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This is pod Popular Podcast for the
People, The Great Love Debate. It's

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the Great Love Debate, the Great
Love Debate. It's a Great Love Debate.

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Hi again, everyone's Brian how he
welcomed to The Great Love Debate,

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the world's number one dating and relationship
podcast since twenty fifteen. I am at

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the very fine studios of Pod Popular
Podcasts for the People. I am in

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the pre dawn hours in the desert
Scottsdale, Arizona. I am running the

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controls myself, which I don't like
to do, but I have some thoughts.

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So I have some pre dawn thoughts
here in the gloaming, as they

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say, as the sun comes up. And because I get asked thoughts on

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a lot of things, what are
your thoughts on this? What do you

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think about this or that? And
and most particularly them, what do you

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think of them? And as I
opined, and I dove pretty deeply into

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a recent podcast I think it was
two or three podcasts ago, I don't

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think you can ever really give accurate
thoughts about anyone's relationship because I don't think

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you ever have all the information and
can understand the unique elements enough to say,

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oh, that's what's going on there, But I do think you can

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comment on aspects of a relationship or
a world in which a relationship exists in

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sort of an abstract or a five
thousand foot view of it. So at

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the time we're recording this, not
just the early dawn time, but the

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overall time, it's late fourth quarter
twenty twenty three. And we will remind

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you again, if you are just
listening to this in the first quarter of

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twenty twenty five, you have quite
the homework assignment to catch up on because

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you have about five hundred episodes of
this show to listen to, so get

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at it. But as of this
morning, and knowing her, this could

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change any minute. Taylor Swift,
who we have touched on quite a bit

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on the show, from her music, to her fandom, to her relationships

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to I think one show a couple
of years ago, we blamed her for

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the worst fashion trend of the last
decade, the high wasted look, the

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high wasted pants, and the high
wasted bikini. It's horrific. So I

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think we did an episode literally about
that and ramifications of that. But as

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of this morning, and as of
this recording, she is in some sort

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of relationship with Kansas City Chiefs tight
end Travis Kelce. So I don't want

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to talk about whether they like each
other, or if they are fit for

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each other, or even if they're
really into each other, because, as

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I said a few episodes ago,
I'm not sure they know, so there's

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no way we would know. But
there are a couple elements at play here

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that I do have some thoughts on, because I always have some thoughts,

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hence the show. Two aspects of
the two of them that interest me are

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the fame element and the distance element. So we'll we'll get pretty deeply into

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the distance in a minute, but
let's touch on the fame, because it

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always puzzled me and fascinated me that
two famous people would ever get together.

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Two entourages, two sets of fans, two very big bank accounts, two

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egos, two public personas, two
publicists, two managers, two agendas,

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and millions of eyeballs, her fans, his fans, those eyeballs, that

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energy all coming together on these two
people, I think it just has to

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be impossible. People are looking at
them. I'm recording about that, so

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you know, people are looking at
them and saying they're so different. It's

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amazing how they connected. I'm not
sure they're so different. He has millions

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of adoring, mostly male fans,
she has billions of adoring, mostly female

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fans. I imagine even the two
of them trying to leave the house to

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go to dinner is just fraught with
a million land mines. Do your people

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drive? How big is your entourage? Where can we go? Do we

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alert the press? Who pays?
I mean, who pays when they grab

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a drink? It should be him, of course early on. But what

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happens when when they book a private
jet? Is it her jet? I

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mean, he's crazy rich, but
she is oprah rich. So obviously two

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people with common professions. They're both
ostensibly in the entertainment business. They should

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have some similarities that at least give
the other person an understanding of what they

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have to deal with every single day. Ben Affleck, for the last you

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know, two decades, is and
has been, you know, as famous

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as it gets. And when he
was married to Jennifer Garner, they were

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pretty similarly aligned on their career status, probably had some balance to it,

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started a family together, et cetera, et cetera. But now that he's

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with Jlo, back with j Loo, she's not just famous. She is

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a generational icon, She's just jelo. Is that masculating for him? I

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mean, is it a relief for
him that she's the one that everybody mostly

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cares about. I'm not asking those
questions to give the answer. I'm asking

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the question simply because they are questions
that I think they have to deal with.

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That is so unique. So is
it easier to have a Nodding Hill

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type situation where one is hugely famous
and one is not. I don't know.

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It has to be tough for a
guy. Kelsey certainly doesn't ever want

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to be referred to as mister Swift, you know, because he's got the

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ego and he's got the fame and
he's got the career that I don't think

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anybody would want to deal with that. But for her, is Taylor just

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a girl standing in front of a
football star asking him to love her?

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Or is she always Taylor fucking Swift
capital bold exclamation point. I suppose that's

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a question for them and for her, and I guess for us because I'm

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bringing it up. I don't know
if it's easier or harder for two people

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like that to get together. I
just think it's fascinating, and I want

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to know those kinds of details.
Does she wake up in the morning and

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check her social media? You know? Does he? Supposedly she late night

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is in the deep deep recesses of
Reddit, like wanting to know, and

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that's why she's so successful. She
wants to understand her fandom. Does he

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think that's odd? Does he help
her? Is he fascinated by her?

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Does she read them out loud to
him? I don't know. Do they

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read the comments together. It's not
better or worse than any other relationship,

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but it is most definitely different.
It is hugely different. So I think

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everything has to be a conversation when
two galaxies like that collide, So we

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wish them well, or at the
very least, will we will get some

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great music out of it in a
few weeks or months when they break up

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and she writes a fifteen minute tight
end serenade Taylor's version. But there's a

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second part of this one that applies
a lot more directly to me and you

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the common folk. Somebody asked me
the other day if I considered myself a

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celebrity, because is we do have
some fans, and I do entertain publicly

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around the world. And I said, what is the commonly used lowest letter

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and she said d list. So
I said, add about eleven more letters.

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That's the level of fandom. I
swim in Pee List. I am

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a Pee List celebrity, but I
am here for you, all of you

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great love listeners. So we'll get
into the second part of breaking this all

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down, the one that applies more
directly to a lot of us. This

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is known as a teas. We
will be right back after this, and

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we are back. So the part
of this that I first thought about when

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the two started dating. I guess
they're dating whatever it is they're doing,

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and all of this might be over
before this episode even hits your iPhone,

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so I don't know, but I
thought of the logistics and most importantly,

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the distance and this relationship when it
got going. She was on a couple

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months break before she heads out on
the second leg of her world tour,

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the longer leg, the more challenging
leg, the international leg. Let's talk

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about distance. During the season,
during the playoffs, she's gone and she's

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gone from South America to Sweden.
She's really far from Kansas City, and

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these tour stops are really far from
the super Bowl, and he already as

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they started dating, has a job
that requires a whole lot of travel too,

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all over the country, and when
he doesn't travel, he's mostly in

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Kansas City for six to eight months. I was not that close to Nashville.

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It's not that close to New York. It's not that close to Newport,

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Rhode Island. And I think I
know way too much about Taylor swiss

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real estate portfolio. But it's basically
a long distance relationship right off the bat.

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So that's what I want to go
a little deeper on the likelihood and

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the logistics of a long distance relationship
working out, regardless of levels of fame.

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So I think there's four parts to
consider in a long distance relationship,

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and I'm going to lay them ounta
and break down each one. There's trust,

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there's communication, there's need, and
there's practicality. So let's start with

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the last one. First, practicality, someone who is stationed in Oslo dating

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someone stuck in Oregon. Sorry to
use that term, but you're stuck in

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Oregon. It's a little bit different
than say, two people dating in Chicago

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and Charlotte two hour flight. So
you have to look at how long will

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you really go without seeing each other, and what are the challenges of getting

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to each other. You know,
in California, somebody who lives in New

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Beach and somebody who lives in Burbank. They think they're in a long distance

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relationship because they're fifty miles away.
That's not a long distance relationship. Two

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people who live a plane ride away, that's a long distance relationship. And

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what are the challenges because even in
a world with two people with two private

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jets, that is two bullseyes you
are trying to hit. Even if you

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see each other every other weekend and
know suddenly one thing precludes that, Oh

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I've got a work commerence. I
can't see you that every other weekend.

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Then you're a month without seeing each
other, which is hopefully hard. You

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want that to be hard. But
the bigger part of that is when and

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how when you see each other on
weekends only, or you meet in tropical

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locales. I mean, I think
anybody can do that. It's always fun

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when your relationship is a bunch of
Friday and Saturday nights and hooking up in

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hotels and dinners. And who wouldn't
like that and who couldn't do that?

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That's not a relationship. Though.
A relationship is together on Tuesday nights and

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Wednesday mornings when you both have to
work and get up early and maybe deal

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with kids and life and the realities
and responsibilities that don't disappear just because you're

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at a fancy restaurant. How you
interact and cope in the storm of the

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day to day that is a relationship. So the distance is one thing.

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The how and when you see each
other. If you aren't in that midweek

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Maelstrom together, I don't think you're
really dating. You're just seeing each other,

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and you're just seeing each other once
in a while. So if you're

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just watching each other play football or
perform concerts and then going to Nobu for

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sushi, that's not dating. You
need to get into the muck together,

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the mid week muck. That's how
you find out who they are. That's

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how you find out if they are
for you, and that's how you find

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out what the two of you have. But moving on to the need part,

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how often if you want to get
into this, how often do you

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need to see them or hear from
them, or even think about them.

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I want to tell my girl I
am thinking about her or miss her or

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find out what is going on with
her pretty much hourly. I want to

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feel like we are together even when
we are a part. And if you

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do that, and if you do
that thoughtfully and honestly and consistently, I

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think you can actually feel closer to
someone than if you're sitting side by side

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silently on a couch together. I
think it's a real connection. Damn the

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distance I think it is. You've
heard me give my definition of love many

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many times on this show. My
definition for me, and I say that

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for me is when there's nothing I'm
doing that I wouldn't rather be doing with

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her. I don't have to do
everything with her. It's just that I

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would rather, I'd rather share it
with her. I'd rather experience with her.

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I'd rather it'd involve her. And
if you have that and you express

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that and you communicate that, I
think that goes a long way towards bridging

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a whole lot of distance. Because
communication is the key. How when is

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it phone? Is it FaceTime?
Text, email, slide into each other's

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dms? Is it the same every
day? I think a lot of the

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good parts of a relationship are built
on rituals and routine, not the boring,

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but the knowing, the knowing of
each other. This is how we

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say good morning, This is when
we say goodnight. I think that's as

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important as what you are saying.
Not that it should be said to set

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out of habit, but this is
an understanding of we are entering this day

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together and we are calling it a
night this way, still together. I

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think it matters. You can't do
a long distance relationship when you're worried or

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wondering when you might hear from them. That's communication breakdown that leads to the

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failure, that leads to the end. That's the onset of the anxiety.

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That's the worry and the what are
we doing? And how do they feel?

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You have to always let them know
how you feel communication and be confident

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enough to communicate what you're thinking,
what you want, what you're needing,

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because without that, the trust breaks
down and you're wondering, why are I

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hearing from them? Are they mad? It's my phone not working? Are

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they missing me? And then it
goes to who are they with, what

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are they doing? Where do they
go? A lot different if you're in

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the same town or at least the
same time zone. A lot easier because

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if you're not, I mean,
you have to let them know. You

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can bridge so much distance if you
just talk about what you need to get

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from them and out of it,
you can spend a life together, at

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least for a long while, if
the distance between you is one of miles

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and not one of emotions. And
then I think you can make it work.

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And you can make it work if
you do the work to figure out

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how to make it work, not
just circling dates in your calendar of when

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you can get together again. There
are one hundred days days to be together

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and a hundred ways to feel together, even if you aren't sure entirely sure

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when the next trip will be,
even if you have to find a way

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to merge to one city full time. I think you could do long distance

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for a long time, but probably
not a lifetime. But in the meantime

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that was very illiterative. You got
to share more than your schedules and your

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flight plans, share your needs,
share your thoughts, share your feelings,

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share your life, and then get
to a point where you in your Pro

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Bowl trophies and your Grammy awards,
can share the same shelf. I think

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those are the steps to doing it. I wish them well, I wish

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you well, and we shared this
on the last show. The Big News

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Are Big Big tenth Anniversary Show Gala
Extravaganza, tenth anniversary of our first live

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show ever. It is coming up
February sixth. Yes are live tour rolls

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on. Because we don't want to
have a long distance relationship with you.

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We are coming back uh February sixth
at the Boca black Box Center for the

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Arts in Beautiful Boca Raton, Florida. UH. Those tickets are on sale

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now at both the Boa Boca Blackbox
dot com, Greatlovedebate dot com. Please

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shoot us an email Great Looved Debate
at gmail dot com if you have thoughts

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00:18:23.000 --> 00:18:26.000
on distance or how to do it
or how to do it better, or

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00:18:26.160 --> 00:18:32.559
you want to wish Taylor and Travis
well. Like, share, follow,

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00:18:32.640 --> 00:18:36.839
Please review this podcast because to this
day ten years in your reviews mean a

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00:18:36.880 --> 00:18:42.119
lot in the podcasting ecosystem. Because, as always at The Great Love Debate,

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we never stop making love. See
you next time the Great Love Debate.

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It's the Great Love Debate. Degreat
Love Debate. It's a Great Love to base