I'm Casey Tanner and I'm Camille Lewis, and this is safe word. Safe
word is like therapy, but worse because instead of being a blank slate that's
just here to support you, we're telling you things we would never tell our
clients. Clients, if you're listening, we're sorry. This isn't sex and
it's not therapy, but we are sex therapists and this might turn you on.
Each week we tackle a theme related to sex, relationships, gender,
and more. This week we are diving into sweet sweet fantasy. Baby knock
Banana. Yes, a Carrie is the best queen musical artists of all time.
It will not be a hot day, Okay, we will talk about
it. Thank you for everybody who listened last week. Gutten such good feedback.
I had one of my best friends text me and say I have the
same exact fantasy as Casey, and so that's what they look up every time
they are watching porn. So you kicked it off. Oh my god.
Yeah, it's so validating, so relieving. Okay, do you have any
fantasies you've been thinking about. You can start with one of your fantasies and
then I'll jump in Okay, not so much a fantasy, but really exciting.
Tonight, Mal and I have a date that ends in seeing a dominatrix.
We're seeing a dominatrix together tonight. I know, I know. It
was one of my birthday gifts for her. Yeah, we both have been
really interested in more powerplay dynamics, and we're both really wanting to engage in
it in a way that's authentic instead of just being like, this is what
it looks like, So I'm going to put it on more like, can
we tap into our inner dom sub dynamic and find a way to bring it
out more naturally. So a lot of my fantasies revolve around power dynamics.
A lot of my fantasies are me playing a role that is a submissive role
or like traditionally submissive role in society. And so we're sort of trying to
figure out, Okay, how do we do this in a way that feels
really authentic and good. And I'm so I'm nervous, but I'm excited.
Oh my gosh, So where are you going to go? See this dom?
So I'm so it's virtual, It's like a little virtual dom session and
it's not I don't think we'll be having any kind of sex tonight. I
think it will just well probably afterwards, not with the dom at least.
Okay, I hope afterwards. You know, a sex therapist reaches out to
a dom. You should see the intake form that I filled out. It
was like very very detailed information about Yeah, I just I just want them
to like, ask us some guided questions and you know, see what we
see, what we learn about ourselves. I am obsessed, incredibly jealous.
I will hook you up. I'll give you her name, and yeah,
you can also attend amazing. Yeah, I think do you feel like you
are more like you lean more submissive or more dominant? Hundred percent submissive?
Tell me if you also agree with this, Like in your day to day
life, in your job, you are a dumb you are a top,
but then in your sex life you are about him. Absolutely. It's about
balance, right, Yeah, if you're like a boss I r L or
you'd make a lot of decisions, or you have a lot of pressure on
you, you need to experience a balance. So I need to be told
what to do. I cannot imagine someone telling you what to do. I
thought, I that's funny. Because you know what I hate more than anything,
being fucking told what to do. When it comes to sex, I
need to be told what to do. I feel like I tell you what
to do sometimes, how do you feel about that? You do tell me
what to do? But I think that that's a good thing. I think
I'm okay with it. Sometimes I'm like, I know what I'm doing,
but also you know more than me. That's so not true. But I
love that the truth is coming out right here right now. Sometimes I tell
you what to do and you just disregard. I love and you know what
it's because it's probably because you're going to do it better so I can adapt
to it. In work settings sometimes when like I expect the people I'm working
with. Y, have you had any work related fantasies like general work related
No? Yeah, I mean I think it's so interesting because like as therapists,
it's like the cardinal sin to think about clients, and he had the
most sexualized field, the most sexualized field and also weird sized therapists. Also
more than that, like a work related like in an office type of thing,
like just like you know likes yes, yes, yes, yes,
I used to talk to this um, this girl who was an attorney and
she was still is will forever be so fine. She was like, let
me just buy you lunch, let me take you out to lunch, And
all I could be like is like, I don't want to go out to
lunch with you. I want to come to your office. I want you
to fuck me on your dough. My god, I love I'm turned on
right, that's so hot? Oh okay. So I like maybe two years
ago, was dating somebody who dressed up as a therapist for me, because
in like a therapist client fantasy, I don't want to be the therapist,
I want to be the client. I cannot exactly, so she just look
like a therapistry. This was so funny. She was like one hundred percent
trying to fulfill one of my fantasies. And it was this moment where I
saw her dressed as a therapist. I couldn't even have sex. I was
so emotionally overwhelmed at the vulnerability it took to like dress up as a therapist
for someone who is a rapist. That I was like, can we just
hug? Can we just hold each other? Like I can't even I can't.
Also, was it like a cardigan moment. So it was like a
you know, it was like something that no therapist would ever wear. It
was like a black pencil skirt with like a white button up and like a
little like hair in a bun. You know. Oh my god, we
love it. We love it. I've never once warned that to work,
but I you know, but I'm so. I am reflecting on the fact
that when I met this person, we like really connected and like the sexual
energy was so intense, like on our first ever meeting. I am also
very like assertive when it comes to like approaching people. If I'm interested,
I'm gonna be like, what's your number, Holly, whatever. I'm like
that we are different in that way. I will never know. Well,
then this next part is really you're gonna be like what. Oh, we
were going on like a business lunch and then I sat down and I was
like like stress iched in the bathroom and like, look, cold water on
my face. I have never had such an intense sexual Can I just say,
though, I have to interrupt because our listeners don't know this. This
is not the first time you've told me about being on a date, going
to the bathroom and splashing water on your face because you so this is the
same story, then, oh it's the same person. Okay, I'm like
how many times seven? Okay? Same person? Okay, hopefully there will
be more people that like exude this, but this is how you'll know.
You'll need to splash water on your face and yeah, you'll know. You're
like, okay, let's go get a drink somewhere else. And I was
just like fuck it. And I literally just looked at him and I was
like, do you want to fuck? And and his response was just like
do you? And I was like like I could not even form sentence.
I was like, wait what, I don't I don't know. I just
blacked out. I can't compete. And he had an office building like a
few minutes away, and that's the first place that we had sexes in.
Oh my god, his office. Oh my god, so your fantasy became
a reality. Yeah, ah, side to be you sounds horrible? Oh
my god. Okay, Well, should we answer some questions? Yes?
Can you answer a question? Because I could do this all day long,
I'll read this first one. Are there some kinky activities that are better as
a fantasy than in reality? I have never been in a relationship, done
anything sexual with anyone else, or been kissed. Due to that, I've
been exploring myself to meet those needs. Oftentimes I'll fantasize about different scenarios with
different kinks, and sometimes I'll like them, But now I wonder if I
would actually like doing any of that with a partner or not. Oh to
me, I think of such empowerment when I think about self exploration and solo
play, I can be a sexual being in my sexuality is actually not defined
by partnership. It's defined by my internal experience of myself, of my arousal,
of my learniness. And I absolutely think that not every single fantasy that
you have you want to experience. For example, big one of mine for
porn is like gangbang, Right, I find it really arousing to watch that.
Do I want to experience a gangbang? I would really rather not.
I thank you, yeah, But I think that it's I think that for
this person, I think it's really wonderful to be curious. And That's what
I'm really hearing more than anything, is the curiosity of like, if I'm
fantasizing about this in solo play, is this just for me? And some
things can just be for you, and they don't have to be enacted with
a partner. That doesn't take away from partnership or from your solo places.
And I think, like all the other ways we talk about sex, we're
always siloing off sex from every other area of life, and so when we
talk about sexual fantasies, it's like we suddenly forget that we all have fantasies
and other areas of life too. We don't just fantasize about sex. We
fantasize about I mean, from a young age, we might fantasize about what
we want to be when we grow up, what pet we want to have,
what kind of house we want to live in. I mean, children
are actually expert fantasizers. It's not just adults who fantasize. But yeah,
of course some of our fantasies are better in our minds than they are in
reality. Like I want it to be, you know, Sandra Bullock in
miscongeniality when I was growing up, Like could I ever exercise that amount?
Or like like I would ye, that's out, oh yes, oh oh
my god. Okay, Yeah. There are so many fantasies, not just
sexual ones that we have that we don't actually want to bring to fruition that
we never bring to fruition, But that doesn't devalue the fantasy. And I
think just the process of imagining a fantasy, noticing what it feels like in
our bodies can sometimes be enough. We don't have to act on it for
it to be meaningful, for it to mean something to us. And many
people have fantasies wherein it would be impossible to make it a reality, and
that doesn't take away from the meaning behind the fantasy. It doesn't make the
fantasy any less hot. It just means this is a mindfulness experience. It's
not something that needs to take place in real life. This next one,
This next one's a little bit related. You want to read it? Sure?
Is there such a thing as a wrong fantasy? Can sexual fantasies ever
be harmful or problematic? Even ones that only live in our heads? And
there's kind of like a caveat to this, which was is it normal to
have a rape fantasy after a sexual assault? And that there was a lot
of shame attached to the person who wrote this question. Yeah, so I
have several thoughts about this case. You want to dive in first, Yeah,
I can dive in first. I mean, it's not uncommon that I
would have clients bring a fantasy to me and ask me if it's okay that
they're having the fantasy. And the thing that we always want to suss out
if it's a fantasy that involved I think the fantasies that most people get really
worried about are those that involve non consent, whether it's a power dynamic where
consent is impossible, or a rape fantasy or a boss employee fantasy. Those
are the ones where people feel really uncomfortable because their actual values, their moral
compass, they're politics, their feminism doesn't align with the thing that they're fantasizing
about, and so they're thinking, what does it mean about me? What
does it mean about me that this is something that turns me on. I
do not think there's such a thing as a wrong fantasy. But what I
do think is, you know, if you're having a fantasy that does involve
non consent or involves power dynamics and you actually want to act on them in
real life, right like, if there's actually an intention to play it out
in real life where it's showing up in real life, that's a very different
conversation. It's a very different conversation, but ninety nine times out of one
hundred, that's not the conversation that I'm having with clients. The conversation is,
oh my god, I would never do that in real life, or
you kidding me? And that's the key. The key is you would never
do it in real life. And I think it's important also to mention some
people do have intrusive thoughts about fantasies that are really uncomfortable. They can't stop
thinking about a certain kind of non consensual activity, they can't stop thinking about
something that would be really inappropriate or humiliating. This can be part of OCD,
can also exist outside of OCD. But I think when I'm having conversations
with folks struggling with intrusive thoughts, often what I'll ask is, if you
ever did find yourself in a position where you are thinking of acting on it
in real life, what would you do? And many of them say,
well, I would talk to you about it. There are things that we
can do or that we would do if we actually did start to want to
act on things in real life. So all that to say, it's so
rare that a fantasy would lead to anything harmful in reality. It's such a
good point to talk about the fantasies that feel intrusive or the feel at odds
with your value alignment, like your feminism or your anti racism. And I
think especially for folks who with who might have a great fantasy which is also
called consensual non consensual as a kink. It's so common because a lot of
the things about sex can either be healing or damaging experientially. So if I
if there was a sexual assault, which is first had mentioned, having a
CNC, consensual non consensual fantasy can sometimes be super healing because you actually have
agency. So if you were able to have a conversation with somebody who you
trust, who you delegate the scene to, who you talk about play with,
and are like you're gonna come in and be a burglar or whatever,
but as soon as my safe work is enacted, you stop, and then
that stop is respected, it can be healing experientially because as therapists, I
think that sometimes tis what I know. This is like I can talk to
you too, we're both blue in the face, but when you have a
good date, that is even more powerful than me telling you imagine having a
game, right, right, So, if you are trying to heal from
assault and you have a C and C fantasy and you enact it with a
lot of dialogue, a lot of frontloading, and then that person respects your
stop, your know, your aftercare, all of those things that can be
super healing. And it's also super common for things that are really subversive to
live in a fantasy world. And so I think especially for women and fans
of that being like the one of the ultimate ways that you can feel completely
disrespected and have your agency stripped away from you and change your identity forever.
So then it's like, wait, how can I, as this person who
identifies this way, have this fantasy which is the most egregious, terrible thing
that it's It can be a reclamation of agency and it can be a way
to experientially heal yourself. So in terms of like the shame that you're feeling
around this fantasy, please know that it's super common. Please know that to
enact something like this like dialogue and conversation is super super important, And to
feel free to talk to a therapist about how you would like to set these
boundaries up. Well, I don't know, I don't know if you relate
to this Camille, but sometimes as it relates to rape fantasies or any fantasy
where non consent is involved in the fantasy itself, it's not so much that
we want that repeat experience, but that there's sometimes it's set there's something about
that dynamic that's really desirable. So what I'm thinking about is, you know,
as somebody raised deep in evangelical purity culture, where I was taught I'm
not allowed to want, I'm not allowed to be sexual, um that there's
something about fantasizing about being ute unquote forced to be sexual or somebody pulling me
into sexuality that allows me to sort of lose the anxiety, that allows me
to give permission in a way that maybe I struggle to on my own.
So m you know, if you're even if you're not a sexual assault survivor
or rape survivor, and you're experiencing rape fantasies or experiencing fantasies and non consent,
it may also be that there's something about the dynamic you're fantasizing about that
that feels freeing to you. And it's not that you want the situation itself,
but it's that the dynamic created in that situation is something that it's just
hard for you to create on your own, and so and so playing pretend
or role playing helps get you there. I mean, I think that's just
so well said of when when you are raised into place and space that doesn't
allow you to imagine yourself as having any sort of sexuality, that think,
if somebody makes me, then maybe I can go there. So I think
that's a really beautiful point. Yes, exactly, Okay, I'll move on
to the next one. Let's do this one. If you're a lesbian who
has kinky heet fantasies, does that make you less of a lesbian? I
think that the thing is And this is similar to what you mentioned in our
last episode as well, like absolutely not. Your identity is for you to
define and redefine. And also a lot of times, like the way that
we either accept or reject certain labels is up to us. The word lesbian
or the identity of lesbian can encapsulate you in most ways, but maybe it
misses you. It doesn't define who and how you are, doesn't make you
less of a lesbian. There's not a threshold that you have to reach in
order to be like, do I fit into this club or not? And
I think that sometimes that can be feel really exclusionary and it can be really
shameful to be like, you know, I'm a lesbian or I'm a queer
person, but I have pet fani season. Does that make me identify in
this way less? And the short answer is no, you are a lesbian.
If you are a lesbian, you are a lesbian. That's what you
decided. It's not for it, it's not for anybody else to tell you
if you are or not. We fantasize all day long, so we should
be able to do that in all capacities of our life. Yeah, this
question might as well have come from me because I identify as a lesbian and
I have kinky hut fantasies, and I've had feelings about that and I've had
to really ask myself, like what is going on there? But one thing
I realized that really works for me around fantasizing about men. When I'm having
sex. Just generally, I'm not doing a lot of fantasizing, but when
I am trying to have an orgasm, you better bet it is work.
It takes so much work. And often that work involves hut fantasies, and
it's you know, it doesn't even quite feel right to say hut fantasies because
if I'm there, it's not hit right, like it's I'm there, So
it's queer curious. Yeah, so so maybe we call it, you know,
fantasies where a penis is involved, or fantasies where a man is involved.
Why I realized my mind kept going there is I have been raised socialized
to feel like I can't take up space sexually. That the possibility that someone
would want to just focus on my body and just focus on my pleasure to
the point where I orgasm was very unlikely. That they would only do it
if they were also getting something out of it. So something that has historically
been uncomfortable for me is when I'm having sex with my partner who also has
a volva, and there is like a little bit more of this like taking
turns that happens where I'm focusing on her volva, she's focusing on my volva.
I'm more than happy to focus on her, it is, it's more
than comfortable, it's so enjoyable. But when it's my turn to be focused
on I gets so anxious, and my head starts saying things like, there's
no way she wants to be doing this, it's taking too long, there's
no way she actually thinks I smell good, there's no way she actually thinks
I taste good. Whatever. And so what my mind does is it creates
a fantasy where she is getting quote unquote like pleasure from the experience because suddenly
she's a man with a penis and suddenly suddenly she has this body part that
is interacting with my body in a way that is giving her direct pleasure.
Because I am having such a hard time believing that she is getting pleasure from
just pleasuring me. That is so hard to believe. So then my brain
sort of shifts the framework and it puts me in a place where, ah,
this makes sense if I can imagine, right, And so you know
that points to work that I have to do for sure. But in this
moment, that's what works for me, and that's that's why I fantasize about
it. Does it help me relax and believe that I can take up space
enough that I can orgasm? Yeah? Sometimes it does, and so so
yeah, it's nuanced. I'm just like feeling you so much in this moment
because it's just like I think it's such a new and really beautiful way to
capture what happens is as somebody who has sex with like men and women and
peanis owners and full of owners. I really do feel like when I'm having
sex with a man that I'm just like, cool, well, whenever he's
done, we're going to be done. And lately, like the people that
I've been having sex with, who the men that I've been having sex with
are like nah, they're not about that. They're like you, no,
are you good? All? Like yes, you taste amazing and you smell
amazing, and no, I don't care if you shave or not. You
haven't come yet, you know, I write it off and like I probably
won't come, and they're like, no, no, you're going to.
It's like challenge accepted. And I think it's also freeing to be like acknowledging
that part of it me and experiencing my body as an instrument for pleasure for
other people, right, and and really flipping that on its head and like
adversely thinking about like my body being a source of pleasure for me and that
are people enjoy pleasuring me, yeah, which always like and I think especially
like also as a black person, as a black woman, of like,
your body gets to be a source of pleasure and not just a source of
like commodification or fatitization. So I think that it's something new for me as
well. You know, you and I have both talked about how in the
past we've given these disclaimers like I probably won't orgasm, and unfortunately what that
has sometimes meant is, or what that sometimes has translated to for partners is
well, just don't even try, or don't even spend time on me,
yea, or let's just keep if that's not the same thing, right,
Like saying saying like I probably won't come isn't the same thing as saying,
don't spend time pleasuring me. It's even less about a partner that's like,
no, I'm going to make you come, whether you like it or not.
But it's more like, Okay, you don't have to come, but
I still want to go down on you for twenty minutes. I still want
to touch you, and whether you come or not, Like, my ego
is not tied up in that. It actually just feels good for me to
be able to be with your body in this way and what orgasms are way
more likely to happen in that context than they are when someone's like, you're
gonna come, yeah, Jess, because oh my gosh. Truly, because
when they're like, no, you're gonna come, I'm like, okay,
well now said definitely not gonna nail in the coffin. I you know,
I really love when my partner like tells me to come for her, but
she knows only to say it when I'm like in the middle of coming,
when you are like literally there. Even if I'm like like some and someone's
like come for me, I'm like, noah, okay. It was like
Camille, it was like earlier when I said I'm gonna sneeze and you said
bless you when I couldn't sneeze anymore. It's the same thing that the same
thing, not say come for me before I'm coming for you, basic sex
one oh one. Truly, Like my thing is like if I say tell
me to come for you, that's because I know hearing that will make me
come right right, right, I have to be I have to be like
three seconds in to the orgasm, right I fear they come for me.
I'm like, nah, that's that's so interesting, because that's don't tell me
what you fucking do. I need a partner. That's like the whole time
is like, you don't need to come. I'm just enjoying your body,
no need to come whatever. But then the minute I'm about to come,
they're like, come for me, you better fucking come. And I'm like,
oh, you know what I'm saying, this needs to be very tailored.
I'm very wow, high maintenance orgasmer over there over here, Oh my
gosh, same here. I'm proud of it. Yeah, proud of it.
Yeah, worth it, worth the work, high maintenance orgasmer. Is
that a thing or orgasmer high maintenance? Well we'll figure it out TBD.
All right, Camille, give us the next one. Okay. Do fantasies
reveal your subconscious or are they random? What do you think case? I
don't think they're random. Yeah, nothing's random. I mean yes, I
think they reveal your subconscious, but it may not be. It may not
reveal the thing that you think it's revealing. Right, Like, as we
just talked about, if you're having a rape fantasy, that's not feeling that
you want to be raped so we got to dig a little bit deeper.
We gotta get into the nuance. It doesn't what does it actually reveal about
you? While it may reveal that you're seeking some kind of healing or corrective
experience, it may reveal that power dynamics are interesting to you. It may
reveal that you want permission to let go. So yes, I think it
reveals you're subconscious, but maybe not the thing you think it will. I
love that when we think of a subconscious, we sometimes think of that it
represents this thing that just like is separate from you, that lives underneath you,
that you have no agency over. That's just like like an abstract idea
that your subconscious is very much part of your consciousness. Like and so I
think that it's like your subconscious might be telling you something that you just care
about are interested in our thinking about. But it doesn't have to be like
this is just totally random and popped into my head and who knows where it
came from. It can be like this came from that time when that dad
drove me home after babysitting, or this comes from I gotta bring that up,
you know, because it's popular. It's so popular, Almost everyone who
talked to me about the pod was like, yeah, the thing that case
you mentioned that, that's me too, So don't even drip. And I
think that's also like the quote unquote randomness of it is like, can you
give yourself a little bit more permission to be like, I don't have to
dismiss this as random. I can just acknowledge this as something that is right,
and so I don't have to be like it's just super random and super
irrelevant to me and my experience. I can just be like, what's what's
there? And I don't have to integrate it into every facet of my life.
But I don't also have to dismiss it, right, Like I don't
have to say it's random, And I also don't have to say this is
who I am now, it's say it's just a thought, it's true.
Okay. I love this. Next one feels like there's pressure to have fantasies.
What if I don't have any? But if I don't have any fantasies,
what do you think you probably have? A fantasy? Is my first
thing, because I think that when we think of the worst fantasy, we
think ooh threesome, oh, group sex, oh, teacher student, Like,
but your fantasy could be like I would just love for somebody to look
at me in my eyes when we're kissing. I fantasize about like ordering in
Thai food and my house being clean. I fantasize, you know me,
you know I'm fantasizing jet and a yat. I said all of those things.
I'm oh, I'm honestly always fantasizing about food also, Yet of money
food fantasy, How have we not talked about food fantasies yet? I don't
know for somebody who's so obsessed with food food play with sex to me,
I've I've never been interested in it. I'm not a whip cream girl.
I'm not a feed me strawberries girl. I just look at whip cream and
I think that's a uset of affection waiting to happen for me, exactly exactly.
I'm always just like oh no, no, no, no no no,
I mean nothing against it, but like I no, I can't the
bacterial vaginosis that use infection, that cycle is real. That's so funny because
I feel like my a big like hang up of mine, or like if
I've had like anal sex before of like going from anal sex to vaginal sex.
Literally my brain is like yeast infection, ease infection, yase infection.
So I can't Okay, this is now we're meant to talk about it.
I ask you an anal question real quick. This is not a topic.
This is a different topic. Okay, okay, okay, anal sex.
Okay? Do you I feel like after I have anal these days, I
like run to the bathroom and I can't tell if I need to poop or
not. Do you have this experience? It's so interesting. The first time
that I ever had ANAL, I was like, oh, this is going
to be terrible. I'm going to like literally shit all over the place.
Yeah yeah, yeah, or be constipated for eight days. One of those
happened, and I was like, huh, this is pretty impressive, but
I think that's normal. And also anal gasms or thinking about like having a
really pleasurable anal experience can make you feel that way, like maybe we should
do a whole episode on an I will definitely do an anal episode, okay,
because I have a great story. But now y'all got to pay attention
and stay tuned. But that is that is common. I think to feel
like you have to that you have to poop. After last time I had
ANAL, I said on the toilet after it, I talked to my poop.
I was like, girl, I know you're compacted in there. I
know you've had more contact than you're used to. Like, what do you
need right now? I don't know, I'm I don't know. This is
yeah preview preview for episode about anal, the new relationships we have with our
poop. Okay, moving on, I mean, did we do you feel
like we answered that question about the pressure to have fantasies? Oh? Oh,
I do have something to say about it. I got I got anal
distracted annial distraction. Okay. I have a friend, a very close friend,
also a sex therapist, who says she never fantasizes. And I'm telling
you she's not somebody with a lot of shame. She's somebody that like would
not be afraid to say that she's fantasizing. She says generally in her life
she does not have an internal monologue, and that that is also true of
sex. That she is so in the moment, she is so present that
like she doesn't even have time to think about wow, other things. I
know, to be her, to be her, wow, I know,
I would love to spend a day in her brain. So I'm just saying
it's not that like if you don't have fantasies, I don't think it necessarily
means you're not sex positive or you're not necessarily letting yourself go there. I
think some people's brains just maybe they're not a visual person. Maybe they don't
have that internal monologue and good for you, good for you, Yeah that
person is I think I don't even know what to say. I have a
client. I have a client who is the most present person ever and it's
a couple and their partner's always like, you're not anxious about that? And
they're just like no, I mean I'm fine, and I'm and me as
a highly anxious person, I'm just like, what, yes you are.
I'm like, you are anxious. Myself doesn't experience anxiety, Like it's just
like very It's like if that happens, it happens. And I'm like,
wow, wow, yeah, to be your friend, to be my client,
I am, I'm truly sometimes in like this client has been lying to
me this whole time. I know, how do we get to their true
anxiety. No, this is a fun episode. I really need we have
to do more fantasy, Like, come on, this is like the best
topic whenever I get to talk about this in session with fantasies, I'm like,
get into it. Let's get a pop in. Okay. I have
sometimes assigned clients this activity that we'll be honest, it is more for my
entertainment than anyone's healing, but we'll be yeah. Yeah. So anyway,
the assignment is they have to like write in vivid detail almost like it's like
audio pornography, audio erotica, like what they want to do to each other.
Oh my god, these sessions are my fucking favorite. I've had people
be like I couldn't write it out, but I drew a picture. Yeah,
pictures. And then after after that session, you know that they go
off and have sex. You know it. I've seen it, like I've
left sessions and like seen in my waiting room like couples groping each other.
I'm so glad that therapy was four play. Yeah. Oh my therapy has
four plays, I know. So you write this down? Come on?
Yes, all right, Okay, do we feel like we answered enough questions?
Yeah, okay, okay, I feel like I feel like we're good
to hear it. Also like there'll be more. Yeah, yeah, I
love, I love all right. This week's safe word is muskrat and was
suggested by at knee co Lette, So thanks for your Safford. Safford is
hosted by Casey Tanner and Kama Lewis and is produced by coordinator Annie Failey.
Our theme song is written and performed by Emma Jane and Toria Rainey and special
thanks to all of you. We loved all of the feedback that we've got
and thank you for tuning into our first episode. Each week, we put
a question box out on Instagram, giving you the opportunity to ask for advice
on the topic at hand. You can also ask your question or submit a
Safford of the week via our website at the expansivegroup dot com slash safford.
That's the expansive group dot com slash safford. For behind the scenes look at
Safford and podcast updates, find us on Instagram, TikTok and YouTube at Safford Pod.