WEBVTT 1 00:00:01.159 --> 00:00:05.080 I'm Casey Tanner and I'm Camille Lewis, and this is safe word. Safe 2 00:00:05.080 --> 00:00:08.640 word is like therapy, but worse because instead of being a blank slate that's 3 00:00:08.640 --> 00:00:11.560 just here to support you, we're telling you things we would never tell our 4 00:00:11.599 --> 00:00:15.800 clients. Clients, if you're listening, we're sorry. This isn't sex and 5 00:00:15.839 --> 00:00:20.120 it's not therapy, but we are sex therapists and this might turn you on. 6 00:00:20.600 --> 00:00:24.199 Each week we tackle a theme related to sex, relationships, gender, 7 00:00:24.239 --> 00:00:57.759 and more. This week we are diving into sweet sweet fantasy. Baby knock 8 00:00:59.240 --> 00:01:06.159 Banana. Yes, a Carrie is the best queen musical artists of all time. 9 00:01:06.359 --> 00:01:08.280 It will not be a hot day, Okay, we will talk about 10 00:01:08.280 --> 00:01:12.319 it. Thank you for everybody who listened last week. Gutten such good feedback. 11 00:01:12.799 --> 00:01:15.840 I had one of my best friends text me and say I have the 12 00:01:15.920 --> 00:01:22.680 same exact fantasy as Casey, and so that's what they look up every time 13 00:01:22.680 --> 00:01:26.640 they are watching porn. So you kicked it off. Oh my god. 14 00:01:26.640 --> 00:01:30.560 Yeah, it's so validating, so relieving. Okay, do you have any 15 00:01:30.599 --> 00:01:34.760 fantasies you've been thinking about. You can start with one of your fantasies and 16 00:01:34.760 --> 00:01:40.560 then I'll jump in Okay, not so much a fantasy, but really exciting. 17 00:01:40.640 --> 00:01:45.560 Tonight, Mal and I have a date that ends in seeing a dominatrix. 18 00:01:45.680 --> 00:01:49.879 We're seeing a dominatrix together tonight. I know, I know. It 19 00:01:49.959 --> 00:01:53.239 was one of my birthday gifts for her. Yeah, we both have been 20 00:01:53.239 --> 00:01:59.799 really interested in more powerplay dynamics, and we're both really wanting to engage in 21 00:01:59.840 --> 00:02:02.120 it in a way that's authentic instead of just being like, this is what 22 00:02:02.159 --> 00:02:05.439 it looks like, So I'm going to put it on more like, can 23 00:02:05.480 --> 00:02:09.240 we tap into our inner dom sub dynamic and find a way to bring it 24 00:02:09.240 --> 00:02:15.400 out more naturally. So a lot of my fantasies revolve around power dynamics. 25 00:02:15.479 --> 00:02:21.960 A lot of my fantasies are me playing a role that is a submissive role 26 00:02:22.120 --> 00:02:25.159 or like traditionally submissive role in society. And so we're sort of trying to 27 00:02:25.159 --> 00:02:28.240 figure out, Okay, how do we do this in a way that feels 28 00:02:28.599 --> 00:02:32.080 really authentic and good. And I'm so I'm nervous, but I'm excited. 29 00:02:32.280 --> 00:02:35.759 Oh my gosh, So where are you going to go? See this dom? 30 00:02:36.120 --> 00:02:38.639 So I'm so it's virtual, It's like a little virtual dom session and 31 00:02:38.719 --> 00:02:43.560 it's not I don't think we'll be having any kind of sex tonight. I 32 00:02:43.560 --> 00:02:46.919 think it will just well probably afterwards, not with the dom at least. 33 00:02:46.120 --> 00:02:50.159 Okay, I hope afterwards. You know, a sex therapist reaches out to 34 00:02:50.199 --> 00:02:52.560 a dom. You should see the intake form that I filled out. It 35 00:02:52.639 --> 00:02:57.680 was like very very detailed information about Yeah, I just I just want them 36 00:02:57.719 --> 00:03:00.360 to like, ask us some guided questions and you know, see what we 37 00:03:00.479 --> 00:03:06.599 see, what we learn about ourselves. I am obsessed, incredibly jealous. 38 00:03:06.879 --> 00:03:09.400 I will hook you up. I'll give you her name, and yeah, 39 00:03:09.479 --> 00:03:15.240 you can also attend amazing. Yeah, I think do you feel like you 40 00:03:15.319 --> 00:03:20.719 are more like you lean more submissive or more dominant? Hundred percent submissive? 41 00:03:20.800 --> 00:03:23.719 Tell me if you also agree with this, Like in your day to day 42 00:03:23.759 --> 00:03:25.599 life, in your job, you are a dumb you are a top, 43 00:03:25.639 --> 00:03:30.800 but then in your sex life you are about him. Absolutely. It's about 44 00:03:30.879 --> 00:03:32.800 balance, right, Yeah, if you're like a boss I r L or 45 00:03:32.840 --> 00:03:36.680 you'd make a lot of decisions, or you have a lot of pressure on 46 00:03:36.719 --> 00:03:39.240 you, you need to experience a balance. So I need to be told 47 00:03:39.240 --> 00:03:44.159 what to do. I cannot imagine someone telling you what to do. I 48 00:03:43.879 --> 00:03:46.039 thought, I that's funny. Because you know what I hate more than anything, 49 00:03:46.280 --> 00:03:50.919 being fucking told what to do. When it comes to sex, I 50 00:03:51.039 --> 00:03:53.680 need to be told what to do. I feel like I tell you what 51 00:03:53.800 --> 00:03:57.800 to do sometimes, how do you feel about that? You do tell me 52 00:03:57.919 --> 00:04:00.479 what to do? But I think that that's a good thing. I think 53 00:04:00.520 --> 00:04:04.360 I'm okay with it. Sometimes I'm like, I know what I'm doing, 54 00:04:04.719 --> 00:04:10.879 but also you know more than me. That's so not true. But I 55 00:04:10.960 --> 00:04:14.520 love that the truth is coming out right here right now. Sometimes I tell 56 00:04:14.560 --> 00:04:16.839 you what to do and you just disregard. I love and you know what 57 00:04:16.920 --> 00:04:20.199 it's because it's probably because you're going to do it better so I can adapt 58 00:04:20.199 --> 00:04:25.639 to it. In work settings sometimes when like I expect the people I'm working 59 00:04:25.680 --> 00:04:30.920 with. Y, have you had any work related fantasies like general work related 60 00:04:30.199 --> 00:04:34.199 No? Yeah, I mean I think it's so interesting because like as therapists, 61 00:04:34.240 --> 00:04:40.920 it's like the cardinal sin to think about clients, and he had the 62 00:04:40.959 --> 00:04:46.319 most sexualized field, the most sexualized field and also weird sized therapists. Also 63 00:04:46.759 --> 00:04:50.680 more than that, like a work related like in an office type of thing, 64 00:04:50.720 --> 00:04:56.199 like just like you know likes yes, yes, yes, yes, 65 00:04:56.480 --> 00:05:00.839 I used to talk to this um, this girl who was an attorney and 66 00:05:00.240 --> 00:05:06.519 she was still is will forever be so fine. She was like, let 67 00:05:06.519 --> 00:05:09.399 me just buy you lunch, let me take you out to lunch, And 68 00:05:09.439 --> 00:05:12.279 all I could be like is like, I don't want to go out to 69 00:05:12.360 --> 00:05:14.439 lunch with you. I want to come to your office. I want you 70 00:05:14.480 --> 00:05:18.360 to fuck me on your dough. My god, I love I'm turned on 71 00:05:19.040 --> 00:05:26.399 right, that's so hot? Oh okay. So I like maybe two years 72 00:05:26.399 --> 00:05:30.600 ago, was dating somebody who dressed up as a therapist for me, because 73 00:05:30.600 --> 00:05:34.879 in like a therapist client fantasy, I don't want to be the therapist, 74 00:05:34.959 --> 00:05:39.959 I want to be the client. I cannot exactly, so she just look 75 00:05:39.959 --> 00:05:43.439 like a therapistry. This was so funny. She was like one hundred percent 76 00:05:44.680 --> 00:05:47.000 trying to fulfill one of my fantasies. And it was this moment where I 77 00:05:47.040 --> 00:05:51.439 saw her dressed as a therapist. I couldn't even have sex. I was 78 00:05:51.519 --> 00:05:58.920 so emotionally overwhelmed at the vulnerability it took to like dress up as a therapist 79 00:05:58.959 --> 00:06:01.120 for someone who is a rapist. That I was like, can we just 80 00:06:01.240 --> 00:06:04.759 hug? Can we just hold each other? Like I can't even I can't. 81 00:06:04.879 --> 00:06:09.480 Also, was it like a cardigan moment. So it was like a 82 00:06:09.800 --> 00:06:13.040 you know, it was like something that no therapist would ever wear. It 83 00:06:13.120 --> 00:06:16.160 was like a black pencil skirt with like a white button up and like a 84 00:06:16.199 --> 00:06:19.319 little like hair in a bun. You know. Oh my god, we 85 00:06:19.399 --> 00:06:23.600 love it. We love it. I've never once warned that to work, 86 00:06:23.720 --> 00:06:27.759 but I you know, but I'm so. I am reflecting on the fact 87 00:06:27.839 --> 00:06:32.360 that when I met this person, we like really connected and like the sexual 88 00:06:32.480 --> 00:06:38.600 energy was so intense, like on our first ever meeting. I am also 89 00:06:38.879 --> 00:06:43.519 very like assertive when it comes to like approaching people. If I'm interested, 90 00:06:43.560 --> 00:06:46.519 I'm gonna be like, what's your number, Holly, whatever. I'm like 91 00:06:46.920 --> 00:06:49.519 that we are different in that way. I will never know. Well, 92 00:06:49.639 --> 00:06:54.319 then this next part is really you're gonna be like what. Oh, we 93 00:06:54.319 --> 00:06:57.560 were going on like a business lunch and then I sat down and I was 94 00:06:57.600 --> 00:07:01.600 like like stress iched in the bathroom and like, look, cold water on 95 00:07:01.639 --> 00:07:05.639 my face. I have never had such an intense sexual Can I just say, 96 00:07:05.639 --> 00:07:09.199 though, I have to interrupt because our listeners don't know this. This 97 00:07:09.279 --> 00:07:12.279 is not the first time you've told me about being on a date, going 98 00:07:12.319 --> 00:07:15.000 to the bathroom and splashing water on your face because you so this is the 99 00:07:15.040 --> 00:07:17.639 same story, then, oh it's the same person. Okay, I'm like 100 00:07:17.759 --> 00:07:24.959 how many times seven? Okay? Same person? Okay, hopefully there will 101 00:07:25.000 --> 00:07:28.560 be more people that like exude this, but this is how you'll know. 102 00:07:28.600 --> 00:07:30.240 You'll need to splash water on your face and yeah, you'll know. You're 103 00:07:30.240 --> 00:07:32.839 like, okay, let's go get a drink somewhere else. And I was 104 00:07:32.879 --> 00:07:35.319 just like fuck it. And I literally just looked at him and I was 105 00:07:35.360 --> 00:07:41.800 like, do you want to fuck? And and his response was just like 106 00:07:42.199 --> 00:07:46.360 do you? And I was like like I could not even form sentence. 107 00:07:46.360 --> 00:07:48.519 I was like, wait what, I don't I don't know. I just 108 00:07:48.560 --> 00:07:54.120 blacked out. I can't compete. And he had an office building like a 109 00:07:54.160 --> 00:07:57.720 few minutes away, and that's the first place that we had sexes in. 110 00:07:58.079 --> 00:08:01.199 Oh my god, his office. Oh my god, so your fantasy became 111 00:08:01.240 --> 00:08:09.600 a reality. Yeah, ah, side to be you sounds horrible? Oh 112 00:08:09.639 --> 00:08:13.560 my god. Okay, Well, should we answer some questions? Yes? 113 00:08:15.319 --> 00:08:16.600 Can you answer a question? Because I could do this all day long, 114 00:08:16.800 --> 00:08:20.639 I'll read this first one. Are there some kinky activities that are better as 115 00:08:20.639 --> 00:08:24.199 a fantasy than in reality? I have never been in a relationship, done 116 00:08:24.240 --> 00:08:28.879 anything sexual with anyone else, or been kissed. Due to that, I've 117 00:08:28.879 --> 00:08:33.840 been exploring myself to meet those needs. Oftentimes I'll fantasize about different scenarios with 118 00:08:33.840 --> 00:08:37.039 different kinks, and sometimes I'll like them, But now I wonder if I 119 00:08:37.039 --> 00:08:41.440 would actually like doing any of that with a partner or not. Oh to 120 00:08:41.559 --> 00:08:48.399 me, I think of such empowerment when I think about self exploration and solo 121 00:08:48.480 --> 00:08:52.120 play, I can be a sexual being in my sexuality is actually not defined 122 00:08:52.320 --> 00:08:58.559 by partnership. It's defined by my internal experience of myself, of my arousal, 123 00:08:58.600 --> 00:09:05.440 of my learniness. And I absolutely think that not every single fantasy that 124 00:09:05.519 --> 00:09:11.120 you have you want to experience. For example, big one of mine for 125 00:09:11.200 --> 00:09:16.519 porn is like gangbang, Right, I find it really arousing to watch that. 126 00:09:18.000 --> 00:09:22.159 Do I want to experience a gangbang? I would really rather not. 127 00:09:22.399 --> 00:09:26.200 I thank you, yeah, But I think that it's I think that for 128 00:09:26.840 --> 00:09:30.840 this person, I think it's really wonderful to be curious. And That's what 129 00:09:30.919 --> 00:09:33.440 I'm really hearing more than anything, is the curiosity of like, if I'm 130 00:09:33.480 --> 00:09:37.919 fantasizing about this in solo play, is this just for me? And some 131 00:09:37.960 --> 00:09:41.559 things can just be for you, and they don't have to be enacted with 132 00:09:41.600 --> 00:09:46.919 a partner. That doesn't take away from partnership or from your solo places. 133 00:09:46.919 --> 00:09:48.960 And I think, like all the other ways we talk about sex, we're 134 00:09:50.080 --> 00:09:52.600 always siloing off sex from every other area of life, and so when we 135 00:09:52.639 --> 00:09:58.080 talk about sexual fantasies, it's like we suddenly forget that we all have fantasies 136 00:09:58.240 --> 00:10:01.919 and other areas of life too. We don't just fantasize about sex. We 137 00:10:03.000 --> 00:10:05.039 fantasize about I mean, from a young age, we might fantasize about what 138 00:10:05.039 --> 00:10:07.480 we want to be when we grow up, what pet we want to have, 139 00:10:07.600 --> 00:10:11.120 what kind of house we want to live in. I mean, children 140 00:10:11.120 --> 00:10:16.399 are actually expert fantasizers. It's not just adults who fantasize. But yeah, 141 00:10:16.440 --> 00:10:20.679 of course some of our fantasies are better in our minds than they are in 142 00:10:20.759 --> 00:10:24.840 reality. Like I want it to be, you know, Sandra Bullock in 143 00:10:24.080 --> 00:10:28.600 miscongeniality when I was growing up, Like could I ever exercise that amount? 144 00:10:28.879 --> 00:10:33.480 Or like like I would ye, that's out, oh yes, oh oh 145 00:10:33.519 --> 00:10:37.840 my god. Okay, Yeah. There are so many fantasies, not just 146 00:10:37.879 --> 00:10:41.639 sexual ones that we have that we don't actually want to bring to fruition that 147 00:10:41.720 --> 00:10:45.000 we never bring to fruition, But that doesn't devalue the fantasy. And I 148 00:10:45.000 --> 00:10:48.399 think just the process of imagining a fantasy, noticing what it feels like in 149 00:10:48.440 --> 00:10:52.720 our bodies can sometimes be enough. We don't have to act on it for 150 00:10:52.759 --> 00:10:56.399 it to be meaningful, for it to mean something to us. And many 151 00:10:56.440 --> 00:11:01.840 people have fantasies wherein it would be impossible to make it a reality, and 152 00:11:03.000 --> 00:11:05.919 that doesn't take away from the meaning behind the fantasy. It doesn't make the 153 00:11:05.919 --> 00:11:11.200 fantasy any less hot. It just means this is a mindfulness experience. It's 154 00:11:11.200 --> 00:11:13.159 not something that needs to take place in real life. This next one, 155 00:11:13.759 --> 00:11:16.399 This next one's a little bit related. You want to read it? Sure? 156 00:11:16.759 --> 00:11:22.840 Is there such a thing as a wrong fantasy? Can sexual fantasies ever 157 00:11:22.879 --> 00:11:26.720 be harmful or problematic? Even ones that only live in our heads? And 158 00:11:26.799 --> 00:11:31.440 there's kind of like a caveat to this, which was is it normal to 159 00:11:31.519 --> 00:11:35.559 have a rape fantasy after a sexual assault? And that there was a lot 160 00:11:35.559 --> 00:11:41.399 of shame attached to the person who wrote this question. Yeah, so I 161 00:11:41.480 --> 00:11:43.960 have several thoughts about this case. You want to dive in first, Yeah, 162 00:11:45.000 --> 00:11:48.120 I can dive in first. I mean, it's not uncommon that I 163 00:11:48.120 --> 00:11:52.240 would have clients bring a fantasy to me and ask me if it's okay that 164 00:11:52.279 --> 00:11:54.679 they're having the fantasy. And the thing that we always want to suss out 165 00:11:54.679 --> 00:11:58.679 if it's a fantasy that involved I think the fantasies that most people get really 166 00:11:58.679 --> 00:12:03.200 worried about are those that involve non consent, whether it's a power dynamic where 167 00:12:03.240 --> 00:12:09.000 consent is impossible, or a rape fantasy or a boss employee fantasy. Those 168 00:12:09.039 --> 00:12:15.080 are the ones where people feel really uncomfortable because their actual values, their moral 169 00:12:15.159 --> 00:12:20.320 compass, they're politics, their feminism doesn't align with the thing that they're fantasizing 170 00:12:20.360 --> 00:12:24.000 about, and so they're thinking, what does it mean about me? What 171 00:12:24.039 --> 00:12:28.919 does it mean about me that this is something that turns me on. I 172 00:12:28.039 --> 00:12:33.080 do not think there's such a thing as a wrong fantasy. But what I 173 00:12:33.120 --> 00:12:35.399 do think is, you know, if you're having a fantasy that does involve 174 00:12:35.720 --> 00:12:43.519 non consent or involves power dynamics and you actually want to act on them in 175 00:12:43.559 --> 00:12:46.799 real life, right like, if there's actually an intention to play it out 176 00:12:46.799 --> 00:12:50.120 in real life where it's showing up in real life, that's a very different 177 00:12:50.159 --> 00:12:54.200 conversation. It's a very different conversation, but ninety nine times out of one 178 00:12:54.240 --> 00:12:56.639 hundred, that's not the conversation that I'm having with clients. The conversation is, 179 00:12:58.080 --> 00:12:58.840 oh my god, I would never do that in real life, or 180 00:12:58.879 --> 00:13:03.840 you kidding me? And that's the key. The key is you would never 181 00:13:03.919 --> 00:13:07.519 do it in real life. And I think it's important also to mention some 182 00:13:07.559 --> 00:13:13.279 people do have intrusive thoughts about fantasies that are really uncomfortable. They can't stop 183 00:13:13.279 --> 00:13:18.240 thinking about a certain kind of non consensual activity, they can't stop thinking about 184 00:13:18.279 --> 00:13:22.759 something that would be really inappropriate or humiliating. This can be part of OCD, 185 00:13:24.759 --> 00:13:28.679 can also exist outside of OCD. But I think when I'm having conversations 186 00:13:28.679 --> 00:13:31.879 with folks struggling with intrusive thoughts, often what I'll ask is, if you 187 00:13:31.960 --> 00:13:35.559 ever did find yourself in a position where you are thinking of acting on it 188 00:13:35.600 --> 00:13:37.080 in real life, what would you do? And many of them say, 189 00:13:37.120 --> 00:13:39.759 well, I would talk to you about it. There are things that we 190 00:13:39.919 --> 00:13:45.320 can do or that we would do if we actually did start to want to 191 00:13:45.320 --> 00:13:48.480 act on things in real life. So all that to say, it's so 192 00:13:48.639 --> 00:13:54.120 rare that a fantasy would lead to anything harmful in reality. It's such a 193 00:13:54.120 --> 00:14:00.600 good point to talk about the fantasies that feel intrusive or the feel at odds 194 00:14:00.639 --> 00:14:05.919 with your value alignment, like your feminism or your anti racism. And I 195 00:14:05.919 --> 00:14:11.639 think especially for folks who with who might have a great fantasy which is also 196 00:14:11.679 --> 00:14:16.159 called consensual non consensual as a kink. It's so common because a lot of 197 00:14:16.159 --> 00:14:24.519 the things about sex can either be healing or damaging experientially. So if I 198 00:14:24.519 --> 00:14:30.000 if there was a sexual assault, which is first had mentioned, having a 199 00:14:30.000 --> 00:14:35.799 CNC, consensual non consensual fantasy can sometimes be super healing because you actually have 200 00:14:35.960 --> 00:14:39.919 agency. So if you were able to have a conversation with somebody who you 201 00:14:39.960 --> 00:14:43.080 trust, who you delegate the scene to, who you talk about play with, 202 00:14:43.200 --> 00:14:48.240 and are like you're gonna come in and be a burglar or whatever, 203 00:14:48.320 --> 00:14:52.799 but as soon as my safe work is enacted, you stop, and then 204 00:14:52.840 --> 00:14:58.200 that stop is respected, it can be healing experientially because as therapists, I 205 00:14:58.200 --> 00:15:01.879 think that sometimes tis what I know. This is like I can talk to 206 00:15:01.919 --> 00:15:05.519 you too, we're both blue in the face, but when you have a 207 00:15:05.559 --> 00:15:11.639 good date, that is even more powerful than me telling you imagine having a 208 00:15:11.720 --> 00:15:15.360 game, right, right, So, if you are trying to heal from 209 00:15:15.399 --> 00:15:20.679 assault and you have a C and C fantasy and you enact it with a 210 00:15:20.879 --> 00:15:26.200 lot of dialogue, a lot of frontloading, and then that person respects your 211 00:15:26.279 --> 00:15:31.519 stop, your know, your aftercare, all of those things that can be 212 00:15:31.559 --> 00:15:37.200 super healing. And it's also super common for things that are really subversive to 213 00:15:37.279 --> 00:15:41.440 live in a fantasy world. And so I think especially for women and fans 214 00:15:41.480 --> 00:15:48.279 of that being like the one of the ultimate ways that you can feel completely 215 00:15:48.320 --> 00:15:52.200 disrespected and have your agency stripped away from you and change your identity forever. 216 00:15:52.720 --> 00:15:54.200 So then it's like, wait, how can I, as this person who 217 00:15:54.240 --> 00:15:58.799 identifies this way, have this fantasy which is the most egregious, terrible thing 218 00:16:00.720 --> 00:16:04.360 that it's It can be a reclamation of agency and it can be a way 219 00:16:04.360 --> 00:16:08.200 to experientially heal yourself. So in terms of like the shame that you're feeling 220 00:16:08.200 --> 00:16:12.360 around this fantasy, please know that it's super common. Please know that to 221 00:16:12.519 --> 00:16:18.519 enact something like this like dialogue and conversation is super super important, And to 222 00:16:18.559 --> 00:16:22.559 feel free to talk to a therapist about how you would like to set these 223 00:16:22.559 --> 00:16:26.039 boundaries up. Well, I don't know, I don't know if you relate 224 00:16:26.080 --> 00:16:30.600 to this Camille, but sometimes as it relates to rape fantasies or any fantasy 225 00:16:30.679 --> 00:16:37.320 where non consent is involved in the fantasy itself, it's not so much that 226 00:16:37.399 --> 00:16:41.080 we want that repeat experience, but that there's sometimes it's set there's something about 227 00:16:41.080 --> 00:16:45.320 that dynamic that's really desirable. So what I'm thinking about is, you know, 228 00:16:45.320 --> 00:16:51.799 as somebody raised deep in evangelical purity culture, where I was taught I'm 229 00:16:51.799 --> 00:16:56.879 not allowed to want, I'm not allowed to be sexual, um that there's 230 00:16:56.919 --> 00:17:02.960 something about fantasizing about being ute unquote forced to be sexual or somebody pulling me 231 00:17:03.000 --> 00:17:07.200 into sexuality that allows me to sort of lose the anxiety, that allows me 232 00:17:07.240 --> 00:17:11.000 to give permission in a way that maybe I struggle to on my own. 233 00:17:11.480 --> 00:17:17.119 So m you know, if you're even if you're not a sexual assault survivor 234 00:17:17.200 --> 00:17:21.480 or rape survivor, and you're experiencing rape fantasies or experiencing fantasies and non consent, 235 00:17:22.000 --> 00:17:25.920 it may also be that there's something about the dynamic you're fantasizing about that 236 00:17:25.920 --> 00:17:29.519 that feels freeing to you. And it's not that you want the situation itself, 237 00:17:29.759 --> 00:17:33.759 but it's that the dynamic created in that situation is something that it's just 238 00:17:33.799 --> 00:17:37.279 hard for you to create on your own, and so and so playing pretend 239 00:17:37.759 --> 00:17:41.079 or role playing helps get you there. I mean, I think that's just 240 00:17:41.119 --> 00:17:48.000 so well said of when when you are raised into place and space that doesn't 241 00:17:48.039 --> 00:17:52.759 allow you to imagine yourself as having any sort of sexuality, that think, 242 00:17:52.799 --> 00:17:56.000 if somebody makes me, then maybe I can go there. So I think 243 00:17:56.000 --> 00:18:00.880 that's a really beautiful point. Yes, exactly, Okay, I'll move on 244 00:18:00.920 --> 00:18:06.400 to the next one. Let's do this one. If you're a lesbian who 245 00:18:06.480 --> 00:18:11.640 has kinky heet fantasies, does that make you less of a lesbian? I 246 00:18:11.680 --> 00:18:15.039 think that the thing is And this is similar to what you mentioned in our 247 00:18:15.200 --> 00:18:21.319 last episode as well, like absolutely not. Your identity is for you to 248 00:18:21.400 --> 00:18:25.519 define and redefine. And also a lot of times, like the way that 249 00:18:25.640 --> 00:18:32.400 we either accept or reject certain labels is up to us. The word lesbian 250 00:18:32.559 --> 00:18:37.000 or the identity of lesbian can encapsulate you in most ways, but maybe it 251 00:18:37.119 --> 00:18:41.799 misses you. It doesn't define who and how you are, doesn't make you 252 00:18:41.920 --> 00:18:45.359 less of a lesbian. There's not a threshold that you have to reach in 253 00:18:45.519 --> 00:18:48.519 order to be like, do I fit into this club or not? And 254 00:18:48.599 --> 00:18:55.079 I think that sometimes that can be feel really exclusionary and it can be really 255 00:18:55.119 --> 00:18:57.559 shameful to be like, you know, I'm a lesbian or I'm a queer 256 00:18:57.599 --> 00:19:02.279 person, but I have pet fani season. Does that make me identify in 257 00:19:02.279 --> 00:19:07.880 this way less? And the short answer is no, you are a lesbian. 258 00:19:07.000 --> 00:19:10.839 If you are a lesbian, you are a lesbian. That's what you 259 00:19:10.920 --> 00:19:14.160 decided. It's not for it, it's not for anybody else to tell you 260 00:19:14.240 --> 00:19:18.160 if you are or not. We fantasize all day long, so we should 261 00:19:18.200 --> 00:19:22.359 be able to do that in all capacities of our life. Yeah, this 262 00:19:22.440 --> 00:19:26.559 question might as well have come from me because I identify as a lesbian and 263 00:19:26.680 --> 00:19:30.640 I have kinky hut fantasies, and I've had feelings about that and I've had 264 00:19:30.680 --> 00:19:34.240 to really ask myself, like what is going on there? But one thing 265 00:19:34.240 --> 00:19:40.079 I realized that really works for me around fantasizing about men. When I'm having 266 00:19:40.079 --> 00:19:42.200 sex. Just generally, I'm not doing a lot of fantasizing, but when 267 00:19:42.200 --> 00:19:45.799 I am trying to have an orgasm, you better bet it is work. 268 00:19:45.920 --> 00:19:49.240 It takes so much work. And often that work involves hut fantasies, and 269 00:19:49.480 --> 00:19:52.960 it's you know, it doesn't even quite feel right to say hut fantasies because 270 00:19:52.960 --> 00:19:56.200 if I'm there, it's not hit right, like it's I'm there, So 271 00:19:56.240 --> 00:20:00.759 it's queer curious. Yeah, so so maybe we call it, you know, 272 00:20:00.799 --> 00:20:04.759 fantasies where a penis is involved, or fantasies where a man is involved. 273 00:20:04.759 --> 00:20:10.599 Why I realized my mind kept going there is I have been raised socialized 274 00:20:10.839 --> 00:20:15.519 to feel like I can't take up space sexually. That the possibility that someone 275 00:20:15.599 --> 00:20:19.519 would want to just focus on my body and just focus on my pleasure to 276 00:20:19.519 --> 00:20:23.359 the point where I orgasm was very unlikely. That they would only do it 277 00:20:23.400 --> 00:20:29.200 if they were also getting something out of it. So something that has historically 278 00:20:29.200 --> 00:20:32.200 been uncomfortable for me is when I'm having sex with my partner who also has 279 00:20:32.240 --> 00:20:34.519 a volva, and there is like a little bit more of this like taking 280 00:20:34.559 --> 00:20:38.400 turns that happens where I'm focusing on her volva, she's focusing on my volva. 281 00:20:38.839 --> 00:20:42.480 I'm more than happy to focus on her, it is, it's more 282 00:20:42.519 --> 00:20:47.440 than comfortable, it's so enjoyable. But when it's my turn to be focused 283 00:20:47.440 --> 00:20:51.640 on I gets so anxious, and my head starts saying things like, there's 284 00:20:51.680 --> 00:20:55.119 no way she wants to be doing this, it's taking too long, there's 285 00:20:55.240 --> 00:20:57.759 no way she actually thinks I smell good, there's no way she actually thinks 286 00:20:57.799 --> 00:21:02.160 I taste good. Whatever. And so what my mind does is it creates 287 00:21:02.160 --> 00:21:07.359 a fantasy where she is getting quote unquote like pleasure from the experience because suddenly 288 00:21:07.440 --> 00:21:12.720 she's a man with a penis and suddenly suddenly she has this body part that 289 00:21:12.839 --> 00:21:15.920 is interacting with my body in a way that is giving her direct pleasure. 290 00:21:17.000 --> 00:21:21.480 Because I am having such a hard time believing that she is getting pleasure from 291 00:21:21.559 --> 00:21:25.319 just pleasuring me. That is so hard to believe. So then my brain 292 00:21:25.440 --> 00:21:27.960 sort of shifts the framework and it puts me in a place where, ah, 293 00:21:29.000 --> 00:21:32.519 this makes sense if I can imagine, right, And so you know 294 00:21:32.599 --> 00:21:37.559 that points to work that I have to do for sure. But in this 295 00:21:37.640 --> 00:21:40.960 moment, that's what works for me, and that's that's why I fantasize about 296 00:21:41.000 --> 00:21:45.119 it. Does it help me relax and believe that I can take up space 297 00:21:45.319 --> 00:21:49.720 enough that I can orgasm? Yeah? Sometimes it does, and so so 298 00:21:49.799 --> 00:21:56.240 yeah, it's nuanced. I'm just like feeling you so much in this moment 299 00:21:56.559 --> 00:22:02.359 because it's just like I think it's such a new and really beautiful way to 300 00:22:02.400 --> 00:22:07.119 capture what happens is as somebody who has sex with like men and women and 301 00:22:07.480 --> 00:22:14.119 peanis owners and full of owners. I really do feel like when I'm having 302 00:22:14.200 --> 00:22:18.240 sex with a man that I'm just like, cool, well, whenever he's 303 00:22:18.279 --> 00:22:21.799 done, we're going to be done. And lately, like the people that 304 00:22:21.839 --> 00:22:25.200 I've been having sex with, who the men that I've been having sex with 305 00:22:25.400 --> 00:22:27.559 are like nah, they're not about that. They're like you, no, 306 00:22:27.720 --> 00:22:32.559 are you good? All? Like yes, you taste amazing and you smell 307 00:22:32.599 --> 00:22:34.799 amazing, and no, I don't care if you shave or not. You 308 00:22:34.839 --> 00:22:37.400 haven't come yet, you know, I write it off and like I probably 309 00:22:37.440 --> 00:22:41.680 won't come, and they're like, no, no, you're going to. 310 00:22:41.960 --> 00:22:45.839 It's like challenge accepted. And I think it's also freeing to be like acknowledging 311 00:22:45.079 --> 00:22:51.359 that part of it me and experiencing my body as an instrument for pleasure for 312 00:22:51.359 --> 00:22:55.440 other people, right, and and really flipping that on its head and like 313 00:22:55.480 --> 00:22:59.680 adversely thinking about like my body being a source of pleasure for me and that 314 00:23:00.000 --> 00:23:03.160 are people enjoy pleasuring me, yeah, which always like and I think especially 315 00:23:03.160 --> 00:23:06.759 like also as a black person, as a black woman, of like, 316 00:23:06.960 --> 00:23:08.519 your body gets to be a source of pleasure and not just a source of 317 00:23:08.559 --> 00:23:14.079 like commodification or fatitization. So I think that it's something new for me as 318 00:23:14.160 --> 00:23:18.119 well. You know, you and I have both talked about how in the 319 00:23:18.160 --> 00:23:23.359 past we've given these disclaimers like I probably won't orgasm, and unfortunately what that 320 00:23:23.440 --> 00:23:29.200 has sometimes meant is, or what that sometimes has translated to for partners is 321 00:23:29.279 --> 00:23:32.240 well, just don't even try, or don't even spend time on me, 322 00:23:32.559 --> 00:23:34.480 yea, or let's just keep if that's not the same thing, right, 323 00:23:34.599 --> 00:23:38.359 Like saying saying like I probably won't come isn't the same thing as saying, 324 00:23:38.440 --> 00:23:42.240 don't spend time pleasuring me. It's even less about a partner that's like, 325 00:23:42.279 --> 00:23:45.400 no, I'm going to make you come, whether you like it or not. 326 00:23:45.759 --> 00:23:48.720 But it's more like, Okay, you don't have to come, but 327 00:23:48.759 --> 00:23:52.039 I still want to go down on you for twenty minutes. I still want 328 00:23:52.079 --> 00:23:53.359 to touch you, and whether you come or not, Like, my ego 329 00:23:53.440 --> 00:23:56.759 is not tied up in that. It actually just feels good for me to 330 00:23:56.839 --> 00:24:00.279 be able to be with your body in this way and what orgasms are way 331 00:24:00.279 --> 00:24:04.359 more likely to happen in that context than they are when someone's like, you're 332 00:24:04.400 --> 00:24:07.880 gonna come, yeah, Jess, because oh my gosh. Truly, because 333 00:24:07.880 --> 00:24:11.279 when they're like, no, you're gonna come, I'm like, okay, 334 00:24:11.319 --> 00:24:15.640 well now said definitely not gonna nail in the coffin. I you know, 335 00:24:15.799 --> 00:24:19.599 I really love when my partner like tells me to come for her, but 336 00:24:19.680 --> 00:24:23.039 she knows only to say it when I'm like in the middle of coming, 337 00:24:23.240 --> 00:24:29.640 when you are like literally there. Even if I'm like like some and someone's 338 00:24:29.640 --> 00:24:32.160 like come for me, I'm like, noah, okay. It was like 339 00:24:32.480 --> 00:24:36.039 Camille, it was like earlier when I said I'm gonna sneeze and you said 340 00:24:36.039 --> 00:24:40.559 bless you when I couldn't sneeze anymore. It's the same thing that the same 341 00:24:40.599 --> 00:24:45.599 thing, not say come for me before I'm coming for you, basic sex 342 00:24:45.680 --> 00:24:51.559 one oh one. Truly, Like my thing is like if I say tell 343 00:24:51.599 --> 00:24:55.000 me to come for you, that's because I know hearing that will make me 344 00:24:55.039 --> 00:24:57.599 come right right, right, I have to be I have to be like 345 00:24:59.079 --> 00:25:02.319 three seconds in to the orgasm, right I fear they come for me. 346 00:25:02.359 --> 00:25:07.440 I'm like, nah, that's that's so interesting, because that's don't tell me 347 00:25:07.440 --> 00:25:11.960 what you fucking do. I need a partner. That's like the whole time 348 00:25:12.079 --> 00:25:15.559 is like, you don't need to come. I'm just enjoying your body, 349 00:25:15.599 --> 00:25:18.000 no need to come whatever. But then the minute I'm about to come, 350 00:25:18.039 --> 00:25:19.440 they're like, come for me, you better fucking come. And I'm like, 351 00:25:19.559 --> 00:25:23.200 oh, you know what I'm saying, this needs to be very tailored. 352 00:25:23.359 --> 00:25:27.519 I'm very wow, high maintenance orgasmer over there over here, Oh my 353 00:25:27.599 --> 00:25:30.440 gosh, same here. I'm proud of it. Yeah, proud of it. 354 00:25:32.279 --> 00:25:34.440 Yeah, worth it, worth the work, high maintenance orgasmer. Is 355 00:25:34.480 --> 00:25:37.880 that a thing or orgasmer high maintenance? Well we'll figure it out TBD. 356 00:25:38.160 --> 00:25:41.759 All right, Camille, give us the next one. Okay. Do fantasies 357 00:25:41.960 --> 00:25:47.160 reveal your subconscious or are they random? What do you think case? I 358 00:25:47.200 --> 00:25:52.160 don't think they're random. Yeah, nothing's random. I mean yes, I 359 00:25:52.200 --> 00:25:55.000 think they reveal your subconscious, but it may not be. It may not 360 00:25:55.079 --> 00:25:56.599 reveal the thing that you think it's revealing. Right, Like, as we 361 00:25:56.720 --> 00:26:00.440 just talked about, if you're having a rape fantasy, that's not feeling that 362 00:26:00.440 --> 00:26:03.160 you want to be raped so we got to dig a little bit deeper. 363 00:26:03.200 --> 00:26:06.880 We gotta get into the nuance. It doesn't what does it actually reveal about 364 00:26:06.880 --> 00:26:10.319 you? While it may reveal that you're seeking some kind of healing or corrective 365 00:26:10.319 --> 00:26:12.720 experience, it may reveal that power dynamics are interesting to you. It may 366 00:26:12.759 --> 00:26:18.119 reveal that you want permission to let go. So yes, I think it 367 00:26:18.160 --> 00:26:21.200 reveals you're subconscious, but maybe not the thing you think it will. I 368 00:26:21.279 --> 00:26:26.200 love that when we think of a subconscious, we sometimes think of that it 369 00:26:26.240 --> 00:26:30.559 represents this thing that just like is separate from you, that lives underneath you, 370 00:26:30.759 --> 00:26:34.759 that you have no agency over. That's just like like an abstract idea 371 00:26:36.160 --> 00:26:40.400 that your subconscious is very much part of your consciousness. Like and so I 372 00:26:40.440 --> 00:26:45.480 think that it's like your subconscious might be telling you something that you just care 373 00:26:45.519 --> 00:26:48.519 about are interested in our thinking about. But it doesn't have to be like 374 00:26:48.839 --> 00:26:52.359 this is just totally random and popped into my head and who knows where it 375 00:26:52.359 --> 00:26:56.960 came from. It can be like this came from that time when that dad 376 00:26:56.079 --> 00:27:00.960 drove me home after babysitting, or this comes from I gotta bring that up, 377 00:27:00.519 --> 00:27:07.480 you know, because it's popular. It's so popular, Almost everyone who 378 00:27:07.559 --> 00:27:10.440 talked to me about the pod was like, yeah, the thing that case 379 00:27:10.480 --> 00:27:15.559 you mentioned that, that's me too, So don't even drip. And I 380 00:27:15.599 --> 00:27:18.960 think that's also like the quote unquote randomness of it is like, can you 381 00:27:19.000 --> 00:27:23.240 give yourself a little bit more permission to be like, I don't have to 382 00:27:23.279 --> 00:27:27.279 dismiss this as random. I can just acknowledge this as something that is right, 383 00:27:27.480 --> 00:27:30.119 and so I don't have to be like it's just super random and super 384 00:27:30.160 --> 00:27:34.119 irrelevant to me and my experience. I can just be like, what's what's 385 00:27:34.160 --> 00:27:37.880 there? And I don't have to integrate it into every facet of my life. 386 00:27:37.880 --> 00:27:41.440 But I don't also have to dismiss it, right, Like I don't 387 00:27:41.480 --> 00:27:42.839 have to say it's random, And I also don't have to say this is 388 00:27:42.839 --> 00:27:47.880 who I am now, it's say it's just a thought, it's true. 389 00:27:48.279 --> 00:27:52.799 Okay. I love this. Next one feels like there's pressure to have fantasies. 390 00:27:52.799 --> 00:27:56.279 What if I don't have any? But if I don't have any fantasies, 391 00:27:56.200 --> 00:28:03.759 what do you think you probably have? A fantasy? Is my first 392 00:28:03.799 --> 00:28:07.279 thing, because I think that when we think of the worst fantasy, we 393 00:28:07.400 --> 00:28:12.279 think ooh threesome, oh, group sex, oh, teacher student, Like, 394 00:28:12.680 --> 00:28:18.119 but your fantasy could be like I would just love for somebody to look 395 00:28:18.160 --> 00:28:22.000 at me in my eyes when we're kissing. I fantasize about like ordering in 396 00:28:22.119 --> 00:28:27.400 Thai food and my house being clean. I fantasize, you know me, 397 00:28:27.519 --> 00:28:33.480 you know I'm fantasizing jet and a yat. I said all of those things. 398 00:28:33.920 --> 00:28:40.480 I'm oh, I'm honestly always fantasizing about food also, Yet of money 399 00:28:40.680 --> 00:28:44.839 food fantasy, How have we not talked about food fantasies yet? I don't 400 00:28:44.920 --> 00:28:51.039 know for somebody who's so obsessed with food food play with sex to me, 401 00:28:51.240 --> 00:28:53.559 I've I've never been interested in it. I'm not a whip cream girl. 402 00:28:53.599 --> 00:28:57.559 I'm not a feed me strawberries girl. I just look at whip cream and 403 00:28:57.599 --> 00:29:03.519 I think that's a uset of affection waiting to happen for me, exactly exactly. 404 00:29:03.720 --> 00:29:07.119 I'm always just like oh no, no, no, no no no, 405 00:29:07.279 --> 00:29:10.480 I mean nothing against it, but like I no, I can't the 406 00:29:10.599 --> 00:29:15.519 bacterial vaginosis that use infection, that cycle is real. That's so funny because 407 00:29:15.599 --> 00:29:18.200 I feel like my a big like hang up of mine, or like if 408 00:29:18.240 --> 00:29:22.759 I've had like anal sex before of like going from anal sex to vaginal sex. 409 00:29:23.160 --> 00:29:27.279 Literally my brain is like yeast infection, ease infection, yase infection. 410 00:29:29.200 --> 00:29:33.039 So I can't Okay, this is now we're meant to talk about it. 411 00:29:33.400 --> 00:29:37.240 I ask you an anal question real quick. This is not a topic. 412 00:29:37.319 --> 00:29:40.359 This is a different topic. Okay, okay, okay, anal sex. 413 00:29:40.400 --> 00:29:44.839 Okay? Do you I feel like after I have anal these days, I 414 00:29:45.000 --> 00:29:48.720 like run to the bathroom and I can't tell if I need to poop or 415 00:29:48.720 --> 00:29:51.680 not. Do you have this experience? It's so interesting. The first time 416 00:29:51.680 --> 00:29:53.119 that I ever had ANAL, I was like, oh, this is going 417 00:29:53.160 --> 00:29:56.599 to be terrible. I'm going to like literally shit all over the place. 418 00:29:56.680 --> 00:30:00.680 Yeah yeah, yeah, or be constipated for eight days. One of those 419 00:30:00.759 --> 00:30:03.680 happened, and I was like, huh, this is pretty impressive, but 420 00:30:03.720 --> 00:30:10.279 I think that's normal. And also anal gasms or thinking about like having a 421 00:30:10.319 --> 00:30:15.440 really pleasurable anal experience can make you feel that way, like maybe we should 422 00:30:15.440 --> 00:30:18.440 do a whole episode on an I will definitely do an anal episode, okay, 423 00:30:18.440 --> 00:30:22.319 because I have a great story. But now y'all got to pay attention 424 00:30:22.400 --> 00:30:26.839 and stay tuned. But that is that is common. I think to feel 425 00:30:26.880 --> 00:30:30.319 like you have to that you have to poop. After last time I had 426 00:30:30.359 --> 00:30:33.319 ANAL, I said on the toilet after it, I talked to my poop. 427 00:30:33.640 --> 00:30:37.400 I was like, girl, I know you're compacted in there. I 428 00:30:37.519 --> 00:30:41.640 know you've had more contact than you're used to. Like, what do you 429 00:30:41.680 --> 00:30:44.519 need right now? I don't know, I'm I don't know. This is 430 00:30:44.599 --> 00:30:48.480 yeah preview preview for episode about anal, the new relationships we have with our 431 00:30:48.519 --> 00:30:51.880 poop. Okay, moving on, I mean, did we do you feel 432 00:30:51.880 --> 00:30:55.680 like we answered that question about the pressure to have fantasies? Oh? Oh, 433 00:30:55.759 --> 00:30:59.240 I do have something to say about it. I got I got anal 434 00:30:59.279 --> 00:31:04.319 distracted annial distraction. Okay. I have a friend, a very close friend, 435 00:31:04.359 --> 00:31:08.599 also a sex therapist, who says she never fantasizes. And I'm telling 436 00:31:08.599 --> 00:31:14.079 you she's not somebody with a lot of shame. She's somebody that like would 437 00:31:14.079 --> 00:31:18.119 not be afraid to say that she's fantasizing. She says generally in her life 438 00:31:18.119 --> 00:31:22.400 she does not have an internal monologue, and that that is also true of 439 00:31:22.480 --> 00:31:26.880 sex. That she is so in the moment, she is so present that 440 00:31:26.960 --> 00:31:30.880 like she doesn't even have time to think about wow, other things. I 441 00:31:30.960 --> 00:31:33.000 know, to be her, to be her, wow, I know, 442 00:31:33.079 --> 00:31:36.359 I would love to spend a day in her brain. So I'm just saying 443 00:31:37.119 --> 00:31:40.079 it's not that like if you don't have fantasies, I don't think it necessarily 444 00:31:40.119 --> 00:31:44.400 means you're not sex positive or you're not necessarily letting yourself go there. I 445 00:31:44.440 --> 00:31:48.960 think some people's brains just maybe they're not a visual person. Maybe they don't 446 00:31:48.000 --> 00:31:55.079 have that internal monologue and good for you, good for you, Yeah that 447 00:31:55.160 --> 00:32:00.039 person is I think I don't even know what to say. I have a 448 00:32:00.079 --> 00:32:05.240 client. I have a client who is the most present person ever and it's 449 00:32:05.279 --> 00:32:08.039 a couple and their partner's always like, you're not anxious about that? And 450 00:32:08.079 --> 00:32:13.000 they're just like no, I mean I'm fine, and I'm and me as 451 00:32:13.000 --> 00:32:15.440 a highly anxious person, I'm just like, what, yes you are. 452 00:32:15.680 --> 00:32:22.960 I'm like, you are anxious. Myself doesn't experience anxiety, Like it's just 453 00:32:22.000 --> 00:32:25.039 like very It's like if that happens, it happens. And I'm like, 454 00:32:25.039 --> 00:32:29.559 wow, wow, yeah, to be your friend, to be my client, 455 00:32:29.640 --> 00:32:31.440 I am, I'm truly sometimes in like this client has been lying to 456 00:32:31.480 --> 00:32:35.039 me this whole time. I know, how do we get to their true 457 00:32:35.119 --> 00:32:38.039 anxiety. No, this is a fun episode. I really need we have 458 00:32:38.160 --> 00:32:43.839 to do more fantasy, Like, come on, this is like the best 459 00:32:44.119 --> 00:32:49.680 topic whenever I get to talk about this in session with fantasies, I'm like, 460 00:32:50.559 --> 00:32:52.480 get into it. Let's get a pop in. Okay. I have 461 00:32:52.519 --> 00:32:57.440 sometimes assigned clients this activity that we'll be honest, it is more for my 462 00:32:57.559 --> 00:33:00.240 entertainment than anyone's healing, but we'll be yeah. Yeah. So anyway, 463 00:33:00.319 --> 00:33:05.079 the assignment is they have to like write in vivid detail almost like it's like 464 00:33:05.160 --> 00:33:08.480 audio pornography, audio erotica, like what they want to do to each other. 465 00:33:08.599 --> 00:33:13.039 Oh my god, these sessions are my fucking favorite. I've had people 466 00:33:13.079 --> 00:33:15.960 be like I couldn't write it out, but I drew a picture. Yeah, 467 00:33:15.559 --> 00:33:20.640 pictures. And then after after that session, you know that they go 468 00:33:20.720 --> 00:33:23.319 off and have sex. You know it. I've seen it, like I've 469 00:33:23.400 --> 00:33:27.720 left sessions and like seen in my waiting room like couples groping each other. 470 00:33:28.359 --> 00:33:32.720 I'm so glad that therapy was four play. Yeah. Oh my therapy has 471 00:33:32.759 --> 00:33:38.759 four plays, I know. So you write this down? Come on? 472 00:33:39.160 --> 00:33:44.440 Yes, all right, Okay, do we feel like we answered enough questions? 473 00:33:44.559 --> 00:33:46.599 Yeah, okay, okay, I feel like I feel like we're good 474 00:33:46.599 --> 00:33:52.000 to hear it. Also like there'll be more. Yeah, yeah, I 475 00:33:52.039 --> 00:33:57.640 love, I love all right. This week's safe word is muskrat and was 476 00:33:57.839 --> 00:34:02.680 suggested by at knee co Lette, So thanks for your Safford. Safford is 477 00:34:02.720 --> 00:34:07.799 hosted by Casey Tanner and Kama Lewis and is produced by coordinator Annie Failey. 478 00:34:07.000 --> 00:34:12.239 Our theme song is written and performed by Emma Jane and Toria Rainey and special 479 00:34:12.400 --> 00:34:15.320 thanks to all of you. We loved all of the feedback that we've got 480 00:34:15.320 --> 00:34:20.440 and thank you for tuning into our first episode. Each week, we put 481 00:34:20.440 --> 00:34:24.039 a question box out on Instagram, giving you the opportunity to ask for advice 482 00:34:24.119 --> 00:34:28.840 on the topic at hand. You can also ask your question or submit a 483 00:34:28.880 --> 00:34:32.920 Safford of the week via our website at the expansivegroup dot com slash safford. 484 00:34:34.239 --> 00:34:39.239 That's the expansive group dot com slash safford. For behind the scenes look at 485 00:34:39.280 --> 00:34:45.920 Safford and podcast updates, find us on Instagram, TikTok and YouTube at Safford Pod.