WEBVTT 1 00:00:02.080 --> 00:00:16.160 Comedy Central Podcast fucking Mother. Thank you, thank you, thank you, 2 00:00:16.839 --> 00:00:20.239 I amÁlvaro Verasco demostols. I don' t presume it either. Twenty 3 00:00:20.280 --> 00:00:23.480 of my colleagues, comedians fuck a lot and I say the good ones. 4 00:00:23.879 --> 00:00:29.079 Yeah, I eat shit. I have a condom in my wallet that knows 5 00:00:29.160 --> 00:00:36.560 three Midna renovations and a royal anedot. Royal anedot. Strolling through Madrid appreciated 6 00:00:36.560 --> 00:00:39.399 street of an aunt I like mogojo, super pretty you cups, awesome. 7 00:00:40.799 --> 00:00:43.119 It was a hippie, it had a sign that put a free hug. 8 00:00:43.679 --> 00:00:46.679 I went to talk to her and she told me she wasn' t out 9 00:00:46.679 --> 00:00:50.679 of school. Very humiliating. I wanted to have been a musician. The 10 00:00:50.719 --> 00:00:53.679 life of cool musicians, sex, drugs and Latin electro that roll cool. 11 00:00:54.799 --> 00:00:57.880 How would it be normal for a musician to wake up in the morning for 12 00:00:57.880 --> 00:01:00.359 a beer breakfast. Then cubatas, then jager master, which is the best 13 00:01:00.399 --> 00:01:02.200 there is, because if you forget the day before, you can fuck a 14 00:01:02.240 --> 00:01:06.400 conger, you raise your dick, you don' t care, then cocaine, 15 00:01:06.439 --> 00:01:07.719 whores, then you take the drunk car, you start to run over 16 00:01:07.719 --> 00:01:21.640 people. This in the People' s Party is called company dinner. Now 17 00:01:21.719 --> 00:01:23.000 you can only succeed in music, just like on TV. If they have 18 00:01:23.079 --> 00:01:26.920 giant tits put on TV. Who wins now. Simon Pilar, Rubio, 19 00:01:26.120 --> 00:01:32.560 Carlos Gin what the fuck. Carlos Gins is black, fat, Galician law. 20 00:01:32.879 --> 00:01:34.799 It' s like a lot of minorities, in a single person it 21 00:01:34.799 --> 00:01:38.560 ' s worth. If Carlos Jin were a lesbian, the state would pay 22 00:01:38.560 --> 00:01:42.200 him directly to me. I like American musicians high, well malnourished. You 23 00:01:42.239 --> 00:01:46.719 ' ve seen what Jane Montana' s name is Malisiirus all Disney girls eat 24 00:01:46.719 --> 00:01:49.319 dicks. Then, but I' m cool because I see her and I 25 00:01:49.359 --> 00:01:52.079 say this cool aunt is flesh overdose Carlos Gines. On the contrary, it 26 00:01:52.159 --> 00:01:55.000 ' s an overdose of holy meat and there' s shitty pitting names. 27 00:01:55.000 --> 00:01:56.560 That' s a disease. I' ve got a sling, stay home. 28 00:01:56.599 --> 00:02:00.000 You' re well- fucked second- hand car, that' s 29 00:02:00.000 --> 00:02:04.920 piting tools. I' m peeing to fix the melendis. Sometimes I mess 30 00:02:04.920 --> 00:02:07.319 with people who have as much more success than I do, and it' 31 00:02:07.400 --> 00:02:09.439 s because I' m a miserable man I' m going to tell you 32 00:02:09.520 --> 00:02:12.560 the day I realized that the miserable is in my house watching series online. 33 00:02:13.159 --> 00:02:15.439 This is cool, it' s not free and it' s Barcelona. 34 00:02:15.719 --> 00:02:19.039 So you' re cool to see if on the Internet you' re watching 35 00:02:19.039 --> 00:02:23.360 the typical cult series I was always watching fellow kimvy with the always uncompromising valley 36 00:02:23.360 --> 00:02:28.080 bike. Nothing was too cold in Madrid in August. I want it to 37 00:02:28.080 --> 00:02:31.840 come to you. The typical is that you don' t see walking dead 38 00:02:31.960 --> 00:02:37.120 zombies that eat your head or a Wolking can' t eat anyone' s 39 00:02:37.240 --> 00:02:42.039 head metaphorically. You know literally yes, I mean, the ones that get 40 00:02:42.039 --> 00:02:44.280 you shits are whores, these ars ngs in the folders that I tell you 41 00:02:44.360 --> 00:02:47.479 is so they eat your head. Some of these whores that come to you 42 00:02:47.560 --> 00:02:51.199 and tell you have a myth for the environment, that is, they can 43 00:02:51.240 --> 00:02:53.520 also very good strips. If you say a run- in I don' 44 00:02:53.560 --> 00:02:57.199 t have twenty pas parta to you every month flute dog. You know recently 45 00:02:57.280 --> 00:02:59.560 I answered super bad some comes and says you have a myth for me of 46 00:02:59.560 --> 00:03:02.000 atmosphere. I say you have a minute to fuck my dick. Am I 47 00:03:02.000 --> 00:03:04.919 not educated? I' m not educated. I felt super bad. I 48 00:03:04.919 --> 00:03:07.080 felt and that aunt told me the nicest thing they' ve told me in 49 00:03:07.120 --> 00:03:07.960 a long time. He told me a beautiful thing. He told me you 50 00:03:08.000 --> 00:03:12.240 ' re a fucking son of a bitch. There' s a miserable one 51 00:03:12.240 --> 00:03:14.719 and you' re gonna leave your kids a shitty world. That aunt talked 52 00:03:14.759 --> 00:03:15.800 about my children. That chick assumed I' d be late from here. 53 00:03:15.879 --> 00:03:23.000 I' m going to fuck at least twice Hahahaha, I sign it, 54 00:03:24.039 --> 00:03:29.759 I sign it twice. Cachis the good sea. I was watching series and 55 00:03:29.759 --> 00:03:31.599 I was eating fries and the fries sounded a lot in my mouth. Okay, 56 00:03:31.879 --> 00:03:35.199 and I couldn' t watch TV well because it sounded a lot like 57 00:03:35.280 --> 00:03:38.439 French fries in my mouth. He has a sense of pleasure and guilt. 58 00:03:38.479 --> 00:03:40.360 At the same time, it' s like when you get a stripe of 59 00:03:40.360 --> 00:03:45.879 gym jamming. Very similar to people. Who knows I' m on drugs 60 00:03:45.879 --> 00:03:46.919 because I talk a lot about drugs. I' m a monologue. I 61 00:03:46.919 --> 00:03:49.560 didn' t get high in my life. You know why. I like 62 00:03:49.560 --> 00:03:53.039 it and it hooks me up. It' s the same reason I' 63 00:03:53.120 --> 00:03:54.639 ve never eaten a dick. I really like it. I' ve had 64 00:03:54.680 --> 00:03:57.319 them in my face and I' ve never been hit. You know, 65 00:03:58.639 --> 00:04:06.280 daughter, I was watching the show. He' s eating fries and so 66 00:04:06.319 --> 00:04:09.599 and I felt like shit. I feel bad and I have food. And 67 00:04:09.599 --> 00:04:11.280 there are people in Africa who don' t have food, who read up 68 00:04:11.319 --> 00:04:13.599 their asses and say fuck I' m gonna be and not if racist it 69 00:04:13.599 --> 00:04:15.080 ' s okay I' m racist. I' m from muskets, mustards. 70 00:04:15.120 --> 00:04:16.759 There are a lot of blacks in kings and must we paint two blacks 71 00:04:16.759 --> 00:04:25.040 in low white. The fashion that pisses me off the most is that of 72 00:04:25.240 --> 00:04:29.279 the ranners. Some of me' s a ranner. There are ranners Runners. 73 00:04:29.399 --> 00:04:30.959 People who go out on the street to run and that' s it. 74 00:04:31.000 --> 00:04:34.279 They put on a pair of two hundred- dollar sneakers and they' 75 00:04:34.279 --> 00:04:36.800 re gonna run. It' s just that I' ll run hooks, 76 00:04:36.879 --> 00:04:46.160 hooks the cocaine to run, tires with maya. You can only go well 77 00:04:46.279 --> 00:04:50.000 if you' re a fucking superhero, what you look like is a bullfighter 78 00:04:50.000 --> 00:04:54.439 in a hurry. I' m going to runner. If you say I 79 00:04:54.439 --> 00:04:55.959 ' m going to run, I' m not going to make Ranner. 80 00:04:56.040 --> 00:04:58.279 They say I' m going to run, I' m going to make 81 00:04:58.279 --> 00:04:59.480 Ranner, because I' m going to make Ranner. In the face of 82 00:04:59.560 --> 00:05:05.920 your idiot girlfriend. These people are the ones who tell you that if you 83 00:05:06.000 --> 00:05:10.040 take a cubata, it takes seven minutes of your life, that if you 84 00:05:10.040 --> 00:05:12.319 leave a cigarette, it takes ten minutes in life, that if you take 85 00:05:12.319 --> 00:05:15.279 fat. I should have died in the 18th century. Directly, I don 86 00:05:15.319 --> 00:05:17.759 ' t want to be the typical monologuer everyone says is an idiot. I 87 00:05:17.800 --> 00:05:19.639 ' m super cool because I' m the king of idiots. It happens 88 00:05:19.680 --> 00:05:21.959 to me with the specks. I' m super- fashionable. I see 89 00:05:23.000 --> 00:05:25.519 a guy with a stick in his head, I say asshole. I see 90 00:05:25.600 --> 00:05:28.680 four and I say the biggest, most expensive. For me, Pogon is 91 00:05:28.759 --> 00:05:30.040 a one- to- one sticker bitten and I say a thousand bucks. 92 00:05:30.120 --> 00:05:33.959 I' ll pay you. Example, Brain and Halloween. It' s 93 00:05:33.959 --> 00:05:38.680 not Halloween. I really like Halloween. There are people who say it' 94 00:05:38.920 --> 00:05:43.160 s not that I don' t celebrate Halloween because it' s an American 95 00:05:43.160 --> 00:05:44.759 party and you celebrate Christmas because Jesus Christ does. Or clearly getaphe that yes, 96 00:05:51.480 --> 00:05:55.120 do you believe in God, do you believe in God? No, 97 00:05:55.360 --> 00:05:58.879 yeah, no balls. I respect a lot of the people in God is 98 00:05:58.959 --> 00:06:04.279 worth because I respect a lot of people with imaginary friends. I' m 99 00:06:04.439 --> 00:06:06.839 a non- agnostic atheist. Agnostic isn' t that I don' t 100 00:06:06.920 --> 00:06:11.759 even think I stop believing you are. Bullshit is what you are in life. 101 00:06:12.240 --> 00:06:15.360 It is necessary to define beach or mountain beings, of sound or of 102 00:06:15.399 --> 00:06:20.079 Selena. You have to choose the guys we are, ass or tits. 103 00:06:20.120 --> 00:06:23.079 It' s not me that I' m expensive, you' re bouquets. 104 00:06:24.360 --> 00:06:32.800 Haha, I don' t understand. There are no believers or Catholics 105 00:06:32.879 --> 00:06:36.040 who believe in a fat God with a valva, a father not of the 106 00:06:36.079 --> 00:06:42.639 flute dog and two who I least understand are Muslims. I don' t 107 00:06:42.680 --> 00:06:45.439 know if there' s any Moors and here or Muslim, I don' 108 00:06:45.439 --> 00:06:47.120 t understand Muslims. They want in wing that is a merciful god, which 109 00:06:47.120 --> 00:06:49.560 is supposed to be of good roll. And now he' s a God 110 00:06:49.680 --> 00:06:53.759 who forbids pork and alcohol, a God who forbids ham and cubatas. He 111 00:06:53.800 --> 00:06:56.040 ' s not a God, he' s a dietitian. God, it 112 00:06:56.120 --> 00:07:04.439 ' s not divine, it' s an endo crino, the rabadán a 113 00:07:04.560 --> 00:07:08.800 month that you throw during the day without drinking, smoking and fucking and at 114 00:07:08.839 --> 00:07:11.560 night you get up your ass. I just call ibiza vacation of all God 115 00:07:11.680 --> 00:07:18.560 ' s life and hurbible take away that you' re on that God' 116 00:07:18.639 --> 00:07:21.600 s will be hell. I' m thirty- one, and I' 117 00:07:21.600 --> 00:07:23.199 m fat- nofol myself. I don' t have any money. He 118 00:07:23.240 --> 00:07:25.240 saw my parents. I can' t go any further down. You know, 119 00:07:25.879 --> 00:07:30.519 I can say whatever comes out of my dick. One r says you 120 00:07:30.519 --> 00:07:32.800 don' t think there' s an energy and a force in every house 121 00:07:32.839 --> 00:07:36.959 that you can' t live on. It' s called WiFi. I 122 00:07:36.959 --> 00:07:40.360 ' m gonna finish the monologue by talking about love. The same, no, 123 00:07:40.439 --> 00:07:42.399 because I don' t usually talk much about love, But in this 124 00:07:42.439 --> 00:07:45.519 monologue, if I have decided to speak a little bit of love and I 125 00:07:46.160 --> 00:07:47.279 wasn' t very lucky and love I' ve had girlfriends, but he 126 00:07:47.279 --> 00:07:47.480 ' s not very lucky and now I' ve been in love. I 127 00:07:47.519 --> 00:07:50.000 put in a website called Darlin. I saw the TV and I said I 128 00:07:50.079 --> 00:07:54.120 ' m worth the ad orc. I make myself forward, but at first 129 00:07:54.120 --> 00:07:58.800 I scratched because it was for demanding singles. I' m not picky, 130 00:07:58.959 --> 00:08:00.439 and the point is, I' ve met a chick. I fall in 131 00:08:00.439 --> 00:08:01.120 love with her and she' s so cool. She' s an aunt, 132 00:08:01.399 --> 00:08:05.199 she' s hot and she feels like funny and cool people because we 133 00:08:05.279 --> 00:08:07.360 ' ve gotten fucked friends, she fucks. I' m his friend. 134 00:08:07.120 --> 00:08:16.680 Hahahahaha. I' m paying fantasies to set up a factory in Nigeria. 135 00:08:16.519 --> 00:08:20.399 This factory I pay for is that I have Christ one thing. I don 136 00:08:20.399 --> 00:08:22.720 ' t know if I suppose you' ve come a lot of couples. 137 00:08:22.759 --> 00:08:26.160 I' ve written a few verses about love and we rhyme either, but 138 00:08:26.279 --> 00:08:31.040 it' s like some intimate written things are called love nine years late in 139 00:08:31.120 --> 00:08:35.879 finishing journalism, nor am I like very shocked and written what I think a 140 00:08:35.919 --> 00:08:39.440 man has to do for guys in the room understand this well, which has 141 00:08:39.440 --> 00:08:41.879 to make a name to make his wife happy and that six happy and all 142 00:08:41.919 --> 00:08:46.720 these fucking shits. People who say come and see, monologues are like love 143 00:08:46.720 --> 00:08:48.480 suckers, comedians, we make them laugh you put them in, dick is 144 00:08:48.480 --> 00:08:54.559 our roll. It' s called love. Let' s see if it 145 00:08:54.159 --> 00:08:56.840 ' s cool with you, to see to shame that you are many and 146 00:08:56.840 --> 00:09:00.279 this is like very intimate. I believe that in order to be a neo 147 00:09:00.360 --> 00:09:01.000 - idea to which the joy of the child has, at the strength of 148 00:09:01.039 --> 00:09:03.759 the man and the knowledge of the elder, to be a friend, a 149 00:09:03.799 --> 00:09:07.159 companion, a brother, a lover and a father, to be careful and 150 00:09:07.200 --> 00:09:09.440 ordered that you like the party, but without passing by, not to forget 151 00:09:09.480 --> 00:09:13.000 the important dates, but to surprise them, to import the date, to 152 00:09:13.000 --> 00:09:15.519 make her laugh but that I do not know how to laugh at you to 153 00:09:15.519 --> 00:09:15.519 do all kinds of crazy and sufferings like accompany her to a medieval market. 154 00:09:16.240 --> 00:09:22.159 There are more medieval markets now than in the Middle Ages that charge you twenty 155 00:09:22.240 --> 00:09:31.879 arms for one who goes, it is not medieval to be affectionate and hug 156 00:09:31.960 --> 00:09:35.240 her at night and you fall asleep your arm and you can not take advantage 157 00:09:35.240 --> 00:09:39.840 to jerk off with the other because of course she is and this very comfortable 158 00:09:39.879 --> 00:09:43.600 and you buy with her, but enjoying the if agonizing that you go to 159 00:09:43.679 --> 00:09:45.000 buy you cross with another uncle. Look at those eyes. We' re 160 00:09:45.000 --> 00:09:46.919 in the same shit. You and I know ballad, you come in the 161 00:09:46.960 --> 00:09:50.519 afternoon to buy them a guy with bags one day and you say it' 162 00:09:50.519 --> 00:09:54.000 s my fucking future. You know how to be determined, reliable, respectful. 163 00:09:54.080 --> 00:09:56.720 Leal do it, compliment the messing, not look at other women being 164 00:09:56.759 --> 00:09:58.480 for it, but without passing by and meeting them. You have to do 165 00:09:58.519 --> 00:10:01.000 all this, take into account your family, pro without giving more importance than 166 00:10:01.000 --> 00:10:03.279 her being very man. Above all, don' t protest when the grains 167 00:10:03.320 --> 00:10:09.240 in your back are hot, because it hurts, that is, it hurts 168 00:10:09.279 --> 00:10:11.320 and comes out pus and doesn' t disgust you, that is? I 169 00:10:11.360 --> 00:10:13.000 mean, it comes out if I don' t gas him and then, 170 00:10:13.080 --> 00:10:20.600 for whatever it is, you run into his face and disgust him, because 171 00:10:20.639 --> 00:10:26.559 I get zero to be clean. He' s set up handymen all this 172 00:10:26.639 --> 00:10:28.200 and what to do jor is a good cook' s collazo. He did 173 00:10:28.240 --> 00:10:30.480 the bathroom in fontan hero and artist, hiker, driver, friend of his 174 00:10:30.519 --> 00:10:31.840 friends, but not of his friends and less of her friend. The whore 175 00:10:33.440 --> 00:10:35.720 who just gets off every single one, she' s out there eating dicks 176 00:10:35.720 --> 00:10:37.840 like crazy. You know that one, that one, that one that you 177 00:10:37.879 --> 00:10:37.759 ' re talking to her and looking at you, since you' re not 178 00:10:37.759 --> 00:10:41.200 here. We' re just talking, you know, you know, you 179 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:41.200 know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you 180 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:41.200 know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you 181 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:41.200 know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you 182 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:41.200 know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you 183 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:41.200 know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you 184 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:41.200 know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you 185 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:41.200 know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you 186 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:41.200 know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you 187 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:41.200 know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you 188 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:41.200 know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you 189 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:41.200 know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you 190 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:41.200 know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you 191 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:41.200 know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you 192 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:41.200 know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you 193 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:41.200 know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you 194 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:41.200 know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you 195 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:41.200 know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you 196 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:41.200 know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you 197 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:41.200 know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you 198 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:41.200 know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you 199 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:41.200 know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you 200 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:41.200 know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you 201 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:41.200 know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you 202 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:41.200 know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you 203 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:41.200 know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you 204 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:41.200 know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you 205 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:41.200 know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you 206 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:41.200 know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you 207 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:41.200 know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you 208 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:41.200 know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you 209 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:41.200 know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you 210 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:41.200 know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you 211 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:41.200 know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you 212 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:43.480 know, That then psychologist, you harapeta compression, that have educated her, 213 00:10:43.519 --> 00:10:46.639 make her feel special twenty- four hours a day, three hundred sixty- 214 00:10:46.840 --> 00:10:48.519 five days a year, that this doesn' t even open the English fucking 215 00:10:48.519 --> 00:10:52.840 court. Be kind to have initiatives know, listen to good advice, solve 216 00:10:52.840 --> 00:10:54.960 problems, you score namely, recognize, mistakes, make decisions. That good 217 00:10:56.000 --> 00:10:58.679 host in having a sense of humor, generous, to be a worker of 218 00:10:58.679 --> 00:11:01.039 intelligent, to be attentive, to be a fighter and when you get all 219 00:11:01.919 --> 00:11:05.759 this, you know what happens, because she is burdened by a world of 220 00:11:05.799 --> 00:11:05.960 perfection and is hooked up with a woman and a balcolic. Good evening, 221 00:11:07.000 --> 00:11:09.480 Mr Lo Rasco. Thank you very much, Pamy Centra. Thank you, 222 00:11:13.480 --> 00:11:18.159 keep it.