Adventist Radio London inspiration for the song. Good afternoon, and welcome to Talking
Point. It is about fifteen minutes past the hour of seven five o'clock.
Sorry, and I truly hope that you're enjoying the sunshine and you've had a
wonderful Sabbath, a wonderful Saturday, and you're locked in, locked in for
the next two hours for our program where we are celebrating our fathers and incidentally
the father on the panel this Pedro. We'll be taking the lead today.
It's I'm not sure how we're gonna explain it, but you're taking the lead
from Halifax, Pedro, so take it away. Good afternoon, everyone,
Welcome to Talking Point. I'm joined by Angela again. Was then in the
first place? Uh, both the ladies, you have not only decided that
I was going to do this today, I was not like that, you
know, um to what's the word enthusiastic doing? Because you know, I
would like to stay in the background. But it's cool, I mean,
well, is it cool? It is cool? Yes, it's cool.
It's cool. I am I am the father on the board, so you
know I have to, you know, step up sometimes as men have to
do sometimes eteed, eteed and petrol. You do you do your program as
well your podcast on it which is aired on Do you do it live on
a Sunday as well or is it just aired on a Sunday? Okay?
Podcast and every players played on Sundays at four pm? Yes? So um,
I guy, who's after? But yeah, okay, So here we
are today. I just want to as we get started, So this is
father dayone, thank everybody for joining us. We're gonna have a couple of
interviews hopefully coming up by two gentlemen or fathers obviously, and we're going to
discuss today thoughts. To join is to discuss today fatherhood, the different ins
and outs, the different pros and cons, things that fathers go through,
the good and the bad, dealing with children, dealing with their spouse,
their partner, um and just getting a field because as I was looking up
some things, you know, Father's Day is not really celebrated or that great,
Like it don't feel like Father's Day for me personally. Have three kids
in June, so the birthdays that would take my Father's Day. Wow,
I didn't even know that. I have Sky on the eighteenth, No Sky
on the fifteenth, two years of twenty third. And then I have my
other son, Johannay, who you met on talking Point before we did the
Um, he's twenty six and he's June two six. So I have three.
So it's like you have three Father's Day gifts special delivery. Yeah,
but Father's Day come and go, and I don't get no gift. I
hear you, hear you know. But it's that that is the Yeah,
Unfortunately that's the case. And statistics shows, you know, card sales,
gift sales show that the mothers are the mothers are celebrated more or gifted more.
I don't know, Um, but you got two days the mothers.
The mothers get two days in a year. You get the UK and you
get the US. Oh there you go. We're special patron. And and
yeah, I'm not I'm not disputing that at all anywhere else, not on
a different day. Apparently it seems to be global. Father's Day in the
US in the UK is the same day. Okay, So I mean,
you know it is what it is. Happy Father's Day, patron. I'm
not gonna complain, I will digress, but otherwise for that, yeah,
I mean, you know, Father's day, we should celebrate it better because
father's an introdu important part of the family process in the sense of, you
know, the mothers play a big part, but the fathers play a big
part two, especially with the children, especially in keeping control. Well when
I say control, keeping in line the family values, the different things that
go on in a family or in any relationship. You know, we carry
a lot of responsibility that people don't like to give us credit for, and
the things like just keeping things in line in the family, like arguments and
disagreements sometimes, you know, and I'm gonna get in trouble for saying this.
We do get emotional, but some some women do get a little emotional
when the children act up. They get a little emotional where they're like they
going off. And so in me personally, my wife will get emotional.
I say that because she does, and I had to be like, okay,
take a breath, and then I have to kind of like mediate between
the children and the wife, like you know, let's listen, let's calm
down, and let's get this, you know, sorted out. So we
have a part to play that you know that is important as being a father.
Yeah, So I just think that we need to recognize that in a
good way. I think that's why for me, that's God's ideal. You
know, mothers and fathers complimenting each other, having their own strength and their
own you know, weaknesses, and being able to do it together and do
it successfully. So that that for me is the master plan. Obviously we
know that because of sin, it doesn't always follow that plan. But yes,
there's nothing like I mean, just quickly before, I mean, we
digress maybe or we're going ahead of ourselves. But um, when my when
my dad comes in the house or came in the house and I heard his
voice, it was all standard to me. You know, my mom could
be screaming and shouting and trying to get me to do whatever she wanted me
to do. But the moment Dad came in, um and spoke, then
right, okay, it's time to it's time to behave. And she used
to always lament about it. You know, I don't understand what it is,
but that that that masculine voice, perhaps, um, that made the
difference in in in the household. So yeah, that's true. I think
it's like Daddy's home. Yes, like Daddy. They don't do Mimmy's home.
They do daddy. You know, like anybody comes and well, my
kids they come and they'll say good morning or get get good evening. Um
they always like are you gonna be home early from work? You know,
they always asking like those questions. UM, so yeah, you're write in
that sense. I think that's where God intended for us too as a father
too, to be that rock in the family too. Then and then everybody
else kind of um helps we all support each other, you know, like
my wife is not it is not underneath me. She's equal to me.
But when it comes to the last, when it comes to the kids acting
or something, she's the first thing. She's always gonna says, act action
mother. And I would say, I'm gonna talk to your mother. And
I know that some people are not gonna like me saying that, but that's
the way it works in my family, Like I'm gonna talk to your mother,
and then we will decide, and then we make it, you know,
we make a decision that it's equal to what we think is best for
the children. But sometimes yes, I will have the final say, and
sometimes I step back and let my wife has the final say, because like
when it comes to girls, I'm not a girl. I'm a man,
so so when it comes to girls, I'll refer to my wife to make
the decision. But what it is best because she has been a girl before.
So I'm not I'm not gonna act like I'm not gonna be like,
oh, I'm you know, no, she can't do this or she can't
do that. I'm gonna say, what do you think because you know better
what is gonna be the outcome that I will. So it was just working
with each other and being you know, fair and making decisions together. I
think that's the way we should. Let's see. Um. And to you
you there quiet for a change to jump in. You know, I was
just thinking about you were saying and how it's going to go back to the
whole idea of celebrating Father's Day. Um. And it's interesting to kind of
think as you were saying that actually it seems to be not the most common
of celebrations as it were comparison. But as I was doing a bit of
research about it, inspiration for Father's Day came about. For Mother's Day,
I guess, you know, people are celebrating Mother's and I think it was
first celebrated I think in nineteen tech actually in the US. Interestingly the day
around the world. Um, I said, you know, so it was.
But it's interesting that actually Mother's Day was the inspiration for that, you
know, the idea that you are going to honor your father's in the same
way that weeds celebrating wollien Um. But I do get that it's probably not
as commercialized that the least holiday or Yeah, there's definitely in the US that
is. I'm all about the UK, but the US is definitely the least
Yeah, But I don't think it's interestingly, you know, I guess there's
probably a lot more I was gonna say money to be made, you know,
because I say, for instance, I can imagine, you know,
for Mother's Day often, you know, florists must do big business on that
day. Some I'm sure that's not quite the same for men, although I'm
sure some men would love to receive flowers, maybe their plant guys, that
kind of thing, so, you know, but I can imagine, you
know, a bunch of flowers are not necessarily and even cards it don't cost
much about a tie or a pair of socks, because that's what we give.
We don't get flowers, we get a tie, a card and maybe
some socks or a sock one or the other. Petro can I just interject
an asks, then would you appreciate flowers on a card on my Father's Day?
Would that be something I'm you see, because I don't think that's what
I'm not there you go, there, you go? Yeah, but how
about some nice cologne? How about some nice you know shops? Um say,
I'm more like, you know, hygiene, So how about some nice
shower, jail, you know, something that I can use? So before
we go, before we go today, we've got to give a list of
gift ideas. It sounds like, um for for our fathers to yea something
that's going to pass away. Yes, practically, but I guess we're an
agreement that actually the idea of celebrating the fathers, And I mean for me,
I look at that in terms of widening up the net a bit more
so. It's not just men who have biological children. I'm thinking of father's
father figures or somebody who you know, he plays that role maybe, but
also uncle's lamp, the fathers, you know men. I think, yeah,
you know, he played that role. I'd like to kind of widen
that net out of the face. And I know, I know we're going
to get controversial here, but I also salute the women on Father's Day who
try to bridge the gap. Um. Obviously it's not it's not it's not
easy to do one maybe not, it's never impossible. But I know I'm
going to get controversial, but I do because when we can't say that would
being a woman to to to our children on Mother's Day? Oh, I
say it. I say, I understand where you're coming from, understand when
you're coming from. But I just think that's a disservice to men old women
that opposite on because you you, As I said earlier, when I refer
to something about my daughter, I step back and let my wife be the
one to make the decision because she was a girl. But she's there,
she's understand that. I understand that. I understand that. What I'm saying
is that I just don't. I just don't like when they say to the
woman, you know, happy Father's Day, because you're not. You know,
the woman's not a man, the woman a woman. Indeed, I
agree that you know the woman is a woman. I never I never liked
that. I never liked that and not but I do get where you're coming
from, because I know of I know you, so I know where you're
coming from. But I just never liked that, and me, for me,
I never liked that because it's just let let them, let the fathers
get their day, let the father be the father, let the mother be
the mother as well. And twenties and thirties they were trying to scrap the
idea of mothers and fathers. Say, I just haven't that kind of unified
parents. Whether you think that would be much BECI ideas you kind of celebrating
equally. And you know, if you have the Unbrell's have parents, that
would incompass whoever is looking after You could say, whoever's looking after children or
who is that caregiver? So that could be a way maybe solving that dilever.
Maybe because people I think in you know, the idea that somebody's playing
that role or has taken on that role playing it, has taken on that
role. Um, it's real, take it it is, Yeah, and
often you know they maybe playing both parts, you know, both roles,
I should say. So, yeah, there's lots to be said, But
you know you made a point earlier, Angela. You made a point earlier
about other men playing father roles, uncles, UM, grandparents, UM,
even the elder you know, other men taking the manta of being a father
figure to two other children or two two people. Right, So if you're
the mother and you a single parent and your mother, you know, I'm
sure, go and see if you can find a male role model that could
then be that father figure, and then they could be you understand, they
could be the f And I'm not saying it's easy, because it's some women
are not going to be to find that to be able to They're not gonna
be able to trust other men or trust, you know, because they may
be going through some issues that or some problem you know, in their life,
so they're not you know, to trustworthy of men. So I do
understand that point. But I get a male that could be a role model
that can help you to kind of because it's only certain, it's only certain.
I strung believe that strong believe that is only only a certain point that
a woman can can bring a male up and then at some point he needs
a male figure in his life to make him be a man. I agree,
I agree, you know what this son, You can raise a son
up to a certain point. But once you hit a certain year, a
certain time frame, you got to have a man. Hell that can that
can teach a man, a man, a young male how to be a
man, because a woman can't teach. And that's and you know what,
and that's where the devil I'm about to go there. This is where the
devil wants this because he wants the female to continue to raise the young man,
and then the young man starts to have feminine ways and masculatedly issues.
And yes, I'm going there because if you yes, no, no,
no, no, no, that's fine, that's fine. I'm actually when
you're done, I'm going to actually open up the debate. That's a very
good point. So maybe it asks our listeners to come in on, but
go on, no, no, no, I'm not not you know,
and then they have that masculine and it even faces for women because if a
male is raising a woman and at a certain point she don't have that feminine
you know, into action, she becomes more masculine. So I'm going both
ways. It goes both ways. I'm not just being towards women, also
being towards mentor. It goes both ways. Yeah, so we got We
gotta be able to get a role model or somebody that can can teach our
children to be to be what they you know, male or female as they
as because you can. When you hit that certain point is you got to
you gotta tell your hardest to do so well. I'm speaking from the perspective
of being a single mother, and it's not always easy to have that input,
um, because other people have lives and have their own dynamics and their
own own own situations. So to get someone to raise your child as their
own without you know, any strings attaches is slim. But and I get
what you're saying as well. But I know that because I'm not cut you
up, not necessarily. I'm not saying that you have to raise the child.
I'm saying just okay, I'm gonna I've been married three times and in
that time I had I had one child who was um going through issues.
I was not there for that child. So it's one of my two older
childs. And I always say this about my ex wife. The one thing
I would say about my ex wife that she did when he started going through
those issues, she took him to the pastor she took him to an elder
day wasn't like in his life every day. But she just asked them to
talk to him when he came to church, give him a call throughout the
week, you know, and just encourage him and work with him, and
just and just you know, because some of the things she couldn't understand,
you understand. And so that he he started to get that role model of
our father because I wasn't there and for other reasons, for reasons that was
beyond my control, because I wanted to be there. But he still got
the father vote. So when he got older, he was he was more
he was more in tune with being a male and was able to work through
some of the issues that he was having growing up as a teenager and the
anger that he was presenting and the anger that he was feeling. So that's
what it is possible if you really, if you really look at it.
And and I come from a single mother until hours fourteen fifteen, then my
mother met my stepfather, So I know that it is possible. It's not
easy, but you can. You can do. It's just it's just hard
work. It's like like marriage is hard work, is always something it's not
easy. It's hard work. Yeah, well, well we'll leave it there
because I do actually think that this is a good debate to bring our listeners
in on. I'm hoping that they will, and I'm giving the details at
studio at Adventist Radio dot London, or you can text on eight triple to
eight Hope space and then give your message or your viewpoint. Do you think
that, as Pedro tell us, that there comes a point where as a
single mom, that you have to get a man's input and male's input in
raising a son, or do you think that they are women the world over
who have done it successfully on their own. And that's that's a debate we're
discussing at the minute. But there is so much more to fatherhood and we
don't want to um sort of get stuck on this on this particular point.
And as Angela sort of said, and what led to the conversation is that
it in my mind, it takes a village. And that's how how I
feel about it. It's it's not one person, it's not even one family.
You may have mom and dad present in the room and there still needs
to be pastor's input or or you know, teacher's input and etcetera. Etcetera.
Particularly when us, as as moms and dads are only but human and
we don't get it right. Some of us very really get it right.
Um and you know there requires a full set of hands to really get the
job done properly. But today we want to celebrate the men who are present.
You know, whether they're doing it well or not, or whether you
know whether they're doing it with help or not. We absolutely want to celebrate
them. Let me pasure if you don't mind, let me stick a pin
here and we'll play a song. It's Father Knows Best. It's by Kirk
Franklin, and when we're back, we can take the conversation further. See,
it's important to understand that just because God allows things that may not be
good to us, does not mean that it's not good for us. Ye
See, a parent fails if the child never learns how to fly. I
hope i'm talking to somebody today. I see how my life could have gone.
Every time you'll be late my dreams. You are so capting me all
the times you make this strong. Can see that you have a play that
I won't understanding, even when I know my own way. You allow my
destate. But still hold on to my head. Thank you. That's what
people bar. Student, I would expend nothing less from you are right understand
why bring to do could take a book in my heart and sway he's learning
on me. I just have one requestion. Ask me, I don't ever
let me go harry one more time. I didn't feel that it won't be
long. Ye see could help. When I look out on my shoulder,
I remember time you feel my dream taking me all the time to maaze.
You even had a plan before time began. Come can't see that you have
a plan that out always understanding when I go to for your moment back,
even when I call my away, you allow my mistakes but still hold on
to far. I like this form right here, that's what you far.
That's where your fathers do the next less from somebody needs to know sorr so
right understand why I don't know whe you could dreat you see when I can't
sink so whatever you please. I have one request, and don't ever let
me go. Oh please don't ever let me go. Keep me free your
heart cheating star, can your head? Oh find me the bees so d
see a hell of time they always come through. Stand you see, welcome
back to Talking Point. Everybody, thanks for joining us. We're going to
change a little gears here. We're gonna talk to the lady is a little
bit an acting about their fathers and growing up with their fathers and how it
was for them, and well it is their idea of fatherhood. So I
would just throw it to Angela and let her give us a little input on
her m. I mean, it's an interesting one. It's been interesting because
i'd almost terrible, but yeah, growing up here with my dad, seeing
him as a really strong character, and kind of preface that my dad passed
away when I was twenty twenty four, twenty five. So the reality is,
and I've kind of been looking back at that. I think every father's
it comes up. I sort of think I've lived half of my life without
my dad being around, and you know, many people could be in a
similar situation. Either fathers are presents or they've lost them. So you know,
my heart goes out, and you know, we remembering, we remembering
fathers and celebrating, so, you know, remembering those who are no longer
with us. But you know, I remember my dad being a very strong
character, you know, very principled, you know, his love of he
was a lover of God, was very active in the church. You know,
he worked in a hospital, so he continer trained as a nurse,
came out from Jamaica, and you know, he was one of those people
who always cared for people and was always there to help people. And I
kind of think, you know, between me and my sisters, I think
we've taken quite a lot of his characteristics and his qualities on. You know,
my dad would help anybody. And I kind of look back and I
think, you know, we've had lodgers and the kind of random people,
and I look back and I think, how was that person living in living
with us? You know, we've had this elderly gentleman called miss and I'm
want to say, mister Woolley, this is a very very long time.
I want to look back. I think, considering we are black Caribbean family,
family from Jamaica, I think he was either Scottish or Irish. I
think I really don't remember. I can't. I look back and I think
I can't remember what the dynamics were, how that even came about. But
this man lived with us for a while and it was you know, it
was a very interesting character on so on, so many liffent levels. But
you know, my dad obviously opened up our house to be able to you
know, look after this person and what have you. And I think that
was kind of vindicative of the sort of person that he was. You know,
he would help anybody, and he really encouraged us as children to do
things. You know, I was as many families are. You know,
your parents are there to lead, and you know they want to encourage you
to do well at school and to do the best that you can do.
And my dad was always that you know, you can achieve things. You
may have to put in one hundred and ten percent, etc. But you
know, there was no kinds of limits to try things. So we went
on holidays, we went I grew up camping and going to different places.
And if we ever went to the beach, we were going into the water.
You know, you weren't just going to sit on the sides and just
paddle. I hope you were going writing and you were going to go swimming.
You know, so those kind of things. I kind of look back
and I think, you know, very fondly, um, you know,
it was just yeah, he was very strict at times, or maybe I
was just really naughty, so I just got into trouble, but it was
equally very fair, and I just think, you know, I look back
and I think one of the things when he when my dad got sick,
he sadly passed. He had cancer, you know, passed away, and
for me, seeing somebody change from a really strong person to a really frail
person like that really threw me completely because you sort of see that sort of
change there. But throughout it's all, you know, his faith in God
never really wavered. You know, he was kind of okay, this is
what's happening to me. You know, there's a reason for everything. You
know, he was still he could still minister two people even throughout his sickness.
I remember, you know, we were obviously I'm the eldest with my
sisters, and you know, we're young and really to sort of think,
you know, we're losing somebody what's closer to us. And I always remember
that we kind of got the call one day to say, no, he's
gonna he's not gonna be around much longer. And I remember sort of,
you know, we spent a lot of time he was in hospital at this
point, and I remember praying, you know, please God, I've got
to be able to deal with this in some way. And I remember being
at the place and kind of, you know, we're sitting by his bed,
I was holding his hand, and I fell asleep and I had this
dream and his dream was kind of was like, you know what, it's
gonna be okay, You'll be fine. And I remember my I was pide
of my my dad's hand. I felt a sort of slipping away, but
it was almost like it's going to be fine. Somebody did eventually pass,
you know, as devastating as it was, there was kind of a piece
that I thought, Okay, I kind of accepted made peace with that,
and you know, I hope that his legacy will go on through you know,
myself, my sisters and the things that we do. We can still
be representatives of him. And he has taught us and ultimately, you know,
given God all the glory, you know, for the lessons that he's
taught us. And I'd like to think, you know, even though our
life's path may have gone different from maybe what he might have wanted or expected,
I still think he'd be very proud of us, or that think you'd
be very proud of me the sort of person I've become, And I sometimes
look back and I think I wonder what life would have been like had he
been around. What more could I have learned from him? What more could
he have taught me? You know? But I think within the short time
that I had my dad there that I think I learned enough to say,
you know, that was a really good foundation and I could learn a lot.
So, you know, I think one of the things I think I
mentioned legacy. Sometimes we don't almost recognize some people don't look at things in
terms of how much of an impact we can have on people. And I
think wherever we are in life and the opportunities that we have, one of
the key things is that you can make a difference. You know. My
dad was a strong believer in being a representative of God and trying to get
people to sort of see you know, God through him, so, you
know, leaving a legacy which hopefully we can continue with there. So you
know, there's probably loads of memories. Like I said, I mean,
I had a prety good relationship with my dad that we clutched at some points,
but I think we both we had quite strong characters, which I probably
took out to him as well. You know, he liked a good debate,
he liked to speak, you know. So there's loads of qualities that
I think I've taken from him. My sister, who I know was on
the show fee weeks back. I think she was probably more of a daddy's
girl than I was. But you know, yeah, still, yeah,
I have very fond of memories and are times kind of do forget. I
feel like I've forgotten a loss about him at times. But I come across
pictures, you know, and one thing I think I did take off my
dad, though I'm going to end here. I found a picture of him
on a motorbike, which I was like, oh, who knew, But
years later that's something that I used to do. Yes, I used to
ride a motorbikes. All is so full of surprises. This is nothing you
have not done. Well, I'm sure it was just like, oh my
goodness, look at that. I had no idea that's something that he did.
And then many years later I did the same as well. So you
know, I think there's probably a level of bravery there as well, and
just you know, fearlessness and what have you. So so yeah, so
so you know, um, rest of every lasting peace to my dad and
to all those other fathers out there who may not be around them still in
that way. So yeah, so that's a little bit a bit of mine
about you, Zenya. I'm just thinking as you just as you started to
sort of describe your dad, in my head, I was thinking that apple
didn't fall very far from the tree. And as you continued to speak,
you know you you're uh confessed that or or stated that that you were very
much like your dad when you talk about strong willed and caring and all that.
I can see that, having not met him, that, yeah,
that describes you. A signal from me, I'm sorry, I wanted to
say. Listening to you, I think you said that even though it's only
half your life, it seemed like the other half you still had him in
your heart, so you still were like following what he taught you for the
first twenty five years of your life. For me personally, that's that's the
way I took it, because you seem to like just the way you talked
about him and just the way you brought him up. You can't everything you
do, just like zen you said, just meeting you for the last couple
of years. I could definitely see him in you, because that's definitely yeah,
like the strong will you know, stand your ground, you know kind
of yeah, like you know you, you and you and like you're not
afraid to mix it up, like you know, they have a debate or
having a disagreement and then you know, make your point and then have another
present make it. But it's just the way you you present yourself. Yeah,
I can see him. I could see that him in you from just
from just what you just said. You know. So I think for the
last twenty five years you may not have been here, but he's he's he's
in you because you definitely present him do your actions. Yeah, but I
try, and I kind of you know, there's there as many times,
as much as it it's all great that we clashed a lot, you know,
and it was probably my life is you know, as many people's loves
have gone up and down. And there was a point where I'm sure he
disapproved of every choice that I was making and everything that was doing, but
you know what the foundation was there, and you know, somehow I met
you know, I've made my way back as it were, you know,
and it's interesting because I remember I have a letter that he wrote me,
and I read it now when I just think, you know, actually,
you know all the things he said, he said it out of love and
out of care, and I think at the time it made me really mad.
But I look back at it and I think, yeah, you know,
Father's often sometimes they say Father's no best. We could debate that,
I'm sure for years to come back. You know, in some respects he
had a lot to say that was completely right, and I just had to
find my way and he always loved me for that, and I know we'll
go on to that. You know, I was minded stare the prod Father
the prodigals are you know, somebody who said he's going to love you no
matter what, and even though you may make mistakes, she may fool,
it's still there to kind of pick you up and you know, put you
back on the right past sort of things. So, yeah, it's funny
you said that because I tell my children that all the time. I tell
my rather to be mad at me, then then then to go out there
and make a mistake, because my job is to protect them and to tell
them, and I'm gonna tell them what they need to hear now what they
want to hear. And I tell them that when they get older, they're
going to look back and so you know what my dad was actually telling me
the right thing. They don't see it now because they're teen it, you
know. Now, I got two preteens or two teenagers and one almost there.
But they don't see it now. But when they get older, they're
gonna say, Okay, you know, so your fathers knew what he was
doing when he was telling you, even when you guys clashed, you know
that when you got older, you was gonna sit back and say, you
know what, he was absolutely right. It was absolutely everything he said and
told me happened. So you know he did the right thing bout doing that
because I know I do that with my children now. Yeah, n yeah,
we didn't get job. I'm laughing because I know if I say it,
I'm gonna get into another debate with you, Petro. But I've got
to say it because you don't mean but there are times when father's arm you
know, I just say that I'm right all the time. No, no,
no, I'm just talking about Yeah, I know what you mean,
but you know, just something because you know, when they want to do
something you like, no or you know, they they want to go down
this path for like, you know, my son, he's fifteen, so
now he wants to do things and I'm like, you got to hold off
and wait, and then he goes to sneak behind my back and does it
anyway, and he comes back and said, you know what that you at
that? Yeah, that's what I mean, you know, and that I'm
not I'm never trust me. I'm far from perfect and I'm far from right.
I'm just talking about as we see I children, I think sometimes forget
that we grew up as as children. Yeah you just you came saying is
you come big? I didn't come bigger? But no. So we try
to teach our children and as as my job as a father, I'm trying
to teach them the things that I did not have. So I'm trying to
teach them the things I didn't have as a child. And they don't see
that. So they get mad when they think I'm trying to be mean or
that I'm trying to be you know, destructive to what's what their plan is
trying to get? And like Angel will say, you know you you get
you clash, but when when when the chips are down and later on in
life, you know, well quick, there was a phrase the guy said,
children turned thirteen, they think parents are They think fathers and mothers are
dumb. But by on time they hit twenty four, then they start realizing
that they're actually pretty smart. Like children go through that phrase of where they
you know, they think they know it at all, and then when they
get older they didn't like, wait a minute, I didn't know at all
at all, you know, So that's what I was really, you know,
kind of inferring, yes, and I understood. I was just I
was just tossing something into the ring. And then you know, there is
also that we we we can try as as as we might, um,
and of course with God's help to protect them and to guide them, but
we also have to allow them to make some mistakes. You know. You
you you've got to navigate which ones those are, because some are more detrimental
than others. But um, it's only that way that that they will learn
after try the narrow and understanding. Oh yeah, Daddy did say that,
and he was right. So next time he said something, then I'll pay
more attention and that kind of thing, because we can't, but we would
want to keep them in the bubble. And you know, children listen to
anything we say, so I can testify I don't do it. They don't
do it, Oh trust me. Yeah, and pushing the boundaries life.
Oh goody realized, Oh my good I should have Yeah. No, no,
that don't work. Okay, good. So it's not just my house
all right, good? Good to check it. Oh yeah, oh yeah,
I believe that. I believe that. Um yeah, my dad,
Um, he's still here, perhaps listening, so happy fathers say, Dad,
Um, he's in the Caribbean. I don't think you'll ever live.
You know, he's he's rooted and grounded down there. Um. In fact,
I was teasing him the other day. A program was on. I
believe it was BBC or ITV. I'm not sure. I caught it on
on YouTube, but it was on and it was a Buried Cities. It
was a documentary about mons Rat, which is where I'm from. And um,
one of the persons that was in that um documentary was my dad.
He was but and I teased him the other day and I said, I've
got to get him on the show because his story is just it's when I
heard it again. I thought, my gosh, I didn't remember that.
I didn't know that. What what what? Um? So so yeah,
I'll definitely bring him on one time. And he says I can't afford him
obviously, Um, but he I mean, if he didn't leave Monstra after
that, he's never leaving. Um. But and he also has a fear
of flying, so he he wants me to come and get him. But
side note, Um, he's there and I miss him daily. And I
think I've said it before on the show. We he I've got six siblings.
We're all from different moms. And this is I don't know if it
is as prevalent now, but this is Caribbean culture. Um, this is
what happens many even outside of marriages. You know, men have kids and
you know the mother of that kid lives halfway up the road and you pass
them and you're in school together and all that kind of stuff, and you
don't even know it's your sister and your brother. It's you know, it's
all one big pot um. And uh, what he did and I always
commend him for and you know I'm naming all his business beinger, but what
I always commend him for was that he when we were younger, though we
were from separate households, used to bring us together for sleeper was and for
weekends. And we're all from different faiths, so we used to go to
church on a Saturday from his house. We used to worship from his house.
We used to bond at his house. And I think that was the
best thing he'd done for us, because now we are a tight knit and
that's because of that. And another thing that has sort of come from that
is our faith. They're still not adventiced as such, but it was good
ground, good seed because a lot of the conversations are led by me in
terms of faith, and they will come and ask me, and they will
come and talk to me about it, and and I think those are the
foundations. And and you when you speak about your dad being around for the
first twenty five years, I think of that as good foundation, because that's
what we have to build as parents. Good foundation, good good starts.
You know, the Bible speaks of that, you know, train up a
child. And um, that is what I take away. You know,
he really made sure not just that his relationship with us was strong, but
our relationship with each other was strong. As siblings, and I commend him
for that because that's not always done and that's not always thought about, you
know, making sure that as siblings, as sister and brother, that we
had a close relationship, because that's the relationship that's going to take us beyond
you know him, you know, and that's the legacy that he left.
And he's you know, he's a he comes from a rich Adventist home.
Um. I tease him about that, because we're not sure what happened to
him, but from a rich adventis. I remember my grandma. Um.
She died when I was very very young, but one of the very few
memories I have of her is of her singing, um, you know,
the old, good old old hymns and and good old gospel songs. And
you know, she lived just across the road from the church and we all
sing. We all like a good old worship session. I spoke a bit
about it. And when we recap Colchester, you know, he just used
to sit on the piano and he plays by air, and we were singing
hymns and playing hymns and learning them and singing them together, and it was
just a that's a beautiful moment. I love praise and worship. You know
that I love songs. I love good music. It has a way of
just connecting people. And that's again we all, we all love music.
My my brother is an artist in his own right. So and my other
brother, my youngest brother, he plays the piano phenomenally. He plays for
everything and everyone, and he's just amazing. I missed that trick, but
I'm trying. Um, I got but yes, So it's just all of
that stuff that he's he shared with us and got us involved in, and
you could feel the love. I've got the quote that I saw and it
made me think of him. A son's first hero is a dad, but
a dad is a daughter's first love, and that for me is a sentiment.
He he's the man wrong or right that I sort of see as the
benchmark, you know, And like I said, wrong or right, there's
a lot of wrong roads that daughters go down because of that. But um,
and that's a very important point that we may want to die sec a
little later, but the pattern of how love is in a home comes from
that relationship. How he treats me is how I expect others to treat me.
And I say it all the time. My father never beat me,
so you don't lay your hand on me that kind of way. You know.
These are the these are the things that you you you take away from
that relationship. My dad loves me. I'm the apple of his eye and
you know, if there any man in my life needs to treat me the
same. And perhaps he spoiled me so that there's a there's a benchmark there
that's hard to meet, but that without sort of taking the next hour.
That's the kind of relationship that we had. And I really really appreciate him
and I appreciate the love that he has given me over the years. Mistakes
were made, yes, for sure, but I never doubted his love for
me. I never doubted. I love that and I love the fact that
you know, you'll say that he shared his faith with you and connected you
all through there. Yeah, which you know fathers are you know, that's
part of their role as well to be doing um. Yeah, so even
as you said mistakes, there's beat that still comes from there. So yeah,
yeah, I'm sure you have the spend some hidden talents there. I
tease and say that I'm a jack of all trades, you know, and
you add the rest I'm dabbling a lot of things. Whether I master anythings,
it's left to be seen. But yeah, um, and he's you
know, he's a speaker, he's he's he's an environmentalist. You know,
there's a word. Um. He's just passionate about so many things. And
that comes across to all of us. You know, we're champions in our
own right and different things. And yeah, we appreciate him. We appreciate
the talent. You do, the you do, the um the music show,
you know, the last less you Petro, you're determined to plug that
in there together. Yeah, you know you gotta research, you gotta put
the songs together. You know you and you know you don't give yourself that
credit. It's not like this the only radio. You're done radio before you
have the program, you're put together stuff. Your job now is in the
hotel is in the hotel business. I remember correctly. Yes, you know
you're know how to organize. You have a talent than you say you don't
have a talent. I'm saying you got giving yourself enough credit. That's all
I'm saying. You know you can organize, you can do you have a
talent that, yes, I do. I do try, you know.
Yeah, I am plugging for people to listen so they know next weekend they
can you know, after talking a good point, Yes, we will have
Saturday night praise and I'm I'm hoping everyone will stay with us after talking point
for some good old music. Um, we'll have a good time praising God
because he deserves the praise and deserves one question though, m hm, So
I'm gonna be like you now, I'm gonna I'm gonna you're stirring. Now
you say you said that your father never never, I'm spank you. I'm
gonna say spank. I'm not gonna say beat, spank. Do you think,
oh I think my dad maybe meet me twice in my life. You
know this is a very yeah, it's very edgy topic here, but yes,
no, no, no, no, because I you know, I
believe in you know, what's the word to a sparing You know, I
can't think you're afraid careful? Right, spoiled the child? Right? I
just think that sometimes, you know, girl, little boy, you know
right, it's a necessity jumping age quick save pedro. You know what.
You know what, Listen, I'm not giving example. I'm not giving example.
And because I'm a friend. I'm gonna give a real example. So
my little one acts out. She sometimes, and one time she was told
that she was afraid that I was gonna whipper. So the school got all
bent out of shape and they came to us and it's like, oh,
you can't do that, you know they they they kind of bum washed my
wife. I wasn't there. Then we had to have a meeting and so
and so. Right, so fast forward. Now my daughter sees this.
So now she is um acting out of school, and she's acting out,
acting out, acting out. It's getting worse, maybe three four times a
month. Then it goes to three f two three times a week where she's
acting out because she knows and you can and the teachers like, I see
her smile. It's I know she's doing it on purpose, you understand,
because she's like, oh, I can get away with this. So finally
I have enough. Nope, you're gonna have to get what I call a
reboot. You're gonna have to get medicine. Since she's had to reboot,
she's been good. I'm just saying I didn't abuse her. People, I'm
not saying that I abused her, but I didn't let her know that there's
a you know, because sometimes it's talking only goes so far. That is
an interesting litate actually kind of tut. But as a father, I have
to put a stop to because it's driving my wife crazy. Because my wife
is getting to school and she's getting all these bad reports and you can see
it draining on her. So at some point I have to be like,
okay, now I gotta step in and you know, be the father figure,
you know, put some corrective measures in place for the discipline and the
instruction. I think it's a very fun line have presented and done. And
you know, sadly there are people who just take it a step too far.
I said, they don't get an exercise for straight and control, all
right, And that's what I'm saying. I showed restraint. I was deliberate.
I wasn't like I didn't do it mad. I was very controlled,
and I was like, Okay, I'm gonna do it three times and then
I'm gonna stop. And I wasn't like, you know, you know,
you know, we look when I was going up you know, the woman's
ring, I was like, you know, when they were talking to you
know, like did it I tell you, you know, they just all
over the map and you're flying all over the place. You know, it
wasn't like that. It was control. And I think if you have a
control situation, it can be done correctly. Go out it needs to be
done. And there are a lot of people who believe as you do.
Um, I mean it's more of a Caribbean thing. I feel, I'm
not sure. Correct me if I'm wrong, and it's an island thing.
Yes, yes, yeah, yeah, I was brought up like that.
Funnily enough, my mom's love our grandma and you know, JJ gets away
with with everything and I'm not sure where that happened the way, you know,
especially you know the way the laws have changed everything else. You just
have to be yes for discipline, boundaries, you know, all those kind
of things are really important of course for being the head of the family.
If the head of a family, you know, we talk about role modeling.
We talk about somebody who he's going to be a leader, those in
place because otherwise, you know how they're going to know right from wrong.
We talked about we talked about setting a foundation. If you're not doing that
right from the get go, you know, that'd be all over the place,
as you said, And you know, sometimes you have to start that
from as young as you can, otherwise you get to a point and it
still comes too hard because almost too late to have done that. Yeah,
you know, so, yeah, I take you agree with that, but
you know it's debatable as to how that can be done, you know,
so, and I think it's different. It's different. For all. Before
I did this, I looked it up and it's not against the law.
No, no, no, no, no no no. I'm just saying
that I did because I was so I was so afraid from what the school
had done that almost kind of like took away my my parental right, And
so I said, let me make sure before I do this that I'm not
going to get in trouble the end. Like I had to, you know,
I had to investigate. I know that sounds weird, but I just
wanted to make sure that I could, you know. And they said the
law the point of loses of you know thing, it's okay, even though
they're trying to stop that too here in the UK. They have but now
in the UK. But I just want to point that I didn't investigate before
I did. Yeah, And I think every child is different for for for
me, that's my opinion. Every child is different. Some some children,
like I said, for my dad, a word I look was enough,
right, you know, so he didn't necessarily need to beat me. But
my mom couldn't get my attention for good goal. I mean, she could
take the beltop and I still stand. I stand there with my face screwed,
and she would beat me and my face still screwed. And when I
left, I still do what I wanted to do. Um so we and
she couldn't understand it. She couldn't understand it. Um So you know,
JJ will watch me in my face, both face, so you know,
I you know, I could say what I want, I could do what
I want. You know what's he's a big tough guy, and now he's
taller than me, and I keep threatenings. It doesn't matter how tall you
are. You know, I'm still gonna get to you. Yeah, exactly.
I try to make him afraid of Maybe he don't need to pay no
attention, but um, I mean, it is what we need to do
as parents. I believe to discipline and and we're going to get onto that.
I believe about examples in the Bible and even example from Christ and our
heavenly Father of of that. But yes, his past, um parcel.
But what I meant was, and as you said, Pedro, it's a
fine line or what's it, Angela between you know, discipline and abuse,
and we have to make sure we draw that line clear, very clear,
um, because it's an important principle. I think in the news I heard
that some parents were recently um sentence for the death of a nine year old.
So it's you know, we have to be very very very careful,
um, because there are people they were disciplined, yes, under the umbrella
of yes, and that was horrendous and horrific. And I think that's why
you know, antennas go up and and and and people jump into action because
you know that's the first thing to make sure that they protect the child.
And I get that, um, Patrol, you were asking for a break,
um, and this is a good point. Yeah, this is a
good point to do that. My Father's Heart by Rachel Lampos the next song
and um, we'll be back after that. Havething. Here's the sky the
scene just Disney to shows soon to find my confessed, My love is not
it all belongsuter you, timestar kind is the in ef only to face my
fathers lovesly change flowing from jee with one voice, well sing to get its
will be a song Foo. My live is one, it all besu and
that your time can do. She is living in every plot only to day
is my fault, my love, it is not mine. It don't belot
see you enough you leave, can't do it is living in a pot only
to please my faults, only to please my fault. Okay, welcome back
to talking point. We've been talking about fathers. We're celebrating our fathers today,
so any sort of fathers, father figures, and we're including uncle's,
grandparents, etc. Et cetera. We're wising that net. We want to
celebrate you. And we've been sharing so far and a bit about our own
fathers and fathers in our lives and the influences they've had on us and what
we did as well. For this show, we've spoken to a couple of
people as well. So I sat down with a friend of mine, Stephen,
just to talk about his experience as being a father. He's a fairly
new father, his children are young, but he gave us a really good
insight into what that's been like for him. So we're going to listen to
an interview with him now and then we'll come back and just talk a little
bit about what we what he had to say and our thoughts on that.
So over teas and yeah, let's see you now pretty much in how she's
not he's just making me just want to understand that, you know, just
impreasionment and just be okay, you know what I mean, it's not right.
I'm going to bring that makes sense. You didn't start from the beginning.
Okay, So thank you for joining me today. Um So tell me
let me today. Thank you for joining me today. Um So tell me
a little bit about yourself and your children. Yes, so I'm first with
my name's what to jow you? My door off. She's got to be
free this month actually, oh cool? And my son he's one. Yes,
I'm quite closing age together, which I preferred that way because it's when
I see you always going to go on. Seeing a bond is really touching
to see sel. Yeah, enjoy it. Okay, So times about your
experience of fatherhood, you know, how would that be? What's that been
like? Obviously you've got two children unders they're under three, and she's mentioned
there's close in age together. So what's the luck for you being a father
modestly young? It's school. Sometimes I'm sing sing under I'm a father.
I gus expensive, but I'm also amazing thing for I remember just seeing them
born for the first time. Memories ain't gonna go away. I'm just seeing
them from young, seeing marstones. It's been a really young, enjoyable experience.
But I'm also been challenging as well. UM sometimes been them all the
beau some challenges, for example, crying all the time, suppress nights.
Um at the moment, although that she's struggling to sometimes explain what she wants
sometimes so UM, I can tell that she's trying to talk and express herself,
not able to talk to creative pope, And sometimes I will say for
her because I know that she's trying not artist in our days. My patience
is law because I'm trying to get her to really get to that point,
if that makes sense. Yeah, I've learning that so far. But it's
got to be patient because if she's so young, she's learning, she's developing
and even seeing our treatments in how she is now it's just making me just
want to understand that, you know, just be patient and just be okay
without you know what I mean, it's not as made just as people might
see it to be. That make sense. So I'm trying to be patient,
trying to be understanding. Estimation is but girl, he's very very adventurous,
doesn't normal boundaries. So I'm always on the look up because he's a
well climbing out the chair for the normal. And it's like, I find
it funny because just seeing them playing, how funny is I think it's a
good thing because they're young. Yeah, they don't know the word danger,
so iman to basically just explain and to deferently certain things. But I think
they're more changing for them. For me as a farmer is just be impatient.
I think for me well as working for home and having them basically for
the whole day, and for the whole day, it's all good because I
get the fact that I'm present with them, so then beg their breakfast and
might read them some books or whatever. Maybe I'm learning with them, sad
pretty all the stuff. But then because because I've got things golding in my
own life and things I've got to do. I don't know, hard to
find the ballot sometimes at the store. Things that I want to achieve,
the two things that I want to welcome, and it's difficult to focus on
those things when my kids are basically needing my time, at my attention to
any moment that I did have to sit down and do things. Peter might
come to me, want to play, They come up, want to come
to me and play around. And at first I'm like, auld pay like
gold to your mom or gold to your garden, all these often joss,
but sometimes they're they're come and consteen, so I'm having to stop what I'm
doing to skip them time. And for me, it shouldn't be a competition
that for me, my child should always come first or finding hard to find
the ballot, being present, being active, being there for them, but
also working on my passions and aspirations and prob just that I want to be
all welcomness or its aper tough to manage, but I'm getting And how have
you how have you found being able to make their balance? What kind of
things have helped you to be able to do that? Yes, So for
me, I'm just being honest with my wife kid about wearing my whole thing.
If I don't really talk to about what's going on, she even I
understand. So she's talking about first of all certain or down managing. I
didn't know hard to find a balance that she's able to help out more.
And it's not that she's not helping that anyway, but unless she's got things
to do, work and stuff like that, so that she's got things also
what they cannot understand that sometimes support is needed. Actually helped because it gave
me time to you know, just take a break and working some stuff.
I'm almos where I marked with the kids might be paying the stuff and if
I can watch them because I bought pay to me preschool just to basically on
the ARDEA and A socials and stuff. And while she's art get paying.
As I said before, this makes me forget that the pressures on burdens or
what got going on if not makes sense that for me is a farmer and
as ad there's this heavy burden on the Mincy providency either and make things happen
and certainty, it gets to me and I want to just remember the simple
things that she's young, that she just wants my time, that's she's really
innocent. She being pure. That makes me just forget about compressions. They
just kind of makes you focus on or supportant, which is being and just
making a happy and just being around. So for me, it's just trying
to pick something perspectives of that it's good to when I'm working, provide and
be that form, be that man. At the same time, I thought
that matureian just need the simple things right now, which is me being a
be just helping him to understand life. That would be reading, playing,
learning, developing, And I think that manser just hard me to change how
I used to see things sold You know, some days are but some days
are so goodness to be involve what I'm getting, you know, and how
was your How did you say your spiritual life has helped you in your role
as a father. Yeah, not because I'm I think I'm realizing how much
any goods strength and support to helping to be the best part that I can
be. Um. I think one of my favorite verses talks about the trying
to patience. So if my kids are testing my patients, I think it's
designed to highlight where I am as a person, and it is an opportunity
to to work on those things. And I think I's been using this experience
to helping to improve when need to improve, to deal with what I've got
to deal with, and to me as a liston to discuss. That makes
sense because they are or going to be the best that I can be,
but then at the same time help me to be the best that I can't
be any to deal with the things that are pervertly for the and the person
and all that company. So it's cool. You need to play more watching,
studying more watching, understand what good provideble of me as a farm as
a mantal is heavily impacting my spiritual life and a big wee um because I
know that I can be just with and I think being a farmer, I
think it's important war and I just want to do it the best way of
that appen. So yeah, okay, So this this show, we're celebrating
our fathers and father figures. So if I was to ask your wife,
and I guess if your children could express that, how would they describe you
as a father? How would you wife describe you as a father? Oh
wow, I'm mine as angel that When I sat the question, I asker,
so I asked her, actually gave you free okay, ships Um,
I'm active and I'm loving and I'm from m HM. So actually I guess
it's simple because I'm living all the time. Morning after that time, I'm
there. I born in times of gust Us, understandable loving, what's hard
to do that? And I was touching dinner because at the time I don't
really think about certain things. He want to say. That was encouraging from
Um. I didn't want to be the dad that was always fun more.
But then I'm learning that if I don't sets it on boundaries. First year
of Kila that she's very very stubborn and supatiently boundaries which in the moment and
I love because if I love, then she will love. But she she's
got a very very funny character or after basically just yeah, just balance the
balance, trying to future their rules and set of stuff, which I find
hard to do for as I said before, you asked me about as guiltual
and afficials causing me to the asks, which is healthy, give me a
risk him somehow to talk you because sometimes not easy, but the am trying
the request to months m. I think they will probably describe me as I'll
find that, um there was coming to me to sim please jumping on my
back, go on my neck, going to the guarding, or to go
to the park. So we're not going to take them mind scribe the common
life, doing the elements all I try to do those things through them sort
of you can just enjoy themselves. U we name in the house would day
if I get a bit restless, or I just chany to just make a
day more productive. Other than that, I think I'd love to think that
in order I love them. M had a moment just the other actually which
Peter was struggling to sleep, and she when she wakes up in the night,
I wake up. And the goals were and then it give us some
monks to see manage will make to sleep. And sometimes and it's a bad
man that she's up about fearful times, and sometimes it's I see him bocause
I'm kind and we include. I have an arrangement where she takes the early
night shift and then when the kids are fully peaks sleeping, that's my shift.
I mean that ships also unpredictable, and all the things happened doing that
she sat in that shift. If she's waking up crying. And then the
other night she was crying and love she was stay in a bed and then
I'll go to But then she came into our room and it came into a
bed and she called me. I want to speak in that little moments like
what he was was touched and just might be a very big factor the simple
things that you know sometimes want to talk about the challenges. In that moment,
Stacker doesn't even makes sense, like and didn't either think about distresses and
how hard it made me In that little moment her it just come to me,
and I argue me, you're just hugging. She made me thinking,
oh, and like it's all came on like she was would be cool.
So and I just think that you know that I loved them and they could
come to him. So I just that when you get that, all change
don't make sense. Oh I love that. I love that, And I
love the fact that you it sounds like you you know yourself and your wife.
You know you're kind of it's teamwork and I guess to stay team workers
a dream work. So I love that you even asked her that and she
was able to share that with you. So um, thank you so much,
I'm gonna leave it there. Appreciate all your thoughts and your insights into
being a father. Your family is blessed to have you, and wishing you
a happy Father's Day and for today and for all throughout the year as well.
Thank you. How deep the father's love for us, How vast beyond
doman that he should give his only son and make gage his transder, How
great the pain offsaring loss? The father turns his face away as wounds which
mother chosen bring many sons to glory, behome. The man upon the crist,
my sin upon his show, older, ashamed that hear my marking call
out among the scarf. It was my sin that held in the until it
was a calm. His dying breath has brought me to life. I know
that it his fend. I will have bostan anything no gives, no pie
always now, but I will bost in Jesus death. Why that was Philip's
Craig and Dean with a powerful song him your selection, Pedro, And in
a minute you can tell us why you selected this one. But it's how
deep the Father's love for us. That was one of your songs chosen for
this um this Safternoon's program. What does it mean to you? Oh?
Sorry, go ahead, Pedrick ahead. Oh okay, yeah, no,
sorry, we just we diverted a little bit. But it's a very it's
a very powerful song. And I just wanted if you why why did you
choose say or does it mean something to you before we start talking about you
know the father that um Jesus, the price that got paid, said that
Jesus to die for our sins, you know, the price that we pay.
And as a father, you know, there's no thing that I would
have did for my children. I would, you know, I would do
anything to protect my children. And even though I wouldn't want to die,
I would still die for my children. I really believe that. I believe
that I would do whatever I have to do to make sure that they have
the life that they need to have, or like the life that they need,
or be the person they need to be. So I would do everything
in my power, even sacrifice, go without, you know, as a
father, I would go without food or clothes just to make sure that my
kids would eat or eat, or that my kids would be closed or have
the head like I would, you know, And I've been there where I've
took myself work wise to make sure that my children had what they needed,
you know, if they needed and my wife came to me said they need
more close, I'll go get another job. If we didn't have the money,
you know, like I would, you know, pretty much do whatever
I have to do to take care of my family, because that's take I
take that responsibility very well as a father, you know, I take that
responsibilility. I was taught that through my father actually stepfather, that you know,
no matter what you do, but you gotta you gotta, you gotta
hustle. So I've taken up many jobs and many different roles just to make
sure that my family has what they need, even if it's to the sacrifice
of myself, even sometimes the sacrifice which is wrong, sometimes the sacrifice of
my marriage, you know, where it put a little stream between my wife
and I. Um and that's something I had to learn how to balance on
a regular basis, on how to still provide but still be there. But
I think it's father. Sometimes we can get so engrossed and thinking that would
in care of the family, which what Stephen was just talking. Stephen was
just talking about that we don't um communicate how we really feel, how we
really are, what we're going through, and then they could, they could
they could put a strain, you know, on a relationship because I like
a lot of things that he was talking about. I'm going into what he
was talking about, but well, and that I wanted to ask, and
we were asking offline to sort of remind us you were speaking to and where
you Yeah, I was going to ask, who was that one of the
Fuller kids? It is, it's one steaking Fuller. Many of you may
have heard him speak or know of him. We're gonna hear a bit more
of him over the coming weeks as well. But yeah, so you know
he's he's coming up with a big family. Actually, and as much I
didn't go into sort of what his fan dynamics and had that played a part,
what was really evident was actually the fact that is, you know,
I can see that he's working toward you with his wife and a partnership.
He's a very hands on dad. And children are young, so he's a
fairly new father. You know, they're three and one or nearly three and
nearly one, and they too, I should say, but he's very hands
on, he's very active with them. He does a lot with them,
but he communicates how he put his going through with his wife and they kind
of have you know, they work things out and he wants to be very
present in their lives. And but he also recognized that he's not necessarily do
this on his own and what's his works with his wife with that, he's
also relying heavily on God as well. You know, I like the fact
skills that he has to learn with his patients. He's recognizing the challenges he's
still learning, but he wants to be present, wants about to shape his
children's lives so ultimately they're going to know. And actually that song really fitted
him really well. One of the things I asked that question, what would
his wife saying? Children? And you know, he wanted to He'd like
to think that they know that they are loved and shows through them, and
that's going to be a reflection of you know, his relationship with God.
So and he was lovous to hear as well. When I asked the question
about you know, what was what WI what I think his wife and children
would say? And he actually asked his wife, he was like, I
don't even know, how do you do. I don't want to put words
in their mouth sometimes, Pegil you said, sometimes people if you don't communicate
what we're going through or share our appreciation, so much could be unsaid and
kind of misconstrued. And you know, we're working really hard to do we
then see, you know, what we do, is it valued? Is
it important? And whilst we ultimately know it probably is. Sometimes it's really
good to hear. It's so um, yeah, it's really good to see.
And I you know, I don't see its a long time, and
it's you know, really loving to see him growing, you know, as
he's grown as it were, and it's become a father. You know,
there's a husband, and it's just yeah, love you to see. So
really good to hear. And it's just you know, really like to hear
talking about his children, you know. So yeah, yeah, because I
was thinking like, as a father, sometimes we do things without talking to
our spouse or even to our children and explaining why we're doing what we're doing.
And in our mind we think we're doing the right thing. But when
that we're not. We're still not giving the support or the understand ending for
the spouse or for the children, or having them to understand why we're doing
it. So like you do it out of love, but you're doing too
much, and then you really and then you start putting too much pressure on
yourself or too much stress in yourself at it starts to down to them and
you don't even realize it because you're like, as a man, you know,
our job is we feel like our job is to protect, provide,
and secure. But sometimes you have to step back. And even if it's
just it's spending time with your kids, like particularly spending time for your kids.
It's not like with my kids. I'm talking about for myself spending time
with my kids. I don't have to spend that much time with them to
get for them to get the fact that I love them. I don't have
to spend three hours with them. They don't want to spend three hours.
But if like I learned, like taking them to school in the morning at
fifteen minutes sets the tone for the day with my kids where I can talk
to them, see how how the night went, talked to him about that
day, and we can laugh and joke. We play a game called yellow
car. As we're driving down the street. You see yellow car, you
say yellow card and then we see who it has the most points at the
end of the trip, like you know, my eight year old, my
nine year old did that one day and then we weren't gonna stop. So
we always, like you know, the yellow cars that are parked in a
certain spots all the time. Right before we get there, were like trying
somebody's trying to get to say it first, so we tried, you know,
But it causes us to have fun together. And it's just simple things.
It's not something that is like extraordinary. It's just a simple thing,
you know. So that's why I would saying. I like what he was
saying. And then if I if I'm having an issue, I'm having a
hard time, I talked to my wife and say, look I just need
a minute. I'm had a rough day or you know, and then my
wife picks up the slack and vice versa. So I think communication is just
key. As a father is just communicating, you know. And then when
I come up even and just talking to them and just spending a little bit
of time. Like I said, people, as as fathers, we think
we gotta we gotta do so much our children. Sometimes you just need to
just give them five minutes to talk, ten minutes to talk, and it
talk, it could turn into longer. But if it's if it's only five
or ten minutes, guess what, it's good. It's children don't need that
much. They just need to show. I just need to show them that
I love them, show them, like genuinely that I love them, and
then I'm concerned. And once they get that that talk out their system,
they they're good. They're like, hey, coking later that and they they't
leave me, leave me be, you know. So it is so easy
to to get caught up and get where you don't do what you need,
you know, where you're just over when you're not taking care of what you
need to take of it, not realizing it because in your mind you like,
I provide at work, I'm doing all these things, but you're not
giving the other, the others, the other aspect of what you need to
give for your family. Yeah, that's so true. And I think what
I took away from from his conversation he said it more than once, and
I'm like, I understood it to be something that he is working on his
patients. And that's key to any parental relationship. Any relationship will stop um,
because I forgot that part because my wife will. They always to tell
me be Like my wife was like, oh, they want to talk to
you, but they didn't want to. I said, why don't they just
talk to me first? She's like, because because you're because you're patients.
Think I'm like, nope, they know you're gonna be like nope, nope.
So my wife will kind of give me your heads up, like you
know, like before you go in, I'm giving your heads up before you
gonna talk to them, think about what you're gonna say, because they already
like you just gonna be like nope, nope. So like you gotta trust
them to do certain things. So it's like, no, you can't just
say no, listen to what they're asking and let them explain and then then
talk, you know, conversate with them. So you know, I totally
get what he was saying with that. The thing I like that he always
talked about us trusting in the Lord, and the Lord lead him and direct
him and what he needs to do, and he's his and his walk with
the Lord and just making sure that God is guiding him in the right way.
He's letting God guide him. He's not trying to do it himself.
That's what I got from him more than anything, is that he's not letting
He's not trying to do it himself. He knows he can't do it himself,
and that he needs God to lead him and direct him and what he
needs to do. Yeah, so I like that part that he talked about.
It definitely needs to be a leaning on God and a trusting on God
and letting him be center of the relationship because we are we are mere mortals.
We can't forget that. I mean, we may want to put an
s on our chest, but but we are mere mortals. And this process
of parenting is a difficult journey, a rewarding journey, but it definitely quis
having one hand in the hand of the Master for sure. For sure.
Uh, we're about fifteen minutes to seven. I don't understand where the second
hour goes. The first hour I got it unlocked. The second hour just
seems to spiral and then it always lends itself to a part two. But
how can we do a part two to Father's Day? I don't know.
We're working out because I did have why not? We there? We go
the other stuff. I knew Feder was coming with that. I knew it.
Why can't we talk about it? Why indeed, indeed, we may
have to drum up another Father's Day a talking point Father's Day, Father's Day
it is and helpefully mentally healthy, because that's the whole. Because if if
you look at Inventor's home, you know, there's a there's a um um,
there's an illustration, and then the home you know, Event's Home thirty
two. I think it is. I think it's chapter thirty. I'm not
exactly, but it is an event is home and it says, you know,
christis the top, then the husband who protects, lead and wife for
the family. Then the wife, comfort, teaching, nurtures, and then
the children loved their Oh I really lost good. Of course, you know,
not considering if you're a single parent. I understand that, But I'm
just talking about in the sense of you know, that dynamic of you know,
of the family, of the of the home. So yeah, and
I have a second part. We can we might have to. I mean
I had I interviewed and bless him, he got home about eleven eleven thirty
last night. Um I he connected with me on zoom and we had a
conversation and it would be a shame not to hear it. But it's you
know, a little long. We'll we'll have to spill over. And I
think maybe we can hold it for another time, in fact, if he'll
forgive me, in fact, maybe we will get him on to talk in
full about his experience. He is a pastor, a husband, and a
father. I was about to say, there and the father of three adopted
kids. And they are white children, and you know, the couple are
Nigerian. And he says when they walk through this, you know, supermarket,
and the kids say daddy and he answers, heads turn because of the
dynamic. And you know, that is a story in and of itself.
But he he spoke about the process of adopting. He spoke about being,
you know, the father of three and the father of a church, and
um, you know how God's grace it's all that gets him through. His
grace and his mercy, it's all that gets them through the difficult times and
the challenging times. And he wouldn't I'm paraphrasing. I always wondered that why
why do people turn their heads? Because I mean, it's not it only
happens to fathers. It happens to mothers too. Oh well, I think
it's just because of the dynamic, because he's you know, they're two black
parents with three white children and not the thing. But my wife and I
were both black. I'm light skating black. My wife is more darker than
me. But when my children were born, they were light skating and shed
they thought she was the nanny. O. Right, yeah, that's that's
a whole other conversation right there. I mean, why why is that?
They say, you know, because it's unusual. I guess it's the first
people, you know, having children, and like there's not the children you
stole them, you know, Like I guess it's just I mean, it's
it's unusual, which again the story in itself, because you have unusual family
dynamics set ups. Actually you know, yeah, baby, yeah, it'd
be good to Actually there's a as we say, there's always a part.
Yes, yes, and I'm sure he'll be back. In fact, you
know, he could have been married to a white lady and and had and
the kids came out white. I mean not you understand, I mean,
it's possible, it is, it is happened. It's sometimes the children take
on the you know one one you know, the dark and can take one
the complexity of one or the other, so it can happen. Yeah,
it's not out of the rem of possibilities, but it's it's I think it's
it's unusual and that's why people kind of take a second glance and maybe wonder
a myriad of things, including whether you know, he's a career or they're
stolen, you know, on the extreme. But the thing is family.
There's a lot of blood the families out there, you know, you know,
you know, So it's so many different dynamics people. Maybe people need
to be more open minded educated. That's it itself. Is an interesting thing
because you think to yourself, you think people would be yeah, but I
guess it did some where you are with the world, within the country,
because of parts of our country that I'm talking about the UK here that is
not as diverse as we might think it is. Yeah, he said,
you'd like to think that people are educated, but often people are just not
aware or they again that's another probably another discussion for another another show. Whether
they are open to that I, as Dannia said, open minded awareness,
or they're in their small little bubble because that's all they kind of know.
Yeah, yeah, and you know, to his credit, I mean,
I'm not sure that I would have gone down that road. And when we
do speak in full, which will now have to happen, um, he
will plan why he did choose to adopt Caucasian kids and three to that.
But it has opened up and you know what, having a child as a
ministry, no matter where and when and how. But this has opened up
the conversations and he has been able to sort of minister through this and have
conversations through this and testify of God's goodness through this. And that was what
resonated in the conversation we had at about midnight last night. And I'm very
very grateful Pastor Moody. I'm sorry we didn't get to play it today,
but it will be played or we would love to have you on the air,
yourself and your lovely wife Helen, to talk about this fantastic journey that
you have been on as a couple as parents. So yeah, we'll tap
two next week. Yeah, well, we'll see. I think Angie has
some people lined up, so I'm not sure you can do one of the
men's theme and I guess we can. We can probably do that maybe in
a couple of weeks. Yea, yeah, you know, so I'll check
us availability about week but weekend we will we will need to do a part
two talk about decisions, an executive decision. Though this is going out to
our listeners, we want to hear from you as well. If you have
a story we'd love to have a conversation with about your experiences, or if
there's a topic that you'd like to hear us discuss and you like a part
of the discussion, please do let us know. We want to get more
of you on more people involved. We want to hear what's happening around our
conference, around the world. People have stories to tell and often what we
want to do is have those conversations that we don't necessarily always talk about so
many subjects that might be seen as quite taboo or just it's about stories and
experiences that we want you to share and that we can learn and inform and
educate. So that's the word contact with us. I can't remember the top
of my head, but send your please studio at Adventist to London, So
Adventist Radio dot London see studio at Adventist Radio dot London or of course you
can text eight triple to eight hope space and then your message and just let
us know that you would like to be involved. You would like to be
perhaps on the panel. Perhaps you're an expert and a topic and you want
to share something that's passionate. Um, you know something you're passionate about and
you want to advocate or educate. Um. Yeah, we're up to hearing
from you and giving you the platform to to share with our listeners what's on
your heart. So thanks for that and for that reminder. Um, yeah
we have we do these shows that we always feel like we always run out
of time and there's always more that we start talking. So much more could
be said, so definitely, but we want to hear your voices as well.
It's not just about us talking about it. We want to hear you
talking to us and talking to as well. Just contrary to believe, we
do like the hear other stories and other voices, not just sound people.
I think they think we just like the heart. I don't think any of
us like to really talking, just funny pride. I like to talk,
that's true, igund and listen. I like to facilitate conversation. Let's put
it that way. There are so many amazing things and so many amazing stories,
amazing people out that we want to, you know, talk about those
things, and often they're subjects or topics that you often don't have the conversation.
So that's what right before we closed, because we did we did touch
on that, say, we was going to talk about the Biblical Yes,
let's let's and I think that's a good point or good just touch on a
couple of the other fathers that in the Bible that were m that was important
to the history of a mankind of course. The number one would be Adam.
Yes, did he did he make any mistakes? Now I thought he
made plenty of mistakes. Yes, but he loved the Lord and he you
know, he set the foundation for what, you know, what we could
do and what we shouldn't do. Um. We have other people. Um,
one person that I didn't realize. I realized it, but I was
forget and we forget Joe. Yes, yes, like you know because NoMBe
he lost all his children, lost everything, and he never once you know,
curse God. He kept praying, He kept you know, saying okay,
this is what's happening. He just he just dolphed and he ended up
being rewarded in the end, you know. Um, So we always talk
about Job. Yeah, the whole of faith, isn't it. That's the
term that say, the whole of faith? And so many of our our
fathers are well and truly in there, and Job is one, I mean,
his his y. I don't know how many of us would do that,
but he he held on to garden, and God was faithful to him.
Alemation about sort of father figure kinds of adopted Esther as his own daughter.
Yes, um, to the guided her wing, and you know he
set his own examples of faith, his love and care, you know.
Added you know, he became that father to Esther, and of course Esther
went on to do amazing things as well, so Lea took her under his
wing. So again we've opened it out. We may not have ste biological
per se there. And we can't end without talking about the prodical the father
of the prodical son. I mean, that's probably the text that went across
the pulpits their saft or today for Sabbath worship. But because it's such a
popular story, but it tells of Jesus's love really and how he's waiting with
open arms for us to return to him. And my interest in that story
goes beyond the child that left. But the story also speaks of a child
that stayed, and not a lot of pastors or not a lot of sermons
dissect that or speak of that. Um, the child that left and somehow
felt neglected. And it doesn't that speak about the dynamics of the family,
dynamics that can can evolve Um, because there was no party for him.
Um. He stayed with his dad and he was faithful, But the party
was only when the particle Returneth bought. Heaven rejoices Um, when well,
God rejoices, Heaven rejoices when we returned to the fold. And that was
the story of the particle Bath. There's also another father that we never talked
about, and there's a story of the I think his name is Jarius,
I maybe even mistaken the young the father who went and found Jesus when his
daughter was dying and had the faith that Jesus could bring her. And when
it found Jesus and brought him back to his house and she had already passed,
and God and then Jesus rose her back from the dead, the faith
that he knew of knowing that if he could just get to Jesus, and
I ask you he had no idea if Jesus was going to do it,
but he said, I'm gonna go and ask Jesus anyway. And the faith
that he had, the belief that he had that Jesus could do it.
You know, Um, we forget about that story, but that's what that's
another story. I just that just papped in my head when it comes to
fatherhood and just you know, trying to take care of your family and just
having a faith, you know, the unwavering faith that Jesus can fix anything
animately. And we can't even end this by saying I was the best father,
God, heavenly father, definitely, And that's that's Yes, It's all
senses and pins on you know. Um. You know Jesus told of you
know, when he was here, told of his father's love, the perfect
love for his children, his love for us. You know, he's everything,
great listener, such anger he makes, he keeps make some kids promises,
who was the provider protect her? And he's a guide to out all
our lives. So he is the ultimate father that we're saying, you know,
thank you too, and equally saying thank you to our fathers and our
father figures out there. We're not just wanting to celebrate you just for one
day, but the world possibly does. But through all the time, you
know, throughout the whole of the year, says, ton't just be a
one day thing. It'sn't everything. That's everything thing. Because you made a
good point. We always talk about the Bible is you know, God's word.
But I always tell my children the Bible was a bunch of stories that
would guide us and directors, and Jesus God gave us the Bible for that
reason to guide is and the stories are meant to teach us and even men
on how to be a man, and how to do right by your family,
and how to do right by yourself, and how to trust on him.
So you know, I always look at the Bible. Is that the
best story book of all time? I guess that's why it's one of the
most um, it's number one book sello ever. Amen, you know,
so yeah, as you said, God is definitely the number one father to
to to try to, you know, be like, yeah, I think
for me my what I would want to leave our fathers with and our parents
really is that you know, we're not perfect. We got that from from
the interview that we listened to. We've spoken about it throughout the program.
You know, we're not profect. We're not perfect. But God is perfect,
you know. And and he will guide us, He will direct us,
he will get us through, and he will lead us. Ultimately,
children are a gift from him, and once he gives, he equips and
he will equip us for for and he will equip you as farther as for
the for the task. As we come to the end, Pedro, do
you want as a father in our in our crew right here, can you
pray for us and pray for our fathers and pray as we share them and
yeah, we'll play out to it, so I think hopefully, Yeah,
okay, okay, my Mike actually cut off from it. I apologize,
So yeah, definitely I could do that. How many father we want to
thank you for bringing us to another silas evening of talking point. We'll thank
everybody for joining us today. We asked Lord that hopefully our thoughts and our
discussion has opened up the means for fathers everywhere to know that they're not alone,
to know that they are, that they are recognized, and that they
are appreciated throughout the world, and that as fathers and parents in general,
that we can do great things by just believing in you and trusting in you
and letting you lead us and everything that we do. We ask the Jill
Bill for us to our th rest of this weekend, and as we're going
to the new week, get to you to bless us and watch over us
and protect us from all day just seeing unseen. And we want to just
say thank you, Lord again for everything you have done for us, for
this apprent your holy name. Amen, Amen, Amen. Right, we'll
say good night, good evening. Let's from me Zania, from Angela from
Pedro Pedrol. Thanks for leading. Actually, we we we got through it.
We all let we all let you know. I was the typical you
know man, I let you know I stepped back sometimes. Well, Happy
Father's Day when it comes. Happy Father's Day to all our listeners. And
yeah, we will be back next week. God bless you, and good night,