What's up, y'all. Welcome back, what's up, y'all? Welcome back
to the Black Girl Experience. I am your host, Jess and Dan.
Y'all. I'm laughing because why every fucking time, every fucking time that I
get on here and I'll be in my own space and my own energy,
It'd be just back to the ship, Just back to the ship, feeling
good, feeling like I'm in the right space, the right place, the
right time. The vibes be up, the energy be up. I'd be
lit, cause this is where I'm supposed to be. Welcome the fuck back,
bitch, Welcome back, Welcome back, Welcome back. Shout out to
Mace Nah for real, welcome back. So many people were in my dms
today about the podcast. I'm like, this is a sign I was supposed
to do it an episode today on top of the fact that I ain't did
a motherfucking episode and over a fucking month, and that ship has been on
my mind heavy. But Baby, I was not in the space. I
was not in the space to record. I was not in the right mind
frame. I was in me, like I haven't even been me for a
while now, for some months now, like first of all, everybody's take
a deep inhale, holding for five four three two one deep exhale. I
have not been myself for months. I have not been like just in my
own energy. You know what I'm saying. And I'm not able to thrive.
I'm not able to flourish. And I I've known that for some time.
You know what I'm saying. And I know when I'm off my rocker.
I know when I'm not on my ship. You know what I'm saying.
Like it shows it clearly, it shows. I just said, I
haven't recorded an episode in like over a month, Like, but I was
just I was in the I was in a bad space. I'm still in
a bad space. So I'm not you know right now, I'm out of
the space right now in this moment. But I was in a bad space,
bro, like the energy the I don't know, just the energy that
I was around, what I was and it's not even it was the energy
that I was around. But I also take accountability for being in that space,
for putting myself in that space. And it's cool because it was definitely
a learning lesson, but also it's like I was forcing myself into a space,
you know, what I'm saying. I was trying to make something work
that was not ever gonna fucking work, you know what I'm saying. And
Baby, when you stay somewhere past your expiration date, God gonna show you
the universe gon show. They're gonna be like, bitch, we to shake
the fucking table because you don't want to move your feet. And the crazy
part about that, too, is that I was praying my way out of
a situation. I was praying my way out of a situation, but still
didn't want to leave, you know what I'm saying, just for the I
guess, for the comfortability factor of it all, and being fearful of what's
what's on the other side of that, you know what I'm saying, because
niggas don't like to move or jump or you know what I'm saying, or
take a leap of faith when you don't know what's on the other side,
especially when you just when you don't have people around you, or if you
don't have a support system, or if you don't have family near you,
or you know whatever, or if you don't have the money, or you
know what I'm saying, if your situation is just not stable, you don't
wanna just jump off the motherfucking cliff, Like, hey, I don't know
where this is going, bitch downhill, but you know what I'm saying.
So I'm not even gonna go, you know, into the whole thing,
like I I don't know that it really gotta be like a the seventeen part
episode to explain what's been happened in these pasts like three months. But I
just want to come on here and just give niggas a taste of what's been
going on and just like update you'all niggas, like, yeah, a bitch
is still alive. I'm still alive. I'm still alive. Yeah, I'm
still alive. But thank god, thank god, cause a lot of niggas
didn't make it. Okay, a lot of niggas didn't wake up this morning.
So yeah, man, I just I've been in a real crazy space.
So I've been in a space where I felt like I couldn't create.
I felt like I was in a space where I couldn't even be myself,
Like I felt like I was in the space of projection. I was in
a space like, damn, niggas don't want me to be great, feel
like niggas don't appreciate me. Niggas don't see my value. But yet here
I am trying to prove it to niggas, which is crazy. Like if
somebody don't see your value, that's on them. You gotta move on and
the next motherfucker will you know what I'm somebody else is going to be able
to see your value at the drop of a dime, you know what I'm
saying. And uh, it's not for it's not everybody to know, you
know what I'm saying, Cause some nigga's not worth I mean, some nigga's
not used to value. Nigga's not used to quality. Nigga's not used to
you know what I'm saying. And also some people just don't know better.
Some people don't want love. Some people don't want something real. Some people
don't want to heal. Some people thrive and live in chaos. Some people,
you know what I'm saying. And I feel like if you're not right
internally, it's gonna show externally and you're also gonna project that onto other people,
you know what I'm saying. And I and I can't I can't love.
I can't love your wounds into like I can't look, I can't love
or nurse your wounds back to health or just back to a good space.
You know what I'm saying. That's that's something that you have to do on
your own. And I absolutely believe in the same that hurt people hurt people.
I think I have a very hard time understand well not even understanding,
because I'm a very understanding person, and I just I feel like I always
look at ship from both sides, and I understand that everybody don't have the
same heart as you, you know, but I also don't understand it.
It's like, you know, I don't know. I just think it's the
way that you build, It's the type of person that you are. It's
the type of code or ethics or morals or whatever that you that you go
by. But everybody is not the same. So for me to be like
a very genuine person with pure intentions and a good heart, and like,
I really just I don't have it in me to be a fucked up person.
I really don't. And that's also like a downfall of minds could ye,
which is it's crazy to say, but as some people be like,
well, at some point you gotta be a fucking savage. You gotta be
a hoassic, you know what I'm saying. But honestly, it's it's just
not in me to be that type of person. And it has it.
It's eleven eleven, it has it's uh, you know, it's it's good
parts about it and it's bad parts about it. But like, it's just
not in me to be a bad person. And so when other people,
you know, move the way that they move or treat, you know,
people, how they treat people, like, it's very hard for me to
understand that because it's like why, you know what, It's like, why
why do you do that? Why do you intentionally hurt people that you care
or love? Why do you intentionally misunderstand people? Why do you intentionally like
you know what I'm saying, Like, I just don't. I do not
understand that. But again, hurt people, hurt people, you know what
I'm saying. Because when you're in a good space mentally, emotionally, spiritually,
financially, physically, you're you're not bringing people down, you're not hurting
people. You're putting out good energy, You're putting out love, you're putting
out positivity. Because you're in a good space, never seeing niggas in a
good space, putting all bad energy, never never, never, never,
vibrating too high to be giving the fucking you know what I'm saying, Like,
it's just the way it goes. But but when you see niggas operating
in a lower frequency, what are they doing? Hating, putting all negative
energy, you know, depressed on demon time, doing badshit, not giving
a fuck. This just the way I am. Whatever streets maybe this way,
Like that's just how people I poray. It's just it's a different frequency,
you know. But I wish healing on everybody. I wish motherfucker's nothing
but love, prosperity, positive energy, healing, you know what I'm saying,
Like, even if you did me dirty, even if you did me
dirty, all I always wish niggas will what else you know you got,
you got the mom guilt of being gone. That's something that I've also been
battling with. But I always have to remind myself every day, like Jasmine,
you're doing this for your son, but you're also doing this for yourself.
You know what I'm saying, I've never I've never put myself first.
I've never put myself first and that's why I'm in a situation that I'm in.
In many different ways and many different aspects, I never put myself first.
I'm such a self less person that I ain't got shipped for myself.
And that's Look, yeah, I don't got shipped for myself cause I always
put myself last. So who the fuck is gonna put me first? If
I'm always putting me last? Nobody, cause niggas is out for self.
People are gonna always put theyself first. People always gonna do what's best for
them always. So it's just like that Instagram post, everybody did what was
best for them. So that's what I'm about to do, you know what
I'm saying, Like, so, yeah, the mom guilt of being gone
and like feel bad like oh my god, I'm not with my kids.
Uh, you know all of that shit. But it's like, at what
point do you get your shit together as a mom, as a woman,
as an individual? You know what I'm saying, At what and then can
I can I have the grace? Can I have the grace and the motherfucking
mercy to get my shit together when every again, everybody else did what was
best for them, every everybody else has done what was best for them,
so just we need to do what was best for her. Why can't have
a motherfucking break. Why can't I take the time to establish myself and get
on my feet. But in the same breath, niggas wanna judge me and
talk down on me for where I am in life. Niggas don't want to
extend a hand support or you know what I'm saying. And it's like,
so, what what do y'all niggas really expect me to do? Niggas a
talk shit about you for not having your shit together and still talk shit about
you when you're trying to get your shit together. So that's why I just
don't fucking care no more because I'm doing this for me. Everybody's gonna have
a motherfucking opinion if it was me, if I was you, if you
was me, you wouldn't be doing what the fuck I'm doing. If you
was me, you would be doing exactly this cause you're me exactly so you
know. But mom guilt is definitely a thing, And I feel like I
always speak to the mothers like, bro, you gotta have your own life.
Fuck them kids, not for real, but nah, fuck them kids.
Like for real, like not even just mothers, just people, period.
You have to understand that if you do not put yourself first, if
you do not pour into yourself, if you do not take care of your
fucking mental health, your emotional health, your spiritual health, your physical health,
nigga, you are not gonna be okay. You're not gonna be operating
at your highest potential. You're not gonna be able to be shipped to anybody
else or to yourself because you don't take care of your fucking self. There's
a balance in all of that. There's a fucking balance, and you gotta
fucking find it. You gotta fucking find it. These past three months have
been vary. What word do I even want to use? Lord, give
me a word? What have I been going through? These last three months
have been very, very trying, very trying on my mental, emotional and
spiritual health, on my mental, spiritual and emotional wellness. And again I
have to take some accountability for that, for being in a space again that
I that I there were times that I was praying my way out of but
still standing still. I did an episode on here. I don't know if
it was the last one or maybe two episodes before this, and I was
just talking about being a very mentally strong person and not being able to be
spiritually broken. Still standing on that, however, I felt like I've been
under spiritual attack. I feel like the devil is fucking with me. And
again it comes from that place of misunderstanding, because man, I'll be so
tired of telling people this when I'll be telling people I literally don't be doing
shit to people. I literally don't be doing shit to people, and people
still be fucking with me, and I'm like, Bro, that shit just
don't make sense to me. But then again, I feel like that's how
you know when your existence alone fus with somebody, when like you just being
you and that irritates somebody, so or if that's a problem for somebody,
that's how you know. That's how you know you got that fire. It's
like you know you got that power. Cause no, for real, I
don't be doing shit to niggas. And when I say niggas, I mean
to people, like you know what I'm saying, And it's not just this
could be in any type of relationship friendship and the people that work you know
what I'm saying. I just look at how people move with me, and
I'd be like, bro, I have done nothing, literally have done nothing
to you, and it just says a lot. It says a lot about
them, and it also says a lot about me. But again, I'll
just move how I move. And I feel like, baby, I will.
I wish the Lord could just come on down real quick and just show
me my Karma bank, my Karma bank account, because that bitch gotta be.
I gotta be a billionaire in the Carmera world, for real. I
have got to be a billionaire in the karma world. Got to the seeds
that I have sown, the deeds that I have done, and I'm not
I've been asking for the recognition, you know what I'm saying. But I'm
just saying, when do I get my payback? Though? You know what
I'm saying, When do I get that tenfold of abundance? Because baby,
your girl been struggling for a long time, and I just feel like,
you know, Lord, you it's about time you look out. It's about
time to blessings come right cause not for real karma game crazy, Karma gang
crazy, like I'm trying to tell you. And that's the thing, Like
even when I get done wrong in life, even when you know what I'm
saying, just all the situations that I go through, I s I always
remain a good person. It ain't never no bad blood with me. I
don't wish bad on niggas. I don't do shit to niggas. When I
say niggas, I'm talking about people. You know what I'm saying. But
I just it's just not in me to be a bad person. It's not
in me to do fucked up shit to people. But I ain't gonna lie.
I'll be looking at the clock, like God, God, damn,
what time of this shit coming through? Cause baby, I'm going to be
blessed. It's it's gonna be an overflow of blessings and abundance. I know
it is. I feel it, you know what I'm but also, but
also, but also, God ain't gonna bless no mess. God ain't gonna
bless no mess. So that's the thing too. He ain't gonna get your
blessings if you're in the wrong place, if you were around the wrong people.
And you also gotta understand that the people that you're around whatever Karma Bay
got whatever, whatever, whatever. Black cloud has flown over their life.
If you're in that type of situation, you gonna be a part of that,
you know what I'm saying. So sometimes you have to remove yourself from
a situation cause you gonna get whatever karma. If you're rolling with somebody,
you gonna get that karma. That's your roll dog, that's your ride or
die, that's your your passenger, princess baby, that karma's that karma's gonna
follow you as well. So maybe you need to remove yourself from the situation,
especially if your karma bay can look like mine. You like, bitch,
we're getting a right my name, Like, yeah, you need to
come over on this side because we're gonna be good over here, you feel
me? But what else? Oh, that's what I was gonna say too,
Like uh, I said on a couple of episodes before that, I
that I was a miss a very mislea like strong person and all of that
shit. I am. I am nigga, I idn't took a mental,
spiritual and emotional beating good for real and just gotta and just gotta thug it
out, just gotta take just gotta roll with the punches, like literally just
gotta eat that shit and It's like, even though I am very spiritually and
mentally strong, that shit still weighs on you. It's still, you know
what I'm saying, That shit is still chip away at you. That shit
is still tear you down. Even though you you know what I'm saying,
You know you're keeping it together. The shit is not healthy. I've learned,
like and I always knew this, always knew this. But you know,
I ain't gonna lie. That's a little toxicity in me. I ain't
gonna lie because y'all know I. Y'all know I love a thrill. You
know I'll be in it for the thrill. Okay, So I do have
some toxic tendencies, but on some real shit, on some real deal,
real shit. I have learned that I don't want to be in no toxic
relationship. I don't want to deal with no toxic person. I don't want
to deal with toxicity. That shit will slowly kill you. For real,
That shit will slowly kill you. That shit is like dealing with toxicity is
literally like drinking poison. It is, And I don't want that. I
want to be in a healthy relationship, cause man, it's just type being
Being in that type of ship. It's just not healthy. It's not it's
a very vicious cycle. It's a lot of trauma and that shit, it's
a lot of unhealed wounds. It's a lot, but it's gonna be a
lot being brought to the surface in there. And like I always say,
like being in relationships or like dealing with people is looking in the mirror.
So as bad as you want to say that another person is and point out
all their flaws and all of that, it's still a reflection of you,
you know what I'm saying, It's still a reflection of you in there.
And I think, I think I have an issue with myself with that because
I know that I have my own personal problems. I know that I have
a lot of growing to do. I know, you know what I'm saying,
just relationship wise and all of that. But but no, okay,
cause in my mind I'm a good person. I am. I'm a good
person, but I acknowledge my flaws and I understand that like I have issues
too. But when I say like I'm a good person, I mean in
the sense of like in a relationship with somebody or just period. Again,
I don't intentionally hurt people or do no. Fuck you know, I don't
do fucked up ship to people. I'm not a fucked up person like that.
So yeah, I have flaws and I have issues and shit that I
gotta work on, but I don't intentionally hurt people or trying to bring them
down or like, I'm just not that type of person. So but in
a in a relationship aspect or whatever, nigga, I'd be like, you're
a terrible fucking person. Flah blah blah blah blah. You know what I'm
saying. But no, and that's the thing. Somebody was doing that to
me. Somebody was doing that to me, and I was like, god
damn, every damn day niggas was pointing out my flaws was wrong with me?
Dad, Like, first of all, you do you know how it
feels for a person to never say anything nice to you at all? Ever?
Ever? Ever, It's like, bro, just say that you fucking
hate me, Cause why every day every day you was hearing me down.
Every day you're just talking about what's wrong with me? Da da Dad,
And I don't even really think it's that much shit wrong with me for real,
Like, damn you you going hard, You're going hard on me,
like, you know what I'm saying, But now what I'm saying about me
pointing out the bad and other people, like I forgot what I was gonna
say. Oh, so yeah, I could sit here and point out all
of the horrible, terrible things and a person. But again, I could
still see the bad in me, you know what I'm saying, Like,
I could still see the insecurities in myself by looking at the bad in you.
But also on the flip side, I'm a real I'm a real potential
person. And I got an old ass episode on here. I'm talking about
when I first was doing a podcast and I was talking about how you just
you shouldn't pursue a relationship with a person based on potential cause potentially ain't shit.
Potentially I could potentially be a great man. Yeah, potentially potentially,
But yeah, I like to look at the potential in people, and I
you know, I see the good in people. I see the good in
people, and you know, I give people chances off that I get you
give you give motherfucker's the benefit of the doubt, Like, oh, I
see the good of you. But I think I do that so much because
I see the good in myself. You know what I'm saying. Again,
there we go with that good person, genuine hard, pure intentions, like
I'm such a good person like I I try so hard to see the good
in people like you know what I'm saying, I see, I see it.
I see you trying to be a good person. I seek. But
also when people show you who they are, you gotta fucking believe them.
You gotta fucking believe them, you know what I'm saying. That's another thing
I'll tell them my home girl today I said, going forward in the dating
world, baby, my my new thing, my new shit, which I'm
not pressed on dating that fucking off, Like niggas don't even say shit to
me, just keep it fucking moving. But going forward, I'm out after
the first red flag, my baby, the first one. You'd be seeing
them Instagram post talking about dang Auntie strictest fuck like, yeah, nigga,
I'm out the dough after the first red flag cause I was collecting them bitches
like coins on the fucking Mario nigga like doo doo doo doo doo doo do
do, just letting them bitches fly like And that's another thing, That's another
thing. Uh. You know, sometimes when people ask me about how I
feel about where I am right now and being in Dallas, Uh, I'd
be fifty fifty about how I feel, because I promise it's the best worst
decision that I ever made in my life, the best worst decision that I
ever made the best because I feel like I'm thriving here. I feel like
I'm doing a great job here. You know what I'm saying. I like
where I work. You know, I'm getting money, I have plans to
do all these things and get myself established, and I'm really doing stuff for
myself, you know what I'm saying. And I'm I'm just taking that time
for myself and just really trying to get myself together. All of that shit
makes it the best decision that I ever made in my life. The worst
decision that I ever made in my life is you know, an a small
part of why I came here just like didn't turn out the way that I
expected it to turn out, or didn't They didn't turn out the way that
I planned for it too, And that's fine, cause that's life. Everything's
not gonna go according to plan. But baby, again, that shit I've
been energetically drained here. Also, I just feel like, you know,
I told you it's it's a it's been a very trying time. A lot
of things have taken a toll on me, regardless of me being a spiritually
strong person. Baby, it's still couldn't get you down, you know.
Uh, I don't took I don't took a beating for real, like and
again, just being in that space of feeling like I'm not I haven't been
myself. I haven't you know, been in my creative bag. I haven't
been in my podcast bag. I had, you know what I'm saying.
But it's it's a lot. It's a lot to try to balance all around
the board. When I got here, I was you know, when I
was in Detroit, I was doing yoga every fucking day. I you know,
yoga. I wasn't doing yoga every day here. I I definitely got
back to it like a couple of weeks ago. But it's just it's just
trying to find the balance and everything. But ultimately, I am very proud
of myself for the steps that I have made for fucking come into a new
state and teaching yoga classes, for getting a job off the rib for for
remaining strong through all of the trials and tribulations and the fucking curveballs that the
universe has thrown my way for you know, just all of that, but
also there are a lot of things that I need to work on. Throat
chakra shit, self love shit, because not speaking up for yourself only hurts
you in the end. Going against how you feel only hurts you in the
end. Not listening to your intuition only hurts you in the end. And
so when I say, like I feel fifty fifty about being here, I
think that where I am today, cause today was a very, very crazy
day. It was a very crazy day. And even on the days where
I'd be like, damn, I really fucking came here, you know what
I'm saying, so again, and one breath is like I'm cool with being
here, Like I'm I'm you know, I like being here, But the
other half of me like why did I come here? You know what I'm
saying, And now I understand and just how I said, like, listening
to your intuition is very important. When I tell y'all, like I really
wanted to come here, I really it was. You know, there were
several reasons why I wanted to come here. But I really really wanted to
come here, but there was always something in in my fucking gut telling me,
like, Jasmine, don't go there, do nothing like I'm telling you
like. It was not like it was painful, but it was just it
was just a feeling that I felt in my stomach and I and I was
always just on the fence. I'm like, I really want to go,
but something is telling me, do not go, you know what I'm saying.
But again, I'm a bitch. Dad loves the thrill. I lived
for the thrill. So now being here for these like three months and just
experiencing everything that I've went through, and in those moments where that stuff was
happening, I'm like, oh, this is why my intuition was like,
don't go. You know what I'm saying. It's I ain't gonna lie.
I don't know what I thought it was gonna be, but I didn't think
it was gonna be this bad. I did not think it was going to
be this bad, you know. But it's never a loss, always a
lesson. I've learned so much. I've learned what not to do in the
future, how how much effort to put forth in situations, how much too
give of yourself? Baby. Reciprocity is the motherfucking word, and that's the
motherfucking uh theme going forward in life is reciprocity. I need back what I'm
putting in for real, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially, physically,
I need back what I'm putting in period. And again, the longer that
you stay in situations that have expired or reached this expiration date, you only
hurting yourself, you know what I'm saying. The longer you take to let
go, the longerest's gonna take to get what's supposed to be coming in.
And it's so crazy, cause it's easy to think or say that, like,
oh, I should just let this shit go so I get what the
fuck I'm really supposed to have. But that should be hard. And that
takes me back to when I had went rock climbing, Like I remember talking
to like I had made a whole video about like the hardest part for me
was letting go, Like I was so scared to let go, Like it
took for my body to really be like okay, bitch, were about to
let go, like cause you know what I'm saying I wouldn't let go.
That'd be me in real life situations, I do not be letting shit go,
just holding on for dear life, holding on the toxicity, holding on
too. But again, I think it's just that fear of the unknown,
you know, not being certain of what's to come. And it's not really
that. I don't I think that there's better out there, cause it most
definitely is, But I don't know. Mmm, niggas be so caught up
and trying to make shit work or make a puzzle piece fit where it does
not fucking belong, putting on a shoe that's too fucking small, putting on
the condom that a nigga can't fit. But yeah, those type of situations.
What else, m ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies. I just
want to I don't know. Do I want to say inspire, inspire,
empower, motivate anybody listening to this, Like, first of all, can
we take our hat off to fucking women for real? Like we go through
so fucking much, bro, I don't know how we do it. I
don't even know how I'm still here in thirty three, nigga, Like I'd
have been through a lot in life and if we wanted, baby, if
we have to do the emotional mathematics of my life, bitch, how am
I still here? How am I still here? And That's what I'm telling
y'all, Like, man, I guess, I guess it pays to be
strong, but God damn it pays to be strong. But niggas, niggas
be tired of being strong. I told you, I am ready living my
soft girl era. I'm tired of being in my masculine energy every day I
want baby, I'm trying to flourish in my feminine please cause please, But
no, women, we really go through a lot mentally, emotionally, spiritually,
physically, financially, and you gotta hold it the fuck together. You
gotta hold it the fuck together. I think I'm a high functioning, uh
depressed person, like cause i'd be real stressed about life. I'd be real
stressed. And there are times where I I felt like, yeah, a
bitch is depressed. But I'm a high functioning depressed person. You know what
I'm saying. I'm a I'm a strong black woman. So it's like niggas
don't really be having time to be like, hey, you know what I'm
saying you just be pushing through it. You just be pushing through it.
And again, I guess that's that mental toughness that like, I don't know,
but I'm glad I got that shit in my DNA, cause I wouldn't
want to be a nigga out here, like I can't take this shit,
Like I could take a lot, bro, I could take a lot,
but it's all so like also not gonna look, God, I'm not trying
to get to no breaking point. Please don't break me down. Cause God
do that too, Like when you be like, oh shit, I ain't
no, I'm gonna get me down, and then some shit happened and you'd
be like, God, damn, I shouldn't have said nothing. God be
trying to test you. I don't, Lord, no, cause I know
I'm one of the strongest soldiers. Lord, but please don't don't get me
no more. Don't give me no more. He gonna get me more,
he gonna give me more. But it'd be like damn. But no,
I think women carry it very well. We carry it very fucking will.
And that's the thing. I posted a picture today, and you know I
posted on the caption like thank God, I don't look like what I've been
through. That's one of my favorite quotes from pastor ken Lot, cause baby
baby walking in every day with a smile, with good energy. Niggas a
never know what the fuck I got going on, and the same for other
people. You don't know what the fuck people got going on in their life.
Bro. You don't know what niggas are dealing with behind closed doors.
You don't know what women are going through. We don't know what nigga's going
through too, But go on a nigga podcast, y'all can go talk about
that. I'm on the Black Girl experience. Y'all don't know what the fuck
we're going through. And again, it be the people that carry it very
well, those strong friends, those people that's always fucking smiling, that's always
you know what I'm saying, the niggas that you And that's that's another thing.
I've always been the strong friend. I've always been the friend that people
come to for advice. Every Niggas always gonna come and dump on me and
emotionally been to me. And these past three months, I've been feeling bad.
I mean I don't but I do feel bad cause I feel like I
like, I just feel like my life is just full of venting. All
I do is vent to my home girl, and I'd be like, I'm
sorry, you know what I'm saying, Like, but also, this is
the first time I've ever been that person, you know what I'm saying.
I feel like for years of my life, like people have done that to
me, and I've never been that person. I don't never want to be
a bird, and I don't ever want people, you know what I'm saying.
I'm just I don't like to dump my problem with people, but I
do. I feel like every day you're at like I've just been venting.
But also I feel like that's a good release. You gotta talk to somebody
about what you're going through. You know what I'm saying. You don't wanna
let all of those emotions or whatever. You You never wanna let that shit
build up. You never wanna let it fester internally, because that's how blockages
happen, emotional blockages, that's how you become physically because you you let all
of that shit pile up internally and you're not expressing it, you know,
verbalizing it, You're not getting it up. You know what I'm saying,
and that's why movement is important as well. So yeah, get you some
get you, get you a circle of good friends, get you a circle
of good niggas that you can vent to, you know what I'm saying,
People that can listen to you and can advise you and be there for you.
And that's the thing. Like I don't have a lot of friends and
don't want a lot of them either, but you know, I love good
I love having good quality friends because you need that, especially when you gotta
fucking vent. But I just don't like feeling like that though, Like I
feel like I don't want to be a motherucker that I gotta vent every day,
Like damn, it's another problem, you know what I'm saying. I
don't want to feel I always try to be conscious of asking people how their
day is going or what do they have going on? Or you know what
I'm saying. I don't never want to just be like, oh, x
y Z is going on with me? X y Z? Another problem,
another problem, another you know what I'm saying, Like I like to be
conscious about asking other people about what's going on in their fucking life, because
you do got those people that just emotionally dump and I'll give a fuck about
what you got going on, or always circle the conversation back to them,
and I hate people like that, So yeah, you know, but I
don't know. There's a time and a place for everything, and I'm you
know, maybe it's just my turn in life where I'm at that stage where
nigga, I'm I need to be a venture I need to get this shit
off period. But also that's why I'm on here tonight, to get get
a little bit of shit off. Like I said, I didn't walk y'all
niggas through the whole experience of my time here these past three months, and
I don't know, maybe y'all will break that bitch down. Like I said,
that gotta like a forty seven part series. But a lot of people
was asking me about the podcast today and I'm like, let me just come
here and share something. At the end of the day, I just feel
like, you gotta live your life for yourself. You gotta do whatever the
fuck it is that you wanna do again because niggas is just gonna push they
own insecurities, they projections on you. You can't do that whatever, you
know, what I'm saying like all of that shit. No, do what
you wanna do. You only got one life to live, so live that
shit to the motherfucking fullest. You know what I'm saying. Don't listen to
the naysayers the haters. Don't listen to niggas that ain't never done shit that
you try trying to dude, ain't never being where you trying to go,
you know what I'm saying. They've never had the money that you that you
are gonna have or whatever, like, cause you're gonna spend your life being
a fucking robot in society on some monkey see Monkey do type shit, and
it's like, it's so much more to life. You can create whatever the
fuck you want to create from this ship. You can do whatever it is
that you wanna do. The sky is the fucking limit. And I don't
wanna wake up with any regrets, you know what I'm saying, Like I
should have did this, or what if or what if? Like I don't.
I don't want that to be me. And again, I feel like
this is the first time in my life that I'm really doing something for myself,
you know, and allowing myself to not I feel bad about that cause
I'm not a selfish person at all. I've never been a selfish person.
But you have to be selfish. You have to put yourself first in order
to be successful. You should learn to be a little selfish, taking time
for yourself to get your mind rights and get your body rights and get your
heart right. So that is that I'm trying to think. Is there anything
else that I need to share? Mmm? Not that I can think of
in this moment tonight. I am just going to enjoy being in solitude and
being in my own energy, and being in a peaceful place, being in
silence, and just being able to fully be me, you know, free
to be mean without judgment, freedom to be mean and enjoy myself in my
space and just be the light that I am. You know what, when
I pull it up. When I pull it up today and got out the
car, somebody told me, hey, you you just got it. I
ain't gonna lie like you got the look, you got, the vibe you
got, lie like for real like you you got it. I was like,
damn, okay, Drake, and you got a girl you got but
not for real that like really made my day, like you know, and
uh and again going back to value and worth and all of that. Like
everybody is not gonna see your value. Everybody is not gonna see your worth,
and that's cool. Maybe it's not for them to see. But don't
ever let that damn your lighter make you feel like you're not valuable or you're
not worthy just because one person doesn't see it, you know what I'm saying,
Cause many people see it. Many people see it, But no,
that that shit made My dad was like, damn't even like a damn bitch,
Like no, like, gave me a whole little lecture on how I
was that bitch. I was like, thank you for real, cause sometimes
you be forgetting. Don't let a nick don't. Don't let nobody make you
forget that you that bitch. Please don't. But yeah, I'm like,
damn, that nigga was acting like he was scouting me for a fucking wrap
TV show. You got the vibe, you got the look, you got
the I was like, damn, my god, my okay, okay,
but noah for real? So yeah, yeah, and I don't know.
I guess I'll I'll guess I'll ended on that note. Like I said,
I'm about to shill, I'm about to Oh, y'all know I'm in my
bed on my phone on an anchor, so well, no, I'm not
on anchor, I'm not recording on anchor, but I'm in the bed,
bitch. Yeah. I love I love the piece of quiet. I love
the quiet. I was in my list of that. She was like,
do you want me to time the music on? I said no, Actually
we can ride in silence. She was like, oh, okay, that's
cool. I'm like, yeah, please, I don't want to hear shit
right now. I just need to be in my own mind and think,
and that be me. A lot of times I be needing to collect my
thoughts, I be needing to reflect. I I just be needing that time
to just that peace and fucking quiet, Okay. And that's also what I
said to I said, I've just been praying for peace and protection, cause
baby, clearly the Lord is on my side. Clearly the Lord is on
my side, cause I'll just be looking in that situations like how the fuck
did I make it through that? How don't know the fuck did I make
it through that? How did I come out on the other side. Also,
you be in situations like how the fuck did I get here? You
be going back like, look it alway, how did I get here?
How the fuck did I get here? You just look up in a situation
like, how the fuck did I get here? But it's all a part
of the process. It's all a part of growth, Jeeze. Growth is
tough. Uh, Growth is painful. Growth is fucking painful. Bro beneficial,
but painful. She's gonna stretch you the fuck out. And that's why
yoga is important for the flexibility of life. Okay, the flexibility of life,
the flexibility of your body, the flexibility of your mind. And that's
the thing. Don't ever be ashamed or are afraid or scared to tell your
story because so many other people have probably experienced the same fucking thing as you,
or your experience can help somebody else, and you gain wisdom from those
experiences and it helps you grow and evolved. So don't be mad at the
shit that you go through. Don't be mad when shit don't work out,
Like you know, it's all a p it's all a part of the process,
all a part of the journey. And be willing to let go cause
you can't stay in the same spot forever, you know what I'm saying.
The season's change. Niggas be trying to stay in summer. Bitch's time for
the fall. Okay, We're moving on. It's time for the winter,
it's time for the spring. So you know what I'm saying, Like,
you gotta be willing to let go. You gotta be willing to accept things
for what they are. You gotta be real with yourself in order to keep
it real with anybody else. And that's another thing, and I've said that
on here before a million times, like, if you don't keep it with
your if you don't keep it real with yourself, you definitely not gonna keep
it real with me. And and it's crazy when you know that people not
keeping it real, especially when you're a very intuitive person, when you just
very spiritually inclined. And that's what really pissed me off. It's like,
bro, please stop lying to my face when I know you're like I literally
know the truth. But it's cool, like whatever, I just I don't
even I don't like to argue with people. I don't like to go back
and forth with people. There's no point, you know what I'm saying,
There's no fucking point. Yeah, So this episode is looking like it's about
an hour. I think I covered a lot of ground here for you guys.
I hope y'all enjoyed this shit. I hope y'all feel like, damn
you updated us, you know, I I be. I feel like I'll
be talking in a real roundabout way. I don't like to get all deep
into the nitty gritty. I'd be trying to keep a little bit to myself,
you know what I'm saying, a little little a little sacredness to my
world, but also still wanted to share a little bit of my experience with
y'all. And like I said, I might come back on here and do
a whole walk through of the last three months. I don't know. I
don't know, but I just felt like I should share something, especially now
that I feel like I'm in a space where I'm just free to be me
and whatever. And you know, hopefully motherfuckers don't feel no type of way
about this, and if they do, that's all new. But yes,
what's tomorrow? Tomorrow is Wednesday. I gotta got a few plans on the
on the calendar, on the agenda. Probably should do some yoga in the
morning, I should go downstairs to breakfast. They got free breakfast in this
bitch, so I should probably do that as well. What else I don't
know, Damn, I should have went down to the pool. I don't
even gonna obayasuit though, I don't know, but whatever, Tomorrow's another day
in this thing called life. Hope y'all niggas naked there. Yeah, So
that is it. That's all that I have for y'all. Hope that y'all
enjoyed this episode. Make sure that you follow me on all platforms that Healing
my homies, Black Girl Experience on TikTok. Make sure that you rate the
podcast, give a five stars, sleep a review on while you love the
Black Girl Experience. That it's all that I have for y'all. I'm out