Welcome to you Softcore History. Hello, and welcome back to Softcore History.
My name is Jake Goldman. I'll be your host for this week. I'm
joined as always by my two co hosts, Dan Rojester and Rob Fox.
And it is someone's birthday today. It's my Magic Johnson here. This is
Magic Johnson here. Thirty two. Baby. Oh. I thought he was
like number eight or something that's with Kobe. Congrats thirty two. Wow.
I'm hoping it doesn't, you know, follow the Magic Johnson path. Yeah,
yeah, you don't want to be rich. I would love to be
rich. I know what you're talking about. Would you get a horrible disease
to be rich? It doesn't seem to affect him. I don't think it
affects him at all. And I think it was kind of bad for like
the first two years of his life, but not even like from a health
standpoint, from a like PR yeah, PR and st stigma stands. I
honestly think it was a strategic play by the government to be like, look,
it's not that bad. Magic Johnson has it. Yeah, it did
end his career, but basically better than ever he's doing. He owns like
the Dodgers I think he had a sell right, you know, he's part
of the Lakers organization that kind of pushed him out because he wanted a tweet,
which I love. Yeah, and he has the best twitter. He
just says things that are fact. It's like today the Celtics beat the seventy
six ers and great show him by Jason Tatum, Like that's the tweet.
True, it's good. Wow, sounds right. He never has a take.
It's just like, oh, he's he's probably matter if he's the closest
thing to a journalism we have in twenty twenty three. Right, all right,
well today, hold on if you're a new listener or maybe you haven't
subscribed yet. Patreon dot com slash Softcore History two extra episodes each week.
One drops Wednesday, one drops Friday. What I was gonna say was today
I remembered something. Our phone number, Oh, we have a call in
voicemail line, and you know what, we're a little short on voicemails.
So if you're a Patreon listener, I'm gonna I'm talking directly to you,
and you want to hear yourself or hear people talk to us and ask us
questions, you need to call this number. That number is five one two
nine eight one five one four three again five one two nine eight one five
one four three. But also just sign up for the Patreon it's five dollars
a month. Yeah, two extra episodes. Also, you know, maybe
if you're a regular listener and you just want to drop a grenade in the
hole and run away, Yeah, you can whatever. You don't have to
hear it. Actually, I believe rob or Dan somebody posted a little tidbit,
a little sliver of Patreon content that you can listen to a little sample
of our dead languages. Yeah, we actually did. It's an episode of
Dropped last week has the Patreon addition like kind of stamp on it on the
feed, so you'll be able to get the free episode. But it has
ads in it. Obviously, want ad free content Patreon dot com slash softcore
history Yeah we do. Yeah, I forgot. We put that in the
Maine. Yeah, the language episode. We have a lot of fun with
that. I love that. The clip that went viral micro viral for us.
Is you doing accents? Yeah, yes, horrifically offensive act. Also,
by the way, those people, and there were some people with the
comments, are all pissed off, So you don't know what creole is or
shut the fuck up? What Look, listen if you got mad at that
comment and you're listening to the show now, which is you're not, But
you're not. None of the people in the comment section that we're upset about
the Star Wars stuff. Maybe maybe there's other Yeah, maybe there's other listeners
too. They were like, they're idiots. He said it was creole.
It doesn't understand this that. Look, man, all I did was google
what is Gungan based on? And it said creole. And I didn't investigate
beyond that because it was a in the moment and B this is goddamn softcore
history. It's the internet. Yeah, they getting a little mad about the
island aspect of creole. I don't know. I was just they said I
was wrong or something. It's not that deep, brother, Yeah. I
was just like, look, man, Google was wrong. I was.
I was repeating what I said. I'm shocked you guys read or respond to
comments on social media. I don't respond hardly ever, but I uh,
but I did read that, and I was just it was enough for me
to be like, yeah, interested, what the what the problem was?
Yeah? Well we got a little problem in this episode? Did you not
write it? Dog eat my homework? The American Revolution? That can you
imagine if I just came in this blank fucking word processor on my computer screen,
just like, yeah, so I'm riffing it. Man. No,
this week we're gonna be talking about a gentleman named Wan pooh hoole Garcia and
uh, let me guess after the fifties. No, oh yeah, that's
big for you. That is big for me. And it's not in America
either, Wow, morn in nineteen ninety two in San Diego. Currently,
I don't even know what would be works for the cartel. Yeah, no,
wand poohole Garcia whole pooh hoole, not poohole who hoole pu jol who
doesn't come with the s the singular poohole who yole. Yes, uh,
this guy might have single handedly like without him that it's might not have won
World War two. Sweet? Yeah, sweet without one man. Oh no,
have you not heard all the all the Russian propaganda over the last year.
Oh my god, it's insane that they completely won World War two?
Yeah that and like, all right, so it was before Ukraine and it
was actually the left that started to put that out like that Russia helped us,
and essentially one with that, we were the Americans and British were superfluous.
Yeah, yes, ever since we got into the Ukraine, they're like,
oh no, actually Russia didn't. But the heart tankies are still like
yeah, yeah, yeah. It's weird because like left, like the lefter
people of center, we're like, no, I mean like, the Russians
did do a lot. The tankies we're like, yeah, they did all
that. Fuck America. D was just a blip and then beat ship the
Russias the Ukraine shit happened, and the left of center people are like no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
never mind, fuck Russia. Yeah, and then the tank he's still after
further review. The funniest part is those because D Day is kind of like
our most famous it really, I don't know that it even should be,
but it is our most famous World War Two battle. Um, same with
Private Ryan certainly hope with that, but also Beach Landing, very dramatic whatever,
Yeah, it is very cinematic. Yeah, they're like, only like,
you know, fucking six thousand people died on D Day or so that's
that's how we people died in Stalin Grad every fucking eight minutes or some shit
like that, which not inaccurate in terms of just volume a versus b but
um, like day, it's like a year and a half leading up to
D Day, the Russians were like, for the love of God, open
another front, please, we can't handle this. Yeah. Also, a
bad strategy does not equate to win in the war. Okay, just because
you're throwing bodies at a situation. Yeah, you know, there's plenty of
people that died the most and also lost so war. Oh my god,
how many Chinese soldiers dot before you even get into people. I think Chinese.
I think China might have the second. Well, there might be fourth
behind the two axis powers, but um, in terms of allied powers,
China is probably number two in terms of just soldier battlefield death to Russia,
because again, it was like a body situation. Yeah, you just throw
a flesh into the gears, man. Yeah. Yeah, anyway, pooh
hole. He was a Catalan, a Catalan Catalonian. He's a Catalan.
Didn't I just try to secede? They always do, man, we can,
we can get into the whole Barcelona seceding from Spain thing later at another
time, but it is a whole thing you got to unpack because they're very
like culturally different, because Spain is a Spain is kind of a social construct.
Yeah, I mean, so it is Italy, like I mean Italy
in Germany. Yeah, a lot of a lot of Europe is I mean,
Germany hasn't even been a country for two hundred years. Neither is Italy.
Yeah yeah, no, yeah, but let's not throw Germany under the
same umbrella as Spain, Greece or Italy. Greece makes more sense as a
unified situation than actually any of those. I'm just saying, Germany is kind
of you know, holding the euro together. Nice. They're competent people.
Yeah, sometimes they don't always point that arrow in the right direction. No,
they're efficient, no matter what. Always efficient can't control you know what.
They're efficient. Like, no, if we needed to kill like they
seriously did with an entire group of ethnic people, be like, how do
we kill them the fastest? It's like I used to tell people, uh
when I was on adderall in high school and college and They're like like,
did you just like make you smart and study super hard? And I'm like,
oh no, no, no, no, no, no. I
was like, it's like a weapon, like it enhances you, but you
still have to point it in the right direction. Oh, because otherwise you'll
end I think I made this joke in an exact word episode. Otherwise you'll
end up, instead of studying for your final exam, writing like a fifty
page movie outline, which I did one time. Yeah, like he's gonna
start cleaning the kitchen. Yeah, like it's gonna be spotlight. You'll do
something. Yeah, dude, one time, one time in college, you
remember when you could start putting petitions up that the government had to look at,
and like during the Obama changed on org. Yeah, so I wrote
like thirty of them when I was on adderall one time. One was to
bring back like three d doritos. It was just like what they did,
though, how far did you get? They're back? Are you the reason
why? Some say I might be? They're back? Yeah, you're welcome
America. Also, they have a new dirito thing at some restaurant. Now
it's not it's I think it's like KFC or something what they read derrito crusted
situation. It's not Taco bell. Okay, I've crusted chicken with Cheetos before.
Not bad. I made like a really shitty crash. The Super Bowl
Ritos commercial in college at weirdly has like fifty thousand views. I feel like
Doritoso's this money. Yeah, pay up, Diritos. We're talking about you
a lot, and too much talking about you. No, I will share
with you guys. We're our team now. So back to poole so wampooh
Hole was a Catalan managing a poultry farm north of Barcelona in nineteen thirty six
when the Spanish Civil War began. He wasn't much of a fighter. When
he did his six months of compulsory military service in nineteen thirty one, he
was placed in a cavalry, a cavalry unit, and he knew he was
unsuited for a military career, hating horse riding and claiming to lack the essential
qualities of loyalty, generosity, and honor. Those are his words self described
either loyal I'm like, I can't be here. I hate horses and I'm
a piece of shit, That's what he said. I am deep. I'm
so narcissistic that I hate my horse. He hates them, and I love
that He's he knows who he is. Right off the bat, He's like,
listen, fuck horses. Can I tell you what I wouldn't want me
in a goddamn cavalry unit that uses horses in nineteen thirty six. Either it's
a little late. Yeah, it's a little late. Yea. You know
there's a I wouldn't feel safe on a horse in a battle one hundred years
before that. No, it's not fun. Yeah cavalry now it's not like
you're just riding up on people with spears. But you have the high ground.
Yeah, sure you have. You are a target sitting way up or
to hit. They're like, oh, man, if I miss him,
I'll still murder his horse. Maybe he'll fall off at Christopher Reeved remember the
bull Run episode where yeah, kept getting shot off his horse or his horses
kept getting shot out from under him. He never got hit or he was
to the Custer episode, I did. I don't know if I was Patreon
remain, But George Custer's brother just kept getting horses murdered from under him.
He was fine for the mean he got shot in the face. Yeah,
yeah, but uh. During the Spanish Civil War, his sister Elinor's fiance
was taken by Republican forces, and later she and his mother were arrested in
charge with being counter revolutionaries. A relative in a trade union was able to
rescue them from captivity. However, he was called up for military service on
the Republican side, which is in opposition to Franco's nationalists, but opposed the
Republican government due to their treatment of his family, so he had he hit
at his girlfriend's home until he was captured in a police raid, and he
was in prison for a week. He was freed via the traditionalist resistance group
Skoro Sorry Sacora Blanco. They hit him until they could produce fake identity papers
that showed him to be too old for military service. What does secoro mean?
I don't know. The white something, the white Scoro. Yeah,
the white death, the white string. By the way, I've my new
favorite analogy is that the Ukraine War is the new Spanish Civil War. We
start a little lead up to World War three where we test out our weapons
and shit, I mean some people, some people from the West go to
volunteer. Yeah, it's like, we gotta shoot these guns, ma'am.
You gotta see how it' I mean. The Germans were testing on everythinglace.
Yeah, let's see how this stuka dive bomber does on these fucking Spaniards.
Yeah, dude, so skoro blanco means white help, held a white help.
Yes, let's lay. He started managing a poultry farm that had been
requisitioned by the local Republican government, but it was not economically viable. The
experience with rule by committee intensified his hatred towards communism. So he hates communists.
I wanted to keep that enough. Yeah. He rejoined the Republican military
using his false papers, with the intention to desert as soon as possible,
volunteering to lay telegraph cables near the front lines. He managed to dessert to
the nationalist side during the Battle of the Ebro in September nineteen thirty eight.
However, he was equally ill treated by the nationalist fascist side. It's not
that I don't know a ton about the Spanish Civil War. I've never read
for whom the Bell Tolls, for example. Yeah, although it seems like
a great book, but man, it sounds like a fucking nightmare. Like
I would rather fight in the US Civil War, and the US Civil War
is a fucking nightmare, way more dangerous yeah, like the Spanish the US
Civil War. I don't know, maybe you're more likely to die or lose
a limb, like just because you get a bullock. Yeah, actually you
want to just like fighting a biza Like, yeah, you go to the
club after, Yeah, be tight, sec take a pill. Yeah,
but uh, Spanish Civil War is like someone will chop your hands off and
murder your whole family, like it's it was bloody, gnarly. Yeah,
it's personal, like the US Civil War was like a war. Sure,
you're also in Virginia. I'd rather have a view. Yeah, I don't
know, man. You know Myrtle Beach that the ending scene in Glory was
on the beach. All those guys died on a nice beach in South Carolina.
You say, myrtles a nice beach. I don't know. I mean
Charleston has some nice beaches, myrtles, you know, a little white trashy.
Well, so it's the Confederacy. Yeah, it's kind of their whole
thing. Yeah, they went to a T shirt shop after the battle.
Um so pooh Hoole disliked fascist influences and being sorry back to back bull run
champions. Where where were you on that? Well, we still out there
to put that in this store. Yeah. Um. Disliking their fascist influences
the nationalist side and being struck and imprisoned by his colonel upon pooh hoole expressing
sympathy with the monarchy really really made him hate fascists too. So the guy
is a normal dude. Yeah, I hate communists, I hate fascist Why
is everyone so extreme all the time? I feel like I can relate.
Yeah, it sounds like a normal guy feels accurate. His experience with both
sides left him with a deep loathing of both fascism and communism. Tired of
this both sides and bullshit, Pick a fucking side. There's nothing I hate
on one of the people that screamed up both sides of them. Yeah,
it's like like suck by dick. Maybe you do both suck. Maybe I
hate all of you. Yeah, maybe you know it isn't black and white.
Maybe it's the same. It's two sides of the same coin. Brother.
Yeah, man, it's all about being the gray man, Ryan Goslin.
Everything lives in ambiguity. We just work our asses off trying to define
it away, and it's dumb. We fear, We fear the camp preach
to me cock me. Yeah, I was preaching to what do you call
a cup? Yeah? Why it's his birthday? Let him all right,
he's wearing Advisor. Oh, I'm in a Margaritaville made my friend. I'm
into that. I was grilling today. I mean, if there's ever a
community that probably swings, it's it's the Heads, for sure. Give you
kidding me? Yeah, they swing. They drink more at Margharita's than water.
I don't think you after a week in Margaritaville you don't remember who your
wife is. No, everyone has the same just kind of skin that resembles
a like a fifteen year old baseball glove. Yeah, it's like just leather
bag style. Yeah, yes, I imagine like a young parrot head giving
birth is a sad actually, Danny DeVito descending from that couch, and it's
always sunny Christmas specially. Yeah, just like a living thing coming out of
leather. We should definitely go to a Jimmy Buffet concert if you ever down
to clown. Yeah, how to Jimmy Buffet. They're supposed to be really
fun. I've never been. Joe's been a couple of times. Of course
he has yeah, of course. What is that box that's essentially a suit
that you go into sexually and they fill it with air? What the fuck
are you talking about? What did you travel to the future or they doing?
Are they doing like air compression? Kinks? Now, No, it's
a thing I don't know. And you breathe through a straw and you're in
this kind of like latex box. That's what I imagine a lot just sticking
out and that's it. No, I think you're just you are the submissive
that's watching or like the cuck that's watching your wife get banked inside, but
you're also in like a fucking latex sarcophagus. Yeah, you're kind of like
Han Solo in the Was it carbonite? Yeah? Yeah, can't you imagine
this? I have trouble picturing it. I'll actually I'll throw it up right
now in front of me in the video on YouTube. Soft Coore. You're
on YouTube if you want to check it out. Yeah, please give us
up to that, Like I I am, is it like? What was
that show where they had like a digital heaven? I think it was on
Amazon or something, but and like so those people existed still ye digitally,
it was like they could fuck people in the real world. Yeah, and
they had to put on like a big rubber sex suit and get in the
bathtub the people in the real world. Yeah, yeah, to fuck their
their Yeah. Yeah. Uploading upload's actually pretty good. I liked it.
Yeah, um yeah it was upload. There's definitely that sounds like what he's
talking about, but I think it sounds more like just imagine like the gimp
from what do you call it? It's essentially yeah, gim suit, but
like that's you just wearing a box, but you can't leave the box and
somebody's fucking your wife. Probably that's what you saw the club, Is that
what was going on? Was there a guy like That's a lot of things
at the club. I love the unpass cube man coming like a cute like
a guy ahead only ahead sticking out of a cube, just like the heads
covered as well, so you have a little little charlose he can breathe.
This sounds like yeah, I mean I want to see it, but it
sounds horrified on YouTube subscribe so yeah, pooh hole, Well we'll just keep
going pool. Uh. Therefore hated Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union. As
things were starting to play out, potato potato. Yeah, I mean they
did both invade Poland together. They liked it. Yeah, he was proud
that amongst us has not invaded Buland show me one man. He was the
pro should probably invade Boland. Now what it's the time they're getting kind of
u you know, comfortable, not comfortable, but it shouldn't be if they
should. If there's one thing Poland should not be, it's comfortable fascist.
Yeah that's true. So yeah, pooh Hole was proud that he managed to
serve both sides without firing a single bullet for either. After it's discharge from
the Nationalist Army, he met his wife, got married, and had a
kid. In nineteen forty, during the early stages of World War Two,
Poolhole decided that he must make a contribution for the good of humanity by helping
Britain, which at the time was Germany's only adversary. So he went from
was he just lying about not being generous loyal or I think he was serious?
Like I think he's like, I don't fucking care about your cause,
Yeah, I'm not loyal to you. Like why I'm not gonna help be?
I mean that's fair. Yeah, Like if if if for some reason
Texas, like let's say we're like the Greek City States, you know,
like we're a country, but like it's a little loosely connected. In Texas
went to war with Oklahoma tomorrow, we would roll Oklahoma. Honest, we
would roll it. But I wouldn't volunteer to be a hold on. But
think about it. We would roll Oklahoma, right, so you think about
it just to just for the easy dub Like I feel like you're I'm waiting
to naid in Oklahoma. You're like, oh, there's another dead dog,
but there's a bomb under it. Yeah right, No, I'd probably just
go back to Florida, right, and then they'd go to war with fucking
I don't know, Cuba or some shit. Now, if Missouri went to
war with Kansas, I'm all it. But although I could see the Oklahoma's
kind of be in Afghanis where they're just like dug in like ticks. Yeah,
they couldn't. Oklahoma would not be able to project force onto Texas except
for maybe then just right around the border. They would just wait it out,
but they would, Yeah, they would dig in and just make I
mean, first off, think about how demoralized you are in Oklahoma when it's
peaceful. Yeah, now there's people shooting at you. Yeah, they wanted
more. That's the thing. I don't think there's any reason to invade.
I have no reason. Castinos. Yeah, we just changed the little man.
We can't because of them in Louisiana. Yeah. I know, well
we won't. They're paying Texas politicians backhanded deals. Yeah. Yeah. Well,
starting in January nineteen forty one, Pohole approached the British embassy in Madrid
three different times to help them, but they showed no interest in employing him
as a spy. Well, I mean, I guess if you just show
up yeah, and you're like, hello, uh England, I'd like to
spy for you, and it's by no man, I'd like to spy three
year. They said, Uh, that's how because I applied for this.
Ye that way. I walked up to Langley and I was like, hello,
I'd like a spy application. You got it. But can you imagine
if that's how it worked? Just like you seem shifty second fucking pop Eyes,
You're just just drive into the gate at Quantico. Yeah. Uh.
Therefore, since he was not accepted by the Brits for help, he resolved
to establish himself as a German agent and then go back to the Brits.
Smart. Yeah, have you heard of this guy? Is a certain?
Yeah so he Crea actually might have been featured in that movie on Netflix.
Yeah, yep, is he He might be, but at least he mentioned
he plays a big part in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So
he creates an identity as a fanatically pro Nazi Spanish government official who could travel
to London on official business. He also obtained a fake Spanish diplomatic passport by
fooling a printer into thinking pooh, he like he worked for the Spanish embassy
in Lisbon. Isn't mince meat what you call your penis? No? Okay?
Yeah, yeah, it's pretty toe up mince meat minced, Yeah,
gets minced. That's right. This is I'm only going with it because it's
your birthday. We have to yes and everything he does. Yeah, on
his birthday. I did know, and but I went with it. It
was kind of like a no, yes if you think it's okay. So
yeah, he contacted. He contacted Friedrich Rady, a German counterintelligence agent in
Madrid code named Frederico. He accepted pooh hole and the Germans gave him a
cash a crash course in espionage, including how to code his writing, learn
a code. Yeah, he was given a bottle of invisible ink, a
codebook, and six hundred pounds for expenses. His instructions were to move to
Britain and recruit a network of British agents. He moved instead to Lisbon,
and using a tourist guide to Britain, reference books and magazines from the Lisbon
Public Library, he created seemingly credible reports out of thin air that came from
London. So he never even went. That's fucking great, by the way,
man, if you I guess he eventually went to the British whatever.
But like people don't. The Gestapo has this like reputation because they're terrifying.
But the German intelligence she's got clowned again and again. This episode is just
a giant clowning of the German intelligence system. Yeah. Basically, I mean
the only way they found out if anybody was not German, as if they
did the German three. Yeah, so they always had of him at a
bar. If they all always went with the regular three, they're fucked.
Yeah. So they would send two guys to meet one guy at a bar
and they'd be like, hey, orderous rounds. But if he brought a
friend, they were fucked. Yeah, he'd be like, four, is
it not? I guess it would be this yeah, yeah, it goes
thumb first first, yeah, one, two, three, four. According
to Tarantino, that's why this is not. This does not feel natural.
This this, this is all right, This is fine, This feel right.
This feels fucked up, like this feels way. Yeah, this feels
as dumb as this. This feels dumb to you. Yeah, this that
feel dune. This is better. Yeah, the thumb and two fingers is
better. This is better, but that feels right. I like it that.
My favorite part of that scene is how he knew immediately fast better.
I mean was like, fun, there's a dude on the six ers that
hit a three the other day and did the German three and I'm like,
we're gonna lose now, and he did and we did so h During his
time in Portugal, he stayed in Estiel at the Hotel Pelacio. He claimed
to be traveling around Britain and submitted his travel expenses based on fairs listed in
a British railway guide. Poole's unfamiliar. His unfamiliarity with a non decimal system
of currency used in Britain at the time was a slight difficulty. So at
this time Great Britain's unit of currency, the pound sterling, was subdivided into
twenty shillings, each having twelvepence, which makes it really confusing if you're not
used to that. Uh yeah, yeah, that's they ship on us for
not having a metric system or where money system was fucking dumb. Sorry do
you not have a non milimeter? Ruh? Yeah, I only go caliber.
Do you have grams of weed in your card all times? I only
measure it announces. Man. Wow, it's funny though, because everyone knows
how many grams is an announce because of drugs. Yeah, we use the
metric system all the time. Yeah, every day. Also, people are
is celsius including the metric system. Was that a separate day? That's a
measure of Ah, yes, yes, but uh fahrenheit better way to measure
temperature forever? Like uh, I do like that Celsius is zero is the
freezing versus ours thirty two? Yeah, but one hundred is boiling and that's
I think it's confusing. Yeah, yeah, it's better to be on one
hundred scale. For like seventy it's seventy percent worm, thirty it's thirty percent
worm. That makes way more fucking sense. Yeah. Then yeah, they'll
say shit, whatever their numbers. It's like, oh, it's thirty six
out. I'm like, what the fuck is that good or bad? Yeah?
I don't know what it means. They don't know. Yeah, I
think it's double right kind of fish fahrenheit, Like you divide by two or
multiply by two. I think, Celsie. Yeah, you just multiply by
two and you get the fahrenheit like around two. Well zero times two is
zero. Yeah. How do you explain that, Poindexter. I can't tell
you. I didn't think so. Yeah, so I know it's that.
I mean, like, but maybe like the thirties, so like a thirty
Celsius would be like sixty fahrenheit is probably more, maybe like two point five.
I have a computer on me. I'm not gonna look it up.
Yeah. Uh, we're here for Celsius talk, but here on the Conversion
of Units podcast. Yeah, Poohole was unable to total his expenses in the
complex system that he wasn't familiar with, so he just itemized everything and just
sent them like long ass receipts so long. They were just like us about
them, say, focket's just given. Just pays hi man, He's very
competent. That's almost exactly what happened. That happened with sub Bassy, with
sub bassy, but it just pays hi man. It's fine. During this
time, he created an extensive network of fictitious subagents living in different parts of
Britain. Because he had never Rold Smith Stephen Jones yep, because he had
never actually visited the UK, he made several mistakes in his reports, such
as claiming that his alleged contact in Glasgow would do anything for a leader of
wine, unaware of the Scottish drinking habits, or that the UK did not
use the metric system at the time, so or probably that guy's not begging
for wine either that that's what they're saying. Scottish drinking habits would not the
guy would not want wine. Well, you said they didn't use a leader
either back then. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Imagine like you're
like, yeah, I'm spying like here in Kentucky and all this guy wants
is a leader of merlow to get paid I'm in Appalachia. He just wants
one leader. He wants cabinet Cabern next time. Really specific about it,
Yeah, no, I mean feels feels inaccurate. He wants a fifth of
Evan Williams, my friend. Yeah. So his reports were intercepted by the
British Ultra Communications Interceptions Program and seems so credible that the British Counterintelligence Service at
my five launched a full scale spy hunt for him in the UK in the
UK four pool. That's fucking rad. But he's not that. He's not.
He's in Lisbon, Portugal, fucking everybody. Could you even do this?
Now? No? Do we live in the wrong time? Yeah?
This is you just wing it? He winged it. He got to this
point by just lying. I mean this guy was like, I'm gonna be
a spy. Yeah. And what he did with spy shit, he lied
to be able to become one. That makes you a good spy. I
imagine. Now what are you do? You just start an app or something
stupid. I don't know. You worked for the CIA, They train you
and all the good stuff. Yeah, start a revolution in South America.
It can't be hard. Everyone who hasn't started a revolution in South America.
Anyway, in February of nineteen forty two, either he approached the United States
after it entered the war. Oh no, I'm sorry. He did approach
the United States after it had entered the war, contacting US Navy Lieutenant Patrick
Demerist in the Naval Attache's office in Lisbon, who recognized Poohle's potential. Demerist
contacted his British counterparts. The British had become aware that someone had been misinforming
the Germans, and they realized it after the Kriegsmarine wasted resources attempting to hunt
down a non existent convoy reported to them by Poohle. So at this point
he was just double agenting the Germans without even working with the British. No,
the British thought someone was fucking like fucking their ship up. Is a
lone wolf, Yeah, he was lone a lone wolf double agent. Like
he was like, I'm gonna pretend to be a Nazis by and just tell
them all wrong shit about what you're doing, right right, right, right
right. Yeah, he has a troll. And by the way, this
is one thing that happens in totalitarian governments. It happens in any government,
but it's really prone to happen in totalitarian governments, which is he's giving them
dogshit information, but the people above him are too afraid to say they made
a mistake in hiring him or something like that, because they're ma get a
bullet in their head or they're gonna be in they're gonna get thrown in jail.
Like you can't make mistakes to pass the buck, right. Well,
Also, it looks good when you bring good info too, and like everyone
wants to be like I have a really good guy for yeah. Yeah,
so I bet somebody that was like directly above him realize their mistake pretty quick.
But they're like, ah, I can't. You can't own a mistake.
No, no, you get dead. Yeah you can't. You don't.
You're going on a training. You have to just like keep acting like
this is legit. It's insane. The expectation in a totalitarian hierarchy of power
is too bad. A thousand always, yeah, you must always be batting
a thousand. That's how Chernobyl happens. Yep, Oh no, everything's fine,
we're good. We're gonna go check it out of food. Yeah,
no, there's that couldn't be possible. It's like there's no roof, dude,
No, no, there's a roof. Apparently that was a thing with
COVID in China too, Like no, none of the like local Chinese officials
were reporting anything accurately, and like people a lot of people are like,
oh, it's a big conspiracy, but it was really just like they're not
allowed to do anything badly. It's called no bad news. It's right.
He was moved eventually to Britain on April twenty fourth of nineteen forty two.
However, after he passed the security check conducted by an m I six officer,
uh, the m I six officers suggested that he be accompanied by m
I five officer Thomas Harris a fluent Spanish speak. Now, what's the difference
between m I five and m I six. M I six is like super
secret, that's James Bond is m I six. Yeah, My five is
like your general like CIA I would imagine, and then like m I six
would be like black ops within it. Gotcha. I could be wrong on
that, but that's my understanding as a civilian. But yeah, so would
they pair him up with a Spanish speaker Poohole operated as a double agent under
the watch of the x X Committee. Cyril Mills was initially Poolhole's case officer,
but he spoke no Spanish and quickly dropped out of the picture. His
main contribution was to suggest, after the truly extraordinary dimensions of Poohole's imagination accomplishments
had become a parent, that his code name should be something as befitted for
the best actor in the world. So he just named him. Well,
yeah, oh, he gave him the name, and that's the only reason
we're even mentioning his name in this story. Pooholes became Garbo after Greta Garbo
sick. Yeah, So Mills passed his case back over to the Spanish speaking
officer, Harris Together Harrison Pooholes or not Poohles pooh hoole if you thought what
if he was just like just thought Poohole was sexies. God damn it.
You remind me of a young Credit Garbone. You. You, the way
you treat those nasis gets me so rundy. You probably just what happened,
Yeah, yeah, similar cheekbones. Yeah it's the cheeks. I mean,
Cheppaniards are beautiful people, Not really, I just thought of a physical attribute.
Mmm, looks we'll see if the cheek bones play tits don't. Really,
that's not really the same. Uh oh, you know she looks like
Leslie Man kind of. She's cuty, you know, for the time,
for the time. Probably a pancake ass. Wow, undoubtedly, what do
you want? This woman was malnourished for a decade. Probably had a ton
of speed too. Yeah. Yeah, well she's eating cigarettes. Yeah.
Harrison Poolhole wrote three hundred and fifteen letters averaging two thousand words, addressed to
a post office box in Lisbon, supplied by the Germans. His fictitious spy
neck work was so efficient and verbost that his German handlers were overwhelmed and made
no further attempts to recruit any additional spies in the UK. He was one
of one. They were like, this guy's crushing it so hard. Yeah.
Yeah, they're like, we don't need any more guys. We got
the guy. Did he give him Did they give him a raise? He
was paid pretty well. We'll get to his pay in a little bit.
The information supplied to German intelligence was a mixture of complete fiction, genuine information
of little military value, and valuable military intelligence artificially delayed so he would send
real shit to him, but it would always get hung up in the mail.
So in November nineteen forty two, just before the Operation Torch landings in
North Africa, Garbo's agent on the River Quiet reported, and remember this is
Garbo's agent on the River, Quid right quotes. This isn't a real fucking
person. He's making shit up. Yeah, yeah, reported that a convoy
of troopships and warships had left Port painted in Mediterranean camouflage. While the letter
was set by airmail and postmarked before the landings, it was deliberately delayed by
British intelligence in order to arrive too late to be useful. So the Brits
all they did was like, we'll give it real ship, We'll just hold
it up in the fucking post. Dude, you're just like fucked in the
intelligent war intelligence war. If you're if the British are on the other side.
Yeah, no, they're clever. Yeah, they're really good. I
mean think about how dangerous that is. It's like you're basically putting in writing
this is exactly what we're gonna do, but in the mail. But you
know what, it's not gonna get their own time. We'll hold it up.
Yeah, that's true. I don't trust them as an ally. What
do you mean, I think you're too clever. They might be manipulating some
stuff. You never know, our oldest enemy. Really. In the English,
Poohle received a reply from the German stating, we are sorry they arrived
too late, but your last reports were magnificent. Poohole had been postly communicating
with the Germans by a courier a Royal Dutch Airlines pilot willing to carry messages
to and from Lisbon for cash, which this guy was compromised. This meant
that message deliveries were limited to klem flight schedule. In nineteen forty three,
responding to German requests for speedier communication, Phopole and Harris created a fictitious radio
operator. So they had a fake guy on in the clouds. I guess
yeah, yeah, like that guy in Mario who just dropped shells on you.
Yeah, floats around yeah him, Yeah, he lives in a cloud
cloud boy club, cloud guy. Yeah. From August nineteen forty three,
on radio became the preferred method of communication with him via the German Like German
radio band frequencies, so they had I assume they were just talking to him.
He was just like, oh, yeah, this is the agent,
yeah, the other one, hey, So I saw awesome stuff. Pretty
much on occasion, he had to invent reasons why his agents had failed to
report easily available information. For example, he reported that his Liverpool agent had
fallen ill just before a major fleet movement from that port and so was unable
to report the event. How do you not it's you would become suspicious of
a girl you were dating if twice in a row she was like, oh,
I just didn't feel good to not like you're like, we got plans,
right, we got plans to Saturday for sure, for sure, like
I made a rez okay, great, great, great, And then that
day she was like just oh I don't feel so good. And then she
did it again like two weeks later. Yeah you would, Yeah, her
phone died at eight o'clock, okay, buddy, yeah yeah, yeah right,
you would be immediately suspicious of that person totally. But now this guy's
too good to support the story at The agent eventually died and in a bituary.
Actually, let's get back to Rob's distrust of his wife. Yeah,
we had a bad We had a bad mother's day to day. To be
honest, yeah, I just she didn't she didn't let me present. What
was your present? I was like, okay, here we go. I'm
gonna give you like orgasms all day. And she was like, who's gonna
watch the kids? And I was like, don't worry about the kids,
just let me give you orgasms. And she wasn't into that. She didn't
want it. She turned my present away. One of them could be a
third baby if you tried hard enough. I whatever she wanted. I was
like, I'll do it anyway you want. And she I was like,
you talk about you know how you love getting orgasms from all the guys you
used to be with. I thought i'd give you one for once, for
once. Yeah, you know, we were talking about this before you rolled
up. If you have a third kid, we will average one kid per
host. True. Yeah yeah, that doesn't include any of Dan's dead ones,
but or step kids yeah yeah yeah so uh or just abandoned like bastards
you don't know about. Yeah, just the randoms. So you've gotten you've
got toilet and dumps your babies. Uh, the at least one stepchild in
your future and uh yeah whatever whatever, kids you just they don't they didn't
want to be a part of their life. A couple of close calls as
well. Yeah, the epoptic topictopic pregnancy I had. I've had me and
courtnayd one of those when before we were married. That was that was gnarly
because we had to go in at three in the morning. She was so
like sick, she was like vomiting in out of pain and something like that.
Yeah, I've almost murdered several women with ectopic pregnant. That's the number
one. So it's actually really weird. I don't know if this is how
it is in America, but it is like internationally, like worldwide. The
doctors told us when we had the ectopic, because they were talking about treatment
options, um, that their number one cause of death in pregnant women is
an ectopic pregnancy, which is kind of a fudging of the stats. I
feel like, because you're not pregnant when you have an ectopic pregnancy, there's
a fertilized end. Some people would disagree with you. Yeah, in insane
people with very's not a viable baby, Like it's like will never God can't
fix that. Yeah, no, no matter what you believe, God can't
fix that then and God and God made a mistake, right, Yeah,
so I was but like they're like, this is how most pregnant women die,
so like you're not even pregnant though, Um, it's it's really weird
that it's called a topic pregnancy. Well speaking of death, well, I
was gonna say sorry, was they told us at three in the morning she
was pregnant and then didn't figure out it was a topic until about seven.
There's four hours in like twenty seventeen where I thought I was a dad.
Damn, I didn't sleep. There was about twelve hours and you're like,
I can't have a well twelve hours woman, twelve hours to twenty four and
twenty thirteen where I thought it might be one but sick. Yeah, it
wasn't fun. Yeah, no, it's not. I owned it. I
was looking forward to it. Um, why did you abort it? Then?
M God aborted it, okay. So to prove that he died,
his agent diet in Liverpool. Uh, the m I five placed to fake
obit in the newspaper. The Germans were also persuaded by Poohle to pay attension
to the agent's widow who was no one. So they were paying out shit.
They're like they're like, yeah, I guess we got to. He
was giving us good shit, just fucking clowned. Yeah, so for radio
communication. Uh Alaric was his nickname in the German camp, so he was
called Garbo by the Brits and Alaric by the Germans. At Alarica German like
a figure of myth or something like that, or maybe like a famous German
king. This guy is just like I wonder if you ever got his code?
Yeah? Yeah, so so the Germans were like, this guy's the
goat. They'd be like if so if you if if the Americans now named
like the like some Chinese by playing it's like Lebron. Yeah he's dude,
and what if he used the wrong code name though he's in the German camp,
calls himself Garbo. It's Garbo, I mean shit, Aleric, Yeah,
who's Garbo? That's one of my guys. Yeah, it's you know,
it's funny nick name I have at the pub where I do spying.
God, that would be so shitty. It's because I'm a garbage not like
they could kill him. No, he's not meeting with them in Berlin.
No, he's communicating via radio and post in Lisbon, well now Britain.
But at first he was saying he was in Lisbe, or he was saying
he was in London. He's just in Portugal kicking it, that's it.
But uh yeah, anyway, dude's a catfish. Yeah, this is one
of the This might be the greatest catfisher of all times. He definitely is,
and this next part really proves how valuable he was. So the Germans
thought he needed the strongest hand encryption that they had, so they provided him
with this system, which was in turn supplied to the codebreakers at Bletchley Park,
Garbos. Encrypted messages were to be received in Madrid, manually decrypted and
re encrypted with an Enigma machine for retransmission to Berlin. Having both the original
texts and the Enigma encoded intercept of it, the codebreakers had the best possible
source to You're chosen plain text attack on the German Enigma key. Real quick,
before we get back to the man that won World War Two by trolling
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Bros. All right, let's go back to it. So this is this
guy features heavily but not actually is e in two famous recent World War two
movies. Yeah. The other one was the Imitation game Imitation Game. Yeah,
he was the one getting the source material basically, yeah, for that
Enigma machine work. So the imitation games one Benedict Comberbatch for those who don't
know. And then Operation Mincemeat is with Colin Firth. That one's on Netflix.
That one with the Netflix movie I think Um, I don't mean,
I don't know where Imitation GameStream both the great movies you watch both, Yeah,
no, they are both very good. But yeah, no, I
mean he's basically he cracked the German code. He Without him, they do
not crack the German communication. Didn't They have their own wind talkers. Might
have been this guy. He's just pretending to know Navajo. No the Germans.
I mean, oh, I don't know. It would be funny if
the Germans. There was just like one Navajo guy in Germany. It's like,
I'll do what I'm studying abroad. And he was like, you know
what, fuck America. They took all of my land. I hope you
take all Europe and that I hope you take all their fucking land. Just
give me some. I wouldn't blame him, No, they they get a
passing hatred towards America for sure. Yeah. It's like we were we were
doing it fine. I'm sorry, and they're doing just fine now with their
casinos. Okay, yeah, they seem great. They love it. In
January nineteen, I think they have like the E's poverty, right, Yeah,
dude, they weren't really set up for success after we you know,
bulldozed them. It's not a couple of them were crushing it though. Yeah.
Sure, that's that's how we measure success, Like well that one guy
is a billionaire. Yeah. In January nineteen forty four of the Germans told
Poohle that they believed a large scale invasion in Europe was imminent and asked to
be kept informed. Stuff. That's not even a of course you think that
you were back. We think it's imminent. What do you mean imminent?
Imminent in the next three weeks because it obviously you're fighting a war. Yeah,
it's it is imminent. It's like it's a later part. It's really
progressed at this point too, like it's going to happen, Like imminent.
What does that mean? Like you even in nineteen forty three, it's imminent.
It's imminent. They're good attack. If you're not attacking anymore and you
build you're building an Atlantic wall, Yeah, they're gonna fucking attack you at
some point. Yeah, exactly. Um, I think they do. A
D Day was coming pretty soon though. It is funny. I mean,
like the more I've read a little bit more recently about the beginning of the
war, and like The Germans really did not think they were going to conquer
France. Really, they were shocked, like it it was an accident France.
It's kind of a heat check and and France like that's not the right
term. No, no, it's not. It wasn't. It was a
hail Mary that worked. It was just like a throw. Yeah, it
was like a throw from the logo that goes in like they're like you're on
the statue of liberty and it goes for a touchdown. It's like what yeah,
I mean it they were getting ten yards maybe because the French like a
lot of they get a lot of shit, not wrongly, I mean they
got conquered in forty days, but like their equipment was great, their army
did really well thirty years before that, yeah, thirty less than thirty years
before that. They just like it's it's like they you just got caught on
a bad day, you know what I mean. Yeah, like or they
just came with a plan that was totally unexpected, like you've been studying film
one way the whole time. I mean, it was like almost by accident
that they conquered France, and they're like we want to keep them pretty occupied.
We want to fight engage, but they had They were like, oh
yeah, like we had no plans to take Paris. Yeah, whoops,
And it just kind of happened. So the invasion that they're referring to is
Operation Overlord, and Poohole played a leading role in Operation Fortitude, the deception
in campaign to conceal Operation over Lord. So he sent over five hundred radio
messages between January nineteen forty four and D Day, at times more than twenty
messages per day. During planning for the Normandy Beach invasion, the Allies decided
that it was vitally important that the German leaders be misled into believing that the
landing would happen at the straight of Dover. I think this is where we
start getting into mince meat. Uh maybe I can't remember what it was about,
but it's like where the body washes up. Oh I thought mincemeat was
the one with the fake planes and stuff. No, no, no,
the fake tanks, inflated tanks. No, that's a different thing. They
like floated a body to showre that was supposed to be like a British guy
with intelligence on him. Oh, then he wasn't part of Men's don't think
so. But yeah, this was like what Patton was a part of.
So in the movie Patton, they do a great job of showing this.
Pattents all pissed off because the Germans like fear him, so they put him
in um In and around Dover to make the Germans think that the landing's going
to be at the at Calais, which is right across from Dover. It's
the shortest point and that's also it was also the most fortified, strongest point
in the Atlantic Wall because it's so fucking close. And yeah, so it
was that was that whole thing with the inflatable tanks and stuff like that.
Okay, cool. So in order to maintain his credibility, it was decided
that Garbo should warn the Germans of the timing and some details of the actual
invasion of Normandy, although sending it too late for them to take a ten
of action, so special arrangements were made with the German radio operators to be
listening to Garbo through the night of like the fifth to the sixth, basically
between the fifth and the sixth that night, yeah of June nineteen forty four,
using the story that a sub agent was about to arrive with important information.
However, when the call was made at three am, no reply was
received from the German operators until eight am, so they actually bift it on
the German side. Three am is like when the paratroopers are happening, yeah,
and it's not the people aren't even on the beaches yet. Yeah yeah,
So like they don't respond until eight and uh. This allowed Garbo to
uh add more genuine but now out of date information too, and when they
increased their like his standing with them even more, like holy shit, like
this is what you were gonna tell us? Fuck what do you we?
WHOA, that's our fault for not being awaken you cracked dude, Fucking nice
work man. What's funnier, though, is that he got to be pissed
at them, like in communication. That's so glorious. So Garbo told his
German context that he was disgusted that his first message was missed, saying I
cannot accept I cannot accept excuses or negligence. Were it not for my ideals,
I would abandon this work right now. So he's like, if it
weren't for your fucking cause and me believing in it, I'd be done here.
You guys are a joke. You guys are fucking this up. I
hope that every hymn and every brit that he was working with writing that reply
or whatever it was just pissing their pants with laugh. I feel like this
is like Nathan Fielder doing spy work and old too. It's just like,
yeah, just leaning in harder when you think he's gonna break or something like
that. It's so funny too, because it's like he could have gone the
one round and like, oh man, we missed it. But it's like
you actually do sell it better by nagging the shit out of them, by
being like, yeah, you garbage piece of fucking shit, Like, look
at what this would have helped you with. Granted, if they had picked
up when he called, like, he would have had less to give,
so it was perfect. Then you got to lean in. It's even better.
It's responding to a U up texit like two hours later when they're clearly
asleep. Yeah. Yeah, it's like five in the morning and you like
wake up to piss you see the U up Yeah, and you want to
respond because your wife wouldn't give her orgasms all day, right, but you
know she's asleep now you still respond I still respond. Then you kind of
like shift the blame on them, be like yeah, I responded, I
was up. Yeah. So on Tune, three days after D Day,
Garbo sent a message to German intelligence that was passed to Adolf Hitler himself and
the German high command. Garbo said that he had conferred with his top agents
and developed an order of battle showing seventy five divisions in Britain. Reality,
they were only about fifty. Part of the Fortitude plan was to convince the
Germans that a fictitious formation first US Army Group comprising eleven divisions, which is
about one hundred and fifty thousand men, commanded by George Patton, was stationed
in southeast Britain where you were just talking about Sish. He set up that.
Yeah, yeah, and so that was a big thing with D Day
two. So actually I did one of the classes I took in college because
of such a tool for history is. I took an ROTC class. Oh
what did you have to dress up? Now? Serve? I think discounts.
Yeah, you're you can see that. Yeah, I took a RTC
class. What does ROTC staff for Reserve Officer Training Corps okay, it was
called himphibious warfare or history of amphibious Warfare, and um, one of my
final reports was on D Day. I think my final report was on D
Day, and I essentially came to the conclusion that if the Germans had responded
appropriately, they would have thrown us back into the sea. Oh really yeah,
And I do believe that to this day. By the way, that's
piste off. All these fucking little army kids that were They're like, no,
what we want to one d D We want a hell one D day?
Fuck you. We would have taken to peak like no man, yeah,
yeah really Now, I think if they had marshaled the armored forces on
time, especially considering the weather was dog shits, which kind of removes the
air air air power situation, uh for the first couple of days, Um,
it would have been a real fucking problem. Yeah, and you know
that. I think the guy in charge, like the I think it's like
a major something who taught the class, was like, all right, you're
okay, But the rest of the kids were like, uh, not about
it. And actually what was funny about that too? About that being in
that class as I was in the ROTC building, three times a week,
and I sometimes I would like go around it or whatever. And there used
to be this isn't for you, guys, because you're not gonna understand this.
But there there used to be this game called Close Combat. It's a
series close the Close Combat series is Close Combat one, Close Combat two,
A Bridge Too Far, Close Combat Through the Russian Front. It's all these
World War two games, right. Well, I guess at some point they
had made the Close Combat series, had made a like modern version specifically for
the US military to train on with like squad level, not squad level,
like um whatever, company level tactics. I guess you could say met an
battalion company probably company level tactics. And I had played all these games growing
up on my computer whatever. And I was went in the computer room one
day and saw all these playing it, and I was watching them play,
and I was like, you're you're bad at this. You're you guys are
officers, you are like this guy was like, and they could play against
each other, right, so they would they would. This guy was like
At one point, I just I watched one guy who was training to become
an officer in the United States military that great people. Fuck around whatever.
But he was just like I would. He was just charging some guy's machine
gun with like three rifle uh platoons, So he got mercilessly slaughtered gunned down
and he was like, oh shit, cooled. Ah my guys, Yeah,
it's like did you I was like, man, I wouldn't even do
that against the computer out of my own pride. Moral of the story,
Rob should be a general in the US. Yes, yes, yes,
yes, yes, of course, that's that's what we pitch. I'm making
already established that I'm a veteran, yes, just up his status. It
was. It was wild how bad they were at it. Yeah, if
the US military susponsor our podcast by all means do it anyway. The deception
was supported, like we mentioned, with fake planes, inflatable tanks, and
vans traveling about the area transmitting like fake radio chatter. Garba's message pointed out
that units from this formation had not participated in the invasion, and therefore the
first landing should be considered a diversion, so like D Day was a diversion
completely. Yeah, that's what they and that that is what they thought they
thought. Yeah, that's why and that's why they didn't react. Is because
they were like, no, no, no, don't hit Normandy. They're
still coming over Calais. That's where the main thrust is going to be.
So don't waste your fucking don't don't don't counterattack. Yeah. So, a
German message to Madrid sent two days later said all reports received in the last
week from Arabelle, which is his spied network codename in Germany, has undertaking,
have been confirmed without exception and are to be described as especially value.
A post war examination of German records found that during Operation Fortitude, at least
sixty of pooh Hoole's reports were included in German high command and intelligence summaries.
So this was people just like, yep, this guy's the man the whole
way up to pretty much like even Hitler was like, that's good shit.
Yeah, he fucked the entire German intelligence that work up. That's the war
right there by the way, it's it's the entire war. Yeah, he
he kind of won them. More like I'm just giving him that much credit.
He opening up that second front absolutely fucked them. And because opening up
that second front, especially what it did eventually was Hitler. It caused the
Battle of the Bulge to happen, which took a ton of resources away from
the Eastern Front to try to just essentially, like Hitler just wanted to knock
one side out and then, and he knew the Allies would be less or
he thought the Americans and British would be less inclined to keep going than the
Soviets would because the Soviets psychos. But he didn't realize the Soviets right there
right, Yeah, yeah, so he that even getting a foothold everything.
Yeah, I mean it's because we coming up through Italy would have been a
bitch. Yeah, if because there was already technically a second front in Italy.
Yeah, but that's narrow. You gotta go up through the Alps.
That's a bitch. Oh, totally, The geography of that would have been
a nightmare. And like we were lucky enough that Italy is like, no,
you're here, We're for you now. Yeah. Yeah. Um.
The High Command accepted garbage reports so completely that they kept two armored divisions in
nineteen infantry decisions at Palais or Calais. Yeah, I blended him, waiting
for a second invasion through July. In August nineteen forty four, the German
commander in chief in the West Field, Marshal Gerd vand Runstead, refused to
allow General Irwin Rommel to move these divisions to Normandy. Yeah, Rammel wanted
to counter That's what I said in my fucking presentation. I was like,
they held Raul back, their best general. The reason for that is our
boy Pool. Yeah. Yeah, they were like. Ramel was like,
we need to counterattack now, and they were like, hold on, Irwin,
Yeah, we're getting them good info. So because of all this,
there were actually more German troops in Kla two months after the Normandy invasion than
there had been on D Day, So they kept ramping it up. They
kept wasting more resources just stockpiling for Kala. In late June, Garbo was
instructed by the Germans to report on the falling of V one flying bombs.
Finding no way of giving false information without arousing suspicion and being unwilling to give
correct information, Harris arranged for Garbo to be arrested, so he faked his
own arrest exactly. He returned to duty a few days later, now having
a need to avoid London, and forwarded an official letter of apology from the
Home Secretary for his unlawful detention. Overall, this has kind of ended his
campaign at this point. Overall, the Germans paid pooh Hoole three hundred and
forty thousand US dollars over the course of the war to support his network of
agents and at that time, at that time, but I'm gonna do that
math real quick, at one point in time, the Germans had record of
twenty seven different sub agents work underneath Poohle. He is just an only fan,
sugar baby. Yeah, they're like, oh, Daddy gave me that
info. Basically, that is a catfish. That's like a guy just running
like a female account who just catches it in on money. Yeah, for
sure, Simps. What is crazy to me is he had twenty seven sub
accounts, would you say, three fifty three hunty thousand, and he never
met any of these people. No, he never met anyone in person except
for the British side of course. Yeah, it's kind of in German.
They paid six point one million dollars. Why would you ever trust somebody over
radio communication or letters? You can't just like fly back and forth and me
well, okay, so you would have to establish something. Remember hes he
went to um An embassy in u Portugal. Sure, and he had fake
diplomatic pay persons. He did at the very onset had a good enough reason
to be like, okay, we'll teach you how to spy. And he
just ran with it from there. So they never double checked, basically because
all of his info was so good. But late they're like, man,
this guy keeps almost nail on it getting it yeah, pretty much. And
they were like this again, like this is what happens. Well, it's
again people underestimate or overestimate they could stop out like they give them way too
much credit. Like I guess they were great at sniffing out helpless Jews.
H They were muscling people who had no way to defend themselves into turning over
Jews and other partisans. They're staring innocent people, yeah, ing out gold
teeth. Yeah, so they they weren't. That's not even hitting fast balls,
that's hitting balls off a tea, you know what I mean. Like
this fucking it's the easiest part of war, right, they were really like
they got the Germans got clowned so fucking hard. So the intelligence I do
want to talk about his honors that he received. So that's what happens when
you're on meth all the time. It's not doesn't help it. Don't just
believe anything, you know what I mean, You're like, yeah, I
just gotta he got a great idea. We're you gonna go there's a house
nobody did right now. We're gonna go get their sofas. They were just
making They were making business ideas on cocaine. It was business ideas on cocaine.
Like every group of dudes at three am that's doing cokes, like,
oh man, we gotta start. This is the business. This is the
idea that that was their entire strategy. Yeah yeah, so you can only
order in quantities of one hundred. Uh so. He received an MBE from
King George the sixth ninth November twenty fifth, nineteen forty four. The Nazis
never realized they had been fooled, and thus pooh Hoole, along with Eddie
Chapman, another double agent, earned the distinction of being well hold on,
let me back up. He received the MBE from King George, but he
also was awarded the Iron Cross second Class in nineteen forty four by the Germans
for his work. God so he got basically the highest award you could get
for two countries that were fighting each other. Right. Uh, that's like
winning Team MVP on two different teams. Just to specify how big of a
deal that was. For the Iron Cross that he got, the award was
normally reserved for frontline fight men and required Hitler's personal authors. Yeah. The
Iron Cross, well, I don't know what the classes are, but Iron
Crosses is their medal of honor. Yeah, and Victoria Victoria Cross is the
British medal of honor. Iron Crosses. Was that. I don't know what
they have now, I don't. I assume they still wann't to do the
Iron Cross, but it Adolf Hitler had to approve his Iron Cross. Yeah,
and he hands like this guy this guy's cement. Yes. So he's
one of the few people to receive decorations from both sides during World War Two.
There aren't that many, but he's one of them. That's great.
And uh, yeah, that's the story of Uh, that's the story of
our boy. Pooh Hole his full name one. He lived until peaceful life
until his eighties he died. Uh, let's see here, he can lived
into his eighties. Yeah. He he ended up moving to South America.
So yeah, he uh more double agents. I could say, yeah,
what Yeah, he makes some German friends. He was like, yeah,
I hated Oh, but he's like it's actually he's just the end of Shawshank.
He's like, I'll meet you in South America on the boat. Yeah.
It would be funny if he did go to just hang out with him
and he's like, you guys, politically I hate you, but you're nice.
Yeah. But he just became homies with them in prison. Yeah.
Yeah, well they don't. They never realized that they got duped by this
guy at any point. They never know when did his story become public?
Though the eighties you write like an autobiography, okay, so pretty much how
you work? What was fucking that? Yeah? So, after the Second
World War, Who Whole feared reprisals from surviving Nazis. With the help of
m I five, Who Whole traveled to Angola and faked his death from malaria
in nineteen forty nine. He then moved to Langonillas, Venezuela, where he
lived in a relative anonymous state, running a bookstore and gift shop. So
in nineteen seventy won the British politician Rupert Alison, writing under the pen name
Nigel West became interested in the whole story. He interviewed him and stuff like
that, when of Venezuela become communist, I don't know that a more recent
development. Weird that he moved there, Yeah, I think it is kind
of modern. Um, I do think, yeah, yeah, I'm trying
to I don't see when they actually in Florida. I had a bunch of
friends that were from Venezuela, and I'm pretty sure they moved. Oh yeah,
I knew a ton of Venezuelan kids. Yeah, it might have been
like nineties. Yeah, it was a big move, like during Schabas nine.
Yeah yeah, um yeah. No. He lived a relatively peaceful life
after that, and he went back to Normandy on the fortieth anniversary of D
Day and paid his respect of the beaches. So guy, overall pretty sick.
Would you guys learn learned that the Germans are fucking guard that they it
doesn't you think people think that like fascism or even like, I don't know,
a good monarchy is like some sort of streamlined situation, like it's not
no, it's not learned. Not more efficient. People blindly trusted others until
like nineteen eighty dude. Until the Internet really like I mean, you could
get away with scams in the nineties. Still there were some speed Internet.
Oh yeah. There was some comedian I saw once who was like, people
don't understand that before you had a phone to check everything like the way too,
and a discussion about you being sure that you were right. It's like
I just be like, I swear to God. Yeah, I swear I'm
my mother's grave. Yeah, dude, Yeah, it's like, no,
I swear to God. Tom Hanks was on a sitcom where you cross dressed
and like you just had to be like, all right, dude, okay
if he's confident, Yeah, if you're at it, if you're that serious
about it. I literally have thought about this since smartphones became a thing.
It's like, I can't just make my point louder anymore, like because that
would be like, yeah, you can somehow it's more prevalent. Yeah,
because whether or not you're right, or you're proven right, or it's actually
worse matter, it's actually almost worse because now maybe like then, I guess
with pool, you can you can find information supporting what you said that's true
too. You can Google you would find something written that that supports what you
can lead the search engine, right, Yeah, yeah, for sure the
witness. Isn't it true that this? Yeah yeah, but it's also almost
an insult because you're like, you're not going to check this. That needs
to be the new stigma is like, bitch, you gotta google it,
you dumb bitch. Yeah, you don't even know that. To you,
that's the only way we can make people smarter again. It is just to
be like, yeah, to google that, you bitch. Yeah, googling,
dumb googling bitch. You're just trying to look smart. Yeah, fucking
idiot. Yeah, that's why you gotta do it really slide before you even
get into the art. I think we have a pretty easy Hitler for this
episode. It's our boy. I actually think it's everyone that worked for Hitler,
bunch of Hitler's. Yeah, Hitler. Hitler's a victim. Hitler he
got dupes, guys, He's the victim of being catfished. Yeah, Hitler
is Nazi Germany this week. Yeah, so yeah, Hitler is. Hitler's
just like the Gestapo like workflow, just the chain up, yeah, basically,
which is headed by Hitlers the top of the Yeah. But yeah,
that's our show for today, guys, thinks so much for listening again.
Check out our patreon Patreon dot com slash software History. We do two additional
episodes a week on there, all add free, different formats, fun stuff,
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leave a review, Dan tell them how to do that. Go on Apple,
Uh, click five stars and then write to review and Spotify. You
just have to hit five stars. I guess. On the back end,
we can see people leave comments to episodes on Spotify that I can't see anywhere
else, but I can see it on the back end. They're kind of
funny. Oh nice, Yeah, sure do that, I guess. Yeah,
and shout to Tofurky Sandwich, a podcast by history geniuses for History Chief.
Yes that's correct, and they do a great job of disclosing sources.
Buckle up, folks, you're in for a treat. Buckle up, buckers
again, thanks so much for listening. Rock Fox and Daniel Jester. I'm
Jake Goldman. Actually, hold on, hold on, I have one more
review to read. Okay, okay, that's wonderful. This is from Colts
eight seven eight eight six eight. The title is Jews Okay. The review
is a funny yet informative podcast by a Jew, a guy who looks and
sounds like a Jew. That's me, That's no way, that's not me,
and a guy whose family probably hunted Jews in the thirties and forties.
That's you. Yeah, I think that's you. I think that's you,
and dance the Jew. I don't know. I look like I mean,
I have the beard. Yeah, I'm Hasidic. You look like you would
be. I do what in a play, didn't you? Uh No?
Just regular Nazi uniform? Okay? Oh okay, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I played Sergeant Schultz in Stag seventeen. Anyway, great review. Rock
Fox, the introgester of Ject Goldman. You just got sauce there,