1 00:00:02,120 --> 00:00:27,800 Comedy Central podcast and give the applause, the machine guns, the muskets. 2 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:32,799 How' s it going? You' re going through it? Cool? 3 00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:39,719 Yeah, well, watch out for that, but you can' t just 4 00:00:39,719 --> 00:00:43,880 go through. Cool Just like that, at any moment he' s not 5 00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:48,359 seen. You know, if you spend it like that, cool all the 6 00:00:48,399 --> 00:00:55,600 time people suspect they start counting the times you go to the bathroom isn' 7 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:58,799 t right. Seen. In fact, there is that theory that people who 8 00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:03,840 always seem happy are because they are really very sad and it can' t 9 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:07,959 be true. But I think the theory lacks a key point, which is 10 00:01:07,959 --> 00:01:19,280 to start drinking mid- morning. You know your uncle, your uncle? 11 00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:23,000 Your uncle, the nice one, your uncle, the one with the jokes, 12 00:01:23,239 --> 00:01:29,480 the one who calls himself your uncle, the cool one Well, your 13 00:01:29,519 --> 00:01:34,400 uncle, the cool one when there' s early family food. You know 14 00:01:34,439 --> 00:01:38,280 every time your cool uncle tells you that you have to take advantage of the 15 00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:42,000 morning and I' m working on you already. He' s actually asking 16 00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:47,120 you for help. You know everything he says and your cool uncle does is 17 00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:55,040 a cry for help. Every time your cool uncle is telling you a joke. 18 00:01:55,560 --> 00:02:00,000 What he is truly telling you is that I wish, then, to 19 00:02:00,079 --> 00:02:19,240 inhabit your body and lover and leave mine in the open so that the wind 20 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:23,120 may blow it. No one' s gonna dare with this little homemade sorcerer 21 00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:28,599 that I brought or what eh. Do you have to have a nice time? 22 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,960 Have a nice time? You have to do more things, you have 23 00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:34,879 to do productive things as well as having fun they say that now is a 24 00:02:34,919 --> 00:02:39,919 good time to be an entrepreneur. I don' t have a joke here, 25 00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:43,719 but I trusted myself. I trusted myself and decided to get into pet 26 00:02:43,759 --> 00:02:47,120 trainer. It occurred to me one day that I discovered that my dog had 27 00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:52,520 shit in the shower. Then I realized it wasn' t me. But 28 00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:59,039 I said this, I' m not going to recognize it. And be 29 00:02:59,159 --> 00:03:01,520 this no, I' m not going to recognize this. The dog' 30 00:03:01,599 --> 00:03:04,520 s fault I say I scream at him. He knows it wasn' t. 31 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:07,800 I' m not going to take any notice of myself I have to 32 00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:10,080 take advantage of this situation. So I got him to apply for the postponement 33 00:03:10,159 --> 00:03:20,800 of live online. When he saw the move, he said wow, I 34 00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:24,120 ' m sorry. I lied to you. This did not happen, but 35 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:27,960 I see you there and I wanted to impress you and in the end, 36 00:03:28,919 --> 00:03:30,599 because I invented not one, when I want to impress, invent. Fiction 37 00:03:30,599 --> 00:03:35,199 is always better than reality. Any real story you put in there a little 38 00:03:35,199 --> 00:03:38,439 fiction and it always gets better, you know, you get in there it 39 00:03:38,479 --> 00:03:40,560 ' s a talking dog. Not in the country house has he seen ghosts. 40 00:03:42,759 --> 00:03:46,680 Don' t put a guarantee in there that neither I nor any member 41 00:03:46,759 --> 00:03:52,199 of my party has embezzled public funds. You know, history better a lot. 42 00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:00,719 It' s something that gives me a lot of anger, because, 43 00:04:00,879 --> 00:04:04,439 I mean, I was going to commit real crazy things to have real stories, 44 00:04:04,719 --> 00:04:08,240 powerful to tell people that it has a good time. Me, this 45 00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:12,680 is true and I, three years ago I ended up in the dungeon for 46 00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:17,600 coming out to my balcony with a ball gun. History has all the elements. 47 00:04:18,199 --> 00:04:20,720 I' ll sum it up. I was there, I had a 48 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:23,839 party. I wanted to entertain my guests. So pretty much the balcony with 49 00:04:23,879 --> 00:04:27,399 a ball gun made the idiot out of it. The national police were shot 50 00:04:27,399 --> 00:04:29,920 at the door. I said it' s because of the noise. There 51 00:04:29,959 --> 00:04:31,680 ' d be eight cops. They took me, mobilized me, threw me 52 00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:33,959 to the ground, started screaming the gun. Where' s the alarm? 53 00:04:34,079 --> 00:04:38,040 I mean, it wasn' t the music, it wasn' t the 54 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:41,040 gun. They went into the floor at gunpoint, woke up a sleeping roommate, 55 00:04:41,319 --> 00:04:45,040 immobilized him in his bed while opening drawers and looking for a gun, 56 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:46,120 and I screamed from the floor. I didn' t go. I was 57 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:50,399 a ball man, I was a joke. They took me or took me 58 00:04:50,399 --> 00:04:53,319 to a police station, sat me in a chair, took pictures of me. 59 00:04:53,399 --> 00:04:56,120 I fall asleep and I say well, so far the party isn' 60 00:04:56,120 --> 00:05:00,680 t being that weird either. They put me in the dungeon, I woke 61 00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:01,199 up after a while. There, next to a cellmate that the guy really 62 00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:09,560 had to know where the coffee machine was. Your first time, I cried 63 00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:14,240 after a while. They pulled me out. I had a first statement with 64 00:05:14,279 --> 00:05:16,759 an ex officio lawyer. They said maybe he was going to prison. They 65 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:21,079 said he had a call that he was calling. I said to my mother 66 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:24,319 they told me to think about it, best take it for a walk. 67 00:05:25,439 --> 00:05:28,000 They put me back in the dungeon. I cried again. They woke me 68 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:30,439 up. At three in the morning, I was handcuffed to the rest of 69 00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:32,879 the prisoners, all of them in ranks. They took us to the van 70 00:05:32,879 --> 00:05:36,959 of the van, took us to the dungeon of Moratalás, gave me a 71 00:05:36,959 --> 00:05:41,360 blanket, a mattress, a small packet of chickens and a little tetrabric of 72 00:05:41,399 --> 00:05:46,360 juice that was good to go well cutres themselves. The truth. Don' 73 00:05:46,399 --> 00:05:51,240 t applaud, because it' s all shame, a real story. I 74 00:05:51,399 --> 00:05:55,560 fell asleep and woke up at ten o' clock in the morning and was 75 00:05:55,639 --> 00:05:58,199 handcuffed again to all the prisoners. We left like this in line to one 76 00:05:58,279 --> 00:06:00,879 we got into the van, they took us to the calabo of Plaza Castilla, 77 00:06:00,879 --> 00:06:03,800 which I say well, here you put a tourist guide with a banner 78 00:06:03,839 --> 00:06:08,439 and you are on tour for Morocco, which by the way I love Morocco. 79 00:06:08,439 --> 00:06:11,480 I don' t know if you' ve been, but the exaggeration 80 00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:13,920 is incredible. I mean, against what they think. There' s a 81 00:06:13,959 --> 00:06:17,480 lot of party in exaggeration. The Berbers are there all day, a little 82 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:27,720 joke to cheer up the story. They took me to the dungeon a ra 83 00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:33,959 you flabbes put me in the dungeon they took me out for the quick trial. 84 00:06:34,079 --> 00:06:38,240 I said this is my time. There was a woman who was repeating 85 00:06:38,279 --> 00:06:43,319 loudly everything I said. The fair one asked me what you remember and I 86 00:06:43,439 --> 00:06:47,480 said I remember doing zero- type poses zero seven and the woman repeated loudly 87 00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:49,920 zero- type poses seven. In the other light I wrote it. It 88 00:06:49,959 --> 00:06:57,160 tells me what you do for a living. I said. I' m 89 00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:02,680 funny and he tells me but you make a living like me and I, 90 00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:15,120 thinking I wish you could avoid your body. I told him. I told 91 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:18,720 him that well, I had a lot of fun doing it. Woman repeated, 92 00:07:18,759 --> 00:07:23,680 had a good time doing it and let me go. There' s 93 00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:28,079 the story and the truth is that you took advantage to tell this here because 94 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:30,399 I' m awaiting trial. So, Madam Judge, if you see me 95 00:07:31,199 --> 00:07:34,279 that you have shown that everything I told you is true and these people are 96 00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:47,279 with me you know, please, rome encartals to see eh I. You 97 00:07:47,279 --> 00:07:50,759 have to spend it, cool with care, you have to spend it, 98 00:07:53,319 --> 00:07:55,439 cool with care, you have to take advantage of having your mind entertained. 99 00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:59,519 In other things, you know more innocuous things. I, for example, 100 00:07:59,519 --> 00:08:03,519 recently decided to buy a book, a biology book, and it' s 101 00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:13,240 changing my life, I mean, it' s amazing the plants dude is 102 00:08:13,319 --> 00:08:16,439 alive that shit, that is the fucking plants, I mean, so I 103 00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:20,399 ' ve read. The only difference between a palm tree and me is that 104 00:08:20,399 --> 00:08:24,959 I can' t reach seven meters and I' m much more likely to 105 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:31,480 create uncomfortable situations. You knew we were made up of a trillion cells, 106 00:08:33,639 --> 00:08:41,600 that is, a trillion cells, a trillion cells motivated and prepared to make 107 00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:50,360 you look ridiculous, a trillion cells, waiting, waiting for the time to 108 00:08:50,399 --> 00:08:56,039 come for someone to say hello to you to say thank you and the loas 109 00:08:56,200 --> 00:09:01,840 said trion wasn' t enough, but that was more of an office. 110 00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:07,200 I don' t know. Since I read this book I have realized that 111 00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:09,519 this is said not of what world we are going to leave our children. 112 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:13,120 No. I believe that climate change is not going to be one of the 113 00:09:13,159 --> 00:09:16,960 problems they are going to have, that is, they are going to have 114 00:09:16,039 --> 00:09:20,440 much more serious problems than being forty degrees in the shadow of sorio in February. 115 00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:24,679 You know our kids are gonna have to face things like knowing that hundreds 116 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:31,279 or thousands of strangers have seen them grow up on social media. They' 117 00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:33,519 re gonna get a moment that our kids, not your son or your daughter 118 00:09:33,519 --> 00:09:35,679 is gonna go down the street, get it from a gentleman and he' 119 00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:39,279 s gonna say it man. I' ve known you, I' ve 120 00:09:41,039 --> 00:09:52,240 known you since you were like that and you' re going to be and 121 00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:56,559 your son or your daughter is going to say that you' re friends with 122 00:09:56,559 --> 00:09:58,559 my parents and the lord will say no good. I followed your mother. 123 00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:05,720 You know you have to pass it to him, cool, but you have 124 00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:07,799 to pass it to him, cool, you have to pass it to him, 125 00:10:07,799 --> 00:10:09,720 cool. You take advantage of the moment, because you never know when 126 00:10:09,799 --> 00:10:13,679 life is going to take an unexpected turn. I, for example, spent 127 00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:18,000 two months living in my car this summer. That wasn' t the unexpected 128 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:20,559 turn. I mean, me right now. Every time I go to the 129 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:26,799 workshop it' s like going there that I spent two months living in my 130 00:10:26,919 --> 00:10:28,720 car, but because I started working as a waiter in a beach bar. 131 00:10:30,879 --> 00:10:33,200 When I tell you this, people say well, at least you' d 132 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,919 meet a lot of people and I' d see shit behind a bush. 133 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:39,919 The last thing I wanted was to socialize. But the truth is it was 134 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:43,639 a good experience and I had a great time. I mean start working as 135 00:10:43,679 --> 00:10:48,240 a waiter after years of what might be considered professional drunk, I felt like 136 00:10:48,279 --> 00:10:54,480 a footballer who jumps coach. You know in my case I was like Roberto 137 00:10:54,559 --> 00:11:00,840 Carlos, coach, player. It was a good experience, an experience in 138 00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:03,559 fact, going out there with Bride. Yeah, I got a girlfriend now. 139 00:11:05,559 --> 00:11:18,360 We' re all just as surprised. It' s the first time 140 00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:22,320 I' ve ever had a girlfriend. I' m so excited, I 141 00:11:22,879 --> 00:11:24,840 mean, it' s all amazing, so I feel like an intern. 142 00:11:26,919 --> 00:11:28,559 The other day he told me he was thinking of leaving him and I asked 143 00:11:28,559 --> 00:11:35,120 him for a letter of recommendation. It was all super pretty, really, 144 00:11:35,399 --> 00:11:37,600 it was all very nice. Do at first or at least until the time 145 00:11:37,639 --> 00:11:43,559 of the first surprise fart came. The fart was mine. We were there 146 00:11:43,559 --> 00:11:46,519 in bed a few days before we met and I was in this state as 147 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:52,000 if I slept half awake candle, half asleep that you don' t know 148 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:54,960 very well where you are. You know if all of a sudden my sfinter 149 00:11:54,000 --> 00:12:00,000 relaxed and pash woke up a clear fart looks to one side of life. 150 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:09,480 I' m here and I caught myself still without sound, as if I 151 00:12:09,519 --> 00:12:15,879 were in front of a REX tyrant to see if she had also woken up 152 00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:31,320 with her fart, kept sleeping and listened to her breathing uy, I fuck 153 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:41,679 what tension or she' s sleeping or she' s enjoying it and she 154 00:12:41,759 --> 00:12:45,840 couldn' t anymore the tsar Anne and I say hey I think we' 155 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:58,960 ve been robbed says, but what do you say if we' re in 156 00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:05,159 your car. Yeah, I laughed, too, and he looked at me 157 00:13:05,919 --> 00:13:09,279 and he told me you' re having a good time. Cool. Thank 158 00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:35,159 you very much, Sois, we' re empathetic.