WEBVTT 1 00:00:01.199 --> 00:00:07.480 What's up, y'all. Welcome back, what's up, y'all? Welcome back 2 00:00:07.480 --> 00:00:10.480 to the Black Girl Experience. I am your host, Jess and Dan. 3 00:00:10.560 --> 00:00:17.079 Y'all. I'm laughing because why every fucking time, every fucking time that I 4 00:00:17.160 --> 00:00:20.719 get on here and I'll be in my own space and my own energy, 5 00:00:20.839 --> 00:00:27.679 It'd be just back to the ship, Just back to the ship, feeling 6 00:00:27.760 --> 00:00:31.440 good, feeling like I'm in the right space, the right place, the 7 00:00:31.559 --> 00:00:36.240 right time. The vibes be up, the energy be up. I'd be 8 00:00:36.320 --> 00:00:53.159 lit, cause this is where I'm supposed to be. Welcome the fuck back, 9 00:00:53.399 --> 00:00:59.520 bitch, Welcome back, Welcome back, Welcome back. Shout out to 10 00:00:59.560 --> 00:01:04.000 Mace Nah for real, welcome back. So many people were in my dms 11 00:01:04.040 --> 00:01:08.480 today about the podcast. I'm like, this is a sign I was supposed 12 00:01:08.480 --> 00:01:11.879 to do it an episode today on top of the fact that I ain't did 13 00:01:11.920 --> 00:01:17.680 a motherfucking episode and over a fucking month, and that ship has been on 14 00:01:17.760 --> 00:01:22.920 my mind heavy. But Baby, I was not in the space. I 15 00:01:23.000 --> 00:01:26.280 was not in the space to record. I was not in the right mind 16 00:01:26.359 --> 00:01:34.200 frame. I was in me, like I haven't even been me for a 17 00:01:34.239 --> 00:01:44.159 while now, for some months now, like first of all, everybody's take 18 00:01:44.159 --> 00:02:00.840 a deep inhale, holding for five four three two one deep exhale. I 19 00:02:00.000 --> 00:02:13.759 have not been myself for months. I have not been like just in my 20 00:02:13.879 --> 00:02:16.599 own energy. You know what I'm saying. And I'm not able to thrive. 21 00:02:17.319 --> 00:02:24.719 I'm not able to flourish. And I I've known that for some time. 22 00:02:25.039 --> 00:02:30.800 You know what I'm saying. And I know when I'm off my rocker. 23 00:02:30.879 --> 00:02:31.919 I know when I'm not on my ship. You know what I'm saying. 24 00:02:32.080 --> 00:02:37.560 Like it shows it clearly, it shows. I just said, I 25 00:02:37.599 --> 00:02:40.800 haven't recorded an episode in like over a month, Like, but I was 26 00:02:40.840 --> 00:02:47.639 just I was in the I was in a bad space. I'm still in 27 00:02:47.639 --> 00:02:52.400 a bad space. So I'm not you know right now, I'm out of 28 00:02:52.439 --> 00:02:55.560 the space right now in this moment. But I was in a bad space, 29 00:02:55.680 --> 00:03:09.479 bro, like the energy the I don't know, just the energy that 30 00:03:09.560 --> 00:03:15.919 I was around, what I was and it's not even it was the energy 31 00:03:15.960 --> 00:03:23.800 that I was around. But I also take accountability for being in that space, 32 00:03:23.879 --> 00:03:29.400 for putting myself in that space. And it's cool because it was definitely 33 00:03:29.439 --> 00:03:36.560 a learning lesson, but also it's like I was forcing myself into a space, 34 00:03:36.800 --> 00:03:39.719 you know, what I'm saying. I was trying to make something work 35 00:03:40.120 --> 00:03:46.759 that was not ever gonna fucking work, you know what I'm saying. And 36 00:03:47.560 --> 00:03:57.280 Baby, when you stay somewhere past your expiration date, God gonna show you 37 00:03:57.439 --> 00:04:00.719 the universe gon show. They're gonna be like, bitch, we to shake 38 00:04:00.919 --> 00:04:03.599 the fucking table because you don't want to move your feet. And the crazy 39 00:04:03.639 --> 00:04:09.680 part about that, too, is that I was praying my way out of 40 00:04:09.680 --> 00:04:15.680 a situation. I was praying my way out of a situation, but still 41 00:04:15.719 --> 00:04:18.759 didn't want to leave, you know what I'm saying, just for the I 42 00:04:18.800 --> 00:04:25.879 guess, for the comfortability factor of it all, and being fearful of what's 43 00:04:26.519 --> 00:04:29.240 what's on the other side of that, you know what I'm saying, because 44 00:04:29.720 --> 00:04:32.120 niggas don't like to move or jump or you know what I'm saying, or 45 00:04:32.160 --> 00:04:35.000 take a leap of faith when you don't know what's on the other side, 46 00:04:35.319 --> 00:04:41.879 especially when you just when you don't have people around you, or if you 47 00:04:41.879 --> 00:04:45.000 don't have a support system, or if you don't have family near you, 48 00:04:45.160 --> 00:04:47.680 or you know whatever, or if you don't have the money, or you 49 00:04:47.680 --> 00:04:50.240 know what I'm saying, if your situation is just not stable, you don't 50 00:04:50.319 --> 00:04:56.360 wanna just jump off the motherfucking cliff, Like, hey, I don't know 51 00:04:56.399 --> 00:04:59.920 where this is going, bitch downhill, but you know what I'm saying. 52 00:05:00.079 --> 00:05:05.720 So I'm not even gonna go, you know, into the whole thing, 53 00:05:05.839 --> 00:05:11.439 like I I don't know that it really gotta be like a the seventeen part 54 00:05:11.519 --> 00:05:15.800 episode to explain what's been happened in these pasts like three months. But I 55 00:05:15.839 --> 00:05:18.759 just want to come on here and just give niggas a taste of what's been 56 00:05:18.800 --> 00:05:23.519 going on and just like update you'all niggas, like, yeah, a bitch 57 00:05:23.560 --> 00:05:28.720 is still alive. I'm still alive. I'm still alive. Yeah, I'm 58 00:05:28.759 --> 00:05:33.399 still alive. But thank god, thank god, cause a lot of niggas 59 00:05:33.399 --> 00:05:38.079 didn't make it. Okay, a lot of niggas didn't wake up this morning. 60 00:05:40.800 --> 00:05:45.800 So yeah, man, I just I've been in a real crazy space. 61 00:05:45.879 --> 00:05:47.319 So I've been in a space where I felt like I couldn't create. 62 00:05:47.480 --> 00:05:51.720 I felt like I was in a space where I couldn't even be myself, 63 00:05:53.279 --> 00:05:59.439 Like I felt like I was in the space of projection. I was in 64 00:05:59.480 --> 00:06:05.160 a space like, damn, niggas don't want me to be great, feel 65 00:06:05.160 --> 00:06:13.639 like niggas don't appreciate me. Niggas don't see my value. But yet here 66 00:06:13.680 --> 00:06:17.240 I am trying to prove it to niggas, which is crazy. Like if 67 00:06:17.240 --> 00:06:24.600 somebody don't see your value, that's on them. You gotta move on and 68 00:06:24.720 --> 00:06:28.000 the next motherfucker will you know what I'm somebody else is going to be able 69 00:06:28.000 --> 00:06:30.519 to see your value at the drop of a dime, you know what I'm 70 00:06:30.560 --> 00:06:35.639 saying. And uh, it's not for it's not everybody to know, you 71 00:06:35.639 --> 00:06:40.000 know what I'm saying, Cause some nigga's not worth I mean, some nigga's 72 00:06:40.040 --> 00:06:46.639 not used to value. Nigga's not used to quality. Nigga's not used to 73 00:06:47.319 --> 00:06:51.959 you know what I'm saying. And also some people just don't know better. 74 00:06:55.319 --> 00:07:03.160 Some people don't want love. Some people don't want something real. Some people 75 00:07:03.240 --> 00:07:12.240 don't want to heal. Some people thrive and live in chaos. Some people, 76 00:07:13.079 --> 00:07:17.120 you know what I'm saying. And I feel like if you're not right 77 00:07:17.279 --> 00:07:24.959 internally, it's gonna show externally and you're also gonna project that onto other people, 78 00:07:25.439 --> 00:07:31.399 you know what I'm saying. And I and I can't I can't love. 79 00:07:39.920 --> 00:07:48.519 I can't love your wounds into like I can't look, I can't love 80 00:07:48.639 --> 00:07:51.959 or nurse your wounds back to health or just back to a good space. 81 00:07:53.040 --> 00:07:55.480 You know what I'm saying. That's that's something that you have to do on 82 00:07:55.519 --> 00:08:01.519 your own. And I absolutely believe in the same that hurt people hurt people. 83 00:08:03.720 --> 00:08:07.959 I think I have a very hard time understand well not even understanding, 84 00:08:09.199 --> 00:08:13.079 because I'm a very understanding person, and I just I feel like I always 85 00:08:13.079 --> 00:08:20.759 look at ship from both sides, and I understand that everybody don't have the 86 00:08:20.800 --> 00:08:26.319 same heart as you, you know, but I also don't understand it. 87 00:08:26.319 --> 00:08:33.600 It's like, you know, I don't know. I just think it's the 88 00:08:33.639 --> 00:08:35.080 way that you build, It's the type of person that you are. It's 89 00:08:35.080 --> 00:08:41.320 the type of code or ethics or morals or whatever that you that you go 90 00:08:41.399 --> 00:08:46.320 by. But everybody is not the same. So for me to be like 91 00:08:46.559 --> 00:08:52.080 a very genuine person with pure intentions and a good heart, and like, 92 00:08:52.840 --> 00:08:56.879 I really just I don't have it in me to be a fucked up person. 93 00:08:56.960 --> 00:09:01.519 I really don't. And that's also like a downfall of minds could ye, 94 00:09:01.639 --> 00:09:05.440 which is it's crazy to say, but as some people be like, 95 00:09:05.480 --> 00:09:09.039 well, at some point you gotta be a fucking savage. You gotta be 96 00:09:09.080 --> 00:09:13.480 a hoassic, you know what I'm saying. But honestly, it's it's just 97 00:09:13.559 --> 00:09:18.919 not in me to be that type of person. And it has it. 98 00:09:18.919 --> 00:09:24.279 It's eleven eleven, it has it's uh, you know, it's it's good 99 00:09:24.320 --> 00:09:26.360 parts about it and it's bad parts about it. But like, it's just 100 00:09:26.480 --> 00:09:31.639 not in me to be a bad person. And so when other people, 101 00:09:33.879 --> 00:09:35.559 you know, move the way that they move or treat, you know, 102 00:09:35.600 --> 00:09:39.840 people, how they treat people, like, it's very hard for me to 103 00:09:39.919 --> 00:09:45.240 understand that because it's like why, you know what, It's like, why 104 00:09:45.960 --> 00:09:50.200 why do you do that? Why do you intentionally hurt people that you care 105 00:09:50.279 --> 00:09:58.440 or love? Why do you intentionally misunderstand people? Why do you intentionally like 106 00:09:58.519 --> 00:10:01.120 you know what I'm saying, Like, I just don't. I do not 107 00:10:01.360 --> 00:10:09.360 understand that. But again, hurt people, hurt people, you know what 108 00:10:09.360 --> 00:10:15.360 I'm saying. Because when you're in a good space mentally, emotionally, spiritually, 109 00:10:15.879 --> 00:10:20.240 financially, physically, you're you're not bringing people down, you're not hurting 110 00:10:20.279 --> 00:10:24.360 people. You're putting out good energy, You're putting out love, you're putting 111 00:10:24.360 --> 00:10:30.519 out positivity. Because you're in a good space, never seeing niggas in a 112 00:10:30.559 --> 00:10:35.639 good space, putting all bad energy, never never, never, never, 113 00:10:37.279 --> 00:10:39.039 vibrating too high to be giving the fucking you know what I'm saying, Like, 114 00:10:41.600 --> 00:10:45.320 it's just the way it goes. But but when you see niggas operating 115 00:10:45.360 --> 00:10:52.360 in a lower frequency, what are they doing? Hating, putting all negative 116 00:10:52.480 --> 00:11:07.200 energy, you know, depressed on demon time, doing badshit, not giving 117 00:11:07.200 --> 00:11:11.519 a fuck. This just the way I am. Whatever streets maybe this way, 118 00:11:11.720 --> 00:11:16.200 Like that's just how people I poray. It's just it's a different frequency, 119 00:11:18.679 --> 00:11:24.759 you know. But I wish healing on everybody. I wish motherfucker's nothing 120 00:11:24.840 --> 00:11:33.519 but love, prosperity, positive energy, healing, you know what I'm saying, 121 00:11:33.679 --> 00:11:37.559 Like, even if you did me dirty, even if you did me 122 00:11:37.679 --> 00:11:46.840 dirty, all I always wish niggas will what else you know you got, 123 00:11:46.960 --> 00:11:54.320 you got the mom guilt of being gone. That's something that I've also been 124 00:11:54.360 --> 00:11:58.840 battling with. But I always have to remind myself every day, like Jasmine, 125 00:12:01.440 --> 00:12:05.639 you're doing this for your son, but you're also doing this for yourself. 126 00:12:05.879 --> 00:12:09.440 You know what I'm saying, I've never I've never put myself first. 127 00:12:11.960 --> 00:12:18.120 I've never put myself first and that's why I'm in a situation that I'm in. 128 00:12:18.879 --> 00:12:22.399 In many different ways and many different aspects, I never put myself first. 129 00:12:22.480 --> 00:12:28.759 I'm such a self less person that I ain't got shipped for myself. 130 00:12:28.799 --> 00:12:31.279 And that's Look, yeah, I don't got shipped for myself cause I always 131 00:12:31.279 --> 00:12:35.279 put myself last. So who the fuck is gonna put me first? If 132 00:12:35.320 --> 00:12:39.639 I'm always putting me last? Nobody, cause niggas is out for self. 133 00:12:39.759 --> 00:12:43.080 People are gonna always put theyself first. People always gonna do what's best for 134 00:12:43.120 --> 00:12:50.360 them always. So it's just like that Instagram post, everybody did what was 135 00:12:50.440 --> 00:12:52.559 best for them. So that's what I'm about to do, you know what 136 00:12:52.559 --> 00:12:58.320 I'm saying, Like, so, yeah, the mom guilt of being gone 137 00:12:58.360 --> 00:13:01.879 and like feel bad like oh my god, I'm not with my kids. 138 00:13:03.600 --> 00:13:11.120 Uh, you know all of that shit. But it's like, at what 139 00:13:11.440 --> 00:13:16.080 point do you get your shit together as a mom, as a woman, 140 00:13:16.240 --> 00:13:20.200 as an individual? You know what I'm saying, At what and then can 141 00:13:20.240 --> 00:13:26.039 I can I have the grace? Can I have the grace and the motherfucking 142 00:13:26.200 --> 00:13:31.519 mercy to get my shit together when every again, everybody else did what was 143 00:13:31.559 --> 00:13:39.159 best for them, every everybody else has done what was best for them, 144 00:13:39.200 --> 00:13:43.600 so just we need to do what was best for her. Why can't have 145 00:13:43.720 --> 00:13:48.799 a motherfucking break. Why can't I take the time to establish myself and get 146 00:13:48.840 --> 00:13:56.440 on my feet. But in the same breath, niggas wanna judge me and 147 00:13:56.559 --> 00:14:05.840 talk down on me for where I am in life. Niggas don't want to 148 00:14:05.919 --> 00:14:09.320 extend a hand support or you know what I'm saying. And it's like, 149 00:14:09.639 --> 00:14:18.679 so, what what do y'all niggas really expect me to do? Niggas a 150 00:14:18.799 --> 00:14:22.279 talk shit about you for not having your shit together and still talk shit about 151 00:14:22.320 --> 00:14:30.279 you when you're trying to get your shit together. So that's why I just 152 00:14:31.000 --> 00:14:35.159 don't fucking care no more because I'm doing this for me. Everybody's gonna have 153 00:14:35.159 --> 00:14:46.960 a motherfucking opinion if it was me, if I was you, if you 154 00:14:46.120 --> 00:14:48.879 was me, you wouldn't be doing what the fuck I'm doing. If you 155 00:14:50.120 --> 00:14:54.080 was me, you would be doing exactly this cause you're me exactly so you 156 00:14:54.159 --> 00:15:01.480 know. But mom guilt is definitely a thing, And I feel like I 157 00:15:01.559 --> 00:15:03.480 always speak to the mothers like, bro, you gotta have your own life. 158 00:15:03.519 --> 00:15:09.559 Fuck them kids, not for real, but nah, fuck them kids. 159 00:15:09.600 --> 00:15:13.960 Like for real, like not even just mothers, just people, period. 160 00:15:15.120 --> 00:15:18.960 You have to understand that if you do not put yourself first, if 161 00:15:18.960 --> 00:15:22.360 you do not pour into yourself, if you do not take care of your 162 00:15:22.440 --> 00:15:28.159 fucking mental health, your emotional health, your spiritual health, your physical health, 163 00:15:28.559 --> 00:15:33.600 nigga, you are not gonna be okay. You're not gonna be operating 164 00:15:33.639 --> 00:15:37.759 at your highest potential. You're not gonna be able to be shipped to anybody 165 00:15:37.759 --> 00:15:43.759 else or to yourself because you don't take care of your fucking self. There's 166 00:15:43.799 --> 00:15:48.279 a balance in all of that. There's a fucking balance, and you gotta 167 00:15:48.360 --> 00:15:52.840 fucking find it. You gotta fucking find it. These past three months have 168 00:15:54.000 --> 00:16:02.519 been vary. What word do I even want to use? Lord, give 169 00:16:02.559 --> 00:16:06.480 me a word? What have I been going through? These last three months 170 00:16:06.519 --> 00:16:15.639 have been very, very trying, very trying on my mental, emotional and 171 00:16:15.759 --> 00:16:32.240 spiritual health, on my mental, spiritual and emotional wellness. And again I 172 00:16:32.320 --> 00:16:40.080 have to take some accountability for that, for being in a space again that 173 00:16:40.200 --> 00:16:45.960 I that I there were times that I was praying my way out of but 174 00:16:47.200 --> 00:16:55.759 still standing still. I did an episode on here. I don't know if 175 00:16:55.759 --> 00:16:59.240 it was the last one or maybe two episodes before this, and I was 176 00:16:59.279 --> 00:17:03.359 just talking about being a very mentally strong person and not being able to be 177 00:17:03.440 --> 00:17:12.200 spiritually broken. Still standing on that, however, I felt like I've been 178 00:17:12.319 --> 00:17:27.720 under spiritual attack. I feel like the devil is fucking with me. And 179 00:17:27.839 --> 00:17:34.680 again it comes from that place of misunderstanding, because man, I'll be so 180 00:17:34.839 --> 00:17:38.079 tired of telling people this when I'll be telling people I literally don't be doing 181 00:17:38.079 --> 00:17:44.359 shit to people. I literally don't be doing shit to people, and people 182 00:17:44.440 --> 00:17:52.119 still be fucking with me, and I'm like, Bro, that shit just 183 00:17:52.160 --> 00:17:55.920 don't make sense to me. But then again, I feel like that's how 184 00:17:55.960 --> 00:18:03.759 you know when your existence alone fus with somebody, when like you just being 185 00:18:03.880 --> 00:18:07.799 you and that irritates somebody, so or if that's a problem for somebody, 186 00:18:08.160 --> 00:18:12.400 that's how you know. That's how you know you got that fire. It's 187 00:18:12.440 --> 00:18:15.000 like you know you got that power. Cause no, for real, I 188 00:18:15.400 --> 00:18:19.400 don't be doing shit to niggas. And when I say niggas, I mean 189 00:18:19.440 --> 00:18:25.400 to people, like you know what I'm saying, And it's not just this 190 00:18:25.440 --> 00:18:29.440 could be in any type of relationship friendship and the people that work you know 191 00:18:29.480 --> 00:18:32.440 what I'm saying. I just look at how people move with me, and 192 00:18:32.480 --> 00:18:36.119 I'd be like, bro, I have done nothing, literally have done nothing 193 00:18:36.200 --> 00:18:41.480 to you, and it just says a lot. It says a lot about 194 00:18:41.480 --> 00:18:47.119 them, and it also says a lot about me. But again, I'll 195 00:18:47.200 --> 00:18:51.640 just move how I move. And I feel like, baby, I will. 196 00:18:51.839 --> 00:18:56.759 I wish the Lord could just come on down real quick and just show 197 00:18:56.839 --> 00:19:03.519 me my Karma bank, my Karma bank account, because that bitch gotta be. 198 00:19:03.839 --> 00:19:06.920 I gotta be a billionaire in the Carmera world, for real. I 199 00:19:07.039 --> 00:19:15.519 have got to be a billionaire in the karma world. Got to the seeds 200 00:19:15.640 --> 00:19:18.799 that I have sown, the deeds that I have done, and I'm not 201 00:19:18.880 --> 00:19:22.200 I've been asking for the recognition, you know what I'm saying. But I'm 202 00:19:22.240 --> 00:19:26.640 just saying, when do I get my payback? Though? You know what 203 00:19:26.680 --> 00:19:30.519 I'm saying, When do I get that tenfold of abundance? Because baby, 204 00:19:32.279 --> 00:19:36.640 your girl been struggling for a long time, and I just feel like, 205 00:19:37.480 --> 00:19:41.480 you know, Lord, you it's about time you look out. It's about 206 00:19:41.480 --> 00:20:00.359 time to blessings come right cause not for real karma game crazy, Karma gang 207 00:20:00.799 --> 00:20:04.200 crazy, like I'm trying to tell you. And that's the thing, Like 208 00:20:07.680 --> 00:20:11.640 even when I get done wrong in life, even when you know what I'm 209 00:20:11.680 --> 00:20:15.599 saying, just all the situations that I go through, I s I always 210 00:20:15.680 --> 00:20:22.039 remain a good person. It ain't never no bad blood with me. I 211 00:20:22.079 --> 00:20:26.640 don't wish bad on niggas. I don't do shit to niggas. When I 212 00:20:26.680 --> 00:20:30.319 say niggas, I'm talking about people. You know what I'm saying. But 213 00:20:30.440 --> 00:20:33.119 I just it's just not in me to be a bad person. It's not 214 00:20:33.279 --> 00:20:37.759 in me to do fucked up shit to people. But I ain't gonna lie. 215 00:20:37.799 --> 00:20:41.599 I'll be looking at the clock, like God, God, damn, 216 00:20:41.599 --> 00:20:45.599 what time of this shit coming through? Cause baby, I'm going to be 217 00:20:45.599 --> 00:20:52.400 blessed. It's it's gonna be an overflow of blessings and abundance. I know 218 00:20:52.480 --> 00:20:55.160 it is. I feel it, you know what I'm but also, but 219 00:20:55.400 --> 00:21:00.000 also, but also, God ain't gonna bless no mess. God ain't gonna 220 00:21:00.079 --> 00:21:04.000 bless no mess. So that's the thing too. He ain't gonna get your 221 00:21:04.000 --> 00:21:07.640 blessings if you're in the wrong place, if you were around the wrong people. 222 00:21:07.680 --> 00:21:15.160 And you also gotta understand that the people that you're around whatever Karma Bay 223 00:21:15.200 --> 00:21:18.960 got whatever, whatever, whatever. Black cloud has flown over their life. 224 00:21:18.000 --> 00:21:22.119 If you're in that type of situation, you gonna be a part of that, 225 00:21:22.319 --> 00:21:25.759 you know what I'm saying. So sometimes you have to remove yourself from 226 00:21:25.759 --> 00:21:30.279 a situation cause you gonna get whatever karma. If you're rolling with somebody, 227 00:21:30.319 --> 00:21:34.799 you gonna get that karma. That's your roll dog, that's your ride or 228 00:21:34.960 --> 00:21:41.680 die, that's your your passenger, princess baby, that karma's that karma's gonna 229 00:21:41.680 --> 00:21:45.319 follow you as well. So maybe you need to remove yourself from the situation, 230 00:21:48.880 --> 00:21:51.599 especially if your karma bay can look like mine. You like, bitch, 231 00:21:52.200 --> 00:21:56.079 we're getting a right my name, Like, yeah, you need to 232 00:21:56.079 --> 00:22:02.799 come over on this side because we're gonna be good over here, you feel 233 00:22:02.839 --> 00:22:11.640 me? But what else? Oh, that's what I was gonna say too, 234 00:22:11.759 --> 00:22:14.279 Like uh, I said on a couple of episodes before that, I 235 00:22:14.559 --> 00:22:18.279 that I was a miss a very mislea like strong person and all of that 236 00:22:18.359 --> 00:22:29.359 shit. I am. I am nigga, I idn't took a mental, 237 00:22:29.559 --> 00:22:36.759 spiritual and emotional beating good for real and just gotta and just gotta thug it 238 00:22:36.759 --> 00:22:41.599 out, just gotta take just gotta roll with the punches, like literally just 239 00:22:41.640 --> 00:22:48.960 gotta eat that shit and It's like, even though I am very spiritually and 240 00:22:48.039 --> 00:22:55.559 mentally strong, that shit still weighs on you. It's still, you know 241 00:22:55.599 --> 00:22:57.039 what I'm saying, That shit is still chip away at you. That shit 242 00:22:57.119 --> 00:23:02.000 is still tear you down. Even though you you know what I'm saying, 243 00:23:02.039 --> 00:23:07.039 You know you're keeping it together. The shit is not healthy. I've learned, 244 00:23:07.640 --> 00:23:10.079 like and I always knew this, always knew this. But you know, 245 00:23:10.079 --> 00:23:12.279 I ain't gonna lie. That's a little toxicity in me. I ain't 246 00:23:12.319 --> 00:23:15.599 gonna lie because y'all know I. Y'all know I love a thrill. You 247 00:23:15.640 --> 00:23:18.960 know I'll be in it for the thrill. Okay, So I do have 248 00:23:19.000 --> 00:23:25.440 some toxic tendencies, but on some real shit, on some real deal, 249 00:23:25.839 --> 00:23:30.200 real shit. I have learned that I don't want to be in no toxic 250 00:23:30.240 --> 00:23:33.240 relationship. I don't want to deal with no toxic person. I don't want 251 00:23:33.279 --> 00:23:40.680 to deal with toxicity. That shit will slowly kill you. For real, 252 00:23:41.759 --> 00:23:48.880 That shit will slowly kill you. That shit is like dealing with toxicity is 253 00:23:49.000 --> 00:24:02.880 literally like drinking poison. It is, And I don't want that. I 254 00:24:02.960 --> 00:24:18.559 want to be in a healthy relationship, cause man, it's just type being 255 00:24:18.720 --> 00:24:25.039 Being in that type of ship. It's just not healthy. It's not it's 256 00:24:25.079 --> 00:24:30.519 a very vicious cycle. It's a lot of trauma and that shit, it's 257 00:24:30.559 --> 00:24:36.279 a lot of unhealed wounds. It's a lot, but it's gonna be a 258 00:24:36.279 --> 00:24:41.519 lot being brought to the surface in there. And like I always say, 259 00:24:41.599 --> 00:24:52.319 like being in relationships or like dealing with people is looking in the mirror. 260 00:24:52.200 --> 00:24:57.759 So as bad as you want to say that another person is and point out 261 00:24:57.799 --> 00:25:03.160 all their flaws and all of that, it's still a reflection of you, 262 00:25:03.160 --> 00:25:07.000 you know what I'm saying, It's still a reflection of you in there. 263 00:25:10.759 --> 00:25:18.559 And I think, I think I have an issue with myself with that because 264 00:25:23.279 --> 00:25:26.279 I know that I have my own personal problems. I know that I have 265 00:25:26.319 --> 00:25:29.559 a lot of growing to do. I know, you know what I'm saying, 266 00:25:29.640 --> 00:25:36.680 just relationship wise and all of that. But but no, okay, 267 00:25:36.880 --> 00:25:38.720 cause in my mind I'm a good person. I am. I'm a good 268 00:25:38.759 --> 00:25:44.920 person, but I acknowledge my flaws and I understand that like I have issues 269 00:25:44.960 --> 00:25:48.240 too. But when I say like I'm a good person, I mean in 270 00:25:48.279 --> 00:25:52.680 the sense of like in a relationship with somebody or just period. Again, 271 00:25:52.440 --> 00:25:56.039 I don't intentionally hurt people or do no. Fuck you know, I don't 272 00:25:56.039 --> 00:25:59.839 do fucked up ship to people. I'm not a fucked up person like that. 273 00:26:00.039 --> 00:26:03.359 So yeah, I have flaws and I have issues and shit that I 274 00:26:03.400 --> 00:26:07.200 gotta work on, but I don't intentionally hurt people or trying to bring them 275 00:26:07.240 --> 00:26:12.880 down or like, I'm just not that type of person. So but in 276 00:26:14.279 --> 00:26:18.200 a in a relationship aspect or whatever, nigga, I'd be like, you're 277 00:26:18.240 --> 00:26:22.440 a terrible fucking person. Flah blah blah blah blah. You know what I'm 278 00:26:22.440 --> 00:26:23.640 saying. But no, and that's the thing. Somebody was doing that to 279 00:26:23.680 --> 00:26:27.799 me. Somebody was doing that to me, and I was like, god 280 00:26:27.920 --> 00:26:33.119 damn, every damn day niggas was pointing out my flaws was wrong with me? 281 00:26:33.880 --> 00:26:36.880 Dad, Like, first of all, you do you know how it 282 00:26:36.880 --> 00:26:41.200 feels for a person to never say anything nice to you at all? Ever? 283 00:26:41.160 --> 00:26:48.279 Ever? Ever, It's like, bro, just say that you fucking 284 00:26:48.279 --> 00:26:52.000 hate me, Cause why every day every day you was hearing me down. 285 00:26:52.039 --> 00:26:55.519 Every day you're just talking about what's wrong with me? Da da Dad, 286 00:26:55.880 --> 00:26:57.640 And I don't even really think it's that much shit wrong with me for real, 287 00:26:57.920 --> 00:27:02.920 Like, damn you you going hard, You're going hard on me, 288 00:27:03.039 --> 00:27:07.640 like, you know what I'm saying, But now what I'm saying about me 289 00:27:07.680 --> 00:27:11.359 pointing out the bad and other people, like I forgot what I was gonna 290 00:27:11.440 --> 00:27:18.079 say. Oh, so yeah, I could sit here and point out all 291 00:27:18.119 --> 00:27:26.799 of the horrible, terrible things and a person. But again, I could 292 00:27:26.839 --> 00:27:34.519 still see the bad in me, you know what I'm saying, Like, 293 00:27:34.960 --> 00:27:38.359 I could still see the insecurities in myself by looking at the bad in you. 294 00:27:40.079 --> 00:27:47.119 But also on the flip side, I'm a real I'm a real potential 295 00:27:47.200 --> 00:27:51.079 person. And I got an old ass episode on here. I'm talking about 296 00:27:51.079 --> 00:27:52.839 when I first was doing a podcast and I was talking about how you just 297 00:27:52.960 --> 00:28:00.680 you shouldn't pursue a relationship with a person based on potential cause potentially ain't shit. 298 00:28:00.839 --> 00:28:06.200 Potentially I could potentially be a great man. Yeah, potentially potentially, 299 00:28:07.680 --> 00:28:14.960 But yeah, I like to look at the potential in people, and I 300 00:28:15.079 --> 00:28:18.359 you know, I see the good in people. I see the good in 301 00:28:18.440 --> 00:28:21.960 people, and you know, I give people chances off that I get you 302 00:28:22.039 --> 00:28:25.400 give you give motherfucker's the benefit of the doubt, Like, oh, I 303 00:28:25.440 --> 00:28:29.960 see the good of you. But I think I do that so much because 304 00:28:29.960 --> 00:28:32.480 I see the good in myself. You know what I'm saying. Again, 305 00:28:32.559 --> 00:28:36.720 there we go with that good person, genuine hard, pure intentions, like 306 00:28:37.160 --> 00:28:41.039 I'm such a good person like I I try so hard to see the good 307 00:28:41.039 --> 00:28:45.000 in people like you know what I'm saying, I see, I see it. 308 00:28:45.079 --> 00:28:47.519 I see you trying to be a good person. I seek. But 309 00:28:49.000 --> 00:28:52.720 also when people show you who they are, you gotta fucking believe them. 310 00:28:52.759 --> 00:28:56.640 You gotta fucking believe them, you know what I'm saying. That's another thing 311 00:28:56.680 --> 00:29:00.559 I'll tell them my home girl today I said, going forward in the dating 312 00:29:00.640 --> 00:29:06.599 world, baby, my my new thing, my new shit, which I'm 313 00:29:06.640 --> 00:29:11.599 not pressed on dating that fucking off, Like niggas don't even say shit to 314 00:29:11.640 --> 00:29:17.119 me, just keep it fucking moving. But going forward, I'm out after 315 00:29:17.200 --> 00:29:21.119 the first red flag, my baby, the first one. You'd be seeing 316 00:29:21.119 --> 00:29:25.640 them Instagram post talking about dang Auntie strictest fuck like, yeah, nigga, 317 00:29:25.880 --> 00:29:32.720 I'm out the dough after the first red flag cause I was collecting them bitches 318 00:29:32.880 --> 00:29:37.960 like coins on the fucking Mario nigga like doo doo doo doo doo doo do 319 00:29:37.079 --> 00:29:42.160 do, just letting them bitches fly like And that's another thing, That's another 320 00:29:42.480 --> 00:29:47.599 thing. Uh. You know, sometimes when people ask me about how I 321 00:29:47.599 --> 00:29:51.359 feel about where I am right now and being in Dallas, Uh, I'd 322 00:29:51.359 --> 00:29:57.279 be fifty fifty about how I feel, because I promise it's the best worst 323 00:29:57.400 --> 00:30:03.079 decision that I ever made in my life, the best worst decision that I 324 00:30:03.200 --> 00:30:07.960 ever made the best because I feel like I'm thriving here. I feel like 325 00:30:07.960 --> 00:30:10.720 I'm doing a great job here. You know what I'm saying. I like 326 00:30:11.319 --> 00:30:15.240 where I work. You know, I'm getting money, I have plans to 327 00:30:15.279 --> 00:30:18.839 do all these things and get myself established, and I'm really doing stuff for 328 00:30:18.960 --> 00:30:22.240 myself, you know what I'm saying. And I'm I'm just taking that time 329 00:30:22.319 --> 00:30:25.960 for myself and just really trying to get myself together. All of that shit 330 00:30:26.079 --> 00:30:29.599 makes it the best decision that I ever made in my life. The worst 331 00:30:29.880 --> 00:30:34.519 decision that I ever made in my life is you know, an a small 332 00:30:34.599 --> 00:30:41.240 part of why I came here just like didn't turn out the way that I 333 00:30:41.680 --> 00:30:44.759 expected it to turn out, or didn't They didn't turn out the way that 334 00:30:44.799 --> 00:30:48.759 I planned for it too, And that's fine, cause that's life. Everything's 335 00:30:48.799 --> 00:30:53.680 not gonna go according to plan. But baby, again, that shit I've 336 00:30:53.720 --> 00:31:00.799 been energetically drained here. Also, I just feel like, you know, 337 00:31:00.279 --> 00:31:03.920 I told you it's it's a it's been a very trying time. A lot 338 00:31:03.960 --> 00:31:08.279 of things have taken a toll on me, regardless of me being a spiritually 339 00:31:08.400 --> 00:31:14.440 strong person. Baby, it's still couldn't get you down, you know. 340 00:31:15.480 --> 00:31:27.200 Uh, I don't took I don't took a beating for real, like and 341 00:31:27.359 --> 00:31:32.039 again, just being in that space of feeling like I'm not I haven't been 342 00:31:32.119 --> 00:31:37.160 myself. I haven't you know, been in my creative bag. I haven't 343 00:31:37.240 --> 00:31:40.599 been in my podcast bag. I had, you know what I'm saying. 344 00:31:40.640 --> 00:31:42.799 But it's it's a lot. It's a lot to try to balance all around 345 00:31:42.839 --> 00:31:48.079 the board. When I got here, I was you know, when I 346 00:31:48.160 --> 00:31:51.200 was in Detroit, I was doing yoga every fucking day. I you know, 347 00:31:51.759 --> 00:31:53.559 yoga. I wasn't doing yoga every day here. I I definitely got 348 00:31:53.640 --> 00:31:59.640 back to it like a couple of weeks ago. But it's just it's just 349 00:31:59.720 --> 00:32:07.000 trying to find the balance and everything. But ultimately, I am very proud 350 00:32:07.039 --> 00:32:13.079 of myself for the steps that I have made for fucking come into a new 351 00:32:13.200 --> 00:32:23.079 state and teaching yoga classes, for getting a job off the rib for for 352 00:32:23.839 --> 00:32:30.559 remaining strong through all of the trials and tribulations and the fucking curveballs that the 353 00:32:30.680 --> 00:32:40.440 universe has thrown my way for you know, just all of that, but 354 00:32:40.640 --> 00:32:55.480 also there are a lot of things that I need to work on. Throat 355 00:32:55.599 --> 00:33:09.480 chakra shit, self love shit, because not speaking up for yourself only hurts 356 00:33:09.519 --> 00:33:17.680 you in the end. Going against how you feel only hurts you in the 357 00:33:17.839 --> 00:33:30.119 end. Not listening to your intuition only hurts you in the end. And 358 00:33:30.200 --> 00:33:37.240 so when I say, like I feel fifty fifty about being here, I 359 00:33:37.480 --> 00:33:44.720 think that where I am today, cause today was a very, very crazy 360 00:33:44.839 --> 00:33:47.640 day. It was a very crazy day. And even on the days where 361 00:33:47.680 --> 00:33:52.039 I'd be like, damn, I really fucking came here, you know what 362 00:33:52.079 --> 00:33:54.720 I'm saying, so again, and one breath is like I'm cool with being 363 00:33:54.799 --> 00:33:59.200 here, Like I'm I'm you know, I like being here, But the 364 00:33:59.319 --> 00:34:02.759 other half of me like why did I come here? You know what I'm 365 00:34:02.799 --> 00:34:09.159 saying, And now I understand and just how I said, like, listening 366 00:34:09.199 --> 00:34:15.119 to your intuition is very important. When I tell y'all, like I really 367 00:34:15.199 --> 00:34:19.239 wanted to come here, I really it was. You know, there were 368 00:34:19.320 --> 00:34:22.480 several reasons why I wanted to come here. But I really really wanted to 369 00:34:22.559 --> 00:34:29.679 come here, but there was always something in in my fucking gut telling me, 370 00:34:29.920 --> 00:34:34.000 like, Jasmine, don't go there, do nothing like I'm telling you 371 00:34:34.199 --> 00:34:37.719 like. It was not like it was painful, but it was just it 372 00:34:37.880 --> 00:34:42.400 was just a feeling that I felt in my stomach and I and I was 373 00:34:42.719 --> 00:34:45.199 always just on the fence. I'm like, I really want to go, 374 00:34:45.480 --> 00:34:53.639 but something is telling me, do not go, you know what I'm saying. 375 00:34:54.480 --> 00:34:58.599 But again, I'm a bitch. Dad loves the thrill. I lived 376 00:34:58.639 --> 00:35:07.000 for the thrill. So now being here for these like three months and just 377 00:35:07.199 --> 00:35:13.719 experiencing everything that I've went through, and in those moments where that stuff was 378 00:35:13.840 --> 00:35:19.480 happening, I'm like, oh, this is why my intuition was like, 379 00:35:20.039 --> 00:35:27.119 don't go. You know what I'm saying. It's I ain't gonna lie. 380 00:35:27.639 --> 00:35:30.480 I don't know what I thought it was gonna be, but I didn't think 381 00:35:30.480 --> 00:35:35.159 it was gonna be this bad. I did not think it was going to 382 00:35:35.400 --> 00:35:43.559 be this bad, you know. But it's never a loss, always a 383 00:35:43.639 --> 00:35:49.320 lesson. I've learned so much. I've learned what not to do in the 384 00:35:49.480 --> 00:35:59.840 future, how how much effort to put forth in situations, how much too 385 00:36:00.159 --> 00:36:08.320 give of yourself? Baby. Reciprocity is the motherfucking word, and that's the 386 00:36:08.440 --> 00:36:20.599 motherfucking uh theme going forward in life is reciprocity. I need back what I'm 387 00:36:20.639 --> 00:36:29.079 putting in for real, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially, physically, 388 00:36:30.519 --> 00:36:51.440 I need back what I'm putting in period. And again, the longer that 389 00:36:51.519 --> 00:36:58.000 you stay in situations that have expired or reached this expiration date, you only 390 00:36:58.119 --> 00:37:00.519 hurting yourself, you know what I'm saying. The longer you take to let 391 00:37:00.639 --> 00:37:05.039 go, the longerest's gonna take to get what's supposed to be coming in. 392 00:37:06.000 --> 00:37:09.360 And it's so crazy, cause it's easy to think or say that, like, 393 00:37:09.480 --> 00:37:12.880 oh, I should just let this shit go so I get what the 394 00:37:12.920 --> 00:37:16.559 fuck I'm really supposed to have. But that should be hard. And that 395 00:37:16.679 --> 00:37:21.599 takes me back to when I had went rock climbing, Like I remember talking 396 00:37:21.639 --> 00:37:23.519 to like I had made a whole video about like the hardest part for me 397 00:37:23.679 --> 00:37:25.880 was letting go, Like I was so scared to let go, Like it 398 00:37:27.039 --> 00:37:32.320 took for my body to really be like okay, bitch, were about to 399 00:37:32.400 --> 00:37:35.880 let go, like cause you know what I'm saying I wouldn't let go. 400 00:37:36.400 --> 00:37:38.480 That'd be me in real life situations, I do not be letting shit go, 401 00:37:43.239 --> 00:37:46.360 just holding on for dear life, holding on the toxicity, holding on 402 00:37:46.599 --> 00:37:51.159 too. But again, I think it's just that fear of the unknown, 403 00:37:52.960 --> 00:37:59.400 you know, not being certain of what's to come. And it's not really 404 00:37:59.480 --> 00:38:02.559 that. I don't I think that there's better out there, cause it most 405 00:38:02.639 --> 00:38:21.800 definitely is, But I don't know. Mmm, niggas be so caught up 406 00:38:21.840 --> 00:38:23.679 and trying to make shit work or make a puzzle piece fit where it does 407 00:38:23.760 --> 00:38:34.559 not fucking belong, putting on a shoe that's too fucking small, putting on 408 00:38:34.639 --> 00:38:40.320 the condom that a nigga can't fit. But yeah, those type of situations. 409 00:38:40.639 --> 00:39:13.000 What else, m ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies. I just 410 00:39:13.280 --> 00:39:23.800 want to I don't know. Do I want to say inspire, inspire, 411 00:39:23.920 --> 00:39:31.159 empower, motivate anybody listening to this, Like, first of all, can 412 00:39:31.239 --> 00:39:37.039 we take our hat off to fucking women for real? Like we go through 413 00:39:37.440 --> 00:39:44.519 so fucking much, bro, I don't know how we do it. I 414 00:39:44.599 --> 00:39:47.039 don't even know how I'm still here in thirty three, nigga, Like I'd 415 00:39:47.079 --> 00:39:53.280 have been through a lot in life and if we wanted, baby, if 416 00:39:53.320 --> 00:40:00.360 we have to do the emotional mathematics of my life, bitch, how am 417 00:40:00.400 --> 00:40:04.159 I still here? How am I still here? And That's what I'm telling 418 00:40:04.280 --> 00:40:07.079 y'all, Like, man, I guess, I guess it pays to be 419 00:40:07.239 --> 00:40:19.519 strong, but God damn it pays to be strong. But niggas, niggas 420 00:40:19.599 --> 00:40:22.159 be tired of being strong. I told you, I am ready living my 421 00:40:22.360 --> 00:40:28.079 soft girl era. I'm tired of being in my masculine energy every day I 422 00:40:28.320 --> 00:40:35.599 want baby, I'm trying to flourish in my feminine please cause please, But 423 00:40:35.760 --> 00:40:45.280 no, women, we really go through a lot mentally, emotionally, spiritually, 424 00:40:45.400 --> 00:41:00.960 physically, financially, and you gotta hold it the fuck together. You 425 00:41:01.199 --> 00:41:17.639 gotta hold it the fuck together. I think I'm a high functioning, uh 426 00:41:17.960 --> 00:41:23.840 depressed person, like cause i'd be real stressed about life. I'd be real 427 00:41:23.920 --> 00:41:28.639 stressed. And there are times where I I felt like, yeah, a 428 00:41:28.760 --> 00:41:32.519 bitch is depressed. But I'm a high functioning depressed person. You know what 429 00:41:32.559 --> 00:41:37.000 I'm saying. I'm a I'm a strong black woman. So it's like niggas 430 00:41:37.039 --> 00:41:38.920 don't really be having time to be like, hey, you know what I'm 431 00:41:38.920 --> 00:41:44.079 saying you just be pushing through it. You just be pushing through it. 432 00:41:45.960 --> 00:41:51.559 And again, I guess that's that mental toughness that like, I don't know, 433 00:41:52.079 --> 00:41:53.679 but I'm glad I got that shit in my DNA, cause I wouldn't 434 00:41:53.679 --> 00:41:55.960 want to be a nigga out here, like I can't take this shit, 435 00:41:57.199 --> 00:41:59.480 Like I could take a lot, bro, I could take a lot, 436 00:41:59.559 --> 00:42:02.079 but it's all so like also not gonna look, God, I'm not trying 437 00:42:02.079 --> 00:42:05.320 to get to no breaking point. Please don't break me down. Cause God 438 00:42:05.440 --> 00:42:07.400 do that too, Like when you be like, oh shit, I ain't 439 00:42:07.400 --> 00:42:09.840 no, I'm gonna get me down, and then some shit happened and you'd 440 00:42:09.840 --> 00:42:14.119 be like, God, damn, I shouldn't have said nothing. God be 441 00:42:14.199 --> 00:42:19.079 trying to test you. I don't, Lord, no, cause I know 442 00:42:19.199 --> 00:42:22.840 I'm one of the strongest soldiers. Lord, but please don't don't get me 443 00:42:22.960 --> 00:42:24.000 no more. Don't give me no more. He gonna get me more, 444 00:42:24.360 --> 00:42:28.480 he gonna give me more. But it'd be like damn. But no, 445 00:42:29.760 --> 00:42:35.159 I think women carry it very well. We carry it very fucking will. 446 00:42:35.239 --> 00:42:39.800 And that's the thing. I posted a picture today, and you know I 447 00:42:39.880 --> 00:42:45.320 posted on the caption like thank God, I don't look like what I've been 448 00:42:45.400 --> 00:42:49.760 through. That's one of my favorite quotes from pastor ken Lot, cause baby 449 00:42:50.920 --> 00:42:57.960 baby walking in every day with a smile, with good energy. Niggas a 450 00:42:58.159 --> 00:43:04.039 never know what the fuck I got going on, and the same for other 451 00:43:04.119 --> 00:43:07.039 people. You don't know what the fuck people got going on in their life. 452 00:43:07.079 --> 00:43:13.000 Bro. You don't know what niggas are dealing with behind closed doors. 453 00:43:15.360 --> 00:43:22.800 You don't know what women are going through. We don't know what nigga's going 454 00:43:22.840 --> 00:43:24.119 through too, But go on a nigga podcast, y'all can go talk about 455 00:43:24.119 --> 00:43:27.880 that. I'm on the Black Girl experience. Y'all don't know what the fuck 456 00:43:27.920 --> 00:43:34.480 we're going through. And again, it be the people that carry it very 457 00:43:34.599 --> 00:43:39.000 well, those strong friends, those people that's always fucking smiling, that's always 458 00:43:39.159 --> 00:43:43.840 you know what I'm saying, the niggas that you And that's that's another thing. 459 00:43:44.880 --> 00:43:47.039 I've always been the strong friend. I've always been the friend that people 460 00:43:47.119 --> 00:43:51.800 come to for advice. Every Niggas always gonna come and dump on me and 461 00:43:51.880 --> 00:43:55.280 emotionally been to me. And these past three months, I've been feeling bad. 462 00:43:57.840 --> 00:44:00.840 I mean I don't but I do feel bad cause I feel like I 463 00:44:01.280 --> 00:44:05.440 like, I just feel like my life is just full of venting. All 464 00:44:05.519 --> 00:44:07.760 I do is vent to my home girl, and I'd be like, I'm 465 00:44:07.880 --> 00:44:12.159 sorry, you know what I'm saying, Like, but also, this is 466 00:44:12.239 --> 00:44:14.840 the first time I've ever been that person, you know what I'm saying. 467 00:44:14.880 --> 00:44:17.559 I feel like for years of my life, like people have done that to 468 00:44:17.679 --> 00:44:22.119 me, and I've never been that person. I don't never want to be 469 00:44:22.199 --> 00:44:23.000 a bird, and I don't ever want people, you know what I'm saying. 470 00:44:23.039 --> 00:44:25.719 I'm just I don't like to dump my problem with people, but I 471 00:44:25.880 --> 00:44:31.159 do. I feel like every day you're at like I've just been venting. 472 00:44:32.719 --> 00:44:38.199 But also I feel like that's a good release. You gotta talk to somebody 473 00:44:38.239 --> 00:44:40.679 about what you're going through. You know what I'm saying. You don't wanna 474 00:44:44.039 --> 00:44:47.440 let all of those emotions or whatever. You You never wanna let that shit 475 00:44:47.559 --> 00:44:54.280 build up. You never wanna let it fester internally, because that's how blockages 476 00:44:54.360 --> 00:45:02.519 happen, emotional blockages, that's how you become physically because you you let all 477 00:45:02.559 --> 00:45:07.920 of that shit pile up internally and you're not expressing it, you know, 478 00:45:07.159 --> 00:45:10.440 verbalizing it, You're not getting it up. You know what I'm saying, 479 00:45:10.559 --> 00:45:16.760 and that's why movement is important as well. So yeah, get you some 480 00:45:17.000 --> 00:45:21.480 get you, get you a circle of good friends, get you a circle 481 00:45:21.519 --> 00:45:23.880 of good niggas that you can vent to, you know what I'm saying, 482 00:45:24.000 --> 00:45:29.280 People that can listen to you and can advise you and be there for you. 483 00:45:29.880 --> 00:45:31.920 And that's the thing. Like I don't have a lot of friends and 484 00:45:32.039 --> 00:45:36.239 don't want a lot of them either, but you know, I love good 485 00:45:36.440 --> 00:45:44.239 I love having good quality friends because you need that, especially when you gotta 486 00:45:44.320 --> 00:45:52.280 fucking vent. But I just don't like feeling like that though, Like I 487 00:45:52.360 --> 00:45:55.039 feel like I don't want to be a motherucker that I gotta vent every day, 488 00:45:55.159 --> 00:45:58.119 Like damn, it's another problem, you know what I'm saying. I 489 00:45:58.159 --> 00:46:00.079 don't want to feel I always try to be conscious of asking people how their 490 00:46:00.199 --> 00:46:02.880 day is going or what do they have going on? Or you know what 491 00:46:02.920 --> 00:46:05.880 I'm saying. I don't never want to just be like, oh, x 492 00:46:06.039 --> 00:46:07.639 y Z is going on with me? X y Z? Another problem, 493 00:46:07.679 --> 00:46:09.800 another problem, another you know what I'm saying, Like I like to be 494 00:46:09.960 --> 00:46:15.639 conscious about asking other people about what's going on in their fucking life, because 495 00:46:15.679 --> 00:46:20.719 you do got those people that just emotionally dump and I'll give a fuck about 496 00:46:20.719 --> 00:46:23.920 what you got going on, or always circle the conversation back to them, 497 00:46:24.480 --> 00:46:31.840 and I hate people like that, So yeah, you know, but I 498 00:46:31.920 --> 00:46:37.039 don't know. There's a time and a place for everything, and I'm you 499 00:46:37.119 --> 00:46:40.960 know, maybe it's just my turn in life where I'm at that stage where 500 00:46:42.320 --> 00:46:44.880 nigga, I'm I need to be a venture I need to get this shit 501 00:46:45.000 --> 00:46:49.199 off period. But also that's why I'm on here tonight, to get get 502 00:46:49.280 --> 00:46:52.159 a little bit of shit off. Like I said, I didn't walk y'all 503 00:46:52.239 --> 00:46:57.199 niggas through the whole experience of my time here these past three months, and 504 00:46:57.239 --> 00:46:59.599 I don't know, maybe y'all will break that bitch down. Like I said, 505 00:46:59.599 --> 00:47:05.800 that gotta like a forty seven part series. But a lot of people 506 00:47:05.960 --> 00:47:08.079 was asking me about the podcast today and I'm like, let me just come 507 00:47:08.159 --> 00:47:22.599 here and share something. At the end of the day, I just feel 508 00:47:22.719 --> 00:47:29.239 like, you gotta live your life for yourself. You gotta do whatever the 509 00:47:29.320 --> 00:47:37.719 fuck it is that you wanna do again because niggas is just gonna push they 510 00:47:37.800 --> 00:47:44.000 own insecurities, they projections on you. You can't do that whatever, you 511 00:47:44.079 --> 00:47:46.400 know, what I'm saying like all of that shit. No, do what 512 00:47:46.559 --> 00:47:50.639 you wanna do. You only got one life to live, so live that 513 00:47:50.719 --> 00:47:54.079 shit to the motherfucking fullest. You know what I'm saying. Don't listen to 514 00:47:54.119 --> 00:47:59.599 the naysayers the haters. Don't listen to niggas that ain't never done shit that 515 00:47:59.679 --> 00:48:01.400 you try trying to dude, ain't never being where you trying to go, 516 00:48:01.679 --> 00:48:05.559 you know what I'm saying. They've never had the money that you that you 517 00:48:05.679 --> 00:48:14.320 are gonna have or whatever, like, cause you're gonna spend your life being 518 00:48:14.360 --> 00:48:20.159 a fucking robot in society on some monkey see Monkey do type shit, and 519 00:48:20.280 --> 00:48:23.880 it's like, it's so much more to life. You can create whatever the 520 00:48:24.000 --> 00:48:29.519 fuck you want to create from this ship. You can do whatever it is 521 00:48:29.639 --> 00:48:34.519 that you wanna do. The sky is the fucking limit. And I don't 522 00:48:34.559 --> 00:48:37.599 wanna wake up with any regrets, you know what I'm saying, Like I 523 00:48:37.639 --> 00:48:42.719 should have did this, or what if or what if? Like I don't. 524 00:48:42.960 --> 00:48:47.039 I don't want that to be me. And again, I feel like 525 00:48:47.159 --> 00:48:52.880 this is the first time in my life that I'm really doing something for myself, 526 00:48:52.519 --> 00:49:00.280 you know, and allowing myself to not I feel bad about that cause 527 00:49:00.320 --> 00:49:04.159 I'm not a selfish person at all. I've never been a selfish person. 528 00:49:04.679 --> 00:49:10.239 But you have to be selfish. You have to put yourself first in order 529 00:49:10.320 --> 00:49:17.760 to be successful. You should learn to be a little selfish, taking time 530 00:49:17.840 --> 00:49:21.920 for yourself to get your mind rights and get your body rights and get your 531 00:49:22.039 --> 00:49:32.440 heart right. So that is that I'm trying to think. Is there anything 532 00:49:32.679 --> 00:49:53.000 else that I need to share? Mmm? Not that I can think of 533 00:49:53.320 --> 00:50:07.039 in this moment tonight. I am just going to enjoy being in solitude and 534 00:50:07.199 --> 00:50:15.800 being in my own energy, and being in a peaceful place, being in 535 00:50:15.960 --> 00:50:29.159 silence, and just being able to fully be me, you know, free 536 00:50:29.239 --> 00:50:42.280 to be mean without judgment, freedom to be mean and enjoy myself in my 537 00:50:42.480 --> 00:50:45.280 space and just be the light that I am. You know what, when 538 00:50:45.320 --> 00:50:50.239 I pull it up. When I pull it up today and got out the 539 00:50:50.320 --> 00:50:55.119 car, somebody told me, hey, you you just got it. I 540 00:50:55.159 --> 00:50:59.480 ain't gonna lie like you got the look, you got, the vibe you 541 00:50:59.559 --> 00:51:02.480 got, lie like for real like you you got it. I was like, 542 00:51:02.679 --> 00:51:07.519 damn, okay, Drake, and you got a girl you got but 543 00:51:07.679 --> 00:51:14.719 not for real that like really made my day, like you know, and 544 00:51:14.960 --> 00:51:17.519 uh and again going back to value and worth and all of that. Like 545 00:51:19.199 --> 00:51:22.599 everybody is not gonna see your value. Everybody is not gonna see your worth, 546 00:51:22.679 --> 00:51:27.159 and that's cool. Maybe it's not for them to see. But don't 547 00:51:27.239 --> 00:51:30.079 ever let that damn your lighter make you feel like you're not valuable or you're 548 00:51:30.119 --> 00:51:34.800 not worthy just because one person doesn't see it, you know what I'm saying, 549 00:51:36.400 --> 00:51:38.639 Cause many people see it. Many people see it, But no, 550 00:51:38.920 --> 00:51:44.599 that that shit made My dad was like, damn't even like a damn bitch, 551 00:51:45.000 --> 00:51:47.679 Like no, like, gave me a whole little lecture on how I 552 00:51:47.840 --> 00:51:52.599 was that bitch. I was like, thank you for real, cause sometimes 553 00:51:52.639 --> 00:51:57.079 you be forgetting. Don't let a nick don't. Don't let nobody make you 554 00:51:57.159 --> 00:52:04.440 forget that you that bitch. Please don't. But yeah, I'm like, 555 00:52:04.639 --> 00:52:07.239 damn, that nigga was acting like he was scouting me for a fucking wrap 556 00:52:07.440 --> 00:52:10.039 TV show. You got the vibe, you got the look, you got 557 00:52:10.119 --> 00:52:14.119 the I was like, damn, my god, my okay, okay, 558 00:52:14.760 --> 00:52:22.280 but noah for real? So yeah, yeah, and I don't know. 559 00:52:22.360 --> 00:52:24.719 I guess I'll I'll guess I'll ended on that note. Like I said, 560 00:52:24.719 --> 00:52:30.079 I'm about to shill, I'm about to Oh, y'all know I'm in my 561 00:52:30.239 --> 00:52:34.639 bed on my phone on an anchor, so well, no, I'm not 562 00:52:34.719 --> 00:52:37.599 on anchor, I'm not recording on anchor, but I'm in the bed, 563 00:52:37.840 --> 00:52:44.760 bitch. Yeah. I love I love the piece of quiet. I love 564 00:52:44.840 --> 00:52:51.599 the quiet. I was in my list of that. She was like, 565 00:52:51.639 --> 00:52:52.639 do you want me to time the music on? I said no, Actually 566 00:52:52.639 --> 00:52:54.920 we can ride in silence. She was like, oh, okay, that's 567 00:52:54.960 --> 00:52:58.000 cool. I'm like, yeah, please, I don't want to hear shit 568 00:52:58.199 --> 00:53:00.480 right now. I just need to be in my own mind and think, 569 00:53:04.480 --> 00:53:06.840 and that be me. A lot of times I be needing to collect my 570 00:53:07.000 --> 00:53:09.599 thoughts, I be needing to reflect. I I just be needing that time 571 00:53:09.719 --> 00:53:17.079 to just that peace and fucking quiet, Okay. And that's also what I 572 00:53:17.159 --> 00:53:21.039 said to I said, I've just been praying for peace and protection, cause 573 00:53:21.119 --> 00:53:28.159 baby, clearly the Lord is on my side. Clearly the Lord is on 574 00:53:28.280 --> 00:53:34.719 my side, cause I'll just be looking in that situations like how the fuck 575 00:53:34.760 --> 00:53:37.039 did I make it through that? How don't know the fuck did I make 576 00:53:37.079 --> 00:53:45.199 it through that? How did I come out on the other side. Also, 577 00:53:45.280 --> 00:53:49.760 you be in situations like how the fuck did I get here? You 578 00:53:49.920 --> 00:53:52.440 be going back like, look it alway, how did I get here? 579 00:53:52.519 --> 00:53:58.440 How the fuck did I get here? You just look up in a situation 580 00:53:58.559 --> 00:54:05.480 like, how the fuck did I get here? But it's all a part 581 00:54:05.559 --> 00:54:15.159 of the process. It's all a part of growth, Jeeze. Growth is 582 00:54:15.400 --> 00:54:29.320 tough. Uh, Growth is painful. Growth is fucking painful. Bro beneficial, 583 00:54:29.719 --> 00:54:39.920 but painful. She's gonna stretch you the fuck out. And that's why 584 00:54:40.039 --> 00:54:46.159 yoga is important for the flexibility of life. Okay, the flexibility of life, 585 00:54:46.239 --> 00:55:06.559 the flexibility of your body, the flexibility of your mind. And that's 586 00:55:06.599 --> 00:55:17.519 the thing. Don't ever be ashamed or are afraid or scared to tell your 587 00:55:17.719 --> 00:55:23.480 story because so many other people have probably experienced the same fucking thing as you, 588 00:55:24.679 --> 00:55:38.719 or your experience can help somebody else, and you gain wisdom from those 589 00:55:38.800 --> 00:55:51.440 experiences and it helps you grow and evolved. So don't be mad at the 590 00:55:51.480 --> 00:55:55.360 shit that you go through. Don't be mad when shit don't work out, 591 00:55:55.719 --> 00:56:01.719 Like you know, it's all a p it's all a part of the process, 592 00:56:01.840 --> 00:56:12.320 all a part of the journey. And be willing to let go cause 593 00:56:12.360 --> 00:56:15.679 you can't stay in the same spot forever, you know what I'm saying. 594 00:56:22.440 --> 00:56:29.280 The season's change. Niggas be trying to stay in summer. Bitch's time for 595 00:56:29.400 --> 00:56:32.639 the fall. Okay, We're moving on. It's time for the winter, 596 00:56:32.880 --> 00:56:37.159 it's time for the spring. So you know what I'm saying, Like, 597 00:56:40.599 --> 00:56:45.599 you gotta be willing to let go. You gotta be willing to accept things 598 00:56:45.760 --> 00:56:55.480 for what they are. You gotta be real with yourself in order to keep 599 00:56:55.519 --> 00:57:02.280 it real with anybody else. And that's another thing, and I've said that 600 00:57:02.400 --> 00:57:07.639 on here before a million times, like, if you don't keep it with 601 00:57:07.719 --> 00:57:09.360 your if you don't keep it real with yourself, you definitely not gonna keep 602 00:57:09.400 --> 00:57:14.000 it real with me. And and it's crazy when you know that people not 603 00:57:14.159 --> 00:57:16.840 keeping it real, especially when you're a very intuitive person, when you just 604 00:57:17.079 --> 00:57:21.760 very spiritually inclined. And that's what really pissed me off. It's like, 605 00:57:21.920 --> 00:57:25.079 bro, please stop lying to my face when I know you're like I literally 606 00:57:25.199 --> 00:57:30.719 know the truth. But it's cool, like whatever, I just I don't 607 00:57:30.760 --> 00:57:32.519 even I don't like to argue with people. I don't like to go back 608 00:57:32.559 --> 00:57:36.199 and forth with people. There's no point, you know what I'm saying, 609 00:57:36.559 --> 00:57:47.599 There's no fucking point. Yeah, So this episode is looking like it's about 610 00:57:47.639 --> 00:57:53.559 an hour. I think I covered a lot of ground here for you guys. 611 00:57:53.760 --> 00:57:58.159 I hope y'all enjoyed this shit. I hope y'all feel like, damn 612 00:57:58.440 --> 00:58:00.679 you updated us, you know, I I be. I feel like I'll 613 00:58:00.679 --> 00:58:05.119 be talking in a real roundabout way. I don't like to get all deep 614 00:58:05.159 --> 00:58:07.199 into the nitty gritty. I'd be trying to keep a little bit to myself, 615 00:58:07.280 --> 00:58:12.800 you know what I'm saying, a little little a little sacredness to my 616 00:58:12.920 --> 00:58:16.000 world, but also still wanted to share a little bit of my experience with 617 00:58:16.159 --> 00:58:21.360 y'all. And like I said, I might come back on here and do 618 00:58:21.480 --> 00:58:23.079 a whole walk through of the last three months. I don't know. I 619 00:58:23.159 --> 00:58:28.719 don't know, but I just felt like I should share something, especially now 620 00:58:28.800 --> 00:58:30.440 that I feel like I'm in a space where I'm just free to be me 621 00:58:30.760 --> 00:58:37.079 and whatever. And you know, hopefully motherfuckers don't feel no type of way 622 00:58:37.079 --> 00:58:45.480 about this, and if they do, that's all new. But yes, 623 00:58:46.280 --> 00:58:51.519 what's tomorrow? Tomorrow is Wednesday. I gotta got a few plans on the 624 00:58:51.760 --> 00:58:55.280 on the calendar, on the agenda. Probably should do some yoga in the 625 00:58:55.360 --> 00:58:59.400 morning, I should go downstairs to breakfast. They got free breakfast in this 626 00:58:59.559 --> 00:59:06.239 bitch, so I should probably do that as well. What else I don't 627 00:59:06.280 --> 00:59:12.400 know, Damn, I should have went down to the pool. I don't 628 00:59:12.400 --> 00:59:24.199 even gonna obayasuit though, I don't know, but whatever, Tomorrow's another day 629 00:59:25.360 --> 00:59:36.880 in this thing called life. Hope y'all niggas naked there. Yeah, So 630 00:59:37.119 --> 00:59:39.320 that is it. That's all that I have for y'all. Hope that y'all 631 00:59:39.440 --> 00:59:43.719 enjoyed this episode. Make sure that you follow me on all platforms that Healing 632 00:59:43.760 --> 00:59:52.199 my homies, Black Girl Experience on TikTok. Make sure that you rate the 633 00:59:52.280 --> 00:59:54.199 podcast, give a five stars, sleep a review on while you love the 634 00:59:54.239 --> 00:59:59.199 Black Girl Experience. That it's all that I have for y'all. I'm out