WEBVTT

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The topics and opinions expressed on the
following show are solely those of the hosts

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and their guests, and not those
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WN Radio It's employees or affiliates. Any

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questions or comment should be directed to
those show hosts. Thank you for choosing

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W four WN Radio. Hello and
welcome to Fearless Fabulous You. I am

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your host, Melanie Young, and
it is January twenty twenty four, a

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new year, and based on the
many pr pitches I'm getting in my Fearless

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Fabulous You in box, it's I'm
for a New You, which is what

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we're going to talk about today,
because you know, every year I make

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an end of year New Year's resolutions
about how I wanted my vision for the

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next year to be. I'm very
big on writing in a diary. I

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encourage everyone to journal, put their
thoughts down, use it as a benchmark

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to see how things are going.
However, I'm not always the person who

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says a new year a new you. Because sometimes you're just okay the way

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you are, So why do you
need to change? And that's what we're

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going to talk about today. How
to embrace your authentic you as you are

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and accept change if you choose it
or if not. How to be more

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authentic in yourself because why be a
copy of someone else when you can be

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a more authentic you. There's a
popular saying that imitation is the sincerest form

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of flattery, or so some say. According to my research on doctor Google,

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the expression imitation is the sincerest form
of flattery, which is from the

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eighteen hundreds. By the way different
sources, means that when someone imitates you,

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they are paying you a compliment.
The idea behind this expression is that

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people tend to imitate those whom they
admire or respect. It's been used since

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many forms since the nineteenth century,
I think I said eighteenth nineteenth century,

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for example, imitating someone's look or
style or behavior, which is okay as

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long as you're not stealing or plagiarizing, and true imitation is flattering. When

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someone says they want to be like
me or that they look up to me,

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they want to learn me, they
want to be me. I love

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it. I don't like it when
they go I'm jealous because I think that's

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a very aggressive, negative term jealous. No one should be jealous. They

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should be happy for you, not
jealous. So imitation is a sincerest form

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of flattery. However, there needs
to be boundaries. And what do I

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mean by boundaries? And by the
way, I'm solo sharing my motivational musing

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with you today. I hope you
enjoy it and I hope you give me

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feedback. Melanie Fabulous at Instagram.
What do I mean by boundaries? Well,

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I'm going to give you a really
great example close to me. My

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mother only wore the color purple.
She was known as the Purple Lady.

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There are a lot of purple ladies
I found in the United States and worldwide.

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My mother was the Purple Lady in
Chattanooga, Tennessee, and many were

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people respected her, and I guess
some wanted to be like her. I'll

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give you a weird, weird,
kind of creepy example. My dad had

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a secretary who started wearing purple head
to toe. She even bought a wig

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that looked like my mother's hair.
She bought a purple desk chair like my

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mother's, and she finally painted her
car purple. Well, that was like

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kind of weird because it was like
a mini mother walking around, but she

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wasn't my mother. She was kind
of creepily imitating her. Was that flattery?

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I think she thought it was kind
of cool. She thought my father

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would like it, but frankly,
it kind of creeped out my mother and

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I. We thought that was really
weird, particularly when she started buying purple

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toilet paper like my mother. Sometimes
it can go too far. Another example

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is if people imitate your behavior and
style to draw attention to themselves without acknowledging

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you, Like you know, I
know there's a lot of Swifties and Taylor

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Swifties and people who like imitate imitate
rock stares, but give people acknowledgment.

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Say I love this person so much, I'm doing things like you, or

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I want to dress like you.
But don't steal an idea or steal somebody's

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look. Create your own for goodness
sake. Why steal someone's idea or look

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or mannerisms when you can have your
own. You know, It's like it's

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like idea identity theft, but in
a different way. I know that sounds

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extreme, but if someone's sort of
dressing and styling themselves like me and adopting

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my tone of voice and mannerisms,
I feel pretty uncomfortable. What about you.

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Of course, with many avenues of
social media, imitation a g.

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Copying is rampant. There are a
lot of people who try to be like

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someone or look like someone. I
remember when Madonna was in and everybody wanted

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to dress like Madonna. I guess
they're doing it with Taylor Swift now.

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But you know, it's okay.
It's okay to be a fan and to

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wear the look and to have the
ring or wear the whatever and whatnot.

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But it's not okay to lose yourself
or your identity in another person's identity or

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steal someone else's identity. So you
have your you know, because you can't

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figure out what your own is.
Why be a copy of your imitation is

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someone else? When you can be
your own, authentic self. That is

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the ultimate expression of self team and
self worth. Trying to be like someone

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else is like giving up on you. Maybe you need to spend more time

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on you, and maybe that's when
the New Year knew you does make sense?

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Maybe you don't like you because maybe
you're not happy with your weight,

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maybe you're not happy with your hair, maybe you're not happy with your whatever.

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Work on it, but don't try
to, you know, look for

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ideas and glean from other people,
but don't steal or try to be someone

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you're not. Why can't you just
embrace you? You have to ask yourself,

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why am I trying to change or
adapt my actions looks to be like

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someone else? What are the reasons? There are many on both sides of

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positive and negative. So given the
January Harold's the constant message saying a new

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year knew you, I just want
to remind you that that message is created

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by mark getters who want to sell
you products and services and pray on your

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insecurities so that you will pay them
to quote help you improve, whether it's

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a book a product. I mean, I'm getting inundated, but I'm not

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necessarily saying a new year, a
new year, A new year, anew

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year is bad, but it may
not be necessary for you. Now Here

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are some reasons why you may want
to change, and gosh, I've wanted

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to change a lot. I'm in
the middle of another change right now,

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which I don't want to get into
because I really want this to be about

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you. So the number one reason
you may want to change is what I

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call intentional change. Intentional change,
you basically don't really like the way things

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are. Maybe you're unhappy with the
way things are in your life, and

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you really truly want to make a
change. According to what your mind,

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body, and intuition and instinct,
all those factors are speaking to you.

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Your inner being is saying I really
need a change, ill not even need.

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I want change. There's need and
there's want, but it's you want

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it so bad you can taste it, and you know that you'll be happier

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in your inner self if you do. You're not doing it for anyone's reason,

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any reason except for you. You
want to give to you. That's

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intentional, purposeful change. And it
could be anything. It could be losing

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weight, exercising more regularly, dropping
bad habits like nail biting, being being

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me smoking. It could be changing
a job or going in and asking for

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a raise or a promotion at your
current job. It could be deciding to

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change where you live. That's a
big one, but it could be could

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be breaking up with a relationship that
no longer feels meaningful, purposeful, or

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enjoyable for you, or it could
opening yourself up to having a relationship at

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all after years of saying I'm done. Whatever it is, it's changed that

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you want and you feel you need, and you're ready to facilitate on your

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own or with the help of trusted
advisors. It's intentional change that you decide

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to make happen. You're in the
driver's seat, you're ready to steer your

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course, and you want to be
in control. Intentional change, that's all

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good. I'm all for it.
I've done it many times. It never

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stops. Change is good if you
want it, But if you're happy the

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way you are, that's awesome too. The other positive change is adaptable change.

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I call it incidental change. It's
when an incident happens that changes your

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life and you're kind of forced to
adapt because of it as a result.

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So it's incidental. I call it
the shititaki happens. Maybe maybe you did

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lose a job, We got the
pink slip, so you gotta find something

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else to do. Maybe someone broke
up with you over the holidays, and

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there you go. You got to
put the pieces together and change and move

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on. You may have lost a
loved one sadly over the holidays, I

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feel like so many people I know
died. It kind of creeped me out,

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which makes me. Those incidences made
me want to make a change.

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And the first thing I did is
set up a doctor's appointment to go get

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a physical because I want to change
anything in me to make sure I stay

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healthy after' you know, learning about
three people that had cardiac arrest. Those

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are incidental changes. You may have
been in an accident, you may have

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had or loved one, or somebody
got sick. Those are things that happened

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to you that change your life.
And often you don't have the control of

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what happened, but you can stay
in control. You can start You may

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not start out in the driver's seat, but you can grab hold of the

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wheel so your life doesn't spin out
of control and steer a new course.

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It's not easy. That requires gathering
your wits, not panicking, and staying

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focus. It's kind of like when
you hit a bad ice patching the road

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and your car starts to spind What
do you gotta do. You gotta lean

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in to the situation, stay focused
and not panic. Study your course.

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Both intentional and incidental changes require time, patience, flexibility, and adaptability.

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You may need to adapt your course
of action as you steer what your way

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through it. But you're still in
control, and that's what matters. You're

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in control of your destiny and the
best way you can be in control.

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Because we're never fully in control of
anything, we can only do the best

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job we can. Now, I
want to address changes that are not always

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in your best interest. These are
the ones that trouble me most, so

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listen up. The first is forced
to change by other parties, big example,

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peer pressure, or a loved one
is putting pressure on you to change

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for his or her benefit. What
concerns me is that someone or part some

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parties is are pressuring you to change
on their behalf and in their best interests,

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but not necessarily on your behalf or
your best interest. Here, and

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especially if you don't feel comfortable in
your situation, you need to get to

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the root of the change. Why
is this being asked of you? You

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being pressured? Why is it something
that's really a problem. Maybe you do

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have a problem, Maybe maybe you
have an addiction and people are pressuring you

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to change and they want to help
you. That's healthy, But maybe it's

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because they want you to move,
They want you to leave, They want

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you to do something different or change
something about you that makes you uncomfortable.

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I know a woman whose husband pressured
her to have breast enlargements. She didn't

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want them and that cause it will
rift in the relationship. But she didn't

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want them, he pressured her.
You need to get to the root of

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the change. Is someone unhappy with
you? Or are they unhappy with themselves?

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Are they unhappy with who you are? Are they unhappy with who they

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are and they're trying to change you
to make themselves look better. Is the

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change in your best interest or their
best interest? Do they want you to

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change to be more likely and less
like you? This is important because changing

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to improve and or in a ritual
relationship is good provided no self esteem is

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harmed in the process and you don't
lose yourself in someone else's life and personality

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and identity. Again, this is
all about maintaining your self identity and your

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self worth. The other unhealthy change
is when someone makes you feel less than

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confident or fabulous. They're so busy
bringing you down and bossing you around and

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telling you what to do and making
you feel less and fabulous, inadequate,

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even because maybe they need to build
themselves up, or maybe it's they're trying

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to control you or have power of
you. Frankly, this is a form

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of emotional abuse, and frankly,
it's unacceptable. So you know, if

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someone is putting pressure on you or
making you feel inferior or insecure, or

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bossing you around in a way that
makes you uncomfortable, you need to say

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stop it enough, I'm not putting
up with this. This could include criticism,

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verbal assaults that make you feel you
need to change. It could also

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be physical abuse or barriers or emotional
barriers that lay thick on you or pull

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back. If anyone who is creating
barriers that borrow you from feeling free to

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be, you hit the accelerator and
speed ah way. At the end of

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the day, you have the choice
to make changes in your life, and

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sometimes changes will happen to you either
way. There are five emotional tools or

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what I call reset tools, to
help you keep you focused and on your

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path and in control. My first
one and these are all in my book

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Fearless, Fabulous You Lessons on Living
Life on your Terms, which is still

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in publication and you can find it
on Amazon or you can contact me Melanie

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at Melanie Young dot com. The
first is this recharge, take stock of

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a situation and takes charge of yourself. If you're feeling stressed, find ways

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to de stress easy ones, take
walks, take a nap for thirty minutes

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fifteen minutes are both. Hydrate,
call a friend who makes you laugh.

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If you have a therapist, contact
the therapist. Avoid alcohol or eating and

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consuming any foods that irritate your stomach. These are things I do. Just

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breathe and get off the computer and
get off social media and take your rants

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off social media. I'll be honest
with you. I am tired of people

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sharing their rants on social media and
I'm tired of it's a call for help,

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and I accept that and I appreciate
that, but it's whanging. Your

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call for help should be a phone
call away, not a social media call

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away. My second is release.
So change is something you want. It's

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a release. You're releasing yourself of
something that was to become something that will

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be. It could be physical,
emotional, it could be location, it

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could be anything, but it should
be a positive release from what is holding

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you back emotionally. It needs to
be a positive release. It may mean

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stepping outside of your comfort zone.
It may mean putting your pride aside.

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It may mean taking a few steps
back to move forward on more solid footing

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with a better path ahead. Above
all, it means releasing emotional barriers and

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negative thoughts that are holding you down
and holding you back from where you want

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to go and who you want to
be. My third and that have five.

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My third reset is reconnect. Take
stock of your toolbox, your skills,

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your talents, your aura, everything
that you know. You have a

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body made of bones, blood,
water, veins, well's You also have

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skills, talents to brain, vision, clarity. It's physical and it's non

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physical. You're you, So see
how you can repurpose your skills and talents.

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Refocus your brain. Focus on being
grateful for what you have and not

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wistful or wishful for what you don't
have. It's okay to be wishful.

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That means you're wishing for something else
and you're gonna make it happen. Wistful

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is more of a regret, a
feeling that it could have been, should

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have, would have, could have
instead of it will I can, Let's

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do it. Thrive on being alive
and not left out. Focus. Don't

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focus on fear of missing out or
not being part of something. Focus on

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being in the moment and where you
are, with who you are, and

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not looking out the horizon saying I
wish I was somewhere else. That's wishful

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thinking or wistful. The next number
four is reframe. So when it comes

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to change, especially the incidental changes
that I mentioned to you, things that

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happened to you that you're like,
why did this happen to me? How

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am I going to deal with it? You may need to mentally reframe what

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happened and how it has impacted your
life to shed new light on the situation

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rather than to allow it darken your
spirits. It's not easy. You know,

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somebody dies, it's dark. It
could take a while, if an

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accident happens. There are a lot
of things that can take time that you

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can't control. You've got to really
work on your spirit. When I was

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going through cancer, I had to
reframe my head a lot because I didn't

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have a choice about chemo. I
did it, and I have a lot

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of friends right now going through it. But I reframed it to say,

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when I'm putting into my system is
going to knocket all the bad stuff as

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much as I hate it. That's
a reframe. When it was time to

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move from my last house, I
reframed to say, I'm going to find

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a new, great place to live. That's how you do it. You

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got to look at the Okay,
this happened, but this is what the

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good's going to come out of it. That's a reframe. It's also a

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solid, important reset to keep you
positive and focused. It also is about

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setting boundaries and expanding horizons, striking
a balance while building a stronger bridge from

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where you are to where you're going
next. And it will take time,

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so underscore be patient. Finally,
it's about reclaiming your authentic you on your

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terms and not bending or changing to
the whim's wishes demands of others. Again,

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we're talking about new year, new
you. Maybe you don't want to

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have a new you. Maybe you're
just buying the way you are. You

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don't need to change. You don't
need to spend the money, you don't

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need to buy anything. You don't
need to make people think there's something wrong

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with you, because there's not.
In your mind. You're fine. If

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you want to make the change,
there's God knows many tools and services and

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products to help you. I'm not
going down that road, but you don't

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have to do a damn thing if
you don't want to. As long as

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you're taking care of you, you
and this is my final few words before

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I wrap. You have the ability
to be the architect of your life.

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You were born to build. You're
born to build you. Your foundation is

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your body and your mind, and
you can build from that and create the

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person you want to be. Your
skills and your brains, your tools.

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Start with a strong foundation. Keep
it healthy, exercise, manage your weight,

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go to the doctors, do all
the things to keep that foundation strong,

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and then take it one step at
a time to decide where you want

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to take it and how you want
to build your life. A year I

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knew year. That's fine, but
frankly, tell yourself every day and believe

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it. You are fabulous just as
the way you are. That's my message

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for today. I'm Melanie Young,
hosts of Fearless Fabulous You. You can

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find my books Fearless Fabulous youe lessons
on living life on your terms and getting

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things off My Chest, A Survivor's
Guide to staying Fearless and Fabulous in the

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face of breast cancer on Amazon,
or you can write me at Melanie at

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Melanieong dot com or visit Melanieong dot
com. I hope that twenty twenty four

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brings you abundance. We all could
use abundance in our life. It brings

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you joy, and it brings you
love, not only love with others,

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but love of yourself, because there's
only one you, So take good care

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of you and always remember you have
the tools and the ability and the choice

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to live life on your terms,
so always choose fearless and fabulous. Thank you,