Comedy Central podcast and give the applause, the machine guns, the muskets.
How' s it going? You' re going through it? Cool?
Yeah, well, watch out for that, but you can' t just
go through. Cool Just like that, at any moment he' s not
seen. You know, if you spend it like that, cool all the
time people suspect they start counting the times you go to the bathroom isn'
t right. Seen. In fact, there is that theory that people who
always seem happy are because they are really very sad and it can' t
be true. But I think the theory lacks a key point, which is
to start drinking mid- morning. You know your uncle, your uncle?
Your uncle, the nice one, your uncle, the one with the jokes,
the one who calls himself your uncle, the cool one Well, your
uncle, the cool one when there' s early family food. You know
every time your cool uncle tells you that you have to take advantage of the
morning and I' m working on you already. He' s actually asking
you for help. You know everything he says and your cool uncle does is
a cry for help. Every time your cool uncle is telling you a joke.
What he is truly telling you is that I wish, then, to
inhabit your body and lover and leave mine in the open so that the wind
may blow it. No one' s gonna dare with this little homemade sorcerer
that I brought or what eh. Do you have to have a nice time?
Have a nice time? You have to do more things, you have
to do productive things as well as having fun they say that now is a
good time to be an entrepreneur. I don' t have a joke here,
but I trusted myself. I trusted myself and decided to get into pet
trainer. It occurred to me one day that I discovered that my dog had
shit in the shower. Then I realized it wasn' t me. But
I said this, I' m not going to recognize it. And be
this no, I' m not going to recognize this. The dog'
s fault I say I scream at him. He knows it wasn' t.
I' m not going to take any notice of myself I have to
take advantage of this situation. So I got him to apply for the postponement
of live online. When he saw the move, he said wow, I
' m sorry. I lied to you. This did not happen, but
I see you there and I wanted to impress you and in the end,
because I invented not one, when I want to impress, invent. Fiction
is always better than reality. Any real story you put in there a little
fiction and it always gets better, you know, you get in there it
' s a talking dog. Not in the country house has he seen ghosts.
Don' t put a guarantee in there that neither I nor any member
of my party has embezzled public funds. You know, history better a lot.
It' s something that gives me a lot of anger, because,
I mean, I was going to commit real crazy things to have real stories,
powerful to tell people that it has a good time. Me, this
is true and I, three years ago I ended up in the dungeon for
coming out to my balcony with a ball gun. History has all the elements.
I' ll sum it up. I was there, I had a
party. I wanted to entertain my guests. So pretty much the balcony with
a ball gun made the idiot out of it. The national police were shot
at the door. I said it' s because of the noise. There
' d be eight cops. They took me, mobilized me, threw me
to the ground, started screaming the gun. Where' s the alarm?
I mean, it wasn' t the music, it wasn' t the
gun. They went into the floor at gunpoint, woke up a sleeping roommate,
immobilized him in his bed while opening drawers and looking for a gun,
and I screamed from the floor. I didn' t go. I was
a ball man, I was a joke. They took me or took me
to a police station, sat me in a chair, took pictures of me.
I fall asleep and I say well, so far the party isn'
t being that weird either. They put me in the dungeon, I woke
up after a while. There, next to a cellmate that the guy really
had to know where the coffee machine was. Your first time, I cried
after a while. They pulled me out. I had a first statement with
an ex officio lawyer. They said maybe he was going to prison. They
said he had a call that he was calling. I said to my mother
they told me to think about it, best take it for a walk.
They put me back in the dungeon. I cried again. They woke me
up. At three in the morning, I was handcuffed to the rest of
the prisoners, all of them in ranks. They took us to the van
of the van, took us to the dungeon of Moratalás, gave me a
blanket, a mattress, a small packet of chickens and a little tetrabric of
juice that was good to go well cutres themselves. The truth. Don'
t applaud, because it' s all shame, a real story. I
fell asleep and woke up at ten o' clock in the morning and was
handcuffed again to all the prisoners. We left like this in line to one
we got into the van, they took us to the calabo of Plaza Castilla,
which I say well, here you put a tourist guide with a banner
and you are on tour for Morocco, which by the way I love Morocco.
I don' t know if you' ve been, but the exaggeration
is incredible. I mean, against what they think. There' s a
lot of party in exaggeration. The Berbers are there all day, a little
joke to cheer up the story. They took me to the dungeon a ra
you flabbes put me in the dungeon they took me out for the quick trial.
I said this is my time. There was a woman who was repeating
loudly everything I said. The fair one asked me what you remember and I
said I remember doing zero- type poses zero seven and the woman repeated loudly
zero- type poses seven. In the other light I wrote it. It
tells me what you do for a living. I said. I' m
funny and he tells me but you make a living like me and I,
thinking I wish you could avoid your body. I told him. I told
him that well, I had a lot of fun doing it. Woman repeated,
had a good time doing it and let me go. There' s
the story and the truth is that you took advantage to tell this here because
I' m awaiting trial. So, Madam Judge, if you see me
that you have shown that everything I told you is true and these people are
with me you know, please, rome encartals to see eh I. You
have to spend it, cool with care, you have to spend it,
cool with care, you have to take advantage of having your mind entertained.
In other things, you know more innocuous things. I, for example,
recently decided to buy a book, a biology book, and it' s
changing my life, I mean, it' s amazing the plants dude is
alive that shit, that is the fucking plants, I mean, so I
' ve read. The only difference between a palm tree and me is that
I can' t reach seven meters and I' m much more likely to
create uncomfortable situations. You knew we were made up of a trillion cells,
that is, a trillion cells, a trillion cells motivated and prepared to make
you look ridiculous, a trillion cells, waiting, waiting for the time to
come for someone to say hello to you to say thank you and the loas
said trion wasn' t enough, but that was more of an office.
I don' t know. Since I read this book I have realized that
this is said not of what world we are going to leave our children.
No. I believe that climate change is not going to be one of the
problems they are going to have, that is, they are going to have
much more serious problems than being forty degrees in the shadow of sorio in February.
You know our kids are gonna have to face things like knowing that hundreds
or thousands of strangers have seen them grow up on social media. They'
re gonna get a moment that our kids, not your son or your daughter
is gonna go down the street, get it from a gentleman and he'
s gonna say it man. I' ve known you, I' ve
known you since you were like that and you' re going to be and
your son or your daughter is going to say that you' re friends with
my parents and the lord will say no good. I followed your mother.
You know you have to pass it to him, cool, but you have
to pass it to him, cool, you have to pass it to him,
cool. You take advantage of the moment, because you never know when
life is going to take an unexpected turn. I, for example, spent
two months living in my car this summer. That wasn' t the unexpected
turn. I mean, me right now. Every time I go to the
workshop it' s like going there that I spent two months living in my
car, but because I started working as a waiter in a beach bar.
When I tell you this, people say well, at least you' d
meet a lot of people and I' d see shit behind a bush.
The last thing I wanted was to socialize. But the truth is it was
a good experience and I had a great time. I mean start working as
a waiter after years of what might be considered professional drunk, I felt like
a footballer who jumps coach. You know in my case I was like Roberto
Carlos, coach, player. It was a good experience, an experience in
fact, going out there with Bride. Yeah, I got a girlfriend now.
We' re all just as surprised. It' s the first time
I' ve ever had a girlfriend. I' m so excited, I
mean, it' s all amazing, so I feel like an intern.
The other day he told me he was thinking of leaving him and I asked
him for a letter of recommendation. It was all super pretty, really,
it was all very nice. Do at first or at least until the time
of the first surprise fart came. The fart was mine. We were there
in bed a few days before we met and I was in this state as
if I slept half awake candle, half asleep that you don' t know
very well where you are. You know if all of a sudden my sfinter
relaxed and pash woke up a clear fart looks to one side of life.
I' m here and I caught myself still without sound, as if I
were in front of a REX tyrant to see if she had also woken up
with her fart, kept sleeping and listened to her breathing uy, I fuck
what tension or she' s sleeping or she' s enjoying it and she
couldn' t anymore the tsar Anne and I say hey I think we'
ve been robbed says, but what do you say if we' re in
your car. Yeah, I laughed, too, and he looked at me
and he told me you' re having a good time. Cool. Thank
you very much, Sois, we' re empathetic.