WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.480 --> 00:00:07.360 Listen. It is twenty twenty four and this year we are decreasing overwhelm and 2 00:00:07.719 --> 00:00:13.480 increasing productivity, which is why I use Audible to listen to my favorite books 3 00:00:13.560 --> 00:00:19.399 when I'm on the goal. Audible makes it easy to listen anytime anywhere, 4 00:00:19.920 --> 00:00:25.679 while traveling, working out, taking a bath, seasoning the meat or cauliflower 5 00:00:25.719 --> 00:00:32.640 for my vegetarians you decide, and to help you start your audiobook journey, 6 00:00:33.159 --> 00:00:39.039 we have partnered with Audible to offer our listeners a free thirty day trial, 7 00:00:39.719 --> 00:00:48.200 So don't just take my word for it. Visit audibletrial dot com Backslash Ltdt 8 00:00:48.399 --> 00:00:55.240 to start your free trial today. If you're listening to the podcast on Apple 9 00:00:55.320 --> 00:01:00.759 Podcast, please remember to rate and leave a comment below. Also, don't 10 00:01:00.799 --> 00:01:06.920 forget to follow us on Instagram at Let's Talk the Tings. Now, grab 11 00:01:06.959 --> 00:01:12.519 your tea, coffee, or a glass of wine and let's Talk the Tings. 12 00:01:14.079 --> 00:01:19.079 Hello everyone, Welcome back to the Let's Talk the Tings podcast, where 13 00:01:19.079 --> 00:01:26.239 we discuss the importance of personal growth, travel, music and wellness while encouraging 14 00:01:26.280 --> 00:01:32.920 you to live fearlessly and fabulously. I'm your host, Ash and this week 15 00:01:33.359 --> 00:01:40.480 we are talking the things about the importance of being okay with disappointing others if 16 00:01:40.560 --> 00:01:46.719 it means being true to yourself. So we've all been there, faced with 17 00:01:46.840 --> 00:01:53.799 the pressures to please everyone around us. But what happens when that pressure conflicts 18 00:01:53.840 --> 00:02:00.760 with our own wellbeing and growth? Sometimes it's necessary to prioritize ourselves and our 19 00:02:00.840 --> 00:02:07.199 own paths, even if it means letting others down. So I saw a 20 00:02:07.280 --> 00:02:13.919 quote the other day that I thought really resonated with this topic, and it 21 00:02:14.120 --> 00:02:20.560 said, let yourself disappoint people, especially if you need to take care of 22 00:02:20.599 --> 00:02:25.439 your mind, or because your intuition is telling you that what they want does 23 00:02:25.479 --> 00:02:31.000 not align with who you are or who you are becoming. Betraying yourself is 24 00:02:31.080 --> 00:02:37.879 not virtuous. Remember, no one can feel your heart better than you can. 25 00:02:38.159 --> 00:02:40.639 And I thought, wow, you know, what a powerful quote, 26 00:02:40.719 --> 00:02:47.000 What powerful words. And it's something that I think, especially as women were 27 00:02:47.039 --> 00:02:52.360 socialized to do, you know, put ourselves last. And it's something that 28 00:02:52.400 --> 00:02:58.159 I realized that this generation and the generations after are really kind of turning the 29 00:02:58.240 --> 00:03:05.000 tables on, and it's really important that we all recognize things that are draining 30 00:03:05.080 --> 00:03:09.039 us ways that we're disappointing ourselves in order to keep other people happy. Because 31 00:03:09.080 --> 00:03:15.039 at the end of the day, that's not healthy for you. I thought 32 00:03:15.120 --> 00:03:23.039 it would be interesting to break down this quote and kind of learn from what 33 00:03:23.199 --> 00:03:28.639 the quote is saying. Let yourself disappoint people. Now, this is a 34 00:03:28.719 --> 00:03:32.240 tough pill for many people to swallow it, especially if you spent years being 35 00:03:32.240 --> 00:03:38.280 a people pleaser. You know, some people are conditioned to seek approval and 36 00:03:38.599 --> 00:03:45.560 avoid disappointing others at all costs. So that might look like going out when 37 00:03:45.560 --> 00:03:50.159 you don't feel like it. That might look like over extending yourself for other 38 00:03:50.240 --> 00:03:53.479 people when you don't get the same in return. That also might look like 39 00:03:54.599 --> 00:04:00.000 being there for somebody, or listening to somebody's problems and offering your But when 40 00:04:00.000 --> 00:04:03.520 you need advice or you need a shoulder to lean on, they're not there, 41 00:04:04.120 --> 00:04:10.879 right. But what if I told you that sometimes disappointing others is not 42 00:04:11.000 --> 00:04:16.040 only okay, but it is necessary for our own growth and our own well 43 00:04:16.079 --> 00:04:19.800 being. The fact of the matter is, and I've said it many times 44 00:04:19.800 --> 00:04:26.720 on this podcast, there is no prize for overextending yourself. There's no prize 45 00:04:26.800 --> 00:04:30.839 for, you know, putting yourself at a detriment or at a loss for 46 00:04:31.000 --> 00:04:35.000 others. And what I mean by that again, is it's not that you're 47 00:04:35.040 --> 00:04:40.800 doing it to get a prize, but it's that you know you have to 48 00:04:40.920 --> 00:04:46.519 do what you're able, what you can offer in that moment, and you 49 00:04:46.720 --> 00:04:50.439 over extending yourself is only going to drain you. You know. And many 50 00:04:50.560 --> 00:04:55.439 times the person that you're doing it for, the person you're over extending yourself 51 00:04:55.439 --> 00:05:00.600 for, they don't even realize you're overextending, right, So they just think 52 00:05:00.759 --> 00:05:03.560 you're able to show up for them. And let's say you bring it up 53 00:05:03.560 --> 00:05:06.839 in the future, they might look at you and say, well, I 54 00:05:06.839 --> 00:05:10.920 didn't ask you to do that, which is one of the most disrespectful things 55 00:05:10.959 --> 00:05:14.680 you can say, but people say it because the truth of the matter is 56 00:05:15.439 --> 00:05:17.800 they most of the time people ask you, you know, if you can 57 00:05:17.920 --> 00:05:23.519 do something, and they expect that you're gonna tell the truth of whether you 58 00:05:23.560 --> 00:05:26.959 can do it or not. So if you're choosing to say that you can 59 00:05:27.040 --> 00:05:30.800 do something that you know you don't have the capacity to do, in a 60 00:05:30.920 --> 00:05:33.399 sense, you know they're right. They asked you, and you had the 61 00:05:33.439 --> 00:05:38.079 free will to answer correctly. So my point in saying that is that you 62 00:05:38.120 --> 00:05:41.680 don't want to ever be on the receiving end of that, and you don't 63 00:05:41.680 --> 00:05:46.079 want to ever have that feeling of Wow, you know, I overextend myself. 64 00:05:46.160 --> 00:05:48.639 I put myself at a detriment for this person or in this situation, 65 00:05:49.079 --> 00:05:53.800 and it wasn't even appreciated. So the way you avoid that is to just 66 00:05:54.240 --> 00:05:59.160 show up how you can do what you can. If you're able to overextend, 67 00:05:59.519 --> 00:06:03.360 absolutely help anyone that you can, but make sure you're not pouring from 68 00:06:03.360 --> 00:06:12.519 an empty cup. The quote also emphasizes the importance of taking care of our 69 00:06:12.639 --> 00:06:17.480 minds and listening to our intuition. How often do we ignore our inner voice 70 00:06:17.600 --> 00:06:24.639 in favor of fulfilling others expectations, And as we discuss several times on this 71 00:06:24.720 --> 00:06:30.160 podcast, our intuition is like a compus guiding us on our journey. When 72 00:06:30.199 --> 00:06:36.600 it tells us that someone else's desires don't align with our own values or aspirations, 73 00:06:38.040 --> 00:06:42.079 it's really important to heed to that and to listen to that, and 74 00:06:42.120 --> 00:06:46.879 to trust that right because nine times out of ten we've all regretted not trusting 75 00:06:46.959 --> 00:06:51.959 our intuition. It is definitely there for a reason. That brings me to 76 00:06:53.560 --> 00:06:58.759 the concept of betraying oneself right, which is really the basis of this whole 77 00:06:58.800 --> 00:07:01.759 thing, because it is a sense of self betrayal when you're overextending yourself and 78 00:07:01.800 --> 00:07:06.439 you know you don't have the capacity to do that. When we consistently prioritize 79 00:07:06.439 --> 00:07:13.879 others' needs and desires over our own, we're essentially saying that what they need 80 00:07:13.920 --> 00:07:16.720 from us is more important than what we need for ourselves. You know, 81 00:07:17.120 --> 00:07:24.720 we're betraying ourselves and our authenticity. And let's be clear, betraying oneself is 82 00:07:24.879 --> 00:07:29.879 not virtuous, right. Some of us grew up in cultures where we're told 83 00:07:29.920 --> 00:07:31.560 that, or we're shown that, or as I said, we're socialized that, 84 00:07:31.800 --> 00:07:35.600 especially as women. But it's not true. It's a myth, it 85 00:07:35.720 --> 00:07:41.759 is not virtuous. It's self deprecating in my opinion, and it's a disservice 86 00:07:41.879 --> 00:07:46.959 to our own hearts and souls and what we need to really thrive in this 87 00:07:47.079 --> 00:07:54.199 world. Ultimately, this quote serves as a gentle yet powerful reminder to trust 88 00:07:54.240 --> 00:08:01.759 ourselves, our instincts, and our inner wisdom. So how can we start 89 00:08:01.800 --> 00:08:07.920 applying these principles in our own lives. Well, it begins with self awareness 90 00:08:07.480 --> 00:08:13.680 and self compassion. It's important that we learn to recognize when we're sacrificing our 91 00:08:13.759 --> 00:08:20.000 own well being to please others and have the courage to course correct. Right. 92 00:08:20.680 --> 00:08:22.680 Everyone makes mistakes. You're not going to get it right all the time, 93 00:08:22.879 --> 00:08:26.560 especially, as I said, if you've been a people pleaser all your 94 00:08:26.600 --> 00:08:31.720 life. It's not going to take hearing this one episode or reading one quote 95 00:08:31.800 --> 00:08:35.039 or reading a book for you to course correct who you've been your entire life. 96 00:08:35.120 --> 00:08:39.919 Right, But consistency is key. Awareness is key, you know, 97 00:08:39.039 --> 00:08:43.159 being in moments where you realize, oh my gosh, I'm over extending myself, 98 00:08:43.240 --> 00:08:46.159 or I'm offering to do something that I know I don't have the capacity 99 00:08:46.200 --> 00:08:50.039 to do, let me reach out to that person and say I'm so sorry, 100 00:08:50.080 --> 00:08:52.399 I'm not going to be able to do it. Or let me stop 101 00:08:52.440 --> 00:08:56.879 myself mid conversation and say, you know what, unfortunately I'm not going to 102 00:08:56.919 --> 00:09:01.879 be able to help up with this thing with baby steps. But it can 103 00:09:01.960 --> 00:09:07.440 be done, and it's worth it for not only your well being but also 104 00:09:07.519 --> 00:09:16.480 your mental health. Remember it's okay to let yourself disappoint others, It's okay 105 00:09:16.480 --> 00:09:24.639 to prioritize your own needs and desires, and most importantly, it is okay 106 00:09:24.799 --> 00:09:30.919 to trust yourself and follow your own path, even if it means going against 107 00:09:30.919 --> 00:09:37.120 the green, because you are the author of your own story and only you 108 00:09:37.559 --> 00:09:39.559 can decide how it unfolds.