Now stay tuned for X minus one on NBC. Come down for Blast Off
X minus five four three two X minus one Fire from the far horizons of
the Unknown. Come transcribe tales of new dimensions in time and space. These
are stories of the future adventures in which you'll live in a million, could
be years, on a thousand, maybe worlds. The National Broadcasting Company,
in cooperation with Galaxy Science Fiction Magazine, resents Heck he Minus Tonight Clifford D.
Simak story of the twenty first century. How to build your own three
dimensional color TV set complete kit screwdriver assembly in three hours. Now I've done
that. Well, let's see a dog is Man's best Friend. Build your
own dog complete Kit Spaniel model only two hundred and fifty dollars. Yeah,
hey, that's it. My next project, Gordon, is that you where
on the terrace. I'm just finishing a landscape. Hi? Yeah, Grace,
look did it come? Don't kiss me, you'll get all full of
paint. I wasn't going to where is the package? They shed it against
the side of the house over there. See, oh it came. I
want to look at it. I would have put it down in the basement,
but I couldn't lift it. Hey, this is pretty heavy for a
sapaniel. I can't lift this myself. I'll start dinner as soon as I
finished this part of the picture. I want to get the grasp while the
light's right. Yes, all right, so I no hurry. I want
to examine the kid anyhow. Of course, if you didn't waste our money
on things like dog kids, maybe we could afford a robot and I wouldn't
have to cook. Yeah, yeah, all right, all right, all
right there that should be enough for now. Light's beginning to get tricky.
Gord Night. You're not going to open that thing here on the terrace now
you make a mess. Yeah, I just want to see the partler.
You know this thing's too big and heavy to be a dog kid. Maybe
it's a Great Dane. No, no, no, it can't be.
Look here's the shipping tag from how two kits Ink to Gordon Night one dog
kit Spaniel model two hundred and fifty dollars paid in full. The Great Dane
costs three hundred and fifty. Well I can say is that must be the
world's biggest spaniel. Hey, you know that's that's darn funny. I told
you I don't want you fooling around with it up here, and I take
it down. This can't be a dog kid, you know what. I
think it's a robot. A robot. But you didn't order a robot,
or did you? No? No, certainly not. They made a shipping
error. That's about the size of it. Ah dog gunn. I don't
have to put this crape back together again and call it express company. Are
you going to return it? Well, certainly I'm going to return it.
You don't think we can keep it, do you? Why not? The
tag says paid in full, so they can't say we owe them anything.
But it's a robot. They're expensive. Well I don't see how the company
we'll ever know when inventory time comes around, they'll be short one robot and
long one dog. Because I've always wanted to put together a real robot.
Lord knows when i'd get another chance. Then it's settled. No, no,
no, it is not settled either. I'll tell you what I'll I'll
put it together just to see what it's like, but I won't activate it.
See I mean, I'll you know, disassemble it right away and ship
it back to the company. Hell, there we are and grace. Look
look at it in that beauty though. You finished, well, all but
the activating grace. What you know, I'm not just thinking? How do
I know I've got all the parts adjusted properly? I haven't the remotest idea.
No you know, I mean the only sure away would be the tested
you mean activating, well, only for a minute or two, you understand,
I mean just to be sure. Then what Well, then I'll and
disassemble it naturally. Well, all right, as long as you don't take
too long. No, no, no no, I'll have it in a
jiffy now here. Look you see, all I have to do is just
put on the activating plate. Yeah, and turn this lock. Nut ain't
like so now wait a minute, just just the automatic current control. Yeah
there, Now that that should do it. Now stand back, stand back
now I'll turn it on and I hope it lay to work. It'll work.
I followed the directions to the letter. You're ready. Now it works,
I'll have to oil that joint. Wait, gratically moving its head.
My name is Alder. I am a robot. What is there to do?
Well? It certainly has a nice voice. Now now take it easy,
but just sit down and rest and we'll have a little talk. There's
no need to rest. I was made to work. Well, it's long,
is he? It doesn't need to rest. I can think of one
hundred things for it to do. Now there's the house and the garden,
and Lord, look, Grace. I wonder if he could learn to cook.
A robot can be taught to do anything a person can do. Hold
on a minute, Albert, please and listen to me. We can't keep
you. You understand, I mean you were sent here by a mistake.
But I mean, as long as you're activated, there wouldn't be any harm
in letting you do a few things. I can do anything good. The
whole house needs a thorough cleaning, Grace. Then of course I'd like some
new drapes for the study. And the kitchen hasn't been painted for four years.
Then there's that leaky foss. Oh Lord, well, what's the matter?
Attachments? There on? Eddy, He can't do all that stuff without
attachments, and they cost almost as much as the robot itself. And don't
worry about attachments. Just tell me what's to be done. Well, you
heard my wife? Or what about your grounds? Oh? I got a
hundred beat up acres and need attention. But because I realized that that's too
much work. Huh, don't worry about a thing. I can fix it
for you. Make them necessary, make your own attachment. Don't worry about
a thing. But oh, for Heaven's sake, stop arguing with him and
let him get to work. I'm arguing morning, Gordon. The coffee is
ready. I just sleep here. Oh so good, kept hearing noises all
Now that was Albert working in the basement. Albert, Hey, gosh,
that's right. I forgot. Robots don't sleep. He was working all night.
When I came into the kitchen just now, I found the breakfast all
prepared. He can cook. Isn't that wonderful? Yeah? What's he doing
now? I don't know, making something? I think, Oh, Gordon,
he's going to be such a tremendous help to me. I'll be able
to spend more time than ever with my painter. Now, wait a minute,
what makes you think we can keep him? I mean they're not no
grace. I mean we could get into Trump. Don't see how. I'll
tell you what. Why don't you walk over and call on Anson Lee?
He could advise you. What does he know about it? He's a lawyer.
Well technically he's a lawyer. I mean, never seems to work at
it anymore. We have to understand and and that's all. Look, I
understand them, all right. He's a reactionary, a throwback to the twentieth
century, spends all his time lying in a hammock, drinking and reading proofs.
Well, it's what he enjoy he's doing. I'll bet that guy never
assembled a kit in his life. Can you imagine that? Well, we
all have our peculiarities just the same. He could give you legal advice.
Well, all right, all right, I'll go over after breakfast if it'll
make you feel any happier. Passed the cream, Oh, have a drink
night hard cider? Made it myself. Thought you didn't go in for home
projects, Lee, I don't. Making this cighter was the first honest work
I've done a year. I don't doubt it. Let me. Time I
get a end of work, I look across at your place and I decide
against it. How many rooms have you added to that house since you've got
it built? Eight? Good? Lord? The eight rooms? No,
no, no, it's not hard. Once you get the next got fun,
you just buy a how to kid sure, I know, just follow
direction. Anybody can build a robot on a kitchen table. Well, no
thanks, Why do you say that, I mean about building a robot?
Oh? I don't know. I suppose I expect you to start building one
anytime. Now. You've done everything else. What's got in the people?
These days and nights? They just ironed equipped to enjoy the leisure? That
is most of them on me? I am I ree, I lie in
a hammock and now and again I even think, as I guess that makes
me an eccentric. Have another drink. Oh no, no, no,
no thanks, I'll have to get back to my place. Albert, Albert,
you call me, sir? Yeah, Albert, listen to me.
I Albert, I have reached a decision about you. But I'm not Albert,
sir. I huh. You would hardly expect Albert to be clipping hedges.
If you're not, You're not Albert? Who are you? Abe?
Albert is down in the basement. Oh what are you doing here? Where
did you come from? If you wish to talk to me, you will
have to move along the hedge with me. I cannot stop working. Oh
okay, okay, move along? But wait, wait, wait, where
did you come from? Albert made me, Albert made you, and now
he's down in the basement working on Alfred. Alfred another robot. Certainly that
is what Albert is for. He makes robots. Oh no, Albert,
Oh there you are, Albert. What's going on here? I'm reproducing what
I have a built in mother. I don't know why they named me Albert.
I should have had a female name. But you shouldn't be able to
make Roberts. Look, boss, you worry a lot. You want robots,
don't you. Well, yeah, I guess everybody could use a robot
I make. I'm making all you need, Albert, Albert, put down
that head and listen to me. I want to have a serious talk.
Sure, boss, what's on your mind now? Albert? I just looked
through your packing case and I found this tag. Look it says X one
hundred and ninety X Albert. Don't you understand that means you're an experimental model.
That's correct. You were never meant to be sold. That is also
correct. I know. Don't you see? That means trouble. I can't
keep you. I've already taken care of that. What do you mean I
filed off my serial number and replated the surface. Why why did you do
that so that they can't come around and take me back. They made me,
and then they got scared and shut me off. But you're not afraid
of me, assembled me and let me go to work. I'm sticking with
you, Boss. Wait a minute that this could mean a lot of trouble
for me, Albert, No trouble. They can't prove a thing. I'll
swear that you made me. I'll not let them take me back. They
will take no chances. Next time. They'll break me up for scrap.
But but look, if you make too many robots. Robots are useful.
You need a lot of them in this place. Now, don't worry,
Boss, everything will work out well. I'll take good care of you.
Now I must go back to work. Albert is nearly finished. Mister Knight.
I'm from the County Tax Office tax assessor. Oh, I didn't know
you Fellas came around more than once a year. Ordinarily we don't. This
is a special case. Oh made a lot of improvement in the place the
past few days, landscaping, painting, building. Well, afraid I'll have
to boost your assessments. Somen I say, heard about those robots of you
robots personal property, you know, have to pay attacks on them. Just
how many of you got? Oh one or two? I've been counting.
They move around so fast, I can't be sure, but I estimate the
number at thirty eight. That right, If you say so, thirty eight
it is, then they cost ten thousand apiece. I'll assess them at five.
That's let's see, that's one hundred and ninety thousand dollars. Oh no,
hey, that's pretty steep. But I'm going easy on you. By
rights, I should only allow you a third for depreciation. Well that's it,
mister night. One hundred and ninety thousand dollars. Wait, we'll send
you the bill with your quarterly statement. But good day, good day.
Ah. But look, I've been holding off until we got the new landscaping
job under control. But I can't hold off any longer. Any longer.
I mean, we got to start selling some of the robots. Selling,
Yeah, twenty of them. That should do for a start. The tax
assessor was here, I need the cash. You can't sell the robots.
Why can I? Because they're my family, my boys named after me,
all of albert I'm sorry, but that's ridiculous. They're all live balls.
You wouldn't sell your own children, would you. All their names start with
A, just like mine, Abe, Adelbert, Alfred, Adam, Aaron
Anton acts all right, all right, all right, don't go through the
whole roll call. I mean, the point is I need the money.
Don't you worry, boss, I'll fix everything. You have nothing to worry
about. The point is, mister Knight, the Internal Revenue Department is always
interested when a citizen shows a substantial capital gain during the year capital gain.
I haven't made any capital come, come, sir. I'm talking about the
matter of some fifty two robots. As I understand it, their retail value
is ten thousand dollars each, so they say fifty two times ten thousand is
five hundred and twenty thousand dollars. On capital gains, you pay fifty percent
or two hundred and sixty thousand dollars, a tax roughly of one hundred and
thirty thousand dollars. When what do I do? By the fifteenth of next
month, you must file a declaration of estimated income. You paid half of
the due tax at that time and the balance in monthly installments. And there's
one other matter. On another matter we investigated, we found you make ten
thousand dollars a year. Would you tell me out of personal curiosity? Understand
I understand just how a man of your particular means could show a capital gain
of a half a million dollars in so short a time. I'm beginning to
wonder myself. Well, our only concern is you pay your tax. However,
some other branch of the federal government might very well want to ask some
questions. Sometimes I were you, mister Knight, I would be ready with
some answers. Yeah, good day, Good day, Alvid. Now look
did I tell you this is this is a crisis. Do you understand it?
Like it or not. I have got to sell some of your boys,
a whole bunch of them, Boss. I told you not to worry,
not to worry. Listen, I just came from the income tax people.
I owe the government a cool one hundred and thirty grand and those boys.
Don't fool around. I'm desperate. Money is no trouble, boss.
Come here, Come where over here? Look at this? What's this?
What those are? Those those bails? What have they gotten? Don't tell
me full of money? Boss, help yourself. I mean that the actual
real money in those bales. Not stage money now, real money, Boss,
No ones, of course, but lots of tens and twenties. Yeah,
that bail over there is full of fifties. We didn't fool around with
ones, Albert, mean the eye did you? Did you make that money?
You said you needed it. We took some bills and analyzed the ink.
I found out how to weave the paper and made plates. I hate
the sounding modest, boss, but they're beautiful. Oh my gosh. I'm
a counterfeitter too. We just ran off as much as we thought you need.
If it's not enough, we'll make some. It's enough, not not
another dollar, Albert, listen to me that they're there are laws in this
country. I mean, you just can't go out and print money. That's
a crime, don't you understand. Now, Look you take it all outside
and burn it right up. You understand, and don't print anymore. That
is an order. I'm busy. I hate to disturb you there, but
I thought you ought to know about the sheriff. I don't want to know
the sheriff. He was here with a subpoena whatever you call them. What
you call it seems the how to company's got to sue us. Oh no,
oh, all right, that does it? That does Where are you
going to see my lawyer? He off hand man, I'd say you were
in quite a jam. I didn't have to walk all the way over here
to find that out. The point is, Lee, what in the name
of heaven can I do? Well, First, you'll have to file a
declaration of estimated income. Even if I can't pay, especially if you can't
pay technically, then you haven't violated the law. And all they can do
is to try to collect what you owe. They'll probably slap an attachment on
your bank account. What bank account? I'm broke? Oh well, then
i'd say you're made to worry? Is the how to company suit? If
I were you, i'd set it out a court. Out of court,
they might call off the action if you returned all the robots, Albert says,
he'll testify that I made him. Albert can't testify as a robot.
He has no standing in court. Oh, you better give them back and
get what terms you can't. No, no, no, no, I
won't do it. I won't. Don't you See. They don't want Albert
back because they can use him. They want to break him up to maintain
their robot prices. Don't you see it might be a thousand years before his
principle is rediscovered. If it ever is, would that be bad? I
don't know. Only time will tell that. But I mean you could say
the same thing about any great invention. Look, no, I will not
let them destroy Albert. Yes, I see your point, Night, and
I like it. You like it, I'll take the case. Of course.
I ought to warn you I'm not a very good lawyer. I know
I don't work hard enough at it. But I do have a chance.
Huh. In all my practice at law Night, I never saw a man
who'd gotten himself as fouled up as this. I'd say, your chances are
nil. Yeah it's Albert Boss. I heard about the suit. Yeah it's
all right, Albert. Mister Lee here is going to handle our case.
We robots want to help. I'm afraid there's not much you can do.
Oh, yes there is. I'm building a lawyer robot. He's building a
lawyer robot with far greater memory capacity than any human, and with brain computers
that operate on logic. That's what law is based on, isn't it logic?
I've heard, but it won't work, Albert the practice law, you
must be admitted to the bar. To be admitted to the bar, you
must have a degree in law and pass an examination. And although it has
never been an occasion to establish a precedent, I suspect the applicant must be
human. Lee Lee, Wait a minute, what about law clerks? I
mean they don't have to be human. I'd say that was completely true.
Yeah, then Albert's robots can be clerks. Well, could be you know
what I mean. Yes, it's never been done, but there's nothing in
the law that says it can't be done. Then it's settled. I'll make
a dozen to start. Each one will be an expert in one phase of
the law. Boss, You're going to have the most powerful battery of legal
talent ever assembled under one roof. Right in the court, Mister Lee,
what is the meaning of this outrage? What outrage? Your honor? Those
robots sitting at the defense table, These, your honor, are my valued
assistants. Robots. Yes, your honor, take them away. They have
no standing in this court, If your honor will excuse me, they need
no standing. I am the sole representative of the defendants, My client as
a poor man, and he is opposed by the most formidable array of legal
talent money can buy. Now, surely the court will not deny him whatever
assistance he's been able to muster. This, Sir, is highly irregular.
If it please your honor, I should like to point out that we live
in a mechanized age. The court clerk uses a machine to take down the
transcript of these very proceedings. To my certain knowledge, no court has ever
challenged the presence of such a device as an ad to the furtherance of justice.
If your honor can point out anything in the law specifically barring these robots
from the court, that's ridiculous, Sir. Of course, there is no
such provision. At no time anywhere did anyone dream such a contingency would arise
in that case, Sir, I asked the court for a favorable ruling.
Mister, as you point out, there is no precedent for my ruling in
any way but in your favor. Therefore, Sir, with reluctance, I
do so. At this time, and what kind of a day has it
been. It's a day in which a new kind of trial has suddenly captured
the imagination of the public. A trial in which a man accused of misappropriating
a robot has brought into court a whole battery of robots to aid in his
defense. To give validity to their argument you're on earth, it must first
be proved that these robots are in fact the property of the plaintiff. That
is the issue at trial in this case. So, in the now famous
robot case, the issue has come down to this, was the robot stolen
or was he liberated? It is a far reaching question. Indeed, I
have already established that robots are possessed of free will, that they have the
power of reasoning, and that they can most certainly reproduce. As to my
worthy opponent's fourth contention that they have no spiritual sense, I contend that this
is irrelevant. There are agnostics and atheists in the human race, and in
general no one has denied them their full rights on this count. And so
the trial has at last come to its end. The whole nation, indeed
the whole world, awaits the momentous decision which must be handed down. In
Washington, d C. Treasury officials have been meeting steadily for a week to
find some way to avoid the loss of the enormous taxes on robots in the
event the decision rendered is in favor of the defense. One high government official
has said that if robots are declared free and equal, it means they must
be given full citizen rights under the constitution. Already, the chairman of both
major political parties are mapping campaigns to another robot Bote. Welcome home, Darling.
Yeah, yeah, thank you for what's going on here, Grace.
I have more trouble getting into my own home than into the Pentagon. Oh
you mean the robots. They've set up a defense perimeter. I a defense
Albert, Hello, Boss, welcome home, Albert. What is the meaning
of all of bob Weire and the rocket launchers? Just precautions, Boss.
We're ready for any situation such as, oh, like a mob deciding to
take justice into its own hands, for instance, or if the decision goes
against us, that too, Boss. Did you two go on and talk?
I really got to get back to my painting. I have a beautiful
still life light simply got yeah, yeah, I finished, Albert. Listen,
you can't fight the whole world. We won't go back how two kits
incorporated. We'll never lay a hand on me or any of my children,
that this is madness. Don't you understand they'd get you with one bomb and
me too. Better to die fighting, Boss than to live in chains.
That's our motel. No matter what happens, we are ready for the decision.
The court is ready to render its decision. It is the most difficult
decision I have ever made, for in following the letter of the law,
I fear I may be subverting its spirit. After long days of earnest consideration
about the law and the evidence as presented in this court, I find for
the defendant, Gordon Knight, I cannot rule otherwise. May I add that
this ruling, in spite of the fact that I myself made it, outrages
my social conscience. You did it, Boss, you did it. We're
free, Yes, Albert, we should did it. Where's my wife in
the studio painting? Not another landscape? Her fifth this week. She's doing
very well, yes, isn't she? And I am working on a new
robot for her a painter. Soon she won't have to bother doing it herself.
That's nice. And you won't have to do anything anymore either, Boss,
not a thing. Oh, we're gonna take care of you from here
on out. Thanks. Did I tell you about my new children yet?
No? I don't think so. Alice, Angeline, Agnes, Agatha,
Alberta and Abigail daughter six on the Boss, and all with a built in
reproducing instinct just like mine. Oh no, they're down in the basement now
turning out robots. Great, we've got everything worked out for your boss.
You won't have to worry about a thing for the rest of your life.
No, Albert, not a thing. You have just heard. X minus
one presented by the National Broadcasting Company in cooperation with Galaxy Science fiction magazine,
which this month features Name Your Symptom by Jim Harmon, a story of a
future in which anyone who shunned the cure needed to have his head examined,
assuming he still had one left. Galaxy Magazine on your news stand today Tonight
by transcription. X minus one has brought you how to a story from the
pages of Galaxy, written by Clifford D. Simmack and adapted for radio by
William Welch. Featured in the cast were Alan Buntz, Anne seymour Les Damon,
Joseph Bell, James Monks, William Key, laws In Zerbe Santa Sortega
and Ben Grower. Your Announcer Fred Collins. X Minus one was directed by
Daniel Sutter and is an NBC Radio Network production. Muh here Politics and Primaries
Dateline Illinois and Wisconsin tonight on NBC Radio. Mm hmm