WEBVTT

1
00:00:01.439 --> 00:00:23.280
Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to week
three of the twenty fifteen script. Wow,

2
00:00:42.880 --> 00:00:52.439
that's correct. Week three the final
installment before the final judging. Is

3
00:00:52.479 --> 00:00:58.039
this the penultimate judging, the penultimate
vote? Yes, your last chance to

4
00:00:58.119 --> 00:01:04.640
exercise your democratic freedoms, at least
all as long as you stock kick kid.

5
00:01:07.719 --> 00:01:12.400
I'm Dave Stacco, David Flora.
Oh, dear sweet gentle soft flaxen

6
00:01:12.599 --> 00:01:19.560
haired listener, join me next to
this roaring fire of exploration. Pour yourself

7
00:01:19.599 --> 00:01:26.840
a brandy of the unknown. Have
a seat on this fine bare cushion betwixt

8
00:01:26.159 --> 00:01:32.200
master's Flora and Stacco. They're there, aren't we all more comfy? Now?

9
00:01:33.120 --> 00:01:38.120
Now watch this TV I've had brought
into the room beaming life from the

10
00:01:38.159 --> 00:01:45.959
twenty fifteen contest. See what oddities
we parade before you? This sweet that's

11
00:01:46.079 --> 00:01:53.959
right. This week our senses will
once again be amazed and bewitched by three

12
00:01:53.760 --> 00:02:00.079
elegant young ladies. Masters. Here
at the Miscrypted Institute, we value the

13
00:02:00.239 --> 00:02:08.199
intangiles, pulleys, grace, nascent
psychic abilities. Perhaps the breity need to

14
00:02:08.240 --> 00:02:15.639
turn into an amorphous mist Flora.
What do you look for in encrypted bangs?

15
00:02:15.599 --> 00:02:22.680
Yes, bity, pointy fangs,
tell us, Master Flora of tonight's

16
00:02:22.759 --> 00:02:25.879
elegant Ladies, Shall we find a
fang in the group? We shall,

17
00:02:27.080 --> 00:02:34.520
and we might find many for tonight
for your horrible viewing pleasure. We have

18
00:02:34.759 --> 00:02:40.960
your imaginary viewing pleasure from darkest Africa. It's just African now, from Africa,

19
00:02:43.159 --> 00:02:50.120
the adse from darkest West Virginia.
Yes, that's totally accurate. The

20
00:02:50.280 --> 00:02:55.639
sheep squatch, sheep a squatch and
from darkest Netherlands for like six months of

21
00:02:55.639 --> 00:03:02.039
the year. Then, oh,
that's right, And we also have the

22
00:03:02.080 --> 00:03:07.599
winner of week two to announce.
That's right. Your votes have counted,

23
00:03:07.840 --> 00:03:12.319
and they counted quite directly in one
direction, but not the band. Never

24
00:03:12.360 --> 00:03:15.520
the band. So let's let's roll
this out. Let's get to it,

25
00:03:15.240 --> 00:03:21.240
Lauren. Week three bring out the
first elegant lady. How about we take

26
00:03:21.280 --> 00:03:27.879
a look at the Odds, a
creature from the folklore of the Away people

27
00:03:28.000 --> 00:03:34.599
of southern Togo, Ghana and benin
Africa. The Odds is considered a type

28
00:03:34.599 --> 00:03:40.520
of vampire. They usually usually there
they are thanks that usually assumes one of

29
00:03:40.560 --> 00:03:46.439
two forms. In human form,
the Odds appears as a hunched back person

30
00:03:46.879 --> 00:03:52.719
with large talons, great strength,
and jet black skin. Well, that's

31
00:03:52.800 --> 00:03:55.599
ridiculous. Something that has all of
those attributes could a never make it through

32
00:03:55.599 --> 00:04:01.000
the air and would be thwarted by
any walls or any barriers. It's able

33
00:04:01.039 --> 00:04:08.520
to shape shift into its other form, a small insect, sometimes a firefly,

34
00:04:08.800 --> 00:04:12.919
usually a firefly, which it loves
to do since it can crawl in

35
00:04:13.000 --> 00:04:16.800
through keyholes and cracks, and actually, in one of the accounts that I

36
00:04:16.839 --> 00:04:20.600
read, it doesn't even need to
go that far, as the firefly can

37
00:04:20.639 --> 00:04:30.519
just right through stuff. Well will. In this form, it's very agile,

38
00:04:30.720 --> 00:04:36.399
being near impossible to kill. Some
sources will cite it as being indestructible.

39
00:04:36.839 --> 00:04:42.920
Wow. Will adds as drink blood
in both forms, and they prefer

40
00:04:43.160 --> 00:04:47.800
the blood of children. Who doesn't
it honestly acually infants. If you've been

41
00:04:47.839 --> 00:04:51.360
out, like on a holiday weekend, playing beach volleyball in the in the

42
00:04:51.360 --> 00:04:55.279
hot summer sand, what are you
going to pull up for? What you

43
00:04:55.279 --> 00:04:58.199
want to do? You want to
like a child's blood or some old guy's

44
00:04:58.279 --> 00:05:01.199
blood. Not me. I'll always
take a tall, cool child's blood.

45
00:05:01.199 --> 00:05:05.959
Please. Nothing quenches like the third, like the blood of the innocent.

46
00:05:08.199 --> 00:05:15.240
When that baby cart comes rolling around
with the ching, ching ching, I

47
00:05:15.399 --> 00:05:24.639
come around one of them SpongeBob babies, bubble gum out. You hoisted me

48
00:05:24.680 --> 00:05:28.600
by my own petard. I deserve
that. While in insect form, it's

49
00:05:28.600 --> 00:05:32.560
said they will drink blood from a
sleeping person, either through the thumb or

50
00:05:32.600 --> 00:05:39.279
the lips. In human form,
the odds will drink blood, however,

51
00:05:39.319 --> 00:05:43.639
at once, and also eat the
heart and liver of the victim. And

52
00:05:43.680 --> 00:05:46.680
if you think that that's the extent
of the trouble they can cause, you'd

53
00:05:46.720 --> 00:05:49.920
be wrong. You should just listen. You should just learn before you talk,

54
00:05:50.040 --> 00:05:55.480
think before you speak, because not
only can it will it eat your

55
00:05:55.759 --> 00:05:59.920
your internal organs, not only will
it do some some creepy night thumb suck,

56
00:06:00.199 --> 00:06:05.199
but it can also possess you.
You can become the tool of the

57
00:06:05.240 --> 00:06:11.439
odds. A But the good news
is this, there are ways for your

58
00:06:11.600 --> 00:06:15.360
your family and loved ones to know
that you've been possessed. The bad news

59
00:06:15.480 --> 00:06:20.319
is is the telltale markers are almost
universally just signs of being an old fashioned

60
00:06:20.439 --> 00:06:29.720
at all. For example, you
could be suspected of being possessed for a

61
00:06:29.800 --> 00:06:32.800
number of reasons. Um say you're
a woman and you have a brother,

62
00:06:33.079 --> 00:06:39.720
Okay, now that's it. That's
good enough. And you can you can

63
00:06:39.800 --> 00:06:42.920
you can double, you can double
indemnify yourself. It can get worse,

64
00:06:43.480 --> 00:06:48.639
especially if that brother's children are doing
better than yours. Oh okay, yep,

65
00:06:48.759 --> 00:06:54.319
yep, that's one. I see
another another telltale sign another another.

66
00:06:54.920 --> 00:07:00.279
How you know if someone's been possessed
toenails? If you have toenails old people,

67
00:07:00.480 --> 00:07:04.839
that's it. Who lives that long? I must be a sorcerer?

68
00:07:04.959 --> 00:07:11.800
Right, um? Yeah? The
old people are always suspect of being possessed,

69
00:07:12.839 --> 00:07:18.439
especially if young people start to die
and the old people keep on living.

70
00:07:18.600 --> 00:07:26.879
Yeah, okay, how about the
poor? You should also look askance

71
00:07:26.959 --> 00:07:30.600
at the poor and as like as
with the other two examples, there's a

72
00:07:30.639 --> 00:07:34.920
way to make it make yourself even
more likely to be possessed if you're poor

73
00:07:35.839 --> 00:07:43.519
and you commit the sin of envying
the rich. These rules brought to you

74
00:07:43.639 --> 00:07:49.800
by yeah, the man a status
quo, the king of your people's Yeah

75
00:07:51.519 --> 00:07:57.879
yeah yeah, keeping everything stable,
let the sleeping dog lie people. So

76
00:07:58.000 --> 00:08:01.360
yeah, those are some of the
tell tales of odds a possession. Yeah,

77
00:08:01.360 --> 00:08:07.000
it's believed these creatures are are sorcerers
or witches or at least that sorcerers

78
00:08:07.000 --> 00:08:09.759
and witches are are in league with
them. Yep, they can use this

79
00:08:09.839 --> 00:08:16.000
magic to possess victims, either by
will or by by pill or by being

80
00:08:16.000 --> 00:08:20.000
a victim of an ODDS attack.
If you're a victim of it and you

81
00:08:20.040 --> 00:08:24.959
don't straight up die vampire style,
you can become, yeah, under their

82
00:08:24.000 --> 00:08:28.519
possession. Pretty you know that's standard
vampire rules. Sure, that's a thrall.

83
00:08:28.319 --> 00:08:33.519
Possession puts the victim in a zombie
like state, and eventually the person

84
00:08:33.600 --> 00:08:37.799
becomes sick and dies. So doesn't
last for very long. Oh my god,

85
00:08:37.600 --> 00:08:43.080
it's so right. The old and
poor people, they get sick and

86
00:08:43.200 --> 00:08:48.879
die. All that dies, right, they're under possession and sisters. Odds's

87
00:08:48.000 --> 00:08:54.399
can also survive a little while on
palm oil or coconut milk if they can't

88
00:08:54.399 --> 00:08:56.960
find a supply of blood, although
doing that for too long we'll send them

89
00:08:56.960 --> 00:09:01.799
into a ravenous blood frenzy. Well. Also, what they don't tell you

90
00:09:01.879 --> 00:09:05.960
is that coconut milk is a natural
laxative. I learned that that sends me

91
00:09:05.000 --> 00:09:11.840
into a blood print. I learned
that from Tom Hanks. So though difficult,

92
00:09:11.120 --> 00:09:15.519
they can be captured in insect form, but when they are, they

93
00:09:15.559 --> 00:09:18.960
immediately revert back to human form and
attack you. So put them in a

94
00:09:20.039 --> 00:09:26.559
big jar. I mean, what
if you have it like in the net

95
00:09:26.600 --> 00:09:28.360
and it just goes huge and then
the net just like pulls through its skin

96
00:09:28.399 --> 00:09:33.639
and it just pulps itself. That's
that's the whole picture they paint on these

97
00:09:33.919 --> 00:09:37.159
uh descriptions and stuff. It's like
you put it in jar, but then

98
00:09:37.200 --> 00:09:41.639
it grows and busts out of the
jar. Put it in the net,

99
00:09:41.720 --> 00:09:46.799
it'll rip the net. Like yeah, that you you would think that being

100
00:09:48.320 --> 00:09:52.320
growing inside an enclosed space would have
some bad repercussions. My theory is put

101
00:09:52.399 --> 00:09:58.639
some wooden steaks inside the jar might
glue them to the inside somehow. And

102
00:09:58.080 --> 00:10:03.679
so when you they call those crazy
jars if they find you making a steak

103
00:10:03.799 --> 00:10:07.480
line to jar, but you're probably
possessed. Yeah, but I've got I've

104
00:10:07.480 --> 00:10:11.480
got the worst news for you,
Flora. What's that? And I quote

105
00:10:11.480 --> 00:10:18.120
just to get just to stop you
from even spinning your wheels. There is

106
00:10:18.200 --> 00:10:22.600
no defense against the odds. It
really is the man. I mean,

107
00:10:22.840 --> 00:10:24.919
well, yeah, it really is
the man. I don't know, but

108
00:10:24.000 --> 00:10:28.559
let's let's try this crazy jar you
got going it's like a ship in a

109
00:10:28.600 --> 00:10:33.399
bottle, but not at all,
right, just do wooden steaks in there.

110
00:10:33.559 --> 00:10:35.879
That way if it tell the guy
at the story you're making a ship

111
00:10:35.879 --> 00:10:37.960
in a bottle, so he doesn't
call the police, just say I'm making

112
00:10:37.960 --> 00:10:41.279
the struts for it so I can
set it on there. Yeah, put

113
00:10:41.279 --> 00:10:45.879
the keel on on this part and
this will will hold up the mouse to

114
00:10:45.960 --> 00:10:48.200
your birthday. I'm gonna make you
an odds a jar. That'd be great.

115
00:10:48.679 --> 00:10:52.159
We should when when we get the
store set up, we should make

116
00:10:52.159 --> 00:10:56.159
them and so oh yeah, oh
that'd be terrible. Snake oil. So

117
00:10:56.440 --> 00:11:01.960
it's thought the tails of these creatures
were told to warn of the dangers of

118
00:11:01.000 --> 00:11:07.080
malaria and mosquitoes. Yeah, which
I mean, but what is it?

119
00:11:07.120 --> 00:11:11.159
What is that accomplishing? It just
says that they're gonna bite you. You

120
00:11:11.200 --> 00:11:16.320
can't do anything about it, Like
it's just it's just making it actually worse

121
00:11:18.480 --> 00:11:22.120
pretty much is because it's saying,
oh, you can't kill them an insect

122
00:11:22.120 --> 00:11:26.320
form. You can capture them,
but then they'll they'll kill you. Don't

123
00:11:26.320 --> 00:11:30.679
even try, and it's your ass. That's a good point, but getting

124
00:11:30.720 --> 00:11:33.519
possessed by them, getting sick and
dying. That's all goes hand in hand

125
00:11:33.559 --> 00:11:37.519
with malaria. That's where they think
some of that comes from. So yep,

126
00:11:39.200 --> 00:11:45.600
So there you go. That'll be
the odds a for you. Up

127
00:11:45.799 --> 00:11:54.320
next in this thrilling cavalcade of clandestine
cryptids, let us welcome the shape Squatch.

128
00:11:56.000 --> 00:12:00.759
Hey, y'all, my name is
Dalbert Mittens, and I'm here to

129
00:12:00.799 --> 00:12:07.000
introduce the seep squatch. This sheep
squatch in West Virginia. There was a

130
00:12:07.120 --> 00:12:13.360
rash of sightings in the nineties.
Lay a minute where in West Virginia.

131
00:12:13.919 --> 00:12:18.559
Well, a few different places,
but primarily around the Boone County here,

132
00:12:18.679 --> 00:12:24.480
Old County. That's a load of
horses. That's wood snoop territory. You

133
00:12:24.679 --> 00:12:28.639
know that, I knows it ain't
no such state to go, Steve Squatch.

134
00:12:28.840 --> 00:12:33.559
That's the wood snoot, and it
steals your bear. Boone County wood

135
00:12:33.559 --> 00:12:39.519
Snoot. You don't take kindly the
interlopers, neighbors or anybody else. Hikers,

136
00:12:41.080 --> 00:12:46.399
environmentalists, people from the EPA,
and then the damn Food and Game

137
00:12:46.440 --> 00:12:54.279
administration in the park rangers work cruise
from local penitentiary, and then the kids

138
00:12:54.279 --> 00:13:01.240
on field trips hate some wood snoot. I gotta tell you. I don't

139
00:13:01.279 --> 00:13:07.440
take kind of like the Food and
Game Administry anything, the FGA Downtown.

140
00:13:07.639 --> 00:13:11.440
I even wonder if them badges Israel, does that take your bear too?

141
00:13:13.720 --> 00:13:18.080
Some of you who may remember one
of our intros, we did a the

142
00:13:18.200 --> 00:13:24.200
Mari Voyage show, Yeah and uh
it was the case of the wood Snoot,

143
00:13:24.679 --> 00:13:28.000
the Boone County wood Snoots. Sole
Guy's beer as bud Light Sole as

144
00:13:28.039 --> 00:13:35.120
Budweiser Select Select. So yeah,
sorry, I mean to steal time from

145
00:13:35.399 --> 00:13:41.000
sheep Squatch. So in the nineties
there were sightings of a strange, hairy

146
00:13:41.039 --> 00:13:46.600
hominid that has come to be known
as sheepe squatch. Sheep squitch also called

147
00:13:46.679 --> 00:13:50.200
the white thing sheeps, which was
described as a thing what the great white

148
00:13:50.279 --> 00:13:54.399
thing? No, it's not great. It was described as being about the

149
00:13:54.440 --> 00:14:00.720
size of a bear with white wool
like fur. It's front halls were not

150
00:14:00.840 --> 00:14:05.360
unlike a raccoons, and its head
was long and pointed, with a dog

151
00:14:05.440 --> 00:14:09.120
like snout or maybe a bear like
snout, and horns like a young goat.

152
00:14:11.480 --> 00:14:16.120
Some accounts say they were a little
larger like a ram, and many

153
00:14:16.120 --> 00:14:20.240
of those accounts I think are just
artist's description. It's true. It also

154
00:14:20.360 --> 00:14:26.519
apparently had a long, hairless tail
and smelt of sulfur. The tail thing

155
00:14:28.320 --> 00:14:31.000
is funny because in the accounts that
I read it never comes up. Really,

156
00:14:33.879 --> 00:14:37.519
but yeah, because there was.
It was supposed to because it was

157
00:14:37.559 --> 00:14:43.039
like born of hell or some probably
also maybe it just had the sheep gas.

158
00:14:43.440 --> 00:14:48.000
Got a few accounts here from the
from the nineties, although sightings are

159
00:14:48.120 --> 00:14:54.240
documented as far back as nineteen sixty
five in author Ruth Anne Music's book The

160
00:14:54.320 --> 00:14:58.639
Tail Tale Lilac Bush, but a
surge in sightings started in nineteen ninety four

161
00:15:00.080 --> 00:15:03.799
when a former Navy seaman saw it
one day in the forest. He watched

162
00:15:03.840 --> 00:15:07.240
it drink from a creek. I'm
sorry, he watched it drink from a

163
00:15:07.240 --> 00:15:13.080
creek then move on into the surrounding
brush. No, I do have one

164
00:15:13.159 --> 00:15:16.440
question, because I've read that account, okay, and there's some if we're

165
00:15:16.440 --> 00:15:18.600
reading the exact same account, I
don't know. In the one that I

166
00:15:18.639 --> 00:15:22.559
read, I got to ask you
this. I got it, okay,

167
00:15:22.759 --> 00:15:28.240
it says. In nineteen ninety four, a former Navy seaman stated having witnessed

168
00:15:28.279 --> 00:15:33.679
the beast drinking breaking through the forest. After ingesting a mound of mushroom caps,

169
00:15:33.679 --> 00:15:39.240
he found on the forest floor.
Now that sentence leaves it a little

170
00:15:39.279 --> 00:15:43.720
nebulous as to who ate the shrooms. I didn't see that, Yeah,

171
00:15:43.799 --> 00:15:48.279
I didn't see that in the one
I read. So yeah, it doesn't

172
00:15:48.279 --> 00:15:52.039
say who is just hanging out in
the woods eating mushrooms. That's that's a

173
00:15:52.039 --> 00:15:56.759
great point. Yeah. So anyway, let's eat grandma or let's eat grandma.

174
00:15:56.960 --> 00:16:03.559
Rut's right. Yeah, that common
matters. Karma matters people. Later

175
00:16:03.639 --> 00:16:07.840
that year, two kids saw the
thing while they were out playing and said

176
00:16:07.840 --> 00:16:11.879
it stood on its hind legs,
which made it stand over six feet tall.

177
00:16:11.679 --> 00:16:15.000
Apparently the sheep squatch was the startled
one, though, as it took

178
00:16:15.039 --> 00:16:23.360
off through the forest screaming goat sound. A year later, a couple was

179
00:16:23.480 --> 00:16:29.279
driving through I love that sound so
much. A couple was driving through Boone

180
00:16:29.399 --> 00:16:33.879
County and saw a big white creature
in a ditch by the road. Stopping

181
00:16:33.919 --> 00:16:38.759
to get a better look, they
saw what seemed like a bear like wooly

182
00:16:38.919 --> 00:16:44.759
beast, possibly having four eyes.
Was it the man bear pig No,

183
00:16:45.639 --> 00:16:52.000
big man bear pigfoot, yes,
albino big magpa the rarest of big Man

184
00:16:52.039 --> 00:16:56.320
bear pigfoots Suddenly it jumped out of
the ditch and began attacking the car,

185
00:16:56.840 --> 00:17:00.759
causing the people to speed off with
scratches on the car as a through in

186
00:17:00.759 --> 00:17:08.799
the air Hey four Eyes. In
nineteen ninety nine, some campers were out

187
00:17:08.880 --> 00:17:14.400
not far from their house when they
started hearing snorting and scuffling from the darkness

188
00:17:14.480 --> 00:17:19.160
around the campsite. Without warning,
this supposed sheep squatch appeared at the edge

189
00:17:19.200 --> 00:17:23.200
of the firelight and charged them.
They ran back to their house, chased

190
00:17:23.240 --> 00:17:26.519
by the thing, and then it
stopped at the edge of the woods and

191
00:17:26.720 --> 00:17:33.160
let out a terrible scream, screaming
goat sound. But but wait, wait,

192
00:17:33.480 --> 00:17:36.960
don't do it yet, screaming goat
sound, but longer, with a

193
00:17:36.960 --> 00:17:45.079
little bit of sinister behind it.
The campers returned to their site the next

194
00:17:45.119 --> 00:17:48.640
morning to find it all torn up, like someone had tealed it up for

195
00:17:48.759 --> 00:17:52.000
gardening. Well did he? I
mean, it's fine if he's going to

196
00:17:52.079 --> 00:17:57.839
plant it mushrooms. It was like
his weed stash. He's going to grow

197
00:17:57.960 --> 00:18:03.119
forest weed. There have been a
few other sightings here and there, mostly

198
00:18:03.160 --> 00:18:07.039
around the Boone, Canawa, Putnam
and Mason County is in woos Virginia Wood

199
00:18:07.119 --> 00:18:12.359
Snoot Territory. To date, they
only remain anecdotes. However, you know,

200
00:18:12.480 --> 00:18:17.799
next year I'm putting the Boone County
wood Snoot into the miscripted contest.

201
00:18:18.160 --> 00:18:22.319
It's the new hood egg. It
is the Boone County wood Snoot. That's

202
00:18:22.359 --> 00:18:26.960
a that I'm making. That's that's
t shirts, bumper stickers, wood snoot

203
00:18:27.039 --> 00:18:33.400
festival, snoot Days, snoot scooting. Oh my god, it's the race.

204
00:18:33.960 --> 00:18:37.119
Like, yeah, the snoot.
It's like a soapbox derby. That's

205
00:18:37.200 --> 00:18:42.000
right, snoot, don't pollute,
clean up snoop snoot town. Well,

206
00:18:42.559 --> 00:18:48.279
okay, looked good at workshopping.
There's some work to do. The show

207
00:18:48.359 --> 00:18:52.119
Mountain Monsters recently did an episode where
they searched for it. Have you seen

208
00:18:52.200 --> 00:18:55.839
this one? Have you seen any
of it? No? I didn't know.

209
00:18:56.000 --> 00:18:59.160
I haven't, Dave. But the
first time I had seen the show

210
00:18:59.200 --> 00:19:07.079
too, it was nigh unwatchable.
Oh how painfully predictable. I think I

211
00:19:07.119 --> 00:19:12.880
got through maybe twenty minutes of it. If that I'm not surprised. Yeah,

212
00:19:14.240 --> 00:19:18.000
not good. Um. Do you
do you ever feel like they they

213
00:19:18.119 --> 00:19:22.240
might just think of an animal and
combine it with sasquatch and then new it's

214
00:19:22.240 --> 00:19:26.319
a new thing. Yeah, I
mean, how many squatches have we dealt

215
00:19:26.359 --> 00:19:33.319
with. There's the bat squatch,
there's the sasquatch, there's sas squatch,

216
00:19:33.720 --> 00:19:37.640
there's the sheep squatch. I mean, I don't know how many it's a

217
00:19:37.319 --> 00:19:41.680
no, I'm sure there's another squatch
we don't either don't know about yet or

218
00:19:41.720 --> 00:19:45.839
not remembering. It's only got to
have one syllable in the name, though,

219
00:19:47.079 --> 00:19:51.319
So like dog squatch, yeah,
like rabbit squatch, Yeah, that

220
00:19:51.400 --> 00:19:55.559
doesn't work. Goat squitch, goat
squatch. That would work. That would

221
00:19:55.559 --> 00:20:00.599
work. Snake squitch maybe that'd be
terrifying. Oh, I know what you

222
00:20:00.640 --> 00:20:04.039
want to see, spider squitch.
Well, it doesn't work. It doesn't

223
00:20:04.039 --> 00:20:08.359
work. They were squitch. Send
us in any squatches in your neighborhood that

224
00:20:08.359 --> 00:20:12.000
if we don't in any hyphenated cow
squatch. Oh, I'd love cow squatsch.

225
00:20:12.119 --> 00:20:15.559
But there's a cow squitch out there. Or would it be a bull

226
00:20:15.599 --> 00:20:27.200
squatch? Next episode bull squat tonight, I'm bull squatch all right? Okay,

227
00:20:29.839 --> 00:20:37.000
And for our last lovely Lady of
the Evening, literally literally, we

228
00:20:37.160 --> 00:20:42.240
go to the lovely and socially progressive
Scandinavia, where it seems they're just they

229
00:20:42.279 --> 00:20:45.720
just do everything better all the time. But since we're not willing to learn

230
00:20:45.720 --> 00:20:51.480
the language, we're never gonna go. I honestly think that it's the language

231
00:20:51.480 --> 00:20:56.279
that keeps that place that great.
It's a really high barrier to people just

232
00:20:56.400 --> 00:20:57.960
wanting to go there for no reason. If they spoke English, we would

233
00:20:57.960 --> 00:21:02.599
have ruined that place by now.
You're probably right. They got that a

234
00:21:02.759 --> 00:21:04.559
with a little circle at the top. That scares twenty percent of the people

235
00:21:04.559 --> 00:21:08.920
away, just that alone. Four
k's in a row. Liberal use of

236
00:21:10.000 --> 00:21:15.839
oolts, yeah, yeah, and
all the fish you can eat. Yeah,

237
00:21:15.039 --> 00:21:22.480
fermented, it's fermented in the bottle, in the barrel. Yeah,

238
00:21:22.519 --> 00:21:26.519
they bury reindeer, they bury shark, They ferment shark. They just bury

239
00:21:26.559 --> 00:21:32.599
it in the ground and then come
back for it. Whoops, that's right,

240
00:21:33.160 --> 00:21:37.319
we're talking about the vet off even
yes, which which kind of I

241
00:21:37.759 --> 00:21:42.799
like this. I like this already
because even though we don't speak swin Nordic

242
00:21:45.119 --> 00:21:48.799
Sweden Bonavian um, you can you
can parse this one out. It actually

243
00:21:49.599 --> 00:21:55.079
um. The roots of the word
means wise women. Yeah, according to

244
00:21:55.079 --> 00:21:59.079
who you ask, Well, you
know, there's there's there's some some some

245
00:21:59.319 --> 00:22:03.519
small dv Asian there. This is
a creature of Dutch, Belgian and French

246
00:22:03.680 --> 00:22:07.039
mythology. Okay, then why on
earth did you let me go through all

247
00:22:07.039 --> 00:22:11.799
that Scandinavian stuff. I could have
sworn it was from Scandinavia. Doesn't the

248
00:22:11.839 --> 00:22:17.039
Netherlands Countess Scandinavia. Well, I
don't know, but it doesn't count enough

249
00:22:17.039 --> 00:22:22.079
as much as I was selling think
the far, frosty northern regions of it.

250
00:22:22.200 --> 00:22:25.880
So well, two things I don't
know. I don't know anything about

251
00:22:25.960 --> 00:22:29.039
the ideology of what they're called or
where they're from. So Flora, you

252
00:22:29.119 --> 00:22:32.759
might want to take the reins from
this point forward and I'll just try to

253
00:22:33.160 --> 00:22:36.079
catch them. I thought I knew, and I didn't. I'm just making

254
00:22:36.119 --> 00:22:44.200
it up. Two fangs tiny bears
with ties on, and the Dutch the

255
00:22:44.359 --> 00:22:48.920
vtavivan are spirits or fairies that live
near mounds, by lakes or swamps.

256
00:22:49.400 --> 00:22:56.440
They are described as women dressed in
white with long hair appearing in wispy mist

257
00:22:56.559 --> 00:23:00.960
like form. There is some confusion
that stems from the translation of their name

258
00:23:00.359 --> 00:23:04.640
and leads to two different views on
them. I think I've made my position

259
00:23:04.640 --> 00:23:11.759
clear. You have. Vita is
commonly translated as white in Dutch, and

260
00:23:11.000 --> 00:23:18.599
vivan means women taken in this coma
White women by Aama lamb. What's boarding

261
00:23:18.640 --> 00:23:22.359
school? Bayamma lamb. Because my
mom's no fool Byama lamb, her dad's

262
00:23:22.799 --> 00:23:29.559
optimal just blah blam. And a
mom's a hell of a homemaker Byama.

263
00:23:30.119 --> 00:23:37.920
White women Byama lam Ooh, white
women, I can't tell if that's offensive

264
00:23:38.039 --> 00:23:45.200
or not. Well, probably is
then air air on the offensive. Taken

265
00:23:45.200 --> 00:23:52.000
in this context, the white women
are spooky specters that delight in leading travelers

266
00:23:52.039 --> 00:23:56.200
astray at night, particularly to their
deaths in the swamp. Oh they got

267
00:23:56.240 --> 00:24:00.480
a little like will of the whiff's
action going there. They can also be

268
00:24:00.599 --> 00:24:06.119
vengeful if slided or if a promise
to them is broken, so like,

269
00:24:06.200 --> 00:24:11.160
if you promise to get a limo
for their homecoming, you better make sure

270
00:24:11.160 --> 00:24:21.279
that they will haunt you. Oh
what women lamb? WHOA got a nice

271
00:24:21.359 --> 00:24:26.599
cat? By malam, Gonna take
them to the potter via malam, I

272
00:24:26.839 --> 00:24:41.039
wanna go to the death by malam. Lululemon Yoga pants women says here the

273
00:24:41.119 --> 00:24:48.680
only way to protect yourself is by
carrying a small container of pumpkin spice latte

274
00:24:48.880 --> 00:24:56.119
yep and wearing uggs. Have to
offer them the uggs um Jesus. However,

275
00:24:56.240 --> 00:25:02.839
in Low Saxon dialects, witta could
be derived from vetan, which means

276
00:25:02.960 --> 00:25:07.160
to know, shortened to vit or
vitty. In that case though vit have

277
00:25:07.279 --> 00:25:15.519
even our wise women old you who
help lost travelers and are given offerings,

278
00:25:15.079 --> 00:25:22.079
And this can come from the old
pre Christian Northern European tradition of the volva.

279
00:25:25.480 --> 00:25:30.559
I'm listening wise women of the highest
social classes with knowledge of herbalism,

280
00:25:30.599 --> 00:25:36.839
politics, meteorology, and even prophecy, when they've all totally ready pray love.

281
00:25:37.119 --> 00:25:41.240
When they died, it was thought
their spirits remained on earth, residing

282
00:25:41.240 --> 00:25:45.599
in burial sites, mounds or Dolman's
arg stones. We've talked about those,

283
00:25:47.519 --> 00:25:52.599
and people would often take offerings to
them for help and advice. This practice

284
00:25:52.599 --> 00:26:00.079
could have come from Old Germanic pagan
beliefs of honoring alten which are elves and

285
00:26:00.720 --> 00:26:08.359
decent, which were spirits associated with
fate. And all of this is Scandinavian

286
00:26:08.400 --> 00:26:12.240
mythology. All it all ties together, all up in there, so okay,

287
00:26:12.240 --> 00:26:15.440
so maybe you don't. You don't
have to feel too bad, just

288
00:26:15.599 --> 00:26:19.039
a little bad, as bad as
I feel. I think also we should

289
00:26:19.079 --> 00:26:23.359
feel bad because we're sexist and stupid. Don't forget that's a good reason to

290
00:26:23.359 --> 00:26:26.559
feel bad. But we'll do anything
to make the jokes we want. And

291
00:26:26.720 --> 00:26:30.400
I don't care what person it makes
me. If I want to sing a

292
00:26:30.440 --> 00:26:34.880
song about white women, I'm gonna
do it. I don't care who I

293
00:26:36.039 --> 00:26:40.559
hurt. As Christianity took hold in
the region, Dave, same old song

294
00:26:40.599 --> 00:26:44.960
and dance, the wise women were
slowly subverted, and the thought of spirits

295
00:26:45.200 --> 00:26:49.079
of wise women gradually came to mean
witches and evil things to be avoided.

296
00:26:51.200 --> 00:27:17.519
Sigh. Why single tier became so
much more fun and so much less informative.

297
00:27:18.240 --> 00:27:22.680
The sad thing is neither of us
are dreaming. I know, Yeah,

298
00:27:22.000 --> 00:27:25.799
I just ran four miles. Yeah, I went on a twelve mile

299
00:27:25.880 --> 00:27:27.480
bike ride just just before I got
here. Maybe we're just high on on

300
00:27:27.599 --> 00:27:34.680
doorphins. That must be it.
We're just exercised, y'all. Don't need

301
00:27:34.759 --> 00:27:40.319
to be drinking. You shut up, we do so Yeah, let me

302
00:27:40.359 --> 00:27:44.160
think of that. I like it. I like that. It's got the

303
00:27:44.440 --> 00:27:48.559
two different things. And you know
what's what's crazy about it is some of

304
00:27:48.599 --> 00:27:53.759
that's true because apparently a lot of
the area in that region does get very

305
00:27:53.799 --> 00:27:59.519
foggy and misty, and when there's
swamps and stuff and you get off track

306
00:28:00.160 --> 00:28:03.079
at all, it gets dangerous.
Yep. So there's there's a little kernel

307
00:28:03.119 --> 00:28:07.160
a truth to that. Yeah,
maybe that's that's like the the apocryphal warning

308
00:28:07.640 --> 00:28:11.759
could be yea to avoid the mists
and watch out, watch out for him.

309
00:28:11.839 --> 00:28:18.640
So there you go. Yes,
three elegant contestants. Oh and now

310
00:28:18.319 --> 00:28:26.200
we reveal the winner from week two. But first delaying puns. I'm glad

311
00:28:26.200 --> 00:28:29.759
we finally called it for what I
was and I feel I feel clean for

312
00:28:29.759 --> 00:28:32.799
the first time in a long time. Just kidding out. Feel clean,

313
00:28:32.920 --> 00:28:38.279
not me, never clean. Flora. Yes, you got some puns.

314
00:28:38.400 --> 00:28:44.640
I got two. Okay, it's
a good number. Sometimes whilst drinking you

315
00:28:44.720 --> 00:28:49.400
start seeing strange creatures. Dave could
be big, wooly nasty beasts you see.

316
00:28:49.759 --> 00:28:53.319
Huh. It's not normal if you
had good alcohol, but it's pretty

317
00:28:53.319 --> 00:29:00.519
common when you encounter cheap scotch.
Oh nice, it's the worst scotch.

318
00:29:00.160 --> 00:29:04.519
You know. There's one other homedide
that we forgot to list when we were

319
00:29:04.559 --> 00:29:08.039
trying to list off other alternative homaids, And this is one that, as

320
00:29:08.039 --> 00:29:12.839
far as I know, has been
sighted all over the globe, usually noticed.

321
00:29:14.319 --> 00:29:18.160
Its telltale markings are a lack of
general body hair, but always a

322
00:29:18.359 --> 00:29:23.279
very thin line of hair just above
the lip, just under the nose,

323
00:29:23.359 --> 00:29:32.119
just a very thin line of hair, usually seen hanging around women's locker rooms,

324
00:29:32.160 --> 00:29:36.160
sometimes in the adult section of a
video store, and just watching over

325
00:29:36.200 --> 00:29:41.119
the top looking, and almost always
in an airport. That's the creep squatch.

326
00:29:45.400 --> 00:29:49.640
Nobody's taking pictures of him. Yeah, nobody wants to take creep squatches,

327
00:29:49.680 --> 00:29:55.519
taking pictures a year, usually found
in Soilvid, Russia. Yeah,

328
00:29:56.240 --> 00:30:03.039
all right, Dave. In the
Scottish move sometimes you'll you'll come across some

329
00:30:03.599 --> 00:30:10.400
white mist or fog that rolls up
around you. That's foul smelling though and

330
00:30:10.599 --> 00:30:17.279
calls unstant nausea. Some people think, if you encounter this creepy white mist,

331
00:30:18.240 --> 00:30:23.279
you'll be doing a better haven.
I get you. I like that,

332
00:30:23.680 --> 00:30:27.599
all right. You know we uh, we've got a little bit of

333
00:30:27.640 --> 00:30:33.160
an ad we need to add to
this episode and add to add Yeah,

334
00:30:33.279 --> 00:30:36.480
yeah, well we got we got
uh uh, they bought some of our

335
00:30:36.519 --> 00:30:42.200
airtime. It's a it's a Belgian
sitcom. It's about three ladies who live

336
00:30:42.200 --> 00:30:48.039
in a swamp and uh really,
you know, it's just it's tough being

337
00:30:48.079 --> 00:30:52.400
a lady in the swamp trying to
lure people to their deaths. But they're

338
00:30:52.440 --> 00:30:57.440
all very well educated. Um and
I, although I don't understand the title

339
00:30:57.480 --> 00:31:02.880
in Belgian, Um, if it's
subtitled into English and it's called Winny Women,

340
00:31:03.359 --> 00:31:07.200
that's the I'm gonna go ahead and
say that's the worst pun I've ever

341
00:31:07.200 --> 00:31:11.480
done. I think that's the worst
one I've ever done. And what I'm

342
00:31:11.519 --> 00:31:15.039
what's gonna be even more painful is
getting listener mail that goes, no,

343
00:31:15.039 --> 00:31:22.079
no, here's one that you did
that was worse. I mean, I

344
00:31:22.079 --> 00:31:25.960
don't know silver lining, it took
you this this long ticket there and maybe

345
00:31:26.079 --> 00:31:33.599
yeah, I guess it's a good
run. I just hit rock bottom.

346
00:31:33.680 --> 00:31:37.400
Yeah see, I burned. I
gave a lot of gold to this podcast

347
00:31:37.480 --> 00:31:48.119
already. Well, them's puns and
Okay, so last week we had Zanna

348
00:31:48.359 --> 00:31:56.880
the Northern Georgian beast Woman. Yep, we had Wisconsin hoo d old fashioned

349
00:31:56.880 --> 00:32:10.359
hoo dag and we had the beast
say as as told by a drunk occasion

350
00:32:10.400 --> 00:32:15.799
man. So boy, I got
a pick. Now, who I think?

351
00:32:16.000 --> 00:32:20.960
Who I think wins? And that's
really tough because the Hodag is just

352
00:32:21.000 --> 00:32:23.759
full of America and pissing vinegar.
Zanna is just kind of a cool,

353
00:32:23.799 --> 00:32:29.440
weird story, kind of sad.
Yeah, and the Beast of Javaudinal was

354
00:32:29.519 --> 00:32:31.759
like, as far as we know, pretty real. Yeah, and a

355
00:32:31.839 --> 00:32:37.480
murder machine. A murder machine,
I gotta tell you. The only the

356
00:32:37.519 --> 00:32:40.839
only tip Floor has given me is
that this week was not close that the

357
00:32:40.839 --> 00:32:45.240
the the the voting has been pretty
clear. It was not as close as

358
00:32:45.240 --> 00:32:51.119
week one. Yeah. Shoot,
I don't think it was the Hodag.

359
00:32:51.720 --> 00:32:53.960
I don't think it was the Hodag. He wasna. I think that it

360
00:32:54.000 --> 00:32:59.160
was Zanna. That's what I think. Okay, which is tough because that's

361
00:32:59.200 --> 00:33:01.200
a tough call between them, but
apparently no one else felt that way about

362
00:33:01.240 --> 00:33:08.200
it. The winner of Week two
of the twenty fifteen Miss crypt Contest is

363
00:33:12.640 --> 00:33:22.200
the Beast of Javud. That's awesome. Congratulations Beast, you get to go

364
00:33:22.240 --> 00:33:27.519
to the Fete Bet party in Frances, and congratulations to all who voted because

365
00:33:27.559 --> 00:33:35.359
that enters you once again into the
twenty fifteen Miss Cryptic Contest prize package package

366
00:33:35.359 --> 00:33:40.400
with a Golden Goat mayor so Golden
So goat man. So we've got two

367
00:33:40.440 --> 00:33:45.119
of the three pieces of the triforce. Dave. Yep, we have the

368
00:33:45.240 --> 00:33:52.400
Jakalope from week two be and from
week three? Who will it be?

369
00:33:52.440 --> 00:33:58.079
Will it be the Odds, will
it be the sheep Squatch or will it

370
00:33:58.160 --> 00:34:02.559
be the vet of even Bamble lamb. Well, only you can tell us.

371
00:34:02.640 --> 00:34:07.799
You're in charge from here on out. You can vote once more into

372
00:34:07.799 --> 00:34:13.119
the breach, dear friends, and
we will announce this on I guess next

373
00:34:13.119 --> 00:34:15.039
week's episode. We have to announce
it. Yeah, we'll put it on

374
00:34:15.199 --> 00:34:19.679
on the next episodes that we can
kind of tighten up the voting schedule.

375
00:34:19.800 --> 00:34:22.880
Yeah, so we might. We
might get a few days knocked off of

376
00:34:23.320 --> 00:34:27.840
how long you have to vote.
So vote as soon as you get the

377
00:34:27.920 --> 00:34:32.320
chance for this week, and then
once week three is determined, we will

378
00:34:32.360 --> 00:34:37.840
open up the polls to determine who
is the winner of the twenty fifteen miss

379
00:34:37.840 --> 00:34:40.719
Scripted Contest, and you will have
one week from there and we will announce

380
00:34:40.719 --> 00:34:44.960
it on that next episode. We'll
have a winner. And man, the

381
00:34:45.000 --> 00:34:47.840
prize pack is awesome this year.
We have our together so much better than

382
00:34:47.840 --> 00:34:51.800
we have in the past. It's
gonna be a lot of the same stuff,

383
00:34:51.840 --> 00:34:55.320
but with a magnet hit thrown in
here and there. Two magnet,

384
00:34:55.360 --> 00:35:00.639
two magnets and a shicker. A
T shirt, yeah, a real T

385
00:35:00.800 --> 00:35:05.000
shirt. We we've we've got stuff
cooking, good kid, So you know

386
00:35:05.079 --> 00:35:07.840
the drill. You can get the
Facebook and the Twitter and the YouTube's and

387
00:35:07.960 --> 00:35:10.599
the itubes. So yeah, please
give us a five star review. Write

388
00:35:10.639 --> 00:35:15.079
us up something nice on the iTunes, follow us on Twitter, friend us

389
00:35:15.079 --> 00:35:20.280
on Facebook, Like us on Facebook. What's the difference there? I don't

390
00:35:20.480 --> 00:35:22.039
just like us, right, I
think you can be our friend because it's

391
00:35:22.079 --> 00:35:25.960
not set up for them. We
are a podcast. Yeah, so that's

392
00:35:25.960 --> 00:35:30.480
what you can do. Yeah,
and uh, and don't forget check out

393
00:35:30.480 --> 00:35:36.280
the Chicago Podcast Cooperative some really great
other podcast if you know, when you're

394
00:35:36.280 --> 00:35:39.280
done and not before. I can't
stress this enough. When you're done listening,

395
00:35:39.320 --> 00:35:44.079
thus check it out. They've They've
got so many great podcasts over there

396
00:35:44.679 --> 00:35:46.920
and so many great people that it's
always worth checking out something that someone is

397
00:35:46.960 --> 00:35:52.159
doing. I've been listening to a
couple of Hello from the Magic Tavern.

398
00:35:52.880 --> 00:35:55.880
That one's really fun um improvised Star
Trek. I'm a giant Star Trek fan.

399
00:35:55.960 --> 00:36:00.519
And I think it's hilarious. The
Tales of the Federation Starships Sisophis,

400
00:36:00.079 --> 00:36:05.760
which I've been enjoying, all improvised, all improvised. Also Alcoholywood, which

401
00:36:06.079 --> 00:36:09.679
is a really fun podcast. And
you know, in the near future maybe

402
00:36:09.719 --> 00:36:14.079
a couple of days named David might
show up allday. I don't know.

403
00:36:14.559 --> 00:36:16.599
I know it's too soon to tell. It's not too soon to tell,

404
00:36:16.639 --> 00:36:22.440
it'll happen. Oh so yeah,
check out some of those, check out

405
00:36:22.480 --> 00:36:25.400
some of our podcast friends, because
I gotta be honest, we're just bathing

406
00:36:25.599 --> 00:36:31.119
in the riches that that is the
best listeners in the entire podcast realms.

407
00:36:31.360 --> 00:36:35.760
And I don't know, it's I
feel I feel greedy if I if I

408
00:36:35.840 --> 00:36:38.920
don't share you, but I don't
want to share you. You're mine.

409
00:36:39.119 --> 00:36:47.440
We're Jealous Lovers, David David Jealous
Lovers podcast bumper sticker. There you go.

410
00:36:49.239 --> 00:36:52.679
Hope you had fun. Yes,
enjoyed this miscrypted contest this year.

411
00:36:52.119 --> 00:37:00.280
We'll see you in a few days
for the next episode. Who did