Seven. Lamb Productions Presents Cop Doctors Episode twenty seven, New Neighbors. Hey,
Case, do you think lizard people are real? Lizard people? Yeah,
like people who are actually lizards, or people dressed like lizards who dresses
like a lizard who is a lizard. It was Sunday night in the Cop
Doctors hid the night off. I just think if lizard people were real,
we would know, so then they're not real. Yeah, I guess that's
good. Real lizard people would probably be scary. Who could that be?
Hello? Hello, My name is Marco and I'm Pollom. Just kidding,
we're goofy. My name's Cassiandra. We're your new next door neighbors right across
the hall. Oh, nice to meet you. My name's Justin Case and
this is my roommate slash coworker, just In Time. Oh wow, you
guys have the same first name. That's great. I wish my name was
the same. That's who huh? I don't know? Sure? Okay,
we baked you a pie. Hope you like me? You made us a
meat pie? Yeah? Um, would you too like to come in?
That would be lovely. Marco and Cassandra entered the apartment. Meat pie in
hand. Do you have a place I can set this pie, Maybe like
a pedestal or a balcony railing, or a corner of a bookshelf. We
have a kitchen counter, Oh, that'd be perfect. We had all our
counters removed. Why. We like to skip around the house, especially to
the kitchen, and we found the counters to be limiting since we both have
long strides, you know, not really well, look at my legs,
then look at mine. Oh nice, pretty long? Huh yeah, I
guess so. Word on the street is is that you two are cops during
the day and doctors at night. That's true. How wonderful. Sorry if
this is personal, but have you ever shot anyone? Yeah? All the
time. It's fun. Nice bang bang bang. Marco here works for the
parks department. He's a whiz when it comes to his stalling water fountains and
trees. That I'm a dast dripper. I never worked past four pm.
Oh is the money good? Not really a lot of money in trees.
I meant with the day stripping, I make only quarters. I like what
you've done with your place? Is this real oak? This one here?
The glass table? Ah? Right right? Where's your study? We don't
have a study. You have a study. We made our bedroom a study.
Where do you sleep in the den? Is it big enough? Our
den is small? Yeah, of course. And we both sleep in full
size beds on top of each other, like bunk beds. No, just
straight on top of each other. Doesn't that make it hard to breathe?
No, I sleep on top. It can be hard. Yeah, sometimes
it's really hard to breathe. You should sleep on top. Two. No,
it wouldn't work. Both of our legs are too long, remember,
uh huh, yeah I do. But honestly, we came over here because
we have some news. Oh yeah, we're we're getting divorced. Oh we
thought you should know why. We just don't love each other anymore. No,
why do you think we should know that? But it's more than that.
Cassandra here is sleeping with a lot of men, and so am I.
So you're gay, that's why you're getting a divorce. Whoa there,
buddy, Relax, homophope much what you said you were sleeping with guys?
Yeah, but so is she? She's a girl. You're walking on very
thin ice, my man, sin ice. There's more we have to tell
you. But why because you're our neighbors. We have a favor to ask
what we can't decide on who gets to keep the cat? What? What
cat? Our cat? Her name is Feathers. Feathers. We were wondering
if maybe you could keep her. What? Why can't you two just rock
paper scissors for it. We tried, but we don't know how to play.
It's not hard. I accidentally Punchmarko in the face tried to throw out
rock. I don't think that was an accident. We don't want or need
a cat, please, We want someone who we know and trust. But
we just bet. Yeah, this is all happening really fast. If you
don't take the cat, we're gonna have to put her down on the ground
and let her walk to her owner. Oh yeah, just do that.
But we don't want to put her down on the ground. So carry us
see if I care. Please, this divorce is hard on everyone. We
know that. But someone has to take Feathers. We really don't have time
for a cat. We work two jobs. Remember, Please, what if
we only chudge you hundred dollars? Wait, we have to pay for the
cat. Yeah, and a hundred dollars is a nice even number. So
me and the wife can split it fifty fifty, literally fifty dollars and fifty
dollars. No, we get how to split one hundred dollars evenly. Please,
we can't take the cat. Please, she's dying. The cat's dying,
dying to get into a new home. Jesus, please, we beg
you look at me on my knees. Now, please take a little feathers.
Will you two leave and never bother us again? Yeah, I'll even
pull my shirt over my face so you don't have to see me. Ever,
you don't have to do that, but fine, Case we're getting a
cat. Yeah, we're getting the cat. Twenty minutes later and the cup
Doctor's got a new cat. Bye, feathers. Mamma loves you, and
so does Papa and Aunt Margaret and Johnny and Earl Stevens. Who are those
people? People? Feathers nose? Oh, thanks again, and we promise
you'll never see us again. Look, I'm already pulling my shirt up over
my face. Cool. I can't believe we got a cat. I just
wanted them out of our apartment. The next day, Case and Time went
to their pet store to find some cat toys for their new feeline friend.
I hope feathers like all these new toys we got her, she beat her.
They were super expensive. But as they coughed, doctors walked to their
apartment, they saw the landlord, mister Butterfield. Hello, mister Butterfield,
Hello, Justin's what a glorious day. It is sure a lot better than
yesterday. Why what happened yesterday? The new neighbors sold us their cat because
they're getting a divorce. What new neighbors? The ones who moved in next
door to us, Fellas, No one's lived in that department for over six
years. But what about Marco and Cassandra aka Polo? I don't know who
those people are. Wait a second, you said they sold you a cat.
Yeah, feathers, feathers the cat. These people didn't happen to be
in there early to mid forties and have dark hair, did they? Yeah?
Did the man have a mustache? And was the woman wearing a pink
lion shirt? Yeah? Fellows, you've been bamboozled. They're not really married,
and they don't live here. They work at a cat adoption agency and
this week the people with the most cats adopted once a year supplies frozen yogurt.
What how do you know all this? I kicked them out of the
complex when they were trying to get miss Humphries an apartment three to six to
adopt a cute little Siamese cat. Well, I hope so. So they
were never our neighbors and now we have a random cat. Yeah, but
Case Feathers is pretty cute. You're right, so you're going to keep the
cat. It's either they're kill it. I think they're alva options. I
think we'll keep it. Yeah, she is cute. You do know there's
a pet fee? What a hundred dollars? Me and my wife split it
fifty fifty, literally fifty for me, but no, we know how to
split one hundred dollars evenly. Well, leave it in the mailbox, thanks,
son of a bitch. Now we're out over two hundred dollars for a
cat we didn't even want case. Look at the bright side, what bright
side? At least they weren't lizard people, Cop Doctor Cop Doctors. Written
by Robert M. Lamb, edited by Jordan Zuchanic, starring Jack Austin as
just in Case and Robert M. Lamb as Just in Time. Po starring
Alexander Dotty. Rachel's him and Nathan Woods. Music provided by Kevin McLeod of
incompetech dot com. If you enjoyed this podcast, don't forget to rate and
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