If you were raised in a Caribbean household, you probably heard you check up
your book from many at least three times per week. And as much as
it pains me to admit it, that one liner kept us on top of
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narrator's trainey accent immediately transports me to ports of Spain. Audible makes it easy
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at Let's Talk the Things. Now, grab your tea, coffee or a
glass of wine and let's talk the things. Hello everyone, Happy New Year
and Welcome to season two of the Let's Talk the Things podcast, where we
discuss the importance of personal growth, travel, music, wellness, and encourage
you to live fearlessly and fabulously. I am your host, Ash, and
today we are talking to things with law firm operations manager, Florida State University
and Cleveland State University. Graduate and member of Delta Stigma Theta Sorority Incorporated,
miche Hey, Mish, how are you? I am great, Ash?
How are you? Thanks for having me good? Of course I've been wanting
you to come and talk the things with me, so I'm so happy to
have you here. So yeah, thanks for coming to talk the Things with
me. And this season, I'm doing things a little bit differently as far
as the order of the show. So I'm actually going to start off with
my favorite segment and everyone else's favorite segment, which is called that a sound
safe And for those of you that are unfamiliar and if this is your first
time tuning into the show, basically what it is is I read different posts
I saw or that listeners sent to me, or just responses to questions that
I post on our Instagram page. And if the guest, which in this
case mish would be you, if you think it sounds crazy or it sounds
a little bit concerning, you would respond and say that the sounds safe.
But if you think, like, wait, there's some value in this or
some truth, you would say you agree and then explain why you agree.
Makes sense. Let's do it, all right? Perfect, all right?
So the first one is I love letting people think they took advantage of me.
Never I'm watching your character that the sounds safe, and you know what
why, I just you know, I would never put myself in a situation
like that. And if I find myself in a situation like that, I
would run. I would definitely, you know. I don't think we would
get to the point to where you have the quote proverbs to me, I
would be yeah, that's a major red flag. That no sound safe at
all. I agree with you, all right. The next one is I
say long story short and then proceed to tell the double VHS Titanic version of
the story. Oh, I'm going all the way with that safe because that's
me. You're gonna get a full Cat Williams from me. I may start
off real soft and say, you know my face. I think people who
know me well will tell you out. My favorite saying is long story short,
and and that's short about the story. So that one I'm gonna have
to go with. That's safe. Oh my gosh. And I didn't mention
in the beginning, but Miche and I are cousins, so this is one
thing that we have been comment. Yeah, you're gonna get the long version
VHS cassette tape. You're getting everything, baby, full story. And you
said the thing about friends, because I was just talking to my friend the
other night, and I started off the story saying, long story short,
yeah, and yeah. Two hours later, I can't even talk by time
I finished the story. My phone said two hours. And yeah, see
the average talk time on a long story. Sure, it's two hours minimum.
I get it. I get it. So that definitely definitely safe.
That's definitely issue. That's a good person. The next one says the most
dangerous person in a woman's life is a man who is envious of her period.
I agree with that. So do I say that sounds safe? Yes?
So you can say you agree or that sounds safe. Yeah, but
you can also in this, you know, in this you could also say
that notes sound safe, meaning having a man based on what this person is
saying that is envious of you isn't safe? Like that doesn't sound safe,
right, the situation is not safe. Fact that this person is ichnology,
that that is I should not have around you are someone you should not be
with. It's a safe is a safe saying because I mean, I couldn't
imagine being with a partner who is envious of me. I mean that to
me is that's probably I wouldn't compare it to physical abuse, but that's definitely
on a level of abuse, whether it's a mental, psychological, or emotional
abuse, because you got to have a well, I have to have a
cheerleader in my corner and somebody who's gonna encourage me, even though I encourage
myself, but it's always good to have someone who pours into you and pours
into you know, any your endeavors. So that's deadly deadly somebody being jealous
of you, and then somebody's supposed to be a partner, your best friend,
that's deadly deadly, absolutely sound safe. That's deadly in my right,
And I would also add anybody in your life that's concerning because you know,
I even would venture to say envy is worse than jealousy, because when you
envy someone, that means you'll do anything to make sure that they maybe feel
something that you feel about them, or they suffer or that's that's something like
deep rooted. That's what makes people commit crimes and crimes, the passion and
things like that. So, like you said, spotting that in a partner,
someone you potentially you know, are in a relationship with, our living
with. You know, you're next to this person unconsciouste Yeah, and think
about it. This is somebody you probably share a bedroom with, you probably
share you guys, share dinner together. You it's the little things you don't
really think about that you guys are so in tune and in touch with your
personal space, and then you're involving yourself with someone who's jealous but they have
so much access to you. It's scary. That's a very scary thing,
you know. Yes, So like you said early on, you know,
once you see a red flag, you're gone. And I think that's something
that I'm seeing more and more women kind of get in tune with. And
it's not easy because obviously everybody has to go through things like to learn what
those are for you in particular. But envy, I think that's not even
a discussion, like you have to go. I agree. And the thing
with jealousy, I don't think being jealous is a bad thing. I think
it's okay sometimes to say, man, you know what that person has or
what they've done, I would love to do that. You know, I
kind of feel bummed that I'm not in that space. But you also have
to take to consideration how did they get there, what's their story? It
may look nice, but what was the story to get there? So it's
okay sometime to be inspired and encourage. You know, we're humans. We
may naturally have a little bit of a jealous side, like, oh man,
you know some time you may look at that person and say, man,
you know you know they have how did they get so lucky with those
nice legs? Or how did that person get so lucky with such clear skin?
So we may naturally have as humans, we may tend to have a
little bit of unconscious jealousy in us, but we have to take into account
how did that person get there, what did they do to get those tone
legs? Why is their skin so clear? Is it genetic or is it
because they have good self care. Is it that they're genetically inclines that have
nice legs, or do they work out every day and watch what they eat.
We have to think about those things as well and not let that jealousy
or that little bit of man that would be nice for me to have turned
into envy, because once it turns into that aspect of wanting what someone has,
it can now take into a spiral effect of you know, you now
really being turning into an enemy, you know, doing things that are you
know, that are going to compromise your integrity. Like you said, some
people now turn into thieves and rate the law because their jealousy now has turned
into envy. So you definitely have to look at those two aspects of being
two separate things. But you got to stay away from envious people for sure.
So the next one says, don't DM me my own photo with the
compliment, say it's in the comments with your chest. I mean some people
listen, some people they flirt and they want to probably flirt with you privately,
or they probably want to spark up a conversation outside of that public space
and say, hey, this is a beautiful picture or you look really nice.
Now if it's a female, I don't know. That would be a
little strange, and most females will just put the heart's face or say,
oh, you look pretty. Nobody would really DM that unless they may want
to say, man, you look really great. Who did your makeup?
Or you look really great? Where did you get your hair done? That's
more if you want to DM so you don't pull up a thread, because
sometimes when you comment on a post or you like a post, you may
get everybody's updates on there. I don't know, but I don't think if
a guy does that, and it could be in a sent guy asked,
yeah, that's what That's what initially came to me, like somebody just saying,
you know, if he praised me. Because I took it as maybe
the person the person may be saying that because they want to assure be reassured
that whoever is giving them the compliment other people see it, so it confirms
that they, you know, may not have any secrets or any hidden agendas.
That's how I originally took it. But in the aspect of someone consistently
giving you a compliment in a DM that is not consistently giving you the comment
on your page that's a little strange. Now, if the person did that
for everybody, that may just be how the person praises people. But if
they're just only doing or not for you, that don't sound safe. Right,
yeah, right, yeah, okay, that makes sense. All right,
So two more all right? The next one is what motivates you more
than anything. And then the person replied disrespect. Oh that's a tough one
because in one aspect I would definitely say that don't sound safe, but in
another aspect I would say it's safe. You know, it depends on the
disrespect. You may have a disrespect that is that screams loud, like somebody
calling out your name, right or somebody saying something degrading. Or you may
have a disrespect where somebody on the slide kind of tries to belittle you or
doesn't doesn't think that you can do or say or be a part of certain
things. So it depends if you if you disrespect me and call me out
my name, that's not gonna The only thing that motivation is gonna do is
gonna make me want to match that energy, depending on what you call me.
Now, the motivating, the motivating side of it is you say something
you do something that I take as disrespect and it motivates me to I don't
First of all, I don't feel I have to prove myself to anybody or
anyone. So to say motivation, I don't know if that's a good word
for me. I would say, yeah, you know, I would say,
does motivate me? But what I will say is you, I guarantee
you, by the time you you you've watched me or spent time with me,
you you're whatever that disrespect was, it'll change. It'll change. It'll
change because you will see whatever that that intention or feeling you had at the
moment, it will definitely change. Once you probably get to know me or
you spend some time with me, you observe me, you feel differently.
I guarantee you. Right well, you must be reading my notes because that
brings me to my last one, which is very fitting. Okay, And
it says you can do all things through Christ except tech me for idiots.
So that was a perfect segue. You know what, you won't be doing
things through Christ. If you're taking me for no idiot, you ain't doing
that through Christ. Baby. You may be doing that through Chris, but
you ain't doing that through Christ. So that's definitely that goes something because when
you act, when you when you do things through Christ, you don't do
things for harm or hurt people. You do things with love and you do
things with respect. So you're not doing that through Christ. So no,
man, I can't do this episode. Listen, if you're gonna take me
for a fool or you're going to try to just you know, you're gonna
try to be disrespectful or manipulative or whatever it is, you are not doing
that to any means of Christ. So let's start there. So yeah,
I definitely say that comment does sound sie because that's not coming through Christ.
My gosh, coming through Christ. Take off the tea or drink it,
but that ain't coming through That ain't coming from Christ. Okay, ladies and
gentlemen, if you have ever heard me say something crazy and you're wondering if
it's hereditary, your indication that this is a normal day. Okay. Like
I've told you before, none of my guests know these questions or what we're
going to talk about. We're just here to talk the things. So that
was a perfect ending to that sex that is coming So growing up with Jamaican
roots in America must have been a unique experience, right, And I say
that to say, We've had a couple episodes on here where we talked about
growing up Jamaican. We had one called the Caribbean American Experience, and those
are with my male friends, and we just talked about like their experience.
One of them was born in Jamaica and then came here and then went back
for schooling. And the other one was born here but went there every summer.
You know, we all have different experiences as persons of Caribbean heritage,
in our case Jamaica. So how do you think that your cultural background shaped
your perspectives and how do you weave those influences into your daily life. That's
a really good question. We definitely grew up with a one hundred Jamaican experience.
You know. My parents are what I like to say, very Jamaican.
As you know. My mother, she was a school teacher in Jamaica
and my father was a musician still as a musician, and you know,
they navigated through life, came here with the expectations to do really uh well
and work hard for their children. But my but my mother made sure we
never lost touch with our roots and who we are, so through the food,
through the way she disciplined, through the things that she allowed or did
not allow, you know, through how we I mean even down to how
we dressed, you know, making sure we spent almost especially myself, spent
many summers in Jamaica with my grandparents, just developing that true authenticity of who
we are, but still embracing the American culture. You know. I was
on a radio shorty of the day. The majority of the listeners are patient,
and I was telling the radio host that I was honoring the well I
was acknowledging, I should say the fourteenth year of the hurricane, I mean
the earthquake that they had in Haiti, like over two hundred and seventy five
thousand people died and one point million people were displaced. And I said,
you know, we're all one. You know, we just got dropped off
at different locations, but we're all one. And in the Caribbean experience,
I've learned we all are different in our own little ways, but we're all
the same. But going back to the Jamaican, our Caribbean American experience,
you know, growing up was tough because there was a lot of things that
some of my friends, depending on their cultural background, did or said that
I did or said differently, Like we couldn't have sleepovers. I didn't need
to put nobody house. I couldn't eat from nobody house. I couldn't you
know, I have to say auntie or a missus. You you was either
an aunt or you was a miss or you was a mister or you were
an uncle. That's just how we were raised. You know, you're clean
up. You learn how to clean up a bathroom and how to change your
tire, how to check your engine oil, and you know, you just
learned all those things. At least in my household, we just worked hard,
really learned how to be self sufficient, be respectful. We didn't do
sleepovers, you know, so navigating through life where there's a culture here where
your friends will say, hey, we're having a slumber party. You know,
I grew up in the nineties, summer parties were big. I couldn't
go school dances. I couldn't go dyal is having me go to a school
dance in the eighth grade. That's like put me on a pole at King
of Diamonds. So don't even ask. You know, the word is not
no the word is hell no. So it was tough because you know,
on the weekends, me and my sister were with Dahlia at the meat market,
or you know, we stop at Public's or wind Dixie at the time,
or we may go to I don't think Stargrasses Blows at the time,
We're probably going to like with my mother used to love Lord and Taylor outlet,
We'll go to Lord and Taylor. I spent every Saturday and Sunday with
Dayla and on Saturdays it was tanto Irie at eight o'clock, Ja making soup
and we stay up a little bit and we go to bed. That's so
growing up like that where I have friends, Hey, Mish, we're going
to the movies. Can you come? And you know you have to play
it off. You don't want to be embarrassed to say you go to the
movie. Oh no, I have to go to this thing with my parents
tonight, so I can't make it. And it just became a thing where
my friends just stopped inviting me because they just was like, she always has
something to do. But it was really I wasn't allowed to go because let
me ask you, Let me ask you that as you say that I don't
mean to cut you, but yeah, do you think now that you're older,
because you know, how there were kids. We think our parents were
born adults and they don't know what it's like to be children. Do you
think that that prevented you from a lot of possible danger or getting in a
lot of bad situations that you saw other friends get in. Absolutely. I
look at it now and say, man, you know, people always joke
and say you Jamaican and you never smoked weed? Never? Oh my gosh,
never. And it's because it's the most annoying question. It's just stigma.
I had to take a light detective one time and the lady paused,
and I'll never forget. She said to me, really, you're Jamaican and
you never smoked weed. And I'm thinkings me, is she a lot even
tell me that? Right? Anyways, No, I've never smoked weed.
Now, my lot of my friends who had that leisure time to go to
those slumber parties and go to do certain things. You know, like I
said, idle hands is the devil's playground. So they were around or saw
or involved in things that Because Mommy kept me home, I didn't have the
experience. So I would definitely say what I were they a little too strict,
little, but did it mold me and shape me to be who I
am today and to think back and go, man, I really could have
been in some trouble that day, or I really could have gotten into this,
or I really could have gotten into that. So absolutely, I definitely
think that experience did allow for me to stay out of situations or prevent me
from doing things that I probably would have done had my parents allowed me to
go out with my friends. Speaking of the Caribbean experience, would you ever
this is random, but would you ever play Mass in Trinidad or or Jamaica
Carnival either or or would I ever do with either? Or? Yeah?
So like Trinidad or Jamaica? Would you ever go there to play Mass?
You know? I actually I really would enjoy that. Now, the way
my OCD is set up, this is gonna sound very strange. Oh my
god, this is gonna sound crazy, and you guys are gonna be like,
get this lady off this podcast. I've noticed as I got older,
I have become like this complete germophobe. So the one thing that I know
about Carnival, right, and I'm gonna have to like embrace it is.
You gonna see like a lot of food and all kind of napkins on the
floor and I'm marching in my shoes. Oh my god, this is the
something to have naked. Oh people sweating and oh, I just have to
get over that part and I'll definitely hope Well. I will say this,
I've never been to Trinidad Carnival. That's like one of my on my lists
to go. But as you know, I've been to Jamaica Carnival several times,
and I will say I have never seen any kind of like trash or
anything as you're going through the road because in Jamaica Carnival different from Miami Carnival,
at least the last one I went to. I don't know if they
changed it to Carnival. You're, you know, literally on the road.
You're going down Hope Road. You're going like you know, you're going the
throughout Kingston basically like the corporate area, and they have the trucks that follow
and so everybody has their cup and everything, and then you have your lunch
station, which, depending on the band you're playing with, is really nice.
They're tents, their air conditioned some of them. You know, you
have your box food and then they have the garbage to throw them away.
So I always say I can only speak for Jamaica, but I will say
I've never seen that now, the people jumping up and down. Yes,
But here's the thing I love about Jamaica Carnival. And again this is just
my experience where I think it differs from let's say Miami Carnival, because those
are the only two I've been to. Right, you don't have, like,
especially as a woman, like random men just coming up to you,
because, like you said, you are like half naked depending on where you're
wearing, right, So that can seem like that might be uncomfortable. But
I find that they're very respectful of people's space. And of course you're usually
with you know, your girlfriends are sorry, or you have your little group
and you're constantly moving. So it's also a great workout. Yeah, no,
absolutely that I agree. Speaking of that fun fact, so according to
Wall I can't even say, according to I forget where I found it.
But according to not Me, revelers can burn up to six hundred calories per
hour while that's during carnival, So forget the gym. If we just play
masks in every country and dance our way to a flat tummy. So forget
that committee, just go to a couple of carnivals and you know, celebrate
life. And you know, I say that jokingly, but I think it's
a part of our culture that I'm glad Jamaica is embracing now because technically that's
not really our culture. That's more like a trainy thing, right. We
all know Brazil has their own version of carnival. From what we know,
that's a trainy thing. But Jamaica has really embraced it. And I think
that's great because at Jamaica Carnival, they'll even you know, put some dance
all in there and maybe while you're eating your lunch, play some reggae.
So I think it's just that, like you said earlier, we're all one.
You know, Trinidad hates me, Dominican, we're all one Arabion,
you know. And I think it's great when we infuse cultures. Yeah,
absolutely, I mean you're talking about somebody. My only experiences were Miami and
I went to carnival in Baltimore. You did, my gosh, I never
knew that they had a carnival there. I happen to be there that weekend.
Yeah, like, oh, what's there to do this weekend? And
say, oh, they're having a Caribbean carnival. So nice. It was
definitely different, okay, and it wasn't bad. It was different, but
those were my experience. So I'm basing my experiences off at you my carnival
and the Caribbean Carnival they had in Baltimore. So but I think I can
definitely suck up the old CD issues and enjoy Jamaica or Trinidad for sure.
Definitely we'll have to We'll have to figure that out, Yeah, for sure.
Okay. So navigating the role of the oldest sister in a Caribbean hossehold,
I think although I'm not the oldest, my observation often comes with lots
of responsibility, right, So how do you navigate that, you know,
still being like in that leadership position, I would say under your parents.
Yeah, well, as you know, I am also coined in a family
Sergeant lime Green. Yes, so I didn't know if you wanted your your
pseudonym out there, but yes, that's okay. Yes, I'm known as
Sergeant lime Green. Long story, so you know, being the oldest.
You're the guinea pig for everything. So everything that a parent does and and
has tried out or is trying to model or learn, you experienced all of
that as the first born, right because you are the guinea pig through life
for new parents. Being that I am the oldest of three, you know,
I just always try to I've always tried to be a good example to
my younger siblings. Was that perfect, No, But I always tried to
be a good example. I was also a protector. I always wanted to
make sure I protected, you know, my siblings and know that they can
come to me for protection. But you struck up a good point about me
not having anybody to go to. You know, that's where the cousins come
in, you know. You know I had older cousins like my cousin Tanya,
my cousin Janille, I you know, my cousin Charyl and she rest
in peace. My boy cousins, just having them, they were kind of
like the ones where they made me feel younger because I had the older cousins
and then especially the ones I was really close to. That's kind of where
my refuge would be. But in the household itself, it was all me.
It was all me, you know, and then today you know,
that's why it's really important to have a really good relationship with your siblings,
because you know, like the saying says, they're the best friends that God
naturally gives you, you know. So I think today, I think I
still kind of serve a leadership role to my brother and sister even though they're
adults now. They'll still come to me with any advice or questions or issues
just like we're kids. So it doesn't change because of the age. I'm
still the oldest. My parents still treat me like I'm the oldest. So
it's it's just one of those things, you know, God picked me to
be the oldest. The good thing is, I think I've handled the position
well and I enjoy being that, uh you know, having that bond with
my sister and brother where they can come to me if they need anything.
So I enjoy my role. I take it and I take it seriously,
and I think my parents were good at being good example as parents to old
children who have a good relationship. Yeah, that's very very important, Yeah,
very important, because as I'm sure you know, there are a lot
of families or siblings you know that don't speak at all. You know what
that means. So it's I think that we grew up, you know,
with a strong sense of family. And I know, for me, being
the youngest girl, I always thought like that was normal, like everybody functioned
like that, because that's just all I saw. It's not until I get
older and I realized, wait, people don't talk to their parents, like
what. People don't like their siblings or don't speak or you know, don't
tell them they love them. Huh. And not from a judge way.
I just like you said, when you don't know something you're it's a shock,
like, oh, I didn't know that was a thing, you know,
and it's real. People would look at me and I'm saying, you
know, oh, I can't do this. I have to go with my
cousins, or I can't do this, I'm going with my parents, or
you know, I laugh with your parents all the time. I literally hang
out with your parents by myself, like normally. I've been like that since
I was a child. But even as I got older, we ran out
the country, We've gone to parties, and I remember saying that to people
as I got older, and they're like you hang out with your aunts and
uncle like huh oh. They they tell you something about older older people.
They are so much fun and they can They're not in their phones. They're
gonna go hang out. They're gonna have a good time. They're gonna enjoy
the moment. They keep it real. They're gonna they have this they have
this ability to tell like jokes and they're not even trying to write. It's
just everything that comes out their mom is absolutely hilarious and they have no filter.
You know that. I'm absolutely love hanging out with older people, my
parents. They're just fun people. Older people are just fun and they sometimes
can outparty us believe it. Oh yeah, no, definitely so shei's the
Caribbean ones, Yes, something about something that Caribbean blood where they will party,
yes, very late through the morning time, you know, and they'll
have a good time. So that that's definitely true. Definitely definitely. And
I mean, as you know, and everybody that knows me personally knows,
you know, I have like a really special bond with your mom that I've
had since I was a baby, you know, even when I wasn't living
in this country, like and I used to come to visit. My dad
would tell me stories. When I got older of whole, I'd be bawling,
crying, and nobody could get me to stop crying, and as soon
as he gave me to your mom, I would just stop, you know,
So to me, it's never been weird, right, So I think
those are really good points that you bring up about. Like you said,
being the oldest, but you had you know, Janille, you had Cheryl,
like you had other cousins that you can go to, so you never
quite felt alone. It's just in the house. Obviously you had to set
the example and things like that. That makes sense, right to be a
part of a family where were are. We don't see each other every day,
we may not talk every day, the love is there and and it's
it's a wonderful, wonderful. Uh. This is a wonderful family to be
in. And being the oldest is really cool because even my younger cousins,
I'm kind of the oldest too as well. So I like my position as
being the oldest siblings. Nice nice speaking of that, as though, or
I should say, continuing from that, as the oldest sibling. You know,
an office manager at a law firm, a devoted mom, like partner,
a daughter, all of these things. How do you manage I don't
like to say multitask because I really don't think there's such a thing, but
hope you manage just juggling all of these diverse roles. And are there specific
strategies or like mindset shifts that you've been able to create to help you?
Because you know a lots of millennials that listen to this or even gen Z
they have all these different things going on and sometimes it can be overwhelming.
So do you have any tips or suggestions that you can give to people listening
to How you manage that? Oh? My goodness, absolutely So. Just
to give a little bit of background, So, I'm a new mom and
I started. I decided to start to start this motherhood journey at forty one.
So and God decided, Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna bless you with
your first child and he's going to be a boy, so let's start there.
Yeah. Yeah, So I'm raising of energetic, fun, loving,
climbing, running up and down two year old. While everybody knows my partner,
my other half, he is uh a trial lawyer. We have two
firms, one important Saint Lucie One in West Palm Beach. They're absolutely busy.
So I deal with the operation side, and I do a lot of
litigation par legal work on a daily basis. We bring work home because we
just work that hard. Our staff is incredible. And then I am,
you know, navigating the household stuff, you know, the cooking I cook.
I am. I am a woman who cooks. I cook. I
come home and I make meals. Okay, on the days. Every now
and then I'll say, hey, let's go grab something, but I cook.
So I'm cooking, making sure I get the baby to bed. It's
a lot. It is a lot. I also have a bonus son.
He's fourteen. He's an absolute jewel. So there's nothing I have to do
with him except feed him. That's all I have to do. He is
self sufficient, he does his homework, he is a scholar, he is
a good kid. So God has definitely belessed me with that aspect. But
it still doesn't take on take It still doesn't take away from the fact that
I have to make sure they're okay. They're miners. So my life is
extremely busy, and I have a lot of people who depend on me.
How I navigate through all of that is I have to make sure I have
a life. I have life. I will go to. I go to
a lot of games, basketball games, football games. I travel, We've
we've been traveling a lot lately. And I will come home. I'll drink
a glass of wine. I'm not ashamed to say it. I will drink
a glass and depending on how bad or how stressful the evening was, I
may add a little bit of vodka to But that is how I navigate through
it all. God gave me one life, and in this one life he
gave me. You best believe I'm going to take full advantage of it.
I cannot, could, you know, always do with people's problems at twenty
four to seven. I can't always, you know, be in the house
cooking twenty four to seven. I can't always be, you know, having
one left arm pull and one white arm pull. I have to protect my
mental health and my happiness as well. Yes, so I make sure,
and thank God, I'm blessed with a partner who you know, is very
encouraging to making sure I have that time for myself, you know, even
if it's me driving to publics to you know, get some groceries or pick
up something and me pulling up to McDonald's drive through getting a large fry no
salt with dipping sauce is sweet and sour. That's happiness to me, and
that that takes a break from me dealing with a hectic life. And I'll
sit in a parking lot and I'll dip each fry in that sauce and I'll
be on my phone, probably scrolling through Instagram, and for that ten minutes,
that's joy for me, you know. Or or if it's with me
packing up our family, us doing our annual road trip every year, or
it's going to going you know, going somewhere out the country, that is
you have to have a balance. So do I do that or do we
do that every month? No, but we do it enough to where I
work hard and I play hard. But you have to have a balance.
And whatever your happiness, it could be jumping on somebody's plane, or it
could be dipping a fry in some sauce and parking somewhere, but you have
to take that time to do you absolutely great. I think that's extremely sound
advice, you know, And it's funny. We have an episode called I
Forget what it's called. But basically it's about focusing on implementing luxury in your
life, right, and that luxury doesn't have to mean your drinking champagne and
spending one hundred dollars luxury. And one of the examples I actually use could
be if you're a mom just sitting in a quiet house with a book.
Oh, it could just be sitting in your car for ten minutes before you
walk inside the house. It doesn't mean you hate being home, but that's
your time to yourself. Like, okay, of course I am me because
I think what a lot of people are not people a lot of mothers sometimes
don't realize, is sometimes they can lose their identity in their role as a
mother, partner, job, whatever your career is, and you're yourself first,
right, So I think all of what you said is so important.
Whether it's travel, whether it's like you said, dipping your fry in that
sweet and sour sauce. Whatever is your moment of luxury or your moment of
self care. Oh, you have to do it. And you also said
it's important because it goes to one of our dat noasun safe segments, right,
It's important that you have a partner that supports that, because exactly,
imagine if you got all this going on mish and then you have a partner
that's like, why aren't you here? Like why aren't you doing for me?
You know what I mean, and you're trying to figure out how you
became a mom of now three right exactly. So I think that's such sound
advice because I know that the older we get, it seems that society will
have us believe it's such a horrible thing to be single, right, And
I think we've all had stages in our life where we thought, oh my
gosh, I'm this age like I'm still single, I want to do this,
and oh my gosh, maybe I should just settle. Maybe my list
is too tight. No, yeah, because trust me when I say it
is better to be alone and be at peace than to be with somebody that
you constantly feel that you're not at peace with. Just to say you're with
somebody, Because here's the thing, you would be surprised so many people on
social media maybe that even see in life at work, at publics wherever,
that are masquerading as having this great life and they go home to hell.
Hell, okay, mentally or physically and to me personally, I think mental
is worse because like if you box me down, my eye is on a
heel and let me just let me start over, just to make sure I
cover my bases. Both are bad. I'm not saying except one over the
other at all, but that that mental mischade, that and your peace being
messed with it will kill you. Yeah, it will. It really will
quickly and silent. You can heal quicker from a punch and a stroke.
Okay, So, I, like I said, I'm glad you said that,
but I say many times, I'm just going to reiterate for our listeners.
They're probably aggravated. But I think it's important because although we talk to
men and women on this podcast, the root of it is to empower women
and to make sure that we're all out here, like you said, with
this one life that God gave us fearlessly and fabulously whatever that means. Absolutely,
I just want to put this out there that goes for women putting their
hands on absolutely, and women mentally abusing men. Absolutely. It's not just
about I think it's important to all soul. And I'm glad you brought up
you know, the men woman woman man as far as like experience any form
experiencing any form of abuse. Because here's the thing what it comes down to,
in my opinion, everybody has certain values that they're raised with. You
have things that maybe your parents, your guardian, whoever raised you may be
told you, but you also have things that you saw. Everything comes back
to our childhood and you cannot be in any kind of relationship, I don't
care if it's a friendship, business partnership, romantic relationship with anyone that doesn't
have your same values. And here's why, speaking on the specific topic of
what you just brought up with men and women, as men and women,
we have to be very aware of who we're getting in partnerships, friendships,
relationships with because if your values are different, you don't have to come from
the same background, same socioeconomical stance. But you see values biche. You
can pick up on people's values safe. Yeah, a lot of time,
and I really from experience because I've learned the hard ways. And just to
to kind of add to what you're saying, you know, you mentioned something
about list. Let's start there. Throw it this list, because not to
say you shouldn't have you gotta have. You have to have some type of
a standard. Absolutely throw away this list because the ones out there that you
may be, the ones out there that you may think meet this list,
are the ones you may have very well have severe issues with or may not
have those values like you. And the ones you don't have on that list,
babe, they value might be better than yours. Yeah, okay,
so you have to really throw that list out. And then the second thing
you have to do is you have to make sure you know what you're looking
for in those values. Okay, you get, we get. We talk
about these red flags or these signs. Some of them can just be a
some bad day, and then some of them can be no, no,
no, no, that's who they are, you know. So you you
want to find those try to at least be able to be a be a
vigilant to already start seeing these signs so you're not putting yourself in these relationships
that become hard to get out of. And sometimes it's not that you want
to be abused or you want to be taken advantage of. Sometimes it's just
gone so far it's hard to get out of. You've grown a comfort,
and that's in that in that situation. So you got to throw away that
list and and just you know, go out there, you know, have
fun, meet people, and then people will eventually show you who they are
there you go and you just have to believe it. It's up to you
to believe it. And you have to know if it's just a bad day
or if that's a character characteristic issue. But we all have bad days,
were he absolutely, But some people that's just who That's just who they are,
right, And I think that's really the lesson, right, because you
have a bad day here and there, that's different than somebody doing the same
thing over and over and over it, right, Like either with the one
of the datnasone safe segments where we talked about the person not commenting on the
comments but the messages, and you said, well, if it's a consistent
thing, that's weird, or it just you, that's weird. But if
they do it with everybody, so little things like that, you know,
in that case, if they're doing it with just you, some is not
right there, right, you know, that's a good point. Yeah,
moving on to another aspect of your life. You're really Jamaica and you're full
of jobs. But another aspect of your life is that you are a member
of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority and that adds another layer to your identity. Right,
So how has sisterhood contributed would you say to your personal growth? And
for persons listening that are unfamiliar with sorority life, you know, we have
persons throughout the Caribbean, Africa, Europe, everywhere, and everyone is not
familiar with sororities. So can you also explain how what the sorority is maybe
a little bit short summary of its foundation and explain how you may be leverage
those connections that you make in the sorority in both your personal and professional life.
Yeah. Well, first of all, I want to give a shout
out to my sorority, Delta Sigma Data Sorority, Incorporated. We celebrated one
hundred and eleven years yesterday was our Founder's Day. So that's all my Soros,
thank you. And believe it or not, we have chapters all over
the world. So we actually have a chapter in Jamaica, we have a
chapter in Africa. Oh yeah, we have chapters all over the world.
We actually have a chapter in Asia. I think in Japan. We have
a huge chapter in Japan. So we are worldwide. We were founded at
Howard University January thirteenth, nineteen thirteen, and we are a dedicated group of
predominantly Black Black women, but we have all races that have joined our sorority,
which we embrace in love. Our founding are our model basically or or
what we're known for, our scholarship, sisterhood, and service. We're very
big on service serving our community. We are the largest Greek Black female or
sorority Greek lettered organization in the world. We are we're accomplished women in many
different aspects and we our biggest thing is service. We serve, Serve,
serve, serve. Any Delta you know will tell you one of the when
when trying to become a Delta and going through your interest process and eventually becoming
a Delta, you have to have you have to have community service on your
record. We serve, we are and we're we have to be college educated.
We have a GPA limit, but we go we surpass outside of the
college aspect and we now go into what we call graduate chapter and we still
serve, you know up until you know, God calls us home. But
that is what we do. We serve we love our community and we make
sure we get kids into college. I love that love. That was a
perfect explanation. So I'm glad you also said that because I didn't know that
about you know, the Sigma, thetas or International. So oh yeah.
Those of you out there that were not, like I said, familiar with
sororities and you want to look into it, definitely look it up wherever you
live, because baby, they're the chapter that's revenue. That's right, ye
right, No, never know another aspect of sisterhood I have. I mean,
you can be I can be in the middle of nowhere and if I
see one of my sorority sisters with their letters on or or they have a
jacket or a hat or something, I can literally go up to them and
say, you know, we greet each other hayes or we hug and it's
like we know each other for years. Oh, let make it your number,
you need anything, you good. That level of sisterhood is so special
because I don't even have to know you. If I just see you and
we can acknowledge each other just through the symbols of our sorority. It's a
beautiful thing. And then obviously I have my line sisters. Those are the
ones you go through your process with and they're like family to me. I
mean, I have line sisters who they're my there. I mean, they're
they're beyond my line sisters, They're like my friends. They are people I
will like. I was at one of our events last night and I was
introducing someone to one of my line sisters, and I was like, by
the way, this is somebody I jump in front of a train for.
And I mean that, I mean, we just have that type of bond.
It's a beautiful bond. It's a special bond, and we've gone through
highs and lows. I you know, I have one line sister who is
now she is fully, fully cancer free. She was at stage four and
pregnant at with stage four cancer and she birthed a beautiful baby and she is
healthy. She's cancer free. I've had another sister whose child was diagnosed with
cancer. She's cancer free. I mean, we have got We've gone to
weddings, we've gone to funerals. I mean, we it's it's it's a
bond that I can't even put into words, but it's it's truly special.
It's truly specialing and congratulations to both of them on that. That's yes,
Yes, that's really wow, that's really yes. Shout to Joey, shout
out to Jonie's survivors. Yes. Okay, So with such a full plate,
right, your plate coming like Christmas morning akansa physical dumpling into Yeah,
and with such a full plate, taking care of yourself is crucial, right
because we've talked about that self care and making sure you're a good first.
It's a French fride in the car that may mean, yeah, how do
you prioritize self care? Because you talked about what you do, but how
do you make sure it's a priority. My Self care really happens at night,
whether it's that glass of wine or it's just literally putting on my press
white strips, you know, you know, or just listen. Oral hygiene
is very important. Yeah, so that's a whole other segment, right,
But you know, or putting on some good face cream and going dostters watching
Jimmy Kimmel. That's how I prioritize doing everything I need to get done for
the day, and then that last hour and a half before I go to
bed, it's all about me. So that's where I try to I prioritize
everything. I just make sure the household is good. You know, baby's
good, baby's fed, baby had a bath, clods are ready for school,
everybody's full. And then that's when self care starts for me. Does
it seam unfair? You know sometimes, but it's okay. I've learned to
navigate as long as I get that time for myself right careuse in the morning,
mid noon, day or at night. Right, I get that time.
So I just try to navigate through all of my responsibilities, and all
of which were our responsibilities I enjoy right start there. If they may be
hard, but I enjoy them. And then that time is for me.
So that's how I kind of navigate through everything. That last part of the
evening is for miche. I love that love, yes, yes, yes,
thank you. So. Thinking about the legacy that you want to leave
behind, both personally and professionally, what values and principles do you hope to
instill in your child and how do you envision leaving a positive impact on your
community, because as you said, Delta Sigma Theta is very community can be
oriented. Right, Oh, that's a good one. I would first start
with integrity. Having integrity I think, you know, we say it all
the time. God gives you your name. You can have everything in life
and everything going for you, but God gives you one thing, and that's
your name, and you have to protect it. And we tell our kids,
you have this name, right, your name tells a story, but
you have to protect that name because that's all you have. You can have
all the money in the world, you can have all the success, you
can have all the property, you can have all these things, but once
you mess up that name, everything can crash, crumbling. And you think
about what's in the media. Now. I'm not going to say names,
but certain hip hop moguls, you know, you can be on top one
day and in that name, yep, you know, now it's tarnished because
you know, possible lack of integrity. So I would definitely want to leave
a legacy behind that my mom or mische had, she had a lot of
integrity. She wasn't perfect, but she cared about people, she loved people,
she was selfless, and she was a good person. And I think
that's a really important legacy, at least for me to leave behind where somebody
can say my name and other people will smile. I love that that's important
to me. I may not care what people think, but what I do
care about is how people what people think as far as when they hear my
name, I don't care what you think about me, But when you hear
my name, what comes to mind? You may not like me, or
you may not like some of the things I may have said or done,
or we may have had an experience before. But what comes to mind?
Right, does something initially negative come to mind? Or does something initially positive
come to mind? So it's not necessarily focusing on what people really think about
you, because people could think what they want, but they know absolutely you
know. It's what are the reactions to, you know, the faces,
for the demeanor once your name is called. It's integrity, you know,
it's you know what. I may not like her, but guess what,
she had a lot of integrity. I may not like her, but a
lot of other people liked her. I may not have liked her, but
you know what, she will give you the shirt off her back. Yep,
you know. So. Yeah, So that's I think that's important.
I think it's important for my family and my children to know that that's the
legacy that I want to leave behind, protecting my name, protecting their name,
and just having integrity. It's doing what, doing what, doing what's
right when no one is looking. Amen, that's integrity, perfectly said,
perfectly said. So as we wrap up our conversation, we have one more
quick segment. But as we wrap up the wrap up the main portion of
our conversation, I wondered if you could give some words of wisdom to our
listeners, particularly those who may find themselves at a crossroads in life. Well,
I am no life coach, as you said, I can only speak
from the aspect of my own experience and just basically say, you know,
just love yourself. Love yourself. Make sure you're around people who love you.
Know that that's really important. Know that. You know what, if
you are not where you want to be at this moment, it's okay.
It's okay. You know, it's okay. If you have some goals and
you feel, oh, I'm too old, No you're not, go for
it, you know, just just go for it. Don't let people tell
you where you need to be, who you need to be with, what
you need to do. Just enjoy your life, enjoy your life, and
just love on people who love on you and love yourself. That's all I
can That's what I can say, beautifully said. I love that. Okay.
So last segment, I'm going to ask you six random rapid fire questions
okay, and you have to answer with the first thing that comes to mind.
Okay, okay. So he can either be one word or like one
sentence. Right, let's do it all, right. Favorite childhood memory being
in Canada learning how to ride a bike. Most valuable lesson you learned from
your mom. Nobody's going to be as honest as me, not even your
friends. The truth. What's one boundary you've set for yourself recently? Negative
energy or comments around me? Mmm? Love that swerve. If you could
tell your eighteen year old self one thing, what would you tell her?
Don't open a credit card when you get to college. Girl, Oh my
god, I went ham no. But you know what, that's the word.
Somebody needs to hear that word. Never get out of that debt.
I mean, god, I'm flourishing now. But man, when you go
to college, don't open that credit card for a free T shirt? Next
question, or for the free pizza. Pizza? I can open two credit
cards for free pizza. Oh I digress. Let me tell you. When
hunger make some told you miss told you on this episode, don't do it.
Oh my gosh, okay, what makes you wow? This is a
setup? What makes you laugh the hardest? Oh? Oh good? Nasty
did joke about one of my parents, just like a random When I say
nasty, I don't mean literally, but just something. My dad caught me
a big juicy be patty face yesterday. I was not expecting that. We
FaceTime. I said, why are your face like a big joice to be
patted? Oh my god. I was like, sir, all right,
complete this sentence. To protect my piece, I stay away from negative people.
Mmm. Simple and to the point. Yeah, I love absolutely,
take that somewhere else. Love that. Love that. And what is your
favorite what's your favorite memory of Jamaica or being in Jamaica at any Oh my
grandparents' house, just being there and just getting some cooking from my grandmother and
playing with the friends on the street, our neighbors there. That's oh my
god, if I can take me back, yeah, precious, precious memories.
Hmmm love that, my man, Papa and Piece. Okay, so
Mish, thank you so much for sharing your journey and insights with us.
Absolutely talking the things with me. I enjoyed it. Thank you so much
for having me, of course. And I just want to say that being
the oldest again in my view because I wouldn't know, but no, being
the oldest seems tough in the sense of you're responsible for so much, right
like you can feel I would think, responsible for everyone being happy or everyone
be okay. And you said it, but I'm I guess affirming what you
said. You've always been somebody that I looked up to for how you handled
yourself because I think a lot of times being the oldest sibling or a cousin
in my case, but I mean we grew up so close, it's the
same thing to me. I don't think you maybe realized that you're being observed
right, and just the way that I've seen you carry yourself in relationships,
and I mean that for friendships and romantic relationships, but carry yourself as a
woman, and I think it's so important that you know that you've had such
an impact on me. I'm sure your sister too, and you know other
cousins, but I can only speak for myself in just observing that you always
carry yourself with integrity, and you're always respectful and you're always making sure everybody's
okay and everybody's doing okay. And I used to go and spend summers with
you and your sister in college, and I was only like twelve or thirteen,
and I remember any time that we would be on Florida State campus and
we had to cross the street, you would grab my hand. You would
hold my hand to walk across the street right, And in my head,
I'm thinking, like, I'm grown mind you, I'm twelve or thirteen,
but like you, that's just that was like your instinct. And yes,
I was twelve or thirteen at the time, but you did it just last
year and I'm a big broad back woman now and like that's still who you
are. So I think it's important that you know that all of what you've
done is enough. I think that it's important to see a woman realize or
realize her potential, but also know how to navigate when things don't go the
way that you plan for them to go, but still end up keeping your
integrity and you know, still end up using your intelligence and your talent and
all of that and not letting things get you down. That maybe people meant
to get you down. You know. I think it's one thing when you
have your parents tell you that. But I think, as you said,
we all think our parents were born adults, like they don't know what they're
talking about, or that was back in Jamaica, or that was back in
the sixties or seventies, like it's different now. But when you can see
somebody like navigate through that, I think that's important. So I just want
to say, like, I really appreciate how you've carried yourself and how you
continue to carry yourself. And I think that your son has such an amazing
role model and example, because I think a lot of times people don't realize
that mother and son relationships are very important in how men treat women. And
I just am blessed to be your cousin. So yeah, I just wanted
to tell you that, well, I appreciate that, and that is the
exact way I was trying to articulate what I want my legacy to be.
And that's what I want. How my family thinks of me, speaks of
me, considers me when I'm no longer here. So you have already molded
what I strive every day for to make everybody proud of me to leave an
impression that is important to my family and my friends or to people who have
come around me. So those words are more than any success I could ever
ask for. So thank you, Ash, and it has been a pleasure
watching you grow into the amazing one. Oh gosh, don't make me cry.
On, I'm trying to do this thing. You know, A g
keep this thing real. G on here, Okay, he gets straight.
Cat. You know you may not get Cat Williams. You gonna get Williams,
but Cat, but I'm gonna keep this thing. Gee. But I
appreciate you. Thank you so much. You're welcome, Mish, and to
all of our listeners, remember the climb to personal growth is an ongoing adventure,
so, as Miche said in many different ways, keep climbing, keep
growing, and keep embracing the beauty of your own ascent.