She fucking hates Natalia right. Also, I said this to you both earlier.
They're both acting like they were raped by each other, and it is
insane for Kyle to start to run, to trot away into the bathroom and
say hearing her voice is triggering to me, and I won't be here anymore
if she's here after you. You Kyle said that she would nava control you
repeatedly. Is it's like beyond I would. I would completely understand if Dakota
Fanning's character was saying that about the men that captured her fire yep. But
Kyle and Natalia, they're just fighting about him. Bullshit. Welcome a board
another brands making new episode of another Below Deck podcast. My name is Dylan.
I'm settled up next to one Patrick h in studio tonight. It's the
holiday season, and you know what that means. Our little house Elf is
here, My baby sister Papia, dog girl Ruby Ren is joining us.
Say a hi, Hi, so Rubes, we haven't had you on the
show since Luke tried to sexually assault Margo, So it's cool that you're here
tonight because it's not as intense, no no, no, not as intense,
but it's certainly intense, Yes, very intense episode. You know.
I was listening to Sizzo on the way to pick Papaya Dog Girl up,
and she has a song called love Language, and what took place tonight was
the opposite of that. I it's like hate language. Everything that was said
tonight is the exact opposite of love language. I mean poison, insidious,
deceitful. I mean, we are in a Richard the third kind of sea
rat tragedy here, And I'm gonna keep rambling if you don't mind for a
little bit. I say tragedy, but I don't mean it, because there
is literally nothing tragic about the fake relationship of Kyle and Natalia ending. So
their brother insist. Wow, I'm getting ahead of myself. We have some
public service announcements to get out of the way first, do we not?
Oh? Yes we do? Okay, so lots of exciting news. Ruby.
How long you in town for? I love having you in studio a
week? Okay, we'll good shy Did you say that like that? Because
I couldn't remember? Okay, okay, Well can you just get right up
in that mic? Ok sare okay? So at patreon dot com, Slash
another podcast network, we have season two of Blow Deck Med. We just
started doing that. Yeah, it's really fun. I've already spoken with some
members of the cast on that season. Yah. Yeah, they're gonna come
back on to reflect their memories of filming being Sea Rats on season two.
With Sandy's first season, that's gonna be a whole lot of fun. For
five bucks, you get one of those episodes a week, plus another podcast
show where Dilly and I just gab and goof about whatever's top of mind.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then also on bad TV, we're wrapping
up our coverage of Golden Batchler. Get on over there. It's the water
cooler show of the year. Everybody is talking about Gary. Everybody's talking about
Gary, everybody's talking about the Marvels, and everybody's talking about Gary. You
know, we just had the sulkne great episode, hilarious episode. Go over
there and listen to it. And then also we'll be breaking down Winterhouse there,
but that will be on this feed as well. It's very you know,
it's all it's all podcasts and it's all good. That's right, So
great job, thank you, yeah, great, great. Let's get into
the episode. We begin every episode with thoughts and pots and I want to
go first. This is a big one to lay out. Please go first.
Okay, this is We're about halfway through the season. I think I
heard Lucas say in the episode that they got four more charters to go in.
He was saying that as he was attempting to convince Max to stick around.
What I've really come to realize is, because you can point your fingers
at any one of these c RAT crew members, you could say it's it's
Kyle's fault. You could say it's Natalia's fault, you could say it's Toomey's
fault. But in reality, and you guys can give your thoughts, but
in my opinion, it's all of their fault. There's not a single emotionally
mature individual on this boat, and they're all disappointing because they're all super super
high school and to me, being in a management position, I hate to
put this on her. She needs to be a little bit better because Kyle's
going to do what Kyle's going to do in Italian's going to do it,
in Ittali's going to do Now. In the final minute of this episode,
it was wonderful. I got goosebumps as Sandy her now new no nonsense demeanor.
Oh high, Captain Sandy, sit down, it's not a good day
for me. Shut up. Okay, you're a loser and you're mean and
you're a bully, and I have eyes and dear, that's right. And
but prior to that conversation with Kyle, she spoke with Toomey about Toomey being
a leader, whether being on the boat or off the boat, and that
she needed to step up with kind of all the gossipy stuff. Toomey nods
like she completely understands, then proceeds to go down to a part of the
boat and tell Anne Slash Jessica what Sandy had talked about with Kyle. She
was basically trading in gossip once. Not a good move to me. I
know you probably feel like I'm giving you ship here, but you are a
supervisor, and I know this is kind of you are doing that. I
am giving this to you because I think you're going to give it to Natalia
and Kyle, So I just want to spread it around a little bit.
If you want to gossip, call your mother, yeah, okay, not
your coworkers or your subordinates. Because you're kind of keeping this cycle of backstabbing
going. Do you understand how lore baby? That being said, I enjoyed
the episode because I feel like we're getting we're reaching some kind of end here,
and I think that end is getting rid of Kyle. Yeah, and
Italia's already gone, So we may have a boring show after this, but
who cares. I love a good firing Kyle. You deserve it more than
anybody else. Yeah, ninety knots. You know it equate it to being
like addicted to you know, some kind of like methamphetamine, like hardcore fucking
narcotic or something like that, because you know, the times are fun,
but eventually, you know the next day is a kicker. Well, you
need to cool down and you need to start paying taxes, and it's not
as exciting as you know, tossing into strangers you meet on street corners and
stuff and doing hardcore fucking narcotics. But this show needs a little picket fence,
is right. We need like we need calmer waters. Okay, And
I'm honestly obviously not trying to say that the picket fence era of America,
the Rockwell era, was one of I'm not getting drunk it three in the
afternoon and punching their wife. That wasn't pretty hell yeah, yeah, helly
Ruby thoughts and pots. I thought that this episode was and draper so good.
Yeah, I thought that where have you been for three days? Shut
the fuck up? I've told you not to talk. Yeah, sorry,
I was daddy. Oh he moved to Florida with his secretary. Eat the
Jella Mommy, why are you sad? All the time I thought this episode
was fantastic. I love Lada, I hate almost everybody else. Haley Hallie
whatever he name is. I don't know. She's weird though she's so weird,
but she was Patrick. There were so many moments tonight where I just
kept saying, oh, I love you so much. I think the people
I liked tonight they shined their bright, little, bright little lights. The
people I hated were easy to hate. They were black holes. Yeah,
I can't wait to talk about it. Speaking speaking of light, I believe
Haley said it that beach party, something along lines of the uh, the
son's always over her, but no one's son is ever in her yep,
followed by a casual you know what I mean? That was an odd way
of saying that she's not getting enough dick but also not enough lifelong commitment and
family started right into that. Huh. Later on the episode, she admitted
that she used to date an anteater buddy left her for an ardvark. She's
a wacky one and that's why she hates them. Aren't those things the same
thing? Though? Well? Not tell him? So what do I think
about this episode? Here's what I think about this episode? Who was it?
A system of a down that's sitting? Toxicity? That's a record?
Oh but the song, yeah, I think it's a song too. Well?
Oh man? Was this toxicity? And my goodness, it is such
a marvel to see Natalia and Kyle be mirror images of one another. It's
kind of like if a really gossipy ram got a look of him or herself
in a funhouse mirror and just started getting really emotional and upset and trying to
ram the mirror image. That's what Kyle and Italia have been doing all fucking
season, and it really came to ahead tonight. What an episode, Captain
Sandy, Emperor Palpatine. You have blossomed into such a executioner, and I
love it. I love that you're just eating doritos. Keep it to yourself.
You're just sliding on the teak and having a fun time. You're not
trying to get people on banana boats and tasting food. This is what we
need you to do. We need you to drop the guillotine soon on Kyle.
But yes, like you mentioned, we're purging and it feels fantastic.
Four pots. So let's get into it. Pat where we leave off,
Well, would you have known a Frenchman's desire to join the LBGTQ dash ass
community? What if sparked such an ugly fight between an Italian and Kyle?
But that's what it does. You wll never may we'll later find out that
it was just a communication error there, just the languages, you know,
because he is definitely gonna be an ally. Well anyway, he tells Kyle
tells Natalia to take a back seat, and then he tells a replete repeatedly
she will not control him, and then you w never he's still grandiose when
he's at himself. I'm agents right now, it's a bad Kyle. Well
anyway, well, Jesus, you couldn't understand the words you were saying.
That's right, So what's interesting during this fight, and we can talk about
the fight and break down the game film. But while all this is going
on, Jessica and Luca, they're closing up to one another. Okay,
it's like they're on a goddamn date. And I thought about this. You
know, it's like when those dudes used to go off to war back in
like the forties and whatnot. It's always a shoe repair and they couldn't get
into the military because his ears were too big blood feet. Yes, exactly.
He's going around there and he's bang and everybody's goddamn girlfriend. I would
equate Luca's behavior to a coyote that's feeding on the youth of other animals,
you know, small dogs, and it's it's scorpio. It's scorpio, and
it's scorpio. What are you thinking about right now? Luca will eat anything
because he's a scorpio. Yeah. So there's just this it's very, very
difficult to there's this odd thing where I care about the drama that's going on.
But we've talked about it before. My eyes hurt because they're rolling so
far into the back of my head every time. Kyle and Italia really do
us single anything. But when they're talking about their friendship, that is when
I can see the front of my brain because there is that word does not
apply to these two. It really hasn't ever applied to these two. They've
always been two daggerous just trying to stab at one another. Yeah, in
between having fun drunken nights and cozy sleepovers with me, right other. Well
so, so Tomy finally steps in, and you got to give her a
little credit here. She leads a bit. She goes, all right,
you need to take a breath. You guys absolutely cannot sleep in the same
room. Natalia gets the master and she says, Kyle, you're a horrible
person. What is the point of trying to argue with satan? Right?
And she lets us know that Kyle's not the fun loving, sassy gay that
he pretends to be. Right, and to that, I'd say, no
shit, no shit, no shit. By the way, half the internet
is calling him vile. Oh yeah, yeah, which we have not joined
in that, you know, I don't. No, no, it's insulting
enough. So we get to Kyle's OTF, which is, to no one's
surprise, lacking self awareness. She's backstabbing, she's dishonest, and she always
interjects herself in things that are not her business. I mean, this ram
is just, this mirror is in a million little piece. A million little
fires are burning everywhere because there he's talking about himself. How vile he is.
Yep, he pick up a mirror. Vile. Yeah, the ram
is slipping on all the shards of glass. Yeah, it's getting more med.
It's die hard. And if he didn't have hoofs and had human feet,
there would be blood every Okay, So Jessica shoots Luca down kind of
we'll get to this soul budding romance later. But tomb Raider heads in and
lends his shoulder to Natalia because she's friends with Natalia, and also if she
can hook up with Natalia, that'll make it a Baker's dozen, which she's
never done. She's done a dozen in one night many times before, and
never a Baker's dozen. So go, Laura be the shoulder she needs to
cry on. Unfortunately, you know, she strikes out because Natalia's just being
a total drama queen right now. She's not horny at all. Well,
she's not stressed. Yeah, the stress will take the horniness away totally,
totally. I want to say this. In this moment where she talks with
Laura tomb Raider, she grapples with trying to understand that how ugly that fight
was and the brother's sister relationship. She has. My thought on this is
there is a point where people say things to each other that are so vile
and ugly there's no going back from there. Yeah. Yeah, yeah,
And these guys have had at least a half a dozen of those. Sure,
yeah, so no, I've time to block them on Instagram. I
think, yeah, block each other. Do you remember that time around your
about mitzvah where we said all those horrible things to each other that we did
speak for a decade because we're brother and sister. Yeah, it was hard.
Kyle cat up to the teak and they figure out we should clarify that
didn't happen. Oh, we go. We go up to the teak and
Kyle and Max kind of figure out homophobia, and Max says, I'm a
teletubby. If you want me to be a teletubby, he makes It's not
no sense, because it's more harmful than no sense. When somebody doesn't make
any sense, you can't make any sense. What he does is he speaks
in kind of like psychic weaponry, where when he's done with sentences, your
brain hurts because naturally you make an attempt, but it stings how fucking nonsensical
it is. He's just out of his fucking mind when he's talking. Later
in the episode, my Eiffel Tower is down and that means Dylan his spirits
are off. Kyle is creating an environment for him where he doesn't feel like
he can arrive. And I think that he is an understanding angel of an
ally. And I'm not even being sarcastic. No, I know you're not.
And I think he's a good ally too. Well. Their beef gets
squashed, or does it? Or does it to me? Heads in checks
on Italian checks on Italia and Italia says, with no irony at all,
at least you and I talk to one another. The I will work for
you, but I will not be your friend. The fraudulent stink on both
on really everybody, but it's mainly inn Italia and Kyle. They speak in
pathological fallacy. That that is their language. They they just that that line
is this kind of desperate attempt to try to find some kind of allyship and
someone you hate. It makes it feel like summer camp. It makes me
feel like I'm back at summer camp. You remember the summer camp where I
got bullied all the time with the ice cream scoopers for sports Range. It
makes me feel like I'm back there, and it's so yucky. It's just
the yuckiest. It is the yucky. I think Natalia right there was thinking
to me, can't stand Kyle either, and if we both have the same
enemy, we might just be friends. But no to me is no ally
to anyone. No no, no, no. So Kyle a perfect example
of this kind of pathology. Kyle tells Max that he loves him. M
hm, oh wow. He says, I love you, right, but
Max doesn't say that. Kyle says I love you to Max. Why go
out of your way to lie, disarm, just say things that never in
a million years ring true to anything inside of you at all. It's their
language. It's not love language, no, yep, it's hit language.
It's lie language. So we get to oh Anna got kuddle for two minutes,
and then he retreats to his bunk when I think he realizes he's not
gonna get any action. No no, no, and then Anne is a
tough nut to crack. I also need to clarify every time that anyone has
had sex on these shows in their cabins, has it always been really hot?
Because she was like, we don't touch me. It's too hot in
here. And I feel like Anne is not a person that would be like,
very uncomfortable with heat. So I think all these sea rats have been
sweating all over each other for eleven seasons in those rooms. Yeah, that's
why you got a bang in the shower. It's not just sweat, it's
blood, it's lots of stuff. But that's just the kind of you know,
standard operating procedure. Next morning, so we get to a beach day.
Well, I've forgotten this is one of those days because we left off
with the last episode, you know, because I was the sea rats wake
up. I'm like, oh, they got to start cleaning up, you
know. Yeah, the people people who are financing the squid games, they
got a vacation for everybody, which, by the way, these beach days,
they got to stop doing them. And they never go well, no,
no, no, they don't ever go well because what happens is they
drink themselves into oblivion the night before, right, so their mental walls are
down. There are always problems. And then we get to a hair of
the dog kind of sunbaked nightmare, which we've seen time and time again.
You know, Gabby kicking Marcos in the face or no, Gabby getting kicked
in the face. You know, stuff like that. So it's really great
television, and they need to keep doing them, and they should do them
more often. Actually I think so too. Every three charters they should have
a beach day. So Luca says that this morning, when I woke up,
I told myself that I would never drink again. He then cracks a
beer with a cheeky little smile. Because sea rats are a lot of things.
They are runaways, they are redderless, and they are most off and
alcoholics. So true, and that, Hey, that's a tough thing to
beat, you know. Think about how early they have to get up and
all the booze they drink. Yes, that's hard. Oh my god,
it's the worst. One time when I had a really bad drinking problem,
I was so drunk that I decided I wasn't going to go home for Christmas.
My mother had mailed me a plane ticket. I was like, not
today, I just slept in. Did never get on the plane. Yeah,
yeah, Yeah, it's tough waking up early to get on a plane
from La X. Yeah. You know, it was tough for Haley to
wake up too and have no fucking idea what happened and being like, wait,
what happened? Who fought? Wait with what? That's how Pat fell?
What did mom say? Oh? Jesus, so you're not coming home
a right? Book a night flight? Moms? Did you book a night
fight? I forgot. I was trying to wrap up. You know what
I think you did? What did I do? Got drunk? I think
you got a little drunk, and I think you poured yourself a big bull
of cereal. You don't want to know what's funny. One year I didn't
go home for Christmas, and I told my mom. She's like, she
felt bad, you know, she goes, what are you doing? She's
like, Oh, I'm going over Lewis's house. He's gonna have turkey with
his family. I'm going to be over there today. Yeah, I wasn't.
I got some Ben and Jerry's ice cream right right, and Carl Junior.
I don't know if they still have the six dollar burger. Yeah,
I got like two of those. Oh well, that was the best Christmas
I've ever had. Yeah, yeah, Yeah, it's amazing when you are
just by yourself sometimes it's really amazing. Yeah. So should we take a
break and talk about my credits? Absolutely? You know the family times,
the holiday season, you know it. What is it? Ruby stressful?
It's stressful. What do you need around the holidays? You need a little
bit of money. Micro dos, you need a little bit of help.
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Yeah, true star and usually just want to do it. But that is
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All right, So let's get to the party. By the way,
Luco, Luca, and Natalia for go initially going and uh for different reasons.
Uh, Luca wants to stay in his bunk in Jackson. Max.
I'm sorry, Max, fucking idiot, I am sorry forgive me. Max
and Italia forego the beach party. At least initially, Max plans on staying
on the boat and dry humping his bed and eating croissants all day. This
is again, what are you taught? What are you actually saying with with
your words? He's like, I'm just gonna stay home, and then he
just starts fucking his bed. What what is What does that mean? I
think he was trying to tell us that he was still pretty pissed off at
Kyle. Uh huh and they needed a ree So how could that mean that?
I don't know it's hard, you know what I mean? Real quick,
before we get to the beach party and Italia comes out and starts kind
of asking Luca about a cheeky little kiss with Jess. Now I I will
have plenty to pick on Natalia about later on in the episode, I e
sending a text to everybody at dinner saying I need help with my suitcase in
the morning, which is a lifeline for a million dollar you want to be
a millionaire. Whatever that was with Regis Filman, Yeah, they always gave
you one thing you could do, a call to somebody to help you out.
You know, that's what that was. I was trying to get some
help, get some people to help her. No, it was trying to
get attention. Well, okay, are you sure? Yeah? Yeah,
yeah, yeah. It didn't work. She didn't get help. So I'm
gonna go with the tropic of cancer. You sure, well, you sound
like I don't think that that's a good answer to read. So this thing
where an Italian goes up to Luca and she's like, cheeky little kiss.
I know it's not that big of a deal, and she may just be
teasing him, but she's clearly not and this bizarre thing where I'm little,
I'm a little out of practice with psychology, but she seems to want to
have ownership over everything, or at least be a part of everything. And
this Luca thing drives me fucking insane the entire episode, and Luca does shrink
even smaller this evening. We'll have more to say about his lack of chivalry.
But this, this just betrayal by Luca that she feels is I'm rambling,
but it's it's disgusting. It's disgusting your dat. You're in an open
relationship with a controlling jerk off, and Luca doesn't want any part of it,
and that is his choice. I think she's also so because her relationship
is so out of control and she lacks such control and ownership over her partner,
but she clearly likes to be in the upper hand position. She's using
that insecurity to try to oos everybody else into her control not working. At
the heart of this, I believe me. She had her fights in her
crazy outburst last season, but this season, I think at the heart of
this is just her insecurity of a relationship with an open relationship with an asshole.
I feel bad for her, but let the chips fall where they may.
What we got was the totalia that we got, and it is nausea
inducing. So Jack needs someone to shave his back, and silent film actor
is evidently not okay with Kyle Still. He talks about exploding, he talks
about fucking the bed. This was it didn't make any sense, But it
was just confusing to me that Max was the one that was holding on to
the drama of last night. I did not expect. I expected the Frenchman
to be a little bit more water off a duck's back than he was.
He's very sensitive. This is so sensitive. Remember our positive reinforcement that really
kind of you get him in line with that, you throw some negativity or
drama out of him and completely crumbles. Yeah, he is an emotional midget,
Dylan. So I think he's protecting his peace quite well, and I
respect him not going on time. He's grown on me. I'll be honest,
he's grown on me. I think in his heart he's probably a nice
guy. Remember the first four episodes they tried to or he helped them kind
of create this narrative that he's just a lazy piece of shit, and then
suddenly he's working in It's fine. And then he's kind of a nice guy
that's into like all the self help start. Sure he's grown on. Yeah
not me. I think he's mentally ill. And I don't like adults that
need to be showered with praise all the time. That's fair. So Jack
needs needs that backshaped. And there is literally no multiverse wherein it's not tomb
Raider that walks in and does for him. Because she is the MVP of
this boat. Yep, she is the queen of this boat. She is
my favorite person on the show far and away. We have big plans for
her in the Blowdeck universe. So she is the person that I'm talking to,
and that she is Natalia. She walks into someone's bunk and says that
she's quitting. It's Jack's right, Is it Jack's bunk? Anyways? She
lists all the things that have made her season tough, and it is dealing
with the terminator, confusion over her relationship, confusion over Luca, and dealing
with Kyle. These things that she listed are go ahead. They're not things
that they're not things. They're just not things. And that's not to discredit
the emotional weight that they have on her. It's just that they're not because
they're so The match was so struck by her in so many different things,
or at least she hit the mirror back with her horns. I mean,
Natalia is so wrapped up in all of the consequence of the things that she's
laying out, but she's speaking on them as though they've been done to her
in this psychotic floor routine. To be fair, a male shouldn't be standing
up and point his finger at you and saying the things to Kyle. Let's
get this out of the way now. The onus of that evening is one
hundred percent on Kyle, one hundred percent. I know that Italian I Amo,
I know that Italian him have had this deceitful, Shakespearean bullshit relationship.
But the things that Kyle said to her that night, the unhinged manner in
which he said them, the triggered big fat baby that he turned into,
was just across the board unfucking acceptable. So the thing that started this entire
downfall was all Kyle right out of the way, which is going to be
so enjoyable. I don't like to see people, but I like to see
people get fired who my kid? But uh and I never like to throw
people away like I don't I honestly, the reason we don't say vile is
well, I didn't come up with the name. But also secondly, I
don't like that kind of name. We have fun, whimsical names, traffic
and rhymes. If they do fire Kyle. I don't know how old he
is. He's very immature, and I hope that he's able to learn from
this and grow. And I just because I saw some posts of just people
like letting him. I mean, he's on a stupid reality TV show.
People say horrific things right right? Who cares? And who? Why are
you fucking in his Instagram telling him that he should burn in hell? Who
was who is the wife? And Casino? I don't know it was played
by uh my god. You know there's too many actors and too many famous
people. You know, Sharon Stone. Obviously Kyle is the Sharon Stone of
his relationship. That guy whoever he's he's dating or married to or engaged to,
is in for a fucking rude awakening because there's going to be some glasses
thrown, There's going to be some tears. There should just Kyle needs to
go to therapy. Yeah now, yeah, now, Kyle, Kyle suffers
from wanting unconditional love very badly. And that's my unprofessional opinion. None of
us are professionals. I'm stupid, but I'll say this. I'm going to
go through the top of the three people that are completely immature. Kyle,
you need to go to therapy to learn why you're this person. To me,
you need to go to management class because apparently your last class was a
school called fight school, a fight club, and then Italia you need to
go to the only role of fight school is we don't talk about fight school.
You went to fight club management school. And then finally, Natalia,
you need to understand why you're attracted to guys that sleep with other women and
then get to call you the next morning and tell you that they did it
and then oh my god. Yeah so yeah, let's yeah, but coming
from stuff an idiot. But anyway, Kyle is literally having panic attacks about
how awful he's being. His inner child or inner psyche is screaming out your
being a vulture human being and he's having panic attacks. Also, he didn't
need a lot that day. That being said, we need to not excuse
Natal his behavior and although it's not appropriate what Kyle did and said to her,
the things that she has been doing this entire season to revolting other people.
You see us, you see us on another BALLOWDG podcast. We're spreading
around. Yeah, yeah, everyone everyone, We're like Salt Bays. All
of us are like Salt Bays. Yeah. So the quitters head to the
beach, Luca and his six pack. Luca put the six pack away.
Don't lay like that, you know, I really do. It's very disgusting.
This shoots oh well, Natile an Italian max Riz arrived, and this
shoots Kyle into the bathroom. I will never work with her if she is
on if she is on this boat. The ultimatum, I am gone.
It's a cowardly ultimatum because he knows that Toomey is going to side with him.
She fucking hates Natalia right. Also, I said this to you both
earlier. They are both acting like they were raped by each other, and
it is insane for Kyle to start to run, to trot away into the
bathroom and say hearing her voice is triggering to me, and I won't be
here anymore if she's here after you you. Kyle said that she would neva
control you repeatedly. Is it's like beyond I would. I would completely understand
if Dakota Fannings character was saying that about the men that captured her on fire.
Yep. But Kyle and Natalia, they're just fighting about bullshit. So
take it away, Pat, Charl'll do a couple quick kind of Meanwhile,
so Natalia arrives and she cooses up to Luca and she's still confused essentially why
he turned off the vibes, you know, and we can tell you it's
because you're in an open relationship with a controlling jerk named a j Yeah.
And to be be honest, Luca is too good looking to deal with that
bullshit. Yeah, and he's also a scorpio. There's Natalia is like this
this weird thing where she's got She's like, he's he's trying to go get
more pussy, and he's he's thrown me away because he's trying to get more
pussy. Uh, true and one false at the same time. It's a
kind of the quantum truth where of course he is onto the next because he's
a sex addict and a scorpio and he's a sea rat. But your life
is a grenade and it's going off all the time. There's never any pin
in it ever, It's just one big explosion. So he can see that,
smell it, and feel how hot it is. May I point out
case in point Here Natalia overhears Max and A discussing cult leaders and something about
starting your day off with good energy. Yeah, nat used this opportunity to
burn another bridge. And this is where she kind of takes a turn where
I'm like, Jesus fucking Christ, what are you doing here? She fucking
lets Anne have it for not getting her back. There's this weird thing where
the world that she wants to exist is nowhere near the world that actually exists,
and you have to have a healthier way to deal with that. You
have to like tell yourself, oh, maybe I was delusional, but you
can't just start lashing at it. I mean, she literally she goes from
thong to srong to popping up like a surfboard pop up and going and screaming
at Anne for listen. I understand that Natalia wants people to have her back,
but she's been so awful to so many people that that's just not the
way the world works, especially not when you're dealing with a nest of sea
rats. There's just that that's not gonna work, okay, Njin how confused
Max was when she just he was having this lovely conversation with Anne and then
she just fucking walks over and starts screaming, I will say, and it's
probably because of the abusive stepfather. Anne's conflict resolution is pretty impressive to watch.
She was just like, I'm so sorry, you were completely right,
and then Natalia was like, but now I have nowhere to go, So
I'm just gonna stand here and be like, fuck you for signing that you
like energy, because you'lls is shit and mine was sad this morning. Them.
Yeah, and she does run away and talks about to me Kyle Luca
and Anne not having her back and all these situations and they have something in
common Natalia, you know, So it's it's I feel for her, but
why you're just because I think that she's She was better in season one when
she wasn't being fucked with by A. I hope you're listening. AJ we're
talking to you, buddy. I don't even know what like I view AJ
as like his his knees are bent backwards like some kind of hellscape demon,
and his tight tight jeans cover that up and kind of snap them back into
place. But you are subhuman, You're a rat, and you will be
in prison one day. So well, how about this case important? I
got the transcript of the phone call, you know, he called her or
something like that. Yeah, he's like, here's transcript. He's like,
hey, how you doing? And she says, well, Kyle's being an
evil asshole again. Who's he's being horrible? And then you hear, oh,
clutch my balls, I'm coming. Okay, Okay, sorry, honey,
what about this Kyle? And then she says, well, he's being
a jerk to my face again. And then he says, don't clean that
off your face until I tell you you can'. She's like, I'm sorry
what he says? Oh? What about? What's that about? Kyle?
Right? Right? So I have literally the same exact thing, and I
used literally incorrectly because it was nowhere Nero's grotesque. But what I was thinking
was, thank god she has somebody that she can confide in who is getting
his dick sucked as she is confiding, he did take the time to you
know talk to her that. He answered, well, I mean he was,
he was wandering. He was wandering, so he he was like,
you know, might as well, it's either going to be Instagram or I'll
talk to this bitch, you know, my girlfriend. So hearing chef Sam
Wise talk about the lack of empathy for Natalia, keep in mind he's not
watching the television show that we are, right, Yeah, I guess this
was my note. It just did kind of make me realize that the we've
covered it, the onus was on Kyle that evening. They've both been awful.
They're both dementors. So we get ready and we head out for dinner
while Natalia heads home and packs and we sit down for dinner. And you
know, it's a show about sea rats. So seven long islandized teas are
ordered. Don't forget the blow job shots along with seven blow drop shots.
This night is going to be insane. And here is a Haley moment that
is the reason why so many people, including do you love Haley as much
as me? And Ruby Lee mixed feelings about it. Okay, this is
why me and Haley. She toasts to the group of people that she is
essentially stuck with that are not the people that she actually wants to be with,
which is the most perfect description of this group of people. And she
toasts to them and they let her do it. They liked it. Again.
I don't understand why Haley is so hot to me. I don't get
why there isn't more. I guess she's so fucking oddball, but there's no
like sexual energy between her any of the guys. It's not I'm not saying
that she has to put it out. Luca is a scorpion sex addict.
I don't know why he's not attempting. I think that they sense the she's
a little too freaky deaky, like, Haley, you're not gonna put cable
ties on my ankles. I'm not letting that happen, right, But that
wouldn't even be sexual for her. It would just be for fun, yeah,
kind of like yeah, I feel like the old The only person that
could be on her level maybe would be Sam Wise and they'd be kind of
cute together. Yeah, they would be. I don't know, everyone else
do basic for her. But it's so funny because he goes up to her
and he's black out at one point, but he's like I need to tell
to somebody. You're like, I don't know what's going on, and she's
like, I'm confused, what are you talking about? Oh? Is this
one chef Jack was trying to understand. Was there anybody that had an Italia's
son? Right? Yeah, So at dinner, Natalia does the most annoying
thing she's ever done. Yes, and we've seen a season and a half
of her. Can Luca help me with my suitcase in the morning, good
wait till he got back or in the next morning, just toos. Is
the thing about in Italia that I hate the most. It's the thing that
I hate about melodramatic people in general, the thing I hate about people in
toxic relationships. They feed on this kind of thing that no one else traffics
in. So with Natalia's boyfriend will entertain that kind of thing because he is
in love with that kind of bitches, brew of just stupid bullshit. But
nobody else is okay with that, which is why Italian's having such a tough
time this season. You know. Also, what I love is that she
sent that bitchy little text being like this, look at them, that could
have fucking lose them, And then then they They're like, what cool,
Yeah, yeah, hey you can take you can do the laundry, right,
yeah, I can do the laundry. Yeah cool, thank you?
Is that free up a bed? Yeah? I think it does. Oh
nice. And again this is where you just have to cut your losses,
because Natalia has to realize that she to no fault other than her own,
has lost this war. She's she's there's nobody at that table outside of Laura
who cares lu Chef Jack down right, But but you know, Sam Wise
doesn't have any poll in the council. You know, everybody's just like make
sure he gets there, fred Fred Frodo. So, yeah, this text
is just an effort to try to make everybody pay attention to her. But
to Mey hates her, Kyle hates her, Jess hates her. Hayley is
in the stars, Max isn't. There's one other person, but you either
can't stand her or you have no feelings about her, right yeap. So
that text is not going to work. So Max heads home. He says,
being drunk in a car is a guillotine for me. Very French thing
to say, and also couldn't agree more. I despise getting in cars when
I'm very drunk. It hasn't happened in a long time, but it's a
surefire way to make me throw up. Now, the next thing that we're
going to talk about is the backseat of that van. Jesus Christ. So
we have two vans. We have Chef and Max, and then we have
Kyle and the party bus with the booty shaken and the exposed breast. Yeah.
Now, I wouldn't mind Kyle ruining this thing if Kyle was a different
guy. I wouldn't mind a gay guy pulling his ass out and shaking it
all over the place. But the fact that it's Kyle makes me want to
say, put your ass away. Haley and Laura are sucking each other's tits.
It's not cool that you're fucking up the vibes. Okay, nobody wants
to see your giant pink ass. Put it away. No one said while
watching the episode, Oh, I wish we got more of Kyle's ass.
Yeah. I had to close one of my eyes just so I can enjoy
the other half of the van. Well, it was all cool. It
was all really really cool. Kyle, Haley, Laura just an engine of
cool in the back of that van, you know what I mean. And
I think Laura and Laura and Luca just make out with each other. Yeah,
I really love it for them. Yeah, I love it for them
too, because it just makes no sense. So to me, is trying
to protect Jess from the viper that is Luca. When they get to this
club, and and that is when Chef Louby goes up to Haley. The
night is devolving into a drunken tornado of nonsense. Oh yes, Chef Jack
he at some point, I think he just decides to give up and just
just drink himself into oblivion. Uh yeah, belivion as he should. I
mean fucking nuclear fallout oblivion. He is literally falling, He's doing pratfalls into
the patio furniture, and he's being helped by Haley and Laura get everywhere.
It's a weekend at Bernie's kind of thing going on. Ben there, scouser,
Yeah, we've all been there. So this is when Kyle begins to
I'm liberated. I'm liberated. Kyle is a drinking problem, Thank you,
Kyle. When he gets really drunk, he gets super aggressive, super angry,
super feeling himself and super feeling himself I've never said I've announced to the
group of people and hang out with that a club. I'm liberated. Oh,
I've said it so many times every time I get drunk. I I
just talked about how liberated I feel, on how free I feel, And
yeah, I talk about how beautiful America is because I can only feel that
way. Here is the only place I can feel that way. You know.
So we Kyle proceeds to do this thing where he keeps talking about Natalia,
and again, here is another mirror image of a mud monster. No
one cares about your fucking shit. It's similar to the text that Natalia sent.
Just stop. No one's playing the game that you two are playing.
Okay, we're just trying to fuck each other and go home and pound pasta
until we throw up with this stuff's done to Laura Tombraider Man. All this
goddamn stress is she's an emotional leader. She's fucking passing football sized poops that
they were asking, Yeah, yeah, he'll do that to her, Yeah
yeah, yeah. Can I say, Luca, really it becomes less of
a short king here. And I know that he's drunk, but he's kind
of there's no loyalty with Cea rats, but he's almost antagonistic towards Natalia at
this point, and it's like, Luca, you don't go too far with
you, Okay, stay out of that. So we get back to the
boat. Laura is, like we said, she's eating a bucket of pasta.
She is again the most expired, the most valuable player on this team.
Toomey heads up to chat with Atalia. How was that ever going to
go? Well, Tomy is blackout and hates Natalia. So that was a
very brief conversation. Now forgive me both of you. Let me know what
took place here. I know Kyle said he was asking to me if it
was appropriate to go talk to Natalia. Didn't to me give the green light
because she did not, so he just did this without her permission. I
think she gave like a she was giving like a definitely leaning red yellow.
She was like, I don't think that's a very good idea. And he
was like to me, I will be in and out to me, no,
to me, you will never sorry. I forgot how Yeah, So
I think she was like, I would in and then he was like,
perfect, I'm gonna fucking do it. Well he does, and I don't
even know. It's one of those rambling things that he had, like a
just a I have the transcrip, you do please? Going on Instagram and
seeing that you're no longer following me made me realize how serious this whole thing
was. He's right, that is there. That is serious to them.
That's serious to them. Yeah, when it's Talia gets in the van,
she's like he's blocked, and that's how you know it's official. Yep,
you goddamn kids. It's not kids, because these people aren't kids. It's
a good point. Actually, it's just sad I want to know, speaking
of sad Aj call us when you're forty four? What? Shut up?
Don't make direct eye contact with me. I'm sorry, what are you saying?
Ruby? This is Aj. I just feel like it's gonna be so
fun for a short amount of time, and then all the girls are going
to be either married or addicted to drugs or just gone because they don't live
in Bali anymore, and they got jobs. And then he'll be forty four
and he won't be Captain Jason because he's not cool, you know what I
mean. He doesn't have the body. No, no, no, that's
when they take all their money and they buy like some kind of like I
guess, a version of a mansion out in the jungle in some South American
country. Right. They hire a bunch of security. They eventually like shoot
someone's neighbors dogs and then run for the rest of their lives, right right.
And then they in their life in a jail cell in Europe allegedly,
allegedly, and they stumble upon some hut in the forest and Jesse Ventura comes
out and he teaches he teaches the person how to live off the grid.
Next morning, do you have any cell phones? Break them in half?
Governor of Minnesota nds his tenure there and then just gets off the grid.
He's off the grid. It's unbelievable. I love Jesse Renter. I do
too. There was an interview one time that like some guy walks up to
him at at like a Vikings and they're like, you should be president,
and he said, I don't want the job. Yeah. I punched the
sniper in the face because he's he's practicing stolen valor. All right enough,
Jesse Max begins to speak a language that is English but not really. He
says something about the Eiffel tower being his deck. He tells me, Luca,
the goddamn hostile work environment is making him think he doesn't want to be
here after this charter. Well, first, and where is this? Oh,
I'm sorry, he tells this. The hostile work environment is wreaking havoc
on his spinal column. Well, there's a quick hit here, Yeah,
Max tells Luca, because Luca goes up to him and he goes, hey,
how you doing. I was a little worried about you last night,
and Max says, you are. You're being an emotional bitch. You need
to calm down. Okay. Also, I am so stressed out I am
going to quit. And Luca's like, hang on, wait, what do
you mean again? He's mentally ill. But we have to get to Natalia.
Departing the boat, Natalia's last poisoned dagger thrown. She goes in and
talks to Sandy. Oh my god. She tells Sandy what took place,
and you know, we see the footage now not really Well, I'm saying,
I'm trying to like give my score on accuracy on her description of the
events of sixty two percent accurate. How do you fail? Rubes twenty six
percent? Yeah, you thought it was off. Well, anyway, Sandy's
concerned about her mental health, so she understands why she's going there. There's
a tough thing that Natalia's trying to navigate where she's trying to kill Kyle,
right, but she's also trying to kill Kyle with a story about Kyle acting
inappropriately. The only issue is that she has to tell a lesbian that the
thing that kicked it all off was a straight man whose French said that he's
LGBTQ. So she conveniently leaves that part out because the wire would snap and
she would fall to her death if that part was revealed. So not quite
accurate. Well, I have to say, also she didn't kind of own
her side of the street either, Did you say I have a part to
play in this as well? No? By the way, why is the
second witness called chef Jack Because that is dangerous because then he can get up
there and really drive the daggery in the Kyle's heart. I think because he
was honest about the shot, so Sandy trusted his judgment and she was like,
I got to get a fucking semi normal sea right up here. Else.
When he leaves, Sandy says to herself, I wasn't expecting that,
yeah, and that that was a witness that really truly did a lot for
the defense. Prosyeah, what's I We're on. What Natalia did is what
I would do to our mom when Dylan and I were probably six and nine,
and I would come in crying and I would say he hit me,
and then Mom would obviously take my side because you can't do that. But
little did she know that I had been probably I don't know, probably like
throwing rocks at you or doing something horrible and making fun of how much weight
I had gained. Hopefully that was it. And then you probably pushed me
into a wall gently to say, hey, stop making fun of how I
got fat. Yeah, And then I went into mom and I'm so happy
I have a boy, and the girl stories like that, I can't wait,
so to me is called up to the bridge, and you know,
Scott free essentially. Luca does help Natalia with the suitcases as she departs,
and Natalia says that Luca was very disappointing in the end, as though she
is like troll toll on the river, like who what are you judging?
Why do you have any judgment on him at all. But the thing that
she has, she's not making I'm not making any sense. Tough night for
me. My brain's not working very well. But I've been eating. I
had Dominoes over the weekend. I think it. I don't think it's I
don't think I don't think it's out of my brain. You know how much
salt is in there pizzas? Man, my face blows up to like a
basketball. You could bounce my fucking head. That's how much salts in those
things. And let me tell you something else. We got two thin crusts.
Yeah, disgusting. So heat over to Dominos dot com use promo code
bad TV. I will tell you the transparency that they have with the preparation
and delivery of their food is second to none. They tell you who's putting
it in the oven. It's unbelievable. Yeah, yeah, cool. I
want to end the episode. Yeah, all right. So Sandy calls up
Kyle, and as Dylan and I have recapped the transcript, Kyle's like,
oh, good morning. She's like, sit down. I love That's just
there's something great about not even not even feeling like you gotta be fake.
Yeah, no, yeah, he's getting the axe. I don't think he's
getting the axe because Anne and Toomey cannot handle a charter by themselves. That
hasn't stopped Sandy before. I think he will get the acts soon, but
he may stay the entire season. He'll either get fired in an episode or
two, or he'll stay the entire season. What do you think. I
think he's not going to go. I think she's gonna say you're a bully
and you're awful, and I don't want someone like you on the boat.
But you can always Yeah, we have to come up with a compromisers.
I don't know. Yeah. But also I think that they have an lgbt
Q I a alliance between the two of them. Genuinely. I do think
she lesbians don't like gay people. Yeah, we learned that last season with
Frazier. I think it's just representation though in the industry when they're not.
But do they like lesbians? She tried to She screwed Malia over too,
so she's just Malis. You guys didn't know it, but Malias fucking dyke.
You guys, I've been sober. Follow Ruby at Papaya dog Girl on
TikTok Jump in the iTunes right his reviews five stars, kind words you want
us to page around on comp slash another podcast network for more and more and
more. We love you guys very much. Have a lovely holiday with your
family. And if you don't have family, just get some pen and Jerry's
ice fucking treat yourself. Just you know, just be grateful that you don't
have to have the conversations about the Second Amendment and Gaza. I mean it's
just tough. That's yeah. Happy, Thanks, I'm doing saying goodbye,
Pat, say goodbye.