Well, I've done it again. I completely innocuously said to my mother,
Hey, want to go see this movie with me? Okay, not realizing
so much sex in that movie. Well, I know it's not Saltburn,
didn't he Saltburn? With her? I saw Poor Things, Oh okay,
which I'd seen the director's other films before, so I thought, I'm okay,
it might be a little spicy, but I don't think there's anything going
to be I don't think I'm gonna be able to draw Emma Stone's vulva from
memory after seeing this movie. It's a very vulva forward performance. Oh wait,
could I? And actually no, but I literally could draw her tits
from memory right now because I saw them so much, and Luny gave one
thing. I don't mind nudity, but so much sex. I like apologize
to my mother at the end of the movie. I was like, hey,
I'm sorry. I didn't know that I was gonna have so much sex
in it. And did she slap you in the face? She did?
She did. Okay, I'm glad she's at least holding tight to her morals.
She gave. Then she splashed me with holy water. No, she
loved the movie. She actually thought it was hilarious and and we'll talk about
it in another place, but like it is a good movie, but so
much said, like why do I keep doing this? It's the time after
Christmas I took my entire family to see Wolf of Wall Street all over again.
It's the time I took my dad to see Django and Chain the day
after Christmas all over again. That one was on me. He Now America,
and this is that aged well, yesterday's pop culture today and this is
February, Erica. So we have a new theme, and the theme is
movies starring musicians. Yes, we're gonna see some lousy performances this month.
We sure are, We sure are. We're starting with a bang, starting
with a banger heads up in terms of musicians who really should not act,
We're starting with the Citizen Kane. I have to say, watching this movie
really gave me like new respect for Lady Gaga because I was like, you
know what she's like, Like, I do understand we're getting very galaxy brained
about this very quickly, but I do understand that like when you when you
are an internationally famous pop star, that like you have to put up certain
guards right, because you're so famous and people invest the parasocial relationship between you
and your fans is so insane that like, to be a good actor,
you kind of have to expose part of yourself, right, And like like
Beyonce, she's not a good actress because she's like very private, and I
understand why, right, But like Lady Gaga, actually I'm not gonna say
she's the actress of a generation, but like she can turn in a pretty
very good she's a pretty good actress. She does a good job. And
like when I think about other act musicians who have done decent jobs, like
you know what, respect respect for that. We're not gonna find that moment
in this movie. But that's okay. But before, Erica, before we've
already said too much, we've already given everything away. But we do have
a five star Apple podcast review. Should I serenade you with it? Did
you see any please do? My friend Mike Crooner Uh huh. This is
from ss Ripley, and ss Ripley writes five stars. Baby Okay, Hi,
Erica and Paul, I am writing my five star review of that aged
well. As I listened to the start of your Titanic part two episode.
Spoiler alert, everything turns out fine. Yes, spoiler alert. The ship
doesn't sink. Yeah, it doesn't sink. Leonardo DiCaprio survives. It's all
good. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. They just have
sex in the car. End of movie. End of movie. I love
your podcast, and I love it more with every new episode. You are
hilarious and irrepressible. We are irrepressible. Dancing through movies with you is a
charming delight. Well, get your tap shoes on for this one, because
this is gonna be some work. I am one of your older listeners,
and I am going to suggest a couple of older films for the show.
They are both, gasp, black and white. Ooh okayo first apropos of
Titanic. I suggest you do a really deep dive to honor the stories of
the Titanic passengers and watch A Night to Remember from nineteen fifty eight. Oh
yeah, this is the Titanic film, well written, well directed, well
acted, etc. And based on real Titanic facts, so it will be
familiar ground story wise, but it is just a darn good movie. So
there, Okay, all right, I've read the book I have not a
knight to remember. I did not see the film. Have all right?
Okay, the book is a what's the word ginormous bummer. I'm not sure
I'm like mentally ready for the film Virginia. Is the world ready for a
Titanic comedy? Is it still too soon? I think Titanique gave it one
and bestro That's all we need. The door is open for a Titanic comedy.
I think it's ready. Ss Ripley goes on my second suggestion, some
like It Hot? Need I say more? Super best? Stephen, you
do not need to say more, Stephen, you don't. We almost did
some Like It Hot this past November because we were considering doing Billy Wilder.
We were gonna do just do an entire month of Billy Wilder as an excuse
for me to rewatch a bunch of Billy Wilder films. But we landed on
Sunset Boulevard instead of something hot. Maybe some like It Hot will be called
up to the plate this coming November. Who knows? Maybe? I mean,
guys, let's get into Billy Wilder. Let's make twenty twenty four of
the year ago we all rediscovered Billy Wilder ss Ripley Steven, thank you so
much for this review. We greatly enjoyed it. If you would likek at
that age, wel tope bag, go ahead, give us an email.
I almost give us a ring like we have a like we have a phone
number. Should we get a phone number? Hello? Hello, Wow one
ringy Dingy Valley twenty seven thirty five. Hello hello, Lasa twelve sixty three.
This is that age well coming through. We would love to send you
a topag. Just let us know this is you and where to send it.
Erica, what is the opus that we are beginning February with. I'm
still trying to think of like ways you can make Titanic funnier. Maybe you
should. You have to tell the story of the guys who lost their tickets
on the Titanic in the beginning of James Cameron's Titanic. Yeah, the two
Swedish people you like, don't die horribly because they lost that poker game.
Maybe there's some like there's a lifeboat that just had a real cut up on
it. Someone who was like, all right, guys, I know this
is a bummer, but hey, a rabbi, a priest walk into a
bar. Tell me if you've heard this one before, all right, Today's
film, of course, of course, today's so speaking of hilarity is the
nineteen eighty four rock musical drama Capitol d drama m HM Purple Rain. Purple
Rain was requested by Shawnice, by Josephine, by Monique, by Stephen,
by Mercedes, by Camille, by Melissa, by Stephanie, by Lana,
and by Shannon, and by god you are all correct, By gum they
done it by ah Okay. Purple Rain was written by Albert Magnoli and William
Blind. It was directed by Magnoli and stars the musician in question, Prince
Prince Rogers Nelson as I believe his God given name is Apollonia Kotero and Morris
Day. Morris Day. Can I tell you something right now? I loved
Morris Day this movie. He's not good. His acting is so bad that
he makes Prince look like al Pacino. Like by the end of it.
I was like, is Appollonia a pretty good actress? And I was like,
no, it's just that everyone around he literally can't do anything. She
is the Meryl Streep of this film, but she's just literally able to put
like some level of emotion behind words and you're like, what a performance.
But Morris Day and his side kicked Jerome are the heroes in this film.
Morris Day, look again, not a good actor, but the king of
the take to camera, the king of like the double take. It's like,
what is happening him and Jerome? Honestly like a whole movie movie just
them. I'm gonna let the listeners know right now there were a lot of
dialogue scenes transcribed in the in the course of recapping this movie, and we
will be performing a Jerome and Morris scene for you later. I can't wait.
I'm excited. Purple Rain was nominated for an Oscar mhmm for Best Original
Song Score. Okay, yep, yep, yeah that de Tracks, which
Prince won. However, none of its songs were even nominated for Best Original
Song. Is it because the album came out first? No, I looked
into it. It seems to just be one of those weird Academy things where
maybe there was like some racism going on or something. The music was too
racy or I don't mean like capitol r racy, I mean like like sexy.
There's been no explanation that I couldn't guess what I thought too. I
was like, maybe because the album came out, it wasn't deemed eligible,
But it seems like they were eligible. So if someone knows different, let
me know. A world in which Purple Rain and Let's Go Crazy are not
nominated for Best Song is fucking insane. Yeah, okay, I'm moving on,
but I'm now forming an argument, ladies and gentlemen of the jury.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I present to you a perfect song.
It is entitled When Doves Cry, and it deserves all the oscars. Okay,
so, actually you were very good. You gave me all the nominees
here. I knew you would want to know, literally about to be like,
what the hell was of that year? Against all odds? Take a
look at me now, right, So take a look at me now.
I actually love that song. It's a great song. It's it's not great,
Paul, but it's it is. No, I stand by my original
standard. It's a great song footloose, let's hear it for the boy Ghostbusters
busting makes me feel good. You know what, I can't argue with any
of those, can't argue with any of those. What was against all odds
in do you know no, top my Head? I wanted to be in
some like top Gun. I wanted to be an apocalypse now does not belong.
Yeah, and the eventual winner of that year, which is I just
called to say I love you, look, I love Stevie Wonder. Yeah,
that is not the winner. That is even the winner of the of
the ones that were nominated. Yeah, you throw Purple Rain in there and
fuck off all of you. I think I would drop Footloose pretty like.
You don't need two nominees from the same movie when you have Purple Rain sitting
there. I would drop Let's Hear It for the Boy. I fully believe
that Let's Hear It for the Boys a better song than the song Footloose.
Oh, I don't know. The song for Loose has the sheer joy of
being completely nonsensical. And you don't care Footloose, lime juice, no,
no, no, Nema, boom boop. So take a look at me
now ahead. Love that song because it's a great song. It is great,
all right, buckle up. Purple Rain has a seventy two percent critical
rating on Rotten Tomatoes and a seventy eight percent audience score. It has a
sixty one percent critical rating on cherry Picks. What movie were they watching?
Here's here is my genuine, my genuine theory on it. Tell me please
that they literally were like the performances you get to see of Prince performing are
so good, which they are, they are. This is still completely worth
watching. Yeah that nothing else, literally, nothing else matters, because these
riveting performances of songs from Purple Rain are all sandwiched in between a truly fucking
terrible movie. It's awful. The best I can say about it is that
it like, like I understand what the characters want. Oh good, I'm
glad you do because I don't. Literally, in my notes, Paul I
wrote about Prince's character, I wrote, literally, what is his motivation in
any scene? What is happening? What does he want? He wants people
to recognize his genius. It's like what they do. Well, that's that's
the other thing all the time. Yeah, the audiences love him, and
they're like, these audiences don't like him, And I'm like, then stop
showing audiences screaming for him but he's performing. Don't show Prince being Prince.
Yeah, Oh my god, this movie is a garbage jump and it is
borderline offensive in terms of like it's take on domestic violence. Oh, it's
I would say it's not borderline offensive. About that, I would say it's
fully offensive. It is. It is like, hey, sometimes domestic violence
is just a hardcore form of romance, YEP or Erica. When did you
first see Purple Rain? Yesterday? Okay, it's the journey I went on
because I watched it with my dad. Remember when called open when I said,
hey, I watched that sexy movie with my mom. Watched this with
my dad because I was sure that what this actually was is a concert film.
I really one hundred percent saw like Purple Rain listed in our like list
of movies, and I was like, you know what, we should do
a concert film that would be interesting for us to talk about, because what
is there to talk about in a concert film? It is not a concert
film. And the first time I recognized that was when there was full fucking
nudity by Appollonia in the movie, and I was like, whoa watching it
with my dad, Prince? What are we doing? Paul? When did
you first see Purple Rain? About three days ago? And I had a
similar journey. I didn't think it was a concert film. I had kind
of presumed it was kind of like one of Beyonce's visual albums. I thought
I was going to be getting like music video imagery, abstract art kind of
thing, and it was gonna, you know, maybe like like a bare
bones kind of scene that you would see in a music video. I was
expecting a long form music video of these and because I never saw it,
because I knew the album Purple Rain, and like, full disclosure, I've
never watched Lemonade either, Like I don't watch visual Lemonade. I'm sure it's
excellent, I don't. I just it's just simply not a form of art
I generally partake of. So I was never watched Purple Rain. And then
a bunch of people requested it and I was like, wait, is this
a narrative film, And that I did a little research. I was like,
oh, it is. And the thing about it is that if it
didn't have the domestic violence and the I'm i'm gonna say rampant misogyny going through
every level of it, the scenes that are a little bit more like I'm
gonna put on a show because I believe in my music kind of feel that
are still not good, but they're kind of almost a little charming in a
way where I'm like I can kind of like enjoy this or like like like
the rivalry between him and Morris, it's like, oh, it's very gem
in the Holograms versus the Misfits. Yeah, yes, yes, it is
exactly that. I love that part of it. Like I thought that's what
I was getting. I was gonna get like kind of an old school It's
not that Morris's E Day's band is like particularly old fashioned, but they have
a sort of throwback to them, like a motowny kind of bars these days
feel yes, like with the with the look of the band and the way
they move, and the songs are a little silly. And then you got
Friends, who is just like a sex machine on stage, and like so
I thought that's what we were gonna get, and then we too and then
spoiler, then Appollonia is gonna have a band, and I was like,
Oh, there's gonna be a third band in the mix. Gonna be so
good. I can't wait to watch all three of these bands. I mean,
that song isn't embarrassing. That song is so funny. But not only
is that song funny, the perform. You know what, we're getting ahead
of ourselves. The performance of that song so fucking bad, And I was
like, why did they cass Appollonia? She can't fucking sing. The whole
point is she's a singer. Why is she in this movie? Or she's
beautiful? Like so I kind of get it, but like, holy moly,
anyway, we're getting ahead of ourselves. Ad okay, Erica. The
tagline for Purple Rain, it appears that merely Prince's presence was the sellard.
There was no tagline. It was just like Prince, that's the tagline.
And that is correct. That is correct? All right? Do you want
to read the synopsis for our listeners and for me? Frankly? Rock Star
Prince plays a headstrong, vulnerable young musician known as the Kid. He struggles
with his own psyche and family pressures of an alcoholic father who beats his mother.
I did not mess that up. That is how it's written. That's
correct. He sees his father's madness infecting both his music and his own personal
life. All right, as accurate. Yeah, I mean, I can't
say it's wrong, but you're not selling me on this film. Like actual
synopsis, this is this is a movie that could have been a music video
and should have been. It could have been what we were picturing and it
would have been vastly improved. It's been so good. Yeah, I am
shocked. I still can't get over the seventy two percent critical writing. Is
it just that Prince was so innovative musically that the critics were just like,
we don't care about anything else. It's got to be it, right,
seventy two is so high? Yeah? What would you give this movie?
Genuinely? Like? Okay, like, look, these music sequences are totally
worth watching, but like people are paying their hard earned money to go see
this movie in a movie theater. Do I recommend this movie to them?
I think I would have to phrase it something like, if you want to
sit through something to watch Prince perform, and that is worth your money,
go, But as soon as the music stops, you should just like on
a take out your phone and play a game. Tune back with the music
starts again. Because the dialogue scenes are look, no one in this movie
is like a trained actor, and actually, with one exception, are you
sure except his father? The guy who plays his father, I believe he's
a trained actor because he's too good. The woman who plays his mother is
an Italian actress. Yeah. Why they have hamstrung the film with an Italian
Giallo actress, Like, I don't know, I don't know why, Like,
why not cast an American who could like performer, who could actually act?
Yeah? So anyway, everyone stick around. We will come right back.
We're going to take you through Purple Rain, Parple Rain, and we're
back. We open in the great American city of Minneapolis. Absolutely, I
don't enough movies take place in Minneapolis. Fair. Prince did a lot of
great in this world, and one of the great things he did was put
Minneapolis on the map. Him and Mary Tyler Moore, they said, no,
Minneapolis, It's all about Minneapolis kids. So we open at the First
Avenue Club. Our hero, the Kid, his name is always just going
to be the Kid, the Kid played by Prince or as it's pronounced on
Saturday Night Live preance. It's on stage with his band The Revolution and performing
Let's Go Crazy. If I watched just this part of the movie and then
left perfect movie that like monologue at the beginning of Let's Go Crazy. To
start a film with like that, it's very Bob fossy esque. Someone watched
like three Bob Fosse movies and we're like, that's what I'm doing. Yeah,
because it's like superposed with like these still shots of people at the club
looking like very androgynous, very like David Bowie stylized. Yeah, this opener
mate like wrote a check. The film did not cash. I was so
excited for the rest of this movie after seeing this, I was like,
oh my god, it's gonna be like a Bob Fosse movie. But fuck,
Prince, I am so here for this. That's not what happens spoiler
alert. It didn't pan out. It does not pan out so anyway,
but we get an amazing, like five minutes of Prince and the Revolution performing
Let's Go Crazy. Paul writes here it is I love it to point out
here that the First Avenue Club was absolutely packed and the entire crowd is into
the performance, which makes sense because it's Prince and the Revolution and they are
performing Let's Go Crazy, which is one of the greatest fucking songs of the
twentieth century. Correct do you ever notice he sings I'm not gonna let the
elevator. Let's not let the elevator take us down. Like now that line
hits so fucking heart because he died in his elevator. Oh I didn't even
know that. Yeah, in his house. He like got it to the
elevator and like died in there, and I was like, I was like,
ah, it's like so there's there's a few bits before shadowing about Prince's
actual death throughout the movie that I was like, Jesus christis is it's weird
to watch uncanny. It's a little uncanny. Yeah, the band tears through
the song. We see the montage of our major players. Morris E.
Day played by Morris E. Day. Yeah, it's true to point out
that literally everyone except Prince who replays the Kid will the character name will be
the actor's name. That's it lead singer. So Morris Day is the lead
singer of the time, which is the the Misfits to the Revolutions of Jim
and the Holograms. Right, so, their rival bands and Morris gets ready
to perform. Is his right right hand man Jerome played by Jerome Benton Envy
fucking p of the movie helps him like get get ready. We see the
kid getting ready for the show and driving up to the club on his purple
motorcycle. The amount of times Prince almost eats it on this fucking motorcycle this
movie. You know, there was an intervention, right, you know,
there was a scene where they were like, hey, guys, maybe we
should just give him a Cadillac or something, and like he's like, no,
man, I can do this. I can ride his motorcycle. And
they're like, no, you can't, because you've all you've eaten it like
seven times already. You're gonna die on set, and it's gonna be a
bad problem, Like name yourself on this stupid motorcycle, Prince. Meanwhile,
Apollonia played by Apollonia Cato arrives in Minneapolis. She's so beautiful. I cannot
believe how I forgot how god damn beautiful this woman is. She manages to
cut out the hefty cab fare of her ride from into the city by like
dining and dashing. Except for a cab it was thirty seven dollars and seventy
five cents about one hundred and ten dollars today. That's a lot. That's
a lot. That's a lot of expensive cab ride. Yeah. She rents
herself a room at the Huntington hotel across the street from the First Avenue club.
So she is very focused on this club. She wants to be near
it. She wants to be in the scene. Yeah, Appollonia heads right
to the First Avenue club. She wastes no time and she manages to sneak
in when the bouncer goes to break up a fight in the line. I
don't know why she has to sneak in. She's like, can I see
the manager? And he's like no, Like, just go in and ask
her why. This doesn't make any sense already, it doesn't make any sense.
Oh, Paul, Oh, Paul, Paul Paul. She runs into
a waitress, Jill played by Jill Jones. She knocks the waitress trade of
the floor. The waitress is extremely put out. She asks Jill if she
can see the manager, and now Erica, I've transcribed the scene here frustrated.
It's very short, this one, but I want the listeners to get
the feel of the level of dialogue that we're dealing with. Okay, So
would you like to play Apollonia or Jill. I'll play Jill, you'll play
Jill. Okay. So now I want everyone to remember Apollonia has has rushed
into the club. She has knocked Jill's tray to the floor. Jill is
now trying to clean up the floor in this extremely crowded club, and Apollonia
says, listen, I'm from out of town. I have to see the
manager. It's important. I'm a pretty good singer and dancer. Maybe he
could use me. Do you have any experience? Yeah? Follow me.
That's it. That's it. That's the whole that's the whole thing. What
I do this? Are you sure? Yeah? Okay, you have a
job? Okay? Cool enjoyed the enjoyed working here. So Apollonia follows Jill
for like fifteen feet and then it's over come by the sex god playing his
guitar on stage. We're still in Let's Go Crazy. By the way,
it is eight minutes of Let's Go Crazy. He's so hot in the song.
He's so goddamn hot. Apollonia practically licks her lips as the kid finishes
the song, and then Jill reappears and tells Apollonia that she can leave a
note. When Apollonia admits that she doesn't have a phone to leave a number
for the manager to call her, Jill tells her the manager will be back
the following day talk about a meeting that could have been an email. Did
you notice the whist her age is nineteen? I did not notice that she's
not even she's like twenty five. She's not. Yeah, like, but
she looks thirty five. Well, because all the makeup of the hair makeup
in the eighties was excessive. Everyone looks a good decade older than they're supposed
to be. Yeah. After the Kids set, Apollonia stays in the club
and watches as Morris takes the stage with his band The Time. He takes
time to mock the Kid's performance as they switch, which sisly, guys,
Can I make two quick points about the times performance? You may, okay?
So first of all, this will become clear later in the movie.
The time is like the number one act in the club. The kids act
is like struggling to keep up with them. And there's a third act that
you see for like two seconds. Do you see that third I actually have
this whole thing in my brain because I don't remember seeing the third act.
You see them very briefly. In my head, I'm like, what if
it's like the B fifty two's like they cut to like a really weird random
banch and if they're doing like rock lobster, and everyone in this club was
like, I don't understand what I'm looking at. I don't know. This
is a note for me, This is a no for me. Does not
fit in with the rest of what we're doing here. So in the middle
of this song is called Jungle Love and Morris is performing and he has Jerome
come out with a mirror and they dance while he looks at himself in the
mirror and fix his hair absolutely no notes, keep everything perfect. And then
this happens because the Time performs twice in the movie. Both times they have
an intercut shot where clearly, like on a balcony across from the stage,
behind the entire audience, there are like five or six dancers dancing in silhouette
to no one, like they're dancing like with the band, so like it's
all it's all choreographed, it's all in sync, but no one's looking at
them because they're literally behind the audience. Like this doesn't make any sense.
Yes, that damn movie. I love the movie. Tell me more about
that other band. What were they like? They it was, it's it's
the modern airs and the guy's name is Dez. It's it's alliterative does something,
does diamond or something. I don't know how I missed it. It's
very brief and they don't dwell on it. They don't do any like close
ups of them. It's just one of the times where the kid probably walks
into the club and they're performing. Yeah, because they they keep talking about
the fact later in the movie that there are three acts and the Revolution is
the third. The revolution is just barely hanging on, and I'm are you
don't show me the actual revolution, right, show me a Prince cover band
pretending to be the revolution or literally, you can show me the revolution,
but you have to have the people in the club reacting as if they don't
like it. It's straight up not It's physically impossible to not enjoy yourself watching
the Revolution. I get people being like, that's a different look, and
I don't like it. Yeah like that, Yeah, I mean, it's
it's a lot of look this whole, look this whole, this whole like
purple Pirate for there. You don't remember what Prince's whole look was in nineteen
eighty four. Prince looks like a man who owns a parakeet menagerie. Yeah,
it's like it's a pirate, it's a sex pirate. It's yeah,
it's the best part about the best part about the Revolution is everyone else has
to kind of also have that look, except for one guy who gets to
dress up like a doctor. Yeah. I don't know why, but I
love that guy. He just scrupts to work and he's done. But everyone
else has to kind of match that look. And the women carry it off
fine, but there's one the poor drummer, Yeah, drummer. Every time
they cut to him, I was like, I can't even look at you.
Man. He's dressed like Prince, but he's not Prince. Only Prince
can make that work. Everyone else just looks unbelievably stupid with this like thin
Casanova mustache and his puffy shirt from Seinfeld. Yeah, oh my god,
it's so funny. Prince is like Captain Crunchberry's gay son. Prince looks like
a man who found a time machine and is dressed up like he's gonna go
back to the French Revolution. But he this is the best he could do.
Prince looks like a librarian slash adventurer from a steampunk novel. Oh god,
oh god, it's so like the whole look the whole because it's kind
of vampire. He looks like a vampire. Yeah, it's very vampirey.
It's so good. Prince looks like Louis and Lestat's interior decorator. Oh god,
Okay, okay, okay, we are We are eight minutes into this
movie. And by the way, I can't say this enough. I would
fuck him so hard. I want to make it very clear. All of
this is not a negative. Somehow he managed to make this whole thing.
Yes, so, sad Am I wrong? Am I crazy? Is he
not? No? It's famously very sexy, fucking sexiest person alive. I
have no idea how he did it. Again, no idea how he did
it. Okay, So, while Morris has been and is performing, the
kid exits the club. He approaches Apollonia, says nothing as a Victorian serial
killing doll would do. Uh huh, then just stands directly behind her,
puts sunglasses on. Well, he just kind of grinds his teeth behind her.
Jill stands between them and acts as if something momentous has just occurred.
She's like, oh, oh, oh, a meeting of minds has occurred.
The time is continuing their performance. The kid watches Jill put Apollonia's information
onto like a corkboard. Yeah, just like pins it onto like a public
corkboard. Okay, yeah, Apollonia screws up her courage and she turns around
to say, I like your song too, But alas he has disappeared into
the night, like the sexy vampire that he is like a vampire. If
this were a movie about a vampire who was also in a rock band,
oh, Academy Award winning film, yeah, all of the angst, Yes,
it would make so much more sense. This was about a rock star
vampire. I mean it kind of is. What was Prince? If not
a rock star vampire, what was Prince? What Prince? Prince looks like
a vampire who's also a matador. So the kid heads home on his motorcycle,
only to find his father and mother played by Clarence Williams the Third and
Olga Carlatos having a vicious fight, like physically vicious. Yeah, like this
is like after school special. Immediately Helen Hunt's gonna take take PCP and throw
herself out a window any second. Now, his father is screaming at his
mother that she needs to stay home and keep the house clean, and he
keeps slamming her against the wall, and his mother is screaming at at his
father. The kid runs in to try to interfere. He tries to get
his father off his mother, and his father slaps him so hard that he
spins through the air through a swing door and lands in the next room.
Now that's what happens when you smack something that that has bird bones and weighs
fourteen pounds. I was gonna say, you know what, I believe Clarence
Williams could knock Prince room room. I do. I think I could.
I think I could have. I think I could have just given him a
gentle shove. And he looks like Prince looks like a peacock. It became
a human and skinned grimace to Prince looks like a peacock, fell into a
pile of scarves and emerged a person. Oh god, all right, So
that that scene cuts off very quickly, Can I tell you my journey real
quickly here? Because I was not expecting this at all, and I had
to pause the movie. This is a point I paused it to be like
the fuck is happening? Why are we in this domestic violent drama all of
a sudden, And I googled it because I was like, oh, maybe
this is based on Prince's real life, like maybe he had a really troubled
child, And honestly, I didn't find anything. I found that it's semi
autobiographical, like like it's not a one to one from what I could tell.
But I also Prince was extremely private about any any like real history of
his own and any real facts about his own history, like like I actually
it was just like, oh, is Prince biracial? I never realized Prince
was biracial because he cast a white woman as his mother and a black man
as his father in this And then I couldn't even find that. He's like,
I'm all racist, I'm no racist, Like he just didn't he did
not participate in the car. I don't understand the question, and I won't
respond to it. It was like, remember when he changed his name to
a symbol. This is how fucking cool Prince was. Well we were all
like, oh that's so cool. We were like fine, I guess sure
whatever, like Beyonnesce could maybe pull that off. But we've literally any other
artists today tried that, Yeah, to pull that bullshit, we'd all be
like, off, forget it, No, we're done. Shut up,
jay Z. Your name is jay Z forever. Yeah, so let me
continue with my journey here, so then I please. I was like,
I looked at the Wikipedia page and I was like, oh, okay,
so this is actually going to become like a domestic violence trauma. Okay,
I'm gonna have to recalibrate my whole idea of this movie and before I continue
to watch it. And then I went back and watched the scene again.
Prince is really good at the top of the scene when he walks in and
he goes Mama, Daddy, know, like he's like like really like genuine
and like I was like, Oh, he's a good actor. Do not
be welted into a sense of health, sense of security. I'm sorry to
tell you he is not. There's so much tonal whiplash in the movie that
I genuinely don't know what I'm watching half the time. I think that's the
big takeaway from it, truly, like the tonal whiplash, Like this stuff
with his family is so dark and played so melodramatically, but meant to be
taken realistically, Like the movie wants you to take it realistically. Even though
it is melodramatic, it's too serious to have fun with, like with the
camp value of it, right, because it's just so violent. Yeah,
this is not a Mommy DearS where we can kind of laugh at child abuse.
Yeah. And then like the Apollonia storyline with Prince is like, I
don't know, like a star is born through a funhouse mirror kind of situation
that like I don't know what that is. And then the one you want
to see, which is the Battle of the Bands, which is just silly
and kind of like fun and energetic, the very very lopsided Battle of the
Bands. Yeah, so we cut from this drama to Morris. Thank god
we're back with Morris. He's walking with Billy, Billy Sparks, the first
Avenue Clubs manager, and it turns out that the kid has missed an important
meeting. Billy had high hopes for the kid being the next big act to
come out of the club. I don't know if he should say that to
Morris's face. No, He's like, I really thought he was going to
blow you all out of the water. I was shocked, that's not what's
happening. But apparently the kid keeps fucking it all up. He makes mistakes
left and right. He's great on stage, but off stage he's a disaster.
He further comments that the kid isn't getting the audiences like he used to,
to which Paul and I say, what movie are you watching? Yeah?
What did you see last night? Yeah? Did you not see five
hundred people getting pregnant at the same time? By Prince Bye by one Man,
by one by one, Tiny little Mannic Pixie Purple Man's Prince's cumshot is
just a it's on, It's on the spray. See it's done, like
you can get everyone. It's not even come. It's just glitter that falls
from the sky. And Morris says, man, the kid is just playing
music that no one wants to hear, you know, terrible music like let's
go crazy like Prince like Prince. Billy says he's just like his father,
Francis, And this is where we get a siny bit of backstory about the
drama that we saw the night before. Francis ruined his whole career and his
wife's too, apparently, although they never get into that later in the movie
by I guess being difficult right, Moura says Billy needs to get rid of
the kid who's having intra band problems on top of everything else, because there's
a whole subplot where the two women in the band, Lisa and Wendy,
who are real life musicians that went on to have solo career, Like not
solo, they became Lisa and Wendy and performed together and we're great and we're
romantic partners as well as musician. Yeah, together for years that the two
of them, I've written songs that the kid won't even look at. Yeah,
And then he suggests maybe I should form a girl group with Lisa and
Wendy. Billy thinks this is a great idea, Mariscopius Bengali to some sad,
pathetic girl group who will have you. The kid shows up at the
club and he takes a good look at Apollonia's information on the public corkboard.
Jill is there and she says she's got something for him, and he says,
in just the most perfect joke. You know, you always eat for
jokes. You less fewer words, you know, get to the point,
really really show something to the audience make it catch them off guard. So
Jill says, I've got something for you and he says, what a subpoena?
I can't tell you about? And know how bad of an actor Prince
is when he's not in like melodrama. The melodrama scene is the only scenes
I believe him. And he's also bad at subeduction. That was shocking to
me. I was like, that's the one thing I know you do.
That's the one thing I know you do well because they seduce people. Why
are you so bad at pretending to seduce people? So Jill has a tape
of a song that Lisa and Wendy wrote. Jill had promised to give it
to him after she listened to it, and she assures him that it's good.
So now the two women in the kid's band had to go through the
club's waitress, yeah, to convince her, to convince him to even give
it a listen. I'm like, oh, no, are these two supposed
to be lovers? Is that what's happening is the kids sleeping with Jill the
waitress. They never make it clear. It seems to me that she wants
to sleep with him, but they are not sleeping together, because that's the
only reason I could think of why they would think they needed her help to
get him to even Oh, you're yeah, I think you're putting way too
much thought into this. You know, you tried to justify something that the
writers had felt no need to justify. We cut to Morris and Jerome.
They've already started rehearsing two women for the potential girls group, and they are
disappointed with the product. And I must say they're not wrong. These two
women, like, look, there's an aspect of this kind of thing where
I'm like, you don't you actually don't have to be a good singer,
right, You have to be a dancer, and you have to be like
a good performer, and we can work. We need one good singer and
a girl group of three, right, and everything else you can kind of
work around. These two are not even good dancers. I don't know what's
going on. You you can't have you can't the others at least have to
dance. You get on who can't do shit? Yeah, So Morris and
Jerome leave the leave the studio. They're upset, and they agree that the
bitches are okay, but we need something exciting and then they decide something excited
is Apollonia, who I can't stress enough. Neither one of them have met
on screen yet, so presumptively there's either a cutscene or they just didn't again,
didn't bother. He just heard about her magical beauty. They heard about
Apollonia. Okay, And now we get to the scene where Paul realizes you
just never know what's gonna happen in this movie. This movie is a twist
machine. This movie inspired the movie Twister. This woman comes out, she
appears on the street. She is you know, you know, when you're
a kid and you're and you're doing a scene and it's usually something like really
dramatic, and you can feel like you're about to start laughing because it's a
kid, you can't really like sink into that super dramatic place. That is
what this woman is doing. She looks like she's going to laugh the entire
time he's giving church. He giggles, acting yeah. She busts out and
she starts yelling at Morris, how dare you not call me? Who the
fuck do you think I am? And Morris says Jerome, and Jerome goes
behind her, grabs her around like her torso she's screaming, Jerome, stop
it, what are you doing? He drags her into an alley there's a
cut. Jerome picks up clearly a dummy and lifts her, lifts the dummy
over his head body, slams her into an open dumpster in a way that
if this was a real woman, her neck would be broken and she would
be dead. Huh, slams the dumpster closed, and then walks out.
Morris says, such nastiness, and then the woman pops up out of the
dumpster, like it's meant to be a joke. The thing is, everything
about Morris and Jerome is meant to be a joke. In the movie.
They're supposed to be the comic relief, and in a lot of ways they
are, uh huh. They're so mean to women, and the misogyny is
so real that it's like this isn't funny. Though. This was so much
that I the misogyny in this movie and this is like I'm saying this,
I'm not joking. It was so rampant and overt that about halfway through I
literally was like, Okay, this is the point they're going to arrive at
a point about this, and I cannot stress enough that they do not arrive
at a point about this. This is not intentional, This is like this,
this is genuinely meant to be funny in like a Looney Tunes kind of
way. Yeah. All the other misogyny and violence against women is just put
up as that's life, I guess stage. Yeah, it's just like,
well that's life. It's yeah, it's really it's it's super unpleasant. It's
super unpleasant to watch. Yeah, and I and I really had convinced myself
for about thirty five to seventy five percent of the movie that like, Okay,
they're doing this on purpose, they're really building up to something. And
then I was like, I don't think they're building up to anything. I
think this is just what we're doing here. Yeah, So we cut to
Apollonio. She's window shopping. The kid appears behind her again, Sexty vampiring
behind her, and we have more dialogue to perform. Oh cool balls written
more dialogue? Ready? Would you like to be the kid or Apollonia?
I kind of want to be the kid. I don't thunder no, no,
I think I actually think you're you have more of the kid energy.
So I'll be Apollonia and you'll be the kid. Okay, Okay, if
one of us is going to become a sex god music performer, I actually
think it's going to be way before me. Yeah, so kind it's just
because I can stay up past ten. That's a big part of it.
It's a big part of it. I'm the first sex god music performer who
mostly plays cafes at eleven am. Okay, so let me set the scene
for you. She's she's looking at a window, she's window shopping. She's
wearing like really cute like thy hide, not thie hide, but like knee
high boots. But there's like an anklet around her boot, like a bracelet
around her very eighties, yes, very cool looking. So he sees this,
right, here's the kid. Give me that there on your boot.
So she gives him it, and then the kid takes it and starts to
walk away, and Apollonia says, hey, wait, give it back to
me. You can have it back later. I want it now. Okay,
who gave it to you? A person? Male or female? Huh,
you're a lion. I can tell just by your reaction. You're lion.
You gave it to me. It's not yours anymore. That's the best
I could do. That is the that I'm not That is the That is
the inflection he is using in the entire film. So I guess I guess
he's saying, you stole it and I'm taking it. But it's like it
just makes it's this is meant to be their meet cute. It makes no
sense. It makes no sense. It's like trying to decipher like alien writing,
like the two Aliens came to Earth. It's hieroglyphs. It's hieroglyphs.
Okay, So he does some stuff to her in this whole like first date
scene. That shocking, Yeah, shocking. Okay. So after after all
of this fucking nonsense, the kid like sees a beautiful white guitar in a
shop window and he stops and looks at it. Right, She asks him
if he sees something he likes, and he says, let's go, and
tosses the bracelet back to her, like over his shoulder. Right. Yeah,
he just starts walking and she has to follow him, and I'm like,
okay, look, I like you're not prints yet, dude. So
these two like leather clad aliens climb onto the kid's motorcycle and drive out to
the country. As the song take Me with You plays, they wind up
walking on a lake side. I cannot express to you how funny it is
to see these two in like full leather regalia. She's wearing black leather pants,
a black leather like jacket but like it looks almost like a business suit
jacket with a peplum, except it's really low cut. So he looks like
if like the Rolling Stones had a female lawyer, like if Trinity from The
Matrix had to go undercover with a big hair blowout. Yes, yeah,
Training from the Matrix goes to business school. I mean he's wearing something low
key for him. It's leather pants with studs up the side and high heeled
boots and an overcoat and a scarf and leather gloves. But like that's so
much, it's so much. He looks like a close up magician on a
pirate ship. He looks like someone who you would call a close up magician.
And he say no, no, I'm a presdigitator and like m say
it, like super seriously. He looks like a man who inherited an absence
fortune. So these two are walking on this lake side of these clothes and
they're kind of talking, and Apollonia admits that she wants to quote unquote make
it, which visibly upsets the kid. Right yeah, She's like, I
would like to be paid as a professional singer someday. And he was like,
oh, you can sell out. So she says, will you help
me? And the kid's like no, and she says why not and he
says, well, you would never pass the initiation. You have to purify
yourself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka, which is something actually said in this
movie The Lake. This is something that Prince says. Prince says, you
have to purify yourselves. Appolonia like, okay, you said it. She
strips down to just her underwear. All the leather comes off. Okay,
wearing leather, by the way, like full nudity. You know, this
is the moment in the movie was like, whoa, yeah, we're snoot
free. But but tits tits out? What is this? Prince is staring
at her, watching her strip down in front of him. This is daytime,
full daylight, full daylight. If you go up the shore a little
bit, there's a family having a picnic watching. Yes, She's like like,
Okay, I'm gonna do it. She rushes towards the water, and
Prince waits until she's essentially like mid air to be like, oh wait,
but hang on, that's not and then she jumps into the lake, right,
She does a cannonball into the lake. She gets out, and he
smirks and says, well, that's not Lake Minnetonka, which is a real
danger in the Land of a Thousand Lakes. If you're a being for a
specific lake in Michigan, make sure you have the right one in Minnesota.
In Minnesota, e ah. The idea that she takes him seriously though,
because at first she's like what an asshole this guy is? And then I'm
like, wait a minute, Yeah, that was a dick thing to say,
But how could he have possibly known she'd be this stupid? But he
watched her undress for like thirty seconds. You know what I would too,
because I would be like, no, she's fucking with me, right,
She's like this stupid can I double across the world's dumbest dummy of all time?
So he says that's not Lake Minnetonka, and then he gets on his
motorcycle and leaves her. They are naked on the side of the lake.
She has to put on a full leather outfit, wildwall, soaking wet in
dirty lake water. I mean, now everyone calmed down. He comes back
almost immediately, so he doesn't leave for naked in public for tear long.
Yeah, that family having a picture down the road all he got to see
her naked for like two minutes. Yeah, so he's like, get on,
and then he does that fun thing where he keeps hitting the gas every
time she tries to climb on the motorcycle, which I know women love so
hot, so sadly, yeah, okay, look, because I have such
an image in my mind of Prince as being like the actual coolest person to
ever live, watching these scenes is so weird because the character is so such
a dufus, But it's yeah, Prince, and like I knew, I
know in real life he had like a sense of humor and was very funny
apparently, and like kind of doofy. I don't want to see it.
I don't want to see it as the Prince I want to see. I
don't need. I don't need this version, this teenage dick wad version of
Prince. But it's also the movie does nothing to imply that anything he has
done in this scene is incorrect. If you want to show me a doofy
Prince that like didn't know how to hit on women, on women, I
don't necessarily believe that Prince the actor would be able to act that, but
like I can understand that you want to show me that this is not an
indictment on the character of the kid. I cannot stress enough how this is
meant to be She she smiles and laughs and kisses him on the cheek and
gets on the back of the motorcycle. Yes, like that is the end
of this scene. Like he's done nothing wrong or weird, even, like
he's just being adorable and funny. And I'm like, no, this isn't
adorable. None of this is adorable. Yeah. We cut back to Thank
God Morris and Jerome I needed them. Hello, dear friends, Hello,
dear friends. I can't stress enough how terrible the actors they are. They
are terrible, terrible actors, and yet somehow they still manage to be the
best part of this movie. What they are like to be part of this
movie. They they're at the level of good high school actors. Yes,
the class clowns. Yes, yes, the exactly class clowns in your high
school that you were like, Yeah yeah, the kind of shitty people,
but they're funny. Yeah yeah. So they're doing an extended who's on first
riff? Paul, this is my favorite part of the movie that is not
a musical scene. Fair. I wrote the entire scene down for us so
we can share it with the listeners. It is so good. Yeah,
this is how bad the rest of the movie is. This is so good.
Yeah. Morris says he needs a password so that Jerome can let him
know when Appollonia arrives at the club that night, so he can excuse himself
from all of his standby sexies without offending them. I mean ten out of
ten, no notes, Do you want to play Morris at Jerome? I
will play Jerome. Okay, I will be because I feel like you again.
You have more of the alpha energy. All right, So password is
needed? Okay, what's the password? You got? It? Got?
What the password? The password is? What? Exactly? The password is
exactly? No, it's okay. The password is okay far as I'm concerned.
Damn it. Say the password? What say the password? Onion head?
The password is what. That's what I'm asking you. It's the password.
The password is it? Ah? The password is what it? You
just said, So the password isn't it? The password is what? Got
it? I got it? Right it? Or right? What? No?
No? I almost wish Morris Day was a better singer, because then
the movie could be about him, and Prince could just be Prince in my
head, and I'd never had to watch him try to act. Yeah.
We cut the backstage of the club the kid is getting ready. Wendy and
Lisa played by real life Wendy Meloin and Lisa Coleman asked tentatively and hopeful if
he listened to the song they wrote, the one that they gave so the
waitress did then give to him. The kid says nothing, and the women
surmise that he didn't even listen to their work. Wendy's mad. She tells
the kid that he's full of shit and he should know by now that they
are not out to hurt him. We are not out here to upstage you.
We are also musicians and artists, and we just want to be taken
seriously as such. Wendy is actually a decent actress. She is actually you're
again by the standards of this film. I don't know how she would do
surrounded by actors, but he or she can get a point across. Yeah,
like in a movie where no one is a professional actor, she's one
of the better non professionals. Yeah. The kid so fucking dismissive and cruel
uses this like handpuppet that he's holding. Yeah, I didn't know what else
to call it. This is where we learned that sex god Prince has a
second talent. Huh, an amazing second talent. He is an incredible ventriloquist.
Why is this movie not about a vampire Ventralok, because he's already dressed
like a vampire tru ventriloquist. If you had shown me a picture of him
and said, what does this person do my top five in the top five
answers, vampire ventriloquist would have been up there. Yeah, right along with
right along with head valet at a Victorian gay club. Yeah, right along
with world's meanest ice dancer. That's that's what I would have made. So
anyway, this scene is really hard to watch because he's such a dick to
his cast. But all I can think is, well, Prince is such
a good ventral he's so good at ventriloquism. Yeah, honestly, you didn't
even have to be Prince. You would have been famous for this too,
if you'd just done this instead. So he uses the hand puppet to tell
them there's no chance in hell he's ever gonna listen to their song, much
less agree to play it. Fuck off, it's my band, it's my
music. Wendy and Lisa leave. They're pissed off. Right. My journey
from here on out. Every time they show back up in the movie is
I was like, didn't you quit the band? But didn't you quit the
Why are you still here? If you quit? Because they're like, we're
done, and then they leave and I expected them to never come back,
but they keep coming back. The kid uses the puppet to assure himself that
he only needs himself and that life is a bitch. Everyone's got to get
you, kid, Paul Rights. Here is the kid under the spell of
an underworld demon that speaks through this puppet. That easily could have been the
film that should have been the film we're watching. Yes, yeah, in
any case, The kid puts on Wendy and Lisa's demo tape and he hears
the opening strains of Purple Rain, and I'm like, sorry, are we
not living in a world where someone else wrote Purple Rain? That's correct,
that is correct. It couldn't have been any other song but Purple Rain.
I wanted to take a minute. I know I use the words hand puppet,
but it's really not accurate. What it is is a it's a cone
that's purple, like in that Prince purple. And he holds it upside down,
so the narrow end is on the bottom, and there's a stick coming
out of it, and he pushes the stick up and then this like little
felt I don't know, like very elementary looking head and arms pop out,
and that's the puppet that he's using. It's like a punch and Judy doll.
Yeah, it's not like a real It's like Marionette, I guess,
except from below and not from above. I guess. Let's top here to
talk about the amount of close ups we have to watch this film of puppets
and dolls and creepy like half masks on the wall. Why why, oh,
I don't know, why don't If this whole movie was taking place in
some Victorian child's fever dream, I'd believe you. I'd be like, oh
yeah, I don't know how they knew about Morris Day. And if this
was a horror movie where the demon that possessed that puppet was actually stealing children
off the streets and transforming them into masks to hang on the wall, then
it would all make sense. You would have to change almost nothing about the
film. You could just dub dialogue over. It would all be fine.
So we cut to the club. I believe this is where the other band
is playing, because Morris, neither Morris or Prince is on the stage,
so this must be when they're when they're playing got it again? In my
brain, it's what if it's R E. M and it's just them going
everybody and the audience is like, fuck, yeah, this is way better
than the Revolution. Yeah. Morris finds Appollonia. He hits on her by
saying things like your lips would make a lollipop too happy, and I've got
a brass waterbed an Italian cook, Now what that one would work on me?
Did your did your waterbed have a brass frame when you were growing up?
I wish it had. I wish it had if I had had an
Italian cook, my life would have been perfect. He buys a bottle of
champagne that is, for some reason served in Martini glasses. I cannot I
can't parse why this would be, but who knows. The kid takes the
stage and he starts to perform the beautiful great song starts out as like a
slow jam ballad, and then it kind of escalates really quickly into the this
like shout singing, ah wow, you yaow me and he's just singing it
all at Apollonia, right. So Apollonia is moved to tears as the kid
rides on the floor. The kid finishes the song and then immediately leaves the
stage after one performance and heads to his motorcycle in the back alley. Apollonia
is there, and of course, I mean, the connection between these two
is overwhelming, and I have more dialogue for us to perform. I believe
we have established it. You will be playing the kid and I'll be playing
Apollonia. Okay, just to just to keep the consistency. So Apollonia emerges
from the shadows and she says, hey, we have to go to your
place. What for I want to show you something? No, we can't.
Why is somebody there. Why do you always think that there's somebody else
Let's go, Yeah, but we're not going to my place. And then
they leave such good writing. Honestly, I don't think Eugene O'Neil could do
better. Tennessee Williams rolled over in his grave and said, why not me?
Shakespeare was like poetry, it's only Shakespeare's ghost grows up and was like,
burn my folio. They go to the kid's house and they're outside the
house looking in, and they watch his parents making out on the couch through
the window. Right. Again, she doesn't know any of the backstory.
She has no idea that there's some weird psycho sexual thing happening on the other
side of that window. She just sees two people making out. They're about
to go to Bonetown. Oh yeah. She's like, oh, these are
your parents, and he's like, yeah, the freak show. And I'm
like what I think. He's also supposed to be like twenty, but because
he's in the makeup and he looks thirty two. So it's so he takes
Apolonia around the side to the house. They entered his basement apartment through a
window. Right. Poor girl, she's wearing like six in Chields. She
has to climb down through a window jump into the apartment. There is Paul
Wright's here, and he is not wrong. There are an uncomfortable number of
masks, dolls and pictures of women's faces on the wall. Yeah, so
Prince is definitely an ancient Victorian serial killer. Uh huh, Yeah, who
is inhabiting the doll like a Barbie doll's body? Right, that's what happening.
He was a Victorian archaeologist who went into Egypt and he got absolutely possessed
by the spirit of like an old pharaoh and now ah ha been moving through
the world ever since. He's definitely like an ancient wizard who's come to her
land. She sees all of this and is like, Okay, no probub,
cool, cool, all of this I'm fine with. She starts playing
one of his tapes and that there's like a woman moaning over a beat,
right, and she asks who the orgasming woman is. She's like, ooh,
I'm jealous of her, and he explains it it's not an orgasm,
it's a woman weeping and he's playing it backwards. Okay, how fast are
you out of there at that moment? Oh? So this is right when
she realized you were going to kill her. That's what's happening here. I
would don't drink anything he hands you. That's all I'm saying. The one
advantage she has is she's a foot and a half taller than him, So
she was taken. Yeah, if it comes down to it, Oh god.
Okay. So after some more indecipherable bottle dialogue, okay, he takes
his shirt off, right, and she goes King Kong or she she like
rubs her hand on his chest and says, King Kong. I have what
does that mean? No idea? Well I was I literally and my Google
search history there is did Prince have a King Kong tattoo on his chest?
That was just like common knowledge and I just don't know that. But no,
not that I could find. Like we see him with his shirt off
and he has a little bit of chest hair. I was like, maybe
she's like touching his chest hair and she's saying, hey, King Kong because
he's got chest hair. But it's I can't tell you enough help how much
of a normal amount of chest hair. Maybe she's drunked, Like she's so
much taller than him, She's like come on King Kong, scale me like
the Empire State Building. She also just scramble up the side of her legs
like a little gremlin. I want to hold you like Fay Ray. Come
in my hands, Come into my hands, you little magical sex elf.
So she tries to take his shirt off. They both say no to each
other. She's like he like leans in for kiss. She's like no,
and then she leans in for kiss. He's like no, yeah, and
then they bone down and then they fuck it. They fuck. I have
never seen underwear with so many knots in it, Like, I don't know
how Apollonia got dressed. These panties are a disaster. Like, you can't
tell me she's broke. She's wearing five hundred dollars Frederick's of Hollywood underwear.
That bitch is not broke, all right. So the kid drops Apollonia off
at her apartment the next morning. She promises to see him that night.
By the way, this whole thing about like we can't go to my place,
and it seems to be implied that it's because she's like embarrassed of where
she lives, but he knows where she lives. Also, the second she
saw his weird basement apartment. She should have been like, you know what,
You're right, let's go to We're going to my flo which is a
hotel, which is the appropriate place to be having this sexual congress. Yeah,
so she promises to see him that night. The Kid heads into the
club and finds Lisa and Wendy playing some music together, and he's like,
where is everybody? And they're like, well, you're late, so everybody
left. The kid, by the way, seems horrible as a bandleader,
seems like he super sucks. He sucks so hard. And again I miss
half the scene because I was like, why are they there? Why are
Wendy and Lisa there? Why they rehearsal So they were working on their own
music, and he tells them get off it. I'm never going to do
your stupid music. Why. What is the problem? Everything about this script
a first draft that was written very quickly. They had a deadline. Uh.
Morris intercepts Apollonia as she leaves her apartment and he pitches her on joining
his girl group, and she says, no, the Kid's gonna help me,
and Morris laughs in her face and says, the kid hasn't helped anyone
but himself and his whole life, and I have to say, no lies
detected here. Yeah, I mean, the movie is telling me that Morris
is telling the truth. Here. Apoloni is intrigued, but she kind of
wants to make sure that the kid knows has nothing to do with their relationship,
so she pawns some jewelry and uses the money to buy the white guitar
that the kid had admired previously, five thousand dollars Fender than she was something
like that, Yeah, what kind of jewelry do you have, lady?
We cut to the kid. He's sitting in his basement apartment under red lights,
listening to Wendy and Lisa's demo tape while his father and mother screamed at
each other above, and there's like like things falling. They're obviously having a
physical brawl. Yeah. Yeah. The fight spills into the basement again and
the father slaps her to the ground. She moans that she's trapped in this
loveless, terrible relationship, and his father says, you'll always have a roof
over your head, and she weeps and says, you never let me have
any fun. Can I tell you? The actress says, it so slowly
that I was waiting for something really, like, like meaningful, like you,
like you. You won't let me leave the house. You're murdering me,
and then you won't let me have any fun. What I think,
Tommy Wiseo dates the room off of this movie. You're tearing me upon exactly.
Both his parents weep as his father says, if you only believed in
me, I would die for you, and then they just fuckingly. He
goes to his mother and he tries to console her, but I'm like,
why is it happening? I implore you get on the first bus to Los
Angeles. Why are you still in? Where are you still? Oh?
Oh god? Uh. We cut to later. The kid has fallen asleep
in his basement with about four thousand candles lit, which is not what the
fire safety code would suggest that you do. Apollonia climbs to the window and
she gives him his gift. He's thrilled. He's so overcome with emotion that
he takes off his earring and he gives her his earring. His pirate earring.
Is pirate earring, the source of all his powers. A bunch of
insert shots make it look like all the masks are watching them. Why this
is here? Oh my god, I'm gonna do a spit take. Like
the masks have consciousness, they're staring at these two give each other gifts.
Oh my god. Apollonia tells him I'm gonna be joining Morris's girl group,
and he this look of rage comes over him. He backhands her so hard
that she spins around and falls to the floor. She manages to catch herself
on the top of his dresser. He tells her he doesn't want her in
his life this way, and she snaps at he's jealous, and she leaves.
I know the movie was telling me the entire time what kind of movie
this is. But I can't tell you what an idiot I am, because
I was genuinely shocked when he hit her. They met yesterday, they met
like literally forty eight hours ago, and he's She's like, I have a
job opportunity, and he's like, boom, Now, whare in the kisser?
Now? Is that a red flag to the moon? Now? Jesus
Christ, how did this get so svu so quickly? If I were her,
I would have grabbed that guitar out of his hand and been like,
well, I guess I'm taking this with me. If I was her,
I would have picked him up by the neck and slammed him into the wall
one hand. I don't ever fucking do that again, your little prick.
The next time you even think of hitting me, I'll fucking destroy you.
Yeah, I will rip your dick off with my bare hand. You weigh
seventy pounds. You are a Victorian dummy that's come to life. I don't
think I won't destroy you. I will. I am Mexican. You think
I don't have someone who with some holy water back home? Yeah? You
think I don't know how to sage this shit out of this house? We
didn't. We never mentioned that before. Apollonia is Mexican. That's true.
Yay diversity, So much diversity in this movie, that really is so things
are already going bad for our hero, the kid. Why this poor guy
can't catch him break he is in it. He's in a downward spiral.
As said, not only is his girlfriend a lying, backstabbing but of his
genius. Well, Wendy and Lisa suddenly decide they're not showing up to rehearsal,
and one of the guys in the band is like, I think they're
periods SYNCD up for some fucking terrible joke. It's earlier, he says.
He says, God got Wendy's periods wrong. She's nice every twenty eight days,
excellent humor, no no, no notes led it, perfect fucking joke,
purple rain and perfect fucking joke. And then to make matters worse,
Apollonius six, which is the girl group that's spun up in the last twelve
hours. Uh it supposedly now fucking amazing, so good, and they're gonna
be one of the regular acts of the club. And then Billy. This
is when Erica learned just a third band, as she did not realize.
Billy's like, I now I've got four bands, and I only need three,
so one of you's got to go. It only becomes funnier once you
see Apollonia six quote unquote perform. I would have loved it if he had
cut to the other band. And it was like literally like Michael Jackson and
he's like, you gotta go, kid. So the kid goes the kids
back on his death trap motorcycle and goes back out to not like Minatonka,
and he remembers better times except Paul that's what Paul writes here. That's not
what's happening because he's remembering things that have not happened. It's correct fully remembering
scenes we have not seen before in the movie, and there has not been
enough time for them to have happened, because again, this is like three
days after he met Apollonio. He's like, he's like riding his bike by
the motor by the lake, and I think this is when Doves Cry is
playing. This is when is such a good song that I almost didn't notice
how terrible this part of the movie he was. But he has his memory
of banging Apolonia on the on the floor of a barn covered in a pile
of hay, and I'm like, wait, when were they in a barn?
No, it couldn't be because he just had sex the night before the
first that had to do in their first time having sex, yeah, which
she had all yet, right, No, he is literally inventing things that
have not yet happened or have not happened. So yeah, he's he's remembering
the time they fucked in a barn then made out in the grass by the
lake, which absolutely did not happen because we saw the entire scene from beginning
to end, all right, The kid comes home to find his mother weeping
in front of the house. He heads inside to find his father like noodling
on the piano, basically remembers, I have to stop you right there,
because please, one of my favorite stupid moments in the movie. He pulls
up to the house. The mother is covering her hands with her face,
so the father has the implication is he has done something terrible. He's broken
her nose or given her a black eye or something. He stomps into the
house and just like a man wearing puffy sleeves and and ruffled risk cups parawets
and turns around and says, where are you, motherfucker? Should those should
those risk ruffles be called cuffles? Scuffles? He cuffles literally fucking does a
pirouet in the house. He turns in, he goes, where are you,
motherfucker? Piauwet he does, You're right, you are right. I
can't unsee it. Oh, So he goes downstairs. He finds his father
kind of playing the piano. Remember his father as a musician whose dreams died,
right, he didn't make it, And he tells the kid that he's
composed a lot of music, but he hasn't written any of it down truly.
Clarence Williams is way too Like Clarence Williams makes all of these lines work
in a way that is actually not helpful to the movie. Yeah, because
he feels really bad for him. You're like, oh, no, he's
suffering. Yeah, you're he's a monster, but he's good enough to make
you feel to show you the human underneath the monster. Right, So,
like everyone else is spinning off in wildly different directions, and you have this
guy having a really real moment of like he's become this awful person. Yeah,
but he was not always that person. And the movie kind of reflects
it too, because Prince comes down there. The kid comes down there all
hot, like he's gonna fucking kill his father, right, and then he
finds him at the piano and immediately softens and he's like, hey, are
you okay, Tad? And I'm like, did he beat the shit out
of your mom? Who's still outside? Anyway? Keep going. The father
asks the kid do you have a girlfriend? And the kid says yes,
and Paul says do you? But do you? Though it seemed like,
you didn't have a band or a girlfriend the last time I checked, and
you still seem to think you have both, which, by the way,
the movie will pan out that you are correct and I'm wrong, so that's
on me. But yeah, okay, the father mutters, never get married,
and yeah, that's definitely the problem with that relationship, the fact that
they got married. H If they've never gotten married, they would have been
so happy together those two. We cut back to the club and the Kid
is performing and Wendy and Lisa, who deigned to show up so few,
are on stage with him, and they're performing computer Blue, not one of
the more famous songs from Purple Rain, but I actually really liked it.
Every song is great. Yeah. We cut to outside the club. Appollonia
is in a car with Morris. He's like, come on inside, and
she's like, absolutely not going in there. My ex is in there.
The guy who beat the shit out of me last night is in there,
and Morris is like, this is you gotta do it. It's good for
your image to be seen in public. So she finally like agrees to do
it. They walk in. The Kid sees the two of them walking in
together to the club together and then he launches into Darling Nicky, which I
have to admit I've never really listened to the lyrics of before. Oh really,
holy shit, the very song that inspired Tipper Gore to make sure we
got those parental warning labels on CDs. Darling Nicky, you know what,
You're right, Tipper Gore, because that song calient. I guess she was
kind of a sex fiend or whatever the opposite of a sex fiend was.
That was Tipper Gore. Nikki was the sex fiend. Ha ha. So
yeah, So he sings it scornfully at her, and instead of finding it
to be the absolute treasure of a compliment that that song is, Apollonia leaves
the club in tears while the kid is humping the floor to Darling Nikky.
Timsy humping the floor to notice she's left, and he looks up. He's
like, oh, she left. He departs the stage. He goes to
his dressing room, and then Paul writes here that he rages that he just
has the most just such a snit. He's having a spit that the best
prince can do. He snits in his dressing room. He's like, throws
things around, and I'm like bitch, I don't believe you. I just
don't believe you. Billy confronts him and tells him that no one is digging
his music but him. Again, bitch, show us an audience that does
not like it that because the minute he started in to Darling Nikki, the
audience was in and fucking computer blue. He's like doing the dance with a
blindfold on, and he's shirtless and he's like ripped hot in the scene.
It's so the wedding and the blindfold. It's not a blindfold. I mean
it is, but it's like it's like a domino mask almost, but it's
made of lace, of black lace. I'm like, Jesus Christ, this
is so. This is every romance novel ever rolled into one moment. So
then Billy goes for the juggular with what a fucking waste, Like father,
like son, Jesus Billy. Oh. Also, Billy is maybe twenty five
years old. How does he know the fire? He is the same just
everyone else in this movie. Billy leaves and Jerome appears to give the kid
a couple of tickets to Apollonius six's debut the next night at a different club.
He's like you should bring a girlfriend with you because I guess, like
I guess, because Morris will be banging Apollonia. I guess it's the thing.
Yeah. So Apolonia six, the band that started yesterday, ah,
already has a gig tomorrow at a club and they're fucking amazing. I mean,
the fact that they started yesterday does make sense given the performance that we're
about to describe, because look, we have all of the performances up to
this point have been no notes, even Morris Morris and the time, it's
really fun like this, Their performance is great. It is such as a
little cheese ball, but it's good. It's good. Yeah, but cheese
ball in like a great way in a way that I personally love. But
Okay, so they cut to the Taste, which is another nightclub, and
that's where Apollonia six is debuting. Morris, Jerome, and Billy are all
in the audience, and so it's Apollonia and the two other women that we
saw rehearsing with Jerome and Morris earlier. Okay, their outfits are basically like
negliges and kind of graduation robes that are open in the front slash capes.
You're going for if if the X men were just lingerie models. Yeah.
Yeah, it's also, by the way, canonically three women in Apollonia six.
It's very refusing fighting that out. That's because each of them is enough
woman for two men. Ah, that's why. So they do this song
sex Shooter, which hau it is a it is it is a prince song.
Look, first of all, let's say the lyrics like I'm a sex
shooter make much much more sense if it's being sung by someone with a penis.
Someone with a penis not to deny the the the the the female ejaculators
out there in the world. Lady, we see you girls and we love
you, but like the lyrics don't make like make like come on kiss the
gun. Guarantee for fun makes sexy sense when sung by someone with a penis
that they are celebrating in song. You know, I barely noticed the lyrics
because those too busy going oh no, oh no, they're terrible. Remember
remember Katie and and Regina and mean girls. They are significantly worse than that
Christmas performance. Yeah, I expected something better. Iet I, for some
reason in my head she sounded like Shila e. I don't know why,
Well, because you're like Prince Proge. Yeah, like fantastic. I thought
she would sound like Shila E. And I'm like, but that's she's so
bad. Like you said, do the song, but I mean they're barely
half They're half assing this like like step toe step toe, Like, oh,
it's so bad. It is a middle school talent show lip sync performance
of a mediocre song that kids are being forced to do because their parents said
they had to for extra credit or some shit like that. By the way,
they cut to the audience, and the audience is reacting as though they
are watching Majonna perform Vogue for the first time. Aretha Franklin just showed up
and started singing respect. They keep cutting to this one lady, this older
black woman in a cardigan. I think the parlance is an aunty. She
is an aunty. I'm sorry. Yeah, she is clapping along, she
is into it, and I'm like, there's no fucking way this auntie is
into this song. I'm sorry. The extra should have been the extras from
Adventures in Babysitting when Elizabeth Shoe has to do that performance and the opening when
all those people just sitting there like this is a no, it's a no.
For me's that should have been the react to this? Okay, So
Apollonia six is performing. The kid stands in the back of the audience watching
in sunglasses. So many people in dark clubs with sunglasses in this movie.
You're like, how can you say? Anyway, After the show, we
find a clearly hammered Morris and Apollonia. They're thrilled with the debut. They're
heading for her car and Apollonia is still wearing her stage wear like the Negligee
and the Cape alarm bells go off in her head and when she asks,
where's Jerome, and Morris says, is just the two of them? And
then he staggers back and he has his overcoat kind of wrapped around him really
tightly, and then he throws open the overcoat as if he's a splasher,
and then he starts moving his hips around and he's like upset. We talked
about honking, squawking and quacking in them up at Christmas, Carol, but
this is none of those things. This is it's kind of a caw meets
a gobble. It is the sound of sexual assault and I'm not here for
it. I was both genuinely relieved and genuinely surprised that we did not get
an Apollonia rape scene. Yep. Agreed. The fact that we got out
of this movie with its history without a woman being raped is surprising. That's
awful to say. But I really did think that she was going to be
at the very least sexually assaulted. Y Yep, agreed. Agreed. I
mean, I think that's where the scene is going before. Oh yeah,
that's definitely intervention appeared right so in the form in the form of an ancient
pirate king on a motorbike. Morris is swinging his hips around. He's making
that upsetting bird noise. The kid appears from nowhere, from the mist,
from the mist of Lake Minnetonka. He drives his motorcycle into Jerome, knocking
him backwards into a pile of boxes. He skids up in front of Apollonia.
He's like, get on, and they drive off together. Morris jumps
out. He shouts, there's an F bomb in this movie too, you
long haired F bomb. I okay. I'm of two minds about this because
Prince has a very complicated history with the LGBT community's he went through a Jehovah's
Witness era I don't remember if he came through it or not. For he
that quite anti LGBT, and to my recollection, I tried to do some
research on this, and it seems like he was supportive earlier, like Wendy
and Lisa in his band in real life are in a lesbian relationship. Also
the most effeminate man, yeah, on the face of the earth. So
I am one hundred percent certain that this word would have been flung at Prince
in his life. So I get it. I'm not offended by the word
here, It's just it's it was another moment, kind of like the domestic
violence where I'm like, this is not called for in this movie. We
don't need a real moment here. This You just hit this man with your
purple motorcycle while he was threatening to sexually assault your girlfriend who can't sing.
We don't need we don't need gayeslers popping up your girlfriend who you beat up
in the last time she saw you, he beat her up? Can I
tell you him? Like? Knocking Morris over with his motorcycle was my biggest
laugh of the movie though, Oh yeah, that was hilarious. So the
can in Apollonia drive away until they up in an overpass next to some train
tracks the most romantic part of town. Apollonia tries to pull her cape over
herself and the kid says uh uh, and he pulls her cape cape open
and kisses her. She pushes him off, and she says she's gonna go
take a drink from a flask. Right. She's like, no, I
don't care if you just saved me from another awful situation. She starts to
drink. He gets angry, and Paul writes here the two of them come
to blows. That's that's not exactly what's happening, though. Like he attacks
her, she tries to defend herself. She winds up on the ground.
She dares the kid to hit her again. He's about to and then stops
himself as she throws the earring that he gave her in the dirt at his
feet. Yep, they have been together three times. I'm like all three
times it just escalates like the next scene is it just him like what like
like hitting her with a car? Like break the fuck. The kid returns
home to find his house is a mess. His mother is nowhere to be
foundt row he heads down seriously to the basement he finds his father holding a
gun. His father immediately attempts suicide, but does not succeed. I was
looking down for a split second, and then I heard a gun shot,
and I looked up and I'm like, wait, what just happened? I
thought maybe Prince had shot his father or the kid rather had shot it father.
I wasn't sure. We cut to the kid being in shock because his
father is taken away by paramedics and he's being questioned by the police. He
starts to panic. He sees himself in the basement. He sees like all
the parallels I suppose between his behavior and his father's behavior, and he has
a vision of himself hanging from the rafters. It's very clearly a dummy of
Prince, which is it really does take the teeth out of the whole imagery?
Was it? Do you think was the same dummy that they throw into
the dumpster earlier? One thousand percent? He has this moment where he's like,
I'm not going to become that. He trashes the basement. He just
like, again, it's very funny to watch the little tiny trashing a room.
I'm just having a memory of those the SNL sketch with the horny elves
that they did for Santa. Oh, they kept wine to be punished by
Santa. Yes. So he trashes the basement and he eventually stumbles across like
a crate or something filled with pages of music that his father wrote. Remember,
his father told him before that he never wrote his music down, it
was all in his head. But he's lying, ha ha liar, because
he had all these like, like hundreds of pages of beautiful songs written down.
The kid passes out after looking at the songs. He wakes up the
next morning and he suddenly inspired to listen to Wendy and Lisa's song. We
cut to the club. Morris is doing a set. He is performing the
Bird with lots of squawking right, not quacking, not honking, not gobbling,
not calling. This is squawking one hundred percent, squawk hundred percent.
Afterwards, he and his band laugh at the kid in the Revolution and as
they walk past their dressing room, and then Morris is like, how's the
family, damn? And then they walk off and then there's like this moment
where Morris like feels bad as he should, as he should, but like
what why He's been a prick the whole movie. Doesn't it be a prick?
If he was like, how's the family a hi, and then immediately
turned back around, I was like, you know what, that was a
bridge too far. That was over the line. I apologize, not mean
to make fun of your father who is currently in the hospital with a bullet
in his head. I'm really sorry about that. Yeah, please do not
sick that demonic puppet on me. It is on me. I'm gonna donate.
I'm going to donate money to suicide prevention. That's what I'm gonna do
it. I really apologize. Well, I'm really sorry about that. That's
not that that was fucked up. It was completely below the belt. It's
entirely on me. The kid takes the stage and announces that he's dedicating this
song to his father and that Wendy and Lisa wrote it hashtag feminism. There's
a great moment where he says that and then Wendy and Lisa. Wendy like
looks over at him like, oh, we're doing our song, Like did
he tell them? Also, all the whole rest of the band knows the
song. Yeah, uh, you know what will follow along? I'm sure
it's easy Yeah, don't worry, it's no big deal. It's no big
deal. It's just a seven minute vallid. So he launches into Purple Rain,
which is a cool song to dedicate to your dad until you can come
to the line I never wanted to be your weekend lover, which it's weird.
I guess you can dedicate a song to someone without being like, I'm
singing this to you, and I'm singing this for you. I guess I'm
putting the emotion I'm feeling for you into this song, but still weird.
It's a little weird. Whatever, anyway, it's a weird. Yeah.
The final twenty minutes of this movie is basically just a Prince concert, and
what a delightful Prince concert it is. You immediately forget about everything else you've
just seen. That's what me and I was like, I put my computer
down. I wasn't even taking notes. I was just like, yeah,
clapping along and enjoying it. My one thing that I did notice is that
clearly the extras had been in that room for too long and they were all
very tired, because at one point they're doing that handwaving thing to Purple Rain,
and they're all like half a beat off. They're two stud like our
arms are really hurting? Can we stop waving now? Can we put our
arms down? The song goes over like Gangbusters, And in this battle of
the bands, the revolution has won, and weirdly, Apollonia six took out
the Time unexpected. Yeah, I think Apollonia six is now number two.
The Time is still number three, and you two, which was the other
house band, I've been sent back and they're going back to Ireland Abba gets
getting shipped back to Sweden a A and poor Cindi Lauper is going back home
to sing time after time in Queens. Yeah. So the crowd is going
crazy and there's so loud that the kid tries to make his usual departure after
singing one song, and then he hears them for the first time, actually
hears the audience going crazy for him, and it pulls him back on stage.
He turns around in his dressing room and Jill is standing there weeping.
Jill. Wait, why is Jill? Why is look look all other things
aside? Why is it not Apollonia standing in his dressing room door? I
guess Jill is still a thing? Hi, Jill? Nice to see you
if I forgot you were in this movie. The kid says hi, and
she says hi, and then he walks back to the stage. He sees
a weeping Appollonia in the hallway. He kisses her on the cheek and they
smile at each other, and then the kid goes on stage and performs I
Would Die for You, and we see him kissing his father in the hospital
bed while where his mother is also sleeping. They fix the problems, yeah,
one hundred percent. He organizes his father's music into like clean and neat
piles. Hopefully it's actually good music. What it's all just bock ripoffs.
It's like, this is just Mozart. What are we doing here? Yeah.
He sees the earring that he had given to Apollonia on the floor of
the basement. He tosses it in the air and she catches it. What.
Yeah, what He's in the basement and you don't know she's there,
and he picks it up off the floor and then he tossed it over his
shoulder and she's like sitting on the basement steps and she catches it. Yeah,
And it's like the reveal that she's there. She is perhaps forgiving to
a fault. I'm gonna say that right now. She is forgiving to a
fault because a man that she has known for less than one week has now
assaulted her physically twice. And she's like, I'm give him a third shot.
Yeah, third times of charm kids, that's right. Baby. The
kid launches into baby, I'm a Star, and we eventually freeze frame on
his face while he's performing. Boy, did I wish they had gone back
to Let's go crazy? But that's okay, it's okay. I have to
say, these last two performances, it really feels like Prince drops like any
facade that he had of trying to be quote unquote the kid, and it
just looks like Prince having a blast performing on stage. Yea, And it
is riveting. It is so entertaining. Rest of the movie not so much.
The whole movie should have just been this. I'm really really sorry.
I'm never gonna get a chance to see Prince live ever. Yeah, that's
a bummer that I didn't get that. I didn't try to make that a
thing. And that is the end of Purple Rain. So stick around.
We will come right back with our random observations and final rankings. And we're
back, Erica. Do you have any any any lingering thoughts on purple Rain
and any any less little droplets you want to sprinkle upon the audience some purple
rain to sprinkle on them. I just want to see. I just want
to give you off some purple rain. That's my impression of prints in that
ritten part of Purple Rain. I can't do the voice. I cannot do
the singing voice. It is too good. Yeah, that weird. That
sex scene is weirdly graphic for two clothed people, because the sex scene is
it's mostly just she gets on the bed right and she to off her shirt,
I think, in her clothes, so she's wearing like a boostia and
panties. He's standing behind her shirtless, but he's wearing his pants, and
then they're both facing the camera and it's almost as if they're looking right at
you while he kind of just like plays with her crotch and I'm like,
I don't this is so uncomfortable, please stop. It's the hand for me.
It looks like he's he looks like he's rummaging around in the in the
very very tiny strip of fabric, and I'm like he's touching her volva like
the princess touching Caupolodia's volva. Right now, it looks like he's like playing
the guitar but with his with her pussy instead of I hate it. I
hate it's you know what it is that I have nothing against any of this.
It's just the fact that they're both kind of looking at the camera like
you're both watching me, watch them, and I'm like, no, sop,
I hate this. I only have one. I left a lot on
the field of this movie, but I just want to do a deeper dive
into the Jerome Morris relationship, huh, because it is fascinating. Like so,
Jerome is like Morris's personal valet, Like he drives him places, he's
his sidekick. He's a sidekick, like the he drives them. By the
way, in the very first scene, you see Morris get ready and he
comes out in a yellow suit jacket with yellow leopard print lapels. Everything everything
incredible. No note, he drives Morris up to the Jerome drives Morris up
to the theater and then he comes out and he does the mirror thing where
he's like holding the mirrors as Jerome, Like, I apologize this is my
reference. He Phonsie's in the mirror. He like combs his hair. There
may be a cooler reference. I don't know. There is no such thing
as a cooler reference than Phonsie, right of course, of course. But
then like Jerome also joins him on stage and does like dances with him.
Yeah, I just I'm dying to brothers employer employee, best friends. I
don't know what it is. There's nothing sexual. I'm not even gonna pretend
they're boyfriends. They're obviously not boyfriends. Yeah, like, what is going
on? I'm dying to know. Definitely, like does every function of an
entourage, but just one guy doing it? Good for you to know,
get shit done. Michael Myers and Jerome from Purple Rain. Jerome gets shipped
done on the level of Michael Myers from Halloween. I just have one word
too. And it's also a fashion thing. I truly, everything Appolonia wears
it's terrific, no notes. Everything Prince wears is terrific, no notes,
there's really fashion wise. There are almost no misses in the entire movie except
for she's wearing that like again, the boustier and underwear and a long,
long cape that goes down to the floor when when Prince Like rolls up on
his motorcycle gets and it's like get on and she just jumps on the back
of that motorcycle and I'm like, yeah, he sa for this episode is
a Dora duncan he Hello? Yeah, do not wear a full length cape
on a motorcycle. You are crazy unless you are an actual superhero. So
you know it's not gonna get caught. Yeah, impossible, all right,
Eric Erica, tell me how how are we gonna rank? How are we
gonna rank? Purple Rain one to ten? Lake Minnetonka's purifying yourself in the
in the cooling waters of Lake Minnetonka, Not Lake Minnetonka, purifying yourself in
Fake Minnetonka. In Fake one to ten. Demonic hand puppets Again, it's
not a hand puppet. I don't know what it's called. There's so many
demonic dolls in this movie. Oh my god, the mask and you know
what, they are not out of place, they are They are far less
out of place than so much else that's in this movie. Like, yeah,
just make that movie instead. Yeah. One to ten Force bands that
got cut from the lineup. Oh yeah, uh huh, like like like
Mike and the Mechanics specific bit men at work. Oh kaja goo goo.
He really just knocks on the door and opens it and Genesis is there and
he's like, sorry, Phil Collins and Peter Gabriel, you gotta go.
What if it was Tony Basil, Tony Basil would have killed at the first
avenue. You know what, if Tony Basil had gotten the boot over Apollonia
six, I would have rioted blood into streets of Minneapolis. He opens the
door, Billy's locks to the door and he's like, sorry, Toto,
you gotta go. Sorry, flock of seagulls, take your hair, and
get the hell out of here. Toto, by the way, just dressed
in full African garb, even though they are white men, white, absolutely
white. Get out of here, Katrina and the Waves. One to ten
Dumpster women, Oh women, you just throw in dumpsters? Yeah, because
that's where they belong. Yeah, yeah, that's what this movie. That's
this whole movie's like seasons. All women are dumpster women. Yeah, they're
garbage to be put in their place. One to ten went out of ten
things that prince looks like what prince really is? Yeah, prince prince who
really is a prince is like if a leprechaun was dressed up like a French
duke. It's this one. It's this we know it's this one. We
all a lot. Do you want to go first or shall I go first?
I'll go first on this one. Okay, Yeah, it's gonna be
low. It's gonna be It's gonna be low. It has to be so
misogynistic. The one thing I will say is I think it does pass.
The thing is it passes the Bechdel test. I'm pretty sure because I'm pretty
sure Wendy and Lisa talk about their music. I think I have to remember,
like I'm trying to remember. I'm racking my brain to remember the movie.
Well, Jill and Appollonia talk about Apolonia getting a job there you go
definitely does pass. Are There are some women characters. They're mostly treated as
though they are punching bags and or something you would throw in a dumpster.
Literally, it's very diverse for a movie that was filmed in nineteen eighty four.
Most of the main characters are people of color. Yeah, it's fantastic.
Most of them are not even actors. That's how diverse this movie is.
He didn't even cast actors to be in it. However, the like
it's a bad movie. First of all, it's a bad movie with a
bad message about domestic violence being like some ultimate form of romance because the parents
stay together at the end of the film, and he and Apollonia keeps coming
back to him even though he's horrible to her. Women keep flocking to Morris,
even though he's obviously a monster. None of it's good. It's like
it's like cycle after cycle of bad behavior on everyone's parts. It's just got
all this underlying misogyny to it. As Paul pointed out, it's also just
really sloppy, Like as a movie, it's just so fucking sloppy, and
like I actually like when when actors, when non actors are in a movie,
actually find that really fun and fascinating to watch, even in a good
way, like movies that starred dancers, because they're never like very good as
actors, but they're still compelling to watch. This is not one of those
movies, because they ask for too much, they make them all do too
much. I'm gonna give it because of the diversity of the cast. I'm
gonna give it a four. Okay, it's not a good movie. I
actually don't recommend watching it. Go on YouTube and just watch the music,
the music parts which are that's my palate cleanser. Just watch the music parts
of the movie and don't watch the intervening dialogue scenes. Yeah. Mus the
music of the film is so fucking good. And this the scene, all
the like concert scenes are so it's like being at a Prince concert, which
even if you saw it like in the theater, imagine how that must have
felt. Like. Those parts are worth watching, but none of nothing else
is worth watching. I don't think so. Yeah, four out of ten.
Prince who looks like Dracula's ballet dancer, cousin Prince who looks like a
like a youth pastor denying his sexuality while playing Captain Hook in a really overtly
sexual production of Yeahce who looks like if a nymph ran ran a sex shop.
Yeah, that's right, a pixie. How about you, Paul,
what do you think? Yeah, Yeah, that's it. It's it's It
is so nakedly misogynistic that it is shocking, even taking out the physical assault
and the domestic violence of it. The way that he specifically treats Wendy Lisa
because none of none of the men are even writing other music in the band
as far as we know, it's them, And he literally says, I'm
not playing your stupid music. Stop trying, and like dismisses them as if
they're you're here to do my bidding, and if you're not doing my bidding,
you're out to betray me like this lack of trust. And I don't
know if the because there is that brief scenum, like are they trying to
say, like because of the distrust between his parents' relationship, it's destroyed his
relationship with women. I don't think anyone who wrote this movie thought about this
as much, but like you try to make things make sense, yeah,
naturally as a viewer, they just don't. It simply doesn't. But you're
right, it's very diverse. There are no gay or queer characters in the
movie because they did take out the windy and least a subplot. There was
supposed to be a subplot of them actually being together, which I'm sure would
have been handled with an enormous amount of sensitivity. Actually, that would have
been really revolutionary in nineteen eighty four, Like truly revolutionary. Yeah, yeah,
but they took it out. And there is a queer aesthetic obviously to
this, like you know, outsiders coming to this club and hearing this music.
People who go to the club are all dressed in that very androgynost nineteen
eighty five or like men wearing makeup, like like it's very cool like in
that sense. So I'm kind of left where you were left where like it's
it's it's diverse, and it's fine on the queer community stuff, particularly for
nineteen eighty four, but like, oh my god, the way this movie
treats its women will will make your jaw hit the floor because it is so
harsh. And the fact even that at the end one of his parents who
gets like an arc is his father, Like they redeem his father. I
don't know a damn thing about his mother. We never find out what kind
of artist she was, that her career was like truncated. We don't we
never find out, like what her story is, what her desires are.
It doesn't exist as a person. She doesn't even get named. He gets
named, Yeah, he's Francis l and she is just the wife the mom.
Yeah, I'll agree with you. I'll say four. I'll say four
on the power of those performances and the fact that it's diverse. Yeah,
but it's really shocking to watch now, like, oh my god, how
did this get made? Four out of ten? Things that Prince looks like
in this movie something like like like P. T. Barnum's cousin from the
Wrong Side of the Tracks, you know what I mean, a fire eater
from the Edwardian Times. So Erica I already said. My palate cleanser is
watch Purple Rain, but just fast, when people start talking, just watch
Prince when he's on stage with a guitar. Yeah, and you will be
golden well and then stop for that who's on first scene with Morris, which
is perfect. Yeah. My pilot cleanser is the Prince was on one episode
of New Girl in like twenty fourteen. He was on the super Bowl episode
I think. Yeah, he died not long after that, so it's maybe
one of the last things you ever did. And he was really funny in
it. It's the only other time I've ever seen friends act. It wasn't
that. And he does very little and he plays himself, so it's very
it's not asking for much. But yeah, yeah, he's funny in it
all right. Well, that is the end of our show, of our
first show of February. Time is slipping through our fingers again. It's moved
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No Agent double o Panties is back. Hello, Hello, is this transmission
working? I've just jumped out of a plane and I'm in free fall.
I'm about to infiltrate a Swiss chalet held by the Naziese. But I've received
an urgent message from Moneypenny that Erica and the fancy Boy I need another thank
you, So you've got me until I have to pull my parachute. That's
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to pay Erica and marry Mary quite the fairy to get my attention again.
I remember that night in Cairo, and I'd go in for a repeat anytime.
One moment while I pull my parachute. Right, well, you all
know what's happened. I've lost my panties. On the rebound, I guess
I'll be Donald ducking my way through these Nazis. Those bastards will at least
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Thanks for being a patron, Lulu. And never forget when you call agent
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don't even know what's coming for them, do they? They really don't.
It's gonna be It's gonna be exciting and shocking. I think, ha ha
ha, Yeah, Erica, any final thoughts on Purple Rain, Paul?
What movie are we watching? Purple Rain? Purple Rain, the Song of
Purple Rain, the movie Purple Ring, the movie Purple Rain, the Song
of Purple Rain, the movie See I can't do it, I can't do
it. Try it doesn't work. Yeah, it doesn't work. That's why
women go in the dumpster. Are these people supposed to be like eighteen and
nineteen? I think so. I think they are. It makes everything so much funnier