You're listening to KFI AM six forty on demand. I am six forty.
You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show.
If you would like to come on into the studio at least visually,
why don't you log onto my Instagram because we are live on Instagram right now.
The handle is at doctor Wendy Walsh. I'm going to talk for a
few minutes about this new trend called clout lighting in relationships, and then I'm
going to be taking your relationship calls for my drive by Makeshift Relationship Advices.
I like to call it the numbers one eight hundred and five, two zero,
one, five, three four will open up the lines at the end
of the segment, But first I got to talk about this. So you
know what gas lighting is, right, We've heard about it a lot where
there was a movie in the nineteen forties called Gaslight, and where a partner
tried to make a woman feel crazy and lied to her about what she was
experiencing and he gas lit her. Right, And so now there's a new
relationship trend. I don't know who thinks up these words and makes this stuff
become part of our lexicon. But it is the word clout lighting, all
right, Now, what is clout If you're on social media, you may
know what clout is. It means having clout, having a big following,
making sure that you are known around the world. Right, I'm going to
explain a little bit about clout lighting by telling you a story. I met
a woman this week who told me that cloud lighting, she didn't know what
was called, that caused her divorce. And it went like this, He
wanted to post everything on social media about their relationship and it was driving her
crazy because she was expected to be performative at times when she wanted to be
authentic. Now he would say to her, but I just love you and
you're so beautiful, and why shouldn't we make a little video or why shouldn't
I put your picture up there? But she felt the relationship was just for
performance, that they weren't actually being close and in and authentic, right,
And they ended up divorcing over that. So here are some of the reasons
why, you know, clout lighting, or forcing your relationship to be on
social media when one partner is not so interested, can be dangerous. First
of all, it erodes authenticity in a relationship. We know that one of
the most dangerous things for a relationship is something we call social comparison. Social
comparison where you're on social media and you're looking at all these other seemingly happy
couples where everything is perfect right. I love the ones that show you that
things aren't so perfect right. And so I do want to say this that
if you are putting your relationship on social media, I think it is incumbent.
It's like a public service that you should make sure you show some negatives
about your relationship. Not that you should be fighting for real with an audience,
but just you know, if your house is messy, don't try to
you know. And if you don't wearing makeup that date, like, just
don't write now. Another concerning problem with clout lighting is the erosion of privacy.
Right You're gradually starting to lose more and more of your privacy. Now,
if you're following me on social media, if you're here on Instagram right
now, you know that I have a very large following. You also probably
know that I haven't been posting a lot lately because I started to not like
the erosion of privacy. I started to feel like I want to just be
able to keep some things to myself as a secret. And so when you're
in a relationship, relationships need to grow in privacy. Now, how do
you protect from that? You want to set very clear boundaries with your partner
about you know what, these are the things that I'm okay with sharing.
These are the things I'm not okay with sharing. So it might be I'm
okay to talk about, you know, our differences in child rearing or how
we divide up our domestic responsibilities, but I don't feel comfortable talking about our
sex life on social media. Right, that's clear obvious boundary. Or if
there's another mate poacher coming around who's into your DMS that I'm a little bit
upset about, we're not going to put that on social media. Right.
You're going to decide which things, and you have to decide as a couple.
The other thing is you have to regularly check in with your partner to
make sure all this is okay. Now, again, if you've been following
me, you know that I've been talking about my boyfriend Julio for years and
he's okay with it, and I do check in with him every once in
a while. I don't put any pictures, or rarely pictures. I think
it did one video of us on a nice weekend in New York one time
and doing fun stuff, but generally I don't unless you know he would want
that. But you know, it's better that he's this mystery man. I
think I mentioned that social comparison is one of the biggest things that can damage
your relationship, and what they create are unrealistic expectations. So the other part
of cloud lighting isn't just that you're putting your own relationship out there on social
media, but you're watching everybody else's relationships and it's okay. So I actually
used to follow this couple just because they were so darn gorgeous. You know,
it's the Instagram world, right. She was just look like a supermodel.
Maybe she is a model. He looked like a supermodel, he man
whatever. They had a little kid and everything, and then all of a
sudden he disappeared from her feed, just gone, and there was no discussion,
there was no what happened, right, And I still don't know what
happened, but it became her the model on that whole thing. I think
I stopp following because it was less interesting to me. It's interesting, So
anyway you don't want to compare, Here's what I want you to do with
your relationship. I want you to nurture a unique bond. I want you
to talk authentically. If you are on social media as a couple, and
you don't have to be, I want you to talk authentically about why you
value your partner and while keeping boundaries intact. I think it's also important that
you show a real relationship, whether the real relationship is you with no makeup
in your hair and a nod on your head, or whether it's just you
know, we had a big argument today and this is what we thought about.
But here's also how we resolved it. And here's how we talked it
through, so you can show the repair, right. I also think that
before you jump into putting your relationship on social media, you need to make
sure that you have strong media literacy. So I come from traditional media,
right. I was a local news anchor, I was a television host.
I hosted so many different shows. I know how to be performative for the
camera because it was my career for years. I also know how to protect
my privacy in certain ways. But somebody who just jumps into social media because
it's fun and they're young, and they don't understand they can get hurt because
the downside of social media. You got two big risks putting your couple life
on social media. The first is somebody's self esteem is going to be eroded
by the trolls who come on board and attack every once in a while.
And it might be as simple as you know. One year, I posted
a picture of a wedding I attended and they were just beautiful young couple and
I was talking about their love and isn't that wonderful? And I could not
believe how many people in the comments talked about how one partner was better looking
than the other partner. And I thought, they're reading these like this is
a young couple starting out on their life, and what a thing to read,
right, So be prepared that the trolls can erode your relationship because they
can boost the esteem of one and pull down the esteem of the other.
The other thing is, if you're going to put it out there, you're
gonna have may poachers show up, especially if you look like a good partner.
There's research to show that humans are attracted to other people's partners because it
shows they're good partners. So you're going to have to deal with all the
people sliding into the DMS. That is just part of the game, and
you're going to have to talk about what the boundaries are around that. Okay,
when we come back, I am going to be taking your calls.
Reminder, I'm not a therapist. I'm a psychology professor. However, I've
written three books on relationships, and I've been obsessed with the science of love
for many decades. The biological, the sociological, and the psychological pieces.
I read studies every single week on interpersonal relationships. I am happy to weigh
in as an educator with the science that I know. So if you want
to give me a call, do the numbers one eight hundred five two zero
one five three four. That's one eight hundred five two zero one KFI.
You can change your name. I know these are really intimate things sometimes to
talk about. That's fine. Our producer Kayla has just gone over to the
phone. So if you want to call the numbers one eight hundred five two
zero one five three four that's one eight hundred five two zero one KFI.
You are listening to the doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM six forty.
We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to KFI AM six forty
on demand KFI AM six forty. You have doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
So this is the Doctor Wendy Wall Show, and I am taking your calls.
Just a reminder, I'm not a therapist. I'm a psychology professor,
but I'm obsessed with the science of love. I've written three books on relationships
in did my dissertation on attachment theory. If you'd like to call in,
the number is one eight hundred five two zero What KFI. That's one eight
hundred five two zero one five three four Okay, Producer Kayla, Who do
we have on the line? Patty? Hi, Patty, It's doctor Wendy.
Hi, Doctor Wendy. Good evening, How are you good? What's
your question? Love? Well, I've been dealing with this for about gosh,
going on four years now. I've been divorced from my ex husband that
I got married in my twenty young and dumb. We all had a twenty
something marriage. That's how we learned. Okay, Yeah, I have a
little, beautiful young woman out of that relationship. She's no an adult and
my ex was very, very brilliant. Just my background as I came from
an atheist home and so my relationships with my family was very toxic, and
so I went into religion, you know, to find offense of you.
And my ex was a year little older than me and really emotionally and specially
his family did too. That made me feel very inadequate, so I went.
I've been going to therapy, life coaching to move forward, but it's
still what's really lingering for me is just dealing with the guilt of not going
to church, having a different lifestyle. And I'm in this beautiful relationship with
this new guy that I've been with for two years and it's been very beautiful
and new experiences, but there's still that guilt of like that I'm still dealing
with. And I just wanted to get your okay, you know, just
your exercis. Oh yeah, well, so I'm a recovering Catholic Patty,
So let's talk. Okay. So you've been married, you've been divorced for
four years, and although you were raised by you could describe them atheist parents,
you married a highly religious guy. It didn't work out you were young,
you got an adult daughter. Now great, all good, And now
you're saying, even though you're in a great relationship with a guy for the
past two years, you feel guilty that you're not going to church. And
let me tell you this is not what religion was made for. Now.
Religion was designed through you know, our evolutionary past as tribes, right,
trying to build bigger membership, and so they often made all kinds of rules
around dating, mating, and relating, like don't have sex with anybody before
you're married, and don't have sex with anybody outside of this religion, and
don't masturbate, that's wasting the seed, and don't have homosexual sex because that's
not going to produce members for us. Right, So they have all these
rules. And one of the ways that almost all religions work hard to keep
their members sticking to them is they instill a lot of guilt and shame.
I am here to tell you that, as a normal, natural human woman
who has whatever relationship you may have with God, you do not have to
go to church. All right. Men made that up. Every religion was
made by men, just to let you know, not even women. They
made up those rules, Patty, because they wanted you to stick to it
so you would create more members for them. So I'm telling you right now
that you should stay in therapy. I do suggest that you see a licensed
clinical therapist rather than a life coach, and you learn about where these feelings
of guilt might be coming from. But me, woman to woman, I'm
going to tell you, if you have a great guy right now, to
stick with him and love him. Don't worry about the other stuff. You're
a good person. You're a good person, Patty. Thank you for calling.
All right? Who do we have next? Hello? Who do we
have next? Not on? I as Cindy with the question. Cindy.
Hi, Cindy, It's doctor Wendy. Cindy. Are you there having me
today? There? You are, Hi, Cindy. What's your question?
Love? My question is I'm seeing this coworker kind of been making out.
He hasn't asked for my number, and we are scheduled to have an official
date next month. But it works me that he doesn't ask and we just
keep the communication just on the work chat. And our unique situation is that
we're remote workers, but we only come into the office once a week.
So that any type of intimacy, like in speaking, it happens just in
that time, one day of the week, and he hasn't We haven't seen
each other after work? Okay? Have you offered your phone numbers a week
him? Okay? So I understand the issue. It's like it feels like
he's putting one foot in before I get to far. Cindy, I got
to ask you this. Do you happen to know if your work has loved
contracts, meaning what is their policy on relationships in the workplace. I haven't
seen any less contracts okay, and it's a local government, Okay. I
would quietly do some investigation because you don't want to lose your job over this.
There are plenty of fish in the sea, and he's not the last
man on the planet. Now, because you're both remote workers, you only
see each other once a week, there's probably less damage that could possibly be
Remember, relationships at work are never a problem. It's breakups at work that
are a problem because you have to imagine that you're gonna have to work with
this guy afterwards. But it seems like you're saying the biggest worry is that
you know you've made out at the office, but he hasn't asked for your
phone number. That sure sounds like a one sided thing that's not being reciprocated.
And now you're supposed to go out on this so called date. I
think you need to put your foot down and have some boundaries and say something
like, excuse me. I don't go on a date with a man unless
he gives good phone So you call me a few times and then we'll talk.
Right, you need to get in the driver's seat. Sperm chases egg
and not the reverse. So you're sitting there worried about why hasn't he asked
for my number? You need to tell him what you want and if he
doesn't go for that, then move on. Also, be very careful.
This is a workplace. You could get fired depending on what the contract is.
Thanks for calling, Cindy. That's a tough one, Okay, Producer,
Kayla, Who do we got? We had Eddie with the question Eddie,
Hi Eddie, it's doctor Wendy. Yeah, we the first time called,
but I called other shows on the station before. But I am single.
I have a eight hundred plus credit score. Nice, I paid my
car, my house here. I relocated from Chicago so there was a CNBC
article saying, well, I think you should be married and that's where you
escaped from being in debt. I mean wanted to get your take on that
marriage will keep you from being in debt? Is that what you're asking me?
Well, marriage keep you from being In the article, we're seeing that
couples are a little bit more financially secure than single people. Hell yeah,
well, let me explain. You get double the income coming into one household.
I mean think of it that way, right, So one of the
most expensive things that you can do is undergo a divorce. However, so
you want to pick a good, solid made and take your time and choose.
But the reason why divorce is so expensive is all of a sudden,
you're taking the same amount of income and now dividing it into maintaining two houses.
And you may be paying expensive divorce attorneys and child support and spousal support,
et cetera, et cetera. That's expensive. But as far as marrying,
marrying has all kinds of tax benefits. And if you've got a good
credit rating and they've got a good credit rating, you're going to have access
to way more credit. And if you're able to support the two of you.
The other salary can go into savings so you can build some financial wealth.
So yes, but that's not the reason to get married. But yeah,
that's right. The reason to get married is because you want to go
into a caregiving relationship with somebody. When I say caregiving, I mean you
want to do an exchange of care. You want to know that somebody has
your back. You want to trust somebody, you want to make sure they
trust you, and you want to support each other in sickness and in health.
That is why you should get married. Okay, we're going to go
to break. When we come back, the phone number is one eight hundred
five two zero one five three four. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy
Walls Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
You're listening to KFI AM six forty on demand KFI AM six forty.
You have doctor Wendy Waalsh with you and I am taking your calls. The
number is one eight hundred five two zero one five three four. Reminder,
this is my drive by Makeshift Relationship Advice. I'm a psychology professor, not
a therapist, but happy to weigh in. Okay, Producer Kayla, who
we got we have Adrian with a question. Adrian, Hi, Adrian,
it's doctor Wendy. Hello. Hi, what's your question? Love? So
I recently found out my girlfriend cheater on me, and I don't know how
to like break the news to her like that. I just don't want to
be in the relationship. No one, Well, okay, so there's two
things here. One is you want to be able to tell her that you
know that she had an affair. And secondly, you're sure you don't want
the relationship anymore, so there's no room for repair because sometimes affairs are a
messenger. But you're ready to break up, right ready, I'm really like
emotional, like it's been two years, super painful, super painful. So
you're going to have to tell her and not turn it into a fight.
You're just going to say, you know, I learned that she's going to
deny it whatever. You have to be completely sure, by the way,
you can't suspect that she did something unless you have great evidence, and just
say I'm not happy in this relationship, be honest, I'm feeling hurt.
This is a betrayal of me. Now I would suggest that you do it
in a public place where it's safe, you know, like out at a
coffee shop or something, or on the telephone. Do not text this.
This deserves far more than a text. But after two years and just say,
you know, I need some time to be alone, but this relationship
I can't. I can't go on if we've lost all trust. That's all
you do. Just be really honest. I'm sorry you're going through this,
Adriana. It's heartbreaking. All right, Producer, Kayla, who do we
have next? We have Mary with the question Mary, I'm marry. It's
doctor Wendy. Hi. I've been married for thirty four years, but it's
been like a roller coaster. All marriages are roller coasters, Okay, Yeah.
Twenty fourteen he left the house and then six months later he found for
divorce. Then he canceled. Then we work work it out, and then
two eighteen he fought for the war again, and this time he took me
off the check account O kept like natyous and left me almost like seven thousand
dollars. Then we kept you know, I was making income with my house
and I live out of my income the house. So he keeps his check
like maybe like almost seven thousand dollars a month and I make like five thousand
a months. And he wants me to give twelve hundred dollars from my rental
income because we put on the property. And I said no, because it's
mine, because it's half and half. So we discussed that last September thirtieth,
and he got mad and he got his luggage and left. Okay,
Mary, now giving your streaming, you're sitting back letting him do this.
He's filing for divorce, he's asking for money, he's doing this, he's
doing that. What is Mary doing? You know what Mary needs to do
right now? Pick up the phone and get a good attorney. It's this.
Why do you want to be anywhere near this guy? All we're talking
about now is division of assets and you protecting what is yours. You need
a good attorney who's going to protect you. Okay, Mary, don't even
think that this is a relationship question in a way to get him to behave
in a certain way or to get back together, it's over. You just
need to make sure that you get protected financially. So find a good lawyer.
Oh yeah, yi painful. See, relationships can be so painful.
Okay, producer Kayla, Who do we have next? We have Diane with
a question. Diane, Hi, Diane, it's doctor Wendy. Hi,
doctor Wendy. Oh my gosh, thank you for taking my call. I'm
breathing in seven seconds, breathing out day called ooh good, my ninety five
year old mother. I'm sixty five, my best friend in life. My
dad died thirty six years ago. I've always been care of her. She's
finally in a skilled nursing home. Breaks my heart. I saw her yesterday
and she said, Diane, I'm sorry. I gave your younger sister sixty
control of my money. And I said that mama got you in this home,
which I don't know, all these loops to get her in the home.
So she stayed with me, and she wants me to take her to
the bank tomorrow, which I took her to lunch yesterday, and find everything
over to me. But I think, oh my gosh, that's a lot
of responsibility. I don't know what my sister did, but she said,
I'm sure she didn't do the right thing, and I want you to be
in control of my money. And it's only social Security of seven hundred and
my dad's teachers retirement. Maybe pilot of fifteen hundred, but that's kind of
a lot of money. Yeah, if she got her there. So what
is your relationship like with your sister? Could this be a conversation you could
be having with your sister? Well, I wish, doctor Wie. But
in two thousand and one, which is twenty two years ago, I had
a birthday party from my mom elegant other friends and my sister had one in
three year old and I said, well, children really can't be there.
So she was so angry. She's never talked to me soon because my mom
attention never gets the attention. So I flew people out. They came from
training planes. Was such an interesting family that you guys learned that a conflict
resolution skill is to completely stonewall and not talk to somebody. I think this
is the time for healing and to reach out to your sister. And if
she doesn't respond, then you have to ask yourself, do I want to
undertake this financial burden of managing the finances for my mother? Maybe your sister
told the mom. You also have to get more information from mom, like
what did your sister do that's so bad. Right, And there's a lot
more information you have to mine here from a bunch of people before you make
the decision. But you also have every right to make decision Diana, about
whether to handle the money or not. You don't have to if it's going
to be too much of a financial burden. I'm sorry you're going through this,
but I'm a big believer that healing can happen anywhere in the life span.
So I would call up that sister and tell her you love her,
thanks for calling. Okay, who do we have next? We have Dell
with a question. Dale, Hi, Hi there. So my question is
basically about weeding out potential relationships. Oh my favorite question. Go ahead,
right, So I'm gay. I have multiple partners that I'm like pursuing,
but I'm not sure on how to go about it because there's some where I
feel, well, we have that conversation about what are we like, Yeah,
you typically recommend, and then I also have the like, well,
maybe they're just not interested, or maybe it should I continue to pursue.
So, like, some of them are older than me I'm or younger because
I'm thirty three, so it's like right in the middle range. So you're
the hottage. So let me ask you this. In your multiple relationships,
everybody knows that you are open sexually and that you're seeing other people, right,
So there's no hidden betrayals happening, is there? Correct? And they
know I'm I get I said regularly, I'm yeah, okay, all good?
So whatever one question I have is if if if, like you're talking
about, like you're not sure if this one and maybe that one. First
of all, the human brain suffers from something called paradox of choice. The
more choice we have, the harder it is to make a choice. And
when we do make a choice, we value it less because we think about
the bigger, better deal that could have gotten away. So I want you
to create a hierarchy for yourself, and I would probably weed out any of
the ones that aren't don't seem to be reciprocating, that aren't really impassioned for
you, because you know, you could end up having a great, wonderful,
loving, committed relationlationship with one person where the two of you have chosen
to open your relationship and set whatever kind of rules you want for each other.
Like you know, it has to be somebody we both approve of or
it has to be somebody that I don't ever see, or whatever your rules
might be, that you guys feel comfortable with. But it feels like right
now you're so indecisive because you just have so much choice. So it'll actually
be easier for you if you limit the amount of people. So I would
think in terms of just get rid of the ones that aren't totally jazzed for
you, that aren't just jumping for joy whenever you call and show up,
those would be the first ones to get rid of. And the ones that
are saying, yeah, I'm happy to have a relationship with you. Maybe
you can grow into a deep emotional commitment. Thank you for Callingdell. That's
a very good question, because it's hard when we have too much choice.
It makes it that much harder. Okay, when we come back, oh
man, Thanksgivings coming up. That's always not always a happy time for everybody,
whether you're single or going to see family that you're not happy about.
I've got some advice for you. You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show
on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're
listening to KFI AM six forty on demand AFI AM six forty. You have
Dr Wendy Walsh with you. This is the home stretch of the Doctor Wendy
Walls Show. Kayla, did you pick that song because of Matthew Perry.
I'm obsessed. I'm sorry. I know she knows. The segment is about
friends Giving. It's a new thing, right, So people who have bad
families or families they can't get home to, or they moved away, or
they're closer to their friends get together with friends. Why they get together the
Wednesday before friends Giving and then they get with their family on Thursday. So
what are you doing for Thanksgiving? I'm going home to my family you for
the first time in three years and things. And you have three brothers,
three brothers and a sister and a bunch of cousins. Now you go,
baby nephew, Dece's babies, huge family. Oh do you cook? What
are you cooking? I bring the wine, Oh appetite, that's good wine.
And the appetite is ma'am. My daughter called me bast time from Paris
today because she can't come home for Thanksgiving, wanting to know how to make
our favorite family dish, side dish, which is turnips, parsnips, and
carrots, just all boiled together and just roughly mashed with a ton of butter
and salt and pepper. Yum, yum, yum. It's like a three
color mash Winter Wendy's Winter Mash. Call it anyway. I was so touched
that my daughter actually asked me for a recipe. I felt so good.
We tend to she won't be back. We join my friend Maria usually at
her house. We've been doing that for many years and her whole family.
Thanksgiving, by the way, is my favorite holiday. It is my favorite
holiday because it tends to be not religious, so everybody can celebrate it.
And it's a two day holiday. See where I come from. In Canada,
Christmas is the big holiday because it's the two day holiday at Boxing Day.
You ever heard of that? Okay? And then many people take like
the whole week off. But here some people, you know, especially if
you're work in retail. I worked news for years where I had to work
even Christmas Day and what have you. But Thanksgiving two day holiday. Wait,
what day of the week. It's Thursday Friday? Right, it doesn't
land on different days? No, No, it's always Thursday. I'm confusing
it from the Canadian Thanksgiving, which is we just had it in October.
It has to do with the length of the harvest season, because you're always
celebrating the harvest and the food is that's what you're giving thanks for. Anyway,
and it was nice to get calls from my brother on the Canadian Thanksgiving.
It's interesting because a holiday in Canada is the Monday, but people usually
do their Thanksgiving dinner on the Sunday before and then just take the day off.
They don't do the dinner on the Monday's recovery day, the recovery day
exactly. So. A recent study commissioned by the dating app Bumble found that
over half of the people who responded just wanted to expand their social circles.
There are a lot of lonely people in America who don't necessarily or aren't ready
for a romantic relationship, but they think, let me just start with friends,
and that's how you find someone, usually through a new friend network.
Right. And so, have you ever heard of a butterball turkey Thanksgiving?
It's a brandy butter ball. Yeah, I think, yeah, butter ball.
It just sounds so funny. Isn't that like a line you call to
It's a Butterball turkey. Oh yeah, you can call Butterball and find out
how to cook your turkey, right, and they give online turkey cooking classes
now and real life cookie classes. So guess what Butterball got together with Bumball.
I love this how dating apps are just sort of connecting people. And
what they've done is they have a section for platonic relationships where you can click
on friends Giving planning feature. It starts on November first, so the day
after Halloween, Bumble's gonna launch it. It's gonna be a big deal.
And you click on the friendship hard like BFF, want to make a BFF
and you can match with other people looking for Thanksgiving plans. Isn't that nice?
I love that. That's so sweet and of course usually women. So
guys, you should jump on because it'll be you'll eat a table with a
whole bunch of women, is what will happen. Don't ruin the don't ruin
the experience though, guys, don't be trying to hit be nice. Remember
the naked dinner lady from that from last week the week before it lives in
my mind. Rent free. I kind of want to go. I couldn't.
I couldn't eat eat naked. It is a hygiene thing. I don't
know. It's just a hygiene thing. I get it, and I spill
hot dishes on me. That would not be fun. I will never forget
the time my kid was taking cookies out of the oven and we had like
a waist height oven like in the wall, and she pulled the tray out
and burned her stomach. She was in a pop top, stump top,
pop top, crop top. No, it's a pop top in my day
now it's a crop top, but it was a pop top. It was
a pop top, you guys. Or did it a crop top? That
doesn't make sense. It's a pop up, crop up, it popped up.
I get it. Anyway. I do want to say this before we
go. Not everybody had the healthiest or happiest family when they were growing up,
and maybe this Thanksgiving you are going to be with that family. There's
always time for repair, there's always time for healing, but it doesn't actually
have to happen this Thanksgiving if you're not ready. So I want you to
know that it's okay to set boundaries with your family. It's okay to say
no no on you boundaries, on your time, how much time you'll devote
to them, how much money you'll spend, or the labor, what you'll
do. It's okay to say no to some of these things. And I'm
going to encourage you to really focus on the positive. It wasn't all bad.
I know a lot of it was okay. I don't want to dismiss
any of the trauma that you may have had, but one of the things
that will help prime your brain for a better Thanksgiving meal is for you to
try to focus on some of the positive and maybe some of the family traditions,
and maybe you're going to want to practice some self care before or after
the meal to get yourself ready for it. We understand that Thanksgiving dinner isn't
the happiest for everybody, but I am a big believer that if you just
stay open and positive and loving and authentic, that sometimes healing miracles can happen
in your life. So I hope is my greatest wish that that happens for
you. Anyway, I am always here for you every Sunday from seven to
nine pm. You can also follow me on my social media The handle is
at Doctor Wendy Walsh and I love you all. That's what I say to
my students at the end of class. After I do a lecture, I
go I love you all. Go home now. I love you all.
KFI listeners, we'll see you next week. You've been listening to The Doctor
Wendy Walls Show and KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio
app, KFI AM six forty on demand