WEBVTT

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You're listening to KFI AM six forty
on demand. I am six forty.

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You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show.

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If you would like to come on
into the studio at least visually,

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why don't you log onto my Instagram
because we are live on Instagram right now.

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The handle is at doctor Wendy Walsh. I'm going to talk for a

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few minutes about this new trend called
clout lighting in relationships, and then I'm

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going to be taking your relationship calls
for my drive by Makeshift Relationship Advices.

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I like to call it the numbers
one eight hundred and five, two zero,

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one, five, three four will
open up the lines at the end

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of the segment, But first I
got to talk about this. So you

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know what gas lighting is, right, We've heard about it a lot where

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there was a movie in the nineteen
forties called Gaslight, and where a partner

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tried to make a woman feel crazy
and lied to her about what she was

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experiencing and he gas lit her.
Right, And so now there's a new

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relationship trend. I don't know who
thinks up these words and makes this stuff

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become part of our lexicon. But
it is the word clout lighting, all

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right, Now, what is clout
If you're on social media, you may

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know what clout is. It means
having clout, having a big following,

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making sure that you are known around
the world. Right, I'm going to

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explain a little bit about clout lighting
by telling you a story. I met

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a woman this week who told me
that cloud lighting, she didn't know what

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was called, that caused her divorce. And it went like this, He

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wanted to post everything on social media
about their relationship and it was driving her

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crazy because she was expected to be
performative at times when she wanted to be

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authentic. Now he would say to
her, but I just love you and

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you're so beautiful, and why shouldn't
we make a little video or why shouldn't

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I put your picture up there?
But she felt the relationship was just for

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performance, that they weren't actually being
close and in and authentic, right,

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And they ended up divorcing over that. So here are some of the reasons

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why, you know, clout lighting, or forcing your relationship to be on

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social media when one partner is not
so interested, can be dangerous. First

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of all, it erodes authenticity in
a relationship. We know that one of

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the most dangerous things for a relationship
is something we call social comparison. Social

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comparison where you're on social media and
you're looking at all these other seemingly happy

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couples where everything is perfect right.
I love the ones that show you that

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things aren't so perfect right. And
so I do want to say this that

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if you are putting your relationship on
social media, I think it is incumbent.

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It's like a public service that you
should make sure you show some negatives

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about your relationship. Not that you
should be fighting for real with an audience,

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but just you know, if your
house is messy, don't try to

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you know. And if you don't
wearing makeup that date, like, just

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don't write now. Another concerning problem
with clout lighting is the erosion of privacy.

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Right You're gradually starting to lose more
and more of your privacy. Now,

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if you're following me on social media, if you're here on Instagram right

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now, you know that I have
a very large following. You also probably

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know that I haven't been posting a
lot lately because I started to not like

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the erosion of privacy. I started
to feel like I want to just be

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able to keep some things to myself
as a secret. And so when you're

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in a relationship, relationships need to
grow in privacy. Now, how do

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you protect from that? You want
to set very clear boundaries with your partner

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about you know what, these are
the things that I'm okay with sharing.

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These are the things I'm not okay
with sharing. So it might be I'm

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okay to talk about, you know, our differences in child rearing or how

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we divide up our domestic responsibilities,
but I don't feel comfortable talking about our

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sex life on social media. Right, that's clear obvious boundary. Or if

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there's another mate poacher coming around who's
into your DMS that I'm a little bit

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upset about, we're not going to
put that on social media. Right.

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You're going to decide which things,
and you have to decide as a couple.

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The other thing is you have to
regularly check in with your partner to

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make sure all this is okay.
Now, again, if you've been following

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me, you know that I've been
talking about my boyfriend Julio for years and

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he's okay with it, and I
do check in with him every once in

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a while. I don't put any
pictures, or rarely pictures. I think

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it did one video of us on
a nice weekend in New York one time

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and doing fun stuff, but generally
I don't unless you know he would want

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that. But you know, it's
better that he's this mystery man. I

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think I mentioned that social comparison is
one of the biggest things that can damage

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your relationship, and what they create
are unrealistic expectations. So the other part

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of cloud lighting isn't just that you're
putting your own relationship out there on social

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media, but you're watching everybody else's
relationships and it's okay. So I actually

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used to follow this couple just because
they were so darn gorgeous. You know,

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it's the Instagram world, right.
She was just look like a supermodel.

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Maybe she is a model. He
looked like a supermodel, he man

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whatever. They had a little kid
and everything, and then all of a

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sudden he disappeared from her feed,
just gone, and there was no discussion,

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there was no what happened, right, And I still don't know what

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happened, but it became her the
model on that whole thing. I think

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I stopp following because it was less
interesting to me. It's interesting, So

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anyway you don't want to compare,
Here's what I want you to do with

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your relationship. I want you to
nurture a unique bond. I want you

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to talk authentically. If you are
on social media as a couple, and

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you don't have to be, I
want you to talk authentically about why you

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value your partner and while keeping boundaries
intact. I think it's also important that

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you show a real relationship, whether
the real relationship is you with no makeup

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in your hair and a nod on
your head, or whether it's just you

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know, we had a big argument
today and this is what we thought about.

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But here's also how we resolved it. And here's how we talked it

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through, so you can show the
repair, right. I also think that

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before you jump into putting your relationship
on social media, you need to make

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sure that you have strong media literacy. So I come from traditional media,

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right. I was a local news
anchor, I was a television host.

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I hosted so many different shows.
I know how to be performative for the

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camera because it was my career for
years. I also know how to protect

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my privacy in certain ways. But
somebody who just jumps into social media because

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it's fun and they're young, and
they don't understand they can get hurt because

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the downside of social media. You
got two big risks putting your couple life

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on social media. The first is
somebody's self esteem is going to be eroded

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by the trolls who come on board
and attack every once in a while.

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And it might be as simple as
you know. One year, I posted

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a picture of a wedding I attended
and they were just beautiful young couple and

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I was talking about their love and
isn't that wonderful? And I could not

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believe how many people in the comments
talked about how one partner was better looking

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than the other partner. And I
thought, they're reading these like this is

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a young couple starting out on their
life, and what a thing to read,

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right, So be prepared that the
trolls can erode your relationship because they

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can boost the esteem of one and
pull down the esteem of the other.

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The other thing is, if you're
going to put it out there, you're

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gonna have may poachers show up,
especially if you look like a good partner.

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There's research to show that humans are
attracted to other people's partners because it

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shows they're good partners. So you're
going to have to deal with all the

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people sliding into the DMS. That
is just part of the game, and

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you're going to have to talk about
what the boundaries are around that. Okay,

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when we come back, I am
going to be taking your calls.

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Reminder, I'm not a therapist.
I'm a psychology professor. However, I've

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written three books on relationships, and
I've been obsessed with the science of love

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for many decades. The biological,
the sociological, and the psychological pieces.

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I read studies every single week on
interpersonal relationships. I am happy to weigh

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in as an educator with the science
that I know. So if you want

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to give me a call, do
the numbers one eight hundred five two zero

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one five three four. That's one
eight hundred five two zero one KFI.

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You can change your name. I
know these are really intimate things sometimes to

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talk about. That's fine. Our
producer Kayla has just gone over to the

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phone. So if you want to
call the numbers one eight hundred five two

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zero one five three four that's one
eight hundred five two zero one KFI.

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You are listening to the doctor Wendy
Walls Show on KFI AM six forty.

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We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to KFI AM six forty

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on demand KFI AM six forty.
You have doctor Wendy Walsh with you.

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So this is the Doctor Wendy Wall
Show, and I am taking your calls.

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Just a reminder, I'm not a
therapist. I'm a psychology professor,

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but I'm obsessed with the science of
love. I've written three books on relationships

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in did my dissertation on attachment theory. If you'd like to call in,

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the number is one eight hundred five
two zero What KFI. That's one eight

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hundred five two zero one five three
four Okay, Producer Kayla, Who do

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we have on the line? Patty? Hi, Patty, It's doctor Wendy.

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Hi, Doctor Wendy. Good evening, How are you good? What's

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your question? Love? Well,
I've been dealing with this for about gosh,

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going on four years now. I've
been divorced from my ex husband that

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I got married in my twenty young
and dumb. We all had a twenty

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something marriage. That's how we learned. Okay, Yeah, I have a

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little, beautiful young woman out of
that relationship. She's no an adult and

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my ex was very, very brilliant. Just my background as I came from

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an atheist home and so my relationships
with my family was very toxic, and

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so I went into religion, you
know, to find offense of you.

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And my ex was a year little
older than me and really emotionally and specially

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his family did too. That made
me feel very inadequate, so I went.

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I've been going to therapy, life
coaching to move forward, but it's

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still what's really lingering for me is
just dealing with the guilt of not going

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to church, having a different lifestyle. And I'm in this beautiful relationship with

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this new guy that I've been with
for two years and it's been very beautiful

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and new experiences, but there's still
that guilt of like that I'm still dealing

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with. And I just wanted to
get your okay, you know, just

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your exercis. Oh yeah, well, so I'm a recovering Catholic Patty,

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So let's talk. Okay. So
you've been married, you've been divorced for

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four years, and although you were
raised by you could describe them atheist parents,

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you married a highly religious guy.
It didn't work out you were young,

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you got an adult daughter. Now
great, all good, And now

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you're saying, even though you're in
a great relationship with a guy for the

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past two years, you feel guilty
that you're not going to church. And

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let me tell you this is not
what religion was made for. Now.

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Religion was designed through you know,
our evolutionary past as tribes, right,

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trying to build bigger membership, and
so they often made all kinds of rules

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around dating, mating, and relating, like don't have sex with anybody before

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you're married, and don't have sex
with anybody outside of this religion, and

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don't masturbate, that's wasting the seed, and don't have homosexual sex because that's

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not going to produce members for us. Right, So they have all these

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rules. And one of the ways
that almost all religions work hard to keep

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their members sticking to them is they
instill a lot of guilt and shame.

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I am here to tell you that, as a normal, natural human woman

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who has whatever relationship you may have
with God, you do not have to

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go to church. All right.
Men made that up. Every religion was

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made by men, just to let
you know, not even women. They

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made up those rules, Patty,
because they wanted you to stick to it

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so you would create more members for
them. So I'm telling you right now

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that you should stay in therapy.
I do suggest that you see a licensed

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clinical therapist rather than a life coach, and you learn about where these feelings

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of guilt might be coming from.
But me, woman to woman, I'm

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going to tell you, if you
have a great guy right now, to

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stick with him and love him.
Don't worry about the other stuff. You're

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a good person. You're a good
person, Patty. Thank you for calling.

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All right? Who do we have
next? Hello? Who do we

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have next? Not on? I
as Cindy with the question. Cindy.

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Hi, Cindy, It's doctor Wendy. Cindy. Are you there having me

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today? There? You are,
Hi, Cindy. What's your question?

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Love? My question is I'm seeing
this coworker kind of been making out.

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He hasn't asked for my number,
and we are scheduled to have an official

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date next month. But it works
me that he doesn't ask and we just

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keep the communication just on the work
chat. And our unique situation is that

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we're remote workers, but we only
come into the office once a week.

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So that any type of intimacy,
like in speaking, it happens just in

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that time, one day of the
week, and he hasn't We haven't seen

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each other after work? Okay?
Have you offered your phone numbers a week

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him? Okay? So I understand
the issue. It's like it feels like

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he's putting one foot in before I
get to far. Cindy, I got

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to ask you this. Do you
happen to know if your work has loved

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contracts, meaning what is their policy
on relationships in the workplace. I haven't

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seen any less contracts okay, and
it's a local government, Okay. I

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would quietly do some investigation because you
don't want to lose your job over this.

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There are plenty of fish in the
sea, and he's not the last

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man on the planet. Now,
because you're both remote workers, you only

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see each other once a week,
there's probably less damage that could possibly be

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Remember, relationships at work are never
a problem. It's breakups at work that

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are a problem because you have to
imagine that you're gonna have to work with

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this guy afterwards. But it seems
like you're saying the biggest worry is that

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you know you've made out at the
office, but he hasn't asked for your

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phone number. That sure sounds like
a one sided thing that's not being reciprocated.

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And now you're supposed to go out
on this so called date. I

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think you need to put your foot
down and have some boundaries and say something

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like, excuse me. I don't
go on a date with a man unless

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he gives good phone So you call
me a few times and then we'll talk.

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Right, you need to get in
the driver's seat. Sperm chases egg

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and not the reverse. So you're
sitting there worried about why hasn't he asked

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for my number? You need to
tell him what you want and if he

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doesn't go for that, then move
on. Also, be very careful.

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This is a workplace. You could
get fired depending on what the contract is.

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Thanks for calling, Cindy. That's
a tough one, Okay, Producer,

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Kayla, Who do we got?
We had Eddie with the question Eddie,

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Hi Eddie, it's doctor Wendy.
Yeah, we the first time called,

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but I called other shows on the
station before. But I am single.

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I have a eight hundred plus credit
score. Nice, I paid my

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car, my house here. I
relocated from Chicago so there was a CNBC

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article saying, well, I think
you should be married and that's where you

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escaped from being in debt. I
mean wanted to get your take on that

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marriage will keep you from being in
debt? Is that what you're asking me?

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Well, marriage keep you from being
In the article, we're seeing that

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couples are a little bit more financially
secure than single people. Hell yeah,

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well, let me explain. You
get double the income coming into one household.

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I mean think of it that way, right, So one of the

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most expensive things that you can do
is undergo a divorce. However, so

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you want to pick a good,
solid made and take your time and choose.

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But the reason why divorce is so
expensive is all of a sudden,

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you're taking the same amount of income
and now dividing it into maintaining two houses.

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And you may be paying expensive divorce
attorneys and child support and spousal support,

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et cetera, et cetera. That's
expensive. But as far as marrying,

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marrying has all kinds of tax benefits. And if you've got a good

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credit rating and they've got a good
credit rating, you're going to have access

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to way more credit. And if
you're able to support the two of you.

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The other salary can go into savings
so you can build some financial wealth.

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So yes, but that's not the
reason to get married. But yeah,

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that's right. The reason to get
married is because you want to go

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into a caregiving relationship with somebody.
When I say caregiving, I mean you

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want to do an exchange of care. You want to know that somebody has

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your back. You want to trust
somebody, you want to make sure they

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trust you, and you want to
support each other in sickness and in health.

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That is why you should get married. Okay, we're going to go

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to break. When we come back, the phone number is one eight hundred

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five two zero one five three four. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy

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00:18:26.759 --> 00:18:32.640
Walls Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.

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00:18:33.079 --> 00:18:37.599
You're listening to KFI AM six forty
on demand KFI AM six forty.

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00:18:37.640 --> 00:18:41.640
You have doctor Wendy Waalsh with you
and I am taking your calls. The

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number is one eight hundred five two
zero one five three four. Reminder,

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this is my drive by Makeshift Relationship
Advice. I'm a psychology professor, not

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a therapist, but happy to weigh
in. Okay, Producer Kayla, who

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we got we have Adrian with a
question. Adrian, Hi, Adrian,

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it's doctor Wendy. Hello. Hi, what's your question? Love? So

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I recently found out my girlfriend cheater
on me, and I don't know how

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to like break the news to her
like that. I just don't want to

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be in the relationship. No one, Well, okay, so there's two

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things here. One is you want
to be able to tell her that you

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know that she had an affair.
And secondly, you're sure you don't want

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the relationship anymore, so there's no
room for repair because sometimes affairs are a

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messenger. But you're ready to break
up, right ready, I'm really like

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emotional, like it's been two years, super painful, super painful. So

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you're going to have to tell her
and not turn it into a fight.

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You're just going to say, you
know, I learned that she's going to

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deny it whatever. You have to
be completely sure, by the way,

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you can't suspect that she did something
unless you have great evidence, and just

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say I'm not happy in this relationship, be honest, I'm feeling hurt.

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This is a betrayal of me.
Now I would suggest that you do it

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in a public place where it's safe, you know, like out at a

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coffee shop or something, or on
the telephone. Do not text this.

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This deserves far more than a text. But after two years and just say,

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you know, I need some time
to be alone, but this relationship

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I can't. I can't go on
if we've lost all trust. That's all

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you do. Just be really honest. I'm sorry you're going through this,

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Adriana. It's heartbreaking. All right, Producer, Kayla, who do we

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have next? We have Mary with
the question Mary, I'm marry. It's

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doctor Wendy. Hi. I've been
married for thirty four years, but it's

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been like a roller coaster. All
marriages are roller coasters, Okay, Yeah.

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Twenty fourteen he left the house and
then six months later he found for

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divorce. Then he canceled. Then
we work work it out, and then

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two eighteen he fought for the war
again, and this time he took me

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off the check account O kept like
natyous and left me almost like seven thousand

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dollars. Then we kept you know, I was making income with my house

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and I live out of my income
the house. So he keeps his check

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like maybe like almost seven thousand dollars
a month and I make like five thousand

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a months. And he wants me
to give twelve hundred dollars from my rental

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income because we put on the property. And I said no, because it's

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mine, because it's half and half. So we discussed that last September thirtieth,

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and he got mad and he got
his luggage and left. Okay,

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Mary, now giving your streaming,
you're sitting back letting him do this.

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He's filing for divorce, he's asking
for money, he's doing this, he's

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doing that. What is Mary doing? You know what Mary needs to do

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right now? Pick up the phone
and get a good attorney. It's this.

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Why do you want to be anywhere
near this guy? All we're talking

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about now is division of assets and
you protecting what is yours. You need

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a good attorney who's going to protect
you. Okay, Mary, don't even

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think that this is a relationship question
in a way to get him to behave

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in a certain way or to get
back together, it's over. You just

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need to make sure that you get
protected financially. So find a good lawyer.

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Oh yeah, yi painful. See, relationships can be so painful.

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Okay, producer Kayla, Who do
we have next? We have Diane with

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a question. Diane, Hi,
Diane, it's doctor Wendy. Hi,

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doctor Wendy. Oh my gosh,
thank you for taking my call. I'm

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breathing in seven seconds, breathing out
day called ooh good, my ninety five

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year old mother. I'm sixty five, my best friend in life. My

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dad died thirty six years ago.
I've always been care of her. She's

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finally in a skilled nursing home.
Breaks my heart. I saw her yesterday

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and she said, Diane, I'm
sorry. I gave your younger sister sixty

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control of my money. And I
said that mama got you in this home,

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which I don't know, all these
loops to get her in the home.

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So she stayed with me, and
she wants me to take her to

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the bank tomorrow, which I took
her to lunch yesterday, and find everything

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over to me. But I think, oh my gosh, that's a lot

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of responsibility. I don't know what
my sister did, but she said,

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I'm sure she didn't do the right
thing, and I want you to be

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in control of my money. And
it's only social Security of seven hundred and

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my dad's teachers retirement. Maybe pilot
of fifteen hundred, but that's kind of

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a lot of money. Yeah,
if she got her there. So what

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is your relationship like with your sister? Could this be a conversation you could

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be having with your sister? Well, I wish, doctor Wie. But

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in two thousand and one, which
is twenty two years ago, I had

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a birthday party from my mom elegant
other friends and my sister had one in

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three year old and I said,
well, children really can't be there.

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So she was so angry. She's
never talked to me soon because my mom

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attention never gets the attention. So
I flew people out. They came from

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training planes. Was such an interesting
family that you guys learned that a conflict

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resolution skill is to completely stonewall and
not talk to somebody. I think this

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is the time for healing and to
reach out to your sister. And if

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she doesn't respond, then you have
to ask yourself, do I want to

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undertake this financial burden of managing the
finances for my mother? Maybe your sister

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told the mom. You also have
to get more information from mom, like

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what did your sister do that's so
bad. Right, And there's a lot

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00:24:52.480 --> 00:24:56.599
more information you have to mine here
from a bunch of people before you make

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the decision. But you also have
every right to make decision Diana, about

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00:25:00.960 --> 00:25:03.839
whether to handle the money or not. You don't have to if it's going

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to be too much of a financial
burden. I'm sorry you're going through this,

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00:25:07.640 --> 00:25:10.880
but I'm a big believer that healing
can happen anywhere in the life span.

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00:25:10.880 --> 00:25:12.680
So I would call up that sister
and tell her you love her,

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thanks for calling. Okay, who
do we have next? We have Dell

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00:25:17.839 --> 00:25:22.160
with a question. Dale, Hi, Hi there. So my question is

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00:25:22.200 --> 00:25:29.039
basically about weeding out potential relationships.
Oh my favorite question. Go ahead,

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00:25:30.039 --> 00:25:34.079
right, So I'm gay. I
have multiple partners that I'm like pursuing,

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but I'm not sure on how to
go about it because there's some where I

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feel, well, we have that
conversation about what are we like, Yeah,

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you typically recommend, and then I
also have the like, well,

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maybe they're just not interested, or
maybe it should I continue to pursue.

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So, like, some of them
are older than me I'm or younger because

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I'm thirty three, so it's like
right in the middle range. So you're

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00:25:59.319 --> 00:26:03.680
the hottage. So let me ask
you this. In your multiple relationships,

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00:26:03.720 --> 00:26:08.359
everybody knows that you are open sexually
and that you're seeing other people, right,

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00:26:08.440 --> 00:26:12.480
So there's no hidden betrayals happening,
is there? Correct? And they

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know I'm I get I said regularly, I'm yeah, okay, all good?

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So whatever one question I have is
if if if, like you're talking

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about, like you're not sure if
this one and maybe that one. First

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of all, the human brain suffers
from something called paradox of choice. The

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more choice we have, the harder
it is to make a choice. And

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when we do make a choice,
we value it less because we think about

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the bigger, better deal that could
have gotten away. So I want you

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00:26:42.359 --> 00:26:47.920
to create a hierarchy for yourself,
and I would probably weed out any of

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the ones that aren't don't seem to
be reciprocating, that aren't really impassioned for

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you, because you know, you
could end up having a great, wonderful,

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loving, committed relationlationship with one person
where the two of you have chosen

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to open your relationship and set whatever
kind of rules you want for each other.

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Like you know, it has to
be somebody we both approve of or

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it has to be somebody that I
don't ever see, or whatever your rules

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00:27:11.799 --> 00:27:15.640
might be, that you guys feel
comfortable with. But it feels like right

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00:27:15.680 --> 00:27:21.319
now you're so indecisive because you just
have so much choice. So it'll actually

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00:27:21.319 --> 00:27:25.359
be easier for you if you limit
the amount of people. So I would

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think in terms of just get rid
of the ones that aren't totally jazzed for

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you, that aren't just jumping for
joy whenever you call and show up,

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those would be the first ones to
get rid of. And the ones that

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are saying, yeah, I'm happy
to have a relationship with you. Maybe

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you can grow into a deep emotional
commitment. Thank you for Callingdell. That's

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00:27:42.279 --> 00:27:45.160
a very good question, because it's
hard when we have too much choice.

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It makes it that much harder.
Okay, when we come back, oh

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man, Thanksgivings coming up. That's
always not always a happy time for everybody,

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00:27:56.160 --> 00:27:59.839
whether you're single or going to see
family that you're not happy about.

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00:28:00.000 --> 00:28:02.839
I've got some advice for you.
You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show

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00:28:03.039 --> 00:28:07.160
on KFI AM six forty. We're
live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're

380
00:28:07.200 --> 00:28:12.440
listening to KFI AM six forty on
demand AFI AM six forty. You have

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00:28:12.599 --> 00:28:17.119
Dr Wendy Walsh with you. This
is the home stretch of the Doctor Wendy

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00:28:17.119 --> 00:28:19.759
Walls Show. Kayla, did you
pick that song because of Matthew Perry.

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00:28:19.839 --> 00:28:23.480
I'm obsessed. I'm sorry. I
know she knows. The segment is about

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00:28:23.519 --> 00:28:27.480
friends Giving. It's a new thing, right, So people who have bad

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00:28:27.519 --> 00:28:30.400
families or families they can't get home
to, or they moved away, or

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00:28:30.440 --> 00:28:33.240
they're closer to their friends get together
with friends. Why they get together the

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00:28:33.240 --> 00:28:37.920
Wednesday before friends Giving and then they
get with their family on Thursday. So

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00:28:37.000 --> 00:28:41.400
what are you doing for Thanksgiving?
I'm going home to my family you for

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00:28:41.440 --> 00:28:42.960
the first time in three years and
things. And you have three brothers,

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00:28:44.079 --> 00:28:45.960
three brothers and a sister and a
bunch of cousins. Now you go,

391
00:28:47.079 --> 00:28:52.440
baby nephew, Dece's babies, huge
family. Oh do you cook? What

392
00:28:52.480 --> 00:28:56.599
are you cooking? I bring the
wine, Oh appetite, that's good wine.

393
00:28:56.599 --> 00:29:00.640
And the appetite is ma'am. My
daughter called me bast time from Paris

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00:29:00.680 --> 00:29:03.759
today because she can't come home for
Thanksgiving, wanting to know how to make

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00:29:03.799 --> 00:29:08.559
our favorite family dish, side dish, which is turnips, parsnips, and

396
00:29:08.720 --> 00:29:15.000
carrots, just all boiled together and
just roughly mashed with a ton of butter

397
00:29:15.039 --> 00:29:18.359
and salt and pepper. Yum,
yum, yum. It's like a three

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00:29:18.359 --> 00:29:23.880
color mash Winter Wendy's Winter Mash.
Call it anyway. I was so touched

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00:29:25.359 --> 00:29:29.200
that my daughter actually asked me for
a recipe. I felt so good.

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00:29:29.960 --> 00:29:33.440
We tend to she won't be back. We join my friend Maria usually at

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00:29:33.480 --> 00:29:37.319
her house. We've been doing that
for many years and her whole family.

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00:29:37.279 --> 00:29:41.279
Thanksgiving, by the way, is
my favorite holiday. It is my favorite

403
00:29:41.279 --> 00:29:45.640
holiday because it tends to be not
religious, so everybody can celebrate it.

404
00:29:45.960 --> 00:29:49.440
And it's a two day holiday.
See where I come from. In Canada,

405
00:29:49.839 --> 00:29:55.119
Christmas is the big holiday because it's
the two day holiday at Boxing Day.

406
00:29:55.160 --> 00:29:59.079
You ever heard of that? Okay? And then many people take like

407
00:29:59.119 --> 00:30:02.319
the whole week off. But here
some people, you know, especially if

408
00:30:02.359 --> 00:30:03.920
you're work in retail. I worked
news for years where I had to work

409
00:30:03.920 --> 00:30:08.799
even Christmas Day and what have you. But Thanksgiving two day holiday. Wait,

410
00:30:08.920 --> 00:30:12.480
what day of the week. It's
Thursday Friday? Right, it doesn't

411
00:30:12.680 --> 00:30:15.640
land on different days? No,
No, it's always Thursday. I'm confusing

412
00:30:15.680 --> 00:30:19.440
it from the Canadian Thanksgiving, which
is we just had it in October.

413
00:30:19.680 --> 00:30:22.440
It has to do with the length
of the harvest season, because you're always

414
00:30:22.440 --> 00:30:26.319
celebrating the harvest and the food is
that's what you're giving thanks for. Anyway,

415
00:30:27.440 --> 00:30:32.119
and it was nice to get calls
from my brother on the Canadian Thanksgiving.

416
00:30:32.319 --> 00:30:34.799
It's interesting because a holiday in Canada
is the Monday, but people usually

417
00:30:34.839 --> 00:30:38.160
do their Thanksgiving dinner on the Sunday
before and then just take the day off.

418
00:30:38.160 --> 00:30:41.720
They don't do the dinner on the
Monday's recovery day, the recovery day

419
00:30:41.759 --> 00:30:51.200
exactly. So. A recent study
commissioned by the dating app Bumble found that

420
00:30:51.319 --> 00:30:56.000
over half of the people who responded
just wanted to expand their social circles.

421
00:30:56.400 --> 00:31:02.680
There are a lot of lonely people
in America who don't necessarily or aren't ready

422
00:31:02.720 --> 00:31:04.799
for a romantic relationship, but they
think, let me just start with friends,

423
00:31:06.319 --> 00:31:10.240
and that's how you find someone,
usually through a new friend network.

424
00:31:10.359 --> 00:31:15.400
Right. And so, have you
ever heard of a butterball turkey Thanksgiving?

425
00:31:15.440 --> 00:31:17.880
It's a brandy butter ball. Yeah, I think, yeah, butter ball.

426
00:31:18.279 --> 00:31:19.519
It just sounds so funny. Isn't
that like a line you call to

427
00:31:19.640 --> 00:31:23.480
It's a Butterball turkey. Oh yeah, you can call Butterball and find out

428
00:31:23.480 --> 00:31:29.160
how to cook your turkey, right, and they give online turkey cooking classes

429
00:31:29.200 --> 00:31:33.799
now and real life cookie classes.
So guess what Butterball got together with Bumball.

430
00:31:34.480 --> 00:31:40.119
I love this how dating apps are
just sort of connecting people. And

431
00:31:40.400 --> 00:31:47.920
what they've done is they have a
section for platonic relationships where you can click

432
00:31:47.960 --> 00:31:52.720
on friends Giving planning feature. It
starts on November first, so the day

433
00:31:52.759 --> 00:31:56.960
after Halloween, Bumble's gonna launch it. It's gonna be a big deal.

434
00:31:56.359 --> 00:32:00.720
And you click on the friendship hard
like BFF, want to make a BFF

435
00:32:01.160 --> 00:32:06.839
and you can match with other people
looking for Thanksgiving plans. Isn't that nice?

436
00:32:07.079 --> 00:32:10.000
I love that. That's so sweet
and of course usually women. So

437
00:32:10.200 --> 00:32:14.079
guys, you should jump on because
it'll be you'll eat a table with a

438
00:32:14.119 --> 00:32:16.680
whole bunch of women, is what
will happen. Don't ruin the don't ruin

439
00:32:16.720 --> 00:32:22.000
the experience though, guys, don't
be trying to hit be nice. Remember

440
00:32:22.000 --> 00:32:24.839
the naked dinner lady from that from
last week the week before it lives in

441
00:32:24.880 --> 00:32:30.119
my mind. Rent free. I
kind of want to go. I couldn't.

442
00:32:30.960 --> 00:32:34.240
I couldn't eat eat naked. It
is a hygiene thing. I don't

443
00:32:34.240 --> 00:32:36.920
know. It's just a hygiene thing. I get it, and I spill

444
00:32:36.960 --> 00:32:42.880
hot dishes on me. That would
not be fun. I will never forget

445
00:32:42.920 --> 00:32:45.880
the time my kid was taking cookies
out of the oven and we had like

446
00:32:45.920 --> 00:32:50.039
a waist height oven like in the
wall, and she pulled the tray out

447
00:32:50.039 --> 00:32:52.559
and burned her stomach. She was
in a pop top, stump top,

448
00:32:52.640 --> 00:32:55.440
pop top, crop top. No, it's a pop top in my day

449
00:32:55.480 --> 00:32:58.839
now it's a crop top, but
it was a pop top. It was

450
00:32:58.880 --> 00:33:00.599
a pop top, you guys.
Or did it a crop top? That

451
00:33:00.640 --> 00:33:05.119
doesn't make sense. It's a pop
up, crop up, it popped up.

452
00:33:06.359 --> 00:33:08.960
I get it. Anyway. I
do want to say this before we

453
00:33:09.000 --> 00:33:14.519
go. Not everybody had the healthiest
or happiest family when they were growing up,

454
00:33:14.920 --> 00:33:19.240
and maybe this Thanksgiving you are going
to be with that family. There's

455
00:33:19.319 --> 00:33:23.240
always time for repair, there's always
time for healing, but it doesn't actually

456
00:33:23.640 --> 00:33:28.200
have to happen this Thanksgiving if you're
not ready. So I want you to

457
00:33:28.240 --> 00:33:31.240
know that it's okay to set boundaries
with your family. It's okay to say

458
00:33:31.279 --> 00:33:36.200
no no on you boundaries, on
your time, how much time you'll devote

459
00:33:36.240 --> 00:33:38.640
to them, how much money you'll
spend, or the labor, what you'll

460
00:33:38.640 --> 00:33:42.720
do. It's okay to say no
to some of these things. And I'm

461
00:33:42.720 --> 00:33:46.079
going to encourage you to really focus
on the positive. It wasn't all bad.

462
00:33:46.119 --> 00:33:49.640
I know a lot of it was
okay. I don't want to dismiss

463
00:33:50.079 --> 00:33:52.640
any of the trauma that you may
have had, but one of the things

464
00:33:52.680 --> 00:33:57.599
that will help prime your brain for
a better Thanksgiving meal is for you to

465
00:33:57.680 --> 00:34:02.319
try to focus on some of the
positive and maybe some of the family traditions,

466
00:34:02.599 --> 00:34:07.559
and maybe you're going to want to
practice some self care before or after

467
00:34:07.640 --> 00:34:13.159
the meal to get yourself ready for
it. We understand that Thanksgiving dinner isn't

468
00:34:13.159 --> 00:34:17.000
the happiest for everybody, but I
am a big believer that if you just

469
00:34:17.280 --> 00:34:24.760
stay open and positive and loving and
authentic, that sometimes healing miracles can happen

470
00:34:25.239 --> 00:34:30.119
in your life. So I hope
is my greatest wish that that happens for

471
00:34:30.199 --> 00:34:34.559
you. Anyway, I am always
here for you every Sunday from seven to

472
00:34:34.639 --> 00:34:37.960
nine pm. You can also follow
me on my social media The handle is

473
00:34:37.000 --> 00:34:42.360
at Doctor Wendy Walsh and I love
you all. That's what I say to

474
00:34:42.400 --> 00:34:44.960
my students at the end of class. After I do a lecture, I

475
00:34:45.000 --> 00:34:47.280
go I love you all. Go
home now. I love you all.

476
00:34:47.360 --> 00:34:51.119
KFI listeners, we'll see you next
week. You've been listening to The Doctor

477
00:34:51.159 --> 00:34:54.519
Wendy Walls Show and KFI AM six
forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio

478
00:34:54.559 --> 00:34:58.639
app, KFI AM six forty on
demand