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W four WN Radio. Hello and welcome to Fearless Fabulous You. I am
your host, Melanie Young, and it is January twenty twenty four, a
new year, and based on the many pr pitches I'm getting in my Fearless
Fabulous You in box, it's I'm for a New You, which is what
we're going to talk about today, because you know, every year I make
an end of year New Year's resolutions about how I wanted my vision for the
next year to be. I'm very big on writing in a diary. I
encourage everyone to journal, put their thoughts down, use it as a benchmark
to see how things are going. However, I'm not always the person who
says a new year a new you. Because sometimes you're just okay the way
you are, So why do you need to change? And that's what we're
going to talk about today. How to embrace your authentic you as you are
and accept change if you choose it or if not. How to be more
authentic in yourself because why be a copy of someone else when you can be
a more authentic you. There's a popular saying that imitation is the sincerest form
of flattery, or so some say. According to my research on doctor Google,
the expression imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, which is from the
eighteen hundreds. By the way different sources, means that when someone imitates you,
they are paying you a compliment. The idea behind this expression is that
people tend to imitate those whom they admire or respect. It's been used since
many forms since the nineteenth century, I think I said eighteenth nineteenth century,
for example, imitating someone's look or style or behavior, which is okay as
long as you're not stealing or plagiarizing, and true imitation is flattering. When
someone says they want to be like me or that they look up to me,
they want to learn me, they want to be me. I love
it. I don't like it when they go I'm jealous because I think that's
a very aggressive, negative term jealous. No one should be jealous. They
should be happy for you, not jealous. So imitation is a sincerest form
of flattery. However, there needs to be boundaries. And what do I
mean by boundaries? And by the way, I'm solo sharing my motivational musing
with you today. I hope you enjoy it and I hope you give me
feedback. Melanie Fabulous at Instagram. What do I mean by boundaries? Well,
I'm going to give you a really great example close to me. My
mother only wore the color purple. She was known as the Purple Lady.
There are a lot of purple ladies I found in the United States and worldwide.
My mother was the Purple Lady in Chattanooga, Tennessee, and many were
people respected her, and I guess some wanted to be like her. I'll
give you a weird, weird, kind of creepy example. My dad had
a secretary who started wearing purple head to toe. She even bought a wig
that looked like my mother's hair. She bought a purple desk chair like my
mother's, and she finally painted her car purple. Well, that was like
kind of weird because it was like a mini mother walking around, but she
wasn't my mother. She was kind of creepily imitating her. Was that flattery?
I think she thought it was kind of cool. She thought my father
would like it, but frankly, it kind of creeped out my mother and
I. We thought that was really weird, particularly when she started buying purple
toilet paper like my mother. Sometimes it can go too far. Another example
is if people imitate your behavior and style to draw attention to themselves without acknowledging
you, Like you know, I know there's a lot of Swifties and Taylor
Swifties and people who like imitate imitate rock stares, but give people acknowledgment.
Say I love this person so much, I'm doing things like you, or
I want to dress like you. But don't steal an idea or steal somebody's
look. Create your own for goodness sake. Why steal someone's idea or look
or mannerisms when you can have your own. You know, It's like it's
like idea identity theft, but in a different way. I know that sounds
extreme, but if someone's sort of dressing and styling themselves like me and adopting
my tone of voice and mannerisms, I feel pretty uncomfortable. What about you.
Of course, with many avenues of social media, imitation a g.
Copying is rampant. There are a lot of people who try to be like
someone or look like someone. I remember when Madonna was in and everybody wanted
to dress like Madonna. I guess they're doing it with Taylor Swift now.
But you know, it's okay. It's okay to be a fan and to
wear the look and to have the ring or wear the whatever and whatnot.
But it's not okay to lose yourself or your identity in another person's identity or
steal someone else's identity. So you have your you know, because you can't
figure out what your own is. Why be a copy of your imitation is
someone else? When you can be your own, authentic self. That is
the ultimate expression of self team and self worth. Trying to be like someone
else is like giving up on you. Maybe you need to spend more time
on you, and maybe that's when the New Year knew you does make sense?
Maybe you don't like you because maybe you're not happy with your weight,
maybe you're not happy with your hair, maybe you're not happy with your whatever.
Work on it, but don't try to, you know, look for
ideas and glean from other people, but don't steal or try to be someone
you're not. Why can't you just embrace you? You have to ask yourself,
why am I trying to change or adapt my actions looks to be like
someone else? What are the reasons? There are many on both sides of
positive and negative. So given the January Harold's the constant message saying a new
year knew you, I just want to remind you that that message is created
by mark getters who want to sell you products and services and pray on your
insecurities so that you will pay them to quote help you improve, whether it's
a book a product. I mean, I'm getting inundated, but I'm not
necessarily saying a new year, a new year, A new year, anew
year is bad, but it may not be necessary for you. Now Here
are some reasons why you may want to change, and gosh, I've wanted
to change a lot. I'm in the middle of another change right now,
which I don't want to get into because I really want this to be about
you. So the number one reason you may want to change is what I
call intentional change. Intentional change, you basically don't really like the way things
are. Maybe you're unhappy with the way things are in your life, and
you really truly want to make a change. According to what your mind,
body, and intuition and instinct, all those factors are speaking to you.
Your inner being is saying I really need a change, ill not even need.
I want change. There's need and there's want, but it's you want
it so bad you can taste it, and you know that you'll be happier
in your inner self if you do. You're not doing it for anyone's reason,
any reason except for you. You want to give to you. That's
intentional, purposeful change. And it could be anything. It could be losing
weight, exercising more regularly, dropping bad habits like nail biting, being being
me smoking. It could be changing a job or going in and asking for
a raise or a promotion at your current job. It could be deciding to
change where you live. That's a big one, but it could be could
be breaking up with a relationship that no longer feels meaningful, purposeful, or
enjoyable for you, or it could opening yourself up to having a relationship at
all after years of saying I'm done. Whatever it is, it's changed that
you want and you feel you need, and you're ready to facilitate on your
own or with the help of trusted advisors. It's intentional change that you decide
to make happen. You're in the driver's seat, you're ready to steer your
course, and you want to be in control. Intentional change, that's all
good. I'm all for it. I've done it many times. It never
stops. Change is good if you want it, But if you're happy the
way you are, that's awesome too. The other positive change is adaptable change.
I call it incidental change. It's when an incident happens that changes your
life and you're kind of forced to adapt because of it as a result.
So it's incidental. I call it the shititaki happens. Maybe maybe you did
lose a job, We got the pink slip, so you gotta find something
else to do. Maybe someone broke up with you over the holidays, and
there you go. You got to put the pieces together and change and move
on. You may have lost a loved one sadly over the holidays, I
feel like so many people I know died. It kind of creeped me out,
which makes me. Those incidences made me want to make a change.
And the first thing I did is set up a doctor's appointment to go get
a physical because I want to change anything in me to make sure I stay
healthy after' you know, learning about three people that had cardiac arrest. Those
are incidental changes. You may have been in an accident, you may have
had or loved one, or somebody got sick. Those are things that happened
to you that change your life. And often you don't have the control of
what happened, but you can stay in control. You can start You may
not start out in the driver's seat, but you can grab hold of the
wheel so your life doesn't spin out of control and steer a new course.
It's not easy. That requires gathering your wits, not panicking, and staying
focus. It's kind of like when you hit a bad ice patching the road
and your car starts to spind What do you gotta do. You gotta lean
in to the situation, stay focused and not panic. Study your course.
Both intentional and incidental changes require time, patience, flexibility, and adaptability.
You may need to adapt your course of action as you steer what your way
through it. But you're still in control, and that's what matters. You're
in control of your destiny and the best way you can be in control.
Because we're never fully in control of anything, we can only do the best
job we can. Now, I want to address changes that are not always
in your best interest. These are the ones that trouble me most, so
listen up. The first is forced to change by other parties, big example,
peer pressure, or a loved one is putting pressure on you to change
for his or her benefit. What concerns me is that someone or part some
parties is are pressuring you to change on their behalf and in their best interests,
but not necessarily on your behalf or your best interest. Here, and
especially if you don't feel comfortable in your situation, you need to get to
the root of the change. Why is this being asked of you? You
being pressured? Why is it something that's really a problem. Maybe you do
have a problem, Maybe maybe you have an addiction and people are pressuring you
to change and they want to help you. That's healthy, But maybe it's
because they want you to move, They want you to leave, They want
you to do something different or change something about you that makes you uncomfortable.
I know a woman whose husband pressured her to have breast enlargements. She didn't
want them and that cause it will rift in the relationship. But she didn't
want them, he pressured her. You need to get to the root of
the change. Is someone unhappy with you? Or are they unhappy with themselves?
Are they unhappy with who you are? Are they unhappy with who they
are and they're trying to change you to make themselves look better. Is the
change in your best interest or their best interest? Do they want you to
change to be more likely and less like you? This is important because changing
to improve and or in a ritual relationship is good provided no self esteem is
harmed in the process and you don't lose yourself in someone else's life and personality
and identity. Again, this is all about maintaining your self identity and your
self worth. The other unhealthy change is when someone makes you feel less than
confident or fabulous. They're so busy bringing you down and bossing you around and
telling you what to do and making you feel less and fabulous, inadequate,
even because maybe they need to build themselves up, or maybe it's they're trying
to control you or have power of you. Frankly, this is a form
of emotional abuse, and frankly, it's unacceptable. So you know, if
someone is putting pressure on you or making you feel inferior or insecure, or
bossing you around in a way that makes you uncomfortable, you need to say
stop it enough, I'm not putting up with this. This could include criticism,
verbal assaults that make you feel you need to change. It could also
be physical abuse or barriers or emotional barriers that lay thick on you or pull
back. If anyone who is creating barriers that borrow you from feeling free to
be, you hit the accelerator and speed ah way. At the end of
the day, you have the choice to make changes in your life, and
sometimes changes will happen to you either way. There are five emotional tools or
what I call reset tools, to help you keep you focused and on your
path and in control. My first one and these are all in my book
Fearless, Fabulous You Lessons on Living Life on your Terms, which is still
in publication and you can find it on Amazon or you can contact me Melanie
at Melanie Young dot com. The first is this recharge, take stock of
a situation and takes charge of yourself. If you're feeling stressed, find ways
to de stress easy ones, take walks, take a nap for thirty minutes
fifteen minutes are both. Hydrate, call a friend who makes you laugh.
If you have a therapist, contact the therapist. Avoid alcohol or eating and
consuming any foods that irritate your stomach. These are things I do. Just
breathe and get off the computer and get off social media and take your rants
off social media. I'll be honest with you. I am tired of people
sharing their rants on social media and I'm tired of it's a call for help,
and I accept that and I appreciate that, but it's whanging. Your
call for help should be a phone call away, not a social media call
away. My second is release. So change is something you want. It's
a release. You're releasing yourself of something that was to become something that will
be. It could be physical, emotional, it could be location, it
could be anything, but it should be a positive release from what is holding
you back emotionally. It needs to be a positive release. It may mean
stepping outside of your comfort zone. It may mean putting your pride aside.
It may mean taking a few steps back to move forward on more solid footing
with a better path ahead. Above all, it means releasing emotional barriers and
negative thoughts that are holding you down and holding you back from where you want
to go and who you want to be. My third and that have five.
My third reset is reconnect. Take stock of your toolbox, your skills,
your talents, your aura, everything that you know. You have a
body made of bones, blood, water, veins, well's You also have
skills, talents to brain, vision, clarity. It's physical and it's non
physical. You're you, So see how you can repurpose your skills and talents.
Refocus your brain. Focus on being grateful for what you have and not
wistful or wishful for what you don't have. It's okay to be wishful.
That means you're wishing for something else and you're gonna make it happen. Wistful
is more of a regret, a feeling that it could have been, should
have, would have, could have instead of it will I can, Let's
do it. Thrive on being alive and not left out. Focus. Don't
focus on fear of missing out or not being part of something. Focus on
being in the moment and where you are, with who you are, and
not looking out the horizon saying I wish I was somewhere else. That's wishful
thinking or wistful. The next number four is reframe. So when it comes
to change, especially the incidental changes that I mentioned to you, things that
happened to you that you're like, why did this happen to me? How
am I going to deal with it? You may need to mentally reframe what
happened and how it has impacted your life to shed new light on the situation
rather than to allow it darken your spirits. It's not easy. You know,
somebody dies, it's dark. It could take a while, if an
accident happens. There are a lot of things that can take time that you
can't control. You've got to really work on your spirit. When I was
going through cancer, I had to reframe my head a lot because I didn't
have a choice about chemo. I did it, and I have a lot
of friends right now going through it. But I reframed it to say,
when I'm putting into my system is going to knocket all the bad stuff as
much as I hate it. That's a reframe. When it was time to
move from my last house, I reframed to say, I'm going to find
a new, great place to live. That's how you do it. You
got to look at the Okay, this happened, but this is what the
good's going to come out of it. That's a reframe. It's also a
solid, important reset to keep you positive and focused. It also is about
setting boundaries and expanding horizons, striking a balance while building a stronger bridge from
where you are to where you're going next. And it will take time,
so underscore be patient. Finally, it's about reclaiming your authentic you on your
terms and not bending or changing to the whim's wishes demands of others. Again,
we're talking about new year, new you. Maybe you don't want to
have a new you. Maybe you're just buying the way you are. You
don't need to change. You don't need to spend the money, you don't
need to buy anything. You don't need to make people think there's something wrong
with you, because there's not. In your mind. You're fine. If
you want to make the change, there's God knows many tools and services and
products to help you. I'm not going down that road, but you don't
have to do a damn thing if you don't want to. As long as
you're taking care of you, you and this is my final few words before
I wrap. You have the ability to be the architect of your life.
You were born to build. You're born to build you. Your foundation is
your body and your mind, and you can build from that and create the
person you want to be. Your skills and your brains, your tools.
Start with a strong foundation. Keep it healthy, exercise, manage your weight,
go to the doctors, do all the things to keep that foundation strong,
and then take it one step at a time to decide where you want
to take it and how you want to build your life. A year I
knew year. That's fine, but frankly, tell yourself every day and believe
it. You are fabulous just as the way you are. That's my message
for today. I'm Melanie Young, hosts of Fearless Fabulous You. You can
find my books Fearless Fabulous youe lessons on living life on your terms and getting
things off My Chest, A Survivor's Guide to staying Fearless and Fabulous in the
face of breast cancer on Amazon, or you can write me at Melanie at
Melanieong dot com or visit Melanieong dot com. I hope that twenty twenty four
brings you abundance. We all could use abundance in our life. It brings
you joy, and it brings you love, not only love with others,
but love of yourself, because there's only one you, So take good care
of you and always remember you have the tools and the ability and the choice
to live life on your terms, so always choose fearless and fabulous. Thank you,