In today's episode. You know, Shelley's taking the lead on this one.
M what you got. Oh, we've got an update from my living situation.
We've got conference wrap up, not lock to it always a treat,
boring as usual. We've got a Shelley's journal journey which I just read through
and I'm yelling I was so fucking stupid, So it'll be a good one.
Yeah, yeah, And I have a letter to read. Well,
shit, I guess we should get to all that after the break. Let's
do it all right, be right back. Hey, everybody, welcome to
Letter Day Lesbian, a podcast about the next morning gay girl just try to
figure out her life him Mary, I'm Shelly. I guess we're being singing
songy today. Sometimes I just gotta do that. Then I feel better.
I feel better. Good, So we can move on. Didn't know you
felt worse? We can move on from the sing song part of the program.
Good mixed up jazz hands your favorite? Yeah, yeah, always So
those of you who were not aware the living situation with Mary and I,
we recently moved out of the house that we shared together and Mary is now
in an apartment closer to work with a well we'll be moving in like a
month around the corner on the same floor to an apartment with room for a
studio. We really need a studio again. Yeah, this is a goofy
setup. Dan likes it because we're further apart. I feel so far from
you. I know, it's like I can't I can see you through a
bunch of wires and closet padding. Um, yeah, I know. Yeah,
Mary's in a closet, and then I'm in the closet on the other
side of the hall and there's sweaters. A strange closet configuration. Yeah,
yeah, yeah, you're surrounded by my clothing cloth. Anyway, So Mary
will be in the apartment with a studio. I from the house that we
shared, moved to an apartment complex because at the time. Okay, it's
expensive as shit in northern Virginia. I'm just gonna throw that out there.
It's starting to sound like a long story. It's it's I just go back
and listen to the Scandal sessions about your apartment. They're not all Scandal subscribers
sessions. God damn it. If you want all the download the dirt,
please subscribe. How do we do that? Mary? Oh? You can
go to our website Latter day Lesbian dot org, slash support support support good,
Yeah, to get more of the dirt, the download, the behind
the scenes. Yeah. Can I just sum this up? It's taking you
far too No. No, you ended up moving into a crappy apartment unbeknownst
to you. Yes, it was a shit hole. It was a complete
shit hole. It was and there will be. There's more in depth in
scandals. Yeah, so you got out of it. I did. But
the thing that I wanted to point out about that um is that this is
the point that I'm getting to marry Jesus Christ. I'm just drinking my coffee.
Yep. Oh, I'm drinking my Apostate coffee quick plug yeahst coffee,
do it. I love those ladies, by the way. Oh yeah,
go to Apostate Coffee dot com for ten percent off your order. That's always
handy. I'm drinking out of dark Roast right now. Oh hell yeah,
wait, you said go to their website for ten percent off. They have
to type in oh they do. Okay, you have to enter LDL at
check out. There we go. You know all were plugging people, we
should plug Exmo candleco. Hell yeah, the gay away the prey candle.
Yes, m it's a good one. I love the smell. We need
to get another one, by the way, I think we burnt through it.
Oh yeah, we kept on getting away the game that breinson the candle
was gone. Although they do last a very long time, they do.
They're high quality candles. Yeah, but when you are ritualistically ganging away the
prey and you light it every time, then you need another one. Jen,
are you listen? Hint, hint, hint. By the way,
for those of you who have not seen Mary's awesome TikTok, I guess commercial
that you put it to a video. It's a video because it's on TikTok.
That was pretty funny. She wrote it, she's the actress in it.
And it promotes the candles. Did it did all the things? Yeah,
it does promote the candles. If you would like to check out all
the funny candles and awesomely smelling candle We picked up the scent. We did
that one. We made that shit. Yep, we sure did, with
the help of the XMO candle co people. Jen and her husband, Uh
sorry, Jen, mister candles, mister candles, Jen and mister Candles.
Why am I blanking on his name because it's not like Tom. You know,
something something unusual, unusual. Maybe it's Adrian and they doesn't she give
him a like little nickname. I don't know, let's go with Adrian.
If we're wrong, whatever, suck it up, mister Candles. To you
please visit XMO candles dot com. Yes, and check out all the yummy
funny fragrances. Yes, said a thing. It is yummy funny. Now
you're yummy funny. Anyway, back to my story, Jesus. Okay,
So being in this apartment was like hell, oh yeah, so bad,
so bad. And that the reason that I that I chose the apartment when
I did was I needed something with three bedrooms, right yeah, that's hard
to come by, super hard to come by because it's so expensive around here.
So I found the only three bedroom apartments in the area, right sure
that you could afford exactly exactly. It was hell from day one, mice
awful. It was horrible. I mean, whatever, trash, trust us,
it's so bad, horrible. I should post the letter that I wrote.
Anyway, So here's here's the point I'm getting too. Finally, I
felt trapped, shut it. I felt trapped. It was horrible. I
went away to Las Vegas forum like a long weekend for work, and so
Mary had the dogs with her, so there were no dogs in there to
like kill the mice. Yeah. I didn't want to stay there. No.
Yeah. So I came home, opened the door and it was like
just reeked of mouse shit and urine and probably dead mouse and surely dead mice.
And is one of them named Shirley? Surely? So I walked around
and there and they were just chew holes in everything. There was poop along
the sofa along the top like where your head goes. There was poop in
the kid's rooms, on their clothes, and I'm like, that is it.
I can do this. I can't. I have to figure something out.
I went to the leasing office and I sat down with one of the
people that I'm like, okay, so I need to break my lease.
What are the terms? What do we do here? She's like, yeah,
yeah, no problem. So if you break your lease now you pay
us for two months. So you have to give a sixty day notice,
which fuck that most places are thirty like most normal places. Right anyway,
Well, when you break a lease, I think it gets funky. Well
great, that wasn't the If it was just that, I would have been
like, okay, cool, let's go. But so you break the lease.
Now you give sixty days notice. You have to pay for all of
those sixty days right then and there, and then at the end of the
sixty days, when you move out, you have to pay for two additional
months. Yeah, it's so weird after you're gone and you have to pay
both of those months on that day that you mo ab out. It's like
I felt so trapped and stuck and I'm doing the mask in my head.
It's like twelve thousand dollars ridiculous, plus having to come up with money for
another place first and last month's I took what she said as like, those
are the rules, that's what we do. Yeah, right, So I
went into a panic and I'm like, how am I going to scramble up
and find twelve thousand dollars, which that's a fucking lot of money, and
you don't just like, oh, I didn't know I had that in my
savings. I don't have a savings account, by the way, I have
no savings, so there's nothing. And I was like, do I borrow
something from my eggs? Do I try to get some kind of you know,
early inheritance from my parents, which was kind of weird because they're not
dead yet. I mean, you did ask your brothers and they're like,
no, sorry, yeah, yeah, yes, And I felt defeated.
I was just like, I'm stuck here. My kids have to be in
this shit hole. We were out chatting it up with Diana. Remember Diana,
you need to have her on again. And I'm telling talking about this
and she's like, why are you there? Right? Like that's fucked up.
You need to you need to get out of there. And Mary too
has been like, you need to get out of there, you know what.
I think I was in that same boat. I'm like, well,
when you break a lease, you just have to deal with the penalties.
I've broken a lease before two and I just dealt with the penalties. Like
I wasn't thinking, no, I'm not gonna take this anymore, Like my
brain wasn't quite there because you broke like a normal lease where you weren't living
in filth and trash, danger and exactly cables and like dogs shit everywhere,
like anyway, So I want to say thank you to all of those on
social media and in person who really like bolstered my confidence in getting out of
this lease because I believe and I take this back to my being worn and
raised as a female Mormon. Or you don't question authority, you don't fight
back, you take what's given to you. You stay quiet. You have
zero confidence in being able to fight back against something, even no matter how
unfair it is, or to even take it on, Oh for sure,
Like you just don't right, And I have to say, I'm just gonna
throw this. I'm very proud of myself. Yeah, And that's a good
thing to be because thanks to everyone, I was able to be like,
yeah, you know what, you know what, fuck them, Fuck them.
I don't have to live in this shit hole. I don't have to
have my kids like afraid that there's mouse poop on there. I mean,
and I'm a clean person, that's the thing. It's not. It's not
like I leave stuff everywhere and the mice are like eating cracker crumbs it all
over the floor. Now, this was put away in a pantry, yeah
yeah, yeah. And while I was there, I kept it at bay
Ish because a domino was killing like a mouse a day and I was sweeping
and cleaning. But then when I was out of town for a weekend,
yeah, boom. Anyway, so what I did was I got online and
I researched the laws in Virginia, the tenant landlord laws where no, you're
right, you're no, you're And again, that's something I would never have
done, right, It wouldn't have even occurred to me to educate myself on
how I can fix a horrible situation just fucking deal with it. Yeah,
And so I did that. I found the laws. I contacted a friend
whose husband is a lawyer. He's not a tenant landlord lawyer, but he
can re law and shit right, talk to him a little bit. He
looked over the laws too, and he's like, yeah, you definitely have
a case, okay. And so I took a day and I wandered around
the whole place inside it, and I took pictures of all the fucked up
shit. We've got broken glass around the pool, We've got exposed wires everywhere
in the building. There was garbage in the pool. Oh yeah, when
the kids acme in the pool out law just pretend it's a pond. I
mean it was. And the crazy thing is if you go on the website,
everything is Yeah, it looks lies. The website lies. I know.
I was tempted to just make like a snarky fake website, like,
well, how it really is, Like steal their nice pictures and like put
in what it actually is. Oh yeah yeah, yeah, like use their
layout, put in shitty pictures. It's going to change all the descriptions to
like being really shitty and then be like here's your new website and here's how
it is actually fixed it. Yeah, because this is a Matan switch situation.
Oh and then they fuck you like literally twelve thousand dollars to move out,
essentially, and that's before me having to come up with the money for
first and last month's rent deposit for a new place, right, so just
to leave that shit. So I got all these pictures together, I went
through all of my maintenance reports that I had made to maintenance. Um like
the mouth the mouth shit, and the broken the AC was broken, oh
week, the ac was broken. Summer. Your washer dryer, which is
a combo thing. I don't recommend those things. Washer dryer and one not
efficient efficient It takes like five hours to do a load of launch. Oh
yeah, yeah, oh you know what I did. I say this,
So the washer dryer broke right, So I can't do laundry. So I
tried to go use like the laundry room where there's like pay laundry things.
You go in there and there's like fifty of them and three of them work
maybe maybe this place, And of course they're never open because someone is using
one of the three sum and there was that's where there was just exposed wires
like you see the copper wires sticking out, not capped off at all,
just like here you go. So I was pissed that I couldn't do laundry.
So I knew that the one of the problems was is when I had
maintenance come in. Here's how that part began. Keep up people. Oh
my god, it smelled like dead mice under the washer dryer big time.
But the washer dryers so heavy, I couldn't pull it away to clean up
the dead mice. So maintenance dude came, pulled it away, told me
I didn't want to see all the dead mice there, clean him up,
pushed it back in. Then I tried to do some laundry, and then
it started to leak. It was leaking into the basement. It was leaking
into the basement and into my kitchen. So that's why Knute was broken.
That's where we begin. That was your first clue. That was my first
clue. So then I went away to Vegas right came back and there was
a note in there saying they have to order apart for the laundry, the
washshry dry. Yeah, I hear nothing. I hear nothing. They don't
care. I'm like leaving more mesuge. I'm like, you know what,
fuck them, I'm doing laundry. That'll show them. So I started a
load of laundry, knowing I'm gonna flood the fuck out of this place.
And I sure did. The laundry was going for like twenty minutes and I
get a knock on the or I get a phone call for maintenance. He's
like, hey, um, yeah, are you doing laundry? Sure?
And of course a lot. I was like, yeah, I thought you
fixed it. No, No, he was up right away, boom fixed
it. Like why do I have to flood your fucking basement to any I
know? Huh. Let's get back to you getting out of you wrote a
letter. Okay, I'm trying to keep us on target. Here were fifty
minutes. It's great, it's great, we'll still have time for my journal
journey. It's that. So I put together all the documents, all the
maintenance requests, like highlighted the dates, blah blah blah. Then I got
the Virginia Code right, put that on there too. I just put what
the code was, like, they can look that up if they want.
You were citing sections of the code. Oh, I know. I like
the word pursuant pursuantto code. I've never used that word so many times in
my life. Then I did, did you feel like you're ready to take
the bar? Now? Very close? Very close? So I got this
document when I had it certified like notorized, I mean notorized. So now
it's fucking official and scary. She's big lawyery words. And then I sent
that letter certified mail saying basically, y'all are breaking the law. I'm the
fuck out of here. So I waited, waited, waited. The one
guy called me back. He's like, oh, yeah, I received that,
and you talk to management blah blah blah, and so I didn't hadn't
heard back from them, and so then I'm thinking they're just gonna fucking draft
my account for this for the next month's rent, and I'm not going to
be I'm not going to be here. I'm out the door because I couldn't
remove my bank account from there. Now that was weird. It was weird
there. It's like they were going to give my money. So I took
all the money out of that bank account, all you know, four dollars
out of yeah, and then I wrote them another letter, had it notarized,
and then said it was something like, I do not give permission for
trillium Yeah, Trillium apartments. If anyone's listening, Trillium apartments in fairfaxts to
draft any money. Blah blash sent that motherfucker weight off to and I felt
more and more empowered the more I was like, boom, take that.
Bastards to take that. And so then I get a letter or an email
from their staff saying, you know, we'll waive the two month penalty.
You can just do thirty days and so you can move out and then pay
all of October. And then I'm going, hmm, you know. I
gave my thirty day notice on September twenty second, which means I should only
have to pay till October twenty second, right, and it's really worth a
fight, Like it's just a few more days whatever, and then I'm going
to fuck that shit. So I send them a letter and I'm like,
pursue it too, pursue it where by the law you only have to do
thirty days if you're moving out because it's a ship hole. So I came
back to him on that one and the guy came back. He's like,
oh, yeah, we'll pro rate boom fuck yeah, fucking fucking yeah.
Yeah. I felt so good about the fact that I stood up for myself
and I almost didn't. I was crumbling. I was just gonna deal with
it because I have not been taught to fight back, to stand up for
myself. Yeah, I'm just taught to all those are the rules, that's
what you do, and you can't you know, can't buck the system.
Can't buck the system. So yeah, I got out of that fucking place.
I got the fuck out of that fucking place. I found a house
which is perfect for me and my kids, and in the same school trick
that all my kids are in right now. I know it's a tender mercy.
It is a tender mercy. It is a tender mercy. So that's
my trillium story, and I want to ask listeners either discuss it on the
you know, the what's it called lesbian podcast discussion? Black what because of
your Mormon upbringing? What are things that you have just put up with in
your life because you didn't you didn't know that you could say no. You
didn't feel like you had the power to come back at it. You know,
I got the power it's getting it's getting Is it getting kind of heavier,
getting kind of hectic? Oh oh yeah, I think it's hectic.
Maybe anyway, you got the power. Yeah. So I was talking to
Mary this morning. We were just out with the dogs and we were talking
about what we were going to talk about now, and I said, well,
what did you just fucking have to put up with because you didn't think
that you could fight back when you were being raised religiously right. And it's
different from me because I had a parent, Well, I had a parent
that was brainwashed and then I had a parent that didn't buy any of it,
And so I had both messages at the same time. Confusing as fuck
for a really long time. Sure, but then I think because I had
that voice of reason ye kind of in the back of my head from my
upbringing. It allowed me to make choices for myself. Yeah. I knew
that I could because my father didn't cave just because my mother was found Jesus
after they got married and dragged us all to church except for him. He
never went to church never ever, the whole time I knew him never went
to church because he didn't believe it. Yeah, and so I knew that
I knew there were options, yeah, right, And I think that made
all the difference. Yeah. So I know people have asked me like,
well, how is it for you marrying your faith crisis? And it was
different from my sisters. If anyone listened to the scandal session with my sister,
you can tell that we just have a different outlook about our upbringing.
You know, it was differ refresh. She worked at the Christian Broadcasting Network
as an adult. Like, well, and there's a age difference too,
There's four years between us. It's not a huge age difference. But I
don't know, I don't know. I just I just uh saw my father's
path and followed after him. I think, you know, that was an
option for me. So there you go. There, I feel very fortunate.
Yeah, thanks dad, Yeah, yeah, gave me a different point
of view, you know, and you didn't have that. I didn't you
have one point of view. I had one point of view. Obviously I
had teachers that weren't Mormon, but just different. It's different when like your
parents, your grandparents, all you grants and uncles, everyone that you've known
as a child growing up, that you look up to, they all shared
the same Mormon belief, which is we know what that is, and it's
you can't bend it. You can't bend that belief when you're when you're raised
that way. So yeah, that's my success story of learning. That's awesome
confidence. Thank you. And you know I've seen you over the years,
I've known you five years, just gain more and more confidence. Remember the
gazebo we put together a time. Yeah, and you just were like I
did this. Yeah. I never used to give up on project. I
did when it was it get hard, It would get hard on my might,
like get my husband to do it right, you know, because I
saw that growing up. My mom never did anything. Sure, my dad
did all of the things. So in my mind, doing things is hard.
When it gets hard, you just get a man to do it.
And the fact that I was like, just went on ahead and kept working
on that gazebo with a thousand screws and nuts and ship. It was heavy
too. It was heavy. Oh, we need to thank Diana again for
her and Ben's help on that gaz holding it. And Lincoln, if you're
listening, my son, didn't he come? Yeah? Yeah, I think
so as a while ago. Yeah, So my question posing to our listeners
is what things again did you just fucking put up with because you thought you
had to because of your Mormon upbringing. Never really had thought about that that
much. Know. It's funny, how, you know, the longer we
do this podcast, Yeah, we're we're not strictly telling your story of leaving
the church and your marriage and the whole deal anymore. That's been told,
right, But then things pop up that make you think of your upbringing in
the way you were taught and how you have You're still encountering things, yeah,
that are baked in from your upbringing that you're now overturning, let's say,
or you're you're rethinking it in a new way. Yeah, you know,
this is not a one and done situation. This is going to be
happening. I think the rest of your life, I would imagine. So
I don't think that you your race forty years of brainwashing in an afternoon,
or even five years. No, I know, and it feels good.
It feels really really. I was so celebratory I went into work when all
afterwards all I was like dancing around and my co workers were high fiving me
because they know my background, right, so people to see that in me,
they're just they just cheer for me. And I love that. Thank
you for every who's cheered for me in this matter. Yeah, and you
know it's uplifting to anyone else who is thinking, oh my gosh, raise
your hand, listener, if you're like, that's me. I don't have
confidence. I don't think I can accomplish things. I don't. I wasn't
taught that I had power Yeah within me that could challenge anything. You know.
Yeah, if that's you, guess what, there's hope. Yes,
look at Shelley. Thank you, Shelley. Once again, you are a
role model. You are thank you, you are inspirational. You are let's
make out later. Okay, all right, it's too hard to reach you
right this second. I know you're way over there. Later we'll make out
later. Okay, we're done long distance making it? Yes, okay,
well should we consider taking a litt commercial break before we get into this conference?
Wrap up, let's do it. Okay, be right back, We're
back. Hello. Conference Conference October twenty twenty two. General Accummierrance of the
Church or Jesus of Latter day Saints. I still don't know why they do
these things twice a year. What do they have to talk about? They
just regurgitate shit, nothing's new. Which, by the way, I was
in the dollar store the other day getting Halloween decorations and the lady there,
the checkout lady, these two missionaries were in there talking to her. Oh
my, and I kept hearing them saying, you know, so, yeah,
did you get a chance to watch conference? Did you get a chance?
And I'm thinking, why it will never work getting people to watch conference
and then have them suddenly want to be Mormon. Conferences are the most boring
fucking thing on the planet. You know, I was on the fence,
but I saw these white guys talking put me right over the edge. Well,
while speaking of white guys, guess what October twenty twenty two. The
church became super progressive because they allowed a black woman to speak what twenty two?
They're fine, They're like, let's let's lead the way in progressivism,
progressivism. And I felt bad for the black lady because as they made her
call herself Tracy, why browning, like you have to put an initial in
there? Oh, it's stupid. I don't understand. Yeah, I don't
know, And I don't understand how any African American person would want to be
part of this cult. It's bizarre to me. I don't or gay for
that matter, queer. I just I don't get it. Everyone's on their
own journey. Sure, but I myself cannot comprehend this. Well. You
know, I scratch my head a lot of the times about lots of things
and kid that don't make sense, especially in more minutes. No. Right,
So here's our wrap up conference. Boring a shit. Nobody cares.
There's just it's bullshit, obviously. But we have a great, great,
great quote from Jeffrey R. Holland. He says, I know many who
wrestle with wrenching matters of identity, gender, and sexuality. Does he really
know them? No? Who does he know? I thought, I'm like,
he should say I know of them, he read about it one time.
Yeah he doesn't know. No, fucking Jeffrey. I weep for them,
and I weep with them, knowing how significant the consequences of their decisions
will be for the fuck yeah first of all, fuck you. Second of
all, when someone is I don't want to say wrestling with because we shouldn't
have to wrestle with our identity. We are who we are, right,
we sure because the wrestle typically is like will I be accepted? Right?
And that's how hopell I tell my family, Yes, that's right. So
when he's like, I'm crying for you because I know, um, if
you make the wrong choice, your life is fucked forever. That's basically what
I feel from this. Now. What it should say is, Jeffrey,
our Holland should be like, I weep for you because my organization is so
fucked up that we have caused you, lovely people to want to not be
here anymore. But now or be yourself? Yeah yeah, yeah, be
here is in like die by suicide? Well for sure, I picked up
on that. Okay, I wish it wasn't even a thing. I wish
it wasn't even something that people had to struggle with decisions in as you struggle
with your decision on whether or not to be a sinner. Yeah, that's
what that feels like. Yeah, Oh, you're struggling with your decision to
give into your sin and go to hell. I weep for that because it's
gonna be a rough road for you going to hell. Well that's the implication.
Yeah, exactly, So fuck you, motherfucker. That's from Jeffrey R.
Holland. Um, I'm scrolling to the talks. I don't listen anymore.
I just kind of scroll through, and there was one by David A.
Bednar and the title is put on Thy Strength. Isn't he the earring
guy? He has problems with ear rings? Yes, too many arrings,
Yes to any earrings? Too many holes? Never enough holes. Anyway,
the name of his talk was put on Thy Strength O Zion. That's just
a stupid ass name. I didn't even read it. I'm like, I
can't. The fuck is wrong with people? Hey, no, what he
talks like this and you're arrogant to call utah zion. I'm sorry, he's
arrogant. End of story, period. Yes, that's appropriation. It's true.
It is. It is. There's nothing about Utah that's in Zion.
I'm sorry, you know, not a damn thing. No, not a
damn thing. It's arrogance. You're exactly right. An arrogant person would use
that to name his talk anyway, fuck him, And the whole thing is
arrogant. Mormonism is arrogant. Yes, absolutely. Lastly, Oh, you
didn't want to talk about anything, Bednar said, No, the title is
so stupid. I didn't even read the title. Oh my dear God,
all right, that's what I was doing. I didn't even bother reading it.
Just the title was like, seriously, people talk like this. Finally,
what I have here is apparently there were some new temples announced. You
guys know how I feel about temples. It's just fucking a waste of me.
Yeah, So apparently a temple was announced and a family member of mine
I'm not going to say names, distant family member, this person says,
my heart is so full tonight. God. When you start like that,
and it's throw uk emoji. It was an amazing general conference listening to the
Lord's prophet, apostles and leaders of the church. Puke emoji A new temple
for the Church or Jesus Christ of Latter Day's Saints, such a long thing
to type out was announced that we'll be built less than ten minutes from our
old house in Las Vegas. I literally cheered when the new temple was announced
and then cried, oh my god, part it is such a blessing,
is it? Let's talk about what the fuck a this person doesn't even live
there anymore. Okay, but just like, oh, they built an So
they threw another lots of millions of dollars to a big building, a useless
building with millions of dollars worth of decorations and shit for the teeny tiniest percentage
of population who will be able to go in there and do fake shit for
dead people. And we're celebrating. Shelley starting to think it's I'm leaning,
definitely leaning. Meanwhile, the church is sitting on one hundred and sixty plus
billion dollars and they're like, well, let's make more temples. Well I
don't understand, And why is it a blessing? Why are you weeping over
such a waste of money? Think about how many people could be helped with
that money? Church didn't help people stop awful. So I remember when I
was super indoctrinated, I celebrated when temples were built because that was a sign
of the church, like rolling forward and being like, weird, the true
church, look at us, we have all these temples. It was like
I cheered for the church. They were my team, and so any kind
of you know, opening new missions or new temples like that was like,
yeah, we are the one true Church. So you can understand why this
person would write first on Facebook? No, no, no, of course
I can. I understand it because that's I was a dumb ass too once
upon a time. Yeah, but I just it's so gaggy. Speaking of
gaggy cute music, Oh, this is the journal journey. Yeah, who
is at your segue? Journey? Okay, I'm going to read from this
here journal. Even though it's tray journal, it's Shelley's journal. Journey music
has been cute. Okay, thanks for queuing. All right, let me
open up this my maroon um leather bound journal. What you got? Well,
since I'm sitting in a closet recording, I have to use my phone
light because I'm damn near blind these days. Okay, Now, some of
this seems familiar. I might have maybe mentioned it once, but whatever,
deal with it. It's coming twice. This is from March second, I'm
guessing nineteen ninety six. Yes, can the letter I got today from Brand
He said he needs me to change him spiritually. What can I do?
What can I do when I feel so weak? Oh God? I feel
like his testimony in faith and strength completely overshadows my own? Oh God,
how can I lift him up? I only pray I do not drag him
down. Pause for Mary to laugh a bit. God, I was a
fucking stupid Why did he want you to change him spiritually? What did that
mean? I don't know. He said it, and then I got all
guilty about it. Duh, I'm not doing something right. Of course I
was never doing something right, and I was always writing about it in my
journal. Okay, you're ready for this? Yeah. I long for the
day when we can work together as husband and wife to return to live again
with our heavenly father. Oh God. More, I dream of the glorious
day when our calling an election might be made. Sure you don't call an
election? Is that is an amazing foom pod music? Mary, Today's fucked
up Mormon Phrase of the day is calling and election calling. And yeah,
okay, you already gave away that this is like in the afterlife. Yeah,
I gave a lot of clues in my pathetic journal entry. But I
can only imagine it's like some past saint or God or Jesus or somebody in
the afterlife is calling you to like calling the chosen people together. Maybe are
you elected to a certain like no duty. As much as I want to
give you partial credit, it's so much better than that. Okay, I
don't know the answer. Okay, buzzer, here's what it is. So
you go through the temple the first time, you're like when you get married,
right, You're you're sealed. And then for the best souls, typically
the rich ones, the general authorities, blah blah blah, you will get
called to come to the temple again by like a head haunt show of the
church. They do some ritual I don't know what it is to make your
calling an election sure, which means you are then promised that you have made
it to the upper levels of the celestial kingdom. And there is nothing you
can do at that point to make that go away. So this is in
preparation for your afterlife. Yeah, they're telling you you made it. You're
good. Do whatever the fuck you want the rest of your life. You're
good, you're in. Wait, what's the difference between a calling and an
election? I don't know, it's just the calling you're calling an election is
made sure. That's such a stupid line. I've said it a billion times,
but it was always this thing like, is it going to be us?
If we live righteously, then we'll get called to the temple and have
our calling an election made sure? Oh my god, meaning you did it?
Like in this life, you did, You did all things. You're
You're good to go. It didn't matter what you do the rest of this
life, because you you are in. So you could go murder somebody after
that. Well, and I've asked people that question, like, well,
you won't want to. I might. Yeah. Wow, that's a good
one. Yeah, that is a good one. I was stumped, wasn't
sure. I still am kind of unclear on how it all works. But
well, it's fake and they change the rules as they go. Well,
so now that you know what it was I was striving for. Here in
my journal, we get back to my reading. I dream of the gloriless
repeat, I dream of the glorious day when our calling an election might be
made. Sure, now it sounds even stupid, or doesn't it now that
you know what it is, But the next sentence is even better. I
shudder to think. What if it never happens? The fuck was wrong with
me? You are brainwashed? Oh, Shelley was brainwashed everybody? There's more?
Well, it more. Also, I'm just getting so much anxiety out
of your writing. Of course, absolutely, it explains so much about your
anxiety. Now. I am just used to functioning in an anxious state because
that's all I ever did. Not good for me. No, it's not
new. Body keeps a score book. Yeah, yeah, but I believe
that's true. Yeah. We get so amped up on different things and stressed
out. And a church probably took ten years off my life. Assholes probably,
and lots of tithing. Okay, I want to do another paragraph here
because it was all done on the same day. Why do I always feel
like I'm struggling. I just don't feel like I'm where it should be at
this point in life. I truly want a relationship with heavenly Father. Perhaps
sin is the great barrier that keeps me from reaching him. What can I
do? I must always repent. I should try making new covenants with the
Lord every morning, like starting brand new with each day, setting goals from
sun up to sundown, keeping this spirit with me all day long to help
me accomplish these goals, Praying throughout the day to my father to tell him
next patient, tell him how I'm doing with my goals, and to ask
for his help and support, to give thanks. Tomorrow morning, I will
start this new plan. I need a new beginning. I need to be
revitalized. I need to regain my views. Did you have views? I
don't fucking know what a hand they were? Your dad's views? Wow?
I think I'll stop there. I have another one right after it, but
I'm gonna hold off. Okay, I'll make a note. You're gonna make
a note, all right? Wow? Oh, Shelly, I know,
Oh my goodness, So glad you are not that person anymore. You are
a completely different person, Thank god. I was just Yeah, and you
can look back on it and laugh. What's that line in that Indigo Girls
song? Every five years or so, I look back on my life and
have a good laugh. Totally, you know, we're not laughing at you
or laughing with you, laugh at me. I was a fucking dork.
I'm laughing at me. Shit, Oh my god. I mean part of
it is what you were in your ties, right, sure, and you
know that's a time when we're all kind of just figuring out who we are
too, and that's part of it. But I was I was in my
twenties in a brainwashed state. Yeah, in a cult. And that makes
you say some weird ass ship that most twenty year rolds probably wouldn't say.
Probably soon. I love that journal entry. I can't remember when that was,
but that's funny. Oh my goodness. Okay, well that's your riveting
journal journey. Thank you. So glad you are not that person anymore.
Oh god. I mean we couldn't be friends. No, I wouldn't be
Yeah, you'd be like, she's looking at my boobs? True, that
would be true. Well there you go, yeah, there you do go.
Okay, we I think have time for a letter. Why don't we
take one last quick break and then I'll read the letter and then we'll do
patrons do it all right? Be right back, yeah, listen up.
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shop, sip and Wake the fuck up. We're back. So this is
a special treat this letter. I can't believe we haven't read this before.
Maybe we did, Yeah, I don't know. You'll tell you tell me
once we start reading it. This is a special treat because it's from Dan
at Extension Audios. Sister Shit no, we haven't read that. I don't
think we have. And this came in like two years ago. Sorry,
Dan's sister from Extension Audio, Lisa. Sorry Lisa, she's not from Extension
Audio. Sorry Dan from Extension Audio's sister, Lisa. Jesus. All right,
here we go, dear Mary and Shelley. I started listening to your
podcast earlier this year, that would be two years ago, and have enjoyed
every episode since. Your show has been amazingly helpful to me as I have
been transitioning out of Mormonism. I think you guys are awesome. Thanks Lisa,
thank you. I'm excited to write in and say hello to you both
because my connection to your show happens to be very close to home. My
older brother and very best friend is Daniel. Leave it in, Daniel,
Daniel, Daniel, my brother. Leave it in, Daniel, she says,
although he is better known here as Dan at Extension Audio. Or leave
it in Dan. I put that. She didn't write that part. I
put that in. He told me about a new show he was mastering,
called Latterday Lesbian. Although mastering is a terrible word. I don't like that
word. I know it's bad. I mean technically that is how production has
been referred to for years and years and years. I think we should change
it. Mixing and finalizing. We could say that okay, okay, is
it because it sounds too much like a master bait? No, it sounds
like master. Master is a terrible word. Oh, like the noun I
am your master, right, Not in a good way. It's just a
bad word. Yeah, it's an eliminate master. Gotcha from our vocabulary.
Anyway. The show was Latter Day Lesbian. Hey, that's our show,
and after several conversations with him, where he expressed how cool these ladies were,
I guess that's us. I think so shit, and how much he
thought it would resonate with me, I finally tuned in. Oh, thanks
Dan for yeah for recommending us. My faith crisis hit full speed last summer
in twenty eighteen, while I was living at home with my parents. That'll
do it, yep, who are currently very active Mormons. I had graduated
from Brigham Young University, Idaho not long previously and was feeling profoundly stuck.
Yeah BYU Idaho. By the way, is bu on fucking crack? Is
it? Yes? Yikes? As if provo is not bad enough. No,
right, Well, Idaho is like take provo BYU, and then add
do not show any of your skin anywhere ever. Oh wow, they're really
strict. Good lord, Okay, anyway, she was feeling profoundly stuck.
I used all of the pressure building up from that situation to spring me across
the Pacific to start work as an English teacher in China. It was as
far away as I could possibly get from my family and the Mormon Church.
I ran away to a land where it virtually does not exist. Wow.
Yeah, good for her. It was an amazing year, and I really
took advantage of the space I needed to process my emotions and do a lot
of reading. The paradigm shift that comes from leaving a high demand religion is
a real mind fuck. Yeah. Unsurprisingly, I removed my name from the
church records shortly before returning home for the summer. A girl. Yeah.
Thankfully. Through it all, I have had the constant support of my amazing
brother Nah to help me cope through this insane transition. He and I have
been talking incessantly about the Church, religion, God, and life for the
last two years, and we are no closer to figuring it out. But
we are closer to each other than ever before. That's what counts, right
for real. Despite the fact that I reach turned to China to teach for
another year, being the savvy technology dude that he is, he approached me
with the idea to start our own podcast as a tool for others who might
benefit from the conversations that we have as X Mormon Siblings. Siblings and Zion
is now available in all the places. Did you say Zion now? I
said Zion. It kind of had a Zion feel to it. Siblings in
Zion, Okay, that's how Mormon Zion Mormons stole it. Okay is now
available in all the podcast places. If any of your listeners are interested in
tuning in there as well, you know, I'll have to reach out to
Dan to see if they're currently in production on that show, because I don't
honestly know, but you can definitely listen to past episodes if not, yeh,
Siblings and Zion, I said it, you kind of say Zion.
You do a little bit of a on at the end anyway, Just Zion
Zion Zion. Yes, that is better. Siblings and Zion. Find it
on your favorite podcast app. Okay, let me wrap this up. Please
do. Lisa says, I'm so glad that you chose Daniel, leave it
in, Daniel in Daniel to work on your podcast, and that it led
to me also getting to enjoy your conversations, insights, tangents, and foom
pods. Yeah, thanks for helping me steer clear of cults. Love Lisa,
Oh, Lisa, thank you for I know that's awesome. Two years
ago I got around reading it. That's a good letter. That has a
good letter, I know. And you know what, love me some Dan
from Daniel from Extension Audio. We'll just thank them now. There you go.
There's your thanks. Dan. If you don't get thanked at the end
today, thanks for leaving it in, Dan, it's near the end.
We love you, appreciate all you do for us. Okay, did you
want to uh get started on some patrons write them down, but let me
dottle check. All right, how are we doing their new names today?
I said words that you'd hear in conference. Okay, so I came up
with this idea. Wait we're recording right now. Oh okay, carry on.
Sorry, we're doing a conversation starter. Okay, like it? How
are we doing their new names today. New names today will be words you
will hear in general conference. Okay, okay, who's the first one?
Number one is Lisa Marie P. Presley. I guess you don't hear that
at a general Nope, nope. They would never refer to Elvis in a
conference unless they were doing baptisms for the dead. Right. The word I'm
thinking of is persecute. Okay, I was thinking prosperity. Okay, is
I'm gonna go with mine. I have an idea there, Okay, But
persecute not in the way that we think of it, but in the way
the church thinks of it, as in the Church believes they are being persecuted
by non Mormons. Oh okay, like woe is us for them, poor
poor us. People want to call us Mormons and we're not where where they're
just right, yes, just stupid old yarn. Yeah, so Lisa Marie
percute. Dear. Sorry, it is not my fault, but this is
the you know, the word that I can't think of right now? What
the category of names were, you know? I see? Okay? Next
up, by the way, I thank you, Lisa Marie. Next up,
Amy, no last name? Oh? Can I do it? Yeah,
Zion Zion, Amy Zion, than amy Zion. Thanks for your support,
good Lord. Next up, Harriet m M. How about missionary.
I'm sure that missionaries are mentioned in conference sometimes, God always. As a
matter of fact, the conference in April, m reinforced to all the boys
that if you are worthy, you need to go. I want a mission
period end of story, which then of course calls out the boys who just
kind of decided they didn't want to go, and so now they are labeled
as sinners. Well they have to guilt people into going on a mission,
of course, because they really believe that's the way to get new converts.
Absolutely, new converts equals more tithing. Uh, it's a money call.
Goes down to the money. It all does boils down to money every single
time. They also reminded the girls you don't have to go, which again
it's like yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they also encouraged the elderly
people to go serve their missions, which, by the way, my parents
served two missions. Damn near killed my mom, damn near. We've talked
about the before, ye yeah, And to fucking be like, I know,
you have grandkids and all. So this was a thing. This was
a thing that my dad actually told me because all of us kids, of
course back then we were brainwashed. We're like, oh, parents are so
holy blow going, I messied. It was like, your grandkids will get
there, We'll be there when you get back. Well, it's okay.
Well didn't they not attend your wedding or something? No, didn't attend my
wedding, I know, um, which I'll give shit, but didn't attend
the blessing of my baby, my last baby, And it mattered to me.
Back then. They were only like an hour and a half flight away,
right, and they wouldn't couldn't go. My mom wanted to and my
dad was like, no, hun, you can't. You know, you
can't leave your mission, leave your mission. And it's all bullshit. Makes
me angry. My mom suffered significantly. Um so yeah, sorry, that's
your new last name, Harriet missionary. It can be Harriet missionary style.
If that, oh it's better for Harry, is it better? Well,
I don't know, it's up to her. That's funny. You can choose
next. Now this is spelled m a c I A h m. What
m A c I a h mcaiah maybe okay, but macaia didn't offer up
last name, so um oh freak of shoes. Well I picked the last
one, So why don't you pick a common where it's a ridiculous one.
Conferences so many, there's so many. I'm just gonna go with, um
makaia, geth seminee, geth semonee, get get the seminee because there's always
a talk in general conference about Jesus, like near dying, and get semine
for our sins because we're horrible. They loved it so much, but we
need to show that appreciation by basically being a Mormon. So right, yes,
sorry, your new last name is guests semine last Lacy, m m
m um. Can I do this one? Sure? Master bait, masterbait?
Did they say that? And common oaks? They never actually say the
Jesus, but I wanted to say the word. But they talk about sexual
sin and we know way up there, especially when they're when they when they
speak in the priesthood session, which is like the men and the boys,
mm, they hit that ship home. Okay, they don't say the word
master bait, but they definitely And who's this patron again, Lacy master bait?
Sorry, Lacy, not sorry, that's the best one. Thanks for
sport. Lacy Master, Basha Master, Lacy Lacy, Lacy Master Bakay,
Okay, sorry, Lacy Lacy, you could just PM me later and I'll
apologize for shot. I can give her a new name of shem. There
you go? Or is it a DM Personal Message? Direct Message? What
do you say? They're all different and I'm always afraid I use DM now.
Isn't it the same thing? Though? It is? But okay,
okay, whatever, slide into your DMS. Yeah, there you go.
I think we're wrapped on this episode. Everybody, there you go. In
the name of Jesus Christ Amen yep. Already thanked Dan, So don't want
to do that twice. Don't get greedy Dan. Oh Dan shit. Maybe
we should thank Dan's sister for writing in Thank you, Lisa, Thank you
appreciated that. Sorry it took us so long to get to your letter.
If you would like to send us a letter, we might get to it
in the next couple of years. We'll see what happens. That email address
is Latter Day Lesbian dot org slash contact make a note, make it and
stare clear of those cults because they're no joke, no joke at all talk
to your by later Bye,