WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.120 --> 00:00:06.440 Learn to live your life. Reproduction, distribution, public display and any other 2 00:00:06.480 --> 00:00:10.640 unauthorized use of this work, in whole or in part without the express written 3 00:00:10.720 --> 00:00:17.320 permission of the copyright holder, shall be prohibited. This work is protected by 4 00:00:17.399 --> 00:00:25.239 U S copyright laws and international treaties. All trademarks and trade names mentioned in 5 00:00:25.239 --> 00:00:29.960 this work are the property of their respective owners and are used here only for 6 00:00:30.039 --> 00:00:36.039 descriptive purposes. Any unauthorized use of this audio book will violate copyright and may 7 00:00:36.079 --> 00:00:43.759 be subject to legal sanctions. Coppy Right two thousand twenty- four strip Ley 8 00:00:43.880 --> 00:00:51.000 Secretos de Lilí All rights reserved. What is happiness. In the ancient world 9 00:00:51.039 --> 00:00:56.840 there was much talk of happiness. Socrates, Plato Seneca and many other philosophers 10 00:00:56.960 --> 00:01:03.359 treated the subject each from their perspective. However, this issue went unnoticed for 11 00:01:03.479 --> 00:01:08.120 a long time to the illustration with Voltaire, for example. It was barely 12 00:01:08.159 --> 00:01:14.439 talked about again from the 18th century and especially when the 20th came in. 13 00:01:15.040 --> 00:01:19.640 There is an explosion of interest in this concept in the psychology of happiness. 14 00:01:19.239 --> 00:01:23.599 Macco Argao makes an assessment of our degree of bliss through scales of behavior with 15 00:01:23.640 --> 00:01:29.239 which he measures, for example, pleasant activities that improve happiness during the day, 16 00:01:29.359 --> 00:01:34.879 as well as things that are incompatible with depression. There are a number 17 00:01:34.879 --> 00:01:38.760 of activities that increase feelings of peace and comfort by helping us to be happy 18 00:01:38.879 --> 00:01:42.840 in our day to day. This is a list of them collected by Argile 19 00:01:42.920 --> 00:01:48.920 in his book. These are activities that positively influence our mood, as well 20 00:01:49.159 --> 00:01:57.159 as those that are incompatible with depression. To be with happy people, to 21 00:01:57.280 --> 00:02:02.719 be aware of being sexually attractive, to fish openly and openly, to express 22 00:02:02.760 --> 00:02:08.199 love for someone else, to be with someone you love, to laugh with 23 00:02:09.280 --> 00:02:15.680 friends who ask for help or advice, to be relaxed, to see a 24 00:02:16.280 --> 00:02:23.319 beautiful landscape, to breathe pure air, to sit in the sun, to 25 00:02:23.479 --> 00:02:30.039 wear clean clothes, to enjoy free time, to sleep well at night, 26 00:02:30.199 --> 00:02:35.400 to listen to music, to smile at others, to share the joy that 27 00:02:35.479 --> 00:02:42.240 pleasant things happen to family and friends, to do a personal job, to 28 00:02:42.240 --> 00:02:47.080 read stories, novels, poems or plays, to plan or organize something, 29 00:02:47.439 --> 00:02:53.400 to learn to do something new, to do a job well. Some believe 30 00:02:53.479 --> 00:02:57.919 that the less we know the better, because having an intellectual mentality can also 31 00:02:57.960 --> 00:03:02.199 make it easier for us to analyze too long a reality and for thoughts to 32 00:03:02.199 --> 00:03:07.199 be locked in a circuit. However, culture should serve to make us less 33 00:03:07.240 --> 00:03:10.000 wrong, to acquire an art of living and enjoying things that without culture we 34 00:03:10.159 --> 00:03:15.240 would not know how to appreciate. To cement happiness through the stages of life, 35 00:03:15.680 --> 00:03:21.879 we must broaden our horizons. For example, an elderly person with culture 36 00:03:23.479 --> 00:03:28.159 will always have stimulating occupations at his or her disposal, while someone of action, 37 00:03:28.360 --> 00:03:30.599 when his or her stage of work is finished, is left empty. 38 00:03:30.759 --> 00:03:36.479 The four fundamental elements of happiness are love, friendship, work and culture. 39 00:03:37.960 --> 00:03:42.400 The latter not only involves deepening history, literature and the arts, but also 40 00:03:42.400 --> 00:03:46.240 self- knowledge is essential to act wisely, resolve difficulties and understand each other 41 00:03:46.479 --> 00:03:53.199 with us. When we close our eyes to who we are, problems are 42 00:03:53.240 --> 00:03:58.479 perpetuated as we do not move forward and repeat again and again the same mistakes. 43 00:03:58.479 --> 00:04:03.080 The army of becoming aware of our thoughts and actions, measuring their consequences, 44 00:04:03.319 --> 00:04:09.439 puts the solutions in our hand. I hope that reading this book will 45 00:04:09.560 --> 00:04:13.960 provide you with the tools to cultivate self- esteem at all stages of your 46 00:04:14.080 --> 00:04:17.800 life to enrich your relationships with others, to grow emotionally and intellectually and, 47 00:04:18.519 --> 00:04:25.879 above all, to live your life. Part one is the school of emotions 48 00:04:25.959 --> 00:04:31.240 loving oneself to love others. If you don' t have the enemy inside, 49 00:04:31.639 --> 00:04:35.360 the enemies outside won' t be able to hurt you, African proverb. 50 00:04:36.240 --> 00:04:41.439 Alex is nine years old and lately he wakes up at night with startles. 51 00:04:42.519 --> 00:04:45.720 The reason, as I am told in the consultation, is that one 52 00:04:45.720 --> 00:04:48.759 of the leaders of the class has taken it with him during the classes. 53 00:04:48.800 --> 00:04:53.279 He does not miss the opportunity to ridicule him and at the time of the 54 00:04:53.319 --> 00:04:57.959 courtyard, he encourages his companions to empty him out of fear of this boy 55 00:04:57.959 --> 00:05:00.040 of violent character. Almost everyone listens to him and the patient is isolated when 56 00:05:00.079 --> 00:05:05.279 he comes home, Alex does not enjoy playing because he thinks about how bad 57 00:05:05.319 --> 00:05:09.600 he will be in school the next day, which unleashes the night terrors that 58 00:05:09.600 --> 00:05:15.639 wake him up. His school performance has plummeted because the child feels very insecure 59 00:05:15.680 --> 00:05:21.519 and despises himself. It' s a clear case of low self- esteem 60 00:05:21.519 --> 00:05:26.160 motivated by bullying. In addition to contacting the aggressor' s parents to update 61 00:05:26.279 --> 00:05:30.160 them on the problem. In therapy, we work with Alex the necessary measures 62 00:05:30.240 --> 00:05:36.120 to strengthen his self- esteem factors that trigger a low self- esteem one. 63 00:05:36.120 --> 00:05:40.759 There are many causes that can lead to a problem of low self- 64 00:05:41.000 --> 00:05:45.839 esteem in a person, regardless of age. Let' s look at some 65 00:05:45.839 --> 00:05:51.839 of the most common, according to specialists in the toxic family environment during childhood, 66 00:05:53.040 --> 00:05:57.160 when parents have not supported a child at crucial times or have been excessively 67 00:05:57.199 --> 00:06:00.959 demanding, a negative consequence is that the person doubts his or her own bad 68 00:06:02.600 --> 00:06:08.160 school environment. If a child has the misfortune of being the point of view 69 00:06:08.240 --> 00:06:12.360 of the mockery of his companions, such as the example we have seen and 70 00:06:12.439 --> 00:06:16.319 suffer harassments, it is very possible that he will reach an adolescence and later 71 00:06:16.399 --> 00:06:21.759 adult stage full of complexes and insecurities, excess of self- criticism and perfectionism. 72 00:06:23.720 --> 00:06:28.839 With these ingredients it is practically impossible to achieve any goal without throwing the 73 00:06:28.879 --> 00:06:34.480 towel halfway, which also leads to low pathological self- esteem. Chronic indecision 74 00:06:34.600 --> 00:06:41.480 results in a total lack of confidence. There are people with enormous talent and 75 00:06:41.519 --> 00:06:46.839 multiple abilities who never get to do anything because of fear, failure, fear 76 00:06:46.920 --> 00:06:51.639 of criticism. Whatever we do, there will always be people dissatisfied with our 77 00:06:51.720 --> 00:06:56.639 actions and other people who value us. If we only listen to those who 78 00:06:56.680 --> 00:07:01.120 criticize us, we will do ourselves a weak favor. If we begin to 79 00:07:01.160 --> 00:07:05.240 act to please others, as we will see in a later chapter, in 80 00:07:05.319 --> 00:07:12.759 addition to undermining our self- esteem, we will develop dependence on others excessive 81 00:07:12.759 --> 00:07:15.879 of susceptibility. If any other people' s comments hurt us, we have 82 00:07:15.920 --> 00:07:20.480 a problem to solve. We must abandon the addiction of wanting to like others 83 00:07:20.519 --> 00:07:26.920 and give ourselves up to the task of liking ourselves to understand the fate of 84 00:07:27.000 --> 00:07:32.319 being you ten keys to self- esteem. Once the factors that cause low 85 00:07:32.439 --> 00:07:38.480 self- esteem are identified, let us now see a battery of practical measures 86 00:07:38.480 --> 00:07:43.560 to underpin that fundamental aspect in the school of emotions. Many of them are 87 00:07:43.600 --> 00:07:46.639 common sense, although in the transfer of day- to- day obligations we 88 00:07:46.720 --> 00:07:51.360 are often not aware of the way in which we act. Let us look 89 00:07:51.399 --> 00:07:59.040 at ten concrete measures to enhance self- esteem, to focus on our virtues, 90 00:07:59.319 --> 00:08:03.879 to take note of them if necessary, rather than on our shortcomings, 91 00:08:05.720 --> 00:08:11.319 to stop constantly asking ourselves what people might think of us and whether we are 92 00:08:11.360 --> 00:08:13.920 failing to follow the example of people who enjoy a large dose of self- 93 00:08:15.160 --> 00:08:16.920 esteem and use it for their own good and that of others. The question 94 00:08:18.000 --> 00:08:22.360 would be what do they do that I do not set goals and, once 95 00:08:22.399 --> 00:08:26.879 on the way, do not faint in the face of a first failure. 96 00:08:26.040 --> 00:08:30.879 A fundamental thing is not to leave things half- hearted, as it is 97 00:08:30.959 --> 00:08:35.679 frustrating and lethal to our self- esteem. If a long- term goal 98 00:08:35.720 --> 00:08:39.600 seems unattainable, small intermediate targets need to be set that are more affordable in 99 00:08:39.720 --> 00:08:45.279 the short or medium term. Small victories help us achieve goals that we thought 100 00:08:45.360 --> 00:08:50.559 were impossible before. To be assertive, to have social ability before those around 101 00:08:52.600 --> 00:08:58.120 us to say no when it is no, without amulating, fitting in and 102 00:08:58.159 --> 00:09:00.639 learning from the criticisms of others, as long as they are with their destructive 103 00:09:00.639 --> 00:09:03.840 ones. If they are not, we must defend ourselves against them or ignore 104 00:09:03.919 --> 00:09:09.879 them for their futility. Avoid excess self- criticism and demand, as it 105 00:09:09.919 --> 00:09:16.399 ends up undermining self- esteem. We must flee from sick perfectionism, banish 106 00:09:16.399 --> 00:09:22.000 the feeling of guilt, as it makes us susceptible to moral blackmail from third 107 00:09:22.000 --> 00:09:26.440 parties. That does not mean that we do as we please, but we 108 00:09:26.519 --> 00:09:33.519 must be fair to ourselves to practice optimism. Any situation can be seen in 109 00:09:33.559 --> 00:09:39.120 problem key or solution key. If we look at it optimistically, we will 110 00:09:39.200 --> 00:09:43.399 have much more chance of winning the game of educating children with self- esteem. 111 00:09:45.960 --> 00:09:48.440 Childhood is the stage of life in which a person' s potential is 112 00:09:48.519 --> 00:09:52.759 sown. Parents are responsible not only for the health and education of their children, 113 00:09:54.320 --> 00:09:58.519 but also for their self- esteem. Future will depend on how we 114 00:09:58.519 --> 00:10:03.480 guide them in this formative stage of life. Here are the key practices in 115 00:10:03.559 --> 00:10:09.120 which the pedagogues agree to educate the little ones. In this crucial aspect, 116 00:10:11.200 --> 00:10:16.799 setting targets that can be taken up for children, too difficult a challenge can 117 00:10:16.840 --> 00:10:20.759 block them and make them feel incapable. It is more educational to achieve small 118 00:10:20.840 --> 00:10:26.000 triumphs that will make you feel satisfied, not compare it to other brighter children. 119 00:10:28.120 --> 00:10:31.480 This bad habit on the part of parents is behind many complex envy and 120 00:10:31.559 --> 00:10:37.759 frustrations of children. It must be taught that each person is different and has 121 00:10:37.840 --> 00:10:43.360 his or her own skills. Measuring our words a criticism or an unfortunate mockery 122 00:10:43.440 --> 00:10:48.480 of a small one' s mistake can undo what has been built before and 123 00:10:48.519 --> 00:10:54.039 reduce their confidence, instilling in them the concept of effort. Easy success is 124 00:10:54.120 --> 00:10:58.240 very fashionable, especially on television, but day to day has nothing to do 125 00:10:58.360 --> 00:11:03.879 with a TV platoon. It is essential to teach them the culture of effort, 126 00:11:05.240 --> 00:11:09.360 which can help achieve any goal. To give an example, fearful parents 127 00:11:09.480 --> 00:11:13.679 who transmit their fears to their children are instilling in them this very vision of 128 00:11:13.799 --> 00:11:18.279 life. That is why it is important that you know the value through our 129 00:11:18.279 --> 00:11:24.720 actions. That is the best favor we can do to your self- esteem 130 00:11:24.759 --> 00:11:30.480 to show our affection openly. Children need to know that we love them through 131 00:11:30.519 --> 00:11:37.600 our words, as well as caresses, kisses and hugs. The fact that 132 00:11:37.639 --> 00:11:45.000 we feel loved stimulates our self- esteem and builds our self- esteem in 133 00:11:45.000 --> 00:11:50.399 the face of a complicated situation, how you usually react, analyze and face 134 00:11:50.399 --> 00:11:54.279 the difficulty with determination to overcome it. The sooner you see the problems, 135 00:11:54.879 --> 00:11:58.399 the more they weaken me, and I delay the moment to face them for 136 00:11:58.399 --> 00:12:01.840 fear of the consequences. Two. A coworker invites you to a party, 137 00:12:01.080 --> 00:12:07.279 but you don' t know anyone in his circle of friends. As you 138 00:12:07.279 --> 00:12:11.480 consider it an excellent opportunity to meet new people and accept enchanted, go invent 139 00:12:11.720 --> 00:12:16.120 an excuse not to go or ask a friend to accompany you so you don 140 00:12:16.159 --> 00:12:20.759 ' t separate from him all evening. Three. You' re very concerned 141 00:12:20.799 --> 00:12:24.639 about what people say or think about you. I know that I cannot please 142 00:12:24.759 --> 00:12:28.879 everyone and I am only affected by the opinion of those who want to be 143 00:12:28.120 --> 00:12:35.600 used to asking and inquiring about the impression I have in others. Four If 144 00:12:35.679 --> 00:12:39.039 a superior criticizes or scolds you for a job you haven' t done well. 145 00:12:39.320 --> 00:12:43.720 I listen attentively and try that the discussion leads to constructive criticism to improve 146 00:12:43.799 --> 00:12:50.039 and learn from my mistakes. B I keep quiet until you pass the bad 147 00:12:50.080 --> 00:12:54.759 drink. Five, someone asks you for a favor that you don' t 148 00:12:54.759 --> 00:12:56.840 have time or desire to do. I' m honest and I' m 149 00:12:56.879 --> 00:12:58.440 telling you, I don' t feel like it or I can' t 150 00:12:58.440 --> 00:13:03.399 do it. Bet, it' s hard for me to say no, 151 00:13:03.399 --> 00:13:05.399 and I end up helping him. Six, you think you' re capable 152 00:13:05.480 --> 00:13:09.919 of achieving everything you propose in life It' s just a matter of effort 153 00:13:09.960 --> 00:13:15.399 and some luck why not. B everything is very complicated and there are things 154 00:13:15.519 --> 00:13:20.120 I wouldn' t even try. Seven in general, you feel safer than 155 00:13:20.200 --> 00:13:24.559 the people around you. In most cases, I feel more fortunate, satisfied 156 00:13:24.600 --> 00:13:31.120 and secure. I' m used to feeling more miserable than the others. 157 00:13:31.480 --> 00:13:37.480 For each answer, add two points. For each answer see adds a point 158 00:13:39.360 --> 00:13:45.279 less than eight points. Remember that excessive indecision can lead to a total lack 159 00:13:45.440 --> 00:13:50.919 of confidence. Start relying more on your possibilities and stop hurting your future with 160 00:13:50.960 --> 00:13:58.799 so many complexes and insecurities. When alarms go off for no reason, never 161 00:13:58.879 --> 00:14:03.000 carry more than one problem. At the same time, there are people who 162 00:14:03.080 --> 00:14:07.879 carry three, those they had, those they have now and those who hope 163 00:14:09.279 --> 00:14:13.240 to haveédward and I will see such a thing three months ago that Luisa 164 00:14:13.279 --> 00:14:18.840 feels in a state of permanent alert since she changed her work in the factory 165 00:14:18.840 --> 00:14:22.679 to a commercial position in the offices, a long awaited ascent. He feels 166 00:14:22.759 --> 00:14:26.399 his hands sweat and his neck sweat. Every time you open the email. 167 00:14:26.080 --> 00:14:31.240 He is distressed to see the huge number of emails waiting for him, as 168 00:14:31.240 --> 00:14:35.519 well as the sales targets set for each month. The worst of all is 169 00:14:35.559 --> 00:14:39.679 that she is transmitting the anxiety to her two- year- old son, 170 00:14:39.879 --> 00:14:43.480 who, noting the state of nervousness of the mother, cries much more frequently 171 00:14:43.600 --> 00:14:48.799 and tolerates bad visits at home Luisa comes to my office to know how to 172 00:14:48.799 --> 00:14:52.600 return to calm and self- control, since her day- to- day 173 00:14:52.679 --> 00:14:56.360 has become an unlived and suffers also for the child. In our visits we 174 00:14:56.399 --> 00:15:01.159 go to the bottom of the question and analyze the fears and complements that have 175 00:15:01.200 --> 00:15:05.240 triggered their alarms since occupying a new position in the company. Anxiety is a 176 00:15:05.320 --> 00:15:09.240 state of alertness two of our organism that is given in the face of a 177 00:15:09.240 --> 00:15:15.960 possible danger, a delicate situation of stress or a crucial decision. We all 178 00:15:16.000 --> 00:15:20.080 have anxiety situations at some point. It' s a normal thing that' 179 00:15:20.200 --> 00:15:24.799 s part of our everyday life. However, anxiety can become pathological when it 180 00:15:24.840 --> 00:15:30.279 appears in situations where we don' t need any kind of self- defense 181 00:15:30.360 --> 00:15:35.440 because we' re not facing any attack We specialists classify anxiety into three groups. 182 00:15:37.960 --> 00:15:41.759 Endogenous anxiety is of internal origin and is given without external cause to justify 183 00:15:41.879 --> 00:15:50.120 it. Exogenous anxiety is caused by a continuing stress situation. That is, 184 00:15:50.440 --> 00:15:58.559 there is a specific cause that causes the reaction of the organism existential anxiety, 185 00:15:58.000 --> 00:16:02.960 caused mainly by fear of death, as it will happen when it ceases to 186 00:16:03.399 --> 00:16:08.879 exist many times it is encompassed in the exogenous anxiety anxiety anxiety crisis. People 187 00:16:08.879 --> 00:16:12.879 who have suffered one of these crises hardly forget the state in which they were 188 00:16:12.919 --> 00:16:18.279 plunged. That is the problem, the fear that it will be repeated, 189 00:16:18.720 --> 00:16:23.679 further fuel their fears and the lack of confidence in their own stability. There 190 00:16:23.759 --> 00:16:30.960 are several symptoms that reveal a general state of anxiety that requires somatic treatment, 191 00:16:30.399 --> 00:16:36.720 tachycardia, excessive sweating, tremors, feeling of vertigo, shortness of breath, 192 00:16:37.039 --> 00:16:45.720 muscle tension, psychics, insomnia, anguish, terrors, restlessness, insecurity about 193 00:16:45.759 --> 00:16:51.440 the classification we have seen before. Exogenous anxiety, as common in men as 194 00:16:51.480 --> 00:16:55.879 in women, is not considered by psychiatrists to be a serious pathology, because 195 00:16:56.240 --> 00:16:59.600 in the existence of a cause, it is a question of confronting it by 196 00:16:59.639 --> 00:17:03.480 addressing the problem. In addition, people who suffer from it often respond positively 197 00:17:03.599 --> 00:17:10.640 to psychotherapy. When we lose a loved one, for example, we go 198 00:17:10.720 --> 00:17:17.640 through a grieving process and symptoms of exogenous anxiety may appear. I have existential 199 00:17:17.640 --> 00:17:22.599 anxiety. However, if the symptomatic condition is severe enough, it is appropriate 200 00:17:22.680 --> 00:17:29.119 to contact a specialist to prevent it from leading to more serious disorders. Endogenous 201 00:17:29.160 --> 00:17:33.440 anxiety is not caused by specific external causes. Being more difficult to deal with. 202 00:17:34.920 --> 00:17:38.200 It is more common in women than in men. It can be hereditary 203 00:17:38.279 --> 00:17:44.839 and tends to occur in early patients, especially during adolescence. From the age 204 00:17:44.880 --> 00:17:51.079 of forty, cases are drastically reduced. It is not usually a continuous and 205 00:17:51.160 --> 00:17:55.799 prolonged state, but more or less violent periods of crisis break out with anxious 206 00:17:55.799 --> 00:18:00.799 spotlights, which makes it difficult to fight. For this reason, the patient 207 00:18:00.839 --> 00:18:07.440 should go to a specialist to receive pharmacological treatment in addition to psychotherapy. There 208 00:18:07.519 --> 00:18:12.279 is a very interesting modality that is anxiety crises. Three plans of shock against 209 00:18:12.359 --> 00:18:18.279 anxiety exist certain habits that fuel anxiety, so the first thing we should do 210 00:18:18.319 --> 00:18:22.839 is eliminate them from our daily diet. These are products or negative attitudes. 211 00:18:25.400 --> 00:18:30.720 In addition to promoting a routine that favors serenity, whether or not it is 212 00:18:30.759 --> 00:18:34.200 necessary for therapeutic help and pharmacological me. We can thus help not to boost 213 00:18:34.240 --> 00:18:41.400 these alarm states by suppressing stimulating products such as coffee tea or cola soft drinks, 214 00:18:41.680 --> 00:18:45.640 as well as alcohol and nicotine. Going out to get the air and 215 00:18:45.720 --> 00:18:49.839 the sun every day, even if it' s bad weather, because staying 216 00:18:49.839 --> 00:18:56.480 locked up at home can cause agoraphobic feelings. Practicing gentle exercises is a good 217 00:18:56.559 --> 00:19:03.200 resource for downloading mental deposits of anxiety and regaining control of our body. To 218 00:19:03.200 --> 00:19:08.799 give up too ambitious goals that cause us too great stress and demand, to 219 00:19:08.839 --> 00:19:12.960 avoid discussions with the people around us, as the resulting anger and resentment are 220 00:19:12.960 --> 00:19:22.039 an extra source of anxiety, the stress of our century pandemic. According to 221 00:19:22.079 --> 00:19:26.640 recent reports from the World Health Organization, in the year two thousand and twenty, 222 00:19:26.720 --> 00:19:30.799 diseases caused by stress and anxiety will be the number one cause of job 223 00:19:30.839 --> 00:19:36.240 loss in the world. In Spain, it is estimated that there are six 224 00:19:36.279 --> 00:19:40.039 million people suffering from stress. Currently, 40 per cent of the wage- 225 00:19:40.160 --> 00:19:44.519 earner population and 50 per cent of employers suffer from a degree of more or 226 00:19:44.559 --> 00:19:49.599 less severe stress. It is clear that the economic situation in the country contributes 227 00:19:49.680 --> 00:19:53.400 to the increase in states of stress and anxiety. It has been estimated that 228 00:19:53.759 --> 00:19:57.720 since the onset of the crisis, the use of antidepressants has increased by 10 229 00:19:57.759 --> 00:20:03.200 per cent and cases of working jas due to depression have almost tripled. Despite 230 00:20:03.200 --> 00:20:07.599 this, according to data provided by the Association of Consumers and Users, in 231 00:20:08.039 --> 00:20:12.039 our country, only 17 percent of Spanish workers resort to some kind of treatment 232 00:20:12.079 --> 00:20:17.160 to alleviate the causes of stress, which in Spain is not recognized as an 233 00:20:17.240 --> 00:20:26.039 occupational disease. We can divide stress into two blocks eus three or natural stress, 234 00:20:26.440 --> 00:20:33.400 distress or negative stress. The eostres is a natural defense reaction necessary to 235 00:20:33.480 --> 00:20:40.640 face any problem or crisis situation. This resource of our survival instinct can reach 236 00:20:40.759 --> 00:20:47.000 ten remedies for stressed almost all the situations presented to us in daily life have 237 00:20:47.000 --> 00:20:52.559 solution only by thinking in this way already we begin to mitigate the excess of 238 00:20:52.599 --> 00:20:57.400 stress. There are a number of practical measures to deal with this persistent enemy, 239 00:20:59.039 --> 00:21:03.279 even in times of crisis, to go step by step, we don 240 00:21:03.319 --> 00:21:07.480 ' t have to do twenty things at once. Our management capacity has a 241 00:21:07.480 --> 00:21:12.240 limit and we must not exceed it. It is about solving the issues that 242 00:21:12.279 --> 00:21:21.000 concern us one by one. Proper breathing of long and deep breaths, involving 243 00:21:21.119 --> 00:21:26.920 belly, lungs and clavicles, improves oxygenation of our blood and brain. Related 244 00:21:26.960 --> 00:21:33.599 to nice people, there are psychological profiles, especially stressful. So, let 245 00:21:33.599 --> 00:21:37.480 ' s run away from toxic companies that don' t give us anything positive. 246 00:21:38.920 --> 00:21:44.279 Go on a good diet. An excess of red meat, for example, 247 00:21:44.720 --> 00:21:51.519 helps put the body in tension. Listen to relaxing sounds. Soft music 248 00:21:51.599 --> 00:21:55.720 can be a good therapy to deactivate internal alarms and lower the voltage level. 249 00:21:56.599 --> 00:22:00.720 Classical and soft music offer them excellent remedies to calm the mood, enjoy hobbies. 250 00:22:04.799 --> 00:22:08.359 A good movie, a book that we like or any of our hobbies 251 00:22:08.480 --> 00:22:15.519 will manage to defuse stress when we are focused on an activity that requires a 252 00:22:15.519 --> 00:22:18.720 high dose of attention. Pressure' s dropping immediately. Machetism, painting, 253 00:22:19.160 --> 00:22:25.039 origami, modeling with mud any activity we like serves to destress us in the 254 00:22:25.079 --> 00:22:33.119 free time to perform a sleep therapy. A well- rested body is better 255 00:22:33.200 --> 00:22:37.039 prepared for crisis situations. Therefore, it is never necessary to make the mistake 256 00:22:37.160 --> 00:22:45.039 of stealing hours of sleep because of obligations to cultivate cleanliness and order. A 257 00:22:45.119 --> 00:22:48.640 simple well- made bed is a relaxing view. Order in the everyday environment 258 00:22:48.640 --> 00:22:55.319 helps to promote mental order. The order is a sedative and this goes from 259 00:22:55.359 --> 00:22:57.599 the room, where you sleep at the work table or how you keep your 260 00:22:57.640 --> 00:23:07.799 books or at work laughing is a great antistress and an unbeatable antidepressant. We 261 00:23:07.880 --> 00:23:12.519 can promote it through contact with jovial people or by attending comedy shows, either 262 00:23:12.839 --> 00:23:19.359 in the theater or in a movie we watch at home gardening. This activity 263 00:23:19.400 --> 00:23:26.079 helps reduce stress while enjoying the outdoors. The tranquility they offer, the silent 264 00:23:26.160 --> 00:23:30.680 care of the plants and the beauty of the flowers will give us moments of 265 00:23:30.680 --> 00:23:38.000 relaxation. Test one usually sleeps at an average of eight hours a day, 266 00:23:40.519 --> 00:23:45.920 sees less than eight hours a day and I wake up several times during the 267 00:23:45.039 --> 00:23:51.440 night two and when I wake up ah deep breath and take time to undertake 268 00:23:51.440 --> 00:23:56.079 daily tasks. Go analyze and review the plan of the day quickly, stopping 269 00:23:56.119 --> 00:24:00.720 at the most stressful points until my heart accelerates three in the face of an 270 00:24:00.759 --> 00:24:06.880 imminent change in your personal, professional life, etcetera. I try not to 271 00:24:06.880 --> 00:24:10.640 anticipate the situation and take care of managing the moment in a serene and orderly 272 00:24:10.640 --> 00:24:15.720 manner. B I feel uneasy, nervous and tend to isolate four at work 273 00:24:15.799 --> 00:24:23.119 to teamwork and trust in the ability of my colleagues. I prefer to work 274 00:24:23.160 --> 00:24:29.279 alone and avoid delegating functions, even if I need more time to finish the 275 00:24:29.279 --> 00:24:33.400 tasks. Five and when the weekend comes, I try to relax with activities 276 00:24:33.480 --> 00:24:40.039 that keep my mind away from stress B. I don' t know how 277 00:24:40.119 --> 00:24:42.720 to get rid of the worries and I' m still on alert. Six, 278 00:24:42.839 --> 00:24:48.640 what you think your next years will be like. I try to enjoy 279 00:24:48.720 --> 00:24:52.200 the present to the fullest and be less demanding with destination B. I worry 280 00:24:52.319 --> 00:24:56.400 about losing what I' ve achieved and not winning what I deserve. Seven 281 00:24:56.559 --> 00:25:03.200 of you usually think things never go as we expected. I' m trying 282 00:25:03.200 --> 00:25:07.119 to make my expectations as realistic as possible and fit my chances. See often 283 00:25:07.160 --> 00:25:14.480 I' m very demanding and I' m never completely satisfied. For each 284 00:25:14.559 --> 00:25:21.640 answer, add two points. For each answer see adds a point. The 285 00:25:21.680 --> 00:25:26.480 brake of phobias. There are very few monsters that justify the fear we have. 286 00:25:27.559 --> 00:25:33.599 André Gide Carlos is a 50- year- old pharmacist who has suffered 287 00:25:33.640 --> 00:25:38.400 several panic crises while driving his car. Over the past few months, she 288 00:25:38.519 --> 00:25:45.640 has had several episodes in which, while driving, she has had tachycardia, 289 00:25:45.359 --> 00:25:52.119 a feeling of shortness of breath, difficulty swallowing sweats and perkinesia. This has 290 00:25:52.160 --> 00:25:56.559 been repeated so that he has begun to have problems driving, until he has 291 00:25:56.599 --> 00:26:00.599 reached a point where he is afraid to lose control and go crazy. He 292 00:26:00.720 --> 00:26:06.200 suffers from a phobia of driving that has a negative impact on his daily life, 293 00:26:06.920 --> 00:26:10.039 since he cannot travel and begins to fear even the train, the bus 294 00:26:10.039 --> 00:26:14.880 and the plane. When I come to my office, I explain to you 295 00:26:15.000 --> 00:26:19.400 that there are two types of crises, the endogenous ones due to natural substances 296 00:26:19.519 --> 00:26:25.920 that we secrete in these episodes and that they are often confused with heart attacks 297 00:26:25.960 --> 00:26:30.559 and exogenous ones due to some external event, such as the challenges that overcome 298 00:26:30.559 --> 00:26:33.799 us or the excess of occupations. Carlos has suffered an endogenous crisis, he 299 00:26:33.880 --> 00:26:38.359 has developed a traumatic phobia, because the experience of the crisis in the space 300 00:26:38.440 --> 00:26:42.599 where God has become a phobic. If, for example, I would have 301 00:26:42.680 --> 00:26:48.240 had her in an elevator, I would have had a phobia to climb in 302 00:26:48.240 --> 00:26:51.960 them. First, I' ll give you a pharmacotherapy to relieve anxiety and 303 00:26:52.000 --> 00:26:56.039 then I' ll do what we call a soteria. Soterism is a mechanism 304 00:26:56.079 --> 00:26:59.599 of African origin in which a person infers a positive effect on an object, 305 00:27:00.039 --> 00:27:03.119 for example, the one who always wears the same jacket for exams because it 306 00:27:03.200 --> 00:27:11.720 gives him luck. That is, we have a background medication that removes generalized 307 00:27:11.720 --> 00:27:17.759 anxiety from an object with positive properties. At the same time we give him 308 00:27:17.880 --> 00:27:22.000 a quick anxiolytic. I explain to Carlos that when an episode comes, he 309 00:27:22.039 --> 00:27:26.920 ' ll do two things. A cognitive message will be sent that will act 310 00:27:26.960 --> 00:27:33.160 by neutralizing that negative anticipation, repeating phrases as calm. Nothing happens to take 311 00:27:33.240 --> 00:27:40.519 the importance to the sensations breath encouragement will take the medication of rapid action, 312 00:27:41.400 --> 00:27:45.960 Following the therapy of progressive exposure, we begin to combat the phobia step by 313 00:27:45.960 --> 00:27:49.640 step. First he gets in the car and starts it. Then he goes 314 00:27:49.720 --> 00:27:55.480 around the block and gradually, following the previous guidelines, until he manages to 315 00:27:55.599 --> 00:28:00.720 drive again and regains confidence in himself from the fear of phobia. Four, 316 00:28:03.200 --> 00:28:07.039 phobia is an irrational fear in most cases, although on other occasions it has 317 00:28:07.119 --> 00:28:15.480 a basis and starts from a traumatic experience. We say irrational because we feel 318 00:28:15.519 --> 00:28:21.039 an uncontrollable fear that one cannot rule. There are many causes that may be 319 00:28:21.079 --> 00:28:26.559 behind the origin of childhood trauma phobia. An adult may have had a traumatic 320 00:28:26.559 --> 00:28:33.319 experience during his childhood. For example, a dog may have attacked him and 321 00:28:33.359 --> 00:28:37.559 the rest of his life experiences irrational fear of all dogs, psychological trauma. 322 00:28:40.400 --> 00:28:44.000 A parent may panic in the water and pass it on to his or her 323 00:28:44.039 --> 00:28:48.039 child through his or her reactions and behavior. In this case, it would 324 00:28:48.079 --> 00:28:52.920 be an acquired fear. Here the examples can be many. A person has 325 00:28:52.960 --> 00:28:56.759 a panic attack while driving on a day out of his city, a long 326 00:28:56.759 --> 00:29:02.640 weekend bridge and in full traffic jam, feels everything I' ve pointed out 327 00:29:02.759 --> 00:29:07.599 before, feeling that he can' t breathe tachycardia that makes him think of 328 00:29:07.640 --> 00:29:10.880 a heart attack fear of losing control of his person and because of that, 329 00:29:11.640 --> 00:29:18.240 reacts having phobia to drive on the road. Another case, one person has 330 00:29:18.359 --> 00:29:22.200 had an anxiety attack in a large, almost empty square with the above- 331 00:29:22.480 --> 00:29:26.720 mentioned symptoms, and that later causes an agoraphobia or phobia to large spaces. 332 00:29:27.319 --> 00:29:32.079 I give a third example, panic crisis in a department store, in days 333 00:29:32.119 --> 00:29:36.640 of sale, with many people and big queues. Shortly after this experience two 334 00:29:36.680 --> 00:29:42.160 complementary phobias appear. Anthropophobia or phobia to spaces with many people on one side, 335 00:29:42.400 --> 00:29:47.000 and claustrophobia or phobia to enclosed spaces, which leads you to avoid or 336 00:29:47.039 --> 00:29:56.640 postpone going to those sites and so on cultural phobias. In some cases, 337 00:29:56.039 --> 00:30:03.279 superstitions can be bred into phobias that are present in an entire society. Recent 338 00:30:03.359 --> 00:30:08.279 trauma, a person may panic speaking in public, for example, if he 339 00:30:08.599 --> 00:30:14.799 has had a very negative experience in the same situation. If you are a 340 00:30:14.920 --> 00:30:18.599 shy person and have been the target of mocking, you can start to tremble 341 00:30:18.720 --> 00:30:25.200 when you have a mic before you attacked by panic. A panic attack is 342 00:30:25.359 --> 00:30:29.160 a very intense fear reaction and, as I have commented on the preceding pages, 343 00:30:29.799 --> 00:30:34.400 it is often accompanied by obvious physical symptoms. There' s a cause 344 00:30:34.480 --> 00:30:41.279 or agent that triggers the trigger call. There are several types of panic attacks. 345 00:30:41.319 --> 00:30:45.279 Spontaneous is the most problematic, as it suddenly appears without the trigger being 346 00:30:45.279 --> 00:30:49.200 apparent and without the victim being able to relate it to any outside agent. 347 00:30:52.119 --> 00:30:57.079 The specific occurs at certain times or places. The patient can avoid the places 348 00:30:57.160 --> 00:31:02.680 or situations that cause the shooting, however, has the drawback that, depending 349 00:31:02.759 --> 00:31:07.039 on which one, it will not be easy to avoid it. Several measures 350 00:31:07.079 --> 00:31:12.599 that can help us fight panic attacks are to lead a life as normal as 351 00:31:12.680 --> 00:31:19.960 possible, not to think about the next crisis or attack to breathe properly. 352 00:31:22.039 --> 00:31:25.799 If you notice that you are approaching a situation that scares us, let us 353 00:31:25.880 --> 00:31:33.160 take a deep breath to stay busy, think positively and not get angry with 354 00:31:33.640 --> 00:31:38.480 yourself, not to give more importance to the attacks that you really have to 355 00:31:38.519 --> 00:31:42.079 put in the hands of the doctor. If the problem limits us, progressive 356 00:31:42.119 --> 00:31:48.400 exposure therapy and self- relaxation. This therapy we practiced in the case that 357 00:31:48.519 --> 00:31:53.519 I mentioned at the beginning of the chapter consists of facing the patient directly with 358 00:31:53.599 --> 00:31:59.039 the problem causing his anxiety, phobia or disorder. If done gradually, it 359 00:31:59.119 --> 00:32:01.440 is r is r and has shown that this therapy gives excellent and lasting results. 360 00:32:05.920 --> 00:32:08.680 In the case of agoraphobia. If we take the patient to an open 361 00:32:08.680 --> 00:32:14.680 space, it is better to do so accompanied by a person of your confidence 362 00:32:14.680 --> 00:32:16.680 who provides security. In the case of phobia to speak in public, the 363 00:32:16.920 --> 00:32:22.039 person must gradually be encouraged to face face- to- face with that fear. 364 00:32:22.039 --> 00:32:25.839 There will come a time when you will get used to it and the 365 00:32:25.839 --> 00:32:30.440 feeling of anxiety will disappear. This effective therapy is often combined with self- 366 00:32:30.119 --> 00:32:37.160 relaxation exercises. To do this we will begin focusing on breathing in every inhalation 367 00:32:37.160 --> 00:32:43.039 and exhalation. If we are at home, it is advisable to choose a 368 00:32:43.079 --> 00:32:46.200 quiet room with little light. We' ll sit on a chair with a 369 00:32:46.200 --> 00:32:51.920 straight back, close our eyes and concentrate on the tip of our toes. 370 00:32:52.960 --> 00:32:58.799 We will become aware of them, slowly climbing up to the feet, whole 371 00:32:57.720 --> 00:33:02.920 ankles, relax all the muscles in which we concentrate without haste and keeping the 372 00:33:04.039 --> 00:33:08.400 breathing deep and relaxed. We' ll focus on the thighs, the buttocks, 373 00:33:08.839 --> 00:33:14.519 the belly, the chest, the neck, the jaw. We will 374 00:33:14.519 --> 00:33:17.880 perceive the attention, something that we don' t really usually notice, although 375 00:33:17.920 --> 00:33:22.519 there are parts of our body, like the jaw, that are always in 376 00:33:22.519 --> 00:33:27.640 tension. For that reason, every time we are aware of it and relax 377 00:33:27.720 --> 00:33:32.519 it, we feel a quick and obvious relief. Once we have focused on 378 00:33:32.640 --> 00:33:37.319 each and every part of our body, we will give our mind pleasant images. 379 00:33:38.960 --> 00:33:43.920 We can think of beautiful and relaxing landscapes or the faces of people we 380 00:33:43.920 --> 00:33:50.000 love to throw away the fear of garbage. Ninety- five percent of phobias 381 00:33:50.039 --> 00:33:55.000 are cured The progressive exposure therapy that we have just seen together with the author 382 00:33:55.000 --> 00:34:00.799 relaxation is usually used. The patient is taught to master the reactions of his 383 00:34:00.839 --> 00:34:05.000 or her body and is influenced by his or her mind to change his or 384 00:34:05.039 --> 00:34:08.840 her mind until it leads to a positive feeling. However, some therapists are 385 00:34:08.920 --> 00:34:15.400 recently using fast therapy that gives good results in the first place, asking the 386 00:34:15.519 --> 00:34:22.880 patient to visualize in an induced state of calm what causes phobia. In case 387 00:34:22.880 --> 00:34:27.719 your nervous system remains calm, you should see it in perspective and tell how 388 00:34:27.760 --> 00:34:31.239 it feels. If your nervous system reacts to the vision of phobia, you 389 00:34:31.519 --> 00:34:36.480 should check and recognize the signs of your body, see the effects of your 390 00:34:36.559 --> 00:34:43.400 phobia vision. Once the effects are recognized, the patient will eliminate the discomfort. 391 00:34:43.679 --> 00:34:46.440 It will concentrate your mind on a part of your body where attention is 392 00:34:46.440 --> 00:34:50.920 stored. It will score from one to ten the intensity of that tension and 393 00:34:50.960 --> 00:34:55.039 give a certain shape to that tension, for example, a stone or a 394 00:34:55.039 --> 00:34:59.719 knot made. This will visualize mentally how he takes it with his hands and 395 00:34:59.840 --> 00:35:06.880 throws it away with strength. After performing this ritual, you will relax by 396 00:35:06.880 --> 00:35:10.039 breathing deeply. Right after that, the patient will again rate the intensity of 397 00:35:10.119 --> 00:35:15.920 the tension and repeat the visualization to throw away the object with which it identifies 398 00:35:15.960 --> 00:35:24.199 this negative sensation. This process should be repeated until fear wanes. Test one, 399 00:35:24.400 --> 00:35:30.400 when you think about death, I experience an intense feeling of panic when 400 00:35:30.400 --> 00:35:35.920 I get approached by any fleeting thoughts on that subject, beck accept that it 401 00:35:35.960 --> 00:35:40.119 is inevitable and helps me live life with more intensity two talk in public, 402 00:35:40.239 --> 00:35:45.159 catch a plane, get stuck in an elevator, suffer an illness, suffer 403 00:35:45.199 --> 00:35:52.480 a robbery at home, how you face your fears I tend to magnify their 404 00:35:52.559 --> 00:35:57.320 consequences even if there is no apparent risk that they will happen, and that 405 00:35:57.440 --> 00:36:00.519 causes me stress, anxiety and anguish. B relativized its impact and looked for 406 00:36:00.599 --> 00:36:07.440 a way not to affect or paralyze me. Three with your children ers ah 407 00:36:07.599 --> 00:36:13.960 extremely protective and prudent, see trying to promote self- esteem and self- 408 00:36:14.320 --> 00:36:19.239 confidence, letting them learn from their own mistakes. Four offer you the chance 409 00:36:19.280 --> 00:36:23.119 to change jobs. I' m afraid I' ll lose what I' 410 00:36:23.199 --> 00:36:28.159 ve already achieved and reject the offer. He sees rationally valuing prosilos against if 411 00:36:28.320 --> 00:36:32.280 I make the decision that best suits me without fear of change. Five, 412 00:36:32.480 --> 00:36:37.880 after several years working in the same company, the company breaks down and you 413 00:36:37.920 --> 00:36:43.679 lose your job, ah I stay paralyzed for a good season without knowing what 414 00:36:43.760 --> 00:36:49.800 to do to move on. The suffering of being hypersensitive. There is no 415 00:36:49.840 --> 00:36:55.679 truth. There is perception. Gustave Flaubert. Laura is fifty- three years 416 00:36:55.719 --> 00:37:00.880 old and shows up in my office with her husband José. He tells me 417 00:37:00.960 --> 00:37:05.159 that they have a problem, in fact, a silly conflict but that they 418 00:37:05.199 --> 00:37:08.280 can take the couple ahead. I' m starting to quote them separately. 419 00:37:09.360 --> 00:37:13.960 Laura has a sister two years younger than her, for whom her greatest illusion 420 00:37:14.039 --> 00:37:16.719 was to marry and have children. With the bad luck that she became single 421 00:37:16.840 --> 00:37:22.039 and frustrated, that is, what she designed as fundamental to her life has 422 00:37:22.079 --> 00:37:29.000 not worked and is bitter. This has given rise to a neurotic person who 423 00:37:29.079 --> 00:37:31.800 has not been able to solve that problem and assume it as a reality. 424 00:37:34.360 --> 00:37:37.800 The marriage spends part of the summer with her and Joseph and her sister- 425 00:37:38.199 --> 00:37:42.280 in- law practically don' t talk during the summer. As soon as 426 00:37:42.320 --> 00:37:45.920 they speak, they eat breakfast, they see themselves in the good morning. 427 00:37:46.000 --> 00:37:52.480 Communication is minimal. Laura wants her husband to accept the sister, but there 428 00:37:52.519 --> 00:37:58.800 are irrational differences between them, composed of small anecdotes almost infantile attitudes that make 429 00:37:58.920 --> 00:38:05.679 their life absorb simply impossible. I' ll talk to Laura and explain what 430 00:38:05.679 --> 00:38:07.599 we' ll do. When doctors working in the emergency department have a patient 431 00:38:07.679 --> 00:38:13.119 with brain skull trauma, they use a fundamental law in medicine, tackle the 432 00:38:13.199 --> 00:38:16.320 most serious somatic event in the first place and leave the least serious for later. 433 00:38:19.400 --> 00:38:22.000 In the case of brain skull trauma, the most important thing is the 434 00:38:22.039 --> 00:38:27.840 head. If a brain stops receiving blood for three minutes, it is affected 435 00:38:27.960 --> 00:38:31.239 for the rest of its life. That is, if a person arrives with 436 00:38:32.760 --> 00:38:37.880 rib bruises, broken dislocations and a blow to the head, the first thing 437 00:38:37.920 --> 00:38:44.199 is the head. Therefore, I explain to Laura that the most important thing 438 00:38:44.280 --> 00:38:49.440 is to follow an affective hierarchy. For a person like her, the main 439 00:38:49.480 --> 00:38:53.199 thing is her husband and his children. Her sister and anyone else can come 440 00:38:53.320 --> 00:38:59.360 immediately, but there is a priority. I design guidelines of conduct or Victor 441 00:38:59.480 --> 00:39:02.960 to discuss with José, not to remove the grievances of the past, not 442 00:39:04.039 --> 00:39:07.320 to discuss this issue and that when you go to Galicia in summer, do 443 00:39:07.320 --> 00:39:10.519 not sleep in the same house as your sister. Marriage has accepted my mediation 444 00:39:10.599 --> 00:39:20.079 and is putting the emotional paper skin advice into practice. A highly sensitive peace 445 00:39:20.159 --> 00:39:24.400 person is one who feels hypersensitivity to everything that happens around him. It may 446 00:39:24.519 --> 00:39:29.840 seem to the profane that this group of people are in constant conflict with the 447 00:39:29.920 --> 00:39:34.800 world around them. However, it is important to bear in mind that the 448 00:39:34.880 --> 00:39:38.679 conflict is with themselves. They often feel hurt with innocent comments. Very often 449 00:39:38.679 --> 00:39:43.760 they feel attacked with offenses that do not really exist, as susceptible profiles suffer 450 00:39:43.840 --> 00:39:50.599 from very low self- esteem and are tremendously vulnerable. They can react unforeseeably 451 00:39:50.679 --> 00:39:54.639 and the ease with which they feel injured results in a disproportionate ability to hurt 452 00:39:54.719 --> 00:39:59.519 others, as their counter- attacks, being offended, may become particularly virulent. 453 00:40:04.280 --> 00:40:07.000 Hypersensitivity has its origin in childhood and is developing throughout the existence of people. 454 00:40:10.000 --> 00:40:15.199 Marine therapist Berrolandegi thinks the following. As a child, the hypersensitive constructs 455 00:40:15.239 --> 00:40:20.199 a world of fantasies because he perceives a world that hurts him and causes him 456 00:40:20.320 --> 00:40:24.440 anguish and fear. In adolescence. He feels misunderstood and only because he finds 457 00:40:24.559 --> 00:40:30.920 no one to share his emotions with in maturity. The hypersensitive also suffers in 458 00:40:30.960 --> 00:40:36.880 his relationship as a couple. He is never satisfied with the affective demonstration of 459 00:40:36.880 --> 00:40:40.599 the other. He' s insecure, hoarding, absorbing, and jealous. 460 00:40:40.760 --> 00:40:45.239 It magnifies everyday scenes because it does not find the key to regulating emotions, 461 00:40:45.639 --> 00:40:53.519 which causes a permanent crisis of dissatisfaction and anguish. Crystal hearts. The hypersensitive 462 00:40:53.599 --> 00:41:00.280 personality may present some or several of the following behaviors and viduo is very concerned 463 00:41:00.360 --> 00:41:05.559 with what people may think or say about it. He often believes that others 464 00:41:05.599 --> 00:41:12.159 murmur and criticize him in the back. It can be very suspicious if you 465 00:41:12.280 --> 00:41:15.679 receive a positive criticism, it does not give half of importance to negative criticism. 466 00:41:16.199 --> 00:41:21.039 He reacts uncontrollably to what he or she considers a mockery. Although the 467 00:41:21.039 --> 00:41:25.719 commentary does not carry any negative burden, many times that answer is more internal 468 00:41:25.760 --> 00:41:30.519 and consists of a feeling badly attacked, not well treated, and a kind 469 00:41:30.519 --> 00:41:35.920 of inner monologue appears about what happened. Without being able to distance himself from 470 00:41:37.280 --> 00:41:40.239 that anecdote, his self- esteem is low and he needs the constant approval 471 00:41:40.239 --> 00:41:44.599 of those around him. This fact is aggravated by the fact that the pas 472 00:41:44.679 --> 00:41:51.159 are very critical. I get them highly conscientious and perfectionist. They are often 473 00:41:51.239 --> 00:41:57.599 shy and rather lonely. They don' t feel comfortable in agglomerations. In 474 00:41:57.679 --> 00:42:00.840 some cases they may feel attacked in places where there are strong lights or very 475 00:42:00.880 --> 00:42:07.800 high music as compensation for the difficulties they show in social life, they tend 476 00:42:07.920 --> 00:42:15.000 to have great artistic and intellectual gifts. In general, alcohol and drug abuse 477 00:42:15.039 --> 00:42:17.519 often affects them more negatively than others, so these people need to lead a 478 00:42:17.519 --> 00:42:30.000 particularly orderly and regular life. Some remedies for highly sensitive people channel the inner 479 00:42:30.039 --> 00:42:36.599 life through art, signing up for sculpture painting or writing workshops is highly therapeutic 480 00:42:36.679 --> 00:42:40.760 for these people, who can start by writing in a blank notebook, a 481 00:42:40.760 --> 00:42:47.159 diary where they can translate their experiences, opinions or sensations, learn to react 482 00:42:47.239 --> 00:42:52.239 more with the head than with the heart. We can call this that, 483 00:42:52.559 --> 00:42:58.119 learn to be more Cartesian five, let go of the viserality with which it 484 00:42:58.239 --> 00:43:05.320 all feels. The highly susceptible person must be more cerebral and not react automatically 485 00:43:05.320 --> 00:43:09.519 when he hears an opinion that a priori may seem offensive to him. If 486 00:43:09.559 --> 00:43:15.039 you quarantine it and let a few hours or days pass, you will surely 487 00:43:15.039 --> 00:43:21.440 see that the comment was of no importance to judge things, not others. 488 00:43:21.840 --> 00:43:25.199 Often more than judging is prejudged, which can predispose a person against before anything 489 00:43:25.280 --> 00:43:32.360 happens. If we do not prejudge, we will avoid many conflicts. Better 490 00:43:32.440 --> 00:43:37.519 to judge the acts themselves than the people. In this way we will gain 491 00:43:37.599 --> 00:43:44.960 distance and we will be able to consider such an act or opinion with perspective, 492 00:43:45.360 --> 00:43:45.920 not feel attacked and minimize the facts. This is an art that, 493 00:43:46.320 --> 00:43:53.719 like everything else, requires successive learning. Six practice empathy. The susceptible person 494 00:43:53.800 --> 00:43:59.039 has to learn to put himself on the skin of others. You will thus 495 00:43:59.079 --> 00:44:02.320 gain a degree of maturity or you will be able to understand opinions and comments 496 00:44:02.320 --> 00:44:08.159 much better. Detect the days when one is more susceptible than normal. There 497 00:44:08.239 --> 00:44:12.800 are days when we get out of bed in a cloudy or stormy mood. 498 00:44:13.760 --> 00:44:17.360 If we are aware of it, we will give less importance to our perception 499 00:44:17.360 --> 00:44:23.480 of things. Seven According to this typology embodied in his writings by Caucus Savion, 500 00:44:23.920 --> 00:44:30.880 extroverted people are charged with energy, are extremely sociable and open to everything 501 00:44:30.000 --> 00:44:35.159 around them. They like to face new challenges. If they don' t 502 00:44:35.199 --> 00:44:39.000 get scared when it comes to taking risks, they adjust and feel comfortable with 503 00:44:39.039 --> 00:44:43.880 the society in which they live. If this society undergoes changes or evolves, 504 00:44:44.280 --> 00:44:50.679 the extrovert will have no difficulty in adapting to these transformations. In addition, 505 00:44:51.159 --> 00:44:58.239 extroverted people are great communicators and have no problem expressing their feelings. On the 506 00:44:58.239 --> 00:45:02.639 contrary, they need to. They are social, friendly and seductive, although 507 00:45:02.639 --> 00:45:07.760 sometimes they can also be violent, burdensome and rude. On the one hand, 508 00:45:08.039 --> 00:45:13.280 they communicate well with the introverts, because they admire the ability to gather 509 00:45:13.360 --> 00:45:17.960 and the discretion they lack. However, conflict may occur when the extrovert sees 510 00:45:19.079 --> 00:45:25.039 his opponent too quiet or inaccessible at key times. The introvert, on the 511 00:45:25.039 --> 00:45:30.159 other hand, prefers to isolate himself in his own world, in his security 512 00:45:30.159 --> 00:45:34.119 bubble. He can often be seen in himself with his thoughts and fantasies enjoying 513 00:45:34.159 --> 00:45:40.480 a rich inner life. These profiles are good workers thanks to their concentration power 514 00:45:40.559 --> 00:45:46.119 and are enemies of giving up things half way. They admire the sympathy and 515 00:45:46.199 --> 00:45:51.760 gift of people who are extroverted, but sometimes consider them meddling, childish and 516 00:45:51.760 --> 00:45:58.960 superficial. It is interesting the opinion expressed by Professor Adriana that more dream in 517 00:45:59.000 --> 00:46:02.639 her introver writing of ns extroversion. Extroverts see an objective world made up of 518 00:46:02.760 --> 00:46:08.199 external people and events, particularly those in their immediate environment, and they act 519 00:46:08.239 --> 00:46:14.519 within that world. Introverts feel more harmonized to their subjective and inner world, 520 00:46:14.760 --> 00:46:22.280 which is not directly perceptible by others and sometimes even for themselves. Timidity or 521 00:46:22.320 --> 00:46:28.880 social phobia. First of all, it is necessary to differentiate between being introverted 522 00:46:28.920 --> 00:46:32.480 and suffering pathological shyness social phobia. The introvert feels more comfortable in your world. 523 00:46:34.920 --> 00:46:37.000 He has chosen to live his interiority more and does not have to have 524 00:46:37.079 --> 00:46:42.760 problems communicating with others, even if he prefers to keep distance from the rest 525 00:46:42.840 --> 00:46:46.960 of society and be small when it comes to talking. The shy person suffers 526 00:46:47.079 --> 00:46:52.199 from a great lack of security in itself that in many cases can be overcome. 527 00:46:52.239 --> 00:46:57.239 However, there are cases where shyness causes enormous suffering and inability to communicate. 528 00:46:58.719 --> 00:47:04.480 It is important to note that their loneliness is not voluntary. The shy 529 00:47:04.559 --> 00:47:08.079 one usually has real terror of ridicule, he is unable to speak in public. 530 00:47:08.480 --> 00:47:13.360 Asking for a favor or getting attention in a place where there are unknown 531 00:47:13.360 --> 00:47:17.760 people, even asking where the bathrooms are can be quite an impossible challenge to 532 00:47:17.760 --> 00:47:23.159 overcome. At a time of pathological shyness, the affected person may become somatized. 533 00:47:24.840 --> 00:47:30.480 Thus we observe redness of the face, sweating in the hands, tachycardia 534 00:47:30.519 --> 00:47:36.400 and even dizziness and a feeling of panic. At first, the fact that 535 00:47:36.400 --> 00:47:42.079 a child or adolescent is very shy is not serious. It is a very 536 00:47:42.079 --> 00:47:45.360 common problem at this stage of life. However, care must be taken to 537 00:47:45.360 --> 00:47:50.599 ensure that shyness does not lead the person to lock himself up. In time. 538 00:47:51.280 --> 00:47:54.159 An overly shy teen or adult may become an inappropriate use of alcohol to 539 00:47:54.199 --> 00:48:00.199 become uninhibited, have great difficulties in associating with one another and sentimentally, and 540 00:48:00.239 --> 00:48:05.079 his or her working life may not bear the fruits that he or she should 541 00:48:05.079 --> 00:48:08.519 have for his or her intellectual ability. B Start listing the problems I had 542 00:48:08.599 --> 00:48:15.400 uncomfortable hotel mosquitoes, poor quality of food two. Your boss is wondering if 543 00:48:15.519 --> 00:48:21.519 you need help in the performance of your job. I sincerely appreciate your interest 544 00:48:21.639 --> 00:48:25.960 and appreciate the advantages of your offer. B I suspect that you are not 545 00:48:27.000 --> 00:48:35.199 satisfied with my work and that he wants to replace me three in a family 546 00:48:35.239 --> 00:48:37.599 conversation, you have listened and accepted the comments of the rest, even if 547 00:48:37.599 --> 00:48:43.519 he disagrees. I' m used to playing the singing voice and I react 548 00:48:43.599 --> 00:48:46.920 badly if someone' s against me. Four after a day of stressful work, 549 00:48:47.559 --> 00:48:53.199 I try to leave the worries behind and enjoy a relaxing evening with family 550 00:48:53.239 --> 00:49:00.559 or friends. B I share anxiety with my people and end up infecting the 551 00:49:00.639 --> 00:49:05.519 moment of my negativity. Five, Ambulance sirens, construction noise, traffic, 552 00:49:05.920 --> 00:49:10.320 agglomerations A are typical of my urban environment and I am used to their presence. 553 00:49:14.760 --> 00:49:19.400 I find B more and more unbearable and they make me in a very 554 00:49:19.400 --> 00:49:23.159 bad mood. Six, your house tends to be rather messy and somewhat chaotic. 555 00:49:25.039 --> 00:49:29.639 I prefer to spend my free time with mine, to read TV, 556 00:49:29.840 --> 00:49:36.639 to practice sports, you see perfectly clean and everything in your place. I 557 00:49:36.760 --> 00:49:40.440 can' t stand the mess. Seven in the face of a situation of 558 00:49:42.440 --> 00:49:45.719 danger or risk to react calmly and I do not let myself be carried away 559 00:49:45.719 --> 00:49:50.119 by the nerves. See I get scared easily and I can get to block 560 00:49:50.239 --> 00:49:53.039 myself completely if I don' t control the situation. For each answer, 561 00:49:53.880 --> 00:50:00.639 add two points. For each answer see adds a point less than eight points. 562 00:50:01.679 --> 00:50:06.760 Your answers indicate that you are a hypersensitive person before everything that happens around 563 00:50:06.800 --> 00:50:14.800 you is difficult to control your reactions, at times certainly disproportionate. The time 564 00:50:14.840 --> 00:50:17.800 may have come to lower your demands and stop being such a perfectionist and conscientious 565 00:50:17.840 --> 00:50:28.800 person, leaving behind viserality and practicing empathy about endogenous depression. The world is 566 00:50:28.880 --> 00:50:34.840 full of suffering, but it is also full of overcoming it. At Keyer, 567 00:50:36.280 --> 00:50:38.920 Marcos' parents have been very concerned since he turned ten, although he 568 00:50:40.000 --> 00:50:44.679 goes to a good school and is very much loved by his colleagues at one 569 00:50:44.760 --> 00:50:47.159 time. To this part, the child communicates little and is sad and dissatisfied 570 00:50:47.159 --> 00:50:53.320 in the courtyard. He isolates himself from the others and looks down. Although 571 00:50:53.320 --> 00:50:58.639 his teachers have tried to talk to him. Marcos rejects any kind of help 572 00:50:58.840 --> 00:51:01.039 or no one knows what is happening to him. Until you come to my 573 00:51:01.119 --> 00:51:07.840 office, the child shows the symptoms of endogenous depression. That explains why contact 574 00:51:07.840 --> 00:51:13.639 is denied by the episodes of anguish and irritability described to me by the parents, 575 00:51:13.880 --> 00:51:19.559 as well as the excessive fear of death. We begin a pharmacological treatment 576 00:51:19.599 --> 00:51:22.440 while explaining to parents what this type of depression consists of so that they know 577 00:51:22.480 --> 00:51:28.079 the situation of the child and can support him in the best way. When 578 00:51:28.119 --> 00:51:32.559 the body gets depressed, endogenous depression occurs because of a chemical imbalance in the 579 00:51:32.679 --> 00:51:37.639 brain. The patient suffering from this type of depression does not have to have 580 00:51:37.679 --> 00:51:45.280 had a traumatic experience or have experienced severe loss. It is even possible that 581 00:51:45.360 --> 00:51:50.960 he suffers from depression from birth and does not know that he has lived with 582 00:51:51.079 --> 00:51:53.320 the disease all his existence, believing that he is part of his way of 583 00:51:53.320 --> 00:51:59.039 being. One of the most serious symptoms of endogenous depression is the suicidal tendency. 584 00:52:00.679 --> 00:52:04.519 If that happens, even if it is overcome, you must immediately go 585 00:52:04.559 --> 00:52:07.440 to a specialist, since the crisis can re- emerge at any time. 586 00:52:08.400 --> 00:52:14.239 It should be noted that this type of depression can be successfully treated with pharmacotherapy. 587 00:52:15.679 --> 00:52:20.840 Within this category, most of the complete depressive symptoms are called tetradimensional, 588 00:52:20.960 --> 00:52:30.360 characterized by highly accentuated symptoms. Anedonia penetrating, not feeling pleasure or inclination towards 589 00:52:30.559 --> 00:52:37.639 everything that usually produces taste, enjoyment, deep sadness, different in quantity and 590 00:52:37.679 --> 00:52:39.880 quality of the sadness of life that everyone has for something negative that has happened 591 00:52:40.000 --> 00:52:45.199 to him, feeling guilty of exploring the past and taking out a negative box 592 00:52:45.239 --> 00:52:51.400 archery reproaches oneself list of real facts or not that deform in negative and turn 593 00:52:51.800 --> 00:52:59.559 against one. In terms of more physical symptomatology, it is worth mentioning the 594 00:52:59.639 --> 00:53:05.960 inhibition or psychomotor enhancement and the more or less accentuated sensation of narcosis or mental 595 00:53:05.960 --> 00:53:09.079 anesthesia. There is also a deterioration of communication that presents the lack of reaction 596 00:53:09.079 --> 00:53:15.360 to positive or pleasant environmental stimuli, appearing episodes of bad mood, apathy, 597 00:53:15.679 --> 00:53:22.039 distrust or irritability. Among the so- called rhythmopathic symptoms, outbreaks of late 598 00:53:22.159 --> 00:53:28.960 insomnia are common, early awakening with impossibility to resume sleep with the corresponding exhaustion 599 00:53:29.039 --> 00:53:35.480 that this causes, contrasting with reactive depressions, in which it is possible to 600 00:53:35.519 --> 00:53:39.800 find triggering factors. The symptoms, severity and intensity differ according to the patient. 601 00:53:42.320 --> 00:53:47.760 They are usually the following loss of appetite and, consequently, weight loss, 602 00:53:49.079 --> 00:53:53.000 disinterested by everything around the individual, including things that once enthralled him insomnia 603 00:53:53.079 --> 00:54:00.440 and, as a consequence, physical and mental exhaustion or the other way around, 604 00:54:00.800 --> 00:54:07.480 hypersomnia, tendency to sleep too much fear of the future, loss of 605 00:54:07.480 --> 00:54:13.440 hope. Suicide tendencies can be ideas, intermittent or rather fixed thoughts or inclinations 606 00:54:13.519 --> 00:54:17.480 that come and go and produce great suffering, feelings of inhibition, sadness, 607 00:54:17.719 --> 00:54:24.599 extreme melancholy. There is an entire oceanography of it rich and varied. It 608 00:54:24.679 --> 00:54:30.000 is a polychrome of experiences presided over by a decrease in the mood, with 609 00:54:30.280 --> 00:54:32.519 the nuances of each one' s culture and the richness of verbal expression, 610 00:54:34.119 --> 00:54:40.760 evil, humor, irritability. If a person has a depressive condition with some 611 00:54:40.840 --> 00:54:45.079 of these symptoms, even if it is quite mild, it is better to 612 00:54:45.119 --> 00:54:52.400 prevent and go to a specialist, especially if suicidal tendencies appear the names of 613 00:54:52.519 --> 00:54:58.079 sadness nine. Many current psychiatrists have stopped distinguishing between exogenous and endogenous depression, 614 00:54:58.599 --> 00:55:02.320 preferring to a broader classification for the various types of depressions from which we will 615 00:55:02.320 --> 00:55:10.639 highlight the following. Severe depression major depressive disorder the symptoms suffered by the patient 616 00:55:10.679 --> 00:55:15.920 act relentlessly in the day to day, incapacitating him to lead a normal life. 617 00:55:16.400 --> 00:55:22.840 It' s the most serious dysthymia. Chronic depression presents symptoms similar to 618 00:55:22.880 --> 00:55:28.760 severe depression but in lesser intensity, lasting longer for at least two years. 619 00:55:30.679 --> 00:55:36.559 The patient may lead an almost normal life, but symptoms clearly affect him. 620 00:55:37.639 --> 00:55:42.800 Today, the psychiatrist and psychologist must know how important it is to combine medication 621 00:55:42.800 --> 00:55:50.519 and psychotherapy well. Bipolar disorder. Depressive manic disease, although it has a 622 00:55:50.599 --> 00:55:53.519 separate entity from depression. Those who suffer from it see altered the system that 623 00:55:53.559 --> 00:56:00.559 regulates the mood. The patient has sudden mood swings, losing tempora. Morally 624 00:56:00.599 --> 00:56:07.000 reason. This disorder rarely develops in childhood. It' s more like adulthood, 625 00:56:07.400 --> 00:56:09.760 but it' s not always and it' s usually hereditary. Today 626 00:56:09.800 --> 00:56:17.039 the prognosis has changed in positive with the new advances atypical depression. Patients are 627 00:56:17.079 --> 00:56:22.280 people who eat and sleep excessively. Because of them, they blame themselves and 628 00:56:22.360 --> 00:56:27.320 have an overwhelming feeling of rejection they think they don' t like others. 629 00:56:28.440 --> 00:56:35.599 Double depression. This is a complication of chronic depression or distinction. Symptoms are 630 00:56:35.639 --> 00:56:39.199 aggravated in some episodes to reach the level of severe depression or major seasonal affective 631 00:56:39.239 --> 00:56:47.360 disorder. They are depressive pictures that occur periodically when autumn and winter arrive when 632 00:56:47.400 --> 00:56:54.199 spring arrives, the patient usually improves. The patient usually overeats and overslepts himself. 633 00:56:55.280 --> 00:57:01.800 When in the critical phase, premenstrual non- dysphoric disorder. The word 634 00:57:01.880 --> 00:57:07.760 dysphoria moves near the term euphoria joy and pathological vitality and means a mixture of 635 00:57:07.840 --> 00:57:13.639 diffuse anxiety and ill- drawn irritability. It is a state of mind presided 636 00:57:13.719 --> 00:57:20.159 over by this experience and given the week before menstruation. According to the press 637 00:57:20.239 --> 00:57:27.440 agency and Llobopo pras, the statistics of depression are usually reported when the menstrual 638 00:57:27.440 --> 00:57:30.280 period arrives In the two thousand nine, there were ten percent Spaniards, about 639 00:57:30.280 --> 00:57:38.559 four million inhabitants suffering from some form of depression. The study showed that only 640 00:57:38.679 --> 00:57:45.880 40 per cent of them received appropriate treatment. Unfortunately, statistics are on the 641 00:57:45.880 --> 00:57:52.199 rise, as the economic crisis has exacerbated these figures alarmingly. In the last 642 00:57:52.320 --> 00:57:57.039 five years, cases of depression have increased in Spain by nineteen comma forty percent, 643 00:57:57.280 --> 00:58:00.880 according to data provided by the journalist No Travel in the without service of 644 00:58:00.000 --> 00:58:06.960 information and scientific news. In an article published in June of the two thousand 645 00:58:07.079 --> 00:58:10.320 twelve he mentions that cases of chronic pressure distinction grew by ten or eighty percent, 646 00:58:10.920 --> 00:58:15.199 while cases of anxiety increased by eight comma forty percent, and panic attacks 647 00:58:15.320 --> 00:58:22.360 also continued. This tonic, rising to a six comma forty percent. Depression 648 00:58:22.400 --> 00:58:25.840 currently affects more than 350 million people worldwide and causes approximately one million suicides each 649 00:58:25.920 --> 00:58:34.679 year. In other words, some 3, 000 people take their lives a 650 00:58:34.760 --> 00:58:38.199 day. It should be borne in mind that for every person who manages to 651 00:58:38.440 --> 00:58:42.840 commit suicide, there are twenty who have not completed it, often because they 652 00:58:42.880 --> 00:58:46.800 try to draw attention to the psychological drama they are suffering. Greece was one 653 00:58:46.800 --> 00:58:51.079 of the countries in the world where the suicide rate will be lower, but 654 00:58:51.440 --> 00:58:55.239 due to the rampant economic crisis, the rate of suicide attempts increased by thirty 655 00:58:55.400 --> 00:59:00.519 - six percent in the year two thousand eleven. The country with the highest 656 00:59:00.559 --> 00:59:05.760 percentage of people suffering from depression is France with a total of twenty- one 657 00:59:06.119 --> 00:59:10.840 percent, followed by the United States with a nineteen coma twenty percent. Understanding 658 00:59:10.880 --> 00:59:17.360 episodes of sadness, the word happiness would lose its meaning if it were not 659 00:59:17.440 --> 00:59:23.679 balanced by sadness. Carl gustav Jun Olga is an eighty- three- year 660 00:59:23.960 --> 00:59:28.159 - old woman, classy and very presumptuous, who always comes to my office 661 00:59:28.239 --> 00:59:31.400 with her household employee. The first time I see her, I object to 662 00:59:31.480 --> 00:59:37.400 her presenting a depressive background motivated by isolation. It has what today is called 663 00:59:37.519 --> 00:59:43.000 a depressive life, without challenges, nothing stimulating in the future a solitary existence. 664 00:59:44.000 --> 00:59:47.440 Every summer he travels to Santander to see his sister and niece. She 665 00:59:47.519 --> 00:59:52.920 takes her to do things and her mood changes radically. As I' m 666 00:59:52.920 --> 00:59:58.679 told, the maid even forgets her pills. Suddenly his life is filled and 667 00:59:58.719 --> 01:00:01.159 there is an activation by himself of having things to do, because they count 668 01:00:01.280 --> 01:00:07.320 on it during those four weeks. He is another person when he returns to 669 01:00:07.639 --> 01:00:13.480 Madrid, Olga returns to the same pattern. We are working our daily habits 670 01:00:13.599 --> 01:00:16.079 to move that animation and encouragement into your life in the city, so that 671 01:00:16.159 --> 01:00:23.440 you can leave behind the exogenous depression external causes of depression. It is necessary 672 01:00:23.480 --> 01:00:29.000 to know how to distinguish here between the macrotraumas of enormous gravity on the pointed 673 01:00:29.079 --> 01:00:35.239 line and the microtraumas, which are of lesser intensity but form a constellation of 674 01:00:35.360 --> 01:00:39.360 less important factors and the sum of them all destabilizes the person. In either 675 01:00:39.400 --> 01:00:44.679 case, as its name indicates the exogenous depression at ten is caused by an 676 01:00:44.760 --> 01:00:50.079 external agent. That is, there is a reason for a person to suffer. 677 01:00:50.199 --> 01:00:54.719 This disease may be caused by countless causes, but we will cite the 678 01:00:54.719 --> 01:01:00.559 most common. In fact, often a depressive picture results not in a single 679 01:01:00.679 --> 01:01:06.679 cause, but in several of them. Death of a loved one, loss 680 01:01:06.760 --> 01:01:12.320 of someone very important to us, always creates trauma. There is usually a 681 01:01:12.400 --> 01:01:15.719 normal period of mourning, but if it lengthens over time and the person does 682 01:01:15.800 --> 01:01:21.039 not react, the state of sadness may degenerate. In pathology, time heals 683 01:01:21.039 --> 01:01:28.760 all wounds. The great Balsam is an economic failure of some importance. This 684 01:01:28.840 --> 01:01:34.440 impact is decisive and produces a psychological collapse response whose intensity depends on many nuances. 685 01:01:36.440 --> 01:01:40.360 A loving failure to be requited by the loved one can be devastating in 686 01:01:40.400 --> 01:01:47.599 the mood, especially in adolescents. Failure of a relationship can also lead to 687 01:01:47.599 --> 01:01:53.679 depressive disorders. In women sentimental disappointment is harder, while in men economic and 688 01:01:53.760 --> 01:02:00.960 professional failure is more shocking. Today this has changed to a large extent with 689 01:02:00.000 --> 01:02:08.599 the incorporation of women into traditionally male work activities. Social Hostility, an atmosphere 690 01:02:08.639 --> 01:02:15.480 of rejection is highly destructive to anyone. Schools are a breeding ground for this. 691 01:02:15.360 --> 01:02:20.760 If a child is the object of jokes, heavy jokes, threats or 692 01:02:20.800 --> 01:02:24.920 assaults by other partners, symptoms of depression can appear and also occurs in adults 693 01:02:24.960 --> 01:02:32.280 when there is hostility in the neighborhood work environment of an unwanted couple alone people 694 01:02:32.360 --> 01:02:36.519 who live very isolated or have been locked up in themselves or for a number 695 01:02:36.559 --> 01:02:39.119 of reasons, have no social life or live to work or for a sum 696 01:02:39.239 --> 01:02:46.559 of different factors. The result is severe and may have a difficult prognosis. 697 01:02:46.639 --> 01:02:54.840 Eleven lack of sunlight. The high incidence of depression in the Nordic countries has 698 01:02:54.960 --> 01:03:00.840 much to do with the lack of solar rays. In fact, to alleviate 699 01:03:00.880 --> 01:03:04.800 the effects of any depression, one of the measures is to walk in the 700 01:03:04.840 --> 01:03:12.719 open air and receive sun on our skin remedies against sadness. We are currently 701 01:03:12.719 --> 01:03:17.280 exposed to many negative influences that can undermine our mood. To the bad news 702 01:03:17.320 --> 01:03:22.480 that comes to us through the media. They add the general nervousness and a 703 01:03:22.519 --> 01:03:27.760 state of discouragement that ends up in the population. To prevent depression from settling 704 01:03:27.800 --> 01:03:31.360 in us we need more than ever to take care of our body and mind, 705 01:03:31.679 --> 01:03:37.320 so that we can face any difficulty with good courage. Consider some practical 706 01:03:37.400 --> 01:03:44.079 steps that we can take in the day to day rests the necessary hours. 707 01:03:45.039 --> 01:03:50.360 Insomnia is another major cause of depression and other diseases. As we have said 708 01:03:50.400 --> 01:03:54.960 before, if work and worries overwhelm us, we must know how to disconnect 709 01:03:54.960 --> 01:04:00.800 and not steal hours from sleep you see. I have always two pons of 710 01:04:00.880 --> 01:04:06.039 all this needs an education of the look and the effort to have a long 711 01:04:06.119 --> 01:04:13.880 view of the play is also maturity. Avoid Alcohol is already a potent depressive 712 01:04:13.960 --> 01:04:18.320 agent, even more so if we take it too much. The so- 713 01:04:19.079 --> 01:04:27.000 called social lubricant is certainly a double- edged weapon that enjoys food. Avoid 714 01:04:27.039 --> 01:04:31.519 fast or heavy foods. It' s not about skipping meals, it' 715 01:04:31.559 --> 01:04:35.639 s about eating in a healthy and measured way. It is better to eat 716 01:04:35.679 --> 01:04:41.840 little and often stay a heist. Once or twice a day. Look for 717 01:04:41.920 --> 01:04:46.320 healthy relationships, call your friends, stay with them, talk and get rid 718 01:04:46.360 --> 01:04:50.000 of a nice conversation with a person. Finally it can raise the mood in 719 01:04:50.119 --> 01:04:56.199 a remarkable way. Let' s not stay home with our cavilations. It 720 01:04:56.239 --> 01:05:01.239 ' s very positive to air them. It performs activity in the open air, 721 01:05:01.559 --> 01:05:05.079 as we have seen, sunlight and a little physical exercise are vital to 722 01:05:05.159 --> 01:05:14.320 regulate our organism. The programmed sport is order and dissolves blurred sorrows. Don 723 01:05:14.400 --> 01:05:16.840 ' t make a mountain out of a grain of sand. There' s 724 01:05:16.880 --> 01:05:21.639 no need to magnify the problems. Twelve of them will not seem important to 725 01:05:21.679 --> 01:05:29.000 us when we see them with perspective from here in time check your family tree. 726 01:05:30.039 --> 01:05:35.480 If we have a history of family members with depression, it is advisable 727 01:05:35.880 --> 01:05:42.360 to monitor our state, but without obsessing about it a serious issue. We 728 01:05:42.400 --> 01:05:45.199 have talked about prevention and advice to overcome depression, but we need to be 729 01:05:45.320 --> 01:05:48.840 careful, as they are only a complement in case we are facing severe depression. 730 01:05:50.960 --> 01:05:55.639 If this were the situation, take walks in the sun talk to others 731 01:05:55.719 --> 01:06:01.559 and eat properly. They are valid and important resources, but insufficient. According 732 01:06:01.599 --> 01:06:06.039 to the American psychiatrist Pillo de Kramer, only one in eight depression patients receive 733 01:06:06.039 --> 01:06:12.559 the treatment they need. In her book against depression she insists that it is 734 01:06:12.639 --> 01:06:15.719 a serious illness that should be treated with the same seriousness as cancer or malaria. 735 01:06:17.599 --> 01:06:21.519 It should be borne in mind that depression can seriously alter our body. 736 01:06:23.480 --> 01:06:27.480 It' s not a melancholy that can be healed with a Marx Brothers film, 737 01:06:27.760 --> 01:06:31.800 a little sport and dinner with friends. Depression is very destructive, as 738 01:06:32.039 --> 01:06:39.119 it alters the glands. The prefrontal cortex, the circulatory system, and the 739 01:06:39.119 --> 01:06:44.840 hippocampus. The brain suffers real physical havoc. Depression is a disease to be 740 01:06:44.840 --> 01:06:48.360 treated by specialists, who will propose the most appropriate therapy, be it pharmacotherapy, 741 01:06:48.599 --> 01:06:56.559 psychotherapy or the combination of different therapeutic systems. If it is exogenous, 742 01:06:56.800 --> 01:07:02.280 we must add therapy, work, occupation and sociotherapy and agent relationships. If 743 01:07:02.360 --> 01:07:06.519 we believe that we are suffering from depression and have the feeling that our family 744 01:07:06.559 --> 01:07:12.000 doctor has not been able to identify the disease, let us ask a second 745 01:07:12.039 --> 01:07:17.440 opinion from a specialist return to the hole. Firstly, a clarification of something 746 01:07:17.519 --> 01:07:24.440 that has been said too lightly. Antidepressants don' t create addiction. This 747 01:07:24.559 --> 01:07:28.280 is a prejudice that has done much harm and has turned away from the treatment 748 01:07:28.320 --> 01:07:31.280 of patients who needed it. However, the doses of each intake and the 749 01:07:31.320 --> 01:07:38.679 duration of treatment should be monitored by a specialist. It is true that psychopharmaceuticals 750 01:07:38.719 --> 01:07:44.320 may cause some annoying side effects, but they are usually not serious. In 751 01:07:44.400 --> 01:07:47.679 any case, when they appear, it is essential to inform the doctor so 752 01:07:47.760 --> 01:07:53.679 that he or she can change or reformulate our therapy. Never leave a medication 753 01:07:53.719 --> 01:07:57.599 without consulting the doctor, as the risk of relapse would be very high. 754 01:07:59.599 --> 01:08:05.280 In addition, many relapses end up being more severe than the original depression and 755 01:08:05.400 --> 01:08:11.719 the situation could be complicated. Abandoning treatment is a very delicate thing, as 756 01:08:11.719 --> 01:08:15.400 the patient needs to be followed up to make sure that he has effectively overcome 757 01:08:15.480 --> 01:08:19.760 the depressive disorder. It' s not as simple as stopping taking a simple 758 01:08:19.840 --> 01:08:29.840 cough syrup appendage self- esteem in childhood. Although a child has no memory 759 01:08:29.880 --> 01:08:33.800 of his first three years, childhood is the happiest age in life. It 760 01:08:33.880 --> 01:08:38.560 is rare for facts of that time to be remembered. Except for exceptions, 761 01:08:40.000 --> 01:08:44.439 the brain memory indramas are still unable to retain those first- time experiences, 762 01:08:44.680 --> 01:08:48.840 which are unforgettable for the mother and totally forgettable for the child. The border 763 01:08:48.920 --> 01:08:55.560 is winding about when the first images begin to be held and archived. Few 764 01:08:55.560 --> 01:09:00.720 questions intrigue psychologists more than this. When and how children begin to think with 765 01:09:00.720 --> 01:09:08.359 symbols and how their mind is growing. He was Jeantierje, one of the 766 01:09:08.399 --> 01:09:12.279 pioneers in these issues and affirmed that we should not consider the mind of a 767 01:09:12.439 --> 01:09:15.520 child as a miniature model of the adult, since they elaborate their knowledge of 768 01:09:15.600 --> 01:09:20.239 the world in a radically different way. Everything is developing according to ascending stages 769 01:09:20.239 --> 01:09:29.760 ranging from simple reflections that are associated with increasingly abstract reasonings. Fourteen the brain 770 01:09:29.880 --> 01:09:33.399 matures by creating concepts that Piajet calls schemes that are ways of looking at the 771 01:09:33.439 --> 01:09:38.920 world according to previous experiences and that help us for the experiences that will come 772 01:09:39.000 --> 01:09:45.159 in the future. We move from simple schemes to more complex ones. When 773 01:09:45.279 --> 01:09:48.600 a mother feeds her child during the first months of her life and gives her 774 01:09:48.720 --> 01:09:53.800 breast the great psychological benefit is to the mother, who feels a special tenderness 775 01:09:53.920 --> 01:09:58.359 when she realizes that a being of her own flesh and blood needs absolutely everything 776 01:09:58.439 --> 01:10:02.000 to survive, and she gives herself totally to him. For the baby the 777 01:10:02.079 --> 01:10:06.479 benefit is physical, because if the mother is in healthy conditions, breast milk 778 01:10:06.560 --> 01:10:11.760 is the best. But what is clear is that the child is not going 779 01:10:11.840 --> 01:10:15.640 to have memories of that experience, even though smile be cheerful and recognize the 780 01:10:15.680 --> 01:10:20.640 mother for smelling. When an animal is born at the time of being in 781 01:10:20.720 --> 01:10:25.880 this world, it already has a mobility and behavioral devices of its species that 782 01:10:25.920 --> 01:10:30.079 make it practically self- serving. All genetics are set in motion and within 783 01:10:30.119 --> 01:10:33.960 a few weeks his learning makes him position himself at the same level as his 784 01:10:33.960 --> 01:10:41.000 parents. In the child the opposite happens, it is born defenseless to the 785 01:10:41.000 --> 01:10:45.439 maximum. Not only can he not stand for himself, but he needs help 786 01:10:45.520 --> 01:10:49.079 from the most elementary and primary. This is the great paradox between the child 787 01:10:49.119 --> 01:10:53.960 and the animal. We see it in a chick, in a bervatillo, 788 01:10:54.520 --> 01:10:58.560 in a dog cub and, of course, on the phylogenetic scale of the 789 01:10:58.640 --> 01:11:02.560 higher animals, such as the monkey or the Chimpanzee. It takes about a 790 01:11:02.680 --> 01:11:09.439 year for humans to reach the same level as mammals at birth. It is 791 01:11:09.479 --> 01:11:15.000 the absolute helplessness and it is not necessary to lose sight that the child sleeps 792 01:11:15.079 --> 01:11:18.960 and sleeps is the age of sleep, and that his mother knows, who 793 01:11:19.000 --> 01:11:23.880 takes care in detail of the many hours that his son sleeps and the need 794 01:11:23.920 --> 01:11:30.640 that he has of it steps towards freedom. The physical development of the child 795 01:11:30.680 --> 01:11:35.000 is exciting and when we have had the opportunity to see our children or grandchildren 796 01:11:35.000 --> 01:11:39.880 grow up, one is surprised at how it is produced. The acquisition of 797 01:11:39.920 --> 01:11:44.800 movements is exciting. You will see a child who begins to stand up and 798 01:11:44.840 --> 01:11:49.720 moves and the first glimpses of freedom appear. He' s gaining security in 799 01:11:49.720 --> 01:11:54.720 his travels, he needs to lean on the things he' s got around 800 01:11:54.720 --> 01:11:59.520 him. Parents continue with emotions, their motor babbling, and enjoy observing these 801 01:11:59.600 --> 01:12:03.880 gradual progresses that the family and the child respond to. Going to more each 802 01:12:03.960 --> 01:12:11.600 day with the right diet, progresses in weight size and body morphology. The 803 01:12:11.680 --> 01:12:15.880 child holds his head about four months and about six months. It is able 804 01:12:15.920 --> 01:12:20.560 to acquire the position of sitting a little before, already able to realize the 805 01:12:20.560 --> 01:12:27.439 apprehension of the objects. Soon after. He' s capable of crawling at 806 01:12:27.560 --> 01:12:32.560 ten to twelve months. It can already stand, although falls are frequent, 807 01:12:32.760 --> 01:12:40.680 everything follows a gradual slow pace, successively. The instrument of the tongue. 808 01:12:42.119 --> 01:12:46.079 The child' s psychological development is surprising. The first thing that draws attention 809 01:12:46.119 --> 01:12:50.319 is how he begins to repeat words that he hears and he does it with 810 01:12:50.319 --> 01:12:56.560 babbling, linguistics, phonemes, elementary units of verbal language, eating part of 811 01:12:56.600 --> 01:12:59.319 them, which provokes the sympathy of those who live around him. Seeing how 812 01:12:59.359 --> 01:13:04.680 his is produced something as important as the acquisition of language. So when a 813 01:13:04.760 --> 01:13:09.920 child is a year and a half he handles about fifty, sixty or seventy 814 01:13:09.920 --> 01:13:15.199 words. Even his private vocabulary is scarce. When she is three years old, 815 01:13:15.000 --> 01:13:19.800 the vocabulary has multiplied and handled about a thousand In such a short time, 816 01:13:20.199 --> 01:13:26.439 verbal communication has grown exponentially. The child points to the objects with his 817 01:13:26.439 --> 01:13:30.800 fingers, fixes them and incorporates them into his mind, accomplishes his learning through 818 01:13:30.880 --> 01:13:35.239 a process of repetition. The importance of parents in this age of life is 819 01:13:35.319 --> 01:13:39.520 key, since the child is a sponge that sucks everything that comes to him 820 01:13:39.600 --> 01:13:46.399 and active and motivating parents are decisive for the development of integral development. Fifteen, 821 01:13:48.119 --> 01:13:54.039 the child is discovering life. All childhood unfolds in mother and child symbiosis. 822 01:13:55.640 --> 01:13:59.199 It' s an essential binomial. The role of the mother has a 823 01:13:59.279 --> 01:14:05.359 decisive place in the challenge of socialization. The child' s arrival at the 824 01:14:05.800 --> 01:14:12.560 nursery first and then at school is of obvious interest. He ceases to be 825 01:14:12.560 --> 01:14:16.119 in some way the king of his house to be one more is normal crying, 826 01:14:16.319 --> 01:14:19.600 the difficulty to accept being with other children of his age and to have 827 01:14:19.600 --> 01:14:26.039 to understand with them and accept the first rules of conduct and be able to 828 01:14:26.119 --> 01:14:30.840 discover the presence of other people and to relate. The arrival at school around 829 01:14:30.920 --> 01:14:34.720 the age of five is an event that the child must assume with the help 830 01:14:34.760 --> 01:14:41.159 of his parents, learn to adapt and establish a certain communication while discovering the 831 01:14:41.159 --> 01:14:47.039 first clear and still uncontaminated feelings. Sympathy and rejection of being happy, envy, 832 01:14:47.399 --> 01:14:51.359 fear, rivalry, fighting, having to share toys accept a certain discipline. 833 01:14:57.279 --> 01:15:00.880 All this has a great educational value. It is the first phase of 834 01:15:01.000 --> 01:15:06.159 socialization. Then the age of the game emerges. He begins to understand what 835 01:15:06.199 --> 01:15:11.000 things are for, such as spending time, what the rules are that are 836 01:15:11.079 --> 01:15:16.119 being imposed and then the age of the questions comes and why and there are 837 01:15:16.159 --> 01:15:20.079 many that the child brings with him and it is necessary to get more or 838 01:15:20.119 --> 01:15:24.960 less convincing answers. According to the characteristics of the personality that gradually develops. 839 01:15:27.279 --> 01:15:31.000 The game is a very useful activity and has a psychological relief of first importance. 840 01:15:32.079 --> 01:15:36.399 First of all, it is an impulse to activity. It is also 841 01:15:36.720 --> 01:15:41.239 a way of interacting with other children and a way of learning and raising their 842 01:15:41.319 --> 01:15:45.920 sense of living, as well as an adequate psychological rest and an increase in 843 01:15:45.000 --> 01:15:51.199 self- awareness. Sixteen later he begins to write and scribble on sheets of 844 01:15:51.239 --> 01:15:57.159 paper. Let us not forget that language predates grammar. The child speaks, 845 01:15:57.279 --> 01:16:00.279 but he still doesn' t know the words, which is something to do 846 01:16:00.279 --> 01:16:03.800 with it. Then he starts drawing and putting the letters together to form words. 847 01:16:04.920 --> 01:16:09.840 All of that leads to your time. It plunges into a new world 848 01:16:10.159 --> 01:16:14.199 that is hard for it and where the first efforts to overcome debauchery emerge. 849 01:16:14.640 --> 01:16:18.239 Educating a child is introducing it into reality with love from three to six years 850 01:16:18.279 --> 01:16:23.520 of age. We are talking about a personalistic stage, since the words I 851 01:16:23.880 --> 01:16:28.239 my own appear very often and are common currency of the vocabulary that is handling 852 01:16:28.279 --> 01:16:34.880 and repeating the second childhood over and over again. In the later phase we 853 01:16:34.880 --> 01:16:39.359 talked about the child' s entry. In school psychology, the so- 854 01:16:39.920 --> 01:16:43.199 called second childhood ranges from six to eleven for girls and twelve or thirteen for 855 01:16:43.319 --> 01:16:50.920 boys. There is an important body metamorphosis here. The body figure is rounded 856 01:16:51.039 --> 01:16:56.880 and the muscle system is activated. On the psychological level, the child goes 857 01:16:56.960 --> 01:17:00.560 from being more or less into his inner world to coming out decisively into the 858 01:17:00.760 --> 01:17:05.680 outer world. What we call in psychology is the beginning of school maturity, 859 01:17:06.159 --> 01:17:12.119 the ability to relate to peers, to do their homework, to have a 860 01:17:12.199 --> 01:17:15.520 certain responsibility for the tasks entrusted to them at school, and to accept the 861 01:17:15.560 --> 01:17:17.920 rules of the school, on the one hand, and of the family, 862 01:17:18.199 --> 01:17:23.199 on the other. Although imagination and fantasy remain in the foreground, the child 863 01:17:23.199 --> 01:17:29.199 realizes that he lives in a world he needs to understand. In this way 864 01:17:29.279 --> 01:17:32.600 comes a certain critical attitude that means beginning to disagree with everything that is said, 865 01:17:32.840 --> 01:17:35.920 asked or demanded and begins to be raised, because it is of all 866 01:17:36.039 --> 01:17:43.199 that. Likewise, intelligence is going to gradually move to the foreground. These 867 01:17:43.279 --> 01:17:46.439 are interesting questions that suddenly jump and reveal that you are realizing what is happening 868 01:17:46.520 --> 01:17:54.039 around you. If educating is teaching people how to think culture is teaching them 869 01:17:54.039 --> 01:17:58.960 how to live. This second is still far from the shelter of the family. 870 01:18:00.359 --> 01:18:02.359 The family is the central habitat of the child and it is what will 871 01:18:02.439 --> 01:18:06.920 give it security and confidence. For him it means love and an atmosphere in 872 01:18:06.920 --> 01:18:12.319 which he feels at ease, safe and quiet. Therefore, dysfunctional families seventeen 873 01:18:12.359 --> 01:18:15.720 are a source of discomfort that will result in unhealthy environments, where that child 874 01:18:16.039 --> 01:18:20.159 will suffer the lack of balance of the family group and this may have negative 875 01:18:20.239 --> 01:18:29.520 consequences in future for couples with adopted children, something today very common in the 876 01:18:29.600 --> 01:18:33.600 West. It is important that that child be loved and receive the tenderness and 877 01:18:33.640 --> 01:18:40.239 love of his adoptive parents with all the strength possible. It is important to 878 01:18:40.239 --> 01:18:45.159 explain to the right age, according to your psychology, what is adopted and 879 01:18:45.239 --> 01:18:48.520 that your parents love you with all the love that they are able and help 880 01:18:48.560 --> 01:18:55.199 you accept that condition without any complexes, naturally and explain it to your classmates 881 01:18:55.279 --> 01:19:01.840 with clarity and simplicity. Eighteen learning to think. One of the first objectives 882 01:19:01.880 --> 01:19:06.039 at this stage of life must be to teach, to reason, to apply 883 01:19:06.119 --> 01:19:12.039 the criteria of discourse to understand the facts that happen. This task is primarily 884 01:19:12.159 --> 01:19:15.960 for parents, but since children spend many more hours at school than at home, 885 01:19:15.439 --> 01:19:18.119 except for the weekend, it is a mission for teachers to teach them 886 01:19:18.159 --> 01:19:21.880 how to think and understand the rules and guidelines that come from adults to understand 887 01:19:21.920 --> 01:19:28.960 the meaning and importance they have. It is also very suggestive to teach children 888 01:19:29.000 --> 01:19:32.760 to paint at first when they are only six or seven years old. This 889 01:19:32.880 --> 01:19:39.560 is an interesting exercise because it measures your imaginative ability, you can put different 890 01:19:39.600 --> 01:19:43.399 drawings in front for you to copy. It is not the same whether it 891 01:19:43.479 --> 01:19:50.319 is a landscape, a portrait, a dead nature or something abstract. It 892 01:19:50.359 --> 01:19:55.439 is very interesting the research work carried out in this respect by Reinold of this 893 01:19:55.520 --> 01:19:59.640 Nineteen Inveck, where it is evident that it is more important to teach to 894 01:19:59.680 --> 01:20:08.800 think and to solve disordered problems than to accumulate previously divergent thinking knowledge. Land 895 01:20:08.800 --> 01:20:12.479 and Harman, nine hundred and ninety- three, subjected one thousand and six 896 01:20:12.560 --> 01:20:15.880 hundred five- year- olds to a test of their ability to think differently 897 01:20:15.960 --> 01:20:19.680 and repeated it with the same children when they were ten years old and then 898 01:20:19.680 --> 01:20:25.640 fifteen years old. These same researchers submitted to the same testa two hundred eighty 899 01:20:25.760 --> 01:20:30.560 zero zero zero adults. The test they used was based on a NASA psychological 900 01:20:30.640 --> 01:20:36.800 tool to measure the divergent thinking of their scientists. Five- year- olds 901 01:20:36.920 --> 01:20:42.239 had a very high level of creativity of ninety- eight percent. With ten 902 01:20:42.279 --> 01:20:45.119 he had fallen to thirty percent and at fifteen he had dropped to twelve percent. 903 01:20:47.760 --> 01:20:53.199 That is, the more simple and pure and decontaminated information is the child, 904 01:20:53.359 --> 01:21:00.840 the greater his ability to express drawing, painting and creativity. Joandmiro, 905 01:21:00.319 --> 01:21:04.279 one of the great avant- garde painters of the 20th century, said in 906 01:21:04.399 --> 01:21:09.399 the last stretch of his life After so many years of work, I think 907 01:21:09.520 --> 01:21:13.560 I have managed to paint like a child. The drawing is a wonderful means 908 01:21:13.600 --> 01:21:19.600 of communication of the child and his spontaneity is full of freshness. His pencils 909 01:21:19.640 --> 01:21:26.520 and papers are both a challenge and a hobby with naive vanity. The little 910 01:21:26.520 --> 01:21:29.800 one teaches his parents what he has done and he himself is surprised at what 911 01:21:29.840 --> 01:21:34.439 has come out of his hands, especially of his ability. There are many 912 01:21:34.479 --> 01:21:39.720 things that can be explored in this regard. The geometry, the handling of 913 01:21:39.720 --> 01:21:45.159 colors and their distribution, the size, the characters that appear. Everything is 914 01:21:45.199 --> 01:21:47.560 going to reveal to us the child who is inside and who is looking at 915 01:21:47.680 --> 01:21:53.520 puberty through this window of fantasy and creativity. To draw a child is to 916 01:21:53.600 --> 01:21:57.680 motivate him to discover himself and explore his inner world, this being a method 917 01:21:57.800 --> 01:22:04.479 to access his intimacy. Originality and freedom come together here. This same experiment 918 01:22:04.600 --> 01:22:10.000 we can do with our children when they are a few years old. We 919 01:22:10.079 --> 01:22:14.399 are surprised by their doodles and the mixture of colors with different pencils, as 920 01:22:14.479 --> 01:22:17.159 well as the grace and novelty that represent what they do. When puberty begins, 921 01:22:17.640 --> 01:22:21.880 this changes and becomes less expressive, more dull, less spontaneity, perhaps 922 01:22:21.920 --> 01:22:26.920 because they have to be conformed to a style or because they are expected to 923 01:22:26.960 --> 01:22:33.960 have a concrete composition that conforms to prefixed canons. Accompany someone, a child 924 01:22:34.039 --> 01:22:39.279 who has grown up with a healthy childhood, physically and psychologically, a stable 925 01:22:39.319 --> 01:22:45.760 family and has received a positive education. Educarés. Accompanying someone to introduce him 926 01:22:45.760 --> 01:22:51.079 into reality with love has very positive exit conditions. Education is a gradual way 927 01:22:51.159 --> 01:22:57.520 of seeing reality. If a ten- year- old child, for example, 928 01:22:57.680 --> 01:23:00.960 discovers sexuality, it will suddenly be branded and will suffer a lifelong factory 929 01:23:01.079 --> 01:23:05.720 defect. In dysfunctional families, childhood is not the happy stage of life and 930 01:23:05.800 --> 01:23:12.600 that leaves aftereffects forever. When, for example, those who call pen Juan 931 01:23:12.680 --> 01:23:15.560 children are forced to spend a few days at the mother' s house, 932 01:23:15.159 --> 01:23:18.840 others at the father' s house and so many at the grandparents' house, 933 01:23:19.439 --> 01:23:25.159 they become insecure. The first thing children need is space security. His 934 01:23:25.199 --> 01:23:30.880 things, his bed, his space, a crucial moment when one of the 935 01:23:30.920 --> 01:23:35.239 great values of life appears, the concept of friendship. The great affective themes 936 01:23:35.359 --> 01:23:39.960 have a great freshness in children, because they are not nuanced by culture, 937 01:23:40.359 --> 01:23:46.399 social norms or the environment. His feelings are totally pure. The discovery of 938 01:23:46.439 --> 01:23:51.840 sharing good moments with a friend is very important for a child. The concept 939 01:23:51.880 --> 01:23:57.920 of brotherhood is another feeling you must learn. Children with siblings learn to share 940 01:23:57.960 --> 01:24:03.560 before their space, toys, inherit clothes, etcetera. A case of children 941 01:24:03.600 --> 01:24:10.199 ' s problems, the rebellious child arrives at my office in Oscar, an 942 01:24:10.319 --> 01:24:12.359 eight- year- old boy with a three- year- old sister. 943 01:24:13.439 --> 01:24:17.279 He has gained weight in recent times, for he eats compulsively and, in 944 01:24:17.279 --> 01:24:23.239 addition, unhealthy things. Since the age of six, Oscar has suffered from 945 01:24:23.279 --> 01:24:26.520 big tantrums that at the age of eight have become insults to his parents. 946 01:24:27.600 --> 01:24:30.640 He doesn' t attend at home or in class, he doesn' t 947 01:24:30.640 --> 01:24:31.800 want to eat what he gives him, and his behavior in general is very 948 01:24:31.800 --> 01:24:39.039 bad. Surprisingly, at school he behaves well when I talk to the child 949 01:24:39.079 --> 01:24:43.720 alone I analyze the main areas of conflict, which are insults, disobedience and 950 01:24:43.800 --> 01:24:48.800 aggressive reactions in which he throws food or throws objects. I realize, speaking 951 01:24:49.159 --> 01:24:54.000 to the parents, that the child has a lot of mother and little father. 952 01:24:55.039 --> 01:24:59.960 The mother is in charge of education and the father always tends to minimize 953 01:25:00.159 --> 01:25:05.199 the child' s bad behaviors. The first therapy to be applied in this 954 01:25:05.239 --> 01:25:09.720 case is with the parents, to whom I give rules of conduct, not 955 01:25:09.720 --> 01:25:15.159 to repeat the messages There is a law in psychology that says that the messages 956 01:25:15.199 --> 01:25:20.479 that are repeated a lot have the opposite effect, because of a question of 957 01:25:20.479 --> 01:25:27.079 tiredness. Reduce affective manifestations, whether verbal or physical. Smiles and loving words 958 01:25:27.079 --> 01:25:31.000 like love, affection, because the child has stopped appreciating them. It is 959 01:25:31.079 --> 01:25:38.840 also important to demonstrate disapproval through long faces and silences, to apply a system 960 01:25:38.920 --> 01:25:42.920 of awards and punishments. When the child misbehaves, a toy that he likes 961 01:25:43.000 --> 01:25:47.319 will be removed for a few days. Let us not forget these suggestions. 962 01:25:48.760 --> 01:25:55.359 Punishments must be without violence or verbal aggressiveness. They must also be unified by 963 01:25:55.439 --> 01:25:59.039 the two, i e the parents, must agree with the prize or punishment. 964 01:26:00.199 --> 01:26:04.319 There is also a form of punishment that consists of locking the child up 965 01:26:04.399 --> 01:26:06.880 for half an hour in a room until he says he will behave well. 966 01:26:08.920 --> 01:26:12.199 It is not as serious as it seems, for if there is no violence 967 01:26:12.199 --> 01:26:15.960 in punishment, it carries no trauma. The first prize is verbal or physical, 968 01:26:16.279 --> 01:26:21.960 by hugging kisses or congratulations. Then there is the material prize, which 969 01:26:23.039 --> 01:26:28.880 must have little value, a pen or a chocolate with respect to this child. 970 01:26:29.239 --> 01:26:32.000 I also apply a list of behaviors to follow and then I give you 971 01:26:32.079 --> 01:26:39.680 a prize if you apply them. Do not insult obey the second by letting 972 01:26:39.720 --> 01:26:41.680 him understand that he is not able to do it to the first. So 973 01:26:41.720 --> 01:26:47.359 we encourage in that challenge to leave things in place, do homework, eat 974 01:26:47.359 --> 01:26:54.960 properly and, of all things, ask for things. Please learn to thank 975 01:26:55.000 --> 01:26:59.720 you with a certain frequency knowing that tantrums do not lead to anything positive. 976 01:27:01.279 --> 01:27:04.520 I ask you to draw a picture of your family and observe that the sizes 977 01:27:04.520 --> 01:27:09.199 of your members are illogical. The mother is the biggest and then he himself 978 01:27:09.239 --> 01:27:14.239 is older than the father and sister. The role of each in the family 979 01:27:14.319 --> 01:27:18.439 is then clearly observed. On the next visit, the character of the child 980 01:27:18.520 --> 01:27:25.199 has already improved by fifty percent. We can now apply new rules which may 981 01:27:25.239 --> 01:27:29.560 be as follows. Giving a kiss to the mother three times a day, 982 01:27:29.920 --> 01:27:33.079 going to school, around the corner and, before going to bed, thanking 983 01:27:33.079 --> 01:27:38.199 her mother once a day, at least, when something is not done as 984 01:27:38.279 --> 01:27:44.560 he wants, he must accept it. We stimulate him by telling him he 985 01:27:44.560 --> 01:27:47.000 ' s going to make it. Parents are relieved, as they have noticed 986 01:27:47.159 --> 01:27:53.359 a great improvement by applying all the rules. As in many therapies, when 987 01:27:53.439 --> 01:27:57.239 you analyze the family situation because of a specific problem, you realize that there 988 01:27:57.279 --> 01:28:01.680 are also other problems added. In this case, parents argue a lot and 989 01:28:01.720 --> 01:28:05.359 I talk to them to solve it, also through three patterns of behavior. 990 01:28:06.800 --> 01:28:14.680 Avoid unnecessary discussions, do not remove the list of grievances from the past, 991 01:28:14.840 --> 01:28:20.319 dedramatize the child' s negative behavior, as this behavior is subject to many 992 01:28:20.439 --> 01:28:26.720 swings a note about puberty. In puberty the child is pure activity. Dynamism 993 01:28:27.039 --> 01:28:32.840 joy is gaining some control of itself. Discover sexuality and the appearance of people 994 01:28:32.920 --> 01:28:40.640 of another sex. Children are much more childish, and sex appears more intensely 995 01:28:40.760 --> 01:28:47.399 than in girls, physical and psychological attraction appears strongly. Children have the first 996 01:28:47.479 --> 01:28:56.119 sexual information from schoolmates. That' s why it' s good for parents 997 01:28:56.199 --> 01:29:00.520 to get ahead and explain to them what sexuality is and what it is to 998 01:29:00.520 --> 01:29:03.760 avoid distortion that may have negative consequences in the future. When this is not 999 01:29:03.840 --> 01:29:09.000 done for lack of preparation, for not daring to get into these issues or 1000 01:29:09.039 --> 01:29:14.880 for lack of self- sufficiency, that will mean a vacuum in formation of 1001 01:29:14.880 --> 01:29:18.760 quite importance. Twenty appear the first night pollutions and the awareness of erection and 1002 01:29:18.760 --> 01:29:24.840 ellaculation and masturbation usually has a role in behavior, which you need to know 1003 01:29:24.920 --> 01:29:29.760 how to focus. The child begins to go home to his classmates and opens 1004 01:29:29.840 --> 01:29:33.960 a new stage of friendship by sharing another home. There he begins to relate 1005 01:29:34.000 --> 01:29:38.800 to his friend' s sisters and opens up a new world where imagination and 1006 01:29:38.840 --> 01:29:43.920 platonics are going to be in the foreground. The first crushes appear and the 1007 01:29:44.000 --> 01:29:47.000 child immerses himself in his thoughts and sails through the sea of the first affective 1008 01:29:47.039 --> 01:29:56.720 illusions. Feelings are idealized, girls already acquire female forms. Breast development appears, 1009 01:29:57.199 --> 01:30:01.079 the beautiful cubian and axillary and come the first mens destroy is the work 1010 01:30:01.119 --> 01:30:05.279 of the mother. Explain what this periodic repetition of vulgar blood consists of and 1011 01:30:05.279 --> 01:30:11.760 what significance a good mother' s education has. It consists of making him 1012 01:30:11.920 --> 01:30:15.840 integrate all this into his psychology. A mother must give all the necessary answers 1013 01:30:15.880 --> 01:30:21.279 regarding her sexual intimacy with simplicity and psychology with clarity and an integral view of 1014 01:30:21.319 --> 01:30:28.680 the person and, of course, the father must also participate. To educate 1015 01:30:28.760 --> 01:30:32.479 is to introduce into reality with love, is to teach our children how things 1016 01:30:32.479 --> 01:30:36.800 are and what sexuality means. And we must go against the current, for 1017 01:30:39.600 --> 01:30:44.000 hedonism and permissiveness are today at the forefront of our twenty- one society. 1018 01:30:44.680 --> 01:30:47.760 Many girls take refuge in their best friend, who becomes a confidant and counselor. 1019 01:30:49.319 --> 01:30:54.079 School life carries the singing voice. That is why it is so important 1020 01:30:54.199 --> 01:30:58.600 that it has a good adaptation that in many cases it becomes the first home, 1021 01:30:58.920 --> 01:31:01.479 especially with the flood of separate families we attend in the West. At 1022 01:31:01.560 --> 01:31:10.279 the beginning of the twenty- first century, egocentrism is appearing in boys and 1023 01:31:10.640 --> 01:31:15.640 girls, although they have a greater sense of reality and attend to the development 1024 01:31:15.680 --> 01:31:17.880 of their bodies and see the changes that are taking place in them. Curiosity 1025 01:31:17.880 --> 01:31:23.880 opens its way and begins to discover the body of others. The feelings of 1026 01:31:23.880 --> 01:31:28.840 friendship mixed with those of rivalry and they capture their possibilities in the most diverse 1027 01:31:28.920 --> 01:31:34.079 fields. Children are always more active and rebellious, but they are still very 1028 01:31:34.119 --> 01:31:40.439 childish, while girls are more self- centered. They begin to be aware 1029 01:31:40.479 --> 01:31:45.199 of their sentimental life and explore the first friendships with emotion and shock, seeing 1030 01:31:45.239 --> 01:31:48.600 that their duration is sometimes too ephemeral, among other things, because the personality 1031 01:31:48.680 --> 01:31:55.199 is being made and their configuration is still not stable. The transition from puberty 1032 01:31:55.239 --> 01:32:00.520 to adolescence is equally sinuous, blurred, imprecise with poorly limited contours, especially 1033 01:32:00.520 --> 01:32:05.680 today that due to a mosaic of diverse factors twenty- two have been delayed, 1034 01:32:06.159 --> 01:32:11.279 especially in boys, many of whom are genuine babies of a psychological age 1035 01:32:11.399 --> 01:32:15.640 of seven, eight or nine years. This is well known by the mothers 1036 01:32:17.159 --> 01:32:23.840 case study a ten- year- old troubled child, come to the consultation 1037 01:32:23.880 --> 01:32:26.880 some fathers of forty- two years, he and thirty- four she who 1038 01:32:26.920 --> 01:32:30.239 had contacted some person of our team in Madrid, first by email and later 1039 01:32:30.319 --> 01:32:34.720 by telephone, to explain to us in broad terms the problem that presented us. 1040 01:32:36.760 --> 01:32:40.920 This is a ten- year- old boy who has a twelve- 1041 01:32:41.359 --> 01:32:43.960 year- old sister and another four- year- old brother. The father 1042 01:32:44.079 --> 01:32:47.479 works in a fruit market and the mother works in a supermarket. It is 1043 01:32:47.520 --> 01:32:51.000 the mother who speaks and gives us a synthesis of her child' s problem. 1044 01:32:51.359 --> 01:32:55.800 We' ve been dealing with my son' s problem for over three 1045 01:32:55.800 --> 01:33:00.199 years now. We' ve been to two psychologists, but we' ve 1046 01:33:00.279 --> 01:33:03.039 had no luck and our son is still the same. We ask you what 1047 01:33:03.039 --> 01:33:09.239 are the main negative behaviors that the child has classified from more to less important. 1048 01:33:10.319 --> 01:33:13.760 The parents' answer is as follows. The worst of all is his 1049 01:33:13.760 --> 01:33:19.479 physical and verbal aggression, both with us, his parents and with his sister. 1050 01:33:20.039 --> 01:33:24.680 The eldest doesn' t obey, she doesn' t want to do 1051 01:33:24.680 --> 01:33:29.359 her homework. The last course suspended all subjects and is now repeating. The 1052 01:33:29.399 --> 01:33:33.119 suffering is very great, because it even makes us, as parents, confront 1053 01:33:33.119 --> 01:33:39.600 each other because he knows how to manipulate ourselves we have had strong discussions and 1054 01:33:39.680 --> 01:33:44.960 we have said strong and negative things. We are lost and we do not 1055 01:33:45.000 --> 01:33:47.399 know how we should act with our son and which lines we should follow. 1056 01:33:48.039 --> 01:33:53.159 After examining the child, I have a long conversation with the parents to give 1057 01:33:53.199 --> 01:33:59.000 them guidelines to help prosecute the rebellious behavior of their child henceforth set clear limits 1058 01:33:59.079 --> 01:34:03.960 that father and mother will apply without exception. When the child wants to overcome 1059 01:34:04.319 --> 01:34:10.000 them, he will be punished with a withdrawal of privileges, that is, 1060 01:34:10.159 --> 01:34:14.359 instead of shouting at him he will not be able to do things he likes 1061 01:34:14.479 --> 01:34:17.640 again, especially until he corrects that attitude. We will enthusiastically encourage any positive 1062 01:34:17.760 --> 01:34:23.640 developments we see in the child rather than in the face of failures. Parents 1063 01:34:23.720 --> 01:34:29.880 must convey confidence with the motto. We know you' re able to do 1064 01:34:29.880 --> 01:34:33.119 much better. We will avoid repeating the same recrimination over and over again, 1065 01:34:33.279 --> 01:34:41.319 since pedagogically, the case of the adopted child with a defiant negativist personality is 1066 01:34:41.439 --> 01:34:45.680 not effective. This is a 12- year- old girl of Russian origin, 1067 01:34:46.600 --> 01:34:50.640 adopted when she was five years old. She has been to a psychologist 1068 01:34:50.720 --> 01:34:55.279 for almost a year that has helped her a lot, but at the end 1069 01:34:55.279 --> 01:34:58.479 of that time, the patient has rejected her without a clear motive and has 1070 01:34:58.640 --> 01:35:03.359 refused to return. It is a blonde girl with clear, tall and gleamed 1071 01:35:03.399 --> 01:35:08.960 eyes that has not yet developed and that has this double behavior. First, 1072 01:35:09.359 --> 01:35:12.520 he refuses to do what he is told, to order his room, to 1073 01:35:12.560 --> 01:35:17.199 do his homework, to sit down to eat as a family at the time 1074 01:35:17.239 --> 01:35:23.680 he is called, to collaborate in small household chores, etc. And at 1075 01:35:23.720 --> 01:35:28.600 the same time, it presents challenging reactions of great impact, sleeping away from 1076 01:35:28.640 --> 01:35:32.279 home without warning, causing the whole family to be distressed and aware of where 1077 01:35:32.279 --> 01:35:36.199 they might be, calling even the police, locking themselves in their room and 1078 01:35:36.239 --> 01:35:41.239 not answering their parents who are trying to talk to her or telling stories in 1079 01:35:41.279 --> 01:35:45.359 Jesus' school parents mistreat her, beat her, not feed her, etcetera. 1080 01:35:47.880 --> 01:35:51.640 We' re talking about a serious case. One of the psychologists of 1081 01:35:51.680 --> 01:35:56.760 our team has been doing with her and the therapeutic relationship is being good from 1082 01:35:57.119 --> 01:36:00.319 less to more, as at first she came to the consultation with a great 1083 01:36:00.399 --> 01:36:03.479 rejection in hand- to- hand. She has opened up and already shows 1084 01:36:03.600 --> 01:36:12.840 a serious personality disorder well typified. Twenty- three I explain to parents the 1085 01:36:12.880 --> 01:36:17.840 diagnostic label and that the treatment is going to have three aspects, one of 1086 01:36:17.920 --> 01:36:24.920 behavior guidelines for parents on how to treat it, not paying much attention to 1087 01:36:24.920 --> 01:36:28.680 it, having a cordially distant relationship with it. Looking for that middle and 1088 01:36:28.720 --> 01:36:32.920 difficult point, we explain to the parents how to reach it, not accept 1089 01:36:33.000 --> 01:36:40.199 their often demanding attitude, scold them the minimum, not repeat over and over 1090 01:36:40.239 --> 01:36:44.640 again negative messages twenty- four and manage with it a system of twenty- 1091 01:36:45.319 --> 01:36:48.640 five rewards and punishments without any violence, verbal or physical. Two psychological objectives 1092 01:36:48.680 --> 01:36:56.720 for her we dictate in a small notebook that we give her so that she 1093 01:36:56.800 --> 01:37:00.439 can always take it with her and consult her. She' s taking note 1094 01:37:00.479 --> 01:37:04.600 in the first person and we tell her to comment on what we' re 1095 01:37:04.680 --> 01:37:10.359 suggesting she should do. I know I' m a troubled girl, but 1096 01:37:10.359 --> 01:37:14.600 I want to change. To want is to be able to know that what 1097 01:37:14.640 --> 01:37:17.199 happens to me has the following name. I' m negativist, defiant, 1098 01:37:17.920 --> 01:37:23.319 and, as I' m pretty smart. I have to fight to fight 1099 01:37:23.640 --> 01:37:27.520 this which is bad for me and for the people who live with me, 1100 01:37:27.760 --> 01:37:30.760 starting with my parents, to fight for not being so impulsive. That' 1101 01:37:30.800 --> 01:37:36.000 s why schoolmates walk away from me and I have so few friends to soften 1102 01:37:36.039 --> 01:37:42.000 my character, especially with my parents and brother, to avoid blackmail. We 1103 01:37:42.039 --> 01:37:46.680 explained the meaning. That creates a very negative environment in the family. Watching 1104 01:37:46.720 --> 01:37:51.720 the tongue with my mother, correcting that tendency to say strong hard things to 1105 01:37:51.760 --> 01:37:57.720 her and disqualifying her, avoiding those rebellious reactions from doing the opposite of what 1106 01:37:57.760 --> 01:38:00.279 I' m told. Put me in the head that my parents are not 1107 01:38:00.319 --> 01:38:06.119 my enemies and that they want to see me happy to do homework at home 1108 01:38:06.119 --> 01:38:12.520 when I get back from school, avoid wasting time doing nothing or watching TV, 1109 01:38:12.680 --> 01:38:15.039 have my room tidy. We have told her mother not to fix it, 1110 01:38:15.239 --> 01:38:18.000 to learn to keep it properly, not to make my brother angry or 1111 01:38:19.720 --> 01:38:25.439 to be always fighting with him, to learn to thank and to ask forgiveness. 1112 01:38:28.920 --> 01:38:32.960 As Dr Rojas and his psychologist have told me, one drug therapy explains 1113 01:38:33.960 --> 01:38:40.960 to parents that she needs a medication that cushions her impulsivity. We give him 1114 01:38:41.000 --> 01:38:45.279 an anxiolytic, at low doses, three shots a day, breakfast lunch and 1115 01:38:45.319 --> 01:38:49.399 back from school in the afternoon and a twenty- six mood stabilizer. It 1116 01:38:49.439 --> 01:38:54.239 was hard for him to accept it at first, but we proposed that if 1117 01:38:54.279 --> 01:38:56.520 he took it, he would have an award from the therapeutic team. Each 1118 01:38:56.600 --> 01:39:00.680 month of take would get a little gift from us. The evolution was very 1119 01:39:00.760 --> 01:39:08.439 positive. The parents said the medication had boosted a Copernican twist. She herself 1120 01:39:08.560 --> 01:39:13.520 had stuck in the closet of her room the targets she must meet. We 1121 01:39:13.560 --> 01:39:16.359 have had four months of therapy and the evolution is favorable, though with ups 1122 01:39:16.359 --> 01:39:20.640 and downs. The conflictive relationship with the mother has been improving and we have 1123 01:39:20.720 --> 01:39:27.800 had to establish psychotherapy guidelines for it, which has also begun to take sedatives 1124 01:39:27.920 --> 01:39:35.880 at low doses. Part two, episodes of love and war, problems to 1125 01:39:35.920 --> 01:39:44.119 contain anger. Speak when you' re angry and you' ve made the 1126 01:39:44.159 --> 01:39:47.960 best speech you can regret. Ambro' s seeing each other. Laura is 1127 01:39:48.000 --> 01:39:54.800 dynamiteing her social circle because of her character At the age of eighteen she has 1128 01:39:54.840 --> 01:39:59.720 just cut off her boyfriend because of her explosions of rage. They were constantly 1129 01:40:00.039 --> 01:40:03.479 arguing about any nonsense and the differences of opinion always resulted in a festival of 1130 01:40:03.600 --> 01:40:09.039 shouting from her. To this one must add that he has distanced himself from 1131 01:40:09.079 --> 01:40:13.079 his childhood friend after sending him a very hard email in which he reprimanded many 1132 01:40:13.119 --> 01:40:18.279 things with which he disagreed at home. Living with their parents is not easy 1133 01:40:18.319 --> 01:40:24.520 either. Although Laura has very good feelings, she has the ability to make 1134 01:40:24.640 --> 01:40:29.720 a mountain of anything and immediately loses her temper. The young woman is realizing 1135 01:40:29.760 --> 01:40:34.359 all this and has agreed to initiate therapy. When I come to my office, 1136 01:40:34.560 --> 01:40:40.920 I sense her very tense and irritable completely defensive. He begins to calm 1137 01:40:40.920 --> 01:40:44.479 down when he sees that I do not judge her and we begin to dissect 1138 01:40:44.600 --> 01:40:47.520 the motives of her strong temperament. We all get angry from time to time. 1139 01:40:48.520 --> 01:40:51.560 However, there are people who happen more often than normal and whose reactions 1140 01:40:51.640 --> 01:40:56.960 of anger can become violent, starting it with shouts or insults against what has 1141 01:40:57.039 --> 01:41:02.840 taken them out of their chairs. The enemy can be an appliance that doesn 1142 01:41:02.880 --> 01:41:09.359 ' t work as it should, an urban guard who is unfairly fined us 1143 01:41:09.359 --> 01:41:14.479 our sentimental partner. Our children are our friends. The consequences of downloading the 1144 01:41:14.600 --> 01:41:18.439 IRA against the nearest people are extremely negative, as our social, family or 1145 01:41:18.560 --> 01:41:27.920 sentimental life will be resented. Those who have trouble containing their character quickly lose 1146 01:41:28.000 --> 01:41:32.039 support and become isolated. In addition, the same anger that they direct to 1147 01:41:32.039 --> 01:41:38.800 others ends up billing their own Buddha- moment described it like this. Holding 1148 01:41:38.840 --> 01:41:42.439 on to the IRA is like grabbing a hot coal with the intention of throwing 1149 01:41:42.520 --> 01:41:44.960 it at someone else. You' re the one who ends up burned. 1150 01:41:45.479 --> 01:41:51.600 The IRA is not generated only by encountering a conflict. Remembering past situations can 1151 01:41:51.640 --> 01:41:57.039 trigger the same emotions and even the anticipation that in the future we may be 1152 01:41:57.039 --> 01:42:01.720 attacked or deceived. A little controlled IRA is part of our survival instinct. 1153 01:42:03.680 --> 01:42:08.800 Doubts, fear, anxiety and anger in their rightful measure are natural tools that 1154 01:42:08.800 --> 01:42:15.079 help us in times of extreme change or danger. However, prudence and common 1155 01:42:15.119 --> 01:42:19.359 sense must be present to temper these emotions that take command over reason practical tricks 1156 01:42:19.399 --> 01:42:30.079 against anger. It is very difficult to know whether these bursts can be completely 1157 01:42:30.159 --> 01:42:33.119 eradicated in an individual or if they will be repeated. However, such attacks 1158 01:42:33.159 --> 01:42:38.640 can be controlled and the affected person can lead a normal life without harming or 1159 01:42:38.720 --> 01:42:43.960 offending those around him or her. First of all, we must be aware 1160 01:42:43.960 --> 01:42:47.399 that there is a real problem of uncontrolled IRA, as well as a low 1161 01:42:47.399 --> 01:42:53.239 tolerance of frustration. There are psychological tests available to us to calculate the level 1162 01:42:53.319 --> 01:42:58.000 of IRA management. Therefore, the best strategy is to ask a therapist for 1163 01:42:58.119 --> 01:43:02.720 help. Anyway, the psychologist or psychiatrist is not at our side in the 1164 01:43:02.800 --> 01:43:06.760 day- to- day and we need to learn how to master ourselves when 1165 01:43:06.800 --> 01:43:11.680 we are not in the office. The following tips may be helpful in placing 1166 01:43:11.720 --> 01:43:17.319 the IRA. Taking a seat or taking is a resource that works in most 1167 01:43:17.359 --> 01:43:21.720 cases, when nerves are in bloom, count up to ten mentally before responding 1168 01:43:21.800 --> 01:43:29.800 to a verbal attack. If we answered without thinking about it for a second, 1169 01:43:30.199 --> 01:43:34.000 we would raise the tone further and would be the first step to lose 1170 01:43:34.119 --> 01:43:39.960 control in case we notice that something is kindling our anger, distracting us by 1171 01:43:39.960 --> 01:43:43.279 focusing our attention on anything else. If necessary, we will leave the scene 1172 01:43:43.279 --> 01:43:49.279 of the conflict situation to clear us with a good walk. Feeling the air 1173 01:43:49.359 --> 01:43:55.840 and the sun are effective. Let' s calm down and focus on breathing. 1174 01:43:56.800 --> 01:44:00.640 We can take air slowly and expel it in the same way as we 1175 01:44:00.720 --> 01:44:06.680 think of sedative and positive words, speak slowly with pause. If we are 1176 01:44:06.720 --> 01:44:12.239 in full discussion, we must make the effort to listen to our interlocutor. 1177 01:44:13.319 --> 01:44:16.000 Putting ourselves in the skin of the other person will help us understand the situation 1178 01:44:16.039 --> 01:44:20.960 and prevent us from verbally assaulting him while trying to find the reason for our 1179 01:44:23.279 --> 01:44:27.720 anger to express what we feel before it is too late. Instead of accumulating 1180 01:44:27.720 --> 01:44:31.000 bad feelings, it is better to talk about the things that disturb us as 1181 01:44:31.119 --> 01:44:35.880 they occur. If stored, they can end up as a powder keg. 1182 01:44:38.239 --> 01:44:45.600 Practicing sport usually helps to relieve tensions. Especially recommended are cardiovascular sports, such 1183 01:44:45.640 --> 01:44:53.840 as running, swimming or cycling explosive characters. According to a study conducted in 1184 01:44:53.840 --> 01:44:58.000 two thousand four, with two hundred and fifty- three citizens of bauthemore and 1185 01:44:58.079 --> 01:45:01.880 U four percent could have suffered from intermittent explosive disorder at some point in their 1186 01:45:01.920 --> 01:45:08.399 lives. Another article published in the magazine Cathel Genussakhetry in two thousand and six, 1187 01:45:08.520 --> 01:45:12.199 already counted in a seven coma three percent the part of the population affected 1188 01:45:12.279 --> 01:45:17.520 by this syndrome in the United States. Some medical tests indicate that many people 1189 01:45:17.520 --> 01:45:23.479 afflicted by iede may have an imbalance in serotonin and testosterone, along with minor 1190 01:45:23.520 --> 01:45:30.600 neurological irregularities. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders of MS, published 1191 01:45:31.000 --> 01:45:35.920 by the American Psychiatric Association APPA, reveals to some of the indicators to diagnose 1192 01:45:36.000 --> 01:45:43.039 the ie of OTEI multiple episodes in which the person has been unable to control 1193 01:45:43.039 --> 01:45:46.239 his aggressiveness of which one has ended in a physical attack on another person or 1194 01:45:46.359 --> 01:45:54.840 in destruction of real estate objects. The level of aggression is disproportionate to the 1195 01:45:54.840 --> 01:46:00.039 cause of aggression. Cases of aggression have no other origin after a mental entourage. 1196 01:46:00.720 --> 01:46:04.000 Before reaching a diagnosis, it is necessary to rule out other possible syndromes 1197 01:46:04.039 --> 01:46:11.640 or diseases, such as antisocial personality, schizophrenia depression, panic attacks or alcohol 1198 01:46:11.720 --> 01:46:17.680 abuse, drugs, the supermarket of human relationships. The great tragedy of life 1199 01:46:17.760 --> 01:46:24.760 is not that men perish, but that they stop loving u. Samer Sarmom, 1200 01:46:26.159 --> 01:46:30.479 who is a forty- year- old woman with two children, comes 1201 01:46:30.520 --> 01:46:33.399 to my office for a serious problem she has with her husband. He has 1202 01:46:33.399 --> 01:46:36.560 been unfaithful to him. She' s discovered it and he' s recognized 1203 01:46:36.560 --> 01:46:41.920 it. But he tells me I' m willing to forgive him if he 1204 01:46:41.920 --> 01:46:45.319 changes in relation to me. Her husband is a forty- five- year 1205 01:46:45.720 --> 01:46:47.880 - old man who works as a driver. When I meet him, alone 1206 01:46:47.920 --> 01:46:51.960 he admits to having had more adventures, but this is the first time his 1207 01:46:53.000 --> 01:46:58.359 wife has caught him and realizes that she is shattered. When I speak with 1208 01:46:58.760 --> 01:47:00.760 Jez he tells me that he is a man with a good background, but 1209 01:47:00.800 --> 01:47:08.319 that he is very good at what is called in Andalusia still door- candil, 1210 01:47:08.640 --> 01:47:12.000 that is, one of those people who bring out the best of themselves 1211 01:47:12.039 --> 01:47:15.600 in the street. He' s a man who looks after the facade in 1212 01:47:15.640 --> 01:47:19.479 front of others. She wishes to forgive him, but only if she is 1213 01:47:19.600 --> 01:47:24.439 willing to give him another quality of life. First, I ask you to 1214 01:47:24.520 --> 01:47:28.479 write me separately two lists on the main areas of conflict, between them ordered 1215 01:47:28.520 --> 01:47:31.800 too much unless I would remove you and that would add to your partner' 1216 01:47:31.840 --> 01:47:38.520 s way of being to improve the relationship. Secondly, I' m preparing 1217 01:47:38.640 --> 01:47:43.680 a behavior program for the husband. You have to look for a special day 1218 01:47:43.720 --> 01:47:47.079 to take her for a drink and give her a letter of apology. I 1219 01:47:47.159 --> 01:47:54.520 explain to her how she should be a letter, although she has to make 1220 01:47:54.600 --> 01:47:58.840 it her own and this letter must accompany her with a small gift. Two. 1221 01:47:59.000 --> 01:48:00.439 I give you a series of pas that you will continue in the day 1222 01:48:00.520 --> 01:48:03.960 to day, call if you will not go to dinner, communicate and say 1223 01:48:04.000 --> 01:48:11.119 what it feels like to go out more with your wife participate in the education 1224 01:48:11.119 --> 01:48:13.319 of your three children. I stress that you must bear in mind that there 1225 01:48:13.359 --> 01:48:18.039 is an ultimatum and a unique opportunity to save your marriage. I give Grace 1226 01:48:18.119 --> 01:48:23.439 a number of practical tips, such as not taking out the list of grievances, 1227 01:48:23.840 --> 01:48:28.199 not blaming things, seeing their good side, promoting better communication, and 1228 01:48:28.279 --> 01:48:33.159 enjoying intimate relationships. After two months, the situation has taken a total turn, 1229 01:48:33.600 --> 01:48:38.560 so to him I present my book Remedies for Dislove and Men of Mars. 1230 01:48:40.560 --> 01:48:44.560 The women are from Johan Gray' s venus and her how to make 1231 01:48:44.640 --> 01:48:51.840 your paulhat marriage work times of infidelity. According to an article by journalist Jordi 1232 01:48:51.840 --> 01:48:56.199 Harke, which appeared in the vanguard on April 20, 2000, clandestine sex 1233 01:48:56.239 --> 01:49:02.439 is increasingly widespread as a social practice. The Centre for Sociological Research conducted a 1234 01:49:02.520 --> 01:49:08.319 survey in the year one thousand nine hundred and ninety- five. The result 1235 01:49:08.359 --> 01:49:11.800 was that forty- six percent of men confessed to having had some infidelity compared 1236 01:49:11.840 --> 01:49:18.640 to only 17 percent of women. According to the psychoanalysts ter Lopez. These 1237 01:49:18.640 --> 01:49:23.399 data should now be questioned, since at that time men tended to brag and 1238 01:49:23.479 --> 01:49:27.359 women tended to disguise, making it possible for the percentage of unfaithful men in 1239 01:49:27.439 --> 01:49:34.840 those years to be lower and that of older women. New surveys and studies 1240 01:49:34.920 --> 01:49:40.359 have recently been carried out and the results are quite different from those of the 1241 01:49:40.359 --> 01:49:44.319 year nineteen hundred and ninety- five. Today, when asked if I could 1242 01:49:44.680 --> 01:49:48.319 be unfaithful knowing that your partner would never know you would be. The figures 1243 01:49:48.319 --> 01:49:55.119 have been evening to a even more balanced percentage. In the case of men 1244 01:49:55.199 --> 01:49:58.399 it is slightly more than fifty percent and in that of women somewhat less. 1245 01:50:00.239 --> 01:50:03.000 Adultery continues to be more frequent for men, but it is clear that the 1246 01:50:03.079 --> 01:50:10.560 trend is increasingly towards equality. Women no longer depend so much on their partners 1247 01:50:10.560 --> 01:50:18.800 and have increasingly independent economies online relationships. There is probably more infidelity today because 1248 01:50:18.920 --> 01:50:24.800 it is facilitated by social networks. There are numerous offers of web pages don 1249 01:50:24.840 --> 01:50:29.600 of people of both sexes, assessed or with stable partner contact to flirt and 1250 01:50:29.600 --> 01:50:32.119 have ephemeral sexual contacts, with the discretion that assures them by the company. 1251 01:50:33.800 --> 01:50:39.439 Those responsible for these websites deny that the percentage of infidelity has increased because of 1252 01:50:39.520 --> 01:50:45.439 the proliferation of such businesses. They insist that they only took advantage of a 1253 01:50:45.479 --> 01:50:49.880 demand that existed and sought satisfaction. In fact, in the midst of a 1254 01:50:49.880 --> 01:50:55.760 time of crisis. It' s flourishing business. Anyone can access these pages. 1255 01:50:56.520 --> 01:51:00.399 Some are free and others have paid services and can create a profile with 1256 01:51:00.439 --> 01:51:03.560 fake photos or not and flirt with people of the opposite sex, without any 1257 01:51:03.680 --> 01:51:10.520 blush or risk of being surprised. Upon entering, the client answers an age 1258 01:51:10.920 --> 01:51:15.319 questionnaire, sexual trends fantasies and points out what he or she wants from the 1259 01:51:15.359 --> 01:51:19.119 person or people he or she wants to contact. It' s a whole 1260 01:51:19.199 --> 01:51:25.239 supply and demand market for clandestine sex. Most of those websites have received allegations 1261 01:51:25.239 --> 01:51:30.560 of fraud. Some users claim that many of the profiles of women are false 1262 01:51:30.640 --> 01:51:36.239 and do not even exist by deluding into deception. Other Internet companies are dedicated 1263 01:51:36.279 --> 01:51:41.399 to creating alibis for infidels to show their partner that they have a meeting in 1264 01:51:41.520 --> 01:51:46.439 Copenhagen, a course in London or a conference in Vienna. Other companies, 1265 01:51:46.760 --> 01:51:51.039 on the contrary, are engaged in discovering the false clues and false alibis that 1266 01:51:51.079 --> 01:51:59.840 the other businesses invent. All this leads to the banalization of love. Test 1267 01:52:00.159 --> 01:52:03.680 one. A friend reveals to you that he has been unfaithful to his partner. 1268 01:52:04.119 --> 01:52:08.039 You don' t even want to hear him and advise him to be 1269 01:52:08.039 --> 01:52:12.560 prudent. Go buy him another drink to explain all the details of adventure two 1270 01:52:12.600 --> 01:52:18.800 in your sex life. You' re more of a passive, unimaginative lover. 1271 01:52:19.840 --> 01:52:23.960 See a teacher in the art of sex games and using resources to quote 1272 01:52:24.000 --> 01:52:30.439 your partner. Three for you to be unfaithful to the couple is inconceivable and 1273 01:52:30.560 --> 01:52:35.960 an absolute lack of respect. See forgiving under what circumstances they are in the 1274 01:52:36.000 --> 01:52:43.800 adventure. Four consider that an infidelity begins at the very moment I begin to 1275 01:52:43.840 --> 01:52:49.319 think of another person. See only when there is direct sexual contact. Five 1276 01:52:49.520 --> 01:52:56.279 you think you could fool your partner only if our relationship was already completely broken. 1277 01:52:57.720 --> 01:53:01.439 See if I could feel alone and the situation was propitious. Six, 1278 01:53:01.479 --> 01:53:05.560 in the case of being unfaithful to your partner, ad I would feel terrible 1279 01:53:05.600 --> 01:53:12.479 and end up confessing the deception to him. Despite the complex and deceptive consequences 1280 01:53:12.520 --> 01:53:17.520 of the means of celebrating life with joy. There' s no better beauty 1281 01:53:17.640 --> 01:53:25.279 product for a woman. Rosalin Russell. Paula is twenty- five. Although 1282 01:53:25.399 --> 01:53:29.439 you saw as an older woman, she tells me that she has just returned 1283 01:53:29.520 --> 01:53:32.279 from Oropesa, where a friend left her an apartment in front of the sea. 1284 01:53:32.399 --> 01:53:35.439 Although in a fortnight he hasn' t gone down to the beach once. 1285 01:53:36.880 --> 01:53:42.079 She admits that she hasn' t been comfortable with her body since she 1286 01:53:42.119 --> 01:53:45.600 broke up with her boyfriend. Now two years ago, he' s started 1287 01:53:45.640 --> 01:53:49.439 eating out of hours chop some chocolate from the fridge, then a pasta later 1288 01:53:49.800 --> 01:53:56.680 a sweet soda. Without realizing it, it has gained weight and all its 1289 01:53:56.680 --> 01:54:00.239 efforts since then to lose weight have not worked. He' s got at 1290 01:54:00.359 --> 01:54:04.000 least 20 kilos left and he' s feeling bad. Last summer she went 1291 01:54:04.119 --> 01:54:10.680 to the beach one morning and noticed some kids laughing at her. They even 1292 01:54:10.800 --> 01:54:15.039 uttered a couple of ugly words about his body. Since then, he has 1293 01:54:15.039 --> 01:54:19.079 begun to reject people. Before I' m rejected, I' m making 1294 01:54:19.159 --> 01:54:24.600 Beck' s test a set of twenty- one questions to measure the level 1295 01:54:24.680 --> 01:54:27.960 of depression and then an anxiety test that I' ve designed myself twenty- 1296 01:54:27.960 --> 01:54:31.600 seven. These tests allow me to detect that Paula, in addition to a 1297 01:54:31.680 --> 01:54:41.239 depression requiring pharmacological treatment, suffers from somatic anxiety a classic antidepressant every night so 1298 01:54:42.079 --> 01:54:45.199 as not to interfere with her work performance. He managed to reduce out- 1299 01:54:45.359 --> 01:54:47.439 of- hour visits to the fridge with which he satiated the bundle of nerves 1300 01:54:47.479 --> 01:54:54.359 in which he had become In his second visit, I deliberately put a mirror 1301 01:54:54.439 --> 01:54:58.239 in the consultation to see what he does for his constant looks to his reflection. 1302 01:54:58.720 --> 01:55:02.239 I understand that at home you spend now examining every fold of your body. 1303 01:55:02.399 --> 01:55:06.359 I tell you that there is a disease called dysmorphophobia that means distorted vision 1304 01:55:06.439 --> 01:55:11.560 of one' s own body and is suffered by people who suffer an obsession 1305 01:55:11.640 --> 01:55:15.800 with body aesthetics. As she progresses in her treatment, Paula' s mood 1306 01:55:15.920 --> 01:55:23.239 illuminates and leaves her body complex and anxiety behind. The test of fire finally 1307 01:55:23.600 --> 01:55:27.319 arrives, when she is invited to spend the weekend in the chalet of some 1308 01:55:27.439 --> 01:55:31.880 friends with swimming pool to alleviate her nervousness. I give you some 28 messages 1309 01:55:32.000 --> 01:55:38.479 that I want you to read out at the end of the chapter and take 1310 01:55:38.479 --> 01:55:42.359 into account. Every time he feels vulnerable, he' ll carry them over 1311 01:55:42.479 --> 01:55:45.840 so they won' t forget him. The experience is satisfactory and Paula is 1312 01:55:45.880 --> 01:55:49.720 reintegrated into social life, which she had abandoned because of a deformity that was 1313 01:55:49.800 --> 01:55:56.399 alone in her head. Paradoxically, from that moment on, he begins to 1314 01:55:56.439 --> 01:56:00.239 lose weight effortlessly, as anxiety has been transmitted and no longer needs to be 1315 01:56:00.319 --> 01:56:05.960 mitigated, going to the fridge between hours. Inferiority complex. Freud believed that 1316 01:56:06.000 --> 01:56:11.479 neurosis has its cause in sexual repression, while his collaborator Offred Adler said that 1317 01:56:11.479 --> 01:56:17.800 neurosis is caused by unresolved inferiority complexes. In any case, a complex is 1318 01:56:17.840 --> 01:56:24.920 always a subjective feeling. Everyone suffers from some inferiority complex than anyone else. 1319 01:56:26.279 --> 01:56:30.439 No one possesses all the gifts and virtues he could desire. Although we often 1320 01:56:30.479 --> 01:56:33.560 compare ourselves with people who only live in magazines, after many photoshop touches or 1321 01:56:33.600 --> 01:56:42.239 in Hollywood movies. The good news is that we have the opportunity to psychologically 1322 01:56:42.279 --> 01:56:45.920 compensate for any problems or shortcomings by reinforcing other areas of our lives. Thus, 1323 01:56:46.159 --> 01:56:51.640 a slightly graceful man physically develops a greater communicative ability to seduce by other 1324 01:56:51.720 --> 01:56:58.640 means, the young kon little ability for studies, cultivates an artistic activity or 1325 01:56:58.760 --> 01:57:02.600 seeks, stand out in ns a sport. In the end, it is 1326 01:57:02.640 --> 01:57:09.159 a question of adapting to the medium with what we have the complex as a 1327 01:57:09.159 --> 01:57:14.600 tool of overcoming. Alfred Atler pointed out in his essay the meaning of life 1328 01:57:14.680 --> 01:57:18.119 that complexes do not necessarily have to be negative, as they impel the individual 1329 01:57:18.159 --> 01:57:25.399 to overcome his reality thanks to a better one. In fact, this collaborator 1330 01:57:25.439 --> 01:57:29.079 of Freud stresses that just what has made the human race prevail over the rest 1331 01:57:29.119 --> 01:57:33.199 of the species, has been its struggle to compensate for its shortcomings. His 1332 01:57:33.279 --> 01:57:38.560 little preparation against the cold caused him to snatch the skin from animals better endowed 1333 01:57:38.600 --> 01:57:42.680 to those he hunted and to make their homes more sophisticated. To give just 1334 01:57:42.800 --> 01:57:47.199 one example. This starting disadvantage caused the human being to constantly overcome himself in 1335 01:57:47.239 --> 01:57:54.439 the face of adversity and to increase his capacity for adaptation. Paradoxically, his 1336 01:57:54.520 --> 01:57:58.439 inferior condition has been a springboard towards continuous improvement, which is the basis of 1337 01:57:58.520 --> 01:58:05.560 human evolution the cult of the body. Logically, in a case like the 1338 01:58:05.600 --> 01:58:10.159 one we are seeing in this chapter, the cult of the body comes into 1339 01:58:10.520 --> 01:58:14.439 play, especially on the part of young people who believe in the obligation to 1340 01:58:14.479 --> 01:58:18.880 conform to an absurd canon when they go through a time of insecurity, they 1341 01:58:18.880 --> 01:58:24.199 seek the approval of third parties and if what they get is a negative feedback, 1342 01:58:24.359 --> 01:58:28.279 we already have the fertilized ground for the complexes. Who has not been 1343 01:58:28.359 --> 01:58:31.479 ridiculed in his class for not understanding a teacher' s question, for failing 1344 01:58:31.520 --> 01:58:35.520 in a gymnastics exercise or for having some physical trait different from the rest. 1345 01:58:36.479 --> 01:58:42.439 In the face of any of these situations, we can overcome ourselves by betting 1346 01:58:42.439 --> 01:58:45.960 on other abilities that distinguish us, but the subject can also turn the problem 1347 01:58:45.960 --> 01:58:49.359 into a neurosis. The world is full of people complacent because of a bad 1348 01:58:49.439 --> 01:58:55.239 perception on the part of others, and sometimes this does not even obey a 1349 01:58:55.319 --> 01:58:59.239 real impression, as the individual bases his feeling of inferiority on what he believes 1350 01:58:59.319 --> 01:59:04.880 others think of him. An article in the magazine Sacaba Githed revealed an alarming 1351 01:59:04.960 --> 01:59:11.359 growth in the level of body dissatisfaction. This had been in nineteen hundred and 1352 01:59:11.399 --> 01:59:14.840 seventy- three out of twenty- five percent for women and fifteen percent for 1353 01:59:14.960 --> 01:59:19.600 men. In the survey of nine hundred and ninety- seven, these figures 1354 01:59:19.640 --> 01:59:24.239 had already climbed to fifty- six percent and forty- three percent, respectively. 1355 01:59:27.239 --> 01:59:31.399 Since then it has only increased advertising related to beauty products moves hundreds of 1356 01:59:31.399 --> 01:59:39.680 millions of euros and has dangerous side effects. Many people think they should get 1357 01:59:39.720 --> 01:59:45.520 a sculptural body to be well with themselves. The perfect body syndrome to obtain 1358 01:59:45.600 --> 01:59:49.800 the approval of others ends up triggering numerous problems of anxiety and frustration twenty- 1359 01:59:50.199 --> 01:59:56.560 nine, especially among the younger population. When this fixation becomes sick, it 1360 01:59:56.560 --> 02:00:01.000 can result in eating disorders such as anoré or bulimia nervosa, as well as 1361 02:00:01.000 --> 02:00:06.720 the so- called adonis syndrome, technically vigorexia, from which they spend their 1362 02:00:06.800 --> 02:00:13.359 free time in the gym making muscle. It is clear that today we all 1363 02:00:13.399 --> 02:00:15.840 take more care of the physical aspect. In addition, physical health points to 1364 02:00:15.880 --> 02:00:19.560 a weight, which is an equation depending on sex and size. A woman 1365 02:00:19.600 --> 02:00:24.680 who measures one comma sixty- five must weigh ten units less than the centimeters, 1366 02:00:24.840 --> 02:00:29.439 plus minus two, i e fifty- three script fifty- seven. 1367 02:00:30.760 --> 02:00:36.119 All this with many nuances. A relatively recent body worship syndrome is the so 1368 02:00:36.439 --> 02:00:42.680 - called orexia, the obsession with maintaining a tanned skin tone all year round. 1369 02:00:44.680 --> 02:00:48.159 All these psychological disorders have two starting points, aspiration to a perfect body 1370 02:00:48.199 --> 02:00:57.359 and distorted vision of oneself. When looking in the mirror test One approaches the 1371 02:00:57.399 --> 02:01:01.439 summer and you plan to spend a few days in the square I plan the 1372 02:01:01.800 --> 02:01:06.800 trip, I prepare some routes and visits I look for the best restaurants in 1373 02:01:06.920 --> 02:01:11.319 the area, I buy a guide, etc. B I start an intensive 1374 02:01:11.359 --> 02:01:16.239 diet to lose weight in three weeks. Two fantasies about living differently or being 1375 02:01:16.399 --> 02:01:20.880 someone else I like the way I am and I don' t usually compare 1376 02:01:20.960 --> 02:01:26.479 my life to anything or anyone else. You see I often feel jealous or 1377 02:01:26.479 --> 02:01:30.279 jealous of things or situations that people around me have three. You' ve 1378 02:01:30.279 --> 02:01:35.840 ever thought about going to a plastic surgeon' s office if you had a 1379 02:01:35.880 --> 02:01:40.319 disease, I' d just step on an operating room. I' m 1380 02:01:40.399 --> 02:01:45.439 panicking the scalpel See right now I don' t feel that need, but 1381 02:01:45.520 --> 02:01:48.840 later on I wouldn' t mind going through the O R to do a 1382 02:01:48.840 --> 02:01:51.720 few retouching four. You' ve achieved most of the goals you' ve 1383 02:01:51.760 --> 02:01:57.840 set yourself so far. Fortunately, I have achieved much of the goals I 1384 02:01:57.880 --> 02:02:03.640 had dreamed of to this day. Be I still have a lot of unfinished 1385 02:02:03.680 --> 02:02:10.039 subjects, but I think most of them will stay on it. Tinker five. 1386 02:02:10.239 --> 02:02:13.720 When someone makes a joke to you or exposes you in front of others, 1387 02:02:14.439 --> 02:02:17.319 I laugh at its occurrence and in passing, it serves to remove it. 1388 02:02:17.399 --> 02:02:23.199 Iron to the subject b happened fatally. I rub and get in a 1389 02:02:23.239 --> 02:02:29.920 bad mood. Six, during a working meeting, I actively participate and express 1390 02:02:29.960 --> 02:02:34.359 my ideas with initiative and naturalness. I tend to stay in the background and 1391 02:02:34.479 --> 02:02:39.800 I limit myself to supporting the comments of the rest without carrying the singing voice 1392 02:02:39.800 --> 02:02:45.079 at any time. Trouble finding a partner. They say the man is not 1393 02:02:45.159 --> 02:02:46.920 a man while he doesn' t hear a man from a woman' s 1394 02:02:46.920 --> 02:02:54.560 lips. Antonio Machado. Alfonso studies second in mathematics and feels that his life 1395 02:02:54.680 --> 02:02:58.800 is a desert when it comes to love. When he is not dedicated to 1396 02:02:58.880 --> 02:03:01.880 the calculations to pass the exams of his career, he connects for hours to 1397 02:03:01.920 --> 02:03:08.600 social networks. Hidden under a neck with the illustration of a superhero as a 1398 02:03:08.680 --> 02:03:12.239 profile photo. He devotes his free time to chatting with other people with whom 1399 02:03:12.319 --> 02:03:16.800 he shares affinities. When some girl is interested in him and tries to cross 1400 02:03:16.800 --> 02:03:21.239 the walls of the virtual world to get to know him, Alfonso stops giving 1401 02:03:21.239 --> 02:03:25.680 him signs of life. The reason is that he thinks he' s not 1402 02:03:25.720 --> 02:03:30.039 attractive to women. His previous appointments have been a failure because he was unnatural 1403 02:03:30.119 --> 02:03:35.359 and convinced that he was a disappointment to the other person. All his friends 1404 02:03:35.479 --> 02:03:40.640 go out with girls and he' s complex. That' s why he 1405 02:03:40.720 --> 02:03:45.000 thinks no woman he likes will ever fall in love with him. He visits 1406 02:03:45.079 --> 02:03:47.640 me in my consultation for another question, but we address the issue of his 1407 02:03:47.760 --> 02:03:51.399 loneliness to try to conquer the affective area that so far does not exist in 1408 02:03:51.399 --> 02:03:59.079 his life. Singles a new social class. Today, marketing has created an 1409 02:03:59.079 --> 02:04:02.199 idealized gene of the single and independent person who has a full social life and 1410 02:04:02.239 --> 02:04:11.560 awakens the envy of those who are paired and with responsibilities. However, many 1411 02:04:11.960 --> 02:04:15.479 singles do not really enjoy their loneliness. Rather they are crushed by it. 1412 02:04:17.560 --> 02:04:24.840 Many people are alone because they have difficulty relating to the opposite sex. They 1413 02:04:24.920 --> 02:04:29.800 are usually individuals suffering from low self- esteem, with complexes and excessive shyness 1414 02:04:29.800 --> 02:04:35.119 that has led them to sentimental tracisms During adolescence, a person naturally begins to 1415 02:04:35.199 --> 02:04:43.199 feel attracted both sexually and sentimentally by other people. Failure to achieve their goals 1416 02:04:43.199 --> 02:04:46.560 and to see that their friendships are successful in that sense can plunge us into 1417 02:04:46.600 --> 02:04:51.199 a well where self- confidence does not develop as it should, the person 1418 02:04:51.279 --> 02:04:56.439 isolates himself and can suffer chronic sadness because of his lack of self- esteem. 1419 02:04:57.920 --> 02:05:00.720 Internet contact pages are no help for a person in this state will usually 1420 02:05:00.800 --> 02:05:05.680 pretend what it is not to arouse the interest of the person with whom you 1421 02:05:05.720 --> 02:05:11.479 are chatting. But when it comes time to see each other. Physically, 1422 02:05:11.960 --> 02:05:15.159 you' ll make up any excuse not to go on the date. It 1423 02:05:15.199 --> 02:05:19.720 is not advisable to lock yourself up at home and in yourself, as well 1424 02:05:19.720 --> 02:05:24.399 as obsessing about it. There are ways to find people who enjoy what we 1425 02:05:24.439 --> 02:05:28.319 enjoy, and that' s one way to meet people without having to break 1426 02:05:28.359 --> 02:05:31.479 down the first barrier. The fact that he is passionate about cinema, literature 1427 02:05:31.479 --> 02:05:35.159 or any other art already arouses an interest in other people and a respect. 1428 02:05:36.600 --> 02:05:42.720 If you' re an expert. Let us perfect ourselves in every way and 1429 02:05:42.800 --> 02:05:46.039 that too will be a way of gaining self- love. The first secret 1430 02:05:46.119 --> 02:05:50.279 of seduction is to like oneself, as that ends up being passed on to 1431 02:05:50.319 --> 02:05:57.039 others. Let us not be perfectionists with other people' s physique, nor 1432 02:05:57.039 --> 02:06:00.000 with our own. Affordable goals and values must be created. The complicity that 1433 02:06:00.000 --> 02:06:06.840 is established between two people when they share the same universe of contagious loneliness interests. 1434 02:06:09.279 --> 02:06:14.800 More and more people choose to live alone voluntarily better alone than poorly accompanied. 1435 02:06:15.960 --> 02:06:19.399 They say. The image of the independent person has been highly idealized in 1436 02:06:19.439 --> 02:06:24.920 cinema and many hide in that independence to hide a lack of self- esteem 1437 02:06:24.960 --> 02:06:31.560 or maturity. Even companies are offering products intended for individual consumption. In fact, 1438 02:06:31.880 --> 02:06:35.520 if it were not for the current crisis, many more people would live 1439 02:06:35.520 --> 02:06:40.880 alone in their apartments, but they cannot because of the economic difficulties involved. 1440 02:06:42.720 --> 02:06:45.720 Once it has reached 30, if a good job has been achieved, it 1441 02:06:45.840 --> 02:06:49.800 has been traveled and great vital experiences have been had. There comes a time 1442 02:06:49.800 --> 02:06:55.079 when many people think they have to find their orange half as one more goal 1443 02:06:55.119 --> 02:06:59.640 in life. If this couple does not come for whatever cause it is s 1444 02:06:59.720 --> 02:07:02.359 NR, then the anxiety and despair of seeing how the years pass appear. 1445 02:07:03.239 --> 02:07:08.359 As the body ages little by little and as that desired and idealized person does 1446 02:07:08.399 --> 02:07:14.159 not appear anywhere. As long as we do not find the right person, 1447 02:07:14.720 --> 02:07:17.760 we must try to live alone and in harmony with ourselves. This is worth 1448 02:07:17.840 --> 02:07:24.760 taking into account. We are never alone, for we have friends and family. 1449 02:07:26.199 --> 02:07:31.039 A person does not necessarily have to be paired to feel fulfilled. As 1450 02:07:31.079 --> 02:07:35.079 long as we are alone, we must enjoy our loneliness. So, when 1451 02:07:35.159 --> 02:07:42.279 we have a partner, we can bring inner wealth. Argentine humorist Enrique Pinti, 1452 02:07:42.600 --> 02:07:46.399 has left us his wise opinion on this subject. There are shorter or 1453 02:07:46.479 --> 02:07:51.760 longer moments in life when we choose to be alone. They are intimate and 1454 02:07:51.840 --> 02:07:57.359 absolutely individual moments in which joy, weeping, joy, bitterness, euphoria or 1455 02:07:57.359 --> 02:08:03.920 depression have to be just ours. Blessed solitude is the one we choose. 1456 02:08:05.079 --> 02:08:09.439 Cursed solitude, on the other hand, is that which deprives us of loved 1457 02:08:11.199 --> 02:08:15.439 ones and dear friends who leave us. Bloody loneliness of the empty house that 1458 02:08:15.479 --> 02:08:20.760 was once full perverse. Loneliness is for those who did not know how to 1459 02:08:20.760 --> 02:08:26.439 cultivate friendship and love. And what about the 30s From the age of thirty, 1460 02:08:26.880 --> 02:08:31.439 men tend to think that if a woman doesn' t have a partner 1461 02:08:31.560 --> 02:08:37.479 it' s because she doesn' t want to mistakenly believe that they have 1462 02:08:37.479 --> 02:08:39.199 more facilities than they do. But we all know women of thirty and forty 1463 02:08:39.319 --> 02:08:43.359 years of age who, despite having all the ingredients to be theoretically suitable, 1464 02:08:45.319 --> 02:08:48.560 remain alone, even if they do not want it. Psychiatrist Maria Leonardi describes 1465 02:08:48.640 --> 02:08:54.800 in the difficult art of finding a couple different experiences of women, some of 1466 02:08:54.920 --> 02:08:58.920 them more than revealing. The reasons for staying alone from the age of thirty 1467 02:09:00.119 --> 02:09:05.920 can be many. Finding a person who completes that way of holding someone else 1468 02:09:05.960 --> 02:09:09.319 accountable for filling our gaps is a mistake, as it is something that is 1469 02:09:09.359 --> 02:09:16.520 entirely up to us to make great hopes with what is simply an instant crush. 1470 02:09:18.159 --> 02:09:22.159 Pedestals do not allow us to see people as they really are searching for 1471 02:09:22.279 --> 02:09:28.800 a utopian ideal. The romanticism of cinema and literature is still fiction. We 1472 02:09:28.880 --> 02:09:35.000 live by reality. Having your feet on earth protects you from false illusions, 1473 02:09:35.560 --> 02:09:43.720 thirty despair of seeking permanent happiness and perfection. We' ll never be happy, 1474 02:09:43.560 --> 02:09:46.600 we' ll always be disappointed with the other person. Lack of security 1475 02:09:46.640 --> 02:09:54.319 and self- esteem too much where to choose If a person has a great 1476 02:09:54.399 --> 02:09:58.319 offer of suitors, if he or she does not have the courage to decide 1477 02:09:58.399 --> 02:10:01.319 on time, he or she may lose all options having chosen wrong too many 1478 02:10:01.319 --> 02:10:05.479 times. That creates a distrust of the opposite sex. They' re all 1479 02:10:05.479 --> 02:10:11.039 the same. The best thing we can do is focus on our lives and 1480 02:10:11.119 --> 02:10:16.319 not become obsessed with a possible future of loneliness. In fact, it is 1481 02:10:16.319 --> 02:10:22.359 easier to find the right partner when we get rid of the anxiety to find 1482 02:10:22.359 --> 02:10:28.359 her seduce me. There is an enormous amount of books, workshops, articles 1483 02:10:28.439 --> 02:10:33.199 and web pages dedicated to the art of seduction. They all rely on a 1484 02:10:33.279 --> 02:10:39.239 series of keys in which psychologists, journalists and great seducers who have written memoirs 1485 02:10:39.279 --> 02:10:45.479 with their experiences coincide. By summarizing all these visions, the seductive person can 1486 02:10:45.520 --> 02:10:52.680 be characterized by ten fundamental traits. They are expressive, but never exaggerated. 1487 02:10:52.800 --> 02:10:56.680 If they joke or laugh, they will do it without complexity, but never 1488 02:10:56.680 --> 02:11:03.159 with stridence. Their safety in themselves is self- evident They are usually positive 1489 02:11:03.199 --> 02:11:07.960 people who contagion to their optimism, they dominate both oral and bodily language. 1490 02:11:09.920 --> 02:11:13.960 They talk slowly, they know how to use silence, and they usually have 1491 02:11:15.000 --> 02:11:18.479 a wealth of vocabulary without being pedantic. They get those who accompany them to 1492 02:11:18.520 --> 02:11:24.399 feel special. They know how to value the virtues of others. They' 1493 02:11:24.439 --> 02:11:30.439 re usually direct without being aggressive. They can actively listen by giving importance to 1494 02:11:30.479 --> 02:11:33.680 the opinions of others. People like to be heard and hate to be interrupted 1495 02:11:33.720 --> 02:11:41.439 or despised. They' re very detailed. They look at what others like. 1496 02:11:43.640 --> 02:11:48.239 They conform to any situation. They know how to be anywhere and at 1497 02:11:48.239 --> 02:11:52.319 any time. They are elegant in their gestures. Elegance is not in a 1498 02:11:52.359 --> 02:11:56.920 tie, a hand gesture, or a smile that can convey can be more 1499 02:11:58.000 --> 02:12:05.000 captivating than a tuxedo or evening dress. Naturality is very important to apply all 1500 02:12:05.159 --> 02:12:09.159 these keys, because when a person pretends to be what he is not, 1501 02:12:09.479 --> 02:12:13.239 the others can get a very wrong impression and usually not suggestive, as he 1502 02:12:13.319 --> 02:12:20.800 discovers a low self- esteem test one daily you usually cross the street with 1503 02:12:20.880 --> 02:12:24.720 a number of unknown people, but who immediately recognize you for seeing them. 1504 02:12:24.760 --> 02:12:30.399 Often many of them I greet for the simple fact of seeing them every day, 1505 02:12:30.680 --> 02:12:33.840 even though I do not know them. B I never greet someone I 1506 02:12:33.920 --> 02:12:39.439 don' t know or show curiosity about what two will be like you know 1507 02:12:39.479 --> 02:12:43.199 what your strengths are when it comes to establishing a friendship or relationship. Oh, 1508 02:12:43.640 --> 02:12:46.239 I' m clear what my secret weapons are. The look, the 1509 02:12:46.319 --> 02:12:52.239 tone of voice, the smile, the sense of humor. B acted in 1510 02:12:52.279 --> 02:12:58.479 an impromptu way. Three up in the elevator with an unknown and very attractive 1511 02:12:58.520 --> 02:13:05.479 person. I' m trying to make eye contact with her and I' 1512 02:13:05.760 --> 02:13:07.880 m thinking of something that' s funny to tell her See, I' 1513 02:13:07.880 --> 02:13:07.880 m still caught up in my stuff and my eyes are stuck on the ground. 1514 02:13:09.840 --> 02:13:15.439 Four, when you have a conversation, I listen attentively and show interest 1515 02:13:15.439 --> 02:13:18.600 in what the speaker explains to me. I ask questions. I think I 1516 02:13:18.640 --> 02:13:22.279 give advice on the subject of B. I tend to always talk about my 1517 02:13:22.359 --> 02:13:26.640 things and I find it hard to maintain interest in what they explain to me 1518 02:13:26.720 --> 02:13:28.760 if it doesn' t directly affect me. Five on your Facebook profile. 1519 02:13:31.359 --> 02:13:35.520 Ah I always try to contact new people and keep my wall up to date 1520 02:13:35.600 --> 02:13:39.600 with new entrances. I' m just reading the other people' s tickets 1521 02:13:39.640 --> 02:13:43.600 and I haven' t added anyone in months. Six invite you to a 1522 02:13:43.640 --> 02:13:48.880 party where you only know the host I accept immediately before the possibility of meeting 1523 02:13:50.000 --> 02:13:56.119 new and interesting people. Peter Panes and Simons. The most useless human beings 1524 02:13:56.199 --> 02:14:03.520 are those unable to change over the years. James m Barry, Miguel is 1525 02:14:03.600 --> 02:14:09.680 living at the age of fifty a second adolescence, although he holds a high 1526 02:14:09.800 --> 02:14:13.880 position in a telecommunications company. Everything that was the breadwinner of his life has 1527 02:14:13.960 --> 02:14:18.920 fallen apart. Relationships with his wife have deteriorated to the point that he has 1528 02:14:18.000 --> 02:14:24.479 decided to move into a small rental apartment. There he receives lovers and recovers 1529 02:14:24.520 --> 02:14:30.640 habits from his time as a student. Her desire to like young women makes 1530 02:14:30.680 --> 02:14:35.079 her give herself to a very demanding training. In the gym, where he 1531 02:14:35.119 --> 02:14:39.359 has already been injured twice, he buys clothes that are not proper to his 1532 02:14:39.359 --> 02:14:43.840 age and position and has started a diet that is causing him constant fatigue at 1533 02:14:45.359 --> 02:14:48.239 one point of this return. In the past he feels confused and lost. 1534 02:14:50.239 --> 02:14:52.960 His colleagues in the company begin to murmur about him, who has his own 1535 02:14:54.039 --> 02:14:58.119 doubts about what he has done with his life. When he comes to my 1536 02:14:58.119 --> 02:15:01.159 office, anxiety has taken over him. He' s trying to get back 1537 02:15:01.159 --> 02:15:07.520 on track for his existence. Adults in the country of never again. In 1538 02:15:07.560 --> 02:15:11.399 nineteen hundred and eighty- three, Danjada published a book called Peterhean syndrome. 1539 02:15:13.079 --> 02:15:16.520 Readers soon defined the work as the Book of men who never grew up. 1540 02:15:18.159 --> 02:15:26.840 This syndrome was based on the following irresponsibility symptomatology. Those who suffer from this 1541 02:15:26.880 --> 02:15:30.640 syndrome take on the role of mature men, even though their real behavior is 1542 02:15:30.720 --> 02:15:39.600 childish their terror of commitment, they are unable to make decisions. They do 1543 02:15:39.680 --> 02:15:46.079 not believe in themselves as independent entities loneliness need to be accepted by others in 1544 02:15:46.159 --> 02:15:54.079 a cooking way and if they do not achieve such acceptance, they cannot accept 1545 02:15:54.079 --> 02:15:58.960 themselves narcissism. They want to satisfy only their own ego. They' re 1546 02:15:58.039 --> 02:16:05.119 having a hard time doing something for each other. Machismo avoids his responsibilities as 1547 02:16:05.159 --> 02:16:09.600 a couple and as parents. They only think about how tired they are because 1548 02:16:09.640 --> 02:16:13.960 of their work, regardless of their partner' s. They do not cooperate 1549 02:16:13.039 --> 02:16:16.239 in household chores, even though the wife works as much or more than they 1550 02:16:16.399 --> 02:16:24.079 do. Conflicts with sexuality and their partner. Such exhaustion and obsession with your 1551 02:16:24.199 --> 02:16:30.119 work can cause your sexual appetite to be inhibited. Their sexual behavior, when 1552 02:16:30.199 --> 02:16:33.200 the time comes, is often not encouraging, creating even more distance with the 1553 02:16:33.360 --> 02:16:39.760 couple. In other cases, their desperate search for affection can lead to compulsive 1554 02:16:39.799 --> 02:16:48.040 infidelity, sick nostalgia. Having reached a certain age and accumulated failures, they 1555 02:16:48.479 --> 02:16:54.280 have missed their freedom and their youth. At that moment you can abandon everything 1556 02:16:54.319 --> 02:16:58.280 to try to revive. This second youth regains the rebelliousness of adolescence. As 1557 02:16:58.479 --> 02:17:05.840 is the already withered ideas and illusions of youth. The results are often disappointing 1558 02:17:05.920 --> 02:17:11.920 and powerfully destructive. All this is usually accompanied by crises in which it has 1559 02:17:11.000 --> 02:17:18.000 pitch outs, reactions of anger panic attacks. You can also fall into addictions 1560 02:17:18.040 --> 02:17:24.440 such as alcohol or drugs. There is a belief that Peterpan syndrome affects only 1561 02:17:24.479 --> 02:17:30.319 the male sex, which is a mistake. It is true that this syndrome 1562 02:17:30.479 --> 02:17:33.879 affects men somewhat more. However, they may also have the same symptoms. 1563 02:17:37.200 --> 02:17:41.280 The above signs are often observed in adult women who dress as in adolescence and 1564 02:17:41.319 --> 02:17:46.000 behave in the same way, being followers of musical groups, moving in environments 1565 02:17:46.000 --> 02:17:50.559 that do not correspond to their age and leading an unbalanced sentimental life when there 1566 02:17:50.680 --> 02:17:58.040 has been a lack of affection or attention during childhood. Both men and women 1567 02:17:58.159 --> 02:18:03.479 can develop a symptomatic picture that matches this syndrome, demonstrating the same lack of 1568 02:18:03.559 --> 02:18:07.840 responsibility, the difficulty of expressing feelings, the search for protection, chronic fear, 1569 02:18:09.319 --> 02:18:16.639 Wendy' s stories. This personality disorder usually affects women more than men, 1570 02:18:16.120 --> 02:18:20.479 who suffer from it need to care for and obsessively satisfy their partner or 1571 02:18:20.600 --> 02:18:24.639 children because of a pathological fear of being rejected or abandoned, as their self 1572 02:18:26.280 --> 02:18:31.319 - esteem tends to be very low. We often find a tter cana where 1573 02:18:31.360 --> 02:18:35.120 there are those who suffer Wendy syndrome, as to peter who runs away from 1574 02:18:35.239 --> 02:18:41.440 responsibilities, Wendy represents comfort. It is that figure that satisfies all your needs 1575 02:18:41.559 --> 02:18:46.639 and fulfills your duties. The sacrifices a Wendy makes can become continuous and extreme. 1576 02:18:50.000 --> 02:18:52.639 These people consider themselves indispensable and believe that love is nothing but work, 1577 02:18:54.000 --> 02:18:58.799 service, and sacrifice. Wandy constantly avoids conflict, terrorizes her, the spouse 1578 02:18:58.840 --> 02:19:07.600 gets angry, so she forgives everything and tends to apologize for anything. Even 1579 02:19:07.680 --> 02:19:11.120 when he is absolutely right, he becomes the mother of his own partner. 1580 02:19:13.600 --> 02:19:16.719 Adolescence is the key time, as it is during that age that some signs 1581 02:19:16.799 --> 02:19:22.399 may appear to help detect the disorder. Overprotection of mothers. Wendy often causes 1582 02:19:22.479 --> 02:19:26.280 her children to suffer from peter Pan syndrome, as they have been educated in 1583 02:19:26.360 --> 02:19:33.200 the least effort to overcome it. Wendy has to learn to say she doesn 1584 02:19:33.239 --> 02:19:39.120 ' t have to fail to fulfill the responsibilities of others. You will need 1585 02:19:39.159 --> 02:19:43.079 to increase your self- esteem and learn to share your daily chores fairly. 1586 02:19:43.879 --> 02:19:48.440 One your relationship has long gone wrong ad I let it deteriorate until everything falls 1587 02:19:48.520 --> 02:19:52.319 by its own weight, that is to say the other person who makes the 1588 02:19:52.440 --> 02:19:58.040 decision to break up. See the situation and take the initiative to try to 1589 02:19:58.159 --> 02:20:01.079 save the relationship. I' m not the first to raise the breakup. 1590 02:20:03.200 --> 02:20:07.479 Two When you think about the past, ah I feel longing and I think 1591 02:20:07.559 --> 02:20:11.760 those times were better. B I laugh the way I looked and think about 1592 02:20:11.879 --> 02:20:18.719 everything I still have to live and enjoy. Three when you listen to music 1593 02:20:18.840 --> 02:20:22.680 I always look for a channel or radio station to program the songs that sounded 1594 02:20:22.680 --> 02:20:28.879 in my teens. I prefer to discover new bands and musical proposals that surprise 1595 02:20:28.879 --> 02:20:35.000 me. Four In general, you are often physically attracted to much younger people 1596 02:20:35.079 --> 02:20:41.760 than I see, people my age or even a little more mature. Five 1597 02:20:41.959 --> 02:20:46.799 when they introduce you to someone for the first time I notice a lot about 1598 02:20:46.879 --> 02:20:52.639 their physical appearance, their way of laughing as you saw I usually ask a 1599 02:20:52.719 --> 02:20:58.280 lot of questions and look at what they say or as they say six, 1600 02:20:58.680 --> 02:21:03.000 when someone tells you that they are going through a problem, I find it 1601 02:21:03.120 --> 02:21:07.360 hard to show empathy and immediately change the subject. I am sincerely interested in 1602 02:21:07.440 --> 02:21:11.440 the situation you are going through and I am trying to give you my support 1603 02:21:11.440 --> 02:21:15.559 and Council Seven. You' ve got a whole weekend ahead of you without 1604 02:21:15.559 --> 02:21:20.159 commitments. I call my friends and try to plan it so I won' 1605 02:21:20.239 --> 02:21:22.680 t be there for a second. Just go take advantage of it to sort 1606 02:21:24.079 --> 02:21:26.920 the house, listen to music, read a good book and meet one or 1607 02:21:26.920 --> 02:21:33.159 two friends. For each answer, add two points. For each answer see 1608 02:21:33.719 --> 02:21:41.280 adds a point less than eight points. Peter Pan was never your favorite movie. 1609 02:21:41.280 --> 02:21:45.879 You like to live and enjoy the present you are a determined person. 1610 02:21:46.120 --> 02:21:50.200 You are not afraid of commitment and you know how to put yourself in the 1611 02:21:50.280 --> 02:21:54.639 skin of others in the face of the loss of a loved one. Someone 1612 02:21:54.680 --> 02:22:00.520 should tell us, when our existence begins that we are already dying. Then 1613 02:22:00.600 --> 02:22:05.159 we would appreciate life every minute of every day. What we need to do 1614 02:22:05.200 --> 02:22:09.520 We need to do it now, because there aren' t as many mornings 1615 02:22:09.520 --> 02:22:13.879 as we thought. Paul VI. Judith has just turned twenty and hasn' 1616 02:22:13.959 --> 02:22:18.719 t raised her head since her father' s death a year ago. He 1617 02:22:18.879 --> 02:22:22.040 was very close to him, and he' s hard to assimilate that he 1618 02:22:22.040 --> 02:22:26.280 ' s gone forever. He has lost the joy of living and is often 1619 02:22:26.319 --> 02:22:31.120 assaulted with episodes of sadness that he cannot control. Her mother and her brothers 1620 02:22:31.239 --> 02:22:35.639 encourage her to go out more and become distracted. But Judith refuses to abandon 1621 02:22:35.680 --> 02:22:41.319 the shell of melancholy that separates her from everyday satisfactions. Get to my office 1622 02:22:41.399 --> 02:22:48.520 suffering from insomnia. It presents itself with an obvious depressive picture, in addition 1623 02:22:48.600 --> 02:22:52.920 to prescribing medication to begin dating back. We talk about the grieving phases that 1624 02:22:52.000 --> 02:22:56.959 will lead her back to life. Loss of a loved one is the worst 1625 02:22:58.040 --> 02:23:03.799 internal fracture a person can suffer. We all know that death is inevitable, 1626 02:23:03.159 --> 02:23:09.639 that it will not only reach our loved ones, but also ourselves. However, 1627 02:23:09.000 --> 02:23:13.399 we tend not to think about it and avoid looking at it head- 1628 02:23:13.399 --> 02:23:18.520 on. But the fateful day comes unexpectedly or not and hits our soul flatly. 1629 02:23:20.200 --> 02:23:26.520 What to do when someone so dear leaves us phases of mourning. The 1630 02:23:26.600 --> 02:23:31.600 American psychiatrist of Swiss origin from Bethkubelervas established a total of five mourning phases, 1631 02:23:31.920 --> 02:23:35.559 both for the loss of someone close to her and for the news of her 1632 02:23:35.719 --> 02:23:41.680 own death due to terminal illness. Although there are other theories that include some 1633 02:23:43.239 --> 02:23:48.200 more state of sot The person is unable to assimilate the news, it is 1634 02:23:48.280 --> 02:23:54.760 blocked and cannot react to what happened negation. Many begin here the grieving phase 1635 02:23:54.840 --> 02:24:01.200 without the state of soc The individual does not believe what has happened. He 1636 02:24:01.280 --> 02:24:07.200 prefers to think they' re cheating on him or playing a horrible joke, 1637 02:24:07.200 --> 02:24:09.280 a heavy sense of guilt. This phase was not included in Kubler Ross' 1638 02:24:09.360 --> 02:24:16.559 theory. At this point, many people blame themselves for what happened. They 1639 02:24:16.600 --> 02:24:20.319 think they could have done more to avoid the death of the loved one or 1640 02:24:20.399 --> 02:24:24.879 shown him more affection in life. Some even take responsibility for the death of 1641 02:24:26.000 --> 02:24:31.319 the person. Negotiation is common. In the case of a near death not 1642 02:24:31.520 --> 02:24:37.680 yet occurring. Believers often negotiate with a superior being that allows them to enjoy 1643 02:24:37.799 --> 02:24:41.200 the sick person more so that they can say goodbye. Good. It also 1644 02:24:41.239 --> 02:24:46.479 happens when it comes to death itself. In case of terminal illness, fear 1645 02:24:48.600 --> 02:24:54.600 above all non- believers fear the step towards non- existence anger and rage. 1646 02:24:54.600 --> 02:24:58.360 People feel jealous envy of those who will not suffer the death of someone 1647 02:24:58.440 --> 02:25:05.079 in an imminent way depression. At this stage, a person comes to think 1648 02:25:05.120 --> 02:25:09.959 that life has no meaning and that it is unnecessary to fight to move on. 1649 02:25:11.079 --> 02:25:13.920 It is a very delicate stage, as it can degenerate into exogenous depression 1650 02:25:15.000 --> 02:25:20.200 of different levels of severity acceptance. In the case of a terminally ill person. 1651 02:25:20.559 --> 02:25:24.760 This is the moment when a certain spiritual peace is found and the fight 1652 02:25:24.840 --> 02:25:28.760 against death is stopped in the case of a loss is the principle of healing, 1653 02:25:28.920 --> 02:25:37.239 because the inevitable is accepted at the edge of death. The first contact 1654 02:25:37.319 --> 02:25:39.719 he had from Beth Kewbeller RSS with death was when he visited a Nazi extermination 1655 02:25:39.760 --> 02:25:46.319 camp. That drastic contact with historical brutality and the reality of death influenced the 1656 02:25:46.399 --> 02:25:50.639 innocent 19- year- old Switzerland who was still and made her realize that 1657 02:25:50.719 --> 02:25:54.040 the end of life was going to be the object of her research. She 1658 02:25:54.079 --> 02:25:58.239 was in contact with many people who had been given to be clinically dead and 1659 02:25:58.520 --> 02:26:05.120 yet their bodies returned to life. Many of these experiences were told in his 1660 02:26:05.239 --> 02:26:09.600 book. Death a dawn. The sensations and visions that those people had made 1661 02:26:09.680 --> 02:26:13.879 him understand that death is nothing other than the end of a stage exactly like 1662 02:26:13.000 --> 02:26:18.719 a caterpillar that ceases to be perhaps once it has created the cocoon and becomes 1663 02:26:18.799 --> 02:26:26.639 a butterfly after the metamorphosis. Once their heart has stopped beating, the dying 1664 02:26:26.639 --> 02:26:30.559 get used to seeing a powerful white light that attracts them and can contemplate their 1665 02:26:30.639 --> 02:26:35.319 body from outside themselves. Some, despite not wishing to return to their existence 1666 02:26:35.360 --> 02:26:41.040 as human beings, return to the body and awaken, though without having seen 1667 02:26:41.120 --> 02:26:43.680 that there is on the other side of the light. No one has penetrated 1668 02:26:43.799 --> 02:26:50.719 it and returned. Dr Kublerrus treated many Vietnam veterans who had become paraplegic, 1669 02:26:50.159 --> 02:26:54.920 who had suffered a clinical death. After having been prostrated in a wheelchair for 1670 02:26:56.000 --> 02:27:01.520 years. During the experience, they all related to the sensation of walking back 1671 02:27:01.520 --> 02:27:07.200 among their documentation. We can find cases in which the patient was blind and 1672 02:27:07.479 --> 02:27:11.360 upon his return he could give all luxuries of details, including drawings and colors 1673 02:27:11.399 --> 02:27:16.760 of the garments upon which he had surrounded his body while he was dead. 1674 02:27:18.399 --> 02:27:20.959 A very revealing case was reported by the same doctor. During a lecture he 1675 02:27:22.079 --> 02:27:26.200 gave at the second International Holistic Congress in the city of S O Paulo, 1676 02:27:26.520 --> 02:27:31.399 Brazil. We had the case of a man in Switzerland who had to cross 1677 02:27:31.520 --> 02:27:35.799 a mountain to attend a very important football match. During the trip he suffered 1678 02:27:35.840 --> 02:27:43.719 a car accident and was seriously injured. Three doctors declared him clinically dead and 1679 02:27:43.799 --> 02:27:48.440 covered him with a blanket. The ambulance took hours to get to the place. 1680 02:27:50.920 --> 02:27:54.040 After his return, the man shared with us, something that was a 1681 02:27:54.159 --> 02:27:58.360 check of all the documentation we have so far. He narrated to be aware 1682 02:27:58.399 --> 02:28:01.479 that s s s s ons people were complaining about not being able to attend 1683 02:28:01.719 --> 02:28:05.479 the game, but after a while he heard the voice of a woman praying 1684 02:28:05.639 --> 02:28:11.159 fervently for him, and the man declared dead was moved to see that among 1685 02:28:11.280 --> 02:28:15.040 the thousands of people complaining about having lost a football match, a completely strange 1686 02:28:15.159 --> 02:28:20.920 woman prayed for him, So he made a promise to God. If I 1687 02:28:20.280 --> 02:28:26.399 live in any way, I will tell that woman that her prayers were heard 1688 02:28:26.799 --> 02:28:30.760 and in that state she approached her voice and memorized the car from where she 1689 02:28:30.920 --> 02:28:35.959 came from to be able to identify it later, to shorten it. After 1690 02:28:35.000 --> 02:28:39.719 nine months of rehab surgery tests, the man was able to speak again and 1691 02:28:39.799 --> 02:28:46.440 asked the doctor to look for a car with a certain registration number. The 1692 02:28:46.479 --> 02:28:50.879 woman was called and she went to the hospital. You can imagine what this 1693 02:28:50.000 --> 02:28:56.559 meant for the woman' s faith to talk to the little ones. It 1694 02:28:56.680 --> 02:29:01.559 is logical to want to protect our children from pain and helplessness, but sooner 1695 02:29:01.639 --> 02:29:03.719 or later the time comes when they are interested in the issue of death and 1696 02:29:03.760 --> 02:29:11.280 ask us directly about it how to deal with it. Our response will depend 1697 02:29:11.399 --> 02:29:16.920 on many factors, from religious beliefs to the child' s age. In 1698 02:29:16.040 --> 02:29:20.559 an interview by Inés Pchavarrí in the Diario El País in two thousand twelve, 1699 02:29:20.920 --> 02:29:24.239 the writer and professor of children' s literature at the Faculty of Teaching of 1700 02:29:24.399 --> 02:29:28.319 the UPV in Vitoria, Javier Arnal, compares the degree of modesty we have 1701 02:29:28.399 --> 02:29:31.879 when talking about this topic with our children, with the equally taboo subject of 1702 02:29:31.959 --> 02:29:39.559 sexuality, he considers that we must speak of death directly with courage. The 1703 02:29:39.639 --> 02:29:43.079 psychologist will be happy to be of the same opinion. You don' t 1704 02:29:43.159 --> 02:29:48.200 have to avoid going to a grandfather' s funeral. Children must also go 1705 02:29:48.280 --> 02:29:52.600 through their own grieving phase in a similar way, psychologist Gill Agrolman says in 1706 02:29:52.600 --> 02:29:58.159 his book Expening Actor Chelrein. You have to tell them the truth directly and 1707 02:29:58.239 --> 02:30:03.239 simply. We should not use euphemisms, as he is sleeping, because if 1708 02:30:03.399 --> 02:30:07.360 the child identifies the fact of sleeping with death, we can create a situation 1709 02:30:07.399 --> 02:30:11.440 of infantile insomnia because of the terror of falling asleep forever, as did his 1710 02:30:11.520 --> 02:30:18.680 grandfather. Nor should we try to disguise our pain or our weeping before them. 1711 02:30:18.799 --> 02:30:22.239 Children realize that something serious happens and if we do not hide our feelings, 1712 02:30:22.680 --> 02:30:28.040 we make them share if they are aware of what happened, learning that 1713 02:30:28.159 --> 02:30:33.719 death is something natural and irremediable only in the face of life. According to 1714 02:30:33.799 --> 02:30:39.799 a study by the sociologist at the University of Dackers jav Recard, the psychiatrist 1715 02:30:39.920 --> 02:30:43.280 at the University of Mechigen Riendo of Ness and the psychologist at the University of 1716 02:30:43.360 --> 02:30:48.639 New York Hemill Warman, widows living a peaceful and happy existence. It' 1717 02:30:48.760 --> 02:30:52.559 s not because they' ll get along badly with their deceased partner and have 1718 02:30:52.559 --> 02:30:56.520 freed themselves from it. On the contrary, these people have accepted the death 1719 02:30:56.639 --> 02:30:58.920 of the loved one as part of life and have passed their particular flight. 1720 02:31:03.159 --> 02:31:05.959 More than forty- five percent of those who participated in the study had enjoyed 1721 02:31:07.040 --> 02:31:11.719 a happy marriage and had the comfort of beautiful memories. A little over 15 1722 02:31:11.840 --> 02:31:18.879 percent suffered severe depression, even a year and a half after death. These 1723 02:31:18.959 --> 02:31:22.239 are the ones who idolized their marriage the most, although they tended to depend 1724 02:31:22.360 --> 02:31:28.000 on their deceased couple. And about ten percent of widowers were people whose couple 1725 02:31:28.079 --> 02:31:33.719 life was a failure and even suffered depression. Thus, their duties did not 1726 02:31:33.799 --> 02:31:37.159 allow them to separate from the couple and to some extent the death of the 1727 02:31:37.280 --> 02:31:43.600 husband or wife was a relief to their existence. Grief is a natural process 1728 02:31:43.680 --> 02:31:46.239 in which the person who survives overcomes pain and can live with memory without experiencing 1729 02:31:46.360 --> 02:31:54.520 chronic sadness. Keeping busy and having a healthy social life helps overcome the trance. 1730 02:31:54.920 --> 02:31:58.799 If after six months, grief and sadness remain very present, it is 1731 02:31:58.879 --> 02:32:05.840 advisable to go to a specialist before falling into a serious pathology. Test one, 1732 02:32:07.079 --> 02:32:11.360 a friend or family member has a terminal illness, to edit go to 1733 02:32:11.479 --> 02:32:15.879 his or her home or hospital so as not to have a hard time and 1734 02:32:15.879 --> 02:32:20.319 feel uncomfortable. Be I' m going to see him several times I' 1735 02:32:20.319 --> 02:32:22.920 m interested in him. I' m talking to your two friends. When 1736 02:32:24.000 --> 02:32:28.879 you attend a funeral at never came to see the deceased with the excuse that 1737 02:32:28.920 --> 02:32:31.399 I prefer to remember him in life and limit myself to comforting the family in 1738 02:32:31.479 --> 02:32:35.959 the tanatorium. Beck. I ask the family if I can see the deceased 1739 02:32:37.040 --> 02:32:41.159 to give him my last three goodbyes. You' ve once talked about how 1740 02:32:41.239 --> 02:32:48.479 you' d like it to be your burial Ah, I never like to 1741 02:32:48.559 --> 02:32:52.120 talk about death, let alone my Beck. The issue has once arisen and 1742 02:32:52.200 --> 02:32:58.879 my loved ones already know what my will is. Four of you have the 1743 02:32:58.559 --> 02:33:01.239 will done, or I' ll do it when there' s no choice. 1744 02:33:03.319 --> 02:33:07.399 Be is already written and my people know where to find him when the 1745 02:33:07.479 --> 02:33:11.959 time of my death came. Five in the case of incurable disease. Oh, 1746 02:33:13.719 --> 02:33:18.040 I' d rather not know and be fooled. See you want to 1747 02:33:18.159 --> 02:33:20.959 know at all times the progress of the disease, as well as my life 1748 02:33:20.959 --> 02:33:26.920 expectancy. Six you' re afraid to die just thinking about it. My 1749 02:33:26.000 --> 02:33:31.000 heart' s racing. I panic at nothing and don' t get to 1750 02:33:31.040 --> 02:33:33.879 the idea of what it will be like not to feel or experience life anymore 1751 02:33:35.079 --> 02:33:39.159 be I' m scared of my own suffering and that of my loved ones, 1752 02:33:39.399 --> 02:33:43.959 but I accept my own death as inevitable. Seven every time you think 1753 02:33:45.040 --> 02:33:50.319 about death I inevitably do it often even though it causes me a great restlessness 1754 02:33:50.399 --> 02:33:58.079 bec I hardly think about it. I' ll do it when the appendage 1755 02:33:58.159 --> 02:34:07.040 time comes. If childhood has something solid and safe. Adolescence is the stage 1756 02:34:07.120 --> 02:34:11.559 of crossroads. The teenager wants to know who he is and who he wants 1757 02:34:11.559 --> 02:34:16.600 to be. If childhood is safe and solid in the family environment, adolescence 1758 02:34:16.920 --> 02:34:22.079 is an unsafe and liquid stage. A world full of ingredients opens up in 1759 02:34:22.079 --> 02:34:26.079 front. There are many facets that appear and it is difficult to apprehend them. 1760 02:34:26.200 --> 02:34:33.680 In short, adolescence is the age of shortcomings and possibilities. Anything' 1761 02:34:33.799 --> 02:34:37.399 s possible. When you' re that age thirty- one. I' 1762 02:34:37.440 --> 02:34:43.159 ve mentioned it before. When you are young, you are full of possibilities, 1763 02:34:43.479 --> 02:34:46.680 when you are older, you are full of realities the possibilities. The 1764 02:34:46.719 --> 02:34:52.639 range of facts and things ahead is immense and everything can happen. Anything is 1765 02:34:52.760 --> 02:34:58.159 possible and when the years pass the realities appear. There' s already a 1766 02:34:58.280 --> 02:35:03.440 result of existential relegation. The teenager immerses himself in the world and crosses it 1767 02:35:03.520 --> 02:35:05.639 and explores it and travels it in his style and loves it and overflows it. 1768 02:35:07.639 --> 02:35:09.639 That is why it is one of the most fruitful phases of personal history 1769 02:35:09.760 --> 02:35:16.239 and so necessary are teachers and witnesses thirty- two. There are learnings, 1770 02:35:16.680 --> 02:35:26.440 unusual discoveries, overcoming difficulties idealisms unbridled Platonic crushes, discovery of sexuality and all 1771 02:35:26.559 --> 02:35:33.639 that it means. In this shaker of different ingredients the teenager must move by 1772 02:35:33.719 --> 02:35:37.559 embracing it valuable. What is worth incorporating into the engineering of his conduct is 1773 02:35:37.600 --> 02:35:41.239 the period of excesses and restrictions, of the excessive and of the brakes. 1774 02:35:43.920 --> 02:35:50.239 What he seeks is his identity, the figure of the parents is replaced by 1775 02:35:50.360 --> 02:35:54.520 friends and idols. At the moment, both will be decisive in the influence 1776 02:35:54.559 --> 02:36:01.319 of the configuration of their personality. Friendship is going to be key to childhood 1777 02:36:01.440 --> 02:36:05.879 and puberty. The only stage of life in which one gets more years than 1778 02:36:05.959 --> 02:36:11.559 one has. One wants to be greater, to participate more in the world 1779 02:36:11.719 --> 02:36:16.159 that appears before him. Most of the girls are already developed. Menstruation, 1780 02:36:16.799 --> 02:36:22.200 chest and secondary sexual factors are present and already form a body model. I 1781 02:36:22.280 --> 02:36:26.479 need you to slip into the psychological. Boys change their voices and discover sexuality 1782 02:36:26.520 --> 02:36:31.760 more strongly than they do. The appearance of night pollutions makes you discover ejaculation 1783 02:36:31.799 --> 02:36:35.799 and this will mark you. Both are interested in the other sex and the 1784 02:36:35.920 --> 02:36:41.399 loves in their various ranges, make their appearance with intensity and bring special flavors 1785 02:36:41.760 --> 02:36:46.680 with the strength of the imagination. In the foreground they both appear as a 1786 02:36:46.760 --> 02:36:52.719 sexed body self. External relations reflect the relationships that the adolescent has with himself. 1787 02:36:54.120 --> 02:36:58.520 Pier Het stressed that the discovery of the body must be accompanied by a 1788 02:36:58.760 --> 02:37:03.959 sign of convincing explanations so that he can understand what happens to him is the 1789 02:37:05.000 --> 02:37:11.520 hormonal explosion, with all that it means. The family and social environment are 1790 02:37:11.600 --> 02:37:18.239 crucial. The grades of the studies and the peers form a very related fabric. 1791 02:37:20.319 --> 02:37:22.840 He compares himself to the others and begins to compete without knowing it not 1792 02:37:22.920 --> 02:37:26.719 only with the grades of the exams, but with everything that circulates around him. 1793 02:37:28.799 --> 02:37:33.479 There are conversations about people of the other sex, alliances, disagreements, 1794 02:37:33.879 --> 02:37:39.600 rivalries, etc. As well as the first solid friendships that are of enormous 1795 02:37:39.719 --> 02:37:43.120 importance and that make him see the exclusivity that they ask for. You open 1796 02:37:43.239 --> 02:37:48.639 up and let your intimacy go out to someone else like that. The girls 1797 02:37:48.760 --> 02:37:52.879 show a much greater psychological maturity than the boys of their own age. A 1798 02:37:52.920 --> 02:37:58.799 teenager of seventeen or eighteen years can date a boy of twenty- three to 1799 02:37:58.920 --> 02:38:03.120 twenty- five years of age without a problem and ns to give a good 1800 02:38:03.120 --> 02:38:07.200 tune, a positive understanding. Femininity coquettery is evidence that appears and embraces sexuality 1801 02:38:07.239 --> 02:38:11.360 in a very general sense, with love, tenderness and affective finesse, moving 1802 02:38:11.360 --> 02:38:18.200 around. Weekend departures will highlight philias and phobias, often without nuances thirty- 1803 02:38:18.680 --> 02:38:28.799 three. This marks the movements of approach and distance and moves from the person 1804 02:38:28.879 --> 02:38:33.719 ' s façade to delve deeper into what is inside. This develops a special 1805 02:38:33.799 --> 02:38:39.399 sensitivity for the tuning and to find out if you will be able to give 1806 02:38:39.479 --> 02:38:43.879 a good friendship, which is what you are looking for, because we do 1807 02:38:43.879 --> 02:38:48.000 not forget it. Adolescence is where true friendship is discovered. There is already 1808 02:38:48.040 --> 02:38:56.239 thirty- four intimacy, a crossing between two shores. Puberty is a crucial 1809 02:38:56.399 --> 02:39:00.799 time in human development. In the Neas there is a development of the endoclinological 1810 02:39:00.879 --> 02:39:05.360 system and sexual maturation, that is to say, his body begins to transform 1811 02:39:05.399 --> 02:39:13.000 until reaching a development that biologically prepares them to fertilize a child. In the 1812 02:39:13.000 --> 02:39:18.000 West, breast development begins at around twelve years of age, while in the 1813 02:39:18.040 --> 02:39:22.360 Caribbean or in some regions of South America, a girl may have her first 1814 02:39:22.479 --> 02:39:26.159 menstruation at eight years of age. In children puberty manifests through change in voice 1815 02:39:26.280 --> 02:39:33.440 and transformation of the penis and testicles. All this also occurs at the age 1816 02:39:33.600 --> 02:39:41.799 of twelve. Boys and girls then experience the following. Emotiveness. The affective 1817 02:39:41.840 --> 02:39:46.120 world at this age is already very rich, although it tends to go to 1818 02:39:46.200 --> 02:39:52.000 extremes. Everything is love or hatred, joy or sadness, happiness or misfortune. 1819 02:39:52.959 --> 02:39:56.799 All feelings are double. As Gustav Hanoch said in his book conversations with 1820 02:39:56.920 --> 02:40:01.680 Kafka. The heart reason of man is a house with two rooms, in 1821 02:40:01.799 --> 02:40:07.639 one beats joy and in the other sadness. As this aphorism indicates, the 1822 02:40:07.000 --> 02:40:13.000 oscillation of humor is very frequent. In puberty, you get out of a 1823 02:40:13.120 --> 02:40:18.280 state of mind. On the contrary, quite easily the first loves, which 1824 02:40:18.280 --> 02:40:22.639 are very important, also appear. Also, the attraction is discovered through observation. 1825 02:40:24.520 --> 02:40:31.440 Almost without real contact, young people begin to experience imaginary scenes. In 1826 02:40:31.479 --> 02:40:39.639 women, fantasy is usually greater than in men. Reason the young person incorporates 1827 02:40:39.719 --> 02:40:45.760 instruments of logical intelligence, direct thinking and critical judgment. It is a time 1828 02:40:45.799 --> 02:40:50.280 when parents and teachers must nurture intelligence, teaching to think and evaluate the things 1829 02:40:50.319 --> 02:40:56.479 that happen, using the head and having it well ordered is paramount and knowing, 1830 02:40:56.799 --> 02:41:00.639 giving up what we cannot get. That' s wisdom and self- 1831 02:41:00.639 --> 02:41:03.239 control. Staying at peace when you see that you don' t get to 1832 02:41:03.280 --> 02:41:07.680 many things and that you should touch the keys that you can well carry forward. 1833 02:41:09.079 --> 02:41:13.239 The will. The adolescent begins to discover the will without knowing that it 1834 02:41:13.360 --> 02:41:18.520 is a central factor in the construction of personality. Americans, through emotional intelligence, 1835 02:41:18.639 --> 02:41:26.000 define it as the ability to postpone the reward. Will is a tool 1836 02:41:26.079 --> 02:41:31.559 that can be learned and needs time to consolidate. Today, psychologists and psychiatrists 1837 02:41:31.639 --> 02:41:37.399 know that this is far more important than reason. She leads us to the 1838 02:41:37.479 --> 02:41:43.280 best. If we have been able to include it in the engineering of conduct 1839 02:41:43.399 --> 02:41:48.639 friendship. This is a very strong need during adolescence and early youth, at 1840 02:41:48.920 --> 02:41:54.079 the same time a source of suffering. We entered a stage of great friendships, 1841 02:41:54.559 --> 02:42:00.520 but also of great failures, a very passionate summer relationship. Nothing can 1842 02:42:00.639 --> 02:42:07.799 easily be broken forever because of a misunderstanding, a teenage problem. The boy 1843 02:42:07.959 --> 02:42:13.239 with a phobia at school visits me to a 14- year- old Carlos, 1844 02:42:13.760 --> 02:42:18.040 who is in the middle of puberty. Physically he is very tall and 1845 02:42:18.040 --> 02:42:22.360 thin, he has a lot of hair, he is unexpressive, shy and 1846 02:42:22.440 --> 02:42:26.959 insecure At school he has been the object of Mavin and this fact has caused 1847 02:42:26.040 --> 02:42:28.239 the boy not to want to go to high school and lock himself in his 1848 02:42:28.239 --> 02:42:33.440 room. At first I was afraid to go to class, but that fear 1849 02:42:33.479 --> 02:42:39.120 has become phobia, becoming insurmountable. On his first visit, he goes to 1850 02:42:39.120 --> 02:42:43.840 his parents. The mother breaks to cry and tells me that she is following 1851 02:42:43.959 --> 02:42:46.799 an antidepressant treatment, that she is sunk by everything that happens and that, 1852 02:42:48.159 --> 02:42:52.280 moreover, the relationship that the boy has with his younger sisters is very bad. 1853 02:42:52.879 --> 02:42:56.680 My first advice is for the boy to go into another school where nothing 1854 02:42:56.799 --> 02:42:58.559 is known about him so he doesn' t get a label on him. 1855 02:43:01.120 --> 02:43:05.440 The boy has an exogenous reactive depression. When the new school starts, I 1856 02:43:05.479 --> 02:43:09.799 give you a psycho- relaxing medication at very low doses that takes away your 1857 02:43:09.920 --> 02:43:13.440 attention from thinking that you can laugh at it. After a while, the 1858 02:43:13.440 --> 02:43:18.559 child has improved a lot. He also has a private teacher who is with 1859 02:43:18.639 --> 02:43:22.079 him two hours in the afternoon. Although it is also important that you learn 1860 02:43:22.200 --> 02:43:26.920 to study alone and without help. I transmit to you three important phrases that 1861 02:43:28.000 --> 02:43:31.840 need to be learned. You have to start studying yourself just because you' 1862 02:43:31.920 --> 02:43:39.879 re not a baby. Learn to focus on what you are. I also 1863 02:43:39.959 --> 02:43:43.879 tell you that you must help in small household chores, because you have become 1864 02:43:43.959 --> 02:43:48.959 a child, a little selfish to start socializing with the new class boys. 1865 02:43:48.959 --> 02:43:52.719 I' m asking your mother to arrange a snack. So you can make 1866 02:43:52.799 --> 02:44:01.840 new friends. The most typical problems of adolescence. Rebelliousness is the main problem 1867 02:44:03.000 --> 02:44:07.479 in adolescence. They can mean nothing, because hormones are boiling and the three 1868 02:44:07.559 --> 02:44:13.239 great components of personality, the affective world, intelligence and will are being modified. 1869 02:44:16.319 --> 02:44:20.079 However, there is a possibility that this may be the beginning of a 1870 02:44:20.159 --> 02:44:26.159 psychological disorder that usually begins at that age. The young man in general rebels 1871 02:44:26.239 --> 02:44:30.399 against the rules. That is why it is very important that parents know how 1872 02:44:30.479 --> 02:44:33.879 to apply elastic standards. To educate is to accompany, to go with him, 1873 02:44:35.319 --> 02:44:37.799 to turn someone into person, to seduce him with values and intelligence. 1874 02:44:39.360 --> 02:44:43.079 Today, it is difficult to educate by the amount of informational bombing that is 1875 02:44:43.200 --> 02:44:48.159 everywhere. For a current young person to gain access to intellectual life, he 1876 02:44:48.239 --> 02:44:52.440 has to do a very complicated operation that starts by turning off his mobile Internet, 1877 02:44:54.520 --> 02:44:58.760 Facebook, Twitter, and on this journey more than eighty percent are left 1878 02:44:58.760 --> 02:45:03.840 out of school failure. It is considered a serious problem for a student aged 1879 02:45:03.959 --> 02:45:09.360 15 to 18 to fail in their studies. What fails, in the first 1880 02:45:09.440 --> 02:45:13.799 place, is the method of study, because, as we know, studying 1881 02:45:13.920 --> 02:45:22.639 needs a methodology. Secondly, instrumental intelligence may fail. There are many forms 1882 02:45:22.680 --> 02:45:26.520 of intelligence that are divided into two, the monarchic and the oligarchic. In 1883 02:45:26.559 --> 02:45:31.360 the monarchic one appears a king factor that dominates others, while the oligarchic one 1884 02:45:31.399 --> 02:45:35.079 points to various factors that form a map difficult to harmonize in the same person. 1885 02:45:37.079 --> 02:45:41.840 Intelligence is capacity for synthesis, knowing, distinguishing the fundamental from the accessory, 1886 02:45:43.200 --> 02:45:48.959 capturing reality in its complexity. There is an essential intelligence in adolescence that 1887 02:45:48.040 --> 02:45:54.200 is instrumental and that consists in having those tools that enhance intelligence by raising it 1888 02:45:54.319 --> 02:46:01.360 from the level of order, constancy, will and motivation. Behind school failure, 1889 02:46:01.760 --> 02:46:05.280 there are often bad methods, both in terms of study techniques and instrumental 1890 02:46:05.360 --> 02:46:11.600 intelligence. Order begins in one' s room, in clothes, in schedules, 1891 02:46:11.040 --> 02:46:18.559 etcetera. Constancy is the fundamental tenacity and perseverance to carry out the studies. 1892 02:46:20.200 --> 02:46:24.719 In addition, the will is needed, which is the ability to set 1893 02:46:24.799 --> 02:46:28.520 goals and bring them forward. To have specific objectives, one must know how 1894 02:46:28.559 --> 02:46:33.959 to give up things, because wanting to embrace everything is absurd. Motivation is 1895 02:46:33.040 --> 02:46:37.360 to itself fundamental and can aim to satisfy friends or family or the fact that 1896 02:46:37.399 --> 02:46:46.719 the notes appear publicly the famous TDH. In school failure it has become fashionable 1897 02:46:46.799 --> 02:46:50.959 to a diagnosis that did not exist before and that is a tailor drawer. 1898 02:46:50.840 --> 02:46:58.840 TDH or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. It is wrong that any failure in school 1899 02:46:58.959 --> 02:47:01.840 should be valued in this way today. The TDH is a deficit of the 1900 02:47:01.920 --> 02:47:05.799 ability to be attentive that results in an objective dispersion, since the person is 1901 02:47:05.920 --> 02:47:11.120 in many things and in none at the same time can it be a habit 1902 02:47:11.200 --> 02:47:15.280 that has gone negatively into behavior, although it can also originate because the region 1903 02:47:15.319 --> 02:47:20.479 of the brain, called the ascending reticular activator system, which regulates vigilance and 1904 02:47:20.600 --> 02:47:26.120 the ability to pay attention, is not well. For this symptom methylphenidate is 1905 02:47:26.200 --> 02:47:31.239 taken, which is a reactivator of attention thirty- five. Care must be 1906 02:47:31.319 --> 02:47:35.319 taken in the administration of this drug, because if the TDH is confused with 1907 02:47:35.479 --> 02:47:41.399 school failure, its administration would cause disinhibition in the student, thus unleashing anxiety 1908 02:47:41.479 --> 02:47:48.879 crises and aggressive reactions. The personality border the ino limit. This personality, 1909 02:47:50.239 --> 02:47:54.680 very common in adolescence, is presided over by impulsivity, uncontrollability with negative verbal 1910 02:47:54.799 --> 02:48:01.639 incontinence and difficulty in reflecting calmly on events. The behavior is triggered without the 1911 02:48:01.719 --> 02:48:05.440 person being aware of its outcome, as it does not stop to assess the 1912 02:48:05.520 --> 02:48:15.360 extent of its conduct. Part three, happiness under construction. Failed inducers of 1913 02:48:15.399 --> 02:48:20.920 happiness, we are addicted to our thoughts. We can' t change anything 1914 02:48:22.040 --> 02:48:28.879 if we don' t change our way of thinking saints first, even though 1915 02:48:28.000 --> 02:48:30.719 they' ve been drinking every day for more than twenty years. It hasn 1916 02:48:30.840 --> 02:48:33.399 ' t been until we entered quarantine when David has been aware that he has 1917 02:48:33.479 --> 02:48:37.399 a problem. On weekends, his wife refuses to sleep with him because he 1918 02:48:37.760 --> 02:48:43.159 arrives from the bar with a strong breath of alcohol. That caused me to 1919 02:48:43.239 --> 02:48:48.280 have to sleep in a separate room in the warehouse where he works. They 1920 02:48:48.360 --> 02:48:52.680 have begun to draw his attention to him because he has been seen drinking before 1921 02:48:52.719 --> 02:48:56.120 his working day and disowning himself in details of his work that were not overlooked 1922 02:48:56.239 --> 02:49:01.280 before. Finally, follow the advice of the Chief of Staff who advises you 1923 02:49:01.319 --> 02:49:05.760 to visit a specialist once you are in my office, as well as prescribe 1924 02:49:05.879 --> 02:49:11.239 medication to help you stop your addiction. We' re in charge of the 1925 02:49:11.239 --> 02:49:15.799 cause of it. Today' s psychology has typified many kinds of addictions. 1926 02:49:16.959 --> 02:49:20.239 It' s not the same sex addiction, which is a private addiction, 1927 02:49:20.600 --> 02:49:24.600 as the diogen syndrome that designates people who feel the need to accumulate things. 1928 02:49:26.719 --> 02:49:31.520 Today, for example, there are many facilities for quitting tobacco because there is 1929 02:49:31.639 --> 02:49:37.159 very strong social pressure. On the other hand, one of the most common 1930 02:49:37.280 --> 02:49:41.200 addictions not commonly seen as such is addiction to mobile phones and social networks. 1931 02:49:41.840 --> 02:49:46.719 A common point in all addictions is that it turns into a tool or pleasure, 1932 02:49:46.760 --> 02:49:52.559 a loss of freedom. The addict' s psychology. There are many 1933 02:49:52.639 --> 02:49:58.000 psychological mechanisms that accompany and try to hide the reality of an addiction. Some 1934 02:49:58.079 --> 02:50:03.920 of them are self- deception. The addict does not consider himself hooked to 1935 02:50:05.040 --> 02:50:07.959 anything and does not believe that his behavior is affecting his work, family or 1936 02:50:09.040 --> 02:50:13.879 social life. Hermetism, the patient does not openly reason about his problem, 1937 02:50:15.360 --> 02:50:22.399 he closes himself. To protect your escapism addiction, the addict visualizes a future 1938 02:50:22.520 --> 02:50:26.399 in which he looks free from addiction next week. I quit, but it 1939 02:50:26.559 --> 02:50:33.000 does nothing to change the impatience situation. The addict lets himself be pushed by 1940 02:50:33.079 --> 02:50:39.040 urgency. When you think you need a dose, you want it right then 1941 02:50:39.159 --> 02:50:46.360 in a totally impulsive way, docking the fridge. Until relatively recently, tobacco, 1942 02:50:46.879 --> 02:50:52.959 alcohol and various illegal drugs were mentioned as dependence. However, food addiction 1943 02:50:54.040 --> 02:50:58.959 is already considered a disease by American specialists and has been included in the diagnostic 1944 02:50:58.000 --> 02:51:03.399 and statistical manual on mental disorders DMS of the American Association of Psychiatry to APA. 1945 02:51:07.120 --> 02:51:09.840 It is for this reason that someone who suffers from this addiction should not 1946 02:51:09.879 --> 02:51:15.200 be considered scornfully and cheerfully, as a glutton, but as a sick person. 1947 02:51:16.520 --> 02:51:22.840 Points to consider specific brain receptors observed in a food addict are not far 1948 02:51:22.879 --> 02:51:30.559 from those of drug addicts, smokers or alcoholics. Obesity is one of the 1949 02:51:30.600 --> 02:51:33.959 consequences of this addiction, but it cannot be fought with a simple diet. 1950 02:51:35.000 --> 02:51:39.799 It needs to be complemented by a therapy that stimulates a radical change of behavior 1951 02:51:39.920 --> 02:51:45.040 in the day to day. The anxiety caused by addiction has to be appeased 1952 02:51:45.079 --> 02:51:52.040 with the Councils. I the treatment recommended by a specialist test one you usually 1953 02:51:52.120 --> 02:51:58.079 drink more alcohol when you are discouraged under pressure or after a personal or work 1954 02:51:58.120 --> 02:52:03.479 conflict A to a certain time. Having a few drinks helps me to deal 1955 02:52:03.559 --> 02:52:09.639 better with the problem and to relativize concerns. You see sometime, but I 1956 02:52:09.680 --> 02:52:15.000 try not to overdo it, because then I find it harder to overcome the 1957 02:52:15.120 --> 02:52:18.719 drop two by drinking along with other people you try to consume more when the 1958 02:52:18.760 --> 02:52:22.920 others do not realize. I' ve never thought about it before, but 1959 02:52:24.040 --> 02:52:26.920 I remember doing it on more than one occasion. B I have no problem 1960 02:52:28.000 --> 02:52:33.280 showing what I drink that, on the other hand, is not too three 1961 02:52:33.319 --> 02:52:37.600 you eat when you are not hungry or when you feel sad or depressed to 1962 02:52:37.719 --> 02:52:41.959 just like during the five main meals of the day. I get used to 1963 02:52:43.000 --> 02:52:48.760 itching between hours, especially when something stresses or worries me four how many social 1964 02:52:50.879 --> 02:52:52.639 networks you use only one and I don' t usually consult it. Very 1965 02:52:52.719 --> 02:52:58.559 often you see more than three if I' m connected to them every day 1966 02:52:58.600 --> 02:53:03.280 five of each. How long did you check your smart apps? It was 1967 02:53:03.760 --> 02:53:09.040 a social media email message. Ah only when I have a free time sees 1968 02:53:09.159 --> 02:53:15.639 every half hour approximately six. A friend suggests you smoke or drink less. 1969 02:53:16.840 --> 02:53:20.120 Ah, I admit you' re right and I' m trying to do 1970 02:53:20.120 --> 02:53:24.799 something about it. B, I' m telling you, there' s 1971 02:53:24.879 --> 02:53:26.680 no big deal and I' ve got it under control. Seven is Sunday 1972 02:53:26.799 --> 02:53:33.799 night rain and no cigarettes at home. Ah wait for tomorrow to buy tobacco 1973 02:53:33.920 --> 02:53:37.079 on the way to work, b I catch an umbrella and go down to 1974 02:53:37.159 --> 02:53:41.479 the street looking for a bar to buy a couple of packs. For each 1975 02:53:41.559 --> 02:53:48.879 answer, add two points. For each answer see adds a point less than 1976 02:53:48.959 --> 02:53:54.000 eight points. Even if you don' t recognize it, you' re 1977 02:53:54.159 --> 02:53:58.239 hooked on a series of habits that limit your freedom. Remember that addiction to 1978 02:53:58.360 --> 02:54:05.120 tobacco, alcohol, food, the cracks of insecurity. Our doubts are traitors 1979 02:54:05.200 --> 02:54:11.440 that make us lose the good we could gain by making us fear the attempt. 1980 02:54:11.680 --> 02:54:16.559 William Shakespeare, since her husband inherited a flat in the upper part of 1981 02:54:16.680 --> 02:54:20.319 the city Clara, feels insecure in dealing with neighbors or even when he goes 1982 02:54:20.399 --> 02:54:26.399 to the shops in his new neighborhood. He has always been complacent about not 1983 02:54:26.520 --> 02:54:28.360 having studies, and with the arrival of his third child, he stopped working, 1984 02:54:28.639 --> 02:54:33.520 so he feels like a very limited person who doesn' t fit the 1985 02:54:33.600 --> 02:54:35.959 sophisticated environment he' s moved into. Her husband tells her not to worry 1986 02:54:37.079 --> 02:54:39.959 about the others who will accept her, as if she does not boycott herself. 1987 02:54:41.719 --> 02:54:46.959 Clearly, however, he cannot help but feel inferior, as if he 1988 02:54:46.079 --> 02:54:50.000 were usurping a place that he did not have to occupy. That' s 1989 02:54:50.000 --> 02:54:54.719 got her locked up at home with the kids until her husband convinced her to 1990 02:54:54.840 --> 02:54:58.799 come to my office. This is a minor problem that we solve through a 1991 02:54:58.840 --> 02:55:05.600 talk to explain that it should be valued more and assertive. Human beings. 1992 02:55:05.120 --> 02:55:09.360 We have an internal dialogue with ourselves. This is natural, but yes, 1993 02:55:09.559 --> 02:55:13.280 that dialogue is negative and leads us to the paralysis of our activity, we 1994 02:55:13.639 --> 02:55:18.520 will be condemned to suffer low self- esteem. This will result in a 1995 02:55:18.600 --> 02:55:22.959 well of insecurity and doubts in the face of any challenges that may arise. 1996 02:55:24.239 --> 02:55:30.440 There are many causes that can cause a state of personal insecurity, including having 1997 02:55:30.520 --> 02:55:33.440 been the target of mockery or criticism during our childhood, which is when the 1998 02:55:33.479 --> 02:55:39.120 pillars of self- esteem are raised, having grown up within an excessively perfectionist, 1999 02:55:39.680 --> 02:55:46.760 critical and demanding family. This often results in us being perfectionists, self 2000 02:55:46.639 --> 02:55:52.559 - critical and self- demanding in too much. The lack of accurate communication. 2001 02:55:54.600 --> 02:55:58.520 Not expressing what we think can create anger, social phobia and lack of 2002 02:55:58.639 --> 02:56:05.920 self- confidence assertivity is social ability to want to please everyone else. If 2003 02:56:07.000 --> 02:56:09.360 we care to please each and every one of us around us, we will 2004 02:56:09.600 --> 02:56:15.680 be held hostage by an attitude that separates us from our own essence. To 2005 02:56:15.799 --> 02:56:22.120 have been sentimentally rejected in the field of affective relationships. A rejection or abandonment 2006 02:56:22.200 --> 02:56:28.200 can leave self- esteem low and sow doubt about our value. The behavioral 2007 02:56:28.319 --> 02:56:33.399 triangle. According to the parameters of current psychology, there are three types of 2008 02:56:33.440 --> 02:56:43.520 communicative behavior, passive behavior, assertive behavior, aggressive behavior. As their names 2009 02:56:43.600 --> 02:56:48.479 indicate, aggressive behavior is disproportionate to any situation and passive behavior is a faint 2010 02:56:48.639 --> 02:56:56.280 reaction to the same case. None of them are good tools for social relationships. 2011 02:56:56.799 --> 02:57:01.200 To be assertive means to defend a position, opinion or right in a 2012 02:57:01.639 --> 02:57:05.879 clear, concise, safe and respectful manner. An assertive person is certain. 2013 02:57:07.440 --> 02:57:11.799 Hence the word assertiveness that what is defended is correct. Even if you' 2014 02:57:11.920 --> 02:57:18.280 re sure you' re right, your defense is respectful of others and tries 2015 02:57:18.440 --> 02:57:22.600 not to offend anyone. Besides, they prefer not to leave anything in half. 2016 02:57:24.040 --> 02:57:28.040 That is why he speaks with clarity and total security. All this does 2017 02:57:28.120 --> 02:57:31.319 not mean that he knows how to accept the fact that he is wrong, 2018 02:57:31.920 --> 02:57:35.959 since, out of pride, he never defends a wrong position. An assertive 2019 02:57:35.079 --> 02:57:39.079 person usually has a good dose of empathy. That is why he shows respect 2020 02:57:39.159 --> 02:57:45.079 for others, but he never allows himself to be overwhelmed without defending his own 2021 02:57:45.200 --> 02:57:52.000 interests. He hates injustices and for this reason he will defend his own interests, 2022 02:57:52.280 --> 02:57:56.360 as well as those of those who are being treated unfairly, be it 2023 02:57:56.440 --> 02:58:01.360 a friend, a co- worker or a simple stranger. Being assertive does 2024 02:58:01.479 --> 02:58:05.319 not have to involve conflict, since we are talking about a respectful person who, 2025 02:58:05.440 --> 02:58:09.319 rather than imposing, knows how to negotiate and who does not usually speak 2026 02:58:09.360 --> 02:58:13.079 in an aggressive tone, but rather conciliatory. We' ll sink a little 2027 02:58:13.159 --> 02:58:18.920 more into this value. In chapter twenty- one of the Book Test One 2028 02:58:20.040 --> 02:58:24.520 you have to give unpleasant news to your partner. It takes you several days 2029 02:58:24.600 --> 02:58:28.959 to find the right way and the right time to tell him. B you 2030 02:58:28.000 --> 02:58:31.959 talk about the subject as soon as possible to share calmly with her. Situation 2031 02:58:31.040 --> 02:58:37.399 two at a friend meeting. Everyone' s in favor of abortion, except 2032 02:58:37.399 --> 02:58:43.760 you don' t openly express your opinion to avoid discussion. Go express what 2033 02:58:43.840 --> 02:58:48.000 you think about the subject and defend your position, respecting the conviction of the 2034 02:58:48.159 --> 02:58:52.719 rest. Three rides on the subway and you notice a group of young people 2035 02:58:52.840 --> 02:58:58.680 making fun of a passenger. Ah, I' m still in my business 2036 02:58:58.719 --> 02:59:03.079 without interfering I go out in defense of the passenger and face group four safely 2037 02:59:03.639 --> 02:59:07.639 You walk in with your pregnant partner on the bus and no one gets up 2038 02:59:07.639 --> 02:59:09.680 to give him the seat. Oh, I resent myself and wait for someone 2039 02:59:09.760 --> 02:59:15.040 to get up sooner or later. I' m getting close to a group 2040 02:59:15.120 --> 02:59:18.079 of passengers and I' m asking out loud for someone to give their seat 2041 02:59:18.079 --> 02:59:22.440 to my partner. Five at the restaurant serves me on a plate that' 2042 02:59:22.559 --> 02:59:26.440 s not like I imagined when I saw it on the menu. Ah I 2043 02:59:26.559 --> 02:59:30.879 say nothing I make my mistake and I settle for what was served. Be 2044 02:59:31.120 --> 02:59:33.920 I ask, please, to bring me another dish arguing serenely my mistake. 2045 02:59:35.399 --> 02:59:41.719 Apathy is an anchor that prevents you from sailing too often an hour does not 2046 02:59:41.799 --> 02:59:48.479 end up becoming a never Martin Luther Kane. Manuel lives in a state of 2047 02:59:48.559 --> 02:59:52.440 lethargy, since his company has pre- retired him. Despite having a good 2048 02:59:52.520 --> 02:59:56.040 financial compensation and the life solved at fifty- five years old, she feels 2049 02:59:56.159 --> 03:00:01.319 at home like a caged beast. His wife continues to work as a teacher 2050 03:00:01.399 --> 03:00:07.760 and his children are very busy with their respective careers. Only he is inactive, 2051 03:00:09.319 --> 03:00:13.760 immersed in apathy. While trying to discover a new course, Manuel spends 2052 03:00:13.799 --> 03:00:16.280 more hours than he would like to sleep and dusted in front of the TV. 2053 03:00:18.319 --> 03:00:22.520 He is too young to behave like a retired person thinks and too old 2054 03:00:22.600 --> 03:00:28.000 to work on a new activity. One day that accompanies your daughter, my 2055 03:00:28.040 --> 03:00:33.200 office suffers anxiety due to harsh oppositions, we kept talking about the depression and 2056 03:00:33.239 --> 03:00:37.920 restlessness that generate her new state. I explain to you the keys to logotherapy, 2057 03:00:39.159 --> 03:00:41.600 while encouraging you to find a new motivation for the vital phase that opens 2058 03:00:41.719 --> 03:00:48.719 before him. Without flavor, apathy is defined as a lack of energy and 2059 03:00:48.799 --> 03:00:54.239 vigor, indolence and scorn. The mood of a person suffering from apathy remains 2060 03:00:54.319 --> 03:01:03.159 impassive and hardly reacts to external stimuli or major events. There is a lack 2061 03:01:03.239 --> 03:01:07.200 of response to the affectionate stimuli of those around him and symptomatology reminds a lot 2062 03:01:07.319 --> 03:01:13.239 of a mild depression It is often a reaction to stress and does not have 2063 03:01:13.280 --> 03:01:16.559 to have a pathological character, since it can be a simple sneer at something 2064 03:01:16.680 --> 03:01:22.280 that does not interest the individual in question to apathy, popularly compared to laziness 2065 03:01:22.360 --> 03:01:26.959 or boredom, which is errone since apathy can be diagnosed clinically and, instead, 2066 03:01:26.360 --> 03:01:33.719 in the case of laziness or tedium, it is more difficult. In 2067 03:01:33.799 --> 03:01:39.040 fact, to diagnose apathy requires a neuropsychiatric examination and an analysis of the patient 2068 03:01:39.120 --> 03:01:43.000 ' s environment. One of the biochemical causes of apathy is the decrease or 2069 03:01:43.159 --> 03:01:48.440 lack of an amino acid called tyrosine, which is responsible for producing catecholamine dopamine, 2070 03:01:48.719 --> 03:01:54.319 norepinephrine, and epinephrine, which provide the necessary energy to our body. 2071 03:01:56.239 --> 03:02:01.760 Another biochemical cause is the low level of hormones. Thyroids. Many people, 2072 03:02:03.239 --> 03:02:07.559 to alleviate their low level of catecholamines, take products such as coffee, chocolate 2073 03:02:07.600 --> 03:02:11.479 or sugar, as well as drugs to be able to cope with the day 2074 03:02:11.840 --> 03:02:16.360 - to- day with energy. However, it is often counterproductive to take 2075 03:02:16.479 --> 03:02:20.440 these substances, as, in addition to being insufficient, they end up billing 2076 03:02:20.520 --> 03:02:26.840 our physical and mental health. The best thing if we feel this symptomatology is 2077 03:02:26.879 --> 03:02:33.840 to go see a specialist for simon syndrome. The islands correspond to the following. 2078 03:02:35.319 --> 03:02:39.760 Immature single in materialistic affective, obsessed with work and earning money and narcissistic. 2079 03:02:41.639 --> 03:02:45.600 It is always a man, not a woman between the 20 long years 2080 03:02:45.719 --> 03:02:50.760 and the 30 long years single or separated who passes as a bachelor and who 2081 03:02:50.920 --> 03:02:58.959 enters into that scheme mentioned single. For many, singleness is like a plot 2082 03:02:58.079 --> 03:03:01.600 in the center of that of a big city. It always has good sales 2083 03:03:01.959 --> 03:03:05.959 and as time goes by, it revalues, raises its rate and improves profitability. 2084 03:03:07.840 --> 03:03:13.559 Let' s kill Only who is truly free is able to commit to 2085 03:03:13.639 --> 03:03:18.479 being able to lose singleness by a strong, solid, attractive, suggestive love, 2086 03:03:18.879 --> 03:03:24.879 indicates life, strength, risk capacity, vitality and also the need to 2087 03:03:26.079 --> 03:03:30.840 get out of oneself. Many of these youths parapeted behind the singles, exhibit 2088 03:03:30.959 --> 03:03:33.959 and walk in front of the girls, looking to show up and parade along 2089 03:03:35.079 --> 03:03:37.680 the walkway of those who are free to then puke the one that has the 2090 03:03:37.760 --> 03:03:43.440 most strength to take the trophy. Something truly remarkable is happening today in our 2091 03:03:43.559 --> 03:03:48.959 Western society, and this human type has been thriving more and more. Women 2092 03:03:48.040 --> 03:03:54.440 seek love and security. Men need to be valued. This double trend marks 2093 03:03:54.559 --> 03:04:01.280 the facts to which we are witnessing immature. Here I mean an immaturity of 2094 03:04:01.360 --> 03:04:07.600 feelings. Feelings are positive or negative moods that lead us to approach or distance 2095 03:04:07.600 --> 03:04:13.479 ourselves from the object that appears before us. They are the royal way of 2096 03:04:13.559 --> 03:04:20.799 affectivity, the most frequent road and trilled volter was rationalist and sentimental rouseau. 2097 03:04:22.799 --> 03:04:26.799 Leignis said that tausente is the perception that in fius of a ebérite. Every 2098 03:04:26.920 --> 03:04:31.479 feeling consists in the confused perception of the truth. Feeling is the usual and 2099 03:04:31.559 --> 03:04:37.120 ordinary way of living. Affections are informational blocks that guide us in life. 2100 03:04:39.520 --> 03:04:43.559 Just a path of knowledge and a thermometer of our private life. Feelings are 2101 03:04:43.639 --> 03:04:48.319 like a computer that evaluates and gives us an account of the results of how 2102 03:04:48.440 --> 03:04:52.520 life and miracles of our affectivity are going. The main feeling is love and 2103 03:04:52.840 --> 03:04:56.120 it opens up in fan full of nuances, love, desire, want, 2104 03:04:56.799 --> 03:05:01.879 feel, attracted, seek, have in mind, need to be all day 2105 03:05:03.000 --> 03:05:11.719 thinking about someone. The analysis is steeped in difficulties. To have sentimental maturity 2106 03:05:11.840 --> 03:05:15.959 means to be open to giving and receiving love for the possibility of discovering another 2107 03:05:16.040 --> 03:05:20.680 person to whom to give the hidden treasure papers by giving himself entirely to her 2108 03:05:20.719 --> 03:05:24.520 to elaborate a common project. Falling in love is creating a private mythology with 2109 03:05:24.520 --> 03:05:30.799 someone. There are two essential notes. Having admiration and feeling a strong attraction, 2110 03:05:31.840 --> 03:05:35.239 is telling someone I don' t understand my life without you you are 2111 03:05:35.280 --> 03:05:39.639 a fundamental part of my project. Falling in love is needing someone not to 2112 03:05:39.760 --> 03:05:46.280 understand life without that person being in the middle of the engine room of the 2113 03:05:46.360 --> 03:05:50.239 journey itself. The one who is heavily paid for himself doesn' t need 2114 03:05:52.879 --> 03:05:56.719 anyone in simon syndrome. We encounter a person who may have adequate professional maturity. 2115 03:05:56.799 --> 03:06:00.600 He loves his work, he cares for it, he cultivates it, 2116 03:06:00.879 --> 03:06:03.200 he is a good professional, etc, but he has no emotional maturity. 2117 03:06:03.559 --> 03:06:07.000 He doesn' t know what the sentimental world is. He is unable to 2118 03:06:07.079 --> 03:06:11.479 express feelings, ignores that love is a work of psychological craftsmanship, and does 2119 03:06:11.600 --> 03:06:16.239 not know that feelings must be worked with dedication and care, because if they 2120 03:06:16.239 --> 03:06:20.360 are not volatilized, the immature does not know how to give or receive love. 2121 03:06:20.760 --> 03:06:24.600 Above all, he doesn' t know how to keep it. In 2122 03:06:24.680 --> 03:06:28.959 the middle of these mists, in the simón emerges, jumps and rises hurricaneing 2123 03:06:28.040 --> 03:06:33.040 another clinical picture that is detached from it and that finishes the work of the 2124 03:06:33.159 --> 03:06:37.799 next one. Mode, eatmet penexendrem panic syndrome to commit to another person. 2125 03:06:39.239 --> 03:06:43.840 I was told by a thirty- five- year- old who has been 2126 03:06:43.000 --> 03:06:48.079 dating a girl of her own social level for two years that she had proposed 2127 03:06:48.079 --> 03:06:50.600 to marry. After those two years of walking and he experienced the following. 2128 03:06:52.360 --> 03:06:58.520 I' ve had pinched anxiety, gastric, shortness of breath pinched in my 2129 03:06:58.639 --> 03:07:03.239 gut when she proposed to me to get married and a great fear, because 2130 03:07:03.319 --> 03:07:07.120 I think I' m not prepared and that what I want to do is 2131 03:07:07.239 --> 03:07:07.399 to go on like this for the moment, until time passes. I' 2132 03:07:07.440 --> 03:07:11.479 m not in a position to take such a serious step. I' m 2133 03:07:11.479 --> 03:07:16.200 not ready. Also, losing freedom and being controlled by someone is a very 2134 03:07:16.319 --> 03:07:22.360 hard thing. Men have multiplied to adhere to this terror to commitment to another 2135 03:07:22.440 --> 03:07:28.399 person. Today' s society has been producing more and more immature men than 2136 03:07:28.520 --> 03:07:31.840 not women, who live focused on their jobs, on their friends, go 2137 03:07:31.920 --> 03:07:37.440 out and enter some culture and have fun. It is the times that women 2138 03:07:37.520 --> 03:07:41.040 know much more about feelings than men and want to seek true love authentic forever. 2139 03:07:43.760 --> 03:07:46.600 But here' s what it is. The courtyard is in this way 2140 03:07:48.680 --> 03:07:52.639 has occurred in recent times what I would call a certain socialization of sentimental immaturity 2141 03:07:52.760 --> 03:07:56.639 in man, fun and scandalous, playful and dramatic thirty- six obsessed with 2142 03:08:00.440 --> 03:08:09.399 making money and success. The priority of such a person is essentially to find 2143 03:08:09.440 --> 03:08:13.479 an adequate economic position and place himself and is willing to sacrifice everything. That 2144 03:08:13.680 --> 03:08:18.600 is why I am making an amendment to the whole. It is clear that 2145 03:08:18.719 --> 03:08:22.799 it is important to work on the professional project, but that this is the 2146 03:08:22.920 --> 03:08:28.280 only fundamental element seems poor, weak, inconsistent. The part is taken by 2147 03:08:28.440 --> 03:08:33.239 the whole. There is a hidden note here in many of these Simmons, 2148 03:08:33.840 --> 03:08:35.840 which is the obsession with the body or which leads to a certain phobia to 2149 03:08:35.959 --> 03:08:39.079 its body type and even to the facial parts. This is clinically called dysmorphophobia 2150 03:08:39.200 --> 03:08:46.040 thirty- seven. This is well known to aesthetic surgery doctors, who are 2151 03:08:46.079 --> 03:08:54.280 looking for a surgical procedure that will pale that subjective impression. Dr Juan Peñas, 2152 03:08:54.639 --> 03:08:58.680 one of the most important plastic surgeons in our country, told me that 2153 03:08:58.760 --> 03:09:03.200 he is observing an abundance of people with this submerged, blurred, trivial and 2154 03:09:03.280 --> 03:09:11.360 narcissistic pathology. The narcissus is an exotic plant with long, narrow and pointed 2155 03:09:11.440 --> 03:09:16.680 leaves, which grows at the edge of the lakes and leans towards them looking 2156 03:09:16.799 --> 03:09:22.000 in the mirror that the water offers. Plotino spoke of the myth of the 2157 03:09:22.120 --> 03:09:24.760 narcissus taking care of both the facade, the cover, the appearance and the 2158 03:09:24.840 --> 03:09:30.120 image that leads to producing an idolatry of the outside. Narcissistic is the one 2159 03:09:30.200 --> 03:09:33.159 who has a disordered love and concern for himself and who lives behind the top 2160 03:09:33.319 --> 03:09:39.840 of an ever greater self- esteem. The narcissist turns permanently on himself, 2161 03:09:39.159 --> 03:09:45.319 always concerned about making a good impression on the people around him always demands praise, 2162 03:09:45.799 --> 03:09:50.200 admiration and recognition. The pattern of behavior revolves around people' s need 2163 03:09:50.280 --> 03:09:58.479 for recognition of their environment. From this descriptive sequence emerges the superiority complex, 2164 03:09:58.120 --> 03:10:01.319 which is an n sense that makes that subject look far above those around him. 2165 03:10:05.440 --> 03:10:11.159 There is enormous security and arrogance. The narcissist is vain and his claims 2166 03:10:11.239 --> 03:10:16.319 are sentences full of superiority. He is a highly paid person who needs more 2167 03:10:16.399 --> 03:10:20.000 and more praise and everything seems to him to be little in that sense. 2168 03:10:20.799 --> 03:10:26.479 She is a pretentious, believed, petulant person and when asked her opinion for 2169 03:10:26.559 --> 03:10:31.920 someone, she tends to disqualify the other person immediately and flatly. Many narcissists 2170 03:10:31.000 --> 03:10:37.159 are found among hyper- motivated and super- protected types who are very accustomed 2171 03:10:37.280 --> 03:10:39.760 to receiving everything in word and, in fact, not to be corrected or 2172 03:10:39.840 --> 03:10:46.840 criticized by their parents. The criteria for diagnosing a narcissist are a general pattern 2173 03:10:46.920 --> 03:10:52.120 of grandeur. Need for admiration from others. Lack of empathy with others and 2174 03:10:52.159 --> 03:10:58.600 fantasies of excessive success. The narcissist is a serfatuous, pedantic and smug man 2175 03:10:58.719 --> 03:11:01.040 who always hopes to receive a special treatment of favor. If he doesn' 2176 03:11:01.159 --> 03:11:07.840 t give up his interest in that or those people in many conversations, if 2177 03:11:07.920 --> 03:11:09.719 he doesn' t talk or don' t talk about it, he feels 2178 03:11:09.840 --> 03:11:15.200 bad and comes to comment that the dialogue has not been interesting, given his 2179 03:11:15.280 --> 03:11:18.959 sick need to be the center of attention. If this thirty- year- 2180 03:11:18.120 --> 03:11:22.360 old man has a certain success in his work, he can become unbearable and 2181 03:11:22.719 --> 03:11:28.360 when he is truly known, he produces quite a rejection, because he lacks 2182 03:11:28.360 --> 03:11:33.879 empathy. In it there is too high self- assessment and, in addition, 2183 03:11:33.600 --> 03:11:37.040 a psychological hypersensitivity, in such a way that it accepts wrong to go 2184 03:11:37.239 --> 03:11:41.319 unnoticed or to be subjected to severe criticism. In such a case, he 2185 03:11:41.399 --> 03:11:45.079 reacts with contempt when told the truth of his conduct, even if he makes 2186 03:11:45.200 --> 03:11:50.959 contact and left hand. That is why many narcissists disqualify close people or public 2187 03:11:50.000 --> 03:11:56.719 figures. Over time they can be left alone and those who remain close can 2188 03:11:56.799 --> 03:12:01.920 become flatterers. He says positive things to the other in order to please him, 2189 03:12:01.639 --> 03:12:07.799 but pretending to profit from it. This single, immature, obsessive and 2190 03:12:07.879 --> 03:12:13.879 narcissistic tetralogy constitutes a symphony of de- tuned instruments, a type of man 2191 03:12:13.959 --> 03:12:18.399 who has built his personality with materials of little solidity, by far, shines, 2192 03:12:18.840 --> 03:12:22.879 sounds, looks and interests, but closely. It is a new mode 2193 03:12:22.959 --> 03:12:26.520 of the Light man thirty- eight a version of the dawn of the 21st 2194 03:12:26.520 --> 03:12:33.600 century. Psychiatrists are surface drills. We get under the behavior to discover that 2195 03:12:33.639 --> 03:12:37.719 she hides behind her and expose the person to capture her in her reality and 2196 03:12:39.559 --> 03:12:43.799 on the other side of the coin is the single, healthy and normal woman, 2197 03:12:43.200 --> 03:12:48.239 who wants to find a suitable man with whom to share her life a 2198 03:12:48.280 --> 03:12:54.760 love forever without expiration date. I see more and more disenchanted women before this 2199 03:12:54.840 --> 03:12:58.399 kind of man who tell me the following. I' m looking for a 2200 03:12:58.440 --> 03:13:01.600 man to come with the cocksuckers. I don' t want a teenager I 2201 03:13:01.680 --> 03:13:07.319 have to educate like his mother. We all have three faces. What I 2202 03:13:07.399 --> 03:13:11.040 think I' m self- conceived, what others think of my image and 2203 03:13:11.079 --> 03:13:16.479 what I' m really the truth about myself. The maturity of the personality 2204 03:13:16.600 --> 03:13:20.719 is achieved by harmonizing well these three districts, self- concept, image and 2205 03:13:20.799 --> 03:13:28.719 truth of oneself, thirty- nine four motivating attitudes to motivate me to motivate 2206 03:13:28.719 --> 03:13:33.280 others. We can make use of many resources at our disposal. Even more 2207 03:13:33.360 --> 03:13:35.799 so at a time when social media brings us closer to other people with whom 2208 03:13:35.879 --> 03:13:41.520 we can cooperate or participate in a project. Many books have been written on 2209 03:13:41.559 --> 03:13:48.520 motivation, including one thousand ways to motivate the employees of bab Nausen. It 2210 03:13:48.600 --> 03:13:52.280 is a book that tells us about the world of work, but every example 2211 03:13:52.360 --> 03:13:56.799 we find in it can be applied to everyday and personal life. The author 2212 03:13:56.879 --> 03:14:03.920 recommends maintaining morale at discharge. It is important to recognize the successes of others, 2213 03:14:05.520 --> 03:14:09.559 however small these achievements may be, to celebrate them. If the people 2214 03:14:09.639 --> 03:14:13.600 around us know they are valued by us, they will also accept constructive criticisms 2215 03:14:13.680 --> 03:14:20.719 willingly, foster creativity, give independence to those around us, allow them to 2216 03:14:20.120 --> 03:14:26.479 have freedom and to be realized in the workplace or in private life, talk 2217 03:14:26.520 --> 03:14:35.239 to the people around us, listen to their problems, their complaints. When 2218 03:14:35.319 --> 03:14:39.920 people know how to listen, they feel respected. To be flexible with others, 2219 03:14:41.000 --> 03:14:46.200 one must know how to conform to the particularities of each one. To 2220 03:14:46.239 --> 03:14:50.239 be inflexible will erect a wall against which the illusions of others will crash, 2221 03:14:50.799 --> 03:14:56.920 give meaning to the day to day. Logotherapy is a psychotherapy that was created 2222 03:14:56.000 --> 03:15:01.639 by Austrian neurologist Victor Frank. Just as he explains to us in man in 2223 03:15:01.719 --> 03:15:05.440 search of meaning. Therapy is centered on the meaning or meaning of each person 2224 03:15:05.479 --> 03:15:11.760 ' s existence. In this way, the patient feels like a unique and 2225 03:15:11.920 --> 03:15:16.840 unrepeatable entity whose entire spiritual dimension must be taken into account. As Frank tells 2226 03:15:16.920 --> 03:15:22.159 us, man' s search for the meaning of life is a primary force 2227 03:15:22.280 --> 03:15:28.920 and not a secondary rationalization of his instinctive impulses. This sense is unique and 2228 03:15:28.040 --> 03:15:33.319 specific in that it is self and one who has to find it. Only 2229 03:15:33.399 --> 03:15:37.879 in this way can man attain a meaning that satisfies his own will for meaning. 2230 03:15:39.440 --> 03:15:43.479 Therefore, getting out of apathy and finding motivation depend on us knowing how 2231 03:15:43.559 --> 03:15:48.280 to give meaning to our days, finding our mission that justifies and gives value 2232 03:15:48.360 --> 03:15:54.000 to our passage through the world seeking the meaning of life. Every person has 2233 03:15:54.040 --> 03:15:58.840 to find it for themselves. In fact, you have to discover that sense, 2234 03:15:58.360 --> 03:16:01.319 since it is always being there, even though you haven' t detected 2235 03:16:01.319 --> 03:16:09.280 it, reasons to live. A person in the worst circumstances clings to life 2236 03:16:09.319 --> 03:16:13.559 If he has any reason to keep fighting. You have to find the reasons 2237 03:16:16.079 --> 03:16:20.239 to see I isolate myself and ride alone like overcoming the problem without asking for 2238 03:16:20.360 --> 03:16:26.440 help or support from anyone. Three. I believe that I am responsible for 2239 03:16:26.559 --> 03:16:30.159 my state of mind and control my life, even though some things escape my 2240 03:16:30.239 --> 03:16:33.879 control there is nothing to do to control fate and everything is in the hands 2241 03:16:35.000 --> 03:16:41.959 of chance. Four. During the holidays, I squeeze the days and I 2242 03:16:41.040 --> 03:16:48.000 keep doing things. I' m in workshops. Leo listens to organ music 2243 03:16:48.200 --> 03:16:52.000 outings go within a few days, I don' t know what to do 2244 03:16:52.280 --> 03:16:54.520 anymore and I get bored five in the middle of the night. You listen 2245 03:16:54.600 --> 03:17:00.680 to your upstairs neighbors argue hotly. Suddenly a scream already sounds like a shot. 2246 03:17:01.440 --> 03:17:05.920 I' m still running up and I' m knocking on the door 2247 03:17:05.200 --> 03:17:09.959 to make sure nothing' s happened. Grave go. I still sleep six 2248 03:17:11.120 --> 03:17:16.120 as the years go on to family and personal ties are becoming more and more 2249 03:17:16.120 --> 03:17:20.159 important. For me, I feel more and more like being alone and that 2250 03:17:20.360 --> 03:17:26.920 no one bothers me seven rumors in the office that they want to fire several 2251 03:17:26.920 --> 03:17:31.479 employees. Oh, I keep doing my job as usual, but I' 2252 03:17:31.600 --> 03:17:35.600 m starting to think about possible job alternatives. If I am finally fired, 2253 03:17:37.399 --> 03:17:45.440 you see under my distressed work performance the possibility of being fired from dependence on 2254 03:17:45.479 --> 03:17:52.680 the opinions of others. He who has fifty affections has fifty Buddha- pains. 2255 03:17:54.399 --> 03:17:58.120 Since he' s been using reason, Marisa has tried to like everyone 2256 03:17:58.200 --> 03:18:01.479 as little as they were. He climbed into a chair at family gatherings and 2257 03:18:01.600 --> 03:18:07.280 recited long poems to gain the sympathy of the diners. In adolescence, she 2258 03:18:07.360 --> 03:18:13.399 went out with class leaders to gain social prestige at the age of forty- 2259 03:18:13.520 --> 03:18:18.360 four. However, the obligation to please is costing him too high a price. 2260 03:18:18.719 --> 03:18:22.840 At the insurance company, where everyone works, he asks for favors and 2261 03:18:22.920 --> 03:18:26.600 passes on tasks that do not correspond to her. In order not to lose 2262 03:18:26.879 --> 03:18:31.319 popularity, Marisa has access to everything they ask of her and every day works 2263 03:18:31.440 --> 03:18:35.840 more hours and is stressed out. He comes to my office with palpitations suffering 2264 03:18:35.879 --> 03:18:39.479 from the feeling that he can' t handle everything. When you tell me 2265 03:18:39.559 --> 03:18:43.520 your case, before going into the deep reasons for your dependence on the opinions 2266 03:18:43.600 --> 03:18:48.200 of others, I propose that you watch the movie The apartment where Jack Clamen 2267 03:18:48.319 --> 03:18:52.399 overcomes the tyranny of his office, asserting himself to the people who take advantage 2268 03:18:52.479 --> 03:18:58.840 of it. Dependence on the opinions of others is a consequence of the low 2269 03:18:58.079 --> 03:19:01.639 self- esteem that leads the subject to seek out an approval that should be 2270 03:19:01.719 --> 03:19:07.639 given to himself. No one can confirm from outside our own value. There 2271 03:19:07.680 --> 03:19:11.680 are people who constantly need the approval of others and, if they do not, 2272 03:19:11.760 --> 03:19:16.639 remain in an alarming state of anxiety. This causes them such suffering that 2273 03:19:16.760 --> 03:19:24.120 they can make great sacrifices to obtain such approval, from spending money that they 2274 03:19:24.200 --> 03:19:26.600 do not have to frame themselves in activities that they do not really like. 2275 03:19:28.159 --> 03:19:31.680 To feel that one likes others is not at all negative, but the constant 2276 03:19:31.760 --> 03:19:37.840 pursuit of such approval can create a pernicious addiction that degenerates into slavery towards others, 2277 03:19:37.200 --> 03:19:45.159 low self- esteem and loss of individual freedom. Argentine psychologist Walter reasoned 2278 03:19:45.239 --> 03:19:50.280 about it. On many occasions we say whether when we mean no, or 2279 03:19:50.319 --> 03:19:56.200 we submit to unseemly situations and frankly abusive people, being able to avoid them. 2280 03:19:56.239 --> 03:20:00.840 Who has never reproached himself for the complicit silence of undue obedience or smiles, 2281 03:20:01.440 --> 03:20:09.159 salamera and appeasement. Who has never looked in the mirror trying to forgive 2282 03:20:09.239 --> 03:20:13.040 himself for servility or he has not said what he really thought. Who hasn 2283 03:20:13.079 --> 03:20:18.440 ' t felt that way once in a while when the internal struggle between outrage 2284 03:20:18.520 --> 03:20:26.000 over grievance and fear of facing it social intelligence. This kind of intelligence includes 2285 03:20:26.079 --> 03:20:30.360 the ability or ability to gain, sympathy, admiration, respect or trust of 2286 03:20:30.520 --> 03:20:35.360 others, and the possibility of enjoying their cooperation or support. In fact, 2287 03:20:35.799 --> 03:20:41.520 in the words of Kubrat, author of the book. Social intelligence the new 2288 03:20:41.639 --> 03:20:46.000 science of success. Social intelligence is the ability to get along with others and 2289 03:20:46.120 --> 03:20:52.520 get them to cooperate with us. Albrecht distinguishes between two types of toxic and 2290 03:20:52.600 --> 03:20:58.280 nutritious behaviors. Those who use toxic behaviors do so to humiliate, offend, 2291 03:20:58.760 --> 03:21:03.120 or trample, while those who use nutritious behaviors do so so that others feel 2292 03:21:03.159 --> 03:21:09.520 loved, valued, respected, and admired. It is those people who try 2293 03:21:09.520 --> 03:21:15.879 to help those around them by creating a pleasant environment wherever they go. Carl 2294 03:21:15.920 --> 03:21:20.000 Albretch created a method for valuing interaction with others, which is governed by the 2295 03:21:20.159 --> 03:21:26.799 following in another book on the same subject. Social intelligence, the new science 2296 03:21:26.959 --> 03:21:31.559 to improve human relationships. Genyo Goment describes social intelligence as an instinct with which 2297 03:21:31.680 --> 03:21:37.879 we are born, but which can be perfected over the years. According to 2298 03:21:37.920 --> 03:21:43.040 this reference author. Social intelligence is made up of two very important components. 2299 03:21:43.520 --> 03:21:52.399 Social consciousness, what we perceive is formed by the following primary closeness, to 2300 03:21:54.399 --> 03:22:00.840 perceive bodily signs, that is, not verbal in others, tuning in, 2301 03:22:01.959 --> 03:22:05.520 knowing, listening to those around us, knowing, creating a harmony with them, 2302 03:22:05.920 --> 03:22:13.079 empathetic precision, putting themselves within their thinking and understanding, social knowledge, 2303 03:22:13.600 --> 03:22:20.000 knowing how things work in the society around us, not being either utopian or 2304 03:22:20.079 --> 03:22:26.559 a ramplon realism, art and trade in relations with others. That is learned 2305 03:22:26.680 --> 03:22:33.159 by taking note of social ease. The way we act is formed by the 2306 03:22:33.239 --> 03:22:43.239 following synchrony, non- verbal interaction, self- projection, the way we 2307 03:22:43.319 --> 03:22:52.159 have to present ourselves to others influence, use social interactions. To influence is 2308 03:22:52.239 --> 03:22:58.319 to change criteria that improve the behavior of the other concern, to take interest 2309 03:22:58.360 --> 03:23:03.879 in others and to collaborate in certainly with our help. Better to take care 2310 03:23:03.879 --> 03:23:09.319 of than worry. To sum up a lot the difference between emotional and social 2311 03:23:09.319 --> 03:23:11.840 intelligence, which the second promotes empathy with the group, which does not mean 2312 03:23:11.959 --> 03:23:18.559 that we should like everyone. Just if we look at the most popular people, 2313 03:23:18.399 --> 03:23:22.799 we will see that they are the ones who behave most naturally. They 2314 03:23:22.920 --> 03:23:26.120 do not try to adapt to anyone or to seem what they are not, 2315 03:23:26.280 --> 03:23:30.680 but to present themselves to others with kindness and naturalness, without exerting the pressure 2316 03:23:30.760 --> 03:23:37.399 of those who demand approval. Being independent is a great psychological aspiration. Two 2317 03:23:37.639 --> 03:23:43.200 when you meet someone new ah right away I show my way of being explicit 2318 03:23:43.319 --> 03:23:46.959 about what I work. When I win the car I have I am interested 2319 03:23:48.079 --> 03:23:52.799 in knowing more about that person, but without going into material or personal matters, 2320 03:23:52.920 --> 03:23:58.840 three at work provoke a complicated situation because of a personal error. I 2321 03:24:00.040 --> 03:24:03.680 try not to let anyone know about the failure or dissimulate the slip to delay 2322 03:24:03.680 --> 03:24:07.760 the possible consequences. B I share the problem with my colleagues so that they 2323 03:24:07.799 --> 03:24:13.600 can help me not to complicate the situation any more. Four. When you 2324 03:24:13.639 --> 03:24:18.639 ' re with your partner, I need you to continually show me love and 2325 03:24:18.639 --> 03:24:24.159 love. B I feel good alone with your presence. Five strolling around a 2326 03:24:24.200 --> 03:24:28.360 flea market, you buy an old painting to decorate the living room at night. 2327 03:24:28.719 --> 03:24:35.040 Some guests criticize your taste and mock your talent as a decorator. Ah 2328 03:24:35.360 --> 03:24:39.840 I don' t care, that painting I love and still presides over the 2329 03:24:39.959 --> 03:24:45.719 B- room I heed your reviews and I drop the six. Finally, 2330 03:24:45.879 --> 03:24:48.760 you get to engage in conversation with a person who has attracted you for months. 2331 03:24:50.840 --> 03:24:54.000 An I show myself as I am, no matter what you think about 2332 03:24:54.040 --> 03:24:58.200 my way of being Beck I hide more than I show and spend the evening 2333 03:25:00.280 --> 03:25:05.159 flattering her seven during a conversation about your country' s history. I recognize 2334 03:25:05.239 --> 03:25:09.639 that I ignore some facts and pay attention to the explanations of those who know 2335 03:25:09.680 --> 03:25:13.840 more than I see simulus that I know of what is being talked about and 2336 03:25:13.920 --> 03:25:18.520 even invent some historical data or passage to capture the attention of others. For 2337 03:25:18.639 --> 03:25:26.159 each answer, add two points. For each answer he sees adds a point 2338 03:25:26.239 --> 03:25:31.920 less than eight points showing much of the typical behaviors of those people who seek 2339 03:25:33.000 --> 03:25:39.760 the continuous approval of others Perhaps he has arrived the chain of the ghost. 2340 03:25:41.319 --> 03:25:45.360 It is one thing to look at the past and another very different thing to 2341 03:25:45.360 --> 03:25:50.479 be held prisoner of it. Charles Kellot Colden. Jaime is thirty- five 2342 03:25:50.600 --> 03:25:54.719 years old and has always entertained the desire to found a family. However, 2343 03:25:54.239 --> 03:25:58.280 it has never come true, because the past weighs too heavily on your conscience. 2344 03:26:00.399 --> 03:26:03.319 His father, who had an accused bipolar disorder, exposed him in his 2345 03:26:03.399 --> 03:26:07.360 childhood to repeated scenes of violence that have been marked with fire in his memory. 2346 03:26:09.840 --> 03:26:13.840 With an orderly life and a good social position, Jaime went out for 2347 03:26:13.959 --> 03:26:16.920 several years with a very brilliant woman who would have agreed to her aspiration to 2348 03:26:16.920 --> 03:26:20.120 found a family. But at the last moment he backed out and ended up 2349 03:26:20.239 --> 03:26:26.799 breaking up. The reason was that Jaime fears repeating the episodes of violence lived 2350 03:26:26.920 --> 03:26:31.239 at home. He does not feel prepared to build the future, because the 2351 03:26:31.399 --> 03:26:37.280 past permanently anchors pain. Start with him a therapy to leave that ballast behind 2352 03:26:37.479 --> 03:26:43.319 forever. According to segment Foed, trauma is an event that involves excessive excitement 2353 03:26:43.360 --> 03:26:48.040 in the psychic life of the person, which cannot assimilate or control it, 2354 03:26:48.680 --> 03:26:54.959 which causes serious pathologies and disorders. Freud. He offered the example of a 2355 03:26:54.040 --> 03:26:58.040 child who saw two people in full sexual intercourse. On the one hand, 2356 03:26:58.280 --> 03:27:03.040 being aware of vision already causes a huge impact on the little one, but 2357 03:27:03.120 --> 03:27:09.159 it is not only traumatic because it is a strong emotion but also because there 2358 03:27:09.280 --> 03:27:13.319 is a feeling against him that he believes he will fight and it is the 2359 03:27:13.399 --> 03:27:16.360 sexual desire itself totally opposed to the rejection of the original vision. This is 2360 03:27:16.479 --> 03:27:22.479 where the internal conflict appears. For freudo, a fact is traumatic simply because 2361 03:27:22.639 --> 03:27:26.479 it causes symptoms. An incident, however brutal, is not the ultimate cause 2362 03:27:26.559 --> 03:27:31.200 of trauma, as is the case in the child' s example. Trauma 2363 03:27:31.319 --> 03:27:35.120 appears because of at least two emotions in conflict with related ideas and possible desires. 2364 03:27:39.280 --> 03:27:43.600 Make peace with the past. It is important to find out what was 2365 03:27:43.680 --> 03:27:48.040 the origin and cause of the trauma and find out even if it really happened, 2366 03:27:48.879 --> 03:27:52.520 because sometimes a misunderstanding or a misconception may be the cause of a trauma 2367 03:27:52.879 --> 03:27:58.520 that really shouldn' t have existed. A person may experience trauma from a 2368 03:27:58.639 --> 03:28:05.079 nefarious memory that often comes to his mind. Although there is another more devastating 2369 03:28:05.159 --> 03:28:09.360 way of presenting a trauma, it can be hidden in the subconscious and even 2370 03:28:09.520 --> 03:28:13.920 if the person does not remember, cause terrible suffering in their day to day. 2371 03:28:15.479 --> 03:28:18.319 The best way to make peace with the past is to accept it, 2372 03:28:18.799 --> 03:28:22.120 not to let oneself be dominated by the feeling of guilt and to ask for 2373 03:28:22.239 --> 03:28:26.120 help from both close people and a professional. Facing a traumatic past is not 2374 03:28:26.200 --> 03:28:31.799 easy and if we present battles alone, we can lose the war by giving 2375 03:28:31.879 --> 03:28:37.280 more strength to our enemy immni live Skrett in THRPY is a technique that often 2376 03:28:37.360 --> 03:28:41.879 gives very good results. Used to rewrite the past. It was first used 2377 03:28:41.959 --> 03:28:48.959 by Anardrans and enoa chirmen. Both researchers found that, in certain cases of 2378 03:28:48.079 --> 03:28:52.159 trauma, in which the other therapies did not work, it was necessary to 2379 03:28:52.239 --> 03:28:58.079 rewrite these experiences so that the person could change these images. The system may 2380 03:28:58.159 --> 03:29:03.079 seem excessive, simple, however, the results have shown that it works. 2381 03:29:05.120 --> 03:29:07.639 Let' s make a case of an adult woman who suffers trauma from sexual 2382 03:29:07.760 --> 03:29:13.959 assault during childhood. The first thing you do during therapy is get the woman 2383 03:29:13.079 --> 03:29:18.639 to re- remember the traumatic scene in detail. Next, to tell you 2384 03:29:18.719 --> 03:29:22.920 to imagine that moment being your adult self watching your child self, but without 2385 03:29:24.319 --> 03:29:28.239 getting in the way. To finish the exercise, you have to imagine the 2386 03:29:28.319 --> 03:29:31.479 situation again, but this time you will act within it. To save herself 2387 03:29:31.520 --> 03:29:39.920 as a child by closing wounds. Most people have old wounds that have not 2388 03:29:39.040 --> 03:29:45.120 yet healed and sometimes become more present to remind us that they are still open 2389 03:29:45.200 --> 03:29:50.200 there and that we should get to work to close them in a definitive way. 2390 03:29:50.879 --> 03:29:54.520 We think time heals everything and that would be very comfortable, but it 2391 03:29:54.680 --> 03:30:00.399 ' s not entirely true. Time only passes, but the old wounds will 2392 03:30:00.440 --> 03:30:05.040 remain present in our lives unless we take care to heal them when we are 2393 03:30:05.120 --> 03:30:09.959 wounded. What we want is to move forward and try not to think about 2394 03:30:09.040 --> 03:30:15.840 what happened. But the pain we feel will not go away if we close 2395 03:30:15.920 --> 03:30:20.399 our eyes without recreating the feeling of guilt or accusing others we must recognize that 2396 03:30:20.479 --> 03:30:26.239 the problem is ours. Then we must accept what happened. It is important 2397 03:30:26.280 --> 03:30:31.479 to recognize the emotions that produce us, to remember the traumatic event. If 2398 03:30:31.600 --> 03:30:33.680 what provokes us is anger, let' s try to control it. If 2399 03:30:33.840 --> 03:30:39.079 it' s sadness, there are ways to fight it. To know the 2400 03:30:39.200 --> 03:30:43.760 emotion is to know the enemy by identifying him we can destroy him. We 2401 03:30:43.760 --> 03:30:50.760 have to learn to forgive and forgive ourselves, but never before. It is 2402 03:30:50.879 --> 03:30:54.120 very useful to write about what happened, to unfold in a paper everything that 2403 03:30:54.120 --> 03:31:00.479 makes us sick. It is not necessary to reread it and we can even 2404 03:31:00.479 --> 03:31:07.079 destroy it. Resilience. Boris Sidulnic was born in Bordeaux in one thousand nine 2405 03:31:07.159 --> 03:31:09.959 hundred and thirty- seven in a Jewish family of Polish Russian origin. After 2406 03:31:11.040 --> 03:31:16.520 the Nazi invasion of France. His family was deported to him in an extermination 2407 03:31:16.600 --> 03:31:20.920 camp where they were all killed. He was able to escape death at only 2408 03:31:22.000 --> 03:31:28.239 six years old. After the war, he was welcomed by the French public 2409 03:31:28.239 --> 03:31:31.239 assistance, which entered an orphanage farm, the most suitable site for the creation 2410 03:31:31.319 --> 03:31:37.600 of illiterates, criminals and uprooted. Despite this situation, he was not carried 2411 03:31:37.719 --> 03:31:43.040 away by circumstances and his longing for security and integration guided him to study psychiatry, 2412 03:31:43.600 --> 03:31:46.280 as he needed to give a sense to what was incomprehensible to what had 2413 03:31:46.319 --> 03:31:52.639 happened to his family. He needed to understand human thought, his suffering, 2414 03:31:52.319 --> 03:31:56.959 and the mental process that leads man to commit barbarities. Thanks to his work, 2415 03:31:58.879 --> 03:32:03.680 he managed to transmit to his patients the great power of resilience. We 2416 03:32:03.719 --> 03:32:09.040 could define this concept as the ability of the human being to overcome and even 2417 03:32:09.079 --> 03:32:13.159 to emerge strengthened from adversity or trauma. The person who goes through such a 2418 03:32:13.280 --> 03:32:18.600 trance has to transform, reborn from his own burnt remains and give rise to 2419 03:32:18.680 --> 03:32:22.639 a different self with a new way of seeing things and with new objectives. 2420 03:32:24.200 --> 03:32:26.639 Boris Cironi, who is the author of a large number of essays and one 2421 03:32:26.680 --> 03:32:31.559 of his most famous works is the ugly ducklings. Through this work he defends 2422 03:32:31.760 --> 03:32:37.600 that an unfortunate childhood does not determine the future if one has the sufficient determination 2423 03:32:37.719 --> 03:32:41.719 to take the reins of his life. In the 1990s, Boris Cirulni, 2424 03:32:41.120 --> 03:32:45.920 who was in Romania, was able to treat many children who had been crammed 2425 03:32:45.959 --> 03:32:50.000 into the well- known hospices of the Ceaucesco regime, children who had been 2426 03:32:50.079 --> 03:32:54.680 absolutely abandoned, who received only one meal a day, whom no one cared 2427 03:32:54.680 --> 03:33:01.440 about talking to and who endured hygienic conditions behind them. The brain of these 2428 03:33:01.600 --> 03:33:09.799 children had undergone a process of generation and particularly severe atrophy. For the first 2429 03:33:09.920 --> 03:33:13.600 time it was found that the lack of stimuli damages the human brain. Those 2430 03:33:13.719 --> 03:33:18.719 children were adopted by different families and after only a year, the brain atrophy 2431 03:33:18.799 --> 03:33:26.920 had practically disappeared. The hoarse human and daily affection had been enough. Another 2432 03:33:28.040 --> 03:33:33.520 revealing case is the comparative study of what happened during the Lebanese War. Beirut 2433 03:33:33.559 --> 03:33:37.479 was the most brutally bombed city, with more civilian casualties than any other population, 2434 03:33:37.760 --> 03:33:45.879 while Tripoli barely suffered bomb attacks. Interestingly, studies of children in Beirut 2435 03:33:46.040 --> 03:33:50.319 revealed fewer cases of post- traumatic syndrome than those of children in Tripoli. 2436 03:33:52.520 --> 03:33:58.239 The explanation was simple. In a bombed city, the population usually reacts with 2437 03:33:58.360 --> 03:34:03.040 solidarity and there is a strong sense of protection among family members, which is 2438 03:34:03.120 --> 03:34:07.680 hardly present in cities that do not suffer a war attack. Simply put, 2439 03:34:07.280 --> 03:34:13.879 the children of Tripoli suffered the emotional helplessness of our society. The case of 2440 03:34:13.959 --> 03:34:18.840 the Mexican architect Bosco Gutiérrez Cortina. I now want to refer to a person 2441 03:34:18.920 --> 03:34:22.399 I have met on my travels to Mexico who told me live what he lived. 2442 03:34:24.399 --> 03:34:28.239 It' s worth your while to share the facts. One day in 2443 03:34:28.319 --> 03:34:31.000 the middle of Mexico’ s street of faith, someone grabbed him from behind. 2444 03:34:31.479 --> 03:34:35.280 He thought it was a friend who had recognized him in the street, 2445 03:34:35.680 --> 03:34:39.840 but immediately realized that it was a kidnapping. They hit me dry on the 2446 03:34:39.879 --> 03:34:43.760 head and knocked me unconscious. They put me in the back of a car 2447 03:34:43.840 --> 03:34:52.120 lying down. I never lost consciousness. They threw me on the floor of 2448 03:34:52.200 --> 03:34:54.280 the car and I noticed that they were putting their feet on my back. 2449 03:34:54.280 --> 03:34:58.120 I was thirty- four years old and I was at a particularly good time 2450 03:34:58.239 --> 03:35:03.319 in my career as an architect. He was kidnapped by individuals who took him 2451 03:35:03.399 --> 03:35:07.280 to a place for the stranger, as he traveled without seeing anything and in 2452 03:35:07.360 --> 03:35:13.200 a few minutes realized that his life had changed. At first he thought that 2453 03:35:13.280 --> 03:35:16.840 his family would pay a ransom and that in a few days he would return 2454 03:35:16.840 --> 03:35:20.719 home. His kidnappers forced him to give a series of financial and banking data, 2455 03:35:22.159 --> 03:35:26.479 threatening him with terrible treatment or even death. He finally gave in. 2456 03:35:26.440 --> 03:35:30.680 A series of days passed when he seemed to be in a dream and would 2457 03:35:30.760 --> 03:35:35.600 soon wake up from it. The 16th of September came and his jailers shouted 2458 03:35:35.719 --> 03:35:41.879 Viva Mexico. It was the celebration of the country' s independence day. 2459 03:35:43.040 --> 03:35:46.639 He had been deprived of liberty for more than a month and wanted to offer 2460 03:35:46.760 --> 03:35:50.000 him an award for being such a remarkable date that he would like to be 2461 03:35:50.000 --> 03:35:52.760 brought as food or drink. He asked for a branded whiskey that he liked 2462 03:35:52.840 --> 03:35:58.120 a lot, with ice cubes. When they brought him to him, he 2463 03:35:58.120 --> 03:36:03.120 looked at the glass, put his fingers in and moved the ice cubes, 2464 03:36:03.319 --> 03:36:07.079 thinking of tasting his favorite whisky, but at one point he thought I won 2465 03:36:07.120 --> 03:36:11.559 ' t drink it, I' m going to give up this pleasure and 2466 03:36:11.559 --> 03:36:13.000 from now on I' m going to start a new life. He slowly 2467 03:36:13.040 --> 03:36:16.399 emptied the whisky into the pit of the soil latrine, seeing the liquid element 2468 03:36:16.479 --> 03:36:22.440 fall. It took him a lot of effort to do such an act and 2469 03:36:22.559 --> 03:36:24.520 it was said I started a new life from today. I want to improve 2470 03:36:24.600 --> 03:36:31.079 and grow as a person and thought intelligence, that is to know, adapt 2471 03:36:31.319 --> 03:36:39.440 to the circumstances and in this way I went from anger, indignation, low 2472 03:36:39.600 --> 03:36:46.319 mood, fear and a long et cetera of displacental feelings to try a process 2473 03:36:46.440 --> 03:36:54.520 of adaptation through the following steps, to adapt to the new situation, to 2474 03:36:54.520 --> 03:36:58.879 assume the reality, to avoid lamenting, not to fall into resignation, but 2475 03:36:58.959 --> 03:37:05.440 to turn back to what happened and start to take a positive advantage of its 2476 03:37:05.559 --> 03:37:11.079 current moment, to overcome, to stop the sorrow, sadness, discouragement and 2477 03:37:11.079 --> 03:37:16.799 to discover the only positive angle to be alive, to recover, to know 2478 03:37:16.840 --> 03:37:22.159 that it is the time to go against the current, to foster inside a 2479 03:37:22.520 --> 03:37:28.920 spirit of overcoming strong, solid, compact, consistent going from more to less 2480 03:37:28.920 --> 03:37:33.399 one resilient person endures very hard tests. Seneca said substine etabstine, endures and 2481 03:37:33.479 --> 03:37:37.520 resists with strength. Events can' t do with me. I' m 2482 03:37:37.600 --> 03:37:45.799 going to control them and write eight ideas to look forward, Cut the imagination, 2483 03:37:46.239 --> 03:37:48.680 which is crazy in the house, don' t turn around what happens 2484 03:37:48.760 --> 03:37:56.399 to you. Practical intelligence is to adapt to circumstances. The most important thing 2485 03:37:56.520 --> 03:38:01.360 is to maintain faith. Don' t argue with him. God knows more 2486 03:38:01.440 --> 03:38:05.680 than you what suits you. You can' t do anything but wait patiently. 2487 03:38:07.799 --> 03:38:11.639 This will last as long as God allows, take advantage to pray for 2488 03:38:11.680 --> 03:38:16.840 those you want and grow in sacrifice and abandonment. Think about how many people 2489 03:38:16.879 --> 03:38:20.319 suffer more than you do right now. You' re okay here. You 2490 03:38:20.440 --> 03:38:24.479 ' re not missing anything. Every day that passes is one day less. 2491 03:38:26.680 --> 03:38:30.440 Get practical purposes to be better on your return and, in the meantime, 2492 03:38:31.200 --> 03:38:35.840 you have to stay in full shape. Be optimistic, do not despair and 2493 03:38:35.920 --> 03:38:43.120 banish negative thoughts. After nine months, he managed to escape. It was 2494 03:38:43.280 --> 03:38:46.760 all very laborious. The possibility arose and he carried it out. In his 2495 03:38:46.840 --> 03:38:52.920 own words, I was two hundred and fifty- seven days in captivity, 2496 03:38:52.639 --> 03:38:58.319 observing each movement of the five guardians and knowing how to wait for the moment 2497 03:38:58.319 --> 03:39:01.399 that came. For me it has been an unforgettable experience in positive. It 2498 03:39:01.479 --> 03:39:07.079 has helped me to understand many things about life and my own person. It 2499 03:39:07.159 --> 03:39:13.200 has enriched me as I could never think about it I leave that relationship behind 2500 03:39:13.280 --> 03:39:16.399 and over time I learn to recognize and control the emotions that its memory brings 2501 03:39:16.479 --> 03:39:20.440 me to close the wound and keep growing. Two. If you suffered a 2502 03:39:20.520 --> 03:39:26.559 serious car accident, it would take a long time for you to catch the 2503 03:39:26.559 --> 03:39:31.680 wheel again. B would still drive once fully recovered, although he would try 2504 03:39:31.799 --> 03:39:35.840 to be much more prudent. Three. In the event of suffering a traumatic 2505 03:39:35.959 --> 03:39:41.399 situation such as the death of a loved one, I would remove the pain 2506 03:39:41.440 --> 03:39:45.680 as soon as possible and strive to continue as if nothing had happened to leave 2507 03:39:45.719 --> 03:39:48.360 the suffering behind as soon as possible. B would share the pain and face 2508 03:39:48.440 --> 03:39:54.239 feelings without denying reality. Four you think a professional could help you overcome a 2509 03:39:54.360 --> 03:40:01.159 traumatic experience. The pain would be too intense to be able to share it 2510 03:40:01.239 --> 03:40:05.760 with anyone and isolate me to face it alone. See Any family support, 2511 03:40:05.120 --> 03:40:11.280 friends therapist would be of great help in overcoming negative and paralyzing feelings as soon 2512 03:40:11.280 --> 03:40:18.000 as possible. Five, If a friend or family member experiences a traumatic situation 2513 03:40:18.079 --> 03:40:22.920 in his life, make me grieving for him, but I keep my distance 2514 03:40:22.000 --> 03:40:26.239 and I don' t get involved. I' ll get your help as 2515 03:40:26.399 --> 03:40:28.479 soon as possible, and I' ll try to wire you as much as 2516 03:40:28.479 --> 03:40:31.360 I can. Six. If you lost the person you love the most in 2517 03:40:31.479 --> 03:40:37.079 this life, ah you couldn' t move on life would no longer make 2518 03:40:37.079 --> 03:40:43.040 sense. Beck would seek resources and therapeutic support, help and love from family 2519 03:40:43.079 --> 03:40:48.559 and friends. Seven you consider yourself to be a person prepared to face one 2520 03:40:48.680 --> 03:40:50.879 ' s own and another' s suffering. Ah as much as possible, 2521 03:40:52.079 --> 03:40:56.760 I try to avoid situations or experiences that may cause me pain, although if 2522 03:40:56.840 --> 03:41:01.319 so, I do not know how I would react b Life has already tested 2523 03:41:01.399 --> 03:41:05.760 me on some occasion and I have come out more or less arousing of the 2524 03:41:05.760 --> 03:41:11.840 experience. For each answer, add two points. For each answer see adds 2525 03:41:13.000 --> 03:41:18.879 a point less than eight points. You are a resilient person capable of establishing 2526 03:41:18.959 --> 03:41:26.479 a positive life attitude, despite experiencing difficult circumstances between eight and twelve points. 2527 03:41:26.559 --> 03:41:31.760 The ability to resist and not fall apart is a skill that can be trained. 2528 03:41:31.799 --> 03:41:37.000 Be sure to cultivate features that cultivate resilience, such as living in the 2529 03:41:37.040 --> 03:41:43.479 hypochondria. People who are always worried about their health. They are like coves 2530 03:41:43.600 --> 03:41:48.000 who guard a treasure that they will never dare to enjoy laurense is terne. 2531 03:41:50.399 --> 03:41:54.559 Peter came to my office for the first time when he was forty. He 2532 03:41:54.639 --> 03:41:58.200 is the little one of a large family with many sisters and another older brother 2533 03:41:58.200 --> 03:42:03.159 than him. When I was a child I had repeated tonsillitis due to an 2534 03:42:03.239 --> 03:42:09.360 extreptococcal that produces tonsil hypertrophy and results in repetitions of these clinical conditions fever difficulty 2535 03:42:09.399 --> 03:42:15.559 swallowing and that has no greater significance. But he was very careful and watched 2536 03:42:15.680 --> 03:42:20.079 over by his parents, being invited in a stealthy way to explore himself a 2537 03:42:20.159 --> 03:42:24.239 lot, to look at himself, to observe himself. When he comes to 2538 03:42:24.319 --> 03:42:26.760 my office, I realize that he always has something and makes descriptions of his 2539 03:42:26.879 --> 03:42:33.079 body very detailed and with many nuances. At first he called me three times 2540 03:42:33.200 --> 03:42:37.159 a day and told me things like that the deposition I have made today has 2541 03:42:37.319 --> 03:42:41.319 been dark, but not at all dark, because it was between dark and 2542 03:42:41.440 --> 03:42:46.760 clear and it was not liquid, but between liquid and solid. Pedro is 2543 03:42:46.840 --> 03:42:50.879 very sensitive to any external comments, as well as to comments that everyone has 2544 03:42:50.920 --> 03:42:54.680 ever made for not having slept well, you have a bad face, but 2545 03:42:54.719 --> 03:42:58.600 to him those comments have a great impact. You look in the mirror and, 2546 03:42:58.319 --> 03:43:01.799 indeed, notice that it has the palest face, or the forehead or 2547 03:43:01.879 --> 03:43:05.200 the general outline of the face, or the sunniest or most out- of 2548 03:43:05.200 --> 03:43:09.920 - the- box eyes. The first thing I do is to explain to 2549 03:43:09.959 --> 03:43:16.719 him that he suffers from a disease called hypochondria and that it is registered by 2550 03:43:16.760 --> 03:43:20.959 the amerikensachi Achre Cassochiehon and the Association of European Psychiatry. It is considered an 2551 03:43:22.040 --> 03:43:26.680 important mental illness because it produces a very displaced experience the detailed attention to the 2552 03:43:26.680 --> 03:43:30.639 body. I' m telling you, there are two types. Conmatter, 2553 03:43:31.239 --> 03:43:35.319 i e, someone who has something and hypochondrizes, and cinemamatter, i e, 2554 03:43:35.840 --> 03:43:41.120 without clinical detonator. Although the person is always with an archipelago of cardiophobia 2555 03:43:41.600 --> 03:43:46.760 sensations, serophobia, cancer phobia, I point out that this disease is characterized 2556 03:43:46.879 --> 03:43:52.319 by the tendency to think negative. Peter married very late, after his fifties, 2557 03:43:52.920 --> 03:43:58.280 because when he met a woman, he needed her to understand his illness. 2558 03:43:58.319 --> 03:44:01.920 Besides, Chris looked at him the guy, the face, the eyes, 2559 03:44:03.360 --> 03:44:07.000 the trajectory. If I had dated one or two men before, and 2560 03:44:07.079 --> 03:44:13.319 then no one met expectations. Logically, over the years the level of demand 2561 03:44:13.399 --> 03:44:16.239 in women went down, because he was no longer an expert in sweet, 2562 03:44:16.559 --> 03:44:20.399 but a slightly mature man. His hair had fallen off, he had gut. 2563 03:44:22.440 --> 03:44:26.600 He is currently under treatment. Hypochondria is now defined as the organic concept 2564 03:44:26.680 --> 03:44:33.639 of personality. Argan is the central character of the malada. Imaginaire de moliere 2565 03:44:33.879 --> 03:44:37.319 and that' s where the concept of organic personality comes from. What an 2566 03:44:37.479 --> 03:44:43.000 organic personality is. He' s an individual who tends to be apprehensive. 2567 03:44:43.040 --> 03:44:48.360 Argan spends the day taking his pulse, looking at his tongue, studying his 2568 03:44:48.440 --> 03:44:52.559 eye conjunctiva, seeing if his feet are cold or his hands warm. There 2569 03:44:52.680 --> 03:44:56.399 is a greater attention than normal that leads the person to worry about any small 2570 03:44:56.479 --> 03:45:03.360 anomalous sensation that the hypochondriac notices is forced to scrutinize different organic functions, such 2571 03:45:03.360 --> 03:45:07.600 as the sensation of oppression in the gut, digestive discomfort or in the head 2572 03:45:07.680 --> 03:45:13.040 spatial instability, things that have no value and in this way enters a gorge 2573 03:45:13.120 --> 03:45:18.719 of bodily questions of the kind looks that does result causes of the hypochondria. 2574 03:45:22.879 --> 03:45:26.680 This disorder can occur at any age, but usually the hypochondriac pulls out of 2575 03:45:26.760 --> 03:45:35.079 two points from a hypochondriac environment. A father or mother who hypochondriates the parents, 2576 03:45:35.319 --> 03:45:39.120 who take a lot of the pulse, who speak of diseases without ceasing 2577 03:45:39.200 --> 03:45:43.600 and invite in a gradual and progressive way close relatives, children and family members 2578 03:45:43.639 --> 03:45:50.360 to make a cloning. Today, we know that the second cause is the 2579 03:45:50.399 --> 03:45:56.200 so- called factors and atrogens of doctors, yatrogen in medicine means negative activity 2580 03:45:56.319 --> 03:46:01.879 of the doctor who puts his patient to doubt. For example, when someone 2581 03:46:01.959 --> 03:46:05.120 has done some blood tests and the doctor with the person ahead looks at them 2582 03:46:05.239 --> 03:46:09.520 and says here there' s something that doesn' t just convince me. 2583 03:46:09.879 --> 03:46:13.399 I don' t know if this could be it. That uncertain, diffuse 2584 03:46:13.840 --> 03:46:18.520 and ethereal language causes great uncertainty in the other. If that person has or 2585 03:46:18.600 --> 03:46:22.760 has had a condition, he thinks it might be so that clinical language passes 2586 03:46:22.920 --> 03:46:26.799 into the patient' s language and something that would not have to be known 2587 03:46:26.840 --> 03:46:33.319 by a street person invites her to follow up. In short, the hypochondria 2588 03:46:33.399 --> 03:46:37.479 starts up by a part of the hypochondriac families where this vocation is cultivated or 2589 03:46:37.520 --> 03:46:43.159 by medical errors of unfavorable information. The hypochondria is a bad travel companion, 2590 03:46:43.280 --> 03:46:48.200 because the sufferer is always thinking about The worst is the tendency to interpret somatic 2591 03:46:48.280 --> 03:46:58.479 symptoms dramatically. Test one when a friend or family member falls ill and stays 2592 03:46:58.600 --> 03:47:03.079 in the hospital for questions about the room number and comes to see him right 2593 03:47:05.719 --> 03:47:09.920 away b you wait a few days and finally call him on the phone to 2594 03:47:09.000 --> 03:47:11.440 tell him to recover soon and that he will know when he returns home. 2595 03:47:13.879 --> 03:47:20.719 Two your home medicine kit contains the basic medicines and utensils, aspirin, Band 2596 03:47:22.079 --> 03:47:28.799 - Aids, alcohol, some antithermal bec syrups are full of medications just in 2597 03:47:28.920 --> 03:47:35.719 case I need them sometime. Three, when you feel indisposed to expect to 2598 03:47:35.760 --> 03:47:39.319 see how I evolve and I only go to the doctor if it' s 2599 03:47:39.319 --> 03:47:46.239 really necessary. B I go to E R Four When you' re cold, 2600 03:47:46.239 --> 03:47:48.639 I try to make normal life. If the fever allows me, b 2601 03:47:48.680 --> 03:47:54.200 I reduce my activity considerably and if I have a fever, I ask for 2602 03:47:54.200 --> 03:47:58.760 work leave. Five. When you feel a physical discomfort, I hardly pay 2603 03:47:58.840 --> 03:48:03.639 attention to it or if it is not very pronounced or it causes excessive pain, 2604 03:48:05.040 --> 03:48:07.319 b I start to spin the head. I worry. I' m 2605 03:48:07.440 --> 03:48:13.799 looking for information on the Internet. Six of you get used to self- 2606 03:48:13.120 --> 03:48:18.000 medicating just when I' m cold or my head hurts. B Often seven, 2607 03:48:18.440 --> 03:48:24.639 after watching a report on the dangers of cholesterol on television, I analyze 2608 03:48:24.680 --> 03:48:28.719 my diet and try to reduce the consumption of fatty foods. B called the 2609 03:48:28.840 --> 03:48:37.120 medical center and asked for time to get me a full test. Enclosure self 2610 03:48:37.879 --> 03:48:41.399 - esteem in maturity. Maturity is considered to begin at around twenty- five 2611 03:48:41.520 --> 03:48:46.600 years of age. It coincides with the end of the period of study when 2612 03:48:46.719 --> 03:48:54.479 a person sits professionally, although today maturity has been delayed. The first goal 2613 03:48:54.559 --> 03:48:56.840 that a young person has when he or she reaches maturity is a project of 2614 03:48:58.120 --> 03:49:01.879 work, while the affective project remains in second place. This happens because the 2615 03:49:01.920 --> 03:49:07.479 affective world has become a playful world. On the other hand, the world 2616 03:49:07.520 --> 03:49:11.799 of statistics informs us that couples break up very easily due to their great sentimental 2617 03:49:11.879 --> 03:49:18.959 fragility. All this has a very negative impact on young people. Thus, 2618 03:49:20.239 --> 03:49:24.799 at the first maturity, which reaches approximately thirty- five years, the main 2619 03:49:24.799 --> 03:49:30.239 project is the professional one. In the first stage of maturity, panic syndrome 2620 03:49:30.360 --> 03:49:37.639 is common. At the engagement, young boys stay at their parents' house 2621 03:49:37.719 --> 03:49:41.479 until they' re thirty- something. Simon syndrome we have seen in one 2622 03:49:41.559 --> 03:49:46.280 of the chapters is that of the immature, narcissistic, work- obsessed bachelor. 2623 03:49:48.920 --> 03:49:52.920 That' s not so much with the woman, because she usually wants 2624 03:49:52.920 --> 03:49:56.319 to be a mother. The concept of parenthood does not exist as a psychological 2625 03:49:56.319 --> 03:50:00.440 concept. If a man is not a father, he does not care. 2626 03:50:01.520 --> 03:50:05.239 On the other hand, a woman who wishes to be a mother and is 2627 03:50:05.360 --> 03:50:09.399 not a mother will feel a limitation of the affective project. This comes after 2628 03:50:09.479 --> 03:50:13.879 the professional and there is a difference between the meaning given to it by men 2629 03:50:13.920 --> 03:50:20.479 and women. Love is a magical word that has many nuances. The man 2630 03:50:20.520 --> 03:50:24.920 falls fundamentally in love with the eye and the woman with the ear. In 2631 03:50:26.000 --> 03:50:28.440 the man. The importance of beauty is very powerful, both in the whole 2632 03:50:28.559 --> 03:50:33.639 face and in the body, which is carried to one part. Very important 2633 03:50:33.719 --> 03:50:39.200 to fall in love is to make a private mythology with someone, the desire 2634 03:50:39.239 --> 03:50:43.040 to make eternal the fleeting. Where the human being is most portrayed is in 2635 03:50:43.079 --> 03:50:48.000 the affective version. The person you have chosen is a business card. Then 2636 03:50:48.079 --> 03:50:52.760 there are many aspects and nuances. There are four conditions for a person to 2637 03:50:52.879 --> 03:50:58.040 fall in love solidly especially today, when this fact has been delayed. The 2638 03:50:58.479 --> 03:51:03.760 first with sa the admiration for the other is the recognition that that person is 2639 03:51:03.920 --> 03:51:11.000 worth his path. Attraction, which has two characteristics, physical and psychological. 2640 03:51:13.079 --> 03:51:16.799 The woman is better equipped for the second, since she is finer at capturing 2641 03:51:16.879 --> 03:51:22.760 the psychological characteristics of others. The need to share is like a magnet that 2642 03:51:22.840 --> 03:51:28.479 leads to the need to go out and make shared plans, talk about many 2643 03:51:28.559 --> 03:51:33.040 things and discover each other. That is a precious stage, full of suggestions, 2644 03:51:33.479 --> 03:51:39.280 whose journey should be done without haste, savoring each of its segments and 2645 03:51:39.440 --> 03:51:45.440 having it in mind. That person appears, emerges, jumps and moves over 2646 03:51:45.680 --> 03:51:50.040 and over again through mental scenarios. It' s there to think a lot 2647 03:51:50.079 --> 03:51:52.799 about a person and it' s a certain sign that you' re falling 2648 03:51:52.799 --> 03:51:56.239 in love with someone. This is of a huge degree in young people and 2649 03:51:56.319 --> 03:52:03.799 is the same in adults, although with less intensity. This late father of 2650 03:52:03.920 --> 03:52:09.440 romantic thought wrote a theory of love in which he speaks of falling in love 2651 03:52:09.440 --> 03:52:13.239 as crystallization. Says the following. If you go to the mines and throw 2652 03:52:13.360 --> 03:52:18.799 a twig within a few days you will see that some crystals have been nailed 2653 03:52:18.959 --> 03:52:24.200 to it, falling in love is like crystallization those crystals that have been nailed 2654 03:52:24.319 --> 03:52:28.319 into the structure of that twig. It is the tendency to idealize the other 2655 03:52:28.399 --> 03:52:31.840 you add to his personality characteristics that he does not have. Falling in love 2656 03:52:31.959 --> 03:52:37.479 is creating a private mythology with someone I would say in a more blunt way. 2657 03:52:37.840 --> 03:52:43.520 Falling in love is needing an ortega person. In her book study on 2658 03:52:43.600 --> 03:52:46.760 love, she says that falling in love is a disorder of attention, as 2659 03:52:46.879 --> 03:52:52.600 it concentrates in one direction. That' s called having your head mortgaged. 2660 03:52:54.639 --> 03:52:58.520 Alberoni in his book, Love and Fall, says that when falling in love 2661 03:52:58.520 --> 03:53:03.760 happens, it looks a lot like a kind of glare with two spotlights, 2662 03:53:03.280 --> 03:53:07.040 one where the wounds of the past are dissolved and the other that looks to 2663 03:53:07.159 --> 03:53:11.879 the future in a positive way. Those two temporal dimensions change, they close 2664 03:53:11.959 --> 03:53:16.879 setbacks of the past with all that that is going to mean, and the 2665 03:53:16.959 --> 03:53:22.319 person moves into the future forty. Falling in love can be studied as if 2666 03:53:22.440 --> 03:53:26.440 it were a disease as such in medicine there are two symptoms. The first 2667 03:53:26.520 --> 03:53:31.000 is the false feeling that time flies and thinks a lot about the other person. 2668 03:53:31.520 --> 03:53:35.319 Cervantes said of Dulcinea of the toboss that she was the lady of his 2669 03:53:35.319 --> 03:53:41.000 thoughts. Another fundamental symptom in falling in love would be telling the other person 2670 03:53:41.120 --> 03:53:45.760 I don' t understand life without you or said otherwise, I don' 2671 03:53:45.879 --> 03:53:48.920 t understand life without your Forming a fundamental part of my personal project. My 2672 03:53:50.040 --> 03:53:56.000 project has in you an essential element forty- one. At present there is 2673 03:53:56.040 --> 03:54:00.120 something very curious about society, which is the exaltation of that of emotionalism, 2674 03:54:00.680 --> 03:54:05.959 a consumption of emotional emotions without background or structure, and this slips into a 2675 03:54:05.079 --> 03:54:11.520 certain consumption of physical contact. These are just the times, but it produces 2676 03:54:11.600 --> 03:54:18.000 a very high superficiality in people who follow these guidelines in front of them is 2677 03:54:18.040 --> 03:54:22.319 the granitic solidity of coherent behavior. The classic text expresses it this way. 2678 03:54:22.639 --> 03:54:28.639 Founded in Immerat suprapé trum, the building did not collapse because it was built 2679 03:54:28.719 --> 03:54:33.879 on stone. Today it is often built on demolition material. Everything is weak, 2680 03:54:35.319 --> 03:54:39.799 fragile, light. No consistency. There' s never been so much 2681 03:54:39.840 --> 03:54:45.639 information about affectivity. However, people are more lost than ever. In my 2682 03:54:45.719 --> 03:54:48.799 consultation I see people with great disappointments who speak to me of Valentine' s 2683 03:54:48.799 --> 03:54:56.200 Day as a date, who want it to happen quickly because they have idealized 2684 03:54:56.200 --> 03:55:00.000 the word love as something magical, wonderful, sublime, without realizing that love 2685 03:55:00.000 --> 03:55:03.799 is a feeling that we have to work with care of craftsman, with quantity 2686 03:55:05.239 --> 03:55:13.000 dedication, if it deteriorates and then cascades of disappointments and frustrations, friendship and 2687 03:55:13.040 --> 03:55:16.559 culture in maturity. The concept of friendship remains very important, as after adolescence 2688 03:55:16.600 --> 03:55:22.280 it acquires more consistent visions. Friends are chosen and they are often known. 2689 03:55:24.799 --> 03:55:28.719 It is also the epoch of the conjunction of beliefs, a stage of the 2690 03:55:28.840 --> 03:55:33.840 formation of consolidated personality. There are so many things that inform us that in 2691 03:55:33.920 --> 03:55:39.559 order to make the synthesis, one has to have criteria. Friendship is a 2692 03:55:39.680 --> 03:55:46.559 positive feeling between two people that begins through mutual sympathy and esteem. One discovers 2693 03:55:46.600 --> 03:55:50.600 a person with whom initially there is similar affinity, ideas, criteria and life 2694 03:55:50.680 --> 03:55:54.440 orientations and with whom a bridge of fluid communication begins in which one feels well 2695 03:55:54.799 --> 03:56:01.559 and the tuning occurs soon from the SS. Then he comes to get to 2696 03:56:01.559 --> 03:56:03.479 know each other. Little by little, both open up and tell more surface 2697 03:56:03.600 --> 03:56:09.840 personal things at first and of some depth afterwards. It is like a journey 2698 03:56:09.959 --> 03:56:13.200 they travel together and that gives rise to a deal that gradually points towards confidence. 2699 03:56:13.559 --> 03:56:16.760 The other one goes into the passageways of the inner citadel and sneaks through 2700 03:56:16.879 --> 03:56:20.760 the ins and outs of our history and we teach him what has happened to 2701 03:56:20.879 --> 03:56:26.879 us with it. Later on comes all this donation. These are the steps. 2702 03:56:28.319 --> 03:56:33.559 Therefore, affinity, treatment, confidence, donation, gradually add sympathy. 2703 03:56:35.840 --> 03:56:43.600 There' s respect. Friendship is a form of love without sexuality. Another 2704 03:56:43.680 --> 03:56:50.440 more late and complicated factor is culture, as the wrapping of a gift may 2705 03:56:50.879 --> 03:56:54.000 not seem important, but it is the aesthetics of knowledge and freedom, and 2706 03:56:54.360 --> 03:56:58.920 that has a value. As a person acquires more level of r they aspire 2707 03:57:00.120 --> 03:57:05.280 to culture, their curiosity to learn, to know and to know more things 2708 03:57:05.399 --> 03:57:11.639 increases. Culture is the aesthetics of intelligence or otherwise, turning anything you do 2709 03:57:11.639 --> 03:57:20.799 into an intelligent pirouette. That' s why culture is freedom. I have 2710 03:57:20.840 --> 03:57:24.520 said this in the preceding pages and in the following pages, culture begins with 2711 03:57:24.600 --> 03:57:30.360 reading. That' s one of their main gateways. A problem of maturity 2712 03:57:30.479 --> 03:57:37.239 women with anxiety crises. A 30- year- old girl, Miriam, 2713 03:57:37.639 --> 03:57:39.719 married and with a two- year- old son, visits me. He 2714 03:57:39.840 --> 03:57:45.680 has had several anxiety crises in different contexts. The first, on the subway, 2715 03:57:46.120 --> 03:57:48.920 the second in a department store and the third traveling by car with her 2716 03:57:50.040 --> 03:57:56.280 husband. In anxiety we distinguish two modes, the generalized, which is floating 2717 03:57:56.280 --> 03:58:01.479 anxiety, which consists of a nervous state, with tomatic manifestations such as shaking 2718 03:58:01.559 --> 03:58:05.319 hands, sweating, restlessness in the legs, feeling short of breath, etc. 2719 03:58:07.479 --> 03:58:11.159 And the second modality, called planck claxes or anxiety crisis, which are 2720 03:58:11.239 --> 03:58:16.600 short- lived short- lived episodes that live like a storm. The symptoms 2721 03:58:16.680 --> 03:58:20.680 are the same as those of generalized anxiety, but there is also fear of 2722 03:58:20.719 --> 03:58:26.239 death, of losing control and of going crazy. They are reactions that produce 2723 03:58:26.319 --> 03:58:31.520 an anticipatory fear. The crisis of this young woman, having sat on the 2724 03:58:31.600 --> 03:58:35.440 subway, begins with a gastric sensation in her belly with fear of having a 2725 03:58:35.559 --> 03:58:41.319 liquid deposition, along with a feeling of tightness in her chest, tightening her 2726 03:58:41.360 --> 03:58:46.479 belt and feeling dizzy. He thinks he can' t breathe. He returns 2727 03:58:46.559 --> 03:58:50.360 home and this episode becomes phobic, since he no longer wants to take the 2728 03:58:50.440 --> 03:58:56.000 subway. Where the crisis of anxiety occurs, it becomes a place of fear 2729 03:58:56.040 --> 03:58:58.280 that gradually turns into phobia and to which one does not want to return. 2730 03:59:01.159 --> 03:59:05.440 The second episode takes place in a department store with a lot of people in 2731 03:59:05.440 --> 03:59:09.000 the middle of the Christmas season. There' s a lot of people and 2732 03:59:09.000 --> 03:59:11.200 it' s hot. Miriam thinks she' s going to die, since 2733 03:59:11.319 --> 03:59:16.239 she can' t breathe. In a later analysis, they find nothing, 2734 03:59:16.840 --> 03:59:22.440 although the girl thought she had had a heart attack in this second crisis there 2735 03:59:22.520 --> 03:59:28.479 appear two phobias, to the closed spaces, claustrophobia and to the spaces with 2736 03:59:28.639 --> 03:59:33.680 many anthropophobia people. In the consultation she tells me worried that her life is 2737 03:59:33.760 --> 03:59:37.159 being limited, because she realizes that there are several things she does not dare 2738 03:59:37.200 --> 03:59:43.000 to do alone. The third episode assaults her driving a weekend, while they 2739 03:59:43.040 --> 03:59:46.959 ' re stuck to get out of town, starts to feel the symptoms and 2740 03:59:48.079 --> 03:59:52.319 ends up having a crisis. As a result, he elaborates two other phobias, 2741 03:59:52.760 --> 03:59:54.959 one for which he cannot drive and the other for which he cannot leave 2742 03:59:56.040 --> 04:00:01.719 when everyone does, as there is too much traffic. Miriam is also below 2743 04:00:01.799 --> 04:00:09.680 the recommended weight. We give you an anxiolytic together with a fast- acting 2744 04:00:09.799 --> 04:00:15.239 medicine that slows down a possible anxiety crisis, also educating you with a cognitive 2745 04:00:15.360 --> 04:00:18.360 therapy that consists of sending yourself a private messenger when you notice that you may 2746 04:00:18.479 --> 04:00:24.559 have another crisis. It consists of saying don' t worry, it' 2747 04:00:26.040 --> 04:00:30.040 s okay, this has no clinical value, etc. I also teach you 2748 04:00:30.120 --> 04:00:33.559 not to be precipitously afraid of a situation when you have to attend one of 2749 04:00:33.639 --> 04:00:37.680 the places where you may be in crisis. Likewise, I teach him to 2750 04:00:37.799 --> 04:00:41.879 breathe well so that he can relax. I also realize that the girl is 2751 04:00:41.959 --> 04:00:48.319 becoming a little hypochondriac. He has a tendency to observe a lot and draw 2752 04:00:48.399 --> 04:00:52.079 negative conclusions believing that he has diseases that he does not suffer at all. 2753 04:00:54.079 --> 04:00:58.680 I explain that hypochondria is an attitude that can trigger disproportionate and psychosomatic reactions. 2754 04:01:01.360 --> 04:01:05.040 After a great improvement, it remains to overcome the phobias that has developed during 2755 04:01:05.239 --> 04:01:09.280 this time to overcome the fear of going by metro. We took her to 2756 04:01:09.360 --> 04:01:13.079 a station with the idea of taking him alone with a series of instructions to 2757 04:01:13.159 --> 04:01:18.479 follow in case of crisis and we waited for her two stops further. The 2758 04:01:18.559 --> 04:01:22.920 next operation was to record a message to her with the phrases we want her 2759 04:01:22.079 --> 04:01:26.159 to repeat while driving with her husband. Today he has learned to control himself 2760 04:01:26.239 --> 04:01:33.239 and continues with a small dose of anxiolytics as maintenance medication. Fourth part, 2761 04:01:33.760 --> 04:01:43.079 work and life excessive perfectionism and paralyzing. Do things well with seriousness and professional 2762 04:01:43.200 --> 04:01:50.200 rigor, but run away from perfectionism. Enrique Rojas Julia is an economist and 2763 04:01:50.280 --> 04:01:56.520 law graduate, examined oppositions for property registrar, but suspended and went to work 2764 04:01:56.559 --> 04:02:01.280 in a firm in Madrid. N is three years old and is a perfectionist 2765 04:02:01.319 --> 04:02:07.159 and obsessive person. According to her, she has a disorderly love for the 2766 04:02:07.239 --> 04:02:11.760 order come to my office because she is very distressed. He had a sentimental 2767 04:02:11.840 --> 04:02:16.159 relationship that lasted two years and now he' s with a new couple with 2768 04:02:16.399 --> 04:02:20.639 whom he' s been practically a year. She watches her partner under an 2769 04:02:20.680 --> 04:02:24.719 electronic microscope and makes him as with his room. He' s got the 2770 04:02:24.120 --> 04:02:28.879 books by sizes, order them clothes by colors, try to sort them out. 2771 04:02:30.000 --> 04:02:33.319 Everything is fixed. So much for the one she' s obsessed with 2772 04:02:33.319 --> 04:02:37.239 will be the right one. You' ll fool me how long it will 2773 04:02:37.239 --> 04:02:41.639 last. Lo. First I do is to explain to him that he suffers 2774 04:02:41.719 --> 04:02:46.719 from a disease called an obsessive personality perfectionist, which the French called the leaflet 2775 04:02:46.799 --> 04:02:50.239 of the Doute and the English seons of dut forty- two. For that 2776 04:02:50.360 --> 04:02:52.600 reason, for her all are doubts and her relationship, despite being good, 2777 04:02:52.879 --> 04:03:00.760 is loaded with tensions. After a few weeks, she returns to the office 2778 04:03:00.920 --> 04:03:03.559 completely sunken. He has left and told her that he is very tired, 2779 04:03:03.920 --> 04:03:07.959 that he does not make up for staying with her, because he is constantly 2780 04:03:09.000 --> 04:03:11.879 asking her questions about the future. He explores him not out of jealousy, 2781 04:03:11.280 --> 04:03:16.000 but because she is not sure and he is not prepared for such a relationship. 2782 04:03:16.000 --> 04:03:20.600 Julia explains to me, in tears, that her previous partner left her 2783 04:03:20.719 --> 04:03:26.799 for the same reason and keeps repeating what I do. I have an inability 2784 04:03:26.799 --> 04:03:31.360 to love. I explain that one of the most important things in an affective 2785 04:03:31.399 --> 04:03:35.120 relationship is not having too many expectations, because when you expect a lot from 2786 04:03:35.239 --> 04:03:39.000 a relationship, you' re wrong. A relationship has to be worked out 2787 04:03:39.079 --> 04:03:43.680 and things don' t just come in, but because of the craft work 2788 04:03:43.799 --> 04:03:46.319 that is done with the other. She doesn' t listen because she' 2789 04:03:46.440 --> 04:03:52.200 s in a state of soki and wanting to die has stopped working for a 2790 04:03:52.280 --> 04:03:54.840 few days, but I don' t want to let her go, because 2791 04:03:54.920 --> 04:03:58.120 she needs to be busy not to think about him. Since she first came 2792 04:03:58.280 --> 04:04:01.079 to the consultation and s s or she is reading books about perfectionism and obsessive 2793 04:04:01.159 --> 04:04:07.799 personality and is very portrayed. He asked me what difference there was between the 2794 04:04:07.879 --> 04:04:11.760 healthy order and the sick. I tell you, healthy order is at your 2795 04:04:11.840 --> 04:04:16.120 service. Where I have the book or that blouse. There he is, 2796 04:04:18.399 --> 04:04:20.799 on the other hand, in the pathological order. I' m in the 2797 04:04:20.959 --> 04:04:26.239 service of order. If I see anything out of place or badly put I 2798 04:04:26.239 --> 04:04:30.879 suffer. That is why I explain to you that this is a serious issue, 2799 04:04:31.200 --> 04:04:35.200 but that it has an arrangement and we can deal with it with a 2800 04:04:35.360 --> 04:04:39.120 series of guidelines for living more loosely. She has a nancastic background that comes 2801 04:04:39.200 --> 04:04:43.840 from the sticky Greek of these people who do not distance themselves from the things 2802 04:04:43.000 --> 04:04:48.680 she needs to deal with. I give you a series of guidelines that go 2803 04:04:48.760 --> 04:04:54.719 back to work to not think so much about him, that you understand that 2804 04:04:54.799 --> 04:04:58.559 that relationship was already hurt and it was better to close it, that you 2805 04:04:58.600 --> 04:05:01.440 learn to be less obsessive to the one, to give less thought to things, 2806 04:05:03.040 --> 04:05:05.639 to be more tolerant with the other. He cannot look for a man 2807 04:05:05.719 --> 04:05:09.559 who is perfect, because he is a vain and useless aspiration, but who 2808 04:05:09.639 --> 04:05:13.360 seeks someone who fills it, who exercises to leave a messy drawer, a 2809 04:05:13.799 --> 04:05:18.600 napkin or a handkerchief lying on the table, simple behaviors with which it is 2810 04:05:18.639 --> 04:05:24.159 understood that life has a bottom of disorder and is not a drama. I 2811 04:05:24.200 --> 04:05:28.799 see it' s slowly changing. It becomes less obsessive and more positive. 2812 04:05:28.600 --> 04:05:31.799 It edits the regularity in which things are to be in place and tolerates a 2813 04:05:31.959 --> 04:05:37.200 certain disorder. It presents a great improvement, especially in terms of acceptance. 2814 04:05:39.639 --> 04:05:43.760 Now Julia' s much quieter. He follows a cognitive technique to put his 2815 04:05:43.840 --> 04:05:48.079 head out of his head. Every time some thought comes to her, she 2816 04:05:48.159 --> 04:05:52.719 repeats a series of phrases. This relationship had no future. Don' t 2817 04:05:52.799 --> 04:05:56.920 worry about someone else coming. Accept reality That' s maturity. The man 2818 04:05:58.000 --> 04:06:01.760 of your life is coming. I always say that in the bademecum of medicines, 2819 04:06:03.159 --> 04:06:07.399 that volume where all the medicines are referenced, one is missing the figure 2820 04:06:07.520 --> 04:06:13.040 of the doctor, because the doctor heals with his presence, his listening, 2821 04:06:13.680 --> 04:06:18.360 his actions and his words, with the same attitude and explanation, already leaves 2822 04:06:18.360 --> 04:06:22.719 you alone. Almost all of my patients have a notebook of forty- three 2823 04:06:22.760 --> 04:06:28.159 that points to their feelings, the exercises that I am sending them to do, 2824 04:06:28.399 --> 04:06:31.000 as well as the results of them. I only gave Julia a mild 2825 04:06:31.079 --> 04:06:35.200 anxiolytic, a drug called Diana, Diana, because it goes to a particular 2826 04:06:35.280 --> 04:06:39.760 topic, in this case, anxiety, because the rest was something she had 2827 04:06:39.920 --> 04:06:46.360 to fight against. Then I recommended bible therapy. The first reading was tell 2828 04:06:46.360 --> 04:06:50.840 me. Who I am from Julia Navarro. At first, she was reluctant 2829 04:06:50.920 --> 04:06:52.920 to read, but I told her to make an effort and when she came 2830 04:06:54.000 --> 04:06:56.040 back she told me that the book had been a great therapy, because she 2831 04:06:56.159 --> 04:07:00.559 had gotten into that person' s life and, instead of thinking about him 2832 04:07:00.639 --> 04:07:07.000 and the book, the perfect curve. Obsessive perfectionism has its breeding ground during 2833 04:07:07.079 --> 04:07:13.559 childhood. Excessively severe and demanding education can cause a person to become perfectionist. 2834 04:07:13.799 --> 04:07:20.200 Pathologically, an individual suffering from this disorder may be unable to perform any act 2835 04:07:20.239 --> 04:07:26.719 without first proposing to do it to perfection. Thus, any seemingly anodyne decision 2836 04:07:26.840 --> 04:07:31.959 can be complicated to the extent unspeakable on the day- to- day part 2837 04:07:33.000 --> 04:07:35.760 of a person with such a desire for idolatry can prove infernal to her and 2838 04:07:35.760 --> 04:07:41.159 to those around her. Excessive perfectionism very negatively affects effectiveness, as wanting to 2839 04:07:41.239 --> 04:07:46.559 polish to the smallest detail ends up devouring more time and energy to achieve any 2840 04:07:46.680 --> 04:07:52.040 result. The question of whether or not we have completed a project well and 2841 04:07:52.120 --> 04:07:56.920 this repeated in everything we do a day is a serious lack of self- 2842 04:07:56.239 --> 04:08:03.040 confidence and fear of criticism creates obsession. There comes a time when anything we 2843 04:08:03.120 --> 04:08:05.440 want to carry out cannot be improved and from there, the curve of improvement 2844 04:08:05.520 --> 04:08:13.159 drops ostensibly. We must know how to end any objective we strive to achieve. 2845 04:08:15.520 --> 04:08:18.440 It is necessary to accept that we are human beings and make mistakes, 2846 04:08:18.600 --> 04:08:24.079 because it is from them that we learn and perfect the gift of imperfection. 2847 04:08:26.680 --> 04:08:31.399 Green Gran has written several books claiming both vulnerability and imperfection, as gifts not 2848 04:08:31.520 --> 04:08:37.920 as defects or punishments. This author and lecturer considers that people, while being 2849 04:08:39.000 --> 04:08:43.280 afraid and vulnerable and imperfect, can also be brave at times and have the 2850 04:08:43.360 --> 04:08:50.959 full right to dignity. According to Brown, people target the connection, which 2851 04:08:50.959 --> 04:08:56.600 is only reached through authenticity. People who are authentic have the ability to contact 2852 04:08:56.719 --> 04:09:01.840 because they have renounced what they should theoretically be to discover what they really are. 2853 04:09:03.760 --> 04:09:07.559 These people accept the fact that they are vulnerable and imperfect, and this 2854 04:09:07.639 --> 04:09:11.719 gives them a great capacity for empathy, because if they accept their own limitations, 2855 04:09:13.840 --> 04:09:18.319 they will logically accept those of others. Vulnerability and insecurity are part of 2856 04:09:18.399 --> 04:09:24.520 life. The future is always uncertain. We can never be prepared enough to 2857 04:09:24.559 --> 04:09:28.920 face the fate that is coming to us every morning. When we wake up, 2858 04:09:30.319 --> 04:09:33.719 we have the right to consider ourselves imperfect, to fail and to make 2859 04:09:33.840 --> 04:09:37.159 mistakes, because they are already an act of courage. These are people who, 2860 04:09:37.559 --> 04:09:43.079 even considering themselves imperfect, struggle to improve forty- four and risk projects 2861 04:09:43.159 --> 04:09:46.799 that they do not know if they will work or not. As Green Brown 2862 04:09:46.959 --> 04:09:54.559 herself says you know you' re imperfectly born to fight, but you' 2863 04:09:54.639 --> 04:09:58.319 re worthy of love and belonging things that don' t come out. According 2864 04:09:58.440 --> 04:10:05.079 to our taste, it is preferable to wear some moccasins rather than carpet the 2865 04:10:05.079 --> 04:10:09.639 entire Indian proverbic land. Luis is a 13- year- old boy who 2866 04:10:09.719 --> 04:10:13.840 recently returned to Spain after spending two years in a school in England. Physically, 2867 04:10:15.280 --> 04:10:20.520 Luis is tall for his thin age and speaks very rigorously. The first 2868 04:10:20.600 --> 04:10:24.319 time I heard about him was when his parents visited me to explain the case 2869 04:10:24.440 --> 04:10:28.280 of his son. I was told he was very rigid in his ideas. 2870 04:10:28.399 --> 04:10:31.840 I wanted to be number one, because to succeed in life was to have 2871 04:10:31.920 --> 04:10:35.799 money a car, very good, to be the latest in technology and to 2872 04:10:35.879 --> 04:10:41.159 have top- notch clothing brands. In fact, everything parents buy from him 2873 04:10:41.239 --> 04:10:46.159 is expensive shopping, because he doesn' t want any sales. This son 2874 04:10:46.280 --> 04:10:52.239 of mine is a monster. His mother Luis said. He has two brothers 2875 04:10:52.360 --> 04:10:56.239 and shows contemptuous behavior toward others, both toward his companions and toward his brothers. 2876 04:10:58.120 --> 04:11:00.600 He says one' s dumb and the other' s very lazy. 2877 04:11:01.600 --> 04:11:05.040 He also speaks ill of his parents. For example, she says that the 2878 04:11:05.200 --> 04:11:09.959 mother is only a housewife. I tell parents that your child suffers from a 2879 04:11:11.040 --> 04:11:16.559 personality disorder, obsessive personality. The first day I see Luis, he doesn 2880 04:11:16.719 --> 04:11:22.319 ' t know that he came to the office from his rigidity, The first 2881 04:11:22.440 --> 04:11:26.319 thing he does is criticize because we make him wait half an hour. Look 2882 04:11:26.399 --> 04:11:28.879 at the clock and he says he has to prepare some tests. He' 2883 04:11:30.079 --> 04:11:33.559 s very demanding when we talk. I' ll let you explain so that 2884 04:11:33.680 --> 04:11:39.159 you can relax on the second day I' ll give you a notebook where 2885 04:11:39.280 --> 04:11:43.600 I' ll point out a series of guidelines, but before I put them 2886 04:11:43.639 --> 04:11:48.280 into practice, I' ll explain what your disorder is. A disorder due 2887 04:11:48.360 --> 04:11:52.959 to rigid excess, millimetric, very hard, unaffective to what he responds to 2888 04:11:54.040 --> 04:11:56.559 me. I don' t see it as a bad thing. What I 2889 04:11:56.639 --> 04:12:01.559 want is to make a lot of money and have a good time. Louis 2890 04:12:01.680 --> 04:12:05.719 studies in a religious school, but he does not believe in God, because 2891 04:12:05.200 --> 04:12:09.639 he says how God will exist. If so many things go wrong He assures 2892 04:12:11.079 --> 04:12:16.239 which God is asleep. He thinks there is something, but the important thing 2893 04:12:16.319 --> 04:12:20.040 in life is to succeed and enjoy a lot in class. Luis notes that 2894 04:12:20.120 --> 04:12:24.719 the compañeros empty him because they see him as a child Litri, a child 2895 04:12:24.799 --> 04:12:33.239 who always leads the smartest, the most handsome and mocking him. We talked 2896 04:12:33.280 --> 04:12:35.879 about contempt for his mother and he tells me that his mother is not smart 2897 04:12:37.000 --> 04:12:39.680 and that he is very sorry to have a mother who is not smart. 2898 04:12:39.760 --> 04:12:43.680 She says she' s not cultured because she doesn' t read and watch 2899 04:12:43.680 --> 04:12:46.040 a lot of TV. He' s having a hard time accepting this. 2900 04:12:46.360 --> 04:12:48.559 So one of the guidelines I give you is to have every day a positive 2901 04:12:48.639 --> 04:12:54.120 detail with your mother, like what you ask me. I give him a 2902 04:12:54.239 --> 04:12:58.479 series of examples, kiss him when he arrives, greet him, thank him 2903 04:12:58.559 --> 04:13:03.239 for his work and he says that he does not like that because he does 2904 04:13:03.319 --> 04:13:05.920 not feel that his mother would have to take a turn so that he would 2905 04:13:05.920 --> 04:13:11.520 accept. It' s very hard and critical. After applying the first guidelines, 2906 04:13:11.799 --> 04:13:16.799 the father notes that he has improved because he despises the brothers less. 2907 04:13:18.079 --> 04:13:22.159 I talk to Luis and explain to him that systematic contempt is a lack of 2908 04:13:22.200 --> 04:13:26.639 human quality and that he is very materialistic. He replies that society has done 2909 04:13:26.680 --> 04:13:33.239 so he wants to become a great tycoon, a great triumphant. At all 2910 04:13:33.399 --> 04:13:39.120 times he is very rationalistic. No affective samples. Luis presents a great mania 2911 04:13:39.200 --> 04:13:43.799 to noises, It is rigid with millimeter schedules and makes coexistence very difficult. 2912 04:13:45.879 --> 04:13:50.239 Made it smash because he looks perfect. Therapy in a boy this age is 2913 04:13:50.280 --> 04:13:54.920 argumental. You have to explain things to him in a way that surprises him. 2914 04:13:56.920 --> 04:14:00.159 He has accepted that he suffers from a disorder and that it produces a 2915 04:14:00.239 --> 04:14:03.399 lump, great sadness. In the family. There is a well- known 2916 04:14:03.559 --> 04:14:07.319 joke that explains very well what stiffness consists of. It' s that of 2917 04:14:07.399 --> 04:14:11.600 a driver who' s going on a wrong highway and when he puts the 2918 04:14:11.639 --> 04:14:16.040 radio on he hears the warning that a car is going dangerously in reverse direction. 2919 04:14:16.120 --> 04:14:22.879 This driver then exclaims one. Let' s all see some of the 2920 04:14:24.000 --> 04:14:28.879 symptoms of psychological stiffness. If we notice that most symptoms portray us, we 2921 04:14:28.879 --> 04:14:35.000 should start thinking about softening our attitude to try to be more flexible if things 2922 04:14:35.120 --> 04:14:39.760 don' t go as planned. Even if it' s not really important, 2923 04:14:39.159 --> 04:14:43.520 I get upset. If I leave things tidy in a way and then 2924 04:14:43.600 --> 04:14:46.120 I find that someone hasn' t left them like I did, it bothers 2925 04:14:46.120 --> 04:14:52.280 me. I need to be in an environment of cleanliness and order I' 2926 04:14:52.280 --> 04:14:56.559 m careful with my things. I like to have them in place and safe 2927 04:14:56.600 --> 04:15:01.959 the changes worry me. The changes of domicile, work, environment make me 2928 04:15:03.040 --> 04:15:07.840 uncomfortable. I don' t like to leave anything in half. I' 2929 04:15:09.000 --> 04:15:11.600 m trying not to throw anything away. I don' t mind amassing things, 2930 04:15:11.799 --> 04:15:16.200 as maybe someday I need them before I go shopping. I always make 2931 04:15:16.319 --> 04:15:22.559 the list. In fact, I make lists of all my chores I am 2932 04:15:22.639 --> 04:15:28.000 very careful with my duties and conscientious in my work. I can' t 2933 04:15:28.120 --> 04:15:33.399 stand people taking advantage of me flowing with the Tao. Lu Marino is a 2934 04:15:33.440 --> 04:15:37.559 well- known Canadian philosopher who came to fame thanks to his most platooned and 2935 04:15:37.680 --> 04:15:43.360 less prosac book Following the presentation in Barcelona of his other work, El poder 2936 04:15:43.440 --> 04:15:48.079 del Tao, he gave an interview to the magazine Corpus. Mind, in 2937 04:15:48.159 --> 04:15:52.479 said interviú among other topics, referred to the Taoist view of the fact of 2938 04:15:52.559 --> 04:15:56.520 flowing with the changes. Life is a constant change and there is always a 2939 04:15:56.600 --> 04:16:00.840 better way than another to face every change. Following the Tao helps to decide 2940 04:16:00.920 --> 04:16:06.000 better on important issues of life and to continue living with decisions made without losing 2941 04:16:06.079 --> 04:16:15.079 serenity teaches to live centered, regardless of circumstances. Marinov argues that the loss 2942 04:16:15.159 --> 04:16:19.799 and profit are complementary. Within each is the seed of the other. There 2943 04:16:19.879 --> 04:16:25.680 are many examples of this. Many of our fellow citizens have lost their jobs. 2944 04:16:26.760 --> 04:16:30.799 However, the happiest have taken advantage of their new situation to learn to 2945 04:16:30.840 --> 04:16:36.159 do other things and have even created businesses. Their loss has become a preferential 2946 04:16:36.280 --> 04:16:42.760 gain to rigidity and fear of change. In the words of the marinevf over 2947 04:16:42.840 --> 04:16:48.000 time everything changes whether we like it or not if you stick too much to 2948 04:16:48.079 --> 04:16:52.799 a certain state of things when it gets worse, it is not the change 2949 04:16:52.920 --> 04:16:55.319 of situation that makes you suffer, but the attachment to the previous situation. 2950 04:16:56.719 --> 04:17:00.520 Tao gives us the example of tata water. Maybe as Marinoff tells us, 2951 04:17:00.159 --> 04:17:04.840 water is jim because it adapts to any form and does not judge. Water 2952 04:17:04.879 --> 04:17:11.840 acts like people should. When the water is stagnant, it adapts to the 2953 04:17:11.920 --> 04:17:15.680 shape of your container. If an exit opens, the water will flow through 2954 04:17:15.799 --> 04:17:19.559 it in constant search for new horizons. If the water has to pass through 2955 04:17:19.680 --> 04:17:25.639 low and unwelcome places, it will adapt to them, but will always continue 2956 04:17:25.799 --> 04:17:30.319 to seek a new channeling. Everything is constantly changing and must be adapted to 2957 04:17:30.360 --> 04:17:34.879 any of those transformations. If the stagnation is permanent and we refuse to take 2958 04:17:34.920 --> 04:17:41.120 the exits offered to us, we will become corrupt like stagnant waters. One 2959 04:17:41.239 --> 04:17:45.639 of our best weapons to deal with any crisis is flexibility and openness to others. 2960 04:17:48.280 --> 04:17:51.760 A large millenary trunk can be laid down by the force of a typhoon. 2961 04:17:52.760 --> 04:17:56.319 However, a reed or grass will be able to support it better thanks 2962 04:17:56.360 --> 04:18:04.040 to its flexibility. Take an example of Darwin nature or survival. Darwin published 2963 04:18:04.079 --> 04:18:08.000 on the 24th of November a thousand eight hundred and fifty- nine the work 2964 04:18:08.079 --> 04:18:12.479 that made him famous the origin of the species. In chapter five of his 2965 04:18:12.559 --> 04:18:18.719 work, this British scientist dared to say the following. The species that survive 2966 04:18:18.799 --> 04:18:22.760 are not the strongest or the smartest, but those that best adapt to change. 2967 04:18:25.079 --> 04:18:29.639 We must take an example of nature. This sentence of Chaos Dawen is 2968 04:18:29.719 --> 04:18:33.479 exactly the same as the popular phrase, renew or die. It is clear 2969 04:18:33.559 --> 04:18:41.040 that in today' s society everything changes dramatically. Our generation is experiencing all 2970 04:18:41.159 --> 04:18:45.040 kinds of changes in five or ten years longer than anyone in the time of 2971 04:18:45.120 --> 04:18:51.040 our great- grandparents has ever seen. Society, culture, the world of 2972 04:18:51.079 --> 04:18:56.840 work change continuously and we must adapt or suffer. An entrepreneur, if he 2973 04:18:56.920 --> 04:19:00.280 does not conform to new demands or new technologies, will be out of date 2974 04:19:00.399 --> 04:19:07.520 and will end up losing money or bankruptcy. If a worker does not catch 2975 04:19:07.600 --> 04:19:11.920 up with the requirements necessary to perform his or her duties, he or she 2976 04:19:11.000 --> 04:19:15.319 will end up being a liability for the company in which he or she works 2977 04:19:15.319 --> 04:19:18.520 and endangering his or her position. Clearly, in order to be able to 2978 04:19:18.520 --> 04:19:25.280 succeed socially, labourly or sentimentally, results must be adapted and updated. For 2979 04:19:25.440 --> 04:19:32.920 each answer, add two points. For each answer see adds a point less 2980 04:19:33.000 --> 04:19:37.760 than eight points. You are a flexible person who knows how to adapt to 2981 04:19:37.840 --> 04:19:41.399 changes and accepts all the nuances of day to day without being dragged by rigid 2982 04:19:41.479 --> 04:19:48.600 and perfectionist attitudes between eight and twelve points. The changes worry you, although 2983 04:19:48.639 --> 04:19:52.239 you do your best to deal with them with an open and flexible disposition. 2984 04:19:52.360 --> 04:19:57.959 More than twelve points for you everything is black or white. You' re 2985 04:19:59.079 --> 04:20:02.239 missing an interesting and active strip range of grays that would make your life a 2986 04:20:02.280 --> 04:20:07.000 much richer and more exciting experience to say yes. You have to say no 2987 04:20:07.000 --> 04:20:11.920 first. The most important thing I learned to do after 40 years was to 2988 04:20:11.959 --> 04:20:18.520 say no when it' s no. Gabriel García Márquez. Joanna is sixty 2989 04:20:18.680 --> 04:20:22.440 - seven years old and is the only single woman among her brothers who treat 2990 04:20:22.520 --> 04:20:26.479 her as if she were still serving her life, with the excuse that she 2991 04:20:26.600 --> 04:20:30.840 did not marry or have children. They have her continuously as a kangaroo for 2992 04:20:30.000 --> 04:20:36.600 grandchildren and assign her the hardest tasks in any meeting because of the same frustration 2993 04:20:36.639 --> 04:20:40.239 that she has not been able to found a family. Juana bows to what 2994 04:20:40.319 --> 04:20:44.959 she is asked to do without quibble, but she accumulates resentment. At the 2995 04:20:45.079 --> 04:20:48.200 same time, he feels lost as if from so much serving others he had 2996 04:20:48.360 --> 04:20:53.639 strayed his own course. Come to my office with my grocers and night anxiety. 2997 04:20:56.159 --> 04:20:57.920 When you explain your case to me, I explain to you, on 2998 04:20:59.040 --> 04:21:02.639 the one hand, the keys of acceptance and give you an article of mine 2999 04:21:02.719 --> 04:21:06.760 on the values that most value. The goal is to find a balance between 3000 04:21:06.840 --> 04:21:14.879 your own priorities and needs and others to please others. Many people live with 3001 04:21:15.000 --> 04:21:18.440 the weight of having to like everyone in any situation, which is clearly impossible. 3002 04:21:21.120 --> 04:21:23.639 As much as we strive, there will always be those who do not 3003 04:21:23.799 --> 04:21:27.360 commune with us because of a question of character, temperament or personal priorities. 3004 04:21:29.959 --> 04:21:34.120 Personal maturity consists, among other things, in accepting ourselves as we are and 3005 04:21:34.200 --> 04:21:40.319 showing ourselves to others naturally does not make any sense to pretend to look good 3006 04:21:40.399 --> 04:21:45.120 or to give a yes when we would like to say no in order to 3007 04:21:45.600 --> 04:21:48.719 be loved and appreciated, since in practice it does not work. The most 3008 04:21:48.840 --> 04:21:53.000 socially valued people are those who behave transparently and from kindness they offer the image 3009 04:21:53.280 --> 04:22:00.280 of what they are. Assertivity is a value that helps us precisely in this 3010 04:22:00.399 --> 04:22:07.799 direction to respect oneself and express our own priorities. Nine keys to be more 3011 04:22:07.879 --> 04:22:12.479 assertive, to know each other well and to know that behaviors fit better into 3012 04:22:12.600 --> 04:22:17.360 our innermost self. If we are not assertive and tend more to be passive, 3013 04:22:17.639 --> 04:22:21.959 we will know that we will have to overcome our shyness and enhance our 3014 04:22:21.959 --> 04:22:26.639 value. Yes, on the other hand, we are more visceral or aggressive, 3015 04:22:26.159 --> 04:22:30.520 what we will have to do is control that viscerality. This is the 3016 04:22:30.559 --> 04:22:37.600 aspiration to own one' s self- esteem, to know what our qualities 3017 04:22:37.719 --> 04:22:41.399 are and to take them into account. You don' t have to apologize 3018 04:22:41.600 --> 04:22:44.959 when you don' t have to. Instead, thanking is a very useful 3019 04:22:45.079 --> 04:22:52.000 tool. Leaving others to speak shows that you actively listen and in this way 3020 04:22:52.079 --> 04:22:56.000 you can ask to be heard and notes that others do not do in case 3021 04:22:56.040 --> 04:23:00.719 of being interrupted. He continuously uses the scratched disc technique, that is, 3022 04:23:02.040 --> 04:23:04.239 he starts again what he was beginning to say without losing his calm, to 3023 04:23:06.719 --> 04:23:10.000 be clear in which situations we have to be more accurate than in others. 3024 04:23:11.159 --> 04:23:14.840 You don' t always have to negotiate. For everything, there are no 3025 04:23:14.879 --> 04:23:22.479 definitely fixed rules for all visualizing problematic situations. We have to know what we 3026 04:23:22.520 --> 04:23:29.120 have to deal with in this way, we will know how to do it, 3027 04:23:29.120 --> 04:23:32.399 to elaborate a written script. This way we won' t leave loose 3028 04:23:32.399 --> 04:23:36.159 ends. Be friends with sorting things out on a piece of paper or on 3029 04:23:36.200 --> 04:23:41.280 the personal use schedule. It is a healthy recommendation to speak with tranquility, 3030 04:23:41.479 --> 04:23:45.959 respect and firmness. Care must be taken with both verbal and body language. 3031 04:23:48.799 --> 04:23:52.360 If the other person comes in, we' ll try to delay our response 3032 04:23:52.440 --> 04:23:59.959 until he' s calmer, even after the conversation we' ll let him 3033 04:24:00.520 --> 04:24:06.600 vent by responding laconically with Monosyllables to recover the values. In my article in 3034 04:24:06.719 --> 04:24:11.239 the Madrid newspaper, sometimes titled the four values that most quoted 12 April of 3035 04:24:11.319 --> 04:24:15.440 two thousand thirteen spoke of the need to recover those values that are not inconsistent 3036 04:24:15.520 --> 04:24:19.920 and volatile. In a world of rapid changes in which the only valid thing 3037 04:24:21.040 --> 04:24:25.120 is brief and illusory, we need to bet on what does not happen, 3038 04:24:25.360 --> 04:24:30.040 which is not fleeting and which is a solid ground that is attached to that 3039 04:24:30.040 --> 04:24:33.559 Latin sentence. The building did not collapse because it was built on stone. 3040 04:24:33.920 --> 04:24:38.440 He was strong, consistent rock. A value is all that good that helps 3041 04:24:38.479 --> 04:24:42.520 to grow as a person and leads to an individual improvement that perfects us. 3042 04:24:44.559 --> 04:24:48.639 Among them, I point out four values that mean having acquired a certain disposition 3043 04:24:48.719 --> 04:24:56.159 for good joy, friendship, integrity and solidarity. First, joy is a 3044 04:24:56.280 --> 04:25:00.799 positive state of mind, of good vital tone that has two notes in its 3045 04:25:00.959 --> 04:25:06.120 permanent interior sign of how one finds himself psychologically and responds to the lifestyle and 3046 04:25:06.239 --> 04:25:11.280 of understanding the reality and transitory consequence of having achieved some goal for which one 3047 04:25:11.360 --> 04:25:18.719 has fought. The goal of a proper education is joy. Secondly, friendship 3048 04:25:18.719 --> 04:25:23.479 is one of life' s strong dishes. There are different degrees of friendship, 3049 04:25:25.159 --> 04:25:29.040 but any intimate friendship in its beginnings is risky, although in the long 3050 04:25:29.239 --> 04:25:34.760 run it produces incomparable psychological fruits, and for this it is necessary to seek 3051 04:25:34.760 --> 04:25:38.200 out and worry. Love is more true as it rests on a solid friendship. 3052 04:25:41.360 --> 04:25:45.399 In friendship there is a mixture of admiration and seduction. Thirdly, an 3053 04:25:45.399 --> 04:25:51.280 integral person is straight, true, authentic, able to introduce into the cocktail 3054 04:25:51.360 --> 04:25:55.559 of his personality, a series of diverse ingredients that make it complete and honest. 3055 04:25:57.040 --> 04:26:00.959 Fourthly, I referred to solidarity as a feeling that leads us to take 3056 04:26:02.040 --> 04:26:04.440 care of those closest to us and try to help them in whatever way we 3057 04:26:04.559 --> 04:26:11.360 can. The first thing we can do is understand them, encourage them, 3058 04:26:11.760 --> 04:26:15.840 keep them company, give them our affection and, of course, the material 3059 04:26:15.840 --> 04:26:18.399 help they need. This is one of the replacement values that have appeared in 3060 04:26:18.520 --> 04:26:26.079 recent years in our society. It' s the opposite of telling someone that 3061 04:26:26.200 --> 04:26:29.719 ' s your problem. You have to turn the phrase around and say I 3062 04:26:30.159 --> 04:26:33.639 ' m going to try to do something to help you in your problem, 3063 04:26:33.799 --> 04:26:37.959 put my bit of sand to give you a hand. This attitude has very 3064 04:26:37.120 --> 04:26:45.000 valuable ramifications. Authenticity as an emblem. To be authentic in troubled times means 3065 04:26:45.079 --> 04:26:51.200 to have consistency of life, a good proportion of what we say and do 3066 04:26:51.200 --> 04:26:55.559 today. To be authentic is like walking through difficult terrain and the feat consists 3067 04:26:55.639 --> 04:27:00.239 in not selling to the highest bidder. Today' s society is increasingly being 3068 04:27:00.319 --> 04:27:06.479 completed by more fragile, fragile, unstable, slippery human beings without solid criteria. 3069 04:27:07.639 --> 04:27:11.159 These are time of error in which we continually see masses of people drifting 3070 04:27:11.239 --> 04:27:17.280 away. Authentic comes from the Greek of the word authentic, which in turn 3071 04:27:17.399 --> 04:27:21.520 is a contraction of self- entry, which defines that person who has in 3072 04:27:21.600 --> 04:27:26.799 himself his own foundation. To be authentic is to fight to strive. In 3073 04:27:26.879 --> 04:27:30.799 being coherent means that between what one thinks and does there is a close relationship. 3074 04:27:33.319 --> 04:27:36.879 The real person lives as he thinks. It is the opposite of double 3075 04:27:37.040 --> 04:27:41.040 life or morality. It is righteousness, living with responsibility, being able to 3076 04:27:41.120 --> 04:27:45.159 go countercurrent. When the social environment becomes permissive and the whole thing looks good. 3077 04:27:47.200 --> 04:27:52.559 Authenticity is at the top where people of category live, but today we 3078 04:27:52.639 --> 04:27:56.639 are on sale and around us it seems that we only see people who lead 3079 04:27:56.840 --> 04:28:00.280 a double or triple life, when the truth is that he, who strives 3080 04:28:00.360 --> 04:28:04.280 to be authentic, has a fuller life because he is willing to change and 3081 04:28:04.280 --> 04:28:11.520 correct his faults. To be authentic is to be true to have a word 3082 04:28:11.680 --> 04:28:15.959 that you keep against wind and tide. The authentic person is clothed with authority. 3083 04:28:17.280 --> 04:28:22.360 What he says does. He has a balanced, harmonious, balanced life 3084 04:28:22.719 --> 04:28:26.600 that loves the truth. Above all, it strives, because within it there 3085 04:28:26.639 --> 04:28:32.000 are as few contradictions as possible. He is an integral and autonomous person. 3086 04:28:33.000 --> 04:28:37.920 The lack of authenticity is a disease centered on the counterfeiting of oneself. Authenticity 3087 04:28:37.959 --> 04:28:44.280 involves simplicity and naturalization, for simplicity is the absence of doubleness having one language 3088 04:28:44.360 --> 04:28:49.040 in front of ourselves and others. To the simple it takes time to arrive, 3089 04:28:49.360 --> 04:28:53.319 for it is an act of greatness where the person manifests himself as he 3090 04:28:53.319 --> 04:28:56.799 really is, if not as others want him to be. It is a 3091 04:28:56.879 --> 04:29:02.680 mixture of spontaneity, decomplication and self- style, being that person able to 3092 04:29:02.799 --> 04:29:07.879 put on a raincoat against criticism, unless they are based on arguments. Authenticity 3093 04:29:07.920 --> 04:29:12.040 is the secret of reaching the truth about oneself so as not to lose peace 3094 04:29:12.120 --> 04:29:18.920 in adverse situations. To be authentic is to sponsor joy. And, finally, 3095 04:29:19.520 --> 04:29:23.920 solidarity is one of the new values. It is the social virtue of 3096 04:29:23.959 --> 04:29:29.959 adhering to the difficult causes of others with intent to help. It' s 3097 04:29:30.319 --> 04:29:36.079 harmony, fraternity, companionship, but the guiding thread is generosity. Solidarity stems 3098 04:29:36.159 --> 04:29:38.920 from the fact that all human beings are equal and have the same aspirations. 3099 04:29:41.200 --> 04:29:45.280 In this society we' ve had to live. Individualism has many nuances and 3100 04:29:45.319 --> 04:29:49.879 its shadow extends and breaks in many fields. It is one of the modern 3101 04:29:49.959 --> 04:29:55.559 pathologies of freedom. There floats the sentence of obes. Man becomes a wolf 3102 04:29:55.719 --> 04:30:02.760 to man with joy, friendship, integrity and solidarity. We stop being an 3103 04:30:02.920 --> 04:30:07.639 island and want to be a united archipelago. And that' s a psychological 3104 04:30:07.760 --> 04:30:11.719 summit worth climbing. Happiness is not given in the superman, but in the 3105 04:30:11.799 --> 04:30:18.600 true man test one during a family meal where everyone speaks with me and I 3106 04:30:18.760 --> 04:30:27.959 just listen to the inconsequential and uninteresting things that Beck says. I participate actively 3107 04:30:29.000 --> 04:30:33.079 in the conversation, even though they deal with banal subjects. Two. If 3108 04:30:33.200 --> 04:30:37.799 a street vendor tries to sell me some product, I let him talk for 3109 04:30:37.920 --> 04:30:41.399 a while and I can' t wait to tell him I' m not 3110 04:30:41.399 --> 04:30:45.600 interested. Be no, I let him waste his time with me and I 3111 04:30:45.719 --> 04:30:47.000 ' ll tell him right away that I don' t want to buy him 3112 04:30:47.000 --> 04:30:52.280 anything. Three at work. I prefer to communicate with colleagues by phone or 3113 04:30:52.360 --> 04:30:57.760 email. Beck I prefer to deal with the issues personally and face to face. 3114 04:30:57.840 --> 04:31:02.719 What if you buy a garment and once at home, you don' 3115 04:31:02.840 --> 04:31:07.879 t like the way you stay? I resent it because I think it' 3116 04:31:07.000 --> 04:31:11.399 s not enough reason to get a change b go to the store. I 3117 04:31:11.559 --> 04:31:15.399 calmly explain what happened and ask to change my garment for another piece. Five. 3118 04:31:15.680 --> 04:31:18.680 You' re at a conference. You are passionate about the subject and 3119 04:31:18.719 --> 04:31:22.120 at the end of the talk they invite you to ask questions or clarify doubts 3120 04:31:22.120 --> 04:31:27.159 about the subject. Despite having quite a few questions. I' m ashamed 3121 04:31:27.280 --> 04:31:34.680 and silent. B raised his hand and asked for turn immediately six in a 3122 04:31:34.760 --> 04:31:37.680 street market. You fall in love with a vintic piece of furniture and questions. 3123 04:31:37.760 --> 04:31:42.959 The price turns out to be quite expensive. So ah I make an 3124 04:31:44.040 --> 04:31:48.000 effort and pay what the seller asks for life as a forced labor camp. 3125 04:31:51.200 --> 04:31:53.000 One of the symptoms of approaching a nervous breakdown is the belief that one' 3126 04:31:53.079 --> 04:32:03.079 s work is terribly important. Bertrand Russell Marcelo is a fifty- five- 3127 04:32:03.280 --> 04:32:07.719 year- old lawyer who works at a large firm in Madrid. He' 3128 04:32:07.879 --> 04:32:11.159 s married and has three children. He works Monday through Saturday from nine a 3129 04:32:11.319 --> 04:32:15.799 m to ten a m. He has become a workaholic and suffers from the 3130 04:32:15.920 --> 04:32:22.600 so- called itis profession. He goes to the office because he' s 3131 04:32:22.600 --> 04:32:26.360 tense. He doesn' t sleep well, he gets irritated, and he 3132 04:32:26.360 --> 04:32:29.239 has thirty people in charge. His wife told him he couldn' t take 3133 04:32:29.280 --> 04:32:33.000 it anymore and ended up kicking him out of the house. I ask to 3134 04:32:33.040 --> 04:32:36.600 see myself alone with the wife and she explains to me that her husband has 3135 04:32:36.719 --> 04:32:40.520 lost all interest in matters that are not work. She doesn' t have 3136 04:32:40.639 --> 04:32:42.959 time for her or her children. When they' ve been able to go 3137 04:32:44.040 --> 04:32:47.840 away for the weekend, he' s taken a job. I get it 3138 04:32:47.959 --> 04:32:51.600 says Marcelo is a hardworking, intelligent man, but he' s been eaten 3139 04:32:51.719 --> 04:32:56.280 by work. When I meet him, I explain to him that he has 3140 04:32:56.360 --> 04:33:00.959 a disease and at first denies it. I do pharmacotherapy because he gets home 3141 04:33:00.040 --> 04:33:04.279 exhausted, but he has insomnia, so I prescribe an anxiolytic and a sleep 3142 04:33:04.360 --> 04:33:11.200 inducer. Then we started psychotherapy. I' ll give you a notebook where 3143 04:33:11.319 --> 04:33:15.599 you' ll point out goals and instruments. What and how I propose a 3144 04:33:15.639 --> 04:33:18.439 program that will come home earlier every day and not go to work on Saturdays 3145 04:33:18.560 --> 04:33:25.400 In addition, you will devote more time to your wife and children. Among 3146 04:33:25.439 --> 04:33:27.479 the guidelines I indicate that one day a week, other than the weekend, 3147 04:33:27.599 --> 04:33:32.759 will tell tales to their children at night. He is three, twelve, 3148 04:33:33.240 --> 04:33:37.639 nine and four years old respectively. The woman explains to me that the change 3149 04:33:37.720 --> 04:33:42.119 is surprising and Marcelo discovers that his children do not want toys, but his 3150 04:33:42.200 --> 04:33:45.759 father' s time. He tells me that he, at first, looked 3151 04:33:47.080 --> 04:33:51.599 at the clock because he should be working on the computer or seeing papers or 3152 04:33:51.720 --> 04:33:55.919 studying some important subject he has in the office, but following my instructions, 3153 04:33:56.279 --> 04:33:59.159 now he takes it off and finishes the stories when his children start to fall 3154 04:33:59.159 --> 04:34:03.840 asleep. The change has worked, although at first it has been very costly. 3155 04:34:04.479 --> 04:34:07.599 I tell him to call his wife sometimes during the day and say phrases 3156 04:34:07.680 --> 04:34:12.119 like I call you because I wanted to hear your voice. Help me get 3157 04:34:12.200 --> 04:34:15.759 out of this mousetrap if I don' t have time to work. I 3158 04:34:15.880 --> 04:34:19.959 love you only that I love you. I have to fight this addiction. 3159 04:34:21.080 --> 04:34:26.720 Whatever it takes. When he exercises, his wife starts to cry, so 3160 04:34:26.720 --> 04:34:30.680 I put it as a guideline that one day a month they leave both weekends 3161 04:34:30.799 --> 04:34:36.599 and leave the children with the grandparents. I also suggest you be more detailed 3162 04:34:36.720 --> 04:34:41.360 with her. Marcelo realizes the benefits of change. He doesn' t see 3163 04:34:41.400 --> 04:34:45.439 everything that goes into the office as urgent and serious anymore. In four months 3164 04:34:45.520 --> 04:34:49.520 there' s a big change. I also give a program to women to 3165 04:34:49.639 --> 04:34:56.599 strengthen it positively. Work addiction tends to occur more in men than in women. 3166 04:34:56.400 --> 04:35:02.720 In ages ranging from forty to fifty. The person addicted to work presents 3167 04:35:02.840 --> 04:35:08.639 some of the following symptoms lack of acertivity, has difficulty saying no, which 3168 04:35:08.959 --> 04:35:12.400 often forces him to stay with his work or that of others outside of office 3169 04:35:12.479 --> 04:35:19.479 hours. Tendency to compare with others on what you earn. Even if you 3170 04:35:19.599 --> 04:35:23.880 are aware of your addiction, you are not concerned, as you consider it 3171 04:35:23.880 --> 04:35:29.759 a constructive addiction. Believing essential, he is unable to delegate to others, 3172 04:35:30.200 --> 04:35:33.799 as he does not stand the feeling of losing control of situations in his workplace. 3173 04:35:36.200 --> 04:35:40.000 Time flies, but when your time comes to relax, you do not 3174 04:35:40.119 --> 04:35:47.279 get it and feel frustrated, you are unable to enjoy your vacation, which 3175 04:35:47.319 --> 04:35:52.279 directly affects your family or sentimental life. Taking work home every day and on 3176 04:35:52.400 --> 04:36:00.240 weekends, This means a serious difficulty to disconnect obsession with work topics all day 3177 04:36:00.279 --> 04:36:04.400 thinking about the topic or the client, inability to turn off the work mobile 3178 04:36:04.479 --> 04:36:11.880 during the weekend. This is a symptom of great relief. There is no 3179 04:36:11.959 --> 04:36:17.799 conversation that cannot be interrupted by anything related to work. Not being able to 3180 04:36:17.880 --> 04:36:21.880 read a book, essay novel that has nothing to do with your professional work. 3181 04:36:22.919 --> 04:36:26.200 Many of the workaholics forty- five are quite uneducated because they only talk, 3182 04:36:26.560 --> 04:36:30.759 study, follow and are interested in matters related to their work, spend 3183 04:36:32.799 --> 04:36:34.959 years without reading a book other than their own, except for the newspapers over 3184 04:36:36.040 --> 04:36:45.279 the weekend, including their supplements the seed of laboropathy. The causes of this 3185 04:36:45.360 --> 04:36:51.279 psychological problem are due to social, labor, economic and individual factors that interact, 3186 04:36:52.000 --> 04:36:57.119 causing that in a particular work environment no worker should be rared any one 3187 04:36:57.200 --> 04:37:03.479 should be immersed in this type of addiction because of the positive image given by 3188 04:37:03.560 --> 04:37:07.959 the excess of work. A person who works too hard can cause admiration. 3189 04:37:08.119 --> 04:37:15.720 I respect the current facility to acquire information and communication technologies that facilitate and impose 3190 04:37:15.759 --> 04:37:18.520 that you can work everywhere and at any time has the consequence that the worker 3191 04:37:18.639 --> 04:37:23.119 will always be available, even at night at home or on vacation, can 3192 04:37:23.159 --> 04:37:30.560 be connected and available to the company. When a person works more than the 3193 04:37:30.639 --> 04:37:33.639 hours he or she has or devotes more to his or her work than is 3194 04:37:33.720 --> 04:37:37.479 required by his or her superiors, he or she may end up paying for 3195 04:37:37.599 --> 04:37:41.119 it with a deterioration of his or her personal life and of his or her 3196 04:37:41.119 --> 04:37:44.479 own mental and physical health. If a person does not know how to disconnect 3197 04:37:44.919 --> 04:37:48.560 from work, stress is taken home, insomnia will appear and everything can degenerate 3198 04:37:48.639 --> 04:37:55.200 into extreme mental illness. If this situation is not stopped, work life must 3199 04:37:55.279 --> 04:38:02.439 never be given more importance than family, social or sentimental life. Shelter between 3200 04:38:02.520 --> 04:38:07.040 papers and files. According to data published in an article of two thousand seven, 3201 04:38:07.439 --> 04:38:11.159 eight percent of the Spanish working population devotes more than twelve hours a day 3202 04:38:11.240 --> 04:38:17.000 to their profession in order to escape their personal problems, that is, work 3203 04:38:17.400 --> 04:38:22.040 is their refuge. More recent studies have shown that about 12 percent of the 3204 04:38:22.119 --> 04:38:27.959 Spanish population is addicted to work. In our country, the Japanese are regarded 3205 04:38:29.119 --> 04:38:33.959 as obsessing over work. We have the image that in that Asian country you 3206 04:38:33.040 --> 04:38:37.400 only live to work. But according to a study by the ECO DE, 3207 04:38:37.040 --> 04:38:41.040 in the year two thousand and three, the Japanese worked an average of one 3208 04:38:41.119 --> 04:38:45.799 thousand eight hundred one hours a year, just one hour more than the Spaniards. 3209 04:38:45.919 --> 04:38:49.799 Eighty percent of Spanish companies have been rewarding their employees' excesses of work 3210 04:38:49.919 --> 04:38:53.959 without taking into account how harmful it can be for the worker and for the 3211 04:38:55.000 --> 04:39:00.119 company itself In the medium or long term. It tends to be thought that 3212 04:39:00.240 --> 04:39:04.520 in Spain we know how to take our working life with philosophy and that we 3213 04:39:04.560 --> 04:39:07.040 don' t have to think that we can be victims of addiction to work. 3214 04:39:07.439 --> 04:39:11.560 However, according to the CESARE report and the clans disseminated by the Organisation 3215 04:39:11.639 --> 04:39:17.479 for Economic Cooperation and Development or CD, the results disassemble some of the topics 3216 04:39:17.520 --> 04:39:23.520 on which countries are most employed. According to these data, Spaniards devote about 3217 04:39:23.560 --> 04:39:29.279 four six hours a day to paid work, two hundred and seventy- six 3218 04:39:29.360 --> 04:39:33.680 minutes, which is about thirty- two hours a week, nineteen percent more 3219 04:39:33.759 --> 04:39:37.000 than Germans do, three seventy- five hours, two hundred, thirty- 3220 04:39:37.439 --> 04:39:44.560 two minutes, twenty- four hours a day. Online. Today we find 3221 04:39:44.639 --> 04:39:48.720 it impossible to have spent most of our life without a mobile phone, without 3222 04:39:48.040 --> 04:39:55.240 Facebook or Twitter, without the essential Iphon or Whatsapp. We need to be 3223 04:39:55.319 --> 04:39:59.919 connected to the network. Every day, on the subway and on the bus 3224 04:40:00.000 --> 04:40:04.000 we see people of all ages staring at their devices and typing non- stop. 3225 04:40:06.040 --> 04:40:10.599 Everywhere we can see this same picture. Where we see a book, 3226 04:40:11.200 --> 04:40:15.599 there are at least twenty electronic devices in full operation. The phrase of one 3227 04:40:15.639 --> 04:40:21.360 of the great ones responsible for this situation describes to us a future of quite 3228 04:40:21.680 --> 04:40:26.000 virtual aspect Internet is becoming the square of the global people of tomorrow. Naturally, 3229 04:40:26.080 --> 04:40:30.200 there are people who make responsible use of all these instruments, but there 3230 04:40:30.279 --> 04:40:37.040 are many people who are addicted to being connected. Professor of Clinical Psychology Enrique 3231 04:40:37.400 --> 04:40:41.400 eche Burúa is convinced that the danger of falling into addiction increases if the user 3232 04:40:41.439 --> 04:40:45.919 is an introverted person, with little social life, with low self- esteem 3233 04:40:47.000 --> 04:40:53.560 and who lives within a family disstructured or uninterested by him. These people view 3234 04:40:53.639 --> 04:40:57.439 the computer as something that a whole world offers them and ask them for no 3235 04:40:57.520 --> 04:41:03.040 effort. In return, they can even satisfy their sexuality without danger of being 3236 04:41:03.200 --> 04:41:07.880 rejected or surprised. For this reason, these Internet addicts can come to build 3237 04:41:07.959 --> 04:41:11.840 their own virtual world, which offers them everything that denies them the real world. 3238 04:41:15.080 --> 04:41:19.159 A pathological case that is overwhelming are the so- called psychiacomoris. It 3239 04:41:19.240 --> 04:41:23.680 has been estimated that in Japan there are about a million young people who remain 3240 04:41:23.799 --> 04:41:30.000 locked up in their dormitory, with cases that remain in such conditions for years 3241 04:41:30.119 --> 04:41:33.880 plunged into a sort of agoraphobia, forty- six are terrified of what awaits 3242 04:41:34.040 --> 04:41:41.720 them in the outside world. Test one works more than forty hours a week 3243 04:41:41.959 --> 04:41:48.880 only in certain seasons or when the work accumulates usually sees if I can even 3244 04:41:48.000 --> 04:41:52.959 get to work more hours because many times I finish work at home two, 3245 04:41:53.240 --> 04:41:59.319 at a family meeting or with friends, I try to keep the topics of 3246 04:41:59.319 --> 04:42:03.639 work apart and thus enjoy more with mine. I' m used to being 3247 04:42:03.720 --> 04:42:07.200 interested in the work of others and I like to talk about my work. 3248 04:42:07.279 --> 04:42:12.479 Three you behave energetically and competitively, even in the activities that you perform for 3249 04:42:12.560 --> 04:42:18.479 fun and when I enjoy my free time, I try to relax and I 3250 04:42:18.560 --> 04:42:22.360 do not think about winning or losing only in having fun be I like to 3251 04:42:22.360 --> 04:42:26.680 win always. I can' t help it. Four, when you eat 3252 04:42:26.759 --> 04:42:33.479 drive or you' re about to sleep, you think about your job sometimes, 3253 04:42:33.959 --> 04:42:36.159 but I try not to do it and focus on what I' m 3254 04:42:36.159 --> 04:42:40.479 doing. Bec my work is very absorbent and it is inevitable to do so. 3255 04:42:41.479 --> 04:42:45.959 Five of you get more excited about your work than about your family or 3256 04:42:45.080 --> 04:42:51.400 anything else. Oh, not at all, work is just a way to 3257 04:42:51.479 --> 04:42:56.439 make money. You often see, especially when it comes to a project in 3258 04:42:56.560 --> 04:43:00.040 which I am very involved. Six, it bothers you that people ask you 3259 04:43:00.119 --> 04:43:06.720 to stop working to do something else. I' m used to separating the 3260 04:43:06.840 --> 04:43:10.880 professional field from the staff. That never happens b I don' t like 3261 04:43:10.919 --> 04:43:14.360 being interrupted at work and less with something that has nothing to do with what 3262 04:43:14.400 --> 04:43:18.560 I' m doing. Seven. You think more money will solve the other 3263 04:43:18.639 --> 04:43:22.759 problems of your life. Ah money helps, but there are many other important 3264 04:43:22.919 --> 04:43:30.400 things. B of course, rather say other forms of harassment at work. 3265 04:43:30.840 --> 04:43:37.319 No one can hurt you without your consent. Eleanor Rosebelt Sara is a thirty 3266 04:43:37.840 --> 04:43:41.520 - eight year old single nurse. She works in a hospital in Madrid, 3267 04:43:41.840 --> 04:43:47.080 where the doctors have gotten in with her, they have made very unsettled sexual 3268 04:43:47.159 --> 04:43:52.560 comments and their companions criticize her because she is shy a relatively clear mavin case. 3269 04:43:52.560 --> 04:43:56.720 When you visit my office, I tell you that this is characterized as 3270 04:43:56.799 --> 04:44:02.159 a psychological abuse of a medium degree, but that she has very fine psychological 3271 04:44:02.319 --> 04:44:06.279 skin and everything affects her. I give her medication so she doesn' t 3272 04:44:06.360 --> 04:44:08.560 go to work anxiously. I' ll give you a set of guidelines. 3273 04:44:11.119 --> 04:44:15.119 Not to be so hypersensitive to the things of the hospital, to do very 3274 04:44:15.119 --> 04:44:22.240 well their work, with a lot of professionalism and to enjoy it not to 3275 04:44:22.240 --> 04:44:27.880 marginalize if their companions are going to have a coffee, that it will also 3276 04:44:27.919 --> 04:44:33.959 go to her to enter into the conversations of the people, to learn to 3277 04:44:33.040 --> 04:44:37.000 talk about general topics, news, things of the day and in the beginnings 3278 04:44:37.040 --> 04:44:41.880 of inconsequential questions the time, the football, the traffic in the city, 3279 04:44:41.880 --> 04:44:45.639 the fashion movie, etcetera. Be very rational and dedramatize any joke or comment. 3280 04:44:48.080 --> 04:44:51.799 After a few months she tells me how people at the hospital have changed, 3281 04:44:52.799 --> 04:44:56.680 but who has changed is her. I tell you that it is very 3282 04:44:56.799 --> 04:45:00.799 important that you see who each person is, boss, partner, et cetera, 3283 04:45:00.240 --> 04:45:06.240 and that you be very discreet about your privacy, because it can be 3284 04:45:06.240 --> 04:45:08.720 misinterpreted. You must learn to be in your place and enjoy your work. 3285 04:45:11.680 --> 04:45:15.840 The expression Mavin was used by Professor Hains Leyman for the first time in the 3286 04:45:15.959 --> 04:45:19.279 1980s. Referred to the world of work. The word comes from English and 3287 04:45:19.360 --> 04:45:26.400 can be translated as mass stalking or running over. The etologist caam Matlovens had 3288 04:45:26.439 --> 04:45:32.279 already studied this phenomenon in wildlife research. The behavior of animals can be aggressive 3289 04:45:32.319 --> 04:45:40.119 when other specimens of the same species, usually male, appear. Often some 3290 04:45:40.560 --> 04:45:45.720 weaker specimens come together to harass a strong young male. The verb Lorenz used 3291 04:45:45.840 --> 04:45:52.439 to describe such harassment was initially tomab. It was not considered negative, as 3292 04:45:52.720 --> 04:45:59.360 it is simply an instinctive reaction of wild animals. But later, the word 3293 04:46:00.000 --> 04:46:04.880 " mabin" was used to refer to harassment in the workplace. In Spain, 3294 04:46:06.040 --> 04:46:10.319 it has been translated into work harassment, which can be physical as well 3295 04:46:10.360 --> 04:46:12.799 as moral or psychological. According to González de Rivera, in his book. 3296 04:46:12.880 --> 04:46:18.360 Psychological abuse can be applied to group situations in which an individual is subjected to 3297 04:46:18.439 --> 04:46:22.840 harassment, harassment, persecution, harassment, harassment, grievance or psychological pressure by 3298 04:46:22.880 --> 04:46:27.680 one or more persons of the working group to which he belongs with the complicity, 3299 04:46:29.080 --> 04:46:33.279 silence or collaboration of individuals who are part of that collective, they are 3300 04:46:33.639 --> 04:46:41.240 harassing me a person is rarely harassed on the first day of work. The 3301 04:46:41.319 --> 04:46:45.040 stalkers are often cowardly people and do not openly attack until they have the ground 3302 04:46:45.159 --> 04:46:49.599 leveled and an audience that laughs at him. If the attacker is simply a 3303 04:46:49.639 --> 04:46:55.759 funny guy who throws small poisoned darts, he can be stopped with a simple 3304 04:46:55.880 --> 04:46:59.520 assertive conversation. If the origin of the problem is caused by a partner, 3305 04:46:59.959 --> 04:47:04.880 conflict situation or crisis. There may then be an evolution in the history of 3306 04:47:04.919 --> 04:47:11.880 harassment. We have the following original incident phases. Any conflict that has not 3307 04:47:11.000 --> 04:47:18.319 been resolved can be conquered and become chronic. Harassment, denial of facts and 3308 04:47:18.400 --> 04:47:22.919 stigmatization of the victim. Attacks tend to surprise the victim in such a way 3309 04:47:23.040 --> 04:47:27.720 that the victim does not defend himself. The other companions also do not know 3310 04:47:27.759 --> 04:47:33.680 how to react and tend to downplay what happened. This lack of reaction creates 3311 04:47:34.159 --> 04:47:40.959 the emboldening of the oppressor and the emporation of the situation. Appearance of an 3312 04:47:41.119 --> 04:47:45.040 arbitrator or an authority, a senior employee of the company or the boss himself 3313 04:47:45.119 --> 04:47:48.959 begins to be aware of the situation and puts a stop to harassment or, 3314 04:47:49.040 --> 04:47:53.959 on the contrary, decides not to intervene actively and diminishes the importance of the 3315 04:47:53.959 --> 04:48:00.919 facts. This causes environmental degradation for the victim of harassment. It is not 3316 04:48:00.959 --> 04:48:07.560 surprising even that the hierarchical superior himself participates in the harassment of the harassed loss 3317 04:48:07.639 --> 04:48:11.360 of the workplace, the victim begins to be considered an annoying or conflicting worker. 3318 04:48:12.360 --> 04:48:18.560 When that happens, he ends up being fired or forced to resign by 3319 04:48:18.560 --> 04:48:22.919 continuous harassment. There are many cases where the worker falls into depressive states and 3320 04:48:22.080 --> 04:48:26.200 asks for frequent casualties, which usually results in loss of his or her workplace. 3321 04:48:29.159 --> 04:48:33.439 In a Madin case, in the case where the stalker is the employer 3322 04:48:33.479 --> 04:48:37.080 or boss, labour law specialists advise trying to leave the company in the best 3323 04:48:37.119 --> 04:48:45.119 way by collecting compensation for harassment and unfair dismissal. We should never voluntarily drop 3324 04:48:45.240 --> 04:48:52.880 out, as long as our mental health permits defence methods, make recordings that 3325 04:48:53.360 --> 04:48:59.200 can be provided as evidence in a possible trial, preserve threats or abuse. 3326 04:48:59.520 --> 04:49:03.479 It is these waves on paper to be informed of the rights of workers according 3327 04:49:03.560 --> 04:49:08.959 to the Convention, to be clear that for a company bad image is very 3328 04:49:08.959 --> 04:49:15.159 damaging. This may be a remedy for the defense to sue the company or 3329 04:49:15.240 --> 04:49:19.319 the worker of superior rank in the event that the aggressor agent is a companion 3330 04:49:19.400 --> 04:49:25.759 or several of them, the methods to follow would be. We have to 3331 04:49:25.799 --> 04:49:30.720 try to fix the situation before it gets out of hand. We must not 3332 04:49:30.799 --> 04:49:33.200 allow what kind of jokes, let alone if they already have an audience. 3333 04:49:34.240 --> 04:49:37.840 A conversation in which the dignity of some is demonstrated and the intention not to 3334 04:49:37.919 --> 04:49:42.680 allow themselves to be trampled on are the best preventive tool. The stalker is 3335 04:49:42.799 --> 04:49:48.560 usually a coward hiding in secrecy. Let' s make his harassment public. 3336 04:49:48.560 --> 04:49:52.639 Many times the same company will deal with the matter, with a penalty or 3337 04:49:52.720 --> 04:49:57.000 with a dismissal of the stalker. You don' t have to isolate yourself 3338 04:49:57.040 --> 04:50:03.200 and allow the stalker to have his followers. Let' s look for allies 3339 04:50:03.279 --> 04:50:07.400 careful with our data or work. The stalker may try to destroy or dirty 3340 04:50:07.560 --> 04:50:15.840 our work to discredit everything under key or password. Let' s get support 3341 04:50:15.840 --> 04:50:19.080 from a professional. We must take care of our self- esteem and psychological 3342 04:50:19.159 --> 04:50:23.520 help will be very necessary, as in the previous case, if the mabin 3343 04:50:23.599 --> 04:50:29.959 is already in a very developed phase, we must start getting proof of it. 3344 04:50:30.959 --> 04:50:33.840 Recordings or roles in which threats, insults or humiliations come to light can 3345 04:50:36.240 --> 04:50:41.439 be a very good weapon, both of defense and of attack to denounce the 3346 04:50:41.520 --> 04:50:47.919 harasser never to forgive him the world of the mabin. A professor from the 3347 04:50:48.040 --> 04:50:52.880 Spanish University of Alcalá de Henares, Iñaki and Piñuel, conducted a research that 3348 04:50:52.919 --> 04:50:56.840 he named as a Cisneros barometer on violence in the world of work. It 3349 04:50:56.919 --> 04:51:00.880 is the first research on the subject of mhe came in Spain with a base 3350 04:51:00.959 --> 04:51:07.880 of 1, 000 people surveyed. The so- called questionnaire Cisneros two individual 3351 04:51:07.919 --> 04:51:12.520 questionnaire on psycho terror. For the first time, no stigmatization and rejection in 3352 04:51:12.599 --> 04:51:19.240 social organizations are the most common types of aggressive work behaviour. In this study 3353 04:51:19.319 --> 04:51:23.479 we can also observe for the first time the consequences in the form of harm 3354 04:51:23.560 --> 04:51:26.880 to the mental and physical health of the people who have suffered this labor scourge. 3355 04:51:27.880 --> 04:51:32.360 Some of the data that we can find in the report and can be 3356 04:51:32.439 --> 04:51:37.959 useful to us, one in three active workers confesses to having been the victim 3357 04:51:37.000 --> 04:51:44.479 of psychological attacks throughout their working life. The perpetrators of these psychological attacks are, 3358 04:51:44.840 --> 04:51:47.959 in seventy commas thirty- nine percent of the time, the most immediate 3359 04:51:48.080 --> 04:51:52.599 chiefs or superiors, in twenty- six commas zero six percent. The causes 3360 04:51:52.680 --> 04:51:56.439 of the mabin are the co- workers themselves, and only in a three 3361 04:51:56.560 --> 04:52:02.360 coma fifty- five percent of the cases are the good ordinados. More than 3362 04:52:02.439 --> 04:52:07.400 16 percent of the working Spanish population admits to being a victim of psychological harassment. 3363 04:52:07.159 --> 04:52:12.119 For the past six months, with a weekly frequency, two out of 3364 04:52:12.240 --> 04:52:19.520 three Mavin workers are not aware of being harassed. More than fifty percent of 3365 04:52:19.599 --> 04:52:25.159 the victims fifty- two comma seventeen percent show signs of harassment on their physical 3366 04:52:25.240 --> 04:52:30.119 health. The mabin affects both men and women, but it is estimated that 3367 04:52:30.159 --> 04:52:36.119 there is more risk in the female gender as it is generally more psychologically sensitive. 3368 04:52:37.040 --> 04:52:41.520 Most of the co- workers who witness the Mavi don' t just 3369 04:52:41.599 --> 04:52:45.159 move a finger to support the assaulted. Only in one case in six is 3370 04:52:45.240 --> 04:52:49.439 there support for the bully in front of the aggressor. Outside, the situation 3371 04:52:49.520 --> 04:52:56.360 is not exactly more attractive in Europe. According to a study conducted in March 3372 04:52:56.479 --> 04:53:00.599 of two thousand and twelve, the percentage of workers who were suffering harassment and 3373 04:53:00.639 --> 04:53:06.080 logical work was also thirty- three percent. In a study of the frame 3374 04:53:06.119 --> 04:53:08.720 brew Gerno two thousand eleven it is evidenced that thirty- eight percent of workers 3375 04:53:08.880 --> 04:53:14.240 have reported having suffered mabing, while forty- two percent of workers confess to 3376 04:53:14.319 --> 04:53:21.639 having witnessed cases of harassment test one on more than one occasion has felt that 3377 04:53:21.720 --> 04:53:27.959 small mistakes are amplified or dramatized by your part at work. A part of 3378 04:53:29.040 --> 04:53:33.319 a team of professionals that is quite united and that you always share successes and 3379 04:53:33.439 --> 04:53:37.680 failures. Be you have a superior who usually affects your failures much more than 3380 04:53:37.759 --> 04:53:45.119 your abilities. Two continually underestimate your professional effort by giving it its value or 3381 04:53:45.240 --> 04:53:51.799 by attributing it to other factors at a rather unnoticed pace at work. See 3382 04:53:52.080 --> 04:53:56.919 in my company is never enough what I do and they always want more than 3383 04:53:56.000 --> 04:54:02.040 three to commission jobs to deliver in an impossible time or give tasks below your 3384 04:54:02.119 --> 04:54:07.080 professional qualification. Oh, it never happened. In my current company. Go 3385 04:54:07.400 --> 04:54:11.880 lately on more than one occasion four your boss usually avoids you and you have 3386 04:54:11.959 --> 04:54:17.080 a hard time talking or meeting with him. There it is usually quite accessible 3387 04:54:17.159 --> 04:54:22.720 and we even go out to eat together On some occasion I' m barely 3388 04:54:22.799 --> 04:54:26.680 addressing the word and its mere presence calls it intimidating five. You' ve 3389 04:54:26.720 --> 04:54:32.240 been threatened at work with disciplinary elements, contract rescission, non- renewal, 3390 04:54:32.959 --> 04:54:44.000 dismissal transfer. Ah never sees on several occasions acute stress and Burnouth. It 3391 04:54:44.119 --> 04:54:48.119 is not stress that kills us, but our reaction to it. Quan Celli 3392 04:54:49.639 --> 04:54:55.919 José is an operating room nurse and is under constant pressure. He works in 3393 04:54:56.000 --> 04:54:59.919 a large clinic on the night shift and sees many injured people arriving so he 3394 04:55:00.080 --> 04:55:04.200 needs an intervention to life or death. Since the mutual owner of the centre 3395 04:55:04.279 --> 04:55:07.759 began to suffer losses, her salary has been cut at the same time as 3396 04:55:07.840 --> 04:55:12.639 more and more hours are added to her work due to the dismissals. Joseph 3397 04:55:12.720 --> 04:55:17.759 loves his work, but he is exhausted because of the endless nights and the 3398 04:55:17.799 --> 04:55:22.159 responsibilities of his work that is rarely recognized by the managers of the mutual. 3399 04:55:23.240 --> 04:55:27.319 I diagnose a forty- seven burnout syndrome mixed with acute and sustained stress, 3400 04:55:27.880 --> 04:55:34.319 called by some hyperstress authors and we started working on their case and Pérez three. 3401 04:55:37.000 --> 04:55:41.080 We all know what stress is. We live with the adiary and are 3402 04:55:41.159 --> 04:55:45.319 aware that in many cases it does not have to be harmful. But an 3403 04:55:45.400 --> 04:55:49.159 exposure of continuous and excessive stress states can cause such excessive attention not to be 3404 04:55:49.200 --> 04:55:56.279 assimilated. When that happens, our body can respond in a very unexpected way 3405 04:55:56.360 --> 04:56:02.759 affecting the immune system when stress has already increased in such a way that it 3406 04:56:02.880 --> 04:56:07.560 has altered the immune system, is called hyperstress and then becomes a functional alteration. 3407 04:56:08.680 --> 04:56:11.840 Our body has a vital defense system, which is the immune system, 3408 04:56:12.360 --> 04:56:18.799 which can be affected and even transformed due to a certain tension when it is 3409 04:56:18.880 --> 04:56:25.720 prepared to fight external aggressions. However, if this entire defensive system is blocked 3410 04:56:25.840 --> 04:56:30.040 and paralysed, it can be very dangerous, as it gradually initiates a serious 3411 04:56:30.119 --> 04:56:33.680 functional alteration, and an alteration of this magnitude can progress and become a chronic 3412 04:56:33.759 --> 04:56:42.240 and generative disease. I feel bad When a person is affected by hyperstress, 3413 04:56:42.479 --> 04:56:48.439 in addition to the immune system, he is also massively affected to his individual 3414 04:56:48.520 --> 04:56:56.159 behavior. Any setback however small it may be becomes a real catastrophe. All 3415 04:56:56.240 --> 04:57:03.000 bursts out in a generalized way, there appear sfaleas ringing of ears, muscle 3416 04:57:03.080 --> 04:57:11.439 and joint pains, especially in cervical vertebrae, dizziness and nausea. The body 3417 04:57:11.520 --> 04:57:15.200 of the sufferer and perestres is at risk of contracting any contagious disease because it 3418 04:57:15.240 --> 04:57:22.599 is exposed. All this affects the daily life of the individual. When someone 3419 04:57:22.680 --> 04:57:26.959 is affected by such tension, not only does his body suffer, his working 3420 04:57:26.040 --> 04:57:30.919 life is in danger because he no longer responds with the same efficiency that could 3421 04:57:32.959 --> 04:57:37.720 usually be the same with family and sentimental life. When someone is under the 3422 04:57:37.840 --> 04:57:41.840 effects of hypers 3, they are usually irritable and may have fits of anger. 3423 04:57:41.919 --> 04:57:48.279 He suffers a severe loss of emotional memory. We should never self- 3424 04:57:48.520 --> 04:57:52.959 medicate in these cases, as we can aggravate some symptoms. In addition, 3425 04:57:52.639 --> 04:57:57.119 although narcotics could mitigate pain, they would remain present, albeit masked. If 3426 04:57:57.240 --> 04:58:02.919 we hadn' t fixed anything. Moreover, if we continue to allow our 3427 04:58:03.000 --> 04:58:07.319 organism to suffer such stress and on top of that we self- medicate, 3428 04:58:07.720 --> 04:58:11.799 we can end up contracting far worse evils. It is always necessary to look 3429 04:58:11.880 --> 04:58:18.080 for a specialist to explain what is happening and help us find solutions in flames. 3430 04:58:18.720 --> 04:58:23.840 Burnout syndrome also known as being burned. It is a syndrome characterized by 3431 04:58:23.959 --> 04:58:27.919 its direct relationship with the world of work. He was first talked about in 3432 04:58:29.000 --> 04:58:32.520 the 1940s in hospitals, where doctors and nurses worked many hours under a lot 3433 04:58:32.599 --> 04:58:37.840 of pressure and there was no recognition of his work by those who ruled the 3434 04:58:37.959 --> 04:58:44.560 center. For that reason, whoever is suffering from this syndrome works automatically, 3435 04:58:44.919 --> 04:58:48.159 does not believe in the system loses its motivation and is tired and sad. 3436 04:58:49.599 --> 04:58:55.119 He is burdened with a deep physical, mental and emotional exhaustion caused by the 3437 04:58:55.479 --> 04:58:59.400 weary, the psychic tiredness or stress that appears from the friction with other coworkers 3438 04:58:59.400 --> 04:59:03.759 in a complicated working atmosphere. I criticize In many cases it occurs in professionals 3439 04:59:03.880 --> 04:59:11.279 who are forced to dedicate themselves to others. These are stressful situations whose attention 3440 04:59:11.360 --> 04:59:15.479 gradually undermines those who suffer from it, leading to a total inability to continue 3441 04:59:15.560 --> 04:59:19.439 to carry out their professional work. It is one of the most important causes 3442 04:59:19.479 --> 04:59:25.720 of occupational absenteeism in the use of medicines by self- medication, substances or 3443 04:59:25.720 --> 04:59:33.159 drugs. In some cases violent reactions or suicidal tendencies may occur in the person 3444 04:59:33.240 --> 04:59:37.400 concerned. Deganation and fatigue cause a considerable decrease in labour performance, which affects 3445 04:59:37.720 --> 04:59:44.959 the quality of their work and causes conflict. Symptoms are the following apathy. 3446 04:59:47.119 --> 04:59:52.560 From the very moment the working day begins, there is a clear lack of 3447 04:59:53.040 --> 04:59:57.560 energy fatigue, chronic fatigue, especially psychological fatigue, but also physical fatigue. 3448 04:59:59.560 --> 05:00:07.240 Everything becomes dry, heavy, unbearable, professional wear, Work becomes tired and 3449 05:00:07.360 --> 05:00:11.159 always expect the worst of the comrades, the bosses and the environment, in 3450 05:00:11.200 --> 05:00:15.119 a word, dissatisfaction at work, which usually ends in a kind of indifference 3451 05:00:15.240 --> 05:00:23.439 due to saturation of contradictions and accumulated difficulties. The work becomes impersonal and with 3452 05:00:23.520 --> 05:00:29.959 little author realization. The tasks are performed mechanically, as if that person were 3453 05:00:30.080 --> 05:00:34.759 an automaton. Let' s think of a postman with a bad atmosphere around 3454 05:00:34.759 --> 05:00:40.000 him. A window clerk of a ministry, the worker of a factory where 3455 05:00:40.080 --> 05:00:45.000 what counts is just yield and a long, etcetera. Sadness, faintness, 3456 05:00:45.319 --> 05:00:51.319 melancholy, feelings of low spirits, conversions more or less different according to age, 3457 05:00:51.680 --> 05:00:59.200 social level, culture, etcetera. Sensation of futility. The burned person 3458 05:00:59.279 --> 05:01:03.919 believes that what he does is useless. Anxiety, inner restlessness that can be 3459 05:01:04.000 --> 05:01:10.479 physical, psychological or social right away. I shall refer to this paragraph in 3460 05:01:10.680 --> 05:01:15.720 a little more detail. The professional becomes irritable, lacks patience, can behave 3461 05:01:15.799 --> 05:01:19.720 sarcastically and coldly with both clients and coworkers, impossible to disconnect from work. 3462 05:01:26.759 --> 05:01:30.560 He suffers from distress in free time because of his thoughts related to work. 3463 05:01:32.680 --> 05:01:37.400 He suffers from psychosomatic effects, forty- eight headaches, gastric discomfort, diarrhoeal 3464 05:01:37.479 --> 05:01:45.520 landslides, shaking hands, hypersudation, feeling tired before exertion, etc. Work 3465 05:01:45.599 --> 05:01:49.240 in which the professional is involved daily, in situations where the person he attends 3466 05:01:49.400 --> 05:01:55.279 has a high level of nervousness or aggressiveness, example, he professions that burn 3467 05:01:55.720 --> 05:02:03.720 so we will do a systematic ordination. What we must keep in mind is 3468 05:02:03.799 --> 05:02:07.919 that any profession can become a true Bournout, but there are some that, 3469 05:02:08.000 --> 05:02:14.040 by their idiosyncrasy, lead more towards that negative dynamic. The list is the 3470 05:02:14.119 --> 05:02:22.639 following lawyers from private law firms, very numerous teachers from public schools, ministry 3471 05:02:22.720 --> 05:02:29.560 officials, doctors and nurses from public hospitals who are in high demand for care. 3472 05:02:29.680 --> 05:02:34.439 Forty- nine journalists who, for lack of a rational schedule, turn 3473 05:02:34.560 --> 05:02:41.279 their lives into an addition to work without hours. The workers most likely to 3474 05:02:41.319 --> 05:02:45.919 suffer from these syndromes are those who are or are related to health, education 3475 05:02:45.240 --> 05:02:52.759 or public administration. These working fields are usually the ones that show the most 3476 05:02:52.840 --> 05:02:56.319 impact in the statistics, because they are usually in contact with people in conflict 3477 05:02:56.479 --> 05:03:00.720 or with serious problems, and it is these national professionals who have to deal 3478 05:03:00.799 --> 05:03:07.799 with these problems. Frustration bursts when they find that their work is barely productive 3479 05:03:07.919 --> 05:03:11.560 and feel that they do what they do will be useless. Between 20 and 3480 05:03:11.639 --> 05:03:19.080 30 percent of local doctors, teachers, and police have burnout symptoms. The 3481 05:03:19.159 --> 05:03:23.520 study carried out by Ibáñez and Vilaregut in two thousand and four on the prevalence 3482 05:03:23.639 --> 05:03:27.799 of bournaut syndrome in a group of nurses from a hospital in Barcelona reached very 3483 05:03:27.880 --> 05:03:34.720 revealing conclusions. Seventy- one percent of the nurses studied had physical symptoms of 3484 05:03:34.799 --> 05:03:41.200 psychological origin that might require specialized attention, and these correlate with emotional tiredness and 3485 05:03:41.279 --> 05:03:48.040 depersonalization. Nurses wishing to change their working hours forty- two comma nine percent 3486 05:03:48.159 --> 05:03:51.720 or profession thirty- two comma nine percent, scored higher in the subscale of 3487 05:03:51.840 --> 05:03:59.200 emotional fatigue. Therefore, the epidemiological profile of the risk of burnout would be 3488 05:03:59.279 --> 05:04:02.159 that of the woman who spent a few hours of leisure a week and who 3489 05:04:02.240 --> 05:04:08.799 wants to change her rough working hours under the embers. The consequences of the 3490 05:04:08.880 --> 05:04:15.080 burn syndrome can be of three physical types. The person who suffers from bournout 3491 05:04:15.200 --> 05:04:19.880 usually has insomnia and, which causes, his or her physical state is generally 3492 05:04:19.959 --> 05:04:29.279 deficient. Falses, chronic exhaustion, gastrointestinal disarrangements such as ulcers, or arterial 3493 05:04:30.319 --> 05:04:33.080 esophagitis may occur. There may also be cases of hypertension and heart disease. 3494 05:04:34.200 --> 05:04:40.680 The patient loses his appetite and therefore suffers weight loss. He is also suffering 3495 05:04:40.799 --> 05:04:45.240 from muscle and bone aches, especially in the back. In some women there 3496 05:04:45.319 --> 05:04:56.360 may be a loss of emotional menstrual cycles. The patient moves away affectionately from 3497 05:04:56.439 --> 05:05:00.639 those around him, gets bored during his spare time, and becomes obsessed with 3498 05:05:00.759 --> 05:05:07.159 having to go back to working hell. It is hard to concentrate and there 3499 05:05:07.240 --> 05:05:11.759 may be cases of disorientation, impatience, anger, irritability, fear, and 3500 05:05:11.759 --> 05:05:17.080 panic attacks. Self- esteem tends to be on the floor. Depressive feelings 3501 05:05:17.159 --> 05:05:22.000 of disgust and self- restraint appear. The person with burnout suffers a severe 3502 05:05:22.080 --> 05:05:26.400 case of emotional exhaustion. He burns in a desire to break with everything and 3503 05:05:26.520 --> 05:05:33.240 abandon his profession. In some extreme cases, behavioural suicidal tendencies appear. A 3504 05:05:33.319 --> 05:05:38.479 cold, inconsiderate and depersonalized attitude is manifested with the person he attends and can 3505 05:05:38.799 --> 05:05:45.840 even reach rudeness. It shows great ease for absenteeism at work and is the 3506 05:05:45.880 --> 05:05:49.840 victim of addictions such as alcohol or drugs. He suffers severe self- centeredness 3507 05:05:49.919 --> 05:05:53.240 due to the obsession he suffers, so that he only complains and does not 3508 05:05:53.240 --> 05:05:59.200 listen. His mood changes radically and communicates in a cynical and sarcastic way, 3509 05:05:59.400 --> 05:06:04.000 especially with co- workers and clients attended by the happiest professionals, one in 3510 05:06:04.159 --> 05:06:11.159 lime and the other in sand. According to the study conducted by the National 3511 05:06:11.240 --> 05:06:15.319 Center for Opinion Research at Scheckodo University, members of the clergy would be the 3512 05:06:15.360 --> 05:06:21.880 happiest professionals in the world. The results of the general social survey, which 3513 05:06:22.000 --> 05:06:26.560 can be read in Forbes magazine March two thousand thirteen, say that priests fifty 3514 05:06:26.639 --> 05:06:34.040 more often claim to be happy doing their work. Interestingly, the professions that 3515 05:06:34.119 --> 05:06:37.479 have remained in the top floor of the survey tend to be underpaid, in 3516 05:06:37.880 --> 05:06:42.479 addition to being associated with high levels of stress and receiving little social recognition. 3517 05:06:44.520 --> 05:06:48.680 That is, there are other parameters to evaluate happiness at work, and among 3518 05:06:48.759 --> 05:06:55.040 the most important we find social interaction. Those jobs that allow us to help 3519 05:06:55.080 --> 05:06:57.319 others and to work side by side for the common good are the ones that 3520 05:06:57.400 --> 05:07:03.840 provide the greatest happiness to workers supporters. It seems that developing our most humane 3521 05:07:03.919 --> 05:07:07.599 and creative facet compensates for the rest of the hardships, as well as job 3522 05:07:07.599 --> 05:07:12.240 uncertainty. The ten most rewarding professions, according to the study, are as 3523 05:07:12.240 --> 05:07:23.560 follows. One priest, two firefighters, three physiotherapists, four writers, five 3524 05:07:23.759 --> 05:07:34.159 special education teachers, six teachers, seven artists, eight psychologists, nine financial 3525 05:07:34.479 --> 05:07:45.439 agents, ten operating engineers resources to overcome the bournaut A. No company finds 3526 05:07:45.560 --> 05:07:49.759 it beneficial to have a worker under the syndrome of being burned. Often the 3527 05:07:49.840 --> 05:07:56.159 worker himself who is under these effects does not realize it. It is the 3528 05:07:56.200 --> 05:08:00.520 companions themselves or the supervisor who detect such a state. Every company should have 3529 05:08:00.599 --> 05:08:06.040 tools to help you overcome the syndrome and it is important that you use them, 3530 05:08:06.200 --> 05:08:10.520 as burnout can be contagious among other workers and the company' s performance 3531 05:08:10.560 --> 05:08:18.720 will be deteriorated. Some of them are reorganisation of work. If the worker 3532 05:08:18.759 --> 05:08:23.000 concerned always does the same job, the simple fact of changing his routine by 3533 05:08:23.119 --> 05:08:30.439 offering him other responsibilities can be a very good incentive if possible and for both 3534 05:08:30.560 --> 05:08:34.360 parties it is not a problem. You can change the schedule when someone' 3535 05:08:34.439 --> 05:08:38.919 s burned. Changes and the rupture of monotony often produce beneficial results, even 3536 05:08:38.919 --> 05:08:45.240 if at first it seems to be just the opposite. Motivation courses, many 3537 05:08:45.279 --> 05:08:51.479 of them are paid by the state and the results are surprising. In such 3538 05:08:51.560 --> 05:08:56.000 courses, the worker usually takes a hard time commenting on his hardships and can 3539 05:08:56.040 --> 05:09:00.240 very often prove that he has a good dose of guilt for his situation because 3540 05:09:00.360 --> 05:09:04.479 of his own negative attitude. Let the worker know that for the company it 3541 05:09:04.639 --> 05:09:10.240 is not a simple number. That motivates self- esteem and assertiveness. The 3542 05:09:10.319 --> 05:09:17.000 person suffering from burnout needs to be heard. Communication is basic. Such a 3543 05:09:17.080 --> 05:09:21.880 state is often reached by the fact that business situations or conflicts that the company 3544 05:09:21.959 --> 05:09:26.520 itself ignores have been silenced. Congratulate the employees on the successes achieved and the 3545 05:09:26.599 --> 05:09:33.080 job well done. If possible, when a significant benefit has been achieved by 3546 05:09:33.200 --> 05:09:37.799 good management, reward the employee with a small incentive, whether economic or in 3547 05:09:37.000 --> 05:09:42.360 the form of free time. The good working environment does not depend solely on 3548 05:09:42.439 --> 05:09:48.560 the company or colleagues. Logically, the affected person himself has to help himself. 3549 05:09:48.119 --> 05:09:52.000 It' s not about the company taking the chestnuts out of the fire. 3550 05:09:52.000 --> 05:09:56.080 We need to know, to know and to find out what we need. 3551 05:09:56.560 --> 05:10:03.159 Enclosure self esteem in the final stage of life. Old age does not 3552 05:10:03.240 --> 05:10:07.159 depend on age, as there is a biological and psychological old age, but 3553 05:10:07.200 --> 05:10:11.599 on the illusions to be fulfilled. The border is next. A person is 3554 05:10:11.680 --> 05:10:15.360 old when he begins to look back rather than forward, when he focuses more 3555 05:10:15.479 --> 05:10:21.360 on past events than on future projects. That' s old age. A 3556 05:10:21.479 --> 05:10:26.119 person in whom the look forward already lacks an eighty- year- old traveler. 3557 05:10:27.840 --> 05:10:32.040 It' s paradigmatic. The case of a patient who has traveled a 3558 05:10:32.119 --> 05:10:34.400 lot between the ages of eighty and eighty- five, even though she has 3559 05:10:34.479 --> 05:10:41.680 had conchita skin cancer, is one out of series. Our relationship has been 3560 05:10:41.799 --> 05:10:47.000 growing. It goes beyond the sick doctor relationship. I' ve learned a 3561 05:10:47.159 --> 05:10:49.720 lot from her. It grows in the face of adversity. With a youthful 3562 05:10:49.840 --> 05:10:55.680 joy with eighty, I asked him what you' d like to do. 3563 05:10:57.000 --> 05:11:00.439 She' s a religious woman and she told me she' d like to 3564 05:11:00.720 --> 05:11:04.119 go to Israel, so I told her we were going to organize it and 3565 05:11:04.119 --> 05:11:07.439 I talked to one of her children. He finally went to Israel and for 3566 05:11:07.479 --> 05:11:12.080 her it was a discovery to step on the Holy Land Being in Galilee, 3567 05:11:14.720 --> 05:11:18.119 in Telabib, in Jerusalem and, as well, being a fairly educated person, 3568 05:11:18.319 --> 05:11:18.959 he had a lot of information about what he was going to see. 3569 05:11:21.720 --> 05:11:23.880 She' s a woman who has an anxiety fund, so on returning from 3570 05:11:25.000 --> 05:11:29.240 the trip, she tells me now I' d like to meet the Adriatic, 3571 05:11:29.479 --> 05:11:33.279 so I answer her to do a cruise, that there are many in 3572 05:11:33.360 --> 05:11:34.720 that area and she can go directly to Rome and then the cruise will take 3573 05:11:34.720 --> 05:11:41.040 her. She tells one of her children and he accompanies her the following year. 3574 05:11:41.880 --> 05:11:45.159 He tells me I can die any day and first I want to do 3575 05:11:45.279 --> 05:11:48.720 the good I can before I leave to look after my grandchildren and my children, 3576 05:11:49.279 --> 05:11:52.720 but I also want to make good use of life and I would like 3577 05:11:52.840 --> 05:11:56.759 to know South America, the channels of Tierra del Fuego. We get on 3578 05:11:56.840 --> 05:12:02.119 the Internet and find cruise ships that cross that area. But this time no 3579 05:12:02.200 --> 05:12:06.599 one can go with her, so she decides to go alone. He arrives 3580 05:12:06.680 --> 05:12:10.040 at the boat and the captain tells him that she cannot go on the excursions 3581 05:12:10.119 --> 05:12:14.159 if she is not accompanied, because they are going to cross by ice, 3582 05:12:14.639 --> 05:12:18.119 centuries of gorges with frost walls and is something dangerous. She tells him she 3583 05:12:18.240 --> 05:12:22.240 wants to go and she' ll sign a consent. The captain ends up 3584 05:12:22.360 --> 05:12:25.680 making friends with him and leaves him his cabin. You stay in my cabin 3585 05:12:25.759 --> 05:12:30.319 and I' ll go with the second on board. He tells me that 3586 05:12:30.319 --> 05:12:33.720 at dinners he enjoyed a lot because he explained to people that he wanted to 3587 05:12:33.799 --> 05:12:38.240 take advantage of the remaining years of his eighty- five years. Now prepare 3588 05:12:38.360 --> 05:12:44.040 a journey to see the rocky ones at the opposite end. We have a 3589 05:12:44.159 --> 05:12:48.040 woman who comes to my office and is a literature teacher. She' s 3590 05:12:48.119 --> 05:12:52.759 seventy- three, she' s single, and she comes with her sister, 3591 05:12:52.759 --> 05:12:56.639 who' s married. This woman has just the opposite. She' 3592 05:12:56.720 --> 05:12:59.880 s very self- centered, feels very tired and has an anxiety background. 3593 05:13:00.959 --> 05:13:04.159 But anything that' s going to make you go to the movies, take 3594 05:13:04.159 --> 05:13:08.720 a walk, do it in fear of falling, of catching cold. The 3595 05:13:08.840 --> 05:13:15.040 importance of beliefs. It is very important to prepare old age well. The 3596 05:13:15.200 --> 05:13:21.919 two major drawbacks of this stage of life are loneliness and inactivity. In fact, 3597 05:13:22.319 --> 05:13:25.919 also in middle- aged people who do not plan when holidays come, 3598 05:13:26.119 --> 05:13:29.840 the absence of people and the lack of activity open doors to the past where 3599 05:13:29.919 --> 05:13:37.479 threatening spectra, negative memories, feelings of guilt appear. That' s why 3600 05:13:37.560 --> 05:13:41.720 it' s essential that the end of life takes you with illusions, with 3601 05:13:41.720 --> 05:13:45.200 projects. The elderly must be marked by serenity and benevolence, that is, 3602 05:13:47.319 --> 05:13:52.919 ability to see things with peace, tranquility and, on the other hand, 3603 05:13:52.159 --> 05:13:59.000 capacity for apology. Especially to apologize to yourself for mistakes of failures you may 3604 05:13:59.040 --> 05:14:04.919 have. Today we have very young grandparents who are sixty years old and look 3605 05:14:06.000 --> 05:14:11.439 great, as they do sports and are physically very well. They are found 3606 05:14:11.520 --> 05:14:18.119 with full physical and psychological faculties to care for the body through exercise and good 3607 05:14:18.200 --> 05:14:23.159 nutrition. The importance of beliefs should be added. No one wants to leave 3608 05:14:23.240 --> 05:14:26.599 this world, since you don' t know you' re going to find 3609 05:14:26.599 --> 05:14:29.959 yourself. That is why people who cultivate faith are more prepared for the final 3610 05:14:30.040 --> 05:14:37.560 stage of life. Spiritual formation is very important. Spirituality is a much needed 3611 05:14:37.680 --> 05:14:41.799 food for moments of confusion, sickness, loss, when a relative dies, 3612 05:14:42.279 --> 05:14:47.720 when a parent or a friend of cancer dies. Spirituality is what can give 3613 05:14:47.799 --> 05:14:53.400 meaning to the relationship that has existed with that person. As a therapist when 3614 05:14:53.400 --> 05:14:57.720 I visit terminally ill people with panic to death, what I do is to 3615 05:14:59.159 --> 05:15:02.159 explain first that today, but only the means that exist, the physical and 3616 05:15:02.240 --> 05:15:07.599 psychological symptoms are attenuated and then the possibility of joining a belief. If you 3617 05:15:07.680 --> 05:15:11.479 don' t have it, it' s never too late for the end 3618 05:15:11.479 --> 05:15:15.400 of life. It has a dramatic background because we don' t come back 3619 05:15:15.400 --> 05:15:18.599 here and at the same time, it has an uncertain background, as we 3620 05:15:18.599 --> 05:15:21.159 don' t know what' s next. Buddhism speaks of death as rest, 3621 05:15:21.520 --> 05:15:25.599 peace. As long as we' re here. I say to my 3622 05:15:25.680 --> 05:15:32.799 patients carpediem take advantage of the day, dedicate your time to grandchildren, enjoy 3623 05:15:32.840 --> 05:15:36.319 those who are in that final moment of life. They need to fill their 3624 05:15:36.439 --> 05:15:38.840 free time with readings that entertain them. That' s why I often give 3625 05:15:38.880 --> 05:15:45.639 them references to bible therapy. Library therapy works very well in people who are 3626 05:15:45.759 --> 05:15:48.560 stuck in the past or at negative times, of any kind, because fiction 3627 05:15:48.599 --> 05:15:56.599 takes us away from that moment. My recommendations are fiction. I will find 3628 05:15:56.720 --> 05:16:00.400 the death of Juan de Prada, the time between the seams of María Dueñas, 3629 05:16:00.880 --> 05:16:07.319 the shadow of the ruiz Zafón wind, the cathedral of the Sea of 3630 05:16:07.439 --> 05:16:11.919 Ildefonso, a problem of the elderly, the farewell of Mercedes. I have 3631 05:16:12.040 --> 05:16:17.159 a patient with seventy- eight years of age who I have first seen very 3632 05:16:17.240 --> 05:16:21.959 continuously and then intermittently. He came to my office with a reactive depression and 3633 05:16:22.080 --> 05:16:26.680 a deep Conjugal crisis. He has had several children and two of them have 3634 05:16:26.759 --> 05:16:33.159 not studied, despite having opportunities. One of them has separated. Mercedes has 3635 05:16:33.279 --> 05:16:37.959 had a very hard life. He has seen many negative things, so I 3636 05:16:37.080 --> 05:16:42.639 did a comprehensive therapy that joins pharmacotherapy, medication, psychotherapy, behavior patterns, 3637 05:16:42.799 --> 05:16:49.919 sociotherapy, relating to therapy, activities and bibliotherapy. When I was sixty- 3638 05:16:51.279 --> 05:16:55.599 two years old, I had a joint Conjugal therapy and I got the two 3639 05:16:55.720 --> 05:16:59.439 of them to be able to forgive mistakes and failures from realism. The relationship 3640 05:16:59.479 --> 05:17:03.400 went in and it' s worked ever since. Time has passed and I 3641 05:17:03.479 --> 05:17:07.759 have seen some of her relatives until one day she calls me one of her 3642 05:17:07.880 --> 05:17:12.000 children to announce that my mother is leaving, explains to me that she has 3643 05:17:12.159 --> 05:17:18.799 cancer with metastases and wants to say goodbye to me I am going to see 3644 05:17:18.000 --> 05:17:22.240 her one morning at the hospital. I see her in bed on your bada. 3645 05:17:22.279 --> 05:17:26.880 It' s warm in there. I' m holding his hand. 3646 05:17:26.000 --> 05:17:30.880 As we speak. He tells me he was waiting for me and I answer 3647 05:17:30.959 --> 05:17:36.080 he knew you were delicate, but I didn' t know you were like 3648 05:17:36.200 --> 05:17:40.479 this with a language that goes over the big negative concepts. I' m 3649 05:17:40.599 --> 05:17:45.040 with her three- quarters of an hour holding her hand and she tells me 3650 05:17:45.119 --> 05:17:47.599 I' ve been summarizing my life. You know her well, because I 3651 05:17:47.680 --> 05:17:51.279 told you everything and I wanted to say goodbye to you because you helped me 3652 05:17:51.279 --> 05:17:53.520 a lot. You have helped me to understand that life is not only that 3653 05:17:53.599 --> 05:17:59.560 things go well or wrong, but to have a transcendent mission and never speak 3654 05:17:59.599 --> 05:18:04.319 to me directly of God if I have found it in your books and after 3655 05:18:04.400 --> 05:18:08.720 being quiet for a while crying asks me what you think death is, because 3656 05:18:10.799 --> 05:18:15.479 I have suffered so much. I tell him paradise. It' s like 3657 05:18:15.560 --> 05:18:21.360 a peaceful day in the countryside and she keeps asking me what you think agony 3658 05:18:21.360 --> 05:18:26.599 is. I answer the agony is a transit God. He' s waiting 3659 05:18:26.720 --> 05:18:33.040 for you on the other side Remember the good thief. I' m holding 3660 05:18:33.159 --> 05:18:37.759 his hand and one of his daughters is with us. She tells me to 3661 05:18:37.919 --> 05:18:41.759 tell me something, doctor. I tell you to have inner peace and I 3662 05:18:41.799 --> 05:18:47.159 invite you to repeat a jaculatory that a friend had given me about the abandonment 3663 05:18:47.240 --> 05:18:51.080 in the hands of God. He tells me peace again. It gives me 3664 05:18:51.159 --> 05:18:56.200 that you made me repeat. Mercedes is staying calm and I tell him I 3665 05:18:56.279 --> 05:19:00.439 have to leave because I have a consultation, but I repeat that you are 3666 05:19:00.439 --> 05:19:03.599 calm, that everything is going to be fine. I' m going back 3667 05:19:03.720 --> 05:19:07.680 to the office very impressed. In this society. No one has time for 3668 05:19:07.680 --> 05:19:11.959 anyone. At seven o' clock in the afternoon he called one of his 3669 05:19:11.080 --> 05:19:18.279 sons to tell me that his mother had died in peace. I attach the 3670 05:19:18.360 --> 05:19:22.360 stages of love. I receive a patient, a forty- year- old 3671 05:19:22.439 --> 05:19:29.080 lady from Barcelona. He' s grown up with four brothers, two boys 3672 05:19:29.080 --> 05:19:33.479 and two girls. The woman had two marriages and almost five couples. A 3673 05:19:33.479 --> 05:19:38.240 very interesting exponent of what is happening now in society. She is the daughter 3674 05:19:38.319 --> 05:19:44.319 of a businessman from Barcelona. He married a twenty- year- old boy, 3675 05:19:45.200 --> 05:19:48.639 23 years old, and in retrospect, he realized that at the time 3676 05:19:48.759 --> 05:19:52.439 he was not ready to marry much later. By breaking up with another couple, 3677 05:19:52.880 --> 05:19:56.759 he understood that he was almost fifty years old and had four children, 3678 05:19:57.040 --> 05:20:00.520 two from the first and two from the second. To achieve a profound relationship, 3679 05:20:00.680 --> 05:20:03.840 it is very important to be clear about the stages of love. The 3680 05:20:03.919 --> 05:20:08.279 fall in love, according to Francesco al Verón and in his book fall in 3681 05:20:08.680 --> 05:20:12.680 love and love, is a stage of ortega and acete glare. In studies 3682 05:20:12.799 --> 05:20:18.479 on love he describes it as a disorder of attention and Julián Marías, in 3683 05:20:18.560 --> 05:20:22.520 sentimental education, analyzes in a journey through history and the strains of love that 3684 05:20:22.599 --> 05:20:27.520 love implies an adherence and an attachment that is irrevocable. I myself have taken 3685 05:20:27.599 --> 05:20:32.799 care of this in my book Love the Great Opportunity, as a spark that 3686 05:20:32.840 --> 05:20:37.599 illuminates the past and focuses on the future. The last thing I say is 3687 05:20:37.599 --> 05:20:42.040 to fall in love with, is to tell someone I don' t understand 3688 05:20:42.119 --> 05:20:48.000 life without you you' re a fundamental part of my project in a word, 3689 05:20:48.000 --> 05:20:48.639 you' re my life and Jingetn in his text. When love is 3690 05:20:48.759 --> 05:20:52.319 not romance, it reminds us that in the skirt of love is the bond 3691 05:20:52.720 --> 05:20:59.639 that forms a fabric in which we feel trapped. Falling in love is building 3692 05:20:59.639 --> 05:21:03.119 a myth, getting private with someone. But at that first stage of falling 3693 05:21:03.119 --> 05:21:07.119 in love, which lasts a short time, it can be two months, 3694 05:21:07.360 --> 05:21:11.799 six months and occurs in the first months of the couple or he marriage. 3695 05:21:12.159 --> 05:21:17.479 It follows a stage in which low- level passion then appears a time in 3696 05:21:17.639 --> 05:21:23.200 which affectivity leaves way for intelligence or the critical spirit of reason. This second 3697 05:21:23.279 --> 05:21:26.680 stage plays an important role, so you don' t have to despair, 3698 05:21:27.080 --> 05:21:30.560 just like you don' t have to get excited about the first. They 3699 05:21:30.639 --> 05:21:37.279 ' re both very important. Lately I have read André Comps Pombille, a 3700 05:21:37.319 --> 05:21:41.159 French philosopher who has published a book called The Love of Loneliness, where he 3701 05:21:41.479 --> 05:21:45.479 comes to say that loneliness is important and necessary, because only loneliness gives us 3702 05:21:45.599 --> 05:21:52.680 an encounter with ourselves and makes us able to meet the other. This stage 3703 05:21:52.759 --> 05:21:56.799 is very important to get along well, especially for the times we are living 3704 05:21:56.240 --> 05:22:00.279 in, when everything is going too fast. We are in the time of 3705 05:22:00.360 --> 05:22:04.360 the four face, of fast food, so everything invites us to turn the 3706 05:22:04.439 --> 05:22:11.639 big issues into transitory, sporadic passengers. In the second stage of love we 3707 05:22:11.680 --> 05:22:14.959 must base ourselves on following a little what Cenek said in his book. Happiness 3708 05:22:15.040 --> 05:22:22.080 gives us the following legend substine etabstine, endures and resists with strength. Then 3709 05:22:22.159 --> 05:22:26.560 comes a very differentiated third stage. By the time a child arrives, when 3710 05:22:26.560 --> 05:22:30.880 the usual topics of conversation are no longer the couple who gives up a little 3711 05:22:30.919 --> 05:22:34.040 bit of their individual needs and focuses the utmost attention on the upbringing and education 3712 05:22:34.119 --> 05:22:41.639 of children. This is a quieter, more detached stage. One gives himself 3713 05:22:41.680 --> 05:22:45.599 to a person who is very weak, very dependent and puts everything at the 3714 05:22:45.680 --> 05:22:51.119 service of that offspring. It is a period of joint generosity towards the new 3715 05:22:51.200 --> 05:22:55.959 being who has arrived. It is often conflictive for many couples, because suddenly 3716 05:22:56.080 --> 05:22:59.959 they lose a intimacy that they had to go to dinner, to the movies 3717 05:22:59.959 --> 05:23:04.080 to chat mons. Much is diverted to a third person. There are men 3718 05:23:04.159 --> 05:23:08.439 who take it very badly because they think they lose privileges, attention or romanticism 3719 05:23:08.520 --> 05:23:12.400 in the couple. And that' s when they say things like we never 3720 05:23:12.400 --> 05:23:18.520 go out alone, there can also be conflicts over disagreement about education or the 3721 05:23:18.599 --> 05:23:22.599 sharing of domestic obligations. In order for a couple to work well it is 3722 05:23:22.639 --> 05:23:26.119 necessary to understand the evolution of the stages of affective life and to do so 3723 05:23:26.240 --> 05:23:33.240 there must be a good relationship between proximity and distance, to look for a 3724 05:23:33.360 --> 05:23:37.279 middle point, which is the great sentimental operation, to establish a communication of 3725 05:23:37.360 --> 05:23:41.799 ideas and a respect to the space and the contents of the other, but 3726 05:23:41.799 --> 05:23:45.439 not being too close or too far away. That is a very important issue, 3727 05:23:45.880 --> 05:23:49.439 not wanting to change the other substantially, but to work on living standards. 3728 05:23:51.560 --> 05:23:55.919 This is one of the most difficult issues. It is known that cohabitation 3729 05:23:56.040 --> 05:23:59.400 requires rules and norms, something that is within what is called do, that 3730 05:23:59.520 --> 05:24:08.200 is, the ability to communicate our needs love and literature. The eighteenth century 3731 05:24:08.360 --> 05:24:12.240 has been very focused on the great subjects of a rational character, the spirit 3732 05:24:12.279 --> 05:24:18.880 of the laws of mountains the emilio of roseaut the illustration was properly French. 3733 05:24:19.000 --> 05:24:23.759 In Spain we only have one important character, who is Jovellanos, a provincial 3734 05:24:23.880 --> 05:24:30.599 author. And who knows Jovellanos today in Spain, because students in Asturias and 3735 05:24:30.639 --> 05:24:36.439 some teacher who likes from the 18th to the 19th there is a fundamental change 3736 05:24:36.520 --> 05:24:41.040 in the education of affectivity, which is romanticism. When several authors appear as 3737 05:24:41.159 --> 05:24:48.200 Pérez Galdós, the great author of the affectivity of the 19th century. Today 3738 05:24:48.279 --> 05:24:52.240 we find that the Spanish novel of the 21st century is of more quality. 3739 05:24:53.200 --> 05:24:59.479 We have a treatment of affective themes in a much more modern language u s 3740 05:24:59.560 --> 05:25:06.560 u s u s urs highlight in the xixno the novel by Juan Valera Pepita 3741 05:25:06.639 --> 05:25:08.840 Jiménez narrates the life of a young boy who falls in love with his father 3742 05:25:08.840 --> 05:25:11.720 ' s girlfriend, a young widow. His father is also a widower. 3743 05:25:12.720 --> 05:25:17.799 It' s a book where you see how feelings slip through, pierce without 3744 05:25:17.880 --> 05:25:22.880 being able to avoid it. It is very interesting in this regard. We 3745 05:25:22.959 --> 05:25:26.720 also have the great novel by Clarín la Regenta, a provincial novel located in 3746 05:25:26.759 --> 05:25:30.840 Asturias, which uses feelings very well, that is, how they move, 3747 05:25:32.040 --> 05:25:38.159 as love appears, suggestion, staying fixed on another person. In the twenty 3748 05:25:38.799 --> 05:25:42.840 - first century great concepts have followed parallel lines. On the one hand, 3749 05:25:44.400 --> 05:25:47.720 we have the intellectual component, that of reason and, on the other hand, 3750 05:25:48.360 --> 05:25:53.759 the component relative to affectivity. The arrival of emotional intelligence. And it 3751 05:25:53.840 --> 05:25:59.360 is precisely at the end of the twentieth century that a flood of books on 3752 05:25:59.360 --> 05:26:03.000 this subject has appeared. One of these authors is Danyo Goman, who made 3753 05:26:03.200 --> 05:26:07.000 some gazettes in the New York Times. This psychologist began to write about intelligence 3754 05:26:07.080 --> 05:26:11.240 and affectivity and was fortunate enough to elaborate a concept that is emotional intelligence, 3755 05:26:11.439 --> 05:26:17.080 which has developed later and more conceptually, the ability to combine at the same 3756 05:26:17.080 --> 05:26:25.880 time these two great ingredients. Reason and affection. We are used to an 3757 05:26:25.959 --> 05:26:30.119 intelligent life, where the rational is fundamental, very focused on the economic and 3758 05:26:30.200 --> 05:26:34.439 in which the affective and the spiritual component almost disappears, especially in the great 3759 05:26:34.560 --> 05:26:40.240 nations, as in the United States, which generate a type of man fundamentally 3760 05:26:40.360 --> 05:26:44.319 cold and unprepared for the affective terrain and have given rise to cataclysmic situations that 3761 05:26:44.400 --> 05:26:49.840 have made these issues all over the world resume. This is an important issue 3762 05:26:49.959 --> 05:26:56.479 in the prevention of erratic love. Today we have a tendency to measure everything. 3763 05:26:56.520 --> 05:27:00.520 There are two characters in the American psychiatry, Gotman and Selver, who 3764 05:27:00.560 --> 05:27:07.159 have designed evaluation scales that measure, record and quantify in psychological parameters the possibility 3765 05:27:07.240 --> 05:27:10.520 of making a previous balance to know whether or not your relationship can last. 3766 05:27:11.119 --> 05:27:15.799 Your measuring instruments are questions that are valued from zero to three or zero to 3767 05:27:15.880 --> 05:27:22.840 four in each questionnaire to measure the ability to love your book seven golden rules 3768 05:27:22.880 --> 05:27:29.479 to live as a couple. It is certainly a very helpful manual. I 3769 05:27:29.560 --> 05:27:36.720 have a scale to measure myself. Anxiety. It has five dimensions and each 3770 05:27:36.799 --> 05:27:40.880 dimension or dimension has in turn ten or eleven questions such as anxiety from a 3771 05:27:41.000 --> 05:27:45.000 physical, psychological, social point, and in each of them there are a 3772 05:27:45.119 --> 05:27:49.520 series of questions that calibrate, for example, physical anxiety, tachycardia, respiratory 3773 05:27:49.840 --> 05:27:57.439 difficulty, precordial pressure, cognitive or intellectual anxiety, anticipation of negatives, always 3774 05:27:57.439 --> 05:28:03.959 living soaked with ns the fearful and uncertain future. Bad omens. These authors 3775 05:28:04.040 --> 05:28:10.520 work with the ability to measure a couple' s chances of success. Gotman 3776 05:28:10.599 --> 05:28:14.200 says he has enough ten to fifteen minutes with a person to ask him a 3777 05:28:14.360 --> 05:28:18.200 series of questions and predict with a success rate of eighty- nine comma one 3778 05:28:18.279 --> 05:28:22.319 percent if his partner is going to work or not. Fifty- one. 3779 05:28:22.720 --> 05:28:29.240 Love in maturity It has been described for some time now the syndrome of the 3780 05:28:29.279 --> 05:28:33.759 forty that today, with the expectations of life delayed until the eighty- something, 3781 05:28:33.080 --> 05:28:37.840 extends to forty- five. At this stage, in the couple it 3782 05:28:37.919 --> 05:28:42.759 is made box arching on every aspect of the personal and collective journey. The 3783 05:28:42.840 --> 05:28:47.799 relationship accounts for their journey and then enters into an analysis of the great issues 3784 05:28:47.880 --> 05:28:52.799 among them love. Love needs both passion and patience and it needs both strong 3785 05:28:52.919 --> 05:29:02.080 moments and calm moments. Young people are looking for exciting adventures, risks, 3786 05:29:02.520 --> 05:29:06.560 and challenges to overcome, while as the years go by, more moderate experiences 3787 05:29:06.599 --> 05:29:11.639 in intensity are sought that have a more solid and permanent component. At this 3788 05:29:11.720 --> 05:29:17.159 stage of life, fatigue, a certain apathy, appears in the affective relationship. 3789 05:29:18.680 --> 05:29:22.799 He tells Andrew Waus that great negative feelings came together to bring down love, 3790 05:29:22.119 --> 05:29:26.360 hatred, revenge, resentment and none of them could with love in a 3791 05:29:26.439 --> 05:29:33.680 stealthy way, as a kind of Isbert has been gaining ground. Routine. 3792 05:29:34.159 --> 05:29:38.720 Daily life, if not cared for, produces a tired effect of exhaustion and 3793 05:29:40.119 --> 05:29:44.080 then that syndrome appears, which I have called in some article the penultimate train 3794 05:29:44.119 --> 05:29:52.759 syndrome. The penultimate train syndrome. This is an event of sentimental character that 3795 05:29:52.880 --> 05:29:55.319 gives rise to man, as it occurs more in man than in woman. 3796 05:29:56.319 --> 05:30:00.919 Check his emotional life a little and then he suffers a kind of flashba summary 3797 05:30:00.200 --> 05:30:04.080 and tells his wife I love you very much, but I' m not 3798 05:30:04.159 --> 05:30:07.599 in love with you you' re a good mother, but I' m 3799 05:30:07.599 --> 05:30:11.599 tired of you. I value your activity as a mother and wife your work, 3800 05:30:11.799 --> 05:30:17.880 but life goes by and I want to have other emotional opportunities. At 3801 05:30:17.959 --> 05:30:22.680 that time the person intends to break his affective relationship or even maintain his usual 3802 05:30:22.799 --> 05:30:27.080 affective relationship, and another parallel addition is as if there were a second youth. 3803 05:30:30.240 --> 05:30:33.639 To those forty- five, about fifty, man enters, so to 3804 05:30:33.639 --> 05:30:37.520 speak in an economic way, into the affective market and realizes that he is 3805 05:30:37.639 --> 05:30:41.560 still successful and capable of conquering. But in addition, it has more means, 3806 05:30:42.200 --> 05:30:45.840 with more economic strength, so a second affective youth appears, with important 3807 05:30:47.000 --> 05:30:51.880 nuances in permissiveness and relative, Because if everything is allowed and everything is relative, 3808 05:30:52.240 --> 05:30:57.799 a relationship can be broken without any point of dramatization. If that stage 3809 05:30:57.880 --> 05:31:02.720 is met positively. The NR appears a new stage from the sixty- five, 3810 05:31:02.959 --> 05:31:07.400 in which man sees life with a greater perspective. Education for love has 3811 05:31:07.439 --> 05:31:14.200 been said many times that to love is to look together in the same direction. 3812 05:31:14.479 --> 05:31:18.159 Therefore, in love there must be a lot of common project. Today 3813 05:31:18.240 --> 05:31:22.720 we live in the exaltation of eternal youth. An example of this is what 3814 05:31:22.759 --> 05:31:26.080 is happening with aesthetic surgery, with a huge resonance in the world right now. 3815 05:31:27.840 --> 05:31:30.840 This would be a sum of the myth of eternal youth, on the 3816 05:31:30.840 --> 05:31:33.639 one hand, and, on the other, the exaltation of the body. 3817 05:31:33.959 --> 05:31:37.400 One of the issues of which recent psychology has been most concerned is that of 3818 05:31:37.520 --> 05:31:44.599 education for love, a subject that has been blurred. There' s no 3819 05:31:44.680 --> 05:31:49.200 education left for love. It is interesting to consult recent authors. A good 3820 05:31:49.279 --> 05:31:53.840 example is José Antonio Marina, a Spanish philosopher who has several books on this 3821 05:31:53.959 --> 05:31:59.400 subject, such as the sentimental labyrinth. There' s a previous book of 3822 05:31:59.479 --> 05:32:02.919 yours on intelligence. Where it says that intelligence is understood as flowing in thick 3823 05:32:03.000 --> 05:32:07.759 clarity as the heart, it is right. Today, in the face of 3824 05:32:07.840 --> 05:32:12.799 the explosion of ruptures, all the concepts have changed More than marriage, we 3825 05:32:12.880 --> 05:32:18.520 talk about couples. The word marriage has more solidity, it is more classic, 3826 05:32:18.279 --> 05:32:22.799 while the word couple is more romantic. Transition, changes, difficulties seem 3827 05:32:23.240 --> 05:32:30.799 to be part of a marriage relationship. The stage of serenity, maturity is 3828 05:32:30.880 --> 05:32:34.919 lived in very different ways depending on how the person has been cared for. 3829 05:32:36.959 --> 05:32:41.400 There are men between fifty and sixty who are very young and others who have 3830 05:32:41.520 --> 05:32:48.360 many ailments. It is a stage of preparation. Today many people retire to 3831 05:32:48.479 --> 05:32:52.639 the sixties would be the last ten or twelve active years of a person in 3832 05:32:52.959 --> 05:32:57.360 whom they see themselves as children, emancipating themselves. Here we could talk about 3833 05:32:57.479 --> 05:33:03.400 empty nest syndrome. Maturity. It is a stage of more serenity, of 3834 05:33:03.479 --> 05:33:07.880 more synthesis, of applying the experience to the daily life of the care of 3835 05:33:07.880 --> 05:33:11.680 the body. People in their fifties and sixties take more care of themselves than 3836 05:33:11.759 --> 05:33:15.759 anyone in their twenties. They' re watching the feed. I have a 3837 05:33:15.840 --> 05:33:18.439 survey that I have conducted from six hundred respondents, in which I have found 3838 05:33:18.520 --> 05:33:25.599 important revelations. This is a survey of the five senses or words that indicate 3839 05:33:25.759 --> 05:33:32.919 happiness in young people. For example, the word health does not appear is 3840 05:33:33.000 --> 05:33:37.400 between the fifty and sixty. When that term appears, the question is to 3841 05:33:37.479 --> 05:33:42.000 tell me five words that mean happiness to you and respond to love, peace, 3842 05:33:42.000 --> 05:33:47.200 joy. But from the age of forty, health appears. She' 3843 05:33:47.279 --> 05:33:52.360 s the big absentee before. It is important to see how maturity is the 3844 05:33:52.439 --> 05:33:55.680 consolidation of oneself in which great themes appear, such as love, family, 3845 05:33:55.959 --> 05:34:04.080 work, economy, culture, friendship, the six great keys. We live 3846 05:34:04.200 --> 05:34:07.680 in a divorced culture, something that leads to a very common change of partner 3847 05:34:07.759 --> 05:34:12.799 and everything that this brings with it. In a retrospective of maturity, affective 3848 05:34:12.799 --> 05:34:19.599 life among men is of great importance. Since affective life has been very neglected 3849 05:34:19.680 --> 05:34:23.439 until recently, this is not taken into account, as they focus on work, 3850 05:34:23.959 --> 05:34:32.000 economics or friendship. During that stage there are many bittersweet flavors, unless 3851 05:34:32.040 --> 05:34:36.240 there has been a lot of consistency of life. I have spoken a lot 3852 05:34:36.319 --> 05:34:40.919 about the four values that most value joy, friendship, integrity and happiness. 3853 05:34:42.200 --> 05:34:45.159 Man, between the ages of forty- five and sixty, gathers the fruits 3854 05:34:45.279 --> 05:34:51.360 of what has been his professional life. Doctors, for example, already have 3855 05:34:51.439 --> 05:34:55.520 a prestige, an architect or a teacher. It has already reached the point 3856 05:34:55.599 --> 05:35:00.680 where this stage of reaping fruits and recognition has an intellectual interest, of formation, 3857 05:35:02.200 --> 05:35:07.880 of socialization. Women between the ages of fifty and sixty know how to 3858 05:35:07.959 --> 05:35:11.400 socialize much better than women between the ages of twenty- five. They already 3859 05:35:11.560 --> 05:35:15.360 have the art of conversation. The role that women have played in society still 3860 05:35:15.439 --> 05:35:21.919 takes care of previous and later generations make emotional malaise of what their life has 3861 05:35:21.959 --> 05:35:26.400 been, what they are happy with and what they are dissatisfied with. The 3862 05:35:26.439 --> 05:35:30.759 man is always a little more focused on career and the woman to affectivity feelings 3863 05:35:30.840 --> 05:35:37.680 Internet. There is a great influence of the environment in which people are known 3864 05:35:37.799 --> 05:35:44.639 today social networks. This has made everything very fast today and that, especially, 3865 05:35:45.080 --> 05:35:48.360 people who do not have a partner have the feeling that they go to 3866 05:35:48.439 --> 05:35:52.919 a supermarket where people are there to get to know each other and immediately make 3867 05:35:53.040 --> 05:35:57.400 three or four appointments for that week. That has accelerated the process between romance 3868 05:35:57.479 --> 05:36:03.759 and the pleasures of getting to know each other. There are couples that form 3869 05:36:03.840 --> 05:36:07.159 in a week and that after three weeks no longer exist everything is much more 3870 05:36:07.279 --> 05:36:17.360 volatile right now just the ease. Before, a shy person had a lot 3871 05:36:17.400 --> 05:36:21.040 of difficulty getting intimate with a person of the opposite sex and now, through 3872 05:36:21.040 --> 05:36:22.439 the Internet, it is easier to chat than to give. And that has 3873 05:36:22.520 --> 05:36:27.159 caused it to spread a lot. The problem is that when someone enters social 3874 05:36:27.240 --> 05:36:32.880 networks, one comes up with an immediate knowledge relationship with one hour, while 3875 05:36:32.880 --> 05:36:37.560 once the knowledge was much broader, in the sense that it was not to 3876 05:36:37.639 --> 05:36:40.759 see how it was with this person, but that you were in a group 3877 05:36:40.799 --> 05:36:45.400 of people in which there were relationships and friendship and today not from the first 3878 05:36:45.439 --> 05:36:48.200 moment. The other should not be disappointed and every means of entry must be 3879 05:36:48.279 --> 05:36:52.479 put in place. In the art of rapid conquest, one does not see 3880 05:36:52.599 --> 05:36:57.479 how laborious it is to live together requires a lot of patience and a lot 3881 05:36:57.479 --> 05:37:03.560 of time. Many are accused of being with the couple for a long time. 3882 05:37:03.639 --> 05:37:07.240 It depends a lot on patience. Don' t despair with bad times. 3883 05:37:08.319 --> 05:37:14.400 Today, people want everything without waiting for love. In today' s 3884 05:37:15.919 --> 05:37:21.000 society there have been many changes to reach the 21st century society. The positive 3885 05:37:21.119 --> 05:37:26.159 thing is that until a few years ago women always talked about feelings of children, 3886 05:37:26.560 --> 05:37:30.439 husbands, education, while men talked about business, sports or politics, 3887 05:37:30.919 --> 05:37:37.200 economics. But they didn' t deal with these issues. And today it 3888 05:37:37.240 --> 05:37:40.639 has been seen that it is a mistake to think that the affective world is 3889 05:37:40.720 --> 05:37:44.240 women' s own. What we see now is that man has become very 3890 05:37:44.279 --> 05:37:48.279 feminized, especially young men, who are much more affectionate than those before. 3891 05:37:49.759 --> 05:37:53.319 Sometimes you' re surprised, but they introduce you to a thirty- year 3892 05:37:53.560 --> 05:37:57.080 - old man and give you two kisses that that was previously unthinkable and now 3893 05:37:57.080 --> 05:38:03.080 it' s done. On the other hand, many women go to football 3894 05:38:03.159 --> 05:38:07.279 when before the sporting events will be almost exclusive to men. I would say 3895 05:38:07.319 --> 05:38:11.799 that now fifty percent of women like sport very much. They' re interested. 3896 05:38:12.200 --> 05:38:19.000 They also have an interest in developing professional careers. They' re competitive, 3897 05:38:19.520 --> 05:38:22.439 they' re looking to ascend. The range of interests between the two 3898 05:38:22.479 --> 05:38:30.080 genders is being mixed and long- term sexuality is increasingly converging. You have 3899 05:38:30.159 --> 05:38:34.159 to teach to live sexuality in an intense way, but not so immediate. 3900 05:38:36.240 --> 05:38:38.720 In many couples who don' t work well, sexuality has often disappeared. 3901 05:38:41.439 --> 05:38:48.439 For this dimension to work, there must be prior agreements, preconditions. Healthy 3902 05:38:48.520 --> 05:38:52.000 sexuality in a couple is integrated into the common project and there are agreements of 3903 05:38:52.080 --> 05:38:56.759 frequency and intensity. It' s a very personal thing. Love needs both 3904 05:38:56.919 --> 05:39:03.439 passion and patience. It is necessary to avoid that sexual relations are always at 3905 05:39:03.560 --> 05:39:07.200 the same time, on the same day, in the same format, et 3906 05:39:07.200 --> 05:39:12.599 cetera. The worst enemy of love is routine. Routine is carelessness, neglect, 3907 05:39:12.959 --> 05:39:18.919 neglect, carelessness, detail, lack of communication, a case of distance 3908 05:39:18.000 --> 05:39:25.159 in maturity. I' ve got a sixty- four- year- old 3909 05:39:25.159 --> 05:39:27.520 engineer coming to me. His wife is a doctor. She' s coming 3910 05:39:27.639 --> 05:39:32.159 to the office because she' s asking me to talk to her wife, 3911 05:39:32.159 --> 05:39:33.479 since she wants to split up. He doesn' t understand what happened? 3912 05:39:34.560 --> 05:39:37.639 I realize he wants a woman who' s like a sheiza, a dedicated 3913 05:39:38.000 --> 05:39:41.919 woman who dedicates herself to the man. However, she works as a doctor 3914 05:39:42.000 --> 05:39:45.599 and needs her own space and has tired of her husband' s needs. 3915 05:39:48.520 --> 05:39:51.840 When I talk to her, she explains to me that her husband is a 3916 05:39:51.919 --> 05:39:55.360 narcissist, that he only thinks of himself, that they had already separated on 3917 05:39:55.439 --> 05:39:57.319 one occasion and that for her there has been a stage in which he was 3918 05:39:57.319 --> 05:40:00.560 very quiet. He says that he, in the vicinity, treats her badly 3919 05:40:00.680 --> 05:40:04.520 and in the distance values her. She doesn' t wish you any harm. 3920 05:40:06.520 --> 05:40:10.119 He says he' ll think about it for a few days, but 3921 05:40:10.119 --> 05:40:15.119 finally he says no, he' s had a really bad time and he 3922 05:40:15.200 --> 05:40:15.880 ' s definitely gonna split up at a certain age. Changing a behavior is 3923 05:40:15.959 --> 05:40:21.479 only possible if there is a very strong motivation. She' s disappointed. 3924 05:40:22.479 --> 05:40:26.360 For a man of this age it will be hard to get used to the 3925 05:40:26.479 --> 05:40:30.919 new situation after so many years of coexistence. The woman has much more clarity 3926 05:40:30.000 --> 05:40:34.799 in sentimental relationships than the man. They understand relationships much better. It is 3927 05:40:34.880 --> 05:40:38.759 more complex in its conduct, but it has more the fabric of the sentimental 3928 05:40:38.759 --> 05:40:47.680 world. Many men are plane conclusions. In adolescence, love is very different 3929 05:40:47.759 --> 05:40:52.959 between boys and girls. They are attracted to the strongest characters in the group, 3930 05:40:53.319 --> 05:41:00.319 the most transgressors. In time they learn to distinguish their priorities around twenty 3931 05:41:00.520 --> 05:41:03.840 - four or twenty- five years old and begin to look with other eyes 3932 05:41:03.959 --> 05:41:08.040 at the most kind and quiet children, as their vision of love begins to 3933 05:41:08.119 --> 05:41:12.439 be seen from the perspective of long- term love. In the teenage age, 3934 05:41:12.599 --> 05:41:18.080 love is a discovery, an impulse, even an exploration at the beginning 3935 05:41:18.119 --> 05:41:22.880 of the mature age, although the woman may not think of being a mother 3936 05:41:22.000 --> 05:41:26.479 if she wants to create a nest with a person and in the long run 3937 05:41:26.599 --> 05:41:29.479 she needs stability, that they listen to her, that they know how to 3938 05:41:29.479 --> 05:41:33.919 encourage her. I believe that the great value of a man to a woman 3939 05:41:33.959 --> 05:41:38.520 is the security that she shows. Insecure men are very unattractive and that happens 3940 05:41:38.639 --> 05:41:45.919 at any age. The adolescent man is more in love, he tends more 3941 05:41:45.000 --> 05:41:49.720 to platonic love and to imagine things, because he has less personal and physical 3942 05:41:49.799 --> 05:41:55.400 resources for seduction. Their sexual impulses are very strong, because they do not 3943 05:41:55.479 --> 05:42:00.200 have the tools to channel them. Man, above all, is married and 3944 05:42:00.279 --> 05:42:04.200 tends to conquer. There is a whole strategy in behavior that is more tied 3945 05:42:04.360 --> 05:42:08.560 to appearance than to reality. It is a game that is more in relation 3946 05:42:08.680 --> 05:42:15.200 to the external than the internal. At the age of 25, men prefer 3947 05:42:15.279 --> 05:42:18.959 to go from flower to flower. The established couple and consolidated love appear by 3948 05:42:19.000 --> 05:42:23.799 mutual, intellectual and physical attraction. Over the years, although the capacity for 3949 05:42:23.880 --> 05:42:29.880 surprise and improvisation is lost, one gains in confidence and complicity, developing the 3950 05:42:29.959 --> 05:42:33.159 couple a code of their own where sometimes one look is enough to communicate. 3951 05:42:34.200 --> 05:42:38.479 What was an attraction and an impulse is transmuting into long- distance friendship and 3952 05:42:38.599 --> 05:42:47.520 common projects. Even more so when the children arrive. The couple, after 3953 05:42:47.560 --> 05:42:51.439 many years of being together, finds a common theme where they can meet again, 3954 05:42:52.040 --> 05:42:56.560 especially when their working lives are intense and different. What is often said 3955 05:42:56.639 --> 05:43:00.479 about children separating is false. It is opso fordo that the opposite happens. 3956 05:43:02.520 --> 05:43:04.560 A common territory is created in which action is taken for the good of a 3957 05:43:04.680 --> 05:43:10.840 third party. The problems and selfishness of each one tend to be considerably reduced 3958 05:43:10.919 --> 05:43:15.080 and the priorities of each are left in the background and invested in the well 3959 05:43:15.400 --> 05:43:19.200 - being of that person. One remains in love with the passing of the 3960 05:43:19.319 --> 05:43:23.240 years through the care of the details of not letting issues that can generate resentment 3961 05:43:23.319 --> 05:43:30.119 be disturbed trying to surprise with small gestures, not harboring a catalogue of resentments, 3962 05:43:30.880 --> 05:43:37.400 measuring the language addressing at the moment the important issues. Today, lack 3963 05:43:37.400 --> 05:43:42.040 of patience does much harm to couples. There are people who separate themselves to 3964 05:43:42.080 --> 05:43:45.520 the second discussion, because the threshold of tolerance has gone down a lot. 3965 05:43:47.560 --> 05:43:49.840 Before, after a bad time, I used to get a good one. 3966 05:43:51.119 --> 05:43:56.599 Today, after a bad time, couples leave pears recapitulating Love in youth is 3967 05:43:56.040 --> 05:44:03.080 like an injection of adrenaline full of strong emotions. Often at this stage you 3968 05:44:03.159 --> 05:44:07.759 suffer more than you enjoy. Mature love doesn' t have those highs of 3969 05:44:07.840 --> 05:44:14.040 adrenaline. It' s more measured and pleasurable, no startling. There' 3970 05:44:14.080 --> 05:44:17.959 s more realism. We learn to adapt. We no longer live on a 3971 05:44:18.119 --> 05:44:22.439 roller coaster of emotions. The love of the elderly person is based above all 3972 05:44:22.520 --> 05:44:27.080 on complicity and silence. Today there is a unique phenomenon due to increased longevity 3973 05:44:27.159 --> 05:44:34.240 and worsening advanced retirement. And in addition, the couple lives in a very 3974 05:44:34.319 --> 05:44:40.479 small space, separations and divorces at late ages. The fact that you don 3975 05:44:40.599 --> 05:44:44.119 ' t have lives separated by work makes the amount of time and friction of 3976 05:44:44.240 --> 05:44:49.040 a couple can become very irritating. It is essential that one knows how to 3977 05:44:49.119 --> 05:44:53.319 respect the identity of the other with his private plot. Other very important things 3978 05:44:53.400 --> 05:44:57.560 in the couple is to have a common spiritual background. I have about fifty 3979 05:44:57.599 --> 05:45:03.639 or sixty articles collected that talk about the relationship between spirituality, religion and conjugal 3980 05:45:03.759 --> 05:45:08.000 stability. In a country like Israel, for example, there are almost no 3981 05:45:08.000 --> 05:45:17.119 divorces, Mormon couples or practicing Catholics rarely separate. The thesis is that if 3982 05:45:17.240 --> 05:45:21.680 we take away the Conyugal relationship, a vertical or transcendent vision loses much, 3983 05:45:22.680 --> 05:45:25.759 as if we take away the culture, because it is necessary to know that 3984 05:45:25.799 --> 05:45:30.040 affectivity is cultivated the love of couple. If culture fails as freedom and knowledge, 3985 05:45:30.720 --> 05:45:36.720 it can fail. Currently the relationship of couples is based on hedonism. 3986 05:45:37.639 --> 05:45:42.279 Unlike before, the absence of religion is a great lack. It' s 3987 05:45:42.360 --> 05:45:47.919 equivalent to saying you like everything but reading. The world of digital networks has 3988 05:45:48.040 --> 05:45:52.639 also greatly influenced couples to separate It has become like a supermarket. The fact 3989 05:45:52.680 --> 05:45:56.400 of being able to meet people of the same age and with the same interests, 3990 05:45:56.560 --> 05:46:00.880 which leads to the view that perhaps we could do better with this or 3991 05:46:00.959 --> 05:46:04.360 with the other. Today, contacting unknown people is the easiest thing to do, 3992 05:46:04.639 --> 05:46:11.279 but that does not mean that real relationships are established. It is easy 3993 05:46:11.360 --> 05:46:15.360 to fall in love and difficult to stay in love with the amount of nuances 3994 05:46:15.360 --> 05:46:18.200 this art has. That is why it is so important to know the sequence 3995 05:46:18.279 --> 05:46:22.319 of feelings throughout life and to take care of each stage with care and delicacy 3996 05:46:22.360 --> 05:46:27.159 without fainting. To know how to love is to know how to look at 3997 05:46:27.159 --> 05:46:33.880 notes. One of the main factors leading to a decrease in the level of 3998 05:46:33.880 --> 05:46:37.279 self- esteem. They constitute an inventory of different ingredients that move in the 3999 05:46:37.400 --> 05:46:44.919 following way. The inability to overcome the difficulties of ordinary life, great difficulties 4000 05:46:44.959 --> 05:46:51.360 in overcoming microtraumas psychological macrotraumas, not knowing, forgiving, errors failures, all 4001 05:46:52.080 --> 05:46:56.240 of which leads to a lack of confidence in oneself, which is nourished by 4002 05:46:56.319 --> 05:47:00.840 diverse insecurities and ends in a decrease in the level of self- assessment that 4003 05:47:00.959 --> 05:47:07.040 one has of oneself two. Anxiety is an emotion characterized by being on guard. 4004 05:47:07.919 --> 05:47:11.919 The stalking occurs a generalized activation that affects the physical part, tachycardia, 4005 05:47:12.040 --> 05:47:18.720 sweating, pellisco, gastric, shortness of breath, precordial oppression, etcetera. 4006 05:47:18.880 --> 05:47:26.080 Psychological, restlessness, nervousness, inner restlessness, feeling of diffuse and blurred threats, 4007 05:47:26.560 --> 05:47:32.119 inconcret fears, transient insecurity, feeling of inner emptiness, etc. Behaviour. 4008 05:47:32.680 --> 05:47:37.240 Being on guard alert as vigilant, irritability, poorly controlled responses to low 4009 05:47:37.880 --> 05:47:45.040 - intensity negative stimuli, restless legs, frequent changes in posture, stuttering or 4010 05:47:45.159 --> 05:47:48.639 stopping to play a lot with objects that have contracted eyelids in your hands, 4011 05:47:49.639 --> 05:47:53.959 tendency to get very irritated by more or less intense or unexpected noises, etc. 4012 05:47:55.400 --> 05:47:59.639 Cognitive. This refers above all to the mental plane, negative anticipations, 4013 05:48:00.080 --> 05:48:04.240 bad omens, anxiety about the future and what it can bring to one, 4014 05:48:04.560 --> 05:48:10.799 difficulty of concentration, etcetera. And finally, the assertive symptoms, that is, 4015 05:48:12.000 --> 05:48:18.880 referring to social relationships, block interpersonal contact. Difficulties in starting a conversation, 4016 05:48:19.200 --> 05:48:25.159 difficulty in talking about general or minor issues, difficulty in expressing to others 4017 05:48:25.240 --> 05:48:30.080 their true opinions and feelings being too aware of what others may think of themselves 4018 05:48:30.159 --> 05:48:37.919 or seek too much approval from others. Three also called panic attacks, which 4019 05:48:37.360 --> 05:48:42.400 are short episodes of a short duration of a few minutes and have a great 4020 05:48:42.720 --> 05:48:48.080 impact because the experience is of real terror and appear the symptoms referred to in 4021 05:48:48.240 --> 05:48:52.599 the previous footnote Here everything is fast, fleeting and terrifying, with three threatening 4022 05:48:52.680 --> 05:48:57.000 spectra of great intensity, fear of death, fear of losing control of oneself 4023 05:48:57.080 --> 05:49:03.639 and fear of becoming it. This experience is usually accompanied later by a fear 4024 05:49:03.840 --> 05:49:11.880 that it will recur. An anticipatory panic four. The phobia is a very 4025 05:49:11.919 --> 05:49:15.799 strong and persistent fear that occurs in the face of something and that, when 4026 05:49:15.240 --> 05:49:19.479 it appears, produces a huge anxiety and leads to two behaviors to avoid or 4027 05:49:19.479 --> 05:49:23.759 postpone. The person realizes that fear, but facing him is superior to his 4028 05:49:23.799 --> 05:49:30.639 forces. Stronger people can endure it, but at the cost of extraordinary anxiety. 4029 05:49:36.479 --> 05:49:41.200 Five words that come from discarding one of the parents of European thought and 4030 05:49:41.279 --> 05:49:45.880 that in this context, means learning to use the head more than the heart, 4031 05:49:45.319 --> 05:49:52.240 rationalizing, but without losing quality. It is a psychological equation in which 4032 05:49:52.279 --> 05:49:55.840 we begin to use more the instruments of reason and less the instruments of emotion. 4033 05:49:57.080 --> 05:50:03.680 Six, more technically put. Do not feel alluded to overlook that fact 4034 05:50:03.759 --> 05:50:08.319 and try to put the mental issues in second and third place. Seven in 4035 05:50:08.360 --> 05:50:12.959 a woman can happen in so- called premenstrual stress syndrome a few days before 4036 05:50:14.080 --> 05:50:18.400 the period. It has a series of intermingled manifestations. There are physical breast 4037 05:50:18.479 --> 05:50:22.599 pain, mastodynia or chest pain or pressure, discomfort in the areas of ovarian 4038 05:50:22.639 --> 05:50:30.840 projection, fatigue prior to exertion, etc. And psychological, irritability psychological hypersensitivity, 4039 05:50:30.200 --> 05:50:36.080 easy crying magnify a real problem of ordinary life, external or internal restlessness, 4040 05:50:36.520 --> 05:50:41.159 disproportionate responses to stimuli of little importance, etc. Also in menopause, 4041 05:50:41.799 --> 05:50:48.279 with all its component to leave behind the possibility of motherhood and also in people 4042 05:50:48.439 --> 05:50:55.520 with endogenous depression, in seasonal changes, especially in spring eight. Since depression 4043 05:50:55.599 --> 05:51:00.400 is a potentially serious disorder that requires diagnosis and medical attention. I' ve 4044 05:51:00.520 --> 05:51:06.560 preferred not to include her in the self- assessment tests at the end of 4045 05:51:06.560 --> 05:51:10.880 each chapter nine. The perimeter of it is ixager. If we try to 4046 05:51:11.000 --> 05:51:17.200 apprehend their concept, they slip through our private vocabulary the words to fiction sorrow 4047 05:51:17.560 --> 05:51:22.040 misery sorrow, grief, desolation, despondency of season and a long, etcetera. 4048 05:51:22.119 --> 05:51:26.520 In all of them the same ritel beats a feeling of misfortune that meanders 4049 05:51:26.560 --> 05:51:33.400 the interior landscape and shows an amalgam of ten internal expressions. Also called a 4050 05:51:33.520 --> 05:51:40.959 depressive reaction or reactive depression. The clinical meaning is himself. Eleven In recent 4051 05:51:41.119 --> 05:51:44.959 years, there has been talk of a depressive life. It is an existence 4052 05:51:45.080 --> 05:51:49.360 presided over by daily monotony and absolute solitude. That combination is very hard and 4053 05:51:49.439 --> 05:51:55.240 we have to explain it to those people. Twelve matures, that is to 4054 05:51:55.319 --> 05:52:00.319 say, to give to the things that pass us the importance that really are 4055 05:52:00.319 --> 05:52:04.479 thirteen. A good response to this is resilience, the ability to resist with 4056 05:52:04.560 --> 05:52:11.360 strength negative situations. Limit to get over them and get out strengthened has two 4057 05:52:11.439 --> 05:52:15.319 notes inside. A first, which is a resilient attitude, is always well 4058 05:52:15.400 --> 05:52:21.040 prepared to grow in the face of adversity and not give up. The second 4059 05:52:21.400 --> 05:52:26.919 is the resilient reaction, to develop strategies to adapt to that new situation, 4060 05:52:26.119 --> 05:52:30.919 to recover and to emerge better than when one entered it. I refer to 4061 05:52:30.959 --> 05:52:37.200 two texts that can further clarify this concept. Rafaela Santos rise and fight connects 4062 05:52:37.520 --> 05:52:41.279 Barcelona two thousand thirteen and my book Don' t give up themes of today 4063 05:52:41.639 --> 05:52:48.159 Madrid, two thousand eleven fourteen. We can describe a series of stages of 4064 05:52:48.240 --> 05:52:52.040 child development. The first is ensomotor, ranging from birth to two years. 4065 05:52:53.000 --> 05:52:56.599 Children understand the world through what they see they hear, touch, and pallade. 4066 05:52:59.159 --> 05:53:00.720 Let us not forget that the child knows the world by the mouth. 4067 05:53:02.119 --> 05:53:04.720 Everything takes it to his mouth and also, as is his motor plane, 4068 05:53:06.119 --> 05:53:11.319 they discover the movement. This little boy only lives the present, the here 4069 05:53:11.439 --> 05:53:15.279 and now. What is out of his sight is out of his mind. 4070 05:53:15.680 --> 05:53:19.040 It is from the year and a half when the child will develop the memory 4071 05:53:19.119 --> 05:53:23.720 of things he does not see. A second stage is self- centered. 4072 05:53:25.159 --> 05:53:27.599 They are not able to perceive things from the other' s point of view. 4073 05:53:29.680 --> 05:53:32.720 This occurs at the preschool age of the two to about three to four 4074 05:53:32.799 --> 05:53:40.959 years. Her words are I my tripat, she called it a preoperative stage. 4075 05:53:41.400 --> 05:53:45.720 They are not yet able to perform mental operations, but memory already works 4076 05:53:45.759 --> 05:53:52.240 and archives perceptions. Thirdly, the concrete operating stage appears around six to seven 4077 05:53:52.360 --> 05:53:57.599 years. Fourth, there is the formal operating stage, which is already around 4078 05:53:57.720 --> 05:54:02.959 eleven to twelve years. If it consists of abstract thought starting to function, 4079 05:54:03.479 --> 05:54:10.040 as well as systematic reasoning. Fifteen, the integral word will go out along 4080 05:54:10.080 --> 05:54:14.479 the pages of this book and means the ability to gather, mix and associate 4081 05:54:14.479 --> 05:54:19.360 five key aspects of the human being, psychological, social, cultural and spiritual 4082 05:54:19.439 --> 05:54:26.759 physics and that this association forms a harmonious whole. That' s the challenge. 4083 05:54:26.840 --> 05:54:32.240 I will return to this point. Sixteen. Whether a child does not 4084 05:54:32.360 --> 05:54:36.200 play or suddenly stops playing is a serious symptom that something negative is happening to 4085 05:54:36.319 --> 05:54:41.479 him. We could say that it is the first symptom of a masked depression 4086 05:54:41.639 --> 05:54:48.240 or psychological disorder of some importance. Seventeen are called those in which there is 4087 05:54:48.360 --> 05:54:52.520 no harmony, balance, good relationship between parents and which, therefore, give 4088 05:54:52.639 --> 05:54:56.159 rise to many affective deficiencies in children that sooner or later can leave an important 4089 05:54:56.240 --> 05:55:00.840 sequel, as they are children who are going to grow up with a certain 4090 05:55:00.959 --> 05:55:07.880 psychological disharmony that will have negative consequences in the future. Eighteen. If there 4091 05:55:08.000 --> 05:55:12.200 were some kind of problem in school, it was important to talk to teachers 4092 05:55:12.319 --> 05:55:17.040 and make it clear that the child felt well and that there was no discrimination 4093 05:55:17.200 --> 05:55:23.599 or psychological abuse. If there is, we have to act. Immediately today, 4094 05:55:23.680 --> 05:55:27.599 the fact of adoption is absolutely accepted in our social environment, without any 4095 05:55:27.720 --> 05:55:36.759 difficulty. 19 c. Your job. Willing Creative Competent, englovel and distribett 4096 05:55:36.840 --> 05:55:41.840 Coristet Decean. Tinkin Communication thirty- seven nineteen, pepe twenty- seven to 4097 05:55:41.919 --> 05:55:47.119 thirty- five two thousand eleven. He is a professor of design and creativity 4098 05:55:47.159 --> 05:55:52.479 at Stanford University in California and underlines his concept of Tinkin' s absence as 4099 05:55:52.560 --> 05:55:56.520 the need to regain creativity and innovation as an educational task by calling that person 4100 05:55:56.599 --> 05:56:03.240 ' s sensitivity. Twenty. Today, the family has changed in many ways. 4101 05:56:04.240 --> 05:56:11.119 It has become less vertical and more horizontal. We have traveled from the 4102 05:56:11.119 --> 05:56:15.200 alfiriarched patriarchy. Parents must teach their children the meaning of sexuality and to do 4103 05:56:15.240 --> 05:56:19.000 it right, it is necessary to prepare and use the most appropriate language, 4104 05:56:19.360 --> 05:56:23.159 so that the message gets clear and everything that swirls around it is well understood. 4105 05:56:26.439 --> 05:56:30.080 Twenty- one. Hedonism is the enthronement of pleasure above all, and 4106 05:56:30.240 --> 05:56:36.200 above all, permissiveness is all worth the dare to do whatever you want without 4107 05:56:36.319 --> 05:56:41.880 feeling guilty. Both have two natural children that are the consumerism that comes to 4108 05:56:41.959 --> 05:56:45.680 say. The important thing is to have and pop up here the both. 4109 05:56:45.799 --> 05:56:49.080 You have so much worth and relativism. Nothing is good or bad. Everything 4110 05:56:49.200 --> 05:56:56.360 ultimately depends on your particular point of view and vision of life. This foam 4111 05:56:56.439 --> 05:57:00.360 of the present life is a castle of fatuous fires, brilliant to enter and 4112 05:57:00.400 --> 05:57:04.959 without a true foundation of exit. The person who moves along these paths will 4113 05:57:06.119 --> 05:57:11.400 not get very far. Twenty- two. It would be difficult to make 4114 05:57:11.560 --> 05:57:15.360 an outline of this. There are many ingredients added here. The rapid and 4115 05:57:15.439 --> 05:57:19.840 successive pace of socio- cultural changes, the enormous social networks, with more 4116 05:57:19.959 --> 05:57:26.680 and more possibilities of communication, often very superficial, the informative bombardment of so 4117 05:57:26.799 --> 05:57:30.680 disparate news, the appearance of banal and inconsistent models of identity, hedonistic and 4118 05:57:30.759 --> 05:57:37.040 permissive education and a long etcetera. Twenty- three. In addition, the 4119 05:57:37.080 --> 05:57:41.880 medical history and information provided by the parents. Two specific tests have been performed, 4120 05:57:41.400 --> 05:57:45.759 the id of Teodoro and Millón, which consists of seventy- seven issues 4121 05:57:45.880 --> 05:57:52.200 valued in two false true answers and then one more extensive and which discriminates better 4122 05:57:52.319 --> 05:58:00.720 the SITH two complement each other result. This girl has a mixed personality transtour 4123 05:58:00.799 --> 05:58:06.840 with two especially relevant notes. It' s limit or border histrionic line. 4124 05:58:07.880 --> 05:58:11.439 The first means that his conduct is presided over by impulsivity and sudden mood swings 4125 05:58:11.520 --> 05:58:18.560 and a certain tendency to lose control of his person. The second, sickly 4126 05:58:18.639 --> 05:58:22.279 need to draw attention or said in other terms, great difficulty to go unnoticed 4127 05:58:22.360 --> 05:58:26.360 and tendency to turn into a drama a problem from day to day twenty- 4128 05:58:29.799 --> 05:58:33.959 four says a law of psychology of conduct. The following, the excessive and 4129 05:58:33.040 --> 05:58:37.400 machaconous repetition of the same message to a person in puberty, adolescent and rebellious 4130 05:58:37.680 --> 05:58:44.360 produces the opposite effect of the intended one. Intelligent administration of verbal language is 4131 05:58:44.479 --> 05:58:49.040 required, both in comments and in criticisms or corrections. We explain it to 4132 05:58:49.159 --> 05:58:56.279 her in colloquial language twenty- five, for which we make a list of 4133 05:58:56.319 --> 05:58:57.279 things she likes to deprive her of them or to give them to her. 4134 05:58:59.360 --> 05:59:03.360 That' s what life does to each of us. He rewards us or 4135 05:59:03.479 --> 05:59:08.000 punishes us as we behave twenty- six. We gave him val proato sodium, 4136 05:59:08.720 --> 05:59:14.040 two shots a day for breakfast and dinner. We explained to her the 4137 05:59:14.119 --> 05:59:18.279 action of this drug appropriate to her age and that it was important that it 4138 05:59:18.400 --> 05:59:21.319 not be revealed, as it was going to help her very much to change 4139 05:59:21.319 --> 05:59:26.799 in positive. Twenty- seven. This behavioral evaluation scale for anxiety was designed 4140 05:59:26.880 --> 05:59:30.240 by me a few years ago and consists of five fields of exploration physical, 4141 05:59:30.840 --> 05:59:40.080 psychological, cognitive and socialized anxiety. Block has in turn twenty issues valued from 4142 05:59:40.240 --> 05:59:45.400 zero to four. It' s self- applied. It synthesizes quite well 4143 05:59:45.520 --> 05:59:49.759 the intensity of the subject' s anxiety explored twenty- eight. It is 4144 05:59:49.880 --> 05:59:55.200 a kind of private messaging that are phrases that she repeats herself given by me 4145 05:59:55.319 --> 06:00:00.319 and my team. These cognitive sentences are nothing other than short phrases that she 4146 06:00:00.400 --> 06:00:03.720 says without the noise of words in order to help her overcome confrontation with people 4147 06:00:03.759 --> 06:00:11.720 or neutralize negative ideas that cross her head. Go back to psychotherapy once again. 4148 06:00:12.720 --> 06:00:18.040 My experience of so many years as a practical psychiatrist is that these well 4149 06:00:18.720 --> 06:00:23.119 - used strategies are very effective. Twenty- nine here is the myth of 4150 06:00:23.240 --> 06:00:27.439 eternal youth. Youth does not depend on the years, but on the illusions 4151 06:00:27.560 --> 06:00:33.680 to be fulfilled. One thing is intentions and another is results, but you 4152 06:00:33.759 --> 06:00:40.360 always have to have concrete goals ahead thirty a. I' ve called this 4153 06:00:40.439 --> 06:00:45.959 often. Thus, do not err in expectations, not expect too much of 4154 06:00:45.000 --> 06:00:48.040 love or of the person you will know or just appear in our life, 4155 06:00:48.439 --> 06:00:53.400 because all love, in order for it to become strong, needs to be 4156 06:00:53.400 --> 06:00:57.880 worked. I repeat, I just don' t believe in eternal love, 4157 06:00:59.040 --> 06:01:00.959 I believe in love that opens it day by day as a task of psychological 4158 06:01:02.040 --> 06:01:07.759 craftsmanship. In that I do believe those who suffer a clear affective immaturity fall 4159 06:01:07.840 --> 06:01:11.959 in love or idealize it so much that when they land in reality, they 4160 06:01:11.040 --> 06:01:15.599 fall apart. Thirty- one. Youth is the stage of life, of 4161 06:01:15.599 --> 06:01:19.680 anticonformism, of rebellions full of freshness, of desires towards the good, the 4162 06:01:19.759 --> 06:01:25.639 high, the best to stay young, not to give up in oneself or 4163 06:01:25.759 --> 06:01:30.400 in the social environment. Wanting to change the world, but starting with one 4164 06:01:30.479 --> 06:01:36.080 ' s own person. Thirty- two, our world today I write in 4165 06:01:36.159 --> 06:01:38.959 the skirt of two thousand and thirteen, they need more witnesses than teachers, 4166 06:01:41.119 --> 06:01:45.159 that is, exemplary lives, more than people who teach. So I declare, 4167 06:01:47.279 --> 06:01:51.799 in the former we are able to project and imitate those healthy, complete, 4168 06:01:52.479 --> 06:01:57.360 sense- filled models that we can copy in the latter. Sometimes we 4169 06:01:57.479 --> 06:02:03.840 observe teachers are not smpres or have inconsistencies too clearly. Let' s think 4170 06:02:03.919 --> 06:02:08.080 of some politicians who sound a lot, I don' t have to give 4171 06:02:08.080 --> 06:02:11.840 names and that results in a frontal rejection. Thirty- three to fall well 4172 06:02:11.919 --> 06:02:15.919 or badly many times is more by fleeting and unsound impressions than by some anecdote. 4173 06:02:17.919 --> 06:02:22.319 Really high- profile. That' s the way it is. That 4174 06:02:22.400 --> 06:02:27.319 world is still blurred from rumbling contours, with ethereal profiles more emotional than rational. 4175 06:02:29.680 --> 06:02:33.720 Thirty- four dive into it. It is very interesting to see how 4176 06:02:33.799 --> 06:02:37.599 adolescents immerse themselves in the procedural waters of their experiences. It' s exciting. 4177 06:02:40.119 --> 06:02:45.799 Thirty- five has become fashionable this medication. Its best known commercial product 4178 06:02:45.959 --> 06:02:49.360 is the concerta, which has three posologies of eighteen, thirty- six and 4179 06:02:49.479 --> 06:02:56.000 fifty- four milligrams at high doses. It is a very potent activator of 4180 06:02:56.080 --> 06:03:00.080 the ability to concentrate and mixed with antidepressants. It can be of great clinical 4181 06:03:00.240 --> 06:03:06.200 efficacy. Thirty- six. The number of Simons has multiplied in recent times 4182 06:03:06.319 --> 06:03:10.880 and there is even a fact that I do not want to overlook. Some 4183 06:03:10.919 --> 06:03:14.799 of them finally get married after having had different seekers and do so at the 4184 06:03:14.880 --> 06:03:18.919 age of forty- seven. But having lived alone, they do not know 4185 06:03:18.000 --> 06:03:22.720 the rules of the couple' s coexistence and soon that is broken. Not 4186 06:03:22.880 --> 06:03:27.279 in all cases it is clear, but many become egolatrous and atrociously individual, 4187 06:03:29.000 --> 06:03:33.840 which incapacitates them to lead a healthy positive relationship where one must know how to 4188 06:03:33.880 --> 06:03:38.959 renounce in a cheerful and sporty way. Daily cohabitation is one of the most 4189 06:03:40.040 --> 06:03:44.880 complex things that exist and you need to have learned many skills to get along 4190 06:03:44.880 --> 06:03:48.439 well. Daily coexistence is the test of fire. Many of the Simmons do 4191 06:03:48.599 --> 06:03:53.680 not pass that test thirty- seven. The name is not pretty, but 4192 06:03:53.720 --> 06:04:00.599 in the psychiatric psychological clinic it often means a certain form or obsession with the 4193 06:04:00.680 --> 06:04:03.799 body as a whole, weight, muscles, etc. Or some of its 4194 06:04:03.880 --> 06:04:10.959 uncovered parts, especially the face, the nose, the cheeks, the lips, 4195 06:04:11.560 --> 06:04:14.400 the ears, etc. And, to a lesser extent, by the 4196 06:04:14.400 --> 06:04:18.639 hands. It is one more manifestation of this body culture that follows at its 4197 06:04:18.720 --> 06:04:23.400 peak thirty- eight. The famous Light man returns here, but now entering 4198 06:04:23.520 --> 06:04:29.840 through another door, there are many ingredients that stay in him, all whistling 4199 06:04:29.919 --> 06:04:34.880 for the same, a first- class individualism. Thirty- nine. I 4200 06:04:34.919 --> 06:04:37.599 ' ve been writing this book since June of the two thousand and thirteen. 4201 06:04:38.639 --> 06:04:44.040 The proliferation of self- help books is huge today. Many fall out of 4202 06:04:44.119 --> 06:04:48.880 our hands, but some are valuable and offer wise formulas and observations. The 4203 06:04:48.919 --> 06:04:52.880 substance of the matter is noble and I have repeated it along these pages in 4204 06:04:52.000 --> 06:04:56.639 one way or another. One of the gateways to relative happiness is to have 4205 06:04:56.799 --> 06:05:03.159 a mature forty personality. Happiness is always in the promise of a better future. 4206 06:05:04.639 --> 06:05:08.639 If happiness consists of illusion. Unhappiness is trite in having no goals. 4207 06:05:11.360 --> 06:05:15.759 Authentic love makes man more human and let us not forget woman softens man makes 4208 06:05:15.840 --> 06:05:22.119 him more affectionate. Forty- one here I refer to two texts of mine 4209 06:05:22.240 --> 06:05:26.319 that deepen in this matter, intelligent love, on the one hand, and 4210 06:05:26.360 --> 06:05:30.360 remedies for lovelessness, on the other. Both are published in this editorial Themes 4211 06:05:30.400 --> 06:05:34.759 of today Madrid, two thousand eight and two thousand seven, respectively, in 4212 06:05:34.840 --> 06:05:41.520 corrected and augmented editions. Forty- two is the disease of doubt. The 4213 06:05:41.599 --> 06:05:48.159 20th- century French and German psychiatry studied this pathology. It' s not 4214 06:05:48.279 --> 06:05:55.240 just any doubt, but sick paralyzing, obsessive, serious. It is a 4215 06:05:55.319 --> 06:05:59.240 functional inability to grasp reality with sharpness, which imprisons this person who is seen 4216 06:05:59.439 --> 06:06:07.479 in looseness in overwhelming insecurities. Falretti and Legran studied it as a specific phenomenon 4217 06:06:07.520 --> 06:06:11.240 and other Janet placed it as an embryo of obsessive thought in the campra. 4218 06:06:11.400 --> 06:06:17.439 It defined as the imperative need to postpone any decision to improve the information available 4219 06:06:17.560 --> 06:06:25.479 on the subject and Green classified the inventory of doubts accurately. I refer the 4220 06:06:25.560 --> 06:06:29.799 interested reader to the following books in which he can quench his thirst Julio Vallejo, 4221 06:06:30.319 --> 06:06:34.080 Ruiloba, Obsessive States, Barcelona two thousand six. J Yesterday, Jura, 4222 06:06:34.200 --> 06:06:40.119 Tobias and f a neciroglu Excesit, Campostel, t Soters, Patogenesis, 4223 06:06:40.520 --> 06:06:48.279 Daignoss, Anthrudment Harcourt prece postin Tokyo two thousand seven forty- three. I 4224 06:06:48.319 --> 06:06:52.279 usually give them different names of guidelines of conduct in which the suggestions and indications 4225 06:06:52.360 --> 06:06:57.400 to improve something concrete of the own behavior dictated by me or by one of 4226 06:06:57.479 --> 06:07:03.360 my team to my patients are collected. Book of psychological observations or book of 4227 06:07:03.439 --> 06:07:10.479 psychotherapy or book of psychological progress. Psychotherapy is essential in a very high percentage 4228 06:07:10.560 --> 06:07:15.639 of our patients. Many psychiatrists do not do it because of lack of time, 4229 06:07:15.880 --> 06:07:18.159 because of their hard work or because of the habit of practicing only pharmacotherapy. 4230 06:07:19.159 --> 06:07:26.000 The quality of psychotherapy portrays the style of the psychologist or psychiatrist. Forty 4231 06:07:26.159 --> 06:07:32.439 - four. A mature person knows his limitations better than his possibilities. Forty 4232 06:07:32.639 --> 06:07:37.360 - five within the synonyms of this serious disease. We found bolqueralchólix, professionalitis, 4233 06:07:37.560 --> 06:07:42.799 laboropathy, and I' ve been calling them laborers lately. In all 4234 06:07:42.959 --> 06:07:48.599 of them the same ritornello beats people who have been devoured by work and it 4235 06:07:48.759 --> 06:07:52.439 does not let them go. For them. The rest is to stay on 4236 06:07:52.599 --> 06:07:56.639 your subject and your conversation about the same thing. They can change those who 4237 06:07:56.759 --> 06:08:02.240 have a more serious trajectory. Under two constancy circuses, a threat of separation 4238 06:08:02.360 --> 06:08:06.240 from the pair, then change can happen two, a myocardial infarction or a 4239 06:08:06.360 --> 06:08:11.840 championship anxiety. Some, however, do not change under these two threats. 4240 06:08:15.119 --> 06:08:18.279 Forty- six insurmountable fear of open spaces to the agora to the street. 4241 06:08:18.599 --> 06:08:22.759 But in this Nipona mode we could speak with more property of phobia to life, 4242 06:08:23.119 --> 06:08:26.759 to face what it means, to have a job, to relate to 4243 06:08:26.840 --> 06:08:33.680 others, would be a multiphobia. Forty- seven. The first historical history 4244 06:08:33.799 --> 06:08:38.639 of this disease was elaborated in one thousand nine hundred and fifty- three by 4245 06:08:38.680 --> 06:08:44.240 Swartzigil among the nurses of an English psychiatric hospital, where the jon nurse made 4246 06:08:44.319 --> 06:08:48.159 it clear in her personal notes. The patients complained. I realized it was 4247 06:08:48.200 --> 06:08:52.400 becoming less and less effective. My head nurse complained about me the atmosphere was 4248 06:08:52.439 --> 06:08:57.400 unbearable to work and work without stopping one day after another. I was exhausted. 4249 06:08:59.479 --> 06:09:03.240 Later, in nineteen hundred and seventy- four, Freudenberg described it in 4250 06:09:03.400 --> 06:09:07.520 a more scientific and rigorous way. Emotional exhaustion, physical and psychological stress and 4251 06:09:07.599 --> 06:09:15.000 tiredness, wear and dehumanization, feeling of poor personal performance, flattening and lack 4252 06:09:15.080 --> 06:09:19.000 of illusion. But it was more the Jacks Chi in which in one thousand 4253 06:09:19.080 --> 06:09:25.599 nine hundred and eighty- one designed their entire clinical picture forty- eight. 4254 06:09:25.840 --> 06:09:30.759 Everything ends up sliding into physical manifestations, but looking for its etiology, we 4255 06:09:30.840 --> 06:09:36.639 must realize that it is the consequence of a seriously damaged working life. Here, 4256 06:09:36.720 --> 06:09:41.799 the psychosomatic word has an essential flatness. The mabackensacki h that societyon now 4257 06:09:41.880 --> 06:09:45.919 gives it the name of somamorphic disorder if it refers to the presence of physical 4258 06:09:47.000 --> 06:09:52.759 symptoms that suggest a medical disease and that cannot be fully explained. Emotional tensions 4259 06:09:52.840 --> 06:09:57.520 sustained for a long time are discovered. Forty- nine. There' s 4260 06:09:57.599 --> 06:10:00.279 a nuance that I don' t want to leave in the whole time. 4261 06:10:00.279 --> 06:10:04.560 An American psychologist has spoken of the lack of defense learned that in English it 4262 06:10:04.599 --> 06:10:10.599 is called the plesness and that initially referred to the negative learning that certain animals 4263 06:10:10.680 --> 06:10:14.520 had that could not escape from where they were. Later, this was stratified 4264 06:10:14.599 --> 06:10:18.840 to human conduct. It is a defeated, broken person who reacts with total 4265 06:10:18.919 --> 06:10:25.159 passivity and emotional exhaustion. There is no longer any glimpse of struggle. It 4266 06:10:25.240 --> 06:10:32.159 is the prelude of diselpidia, of despair fifty. This may seem like a 4267 06:10:32.159 --> 06:10:34.840 contradiction, but it is not. Surrender to others with joy and spirit of 4268 06:10:36.000 --> 06:10:42.599 service brings great satisfaction. Why, because in sincere self- giving. There 4269 06:10:42.720 --> 06:10:47.680 is a clairvoyance of doing something for others, being able to forget about ourselves. 4270 06:10:48.680 --> 06:10:52.000 The whole theory that is contained in this idea is simply the following. 4271 06:10:52.400 --> 06:10:57.400 There is more joy in giving than in receiving that is the key. The 4272 06:10:57.479 --> 06:11:03.240 mature person knows fifty- one ideas to open the reader' s mouth. 4273 06:11:03.639 --> 06:11:08.639 At this point in my book, it is seven suggestions to stay in love 4274 06:11:08.720 --> 06:11:15.119 over the years, one, to maintain admiration for the other person. Despite 4275 06:11:15.200 --> 06:11:18.959 the thousand and one avatars lived, the other is still valued in its main 4276 06:11:19.040 --> 06:11:29.840 segments. Two mutual respect of words and deeds. Three have a common project. 4277 06:11:30.799 --> 06:11:34.279 There is a joint program that extends in children and that should never be 4278 06:11:34.360 --> 06:11:41.400 lost sight of. Four. Complicity is a subliminal language between the couple that 4279 06:11:41.520 --> 06:11:45.439 slips through the ins and outs of that relationship clearly one at a time and 4280 06:11:45.520 --> 06:11:53.200 camouflaged to another five. Having satisfactory intimate relationships is an intimate language that changes 4281 06:11:53.319 --> 06:11:56.840 over the years, but must have its place Six capacities to forgive the other. 4282 06:12:02.080 --> 06:12:06.919 Losing is fighting to forget them, feelings and difficulties experienced. The couple 4283 06:12:07.000 --> 06:12:08.560 ' s life doesn' t go well without a good dose of forgetfulness. 4284 06:12:10.599 --> 06:12:15.000 Love is perfected with forgiveness seven take care of the small details of cohabitation with 4285 06:12:15.159 --> 06:12:19.599 the care of craftsman. This seems to me to be an emblematic legend. 4286 06:12:21.639 --> 06:12:25.680 Love is the poetry of the senses, the intelligence, the sharpness of reason 4287 06:12:25.720 --> 06:12:33.200 That' s where tenderness comes out, live your life. Any unauthorized use 4288 06:12:33.319 --> 06:12:37.240 of this audio book will violate copyright and may be subject to legal sanctions. 4289 06:12:38.479 --> 06:12:45.360 Copy Right Two Thousand Twenty- Four Strine Law, Lilí' s Secrets All Rights Reserved