All right, Jenny, here we go with the final Minnesota goodbye of the
year. I'm going to start off with this email, because that's what the
show is really all about. His emails. This one says is from Ali.
She lives all the way in Berkeley, California, and she said,
I wrote the Freaky Friday email the other day and Dave was wondering how I
found out about y'all since I live in Berkeley, California. Now, well,
i moved to California from Minnesota, but I'm originally from Wisconsin. When
I first moved to Minnesota, I listened to you on the way home from
night shift that I've been hooked ever since. Thank you. But it got
me thinking about my hometown in Wisconsin. Have you ever urban dictionaried your hometown.
I'm from West Alice aka Dirty Stallus, and this is what Urban Dictionary
had to say about my hometown. Composed of a dead industrial center, the
city's economy now runs on strip malls and fast food. The most common employment
is one fast food worker, two hopeful firefighter, cop three mechanic. This
leads to chronic drinking depression and eventually cruising or just hanging out by the railroad
tracks ge is and here is a quote from a like a typical West Alice,
Wisconsin resident man, I seen a guy waiting outside a liquor store at
eight fifty five with a ponytail and a porn stash on a Tuesday only in
West Alice. I wonder what Coon Rapids would say. Please send me a
staff rider sticker all the way to California. I sat down last night did
about twenty staff rider sticker, so I think it is probably on its way.
But let's go ahead and Urban dictionary Coon Rapids, Minnesota. Yeah,
and you know Urban Dictionary is like a very irreverent, funny, sometimes dirty
website, So let's check it out here. Coon Rapids, a city in
the northern suburbs of Minneapolis, has the Hyatt mullet per capital ratio of any
city in Minnesota. If you go to Minard's in Coon Rapids, you're sure
to see at least five mullets and at least fifteen NASCAR T shirts. Here
is another one, also known as Crapids, a northern suburb of Minneapolis.
Inhabitants are mocked for being rednecks or hicks. A typical sentence from a Coon
Rapids citizen Mike's mullett got caught in the doors he reached to grab his paps
from the pickup after the Coon Rapids Hockey Hockey tournament. Okay, that's kind
of funny. Coon Rapids is a northern suburb of Minneapolis. It has really
bad schools, full of racist teachers, and it is full of a bunch
of black kids and a bunch of weird white kids. Their sports suck.
They have really cute girls. It's like, Okay, then it gets not.
It sounds like a Wikipedia site that anyone can contribute to. I know
that it is, but I was like, all right, settle down there.
Here's another one. And again I haven't preread these, so they're probably
offensive. Coon Rapids Middle School a ratchet ass school where everyone thinks they are
I don't want to say that one. All of the girls there are single
and desperate. Once they be taking off their weave. They okay, so
that's offensive. Can I read you a funny one from you, please?
From my hometown? Please? Yeah. So I'm not going to read what
Fonolac, Wisconsin is on ourban dictionary because it's actually just facts about it and
it's like four paragraphs long. But there's one that is titled Fondalact girl.
Okay, and it says, so a girl from Finalac, Wisconsin. You
can spot a Fanalact girl by her bad hair, bad clothes, and bad
makeup. She looks ten to fifteen years older than what she really is due
to cigarettes and alcohol. Her idea of a good time is going to Dillinger's
on Main Street and dancing to severely outdated music, all while thinking she is
hot. Shit. Condillact girls like to date men with mullets, no fear
gear, and every now and then members only jackets considered to be the most
the utmost insult. So that is what a font Ofalact girl is. That's
me, baby, that I look ten to fifteen years older than what I
am. Yeah you do, Yeah, I know it for drinking in my
twenties. Yeah. Here's chan Hassen, a small ish town in the metro
area of Minneapolis, referred to by locals as Chan It is much cooler than
Schaska. Here's a conversation sample, Bob, Hey, guys, let's go
hang out at Perkins john which one Bob chan Hassen of course. Okay.
Now that was entered on December twenty third, two thousand and seven, so
there's not been an update on this for a while. They're still there.
What's that? Is there still a p oh? The Perkins is now the
chan Hassen Brewery Brewing Company. Another one. Chan Hassen a modern suburb with
twice peaceful surrounded, quite peaceful sounding name as compared to savage, Oh and
shock A piece sounds violent as well. Chaska is savage and shocking, not
peaceful. Victoria might be a little bit too peaceful. I mean their houses
are fucking huge, yet their town hall is about as big as our lifetime
fitness parking lot. Eden Prairie definitely not close to a peaceful name. There's
fucking snakes on the apple trees. Okay, here's a conversation. Hey want
to hang out. We can go to chan Hassen, do nothing but walk
in tamelessly in Target, buy some cough serrup a cub and play StarCraft in
the library, or just go clubbing at Maplewood. Okay, done with these
because this is like very amateurish comedy and not particularly funny. So anyway,
thank you Ali all the way from Berkeley, California. We appreciate that this
text from Rachel. She says, I want to say I hope my email
yesterday didn't come off as weirderor pushy. When you didn't read my email,
I was scared i'd overstepped. I'd happily send the notebook I made for Jenny
via mail if dropping it off would be inconvenient. Does this ring a bell
at all? No notebook? Maybe we just missed it. I don't think
we talked about and I don't know. I honestly, if I skip an
email, it's not because it's weird or pushy. I'd have to go back.
It's very possible that I looked at it and thought it was too long
or something like that, or said I'd come back to it. So I
will look back at your email. Rachel, Thank you very much. Next
one, David, Jenny, I would like to get your thoughts on something
Christmas related. Since becoming a mom a few years ago, I've gotten videos
that pop up around the holidays on Facebook or Instagram that talk about how parents
should not have Santa bring their kids big presence because not all parents can afford
to do so. I get that in school, the kids might compare presents,
which might lead to difficult conversations for parents or teachers. But why should
I have to change how I do my kid's Christmas presents just because somebody else
might need to do theirs differently? Am I a horrible person for thinking this
way? I'm not quite sure I understand the question, But okay, So
if I have Let's say Carson is eight years old and he wants an Xbox
and Santa brings him an Xbox. I think what she might be saying is
that, well, then he's going to go to school and tell his friend
Thomas I got an Xbox and Thomas might not have as much money, and
Thomas got, like, I don't know, a football. Yeah, And
then they go, well, why would Santa bring you an Xbox? It
only brings me a football. Do you think that's kind of what she's saying.
I assume unless it has something to do with what the kids bring into
the classroom, if they're bringing in like treats to the classroom and they have
to like be But I don't think that that's what she's talking about, do
you know what I mean? Like, maybe there's something where like there's an
allergy situation, but I think she might be talking about that. But I've
never I don't have kids, so I haven't heard that if it's like you
need to I don't know, lessen the amount you give your kids because other
ones don't get as much. I've never heard that. People do it different
ways. I you know what, Bailey and anybody who's wondering about that,
You do Christmas your way. You create your own memories, you create your
own atmosphere, your own vibe on Christmas Day. And if you want your
kids to get a present from Santa that's an Xbox or a new bicycle or
something expensive, and their friend at school only got a football or you know,
I don't know, a game of Clue or whatever for Santa, that's
not your problem. It's unless you decide that you really want, unless you
want to decide to make it your problem. And being on the side of
the kid who did not get as much as her friends, I mean,
of course, there was like a little bit of jealousy because I would see
my friend Katie Joe get like all like a whole new wardrobe at Christmas and
then she'd show me everything she got, and I got like a couple things,
And yeah, there was like some jealousy, but like there wasn't.
I don't know. I feel like it's just part of growing up. Like
some kids get more, some kids get less, you know how it is,
And you're right, Jenny, it's a part of growing up. Some
kids get more, some kids get less, and it's kind of like an
introduction to life. And that's how it is, because there's always going to
give me somebody who got more than you, and somebody who got less than
you, somebody who got a little bit more looks, or a little bit
more health, or a little bit better parents or living a little bit nicer
home. You know, we can't create a utopia where everybody it's funny because
people still believe in a utopia and that's why we call it utopia and not
reality where everybody has the same thing. It's never happened and it never will.
I guess there is some sensitivity where your kids might learn that if they
go to school and they're showing out their new wardrobe, it might make other
kids feel bad. And maybe that's a good lesson too. Yeah, so
you just said teach your kids want to rub it in other kid's face.
I guess is maybe the lesson here do what you want, but just like,
don't let your kids be brats and be like, well, look at
all these things that I ask, Oh, right, exactly. And I
think that kids will learn that as they get a little bit older, they'll
be like God. I remember I was in third grade and I bragged about
how I got a new bicycle to my best friend Claire, and Claire only
got a new sweater, and Claire felt bad, and then you kind of
learn like, oh, I shouldn't do that. I remember I got enough
for Christmas when I was a kid. I'd get about eight modestly modest expensive
presence. Yeah, I got a sled one year, I got a hot
wheels track one year, and then you know, you get your socks.
My dad would always buy something to like, very practical, like a flashlight
or an alarm clock. I remember one year he got me and Donna and
Carl all alarm clocks, and that was practical. It was very much Dad.
And you know what, I used the fuck out of that alarm clock.
And I didn't appreciate it, but I definitely used it. Dave.
She goes on to say, it's Bailey in East Bethel. Thank you for
the multiple reminders of enjoying every moment with your kids, and that they grow
up so fast. My oldest is only two and a half, but I'm
already constantly saying when did he get so old? Parenthood is crazy in that
in the best way. Wishing you both moments of calm during the craziness of
the holidays, Bailey, Thank you, Bailey. It has been kind of
busy. Carson has been home since Monday, and I've only seen him a
little bit. We saw we went to see a movie the other day,
and we sat on the couch last night and watched jingle Ball, and then
we took out some you know, we got a new big flat screen TV
downstairs, so we cleaned up all the styrofoam of the boxes. We did
that together. And so oh but I've got lunch with a friend today.
Allison's girls are coming to spend the night tonight, so that'll be nice.
Then tomorrow we're probably gonna take them to downtown excels here or to the mall
tonight to get them a t Rex cookie or something. And then tomorrow nothing.
Sunday's the Vikings game. Monday is Christmas. I get a doctor appointment
on Tuesday, so it is kind of crazy. Yeah, we'll get a
couple of moments to call them here and there. Yeah, we we have
a Christmas dinner tonight and then also a fon Do party that we're running off
to right after that. And then tomorrow we're up in the air of if
we're going to head back to Wisconsin like later tomorrow, if we're just gonna
leave early on Christmas Eve, but then we'll spend Christmas even day until the
twenty six in Wisconsin. Then I come back and then I got to go
pick up some dogs that I'm gonna be watching because there's like a couple that
loves me and they're from Germany and they're gone for like three weeks and they
don't watch dogs for three weeks. No, so they asked me to watch
them for a pretty long time. But I was like, well, I'm
going to be in Wisconsin for some of those dates, like I really can,
so someone else is watching them. And then I offered to go pick
them up and take care of them the rest of the time while while they're
in Germany. So then I'll just have dogs then. But you love watching
the dogs? Yeah, that is really cool and it pays a little bit.
In case anybody wants to pick up a little extra income and loves dogs,
what's the app that you used to babysit dogs. You can do WEAG
or Rover, but I would suggest Rover because Wegg takes forty percent of what
you earn and Rover only takes twenty percent. Okay, So I would recommend,
but some people do both. It's easier to kind of start off.
I honestly think it's easier to start off on Rover than Wegg was. But
I don't know if you're trying to do it like full time and you want
to like walk dogs all the time, I would do both apps, but
I would say give our business basically. Yeah, all right. Next one
from Melissa, she says, hey, best friends, you might be done
reading. But I had to laugh when you asked about Jello and the Grand
Canyon. If you missed it really quickly. We had a big honcho from
corporate coming the other day and she said, picture Jello in the Grand Canyon.
What do you picture? And the idea was, when you hear something,
your everybody's mind forms something different. So what do you picture when you
picture Jello and the Grand Canyon. Back in my prime, I had the
opportunity to be in two different pools of jello. All right, let's find
out what this is all about. When I was seven, I was an
event at Boom Island. There was a pool, blue pool of jello.
Me and another person slide down a slide into trying to find a key change
for a special prize. Okay, I did not find the oh key chain,
key chain. I did not find the key chain. But I will
say being in a huge pool of jello is an indescribable experience. It was
a very helpful experience. When I was in college and we did jello wrestling,
less jello, smaller pool, bigger bodies, less clothing, and no
winnable prizes. I cannot decide which experience is more fun. But I saw
both events in the Grand Canyon. When you asked, Not only did I
have a huge smile on my face, I called some old friends to laugh
about our stupid college selves. Also, the jello is red, and both
images have a merry Christmas. Thank you all for being you From Alyssa.
Alyssa, thanks for telling us what you see when you see jello in the
Grand Canyon. That's funny because we also had a party one time where there
was jello wrestling and like kiddie pools and stuff, and I that didn't even
cross my mind when you brought up jello in the Grand Canyon, But I
have been to a party where there's been jello wrestling we did. That is
amazing that you had a jello wrestling. I'm gonna guess it was only girls
in the jello I think it was, well some guys. It would be
guy against guy and girl, Butkun's girl. But yes, it was mostly
girls. But it was like legit wrestling. It wasn't for like sexual purposes.
It was like people actually like taking each other down. Really Okay,
that sounds fun. I didn't think about it either. But back when I
worked in Colorado, we gave away a car and we called it the ninety
six Rock Jello Jump, and we did it at least twice that I remember.
Where you would call in to qualify for a key. There were forty
keys, and if you heard your name on the radio, you would call
in and be like, yeah, this is Sam Johnson. Okay, Sam,
you called in, you got a key. We'll see you with a
jello jump coming up. On June third. So we went to a parking
lot or a park and we had literally a hot tub filled with jello.
And the way we did it is we made jello in big barrels. Okay,
So in other words, we use somebody's walk in free refridge at the
refrigerator at their restaurant. We made jello. We started it up, We
took it in the fridge till it formed into jello. We took forty keys,
threw them in the hot tub and then poured the jello in and then
mixed it all up. And then people had to get in find a key.
This is back when there was no key fobs. It was a literal
key, and then you would have a key, then you would start your
car and if it started the car, you won, and if it didn't,
then you didn't win. So you can't go back and look for a
different key. No, if other people are still searching, you just you're
stuck with the one. You guess you're stuck with one. Everybody goes through
gets a key. When all forty people have a key, then they all
try their car the key out in order got it. The funny thing is
it worked out fine, and it was. I don't remember much about it
besides that, except it worked out fine. Fallon did something similar where you
reach into a big I don't know, a box or whatever and pull out
a key and then so forty or fifty people have a key in Falon's contest
back in Indiana, and they all went through and none of the keys started
the car. Well you can imagine when the last person gets in the car
going, holy shit, this is mine. I got it and it didn't
start the car. How disappointed and frustrated they would have been. Oh,
I don't remember how they resolved that. If you ever run into fall and
ask her how they resolved it, but I think they had to go back
through and try it again. Yeah, I don't know. Oh my gosh.
Anyway, Lissa, thank you very much. Let's try the next one.
This is Neil the no washer. He said, you guys were talking
about the Amazon scam. Tell me about the new Amazon scam that you heard
about. Just people are dressing up as Amazon delivery drivers and going up and
stealing your packages off your porch. So then other people aren't like on the
lookout, you know, it's like, oh, that looks like an Amazon
driver. That makes sense that they're like at your porch and they have packages
and stuff. He goes on to say sometimes he's an Amazon delivery driver,
and he says, we have the opportunity or the choice to do Amazon Flex,
so in other words, we use our own vehicles and deliver packages.
Sometimes that gets confusing when you see somebody pull up with a pickup truck with
ladders on it and you walk up with their package. They're like, oh,
it's a porch pirate. No, they said, the Flex driver,
the Amazon Flex should be turning their hazards on when delivering packages, which is
kind of like bringing attention to them. But it's the same for the drivers
that are hired by Amazon. Granted it's not like the Amazon tracks the vests
and somebody whatever, and so basically that is something he just says, be
careful if you're anticipating in a package showing up, select a different delivery location
so that when it pops up on your ring camera or whatever, it shows
the person is going into your backyard and this or that, and we'll take
away some of the looks of a package being on your front porch. So
anyway, thank you, Neil, I'm going to take a picture of your
address and send you a staff writer sticker. And that is kind of kind
of do it for the Minnesota Goodbye. We'd love to have your emails for
next year, So if you think about it this weekend or next week,
send me an email for the Minnesota Goodbye and we will get you on And
if we read your letter your email, of course I will save your address
and send you a staff writer sticker. Happy holidays from katiewb.