The best way to support softcore History is by subscribing to our Patreon. Go
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to support us, So go to patreon dot com slash softcore History. Today,
Dan, I've got a whale of an episode for us Today. We
are talking about one of the worst Soviet crimes of the twentieth century, a
genocide that is nigh unimaginable even for their standards, perhaps one of the cruelest
crimes committed in the twentieth century. But also it's a little funny. We
are talking about whaling. If you want to know why you can go to
the ocean and not see a single giant fin flapp in our it's because of
the Soviet Union. Listen to this episode to find out how the Soviets,
of all people, and for no reason at all, wiped out most of
the world's whales. It made cin a whale extra special and for that we
owe them. Welcome to soft Core History. What is up? Welcome back
to Softcore History. I am your host for the week, Rob Fox,
and I am joined as always by Dan Rejester every week and our new weekly
rotating special guest. This week, we have the incomparable Scott Lopez. What's
going on? Everybody here? If you don't subscribe to our YouTube, go
search Software History on YouTube. You just need to see this beautiful man.
How tan I am? I didn't want to say anything because like, I
don't know what you've been doing, if you've been like working fields or really
popping. Yeah, dude, oh look God, well so I do look
more Mexican. But as to like save the half white of me, I
say bronzing. Yep, you know, because it's like, oh, I'm
tanning and I just look Mexican. I guy bronze to our look Greek.
But that's still not the case. Like I just feel just the three shades
I can see on the monitor. It's just actually I never thought about that
until I look. Now, it's just like paper kind of normal tan.
And then you are just I mean like malag again, like Jesus, I'm
doing But I fucking feel bad. I just actually just feel bad about myself
right now. Dude. The past two weeks I've been like the way I've
been tanning was metal detecting. I went on Amazon and bought a fucking metal
detector for your fields and shit like no dude on the sidewalk, because I
think it's funny. So I spent one hundred and fifty bucks for a long
or a metal detector called like panky on Amazon. And so I just walk
around, like through my neighborhood and just with the detector, like pretending to
dig shit up. The everything has to be going off constantly and like a
suburban neighbors yeah. Yeah, And I don't have a shovel because I don't
want to just also dig up in like the side of the roots kind of
weird. Yeah, So I just walk around with one. It's the weirdest
thing you've found so far, he said, nothing literally, like he's just
walking and going up there's something there, and then moving off because I'm too
scared to actually like commit to digging you up because that looks weird. Yeah,
No, dude, in a suburban neighborhood, you with a shovel,
also, like are you on someone's property. I'd be like, hey,
whatever exists the beach. I'm like, like the only time that I've like
gotten beeps on like something, Oh, I could dig here's like the side
of the road. But he was, so I'm not gonna do that.
You should actually go into someone's backyard with it and start digging, like just
they come outside and they already see like the melitector's laid out and like,
what the fuck are you doing? Like I think there's treasure here? And
I was gonna prost out a treasure man. Yeah, I finding property,
and you're like, nut, will find your keepers. I found it.
Yeah, you didn't even know it was here. Yeah, I'm taking something
that you have the detector. You don't have it just because you found out
it existed after I found we go sixty forty. Since it's on your land,
you should have had your own detector, you know something like that.
If you're not, Yeah, if you're too lazy to go buy a metal
detector and do a sweep on your property, it's mine, right, you're
giving it up now. Eventually I'm going to have the ball, So like
go somewhere and like dig things up. But even at a park that feels
weird, go to the beach, just digging up a park, especially at
Texas Beach. That's the next thing is go to like Lake Travis and just
do that and you'll just find bones. That'd be cool, human bones.
I mean, all I need to do is find one. Just find like
there's be like a leg in board shorts sticking out of the of the drained
lake. Because the drought is like drying it up. That'd be Actually,
that's a good point. The water level is down, so I actually might
be able to find something. You might find some sweet shit, maybe like
an Italian silver chain. That'd be dope. I bet you a lot of
people have lost gold. Dude. One thing, if I find it,
is more than one hundred and fifty dollars that I spent for the detector.
So one thing is all need to find. Maybe the money'll pay for itself.
Maybe go to lt Yeah, maybe check it out. Yeah. Uh
speaking of well, no, not speaking of that. Whatever, We're just
gonna get into the subject. There's no transit. There's no transition there.
Let's just get into this week's subject, shall we. What do we got
this week? What's on deck? Uh? It kind of made me giggle
when I learned about it, so I feel like I had to do it
immediately. The Soviet Union, it's one of the deadliest empires in human history,
all right, Lenin Stalin killed tens and tens and tens of millions,
sometimes for political reasons, sometimes for ethnic or religious reasons, sometimes for no
reason at all. Today we're going to talk about a group that the Soviets
killed for no reason at all. They were as helpless as you could possibly
imagine. Not only had they committed no crimes, real or imagined, they
had not even been accused of any wrongdoing. Gypsies they were merely in the
way. In all, the Soviets killed one hundred and eighty thousand of them
between nineteen forty six and like nineteen seventy. I believe that's recent. They
just kept going in the seventies, except in the Soviet Union. I am,
of course talking about whales. M m oh, fuck yeah. The
Soviet Union fucking slaughtered the shit out of Wales for decades. I mean,
they walked so Japan could run. No no, no, no, no,
Japan could fly. They put Japan beneath the building, They put Japan
to shame. It's not the modern era though. Japan was whaling at the
same time and they were like quadrupling Japan's numbers. Russia's like gretzki okay Japan
modern day Japan, it's cross cross. Yah. Yeah, that's the best.
That's the best you can do. Like we give the Japanese ship for
slaughtering dolphins and whales, but the oceans are basically empty today because of what
the Soviets did between the end of World War Two and the early seventies.
Good riddance, they've gotten the way the submarines. Dude, current whales are
taking down ships. We need to keep slaughter in these maybe, right,
I mean the whales are fighting back if anything. Finally, although they're really
just killing and are they smart actually because they know, like we can't take
down a whaling ship, but they figured out which ship belonged to the rich
assholes who maybe own the shipping whale oil companies, and they're taking out no
ship, cutting off the head of the snake. And they work in packs
too, they do. They're smart, They're awesome, they're gangs. They
well did you hear that? The do you think they have initiation? Like
a frat. You gotta take down like a dinghy first, Yeah, impacted
something small. Well, that's that's like the hazing, the initiation, and
the final step is taking down like a mega yacht. Like it's taken down
like a Jeff Bezos like two hundred million dollars putting a hole in it.
You should never flash your lights at a yacht without its lights on. That's
actually orcas. You're gonna get bored, dude. There's gonna be some piracy
there from the Orcas. You never heard that urban legend whenever somebody drives without
their lights on and then you do the courtesy flash. You do the courtesy
flash, they turn around, make it, you turn, hunch you down
and kill you. That started from the bloods of the crips. But it
was like one of those two gangs, like primarily that's where that started from.
Hey, go out, find the politest motherfucker you can and kill them.
Yeah, exactly. It's like someone trying to help you, Like imagine
if like there was an aar piece, is it though it's like, hey,
Asley, you have your lights off. No, most of the time,
it's like hey, buddy, maybe you didn't notice. Maybe you were
in a gas station and pulled out and the gas station was bright, and
you sat the voice he is, hey buddy. Yeah. Every time you
get into a confrontation, de escalation, Hey buddy, budge, verbal de
escalation. When you get in a fighter, just take your pants off.
No, that's how you de escalate a ghost. You take you take your
dick out to a ghost to show them, to display dominance and show that
not only are you not afraid, because what is being afraid really other than
extreme discomfort? Right? Okay, so you take out your wiener to show
them that you are as comfortable as you could possibly be comfortable enough to take
your penis out. That ghost isn't making you afraid at all. I thought
you were going there because like maybe ghosts weren't circumcised back then, like only
a certain people were circumcised. What happens if the ghost pull your dick out
and they're like, what the fuck is that? What's this jew doing here?
Yeah? And there's more scared, oh, because they're like, oh,
I know I'm a ghost, I'm from Hell, but that guy's a
Jew, and yeah, it's terrifying. Doesn't have a hood. I mean,
maybe you just finding or the ghost is really anti Semitic and you fucked,
which feels like the more likely situation. So considering it's a person from
history, it's just like an immediate like throat rip from the very small window
where people weren't anti Semitic. Or the ghost is Jewish and he thinks you're
mench He's like, ay, sorry, thought you were a gentile. He's
mad when he finds out slaughters you're first born. Well, no, he
thinks of Jewish because you didn't put your circumcision over the door. Yeah,
we certainly we'd have two nails above our door, and each bronzed foreskin of
our child hangs from a nail. Safety dude. Yeah, no, spirits
are coming in that home. Let's talk about a dreamcat. Sure, what
do they do with the foreskin? They just toss it. So yeah,
it's not like like with the placenta that they ask you what you want to
do with it? You eat people, you can eat it. My wife
got it in like in pills pill form. Uh, and even the umbilical
cord. You'll be like, I want to keep that because I want to
broad those that damnselves. But uh yeah, or it's just suck it.
You just and get some STEMIs. I don't like that, but yeah,
they they don't talk to you about the foreskin. They're not like, hey,
okay, what do you want us to come back with the that goes
immediately in the trash? Yes, as well as should. The only thing
that's weird about the force the circumcision or not even weird. But I was
just like, oh, that's a bummer for them, is uh, you
can't give a baby sedatives or anything. You know what I mean? You
can't. Oh yeah, you can't sedate in a literal infant. So they're
they you just have to distract them. So they give them like sugar water
because they's just like do they tie it down? Like do they strap it
down? Like it's an inmate that you don't I wasn't there for Okay,
they take him away, do their business and then bring them back and he's
got a bloody penis cool that you then for the next like five days are
like like terrified that its own shit is going to get into its open wound
that's also in its diaper. So as a non Jew, we do that
immediately. Yeah, but they have parties. Yeah, it's they're still pretty
immediate a couple of days. It's they're really really young. It's like first
month, so yeah, I think so even still first month is scary.
I will look this up. But if you get circumcised as an adult,
it's the eighth day of the mail baby's life, so yeah, first week.
Basically you can do it as an adult. You could get circumcised as
an adult, but that is like a full on I don't even know if
it's an outpatient surgery. It's like you go under, they put you under
under. It's not just like uh off, you know what I mean?
If you're total coward, I wish I could put a spell on you that
would make you regrow that so that I could then dare you. Man is
not just flesh and bone. The spiritual world exists. Talking about the flesh
on the bone, bro grow back, grow back? Why not come on
manifest it. It's funny that that doesn't grow back. It's just like gone.
That's how you find out if your baby's wolverine immediately regenerated. Yeah,
so far or no wolverine that we know of. Actually, that's why they
do circumcision in the States. They're just looking for a mutant and and so
if if you circumcisee in and it's immediately like just right back over the head.
The wolverine is not circumcised. He can't be. He can't be.
No, that's terrifying. Oh god, I don't like that can even bust.
Yeah, why would that matter? Yeah? I think so? Yeah,
why would that? Every time it rea grows, it gets over the
hood to the point that do you know what an erect uncircumcised penis looks like?
No, no, I don't. It looks like a erect circumcised penis.
Dude. I don't know how it works, because I am very much
circumcised with with a little extra meat on the bone. I haven't seen that
many dicks in my life. It's seen a lot like in real life.
In real life, I've seen more balls in real life than I have.
It's mostly balls, Yeah, seen a fair amount of wieners. I suppose,
just frat house Shenanigans balls. I got it. I got like a
one friend that has like the third nut, which you know the legend of
myth, but it was like halfway down his sack. It was kind of
weird. So I had like two like just glorious nuts, and like the
third nut was like halfway down. It was a very strange placement for it.
That is, he should get it removed and sell it. You can
sell a testicle for like one hundred thousand dollars. Oh that's there's no way
nut is worth that much. Can I say it over? He is?
Yeah, a nut's probably worth about fifteen dollars testical donations. So we used
to like like welcome him to their friend group, like or a new person
to their friend group. But like, hey, you gotta look at Corey's
nuts, and he would show you his third nut. That's kind of how
it worked. Oh, I'm sorry it was fifty thousand, and that snope
says that is not true. Yeah, bummer, dude. We can't get
paid for shit. I know. Fucking sucks. Dude. You bust a
few nuts so women can have children and you get paid twenty bucks. Yeah,
but that's our fault, a hundred that's our fault for it literally flooding
the market because we can just pop them off, give me ten minutes and
we will. It's such a low ask, do you know what I mean?
Like a whole to do it. It's probably more expensive and more difficult
to get a high five. Yes. Meanwhile, Sarah get gets paid by
fifty thousand dollars to carry a baby, which makes sense. Yeah, at
least a surrogate. A surrogate gets paid six figs. It's an oven.
No shit where the chef surrogate's uh oh wow, forty five to fifty five
thousand dollars. That's bullshit, was doing that? Yeah, that is ridiculous
for that is not enough when but they also get maturnity leave because that'd be
kind of sick. If you get like a couple of months off of work
after doing that, that's your job, is the pregnancy. Yeah, but
if you can just put that on top of your normal job, if you're
showing in an office double eternity, that's kind of cool, like you,
oh yeah, I got three months off because like it's not my baby.
But and then you keep doing that, m dope, just a couple of
times you get to go. That's how you hack the system anyway, how
you break the matrix. Speaking of someone who's not having enough babies whales,
let's get back to uh. One rider termed what the Soviets did to whales
the quote most senseless environmental crime of the twentieth century. And if you're putting
that on a mount rushmore of environmental crimes in the twentieth century that is filled
with nothing but environmental crimes. I mean, we were testing nukes for the
entire second half of this century. How many whales did we nuke? I
can assure you the answer is not none. It's got to be in the
dozens. Like truly, we have nuked whales on accident at least, so
I don't know if accident is the right word, but well, damn it,
we didn't intend. We didn't care if the whales, what's the Cold
War? We had to do it better than the Russians. So they're just
maybe harpooning them. We'll find I have no idea, but we were nuking
them. They were harpooning them instant death. And I'm not even talking about
the oceans. We probably just wheeled out a blue whale to New Mexico and
just blew it the kingdom. Come we see what happens when it's still not
the worst thing that's ever happened to a whale in America. This is why
they're fighting back. Do you know when I'm referencing something from one of our
episodes, Oh boiled alive. So there was a was it barnum? It
was petty Barnums. Yeah, barnums sing in New York caught on fire and
there was a whale in a tank there and it boiled alive. Oh god,
the building was on fire. They obviously couldn't get the whale out.
Dude, first time that dude, What the fuck? Man? These animals
don't deserve it, Dude. No, that whales, just like I know
their fins do in captivity, just kind of slop over. Yeah, they
get depressed. It's not a hard fit at that point. So the craziest
part of this entire Soviet whale genocide is that there's two crazy parts. The
first one is they were doing it and no one realized it for the longest
time. So in nineteen forty six there was an International Convention of Regulation of
Whaling that was signed to create the International Whaling Commission. It essentially just capped
like everything was like, all right, we're not gonna eliminate whaling. We
understand that there is some need for whale parts or products or oil or whatever,
but we've we whaled too much last century. They're already on the brink
of endangerment and extinction. We need to cap it. You just we can't,
can't keep hunting them like we've been hunting them. And the purpose of
whales oil oil, I mean they used to use whales oil for like lanterns
and everything. Yeah, lamp oil, everything, both kinds of shit in
the seventies when we whales spear and stuff, right, So that's the products
at this the whale. Whales weren't even that useful anymore. You don't eat
whale. The Japanese do, but most people don't, including the Soviets.
We'll get to this. It's fucking horrible, It's fucking insane. So is
it kind of like how the Chinese love penis wine the Japanese love fuck like
the whale parts. Japanese just will straight up eat whale meat. I believe
they don't use but they use specific parts of the whale. They they do.
I don't know for what. I don't remember for what, but I
read something that said they were comparing the Japanese and the Soviets, and they
said the Japanese used when they killed a whale or dolphin or whatever, they
would use up to like ninety percent of the body. They would ask them
what they would Native American it, right, they do every part, not
as much as much as they could, basic more or less, Okay,
And then I mean, it's a big fucking animal. There's some you could
feed probably an entire village with it. Oh yeah, dude, if you
were like some think about you, like you're a native tribe in the Pacific
Northwest, uncontacted by Columbuses. It's five hundred years before Columbus. And there's
like a blue whale that like kind of gets stuck a little too close to
shore or whatever. You know, I mean, just go spear the fuck
out of that thing. You're eating good for a while. And they at
that point are probably able to smoke, certainly salt meat. Yep, got
they got food forever did. The Russians just read Moby Dick and we're like,
we need to take these guys out. We'll get to we'll get to
it. Anyway. They've sign a whole treaty whaling cutback. And actually they
had already previously signed a treaty about cutting back whaling that and it was part
of the Geneva Convention because it was already that big of a problem in like
the twenties and thirties or whatever. So they were like, we gotta yeah,
first off, war crime, don't well no, there's like, don't
gass each other and fucking stop killing whales. Yeah, but there there's a
part of the Geneva Convention was limiting whaling essentially. Tell that to Hawaii.
Did they sign it? I don't know, but I just know they stopped
having ferries between the islands because they were just using whales of speed bumps.
Yeah, they were drilling whales. Dude. The funniest picture I ever saw
the other day. I gotta show you, guys. It's really quick.
It's so fucking funny. Uh. It is essentially like, so you have
to fly between islands. Now you can only fly between Islands's very unfortunate.
So whales sometimes, you guys, just seemed like a deer hit by a
car, Right, that's awesome. Sometimes cruise ships hit whales like their deer.
Yeah, but deer do a lot of damage. Holy shit, Yeah,
the cruise ship's doing all the damage in this one. I was like,
do they sink the cruise ship? I don't think so. No.
Now, oh god, this one's even better dude, my homegirl. She
hit a deer actually in a Kia Soul, which is the same car I
drive, and it just knocked its heart out, like it died, but
it's heart landed past where it died. Here's another good one. Whoa,
that's cool. Holy shit. Yeah, just fucking drill bick. And that
whale looks looks so small compared to that ship. Yeah, fucking giants.
I mean that's not like a blue whale. But still so. Anyway,
they had all these regulations and stuff, and the Soviets had signed all of
it. They signed the Geneva Convention, they signed the International Whaling blah blah
blah whatever. But they just kept whaling to their heart's content anyway, and
simply lied about how many whales they were killing, Like we're just like,
oh, we only we killed the two dolls into this year? Is there
game warning? That's kind of keeping track on the ocean. You we're supposed
to log how many whales you killed and submit that shit. But also how
many is too many a year? How many whales were there? No one
knows? Uh well, who's keeping track of the whales? They claimed?
I think the Soviets claimed that they only killed a couple thousand over the course
of like a decade, when in reality, in one year alone, they
killed thirteen thousand. Ways, there's no way we have an exact number,
right, we haven't tagged every whale, he said, without a game board.
And who's out there, who's out there, who's gonna find you?
It's like like counting kills in the war, Like I got three today,
you're squad mats. I got sick. Sure, yeah, sure, And
that's how they tallied up whales, like they just get back to the docks
and drink fucking vodka. There, my boat killed twenty today whales. Well,
so what if the whales were asexual or just didn't reproduce. They're kind
of millennial whales. Speak for yourself. It's a declining population, right,
It's not just because of me. The choice, the choice, you could
do it. How many chicks could you gotten pregnant by? Now? Every
single one had sex with m I mean that is factual, unless I'm just
shooting blanks, which could also be the case too. I'm too much of
a coward to find that out. Well to go get check it out that
I wouldn't want to. I got good man and you could just blame the
woman for so long and just be like, why would you ever take responsibility
for anything? Always blame the woman that typically works out in history, Yes,
I agree with that. So the Soviets spurn the witch, always the
witch's fault. And then actually, honestly, even if you're sperm count slow,
you can still blame the woman for her witchiness. She's not extracting enough
spurm. Yes, yes, being around this woman actually makes me produce less
spurn What if that was true? What if being around women like decrease your
sperm count and then like they just counted like some gay guys load and it
was basically you could just like see it wriggling, like the testosterone on testosterone
just like just hanging out with the boys build up. Yeah, I just
like filled up the loads so much. I need to find a woman.
It's such a miss high five. They're just like, yeah, like a
gay guy is just talking to his girlfriend one day and he's like, Kyle
came in me again, and like I hate how you can just feel it
swimming everywhere and the woman's like, what are you talking about, Steve.
We've been trying to get pregnant. Steve's been coming inside it. Well,
you just need the fellows in the room to produce more speah, so they're
cheering you on you up. That would make sense. I mean I bet
I had bet I bet I had higher sperm counts when I was having sex
and the Raturny House and there were two other guys also in the room,
just because we were all sleeping in the same room. Still did it?
Still did it? The power and safety and numbers. Yeah, there was
one time where like all three of us were doing at the same time and
I was just like, this is weird, but I like having sex that
is technically a energy. I mean, we were all behind sheets. It
wasn't like we were all looking. I should say that every bed had like
what we called shag sheets around them. Unfamiliar Yeah, curtains, yeah,
shag sheets, but they were all of them were like like like bed sheets
that you hung up over a wire. Yeah, we have an actual curtain.
I had some really cool like or even like a shower curtain on a
wire. It's not like anything fancy. I had some cool like sports themed
ones. So I would like be plowing my girlfriend behind like an eight year
old's bed sheets basically yep, there's like a football, a baseball bat and
a glove and a soccer ball, just in random orders. And you had
a race car bed. I wicked at show. Sick. I mean I
did have a very peter panask bed. It was hanging from the ceiling,
like, yeah, that's cool. So you had to climb a ladder to
get to it, which, like, by the way, not a good
idea when you're drinking that much to have to climb a ladder to get into
bed. And that's after he popped his water bed. But like if you
feel like if she goes up first, she's like you get a cool little
view before you get up there, which that's a nice touch. Yeah,
that's about all the benefits. Do you have a fish tank? No fish
tank. I did have an f bro turtles a box turtle, but not
in the tank. Readier sliders were in a tank. It was my buddies.
Uh turtles. That room had a stig. No, they don't smell.
Turtles fucking smelled, dude, dece didn't smell. That was probably just
like the beer and being drunk and yeah around the drugs was there that Yeah,
didn't make it smell like I was dead to anything. Yeah, my
immune system is still excellent from living in that house for three years. Yeah,
oh absolutely. It was so filthy. COVID cannot hurt me. No,
we can't. At one point, I don't know if I told this
on the the story of the show before. I probably have a million years
ago, but like I'll tell you, Scott, because it's funny to me
forever. At one point are the our fratarity house was built. This a
little historical fact too. It was built in the nineteenth century, as old
as fuck, and uh, the urinals, the pipe, the plumbing was
horrible and like it had just built up all this I don't know, like
urine and stuff in there for years and years and years, and we hired
some cheap ass plumber to come in. It got to the point the urinals
were clogged, so we hired some cheap ass plumber to come in and like
clear out the pipes. And this guy's was a dumb and I don't think
a real plumber anyway whatsoever, And he just poured a shit ton of bleach
down the pipes. Well, when you mix ammonia, which is heavy in
urine, and bleach, you get a weapon they used in World War One
called mustard gas. And so I went into pee after the guy had been
in there like hours, I've been there, opened the door and I'm just
greeted by a thick yellow cloud. Oh you can even see it. Yeah,
that is shit in the entire bathroom, fuck the showers, the urinal
everything. But at this point I'm too lazy to go to the other bathroom,
so I just take a deep breath in the hallway, walk into the
cloud of mustard gas literal mustard gas pee, and then leave. And that
is why Rob is deformed to this day. That's why I can't hand.
Damn, dude, you were like in the shoes of your forefather mustard.
You were in the trenches. Literally literally. That's awesome. By the way,
the buster gas, they must call it that because it was like yellow,
a yellowish tint, because it was there was I didn't if it was
the p or what, but it was a yellowish tint. And I realized,
do you think that's how they made mustard gas in the trenches? Pp
and bleach? Yeah? I hope. So it's pissed into a bleach bottle.
Are there any frat houses that have like the pist troughs with the old
school pist trough Certainly, I've not met in one, but I'm certain there
are. I'd love one of those. I'd be sick just so you can
slide through it. Hate pistroughs so much. They're so cool, dude,
what's cool about them? Oh? Your boys can pete in the same spot
night, Dick, bro It's sick. I mean yeah, it's like the
most like smelly thing. But if I ever go. I went to a
demolition derby not too long ago, and the bathroom had to pick an L
shaped pistrough. It was cool, so I will want my for Serry House
didn't have that, but my college football stadium did. Yeah, it was
literally the best. That's the only no dividers be a real man. Maybe
it just reminds me of the kid going to college football games like UCLA had
it. You know, they had the pist troughs at the Rose Bowl.
Of course, I feel like it's an old stadium. It was. Brickley
Field has troughs even in my high school when I was there, Like when
I graduated twenty thirteen, my high school still had pist troughs. It was
incredible that that is pretty sweet. Yeah. Actually, yeah, I'm into
that, I'll admit it. Uh So, let's talk about a ship for
the moment. It's called this. The Slava means glory. This thing was
a fucking whale grim reaper. In her first season, this Slava caught only
by caught, I mean, killed only three hundred and eighty six whales.
Was there a specific whale they targeted? I didn't write down the breeds,
but like basically all of them, I mean, humpbacks they decimated real bad.
Blue. They moved on to blue whales. Eventually they're I think like
gray whales. There's a couple of whales I'd never heard of that I guess
they did drive extinct basically, I mean like they fucked up every type of
the Actually Orcas weren't on there, but basically every other type of whale they
were fucking How do you find a whale? Just wait for it to breeze
or do you have sonar? Like we'll get we'll get to okay, okay,
because you're thinking with your post Soviet slaughtering all the whales modern brain.
Yeah, but there used to be Apparently I didn't know this because I wasn't
alive for it. There used to be whales just fucking everywhere, shoulder to
shoulder. You couldn't jump in the water. So blubber funny you say that.
At one point early on in the whale Holocaust, Soviet helicopter pilots who
were from the ship and they were out spotting, they joked back to the
ship, They're like, if we need lumgimllergency landling, we can land on
the whale. There's so many whale Did they gun them down from theoptershunting?
Damn it, because you can't really shoot in like bullets into water very effectively.
Each They can only go like a few inches honestly. Yeah, for
those who don't know, you are a gunsmith, basically yes, yeah,
yeah, I work on guns for a living. But yeah, no bullets.
I mean, it depends on the caliber and the distance in the range,
all the bullshit, But still they're not gonna go past a foot and
even be lethal. So actually I'll ask you this because you're about the probably
the most one of the most technically intelligent people on guns I know. So
the scene in Same Private Ryan, I was just gonna bring that up to
in the d D too, when it's like like honestly, past six inches,
the velocity stops so much like it might make it a foot. Yeah,
it might, but it's not gonna be lethal at that It's not going
to go through I think even at that distance of what mg fourty two is
gonna do, it's it's gonna hit the hit the water, go six inches
and then just chill. Yeah. Yeah, and it might. I mean
maybe if you're I guess within the six inches, it might hurt like a
bitch or something. Yeah, it's yeah, it'll like within that six I
mean, grant, that's you almost breaching the surface. So yeah, that's
going to penetrate, but it's not going to go far. It's like hitting
a fucking concrete wall with damn hitting the water. Yeahah, even like a
fifty cow which ione's like oh fifthy col big bullet, Yeah, big speed,
that's still gonna stop because it's also a big bullet, bigger mass.
Hits the water dispersion, everything doesn't go far. Yeah, bigger resistance.
And this I'm talking about like you can shoot it from like a swimming pool.
I'm shooting into a I'm shooting into the pool standing up next to it.
It's going six inches. Really yeah, damn. So if you are
at your Fourth of July. Not to be topical, but this is right
before July. If your Fourth of July party is at a pool and experience
is a mass shooting, hold your breath, yeah, straight up, like
jump in the pool. Hold your breath. Yeah, wait out the shooter
just like the bees. Yeah, if a bee swarm attacks, you go
in the water. Mass shooter, go in the water, dude. So,
first year, the SLAVA caught just three hundred and eighty six whales,
so they were only averaging a little over a whale a day. Bad numbers.
Gotta get gotta pump those numbers up. But by the fifth year,
Slava's annual catch was approaching two thousand. Wait, I'm sorry, I just
can't get past this. We should start teaching schools to go to the pool
then, yeah, run to your run to your pool. And if schools
don't have pools, we build them pools. Every school should have a pool.
Or actually, here's a better idea. Okay, school shooter comes into
the school right, every door slams shut, every classroom fills up with water
like the Kingsman. Yeah, the training seemed for that. Yeah, why
not? I think that would be beneficial. Do it just neutralized that fucking
guy. Just have a tidal weight take them out too. Oh yeah,
maybe wave pool fluctuates every couple seconds of like big waves coming down the hallways.
I think we just saw school shooting. We did. You're welcome America.
Well water, dude, water fountain. We have all the solutions.
Every school has a water fountain. I have the whole plumbing system that they're
just not using. Right. Yeah, it's not just for toilets, it's
for filling classrooms up with water. Uh so. Yeah, by the net,
by the sixth year, the Slava was capping three thousand whales a year,
so they were killing about eight whales a day. By nineteen fifty nine.
The harpooners on the Slava, who were apparently just fucking snipers with these
things, they had like fat harpoon guns on the you know ship or whatever.
I one article I read described as one dude who was just in swim
trunks, shirtless with a red bandana on his head, just like smoking a
sig. Fucking whales. That's the coolest thing I've ever heard in my life.
Dude, that's so cool. I'm just thinking of that scene from Shindler's
List where he's taking a slow drag of a cigarette, puts it down and
then just starts smoking whales. That's pretty much what these guys were doing.
They were killing more whales than the ship could even process. So they would
be in fleets, right, and they would have whale hunter ships and they
would have like a factory ship, and the factory ship would process the whale
and shit like that. But they were killing too many whales. They did
not have the capacity to process it. But they were still just offing as
many whales as they could see. And we'll get to the reason for that.
But they were killing so many whales that eventually the carcasses were just floating
alongside the ships, like they were just floating through a sea of dead whales
that they had killed. And they were like, well, we don't have
a room a whaler on another fleet. Sometimes, like the whales would there
were so many whales that they would rot way waiting to be processed by the
factory ship. How many sharks feasted, Yeah, as sharks, segulls,
anything would just be like all over them too. I assume a smell would
be fucking horrific, right. A whaler on another fleet likened the process of
they would sometimes they would just strip them of the blubber if they couldn't use
anything else at that point, and they likened that to the process of just
like peeling a banana. They would just peel off the skin, take the
blubber, and then just let the whole ass rest of the whale go back
into the ocean to be eaten by whatever. By nineteen sixty one, all
the whales off the coast of Australia and New Zealand, where a lot of
this was happening, were basically gone, like gone, it had gone from
At one point, I think somebody was like likened looking out over the ocean
and seeing all the whale spouts to like looking at a forest of water.
To them, just it's just the ocean just being fucking empty. They had
killed every fucking whale they could find, and the whalers started complaining. They
were like, man, this job sucks now, like we only like the
only things left to kill were like teenagers and calves, and they were like,
you just don't get a lot of stuff off of them. It's not
it's not as fun. It's not as big of a fight. Yeah,
catching a big fish for a little smish a little fish where it's like,
it's not as fun. It's like full metal jag. How do you shoot
a calf? You just don't lose it so much. Yeah, so they
had to find a new place. Did Australia not have issues with this?
I think ever, they were lying about it and everything in Australia. Nobody's
monitoring them, So Australia is just like, oh I sweet, we don't
And in the forties they weren't like fucking anything. It's more like the fifties
and sixties. Okay, But so did they have anyone, like a navy
that would even notice this ship At that time, no one really cared about
the whaling fleets. Yeah, they probably just didn't give a shit, like
we have kangaroos. It's just like a whaling fleet. They were like,
whatever, it's not a military fleet. So it's when you're gonna show up
to over coast and harpoon somebody like, yeah, it's not a big deal.
Even if they were harpooning humans in Australians be like fucking shit, Oh,
it's pretty bulls. They'd be all right, we're gonna go back to
nothing. They're lazy people too, they are. I respect them for it,
though they steal all the valor of being like a Western civilization society.
But they don't do shit, just crack open a fosterest. So you must
be thinking to yourself at this point, Boy, these Soviets must have really
needed whale products with all these whales they were killing. Nope, they just
wanted them out of the way. I wish it was even that good of
an excuse. They're bored, even that would have been better. To be
honest, they were killing these whales on an industrial scale because that's just what
they were told to do, just fallen orders. Now during this were they
also killing each other? Like was this still during like the revolution and shit
like that, Like, no, sixties, this is the fifty sixties.
This is Stalin post sarship and Okay, so they weren't killing anything else,
so they're like they weren't even in Afghanistan yet. Yeah, yeah, they
might as well kill something, right, So, which makes sense. They're
the reason that they killed so many whales is because, as you know,
with like a communist society socialist but communists in particular, the economy is like
super planned, right, like the government every you know, they dictate everything
because the governments the people and the people and the means of production and so
the people are really just the dictators and whatever else. Tell you exactly what
is supposed to happen for every single fucking thing, and you do it full
stop. So there was an obligation to satisfy an obscure line item in the
five year plan for the Soviet economy, and it had been set with no
regard for what the Soviets actually needed. From the whaling industry in particular,
the government said it just what they're supposed to do, Just hit quota or
fuck you. Japanese whalers, like I said, made use of ninety percent
of the whales that they brought in. According to Soviet scientists, they used
barely thirty percent. And again this stemmed from a deep oversight in Soviet bureaucracy.
So whaling some bureaucrat who didn't know anything about either thing was like whaling
just got thrown under the umbrella of fishing, right, and they were like,
okay, need these million fish, so similar poundage, similar gilogram of
whale. What if it was just somebody in the kremlin cut in corners.
What do you mean like it was a requirement for this much fish, this
many pounds, And he's just like, what if you just kill a whale,
big fish, big pounds. Well, they were cutting, they were
They did cut corners, and what it was on is they were like,
look, we need these many fish. So then they're like, so these
much weight. They didn't know, they didn't know what to actually how much
whale they actually needed. So they were like, eh, we need this
much fish so from ocean, we need these much whale too. So they
just used this same metric even though they didn't need nearly that much whale.
So the whalers were given their targets, their quotas, and they had to
go out and meet those quota. Oh dude. It was probably somebody that
had like a Captain Ahab experience. Whales were forever on site, fight on
site. Dude. He got into a position of power and was just like,
we need to take these bitches out. No one's going to check me,
no one's gonna care. Really, he was right right on both counts.
No one cared, no one checked him for years. So the other
re but It didn't even matter though, because once what his motivations were,
because once the quota was set, you got to hit quota. Because the
last thing you want to do is return to Soviet Russia not having accomplished your
mission, not having followed orders. So one captain who all the way back
in nineteen thirty six didn't meet his target was when he came back to port
arrested, jailed, and tortured by secret police who accused him of being a
Japanese agent. They were like, you're leaving whales for the Japs, aren't
you. He was like, no, I just couldn't find them any whales
at the time, it makes sense, yeah, it's pre World War two.
Yeah no, there was like they just accused him of I mean,
he just if you don't if you don't do what you're told, you get
fucked up, right to jail, as the famous meme says. But Soviet
scientists eventually started to get worried after literally all the fucking whales were gone,
Like they started the scientists started looking around at me like I don't think this
is good, and I think people are gonna notice, and I think they're
gonna figure out it with us no one's hitting quota that they execute all of
the ship owners. That'd be a good way to cover it up, just
kill all the ship dudes. Uh yeah, well they didn't, but that
would have Why not. We don't know where the whale is all over the
whaler's are gone, so don't that's him. Several scientists, actually, and
I think the early seventies, took a risk and complained directly to Alexander Ishkov,
who was the Minister of Fisheries and quite the title. One of them,
Yeah, I know right. One of them was called into Ishkov's office
and the minister was like, what do you what the fuck going on?
When you want and the scientist, being a big nerd you know, was
like, if we keep whaling like this, my grandchildren are a grandchildren,
they won't see a whale. Are gonna grow up in a world with no
whales at all, And Ishkov goes, your grandchildren, your grandchildren are the
ones who can remove me from my job direct quote. He's like, I
don't give it. I really care about whoever's in above me, who's gonna
fuck me up for not getting them enough whales. They don't even know why
they need the whales. But if I don't get them the fucking whales,
I know, I'm fucked. You haven't seen the death of Stalin. Yeah,
but yeah, this is very accurate. They just tortured a guy who
didn't kill enough whales. What are they gonna do to the owner? The
main guy? Right? This should have been the plot. I'd be terrified.
They should run back that entire cast and just do this Soviet movie.
This is the whales? Yeah, real quick, Before we get back into
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the Soviets ran out of wales to kill it in the southern hemisphere, so
they fucked up back to the northern Hemisphere and they start killing the whales there,
blue whales, especially from nineteen sixty one and nineteen sixty four, they
went from killing four thousand whales a year in the North Pacific to thirteen thousand
whales a year in sixty Soviet scientists said that the blue whale was quote commercially
extinct in the North specific and after even just one more year they would have
been straight up extinct. Humpback whales were so dis depleted it was impossible to
continue whaling, just because it was so fucking hard to find him. At
that point, all he's all one scientists saw in a part of the ocean
was just floating dead whales where previously he had been there a couple of years
earlier, and it was nothing but like happy living whales jumping out of the
water and everything which is corpse like, rotting corpses floating. In nineteen seventy
two, the IWC, the Whaling Commission, was finally like was finally like
all right, we don't know where the whales went, but someone's fucking numbers
aren't adding up. So we're putting a guy on everyone's ships. This is
bullshit. I'm putting a case on all you motherfuckers. Yeah, everyone's getting
a whaleman, a whaleman on their ship from us, And so you would
think the Soviets were fucked. That wasn't the problem, though, because the
Soviets were able to find an ally who was not otherwise an ally and therefore
would not be suspected of collaborating with the Soviets, even though they probably should
have been suspected. The Soviets and Japanese got together and would be like they
would get like a Japanese observer on their ships, and a Japanese ship would
get a Soviet observer, and they'd all be like, it's all on the
How is there a single whale live? Stay? You put those two forces
together, it's a whale apocalypse. It's a whale of a problem for whales.
We should have had so many, We should have so much cool like
whale swords, like swordsmen out of whalebones, where's those? Why not make
cool sword? A wh whale rib yeah, I guarantee every man named Ivan
has one. It'd be fucking sweet. I want a whalebone sword. Yeah,
that's a real saturated market in Rush. Actually, you can go to
a flea market and just get like a twenty foot bone sword that seems like
a narwhal tusks like in combat, you know, but I want to see
it when combat where well, no, there's like some it's like some dude
wherever narwals are found. Yeah, he fought off some robbert with a narwhal
tusk. That's fucking sick. It's on a bridge. You can see the
like the CCTV of this dude with a narwhal tusk like fighting off a robber
who like stole some chicks purse. That's awesome. So, like we need
those with whalebone swords. Yeah, I agree. Uh so the whaling eventually
did stop though, because one scientist said, quote, simply because we killed
all the whales, there's nothing left to whale. What year was that when
a scientist said no more whales like the seventies? Hell yeah, the Russian
captains get to their farm like thanos and just sit down like their job is
done. Yeah, basically, dude, that's why God invented Steve her when
he's like, we got to bring back the whales, dude, that's why
he existed. Man. But Neptune eventually took them from us. The ocean
reclaimed him. So the whalers, by the way, were all in on
this because it was like a patriotic duty, because they were kind of told
and believed that, like, dude, you can let everyone else take wales.
We're not gonna get whales. Soviet Russia. You're not gonna let get
your brothers and sisters, your comrades. You're not gonna get them whales.
You Americans, Japanese and fucking Norwegians get all the whales, not us.
And so they were like fuck that, We're going to New Zealand wederve whales.
And so that was part of the reason that that drove them uh to
to whales so much. As well, the Soviets had to get theirs.
Also, though whaling was a great job in the Soviet Union, this was
like a legitimate, really good job. Not only did it pay well,
but if you hit your targets, if you did hit your quotas, like
right, so if you didn't hit your quota, your tortured, accused of
being an agent of a foreign state, no pressure. Yeah yeah, if
you did, though, you got a big fucking parade. Also, you
get away from those people for a bit. You're out in the sea boys,
So that that is a big part of two. And I'll get you're
gone from the rest of the Soviet Union for months at a time. I
will get to that in a second. That is also why it was a
great job. But can you imagine this, Scott? Do you did you
work on an oil rig? No? You did? I look like I
should. Yeah, okay, but did imagine this anyway? Because I'm sure
you're friends with several people like this. Imagine like a roughneck or a deadliest
catch dude not just coming home with a huge paycheck, but also as soon
as he's handed that paycheck, he is he gets a parade and is a
local celebrity. Yeah, and then you're just stimulating the local economy with the
booze. And there they're already insane with their paychecks. Now add on that
they're being celebrated for getting that paycheck. I mean, that's that's the life.
That's like, It's glorious, dude, Me and the boy is singing
sea shan as all the local bitches are like, yo, that's a whale
boy from the sea. Now the Russian girls would not be super impressed with
that and be like, oh too well, only too well to day to
whales. Another big appeal, like you said, was getting to leave.
They got to go to foreign ports, which meant two things. One they
got to go to another country that was cooler than the Soviet Union, and
two they got the fuck They got black market shit and think and then bring
back to the Soviet Union and cell Oh that's movies, cigarettes, food,
candy, whatever, or coolest shit too. You go to get some foreign
weapons like a gun or something neat like, yeah whatever, Uh so they
go back. I mean it was, it was. It was a great
job on a ship ton of different levels. But even these great jobs have
them know an end to had a price. It turns out that shooting harpoons
at say mother whales and their children, slaughtering dozens of highly sentiment sentient animals
every day, Oh no, I could take a toll on you, whale
PTSD literally yeah. One former whaler wrote years later in a Moscow new paper
that, uh, five or six Soviet crewmen died every year on these expeditions,
and at least that many every year went insane from on the expeditions.
So every expedition you can expect five or six debts and at least that many
people going insane. That is kind of terrifying having like an insane shipmate and
you guess what, you can't fucking go anywhere. Yeah, you just got
crazy man, Steve just going in your mate, Yeah, yep, just
up all night. You could hear him scrawling something into the wall. You
don't know what it is. Kill him at that point. Fuck, dude,
that's got that's gotta be part of it. Your comrade gets a little
too fat. You're like, who is that the whale? Yeah right,
yeah, yeah, it's a fat guy. Like wait, he's on the
whales side, sleeping in the bunks. That's a whale. It would be
funny. I just thought like that. Maately made me picture like the funny
A funny like scenario where they're in a therapist's office trying to relax and she
just puts on whale noises to get a reaction. No, Like, she's
like, here, relaxes, play the sounds of the ocean. But Yeah,
she doesn't even know yet, and so he just gets a non flashback.
He wakes up, he's peeled her skin off and his harvesting or blubber,
smoking a cigarette, Yeah, doing it. Yeah, it's just natural.
Yeah, yeah, it's yeah. It's like it's like when it's like
when you drive home real drunk and you're just like, oh, yeah,
I just knew how to get home. So yeah, does that every day?
Every single day? Uh. A scientist who was on one of the
ships on a later voyage at one point saw a deckhand uh, slip on
some blubber and get tangled up in just some loose whale in testines that were
on the ship. He gets tossed overboard with all that weight. He got
pulled off the ship, entangled in the whale and testine, never to be
seen again. Well, they actually were able to save him, but he
had terrible hypothermia and died shortly after Davy Jones consumed his soul. Yeah,
damn it. And so and so. If you ever wondered today where save
the Whales started, it kind of started because of the Soviets. If you
ever wondered why seeing a whale is such a surprising thing instead of a super
normal thing, because so essentially what happened was in the nineteenth century, in
the eighteen hundreds, the whaling industry was big and it was useful, right,
there was an industrial need for it, and there was not a great
It was the best way to get the things that we needed that we were
getting from the whales. So we whaled the fuck out of the oceans one
or two. I think we made extinct a lot. We really hurt the
populations of but they were still doing really well, like they were still doing
overall pretty fucking Welles were Russia and Japan's buffalo, yes, kind of the
whale. Then the Soviets came in after World War Two and in these large
but decreased but still large populations, just on and with actual not wooden ships,
not you know what, not like moby dick shit, with actual industrial
scale ships and everything, just fucking mowed them down for decades and took these
lowered populations and made them truly endangered or extinct or very close to functionally extinct
you could say, which means they exist, but they're definitely not going to
breathe their way out of it. That is why seeing a whale is impressive.
Fuck yeah, indeed, and it's a big middle finger to communism seeing
a whale. Yeah, post a picture of a whale to own. We
should change the American symbol to a blue whale, from the ball to eagle
to a whale. Yeah, why not. It's big, it's mighty.
Only communists can kill it or like the empire or a nuke. Yeah,
that is all I got for today. What do you what you guys learn?
Boy? I didn't realize how prominent whales were. I thought it was
a rare sight to begin with. Nope, it's just the world you live
in. It didn't used to be the fact that they were joking about landing
a helicopter on whales. I'm like, no, they're actually serious when they
say that, because there's so many fucking whal Yeah, they're like, they're
so dude. And then obviously, you know they were saying that when they
were radio on that back to ship, they would u as maybe someone in
the military would say, they were just like, yeah, target rich environment.
Yeah. So I think they did, like I think they did our
generation like a service, because back then you're like, oh, cool,
it's a whale. Who cares it's like seeing a pigeon. Now you're like,
oh shit, it's a whale. That's that's like a life changing experience
for people. Now it is made us appreciate whales. So I guess,
good job. Uh. And who is today's Hitler. I'd say it's the
school board administrators for a not outfitting schools with more water. It's a good
one. Flood ready rooms, yep. Yeah, No, I would say
that people will tell you to stop it. That gave these orders and was
like, I have somebody to answer to. That's probably the middlemen, middlemen,
the middlemen of Soviet Russia. Yeah, that's Hitler. You just want
to you just want you just don't want to. The people that didn't want
to be noticed. M Yeah, they're like, I don't care if this
is a legitimate reason or if it's insanity. I have somebody to answer to,
and you gotta get this done. I while you're getting tortured. I
don't want kill it. As many whales as it takes to keep the guy
above me off my back. If that's every whale in the fucking ocean,
then it's every whale in the fucking ocean. Today's Hitler passing the buck fair
enough. Well, that is all I got, Scott, Thank you so
much for joining us. Where can everybody find you on? Thank you guys,
It's just Instagram. Lastro Lopez find me there Boom for Dan Jester and
Scott Lopez. I am Rob Fox and you just got us all served.