposure therapy and self- relaxation. This therapy we practiced in the case that
I mentioned at the beginning of the chapter consists of facing the patient directly with
the problem causing his anxiety, phobia or disorder. If done gradually, it
is r is r and has shown that this therapy gives excellent and lasting results.
In the case of agoraphobia. If we take the patient to an open
space, it is better to do so accompanied by a person of your confidence
who provides security. In the case of phobia to speak in public, the
person must gradually be encouraged to face face- to- face with that fear.
There will come a time when you will get used to it and the
feeling of anxiety will disappear. This effective therapy is often combined with self-
relaxation exercises. To do this we will begin focusing on breathing in every inhalation
and exhalation. If we are at home, it is advisable to choose a
quiet room with little light. We' ll sit on a chair with a
straight back, close our eyes and concentrate on the tip of our toes.
We will become aware of them, slowly climbing up to the feet, whole
ankles, relax all the muscles in which we concentrate without haste and keeping the
breathing deep and relaxed. We' ll focus on the thighs, the buttocks,
the belly, the chest, the neck, the jaw. We will
perceive the attention, something that we don' t really usually notice, although
there are parts of our body, like the jaw, that are always in
tension. For that reason, every time we are aware of it and relax
it, we feel a quick and obvious relief. Once we have focused on
each and every part of our body, we will give our mind pleasant images.
We can think of beautiful and relaxing landscapes or the faces of people we
love to throw away the fear of garbage. Ninety- five percent of phobias
are cured The progressive exposure therapy that we have just seen together with the author
relaxation is usually used. The patient is taught to master the reactions of his
or her body and is influenced by his or her mind to change his or
her mind until it leads to a positive feeling. However, some therapists are
recently using fast therapy that gives good results in the first place, asking the
patient to visualize in an induced state of calm what causes phobia. In case
your nervous system remains calm, you should see it in perspective and tell how
it feels. If your nervous system reacts to the vision of phobia, you
should check and recognize the signs of your body, see the effects of your
phobia vision. Once the effects are recognized, the patient will eliminate the discomfort.
It will concentrate your mind on a part of your body where attention is
stored. It will score from one to ten the intensity of that tension and
give a certain shape to that tension, for example, a stone or a
knot made. This will visualize mentally how he takes it with his hands and
throws it away with strength. After performing this ritual, you will relax by
breathing deeply. Right after that, the patient will again rate the intensity of
the tension and repeat the visualization to throw away the object with which it identifies
this negative sensation. This process should be repeated until fear wanes. Test one,
when you think about death, I experience an intense feeling of panic when
I get approached by any fleeting thoughts on that subject, beck accept that it
is inevitable and helps me live life with more intensity two talk in public,
catch a plane, get stuck in an elevator, suffer an illness, suffer
a robbery at home, how you face your fears I tend to magnify their
consequences even if there is no apparent risk that they will happen, and that
causes me stress, anxiety and anguish. B relativized its impact and looked for
a way not to affect or paralyze me. Three with your children ers ah
extremely protective and prudent, see trying to promote self- esteem and self-
confidence, letting them learn from their own mistakes. Four offer you the chance
to change jobs. I' m afraid I' ll lose what I'
ve already achieved and reject the offer. He sees rationally valuing prosilos against if
I make the decision that best suits me without fear of change. Five,
after several years working in the same company, the company breaks down and you
lose your job, ah I stay paralyzed for a good season without knowing what
to do to move on. The suffering of being hypersensitive. There is no
truth. There is perception. Gustave Flaubert. Laura is fifty- three years
old and shows up in my office with her husband José. He tells me
that they have a problem, in fact, a silly conflict but that they
can take the couple ahead. I' m starting to quote them separately.
Laura has a sister two years younger than her, for whom her greatest illusion
was to marry and have children. With the bad luck that she became single
and frustrated, that is, what she designed as fundamental to her life has
not worked and is bitter. This has given rise to a neurotic person who
has not been able to solve that problem and assume it as a reality.
The marriage spends part of the summer with her and Joseph and her sister-
in- law practically don' t talk during the summer. As soon as
they speak, they eat breakfast, they see themselves in the good morning.
Communication is minimal. Laura wants her husband to accept the sister, but there
are irrational differences between them, composed of small anecdotes almost infantile attitudes that make
their life absorb simply impossible. I' ll talk to Laura and explain what
we' ll do. When doctors working in the emergency department have a patient
with brain skull trauma, they use a fundamental law in medicine, tackle the
most serious somatic event in the first place and leave the least serious for later.
In the case of brain skull trauma, the most important thing is the
head. If a brain stops receiving blood for three minutes, it is affected
for the rest of its life. That is, if a person arrives with
rib bruises, broken dislocations and a blow to the head, the first thing
is the head. Therefore, I explain to Laura that the most important thing
is to follow an affective hierarchy. For a person like her, the main
thing is her husband and his children. Her sister and anyone else can come
immediately, but there is a priority. I design guidelines of conduct or Victor
to discuss with José, not to remove the grievances of the past, not
to discuss this issue and that when you go to Galicia in summer, do
not sleep in the same house as your sister. Marriage has accepted my mediation
and is putting the emotional paper skin advice into practice. A highly sensitive peace
person is one who feels hypersensitivity to everything that happens around him. It may
seem to the profane that this group of people are in constant conflict with the
world around them. However, it is important to bear in mind that the
conflict is with themselves. They often feel hurt with innocent comments. Very often
they feel attacked with offenses that do not really exist, as susceptible profiles suffer
from very low self- esteem and are tremendously vulnerable. They can react unforeseeably
and the ease with which they feel injured results in a disproportionate ability to hurt
others, as their counter- attacks, being offended, may become particularly virulent.
Hypersensitivity has its origin in childhood and is developing throughout the existence of people.
Marine therapist Berrolandegi thinks the following. As a child, the hypersensitive constructs
a world of fantasies because he perceives a world that hurts him and causes him
anguish and fear. In adolescence. He feels misunderstood and only because he finds
no one to share his emotions with in maturity. The hypersensitive also suffers in
his relationship as a couple. He is never satisfied with the affective demonstration of
the other. He' s insecure, hoarding, absorbing, and jealous.
It magnifies everyday scenes because it does not find the key to regulating emotions,
which causes a permanent crisis of dissatisfaction and anguish. Crystal hearts. The hypersensitive
personality may present some or several of the following behaviors and viduo is very concerned
with what people may think or say about it. He often believes that others
murmur and criticize him in the back. It can be very suspicious if you
receive a positive criticism, it does not give half of importance to negative criticism.
He reacts uncontrollably to what he or she considers a mockery. Although the
commentary does not carry any negative burden, many times that answer is more internal
and consists of a feeling badly attacked, not well treated, and a kind
of inner monologue appears about what happened. Without being able to distance himself from
that anecdote, his self- esteem is low and he needs the constant approval
of those around him. This fact is aggravated by the fact that the pas
are very critical. I get them highly conscientious and perfectionist. They are often
shy and rather lonely. They don' t feel comfortable in agglomerations. In
some cases they may feel attacked in places where there are strong lights or very
high music as compensation for the difficulties they show in social life, they tend
to have great artistic and intellectual gifts. In general, alcohol and drug abuse
often affects them more negatively than others, so these people need to lead a
particularly orderly and regular life. Some remedies for highly sensitive people channel the inner
life through art, signing up for sculpture painting or writing workshops is highly therapeutic
for these people, who can start by writing in a blank notebook, a
diary where they can translate their experiences, opinions or sensations, learn to react
more with the head than with the heart. We can call this that,
learn to be more Cartesian five, let go of the viserality with which it
all feels. The highly susceptible person must be more cerebral and not react automatically
when he hears an opinion that a priori may seem offensive to him. If
you quarantine it and let a few hours or days pass, you will surely
see that the comment was of no importance to judge things, not others.
Often more than judging is prejudged, which can predispose a person against before anything
happens. If we do not prejudge, we will avoid many conflicts. Better
to judge the acts themselves than the people. In this way we will gain
distance and we will be able to consider such an act or opinion with perspective,
not feel attacked and minimize the facts. This is an art that,
like everything else, requires successive learning. Six practice empathy. The susceptible person
has to learn to put himself on the skin of others. You will thus
gain a degree of maturity or you will be able to understand opinions and comments
much better. Detect the days when one is more susceptible than normal. There
are days when we get out of bed in a cloudy or stormy mood.
If we are aware of it, we will give less importance to our perception
of things. Seven According to this typology embodied in his writings by Caucus Savion,
extroverted people are charged with energy, are extremely sociable and open to everything
around them. They like to face new challenges. If they don' t
get scared when it comes to taking risks, they adjust and feel comfortable with
the society in which they live. If this society undergoes changes or evolves,
the extrovert will have no difficulty in adapting to these transformations. In addition,
extroverted people are great communicators and have no problem expressing their feelings. On the
contrary, they need to. They are social, friendly and seductive, although
sometimes they can also be violent, burdensome and rude. On the one hand,
they communicate well with the introverts, because they admire the ability to gather
and the discretion they lack. However, conflict may occur when the extrovert sees
his opponent too quiet or inaccessible at key times. The introvert, on the
other hand, prefers to isolate himself in his own world, in his security
bubble. He can often be seen in himself with his thoughts and fantasies enjoying
a rich inner life. These profiles are good workers thanks to their concentration power
and are enemies of giving up things half way. They admire the sympathy and
gift of people who are extroverted, but sometimes consider them meddling, childish and
superficial. It is interesting the opinion expressed by Professor Adriana that more dream in
her introver writing of ns extroversion. Extroverts see an objective world made up of
external people and events, particularly those in their immediate environment, and they act
within that world. Introverts feel more harmonized to their subjective and inner world,
which is not directly perceptible by others and sometimes even for themselves. Timidity or
social phobia. First of all, it is necessary to differentiate between being introverted
and suffering pathological shyness social phobia. The introvert feels more comfortable in your world.
He has chosen to live his interiority more and does not have to have
problems communicating with others, even if he prefers to keep distance from the rest
of society and be small when it comes to talking. The shy person suffers
from a great lack of security in itself that in many cases can be overcome.
However, there are cases where shyness causes enormous suffering and inability to communicate.
It is important to note that their loneliness is not voluntary. The shy
one usually has real terror of ridicule, he is unable to speak in public.
Asking for a favor or getting attention in a place where there are unknown
people, even asking where the bathrooms are can be quite an impossible challenge to
overcome. At a time of pathological shyness, the affected person may become somatized.
Thus we observe redness of the face, sweating in the hands, tachycardia
and even dizziness and a feeling of panic. At first, the fact that
a child or adolescent is very shy is not serious. It is a very
common problem at this stage of life. However, care must be taken to
ensure that shyness does not lead the person to lock himself up. In time.
An overly shy teen or adult may become an inappropriate use of alcohol to
become uninhibited, have great difficulties in associating with one another and sentimentally, and
his or her working life may not bear the fruits that he or she should
have for his or her intellectual ability. B Start listing the problems I had
uncomfortable hotel mosquitoes, poor quality of food two. Your boss is wondering if
you need help in the performance of your job. I sincerely appreciate your interest
and appreciate the advantages of your offer. B I suspect that you are not
satisfied with my work and that he wants to replace me three in a family
conversation, you have listened and accepted the comments of the rest, even if
he disagrees. I' m used to playing the singing voice and I react
badly if someone' s against me. Four after a day of stressful work,
I try to leave the worries behind and enjoy a relaxing evening with family
or friends. B I share anxiety with my people and end up infecting the
moment of my negativity. Five, Ambulance sirens, construction noise, traffic,
agglomerations A are typical of my urban environment and I am used to their presence.
I find B more and more unbearable and they make me in a very
bad mood. Six, your house tends to be rather messy and somewhat chaotic.
I prefer to spend my free time with mine, to read TV,
to practice sports, you see perfectly clean and everything in your place. I
can' t stand the mess. Seven in the face of a situation of
danger or risk to react calmly and I do not let myself be carried away
by the nerves. See I get scared easily and I can get to block
myself completely if I don' t control the situation. For each answer,
add two points. For each answer see adds a point less than eight points.
Your answers indicate that you are a hypersensitive person before everything that happens around
you is difficult to control your reactions, at times certainly disproportionate. The time
may have come to lower your demands and stop being such a perfectionist and conscientious
person, leaving behind viserality and practicing empathy about endogenous depression. The world is
full of suffering, but it is also full of overcoming it. At Keyer,
Marcos' parents have been very concerned since he turned ten, although he
goes to a good school and is very much loved by his colleagues at one
time. To this part, the child communicates little and is sad and dissatisfied
in the courtyard. He isolates himself from the others and looks down. Although
his teachers have tried to talk to him. Marcos rejects any kind of help
or no one knows what is happening to him. Until you come to my
office, the child shows the symptoms of endogenous depression. That explains why contact
is denied by the episodes of anguish and irritability described to me by the parents,
as well as the excessive fear of death. We begin a pharmacological treatment
while explaining to parents what this type of depression consists of so that they know
the situation of the child and can support him in the best way. When
the body gets depressed, endogenous depression occurs because of a chemical imbalance in the
brain. The patient suffering from this type of depression does not have to have
had a traumatic experience or have experienced severe loss. It is even possible that
he suffers from depression from birth and does not know that he has lived with
the disease all his existence, believing that he is part of his way of
being. One of the most serious symptoms of endogenous depression is the suicidal tendency.
If that happens, even if it is overcome, you must immediately go
to a specialist, since the crisis can re- emerge at any time.
It should be noted that this type of depression can be successfully treated with pharmacotherapy.
Within this category, most of the complete depressive symptoms are called tetradimensional,
characterized by highly accentuated symptoms. Anedonia penetrating, not feeling pleasure or inclination towards
everything that usually produces taste, enjoyment, deep sadness, different in quantity and
quality of the sadness of life that everyone has for something negative that has happened
to him, feeling guilty of exploring the past and taking out a negative box
archery reproaches oneself list of real facts or not that deform in negative and turn
against one. In terms of more physical symptomatology, it is worth mentioning the
inhibition or psychomotor enhancement and the more or less accentuated sensation of narcosis or mental
anesthesia. There is also a deterioration of communication that presents the lack of reaction
to positive or pleasant environmental stimuli, appearing episodes of bad mood, apathy,
distrust or irritability. Among the so- called rhythmopathic symptoms, outbreaks of late
insomnia are common, early awakening with impossibility to resume sleep with the corresponding exhaustion
that this causes, contrasting with reactive depressions, in which it is possible to
find triggering factors. The symptoms, severity and intensity differ according to the patient.
They are usually the following loss of appetite and, consequently, weight loss,
disinterested by everything around the individual, including things that once enthralled him insomnia
and, as a consequence, physical and mental exhaustion or the other way around,
hypersomnia, tendency to sleep too much fear of the future, loss of
hope. Suicide tendencies can be ideas, intermittent or rather fixed thoughts or inclinations
that come and go and produce great suffering, feelings of inhibition, sadness,
extreme melancholy. There is an entire oceanography of it rich and varied. It
is a polychrome of experiences presided over by a decrease in the mood, with
the nuances of each one' s culture and the richness of verbal expression,
evil, humor, irritability. If a person has a depressive condition with some
of these symptoms, even if it is quite mild, it is better to
prevent and go to a specialist, especially if suicidal tendencies appear the names of
sadness nine. Many current psychiatrists have stopped distinguishing between exogenous and endogenous depression,
preferring to a broader classification for the various types of depressions from which we will
highlight the following. Severe depression major depressive disorder the symptoms suffered by the patient
act relentlessly in the day to day, incapacitating him to lead a normal life.
It' s the most serious dysthymia. Chronic depression presents symptoms similar to
severe depression but in lesser intensity, lasting longer for at least two years.
The patient may lead an almost normal life, but symptoms clearly affect him.
Today, the psychiatrist and psychologist must know how important it is to combine medication
and psychotherapy well. Bipolar disorder. Depressive manic disease, although it has a
separate entity from depression. Those who suffer from it see altered the system that
regulates the mood. The patient has sudden mood swings, losing tempora. Morally
reason. This disorder rarely develops in childhood. It' s more like adulthood,
but it' s not always and it' s usually hereditary. Today
the prognosis has changed in positive with the new advances atypical depression. Patients are
people who eat and sleep excessively. Because of them, they blame themselves and
have an overwhelming feeling of rejection they think they don' t like others.
Double depression. This is a complication of chronic depression or distinction. Symptoms are
aggravated in some episodes to reach the level of severe depression or major seasonal affective
disorder. They are depressive pictures that occur periodically when autumn and winter arrive when
spring arrives, the patient usually improves. The patient usually overeats and overslepts himself.
When in the critical phase, premenstrual non- dysphoric disorder. The word
dysphoria moves near the term euphoria joy and pathological vitality and means a mixture of
diffuse anxiety and ill- drawn irritability. It is a state of mind presided
over by this experience and given the week before menstruation. According to the press
agency and Llobopo pras, the statistics of depression are usually reported when the menstrual
period arrives In the two thousand nine, there were ten percent Spaniards, about
four million inhabitants suffering from some form of depression. The study showed that only
40 per cent of them received appropriate treatment. Unfortunately, statistics are on the
rise, as the economic crisis has exacerbated these figures alarmingly. In the last
five years, cases of depression have increased in Spain by nineteen comma forty percent,
according to data provided by the journalist No Travel in the without service of
information and scientific news. In an article published in June of the two thousand
twelve he mentions that cases of chronic pressure distinction grew by ten or eighty percent,
while cases of anxiety increased by eight comma forty percent, and panic attacks
also continued. This tonic, rising to a six comma forty percent. Depression
currently affects more than 350 million people worldwide and causes approximately one million suicides each
year. In other words, some 3, 000 people take their lives a
day. It should be borne in mind that for every person who manages to
commit suicide, there are twenty who have not completed it, often because they
try to draw attention to the psychological drama they are suffering. Greece was one
of the countries in the world where the suicide rate will be lower, but
due to the rampant economic crisis, the rate of suicide attempts increased by thirty
- six percent in the year two thousand eleven. The country with the highest
percentage of people suffering from depression is France with a total of twenty- one
percent, followed by the United States with a nineteen coma twenty percent. Understanding
episodes of sadness, the word happiness would lose its meaning if it were not
balanced by sadness. Carl gustav Jun Olga is an eighty- three- year
- old woman, classy and very presumptuous, who always comes to my office
with her household employee. The first time I see her, I object to
her presenting a depressive background motivated by isolation. It has what today is called
a depressive life, without challenges, nothing stimulating in the future a solitary existence.
Every summer he travels to Santander to see his sister and niece. She
takes her to do things and her mood changes radically. As I' m
told, the maid even forgets her pills. Suddenly his life is filled and
there is an activation by himself of having things to do, because they count
on it during those four weeks. He is another person when he returns to
Madrid, Olga returns to the same pattern. We are working our daily habits
to move that animation and encouragement into your life in the city, so that
you can leave behind the exogenous depression external causes of depression. It is necessary
to know how to distinguish here between the macrotraumas of enormous gravity on the pointed
line and the microtraumas, which are of lesser intensity but form a constellation of
less important factors and the sum of them all destabilizes the person. In either
case, as its name indicates the exogenous depression at ten is caused by an
external agent. That is, there is a reason for a person to suffer.
This disease may be caused by countless causes, but we will cite the
most common. In fact, often a depressive picture results not in a single
cause, but in several of them. Death of a loved one, loss
of someone very important to us, always creates trauma. There is usually a
normal period of mourning, but if it lengthens over time and the person does
not react, the state of sadness may degenerate. In pathology, time heals
all wounds. The great Balsam is an economic failure of some importance. This
impact is decisive and produces a psychological collapse response whose intensity depends on many nuances.
A loving failure to be requited by the loved one can be devastating in
the mood, especially in adolescents. Failure of a relationship can also lead to
depressive disorders. In women sentimental disappointment is harder, while in men economic and
professional failure is more shocking. Today this has changed to a large extent with
the incorporation of women into traditionally male work activities. Social Hostility, an atmosphere
of rejection is highly destructive to anyone. Schools are a breeding ground for this.
If a child is the object of jokes, heavy jokes, threats or
assaults by other partners, symptoms of depression can appear and also occurs in adults
when there is hostility in the neighborhood work environment of an unwanted couple alone people
who live very isolated or have been locked up in themselves or for a number
of reasons, have no social life or live to work or for a sum
of different factors. The result is severe and may have a difficult prognosis.
Eleven lack of sunlight. The high incidence of depression in the Nordic countries has
much to do with the lack of solar rays. In fact, to alleviate
the effects of any depression, one of the measures is to walk in the
open air and receive sun on our skin remedies against sadness. We are currently
exposed to many negative influences that can undermine our mood. To the bad news
that comes to us through the media. They add the general nervousness and a
state of discouragement that ends up in the population. To prevent depression from settling
in us we need more than ever to take care of our body and mind,
so that we can face any difficulty with good courage. Consider some practical
steps that we can take in the day to day rests the necessary hours.
Insomnia is another major cause of depression and other diseases. As we have said
before, if work and worries overwhelm us, we must know how to disconnect
and not steal hours from sleep you see. I have always two pons of
all this needs an education of the look and the effort to have a long
view of the play is also maturity. Avoid Alcohol is already a potent depressive
agent, even more so if we take it too much. The so-
called social lubricant is certainly a double- edged weapon that enjoys food. Avoid
fast or heavy foods. It' s not about skipping meals, it'
s about eating in a healthy and measured way. It is better to eat
little and often stay a heist. Once or twice a day. Look for
healthy relationships, call your friends, stay with them, talk and get rid
of a nice conversation with a person. Finally it can raise the mood in
a remarkable way. Let' s not stay home with our cavilations. It
' s very positive to air them. It performs activity in the open air,
as we have seen, sunlight and a little physical exercise are vital to
regulate our organism. The programmed sport is order and dissolves blurred sorrows. Don
' t make a mountain out of a grain of sand. There' s
no need to magnify the problems. Twelve of them will not seem important to
us when we see them with perspective from here in time check your family tree.
If we have a history of family members with depression, it is advisable
to monitor our state, but without obsessing about it a serious issue. We
have talked about prevention and advice to overcome depression, but we need to be
careful, as they are only a complement in case we are facing severe depression.
If this were the situation, take walks in the sun talk to others
and eat properly. They are valid and important resources, but insufficient. According
to the American psychiatrist Pillo de Kramer, only one in eight depression patients receive
the treatment they need. In her book against depression she insists that it is
a serious illness that should be treated with the same seriousness as cancer or malaria.
It should be borne in mind that depression can seriously alter our body.
It' s not a melancholy that can be healed with a Marx Brothers film,
a little sport and dinner with friends. Depression is very destructive, as
it alters the glands. The prefrontal cortex, the circulatory system, and the
hippocampus. The brain suffers real physical havoc. Depression is a disease to be
treated by specialists, who will propose the most appropriate therapy, be it pharmacotherapy,
psychotherapy or the combination of different therapeutic systems. If it is exogenous,
we must add therapy, work, occupation and sociotherapy and agent relationships. If
we believe that we are suffering from depression and have the feeling that our family
doctor has not been able to identify the disease, let us ask a second
opinion from a specialist return to the hole. Firstly, a clarification of something
that has been said too lightly. Antidepressants don' t create addiction. This
is a prejudice that has done much harm and has turned away from the treatment
of patients who needed it. However, the doses of each intake and the
duration of treatment should be monitored by a specialist. It is true that psychopharmaceuticals
may cause some annoying side effects, but they are usually not serious. In
any case, when they appear, it is essential to inform the doctor so
that he or she can change or reformulate our therapy. Never leave a medication
without consulting the doctor, as the risk of relapse would be very high.
In addition, many relapses end up being more severe than the original depression and
the situation could be complicated. Abandoning treatment is a very delicate thing, as
the patient needs to be followed up to make sure that he has effectively overcome
the depressive disorder. It' s not as simple as stopping taking a simple
cough syrup appendage self- esteem in childhood. Although a child has no memory
of his first three years, childhood is the happiest age in life. It
is rare for facts of that time to be remembered. Except for exceptions,
the brain memory indramas are still unable to retain those first- time experiences,
which are unforgettable for the mother and totally forgettable for the child. The border
is winding about when the first images begin to be held and archived. Few
questions intrigue psychologists more than this. When and how children begin to think with
symbols and how their mind is growing. He was Jeantierje, one of the
pioneers in these issues and affirmed that we should not consider the mind of a
child as a miniature model of the adult, since they elaborate their knowledge of
the world in a radically different way. Everything is developing according to ascending stages
ranging from simple reflections that are associated with increasingly abstract reasonings. Fourteen the brain
matures by creating concepts that Piajet calls schemes that are ways of looking at the
world according to previous experiences and that help us for the experiences that will come
in the future. We move from simple schemes to more complex ones. When
a mother feeds her child during the first months of her life and gives her
breast the great psychological benefit is to the mother, who feels a special tenderness
when she realizes that a being of her own flesh and blood needs absolutely everything
to survive, and she gives herself totally to him. For the baby the
benefit is physical, because if the mother is in healthy conditions, breast milk
is the best. But what is clear is that the child is not going
to have memories of that experience, even though smile be cheerful and recognize the
mother for smelling. When an animal is born at the time of being in
this world, it already has a mobility and behavioral devices of its species that
make it practically self- serving. All genetics are set in motion and within
a few weeks his learning makes him position himself at the same level as his
parents. In the child the opposite happens, it is born defenseless to the
maximum. Not only can he not stand for himself, but he needs help
from the most elementary and primary. This is the great paradox between the child
and the animal. We see it in a chick, in a bervatillo,
in a dog cub and, of course, on the phylogenetic scale of the
higher animals, such as the monkey or the Chimpanzee. It takes about a
year for humans to reach the same level as mammals at birth. It is
the absolute helplessness and it is not necessary to lose sight that the child sleeps
and sleeps is the age of sleep, and that his mother knows, who
takes care in detail of the many hours that his son sleeps and the need
that he has of it steps towards freedom. The physical development of the child
is exciting and when we have had the opportunity to see our children or grandchildren
grow up, one is surprised at how it is produced. The acquisition of
movements is exciting. You will see a child who begins to stand up and
moves and the first glimpses of freedom appear. He' s gaining security in
his travels, he needs to lean on the things he' s got around
him. Parents continue with emotions, their motor babbling, and enjoy observing these
gradual progresses that the family and the child respond to. Going to more each
day with the right diet, progresses in weight size and body morphology. The
child holds his head about four months and about six months. It is able
to acquire the position of sitting a little before, already able to realize the
apprehension of the objects. Soon after. He' s capable of crawling at
ten to twelve months. It can already stand, although falls are frequent,
everything follows a gradual slow pace, successively. The instrument of the tongue.
The child' s psychological development is surprising. The first thing that draws attention
is how he begins to repeat words that he hears and he does it with
babbling, linguistics, phonemes, elementary units of verbal language, eating part of
them, which provokes the sympathy of those who live around him. Seeing how
his is produced something as important as the acquisition of language. So when a
child is a year and a half he handles about fifty, sixty or seventy
words. Even his private vocabulary is scarce. When she is three years old,
the vocabulary has multiplied and handled about a thousand In such a short time,
verbal communication has grown exponentially. The child points to the objects with his
fingers, fixes them and incorporates them into his mind, accomplishes his learning through
a process of repetition. The importance of parents in this age of life is
key, since the child is a sponge that sucks everything that comes to him
and active and motivating parents are decisive for the development of integral development. Fifteen,
the child is discovering life. All childhood unfolds in mother and child symbiosis.
It' s an essential binomial. The role of the mother has a
decisive place in the challenge of socialization. The child' s arrival at the
nursery first and then at school is of obvious interest. He ceases to be
in some way the king of his house to be one more is normal crying,
the difficulty to accept being with other children of his age and to have
to understand with them and accept the first rules of conduct and be able to
discover the presence of other people and to relate. The arrival at school around
the age of five is an event that the child must assume with the help
of his parents, learn to adapt and establish a certain communication while discovering the
first clear and still uncontaminated feelings. Sympathy and rejection of being happy, envy,
fear, rivalry, fighting, having to share toys accept a certain discipline.
All this has a great educational value. It is the first phase of
socialization. Then the age of the game emerges. He begins to understand what
things are for, such as spending time, what the rules are that are
being imposed and then the age of the questions comes and why and there are
many that the child brings with him and it is necessary to get more or
less convincing answers. According to the characteristics of the personality that gradually develops.
The game is a very useful activity and has a psychological relief of first importance.
First of all, it is an impulse to activity. It is also
a way of interacting with other children and a way of learning and raising their
sense of living, as well as an adequate psychological rest and an increase in
self- awareness. Sixteen later he begins to write and scribble on sheets of
paper. Let us not forget that language predates grammar. The child speaks,
but he still doesn' t know the words, which is something to do
with it. Then he starts drawing and putting the letters together to form words.
All of that leads to your time. It plunges into a new world
that is hard for it and where the first efforts to overcome debauchery emerge.
Educating a child is introducing it into reality with love from three to six years
of age. We are talking about a personalistic stage, since the words I
my own appear very often and are common currency of the vocabulary that is handling
and repeating the second childhood over and over again. In the later phase we
talked about the child' s entry. In school psychology, the so-
called second childhood ranges from six to eleven for girls and twelve or thirteen for
boys. There is an important body metamorphosis here. The body figure is rounded
and the muscle system is activated. On the psychological level, the child goes
from being more or less into his inner world to coming out decisively into the
outer world. What we call in psychology is the beginning of school maturity,
the ability to relate to peers, to do their homework, to have a
certain responsibility for the tasks entrusted to them at school, and to accept the
rules of the school, on the one hand, and of the family,
on the other. Although imagination and fantasy remain in the foreground, the child
realizes that he lives in a world he needs to understand. In this way
comes a certain critical attitude that means beginning to disagree with everything that is said,
asked or demanded and begins to be raised, because it is of all
that. Likewise, intelligence is going to gradually move to the foreground. These
are interesting questions that suddenly jump and reveal that you are realizing what is happening
around you. If educating is teaching people how to think culture is teaching them
how to live. This second is still far from the shelter of the family.
The family is the central habitat of the child and it is what will
give it security and confidence. For him it means love and an atmosphere in
which he feels at ease, safe and quiet. Therefore, dysfunctional families seventeen
are a source of discomfort that will result in unhealthy environments, where that child
will suffer the lack of balance of the family group and this may have negative
consequences in future for couples with adopted children, something today very common in the
West. It is important that that child be loved and receive the tenderness and
love of his adoptive parents with all the strength possible. It is important to
explain to the right age, according to your psychology, what is adopted and
that your parents love you with all the love that they are able and help
you accept that condition without any complexes, naturally and explain it to your classmates
with clarity and simplicity. Eighteen learning to think. One of the first objectives
at this stage of life must be to teach, to reason, to apply
the criteria of discourse to understand the facts that happen. This task is primarily
for parents, but since children spend many more hours at school than at home,
except for the weekend, it is a mission for teachers to teach them
how to think and understand the rules and guidelines that come from adults to understand
the meaning and importance they have. It is also very suggestive to teach children
to paint at first when they are only six or seven years old. This
is an interesting exercise because it measures your imaginative ability, you can put different
drawings in front for you to copy. It is not the same whether it
is a landscape, a portrait, a dead nature or something abstract. It
is very interesting the research work carried out in this respect by Reinold of this
Nineteen Inveck, where it is evident that it is more important to teach to
think and to solve disordered problems than to accumulate previously divergent thinking knowledge. Land
and Harman, nine hundred and ninety- three, subjected one thousand and six
hundred five- year- olds to a test of their ability to think differently
and repeated it with the same children when they were ten years old and then
fifteen years old. These same researchers submitted to the same testa two hundred eighty
zero zero zero adults. The test they used was based on a NASA psychological
tool to measure the divergent thinking of their scientists. Five- year- olds
had a very high level of creativity of ninety- eight percent. With ten
he had fallen to thirty percent and at fifteen he had dropped to twelve percent.
That is, the more simple and pure and decontaminated information is the child,
the greater his ability to express drawing, painting and creativity. Joandmiro,
one of the great avant- garde painters of the 20th century, said in
the last stretch of his life After so many years of work, I think
I have managed to paint like a child. The drawing is a wonderful means
of communication of the child and his spontaneity is full of freshness. His pencils
and papers are both a challenge and a hobby with naive vanity. The little
one teaches his parents what he has done and he himself is surprised at what
has come out of his hands, especially of his ability. There are many
things that can be explored in this regard. The geometry, the handling of
colors and their distribution, the size, the characters that appear. Everything is
going to reveal to us the child who is inside and who is looking at
puberty through this window of fantasy and creativity. To draw a child is to
motivate him to discover himself and explore his inner world, this being a method
to access his intimacy. Originality and freedom come together here. This same experiment
we can do with our children when they are a few years old. We
are surprised by their doodles and the mixture of colors with different pencils, as
well as the grace and novelty that represent what they do. When puberty begins,
this changes and becomes less expressive, more dull, less spontaneity, perhaps
because they have to be conformed to a style or because they are expected to
have a concrete composition that conforms to prefixed canons. Accompany someone, a child
who has grown up with a healthy childhood, physically and psychologically, a stable
family and has received a positive education. Educarés. Accompanying someone to introduce him
into reality with love has very positive exit conditions. Education is a gradual way
of seeing reality. If a ten- year- old child, for example,
discovers sexuality, it will suddenly be branded and will suffer a lifelong factory
defect. In dysfunctional families, childhood is not the happy stage of life and
that leaves aftereffects forever. When, for example, those who call pen Juan
children are forced to spend a few days at the mother' s house,
others at the father' s house and so many at the grandparents' house,
they become insecure. The first thing children need is space security. His
things, his bed, his space, a crucial moment when one of the
great values of life appears, the concept of friendship. The great affective themes
have a great freshness in children, because they are not nuanced by culture,
social norms or the environment. His feelings are totally pure. The discovery of
sharing good moments with a friend is very important for a child. The concept
of brotherhood is another feeling you must learn. Children with siblings learn to share
before their space, toys, inherit clothes, etcetera. A case of children
' s problems, the rebellious child arrives at my office in Oscar, an
eight- year- old boy with a three- year- old sister.
He has gained weight in recent times, for he eats compulsively and, in
addition, unhealthy things. Since the age of six, Oscar has suffered from
big tantrums that at the age of eight have become insults to his parents.
He doesn' t attend at home or in class, he doesn' t
want to eat what he gives him, and his behavior in general is very
bad. Surprisingly, at school he behaves well when I talk to the child
alone I analyze the main areas of conflict, which are insults, disobedience and
aggressive reactions in which he throws food or throws objects. I realize, speaking
to the parents, that the child has a lot of mother and little father.
The mother is in charge of education and the father always tends to minimize
the child' s bad behaviors. The first therapy to be applied in this
case is with the parents, to whom I give rules of conduct, not
to repeat the messages There is a law in psychology that says that the messages
that are repeated a lot have the opposite effect, because of a question of
tiredness. Reduce affective manifestations, whether verbal or physical. Smiles and loving words
like love, affection, because the child has stopped appreciating them. It is
also important to demonstrate disapproval through long faces and silences, to apply a system
of awards and punishments. When the child misbehaves, a toy that he likes
will be removed for a few days. Let us not forget these suggestions.
Punishments must be without violence or verbal aggressiveness. They must also be unified by
the two, i e the parents, must agree with the prize or punishment.
There is also a form of punishment that consists of locking the child up
for half an hour in a room until he says he will behave well.
It is not as serious as it seems, for if there is no violence
in punishment, it carries no trauma. The first prize is verbal or physical,
by hugging kisses or congratulations. Then there is the material prize, which
must have little value, a pen or a chocolate with respect to this child.
I also apply a list of behaviors to follow and then I give you
a prize if you apply them. Do not insult obey the second by letting
him understand that he is not able to do it to the first. So
we encourage in that challenge to leave things in place, do homework, eat
properly and, of all things, ask for things. Please learn to thank
you with a certain frequency knowing that tantrums do not lead to anything positive.
I ask you to draw a picture of your family and observe that the sizes
of your members are illogical. The mother is the biggest and then he himself
is older than the father and sister. The role of each in the family
is then clearly observed. On the next visit, the character of the child
has already improved by fifty percent. We can now apply new rules which may
be as follows. Giving a kiss to the mother three times a day,
going to school, around the corner and, before going to bed, thanking
her mother once a day, at least, when something is not done as
he wants, he must accept it. We stimulate him by telling him he
' s going to make it. Parents are relieved, as they have noticed
a great improvement by applying all the rules. As in many therapies, when
you analyze the family situation because of a specific problem, you realize that there
are also other problems added. In this case, parents argue a lot and
I talk to them to solve it, also through three patterns of behavior.
Avoid unnecessary discussions, do not remove the list of grievances from the past,
dedramatize the child' s negative behavior, as this behavior is subject to many
swings a note about puberty. In puberty the child is pure activity. Dynamism
joy is gaining some control of itself. Discover sexuality and the appearance of people
of another sex. Children are much more childish, and sex appears more intensely
than in girls, physical and psychological attraction appears strongly. Children have the first
sexual information from schoolmates. That' s why it' s good for parents
to get ahead and explain to them what sexuality is and what it is to
avoid distortion that may have negative consequences in the future. When this is not
done for lack of preparation, for not daring to get into these issues or
for lack of self- sufficiency, that will mean a vacuum in formation of
quite importance. Twenty appear the first night pollutions and the awareness of erection and
ellaculation and masturbation usually has a role in behavior, which you need to know
how to focus. The child begins to go home to his classmates and opens
a new stage of friendship by sharing another home. There he begins to relate
to his friend' s sisters and opens up a new world where imagination and
platonics are going to be in the foreground. The first crushes appear and the
child immerses himself in his thoughts and sails through the sea of the first affective
illusions. Feelings are idealized, girls already acquire female forms. Breast development appears,
the beautiful cubian and axillary and come the first mens destroy is the work
of the mother. Explain what this periodic repetition of vulgar blood consists of and
what significance a good mother' s education has. It consists of making him
integrate all this into his psychology. A mother must give all the necessary answers
regarding her sexual intimacy with simplicity and psychology with clarity and an integral view of
the person and, of course, the father must also participate. To educate
is to introduce into reality with love, is to teach our children how things
are and what sexuality means. And we must go against the current, for
hedonism and permissiveness are today at the forefront of our twenty- one society.
Many girls take refuge in their best friend, who becomes a confidant and counselor.
School life carries the singing voice. That is why it is so important
that it has a good adaptation that in many cases it becomes the first home,
especially with the flood of separate families we attend in the West. At
the beginning of the twenty- first century, egocentrism is appearing in boys and
girls, although they have a greater sense of reality and attend to the development
of their bodies and see the changes that are taking place in them. Curiosity
opens its way and begins to discover the body of others. The feelings of
friendship mixed with those of rivalry and they capture their possibilities in the most diverse
fields. Children are always more active and rebellious, but they are still very
childish, while girls are more self- centered. They begin to be aware
of their sentimental life and explore the first friendships with emotion and shock, seeing
that their duration is sometimes too ephemeral, among other things, because the personality
is being made and their configuration is still not stable. The transition from puberty
to adolescence is equally sinuous, blurred, imprecise with poorly limited contours, especially
today that due to a mosaic of diverse factors twenty- two have been delayed,
especially in boys, many of whom are genuine babies of a psychological age
of seven, eight or nine years. This is well known by the mothers
case study a ten- year- old troubled child, come to the consultation
some fathers of forty- two years, he and thirty- four she who
had contacted some person of our team in Madrid, first by email and later
by telephone, to explain to us in broad terms the problem that presented us.
This is a ten- year- old boy who has a twelve-
year- old sister and another four- year- old brother. The father
works in a fruit market and the mother works in a supermarket. It is
the mother who speaks and gives us a synthesis of her child' s problem.
We' ve been dealing with my son' s problem for over three
years now. We' ve been to two psychologists, but we' ve
had no luck and our son is still the same. We ask you what
are the main negative behaviors that the child has classified from more to less important.
The parents' answer is as follows. The worst of all is his
physical and verbal aggression, both with us, his parents and with his sister.
The eldest doesn' t obey, she doesn' t want to do
her homework. The last course suspended all subjects and is now repeating. The
suffering is very great, because it even makes us, as parents, confront
each other because he knows how to manipulate ourselves we have had strong discussions and
we have said strong and negative things. We are lost and we do not
know how we should act with our son and which lines we should follow.
After examining the child, I have a long conversation with the parents to give
them guidelines to help prosecute the rebellious behavior of their child henceforth set clear limits
that father and mother will apply without exception. When the child wants to overcome
them, he will be punished with a withdrawal of privileges, that is,
instead of shouting at him he will not be able to do things he likes
again, especially until he corrects that attitude. We will enthusiastically encourage any positive
developments we see in the child rather than in the face of failures. Parents
must convey confidence with the motto. We know you' re able to do
much better. We will avoid repeating the same recrimination over and over again,
since pedagogically, the case of the adopted child with a defiant negativist personality is
not effective. This is a 12- year- old girl of Russian origin,
adopted when she was five years old. She has been to a psychologist
for almost a year that has helped her a lot, but at the end
of that time, the patient has rejected her without a clear motive and has
refused to return. It is a blonde girl with clear, tall and gleamed
eyes that has not yet developed and that has this double behavior. First,
he refuses to do what he is told, to order his room, to
do his homework, to sit down to eat as a family at the time
he is called, to collaborate in small household chores, etc. And at
the same time, it presents challenging reactions of great impact, sleeping away from
home without warning, causing the whole family to be distressed and aware of where
they might be, calling even the police, locking themselves in their room and
not answering their parents who are trying to talk to her or telling stories in
Jesus' school parents mistreat her, beat her, not feed her, etcetera.
We' re talking about a serious case. One of the psychologists of
our team has been doing with her and the therapeutic relationship is being good from
less to more, as at first she came to the consultation with a great
rejection in hand- to- hand. She has opened up and already shows
a serious personality disorder well typified. Twenty- three I explain to parents the
diagnostic label and that the treatment is going to have three aspects, one of
behavior guidelines for parents on how to treat it, not paying much attention to
it, having a cordially distant relationship with it. Looking for that middle and
difficult point, we explain to the parents how to reach it, not accept
their often demanding attitude, scold them the minimum, not repeat over and over
again negative messages twenty- four and manage with it a system of twenty-
five rewards and punishments without any violence, verbal or physical. Two psychological objectives
for her we dictate in a small notebook that we give her so that she
can always take it with her and consult her. She' s taking note
in the first person and we tell her to comment on what we' re
suggesting she should do. I know I' m a troubled girl, but
I want to change. To want is to be able to know that what
happens to me has the following name. I' m negativist, defiant,
and, as I' m pretty smart. I have to fight to fight
this which is bad for me and for the people who live with me,
starting with my parents, to fight for not being so impulsive. That'
s why schoolmates walk away from me and I have so few friends to soften
my character, especially with my parents and brother, to avoid blackmail. We
explained the meaning. That creates a very negative environment in the family. Watching
the tongue with my mother, correcting that tendency to say strong hard things to
her and disqualifying her, avoiding those rebellious reactions from doing the opposite of what
I' m told. Put me in the head that my parents are not
my enemies and that they want to see me happy to do homework at home
when I get back from school, avoid wasting time doing nothing or watching TV,
have my room tidy. We have told her mother not to fix it,
to learn to keep it properly, not to make my brother angry or
to be always fighting with him, to learn to thank and to ask forgiveness.
As Dr Rojas and his psychologist have told me, one drug therapy explains
to parents that she needs a medication that cushions her impulsivity. We give him
an anxiolytic, at low doses, three shots a day, breakfast lunch and
back from school in the afternoon and a twenty- six mood stabilizer. It
was hard for him to accept it at first, but we proposed that if
he took it, he would have an award from the therapeutic team. Each
month of take would get a little gift from us. The evolution was very
positive. The parents said the medication had boosted a Copernican twist. She herself
had stuck in the closet of her room the targets she must meet. We
have had four months of therapy and the evolution is favorable, though with ups
and downs. The conflictive relationship with the mother has been improving and we have
had to establish psychotherapy guidelines for it, which has also begun to take sedatives
at low doses. Part two, episodes of love and war, problems to
contain anger. Speak when you' re angry and you' ve made the
best speech you can regret. Ambro' s seeing each other. Laura is
dynamiteing her social circle because of her character At the age of eighteen she has
just cut off her boyfriend because of her explosions of rage. They were constantly
arguing about any nonsense and the differences of opinion always resulted in a festival of
shouting from her. To this one must add that he has distanced himself from
his childhood friend after sending him a very hard email in which he reprimanded many
things with which he disagreed at home. Living with their parents is not easy
either. Although Laura has very good feelings, she has the ability to make
a mountain of anything and immediately loses her temper. The young woman is realizing
all this and has agreed to initiate therapy. When I come to my office,
I sense her very tense and irritable completely defensive. He begins to calm
down when he sees that I do not judge her and we begin to dissect
the motives of her strong temperament. We all get angry from time to time.
However, there are people who happen more often than normal and whose reactions
of anger can become violent, starting it with shouts or insults against what has
taken them out of their chairs. The enemy can be an appliance that doesn
' t work as it should, an urban guard who is unfairly fined us
our sentimental partner. Our children are our friends. The consequences of downloading the
IRA against the nearest people are extremely negative, as our social, family or
sentimental life will be resented. Those who have trouble containing their character quickly lose
support and become isolated. In addition, the same anger that they direct to
others ends up billing their own Buddha- moment described it like this. Holding
on to the IRA is like grabbing a hot coal with the intention of throwing
it at someone else. You' re the one who ends up burned.
The IRA is not generated only by encountering a conflict. Remembering past situations can
trigger the same emotions and even the anticipation that in the future we may be
attacked or deceived. A little controlled IRA is part of our survival instinct.
Doubts, fear, anxiety and anger in their rightful measure are natural tools that
help us in times of extreme change or danger. However, prudence and common
sense must be present to temper these emotions that take command over reason practical tricks
against anger. It is very difficult to know whether these bursts can be completely
eradicated in an individual or if they will be repeated. However, such attacks
can be controlled and the affected person can lead a normal life without harming or
offending those around him or her. First of all, we must be aware
that there is a real problem of uncontrolled IRA, as well as a low
tolerance of frustration. There are psychological tests available to us to calculate the level
of IRA management. Therefore, the best strategy is to ask a therapist for
help. Anyway, the psychologist or psychiatrist is not at our side in the
day- to- day and we need to learn how to master ourselves when
we are not in the office. The following tips may be helpful in placing
the IRA. Taking a seat or taking is a resource that works in most
cases, when nerves are in bloom, count up to ten mentally before responding
to a verbal attack. If we answered without thinking about it for a second,
we would raise the tone further and would be the first step to lose
control in case we notice that something is kindling our anger, distracting us by
focusing our attention on anything else. If necessary, we will leave the scene
of the conflict situation to clear us with a good walk. Feeling the air
and the sun are effective. Let' s calm down and focus on breathing.
We can take air slowly and expel it in the same way as we
think of sedative and positive words, speak slowly with pause. If we are
in full discussion, we must make the effort to listen to our interlocutor.
Putting ourselves in the skin of the other person will help us understand the situation
and prevent us from verbally assaulting him while trying to find the reason for our
anger to express what we feel before it is too late. Instead of accumulating
bad feelings, it is better to talk about the things that disturb us as
they occur. If stored, they can end up as a powder keg.
Practicing sport usually helps to relieve tensions. Especially recommended are cardiovascular sports, such
as running, swimming or cycling explosive characters. According to a study conducted in
two thousand four, with two hundred and fifty- three citizens of bauthemore and
U four percent could have suffered from intermittent explosive disorder at some point in their
lives. Another article published in the magazine Cathel Genussakhetry in two thousand and six,
already counted in a seven coma three percent the part of the population affected
by this syndrome in the United States. Some medical tests indicate that many people
afflicted by iede may have an imbalance in serotonin and testosterone, along with minor
neurological irregularities. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders of MS, published
by the American Psychiatric Association APPA, reveals to some of the indicators to diagnose
the ie of OTEI multiple episodes in which the person has been unable to control
his aggressiveness of which one has ended in a physical attack on another person or
in destruction of real estate objects. The level of aggression is disproportionate to the
cause of aggression. Cases of aggression have no other origin after a mental entourage.
Before reaching a diagnosis, it is necessary to rule out other possible syndromes
or diseases, such as antisocial personality, schizophrenia depression, panic attacks or alcohol
abuse, drugs, the supermarket of human relationships. The great tragedy of life
is not that men perish, but that they stop loving u. Samer Sarmom,
who is a forty- year- old woman with two children, comes
to my office for a serious problem she has with her husband. He has
been unfaithful to him. She' s discovered it and he' s recognized
it. But he tells me I' m willing to forgive him if he
changes in relation to me. Her husband is a forty- five- year
- old man who works as a driver. When I meet him, alone
he admits to having had more adventures, but this is the first time his
wife has caught him and realizes that she is shattered. When I speak with
Jez he tells me that he is a man with a good background, but
that he is very good at what is called in Andalusia still door- candil,
that is, one of those people who bring out the best of themselves
in the street. He' s a man who looks after the facade in
front of others. She wishes to forgive him, but only if she is
willing to give him another quality of life. First, I ask you to
write me separately two lists on the main areas of conflict, between them ordered
too much unless I would remove you and that would add to your partner'
s way of being to improve the relationship. Secondly, I' m preparing
a behavior program for the husband. You have to look for a special day
to take her for a drink and give her a letter of apology. I
explain to her how she should be a letter, although she has to make
it her own and this letter must accompany her with a small gift. Two.
I give you a series of pas that you will continue in the day
to day, call if you will not go to dinner, communicate and say
what it feels like to go out more with your wife participate in the education
of your three children. I stress that you must bear in mind that there
is an ultimatum and a unique opportunity to save your marriage. I give Grace
a number of practical tips, such as not taking out the list of grievances,
not blaming things, seeing their good side, promoting better communication, and
enjoying intimate relationships. After two months, the situation has taken a total turn,
so to him I present my book Remedies for Dislove and Men of Mars.
The women are from Johan Gray' s venus and her how to make
your paulhat marriage work times of infidelity. According to an article by journalist Jordi
Harke, which appeared in the vanguard on April 20, 2000, clandestine sex
is increasingly widespread as a social practice. The Centre for Sociological Research conducted a
survey in the year one thousand nine hundred and ninety- five. The result
was that forty- six percent of men confessed to having had some infidelity compared
to only 17 percent of women. According to the psychoanalysts ter Lopez. These
data should now be questioned, since at that time men tended to brag and
women tended to disguise, making it possible for the percentage of unfaithful men in
those years to be lower and that of older women. New surveys and studies
have recently been carried out and the results are quite different from those of the
year nineteen hundred and ninety- five. Today, when asked if I could
be unfaithful knowing that your partner would never know you would be. The figures
have been evening to a even more balanced percentage. In the case of men
it is slightly more than fifty percent and in that of women somewhat less.
Adultery continues to be more frequent for men, but it is clear that the
trend is increasingly towards equality. Women no longer depend so much on their partners
and have increasingly independent economies online relationships. There is probably more infidelity today because
it is facilitated by social networks. There are numerous offers of web pages don
of people of both sexes, assessed or with stable partner contact to flirt and
have ephemeral sexual contacts, with the discretion that assures them by the company.
Those responsible for these websites deny that the percentage of infidelity has increased because of
the proliferation of such businesses. They insist that they only took advantage of a
demand that existed and sought satisfaction. In fact, in the midst of a
time of crisis. It' s flourishing business. Anyone can access these pages.
Some are free and others have paid services and can create a profile with
fake photos or not and flirt with people of the opposite sex, without any
blush or risk of being surprised. Upon entering, the client answers an age
questionnaire, sexual trends fantasies and points out what he or she wants from the
person or people he or she wants to contact. It' s a whole
supply and demand market for clandestine sex. Most of those websites have received allegations
of fraud. Some users claim that many of the profiles of women are false
and do not even exist by deluding into deception. Other Internet companies are dedicated
to creating alibis for infidels to show their partner that they have a meeting in
Copenhagen, a course in London or a conference in Vienna. Other companies,
on the contrary, are engaged in discovering the false clues and false alibis that
the other businesses invent. All this leads to the banalization of love. Test
one. A friend reveals to you that he has been unfaithful to his partner.
You don' t even want to hear him and advise him to be
prudent. Go buy him another drink to explain all the details of adventure two
in your sex life. You' re more of a passive, unimaginative lover.
See a teacher in the art of sex games and using resources to quote
your partner. Three for you to be unfaithful to the couple is inconceivable and
an absolute lack of respect. See forgiving under what circumstances they are in the
adventure. Four consider that an infidelity begins at the very moment I begin to
think of another person. See only when there is direct sexual contact. Five
you think you could fool your partner only if our relationship was already completely broken.
See if I could feel alone and the situation was propitious. Six,
in the case of being unfaithful to your partner, ad I would feel terrible
and end up confessing the deception to him. Despite the complex and deceptive consequences
of the means of celebrating life with joy. There' s no better beauty
product for a woman. Rosalin Russell. Paula is twenty- five. Although
you saw as an older woman, she tells me that she has just returned
from Oropesa, where a friend left her an apartment in front of the sea.
Although in a fortnight he hasn' t gone down to the beach once.
She admits that she hasn' t been comfortable with her body since she
broke up with her boyfriend. Now two years ago, he' s started
eating out of hours chop some chocolate from the fridge, then a pasta later
a sweet soda. Without realizing it, it has gained weight and all its
efforts since then to lose weight have not worked. He' s got at
least 20 kilos left and he' s feeling bad. Last summer she went
to the beach one morning and noticed some kids laughing at her. They even
uttered a couple of ugly words about his body. Since then, he has
begun to reject people. Before I' m rejected, I' m making
Beck' s test a set of twenty- one questions to measure the level
of depression and then an anxiety test that I' ve designed myself twenty-
seven. These tests allow me to detect that Paula, in addition to a
depression requiring pharmacological treatment, suffers from somatic anxiety a classic antidepressant every night so
as not to interfere with her work performance. He managed to reduce out-
of- hour visits to the fridge with which he satiated the bundle of nerves
in which he had become In his second visit, I deliberately put a mirror
in the consultation to see what he does for his constant looks to his reflection.
I understand that at home you spend now examining every fold of your body.
I tell you that there is a disease called dysmorphophobia that means distorted vision
of one' s own body and is suffered by people who suffer an obsession
with body aesthetics. As she progresses in her treatment, Paula' s mood
illuminates and leaves her body complex and anxiety behind. The test of fire finally
arrives, when she is invited to spend the weekend in the chalet of some
friends with swimming pool to alleviate her nervousness. I give you some 28 messages
that I want you to read out at the end of the chapter and take
into account. Every time he feels vulnerable, he' ll carry them over
so they won' t forget him. The experience is satisfactory and Paula is
reintegrated into social life, which she had abandoned because of a deformity that was
alone in her head. Paradoxically, from that moment on, he begins to
lose weight effortlessly, as anxiety has been transmitted and no longer needs to be
mitigated, going to the fridge between hours. Inferiority complex. Freud believed that
neurosis has its cause in sexual repression, while his collaborator Offred Adler said that
neurosis is caused by unresolved inferiority complexes. In any case, a complex is
always a subjective feeling. Everyone suffers from some inferiority complex than anyone else.
No one possesses all the gifts and virtues he could desire. Although we often
compare ourselves with people who only live in magazines, after many photoshop touches or
in Hollywood movies. The good news is that we have the opportunity to psychologically
compensate for any problems or shortcomings by reinforcing other areas of our lives. Thus,
a slightly graceful man physically develops a greater communicative ability to seduce by other
means, the young kon little ability for studies, cultivates an artistic activity or
seeks, stand out in ns a sport. In the end, it is
a question of adapting to the medium with what we have the complex as a
tool of overcoming. Alfred Atler pointed out in his essay the meaning of life
that complexes do not necessarily have to be negative, as they impel the individual
to overcome his reality thanks to a better one. In fact, this collaborator
of Freud stresses that just what has made the human race prevail over the rest
of the species, has been its struggle to compensate for its shortcomings. His
little preparation against the cold caused him to snatch the skin from animals better endowed
to those he hunted and to make their homes more sophisticated. To give just
one example. This starting disadvantage caused the human being to constantly overcome himself in
the face of adversity and to increase his capacity for adaptation. Paradoxically, his
inferior condition has been a springboard towards continuous improvement, which is the basis of
human evolution the cult of the body. Logically, in a case like the
one we are seeing in this chapter, the cult of the body comes into
play, especially on the part of young people who believe in the obligation to
conform to an absurd canon when they go through a time of insecurity, they
seek the approval of third parties and if what they get is a negative feedback,
we already have the fertilized ground for the complexes. Who has not been
ridiculed in his class for not understanding a teacher' s question, for failing
in a gymnastics exercise or for having some physical trait different from the rest.
In the face of any of these situations, we can overcome ourselves by betting
on other abilities that distinguish us, but the subject can also turn the problem
into a neurosis. The world is full of people complacent because of a bad
perception on the part of others, and sometimes this does not even obey a
real impression, as the individual bases his feeling of inferiority on what he believes
others think of him. An article in the magazine Sacaba Githed revealed an alarming
growth in the level of body dissatisfaction. This had been in nineteen hundred and
seventy- three out of twenty- five percent for women and fifteen percent for
men. In the survey of nine hundred and ninety- seven, these figures
had already climbed to fifty- six percent and forty- three percent, respectively.
Since then it has only increased advertising related to beauty products moves hundreds of
millions of euros and has dangerous side effects. Many people think they should get
a sculptural body to be well with themselves. The perfect body syndrome to obtain
the approval of others ends up triggering numerous problems of anxiety and frustration twenty-
nine, especially among the younger population. When this fixation becomes sick, it
can result in eating disorders such as anoré or bulimia nervosa, as well as
the so- called adonis syndrome, technically vigorexia, from which they spend their
free time in the gym making muscle. It is clear that today we all
take more care of the physical aspect. In addition, physical health points to
a weight, which is an equation depending on sex and size. A woman
who measures one comma sixty- five must weigh ten units less than the centimeters,
plus minus two, i e fifty- three script fifty- seven.
All this with many nuances. A relatively recent body worship syndrome is the so
- called orexia, the obsession with maintaining a tanned skin tone all year round.
All these psychological disorders have two starting points, aspiration to a perfect body
and distorted vision of oneself. When looking in the mirror test One approaches the
summer and you plan to spend a few days in the square I plan the
trip, I prepare some routes and visits I look for the best restaurants in
the area, I buy a guide, etc. B I start an intensive
diet to lose weight in three weeks. Two fantasies about living differently or being
someone else I like the way I am and I don' t usually compare
my life to anything or anyone else. You see I often feel jealous or
jealous of things or situations that people around me have three. You' ve
ever thought about going to a plastic surgeon' s office if you had a
disease, I' d just step on an operating room. I' m
panicking the scalpel See right now I don' t feel that need, but
later on I wouldn' t mind going through the O R to do a
few retouching four. You' ve achieved most of the goals you' ve
set yourself so far. Fortunately, I have achieved much of the goals I
had dreamed of to this day. Be I still have a lot of unfinished
subjects, but I think most of them will stay on it. Tinker five.
When someone makes a joke to you or exposes you in front of others,
I laugh at its occurrence and in passing, it serves to remove it.
Iron to the subject b happened fatally. I rub and get in a
bad mood. Six, during a working meeting, I actively participate and express
my ideas with initiative and naturalness. I tend to stay in the background and
I limit myself to supporting the comments of the rest without carrying the singing voice
at any time. Trouble finding a partner. They say the man is not
a man while he doesn' t hear a man from a woman' s
lips. Antonio Machado. Alfonso studies second in mathematics and feels that his life
is a desert when it comes to love. When he is not dedicated to
the calculations to pass the exams of his career, he connects for hours to
social networks. Hidden under a neck with the illustration of a superhero as a
profile photo. He devotes his free time to chatting with other people with whom
he shares affinities. When some girl is interested in him and tries to cross
the walls of the virtual world to get to know him, Alfonso stops giving
him signs of life. The reason is that he thinks he' s not
attractive to women. His previous appointments have been a failure because he was unnatural
and convinced that he was a disappointment to the other person. All his friends
go out with girls and he' s complex. That' s why he
thinks no woman he likes will ever fall in love with him. He visits
me in my consultation for another question, but we address the issue of his
loneliness to try to conquer the affective area that so far does not exist in
his life. Singles a new social class. Today, marketing has created an
idealized gene of the single and independent person who has a full social life and
awakens the envy of those who are paired and with responsibilities. However, many
singles do not really enjoy their loneliness. Rather they are crushed by it.
Many people are alone because they have difficulty relating to the opposite sex. They
are usually individuals suffering from low self- esteem, with complexes and excessive shyness
that has led them to sentimental tracisms During adolescence, a person naturally begins to
feel attracted both sexually and sentimentally by other people. Failure to achieve their goals
and to see that their friendships are successful in that sense can plunge us into
a well where self- confidence does not develop as it should, the person
isolates himself and can suffer chronic sadness because of his lack of self- esteem.
Internet contact pages are no help for a person in this state will usually
pretend what it is not to arouse the interest of the person with whom you
are chatting. But when it comes time to see each other. Physically,
you' ll make up any excuse not to go on the date. It
is not advisable to lock yourself up at home and in yourself, as well
as obsessing about it. There are ways to find people who enjoy what we
enjoy, and that' s one way to meet people without having to break
down the first barrier. The fact that he is passionate about cinema, literature
or any other art already arouses an interest in other people and a respect.
If you' re an expert. Let us perfect ourselves in every way and
that too will be a way of gaining self- love. The first secret
of seduction is to like oneself, as that ends up being passed on to
others. Let us not be perfectionists with other people' s physique, nor
with our own. Affordable goals and values must be created. The complicity that
is established between two people when they share the same universe of contagious loneliness interests.
More and more people choose to live alone voluntarily better alone than poorly accompanied.
They say. The image of the independent person has been highly idealized in
cinema and many hide in that independence to hide a lack of self- esteem
or maturity. Even companies are offering products intended for individual consumption. In fact,
if it were not for the current crisis, many more people would live
alone in their apartments, but they cannot because of the economic difficulties involved.
Once it has reached 30, if a good job has been achieved, it
has been traveled and great vital experiences have been had. There comes a time
when many people think they have to find their orange half as one more goal
in life. If this couple does not come for whatever cause it is s
NR, then the anxiety and despair of seeing how the years pass appear.
As the body ages little by little and as that desired and idealized person does
not appear anywhere. As long as we do not find the right person,
we must try to live alone and in harmony with ourselves. This is worth
taking into account. We are never alone, for we have friends and family.
A person does not necessarily have to be paired to feel fulfilled. As
long as we are alone, we must enjoy our loneliness. So, when
we have a partner, we can bring inner wealth. Argentine humorist Enrique Pinti,
has left us his wise opinion on this subject. There are shorter or
longer moments in life when we choose to be alone. They are intimate and
absolutely individual moments in which joy, weeping, joy, bitterness, euphoria or
depression have to be just ours. Blessed solitude is the one we choose.
Cursed solitude, on the other hand, is that which deprives us of loved
ones and dear friends who leave us. Bloody loneliness of the empty house that
was once full perverse. Loneliness is for those who did not know how to
cultivate friendship and love. And what about the 30s From the age of thirty,
men tend to think that if a woman doesn' t have a partner
it' s because she doesn' t want to mistakenly believe that they have
more facilities than they do. But we all know women of thirty and forty
years of age who, despite having all the ingredients to be theoretically suitable,
remain alone, even if they do not want it. Psychiatrist Maria Leonardi describes
in the difficult art of finding a couple different experiences of women, some of
them more than revealing. The reasons for staying alone from the age of thirty
can be many. Finding a person who completes that way of holding someone else
accountable for filling our gaps is a mistake, as it is something that is
entirely up to us to make great hopes with what is simply an instant crush.
Pedestals do not allow us to see people as they really are searching for
a utopian ideal. The romanticism of cinema and literature is still fiction. We
live by reality. Having your feet on earth protects you from false illusions,
thirty despair of seeking permanent happiness and perfection. We' ll never be happy,
we' ll always be disappointed with the other person. Lack of security
and self- esteem too much where to choose If a person has a great
offer of suitors, if he or she does not have the courage to decide
on time, he or she may lose all options having chosen wrong too many
times. That creates a distrust of the opposite sex. They' re all
the same. The best thing we can do is focus on our lives and
not become obsessed with a possible future of loneliness. In fact, it is
easier to find the right partner when we get rid of the anxiety to find
her seduce me. There is an enormous amount of books, workshops, articles
and web pages dedicated to the art of seduction. They all rely on a
series of keys in which psychologists, journalists and great seducers who have written memoirs
with their experiences coincide. By summarizing all these visions, the seductive person can
be characterized by ten fundamental traits. They are expressive, but never exaggerated.
If they joke or laugh, they will do it without complexity, but never
with stridence. Their safety in themselves is self- evident They are usually positive
people who contagion to their optimism, they dominate both oral and bodily language.
They talk slowly, they know how to use silence, and they usually have
a wealth of vocabulary without being pedantic. They get those who accompany them to
feel special. They know how to value the virtues of others. They'
re usually direct without being aggressive. They can actively listen by giving importance to
the opinions of others. People like to be heard and hate to be interrupted
or despised. They' re very detailed. They look at what others like.
They conform to any situation. They know how to be anywhere and at
any time. They are elegant in their gestures. Elegance is not in a
tie, a hand gesture, or a smile that can convey can be more
captivating than a tuxedo or evening dress. Naturality is very important to apply all
these keys, because when a person pretends to be what he is not,
the others can get a very wrong impression and usually not suggestive, as he
discovers a low self- esteem test one daily you usually cross the street with
a number of unknown people, but who immediately recognize you for seeing them.
Often many of them I greet for the simple fact of seeing them every day,
even though I do not know them. B I never greet someone I
don' t know or show curiosity about what two will be like you know
what your strengths are when it comes to establishing a friendship or relationship. Oh,
I' m clear what my secret weapons are. The look, the
tone of voice, the smile, the sense of humor. B acted in
an impromptu way. Three up in the elevator with an unknown and very attractive
person. I' m trying to make eye contact with her and I'
m thinking of something that' s funny to tell her See, I'
m still caught up in my stuff and my eyes are stuck on the ground.
Four, when you have a conversation, I listen attentively and show interest
in what the speaker explains to me. I ask questions. I think I
give advice on the subject of B. I tend to always talk about my
things and I find it hard to maintain interest in what they explain to me
if it doesn' t directly affect me. Five on your Facebook profile.
Ah I always try to contact new people and keep my wall up to date
with new entrances. I' m just reading the other people' s tickets
and I haven' t added anyone in months. Six invite you to a
party where you only know the host I accept immediately before the possibility of meeting
new and interesting people. Peter Panes and Simons. The most useless human beings
are those unable to change over the years. James m Barry, Miguel is
living at the age of fifty a second adolescence, although he holds a high
position in a telecommunications company. Everything that was the breadwinner of his life has
fallen apart. Relationships with his wife have deteriorated to the point that he has
decided to move into a small rental apartment. There he receives lovers and recovers
habits from his time as a student. Her desire to like young women makes
her give herself to a very demanding training. In the gym, where he
has already been injured twice, he buys clothes that are not proper to his
age and position and has started a diet that is causing him constant fatigue at
one point of this return. In the past he feels confused and lost.
His colleagues in the company begin to murmur about him, who has his own
doubts about what he has done with his life. When he comes to my
office, anxiety has taken over him. He' s trying to get back
on track for his existence. Adults in the country of never again. In
nineteen hundred and eighty- three, Danjada published a book called Peterhean syndrome.
Readers soon defined the work as the Book of men who never grew up.
This syndrome was based on the following irresponsibility symptomatology. Those who suffer from this
syndrome take on the role of mature men, even though their real behavior is
childish their terror of commitment, they are unable to make decisions. They do
not believe in themselves as independent entities loneliness need to be accepted by others in
a cooking way and if they do not achieve such acceptance, they cannot accept
themselves narcissism. They want to satisfy only their own ego. They' re
having a hard time doing something for each other. Machismo avoids his responsibilities as
a couple and as parents. They only think about how tired they are because
of their work, regardless of their partner' s. They do not cooperate
in household chores, even though the wife works as much or more than they
do. Conflicts with sexuality and their partner. Such exhaustion and obsession with your
work can cause your sexual appetite to be inhibited. Their sexual behavior, when
the time comes, is often not encouraging, creating even more distance with the
couple. In other cases, their desperate search for affection can lead to compulsive
infidelity, sick nostalgia. Having reached a certain age and accumulated failures, they
have missed their freedom and their youth. At that moment you can abandon everything
to try to revive. This second youth regains the rebelliousness of adolescence. As
is the already withered ideas and illusions of youth. The results are often disappointing
and powerfully destructive. All this is usually accompanied by crises in which it has
pitch outs, reactions of anger panic attacks. You can also fall into addictions
such as alcohol or drugs. There is a belief that Peterpan syndrome affects only
the male sex, which is a mistake. It is true that this syndrome
affects men somewhat more. However, they may also have the same symptoms.
The above signs are often observed in adult women who dress as in adolescence and
behave in the same way, being followers of musical groups, moving in environments
that do not correspond to their age and leading an unbalanced sentimental life when there
has been a lack of affection or attention during childhood. Both men and women
can develop a symptomatic picture that matches this syndrome, demonstrating the same lack of
responsibility, the difficulty of expressing feelings, the search for protection, chronic fear,
Wendy' s stories. This personality disorder usually affects women more than men,
who suffer from it need to care for and obsessively satisfy their partner or
children because of a pathological fear of being rejected or abandoned, as their self
- esteem tends to be very low. We often find a tter cana where
there are those who suffer Wendy syndrome, as to peter who runs away from
responsibilities, Wendy represents comfort. It is that figure that satisfies all your needs
and fulfills your duties. The sacrifices a Wendy makes can become continuous and extreme.
These people consider themselves indispensable and believe that love is nothing but work,
service, and sacrifice. Wandy constantly avoids conflict, terrorizes her, the spouse
gets angry, so she forgives everything and tends to apologize for anything. Even
when he is absolutely right, he becomes the mother of his own partner.
Adolescence is the key time, as it is during that age that some signs
may appear to help detect the disorder. Overprotection of mothers. Wendy often causes
her children to suffer from peter Pan syndrome, as they have been educated in
the least effort to overcome it. Wendy has to learn to say she doesn
' t have to fail to fulfill the responsibilities of others. You will need
to increase your self- esteem and learn to share your daily chores fairly.
One your relationship has long gone wrong ad I let it deteriorate until everything falls
by its own weight, that is to say the other person who makes the
decision to break up. See the situation and take the initiative to try to
save the relationship. I' m not the first to raise the breakup.
Two When you think about the past, ah I feel longing and I think
those times were better. B I laugh the way I looked and think about
everything I still have to live and enjoy. Three when you listen to music
I always look for a channel or radio station to program the songs that sounded
in my teens. I prefer to discover new bands and musical proposals that surprise
me. Four In general, you are often physically attracted to much younger people
than I see, people my age or even a little more mature. Five
when they introduce you to someone for the first time I notice a lot about
their physical appearance, their way of laughing as you saw I usually ask a
lot of questions and look at what they say or as they say six,
when someone tells you that they are going through a problem, I find it
hard to show empathy and immediately change the subject. I am sincerely interested in
the situation you are going through and I am trying to give you my support
and Council Seven. You' ve got a whole weekend ahead of you without
commitments. I call my friends and try to plan it so I won'
t be there for a second. Just go take advantage of it to sort
the house, listen to music, read a good book and meet one or
two friends. For each answer, add two points. For each answer see
adds a point less than eight points. Peter Pan was never your favorite movie.
You like to live and enjoy the present you are a determined person.
You are not afraid of commitment and you know how to put yourself in the
skin of others in the face of the loss of a loved one. Someone
should tell us, when our existence begins that we are already dying. Then
we would appreciate life every minute of every day. What we need to do
We need to do it now, because there aren' t as many mornings
as we thought. Paul VI. Judith has just turned twenty and hasn'
t raised her head since her father' s death a year ago. He
was very close to him, and he' s hard to assimilate that he
' s gone forever. He has lost the joy of living and is often
assaulted with episodes of sadness that he cannot control. Her mother and her brothers
encourage her to go out more and become distracted. But Judith refuses to abandon
the shell of melancholy that separates her from everyday satisfactions. Get to my office
suffering from insomnia. It presents itself with an obvious depressive picture, in addition
to prescribing medication to begin dating back. We talk about the grieving phases that
will lead her back to life. Loss of a loved one is the worst
internal fracture a person can suffer. We all know that death is inevitable,
that it will not only reach our loved ones, but also ourselves. However,
we tend not to think about it and avoid looking at it head-
on. But the fateful day comes unexpectedly or not and hits our soul flatly.
What to do when someone so dear leaves us phases of mourning. The
American psychiatrist of Swiss origin from Bethkubelervas established a total of five mourning phases,
both for the loss of someone close to her and for the news of her
own death due to terminal illness. Although there are other theories that include some
more state of sot The person is unable to assimilate the news, it is
blocked and cannot react to what happened negation. Many begin here the grieving phase
without the state of soc The individual does not believe what has happened. He
prefers to think they' re cheating on him or playing a horrible joke,
a heavy sense of guilt. This phase was not included in Kubler Ross'
theory. At this point, many people blame themselves for what happened. They
think they could have done more to avoid the death of the loved one or
shown him more affection in life. Some even take responsibility for the death of
the person. Negotiation is common. In the case of a near death not
yet occurring. Believers often negotiate with a superior being that allows them to enjoy
the sick person more so that they can say goodbye. Good. It also
happens when it comes to death itself. In case of terminal illness, fear
above all non- believers fear the step towards non- existence anger and rage.
People feel jealous envy of those who will not suffer the death of someone
in an imminent way depression. At this stage, a person comes to think
that life has no meaning and that it is unnecessary to fight to move on.
It is a very delicate stage, as it can degenerate into exogenous depression
of different levels of severity acceptance. In the case of a terminally ill person.
This is the moment when a certain spiritual peace is found and the fight
against death is stopped in the case of a loss is the principle of healing,
because the inevitable is accepted at the edge of death. The first contact
he had from Beth Kewbeller RSS with death was when he visited a Nazi extermination
camp. That drastic contact with historical brutality and the reality of death influenced the
innocent 19- year- old Switzerland who was still and made her realize that
the end of life was going to be the object of her research. She
was in contact with many people who had been given to be clinically dead and
yet their bodies returned to life. Many of these experiences were told in his
book. Death a dawn. The sensations and visions that those people had made
him understand that death is nothing other than the end of a stage exactly like
a caterpillar that ceases to be perhaps once it has created the cocoon and becomes
a butterfly after the metamorphosis. Once their heart has stopped beating, the dying
get used to seeing a powerful white light that attracts them and can contemplate their
body from outside themselves. Some, despite not wishing to return to their existence
as human beings, return to the body and awaken, though without having seen
that there is on the other side of the light. No one has penetrated
it and returned. Dr Kublerrus treated many Vietnam veterans who had become paraplegic,
who had suffered a clinical death. After having been prostrated in a wheelchair for
years. During the experience, they all related to the sensation of walking back
among their documentation. We can find cases in which the patient was blind and
upon his return he could give all luxuries of details, including drawings and colors
of the garments upon which he had surrounded his body while he was dead.
A very revealing case was reported by the same doctor. During a lecture he
gave at the second International Holistic Congress in the city of S O Paulo,
Brazil. We had the case of a man in Switzerland who had to cross
a mountain to attend a very important football match. During the trip he suffered
a car accident and was seriously injured. Three doctors declared him clinically dead and
covered him with a blanket. The ambulance took hours to get to the place.
After his return, the man shared with us, something that was a
check of all the documentation we have so far. He narrated to be aware
that s s s s ons people were complaining about not being able to attend
the game, but after a while he heard the voice of a woman praying
fervently for him, and the man declared dead was moved to see that among
the thousands of people complaining about having lost a football match, a completely strange
woman prayed for him, So he made a promise to God. If I
live in any way, I will tell that woman that her prayers were heard
and in that state she approached her voice and memorized the car from where she
came from to be able to identify it later, to shorten it. After
nine months of rehab surgery tests, the man was able to speak again and
asked the doctor to look for a car with a certain registration number. The
woman was called and she went to the hospital. You can imagine what this
meant for the woman' s faith to talk to the little ones. It
is logical to want to protect our children from pain and helplessness, but sooner
or later the time comes when they are interested in the issue of death and
ask us directly about it how to deal with it. Our response will depend
on many factors, from religious beliefs to the child' s age. In
an interview by Inés Pchavarrí in the Diario El País in two thousand twelve,
the writer and professor of children' s literature at the Faculty of Teaching of
the UPV in Vitoria, Javier Arnal, compares the degree of modesty we have
when talking about this topic with our children, with the equally taboo subject of
sexuality, he considers that we must speak of death directly with courage. The
psychologist will be happy to be of the same opinion. You don' t
have to avoid going to a grandfather' s funeral. Children must also go
through their own grieving phase in a similar way, psychologist Gill Agrolman says in
his book Expening Actor Chelrein. You have to tell them the truth directly and
simply. We should not use euphemisms, as he is sleeping, because if
the child identifies the fact of sleeping with death, we can create a situation
of infantile insomnia because of the terror of falling asleep forever, as did his
grandfather. Nor should we try to disguise our pain or our weeping before them.
Children realize that something serious happens and if we do not hide our feelings,
we make them share if they are aware of what happened, learning that
death is something natural and irremediable only in the face of life. According to
a study by the sociologist at the University of Dackers jav Recard, the psychiatrist
at the University of Mechigen Riendo of Ness and the psychologist at the University of
New York Hemill Warman, widows living a peaceful and happy existence. It'
s not because they' ll get along badly with their deceased partner and have
freed themselves from it. On the contrary, these people have accepted the death
of the loved one as part of life and have passed their particular flight.
More than forty- five percent of those who participated in the study had enjoyed
a happy marriage and had the comfort of beautiful memories. A little over 15
percent suffered severe depression, even a year and a half after death. These
are the ones who idolized their marriage the most, although they tended to depend
on their deceased couple. And about ten percent of widowers were people whose couple
life was a failure and even suffered depression. Thus, their duties did not
allow them to separate from the couple and to some extent the death of the
husband or wife was a relief to their existence. Grief is a natural process
in which the person who survives overcomes pain and can live with memory without experiencing
chronic sadness. Keeping busy and having a healthy social life helps overcome the trance.
If after six months, grief and sadness remain very present, it is
advisable to go to a specialist before falling into a serious pathology. Test one,
a friend or family member has a terminal illness, to edit go to
his or her home or hospital so as not to have a hard time and
feel uncomfortable. Be I' m going to see him several times I'
m interested in him. I' m talking to your two friends. When
you attend a funeral at never came to see the deceased with the excuse that
I prefer to remember him in life and limit myself to comforting the family in
the tanatorium. Beck. I ask the family if I can see the deceased
to give him my last three goodbyes. You' ve once talked about how
you' d like it to be your burial Ah, I never like to
talk about death, let alone my Beck. The issue has once arisen and
my loved ones already know what my will is. Four of you have the
will done, or I' ll do it when there' s no choice.
Be is already written and my people know where to find him when the
time of my death came. Five in the case of incurable disease. Oh,
I' d rather not know and be fooled. See you want to
know at all times the progress of the disease, as well as my life
expectancy. Six you' re afraid to die just thinking about it. My
heart' s racing. I panic at nothing and don' t get to
the idea of what it will be like not to feel or experience life anymore
be I' m scared of my own suffering and that of my loved ones,
but I accept my own death as inevitable. Seven every time you think
about death I inevitably do it often even though it causes me a great restlessness
bec I hardly think about it. I' ll do it when the appendage
time comes. If childhood has something solid and safe. Adolescence is the stage
of crossroads. The teenager wants to know who he is and who he wants
to be. If childhood is safe and solid in the family environment, adolescence
is an unsafe and liquid stage. A world full of ingredients opens up in
front. There are many facets that appear and it is difficult to apprehend them.
In short, adolescence is the age of shortcomings and possibilities. Anything'
s possible. When you' re that age thirty- one. I'
ve mentioned it before. When you are young, you are full of possibilities,
when you are older, you are full of realities the possibilities. The
range of facts and things ahead is immense and everything can happen. Anything is
possible and when the years pass the realities appear. There' s already a
result of existential relegation. The teenager immerses himself in the world and crosses it
and explores it and travels it in his style and loves it and overflows it.
That is why it is one of the most fruitful phases of personal history
and so necessary are teachers and witnesses thirty- two. There are learnings,
unusual discoveries, overcoming difficulties idealisms unbridled Platonic crushes, discovery of sexuality and all
that it means. In this shaker of different ingredients the teenager must move by
embracing it valuable. What is worth incorporating into the engineering of his conduct is
the period of excesses and restrictions, of the excessive and of the brakes.
What he seeks is his identity, the figure of the parents is replaced by
friends and idols. At the moment, both will be decisive in the influence
of the configuration of their personality. Friendship is going to be key to childhood
and puberty. The only stage of life in which one gets more years than
one has. One wants to be greater, to participate more in the world
that appears before him. Most of the girls are already developed. Menstruation,
chest and secondary sexual factors are present and already form a body model. I
need you to slip into the psychological. Boys change their voices and discover sexuality
more strongly than they do. The appearance of night pollutions makes you discover ejaculation
and this will mark you. Both are interested in the other sex and the
loves in their various ranges, make their appearance with intensity and bring special flavors
with the strength of the imagination. In the foreground they both appear as a
sexed body self. External relations reflect the relationships that the adolescent has with himself.
Pier Het stressed that the discovery of the body must be accompanied by a
sign of convincing explanations so that he can understand what happens to him is the
hormonal explosion, with all that it means. The family and social environment are
crucial. The grades of the studies and the peers form a very related fabric.
He compares himself to the others and begins to compete without knowing it not
only with the grades of the exams, but with everything that circulates around him.
There are conversations about people of the other sex, alliances, disagreements,
rivalries, etc. As well as the first solid friendships that are of enormous
importance and that make him see the exclusivity that they ask for. You open
up and let your intimacy go out to someone else like that. The girls
show a much greater psychological maturity than the boys of their own age. A
teenager of seventeen or eighteen years can date a boy of twenty- three to
twenty- five years of age without a problem and ns to give a good
tune, a positive understanding. Femininity coquettery is evidence that appears and embraces sexuality
in a very general sense, with love, tenderness and affective finesse, moving
around. Weekend departures will highlight philias and phobias, often without nuances thirty-
three. This marks the movements of approach and distance and moves from the person
' s façade to delve deeper into what is inside. This develops a special
sensitivity for the tuning and to find out if you will be able to give
a good friendship, which is what you are looking for, because we do
not forget it. Adolescence is where true friendship is discovered. There is already
thirty- four intimacy, a crossing between two shores. Puberty is a crucial
time in human development. In the Neas there is a development of the endoclinological
system and sexual maturation, that is to say, his body begins to transform
until reaching a development that biologically prepares them to fertilize a child. In the
West, breast development begins at around twelve years of age, while in the
Caribbean or in some regions of South America, a girl may have her first
menstruation at eight years of age. In children puberty manifests through change in voice
and transformation of the penis and testicles. All this also occurs at the age
of twelve. Boys and girls then experience the following. Emotiveness. The affective
world at this age is already very rich, although it tends to go to
extremes. Everything is love or hatred, joy or sadness, happiness or misfortune.
All feelings are double. As Gustav Hanoch said in his book conversations with
Kafka. The heart reason of man is a house with two rooms, in
one beats joy and in the other sadness. As this aphorism indicates, the
oscillation of humor is very frequent. In puberty, you get out of a
state of mind. On the contrary, quite easily the first loves, which
are very important, also appear. Also, the attraction is discovered through observation.
Almost without real contact, young people begin to experience imaginary scenes. In
women, fantasy is usually greater than in men. Reason the young person incorporates
instruments of logical intelligence, direct thinking and critical judgment. It is a time
when parents and teachers must nurture intelligence, teaching to think and evaluate the things
that happen, using the head and having it well ordered is paramount and knowing,
giving up what we cannot get. That' s wisdom and self-
control. Staying at peace when you see that you don' t get to
many things and that you should touch the keys that you can well carry forward.
The will. The adolescent begins to discover the will without knowing that it
is a central factor in the construction of personality. Americans, through emotional intelligence,
define it as the ability to postpone the reward. Will is a tool
that can be learned and needs time to consolidate. Today, psychologists and psychiatrists
know that this is far more important than reason. She leads us to the
best. If we have been able to include it in the engineering of conduct
friendship. This is a very strong need during adolescence and early youth, at
the same time a source of suffering. We entered a stage of great friendships,
but also of great failures, a very passionate summer relationship. Nothing can
easily be broken forever because of a misunderstanding, a teenage problem. The boy
with a phobia at school visits me to a 14- year- old Carlos,
who is in the middle of puberty. Physically he is very tall and
thin, he has a lot of hair, he is unexpressive, shy and
insecure At school he has been the object of Mavin and this fact has caused
the boy not to want to go to high school and lock himself in his
room. At first I was afraid to go to class, but that fear
has become phobia, becoming insurmountable. On his first visit, he goes to
his parents. The mother breaks to cry and tells me that she is following
an antidepressant treatment, that she is sunk by everything that happens and that,
moreover, the relationship that the boy has with his younger sisters is very bad.
My first advice is for the boy to go into another school where nothing
is known about him so he doesn' t get a label on him.
The boy has an exogenous reactive depression. When the new school starts, I
give you a psycho- relaxing medication at very low doses that takes away your
attention from thinking that you can laugh at it. After a while, the
child has improved a lot. He also has a private teacher who is with
him two hours in the afternoon. Although it is also important that you learn
to study alone and without help. I transmit to you three important phrases that
need to be learned. You have to start studying yourself just because you'
re not a baby. Learn to focus on what you are. I also
tell you that you must help in small household chores, because you have become
a child, a little selfish to start socializing with the new class boys.
I' m asking your mother to arrange a snack. So you can make
new friends. The most typical problems of adolescence. Rebelliousness is the main problem
in adolescence. They can mean nothing, because hormones are boiling and the three
great components of personality, the affective world, intelligence and will are being modified.
However, there is a possibility that this may be the beginning of a
psychological disorder that usually begins at that age. The young man in general rebels
against the rules. That is why it is very important that parents know how
to apply elastic standards. To educate is to accompany, to go with him,
to turn someone into person, to seduce him with values and intelligence.
Today, it is difficult to educate by the amount of informational bombing that is
everywhere. For a current young person to gain access to intellectual life, he
has to do a very complicated operation that starts by turning off his mobile Internet,
Facebook, Twitter, and on this journey more than eighty percent are left
out of school failure. It is considered a serious problem for a student aged
15 to 18 to fail in their studies. What fails, in the first
place, is the method of study, because, as we know, studying
needs a methodology. Secondly, instrumental intelligence may fail. There are many forms
of intelligence that are divided into two, the monarchic and the oligarchic. In
the monarchic one appears a king factor that dominates others, while the oligarchic one
points to various factors that form a map difficult to harmonize in the same person.
Intelligence is capacity for synthesis, knowing, distinguishing the fundamental from the accessory,
capturing reality in its complexity. There is an essential intelligence in adolescence that
is instrumental and that consists in having those tools that enhance intelligence by raising it
from the level of order, constancy, will and motivation. Behind school failure,
there are often bad methods, both in terms of study techniques and instrumental
intelligence. Order begins in one' s room, in clothes, in schedules,
etcetera. Constancy is the fundamental tenacity and perseverance to carry out the studies.
In addition, the will is needed, which is the ability to set
goals and bring them forward. To have specific objectives, one must know how
to give up things, because wanting to embrace everything is absurd. Motivation is
to itself fundamental and can aim to satisfy friends or family or the fact that
the notes appear publicly the famous TDH. In school failure it has become fashionable
to a diagnosis that did not exist before and that is a tailor drawer.
TDH or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. It is wrong that any failure in school
should be valued in this way today. The TDH is a deficit of the
ability to be attentive that results in an objective dispersion, since the person is
in many things and in none at the same time can it be a habit
that has gone negatively into behavior, although it can also originate because the region
of the brain, called the ascending reticular activator system, which regulates vigilance and
the ability to pay attention, is not well. For this symptom methylphenidate is
taken, which is a reactivator of attention thirty- five. Care must be
taken in the administration of this drug, because if the TDH is confused with
school failure, its administration would cause disinhibition in the student, thus unleashing anxiety
crises and aggressive reactions. The personality border the ino limit. This personality,
very common in adolescence, is presided over by impulsivity, uncontrollability with negative verbal
incontinence and difficulty in reflecting calmly on events. The behavior is triggered without the
person being aware of its outcome, as it does not stop to assess the
extent of its conduct. Part three, happiness under construction. Failed inducers of
happiness, we are addicted to our thoughts. We can' t change anything
if we don' t change our way of thinking saints first, even though
they' ve been drinking every day for more than twenty years. It hasn
' t been until we entered quarantine when David has been aware that he has
a problem. On weekends, his wife refuses to sleep with him because he
arrives from the bar with a strong breath of alcohol. That caused me to
have to sleep in a separate room in the warehouse where he works. They
have begun to draw his attention to him because he has been seen drinking before
his working day and disowning himself in details of his work that were not overlooked
before. Finally, follow the advice of the Chief of Staff who advises you
to visit a specialist once you are in my office, as well as prescribe
medication to help you stop your addiction. We' re in charge of the
cause of it. Today' s psychology has typified many kinds of addictions.
It' s not the same sex addiction, which is a private addiction,
as the diogen syndrome that designates people who feel the need to accumulate things.
Today, for example, there are many facilities for quitting tobacco because there is
very strong social pressure. On the other hand, one of the most common
addictions not commonly seen as such is addiction to mobile phones and social networks.
A common point in all addictions is that it turns into a tool or pleasure,
a loss of freedom. The addict' s psychology. There are many
psychological mechanisms that accompany and try to hide the reality of an addiction. Some
of them are self- deception. The addict does not consider himself hooked to
anything and does not believe that his behavior is affecting his work, family or
social life. Hermetism, the patient does not openly reason about his problem,
he closes himself. To protect your escapism addiction, the addict visualizes a future
in which he looks free from addiction next week. I quit, but it
does nothing to change the impatience situation. The addict lets himself be pushed by
urgency. When you think you need a dose, you want it right then
in a totally impulsive way, docking the fridge. Until relatively recently, tobacco,
alcohol and various illegal drugs were mentioned as dependence. However, food addiction
is already considered a disease by American specialists and has been included in the diagnostic
and statistical manual on mental disorders DMS of the American Association of Psychiatry to APA.
It is for this reason that someone who suffers from this addiction should not
be considered scornfully and cheerfully, as a glutton, but as a sick person.
Points to consider specific brain receptors observed in a food addict are not far
from those of drug addicts, smokers or alcoholics. Obesity is one of the
consequences of this addiction, but it cannot be fought with a simple diet.
It needs to be complemented by a therapy that stimulates a radical change of behavior
in the day to day. The anxiety caused by addiction has to be appeased
with the Councils. I the treatment recommended by a specialist test one you usually
drink more alcohol when you are discouraged under pressure or after a personal or work
conflict A to a certain time. Having a few drinks helps me to deal
better with the problem and to relativize concerns. You see sometime, but I
try not to overdo it, because then I find it harder to overcome the
drop two by drinking along with other people you try to consume more when the
others do not realize. I' ve never thought about it before, but
I remember doing it on more than one occasion. B I have no problem
showing what I drink that, on the other hand, is not too three
you eat when you are not hungry or when you feel sad or depressed to
just like during the five main meals of the day. I get used to
itching between hours, especially when something stresses or worries me four how many social
networks you use only one and I don' t usually consult it. Very
often you see more than three if I' m connected to them every day
five of each. How long did you check your smart apps? It was
a social media email message. Ah only when I have a free time sees
every half hour approximately six. A friend suggests you smoke or drink less.
Ah, I admit you' re right and I' m trying to do
something about it. B, I' m telling you, there' s
no big deal and I' ve got it under control. Seven is Sunday
night rain and no cigarettes at home. Ah wait for tomorrow to buy tobacco
on the way to work, b I catch an umbrella and go down to
the street looking for a bar to buy a couple of packs. For each
answer, add two points. For each answer see adds a point less than
eight points. Even if you don' t recognize it, you' re
hooked on a series of habits that limit your freedom. Remember that addiction to
tobacco, alcohol, food, the cracks of insecurity. Our doubts are traitors
that make us lose the good we could gain by making us fear the attempt.
William Shakespeare, since her husband inherited a flat in the upper part of
the city Clara, feels insecure in dealing with neighbors or even when he goes
to the shops in his new neighborhood. He has always been complacent about not
having studies, and with the arrival of his third child, he stopped working,
so he feels like a very limited person who doesn' t fit the
sophisticated environment he' s moved into. Her husband tells her not to worry
about the others who will accept her, as if she does not boycott herself.
Clearly, however, he cannot help but feel inferior, as if he
were usurping a place that he did not have to occupy. That' s
got her locked up at home with the kids until her husband convinced her to
come to my office. This is a minor problem that we solve through a
talk to explain that it should be valued more and assertive. Human beings.
We have an internal dialogue with ourselves. This is natural, but yes,
that dialogue is negative and leads us to the paralysis of our activity, we
will be condemned to suffer low self- esteem. This will result in a
well of insecurity and doubts in the face of any challenges that may arise.
There are many causes that can cause a state of personal insecurity, including having
been the target of mockery or criticism during our childhood, which is when the
pillars of self- esteem are raised, having grown up within an excessively perfectionist,
critical and demanding family. This often results in us being perfectionists, self
- critical and self- demanding in too much. The lack of accurate communication.
Not expressing what we think can create anger, social phobia and lack of
self- confidence assertivity is social ability to want to please everyone else. If
we care to please each and every one of us around us, we will
be held hostage by an attitude that separates us from our own essence. To
have been sentimentally rejected in the field of affective relationships. A rejection or abandonment
can leave self- esteem low and sow doubt about our value. The behavioral
triangle. According to the parameters of current psychology, there are three types of
communicative behavior, passive behavior, assertive behavior, aggressive behavior. As their names
indicate, aggressive behavior is disproportionate to any situation and passive behavior is a faint
reaction to the same case. None of them are good tools for social relationships.
To be assertive means to defend a position, opinion or right in a
clear, concise, safe and respectful manner. An assertive person is certain.
Hence the word assertiveness that what is defended is correct. Even if you'
re sure you' re right, your defense is respectful of others and tries
not to offend anyone. Besides, they prefer not to leave anything in half.
That is why he speaks with clarity and total security. All this does
not mean that he knows how to accept the fact that he is wrong,
since, out of pride, he never defends a wrong position. An assertive
person usually has a good dose of empathy. That is why he shows respect
for others, but he never allows himself to be overwhelmed without defending his own
interests. He hates injustices and for this reason he will defend his own interests,
as well as those of those who are being treated unfairly, be it
a friend, a co- worker or a simple stranger. Being assertive does
not have to involve conflict, since we are talking about a respectful person who,
rather than imposing, knows how to negotiate and who does not usually speak
in an aggressive tone, but rather conciliatory. We' ll sink a little
more into this value. In chapter twenty- one of the Book Test One
you have to give unpleasant news to your partner. It takes you several days
to find the right way and the right time to tell him. B you
talk about the subject as soon as possible to share calmly with her. Situation
two at a friend meeting. Everyone' s in favor of abortion, except
you don' t openly express your opinion to avoid discussion. Go express what
you think about the subject and defend your position, respecting the conviction of the
rest. Three rides on the subway and you notice a group of young people
making fun of a passenger. Ah, I' m still in my business
without interfering I go out in defense of the passenger and face group four safely
You walk in with your pregnant partner on the bus and no one gets up
to give him the seat. Oh, I resent myself and wait for someone
to get up sooner or later. I' m getting close to a group
of passengers and I' m asking out loud for someone to give their seat
to my partner. Five at the restaurant serves me on a plate that'
s not like I imagined when I saw it on the menu. Ah I
say nothing I make my mistake and I settle for what was served. Be
I ask, please, to bring me another dish arguing serenely my mistake.
Apathy is an anchor that prevents you from sailing too often an hour does not
end up becoming a never Martin Luther Kane. Manuel lives in a state of
lethargy, since his company has pre- retired him. Despite having a good
financial compensation and the life solved at fifty- five years old, she feels
at home like a caged beast. His wife continues to work as a teacher
and his children are very busy with their respective careers. Only he is inactive,
immersed in apathy. While trying to discover a new course, Manuel spends
more hours than he would like to sleep and dusted in front of the TV.
He is too young to behave like a retired person thinks and too old
to work on a new activity. One day that accompanies your daughter, my
office suffers anxiety due to harsh oppositions, we kept talking about the depression and
restlessness that generate her new state. I explain to you the keys to logotherapy,
while encouraging you to find a new motivation for the vital phase that opens
before him. Without flavor, apathy is defined as a lack of energy and
vigor, indolence and scorn. The mood of a person suffering from apathy remains
impassive and hardly reacts to external stimuli or major events. There is a lack
of response to the affectionate stimuli of those around him and symptomatology reminds a lot
of a mild depression It is often a reaction to stress and does not have
to have a pathological character, since it can be a simple sneer at something
that does not interest the individual in question to apathy, popularly compared to laziness
or boredom, which is errone since apathy can be diagnosed clinically and, instead,
in the case of laziness or tedium, it is more difficult. In
fact, to diagnose apathy requires a neuropsychiatric examination and an analysis of the patient
' s environment. One of the biochemical causes of apathy is the decrease or
lack of an amino acid called tyrosine, which is responsible for producing catecholamine dopamine,
norepinephrine, and epinephrine, which provide the necessary energy to our body.
Another biochemical cause is the low level of hormones. Thyroids. Many people,
to alleviate their low level of catecholamines, take products such as coffee, chocolate
or sugar, as well as drugs to be able to cope with the day
- to- day with energy. However, it is often counterproductive to take
these substances, as, in addition to being insufficient, they end up billing
our physical and mental health. The best thing if we feel this symptomatology is
to go see a specialist for simon syndrome. The islands correspond to the following.
Immature single in materialistic affective, obsessed with work and earning money and narcissistic.
It is always a man, not a woman between the 20 long years
and the 30 long years single or separated who passes as a bachelor and who
enters into that scheme mentioned single. For many, singleness is like a plot
in the center of that of a big city. It always has good sales
and as time goes by, it revalues, raises its rate and improves profitability.
Let' s kill Only who is truly free is able to commit to
being able to lose singleness by a strong, solid, attractive, suggestive love,
indicates life, strength, risk capacity, vitality and also the need to
get out of oneself. Many of these youths parapeted behind the singles, exhibit
and walk in front of the girls, looking to show up and parade along
the walkway of those who are free to then puke the one that has the
most strength to take the trophy. Something truly remarkable is happening today in our
Western society, and this human type has been thriving more and more. Women
seek love and security. Men need to be valued. This double trend marks
the facts to which we are witnessing immature. Here I mean an immaturity of
feelings. Feelings are positive or negative moods that lead us to approach or distance
ourselves from the object that appears before us. They are the royal way of
affectivity, the most frequent road and trilled volter was rationalist and sentimental rouseau.
Leignis said that tausente is the perception that in fius of a ebérite. Every
feeling consists in the confused perception of the truth. Feeling is the usual and
ordinary way of living. Affections are informational blocks that guide us in life.
Just a path of knowledge and a thermometer of our private life. Feelings are
like a computer that evaluates and gives us an account of the results of how
life and miracles of our affectivity are going. The main feeling is love and
it opens up in fan full of nuances, love, desire, want,
feel, attracted, seek, have in mind, need to be all day
thinking about someone. The analysis is steeped in difficulties. To have sentimental maturity
means to be open to giving and receiving love for the possibility of discovering another
person to whom to give the hidden treasure papers by giving himself entirely to her
to elaborate a common project. Falling in love is creating a private mythology with
someone. There are two essential notes. Having admiration and feeling a strong attraction,
is telling someone I don' t understand my life without you you are
a fundamental part of my project. Falling in love is needing someone not to
understand life without that person being in the middle of the engine room of the
journey itself. The one who is heavily paid for himself doesn' t need
anyone in simon syndrome. We encounter a person who may have adequate professional maturity.
He loves his work, he cares for it, he cultivates it,
he is a good professional, etc, but he has no emotional maturity.
He doesn' t know what the sentimental world is. He is unable to
express feelings, ignores that love is a work of psychological craftsmanship, and does
not know that feelings must be worked with dedication and care, because if they
are not volatilized, the immature does not know how to give or receive love.
Above all, he doesn' t know how to keep it. In
the middle of these mists, in the simón emerges, jumps and rises hurricaneing
another clinical picture that is detached from it and that finishes the work of the
next one. Mode, eatmet penexendrem panic syndrome to commit to another person.
I was told by a thirty- five- year- old who has been
dating a girl of her own social level for two years that she had proposed
to marry. After those two years of walking and he experienced the following.
I' ve had pinched anxiety, gastric, shortness of breath pinched in my
gut when she proposed to me to get married and a great fear, because
I think I' m not prepared and that what I want to do is
to go on like this for the moment, until time passes. I'
m not in a position to take such a serious step. I' m
not ready. Also, losing freedom and being controlled by someone is a very
hard thing. Men have multiplied to adhere to this terror to commitment to another
person. Today' s society has been producing more and more immature men than
not women, who live focused on their jobs, on their friends, go
out and enter some culture and have fun. It is the times that women
know much more about feelings than men and want to seek true love authentic forever.
But here' s what it is. The courtyard is in this way
has occurred in recent times what I would call a certain socialization of sentimental immaturity
in man, fun and scandalous, playful and dramatic thirty- six obsessed with
making money and success. The priority of such a person is essentially to find
an adequate economic position and place himself and is willing to sacrifice everything. That
is why I am making an amendment to the whole. It is clear that
it is important to work on the professional project, but that this is the
only fundamental element seems poor, weak, inconsistent. The part is taken by
the whole. There is a hidden note here in many of these Simmons,
which is the obsession with the body or which leads to a certain phobia to
its body type and even to the facial parts. This is clinically called dysmorphophobia
thirty- seven. This is well known to aesthetic surgery doctors, who are
looking for a surgical procedure that will pale that subjective impression. Dr Juan Peñas,
one of the most important plastic surgeons in our country, told me that
he is observing an abundance of people with this submerged, blurred, trivial and
narcissistic pathology. The narcissus is an exotic plant with long, narrow and pointed
leaves, which grows at the edge of the lakes and leans towards them looking
in the mirror that the water offers. Plotino spoke of the myth of the
narcissus taking care of both the facade, the cover, the appearance and the
image that leads to producing an idolatry of the outside. Narcissistic is the one
who has a disordered love and concern for himself and who lives behind the top
of an ever greater self- esteem. The narcissist turns permanently on himself,
always concerned about making a good impression on the people around him always demands praise,
admiration and recognition. The pattern of behavior revolves around people' s need
for recognition of their environment. From this descriptive sequence emerges the superiority complex,
which is an n sense that makes that subject look far above those around him.
There is enormous security and arrogance. The narcissist is vain and his claims
are sentences full of superiority. He is a highly paid person who needs more
and more praise and everything seems to him to be little in that sense.
She is a pretentious, believed, petulant person and when asked her opinion for
someone, she tends to disqualify the other person immediately and flatly. Many narcissists
are found among hyper- motivated and super- protected types who are very accustomed
to receiving everything in word and, in fact, not to be corrected or
criticized by their parents. The criteria for diagnosing a narcissist are a general pattern
of grandeur. Need for admiration from others. Lack of empathy with others and
fantasies of excessive success. The narcissist is a serfatuous, pedantic and smug man
who always hopes to receive a special treatment of favor. If he doesn'
t give up his interest in that or those people in many conversations, if
he doesn' t talk or don' t talk about it, he feels
bad and comes to comment that the dialogue has not been interesting, given his
sick need to be the center of attention. If this thirty- year-
old man has a certain success in his work, he can become unbearable and
when he is truly known, he produces quite a rejection, because he lacks
empathy. In it there is too high self- assessment and, in addition,
a psychological hypersensitivity, in such a way that it accepts wrong to go
unnoticed or to be subjected to severe criticism. In such a case, he
reacts with contempt when told the truth of his conduct, even if he makes
contact and left hand. That is why many narcissists disqualify close people or public
figures. Over time they can be left alone and those who remain close can
become flatterers. He says positive things to the other in order to please him,
but pretending to profit from it. This single, immature, obsessive and
narcissistic tetralogy constitutes a symphony of de- tuned instruments, a type of man
who has built his personality with materials of little solidity, by far, shines,
sounds, looks and interests, but closely. It is a new mode
of the Light man thirty- eight a version of the dawn of the 21st
century. Psychiatrists are surface drills. We get under the behavior to discover that
she hides behind her and expose the person to capture her in her reality and
on the other side of the coin is the single, healthy and normal woman,
who wants to find a suitable man with whom to share her life a
love forever without expiration date. I see more and more disenchanted women before this
kind of man who tell me the following. I' m looking for a
man to come with the cocksuckers. I don' t want a teenager I
have to educate like his mother. We all have three faces. What I
think I' m self- conceived, what others think of my image and
what I' m really the truth about myself. The maturity of the personality
is achieved by harmonizing well these three districts, self- concept, image and
truth of oneself, thirty- nine four motivating attitudes to motivate me to motivate
others. We can make use of many resources at our disposal. Even more
so at a time when social media brings us closer to other people with whom
we can cooperate or participate in a project. Many books have been written on
motivation, including one thousand ways to motivate the employees of bab Nausen. It
is a book that tells us about the world of work, but every example
we find in it can be applied to everyday and personal life. The author
recommends maintaining morale at discharge. It is important to recognize the successes of others,
however small these achievements may be, to celebrate them. If the people
around us know they are valued by us, they will also accept constructive criticisms
willingly, foster creativity, give independence to those around us, allow them to
have freedom and to be realized in the workplace or in private life, talk
to the people around us, listen to their problems, their complaints. When
people know how to listen, they feel respected. To be flexible with others,
one must know how to conform to the particularities of each one. To
be inflexible will erect a wall against which the illusions of others will crash,
give meaning to the day to day. Logotherapy is a psychotherapy that was created
by Austrian neurologist Victor Frank. Just as he explains to us in man in
search of meaning. Therapy is centered on the meaning or meaning of each person
' s existence. In this way, the patient feels like a unique and
unrepeatable entity whose entire spiritual dimension must be taken into account. As Frank tells
us, man' s search for the meaning of life is a primary force
and not a secondary rationalization of his instinctive impulses. This sense is unique and
specific in that it is self and one who has to find it. Only
in this way can man attain a meaning that satisfies his own will for meaning.
Therefore, getting out of apathy and finding motivation depend on us knowing how
to give meaning to our days, finding our mission that justifies and gives value
to our passage through the world seeking the meaning of life. Every person has
to find it for themselves. In fact, you have to discover that sense,
since it is always being there, even though you haven' t detected
it, reasons to live. A person in the worst circumstances clings to life
If he has any reason to keep fighting. You have to find the reasons
to see I isolate myself and ride alone like overcoming the problem without asking for
help or support from anyone. Three. I believe that I am responsible for
my state of mind and control my life, even though some things escape my
control there is nothing to do to control fate and everything is in the hands
of chance. Four. During the holidays, I squeeze the days and I
keep doing things. I' m in workshops. Leo listens to organ music
outings go within a few days, I don' t know what to do
anymore and I get bored five in the middle of the night. You listen
to your upstairs neighbors argue hotly. Suddenly a scream already sounds like a shot.
I' m still running up and I' m knocking on the door
to make sure nothing' s happened. Grave go. I still sleep six
as the years go on to family and personal ties are becoming more and more
important. For me, I feel more and more like being alone and that
no one bothers me seven rumors in the office that they want to fire several
employees. Oh, I keep doing my job as usual, but I'
m starting to think about possible job alternatives. If I am finally fired,
you see under my distressed work performance the possibility of being fired from dependence on
the opinions of others. He who has fifty affections has fifty Buddha- pains.
Since he' s been using reason, Marisa has tried to like everyone
as little as they were. He climbed into a chair at family gatherings and
recited long poems to gain the sympathy of the diners. In adolescence, she
went out with class leaders to gain social prestige at the age of forty-
four. However, the obligation to please is costing him too high a price.
At the insurance company, where everyone works, he asks for favors and
passes on tasks that do not correspond to her. In order not to lose
popularity, Marisa has access to everything they ask of her and every day works
more hours and is stressed out. He comes to my office with palpitations suffering
from the feeling that he can' t handle everything. When you tell me
your case, before going into the deep reasons for your dependence on the opinions
of others, I propose that you watch the movie The apartment where Jack Clamen
overcomes the tyranny of his office, asserting himself to the people who take advantage
of it. Dependence on the opinions of others is a consequence of the low
self- esteem that leads the subject to seek out an approval that should be
given to himself. No one can confirm from outside our own value. There
are people who constantly need the approval of others and, if they do not,
remain in an alarming state of anxiety. This causes them such suffering that
they can make great sacrifices to obtain such approval, from spending money that they
do not have to frame themselves in activities that they do not really like.
To feel that one likes others is not at all negative, but the constant
pursuit of such approval can create a pernicious addiction that degenerates into slavery towards others,
low self- esteem and loss of individual freedom. Argentine psychologist Walter reasoned
about it. On many occasions we say whether when we mean no, or
we submit to unseemly situations and frankly abusive people, being able to avoid them.
Who has never reproached himself for the complicit silence of undue obedience or smiles,
salamera and appeasement. Who has never looked in the mirror trying to forgive
himself for servility or he has not said what he really thought. Who hasn
' t felt that way once in a while when the internal struggle between outrage
over grievance and fear of facing it social intelligence. This kind of intelligence includes
the ability or ability to gain, sympathy, admiration, respect or trust of
others, and the possibility of enjoying their cooperation or support. In fact,
in the words of Kubrat, author of the book. Social intelligence the new
science of success. Social intelligence is the ability to get along with others and
get them to cooperate with us. Albrecht distinguishes between two types of toxic and
nutritious behaviors. Those who use toxic behaviors do so to humiliate, offend,
or trample, while those who use nutritious behaviors do so so that others feel
loved, valued, respected, and admired. It is those people who try
to help those around them by creating a pleasant environment wherever they go. Carl
Albretch created a method for valuing interaction with others, which is governed by the
following in another book on the same subject. Social intelligence, the new science
to improve human relationships. Genyo Goment describes social intelligence as an instinct with which
we are born, but which can be perfected over the years. According to
this reference author. Social intelligence is made up of two very important components.
Social consciousness, what we perceive is formed by the following primary closeness, to
perceive bodily signs, that is, not verbal in others, tuning in,
knowing, listening to those around us, knowing, creating a harmony with them,
empathetic precision, putting themselves within their thinking and understanding, social knowledge,
knowing how things work in the society around us, not being either utopian or
a ramplon realism, art and trade in relations with others. That is learned
by taking note of social ease. The way we act is formed by the
following synchrony, non- verbal interaction, self- projection, the way we
have to present ourselves to others influence, use social interactions. To influence is
to change criteria that improve the behavior of the other concern, to take interest
in others and to collaborate in certainly with our help. Better to take care
of than worry. To sum up a lot the difference between emotional and social
intelligence, which the second promotes empathy with the group, which does not mean
that we should like everyone. Just if we look at the most popular people,
we will see that they are the ones who behave most naturally. They
do not try to adapt to anyone or to seem what they are not,
but to present themselves to others with kindness and naturalness, without exerting the pressure
of those who demand approval. Being independent is a great psychological aspiration. Two
when you meet someone new ah right away I show my way of being explicit
about what I work. When I win the car I have I am interested
in knowing more about that person, but without going into material or personal matters,
three at work provoke a complicated situation because of a personal error. I
try not to let anyone know about the failure or dissimulate the slip to delay
the possible consequences. B I share the problem with my colleagues so that they
can help me not to complicate the situation any more. Four. When you
' re with your partner, I need you to continually show me love and
love. B I feel good alone with your presence. Five strolling around a
flea market, you buy an old painting to decorate the living room at night.
Some guests criticize your taste and mock your talent as a decorator. Ah
I don' t care, that painting I love and still presides over the
B- room I heed your reviews and I drop the six. Finally,
you get to engage in conversation with a person who has attracted you for months.
An I show myself as I am, no matter what you think about
my way of being Beck I hide more than I show and spend the evening
flattering her seven during a conversation about your country' s history. I recognize
that I ignore some facts and pay attention to the explanations of those who know
more than I see simulus that I know of what is being talked about and
even invent some historical data or passage to capture the attention of others. For
each answer, add two points. For each answer he sees adds a point
less than eight points showing much of the typical behaviors of those people who seek
the continuous approval of others Perhaps he has arrived the chain of the ghost.
It is one thing to look at the past and another very different thing to
be held prisoner of it. Charles Kellot Colden. Jaime is thirty- five
years old and has always entertained the desire to found a family. However,
it has never come true, because the past weighs too heavily on your conscience.
His father, who had an accused bipolar disorder, exposed him in his
childhood to repeated scenes of violence that have been marked with fire in his memory.
With an orderly life and a good social position, Jaime went out for
several years with a very brilliant woman who would have agreed to her aspiration to
found a family. But at the last moment he backed out and ended up
breaking up. The reason was that Jaime fears repeating the episodes of violence lived
at home. He does not feel prepared to build the future, because the
past permanently anchors pain. Start with him a therapy to leave that ballast behind
forever. According to segment Foed, trauma is an event that involves excessive excitement
in the psychic life of the person, which cannot assimilate or control it,
which causes serious pathologies and disorders. Freud. He offered the example of a
child who saw two people in full sexual intercourse. On the one hand,
being aware of vision already causes a huge impact on the little one, but
it is not only traumatic because it is a strong emotion but also because there
is a feeling against him that he believes he will fight and it is the
sexual desire itself totally opposed to the rejection of the original vision. This is
where the internal conflict appears. For freudo, a fact is traumatic simply because
it causes symptoms. An incident, however brutal, is not the ultimate cause
of trauma, as is the case in the child' s example. Trauma
appears because of at least two emotions in conflict with related ideas and possible desires.
Make peace with the past. It is important to find out what was
the origin and cause of the trauma and find out even if it really happened,
because sometimes a misunderstanding or a misconception may be the cause of a trauma
that really shouldn' t have existed. A person may experience trauma from a
nefarious memory that often comes to his mind. Although there is another more devastating
way of presenting a trauma, it can be hidden in the subconscious and even
if the person does not remember, cause terrible suffering in their day to day.
The best way to make peace with the past is to accept it,
not to let oneself be dominated by the feeling of guilt and to ask for
help from both close people and a professional. Facing a traumatic past is not
easy and if we present battles alone, we can lose the war by giving
more strength to our enemy immni live Skrett in THRPY is a technique that often
gives very good results. Used to rewrite the past. It was first used
by Anardrans and enoa chirmen. Both researchers found that, in certain cases of
trauma, in which the other therapies did not work, it was necessary to
rewrite these experiences so that the person could change these images. The system may
seem excessive, simple, however, the results have shown that it works.
Let' s make a case of an adult woman who suffers trauma from sexual
assault during childhood. The first thing you do during therapy is get the woman
to re- remember the traumatic scene in detail. Next, to tell you
to imagine that moment being your adult self watching your child self, but without
getting in the way. To finish the exercise, you have to imagine the
situation again, but this time you will act within it. To save herself
as a child by closing wounds. Most people have old wounds that have not
yet healed and sometimes become more present to remind us that they are still open
there and that we should get to work to close them in a definitive way.
We think time heals everything and that would be very comfortable, but it
' s not entirely true. Time only passes, but the old wounds will
remain present in our lives unless we take care to heal them when we are
wounded. What we want is to move forward and try not to think about
what happened. But the pain we feel will not go away if we close
our eyes without recreating the feeling of guilt or accusing others we must recognize that
the problem is ours. Then we must accept what happened. It is important
to recognize the emotions that produce us, to remember the traumatic event. If
what provokes us is anger, let' s try to control it. If
it' s sadness, there are ways to fight it. To know the
emotion is to know the enemy by identifying him we can destroy him. We
have to learn to forgive and forgive ourselves, but never before. It is
very useful to write about what happened, to unfold in a paper everything that
makes us sick. It is not necessary to reread it and we can even
destroy it. Resilience. Boris Sidulnic was born in Bordeaux in one thousand nine
hundred and thirty- seven in a Jewish family of Polish Russian origin. After
the Nazi invasion of France. His family was deported to him in an extermination
camp where they were all killed. He was able to escape death at only
six years old. After the war, he was welcomed by the French public
assistance, which entered an orphanage farm, the most suitable site for the creation
of illiterates, criminals and uprooted. Despite this situation, he was not carried
away by circumstances and his longing for security and integration guided him to study psychiatry,
as he needed to give a sense to what was incomprehensible to what had
happened to his family. He needed to understand human thought, his suffering,
and the mental process that leads man to commit barbarities. Thanks to his work,
he managed to transmit to his patients the great power of resilience. We
could define this concept as the ability of the human being to overcome and even
to emerge strengthened from adversity or trauma. The person who goes through such a
trance has to transform, reborn from his own burnt remains and give rise to
a different self with a new way of seeing things and with new objectives.
Boris Cironi, who is the author of a large number of essays and one
of his most famous works is the ugly ducklings. Through this work he defends
that an unfortunate childhood does not determine the future if one has the sufficient determination
to take the reins of his life. In the 1990s, Boris Cirulni,
who was in Romania, was able to treat many children who had been crammed
into the well- known hospices of the Ceaucesco regime, children who had been
absolutely abandoned, who received only one meal a day, whom no one cared
about talking to and who endured hygienic conditions behind them. The brain of these
children had undergone a process of generation and particularly severe atrophy. For the first
time it was found that the lack of stimuli damages the human brain. Those
children were adopted by different families and after only a year, the brain atrophy
had practically disappeared. The hoarse human and daily affection had been enough. Another
revealing case is the comparative study of what happened during the Lebanese War. Beirut
was the most brutally bombed city, with more civilian casualties than any other population,
while Tripoli barely suffered bomb attacks. Interestingly, studies of children in Beirut
revealed fewer cases of post- traumatic syndrome than those of children in Tripoli.
The explanation was simple. In a bombed city, the population usually reacts with
solidarity and there is a strong sense of protection among family members, which is
hardly present in cities that do not suffer a war attack. Simply put,
the children of Tripoli suffered the emotional helplessness of our society. The case of
the Mexican architect Bosco Gutiérrez Cortina. I now want to refer to a person
I have met on my travels to Mexico who told me live what he lived.
It' s worth your while to share the facts. One day in
the middle of Mexico’ s street of faith, someone grabbed him from behind.
He thought it was a friend who had recognized him in the street,
but immediately realized that it was a kidnapping. They hit me dry on the
head and knocked me unconscious. They put me in the back of a car
lying down. I never lost consciousness. They threw me on the floor of
the car and I noticed that they were putting their feet on my back.
I was thirty- four years old and I was at a particularly good time
in my career as an architect. He was kidnapped by individuals who took him
to a place for the stranger, as he traveled without seeing anything and in
a few minutes realized that his life had changed. At first he thought that
his family would pay a ransom and that in a few days he would return
home. His kidnappers forced him to give a series of financial and banking data,
threatening him with terrible treatment or even death. He finally gave in.
A series of days passed when he seemed to be in a dream and would
soon wake up from it. The 16th of September came and his jailers shouted
Viva Mexico. It was the celebration of the country' s independence day.
He had been deprived of liberty for more than a month and wanted to offer
him an award for being such a remarkable date that he would like to be
brought as food or drink. He asked for a branded whiskey that he liked
a lot, with ice cubes. When they brought him to him, he
looked at the glass, put his fingers in and moved the ice cubes,
thinking of tasting his favorite whisky, but at one point he thought I won
' t drink it, I' m going to give up this pleasure and
from now on I' m going to start a new life. He slowly
emptied the whisky into the pit of the soil latrine, seeing the liquid element
fall. It took him a lot of effort to do such an act and
it was said I started a new life from today. I want to improve
and grow as a person and thought intelligence, that is to know, adapt
to the circumstances and in this way I went from anger, indignation, low
mood, fear and a long et cetera of displacental feelings to try a process
of adaptation through the following steps, to adapt to the new situation, to
assume the reality, to avoid lamenting, not to fall into resignation, but
to turn back to what happened and start to take a positive advantage of its
current moment, to overcome, to stop the sorrow, sadness, discouragement and
to discover the only positive angle to be alive, to recover, to know
that it is the time to go against the current, to foster inside a
spirit of overcoming strong, solid, compact, consistent going from more to less
one resilient person endures very hard tests. Seneca said substine etabstine, endures and
resists with strength. Events can' t do with me. I' m
going to control them and write eight ideas to look forward, Cut the imagination,
which is crazy in the house, don' t turn around what happens
to you. Practical intelligence is to adapt to circumstances. The most important thing
is to maintain faith. Don' t argue with him. God knows more
than you what suits you. You can' t do anything but wait patiently.
This will last as long as God allows, take advantage to pray for
those you want and grow in sacrifice and abandonment. Think about how many people
suffer more than you do right now. You' re okay here. You
' re not missing anything. Every day that passes is one day less.
Get practical purposes to be better on your return and, in the meantime,
you have to stay in full shape. Be optimistic, do not despair and
banish negative thoughts. After nine months, he managed to escape. It was
all very laborious. The possibility arose and he carried it out. In his
own words, I was two hundred and fifty- seven days in captivity,
observing each movement of the five guardians and knowing how to wait for the moment
that came. For me it has been an unforgettable experience in positive. It
has helped me to understand many things about life and my own person. It
has enriched me as I could never think about it I leave that relationship behind
and over time I learn to recognize and control the emotions that its memory brings
me to close the wound and keep growing. Two. If you suffered a
serious car accident, it would take a long time for you to catch the
wheel again. B would still drive once fully recovered, although he would try
to be much more prudent. Three. In the event of suffering a traumatic
situation such as the death of a loved one, I would remove the pain
as soon as possible and strive to continue as if nothing had happened to leave
the suffering behind as soon as possible. B would share the pain and face
feelings without denying reality. Four you think a professional could help you overcome a
traumatic experience. The pain would be too intense to be able to share it
with anyone and isolate me to face it alone. See Any family support,
friends therapist would be of great help in overcoming negative and paralyzing feelings as soon
as possible. Five, If a friend or family member experiences a traumatic situation
in his life, make me grieving for him, but I keep my distance
and I don' t get involved. I' ll get your help as
soon as possible, and I' ll try to wire you as much as
I can. Six. If you lost the person you love the most in
this life, ah you couldn' t move on life would no longer make
sense. Beck would seek resources and therapeutic support, help and love from family
and friends. Seven you consider yourself to be a person prepared to face one
' s own and another' s suffering. Ah as much as possible,
I try to avoid situations or experiences that may cause me pain, although if
so, I do not know how I would react b Life has already tested
me on some occasion and I have come out more or less arousing of the
experience. For each answer, add two points. For each answer see adds
a point less than eight points. You are a resilient person capable of establishing
a positive life attitude, despite experiencing difficult circumstances between eight and twelve points.
The ability to resist and not fall apart is a skill that can be trained.
Be sure to cultivate features that cultivate resilience, such as living in the
hypochondria. People who are always worried about their health. They are like coves
who guard a treasure that they will never dare to enjoy laurense is terne.
Peter came to my office for the first time when he was forty. He
is the little one of a large family with many sisters and another older brother
than him. When I was a child I had repeated tonsillitis due to an
extreptococcal that produces tonsil hypertrophy and results in repetitions of these clinical conditions fever difficulty
swallowing and that has no greater significance. But he was very careful and watched
over by his parents, being invited in a stealthy way to explore himself a
lot, to look at himself, to observe himself. When he comes to
my office, I realize that he always has something and makes descriptions of his
body very detailed and with many nuances. At first he called me three times
a day and told me things like that the deposition I have made today has
been dark, but not at all dark, because it was between dark and
clear and it was not liquid, but between liquid and solid. Pedro is
very sensitive to any external comments, as well as to comments that everyone has
ever made for not having slept well, you have a bad face, but
to him those comments have a great impact. You look in the mirror and,
indeed, notice that it has the palest face, or the forehead or
the general outline of the face, or the sunniest or most out- of
- the- box eyes. The first thing I do is to explain to
him that he suffers from a disease called hypochondria and that it is registered by
the amerikensachi Achre Cassochiehon and the Association of European Psychiatry. It is considered an
important mental illness because it produces a very displaced experience the detailed attention to the
body. I' m telling you, there are two types. Conmatter,
i e, someone who has something and hypochondrizes, and cinemamatter, i e,
without clinical detonator. Although the person is always with an archipelago of cardiophobia
sensations, serophobia, cancer phobia, I point out that this disease is characterized
by the tendency to think negative. Peter married very late, after his fifties,
because when he met a woman, he needed her to understand his illness.
Besides, Chris looked at him the guy, the face, the eyes,
the trajectory. If I had dated one or two men before, and
then no one met expectations. Logically, over the years the level of demand
in women went down, because he was no longer an expert in sweet,
but a slightly mature man. His hair had fallen off, he had gut.
He is currently under treatment. Hypochondria is now defined as the organic concept
of personality. Argan is the central character of the malada. Imaginaire de moliere
and that' s where the concept of organic personality comes from. What an
organic personality is. He' s an individual who tends to be apprehensive.
Argan spends the day taking his pulse, looking at his tongue, studying his
eye conjunctiva, seeing if his feet are cold or his hands warm. There
is a greater attention than normal that leads the person to worry about any small
anomalous sensation that the hypochondriac notices is forced to scrutinize different organic functions, such
as the sensation of oppression in the gut, digestive discomfort or in the head
spatial instability, things that have no value and in this way enters a gorge
of bodily questions of the kind looks that does result causes of the hypochondria.
This disorder can occur at any age, but usually the hypochondriac pulls out of
two points from a hypochondriac environment. A father or mother who hypochondriates the parents,
who take a lot of the pulse, who speak of diseases without ceasing
and invite in a gradual and progressive way close relatives, children and family members
to make a cloning. Today, we know that the second cause is the
so- called factors and atrogens of doctors, yatrogen in medicine means negative activity
of the doctor who puts his patient to doubt. For example, when someone
has done some blood tests and the doctor with the person ahead looks at them
and says here there' s something that doesn' t just convince me.
I don' t know if this could be it. That uncertain, diffuse
and ethereal language causes great uncertainty in the other. If that person has or
has had a condition, he thinks it might be so that clinical language passes
into the patient' s language and something that would not have to be known
by a street person invites her to follow up. In short, the hypochondria
starts up by a part of the hypochondriac families where this vocation is cultivated or
by medical errors of unfavorable information. The hypochondria is a bad travel companion,
because the sufferer is always thinking about The worst is the tendency to interpret somatic
symptoms dramatically. Test one when a friend or family member falls ill and stays
in the hospital for questions about the room number and comes to see him right
away b you wait a few days and finally call him on the phone to
tell him to recover soon and that he will know when he returns home.
Two your home medicine kit contains the basic medicines and utensils, aspirin, Band
- Aids, alcohol, some antithermal bec syrups are full of medications just in
case I need them sometime. Three, when you feel indisposed to expect to
see how I evolve and I only go to the doctor if it' s
really necessary. B I go to E R Four When you' re cold,
I try to make normal life. If the fever allows me, b
I reduce my activity considerably and if I have a fever, I ask for
work leave. Five. When you feel a physical discomfort, I hardly pay
attention to it or if it is not very pronounced or it causes excessive pain,
b I start to spin the head. I worry. I' m
looking for information on the Internet. Six of you get used to self-
medicating just when I' m cold or my head hurts. B Often seven,
after watching a report on the dangers of cholesterol on television, I analyze
my diet and try to reduce the consumption of fatty foods. B called the
medical center and asked for time to get me a full test. Enclosure self
- esteem in maturity. Maturity is considered to begin at around twenty- five
years of age. It coincides with the end of the period of study when
a person sits professionally, although today maturity has been delayed. The first goal
that a young person has when he or she reaches maturity is a project of
work, while the affective project remains in second place. This happens because the
affective world has become a playful world. On the other hand, the world
of statistics informs us that couples break up very easily due to their great sentimental
fragility. All this has a very negative impact on young people. Thus,
at the first maturity, which reaches approximately thirty- five years, the main
project is the professional one. In the first stage of maturity, panic syndrome
is common. At the engagement, young boys stay at their parents' house
until they' re thirty- something. Simon syndrome we have seen in one
of the chapters is that of the immature, narcissistic, work- obsessed bachelor.
That' s not so much with the woman, because she usually wants
to be a mother. The concept of parenthood does not exist as a psychological
concept. If a man is not a father, he does not care.
On the other hand, a woman who wishes to be a mother and is
not a mother will feel a limitation of the affective project. This comes after
the professional and there is a difference between the meaning given to it by men
and women. Love is a magical word that has many nuances. The man
falls fundamentally in love with the eye and the woman with the ear. In
the man. The importance of beauty is very powerful, both in the whole
face and in the body, which is carried to one part. Very important
to fall in love is to make a private mythology with someone, the desire
to make eternal the fleeting. Where the human being is most portrayed is in
the affective version. The person you have chosen is a business card. Then
there are many aspects and nuances. There are four conditions for a person to
fall in love solidly especially today, when this fact has been delayed. The
first with sa the admiration for the other is the recognition that that person is
worth his path. Attraction, which has two characteristics, physical and psychological.
The woman is better equipped for the second, since she is finer at capturing
the psychological characteristics of others. The need to share is like a magnet that
leads to the need to go out and make shared plans, talk about many
things and discover each other. That is a precious stage, full of suggestions,
whose journey should be done without haste, savoring each of its segments and
having it in mind. That person appears, emerges, jumps and moves over
and over again through mental scenarios. It' s there to think a lot
about a person and it' s a certain sign that you' re falling
in love with someone. This is of a huge degree in young people and
is the same in adults, although with less intensity. This late father of
romantic thought wrote a theory of love in which he speaks of falling in love
as crystallization. Says the following. If you go to the mines and throw
a twig within a few days you will see that some crystals have been nailed
to it, falling in love is like crystallization those crystals that have been nailed
into the structure of that twig. It is the tendency to idealize the other
you add to his personality characteristics that he does not have. Falling in love
is creating a private mythology with someone I would say in a more blunt way.
Falling in love is needing an ortega person. In her book study on
love, she says that falling in love is a disorder of attention, as
it concentrates in one direction. That' s called having your head mortgaged.
Alberoni in his book, Love and Fall, says that when falling in love
happens, it looks a lot like a kind of glare with two spotlights,
one where the wounds of the past are dissolved and the other that looks to
the future in a positive way. Those two temporal dimensions change, they close
setbacks of the past with all that that is going to mean, and the
person moves into the future forty. Falling in love can be studied as if
it were a disease as such in medicine there are two symptoms. The first
is the false feeling that time flies and thinks a lot about the other person.
Cervantes said of Dulcinea of the toboss that she was the lady of his
thoughts. Another fundamental symptom in falling in love would be telling the other person
I don' t understand life without you or said otherwise, I don'
t understand life without your Forming a fundamental part of my personal project. My
project has in you an essential element forty- one. At present there is
something very curious about society, which is the exaltation of that of emotionalism,
a consumption of emotional emotions without background or structure, and this slips into a
certain consumption of physical contact. These are just the times, but it produces
a very high superficiality in people who follow these guidelines in front of them is
the granitic solidity of coherent behavior. The classic text expresses it this way.
Founded in Immerat suprapé trum, the building did not collapse because it was built
on stone. Today it is often built on demolition material. Everything is weak,
fragile, light. No consistency. There' s never been so much
information about affectivity. However, people are more lost than ever. In my
consultation I see people with great disappointments who speak to me of Valentine' s
Day as a date, who want it to happen quickly because they have idealized
the word love as something magical, wonderful, sublime, without realizing that love
is a feeling that we have to work with care of craftsman, with quantity
dedication, if it deteriorates and then cascades of disappointments and frustrations, friendship and
culture in maturity. The concept of friendship remains very important, as after adolescence
it acquires more consistent visions. Friends are chosen and they are often known.
It is also the epoch of the conjunction of beliefs, a stage of the
formation of consolidated personality. There are so many things that inform us that in
order to make the synthesis, one has to have criteria. Friendship is a
positive feeling between two people that begins through mutual sympathy and esteem. One discovers
a person with whom initially there is similar affinity, ideas, criteria and life
orientations and with whom a bridge of fluid communication begins in which one feels well
and the tuning occurs soon from the SS. Then he comes to get to
know each other. Little by little, both open up and tell more surface
personal things at first and of some depth afterwards. It is like a journey
they travel together and that gives rise to a deal that gradually points towards confidence.
The other one goes into the passageways of the inner citadel and sneaks through
the ins and outs of our history and we teach him what has happened to
us with it. Later on comes all this donation. These are the steps.
Therefore, affinity, treatment, confidence, donation, gradually add sympathy.
There' s respect. Friendship is a form of love without sexuality. Another
more late and complicated factor is culture, as the wrapping of a gift may
not seem important, but it is the aesthetics of knowledge and freedom, and
that has a value. As a person acquires more level of r they aspire
to culture, their curiosity to learn, to know and to know more things
increases. Culture is the aesthetics of intelligence or otherwise, turning anything you do
into an intelligent pirouette. That' s why culture is freedom. I have
said this in the preceding pages and in the following pages, culture begins with
reading. That' s one of their main gateways. A problem of maturity
women with anxiety crises. A 30- year- old girl, Miriam,
married and with a two- year- old son, visits me. He
has had several anxiety crises in different contexts. The first, on the subway,
the second in a department store and the third traveling by car with her
husband. In anxiety we distinguish two modes, the generalized, which is floating
anxiety, which consists of a nervous state, with tomatic manifestations such as shaking
hands, sweating, restlessness in the legs, feeling short of breath, etc.
And the second modality, called planck claxes or anxiety crisis, which are
short- lived short- lived episodes that live like a storm. The symptoms
are the same as those of generalized anxiety, but there is also fear of
death, of losing control and of going crazy. They are reactions that produce
an anticipatory fear. The crisis of this young woman, having sat on the
subway, begins with a gastric sensation in her belly with fear of having a
liquid deposition, along with a feeling of tightness in her chest, tightening her
belt and feeling dizzy. He thinks he can' t breathe. He returns
home and this episode becomes phobic, since he no longer wants to take the
subway. Where the crisis of anxiety occurs, it becomes a place of fear
that gradually turns into phobia and to which one does not want to return.
The second episode takes place in a department store with a lot of people in
the middle of the Christmas season. There' s a lot of people and
it' s hot. Miriam thinks she' s going to die, since
she can' t breathe. In a later analysis, they find nothing,
although the girl thought she had had a heart attack in this second crisis there
appear two phobias, to the closed spaces, claustrophobia and to the spaces with
many anthropophobia people. In the consultation she tells me worried that her life is
being limited, because she realizes that there are several things she does not dare
to do alone. The third episode assaults her driving a weekend, while they
' re stuck to get out of town, starts to feel the symptoms and
ends up having a crisis. As a result, he elaborates two other phobias,
one for which he cannot drive and the other for which he cannot leave
when everyone does, as there is too much traffic. Miriam is also below
the recommended weight. We give you an anxiolytic together with a fast- acting
medicine that slows down a possible anxiety crisis, also educating you with a cognitive
therapy that consists of sending yourself a private messenger when you notice that you may
have another crisis. It consists of saying don' t worry, it'
s okay, this has no clinical value, etc. I also teach you
not to be precipitously afraid of a situation when you have to attend one of
the places where you may be in crisis. Likewise, I teach him to
breathe well so that he can relax. I also realize that the girl is
becoming a little hypochondriac. He has a tendency to observe a lot and draw
negative conclusions believing that he has diseases that he does not suffer at all.
I explain that hypochondria is an attitude that can trigger disproportionate and psychosomatic reactions.
After a great improvement, it remains to overcome the phobias that has developed during
this time to overcome the fear of going by metro. We took her to
a station with the idea of taking him alone with a series of instructions to
follow in case of crisis and we waited for her two stops further. The
next operation was to record a message to her with the phrases we want her
to repeat while driving with her husband. Today he has learned to control himself
and continues with a small dose of anxiolytics as maintenance medication. Fourth part,
work and life excessive perfectionism and paralyzing. Do things well with seriousness and professional
rigor, but run away from perfectionism. Enrique Rojas Julia is an economist and
law graduate, examined oppositions for property registrar, but suspended and went to work
in a firm in Madrid. N is three years old and is a perfectionist
and obsessive person. According to her, she has a disorderly love for the
order come to my office because she is very distressed. He had a sentimental
relationship that lasted two years and now he' s with a new couple with
whom he' s been practically a year. She watches her partner under an
electronic microscope and makes him as with his room. He' s got the
books by sizes, order them clothes by colors, try to sort them out.
Everything is fixed. So much for the one she' s obsessed with
will be the right one. You' ll fool me how long it will
last. Lo. First I do is to explain to him that he suffers
from a disease called an obsessive personality perfectionist, which the French called the leaflet
of the Doute and the English seons of dut forty- two. For that
reason, for her all are doubts and her relationship, despite being good,
is loaded with tensions. After a few weeks, she returns to the office
completely sunken. He has left and told her that he is very tired,
that he does not make up for staying with her, because he is constantly
asking her questions about the future. He explores him not out of jealousy,
but because she is not sure and he is not prepared for such a relationship.
Julia explains to me, in tears, that her previous partner left her
for the same reason and keeps repeating what I do. I have an inability
to love. I explain that one of the most important things in an affective
relationship is not having too many expectations, because when you expect a lot from
a relationship, you' re wrong. A relationship has to be worked out
and things don' t just come in, but because of the craft work
that is done with the other. She doesn' t listen because she'
s in a state of soki and wanting to die has stopped working for a
few days, but I don' t want to let her go, because
she needs to be busy not to think about him. Since she first came
to the consultation and s s or she is reading books about perfectionism and obsessive
personality and is very portrayed. He asked me what difference there was between the
healthy order and the sick. I tell you, healthy order is at your
service. Where I have the book or that blouse. There he is,
on the other hand, in the pathological order. I' m in the
service of order. If I see anything out of place or badly put I
suffer. That is why I explain to you that this is a serious issue,
but that it has an arrangement and we can deal with it with a
series of guidelines for living more loosely. She has a nancastic background that comes
from the sticky Greek of these people who do not distance themselves from the things
she needs to deal with. I give you a series of guidelines that go
back to work to not think so much about him, that you understand that
that relationship was already hurt and it was better to close it, that you
learn to be less obsessive to the one, to give less thought to things,
to be more tolerant with the other. He cannot look for a man
who is perfect, because he is a vain and useless aspiration, but who
seeks someone who fills it, who exercises to leave a messy drawer, a
napkin or a handkerchief lying on the table, simple behaviors with which it is
understood that life has a bottom of disorder and is not a drama. I
see it' s slowly changing. It becomes less obsessive and more positive.
It edits the regularity in which things are to be in place and tolerates a
certain disorder. It presents a great improvement, especially in terms of acceptance.
Now Julia' s much quieter. He follows a cognitive technique to put his
head out of his head. Every time some thought comes to her, she
repeats a series of phrases. This relationship had no future. Don' t
worry about someone else coming. Accept reality That' s maturity. The man
of your life is coming. I always say that in the bademecum of medicines,
that volume where all the medicines are referenced, one is missing the figure
of the doctor, because the doctor heals with his presence, his listening,
his actions and his words, with the same attitude and explanation, already leaves
you alone. Almost all of my patients have a notebook of forty- three
that points to their feelings, the exercises that I am sending them to do,
as well as the results of them. I only gave Julia a mild
anxiolytic, a drug called Diana, Diana, because it goes to a particular
topic, in this case, anxiety, because the rest was something she had
to fight against. Then I recommended bible therapy. The first reading was tell
me. Who I am from Julia Navarro. At first, she was reluctant
to read, but I told her to make an effort and when she came
back she told me that the book had been a great therapy, because she
had gotten into that person' s life and, instead of thinking about him
and the book, the perfect curve. Obsessive perfectionism has its breeding ground during
childhood. Excessively severe and demanding education can cause a person to become perfectionist.
Pathologically, an individual suffering from this disorder may be unable to perform any act
without first proposing to do it to perfection. Thus, any seemingly anodyne decision
can be complicated to the extent unspeakable on the day- to- day part
of a person with such a desire for idolatry can prove infernal to her and
to those around her. Excessive perfectionism very negatively affects effectiveness, as wanting to
polish to the smallest detail ends up devouring more time and energy to achieve any
result. The question of whether or not we have completed a project well and
this repeated in everything we do a day is a serious lack of self-
confidence and fear of criticism creates obsession. There comes a time when anything we
want to carry out cannot be improved and from there, the curve of improvement
drops ostensibly. We must know how to end any objective we strive to achieve.
It is necessary to accept that we are human beings and make mistakes,
because it is from them that we learn and perfect the gift of imperfection.
Green Gran has written several books claiming both vulnerability and imperfection, as gifts not
as defects or punishments. This author and lecturer considers that people, while being
afraid and vulnerable and imperfect, can also be brave at times and have the
full right to dignity. According to Brown, people target the connection, which
is only reached through authenticity. People who are authentic have the ability to contact
because they have renounced what they should theoretically be to discover what they really are.
These people accept the fact that they are vulnerable and imperfect, and this
gives them a great capacity for empathy, because if they accept their own limitations,
they will logically accept those of others. Vulnerability and insecurity are part of
life. The future is always uncertain. We can never be prepared enough to
face the fate that is coming to us every morning. When we wake up,
we have the right to consider ourselves imperfect, to fail and to make
mistakes, because they are already an act of courage. These are people who,
even considering themselves imperfect, struggle to improve forty- four and risk projects
that they do not know if they will work or not. As Green Brown
herself says you know you' re imperfectly born to fight, but you'
re worthy of love and belonging things that don' t come out. According
to our taste, it is preferable to wear some moccasins rather than carpet the
entire Indian proverbic land. Luis is a 13- year- old boy who
recently returned to Spain after spending two years in a school in England. Physically,
Luis is tall for his thin age and speaks very rigorously. The first
time I heard about him was when his parents visited me to explain the case
of his son. I was told he was very rigid in his ideas.
I wanted to be number one, because to succeed in life was to have
money a car, very good, to be the latest in technology and to
have top- notch clothing brands. In fact, everything parents buy from him
is expensive shopping, because he doesn' t want any sales. This son
of mine is a monster. His mother Luis said. He has two brothers
and shows contemptuous behavior toward others, both toward his companions and toward his brothers.
He says one' s dumb and the other' s very lazy.
He also speaks ill of his parents. For example, she says that the
mother is only a housewife. I tell parents that your child suffers from a
personality disorder, obsessive personality. The first day I see Luis, he doesn
' t know that he came to the office from his rigidity, The first
thing he does is criticize because we make him wait half an hour. Look
at the clock and he says he has to prepare some tests. He'
s very demanding when we talk. I' ll let you explain so that
you can relax on the second day I' ll give you a notebook where
I' ll point out a series of guidelines, but before I put them
into practice, I' ll explain what your disorder is. A disorder due
to rigid excess, millimetric, very hard, unaffective to what he responds to
me. I don' t see it as a bad thing. What I
want is to make a lot of money and have a good time. Louis
studies in a religious school, but he does not believe in God, because
he says how God will exist. If so many things go wrong He assures
which God is asleep. He thinks there is something, but the important thing
in life is to succeed and enjoy a lot in class. Luis notes that
the compañeros empty him because they see him as a child Litri, a child
who always leads the smartest, the most handsome and mocking him. We talked
about contempt for his mother and he tells me that his mother is not smart
and that he is very sorry to have a mother who is not smart.
She says she' s not cultured because she doesn' t read and watch
a lot of TV. He' s having a hard time accepting this.
So one of the guidelines I give you is to have every day a positive
detail with your mother, like what you ask me. I give him a
series of examples, kiss him when he arrives, greet him, thank him
for his work and he says that he does not like that because he does
not feel that his mother would have to take a turn so that he would
accept. It' s very hard and critical. After applying the first guidelines,
the father notes that he has improved because he despises the brothers less.
I talk to Luis and explain to him that systematic contempt is a lack of
human quality and that he is very materialistic. He replies that society has done
so he wants to become a great tycoon, a great triumphant. At all
times he is very rationalistic. No affective samples. Luis presents a great mania
to noises, It is rigid with millimeter schedules and makes coexistence very difficult.
Made it smash because he looks perfect. Therapy in a boy this age is
argumental. You have to explain things to him in a way that surprises him.
He has accepted that he suffers from a disorder and that it produces a
lump, great sadness. In the family. There is a well- known
joke that explains very well what stiffness consists of. It' s that of
a driver who' s going on a wrong highway and when he puts the
radio on he hears the warning that a car is going dangerously in reverse direction.
This driver then exclaims one. Let' s all see some of the
symptoms of psychological stiffness. If we notice that most symptoms portray us, we
should start thinking about softening our attitude to try to be more flexible if things
don' t go as planned. Even if it' s not really important,
I get upset. If I leave things tidy in a way and then
I find that someone hasn' t left them like I did, it bothers
me. I need to be in an environment of cleanliness and order I'
m careful with my things. I like to have them in place and safe
the changes worry me. The changes of domicile, work, environment make me
uncomfortable. I don' t like to leave anything in half. I'
m trying not to throw anything away. I don' t mind amassing things,
as maybe someday I need them before I go shopping. I always make
the list. In fact, I make lists of all my chores I am
very careful with my duties and conscientious in my work. I can' t
stand people taking advantage of me flowing with the Tao. Lu Marino is a
well- known Canadian philosopher who came to fame thanks to his most platooned and
less prosac book Following the presentation in Barcelona of his other work, El poder
del Tao, he gave an interview to the magazine Corpus. Mind, in
said interviú among other topics, referred to the Taoist view of the fact of
flowing with the changes. Life is a constant change and there is always a
better way than another to face every change. Following the Tao helps to decide
better on important issues of life and to continue living with decisions made without losing
serenity teaches to live centered, regardless of circumstances. Marinov argues that the loss
and profit are complementary. Within each is the seed of the other. There
are many examples of this. Many of our fellow citizens have lost their jobs.
However, the happiest have taken advantage of their new situation to learn to
do other things and have even created businesses. Their loss has become a preferential
gain to rigidity and fear of change. In the words of the marinevf over
time everything changes whether we like it or not if you stick too much to
a certain state of things when it gets worse, it is not the change
of situation that makes you suffer, but the attachment to the previous situation.
Tao gives us the example of tata water. Maybe as Marinoff tells us,
water is jim because it adapts to any form and does not judge. Water
acts like people should. When the water is stagnant, it adapts to the
shape of your container. If an exit opens, the water will flow through
it in constant search for new horizons. If the water has to pass through
low and unwelcome places, it will adapt to them, but will always continue
to seek a new channeling. Everything is constantly changing and must be adapted to
any of those transformations. If the stagnation is permanent and we refuse to take
the exits offered to us, we will become corrupt like stagnant waters. One
of our best weapons to deal with any crisis is flexibility and openness to others.
A large millenary trunk can be laid down by the force of a typhoon.
However, a reed or grass will be able to support it better thanks
to its flexibility. Take an example of Darwin nature or survival. Darwin published
on the 24th of November a thousand eight hundred and fifty- nine the work
that made him famous the origin of the species. In chapter five of his
work, this British scientist dared to say the following. The species that survive
are not the strongest or the smartest, but those that best adapt to change.
We must take an example of nature. This sentence of Chaos Dawen is
exactly the same as the popular phrase, renew or die. It is clear
that in today' s society everything changes dramatically. Our generation is experiencing all
kinds of changes in five or ten years longer than anyone in the time of
our great- grandparents has ever seen. Society, culture, the world of
work change continuously and we must adapt or suffer. An entrepreneur, if he
does not conform to new demands or new technologies, will be out of date
and will end up losing money or bankruptcy. If a worker does not catch
up with the requirements necessary to perform his or her duties, he or she
will end up being a liability for the company in which he or she works
and endangering his or her position. Clearly, in order to be able to
succeed socially, labourly or sentimentally, results must be adapted and updated. For
each answer, add two points. For each answer see adds a point less
than eight points. You are a flexible person who knows how to adapt to
changes and accepts all the nuances of day to day without being dragged by rigid
and perfectionist attitudes between eight and twelve points. The changes worry you, although
you do your best to deal with them with an open and flexible disposition.
More than twelve points for you everything is black or white. You' re
missing an interesting and active strip range of grays that would make your life a
much richer and more exciting experience to say yes. You have to say no
first. The most important thing I learned to do after 40 years was to
say no when it' s no. Gabriel García Márquez. Joanna is sixty
- seven years old and is the only single woman among her brothers who treat
her as if she were still serving her life, with the excuse that she
did not marry or have children. They have her continuously as a kangaroo for
grandchildren and assign her the hardest tasks in any meeting because of the same frustration
that she has not been able to found a family. Juana bows to what
she is asked to do without quibble, but she accumulates resentment. At the
same time, he feels lost as if from so much serving others he had
strayed his own course. Come to my office with my grocers and night anxiety.
When you explain your case to me, I explain to you, on
the one hand, the keys of acceptance and give you an article of mine
on the values that most value. The goal is to find a balance between
your own priorities and needs and others to please others. Many people live with
the weight of having to like everyone in any situation, which is clearly impossible.
As much as we strive, there will always be those who do not
commune with us because of a question of character, temperament or personal priorities.
Personal maturity consists, among other things, in accepting ourselves as we are and
showing ourselves to others naturally does not make any sense to pretend to look good
or to give a yes when we would like to say no in order to
be loved and appreciated, since in practice it does not work. The most
socially valued people are those who behave transparently and from kindness they offer the image
of what they are. Assertivity is a value that helps us precisely in this
direction to respect oneself and express our own priorities. Nine keys to be more
assertive, to know each other well and to know that behaviors fit better into
our innermost self. If we are not assertive and tend more to be passive,
we will know that we will have to overcome our shyness and enhance our
value. Yes, on the other hand, we are more visceral or aggressive,
what we will have to do is control that viscerality. This is the
aspiration to own one' s self- esteem, to know what our qualities
are and to take them into account. You don' t have to apologize
when you don' t have to. Instead, thanking is a very useful
tool. Leaving others to speak shows that you actively listen and in this way
you can ask to be heard and notes that others do not do in case
of being interrupted. He continuously uses the scratched disc technique, that is,
he starts again what he was beginning to say without losing his calm, to
be clear in which situations we have to be more accurate than in others.
You don' t always have to negotiate. For everything, there are no
definitely fixed rules for all visualizing problematic situations. We have to know what we
have to deal with in this way, we will know how to do it,
to elaborate a written script. This way we won' t leave loose
ends. Be friends with sorting things out on a piece of paper or on
the personal use schedule. It is a healthy recommendation to speak with tranquility,
respect and firmness. Care must be taken with both verbal and body language.
If the other person comes in, we' ll try to delay our response
until he' s calmer, even after the conversation we' ll let him
vent by responding laconically with Monosyllables to recover the values. In my article in
the Madrid newspaper, sometimes titled the four values that most quoted 12 April of
two thousand thirteen spoke of the need to recover those values that are not inconsistent
and volatile. In a world of rapid changes in which the only valid thing
is brief and illusory, we need to bet on what does not happen,
which is not fleeting and which is a solid ground that is attached to that
Latin sentence. The building did not collapse because it was built on stone.
He was strong, consistent rock. A value is all that good that helps
to grow as a person and leads to an individual improvement that perfects us.
Among them, I point out four values that mean having acquired a certain disposition
for good joy, friendship, integrity and solidarity. First, joy is a
positive state of mind, of good vital tone that has two notes in its
permanent interior sign of how one finds himself psychologically and responds to the lifestyle and
of understanding the reality and transitory consequence of having achieved some goal for which one
has fought. The goal of a proper education is joy. Secondly, friendship
is one of life' s strong dishes. There are different degrees of friendship,
but any intimate friendship in its beginnings is risky, although in the long
run it produces incomparable psychological fruits, and for this it is necessary to seek
out and worry. Love is more true as it rests on a solid friendship.
In friendship there is a mixture of admiration and seduction. Thirdly, an
integral person is straight, true, authentic, able to introduce into the cocktail
of his personality, a series of diverse ingredients that make it complete and honest.
Fourthly, I referred to solidarity as a feeling that leads us to take
care of those closest to us and try to help them in whatever way we
can. The first thing we can do is understand them, encourage them,
keep them company, give them our affection and, of course, the material
help they need. This is one of the replacement values that have appeared in
recent years in our society. It' s the opposite of telling someone that
' s your problem. You have to turn the phrase around and say I
' m going to try to do something to help you in your problem,
put my bit of sand to give you a hand. This attitude has very
valuable ramifications. Authenticity as an emblem. To be authentic in troubled times means
to have consistency of life, a good proportion of what we say and do
today. To be authentic is like walking through difficult terrain and the feat consists
in not selling to the highest bidder. Today' s society is increasingly being
completed by more fragile, fragile, unstable, slippery human beings without solid criteria.
These are time of error in which we continually see masses of people drifting
away. Authentic comes from the Greek of the word authentic, which in turn
is a contraction of self- entry, which defines that person who has in
himself his own foundation. To be authentic is to fight to strive. In
being coherent means that between what one thinks and does there is a close relationship.
The real person lives as he thinks. It is the opposite of double
life or morality. It is righteousness, living with responsibility, being able to
go countercurrent. When the social environment becomes permissive and the whole thing looks good.
Authenticity is at the top where people of category live, but today we
are on sale and around us it seems that we only see people who lead
a double or triple life, when the truth is that he, who strives
to be authentic, has a fuller life because he is willing to change and
correct his faults. To be authentic is to be true to have a word
that you keep against wind and tide. The authentic person is clothed with authority.
What he says does. He has a balanced, harmonious, balanced life
that loves the truth. Above all, it strives, because within it there
are as few contradictions as possible. He is an integral and autonomous person.
The lack of authenticity is a disease centered on the counterfeiting of oneself. Authenticity
involves simplicity and naturalization, for simplicity is the absence of doubleness having one language
in front of ourselves and others. To the simple it takes time to arrive,
for it is an act of greatness where the person manifests himself as he
really is, if not as others want him to be. It is a
mixture of spontaneity, decomplication and self- style, being that person able to
put on a raincoat against criticism, unless they are based on arguments. Authenticity
is the secret of reaching the truth about oneself so as not to lose peace
in adverse situations. To be authentic is to sponsor joy. And, finally,
solidarity is one of the new values. It is the social virtue of
adhering to the difficult causes of others with intent to help. It' s
harmony, fraternity, companionship, but the guiding thread is generosity. Solidarity stems
from the fact that all human beings are equal and have the same aspirations.
In this society we' ve had to live. Individualism has many nuances and
its shadow extends and breaks in many fields. It is one of the modern
pathologies of freedom. There floats the sentence of obes. Man becomes a wolf
to man with joy, friendship, integrity and solidarity. We stop being an
island and want to be a united archipelago. And that' s a psychological
summit worth climbing. Happiness is not given in the superman, but in the
true man test one during a family meal where everyone speaks with me and I
just listen to the inconsequential and uninteresting things that Beck says. I participate actively
in the conversation, even though they deal with banal subjects. Two. If
a street vendor tries to sell me some product, I let him talk for
a while and I can' t wait to tell him I' m not
interested. Be no, I let him waste his time with me and I
' ll tell him right away that I don' t want to buy him
anything. Three at work. I prefer to communicate with colleagues by phone or
email. Beck I prefer to deal with the issues personally and face to face.
What if you buy a garment and once at home, you don'
t like the way you stay? I resent it because I think it'
s not enough reason to get a change b go to the store. I
calmly explain what happened and ask to change my garment for another piece. Five.
You' re at a conference. You are passionate about the subject and
at the end of the talk they invite you to ask questions or clarify doubts
about the subject. Despite having quite a few questions. I' m ashamed
and silent. B raised his hand and asked for turn immediately six in a
street market. You fall in love with a vintic piece of furniture and questions.
The price turns out to be quite expensive. So ah I make an
effort and pay what the seller asks for life as a forced labor camp.
One of the symptoms of approaching a nervous breakdown is the belief that one'
s work is terribly important. Bertrand Russell Marcelo is a fifty- five-
year- old lawyer who works at a large firm in Madrid. He'
s married and has three children. He works Monday through Saturday from nine a
m to ten a m. He has become a workaholic and suffers from the
so- called itis profession. He goes to the office because he' s
tense. He doesn' t sleep well, he gets irritated, and he
has thirty people in charge. His wife told him he couldn' t take
it anymore and ended up kicking him out of the house. I ask to
see myself alone with the wife and she explains to me that her husband has
lost all interest in matters that are not work. She doesn' t have
time for her or her children. When they' ve been able to go
away for the weekend, he' s taken a job. I get it
says Marcelo is a hardworking, intelligent man, but he' s been eaten
by work. When I meet him, I explain to him that he has
a disease and at first denies it. I do pharmacotherapy because he gets home
exhausted, but he has insomnia, so I prescribe an anxiolytic and a sleep
inducer. Then we started psychotherapy. I' ll give you a notebook where
you' ll point out goals and instruments. What and how I propose a
program that will come home earlier every day and not go to work on Saturdays
In addition, you will devote more time to your wife and children. Among
the guidelines I indicate that one day a week, other than the weekend,
will tell tales to their children at night. He is three, twelve,
nine and four years old respectively. The woman explains to me that the change
is surprising and Marcelo discovers that his children do not want toys, but his
father' s time. He tells me that he, at first, looked
at the clock because he should be working on the computer or seeing papers or
studying some important subject he has in the office, but following my instructions,
now he takes it off and finishes the stories when his children start to fall
asleep. The change has worked, although at first it has been very costly.
I tell him to call his wife sometimes during the day and say phrases
like I call you because I wanted to hear your voice. Help me get
out of this mousetrap if I don' t have time to work. I
love you only that I love you. I have to fight this addiction.
Whatever it takes. When he exercises, his wife starts to cry, so
I put it as a guideline that one day a month they leave both weekends
and leave the children with the grandparents. I also suggest you be more detailed
with her. Marcelo realizes the benefits of change. He doesn' t see
everything that goes into the office as urgent and serious anymore. In four months
there' s a big change. I also give a program to women to
strengthen it positively. Work addiction tends to occur more in men than in women.
In ages ranging from forty to fifty. The person addicted to work presents
some of the following symptoms lack of acertivity, has difficulty saying no, which
often forces him to stay with his work or that of others outside of office
hours. Tendency to compare with others on what you earn. Even if you
are aware of your addiction, you are not concerned, as you consider it
a constructive addiction. Believing essential, he is unable to delegate to others,
as he does not stand the feeling of losing control of situations in his workplace.
Time flies, but when your time comes to relax, you do not
get it and feel frustrated, you are unable to enjoy your vacation, which
directly affects your family or sentimental life. Taking work home every day and on
weekends, This means a serious difficulty to disconnect obsession with work topics all day
thinking about the topic or the client, inability to turn off the work mobile
during the weekend. This is a symptom of great relief. There is no
conversation that cannot be interrupted by anything related to work. Not being able to
read a book, essay novel that has nothing to do with your professional work.
Many of the workaholics forty- five are quite uneducated because they only talk,
study, follow and are interested in matters related to their work, spend
years without reading a book other than their own, except for the newspapers over
the weekend, including their supplements the seed of laboropathy. The causes of this
psychological problem are due to social, labor, economic and individual factors that interact,
causing that in a particular work environment no worker should be rared any one
should be immersed in this type of addiction because of the positive image given by
the excess of work. A person who works too hard can cause admiration.
I respect the current facility to acquire information and communication technologies that facilitate and impose
that you can work everywhere and at any time has the consequence that the worker
will always be available, even at night at home or on vacation, can
be connected and available to the company. When a person works more than the
hours he or she has or devotes more to his or her work than is
required by his or her superiors, he or she may end up paying for
it with a deterioration of his or her personal life and of his or her
own mental and physical health. If a person does not know how to disconnect
from work, stress is taken home, insomnia will appear and everything can degenerate
into extreme mental illness. If this situation is not stopped, work life must
never be given more importance than family, social or sentimental life. Shelter between
papers and files. According to data published in an article of two thousand seven,
eight percent of the Spanish working population devotes more than twelve hours a day
to their profession in order to escape their personal problems, that is, work
is their refuge. More recent studies have shown that about 12 percent of the
Spanish population is addicted to work. In our country, the Japanese are regarded
as obsessing over work. We have the image that in that Asian country you
only live to work. But according to a study by the ECO DE,
in the year two thousand and three, the Japanese worked an average of one
thousand eight hundred one hours a year, just one hour more than the Spaniards.
Eighty percent of Spanish companies have been rewarding their employees' excesses of work
without taking into account how harmful it can be for the worker and for the
company itself In the medium or long term. It tends to be thought that
in Spain we know how to take our working life with philosophy and that we
don' t have to think that we can be victims of addiction to work.
However, according to the CESARE report and the clans disseminated by the Organisation
for Economic Cooperation and Development or CD, the results disassemble some of the topics
on which countries are most employed. According to these data, Spaniards devote about
four six hours a day to paid work, two hundred and seventy- six
minutes, which is about thirty- two hours a week, nineteen percent more
than Germans do, three seventy- five hours, two hundred, thirty-
two minutes, twenty- four hours a day. Online. Today we find
it impossible to have spent most of our life without a mobile phone, without
Facebook or Twitter, without the essential Iphon or Whatsapp. We need to be
connected to the network. Every day, on the subway and on the bus
we see people of all ages staring at their devices and typing non- stop.
Everywhere we can see this same picture. Where we see a book,
there are at least twenty electronic devices in full operation. The phrase of one
of the great ones responsible for this situation describes to us a future of quite
virtual aspect Internet is becoming the square of the global people of tomorrow. Naturally,
there are people who make responsible use of all these instruments, but there
are many people who are addicted to being connected. Professor of Clinical Psychology Enrique
eche Burúa is convinced that the danger of falling into addiction increases if the user
is an introverted person, with little social life, with low self- esteem
and who lives within a family disstructured or uninterested by him. These people view
the computer as something that a whole world offers them and ask them for no
effort. In return, they can even satisfy their sexuality without danger of being
rejected or surprised. For this reason, these Internet addicts can come to build
their own virtual world, which offers them everything that denies them the real world.
A pathological case that is overwhelming are the so- called psychiacomoris. It
has been estimated that in Japan there are about a million young people who remain
locked up in their dormitory, with cases that remain in such conditions for years
plunged into a sort of agoraphobia, forty- six are terrified of what awaits
them in the outside world. Test one works more than forty hours a week
only in certain seasons or when the work accumulates usually sees if I can even
get to work more hours because many times I finish work at home two,
at a family meeting or with friends, I try to keep the topics of
work apart and thus enjoy more with mine. I' m used to being
interested in the work of others and I like to talk about my work.
Three you behave energetically and competitively, even in the activities that you perform for
fun and when I enjoy my free time, I try to relax and I
do not think about winning or losing only in having fun be I like to
win always. I can' t help it. Four, when you eat
drive or you' re about to sleep, you think about your job sometimes,
but I try not to do it and focus on what I' m
doing. Bec my work is very absorbent and it is inevitable to do so.
Five of you get more excited about your work than about your family or
anything else. Oh, not at all, work is just a way to
make money. You often see, especially when it comes to a project in
which I am very involved. Six, it bothers you that people ask you
to stop working to do something else. I' m used to separating the
professional field from the staff. That never happens b I don' t like
being interrupted at work and less with something that has nothing to do with what
I' m doing. Seven. You think more money will solve the other
problems of your life. Ah money helps, but there are many other important
things. B of course, rather say other forms of harassment at work.
No one can hurt you without your consent. Eleanor Rosebelt Sara is a thirty
- eight year old single nurse. She works in a hospital in Madrid,
where the doctors have gotten in with her, they have made very unsettled sexual
comments and their companions criticize her because she is shy a relatively clear mavin case.
When you visit my office, I tell you that this is characterized as
a psychological abuse of a medium degree, but that she has very fine psychological
skin and everything affects her. I give her medication so she doesn' t
go to work anxiously. I' ll give you a set of guidelines.
Not to be so hypersensitive to the things of the hospital, to do very
well their work, with a lot of professionalism and to enjoy it not to
marginalize if their companions are going to have a coffee, that it will also
go to her to enter into the conversations of the people, to learn to
talk about general topics, news, things of the day and in the beginnings
of inconsequential questions the time, the football, the traffic in the city,
the fashion movie, etcetera. Be very rational and dedramatize any joke or comment.
After a few months she tells me how people at the hospital have changed,
but who has changed is her. I tell you that it is very
important that you see who each person is, boss, partner, et cetera,
and that you be very discreet about your privacy, because it can be
misinterpreted. You must learn to be in your place and enjoy your work.
The expression Mavin was used by Professor Hains Leyman for the first time in the
1980s. Referred to the world of work. The word comes from English and
can be translated as mass stalking or running over. The etologist caam Matlovens had
already studied this phenomenon in wildlife research. The behavior of animals can be aggressive
when other specimens of the same species, usually male, appear. Often some
weaker specimens come together to harass a strong young male. The verb Lorenz used
to describe such harassment was initially tomab. It was not considered negative, as
it is simply an instinctive reaction of wild animals. But later, the word
" mabin" was used to refer to harassment in the workplace. In Spain,
it has been translated into work harassment, which can be physical as well
as moral or psychological. According to González de Rivera, in his book.
Psychological abuse can be applied to group situations in which an individual is subjected to
harassment, harassment, persecution, harassment, harassment, grievance or psychological pressure by
one or more persons of the working group to which he belongs with the complicity,
silence or collaboration of individuals who are part of that collective, they are
harassing me a person is rarely harassed on the first day of work. The
stalkers are often cowardly people and do not openly attack until they have the ground
leveled and an audience that laughs at him. If the attacker is simply a
funny guy who throws small poisoned darts, he can be stopped with a simple
assertive conversation. If the origin of the problem is caused by a partner,
conflict situation or crisis. There may then be an evolution in the history of
harassment. We have the following original incident phases. Any conflict that has not
been resolved can be conquered and become chronic. Harassment, denial of facts and
stigmatization of the victim. Attacks tend to surprise the victim in such a way
that the victim does not defend himself. The other companions also do not know
how to react and tend to downplay what happened. This lack of reaction creates
the emboldening of the oppressor and the emporation of the situation. Appearance of an
arbitrator or an authority, a senior employee of the company or the boss himself
begins to be aware of the situation and puts a stop to harassment or,
on the contrary, decides not to intervene actively and diminishes the importance of the
facts. This causes environmental degradation for the victim of harassment. It is not
surprising even that the hierarchical superior himself participates in the harassment of the harassed loss
of the workplace, the victim begins to be considered an annoying or conflicting worker.
When that happens, he ends up being fired or forced to resign by
continuous harassment. There are many cases where the worker falls into depressive states and
asks for frequent casualties, which usually results in loss of his or her workplace.
In a Madin case, in the case where the stalker is the employer
or boss, labour law specialists advise trying to leave the company in the best
way by collecting compensation for harassment and unfair dismissal. We should never voluntarily drop
out, as long as our mental health permits defence methods, make recordings that
can be provided as evidence in a possible trial, preserve threats or abuse.
It is these waves on paper to be informed of the rights of workers according
to the Convention, to be clear that for a company bad image is very
damaging. This may be a remedy for the defense to sue the company or
the worker of superior rank in the event that the aggressor agent is a companion
or several of them, the methods to follow would be. We have to
try to fix the situation before it gets out of hand. We must not
allow what kind of jokes, let alone if they already have an audience.
A conversation in which the dignity of some is demonstrated and the intention not to
allow themselves to be trampled on are the best preventive tool. The stalker is
usually a coward hiding in secrecy. Let' s make his harassment public.
Many times the same company will deal with the matter, with a penalty or
with a dismissal of the stalker. You don' t have to isolate yourself
and allow the stalker to have his followers. Let' s look for allies
careful with our data or work. The stalker may try to destroy or dirty
our work to discredit everything under key or password. Let' s get support
from a professional. We must take care of our self- esteem and psychological
help will be very necessary, as in the previous case, if the mabin
is already in a very developed phase, we must start getting proof of it.
Recordings or roles in which threats, insults or humiliations come to light can
be a very good weapon, both of defense and of attack to denounce the
harasser never to forgive him the world of the mabin. A professor from the
Spanish University of Alcalá de Henares, Iñaki and Piñuel, conducted a research that
he named as a Cisneros barometer on violence in the world of work. It
is the first research on the subject of mhe came in Spain with a base
of 1, 000 people surveyed. The so- called questionnaire Cisneros two individual
questionnaire on psycho terror. For the first time, no stigmatization and rejection in
social organizations are the most common types of aggressive work behaviour. In this study
we can also observe for the first time the consequences in the form of harm
to the mental and physical health of the people who have suffered this labor scourge.
Some of the data that we can find in the report and can be
useful to us, one in three active workers confesses to having been the victim
of psychological attacks throughout their working life. The perpetrators of these psychological attacks are,
in seventy commas thirty- nine percent of the time, the most immediate
chiefs or superiors, in twenty- six commas zero six percent. The causes
of the mabin are the co- workers themselves, and only in a three
coma fifty- five percent of the cases are the good ordinados. More than
16 percent of the working Spanish population admits to being a victim of psychological harassment.
For the past six months, with a weekly frequency, two out of
three Mavin workers are not aware of being harassed. More than fifty percent of
the victims fifty- two comma seventeen percent show signs of harassment on their physical
health. The mabin affects both men and women, but it is estimated that
there is more risk in the female gender as it is generally more psychologically sensitive.
Most of the co- workers who witness the Mavi don' t just
move a finger to support the assaulted. Only in one case in six is
there support for the bully in front of the aggressor. Outside, the situation
is not exactly more attractive in Europe. According to a study conducted in March
of two thousand and twelve, the percentage of workers who were suffering harassment and
logical work was also thirty- three percent. In a study of the frame
brew Gerno two thousand eleven it is evidenced that thirty- eight percent of workers
have reported having suffered mabing, while forty- two percent of workers confess to
having witnessed cases of harassment test one on more than one occasion has felt that
small mistakes are amplified or dramatized by your part at work. A part of
a team of professionals that is quite united and that you always share successes and
failures. Be you have a superior who usually affects your failures much more than
your abilities. Two continually underestimate your professional effort by giving it its value or
by attributing it to other factors at a rather unnoticed pace at work. See
in my company is never enough what I do and they always want more than
three to commission jobs to deliver in an impossible time or give tasks below your
professional qualification. Oh, it never happened. In my current company. Go
lately on more than one occasion four your boss usually avoids you and you have
a hard time talking or meeting with him. There it is usually quite accessible
and we even go out to eat together On some occasion I' m barely
addressing the word and its mere presence calls it intimidating five. You' ve
been threatened at work with disciplinary elements, contract rescission, non- renewal,
dismissal transfer. Ah never sees on several occasions acute stress and Burnouth. It
is not stress that kills us, but our reaction to it. Quan Celli
José is an operating room nurse and is under constant pressure. He works in
a large clinic on the night shift and sees many injured people arriving so he
needs an intervention to life or death. Since the mutual owner of the centre
began to suffer losses, her salary has been cut at the same time as
more and more hours are added to her work due to the dismissals. Joseph
loves his work, but he is exhausted because of the endless nights and the
responsibilities of his work that is rarely recognized by the managers of the mutual.
I diagnose a forty- seven burnout syndrome mixed with acute and sustained stress,
called by some hyperstress authors and we started working on their case and Pérez three.
We all know what stress is. We live with the adiary and are
aware that in many cases it does not have to be harmful. But an
exposure of continuous and excessive stress states can cause such excessive attention not to be
assimilated. When that happens, our body can respond in a very unexpected way
affecting the immune system when stress has already increased in such a way that it
has altered the immune system, is called hyperstress and then becomes a functional alteration.
Our body has a vital defense system, which is the immune system,
which can be affected and even transformed due to a certain tension when it is
prepared to fight external aggressions. However, if this entire defensive system is blocked
and paralysed, it can be very dangerous, as it gradually initiates a serious
functional alteration, and an alteration of this magnitude can progress and become a chronic
and generative disease. I feel bad When a person is affected by hyperstress,
in addition to the immune system, he is also massively affected to his individual
behavior. Any setback however small it may be becomes a real catastrophe. All
bursts out in a generalized way, there appear sfaleas ringing of ears, muscle
and joint pains, especially in cervical vertebrae, dizziness and nausea. The body
of the sufferer and perestres is at risk of contracting any contagious disease because it
is exposed. All this affects the daily life of the individual. When someone
is affected by such tension, not only does his body suffer, his working
life is in danger because he no longer responds with the same efficiency that could
usually be the same with family and sentimental life. When someone is under the
effects of hypers 3, they are usually irritable and may have fits of anger.
He suffers a severe loss of emotional memory. We should never self-
medicate in these cases, as we can aggravate some symptoms. In addition,
although narcotics could mitigate pain, they would remain present, albeit masked. If
we hadn' t fixed anything. Moreover, if we continue to allow our
organism to suffer such stress and on top of that we self- medicate,
we can end up contracting far worse evils. It is always necessary to look
for a specialist to explain what is happening and help us find solutions in flames.
Burnout syndrome also known as being burned. It is a syndrome characterized by
its direct relationship with the world of work. He was first talked about in
the 1940s in hospitals, where doctors and nurses worked many hours under a lot
of pressure and there was no recognition of his work by those who ruled the
center. For that reason, whoever is suffering from this syndrome works automatically,
does not believe in the system loses its motivation and is tired and sad.
He is burdened with a deep physical, mental and emotional exhaustion caused by the
weary, the psychic tiredness or stress that appears from the friction with other coworkers
in a complicated working atmosphere. I criticize In many cases it occurs in professionals
who are forced to dedicate themselves to others. These are stressful situations whose attention
gradually undermines those who suffer from it, leading to a total inability to continue
to carry out their professional work. It is one of the most important causes
of occupational absenteeism in the use of medicines by self- medication, substances or
drugs. In some cases violent reactions or suicidal tendencies may occur in the person
concerned. Deganation and fatigue cause a considerable decrease in labour performance, which affects
the quality of their work and causes conflict. Symptoms are the following apathy.
From the very moment the working day begins, there is a clear lack of
energy fatigue, chronic fatigue, especially psychological fatigue, but also physical fatigue.
Everything becomes dry, heavy, unbearable, professional wear, Work becomes tired and
always expect the worst of the comrades, the bosses and the environment, in
a word, dissatisfaction at work, which usually ends in a kind of indifference
due to saturation of contradictions and accumulated difficulties. The work becomes impersonal and with
little author realization. The tasks are performed mechanically, as if that person were
an automaton. Let' s think of a postman with a bad atmosphere around
him. A window clerk of a ministry, the worker of a factory where
what counts is just yield and a long, etcetera. Sadness, faintness,
melancholy, feelings of low spirits, conversions more or less different according to age,
social level, culture, etcetera. Sensation of futility. The burned person
believes that what he does is useless. Anxiety, inner restlessness that can be
physical, psychological or social right away. I shall refer to this paragraph in
a little more detail. The professional becomes irritable, lacks patience, can behave
sarcastically and coldly with both clients and coworkers, impossible to disconnect from work.
He suffers from distress in free time because of his thoughts related to work.
He suffers from psychosomatic effects, forty- eight headaches, gastric discomfort, diarrhoeal
landslides, shaking hands, hypersudation, feeling tired before exertion, etc. Work
in which the professional is involved daily, in situations where the person he attends
has a high level of nervousness or aggressiveness, example, he professions that burn
so we will do a systematic ordination. What we must keep in mind is
that any profession can become a true Bournout, but there are some that,
by their idiosyncrasy, lead more towards that negative dynamic. The list is the
following lawyers from private law firms, very numerous teachers from public schools, ministry
officials, doctors and nurses from public hospitals who are in high demand for care.
Forty- nine journalists who, for lack of a rational schedule, turn
their lives into an addition to work without hours. The workers most likely to
suffer from these syndromes are those who are or are related to health, education
or public administration. These working fields are usually the ones that show the most
impact in the statistics, because they are usually in contact with people in conflict
or with serious problems, and it is these national professionals who have to deal
with these problems. Frustration bursts when they find that their work is barely productive
and feel that they do what they do will be useless. Between 20 and
30 percent of local doctors, teachers, and police have burnout symptoms. The
study carried out by Ibáñez and Vilaregut in two thousand and four on the prevalence
of bournaut syndrome in a group of nurses from a hospital in Barcelona reached very
revealing conclusions. Seventy- one percent of the nurses studied had physical symptoms of
psychological origin that might require specialized attention, and these correlate with emotional tiredness and
depersonalization. Nurses wishing to change their working hours forty- two comma nine percent
or profession thirty- two comma nine percent, scored higher in the subscale of
emotional fatigue. Therefore, the epidemiological profile of the risk of burnout would be
that of the woman who spent a few hours of leisure a week and who
wants to change her rough working hours under the embers. The consequences of the
burn syndrome can be of three physical types. The person who suffers from bournout
usually has insomnia and, which causes, his or her physical state is generally
deficient. Falses, chronic exhaustion, gastrointestinal disarrangements such as ulcers, or arterial
esophagitis may occur. There may also be cases of hypertension and heart disease.
The patient loses his appetite and therefore suffers weight loss. He is also suffering
from muscle and bone aches, especially in the back. In some women there
may be a loss of emotional menstrual cycles. The patient moves away affectionately from
those around him, gets bored during his spare time, and becomes obsessed with
having to go back to working hell. It is hard to concentrate and there
may be cases of disorientation, impatience, anger, irritability, fear, and
panic attacks. Self- esteem tends to be on the floor. Depressive feelings
of disgust and self- restraint appear. The person with burnout suffers a severe
case of emotional exhaustion. He burns in a desire to break with everything and
abandon his profession. In some extreme cases, behavioural suicidal tendencies appear. A
cold, inconsiderate and depersonalized attitude is manifested with the person he attends and can
even reach rudeness. It shows great ease for absenteeism at work and is the
victim of addictions such as alcohol or drugs. He suffers severe self- centeredness
due to the obsession he suffers, so that he only complains and does not
listen. His mood changes radically and communicates in a cynical and sarcastic way,
especially with co- workers and clients attended by the happiest professionals, one in
lime and the other in sand. According to the study conducted by the National
Center for Opinion Research at Scheckodo University, members of the clergy would be the
happiest professionals in the world. The results of the general social survey, which
can be read in Forbes magazine March two thousand thirteen, say that priests fifty
more often claim to be happy doing their work. Interestingly, the professions that
have remained in the top floor of the survey tend to be underpaid, in
addition to being associated with high levels of stress and receiving little social recognition.
That is, there are other parameters to evaluate happiness at work, and among
the most important we find social interaction. Those jobs that allow us to help
others and to work side by side for the common good are the ones that
provide the greatest happiness to workers supporters. It seems that developing our most humane
and creative facet compensates for the rest of the hardships, as well as job
uncertainty. The ten most rewarding professions, according to the study, are as
follows. One priest, two firefighters, three physiotherapists, four writers, five
special education teachers, six teachers, seven artists, eight psychologists, nine financial
agents, ten operating engineers resources to overcome the bournaut A. No company finds
it beneficial to have a worker under the syndrome of being burned. Often the
worker himself who is under these effects does not realize it. It is the
companions themselves or the supervisor who detect such a state. Every company should have
tools to help you overcome the syndrome and it is important that you use them,
as burnout can be contagious among other workers and the company' s performance
will be deteriorated. Some of them are reorganisation of work. If the worker
concerned always does the same job, the simple fact of changing his routine by
offering him other responsibilities can be a very good incentive if possible and for both
parties it is not a problem. You can change the schedule when someone'
s burned. Changes and the rupture of monotony often produce beneficial results, even
if at first it seems to be just the opposite. Motivation courses, many
of them are paid by the state and the results are surprising. In such
courses, the worker usually takes a hard time commenting on his hardships and can
very often prove that he has a good dose of guilt for his situation because
of his own negative attitude. Let the worker know that for the company it
is not a simple number. That motivates self- esteem and assertiveness. The
person suffering from burnout needs to be heard. Communication is basic. Such a
state is often reached by the fact that business situations or conflicts that the company
itself ignores have been silenced. Congratulate the employees on the successes achieved and the
job well done. If possible, when a significant benefit has been achieved by
good management, reward the employee with a small incentive, whether economic or in
the form of free time. The good working environment does not depend solely on
the company or colleagues. Logically, the affected person himself has to help himself.
It' s not about the company taking the chestnuts out of the fire.
We need to know, to know and to find out what we need.
Enclosure self esteem in the final stage of life. Old age does not
depend on age, as there is a biological and psychological old age, but
on the illusions to be fulfilled. The border is next. A person is
old when he begins to look back rather than forward, when he focuses more
on past events than on future projects. That' s old age. A
person in whom the look forward already lacks an eighty- year- old traveler.
It' s paradigmatic. The case of a patient who has traveled a
lot between the ages of eighty and eighty- five, even though she has
had conchita skin cancer, is one out of series. Our relationship has been
growing. It goes beyond the sick doctor relationship. I' ve learned a
lot from her. It grows in the face of adversity. With a youthful
joy with eighty, I asked him what you' d like to do.
She' s a religious woman and she told me she' d like to
go to Israel, so I told her we were going to organize it and
I talked to one of her children. He finally went to Israel and for
her it was a discovery to step on the Holy Land Being in Galilee,
in Telabib, in Jerusalem and, as well, being a fairly educated person,
he had a lot of information about what he was going to see.
She' s a woman who has an anxiety fund, so on returning from
the trip, she tells me now I' d like to meet the Adriatic,
so I answer her to do a cruise, that there are many in
that area and she can go directly to Rome and then the cruise will take
her. She tells one of her children and he accompanies her the following year.
He tells me I can die any day and first I want to do
the good I can before I leave to look after my grandchildren and my children,
but I also want to make good use of life and I would like
to know South America, the channels of Tierra del Fuego. We get on
the Internet and find cruise ships that cross that area. But this time no
one can go with her, so she decides to go alone. He arrives
at the boat and the captain tells him that she cannot go on the excursions
if she is not accompanied, because they are going to cross by ice,
centuries of gorges with frost walls and is something dangerous. She tells him she
wants to go and she' ll sign a consent. The captain ends up
making friends with him and leaves him his cabin. You stay in my cabin
and I' ll go with the second on board. He tells me that
at dinners he enjoyed a lot because he explained to people that he wanted to
take advantage of the remaining years of his eighty- five years. Now prepare
a journey to see the rocky ones at the opposite end. We have a
woman who comes to my office and is a literature teacher. She' s
seventy- three, she' s single, and she comes with her sister,
who' s married. This woman has just the opposite. She'
s very self- centered, feels very tired and has an anxiety background.
But anything that' s going to make you go to the movies, take
a walk, do it in fear of falling, of catching cold. The
importance of beliefs. It is very important to prepare old age well. The
two major drawbacks of this stage of life are loneliness and inactivity. In fact,
also in middle- aged people who do not plan when holidays come,
the absence of people and the lack of activity open doors to the past where
threatening spectra, negative memories, feelings of guilt appear. That' s why
it' s essential that the end of life takes you with illusions, with
projects. The elderly must be marked by serenity and benevolence, that is,
ability to see things with peace, tranquility and, on the other hand,
capacity for apology. Especially to apologize to yourself for mistakes of failures you may
have. Today we have very young grandparents who are sixty years old and look
great, as they do sports and are physically very well. They are found
with full physical and psychological faculties to care for the body through exercise and good
nutrition. The importance of beliefs should be added. No one wants to leave
this world, since you don' t know you' re going to find
yourself. That is why people who cultivate faith are more prepared for the final
stage of life. Spiritual formation is very important. Spirituality is a much needed
food for moments of confusion, sickness, loss, when a relative dies,
when a parent or a friend of cancer dies. Spirituality is what can give
meaning to the relationship that has existed with that person. As a therapist when
I visit terminally ill people with panic to death, what I do is to
explain first that today, but only the means that exist, the physical and
psychological symptoms are attenuated and then the possibility of joining a belief. If you
don' t have it, it' s never too late for the end
of life. It has a dramatic background because we don' t come back
here and at the same time, it has an uncertain background, as we
don' t know what' s next. Buddhism speaks of death as rest,
peace. As long as we' re here. I say to my
patients carpediem take advantage of the day, dedicate your time to grandchildren, enjoy
those who are in that final moment of life. They need to fill their
free time with readings that entertain them. That' s why I often give
them references to bible therapy. Library therapy works very well in people who are
stuck in the past or at negative times, of any kind, because fiction
takes us away from that moment. My recommendations are fiction. I will find
the death of Juan de Prada, the time between the seams of María Dueñas,
the shadow of the ruiz Zafón wind, the cathedral of the Sea of
Ildefonso, a problem of the elderly, the farewell of Mercedes. I have
a patient with seventy- eight years of age who I have first seen very
continuously and then intermittently. He came to my office with a reactive depression and
a deep Conjugal crisis. He has had several children and two of them have
not studied, despite having opportunities. One of them has separated. Mercedes has
had a very hard life. He has seen many negative things, so I
did a comprehensive therapy that joins pharmacotherapy, medication, psychotherapy, behavior patterns,
sociotherapy, relating to therapy, activities and bibliotherapy. When I was sixty-
two years old, I had a joint Conjugal therapy and I got the two
of them to be able to forgive mistakes and failures from realism. The relationship
went in and it' s worked ever since. Time has passed and I
have seen some of her relatives until one day she calls me one of her
children to announce that my mother is leaving, explains to me that she has
cancer with metastases and wants to say goodbye to me I am going to see
her one morning at the hospital. I see her in bed on your bada.
It' s warm in there. I' m holding his hand.
As we speak. He tells me he was waiting for me and I answer
he knew you were delicate, but I didn' t know you were like
this with a language that goes over the big negative concepts. I' m
with her three- quarters of an hour holding her hand and she tells me
I' ve been summarizing my life. You know her well, because I
told you everything and I wanted to say goodbye to you because you helped me
a lot. You have helped me to understand that life is not only that
things go well or wrong, but to have a transcendent mission and never speak
to me directly of God if I have found it in your books and after
being quiet for a while crying asks me what you think death is, because
I have suffered so much. I tell him paradise. It' s like
a peaceful day in the countryside and she keeps asking me what you think agony
is. I answer the agony is a transit God. He' s waiting
for you on the other side Remember the good thief. I' m holding
his hand and one of his daughters is with us. She tells me to
tell me something, doctor. I tell you to have inner peace and I
invite you to repeat a jaculatory that a friend had given me about the abandonment
in the hands of God. He tells me peace again. It gives me
that you made me repeat. Mercedes is staying calm and I tell him I
have to leave because I have a consultation, but I repeat that you are
calm, that everything is going to be fine. I' m going back
to the office very impressed. In this society. No one has time for
anyone. At seven o' clock in the afternoon he called one of his
sons to tell me that his mother had died in peace. I attach the
stages of love. I receive a patient, a forty- year- old
lady from Barcelona. He' s grown up with four brothers, two boys
and two girls. The woman had two marriages and almost five couples. A
very interesting exponent of what is happening now in society. She is the daughter
of a businessman from Barcelona. He married a twenty- year- old boy,
23 years old, and in retrospect, he realized that at the time
he was not ready to marry much later. By breaking up with another couple,
he understood that he was almost fifty years old and had four children,
two from the first and two from the second. To achieve a profound relationship,
it is very important to be clear about the stages of love. The
fall in love, according to Francesco al Verón and in his book fall in
love and love, is a stage of ortega and acete glare. In studies
on love he describes it as a disorder of attention and Julián Marías, in
sentimental education, analyzes in a journey through history and the strains of love that
love implies an adherence and an attachment that is irrevocable. I myself have taken
care of this in my book Love the Great Opportunity, as a spark that
illuminates the past and focuses on the future. The last thing I say is
to fall in love with, is to tell someone I don' t understand
life without you you' re a fundamental part of my project in a word,
you' re my life and Jingetn in his text. When love is
not romance, it reminds us that in the skirt of love is the bond
that forms a fabric in which we feel trapped. Falling in love is building
a myth, getting private with someone. But at that first stage of falling
in love, which lasts a short time, it can be two months,
six months and occurs in the first months of the couple or he marriage.
It follows a stage in which low- level passion then appears a time in
which affectivity leaves way for intelligence or the critical spirit of reason. This second
stage plays an important role, so you don' t have to despair,
just like you don' t have to get excited about the first. They
' re both very important. Lately I have read André Comps Pombille, a
French philosopher who has published a book called The Love of Loneliness, where he
comes to say that loneliness is important and necessary, because only loneliness gives us
an encounter with ourselves and makes us able to meet the other. This stage
is very important to get along well, especially for the times we are living
in, when everything is going too fast. We are in the time of
the four face, of fast food, so everything invites us to turn the
big issues into transitory, sporadic passengers. In the second stage of love we
must base ourselves on following a little what Cenek said in his book. Happiness
gives us the following legend substine etabstine, endures and resists with strength. Then
comes a very differentiated third stage. By the time a child arrives, when
the usual topics of conversation are no longer the couple who gives up a little
bit of their individual needs and focuses the utmost attention on the upbringing and education
of children. This is a quieter, more detached stage. One gives himself
to a person who is very weak, very dependent and puts everything at the
service of that offspring. It is a period of joint generosity towards the new
being who has arrived. It is often conflictive for many couples, because suddenly
they lose a intimacy that they had to go to dinner, to the movies
to chat mons. Much is diverted to a third person. There are men
who take it very badly because they think they lose privileges, attention or romanticism
in the couple. And that' s when they say things like we never
go out alone, there can also be conflicts over disagreement about education or the
sharing of domestic obligations. In order for a couple to work well it is
necessary to understand the evolution of the stages of affective life and to do so
there must be a good relationship between proximity and distance, to look for a
middle point, which is the great sentimental operation, to establish a communication of
ideas and a respect to the space and the contents of the other, but
not being too close or too far away. That is a very important issue,
not wanting to change the other substantially, but to work on living standards.
This is one of the most difficult issues. It is known that cohabitation
requires rules and norms, something that is within what is called do, that
is, the ability to communicate our needs love and literature. The eighteenth century
has been very focused on the great subjects of a rational character, the spirit
of the laws of mountains the emilio of roseaut the illustration was properly French.
In Spain we only have one important character, who is Jovellanos, a provincial
author. And who knows Jovellanos today in Spain, because students in Asturias and
some teacher who likes from the 18th to the 19th there is a fundamental change
in the education of affectivity, which is romanticism. When several authors appear as
Pérez Galdós, the great author of the affectivity of the 19th century. Today
we find that the Spanish novel of the 21st century is of more quality.
We have a treatment of affective themes in a much more modern language u s
u s u s urs highlight in the xixno the novel by Juan Valera Pepita
Jiménez narrates the life of a young boy who falls in love with his father
' s girlfriend, a young widow. His father is also a widower.
It' s a book where you see how feelings slip through, pierce without
being able to avoid it. It is very interesting in this regard. We
also have the great novel by Clarín la Regenta, a provincial novel located in
Asturias, which uses feelings very well, that is, how they move,
as love appears, suggestion, staying fixed on another person. In the twenty
- first century great concepts have followed parallel lines. On the one hand,
we have the intellectual component, that of reason and, on the other hand,
the component relative to affectivity. The arrival of emotional intelligence. And it
is precisely at the end of the twentieth century that a flood of books on
this subject has appeared. One of these authors is Danyo Goman, who made
some gazettes in the New York Times. This psychologist began to write about intelligence
and affectivity and was fortunate enough to elaborate a concept that is emotional intelligence,
which has developed later and more conceptually, the ability to combine at the same
time these two great ingredients. Reason and affection. We are used to an
intelligent life, where the rational is fundamental, very focused on the economic and
in which the affective and the spiritual component almost disappears, especially in the great
nations, as in the United States, which generate a type of man fundamentally
cold and unprepared for the affective terrain and have given rise to cataclysmic situations that
have made these issues all over the world resume. This is an important issue
in the prevention of erratic love. Today we have a tendency to measure everything.
There are two characters in the American psychiatry, Gotman and Selver, who
have designed evaluation scales that measure, record and quantify in psychological parameters the possibility
of making a previous balance to know whether or not your relationship can last.
Your measuring instruments are questions that are valued from zero to three or zero to
four in each questionnaire to measure the ability to love your book seven golden rules
to live as a couple. It is certainly a very helpful manual. I
have a scale to measure myself. Anxiety. It has five dimensions and each
dimension or dimension has in turn ten or eleven questions such as anxiety from a
physical, psychological, social point, and in each of them there are a
series of questions that calibrate, for example, physical anxiety, tachycardia, respiratory
difficulty, precordial pressure, cognitive or intellectual anxiety, anticipation of negatives, always
living soaked with ns the fearful and uncertain future. Bad omens. These authors
work with the ability to measure a couple' s chances of success. Gotman
says he has enough ten to fifteen minutes with a person to ask him a
series of questions and predict with a success rate of eighty- nine comma one
percent if his partner is going to work or not. Fifty- one.
Love in maturity It has been described for some time now the syndrome of the
forty that today, with the expectations of life delayed until the eighty- something,
extends to forty- five. At this stage, in the couple it
is made box arching on every aspect of the personal and collective journey. The
relationship accounts for their journey and then enters into an analysis of the great issues
among them love. Love needs both passion and patience and it needs both strong
moments and calm moments. Young people are looking for exciting adventures, risks,
and challenges to overcome, while as the years go by, more moderate experiences
in intensity are sought that have a more solid and permanent component. At this
stage of life, fatigue, a certain apathy, appears in the affective relationship.
He tells Andrew Waus that great negative feelings came together to bring down love,
hatred, revenge, resentment and none of them could with love in a
stealthy way, as a kind of Isbert has been gaining ground. Routine.
Daily life, if not cared for, produces a tired effect of exhaustion and
then that syndrome appears, which I have called in some article the penultimate train
syndrome. The penultimate train syndrome. This is an event of sentimental character that
gives rise to man, as it occurs more in man than in woman.
Check his emotional life a little and then he suffers a kind of flashba summary
and tells his wife I love you very much, but I' m not
in love with you you' re a good mother, but I' m
tired of you. I value your activity as a mother and wife your work,
but life goes by and I want to have other emotional opportunities. At
that time the person intends to break his affective relationship or even maintain his usual
affective relationship, and another parallel addition is as if there were a second youth.
To those forty- five, about fifty, man enters, so to
speak in an economic way, into the affective market and realizes that he is
still successful and capable of conquering. But in addition, it has more means,
with more economic strength, so a second affective youth appears, with important
nuances in permissiveness and relative, Because if everything is allowed and everything is relative,
a relationship can be broken without any point of dramatization. If that stage
is met positively. The NR appears a new stage from the sixty- five,
in which man sees life with a greater perspective. Education for love has
been said many times that to love is to look together in the same direction.
Therefore, in love there must be a lot of common project. Today
we live in the exaltation of eternal youth. An example of this is what
is happening with aesthetic surgery, with a huge resonance in the world right now.
This would be a sum of the myth of eternal youth, on the
one hand, and, on the other, the exaltation of the body.
One of the issues of which recent psychology has been most concerned is that of
education for love, a subject that has been blurred. There' s no
education left for love. It is interesting to consult recent authors. A good
example is José Antonio Marina, a Spanish philosopher who has several books on this
subject, such as the sentimental labyrinth. There' s a previous book of
yours on intelligence. Where it says that intelligence is understood as flowing in thick
clarity as the heart, it is right. Today, in the face of
the explosion of ruptures, all the concepts have changed More than marriage, we
talk about couples. The word marriage has more solidity, it is more classic,
while the word couple is more romantic. Transition, changes, difficulties seem
to be part of a marriage relationship. The stage of serenity, maturity is
lived in very different ways depending on how the person has been cared for.
There are men between fifty and sixty who are very young and others who have
many ailments. It is a stage of preparation. Today many people retire to
the sixties would be the last ten or twelve active years of a person in
whom they see themselves as children, emancipating themselves. Here we could talk about
empty nest syndrome. Maturity. It is a stage of more serenity, of
more synthesis, of applying the experience to the daily life of the care of
the body. People in their fifties and sixties take more care of themselves than
anyone in their twenties. They' re watching the feed. I have a
survey that I have conducted from six hundred respondents, in which I have found
important revelations. This is a survey of the five senses or words that indicate
happiness in young people. For example, the word health does not appear is
between the fifty and sixty. When that term appears, the question is to
tell me five words that mean happiness to you and respond to love, peace,
joy. But from the age of forty, health appears. She'
s the big absentee before. It is important to see how maturity is the
consolidation of oneself in which great themes appear, such as love, family,
work, economy, culture, friendship, the six great keys. We live
in a divorced culture, something that leads to a very common change of partner
and everything that this brings with it. In a retrospective of maturity, affective
life among men is of great importance. Since affective life has been very neglected
until recently, this is not taken into account, as they focus on work,
economics or friendship. During that stage there are many bittersweet flavors, unless
there has been a lot of consistency of life. I have spoken a lot
about the four values that most value joy, friendship, integrity and happiness.
Man, between the ages of forty- five and sixty, gathers the fruits
of what has been his professional life. Doctors, for example, already have
a prestige, an architect or a teacher. It has already reached the point
where this stage of reaping fruits and recognition has an intellectual interest, of formation,
of socialization. Women between the ages of fifty and sixty know how to
socialize much better than women between the ages of twenty- five. They already
have the art of conversation. The role that women have played in society still
takes care of previous and later generations make emotional malaise of what their life has
been, what they are happy with and what they are dissatisfied with. The
man is always a little more focused on career and the woman to affectivity feelings
Internet. There is a great influence of the environment in which people are known
today social networks. This has made everything very fast today and that, especially,
people who do not have a partner have the feeling that they go to
a supermarket where people are there to get to know each other and immediately make
three or four appointments for that week. That has accelerated the process between romance
and the pleasures of getting to know each other. There are couples that form
in a week and that after three weeks no longer exist everything is much more
volatile right now just the ease. Before, a shy person had a lot
of difficulty getting intimate with a person of the opposite sex and now, through
the Internet, it is easier to chat than to give. And that has
caused it to spread a lot. The problem is that when someone enters social
networks, one comes up with an immediate knowledge relationship with one hour, while
once the knowledge was much broader, in the sense that it was not to
see how it was with this person, but that you were in a group
of people in which there were relationships and friendship and today not from the first
moment. The other should not be disappointed and every means of entry must be
put in place. In the art of rapid conquest, one does not see
how laborious it is to live together requires a lot of patience and a lot
of time. Many are accused of being with the couple for a long time.
It depends a lot on patience. Don' t despair with bad times.
Today, people want everything without waiting for love. In today' s
society there have been many changes to reach the 21st century society. The positive
thing is that until a few years ago women always talked about feelings of children,
husbands, education, while men talked about business, sports or politics,
economics. But they didn' t deal with these issues. And today it
has been seen that it is a mistake to think that the affective world is
women' s own. What we see now is that man has become very
feminized, especially young men, who are much more affectionate than those before.
Sometimes you' re surprised, but they introduce you to a thirty- year
- old man and give you two kisses that that was previously unthinkable and now
it' s done. On the other hand, many women go to football
when before the sporting events will be almost exclusive to men. I would say
that now fifty percent of women like sport very much. They' re interested.
They also have an interest in developing professional careers. They' re competitive,
they' re looking to ascend. The range of interests between the two
genders is being mixed and long- term sexuality is increasingly converging. You have
to teach to live sexuality in an intense way, but not so immediate.
In many couples who don' t work well, sexuality has often disappeared.
For this dimension to work, there must be prior agreements, preconditions. Healthy
sexuality in a couple is integrated into the common project and there are agreements of
frequency and intensity. It' s a very personal thing. Love needs both
passion and patience. It is necessary to avoid that sexual relations are always at
the same time, on the same day, in the same format, et
cetera. The worst enemy of love is routine. Routine is carelessness, neglect,
neglect, carelessness, detail, lack of communication, a case of distance
in maturity. I' ve got a sixty- four- year- old
engineer coming to me. His wife is a doctor. She' s coming
to the office because she' s asking me to talk to her wife,
since she wants to split up. He doesn' t understand what happened?
I realize he wants a woman who' s like a sheiza, a dedicated
woman who dedicates herself to the man. However, she works as a doctor
and needs her own space and has tired of her husband' s needs.
When I talk to her, she explains to me that her husband is a
narcissist, that he only thinks of himself, that they had already separated on
one occasion and that for her there has been a stage in which he was
very quiet. He says that he, in the vicinity, treats her badly
and in the distance values her. She doesn' t wish you any harm.
He says he' ll think about it for a few days, but
finally he says no, he' s had a really bad time and he
' s definitely gonna split up at a certain age. Changing a behavior is
only possible if there is a very strong motivation. She' s disappointed.
For a man of this age it will be hard to get used to the
new situation after so many years of coexistence. The woman has much more clarity
in sentimental relationships than the man. They understand relationships much better. It is
more complex in its conduct, but it has more the fabric of the sentimental
world. Many men are plane conclusions. In adolescence, love is very different
between boys and girls. They are attracted to the strongest characters in the group,
the most transgressors. In time they learn to distinguish their priorities around twenty
- four or twenty- five years old and begin to look with other eyes
at the most kind and quiet children, as their vision of love begins to
be seen from the perspective of long- term love. In the teenage age,
love is a discovery, an impulse, even an exploration at the beginning
of the mature age, although the woman may not think of being a mother
if she wants to create a nest with a person and in the long run
she needs stability, that they listen to her, that they know how to
encourage her. I believe that the great value of a man to a woman
is the security that she shows. Insecure men are very unattractive and that happens
at any age. The adolescent man is more in love, he tends more
to platonic love and to imagine things, because he has less personal and physical
resources for seduction. Their sexual impulses are very strong, because they do not
have the tools to channel them. Man, above all, is married and
tends to conquer. There is a whole strategy in behavior that is more tied
to appearance than to reality. It is a game that is more in relation
to the external than the internal. At the age of 25, men prefer
to go from flower to flower. The established couple and consolidated love appear by
mutual, intellectual and physical attraction. Over the years, although the capacity for
surprise and improvisation is lost, one gains in confidence and complicity, developing the
couple a code of their own where sometimes one look is enough to communicate.
What was an attraction and an impulse is transmuting into long- distance friendship and
common projects. Even more so when the children arrive. The couple, after
many years of being together, finds a common theme where they can meet again,
especially when their working lives are intense and different. What is often said
about children separating is false. It is opso fordo that the opposite happens.
A common territory is created in which action is taken for the good of a
third party. The problems and selfishness of each one tend to be considerably reduced
and the priorities of each are left in the background and invested in the well
- being of that person. One remains in love with the passing of the
years through the care of the details of not letting issues that can generate resentment
be disturbed trying to surprise with small gestures, not harboring a catalogue of resentments,
measuring the language addressing at the moment the important issues. Today, lack
of patience does much harm to couples. There are people who separate themselves to
the second discussion, because the threshold of tolerance has gone down a lot.
Before, after a bad time, I used to get a good one.
Today, after a bad time, couples leave pears recapitulating Love in youth is
like an injection of adrenaline full of strong emotions. Often at this stage you
suffer more than you enjoy. Mature love doesn' t have those highs of
adrenaline. It' s more measured and pleasurable, no startling. There'
s more realism. We learn to adapt. We no longer live on a
roller coaster of emotions. The love of the elderly person is based above all
on complicity and silence. Today there is a unique phenomenon due to increased longevity
and worsening advanced retirement. And in addition, the couple lives in a very
small space, separations and divorces at late ages. The fact that you don
' t have lives separated by work makes the amount of time and friction of
a couple can become very irritating. It is essential that one knows how to
respect the identity of the other with his private plot. Other very important things
in the couple is to have a common spiritual background. I have about fifty
or sixty articles collected that talk about the relationship between spirituality, religion and conjugal
stability. In a country like Israel, for example, there are almost no
divorces, Mormon couples or practicing Catholics rarely separate. The thesis is that if
we take away the Conyugal relationship, a vertical or transcendent vision loses much,
as if we take away the culture, because it is necessary to know that
affectivity is cultivated the love of couple. If culture fails as freedom and knowledge,
it can fail. Currently the relationship of couples is based on hedonism.
Unlike before, the absence of religion is a great lack. It' s
equivalent to saying you like everything but reading. The world of digital networks has
also greatly influenced couples to separate It has become like a supermarket. The fact
of being able to meet people of the same age and with the same interests,
which leads to the view that perhaps we could do better with this or
with the other. Today, contacting unknown people is the easiest thing to do,
but that does not mean that real relationships are established. It is easy
to fall in love and difficult to stay in love with the amount of nuances
this art has. That is why it is so important to know the sequence
of feelings throughout life and to take care of each stage with care and delicacy
without fainting. To know how to love is to know how to look at
notes. One of the main factors leading to a decrease in the level of
self- esteem. They constitute an inventory of different ingredients that move in the
following way. The inability to overcome the difficulties of ordinary life, great difficulties
in overcoming microtraumas psychological macrotraumas, not knowing, forgiving, errors failures, all
of which leads to a lack of confidence in oneself, which is nourished by
diverse insecurities and ends in a decrease in the level of self- assessment that
one has of oneself two. Anxiety is an emotion characterized by being on guard.
The stalking occurs a generalized activation that affects the physical part, tachycardia,
sweating, pellisco, gastric, shortness of breath, precordial oppression, etcetera.
Psychological, restlessness, nervousness, inner restlessness, feeling of diffuse and blurred threats,
inconcret fears, transient insecurity, feeling of inner emptiness, etc. Behaviour.
Being on guard alert as vigilant, irritability, poorly controlled responses to low
- intensity negative stimuli, restless legs, frequent changes in posture, stuttering or
stopping to play a lot with objects that have contracted eyelids in your hands,
tendency to get very irritated by more or less intense or unexpected noises, etc.
Cognitive. This refers above all to the mental plane, negative anticipations,
bad omens, anxiety about the future and what it can bring to one,
difficulty of concentration, etcetera. And finally, the assertive symptoms, that is,
referring to social relationships, block interpersonal contact. Difficulties in starting a conversation,
difficulty in talking about general or minor issues, difficulty in expressing to others
their true opinions and feelings being too aware of what others may think of themselves
or seek too much approval from others. Three also called panic attacks, which
are short episodes of a short duration of a few minutes and have a great
impact because the experience is of real terror and appear the symptoms referred to in
the previous footnote Here everything is fast, fleeting and terrifying, with three threatening
spectra of great intensity, fear of death, fear of losing control of oneself
and fear of becoming it. This experience is usually accompanied later by a fear
that it will recur. An anticipatory panic four. The phobia is a very
strong and persistent fear that occurs in the face of something and that, when
it appears, produces a huge anxiety and leads to two behaviors to avoid or
postpone. The person realizes that fear, but facing him is superior to his
forces. Stronger people can endure it, but at the cost of extraordinary anxiety.
Five words that come from discarding one of the parents of European thought and
that in this context, means learning to use the head more than the heart,
rationalizing, but without losing quality. It is a psychological equation in which
we begin to use more the instruments of reason and less the instruments of emotion.
Six, more technically put. Do not feel alluded to overlook that fact
and try to put the mental issues in second and third place. Seven in
a woman can happen in so- called premenstrual stress syndrome a few days before
the period. It has a series of intermingled manifestations. There are physical breast
pain, mastodynia or chest pain or pressure, discomfort in the areas of ovarian
projection, fatigue prior to exertion, etc. And psychological, irritability psychological hypersensitivity,
easy crying magnify a real problem of ordinary life, external or internal restlessness,
disproportionate responses to stimuli of little importance, etc. Also in menopause,
with all its component to leave behind the possibility of motherhood and also in people
with endogenous depression, in seasonal changes, especially in spring eight. Since depression
is a potentially serious disorder that requires diagnosis and medical attention. I' ve
preferred not to include her in the self- assessment tests at the end of
each chapter nine. The perimeter of it is ixager. If we try to
apprehend their concept, they slip through our private vocabulary the words to fiction sorrow
misery sorrow, grief, desolation, despondency of season and a long, etcetera.
In all of them the same ritel beats a feeling of misfortune that meanders
the interior landscape and shows an amalgam of ten internal expressions. Also called a
depressive reaction or reactive depression. The clinical meaning is himself. Eleven In recent
years, there has been talk of a depressive life. It is an existence
presided over by daily monotony and absolute solitude. That combination is very hard and
we have to explain it to those people. Twelve matures, that is to
say, to give to the things that pass us the importance that really are
thirteen. A good response to this is resilience, the ability to resist with
strength negative situations. Limit to get over them and get out strengthened has two
notes inside. A first, which is a resilient attitude, is always well
prepared to grow in the face of adversity and not give up. The second
is the resilient reaction, to develop strategies to adapt to that new situation,
to recover and to emerge better than when one entered it. I refer to
two texts that can further clarify this concept. Rafaela Santos rise and fight connects
Barcelona two thousand thirteen and my book Don' t give up themes of today
Madrid, two thousand eleven fourteen. We can describe a series of stages of
child development. The first is ensomotor, ranging from birth to two years.
Children understand the world through what they see they hear, touch, and pallade.
Let us not forget that the child knows the world by the mouth.
Everything takes it to his mouth and also, as is his motor plane,
they discover the movement. This little boy only lives the present, the here
and now. What is out of his sight is out of his mind.
It is from the year and a half when the child will develop the memory
of things he does not see. A second stage is self- centered.
They are not able to perceive things from the other' s point of view.
This occurs at the preschool age of the two to about three to four
years. Her words are I my tripat, she called it a preoperative stage.
They are not yet able to perform mental operations, but memory already works
and archives perceptions. Thirdly, the concrete operating stage appears around six to seven
years. Fourth, there is the formal operating stage, which is already around
eleven to twelve years. If it consists of abstract thought starting to function,
as well as systematic reasoning. Fifteen, the integral word will go out along
the pages of this book and means the ability to gather, mix and associate
five key aspects of the human being, psychological, social, cultural and spiritual
physics and that this association forms a harmonious whole. That' s the challenge.
I will return to this point. Sixteen. Whether a child does not
play or suddenly stops playing is a serious symptom that something negative is happening to
him. We could say that it is the first symptom of a masked depression
or psychological disorder of some importance. Seventeen are called those in which there is
no harmony, balance, good relationship between parents and which, therefore, give
rise to many affective deficiencies in children that sooner or later can leave an important
sequel, as they are children who are going to grow up with a certain
psychological disharmony that will have negative consequences in the future. Eighteen. If there
were some kind of problem in school, it was important to talk to teachers
and make it clear that the child felt well and that there was no discrimination
or psychological abuse. If there is, we have to act. Immediately today,
the fact of adoption is absolutely accepted in our social environment, without any
difficulty. 19 c. Your job. Willing Creative Competent, englovel and distribett
Coristet Decean. Tinkin Communication thirty- seven nineteen, pepe twenty- seven to
thirty- five two thousand eleven. He is a professor of design and creativity
at Stanford University in California and underlines his concept of Tinkin' s absence as
the need to regain creativity and innovation as an educational task by calling that person
' s sensitivity. Twenty. Today, the family has changed in many ways.
It has become less vertical and more horizontal. We have traveled from the
alfiriarched patriarchy. Parents must teach their children the meaning of sexuality and to do
it right, it is necessary to prepare and use the most appropriate language,
so that the message gets clear and everything that swirls around it is well understood.
Twenty- one. Hedonism is the enthronement of pleasure above all, and
above all, permissiveness is all worth the dare to do whatever you want without
feeling guilty. Both have two natural children that are the consumerism that comes to
say. The important thing is to have and pop up here the both.
You have so much worth and relativism. Nothing is good or bad. Everything
ultimately depends on your particular point of view and vision of life. This foam
of the present life is a castle of fatuous fires, brilliant to enter and
without a true foundation of exit. The person who moves along these paths will
not get very far. Twenty- two. It would be difficult to make
an outline of this. There are many ingredients added here. The rapid and
successive pace of socio- cultural changes, the enormous social networks, with more
and more possibilities of communication, often very superficial, the informative bombardment of so
disparate news, the appearance of banal and inconsistent models of identity, hedonistic and
permissive education and a long etcetera. Twenty- three. In addition, the
medical history and information provided by the parents. Two specific tests have been performed,
the id of Teodoro and Millón, which consists of seventy- seven issues
valued in two false true answers and then one more extensive and which discriminates better
the SITH two complement each other result. This girl has a mixed personality transtour
with two especially relevant notes. It' s limit or border histrionic line.
The first means that his conduct is presided over by impulsivity and sudden mood swings
and a certain tendency to lose control of his person. The second, sickly
need to draw attention or said in other terms, great difficulty to go unnoticed
and tendency to turn into a drama a problem from day to day twenty-
four says a law of psychology of conduct. The following, the excessive and
machaconous repetition of the same message to a person in puberty, adolescent and rebellious
produces the opposite effect of the intended one. Intelligent administration of verbal language is
required, both in comments and in criticisms or corrections. We explain it to
her in colloquial language twenty- five, for which we make a list of
things she likes to deprive her of them or to give them to her.
That' s what life does to each of us. He rewards us or
punishes us as we behave twenty- six. We gave him val proato sodium,
two shots a day for breakfast and dinner. We explained to her the
action of this drug appropriate to her age and that it was important that it
not be revealed, as it was going to help her very much to change
in positive. Twenty- seven. This behavioral evaluation scale for anxiety was designed
by me a few years ago and consists of five fields of exploration physical,
psychological, cognitive and socialized anxiety. Block has in turn twenty issues valued from
zero to four. It' s self- applied. It synthesizes quite well
the intensity of the subject' s anxiety explored twenty- eight. It is
a kind of private messaging that are phrases that she repeats herself given by me
and my team. These cognitive sentences are nothing other than short phrases that she
says without the noise of words in order to help her overcome confrontation with people
or neutralize negative ideas that cross her head. Go back to psychotherapy once again.
My experience of so many years as a practical psychiatrist is that these well
- used strategies are very effective. Twenty- nine here is the myth of
eternal youth. Youth does not depend on the years, but on the illusions
to be fulfilled. One thing is intentions and another is results, but you
always have to have concrete goals ahead thirty a. I' ve called this
often. Thus, do not err in expectations, not expect too much of
love or of the person you will know or just appear in our life,
because all love, in order for it to become strong, needs to be
worked. I repeat, I just don' t believe in eternal love,
I believe in love that opens it day by day as a task of psychological
craftsmanship. In that I do believe those who suffer a clear affective immaturity fall
in love or idealize it so much that when they land in reality, they
fall apart. Thirty- one. Youth is the stage of life, of
anticonformism, of rebellions full of freshness, of desires towards the good, the
high, the best to stay young, not to give up in oneself or
in the social environment. Wanting to change the world, but starting with one
' s own person. Thirty- two, our world today I write in
the skirt of two thousand and thirteen, they need more witnesses than teachers,
that is, exemplary lives, more than people who teach. So I declare,
in the former we are able to project and imitate those healthy, complete,
sense- filled models that we can copy in the latter. Sometimes we
observe teachers are not smpres or have inconsistencies too clearly. Let' s think
of some politicians who sound a lot, I don' t have to give
names and that results in a frontal rejection. Thirty- three to fall well
or badly many times is more by fleeting and unsound impressions than by some anecdote.
Really high- profile. That' s the way it is. That
world is still blurred from rumbling contours, with ethereal profiles more emotional than rational.
Thirty- four dive into it. It is very interesting to see how
adolescents immerse themselves in the procedural waters of their experiences. It' s exciting.
Thirty- five has become fashionable this medication. Its best known commercial product
is the concerta, which has three posologies of eighteen, thirty- six and
fifty- four milligrams at high doses. It is a very potent activator of
the ability to concentrate and mixed with antidepressants. It can be of great clinical
efficacy. Thirty- six. The number of Simons has multiplied in recent times
and there is even a fact that I do not want to overlook. Some
of them finally get married after having had different seekers and do so at the
age of forty- seven. But having lived alone, they do not know
the rules of the couple' s coexistence and soon that is broken. Not
in all cases it is clear, but many become egolatrous and atrociously individual,
which incapacitates them to lead a healthy positive relationship where one must know how to
renounce in a cheerful and sporty way. Daily cohabitation is one of the most
complex things that exist and you need to have learned many skills to get along
well. Daily coexistence is the test of fire. Many of the Simmons do
not pass that test thirty- seven. The name is not pretty, but
in the psychiatric psychological clinic it often means a certain form or obsession with the
body as a whole, weight, muscles, etc. Or some of its
uncovered parts, especially the face, the nose, the cheeks, the lips,
the ears, etc. And, to a lesser extent, by the
hands. It is one more manifestation of this body culture that follows at its
peak thirty- eight. The famous Light man returns here, but now entering
through another door, there are many ingredients that stay in him, all whistling
for the same, a first- class individualism. Thirty- nine. I
' ve been writing this book since June of the two thousand and thirteen.
The proliferation of self- help books is huge today. Many fall out of
our hands, but some are valuable and offer wise formulas and observations. The
substance of the matter is noble and I have repeated it along these pages in
one way or another. One of the gateways to relative happiness is to have
a mature forty personality. Happiness is always in the promise of a better future.
If happiness consists of illusion. Unhappiness is trite in having no goals.
Authentic love makes man more human and let us not forget woman softens man makes
him more affectionate. Forty- one here I refer to two texts of mine
that deepen in this matter, intelligent love, on the one hand, and
remedies for lovelessness, on the other. Both are published in this editorial Themes
of today Madrid, two thousand eight and two thousand seven, respectively, in
corrected and augmented editions. Forty- two is the disease of doubt. The
20th- century French and German psychiatry studied this pathology. It' s not
just any doubt, but sick paralyzing, obsessive, serious. It is a
functional inability to grasp reality with sharpness, which imprisons this person who is seen
in looseness in overwhelming insecurities. Falretti and Legran studied it as a specific phenomenon
and other Janet placed it as an embryo of obsessive thought in the campra.
It defined as the imperative need to postpone any decision to improve the information available
on the subject and Green classified the inventory of doubts accurately. I refer the
interested reader to the following books in which he can quench his thirst Julio Vallejo,
Ruiloba, Obsessive States, Barcelona two thousand six. J Yesterday, Jura,
Tobias and f a neciroglu Excesit, Campostel, t Soters, Patogenesis,
Daignoss, Anthrudment Harcourt prece postin Tokyo two thousand seven forty- three. I
usually give them different names of guidelines of conduct in which the suggestions and indications
to improve something concrete of the own behavior dictated by me or by one of
my team to my patients are collected. Book of psychological observations or book of
psychotherapy or book of psychological progress. Psychotherapy is essential in a very high percentage
of our patients. Many psychiatrists do not do it because of lack of time,
because of their hard work or because of the habit of practicing only pharmacotherapy.
The quality of psychotherapy portrays the style of the psychologist or psychiatrist. Forty
- four. A mature person knows his limitations better than his possibilities. Forty
- five within the synonyms of this serious disease. We found bolqueralchólix, professionalitis,
laboropathy, and I' ve been calling them laborers lately. In all
of them the same ritornello beats people who have been devoured by work and it
does not let them go. For them. The rest is to stay on
your subject and your conversation about the same thing. They can change those who
have a more serious trajectory. Under two constancy circuses, a threat of separation
from the pair, then change can happen two, a myocardial infarction or a
championship anxiety. Some, however, do not change under these two threats.
Forty- six insurmountable fear of open spaces to the agora to the street.
But in this Nipona mode we could speak with more property of phobia to life,
to face what it means, to have a job, to relate to
others, would be a multiphobia. Forty- seven. The first historical history
of this disease was elaborated in one thousand nine hundred and fifty- three by
Swartzigil among the nurses of an English psychiatric hospital, where the jon nurse made
it clear in her personal notes. The patients complained. I realized it was
becoming less and less effective. My head nurse complained about me the atmosphere was
unbearable to work and work without stopping one day after another. I was exhausted.
Later, in nineteen hundred and seventy- four, Freudenberg described it in
a more scientific and rigorous way. Emotional exhaustion, physical and psychological stress and
tiredness, wear and dehumanization, feeling of poor personal performance, flattening and lack
of illusion. But it was more the Jacks Chi in which in one thousand
nine hundred and eighty- one designed their entire clinical picture forty- eight.
Everything ends up sliding into physical manifestations, but looking for its etiology, we
must realize that it is the consequence of a seriously damaged working life. Here,
the psychosomatic word has an essential flatness. The mabackensacki h that societyon now
gives it the name of somamorphic disorder if it refers to the presence of physical
symptoms that suggest a medical disease and that cannot be fully explained. Emotional tensions
sustained for a long time are discovered. Forty- nine. There' s
a nuance that I don' t want to leave in the whole time.
An American psychologist has spoken of the lack of defense learned that in English it
is called the plesness and that initially referred to the negative learning that certain animals
had that could not escape from where they were. Later, this was stratified
to human conduct. It is a defeated, broken person who reacts with total
passivity and emotional exhaustion. There is no longer any glimpse of struggle. It
is the prelude of diselpidia, of despair fifty. This may seem like a
contradiction, but it is not. Surrender to others with joy and spirit of
service brings great satisfaction. Why, because in sincere self- giving. There
is a clairvoyance of doing something for others, being able to forget about ourselves.
The whole theory that is contained in this idea is simply the following.
There is more joy in giving than in receiving that is the key. The
mature person knows fifty- one ideas to open the reader' s mouth.
At this point in my book, it is seven suggestions to stay in love
over the years, one, to maintain admiration for the other person. Despite
the thousand and one avatars lived, the other is still valued in its main
segments. Two mutual respect of words and deeds. Three have a common project.
There is a joint program that extends in children and that should never be
lost sight of. Four. Complicity is a subliminal language between the couple that
slips through the ins and outs of that relationship clearly one at a time and
camouflaged to another five. Having satisfactory intimate relationships is an intimate language that changes
over the years, but must have its place Six capacities to forgive the other.
Losing is fighting to forget them, feelings and difficulties experienced. The couple
' s life doesn' t go well without a good dose of forgetfulness.
Love is perfected with forgiveness seven take care of the small details of cohabitation with
the care of craftsman. This seems to me to be an emblematic legend.
Love is the poetry of the senses, the intelligence, the sharpness of reason
That' s where tenderness comes out, live your life. Any unauthorized use
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