WEBVTT

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Chapter one of the Men Who Found
the Truth. This is a LibriVox recording.

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All LibriVox recordings are in the public
domain. For more information not to

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volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org. Recording by Caroline The Man Who Found

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the Truth by Leonid Nikolayevitch Andreyev,
translated by Hermann Bernstein. Chapter one.

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I was twenty seven years old and
had just maintained my thesis for the degree

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of Doctor of Mathematics with unusual success, when I was suddenly seized in the

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middle of the night and thrown into
this prison. I shall not narrate to

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you the details of the monstrous crime
of which I was accused. There are

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eva which people should neither remember nor
even know. That they may not acquire

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a feeling of aversion for themselves.
But no doubt there are many people among

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the living who remember that terrible case, and the human brute, as the

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newspapers called me at the time.
They probably remember how the entire civilized society

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of the land unanimously demanded that the
criminal be put to death. And it

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is due only to the inexplicable kindness
of the man at the head of the

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government at the time that I am
alive, and I now write these lines

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for the edification of the weak and
the wavering. I shall say briefly,

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my father, my elder brother,
and my sister were murdered brutally, and

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I was supposed to have committed the
crime for the purpose of securing a really

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enormous inheritance. I am an old
man. Now I shall die soon.

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And you have not the slightest ground
for doubting when I say that I was

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entirely innocent of the monstrous and horrible
crime for which twelve honest and conscientious judges

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unanimously sentenced me to death. The
death sentence was finally commuted to imprisonment for

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life in solitary confinement. It was
merely a fatal linking of circumstances, of

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grave and insignificant events, of vague
silence and indefinite words, which gave me

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the appearance and likeness of the criminal, innocent though I was. But he

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who would suspect me of being ill
disposed towards my strict judges would be profoundly

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mistaken. They were perfectly right,
perfectly right, as people who can judge

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things and events only by their appearance, and who are deprived of the ability

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to penetrate their own mysterious being,
they could not act differently, nor should

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they have acted differently. It so
happened that, in the game of circumstances,

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the truth concerning my actions, which
I alone knew, assumed all the

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features of an insolent and shameless lie. And, however strange it may seem

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to my kind and serious reader,
I could establish the truth of my innocence

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only by falsehood, and not by
the truth. Later on, when I

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was already in prison, in going
over in detail the story of the crime

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and the trial, and picturing myself
in the place of one of my judges,

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I came to the inevitable conclusion each
time that I was guilty. Then

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I produced a very interesting and instructive
work. Having set aside entirely the question

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of truth and falsehood on general principles, I subjected the facts and the words

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to numerous combinations, erecting structures,
even as small children built various structures with

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their wooden blocks. And after persistent
efforts, I finally succeeded in finding a

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certain combination of facts, which,
though strong in principle, seemed so plausible

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that my actual innocence became perfectly clear, exactly and positively established. To this

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day, I remember the great feeling
of astonishment mingled with fear, which I

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experienced at my strange and unexpected discovery. By telling the truth, I lead

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people into error and thus deceive them, while by maintaining falsehood I lead them

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on the contrary to the truth and
to knowledge. I did not yet understand

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at that time that, like Newton
and his famous apple, I discovered unexpectedly

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the great law upon which the entire
history of human thought rests, which seeks

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not the truth, but very similitude
the appearance of truth, that is,

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the harmony between that which is seen
and that which is conceived, based on

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the strict laws of logical reasoning.
And instead of rejoicing, I exclaimed,

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in an outburst of native juvenile despair, where then is the truth? Where

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is the truth? In this world
of phantoms and falsehood? See My Diary

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of a Prisoner of June twenty ninth
eighteen. I know that at the present

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time, when I have but five
or six more years to live, I

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could easily secure my pardon if I
but asked for it. But aside from

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my being accustomed to the prison,
and for several other important reasons of which

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I shall speak later. I simply
have no right to ask for pardon and

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thus break the force and natural course
of the law and entirely justified verdict.

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Nor would I want to hear people
apply to me the words a victim of

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judicial error, as some of my
gentle visitors expressed themselves to my sorrow.

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I repeat, there was no error, nor could there be any error,

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in a case in which a combination
of definite circumstances inevitably lead normally constructed and

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developed mind to the one and only
conclusion. I was convicted justly, although

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I did not commit the crime.
Such is the simple and clear truth,

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and I live joyously and peacefully my
last few years on earth with a sense

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of respect for this truth. The
only purpose by which I was guided in

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writing these modest notes is to show
to my indulgent reader that under the most

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painful conditions, where it was seem
that there remains no room for hope or

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life, a human being, a
being of the highest order, possessing a

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mind and a will, finds both
hope and life. I want to show

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how a human being condemned to death
looked with three eyes upon the world through

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the grated windows of his prison,
and discovered the great purpose, harmony and

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beauty of the universe, to the
disgrace of those fools, who, being

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free, living a life of plenty
and happiness, slender life. Disgustingly,

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some of my visitors reproach me for
being haughty. They ask me where I

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secured the right to teach, and
to preage cruel In their reasoning, they

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would like to drive away even the
smile from the face of the man who

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has been imprisoned for life as a
murderer. No, just as the kind

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and bright smile will not leave my
lips as an evidence of a clear and

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unstained conscience, so my soul will
never be darkened, My soul which has

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passed firmly through the defiles of life, which has been carried by a mighty

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will power across these terrible abysses and
bottomless pits where so many daring people have

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found their heroic but alas fruitless death. And if the tone of my confessions

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may sometimes seem too positive to my
indulgent reader, it is not at all

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due to the absence of modesty in
me, but it is due to the

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fact that I firmly believe that I
am right, and also to my firm

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desire to be useful to my neighbor, as far as my faint powers permit.

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Here I must apologize for my frequent
references to my Diary of a prisoner,

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which is unknown to the reader.
But the fact is that I consider

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the complete publication of my diary too
premature and perhaps even dangerous. Begun during

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the remote period of cruel disillusions,
of the shipwreck of all my beliefs and

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hopes, breathing boundless despair, my
notebook bears evidence in places that its author

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was, if not a state of
complete insanity, on the brink of insanity.

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And if we recall how contagious that
illness is, my caution in the

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use of my diary will become entirely
clear, Oh, blooming youth, with

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an involuntary tear in my eye,
I recall your magnificent dreams, your daring

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visions and outbursts, your impetuous,
seething power. But I should not want

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your writurn, blooming Youth. Only
with the grayness of the hair comes clear

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wisdom and that great aptitude for unprejudiced
reflection, which makes of all old men,

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philosophers, and often even sages.
End of chapter one, chapter two

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of The Man Who Found the Truth
by Leonit Nikolayevitch Andreyev translated by Herman Bernstein.

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This LibriVox recording is in the public
domain recording by Caroline. Those of

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my kind visitors who honor me by
expressing their delight, and even may this

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little indiscretion be forgiven me, even
their adoration of my spiritual clearness, can

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hardly imagine what I was when I
came to this prison. The tens of

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years which have passed over my head
and which have whitened my hair, cannot

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muffle the slight agitation which I experience
at the recollection of the first moments,

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when, with the creaking of the
rusty hinges, the fatal prison doors opened

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and then closed behind me. Forever
not endowed with literary talent, which in

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reality is an indomitable inclination to invent
and to lie, I shall attempt to

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introduce myself to my indulgent reader exactly
as I was at that remote time.

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I was a young man twenty seven
years of age, as I had occasion

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to mention before unrestrained, impetuous given
to abrupt deviations, a certain dreaminess peculiar

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to my age, a self respect
which was easily offended and which revolted at

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the slightest insignificant provocation. A passionate
impetuosity in solving world problems, fits of

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melancholy alternated by equally wild fits of
merriment. All this gave the young mathematician

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a character of extreme unsteadiness, of
sad and harsh discord. I must also

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mention the extreme pride, a family
trait which I inherited from my mother,

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and which often hindered me from taking
the advice of a riper and more experienced

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people than myself. Also, my
extreme obstinacy in carrying out my purposes,

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a good quality in itself, which
becomes dangerous, however, when the purpose

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in question is not sufficiently well founded
and considered. Thus, during the first

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days of my life confinement, I
behaved like all other fools who are thrown

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into prison. I shouted loudly and
of course vainly, about my innocence.

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I demanded violently my immediate freedom,
and even beat against the door and the

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walls with my fists. The door
and the walls naturally remained mute, while

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I caused myself a rather sharp pain. I remember I even beat my head

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against the wall, and for hours
I lay unconscious on the stone floor of

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my cell. And for some time, when I had grown desperate, I

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refused food until the persistent demands of
my organism defeated my obstinacy. I cursed

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my judges and threatened them with merciless
vengeance. At last I commenced to regard

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all human life, the whole world, even heaven, as an enormous injustice,

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a derision, and a mockery.
Forgetting that in my position I could

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hardly be unprejudiced. I came,
with the self confidence of youth, with

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the sickly pain of a prisoner,
gradually to the complete negation of life and

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its great meaning. Those were indeed
terrible days and nights. When crushed by

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the walls, getting no answer to
any of my questions, I paced my

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cell endlessly and hurled one after another
into the dark, abyss all the great

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valuables which life has bestowed upon us, friendship, love, reison, and

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justice. In some justification to myself, I may mention the fact that,

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during the first and most painfully years
of my imprisonment, a series of events

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happened which reflected themselves rather painfully upon
my psychic nature. Thus I learned with

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the profoundest indignation that the girl,
whose name I shall not mention, and

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who was to become my wife,
married another man. She was one of

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the few who believed in my innocence. At the last parting, she swore

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to me to remain faithful to me
unto death, and rather to die than

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betray her love for me. And
within one year after that she married a

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man I knew, who possessed certain
good qualities, but who was not at

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all a sensible man. I did
not want to understand at that time that

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such a marriage was natural on the
part of a young, healthy and beautiful

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girl. But alas we all forget
our natural science when we are deceived by

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the woman we love, may this
little jest be forgiven me. At the

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present time, Madame n is a
happy and respected mother, and this proves

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better than anything else. How wise
and entirely in accordance with the demands of

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nature and life was her marriage at
that time which vexed me so painfully.

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I must confess, however, that
at that time I was not at all

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calm her exceedingly amiable and kind letter
in which she notified me of her marriage,

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expressing profound regret that changed circumstances and
suddenly awakened love compelled her to break

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her promise to me. That amiable, truthful letter, scented with perfume,

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bearing the traces of her tender fingers, seemed to me a message from the

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devil himself. The letters of fire
burned my exhausted brains, and in a

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wild ecstasy, I shook the doors
of my cell and called violently, come,

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Let me look into your lying eyes, let me hear your lying voice.

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Let me but touch with my fingers
your tender throat, and pour into

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your death rattle my last bitter love. From this quote, my indulgent reader

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will see how right were the judges
who convicted me for murder. They had

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really foreseen in me a murderer.
My gloomy view of life at the time

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was aggravated by several other events.
Two years after the marriage of my fiancee.

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Consequently, three years after the first
day of my imprisonment, my mother

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died. She died, as I
learned, of profound grief for me.

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However strange it may seem she remained
fully convinced to the end of her days

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that I had committed the monstrous crime. Evidently, this conviction was an inexhaustible

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source of grief to her, the
chief cause of the gloomy melancholy which fettered

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her lips in silence and caused her
death through paralysis of the heart. As

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I was told, she never mentioned
my name nor the names of those who

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died so tragically, and she bequeathed
the entire enormous fortune which was supposed to

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have served as the motive for the
murder, to various charitable organizations. It

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is characteristic that even under such terrible
conditions, her motherly instinct did not forsake

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her altogether. In a PostScript to
the will, she left me a considerable

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sum which secures my existence, whether
I am in prison or at large.

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Now I understand that, however great
her grief may have been, that alone

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was not enough to cause her death. The real cause was her advanced age

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and a series of illnesses which had
undermined her once strong and sound organism.

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In the name of justice, I
must say that my father, a weak,

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charactered man, was not at all
a model husband and family man.

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By numerous betrayals, by falsehood and
deception, he had led my mother to

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despair, constantly offending her pride and
her strict, unbribable truthfulness. But at

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that time I did not understand it. The death of my mother seemed to

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me one of the most cruel manifestations
of universal injustice, and called forth a

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new dream of useless and sacrilegious curses. I do not know whether I ought

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to tire the attention of the reader
with the story of other events of a

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similar nature. I shall mention but
briefly, that one after another of my

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friends, who remained my friends from
the time when I was happy and free,

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stopped visiting me. According to their
words, they believed in my innocence,

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and at first warmly expressed to me
their sympathy. But our lives mine

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in prison and their set liberty were
so different that, gradually, under the

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pressure of perfectly natural causes such as
forgetfulness, official and other duties, the

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absence of mutual interests, they visited
me ever more and more rarely, and

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finally ceased to see me entirely.
I cannot recall without a smile that even

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the death of my mother even the
betrayal of the girl I loved did not

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arouse in me such a hopelessly bitter
feeling as these gentlemen, whose names I

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remember but vaguely now succeeded in resting
from my soul. What horror, what

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pain? My friends? You have
left me alone? My friends? Do

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you understand what you have done?
You have left me alone. Can you

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conceive of leaving a human being alone? Even a serpent has its mate,

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even a spider has its comrade,
And you have left a human being alone.

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You have given him a soul and
left him him alone. You have

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given him a hard a mind,
a hand for a handshake, lips for

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a kiss, and you have left
him alone. What shall he do now

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that you have left him alone?
Thus I exclaimed in my diary of a

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prisoner, tormented by woeful perplexities,
in my juvenile blindness, in the pain

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of my young, senseless heart,
I still did not want to understand that

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the solitude of which I complained so
bitterly, like the mind, was an

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advantage given to man over other creatures, in order to fence around the sacred

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mysteries of his soul from the stranger's
gaze. Let my serious reader, consider

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what would have become of life if
man were robbed of his right of his

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duty to be alone in the gathering
of idle chatterers, amid the dull collection

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of transparent glass dolls that kill each
other with their sameness. In the wild

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city, where all doors are open
and all windows are open, passers by

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look warily through the glass walls and
observe the same evidences of the hearth and

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the alcove. Only the creatures that
can be alone possessive face, while those

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that know no solitude, the great, blissful, sacred solitude of the soul,

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have snouts instead of faces. And
in calling my friends perfidious traitors,

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I, poor youth that I was, could not understand the wise law of

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life, according to which neither friendship, nor love, nor even the tenderest

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attachment of sister and mother is eternal. Deceived by the lies of the poets

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who proclaimed eternal friendship and love,
I did not want to see that which

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my indulgent reader observes from the windows
of his dwelling. How friends, relatives,

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mother and wife, in apparent despair
and in tears, follow their dead

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to the cemetery, and after a
lapse of some time return from there.

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No one buries himself altogether with the
dead. No one asks the dead to

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make a room in the thin.
And if the grief stricken wife exclaims,

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in an outburst of tears, oh
bury me together with him, she is

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merely expressing symbolically the extreme degree of
her despair. One could easily convince himself

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of this by trying in jest to
push her down into the grave. And

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those who restrain her are merely expressing
symbolically their sympathy and understanding, thus lending

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the necessary aspect of solemn grief to
the funeral custom. Man must subject himself

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to the laws of life, not
of death, nor to the fiction of

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the poets, however beautiful it may
be. But can the fictitious be beautiful?

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Is there are no beauty in the
stern truth of life, in the

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mighty work of its wise laws,
which subjects to itself with great disinterestedness the

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movements of the heavenly luminaries, as
well as the restless linking of the tiny

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creatures called human beings. End of
chapter two, Chapter three of The Man

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00:30:34.839 --> 00:30:41.640
Who Found the Truth by Leoniit Nikolayevitch
ch Andreyev, translated by Hermann Bernstein.

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This LibriVox recording is in the public
domain recording by Carolyn. Chapter three.

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00:30:52.839 --> 00:30:57.799
Thus, I lived sadly in my
prison for five or six years. The

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first redeeming ray flushed upon me when
I least expected it. En doubt,

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With the gift of imagination, I
made my former fiancee the object of all

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my thoughts. She became my love
and my dream. Another circumstance which suddenly

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revealed to me the ground under my
feet, was strange, as it may

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00:31:26.240 --> 00:31:32.079
seem, the conviction that it was
impossible to make my escape from prison.

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During the first period of my imprisonment, I, as a youthful and enthusiastic

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dreamer, made all kinds of plans
for escape, and some of them seemed

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to me entirely possible of realization.
Cheering deceptive hopes, this thought naturally kept

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me in a state of tense alarm
and hindered my attention from concentrating itself on

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more important and substantial matters. As
soon as I despaired of one plan,

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00:32:12.039 --> 00:32:16.079
I created another. But of course
I did not make any progress. I

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merely moved within a closed circle.
It is hardly necessary to mention that each

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transition from one plan to another was
accompanied by cruel sufferings which tormented my soul,

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just as the eagle tortured the body
of Prometheus. One day, while

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staring with a weary look at the
walls of my cell, I suddenly began

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to feel how irresistibly thick the stone
was, how strong the cement which kept

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it together, how skillfully and mathematically
this severe fortress was constructed. It is

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true my first sensation was extremely painful. It was perhaps a horror of hopelessness.

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I cannot recall what I did and
how I felt during the two or

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three months that followed. The first
note in my diary, after a long

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00:33:24.480 --> 00:33:32.640
period of silence, does not explain
very much. Briefly, I state only

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that they made new clothes for me, and that I had grown stout.

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The fact is that, after all
my hopes had been abandoned, the consciousness

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of the impossibility of my escape oncefore
all extinguished, also my painful alarm,

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and liberated my mind, which was
then already in blind to lofty contemplation and

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00:34:02.640 --> 00:34:10.559
the joys of mathematics. But the
following is the day I consider as the

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00:34:10.599 --> 00:34:19.760
first real day of my liberation.
It was a beautiful spring morning, May

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00:34:19.800 --> 00:34:28.079
sixth, and the bawmy invigorating air
was pouring into the open window. While

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00:34:28.400 --> 00:34:35.440
walking back and forth in my cell, I unconsciously glanced at each turn with

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00:34:35.800 --> 00:34:43.199
a vague interest, at the high
window, where the iron grate outlined its

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00:34:43.440 --> 00:34:52.039
form sharply and distinctly against the back
ground of the azure, cloudless sky.

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Why is the sky so beautiful through
the bars, I reflected as I walked.

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Is not this the effect of the
esthetic law of contrasts, according to

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00:35:07.280 --> 00:35:15.360
which azure stands out prominently beside black? Or is it not perhaps a manifestation

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of some other higher law, according
to which the infinite may be conceived by

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the human mind only when it is
brought within certain boundaries, for instance,

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when it is enclosed within a square. When I recalled that at the sight

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00:35:37.039 --> 00:35:43.840
of a wide open window which was
not protected by bars or of the sky,

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00:35:44.599 --> 00:35:50.400
I had usually experienced a desire to
fly, which was painful because of

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00:35:50.440 --> 00:35:58.280
its uselessness and absurdity, I suddenly
began to experience a feeling of tenderness for

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00:35:58.400 --> 00:36:06.639
the bars, tense gratitude, even
love forged by hand by the weak human

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00:36:06.840 --> 00:36:13.199
hand of some ignorant blacksmith who did
not even give himself an account of the

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00:36:13.280 --> 00:36:20.239
profound meaning of his creation. Placed
in the wall by an equally ignorant mason,

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it suddenly represented in itself a model
of beauty, nobility, and power.

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00:36:29.239 --> 00:36:36.920
Having seized the infinite within its iron
squares, it became congealed in cold

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and proud peace, frightening the ignorant, giving food for thought to the intelligent,

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00:36:44.599 --> 00:36:58.079
and delighting the sage. End of
chapter three, chapter four of The

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00:36:58.119 --> 00:37:04.400
Man Who Found the Truth by Leoni
T. Nikolayevitch Andreyev, translated by Hermann

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00:37:04.400 --> 00:37:10.760
Bernstein. This LibriVox recording is in
the public domain recording by Carolyn. Chapter

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00:37:10.800 --> 00:37:17.559
four. In order to make the
further narrative clearer to my indulgent reader,

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00:37:19.039 --> 00:37:24.119
I am compelled to say a few
words about the exclusive quite flattering, and

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00:37:24.239 --> 00:37:31.760
I fear not entirely deserved position which
I occupy in our prison. On one

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00:37:31.800 --> 00:37:39.119
hand, my spiritual clearness, my
rare and perfect view of life, and

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00:37:39.480 --> 00:37:45.880
the nobility of my feelings, which
impress all of those who speak to me.

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00:37:45.679 --> 00:37:52.480
And on the other hand, several
rather unimportant favors which I have done

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00:37:52.519 --> 00:37:59.760
to the warden, have given me
a series of privileges of which I avail

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00:37:59.800 --> 00:38:07.480
myself rather moderately, of course,
not desiring to upset the general plan and

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00:38:07.960 --> 00:38:15.719
system of our prison. Thus,
during the weekly visiting days, my visitors

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00:38:15.760 --> 00:38:21.760
are not limited to any special time
for their interviews, and all those who

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00:38:21.800 --> 00:38:29.840
wish to see me are admitted,
sometimes forming quite a large audience. Not

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00:38:30.280 --> 00:38:37.920
daring to accept altogether the assurances made
somewhat ironically by the Warden to the effect

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00:38:38.119 --> 00:38:45.519
that I would be the pride of
any prison, I may say, nevertheless,

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00:38:45.880 --> 00:38:51.679
without any false modesty, that my
words are treated with proper respect,

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00:38:52.119 --> 00:38:58.800
and that among my visitors I number
quite a few warm and enthusiastic admirers,

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00:38:59.320 --> 00:39:06.119
both me and and women. I
shall mention that the Warden himself and some

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00:39:06.159 --> 00:39:13.840
of his assistants honor me by their
visits, drawing from me strength and courage

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00:39:14.280 --> 00:39:19.760
for the purpose of continuing their hard
work. Of course, I use the

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00:39:19.800 --> 00:39:25.159
prison library freely, and even the
archives of the prison. And if the

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00:39:25.199 --> 00:39:31.519
Warden politely refused to grant my request
for an exact plan of the prison,

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00:39:32.159 --> 00:39:37.119
it is not at all because of
his lack of confidence in me, but

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00:39:37.360 --> 00:39:44.360
because such a plan is a state
secret Our Prison is a huge, five

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00:39:44.519 --> 00:39:51.119
story building situated in the outskirts of
the city, at the edge of a

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00:39:51.199 --> 00:39:59.639
deserted field overgrown with high grass.
It attracts the attention of the wayfarer by

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00:39:59.679 --> 00:40:07.239
its rigid outlines, promising him peace
and rest after his endless wanderings. Not

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00:40:07.360 --> 00:40:15.119
quite plastered, the building has retained
its natural dark red color of old brick,

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00:40:15.719 --> 00:40:22.760
and at close view, i am
told it produces a gloomy, even

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00:40:22.000 --> 00:40:31.119
threatening impression, especially on nervous people, to whom the red bricks recall blood

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00:40:31.199 --> 00:40:38.559
and bloody lumps of human flesh.
The small, dark, flat windows with

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00:40:38.880 --> 00:40:47.719
iron bars naturally complete the impression and
lend to the whole character of gloomy harmony

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00:40:49.440 --> 00:40:55.599
or stern beauty. Even during good
weather, when the sun shines upon Our

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00:40:55.840 --> 00:41:02.639
Prison, it does not lose any
of its darkened, grim importance, and

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00:41:02.840 --> 00:41:12.599
is constantly reminding the people that there
are laws in existence and that punishment awaits

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00:41:12.800 --> 00:41:20.199
those who break them. My cell
is on the fifth story, and migrated

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00:41:20.360 --> 00:41:27.480
window commands a splendid view of the
distant city and part of the deserted field

333
00:41:27.679 --> 00:41:32.360
to the right. On the left, beyond the boundary of my vision are

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00:41:32.400 --> 00:41:37.079
the outskirts of the city, and, as I am told, the church

335
00:41:37.159 --> 00:41:44.840
and the cemetery adjoining it. Of
the existence of the church and even the

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00:41:44.960 --> 00:41:52.679
cemetery I had known before from the
mournful tolling of the bells, which custom

337
00:41:52.840 --> 00:42:00.000
requires during the burial of the dead. Quite in keeping with the external's style

338
00:42:00.039 --> 00:42:07.920
of architecture, the interior arrangement of
our prison is also finished, harmoniously and

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00:42:08.199 --> 00:42:15.880
properly constructed. For the purpose of
conveying to the reader a clearer idea of

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00:42:15.079 --> 00:42:21.400
the prison. I will take the
liberty of giving the example of a fool

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00:42:21.960 --> 00:42:28.519
who might make up his mind to
run away from our prison. Admitting that

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00:42:28.840 --> 00:42:37.920
the brave fellow possessed supernatural herculean strength
and broke the lock of his room,

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00:42:37.639 --> 00:42:47.119
what would he find the corridor with
numerous grated doors, which could withstand cannonading

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00:42:47.880 --> 00:42:57.400
and armed keepers. Let us suppose
that he kills all the keepers, breaks

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00:42:57.599 --> 00:43:02.239
all the doors, and come out
into the yard. Perhaps he may think

346
00:43:02.320 --> 00:43:08.280
that he is already free. But
what of the walls, the walls which

347
00:43:08.480 --> 00:43:17.760
encircle our prison with three rings of
stone? I omitted the god advisedly.

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00:43:19.679 --> 00:43:24.760
The God is indefatigable day and night, I hear behind my doors the footsteps

349
00:43:24.760 --> 00:43:30.159
of the God day and night.
His eye watches me through the little window

350
00:43:30.199 --> 00:43:36.719
in my door, controlling my movements, reading on my face, my thoughts,

351
00:43:37.159 --> 00:43:42.199
my intentions, and my dreams.
In the daytime, I could deceive

352
00:43:42.320 --> 00:43:47.679
his attention with lies, assuming a
cheerful and carefree expression on my face.

353
00:43:49.440 --> 00:43:53.920
But I have rarely met the man
who could lie even in his sleep.

354
00:43:54.280 --> 00:43:59.599
No matter how much I would be
on my guard during the day, at

355
00:43:59.679 --> 00:44:05.400
night, I would betray myself by
an involuntary moan, by a twitch of

356
00:44:05.440 --> 00:44:12.079
the face, by an expression of
fatigue or grave, or by other manifestations

357
00:44:12.119 --> 00:44:19.679
of a guilty and uneasy conscience.
Only very few people of unusual will power

358
00:44:20.199 --> 00:44:25.519
are able to lie even in their
sleep, skillfully managing the features of their

359
00:44:25.599 --> 00:44:32.360
faces, sometimes even preserving a courteous
and bright smile on their lips, when

360
00:44:32.480 --> 00:44:39.599
their souls given over to dreams,
are quivering from the horrors of a monstrous

361
00:44:39.719 --> 00:44:47.559
nightmare. But as exceptions, these
cannot be taken into consideration. I am

362
00:44:47.679 --> 00:44:54.280
profoundly happy that I am not a
criminal, that my conscience is clear and

363
00:44:54.599 --> 00:45:00.920
calm. Read, my friend,
Read, I say to the watchful eye

364
00:45:00.960 --> 00:45:07.199
as I lay myself down to sleep
peacefully, you will not be able to

365
00:45:07.280 --> 00:45:13.159
read anything on my face. And
it was I who invented the window in

366
00:45:13.239 --> 00:45:19.880
the prison door. I feel that
my reader is astonished and smiles incredulously,

367
00:45:20.599 --> 00:45:27.079
mentally calling me an old liar.
But there are instances in which modesty is

368
00:45:27.280 --> 00:45:35.039
superfluous and even dangerous. Yes,
this simple and great invention belongs to me,

369
00:45:36.159 --> 00:45:40.800
just as Newton's system belongs to Newton, and as Kepler's laws of the

370
00:45:40.880 --> 00:45:49.880
Revolution of the Planets belong to Kepler. Later on, encouraged by the success

371
00:45:49.960 --> 00:45:54.599
of my invention, I devised and
introduced in our prison a series of little

372
00:45:54.599 --> 00:46:02.800
innovations which were concerned only with detail. Thus the form of chains and locks

373
00:46:02.960 --> 00:46:08.400
used in our prison has been changed. The little window in the door was

374
00:46:08.599 --> 00:46:15.199
my invention, and if anyone should
dare deny this, I would call him

375
00:46:15.199 --> 00:46:22.719
a liar and a scoundrel. I
came upon this invention under the following circumstances.

376
00:46:23.760 --> 00:46:30.480
One day, during the roll call, a certain prisoner killed with the

377
00:46:30.519 --> 00:46:36.679
iron leg of his bed the inspector
who entered his cell. Of course,

378
00:46:36.880 --> 00:46:42.880
the rascal was hanged in the yard
of our prison, and the administration light

379
00:46:42.960 --> 00:46:47.920
mindedly grew calm, but I was
in despair. The great purpose of the

380
00:46:47.960 --> 00:46:54.840
prison proved to be wrong, since
such horrible deeds were possible. How is

381
00:46:54.880 --> 00:47:00.840
it that no one had noticed that
the prisoner had broken off the leg of

382
00:47:00.920 --> 00:47:06.199
his bed? How is it that
no one had noticed the state of agitation

383
00:47:06.360 --> 00:47:13.280
in which the prisoner must have been
before committing the murder. By taking up

384
00:47:13.400 --> 00:47:20.119
the question so directly, I thus
approached considerably the solution of the problem.

385
00:47:20.719 --> 00:47:25.239
And indeed, after two or three
weeks had elapsed, I arrived simply and

386
00:47:25.440 --> 00:47:34.400
even unexpectedly, at my great discovery. I confess frankly that before telling my

387
00:47:34.519 --> 00:47:39.360
discovery to the warden of the prison, I experienced moments of a certain hesitation,

388
00:47:40.159 --> 00:47:45.840
which was quite natural in my position
of prisoner. To the reader,

389
00:47:46.079 --> 00:47:52.719
who may still be surprised at this
hesitation, knowing me to be a man

390
00:47:52.760 --> 00:47:59.760
of clear, unstained conscience, I
will answer by a quotation from my Diary

391
00:47:59.800 --> 00:48:07.480
of a prisoner relating to that period. How difficult is the position of the

392
00:48:07.599 --> 00:48:14.280
man who is convicted, though innocent
as I am, If he is sad,

393
00:48:14.840 --> 00:48:20.599
if his lips are sealed in silence
and his eyes are lowered, people

394
00:48:20.679 --> 00:48:25.559
say of him. He is repenting, he is suffering from pangs of conscience.

395
00:48:27.679 --> 00:48:32.519
If in the innocence of his heart
he smiles brightly and kindly, the

396
00:48:32.679 --> 00:48:39.599
keeper thinks there by a false and
faint smile, he wishes to hide his

397
00:48:40.000 --> 00:48:46.119
secret. No matter what he does, he seems guilty. Such is the

398
00:48:46.280 --> 00:48:52.119
force of the prejudice against which it
is necessary to struggle. But I am

399
00:48:52.159 --> 00:49:00.519
innocent, and I shall be myself
firmly confident that my spiritual clearness will destroy

400
00:49:00.800 --> 00:49:07.800
the malicious magic of prejudice. And
on the following day the warden of the

401
00:49:07.880 --> 00:49:14.920
prison pressed my hand warmly, expressing
his gratitude to me. And a month

402
00:49:15.039 --> 00:49:20.679
later little holes were made in all
doors in every prison in the land,

403
00:49:21.519 --> 00:49:29.920
thus opening a field for wide and
fruitful observation. The entire system of our

404
00:49:30.039 --> 00:49:37.119
prison life gives me deep satisfaction.
The hours for rising and going to bid

405
00:49:37.760 --> 00:49:45.639
for meals and walks are arranged so
rationally in accordance with the real requirements of

406
00:49:45.880 --> 00:49:52.719
nature, that soon they lose the
appearance of compulsion and become natural, even

407
00:49:53.159 --> 00:50:00.760
dear habits. Only in this way
can I explain the interesting fact fact that

408
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:06.239
when I was free, I was
a nervous and weak young man, susceptible

409
00:50:06.320 --> 00:50:12.960
to colds and illness, whereas in
prison I have grown considerably stronger, and

410
00:50:13.199 --> 00:50:17.800
that for my sixty years I am
enjoying an enviable state of health. I

411
00:50:17.840 --> 00:50:22.719
am not stout, but I am
not thin either. My lungs are in

412
00:50:22.800 --> 00:50:29.679
good condition, and I have saved
almost all my teeth, with the exception

413
00:50:29.760 --> 00:50:34.719
of two on the left side of
the jaw. I am good natured,

414
00:50:35.280 --> 00:50:42.800
even tempered. My sleep is sound, almost without any dreams, in figure

415
00:50:43.320 --> 00:50:49.199
in which an expression of calm,
power and self confidence predominates, and in

416
00:50:49.320 --> 00:50:55.800
face I resemble somewhat Michelangelo's Moses.
That is at least what some of my

417
00:50:57.000 --> 00:51:02.800
friendly visitors have told me. But
even more than by the regular and healthy

418
00:51:02.880 --> 00:51:10.880
regime, the strengthening of my soulent
body was helped by the wonderful yet natural

419
00:51:12.320 --> 00:51:20.440
peculiarity of our prison, which eliminates
entirely the accidental and the unexpected from its

420
00:51:20.559 --> 00:51:27.000
life. Having neither a family nor
friends, I am perfectly safe from the

421
00:51:27.119 --> 00:51:34.519
shocks so injurious to life, which
are caused by treachery, by the illness

422
00:51:34.800 --> 00:51:42.800
or death of relatives. Let my
indulgent reader recall how many people have perished

423
00:51:43.360 --> 00:51:50.679
before his eyes, not of their
own fault, but because capricious fate has

424
00:51:50.840 --> 00:51:57.440
linked them to people unworthy of them, without changing my feeling of love and

425
00:51:57.679 --> 00:52:04.719
trivial personal attachment. And I thus
make it foree for the broad and mighty

426
00:52:04.800 --> 00:52:12.559
love for all mankind, and as
mankind is immortal, not subjected to illness,

427
00:52:13.199 --> 00:52:20.880
and as a harmonious whole, it
is undoubtedly progressing towards perfection love,

428
00:52:21.159 --> 00:52:30.519
for it becomes the surest guarantee of
spiritual and physical soundness. My days clear,

429
00:52:30.079 --> 00:52:36.360
so are also my days of the
future, which are coming toward me

430
00:52:36.480 --> 00:52:42.719
in radiant and even order. A
murderer will not break into myself for the

431
00:52:42.760 --> 00:52:49.639
purpose of robbing me. A mad
automobile will not crush me. The illness

432
00:52:49.679 --> 00:52:55.719
of a child will not torture me. Cruel treachery will not steal its way

433
00:52:55.880 --> 00:53:04.639
to me from the darkness. My
mind is free, my heart is calm,

434
00:53:04.920 --> 00:53:10.519
My soul is clear and bright.
The clear and rigid rules of our

435
00:53:10.679 --> 00:53:17.599
prison define everything that I must not
do, thus freeing me from those unbearable

436
00:53:17.719 --> 00:53:27.280
hesitations, doubts, and errors with
which practical life is filled. True,

437
00:53:27.440 --> 00:53:34.519
sometimes there penetrates even into our prison
through its high walls, something which ignorant

438
00:53:34.679 --> 00:53:42.079
people call chance or even fate,
and which is only an inevitable reflection of

439
00:53:42.239 --> 00:53:47.679
the general laws. But the life
of the prison, agitated for a moment,

440
00:53:49.320 --> 00:53:55.079
quickly goes back to its habitual rut, like a river after an overflow.

441
00:53:57.360 --> 00:54:01.880
To this category of accidents belong the
above mentioned murder of the inspector,

442
00:54:02.599 --> 00:54:10.800
the rare and all Away's unsuccessful attempts
at escape, and also the executions which

443
00:54:12.039 --> 00:54:20.079
take place in one of the remotest
yards of our prison. There is still

444
00:54:20.199 --> 00:54:25.519
another peculiarity in the system of our
prison, which I consider most beneficial,

445
00:54:27.000 --> 00:54:32.239
and which gives to the whole thing
a character of stern and noble justice.

446
00:54:34.239 --> 00:54:39.360
Left to himself and only to himself, the prisoner cannot count upon support,

447
00:54:40.039 --> 00:54:47.360
or upon that spurious, wretched pity
which so often falls to the lot of

448
00:54:47.559 --> 00:54:57.599
weak people, disfiguring thereby the fundamental
purposes of nature. I confess that I

449
00:54:57.679 --> 00:55:02.400
think with a certain sense of pride, that if I am now enjoying general

450
00:55:02.599 --> 00:55:09.719
respect and admiration, if my mind
is strong, my will powerful, my

451
00:55:10.000 --> 00:55:16.079
view of life clear and bright,
I owe it only to myself. To

452
00:55:16.159 --> 00:55:22.960
my power and my perseverance. How
many weak people would have perished in my

453
00:55:22.119 --> 00:55:30.719
place as victims of madness, despair, or grieve. But I have conquered

454
00:55:30.920 --> 00:55:37.079
everything. I have changed the world. I gave to my soul the form

455
00:55:37.280 --> 00:55:45.440
which my mind desired. In the
desert, working alone, exhausted with fatigue,

456
00:55:45.840 --> 00:55:52.199
I have erected a stately structure in
which I now live joyously and calmly

457
00:55:53.039 --> 00:55:59.679
like a king. Destroy it,
and tomorrow I shall begin to build a

458
00:55:59.679 --> 00:56:05.199
news structure, and in my bloody
sweat, I shall erect it, for

459
00:56:05.400 --> 00:56:12.039
I must live. Forgive my involuntary
paths in the last lines, which is

460
00:56:12.280 --> 00:56:17.639
so unbecoming to my balanced and calm
nature. But it is hard to restrain

461
00:56:17.800 --> 00:56:24.239
myself when I recall the road I
have traveled. I hope, however,

462
00:56:24.760 --> 00:56:30.599
that in the future I shall not
darken the mood of my reader with any

463
00:56:30.679 --> 00:56:38.000
outbursts of agitated feelings. Only he
shouts, who is not confident of the

464
00:56:38.119 --> 00:56:45.880
truth of his words. Calm,
firmness, and cold simplicity are becoming to

465
00:56:45.960 --> 00:56:52.960
the truth. P s. I
do not remember whether I told you that

466
00:56:53.119 --> 00:57:00.679
the criminal who murdered my father has
not been found as yet. End of

467
00:57:00.840 --> 00:57:13.360
Chapter four, Chapter five of The
Man Who Found the Truth by Leonit Nikolayevitch

468
00:57:13.400 --> 00:57:20.079
Andreyev, translated by Hermann Bernstein.
This LibriVox recording is in the public domain

469
00:57:20.719 --> 00:57:29.719
recording by Carolyne. Chapter five.
Deviating from time to time from the calm

470
00:57:29.920 --> 00:57:36.840
form of a historical narrative, I
must pause on current events. Thus,

471
00:57:36.880 --> 00:57:42.920
I will permit myself to acquaint my
readers in a few lines with a rather

472
00:57:43.360 --> 00:57:50.599
interesting specimen of the human species,
which I have found accidentally in our prison.

473
00:57:52.039 --> 00:57:55.199
One afternoon a few days ago,
the warden came to me for the

474
00:57:55.360 --> 00:58:00.360
usual chat, and, among other
things, told me there was a very

475
00:58:00.480 --> 00:58:07.840
unfortunate man in prison at the time
upon whom I could exert a beneficent influence.

476
00:58:08.880 --> 00:58:15.159
I expressed my willingness in the most
cordial manner, and for several days

477
00:58:15.199 --> 00:58:23.719
in succession I have had long discussions
with the artist k by permission of the

478
00:58:23.800 --> 00:58:31.719
Warden. The spirit of hostility,
even of obstinacy, with which to my

479
00:58:31.920 --> 00:58:39.280
regret he met me at his first
visit, has now disappeared entirely. Under

480
00:58:39.360 --> 00:58:47.400
the influence of my discussion. Listening
willingly and with interest to my ever pacifying

481
00:58:47.599 --> 00:58:57.119
words, he gradually told me his
rather unusual story after a series of persistent

482
00:58:57.440 --> 00:59:04.800
questions. He is a man of
about twenty six or twenty eight, of

483
00:59:05.159 --> 00:59:12.400
pleasant appearance and rather good manners,
which show that he is a well bred

484
00:59:12.519 --> 00:59:20.119
man. A certain quite natural unrestraint
in his speech, a passionate vehemence with

485
00:59:20.280 --> 00:59:28.159
which he talks about himself occasionally,
a bitter, even ironical laughter, followed

486
00:59:28.320 --> 00:59:36.599
by painful pensiveness from which it is
difficult to arouse him even by a touch

487
00:59:36.679 --> 00:59:44.719
of the hand. These complete the
makeup of my new acquaintance. Personally to

488
00:59:44.880 --> 00:59:50.880
me, he is not particularly sympathetic, and, however strange it may seem,

489
00:59:51.400 --> 00:59:59.480
I am especially annoyed by his disgusting
habit of constantly moving his thin,

490
01:00:00.159 --> 01:00:07.360
emaciated fingers and clutching helplessly the hand
of the person with whom he speaks.

491
01:00:08.599 --> 01:00:16.239
Kay told me very little of his
past life. Well what is that tell?

492
01:00:16.840 --> 01:00:22.559
I am an artist, That's all, he repeated with a sorrowful grimace,

493
01:00:23.000 --> 01:00:29.679
and refused to talk about the immoral
act for which he was condemned to

494
01:00:29.840 --> 01:00:37.039
solitary confinement. I don't want to
corrupt you, Grandpa, live honestly,

495
01:00:37.880 --> 01:00:44.760
he would jest, in a somewhat
unbecoming familiar tone, which I tolerated simply

496
01:00:45.320 --> 01:00:52.039
because I wished to please the warden
of the prison, having learned from the

497
01:00:52.079 --> 01:00:59.239
prisoner the real cause of his sufferings, which sometimes assumed an acute form of

498
01:00:59.519 --> 01:01:07.519
violent and threats. During one of
these painful minutes, when Kay's willpower was

499
01:01:07.639 --> 01:01:14.840
weak as a result of insomnia from
which he was suffering, I seated myself

500
01:01:14.880 --> 01:01:21.639
on his bed and treated him in
general with fatherly kindness, and he blurted

501
01:01:21.679 --> 01:01:29.440
out everything to me right there and
then. Not desiring to tire the reader

502
01:01:29.559 --> 01:01:37.000
with an exact reproduction of his hysterical
outbursts, his laughter, and his tears,

503
01:01:37.559 --> 01:01:44.960
I shall give only the facts of
his story. Kay's grief, at

504
01:01:45.039 --> 01:01:50.199
first, not quite clear to me, consists of the fact that instead of

505
01:01:50.360 --> 01:01:57.119
paper or canvas for his drawings,
he was given a large slate and a

506
01:01:57.239 --> 01:02:02.599
slate pencil. By the way,
the art with which he mastered the material,

507
01:02:04.119 --> 01:02:08.079
which was new to him is remarkable. I have seen some of his

508
01:02:08.320 --> 01:02:14.800
productions, and it seems to me
that they could satisfy the taste of the

509
01:02:14.840 --> 01:02:22.800
most fastidious expert of graphic arts.
Personally, I am indifferent to the art

510
01:02:22.840 --> 01:02:30.400
of painting, preferring life and truthful
nature, thus owing to the nature of

511
01:02:30.440 --> 01:02:38.159
the material. Before commencing a new
picture, Kay had to destroy the previous

512
01:02:38.320 --> 01:02:45.199
one by wiping it off his slate, and this seemed to lead him every

513
01:02:45.320 --> 01:02:52.920
time to the ViRGE of madness.
You cannot imagine what it means, he

514
01:02:52.000 --> 01:03:00.000
would say, clutching my hands with
his thin, clinging fingers while I draw.

515
01:03:00.239 --> 01:03:05.800
You know, I forget entirely that
it is useless. I am usually

516
01:03:05.960 --> 01:03:10.400
very cheerful, and I even whistled
some tune, and once I was even

517
01:03:10.440 --> 01:03:15.840
incarcerated for that, as it is
forbidden to whistle in this curst prison.

518
01:03:16.760 --> 01:03:22.880
But that is a trifle, for
I had at least a good sleep there.

519
01:03:22.599 --> 01:03:27.840
But when I finish my picture,
no, even when I approach the

520
01:03:28.079 --> 01:03:34.000
end of the picture, I am
seized with a sensation so terrible that I

521
01:03:34.079 --> 01:03:39.360
feel like tearing the brain from my
head and trampling it with my feet.

522
01:03:39.960 --> 01:03:45.840
Do you understand me. I understand
you, my friend, I understand you

523
01:03:45.920 --> 01:03:52.840
perfectly, and I sympathize with you
really well. Then listen, old man,

524
01:03:53.159 --> 01:03:59.920
I make the last strokes with so
much pain, with such a sense

525
01:04:00.280 --> 01:04:04.880
of sorrow and hopelessness, as though
I were bidding goodbye to the person I

526
01:04:04.960 --> 01:04:12.039
loved best of all. But here
I have finished it. Do you understand

527
01:04:12.039 --> 01:04:16.199
what it means? It means that
it has assumed life, that it lives,

528
01:04:16.719 --> 01:04:21.679
that there is a certain mysterious spirit
in it. And yet it is

529
01:04:21.840 --> 01:04:28.719
already doomed to death. It is
dead, already dead like a herring.

530
01:04:29.360 --> 01:04:34.079
Can you understand it at all?
I do not understand it. And now

531
01:04:34.239 --> 01:04:43.559
imagine I fool that I am.
I nevertheless rejoice, I cry and rejoice.

532
01:04:44.599 --> 01:04:49.679
No I think this picture I shall
not destroy. It is so good

533
01:04:49.880 --> 01:04:56.119
that I shall not destroy. Yet
let it live. And it is a

534
01:04:56.239 --> 01:05:01.760
fact that at such times I do
not feel like drawing anything new. I

535
01:05:01.800 --> 01:05:09.079
have not the slightest desire for it, And yet it is dreadful. Do

536
01:05:09.199 --> 01:05:15.400
you understand me perfectly, my friend? No doubt the drawing ceases to please

537
01:05:15.480 --> 01:05:20.400
you on the following day. Oh, what nonsense you are prating, old

538
01:05:20.519 --> 01:05:28.480
man. That is exactly what he
said. Nonsense. How can a dying

539
01:05:28.679 --> 01:05:32.920
child cease to please you? Of
course, if he lived, he might

540
01:05:33.000 --> 01:05:39.719
have become a scoundrel. But when
he is dying, No, old man,

541
01:05:40.159 --> 01:05:44.519
that isn't it. For I am
killing it myself. I do not

542
01:05:44.760 --> 01:05:48.320
sleep all night long. I jump
up, I look at it, and

543
01:05:48.400 --> 01:05:55.280
I love it so dearly that I
feel like stealing it, stealing it from

544
01:05:55.360 --> 01:06:00.840
whom? What do I know?
But when morning sets in, I feel

545
01:06:00.880 --> 01:06:05.400
that I cannot do without it,
that I must take up that cursed pencil

546
01:06:05.559 --> 01:06:15.119
again and create a new What's a
mockery to create? What am I a

547
01:06:15.159 --> 01:06:21.840
galley slave? My friend? You
are in a prison, my dear old

548
01:06:23.039 --> 01:06:28.639
man. When I begin to steal
over to the slate with the sponge in

549
01:06:28.760 --> 01:06:33.559
my hand, I feel like a
murderer. It happens that I go around

550
01:06:33.599 --> 01:06:39.079
it for a day or two.
Do you know? One day I bit

551
01:06:39.199 --> 01:06:44.280
off a finger of my right hand
so as not to draw any more.

552
01:06:45.039 --> 01:06:49.239
But that, of course was only
a trifle, for I started to learn

553
01:06:49.440 --> 01:06:57.480
drawing with my left hand. What
is this necessity for creating? To create

554
01:06:57.559 --> 01:07:03.000
by all means, create for suffering, Create with the knowledge that it will

555
01:07:03.239 --> 01:07:11.119
all perish? Do you understand it? Finish it, my friend? Don't

556
01:07:11.199 --> 01:07:17.559
be agitated. Then I will expound
to you my views. Unfortunately, my

557
01:07:17.679 --> 01:07:26.400
advice hardly reached the ears of kay
In one of those paroxysms of despair which

558
01:07:26.679 --> 01:07:31.280
frightened the woden of our prison.
Kay began to throw himself about in his

559
01:07:31.440 --> 01:07:39.320
bed, tear his clothes, shout
and sob, manifesting in general all the

560
01:07:39.480 --> 01:07:46.840
symptoms of extreme mortification. I looked
at the sufferings of the unfortunate youth with

561
01:07:47.119 --> 01:07:55.920
deep emotion. Compared with me,
he was a youth vainly endeavoring to hold

562
01:07:56.000 --> 01:08:02.480
his fingers, which were tearing his
clothes. I knew that for this breach

563
01:08:02.559 --> 01:08:12.719
of discipline, new incarceration awaited him. Oh, impetuous youth, I thought,

564
01:08:13.159 --> 01:08:18.359
when he had grown somewhat calmer,
and I was tenderly unfolding his fine

565
01:08:18.479 --> 01:08:26.159
hair, which had become entangled,
how easily you fall into despair. A

566
01:08:26.199 --> 01:08:30.960
bit of drawing, which may in
the end fall into the hands of a

567
01:08:31.079 --> 01:08:39.239
dealer in old rags or a dealer
in old bronze and cemented porcelain, can

568
01:08:39.399 --> 01:08:45.399
cause you so much suffering. But
of course I did not tell this to

569
01:08:45.520 --> 01:08:54.159
my youthful friend, striving as anyone
should under similar circumstances, not to irritate

570
01:08:54.279 --> 01:09:00.880
him by unnecessary contradictions. Thank you, old man, an, said Kay,

571
01:09:01.479 --> 01:09:09.159
apparently calm now to tell the truth. You seemed very strange to me

572
01:09:09.239 --> 01:09:15.399
at first, your face is so
venerable, but your eyes have you murdered

573
01:09:15.479 --> 01:09:25.079
anybody? Old man? I deliberately
quote the malicious and careless phrase to show

574
01:09:25.199 --> 01:09:30.279
how, in the eyes of light
minded and shallow people, the stamp of

575
01:09:30.399 --> 01:09:40.359
a terrible accusation is transformed into the
stamp of the crime itself. Controlling my

576
01:09:40.560 --> 01:09:46.479
feeling of bitterness, I remarked calmly
to the impertinent youth. You are an

577
01:09:46.600 --> 01:09:51.960
artist, my child. To you
are known the mysteries of the human face,

578
01:09:53.600 --> 01:09:59.960
that flexible, mobile, and deceptive
mask, which, like the sea

579
01:10:00.479 --> 01:10:09.079
reflects the hurrying clouds and the azure
ether being green, the sea turns blue

580
01:10:09.199 --> 01:10:14.880
under the clear sky, and black
when the sky is black, when the

581
01:10:14.920 --> 01:10:20.199
heavy clouds are dark. What do
you want of my face over which hangs

582
01:10:20.239 --> 01:10:28.800
an accusation of the most cruel crime? But occupied with his own thoughts,

583
01:10:29.399 --> 01:10:34.399
the artist apparently paid no particular attention
to my words and continued, in a

584
01:10:34.439 --> 01:10:41.439
broken voice, what am I to
do? You saw my drawing? I

585
01:10:41.640 --> 01:10:46.399
destroyed it, and it is already
a whole week since I touched my pencil.

586
01:10:47.439 --> 01:10:55.000
Of course, he resumed, thoughtfully
rubbing his brow. It would be

587
01:10:55.079 --> 01:11:00.000
better to break the slate to punish
me. They would not give me another

588
01:11:00.159 --> 01:11:08.439
one. You had better return it
to the authorities. Very well. I

589
01:11:08.479 --> 01:11:13.800
may hold out another week, But
what then, I know myself, even

590
01:11:13.880 --> 01:11:18.920
now that devil is pushing my hand, Take the pencil. Take the pencil.

591
01:11:21.199 --> 01:11:28.239
At that moment, as my eyes
wandered distractedly over his cell, I

592
01:11:28.359 --> 01:11:35.920
suddenly noticed that some of the artist's
clothes hanging on the wall were unnaturally stretched,

593
01:11:36.479 --> 01:11:43.560
and one end was skillfully fastened by
the back of the court. Assuming

594
01:11:43.640 --> 01:11:47.680
an air that I was tired and
that I wanted to walk about in the

595
01:11:47.800 --> 01:11:54.520
cell, I staggered, as from
a quiver of senility in my legs,

596
01:11:55.039 --> 01:12:03.479
and pushed the clothes aside. The
entire wall was covered with drawings. The

597
01:12:03.600 --> 01:12:10.520
artist had already leaped from his court, and thus we stood facing each other

598
01:12:10.560 --> 01:12:16.079
in silence. I said, in
a tone of gentle reproach, how did

599
01:12:16.119 --> 01:12:20.399
you allow yourself to do this?
My friend? You know the rules of

600
01:12:20.600 --> 01:12:27.840
the prison, according to which no
inscriptions or drawings on the walls are permissible.

601
01:12:29.560 --> 01:12:36.760
I know no rules, said Km
rose Lee, and then I continued

602
01:12:38.199 --> 01:12:43.920
sternley. This time you lied to
me, my friend. You said you

603
01:12:44.039 --> 01:12:48.760
did not take the pencil into your
hand for a whole week. Of course

604
01:12:48.840 --> 01:12:57.079
I didn't, said the artist,
with a strange smile and even a challenge,

605
01:12:57.880 --> 01:13:02.039
even when caught read handed. But
he did not betray any signs of

606
01:13:02.119 --> 01:13:11.760
repentance, and looked rather sarcastic than
guilty. Having examined more closely the drawings

607
01:13:11.800 --> 01:13:19.079
on the wall, which represented human
figures in various positions, I became interested

608
01:13:19.159 --> 01:13:28.920
in the strange reddish yellow color of
an unknown pencil. Is this iodine?

609
01:13:29.199 --> 01:13:33.920
You told me that you had a
pain and that you secured iodine. No,

610
01:13:34.399 --> 01:13:42.680
it is blood blood. Yes,
I must say frankly that I even

611
01:13:42.880 --> 01:13:48.000
liked him at the moment. How
did you get it from my hand?

612
01:13:49.479 --> 01:13:55.800
From your hand? But how did
you manage to hide yourself from the eye

613
01:13:55.880 --> 01:14:04.279
that is watching you? He smiled
cunningly and even winked. Don't you know

614
01:14:04.399 --> 01:14:13.399
that you can always deceive if only
you want to do it. My sympathies

615
01:14:13.560 --> 01:14:18.359
for him were immediately dispersed. I
saw before me a man who was not

616
01:14:18.640 --> 01:14:27.840
particularly clever, but in all probability
terribly spoilt already, who did not even

617
01:14:27.920 --> 01:14:34.359
admit the thought that there are people
who simply cannot lie. Recalling, however,

618
01:14:34.920 --> 01:14:40.680
the promise I had made to the
warden. I assumed a calm air

619
01:14:40.760 --> 01:14:47.680
of dignity and said to him tenderly, as only a mother could speak to

620
01:14:47.760 --> 01:14:55.439
her child. Don't be surprised,
and don't condemn me for being so strict,

621
01:14:55.640 --> 01:15:00.479
My friend, I am an old
man. I have passed half of

622
01:15:00.640 --> 01:15:06.880
my life in this prison. I
have formed certain habits, like all old

623
01:15:08.199 --> 01:15:14.319
people, and submitting to all the
rules. Myself, I am perhaps overdoing

624
01:15:14.359 --> 01:15:19.840
it somewhat in demanding the same of
others. You will, of course wipe

625
01:15:19.960 --> 01:15:27.960
off these drawings yourself, although I
feel sorry for them, for I admire

626
01:15:28.079 --> 01:15:34.119
them sincerely, and I will not
say anything to the administration. We will

627
01:15:34.199 --> 01:15:43.800
forget all this as if nothing had
happened. Are you satisfied, he answered,

628
01:15:44.039 --> 01:15:50.800
drowsily, Very well. In our
prison, where we have the sad

629
01:15:50.880 --> 01:15:58.199
pleasure of being confined, everything is
arranged in accordance with a most purposeful plan,

630
01:15:58.840 --> 01:16:05.640
and is most strictly subjected to laws
and rules and the very strict order,

631
01:16:06.119 --> 01:16:12.159
on account of which the existence of
your creations is so short lived,

632
01:16:12.840 --> 01:16:19.479
and I may say ephemeral, is
full of the profoundest wisdom, allowing you

633
01:16:19.680 --> 01:16:28.680
to perfect yourself in your art it
wisely guards other people against the perhaps injurious

634
01:16:28.840 --> 01:16:34.399
influence of your productions. And in
any case, it completes, logically,

635
01:16:35.000 --> 01:16:43.840
finishes, enforces, and makes clear
the meaning of your solitary confinement. What

636
01:16:44.159 --> 01:16:50.479
does solitary confinement in our prison mean? It means that the prisoner should be

637
01:16:50.600 --> 01:16:58.319
alone. But would he be alone
if by his productions he would communicate in

638
01:16:58.399 --> 01:17:06.079
some way or other with other people? Outsight by the expression of Kese face,

639
01:17:06.600 --> 01:17:13.319
I noticed with a sense of profound
joy that my words had produced on

640
01:17:13.399 --> 01:17:19.399
him the proper impression, bringing him
back from the realm of poetic inventions to

641
01:17:19.520 --> 01:17:28.000
the land of stern but beautiful reality. And raising my voice, I continued,

642
01:17:29.319 --> 01:17:34.720
as for the rule you have broken, which forbids any inscriptions or drawings

643
01:17:34.760 --> 01:17:41.680
on the wall of our prison,
it is not less logical. Years will

644
01:17:41.920 --> 01:17:47.159
pass in your place. There may
be another prisoner like you, and he

645
01:17:47.279 --> 01:17:54.560
may see that which you have drawn. Shall this be tolerated? Just think

646
01:17:54.600 --> 01:17:59.720
of it? And what would become
of the walls of our prison if everyone

647
01:17:59.720 --> 01:18:06.840
who wished it were to leave upon
them his profane marks to the devil with

648
01:18:06.920 --> 01:18:14.520
it. This is exactly how Kay
expressed himself. He said it loudly,

649
01:18:15.239 --> 01:18:20.600
even with an air of calmness.
What do you mean to say by this,

650
01:18:20.880 --> 01:18:27.840
my youthful friend. I wish to
say that you may perish here,

651
01:18:27.960 --> 01:18:34.000
my old friend, But I shall
leave this place. You cannot escape from

652
01:18:34.039 --> 01:18:43.199
our prison, I retorted, sternly. Have you tried? Yes, I

653
01:18:43.239 --> 01:18:50.880
have tried. He looked at me
incredulously and smiled. He smiled, You

654
01:18:51.000 --> 01:18:59.000
are a coward, old man,
You are simply a miserable coward. I

655
01:18:59.560 --> 01:19:06.760
a cow Oh with that self satisfied
puppy knew what a tempest of rage he

656
01:19:06.800 --> 01:19:13.119
had aroused in my soul. He
would have squealed for fright, and would

657
01:19:13.159 --> 01:19:18.600
have hidden himself on the bed.
Ah a coward. The world has crumbled

658
01:19:18.720 --> 01:19:26.399
upon my head and has not crushed
me, and out of its terrible fragments,

659
01:19:26.840 --> 01:19:31.399
I have created a new world according
to my own design and plan.

660
01:19:32.239 --> 01:19:41.680
All the evil forces of life,
solitude, imprisonment, treachery, and falsehood

661
01:19:42.359 --> 01:19:47.680
all have taken up arms against me. But I have subjected them all to

662
01:19:47.840 --> 01:19:55.159
my will. And I who have
subjected to myself even my dreams. I

663
01:19:55.199 --> 01:20:01.399
am a coward, but I shall
not tire the attention of my indulgent reader

664
01:20:02.039 --> 01:20:11.720
with these lyrical deviations which have no
bearing on the matter. I continue,

665
01:20:12.079 --> 01:20:17.720
after a pause, broken only by
Cay's loud breathing, I said to him,

666
01:20:17.840 --> 01:20:25.399
sadly, I a coward, And
you say this to the man who

667
01:20:25.439 --> 01:20:30.039
came with the sole aim of helping
you, of helping you, not only

668
01:20:30.119 --> 01:20:38.479
in word, but also indeed you
wish to help me in what? Why?

669
01:20:40.159 --> 01:20:46.239
I will get you paper and pencil. The artist was silent, and

670
01:20:46.600 --> 01:20:57.039
his voice was soft and timid when
he asked, hesitatingly, and my drawings

671
01:20:57.600 --> 01:21:05.279
will remain, Yes, they will
remain. It is hard to describe the

672
01:21:05.439 --> 01:21:14.039
vehement delight into which the exalted young
man was thrown. Naive and pure hearted

673
01:21:14.159 --> 01:21:20.960
youth knows no bounds, either in
grief or enjoy. He pressed my hand

674
01:21:21.359 --> 01:21:29.840
warmly, shook me, disturbing my
old bones. He called me friend,

675
01:21:30.520 --> 01:21:38.399
father, even dear old Fizz,
and a thousand other endearing and somewhat naive

676
01:21:38.640 --> 01:21:45.560
names. To my regret, our
conversation lasted too long, and nonwithstanding the

677
01:21:45.760 --> 01:21:51.840
entreaties of the young man, who
would not part with me, I hurried

678
01:21:51.960 --> 01:21:59.159
away to my cell. I did
not go to the warden of the prison,

679
01:21:59.640 --> 01:22:06.199
as I felt somewhat agitated at that
remote time. I paced my cell

680
01:22:06.800 --> 01:22:14.760
until late in the night, striving
to understand what means of escaping from our

681
01:22:15.039 --> 01:22:20.960
praisin that rather foolish young man could
have discovered. Was it possible to run

682
01:22:21.000 --> 01:22:28.079
away from our praisin? No,
I could not admit, and I must

683
01:22:28.399 --> 01:22:34.439
not admit it. And gradually conjuring
up in my memory everything I knew about

684
01:22:34.479 --> 01:22:42.840
our prison, I understood that Kay
must have hit upon an old plan which

685
01:22:42.880 --> 01:22:48.119
I had long discarded, and that
he would convince himself of its impracticability.

686
01:22:48.880 --> 01:22:58.199
Even as I convinced myself it is
impossible to escape from our prisin. But

687
01:22:58.880 --> 01:23:05.319
tormented I doubts. I measured my
lonely cell for a long time, thinking

688
01:23:05.359 --> 01:23:14.039
of various plans that might relieve Kayse
position and thus divert him from the idea

689
01:23:14.600 --> 01:23:20.159
of making his escape. He must
not run away from our prison under any

690
01:23:20.199 --> 01:23:30.279
circumstances. Then I gave myself to
peaceful and sound sleep, with which benevolent

691
01:23:30.520 --> 01:23:39.319
nature has rewarded those who have a
clear conscience and a pure soul. By

692
01:23:39.439 --> 01:23:44.600
the way, lest I forget,
I shall mention the fact that I destroyed

693
01:23:44.760 --> 01:23:49.479
my diary of a prisoner that night. I had long wished to do it,

694
01:23:50.039 --> 01:23:57.960
but the natural pity and faint hearted
love which we feel for our blunders

695
01:23:58.079 --> 01:24:05.760
and our shortcomings restrained me. Besides, there was nothing in my diary that

696
01:24:05.960 --> 01:24:12.319
could have compromised me in any way, and if I have destroyed it now,

697
01:24:12.800 --> 01:24:19.560
it is due solely to my desire
to throw my past into oblivion and

698
01:24:19.840 --> 01:24:28.960
to save my reader from the tediousness
of long complaints and moans, from the

699
01:24:29.039 --> 01:24:38.520
horror of sacrilegious cursings. May it
rest in peace. End of chapter five,

700
01:24:45.239 --> 01:24:50.000
Chapter six of The Man Who Found
the Truth by Leonid Nikolayevitch Andreyev,

701
01:24:50.680 --> 01:24:59.159
translated by Hermann Bernstein. This LibriVox
recording is in the public domain recording by

702
01:24:59.239 --> 01:25:08.199
Caroline. Chapter six. Having conveyed
to the warden of our prison the contents

703
01:25:08.199 --> 01:25:14.479
of my conversation with Kay, I
asked him not to punish the young man

704
01:25:14.600 --> 01:25:21.159
for spoiling the walls, which would
thus betray me, and I to save

705
01:25:21.560 --> 01:25:29.079
the youth suggested the following plan,
which was accepted by the warden after a

706
01:25:29.199 --> 01:25:36.479
few purely formal objections. It is
important for him, I said that his

707
01:25:36.760 --> 01:25:43.920
drawings should be preserved, but it
is apparently a material to him in whose

708
01:25:44.000 --> 01:25:50.840
possession these drawings are, Let him
then avail himself of his art. Paint

709
01:25:50.960 --> 01:25:57.960
your portrait, mister Warden, and
after that the portraits of the entire staff

710
01:25:58.000 --> 01:26:02.560
of your officials, to say nothing
of the honor you would show him by

711
01:26:02.600 --> 01:26:10.520
this condescension, In honor which he
will surely know how to appreciate. The

712
01:26:10.560 --> 01:26:15.640
painting may be useful to you as
a very original ornament in your drawing room

713
01:26:16.239 --> 01:26:25.159
or study. Besides, nothing will
prevent us from destroying the drawings if we

714
01:26:25.199 --> 01:26:31.399
should not care for them. For
the naive and somewhat selfish young man apparently

715
01:26:31.520 --> 01:26:41.279
does not even admit the thought that
anybody's hand would destroy his productions. Smiling,

716
01:26:41.720 --> 01:26:47.880
the Warden suggested, with a politeness
that flattered me extremely, that the

717
01:26:48.000 --> 01:26:56.039
series of portraits should commence with mine. I quote word for a word,

718
01:26:56.760 --> 01:27:03.960
that which the Warden said to me, your face actually calls for reproduction on

719
01:27:04.079 --> 01:27:13.319
canvas. We shall hang your portray
in the office the zeal of creativeness.

720
01:27:13.960 --> 01:27:19.800
These are the only words I can
apply to the passionate, silent agitation in

721
01:27:19.880 --> 01:27:30.079
which k reproduced my features. Usually
talkative, he now maintained silence for hours,

722
01:27:30.680 --> 01:27:35.960
leaving an unset my jests and remarks. Be silent, old man,

723
01:27:36.079 --> 01:27:43.479
Be silent. You are at your
best when you are silent, he repeated,

724
01:27:43.680 --> 01:27:49.039
persistently, calling forth an involuntary smile. By his zeal. As a

725
01:27:49.159 --> 01:27:59.560
professional, my portray would remind you, my indulgent reader, of that mysterious

726
01:27:59.640 --> 01:28:06.920
peculit ccliarity of artists, according to
which they very often transmit their own feelings,

727
01:28:08.479 --> 01:28:14.319
even their external features, to the
subject upon which they are working,

728
01:28:15.439 --> 01:28:24.159
thus reproducing with remarkable likeness. The
lower part of my face wear kindness and

729
01:28:24.399 --> 01:28:33.560
the expression of authoritativeness and calm dignity
are so harmoniously blended. Kay undoubtedly introduced

730
01:28:33.600 --> 01:28:43.680
into my eyes his own suffering and
even his horror, their fixed immobile gaze,

731
01:28:44.479 --> 01:28:50.319
madness, glimmering somewhere in their depth, the painful eloquence of a deep

732
01:28:50.479 --> 01:29:00.840
and infinitely lonely soul. All that
was not mine is this eye, I

733
01:29:00.960 --> 01:29:09.479
exclaimed, laughing, when from the
canvas this terrible face, full of wild

734
01:29:09.800 --> 01:29:15.720
contradictions stared at me, my friend. I do not congratulate you on this

735
01:29:15.880 --> 01:29:23.479
portrait. I do not think it
is successful. It is you, old

736
01:29:23.600 --> 01:29:30.279
man. You, It is well
drawn. You criticize it wrongly. Where

737
01:29:30.359 --> 01:29:35.880
will you hang it? He grew
talkative again, like a magpie, that

738
01:29:36.199 --> 01:29:44.199
amiable young man, and all because
his wretched painting was to be preserved for

739
01:29:44.239 --> 01:29:50.920
some time. Oh impetuous, oh
happy youth. Here I could not restrain

740
01:29:51.119 --> 01:29:58.119
myself from a little jest for the
purpose of teaching a lesson to the self

741
01:29:58.159 --> 01:30:04.399
confident youngster. So I asked him
with a smile, Well, my artist,

742
01:30:04.520 --> 01:30:12.680
what do you think am I murderer
or not? The artist, closing

743
01:30:12.800 --> 01:30:19.199
one eye, examined me and the
portray critically. Then whistling a polka,

744
01:30:19.880 --> 01:30:28.039
he answered recklessly, the devil knows
you, old man. I smiled,

745
01:30:28.960 --> 01:30:34.720
kay understood my jest at last burst
out laughing, and then said, with

746
01:30:35.119 --> 01:30:41.960
sudden seriousness, you are speaking of
the human face. But do you know

747
01:30:42.159 --> 01:30:47.319
that there is nothing worse in the
world than the human face. Even when

748
01:30:47.359 --> 01:30:54.560
it tells the troth, when it
shouts about the truth, it lies.

749
01:30:55.119 --> 01:31:00.920
It lies, old man, for
it speaks its own language. Do you

750
01:31:00.079 --> 01:31:05.079
know, old man? A terrible
incident happened to me. It was in

751
01:31:05.119 --> 01:31:12.199
one of the picture galleries in Spain. I was examining a portrait of Christ

752
01:31:12.760 --> 01:31:21.079
when suddenly Christ, you understand Christ, great eyes, dark terrible, suffering,

753
01:31:21.760 --> 01:31:29.600
sorrow, grief, love, well
in a word Christ. Suddenly I

754
01:31:29.720 --> 01:31:35.680
was struck with something. Suddenly it
seemed to me that it was the face

755
01:31:35.800 --> 01:31:43.920
of the greatest wrongdoer, tormented by
the greatest, unheard of woes of repentance?

756
01:31:44.800 --> 01:31:48.199
Old man, why do you look
at me, so, old man?

757
01:31:50.079 --> 01:31:56.680
Nearing my eyes to the very face
of the artist, I asked him

758
01:31:56.680 --> 01:32:03.359
in a cautious whisper, as the
occasion required dividing each word from the other.

759
01:32:04.840 --> 01:32:11.439
Don't you think that when the devil
tempted him in the desert, he

760
01:32:11.600 --> 01:32:18.279
did not renounce him, as he
said later, but consented sold himself.

761
01:32:18.920 --> 01:32:27.039
That he did not renounce the devil, but sold himself. Do you understand?

762
01:32:27.720 --> 01:32:34.479
Does not that passage in the Gospel
seem doubtful to you? Extreme fright

763
01:32:34.960 --> 01:32:41.840
was expressed on the face of my
young friend. Forcing the palms of his

764
01:32:42.079 --> 01:32:47.199
hands against my chest as if to
push me away. He ejaculated in a

765
01:32:47.319 --> 01:32:56.199
voice so low that I could hardly
hear his indistinct words. What you say,

766
01:32:56.319 --> 01:33:04.239
Jesus sold himself? What for?
I explained softly that the people,

767
01:33:04.479 --> 01:33:15.880
my child, that the people should
believe him. Well, I smiled Kay's

768
01:33:15.960 --> 01:33:23.239
eyes became round as if a news
was strangling him. Suddenly, with that

769
01:33:23.680 --> 01:33:30.159
lack of respect for old age,
which was one of his characteristics, he

770
01:33:30.279 --> 01:33:34.760
threw me down on the bed with
a sharp thrust and jumped away into a

771
01:33:34.840 --> 01:33:42.920
corner. When I was slowly getting
up from the awkward position into which the

772
01:33:43.079 --> 01:33:48.760
unrestraint of that young man had forced
me, I fell backward, with my

773
01:33:49.000 --> 01:33:55.560
head between the pillow and the back
of the bed. He cried to me

774
01:33:55.840 --> 01:34:01.279
loudly, don't you dare, don't
you dare, Get up, you devil.

775
01:34:03.039 --> 01:34:09.239
But I did not think of rising
to my feet. I simply sat

776
01:34:09.439 --> 01:34:15.760
down on the bed and thus seated. With an involuntary smile. At the

777
01:34:15.880 --> 01:34:21.119
passionate outburst of the youth, I
shook my head good natured glee, and

778
01:34:21.439 --> 01:34:29.640
laughed, Oh young man, young
man, you yourself have drawn me into

779
01:34:29.720 --> 01:34:38.680
this theological conversation. But he stared
at me stubbornly, wide eyed, and

780
01:34:38.920 --> 01:34:45.039
kept repeating, sit there, sit
there. I did not say this.

781
01:34:45.760 --> 01:34:51.159
No, no, you said it, young man. You do you remember

782
01:34:51.359 --> 01:34:57.479
Spain the picture gallery? You said
it, and now you deny it,

783
01:34:58.079 --> 01:35:06.079
mocking my clumsy old age. Oh
Kay, suddenly lowered his hands and admitted

784
01:35:06.159 --> 01:35:12.880
in a low voice. Yes,
I said it, but you, old

785
01:35:13.079 --> 01:35:18.920
man, I do not remember what
he said after that. It is so

786
01:35:19.199 --> 01:35:28.319
hard to recall all the childish chatter
of this kind, But unfortunately too light

787
01:35:28.520 --> 01:35:33.880
minded, young man, I remember
only that we parted as friends, and

788
01:35:34.159 --> 01:35:42.279
he pressed my hand warmly, expressing
to me his sincere gratitude, even calling

789
01:35:42.359 --> 01:35:48.399
me so far as I can remember, his savior. By the way I

790
01:35:48.520 --> 01:35:55.520
succeeded in convincing the warden that the
portrait of even such a man as I,

791
01:35:56.399 --> 01:36:01.079
after all a prisoner, was out
of place in such a solemn official

792
01:36:01.279 --> 01:36:06.880
room as the office of our prison. And now the portrait hangs on the

793
01:36:06.920 --> 01:36:15.920
wall of my cell, pleasantly breaking
the cold monotony of the pure white walls,

794
01:36:16.159 --> 01:36:21.079
leaving for a time our artist,
who is now carried away by the

795
01:36:21.119 --> 01:36:30.239
portrait of the warden. I shall
continue my story. End of chapter six.

796
01:36:35.479 --> 01:36:42.399
Chapter seven of The Man Who Found
the Truth by Leonit Nikolayevich Andreyev,

797
01:36:42.960 --> 01:36:48.840
translated by Hermann Bernstein. This LibriVox
recording is in the public domain recording by

798
01:36:48.920 --> 01:36:58.560
Carolyn. Chapter seven. My spiritual
clearness, as I had the pleasure of

799
01:36:58.680 --> 01:37:04.000
informing the reader before, has built
up for me a considerable circle of men

800
01:37:04.039 --> 01:37:13.000
and women admirers with self evident emotion. I shall tell of the pleasant hours

801
01:37:13.039 --> 01:37:20.840
of our hearty conversations, which I
modestly call my talks. It is difficult

802
01:37:20.880 --> 01:37:26.479
for me to explain how I deserved
it, but the majority of those who

803
01:37:26.520 --> 01:37:32.119
come to me regard me with a
feeling of the profoundest respect, even adoration.

804
01:37:32.720 --> 01:37:38.199
And only a few come for the
purpose of arguing with me. But

805
01:37:38.600 --> 01:37:45.119
these arguments are usually of a moderate
and proper character. I usually seat myself

806
01:37:45.199 --> 01:37:50.399
in the middle of the rim,
in a soft and deep armchair, which

807
01:37:50.520 --> 01:37:58.279
is furnished me for this occasion by
the warden. My hearers surround me closely,

808
01:37:58.840 --> 01:38:04.079
and some of them, the more
enthusiastic youths and maidens, seat themselves

809
01:38:04.159 --> 01:38:11.079
at my feet. Having before me
an audience more than half of which is

810
01:38:11.239 --> 01:38:17.319
composed of women and entirely disposed in
my favor, I always appeal not so

811
01:38:17.520 --> 01:38:25.800
much to the mind as to the
sensitive and truthful heart. Fortunately, I

812
01:38:25.920 --> 01:38:33.000
possess a certain oratorical power and the
customary effects of the oratorical art, to

813
01:38:33.119 --> 01:38:41.680
which all preachers, beginning in all
probability with Mohammed, have resorted and which

814
01:38:41.680 --> 01:38:47.119
I can handle rather cleverly allow me
to influence my hearers in the desired direction.

815
01:38:48.199 --> 01:38:54.600
It is easily understood that to the
dear ladies in my audience, I

816
01:38:54.640 --> 01:39:00.319
am not so much the sage who
has solved the mystery of the iron gait,

817
01:39:00.920 --> 01:39:06.439
as the great martyr of a righteous
cause which they do not quite understand.

818
01:39:08.279 --> 01:39:14.800
Shunning abstract discussions, they eagerly hang
on every word of compassion and kindness

819
01:39:15.279 --> 01:39:20.600
and respond with the same, allowing
them to love me and to believe in

820
01:39:20.680 --> 01:39:27.439
my immutable knowledge of life. I
effort them the happy opportunity to depart,

821
01:39:27.520 --> 01:39:32.680
at least for a time, from
the coldness of life, from its painful

822
01:39:32.960 --> 01:39:41.119
doubts and questions. I say openly
without any false modesty, which I despise,

823
01:39:41.279 --> 01:39:45.520
even as I despise hypocrisy. There
were lectures at which I, myself,

824
01:39:45.640 --> 01:39:51.159
being in a state of exaltation,
called forth in my audience, especially

825
01:39:51.199 --> 01:39:58.600
in my nervous lady visitors, a
mood of intense agitation, which turned into

826
01:39:58.720 --> 01:40:03.119
hysterical love and tears. Of course, I am not a prophet. I

827
01:40:03.159 --> 01:40:09.399
am merely a modest thinker. But
no one would succeed in convincing my lady

828
01:40:09.479 --> 01:40:15.920
admirers, that there is no prophetic
meaning and significance in my speeches. I

829
01:40:16.000 --> 01:40:21.760
remember one such lecture which took place
two months ago. The night before I

830
01:40:21.800 --> 01:40:29.079
could not sleep as soundly as I
usually slept. Perhaps it was simply because

831
01:40:29.119 --> 01:40:34.439
of the full moon, which affects
sleep, disturbing and interrupting it. I

832
01:40:34.520 --> 01:40:42.640
vaguely remember the strange sensation which I
experienced when the pale crescent of the moon

833
01:40:42.720 --> 01:40:49.560
appeared in my window and the iron
squares cut it with ominous black lines into

834
01:40:49.600 --> 01:40:58.000
small silver squares. When I started
for the lecture, I felt exhausted and

835
01:40:58.199 --> 01:41:03.479
rather inclined to silent lends, then
to conversation. The vision of the night

836
01:41:03.600 --> 01:41:11.680
before disturbed me. But when I
saw those dear faces, those eyes full

837
01:41:11.720 --> 01:41:16.079
of hope and ardent and treity for
friendly advice, When I saw before me

838
01:41:16.279 --> 01:41:24.319
that rich field already plowed, waiting
only for the good seat to be sown,

839
01:41:24.960 --> 01:41:30.760
my heart began to burn with delight, pity, and love. Avoiding

840
01:41:30.800 --> 01:41:39.199
the customary formalities which accompany the meetings
of people, declining the hands outstretched to

841
01:41:39.399 --> 01:41:45.159
great me, I turned to the
audience, which was agitated at the very

842
01:41:45.319 --> 01:41:49.680
sight of me, and gave them
my blessing with a gesture to which I

843
01:41:49.800 --> 01:41:57.600
know how to lend a peculiar majesty. Come on to me, I exclaimed,

844
01:41:58.279 --> 01:42:01.159
Come on to me, you who
have gone away from that life.

845
01:42:02.039 --> 01:42:09.840
Here, in this quiet abode,
under the sacred protection of the iron grate

846
01:42:10.479 --> 01:42:15.680
at my heart, overflowing with love, you will find rest and comfort.

847
01:42:16.640 --> 01:42:24.680
My beloved children, Give me your
sad soul, exhausted from suffering, and

848
01:42:24.760 --> 01:42:30.000
I shall clothe it with light.
I shall carry it to those blissful lands

849
01:42:30.640 --> 01:42:38.960
where the sun of eternal truth and
love never sets. Many had begun to

850
01:42:39.119 --> 01:42:45.520
cry already, but as it was
too early for tears, I interrupted them

851
01:42:45.560 --> 01:42:51.960
with a gesture of fatherly impatience,
and continued, You, dear girl,

852
01:42:53.239 --> 01:42:59.560
who came from the world which calls
itself free? What gloomy shadows lie on

853
01:42:59.640 --> 01:43:04.560
your charming and beautiful face? And
you, my darling youth, why are

854
01:43:04.600 --> 01:43:11.199
you so pale? Why do I
see, instead of the ecstasy of victory,

855
01:43:11.840 --> 01:43:16.119
the fear of defeating your lowered eyes? And you, honest mother,

856
01:43:16.760 --> 01:43:24.920
tell me what wind has made your
eyes so red? What furious rain has

857
01:43:25.079 --> 01:43:31.159
lashed your wizened face? What snow
has whitened your hair, for it used

858
01:43:31.359 --> 01:43:39.119
to be dark. But the weeping
and the sobs drowned the end of my

859
01:43:39.399 --> 01:43:44.520
speech. And besides, I admitted, without feeling ashamed of it, I

860
01:43:44.600 --> 01:43:51.560
myself brushed away more than one treacherous
tear from my eyes, without allowing the

861
01:43:51.640 --> 01:44:00.359
agitation to subside completely. I cooled
in a voice of stern and truthful reproach.

862
01:44:00.560 --> 01:44:06.399
Do not weep, because your soul
is dark, stricken with misfortunes,

863
01:44:06.880 --> 01:44:13.880
blinded by chaos, clipped off its
wings by doubts. Give it to me,

864
01:44:14.079 --> 01:44:18.640
and I shall direct it towards the
light, toward order and reason.

865
01:44:19.680 --> 01:44:27.159
I know the truth. I have
conceived the world. I have discovered the

866
01:44:27.199 --> 01:44:32.800
great principle of its purpose. I
have solved the sacred formula of the iron

867
01:44:32.960 --> 01:44:39.479
grate. I demand of you swear
to me, by the cold iron of

868
01:44:39.560 --> 01:44:45.600
its squares, that henceforth you will
confess to me, without shame or fear,

869
01:44:45.159 --> 01:44:51.640
all your deeds, your errors and
doubts, all the secret thoughts of

870
01:44:51.760 --> 01:44:59.960
your soul, and the dreams and
desires of your body. We swear,

871
01:45:00.279 --> 01:45:05.119
we swear, we swear, save
us, reveal us the truth, Take

872
01:45:05.159 --> 01:45:13.439
our sins upon yourself, save us, Save us, numerous exclamations resound it.

873
01:45:14.600 --> 01:45:19.920
I must mention the sad incident which
occurred during that same lecture. At

874
01:45:20.039 --> 01:45:27.600
the moment when the excitement reached its
height, and the hearts had already opened,

875
01:45:28.079 --> 01:45:33.279
ready to unburden themselves, a certain
youth, looking more rose and embittered,

876
01:45:33.840 --> 01:45:42.920
exclaimed loudly, evidently addressing himself to
me, liar, do not listen

877
01:45:43.000 --> 01:45:49.680
to him. He is lying.
The indulgent reader will easily believe that it

878
01:45:49.840 --> 01:45:58.239
was only by a great effort that
I succeeded in saving the incautious youth from

879
01:45:58.600 --> 01:46:04.439
the fury of the audience, offended
in that which is most precious to a

880
01:46:04.560 --> 01:46:12.359
human being, his faith in goodness
and the divine purpose of life. My

881
01:46:12.560 --> 01:46:17.920
women admirers rushed upon the foolish youth
in a mob and would have beaten him

882
01:46:18.039 --> 01:46:26.399
cruelly. Remembering, however, that
there was more joy to the pastor in

883
01:46:26.600 --> 01:46:32.279
one sinner who repents than in ten
righteous men, I took the young man

884
01:46:32.319 --> 01:46:40.359
aside where no one could hear us, and entered into a brave conversation with

885
01:46:40.560 --> 01:46:46.840
him. Did you call me a
liar? My child? Moved by my

886
01:46:47.039 --> 01:46:56.359
kindness, the poor young man became
confused and answered hesitatingly, pardon me for

887
01:46:56.479 --> 01:47:00.239
my harshness, but it seems to
me that you are not telling the truth.

888
01:47:02.159 --> 01:47:05.960
I understand you, my friend.
You must have been agitated by the

889
01:47:06.000 --> 01:47:12.920
intense ecstasy of the women, and
you, as a sensible man not inclined

890
01:47:13.039 --> 01:47:18.840
to mysticism, suspected me of fraud, of a hideous fraud. No,

891
01:47:18.840 --> 01:47:25.439
no, don't excuse yourself. I
understand you, but I wish you would

892
01:47:25.560 --> 01:47:30.479
understand me. Out of the mire
of superstitions, out of the deep gulf

893
01:47:30.560 --> 01:47:40.239
of prejudices and unfounded beliefs, I
want to lead their straight thoughts and place

894
01:47:40.560 --> 01:47:47.760
them upon the solid foundation of strictly
logical reasoning. The iron grate which I

895
01:47:47.920 --> 01:47:54.600
mentioned is not a mystical sign.
It is only a formula, a simple,

896
01:47:54.920 --> 01:48:00.279
sober, honest, mathematical formulae.
To you, as a sensible man,

897
01:48:00.720 --> 01:48:08.760
I will willingly explain this formulae,
the greatest, the scheme in which

898
01:48:08.800 --> 01:48:15.560
are placed all the laws guiding the
universe, which do away with chaos,

899
01:48:15.600 --> 01:48:24.880
substituting in its place strict iron,
inviolable order forgotten by mankind. As a

900
01:48:24.920 --> 01:48:30.760
bright minded man, you will easily
understand. Pardon me, I did not

901
01:48:30.960 --> 01:48:34.680
understand you, and if you will
permit me I, but why do you

902
01:48:34.760 --> 01:48:43.560
make them swear? My friend?
The soul of man, believing itself free

903
01:48:43.600 --> 01:48:50.800
and constantly suffering from this spurious freedom, is demanding fetas for itself. To

904
01:48:51.079 --> 01:48:58.479
some. These fetas are an oath, to others a vow. To still

905
01:48:58.640 --> 01:49:03.039
others, simply a word of honor. You will give me your word of

906
01:49:03.239 --> 01:49:11.000
honor, will you not? I
will? And by this you are simply

907
01:49:11.199 --> 01:49:16.760
striving to enter the harmony of the
world, where everything is subjected to a

908
01:49:16.880 --> 01:49:23.239
law. Is not the falling of
a stone the fulfillment of a vow,

909
01:49:23.840 --> 01:49:30.159
the vow called the law of gravitation. I shall not go into detail about

910
01:49:30.199 --> 01:49:39.399
this conversation and the others that followed. The obstinate and unrestrained youth, who

911
01:49:39.439 --> 01:49:45.800
had insulted me by calling me liar, became one of my warmest adherents.

912
01:49:46.680 --> 01:49:53.239
I must return to the others.
During the time that I talked with the

913
01:49:53.279 --> 01:50:00.199
young man, their desire for penitence
among my charming proselytes reached its h light.

914
01:50:00.239 --> 01:50:05.199
Not patient enough to wait for me, they commenced, in a state

915
01:50:05.279 --> 01:50:13.520
of intense ecstasy to confess to one
another, giving to the rim an appearance

916
01:50:13.560 --> 01:50:19.760
of a garden where dozens of birds
of paradise were twittering at the same time.

917
01:50:21.000 --> 01:50:28.359
When I returned, each of them
separately unfolded her agitated soul to me.

918
01:50:30.199 --> 01:50:34.960
I saw how, from day to
day, from hour to hour,

919
01:50:35.800 --> 01:50:44.239
terrible chaos was struggling in their souls
with an eager inclination for harmony and order.

920
01:50:45.039 --> 01:50:50.399
How in the bloody struggle between eternal
falsehood and immortal truth, falsehood,

921
01:50:50.880 --> 01:51:00.720
through inconceivable ways, passed into truth, and truth became falsehood. I found

922
01:51:00.720 --> 01:51:04.399
in the human soul all the forces
in the world, and none of them

923
01:51:04.640 --> 01:51:13.039
was dormant. And in the mad
whirlpool, each soul became like a fountain,

924
01:51:13.520 --> 01:51:18.399
whose sources the abyss of the sea, and whose summit the sky.

925
01:51:19.399 --> 01:51:26.079
And every human being, as I
have learned and seen, is like the

926
01:51:26.319 --> 01:51:32.279
rich and powerful Master who gave a
masquerade ball at his castle and illuminated it

927
01:51:32.319 --> 01:51:40.920
with many lights. And strange masks
came from everywhere, and the Master greeted

928
01:51:41.119 --> 01:51:46.800
them, bowing courteously and vainly,
asking them who they were, and knew

929
01:51:47.239 --> 01:51:55.640
ever stranger, ever more terrible masks
were arriving, and the Master bowed to

930
01:51:55.800 --> 01:52:01.479
them. Ever more courteously, staggering
from fatigue and fear, and they were

931
01:52:01.640 --> 01:52:10.079
laughing and whispering strange words about the
eternal chaos. Whence they came, obeying

932
01:52:10.239 --> 01:52:15.840
the call of the Master, and
lights were burning in the castle, and

933
01:52:15.039 --> 01:52:20.880
in the distance, lighted windows were
visible, reminding him of the festival.

934
01:52:21.399 --> 01:52:29.239
And the exhausted Master kept bowing ever
lower, ever more courteously, ever more

935
01:52:29.399 --> 01:52:35.640
cheerfully. My indulgent reader will easily
understand that, in addition to a certain

936
01:52:35.760 --> 01:52:44.880
sense of fear which I experienced,
the greatest delight and even joyous emotion soon

937
01:52:45.079 --> 01:52:50.600
came upon me, for I saw
that eternal chaos was defeated, and the

938
01:52:50.760 --> 01:52:59.760
triumphant hymn of bright harmony was rising
to the skies. Not without a sense

939
01:52:59.800 --> 01:53:06.159
of pride, I shall mention the
modest offerings by which my kind admirers were

940
01:53:06.279 --> 01:53:14.039
striving to express to me their feelings
of love and adoration. I am not

941
01:53:14.159 --> 01:53:18.199
afraid of calling out a smile on
the lips of my readers, for I

942
01:53:18.279 --> 01:53:25.399
feel how comical it is. I
will say that among the offerings brought me

943
01:53:25.520 --> 01:53:32.760
at first were fruit cakes, all
kinds of sweetmeats. But I am afraid,

944
01:53:32.880 --> 01:53:36.560
however, that no one will believe
me when I say that I have

945
01:53:36.720 --> 01:53:45.119
actually declined these offerings, preferring the
observance of the prison regime and all its

946
01:53:45.279 --> 01:53:53.680
rigidness. At the last lecture,
a kind and honorable lady brought me a

947
01:53:53.720 --> 01:54:00.359
basketful of life flowers. To my
regret, I was compelled to declay line

948
01:54:00.439 --> 01:54:06.039
this present to forgive me, madam, But flowers do not enter into the

949
01:54:06.159 --> 01:54:13.479
system of our prison. I appreciate
very much your magnanimous attention. I kiss

950
01:54:13.520 --> 01:54:18.159
your hands, Madam, I said, but I am compelled to decline the

951
01:54:18.239 --> 01:54:26.479
flowers. Traveling along the thorny road
of self renunciation, I must not caress

952
01:54:26.560 --> 01:54:32.520
my eyes with the ephemeral and illusionary
beauty of these charming lilies and roses.

953
01:54:33.479 --> 01:54:41.880
All the flowers perish in our prison, Madam. Yesterday another lady brought me

954
01:54:42.000 --> 01:54:48.239
a very valuable crucifix of ivory,
a family heirloom. She said, not

955
01:54:48.439 --> 01:54:56.640
afflicted with the sin of hypocrisy,
I told my generous lady frankly that I

956
01:54:56.720 --> 01:55:02.479
do not believe in miracles. But
at the same time, I said,

957
01:55:03.159 --> 01:55:12.239
I regard with the profoundest respect him
who is justly called the savior of the

958
01:55:12.399 --> 01:55:18.760
world. And I honor greatly his
services to mankind. If I should tell

959
01:55:18.840 --> 01:55:24.640
you, madam, that the Gospel
has long been my favorite book, that

960
01:55:24.760 --> 01:55:28.359
there is not a day in my
life that I do not open this great

961
01:55:28.399 --> 01:55:33.439
book, drawing from it strength and
courage to be able to continue my hard

962
01:55:33.640 --> 01:55:41.520
course, you will understand that your
liberal gift could not have fallen into better

963
01:55:41.640 --> 01:55:47.359
hands. Henceforth, thanks to you, the sad solitude of my cell will

964
01:55:47.560 --> 01:55:55.680
vanish. I am not alone.
I bless you, my daughter. I

965
01:55:55.720 --> 01:56:01.199
cannot forego mentioning the strange thoughts brought
out by the crucifix as it hung there

966
01:56:01.279 --> 01:56:10.640
besides my portray. It was twilight
outside the wall. The bell was tolling

967
01:56:10.720 --> 01:56:15.880
heavily in the invisible church, calling
the believers together. In the distance,

968
01:56:16.079 --> 01:56:25.359
over the deserted field overgrown with high
grass, an unknown wanderer was plodding along,

969
01:56:26.000 --> 01:56:31.960
passing into the unknown distance like a
little black dot. It was as

970
01:56:32.079 --> 01:56:39.119
quiet in our prison as in a
sepulcher. I looked long and attentively at

971
01:56:39.279 --> 01:56:45.239
the features of Jesus, which were
so calm, so joyous, compared with

972
01:56:45.479 --> 01:56:53.239
him who looked silently and dully from
the wall beside him, and with my

973
01:56:53.479 --> 01:57:00.840
habit formed during the long years of
solitude of addressing inanimate things aloud, I

974
01:57:01.000 --> 01:57:08.199
said to the motionless crucifix, good
evening, Jesus. I am glad to

975
01:57:08.319 --> 01:57:13.680
welcome you in our prison. There
are three of us here, you,

976
01:57:14.319 --> 01:57:18.399
I and the one who is looking
from the wall, and I hope that

977
01:57:18.600 --> 01:57:24.960
we three will manage to live in
peace and in harmony. He is looking

978
01:57:25.039 --> 01:57:30.039
silently, and you are silent,
and your eyes are closed. I shall

979
01:57:30.079 --> 01:57:34.760
speak for the three of us,
a sure sign that our peace will never

980
01:57:34.840 --> 01:57:44.000
be broken. They were silent,
and continuing, I addressed my speech to

981
01:57:44.079 --> 01:57:53.000
the portray. Where are you looking
so intently and so strangely, my unknown

982
01:57:53.199 --> 01:57:58.880
friend and room mate? In your
eyes? I see mystery and reproach?

983
01:57:59.600 --> 01:58:06.439
Is it possible that you dare reproach
him? An sir? And pretending that

984
01:58:06.720 --> 01:58:14.159
the portray unswerd, I continued in
a different voice, with an expression of

985
01:58:14.359 --> 01:58:23.680
extreme sternness and boundless grief. Yes, I do reproach him, Jesus,

986
01:58:24.079 --> 01:58:30.840
Jesus, Why is your face so
pure, so blissful? You have passed

987
01:58:30.880 --> 01:58:35.439
only over the brink of human sufferings, as over the brink of an abyss,

988
01:58:35.760 --> 01:58:42.760
and only the foam of the bloody
and my ray waves have touched you.

989
01:58:43.800 --> 01:58:48.920
Do you command me, a human
being to sink into the dark depth?

990
01:58:49.600 --> 01:58:58.319
Great is your Gulgatha Jesus, But
two reverend and joyous, and one

991
01:58:58.359 --> 01:59:09.479
small but interest stroke is missing the
horror of aimlessness Here I interrupted the speech

992
01:59:09.560 --> 01:59:16.039
of the portrait with an expression of
anger. How dare you, I exclaimed,

993
01:59:16.560 --> 01:59:24.319
how dare you speak of aimlessness in
our prison? They were silent,

994
01:59:24.960 --> 01:59:31.359
and suddenly Jesus, without opening his
eyes, he even seemed to close them

995
01:59:31.720 --> 01:59:41.119
more tightly and said, who knows
the mysteries of the heart of Jesus?

996
01:59:42.600 --> 01:59:48.039
I burst into laughter, and my
esteemed reader will easily understand this laughter.

997
01:59:48.840 --> 01:59:56.680
It turned out that I, a
cool and sober mathematician, possessed a poetic

998
01:59:56.880 --> 02:00:03.000
talent and could compose very interesting,
sting comedies. I do not know how

999
02:00:03.079 --> 02:00:10.159
all this would have ended, for
I had already prepared a thundering answer for

1000
02:00:10.239 --> 02:00:17.399
my roommate when the appearance of the
keeper who brought me food suddenly interrupted me.

1001
02:00:18.640 --> 02:00:25.720
But apparently my face bore traces of
excitement, for the man asked me

1002
02:00:25.880 --> 02:00:32.880
with stern sympathy, were you praying? I do not remember what I ansaid

1003
02:00:34.920 --> 02:00:45.920
end of chapter seven. Chapter eight
of The Man Who Found the Truth by

1004
02:00:46.000 --> 02:00:54.439
Leonite Nikolayevitch and Rayev, translated by
Hermann Bernstein. This LibriVox recording is in

1005
02:00:54.479 --> 02:01:02.359
the public domain. Recording by Carolyn. Chapter eight, Last Sunday, A

1006
02:01:02.439 --> 02:01:10.840
great misfortune occurred in our prison.
The artist Kay, whom the reader knows

1007
02:01:10.880 --> 02:01:17.359
already, ended his life in suicide
by flinging himself from the table with his

1008
02:01:17.680 --> 02:01:25.199
head against the stone floor. The
fall and the force of the blow had

1009
02:01:25.279 --> 02:01:32.800
been so skillfully calculated by the unfortunate
young man that his skull was split into

1010
02:01:34.319 --> 02:01:41.560
the grief of the warden was indescribable. Having called me to the office,

1011
02:01:42.079 --> 02:01:48.399
the warden, without shaking hands with
me, reproached me in angry and harsh

1012
02:01:48.640 --> 02:01:56.960
terms for having deceived him, and
he regained his calm only after my hearty

1013
02:01:57.000 --> 02:02:03.960
apologies and promises that such accidents would
not happen again. I promised to prepare

1014
02:02:04.039 --> 02:02:13.279
a project for watching the criminals,
which would render suicide impossible. The esteemed

1015
02:02:13.399 --> 02:02:20.119
wife of the warden, whose portrait
remained unfinished, was also grieved by the

1016
02:02:20.199 --> 02:02:27.840
death of the artist. Of course, I had not expected this outcome either,

1017
02:02:28.439 --> 02:02:33.159
although a few days before committing suicide. Kay had provoked in me a

1018
02:02:33.279 --> 02:02:41.520
feeling of uneasiness. Upon entering his
cello one morning and greeting him, I

1019
02:02:41.680 --> 02:02:49.479
noticed with amazement that he was sitting
before his slate once more drawing human figures.

1020
02:02:51.239 --> 02:02:59.119
What does this mean, my friend, I inquired cautiously, And how

1021
02:02:59.199 --> 02:03:06.079
about the portrait of the second assistant. The devil take it, but you,

1022
02:03:08.159 --> 02:03:14.680
the devil take it. After a
pause, I remarked, distractedly,

1023
02:03:15.880 --> 02:03:20.359
your portrait of the warden is meeting
with great success, although some of the

1024
02:03:20.399 --> 02:03:27.319
people who have seen it say that
the right mustache is somewhat shorter than the

1025
02:03:27.399 --> 02:03:33.680
left. Shorter, yes, shorter, But in general they find that you

1026
02:03:33.840 --> 02:03:44.640
caught the lightness very successfully. Kay
had put aside his slate pencil and perfectly

1027
02:03:44.960 --> 02:03:50.960
calm said, tell your warden that
I'm not going to paint that prison referraf

1028
02:03:51.039 --> 02:03:58.319
anymore. After these words, there
was nothing left for me to do but

1029
02:03:58.560 --> 02:04:03.479
to leave him, which I decided
to do. But the artist, who

1030
02:04:03.520 --> 02:04:10.560
could not get along without giving vent
to his effusions, seized me by the

1031
02:04:10.640 --> 02:04:16.600
hand and said, with his usual
enthusiasm, just think of it, old

1032
02:04:16.680 --> 02:04:23.680
man, what a horror. Every
day, a new repulsive face appears before

1033
02:04:23.800 --> 02:04:29.760
me, they sit and stared at
me with their frog like eyes. What

1034
02:04:29.920 --> 02:04:33.159
am I to do? At first
I laughed, I even liked it.

1035
02:04:33.600 --> 02:04:40.520
But when the frog like eyes stared
at me every day, I was seized

1036
02:04:40.600 --> 02:04:47.239
with horror. I was afraid they
might start to quawk qua qua. Indeed,

1037
02:04:47.439 --> 02:04:51.880
there was a certain fear, even
madness, in the eyes of the

1038
02:04:53.000 --> 02:05:00.920
artist, the madness which shortly led
him to his untimely grave. Old man,

1039
02:05:01.399 --> 02:05:09.760
it is necessary to have something beautiful. Do you understand me? And

1040
02:05:10.039 --> 02:05:16.159
the wife of the warden, is
she not? I shall pass in silence

1041
02:05:16.520 --> 02:05:25.279
the unbecoming expressions with which he spoke
of the lady in his excitement. I

1042
02:05:25.399 --> 02:05:30.199
must, however, admit that to
a certain extent the artist was right in

1043
02:05:30.239 --> 02:05:38.560
his complaints. I had been present
several times at the sittings and noticed that

1044
02:05:38.760 --> 02:05:45.720
all who had posed for the artist
behaved rather unnaturally, sincere and naive,

1045
02:05:46.239 --> 02:05:54.520
conscious of the importance of their position. Convinced that the features of their faces,

1046
02:05:54.640 --> 02:06:01.000
perpetuated upon the converse, would go
down to posterity, they exaggerated somewhat

1047
02:06:01.199 --> 02:06:08.640
the qualities which are so characteristic of
their high and responsible office. In our

1048
02:06:08.800 --> 02:06:15.279
prison, A certain bombast of pose, an exaggerated expression of stern authority,

1049
02:06:16.039 --> 02:06:24.439
in obvious consciousness of their own importance, and a noticeable contempt for those on

1050
02:06:24.479 --> 02:06:32.000
whom their eyes were directed. All
of this disfigured their kind and affable faces.

1051
02:06:32.560 --> 02:06:39.479
But I cannot understand what horrible features
the artist found where there should have

1052
02:06:39.560 --> 02:06:45.399
been a smile. I was even
indignant at the superficial attitude with which an

1053
02:06:45.520 --> 02:06:54.199
artist who considered himself talented and sensible
passed the people without noticing that a divine

1054
02:06:54.319 --> 02:06:59.840
spark was glimmering in each one of
them. In the quest after some fun,

1055
02:07:00.000 --> 02:07:08.199
fantastic beauty, he light mindedly passed
by the true beauties with which the

1056
02:07:08.359 --> 02:07:15.319
human soul is filled. I cannot
help feeling sorry for those unfortunate people who,

1057
02:07:15.840 --> 02:07:21.720
like K, because of a peculiar
construction of their brains, always turned

1058
02:07:21.760 --> 02:07:30.239
their eyes towards the dark side,
whereas there is so much joy and light

1059
02:07:30.319 --> 02:07:36.319
in our prison. When I said
this to K, I heard, to

1060
02:07:36.439 --> 02:07:45.159
my regret, the same stereotyped and
indecent answer, The devil take it.

1061
02:07:45.880 --> 02:07:53.520
All I could do was to shrug
my shoulders. Suddenly changing his tone and

1062
02:07:53.720 --> 02:08:00.640
bearing, the artist turned to me
seriously with a question which, in my

1063
02:08:00.760 --> 02:08:09.279
opinion, was also indecent. Why
do you lie, old man? I

1064
02:08:09.399 --> 02:08:16.239
was astonished. Of course I lie. Well, let it be the truth

1065
02:08:16.319 --> 02:08:22.840
if you like. But why I
am looking at thinking, why did you

1066
02:08:22.960 --> 02:08:30.439
say that? Why? My indulgent
reader, who knows well what the truth

1067
02:08:30.479 --> 02:08:39.520
has cost me, will readily understand
my profound indignation. I deliberately mention this

1068
02:08:39.880 --> 02:08:48.920
audacious and other calumnious phrases to show
in what an atmosphere of malice, distrust,

1069
02:08:48.560 --> 02:08:56.039
and disrespect I have to plod along
the hard road of suffering. He

1070
02:08:56.199 --> 02:09:01.319
insisted rudely, I have had enough
of your smiles. Tell me, plainly,

1071
02:09:01.920 --> 02:09:07.960
why do you speak so? Then? I admit I flared up.

1072
02:09:09.279 --> 02:09:16.800
You want to know why I speak
the truth and I committed to eternal anathema

1073
02:09:16.560 --> 02:09:22.600
because fate has made me a victim
of injustice, and as a victim,

1074
02:09:22.079 --> 02:09:28.159
like him who took upon himself the
great sin of the world and its great

1075
02:09:28.199 --> 02:09:33.800
sufferings, I wish to point out
the way to mankind. Wretched egoist,

1076
02:09:35.439 --> 02:09:45.000
you know only yourself and your miserable
art. While I love mankind, my

1077
02:09:45.199 --> 02:09:52.760
anger grew. I felt the veins
on my forehead swelling ful miserable, dauber,

1078
02:09:54.199 --> 02:10:00.359
unfortunate schoolboy, in love with colors. Human beings pass before you,

1079
02:10:00.760 --> 02:10:05.720
and you see only their frog like
eyes. How did your tongue turned to

1080
02:10:05.840 --> 02:10:11.640
say such a thing? Oh,
if you only looked even once into the

1081
02:10:11.720 --> 02:10:18.000
human soul, what treasures of tenderness, love, humble faith, holy humility

1082
02:10:18.159 --> 02:10:24.680
you would have discovered there? And
to you, bold man, it would

1083
02:10:24.680 --> 02:10:30.279
have seemed as if you entered a
temple, a bright, illuminated temple.

1084
02:10:30.800 --> 02:10:35.560
But it is said of people like
you, do not cast your pearls before

1085
02:10:35.840 --> 02:10:46.680
swine. The artist was silent,
crushed by my angry and unrestrained speech.

1086
02:10:46.560 --> 02:10:52.479
Finally he sighed and said, forgive
me, old man. I am talking

1087
02:10:52.600 --> 02:10:58.119
nonsense, of course, but I
am so unfortunate and so lonely. Of

1088
02:10:58.239 --> 02:11:03.880
course, my dear year old man, it is all true about the divine

1089
02:11:03.000 --> 02:11:11.840
spark and about beauty. But a
polished boot is also beautiful. I cannot,

1090
02:11:11.920 --> 02:11:16.399
I cannot just think of it.
How can a man have such mustaches

1091
02:11:16.439 --> 02:11:22.800
as he has, and yet he
is complaining that the left mustache is shorter.

1092
02:11:24.920 --> 02:11:30.399
He laughed like a child, and, heaving a sigh, added,

1093
02:11:31.680 --> 02:11:37.000
I'll make another attempt. I will
paint the lady. There is really something

1094
02:11:37.119 --> 02:11:45.399
good in her, although she is
after all a cow. He laughed again,

1095
02:11:45.520 --> 02:11:50.000
and, fearing to brush away with
his sleeve the drawing on the slate,

1096
02:11:50.680 --> 02:11:56.520
he cautiously placed it in the corner. Here. I did that which

1097
02:11:56.680 --> 02:12:03.960
my duty compelled me to do.
Seizing this slate, I smashed it to

1098
02:12:03.119 --> 02:12:09.720
pieces with a powerful blow. I
thought that the artist would rush upon me

1099
02:12:11.000 --> 02:12:16.960
furiously, but he did not.
To his weak mind, my act seemed

1100
02:12:18.199 --> 02:12:26.359
so blasphemous, so supernaturally horrible,
that his deathlike lips could not utter a

1101
02:12:26.399 --> 02:12:31.960
word. What have you done,
he asked at last, in a low

1102
02:12:33.119 --> 02:12:41.319
voice. You have broken it?
And raising my hand, I replied solemnly,

1103
02:12:41.640 --> 02:12:46.239
foolish youth, I have done that
which I would have done to my

1104
02:12:46.399 --> 02:12:52.279
heart if it wanted to jest and
mock me. Unfortunate youth, Can you

1105
02:12:52.399 --> 02:12:58.239
not see that your art has long
been mocking you, That from that slate

1106
02:12:58.319 --> 02:13:05.560
of yours, the devil himself was
making hideous faces at you, Yes,

1107
02:13:07.319 --> 02:13:13.439
the devil being far from your wonderful
art. I did not understand you at

1108
02:13:13.520 --> 02:13:20.520
first, nor your longing, your
horror of aimlessness. But when I entered

1109
02:13:20.560 --> 02:13:26.279
yourself today and noticed you at your
ruinous occupation, I said to myself,

1110
02:13:26.880 --> 02:13:31.840
it is better that he should not
create at all than to create in this

1111
02:13:33.159 --> 02:13:39.840
manner. Listen to me. I
then revealed for the first time to this

1112
02:13:39.079 --> 02:13:46.520
youth the sacred formula of the iron
grate, which, dividing the infinite into

1113
02:13:46.640 --> 02:13:56.000
squares, thereby subjects it to itself. Kay listened to my words with emotion,

1114
02:13:56.840 --> 02:14:01.359
looking with the horror of an ignorant
manner, the figures which must have

1115
02:14:01.600 --> 02:14:07.399
seemed to him to be kabalistic,
but which were nothing else than the ordinary

1116
02:14:07.399 --> 02:14:16.039
figures used in mathematics. I am
your slave, old man, he said,

1117
02:14:16.079 --> 02:14:22.640
at last, kissing my hand with
his cold lips. No, you

1118
02:14:22.760 --> 02:14:28.279
will be my favorite pupil, my
son. I bless you, and it

1119
02:14:28.520 --> 02:14:35.760
seemed to me that the artist was
saved. True. He regarded me with

1120
02:14:35.000 --> 02:14:41.319
great joy, which could easily be
explained by the extreme respect with which I

1121
02:14:41.439 --> 02:14:50.399
inspired him. And he painted the
portrait of the warden's wife with such zealand

1122
02:14:50.800 --> 02:15:00.199
enthusiasm that the esteemed lady was sincerely
moved, and strange to say, the

1123
02:15:00.319 --> 02:15:07.399
artist succeeded in making so strangely beautiful
the features of this woman, who was

1124
02:15:07.760 --> 02:15:13.720
stout and no longer young that the
warden, long accustomed to the face of

1125
02:15:13.840 --> 02:15:22.439
his wife, was greatly delighted by
its new expression. Thus everything went on

1126
02:15:22.600 --> 02:15:30.479
smoothly, when suddenly this catastrophe occurred, the entire horror of which I alone

1127
02:15:30.920 --> 02:15:39.560
knew. Not desiring to call forth
any unnecessary disputes, I concealed from the

1128
02:15:39.640 --> 02:15:45.239
warden the fact that, on the
eve of his death, the artist had

1129
02:15:45.479 --> 02:15:50.520
thrown a letter into my cell,
which I noticed only in the morning.

1130
02:15:50.479 --> 02:15:56.239
I did not preserve the note,
nor do I remember all that the unfortunate

1131
02:15:56.319 --> 02:16:03.079
youth told me in his farewell message. I think it was a letter of

1132
02:16:03.239 --> 02:16:11.359
thanks for my effort to save him. He wrote that he regretted sincerely that

1133
02:16:11.520 --> 02:16:20.279
his failing strength did not permit him
to avail himself of my instructions. But

1134
02:16:20.520 --> 02:16:26.159
one phrase impressed itself deeply in my
memory, and you will understand the reason

1135
02:16:26.279 --> 02:16:33.600
for it when I repeated, in
all its terrifying simplicity, I am going

1136
02:16:33.719 --> 02:16:43.120
away from your prison. Thus read
the phrase, and he really did go

1137
02:16:43.319 --> 02:16:48.719
away. Here are the walls,
here is the little window in the door.

1138
02:16:48.159 --> 02:16:54.120
Here is our prison. But he
is not there. He has gone

1139
02:16:54.159 --> 02:17:01.000
away. Consequently, I too could
go away instead of having ways did dozens

1140
02:17:01.040 --> 02:17:05.879
of years on a titanic struggle,
Instead of being tormented by the throes of

1141
02:17:07.040 --> 02:17:13.760
despair, instead of growing and feebled
by horror in the face of unsolved mysteries,

1142
02:17:13.280 --> 02:17:18.360
of striving to subject the world to
my mind and my will, I

1143
02:17:18.399 --> 02:17:24.120
could have climbed the table, and
one instant of pain, I would be

1144
02:17:24.319 --> 02:17:30.879
free. I would be triumphant over
the lock and the walls, over truth

1145
02:17:30.920 --> 02:17:37.360
and falsehood, over joys and sufferings. I will not say that I had

1146
02:17:37.479 --> 02:17:43.159
not thought of suicide before as a
means of escaping from our prison. But

1147
02:17:43.479 --> 02:17:48.639
now, for the first time,
it appeared before me in all its attractiveness,

1148
02:17:50.680 --> 02:17:56.840
In a fit of base faintheartedness which
I shall not conceal from my reader,

1149
02:17:56.440 --> 02:18:03.159
even as I do not conceal from
him my good qualities. Perhaps even

1150
02:18:03.200 --> 02:18:09.440
in a fit of temporary insanity,
I momentarily forgot all I knew about our

1151
02:18:09.559 --> 02:18:15.559
prison and its great purpose. I
forgot, I am ashamed to say,

1152
02:18:16.239 --> 02:18:22.280
even the great formula of the iron
grate, which I conceived and mastered with

1153
02:18:22.559 --> 02:18:30.040
such difficulty. And I prepared a
news made of my towel for the purpose

1154
02:18:30.079 --> 02:18:37.840
of strangling myself. But at the
last moment, when all was ready and

1155
02:18:37.920 --> 02:18:41.959
it was but necessary to push away
the tabret, I asked myself, with

1156
02:18:43.200 --> 02:18:48.159
my habit of reasoning, which did
not forsake me even at that time,

1157
02:18:50.120 --> 02:18:56.200
But where am I going? The
answer was, I am going to death.

1158
02:18:56.000 --> 02:19:03.000
But what is death? And the
answer was I do not know.

1159
02:19:05.120 --> 02:19:09.399
These brief reflections were enough for me
to come to myself, and with a

1160
02:19:09.399 --> 02:19:15.840
bitter laugh at my cowardice, I
removed the fatal news from my neck.

1161
02:19:16.959 --> 02:19:20.440
Just as I had been ready to
sob for grief a minute before. So

1162
02:19:20.719 --> 02:19:28.159
now I laughed. I laughed like
a madman, realizing that another trap placed

1163
02:19:28.440 --> 02:19:37.319
before me by derisive fate had so
brilliantly been evaded by me. Oh,

1164
02:19:37.360 --> 02:19:43.079
how many traps there are in the
life of man. Like a cunning fisherman,

1165
02:19:43.680 --> 02:19:50.079
Fate catches him, now with the
alluring bait of some truth, Now

1166
02:19:50.120 --> 02:19:56.840
with the hairy little warm of dark
falsehood, Now with the phantom of life,

1167
02:19:58.479 --> 02:20:05.959
Now with the fact of death.
My dear young man, my fascinating

1168
02:20:05.159 --> 02:20:13.040
fool, my charming, silly fellow, who told you that our prison ends

1169
02:20:13.319 --> 02:20:18.639
here, that from one prison you
did not fall into another prison from which

1170
02:20:18.719 --> 02:20:24.959
it will hardly be possible for you
to run away. You were too hasty,

1171
02:20:24.079 --> 02:20:30.200
my friend. You forgot to ask
me something else. I would have

1172
02:20:30.360 --> 02:20:35.600
told it to you. I would
have told you that omnipotent law reigns over

1173
02:20:35.639 --> 02:20:43.159
that which you call nonexistence and death, just as it reigns over that which

1174
02:20:43.200 --> 02:20:50.879
you call life and existence. Only
the fools dying believe that they have made

1175
02:20:50.920 --> 02:20:56.719
an end of themselves. They have
ended but one form of themselves in order

1176
02:20:56.760 --> 02:21:05.120
to assume another form immediately. Thus
I reflected, laughing at the foolish suicide,

1177
02:21:05.680 --> 02:21:13.840
the ridiculous destroyer of the fetters of
eternity. And this is what I

1178
02:21:13.040 --> 02:21:22.040
said, addressing myself to my two
silent roommates hanging motionlessly on the white wall

1179
02:21:22.120 --> 02:21:28.639
of my cell. I believe and
confess that our prison is immortal. What

1180
02:21:28.959 --> 02:21:35.079
do you say to this, my
friends? But they were silent, and

1181
02:21:35.200 --> 02:21:41.760
having burst into good natured laughter.
What quiet roommates I have? I undressed

1182
02:21:43.000 --> 02:21:50.319
slowly and gave myself to peaceful sleep. In my dream I saw another majestic

1183
02:21:50.520 --> 02:21:56.719
prison, and wonderful jailers with white
wings on their backs, and the chief

1184
02:21:56.879 --> 02:22:03.319
warden of the prison himself. I
do not remember whether there were any little

1185
02:22:03.319 --> 02:22:09.319
windows in the doors or not,
but I think there were. I recall

1186
02:22:09.559 --> 02:22:16.200
that something like an angel's eye was
fixed upon me with tender attention and love.

1187
02:22:18.159 --> 02:22:24.200
My indulgent reader will, of course
guess that I am jesting. I

1188
02:22:24.280 --> 02:22:31.680
did not dream at all. I
am not in the habit of dreaming without

1189
02:22:31.760 --> 02:22:39.120
hoping that the warden, occupied with
pressing official affairs, would understand me thoroughly

1190
02:22:39.680 --> 02:22:46.799
and appreciate my idea concerning the impossibility
of escaping from our prison. I confined

1191
02:22:46.920 --> 02:22:54.479
myself in my report to an indication
of several ways in which suicides could be

1192
02:22:54.600 --> 02:23:05.840
averted with magnanimous short sightedness peculiar to
busy and trusting people. The warden failed

1193
02:23:05.920 --> 02:23:11.559
to notice the weak points of my
project, and clasped my hand warmly,

1194
02:23:13.360 --> 02:23:20.920
expressing to me his gratitude in the
name of our entire prison. On that

1195
02:23:20.239 --> 02:23:26.239
day, I had the honor for
the first time to drink a glass of

1196
02:23:26.440 --> 02:23:31.440
tea at the home of the warden, in the presence of his kind wife

1197
02:23:31.479 --> 02:23:39.280
and charming children, who called me
grand Pa. Tears of emotion, which

1198
02:23:39.479 --> 02:23:46.399
gathered in my eyes, could but
faintly express the feelings that came over me

1199
02:23:48.079 --> 02:23:52.760
at the request of the warden's wife, who took a deep interest in me,

1200
02:23:54.479 --> 02:24:00.159
I related in detail the story of
the tragic murders which led me me

1201
02:24:00.319 --> 02:24:07.399
so unexpectedly and so terribly to the
prison. I could not find expressions strong

1202
02:24:07.559 --> 02:24:16.040
enough. There are no expressions strong
enough in the human language to brand adequately

1203
02:24:16.159 --> 02:24:22.719
the unknown criminal who not only murdered
three helpless people, but who mocked them

1204
02:24:22.879 --> 02:24:31.239
brutally in a fit of blind and
savage rage. As the investigation and the

1205
02:24:31.319 --> 02:24:37.799
autopsy showed, the murderer dealt the
last blows after the people had been dead.

1206
02:24:39.760 --> 02:24:45.399
It is very possible, however,
even murderers should be given their due,

1207
02:24:46.159 --> 02:24:50.840
that the man, intoxicated by the
sight of blood ceased to be a

1208
02:24:52.000 --> 02:24:58.559
human being and became a beast,
the son of chaos, the child of

1209
02:24:58.840 --> 02:25:07.280
dark and terrible desires. It was
characteristic that the murderer, after having committed

1210
02:25:07.399 --> 02:25:13.959
the crime, drank wine and ate
biscuits. Some of these were left on

1211
02:25:13.079 --> 02:25:20.399
the table, together with the marks
of his blood stained fingers. But there

1212
02:25:20.559 --> 02:25:28.479
was something so horrible that my mind
could neither understand nor explain. The murderer,

1213
02:25:28.879 --> 02:25:37.319
after lighting a cigar himself, apparently
moved by a feeling of strange kindness

1214
02:25:37.079 --> 02:25:45.120
put a lighted cigar between the closed
teeth of my father. I had not

1215
02:25:45.319 --> 02:25:50.639
recalled these details in many years.
They had almost been erased by the hand

1216
02:25:50.680 --> 02:25:56.399
of time, And now, while
relating them to my shocked listeners, who

1217
02:25:56.440 --> 02:26:03.440
would not believe that such horrors were
were possible, I felt my face turning

1218
02:26:03.680 --> 02:26:09.239
pale and my hair quivering on my
head. In an outburst of grief and

1219
02:26:09.479 --> 02:26:16.600
anger, I rose from my armchair, and straightening myself to my full height,

1220
02:26:18.040 --> 02:26:24.840
I exclaimed, justice on earth is
often powerless. But I implore heavenly

1221
02:26:24.239 --> 02:26:31.159
justice. I implore the justice of
life, which never forgives. I implore

1222
02:26:31.360 --> 02:26:39.120
all the higher laws under whose authority
man lives. May the guilty one not

1223
02:26:39.440 --> 02:26:48.360
escape his deserved punishment, his punishment. Moved by my sobs, my listeners

1224
02:26:48.600 --> 02:26:56.280
there and then expressed their zeal and
readiness to work for my liberation and thus

1225
02:26:56.319 --> 02:27:05.239
at least partly redeem the injustice heaped
upon me. I apologized and returned to

1226
02:27:05.440 --> 02:27:13.319
my cell. Evidently, my old
organism cannot bear such agitations any longer.

1227
02:27:13.040 --> 02:27:18.719
Besides, it is hard even for
a strong man to picture in his imagination

1228
02:27:20.079 --> 02:27:26.600
certain images without risking the loss of
his raisin only in this way can I

1229
02:27:26.680 --> 02:27:33.959
explain this strange hallucination which appeared before
my fatigued eyes in the solitude of my

1230
02:27:35.200 --> 02:27:41.959
cell, As though benumbed. I
gazed aimlessly at the tightly closed door,

1231
02:27:41.600 --> 02:27:48.440
when suddenly it seemed to me that
someone was standing behind me. I had

1232
02:27:48.600 --> 02:27:54.959
felt this deceptive sensation before, so
I did not turn around for some time.

1233
02:27:56.879 --> 02:28:01.360
But when I turned around at last, I saw, in the distance

1234
02:28:01.639 --> 02:28:07.719
between the crucifix and my portray,
about a quarter of a yard above the

1235
02:28:07.840 --> 02:28:13.440
floor, the body of my father, as though hanging in the air.

1236
02:28:13.600 --> 02:28:18.040
It is hard for me to give
the details, for twilight had long set

1237
02:28:18.120 --> 02:28:24.399
in, but I can say with
certainty that it was the image of a

1238
02:28:24.479 --> 02:28:30.920
corpse and not of a living being, although a cigar was smoking in its

1239
02:28:31.040 --> 02:28:35.840
mouth. To be more exact,
there was no smoke from the cigar,

1240
02:28:37.440 --> 02:28:43.360
but a faintly reddish light was seen. It is characteristic that I did not

1241
02:28:43.719 --> 02:28:50.159
sense the odor of tobacco, either
at that time or later. I had

1242
02:28:50.280 --> 02:28:56.200
long given up smoking. Here I
must confess my weakness, but the illusion

1243
02:28:56.319 --> 02:29:05.280
was striking. I commenced to speak
to the hallucination, advancing as closely as

1244
02:29:05.399 --> 02:29:13.319
possible. The body did not retreat
as I approached, but remained perfectly motionless.

1245
02:29:13.000 --> 02:29:20.159
I said to the ghost, I
thank you father. You know how

1246
02:29:20.200 --> 02:29:24.680
your son is suffering, and you
have come. You have come to testify

1247
02:29:24.799 --> 02:29:30.879
to my innocence. I thank you
Father. Give me your hand, and

1248
02:29:31.079 --> 02:29:37.360
with a firm, filial hand clasp
I will respond to your unexpected visit.

1249
02:29:37.399 --> 02:29:43.799
Don't you want to let me have
your hand? Give me your hand,

1250
02:29:43.920 --> 02:29:50.559
or I will call you a liar. I stretched out my hand, but

1251
02:29:50.840 --> 02:29:56.559
of course the hallucination did not deem
it worth a while to respond, and

1252
02:29:56.680 --> 02:30:01.520
I was forever deprived of the opportunity
of feeling the touch of a ghost.

1253
02:30:03.479 --> 02:30:07.959
The cry which I uttered, and
which so upset my friend that jailer,

1254
02:30:09.719 --> 02:30:16.360
creating some confusion in the prison,
was called forth by the sudden disappearance of

1255
02:30:16.559 --> 02:30:22.840
the phantom. It was so sudden
that the space and the place where the

1256
02:30:22.840 --> 02:30:30.239
corpse had been seemed to me more
terrible than the corpse itself. Such is

1257
02:30:30.600 --> 02:30:37.479
the power of human imagination. When
excited, it creates phantoms and visions,

1258
02:30:39.200 --> 02:30:46.399
peopling the bottomless and ever silent emptiness
with them. It is sad to admit

1259
02:30:46.639 --> 02:30:52.000
that there are people, however,
who believe in ghosts and build upon this

1260
02:30:52.319 --> 02:31:01.000
belief nonsensical theories about certain relations between
the world of the living and the enigmatic

1261
02:31:01.159 --> 02:31:07.239
land inhabited by the dead. I
understand that the human ear and eye can

1262
02:31:07.280 --> 02:31:16.280
be deceived, But how can the
great and lucid human mind fall into such

1263
02:31:16.520 --> 02:31:24.239
coarse and ridiculous deception? I asked
the jailer. I feel a strange sensation,

1264
02:31:24.920 --> 02:31:31.040
as though there were the odor of
cigar smoke in my cell. Don't

1265
02:31:31.120 --> 02:31:39.440
you smell it? The Jaala sniffed
the air conscientiously and replied, no,

1266
02:31:39.680 --> 02:31:46.200
I don't you only imagined it.
If you need any confirmation, here is

1267
02:31:46.239 --> 02:31:52.479
a splendid proof that all I had
seen, if it existed at all,

1268
02:31:52.120 --> 02:32:09.399
existed only in the net of my
eye. End of chapter eight, Chapter

1269
02:32:09.520 --> 02:32:16.399
nine of The Man Who Found the
Truth by Leonit Nikolayevitch Andreyev translated by Hermann

1270
02:32:16.399 --> 02:32:24.879
Bernstein. This LibriVox recording is in
the public domain recording by Carolyn. Chapter

1271
02:32:26.079 --> 02:32:35.600
nine, something altogether unexpected has happened. The efforts of my friends, the

1272
02:32:35.719 --> 02:32:41.959
warden and his wife were crowned with
success, and for two months I have

1273
02:32:43.159 --> 02:32:50.360
been free out of prison. I
am happy to inform you that Immediately upon

1274
02:32:50.479 --> 02:32:56.000
my leaving the prison, I occupied
a very honorable position to which I could

1275
02:32:56.040 --> 02:33:05.000
hardly have aspired. Conscious of my
humble qualities, the entire press met me

1276
02:33:05.239 --> 02:33:15.639
with unanimous enthusiasm. Numerous journalists,
photographers, even caricaturists. The people of

1277
02:33:15.680 --> 02:33:22.760
our time are so fond of laughter
and clever witticisms. In hundreds of articles

1278
02:33:22.799 --> 02:33:33.959
and drawings reproduced the story of my
remarkable life with striking unanimity. The newspapers

1279
02:33:33.079 --> 02:33:41.600
assigned to me the name of Master, a highly flattering name, which I

1280
02:33:41.760 --> 02:33:50.479
accepted after some hesitation, with deep
gratitude. I do not know whether it

1281
02:33:50.639 --> 02:33:58.479
is worth mentioning the few hostile notices
called forth by irritation and envy, a

1282
02:33:58.600 --> 02:34:05.879
vice which so frequently stains the human
soul. In one of these notices,

1283
02:34:07.280 --> 02:34:13.799
which appeared, by the way,
in a very filthy little newspaper, a

1284
02:34:13.840 --> 02:34:20.159
certain scamp, guided by richard gossip
and baseless rumors about my chats in our

1285
02:34:20.440 --> 02:34:31.040
prison, called me a zealot and
liar. Enraged by the insolence of the

1286
02:34:31.200 --> 02:34:37.879
miserable scribbeller, my friends wanted to
prosecute him, but I persuaded them not

1287
02:34:39.200 --> 02:34:46.920
to do it. Vice is its
own proper punishment. The fortune which my

1288
02:34:46.200 --> 02:34:52.399
kind mother had left me, and
which had grown considerably during the time I

1289
02:34:52.639 --> 02:34:58.200
was in prison, has enabled me
to settle down to a life of luxury

1290
02:34:58.680 --> 02:35:05.360
in one one of the most aristocratic
hotels. I have a large retinue of

1291
02:35:05.559 --> 02:35:11.120
servants at my command, and an
automobile, a splendid invention with which I

1292
02:35:11.239 --> 02:35:18.440
now became acquainted for the first time, and I have skillfully arranged my financial

1293
02:35:18.520 --> 02:35:24.239
affairs. Life. Flowers, brought
to me in abundance by my charming lady

1294
02:35:24.440 --> 02:35:31.280
visitors, give to my nook the
appearance of a flower garden, or even

1295
02:35:31.319 --> 02:35:37.600
a bit of tropical forest. My
servant, a very decent young man,

1296
02:35:37.159 --> 02:35:43.959
is in a state of despair.
He says that he had never seen such

1297
02:35:43.000 --> 02:35:48.920
a variety of flowers, and had
never smelt such a variety of odors.

1298
02:35:50.120 --> 02:35:54.920
At the same time, if not
for my advanced age and the strict and

1299
02:35:56.280 --> 02:36:03.319
serious propriety with which I trade my
visitors, I do not know how far

1300
02:36:03.479 --> 02:36:09.360
they would have gone in the expression
of their feelings. How many perfumed notes,

1301
02:36:09.920 --> 02:36:18.079
how many languid size and humbly imploring
eyes. There was even a fascinating

1302
02:36:18.239 --> 02:36:26.520
stranger with a black veil. Three
times she appeared mysteriously, and when she

1303
02:36:26.760 --> 02:36:35.040
learned that I had visitors, she
disappeared just as mysteriously. I will add

1304
02:36:35.280 --> 02:36:41.159
that at the present time I have
had the honor of being elected an honorary

1305
02:36:41.319 --> 02:36:50.200
member of numerous humanitarian organizations such as
the League of Peace, the League for

1306
02:36:50.360 --> 02:36:56.440
Combating Juvenile Criminality, the Society of
the Friends of Man, and others.

1307
02:36:58.440 --> 02:37:03.079
Besides, at the request of the
editor of one of the most widely read

1308
02:37:03.319 --> 02:37:11.200
newspapers, I am to begin next
month a series of public lectures, for

1309
02:37:11.399 --> 02:37:18.879
which purpose I am going on a
tour together with my kind impresario. I

1310
02:37:18.959 --> 02:37:26.159
have already prepared my material for the
first three lectures, and in the hope

1311
02:37:26.200 --> 02:37:31.719
that my reader may be interested,
I shall give the synopsis of these lectures.

1312
02:37:33.680 --> 02:37:41.440
First lecture, Chaos or Order,
The eternal struggle between chaos and order,

1313
02:37:41.159 --> 02:37:48.520
the eternal revolt and the defeat of
chaos, the rebel the triumph of

1314
02:37:48.799 --> 02:37:58.040
law and order. Second lecture What
is the Soul of Man? The eternal

1315
02:37:58.120 --> 02:38:05.479
conflict in the soul of man between
chaos whence it came? And harmony,

1316
02:38:05.000 --> 02:38:16.159
whether it strives irresistibly falsehood as the
offspring of chaos, and truth as the

1317
02:38:16.360 --> 02:38:24.799
child of harmony, the triumph of
truth and the downfall of falsehood. Thirty

1318
02:38:24.879 --> 02:38:33.079
lecture, the explanation of the sacred
formula of the Iron Great. As my

1319
02:38:33.200 --> 02:38:39.360
indulgent reader will see, justice is
after all not an empty sound, and

1320
02:38:39.440 --> 02:38:46.280
I am getting a greater reward for
my sufferings, but not daring to reproach

1321
02:38:46.639 --> 02:38:54.000
fate which was so merciful to me. I nevertheless do not feel that sense

1322
02:38:54.040 --> 02:39:01.840
of contentment which it would seem I
ought to feel. True. At first

1323
02:39:01.879 --> 02:39:09.920
I was positively happy. But soon
my habit for strictly logical reasoning, the

1324
02:39:09.079 --> 02:39:16.760
clearness and honesty of my views gained
by contemplating the world through a mathematically correct

1325
02:39:18.040 --> 02:39:24.879
great have led me to a series
of disillusions. I am afraid to say

1326
02:39:24.920 --> 02:39:31.360
it now with full certainty, but
it seems to me that all their life,

1327
02:39:31.559 --> 02:39:39.239
of this so called freedom, is
a continuous self deception and falsehood.

1328
02:39:41.360 --> 02:39:46.000
The life of each of these people
whom I have seen during these days is

1329
02:39:46.159 --> 02:39:54.920
moving in a strictly defined circle,
which is just as solid as the corridors

1330
02:39:54.000 --> 02:40:01.959
of our prison, just as closed
as the dial of the worl which they,

1331
02:40:01.719 --> 02:40:09.120
in the innocence of their mind lift
every minute to their eyes, not

1332
02:40:09.319 --> 02:40:16.079
understanding the fatal meaning of the eternally
moving hand, which is eternally returning to

1333
02:40:16.159 --> 02:40:22.520
its place. And each of them
feels this, even as the circus horse

1334
02:40:22.840 --> 02:40:30.760
probably feels it. But in a
state of strange blindness, each one assures

1335
02:40:30.840 --> 02:40:37.959
us that he is perfectly free and
moving forward. Like the stupid bird which

1336
02:40:39.040 --> 02:40:46.040
is beating itself to exhaustion against the
transparent glass obstacle, without understanding what it

1337
02:40:46.319 --> 02:40:54.239
is that obstructs its way, these
people are helplessly beating against the walls of

1338
02:40:54.680 --> 02:41:03.799
their glass prison. I was greatly
mistaken, it seems, also in the

1339
02:41:03.879 --> 02:41:11.079
significance of the greetings which fell to
my lot when I left the prison.

1340
02:41:11.159 --> 02:41:18.479
Of course, I was convinced that
in me they greeted the representative of our

1341
02:41:18.719 --> 02:41:24.520
prison, a leader hardened by experience, a master who came to them only

1342
02:41:24.680 --> 02:41:31.959
for the purpose of revealing to them
the great mystery of purpose. And when

1343
02:41:33.000 --> 02:41:39.959
they congratulated me upon the freedom granted
to me, I responded with thanks,

1344
02:41:39.360 --> 02:41:46.399
not suspecting what an idiotic meaning they
placed on the word. May I be

1345
02:41:46.559 --> 02:41:52.799
forgiven this cause expression. But I
am powerless now to restrain my aversion for

1346
02:41:52.920 --> 02:42:01.959
their stupid life, for their thoughts, for their feelings, foolish hypocrites,

1347
02:42:01.559 --> 02:42:09.520
fearing to tell the truth even when
it adorns them. My hardened truthfulness was

1348
02:42:09.920 --> 02:42:18.399
cruelly taxed in the midst of these
faults and trivial people. Not a single

1349
02:42:18.559 --> 02:42:24.200
person believed that I was never so
happy as in prison? Why then,

1350
02:42:24.360 --> 02:42:30.360
are they so surprised at me?
And why do they print my portraits?

1351
02:42:31.000 --> 02:42:37.639
Are there so few idiots that are
unhappy in prison? And the most remarkable

1352
02:42:37.760 --> 02:42:45.079
thing, which only my indulgent reader
will be able to appreciate, is this

1353
02:42:46.319 --> 02:42:54.239
often distrusting me completely, they nevertheless
sincerely go into raptures over me, bowing

1354
02:42:54.360 --> 02:43:00.799
before me, clasping my hands,
and mumbling at every step, Master,

1355
02:43:01.520 --> 02:43:09.760
Master, if they only profited by
their constant lying. But no, they

1356
02:43:09.760 --> 02:43:16.200
are perfectly disinterested, and they lie
as though by someone's higher order. They

1357
02:43:16.280 --> 02:43:24.959
lie in the fanatical conviction that falsehood
is in no way different from the truth.

1358
02:43:24.799 --> 02:43:31.680
Wretched actors, even incapable of a
decent makeup, they write from morning

1359
02:43:31.840 --> 02:43:39.719
till night on the boards of the
stage, and dying the most real death,

1360
02:43:39.319 --> 02:43:48.799
suffering the most real sufferings. They
bring into their deathly convulsions the cheap

1361
02:43:48.159 --> 02:43:54.959
art of the harlequin. Even their
crooks are not real. They only play

1362
02:43:56.079 --> 02:44:03.799
the roles of crooks while remaining honest
people. And the role of honest people

1363
02:44:03.959 --> 02:44:09.559
is played by rogues, and played
poorly, and the public sees it.

1364
02:44:09.040 --> 02:44:16.520
But in the name of the same
fatal falsehood. It gives them wraths and

1365
02:44:16.760 --> 02:44:24.120
bouquets. And if there is really
a talented actor who can wipe away the

1366
02:44:24.200 --> 02:44:31.639
boundary between truth and deception so that
even they begin to believe, they go

1367
02:44:31.760 --> 02:44:37.559
into raptures, call him great,
start a subscription for a monument, but

1368
02:44:37.920 --> 02:44:46.440
do not give any money. Desperate
cowards, they fear themselves most of all,

1369
02:44:46.040 --> 02:44:54.399
and admiring delightedly the reflection of their
spuriously made up faces in the mirror.

1370
02:44:54.920 --> 02:45:01.360
They howl with fear and rage when
someone in cause holds up the mirror

1371
02:45:01.559 --> 02:45:11.479
to their soul. My indulgent reader
should accept all this relatively, not forgetting

1372
02:45:11.600 --> 02:45:16.879
that certain grumblings are natural in old
age. Of course, I have met

1373
02:45:18.000 --> 02:45:26.239
quite a number of most worthy people, absolutely truthful, sincere, and courageous.

1374
02:45:26.680 --> 02:45:31.559
I am proud to admit that I
found among them also a proper estimate

1375
02:45:31.680 --> 02:45:37.600
of my personality, with the support
of these friends of mine. I hope

1376
02:45:37.639 --> 02:45:46.479
to complete successfully my struggle for truth
and justice. I am sufficiently strong for

1377
02:45:46.559 --> 02:45:52.959
my sixty years, and it seems
there is no power that could break my

1378
02:45:52.319 --> 02:46:01.600
iron will. At times I am
seized with fatigue. Oh to their absurd

1379
02:46:01.799 --> 02:46:05.479
mode of life. I have not
the proper rest, even at night.

1380
02:46:07.680 --> 02:46:13.360
The consciousness that while going to bed, I may absent mindedly have forgotten to

1381
02:46:13.399 --> 02:46:20.840
lock my bedroom door compels me to
jump from my bed dozens of times and

1382
02:46:22.120 --> 02:46:26.920
to fill the lock with a quiver
of horror. Not long ago it happened

1383
02:46:28.280 --> 02:46:35.280
that I locked my door and hid
the key under my pillow, perfectly confident

1384
02:46:35.440 --> 02:46:39.760
that my room was locked, when
suddenly I heard a knock. Then the

1385
02:46:39.799 --> 02:46:46.719
door opened, and my servant entered
with a smile on his face. You,

1386
02:46:46.079 --> 02:46:54.319
dear reader, will easily understand the
horror I experienced at this unexpected visit.

1387
02:46:56.079 --> 02:47:01.840
It seemed to me that someone had
entered my soul. And though I

1388
02:47:01.920 --> 02:47:09.319
have absolutely nothing to conceal, this
breaking into my room seems to me indecent,

1389
02:47:09.079 --> 02:47:15.760
to say the least. I caught
a cold a few days ago.

1390
02:47:16.319 --> 02:47:20.360
There is a terrible draft in the
windows, and I asked my servant to

1391
02:47:20.479 --> 02:47:26.319
watch me at night. In the
morning, I asked him in jest,

1392
02:47:26.399 --> 02:47:33.280
well did I talk much in my
sleep? No, you didn't talk at

1393
02:47:33.280 --> 02:47:37.559
all. I had a terrible dream, and I remember I even cried.

1394
02:47:39.280 --> 02:47:45.200
No, you smiled all the time, And I thought, what fine dreams

1395
02:47:45.280 --> 02:47:52.799
our master must see. The dear
youth must have been sincerely devoted to me,

1396
02:47:52.399 --> 02:48:01.479
and I am deeply moved by such
devotion during these painful days. Tomorrow

1397
02:48:01.639 --> 02:48:09.959
I shall sit down to prepare my
lectures. It is high time. End

1398
02:48:09.000 --> 02:48:20.559
of chapter nine, chapter ten of
The Man Who Found the Truth by Leonid

1399
02:48:20.719 --> 02:48:26.319
Nikolayevitch Andreyev, translated by Herman Bernstein. This LibriVox recording is in the public

1400
02:48:26.360 --> 02:48:35.079
domain recording by Carolyn. Chapter ten. My God, what has happened to

1401
02:48:35.239 --> 02:48:39.760
me? I do not know how
I shall tell my reader about it.

1402
02:48:41.319 --> 02:48:46.079
I was on the brink of the
abyss. I almost perished. What cruel

1403
02:48:46.239 --> 02:48:54.760
temptation fate is sending me? Fools? We smile without suspecting anything, When

1404
02:48:54.920 --> 02:49:03.239
some murderous hand is already lifted to
attacker, we smile, and the very

1405
02:49:03.440 --> 02:49:11.600
next instant we open our eyes wide
with horror. I I cried, I

1406
02:49:11.799 --> 02:49:18.959
cried another moment, and deceived,
I would have hurled myself down, thinking

1407
02:49:18.040 --> 02:49:26.680
that I was flying toward the sky. It turned out that the charming stranger

1408
02:49:28.239 --> 02:49:33.280
who wore a dark veil, and
who came to me so mysteriously three times,

1409
02:49:35.000 --> 02:49:41.719
was no one else than Madame n
my former fiancee, my love,

1410
02:49:41.280 --> 02:49:48.319
my dream, and my suffering.
But order order, May my indulgent reader

1411
02:49:48.520 --> 02:49:56.159
forgive the involuntary incoherence of the preceding
lines. But I am sixty years old,

1412
02:49:56.559 --> 02:50:01.200
and my strength is beginning to fail
me, and I am alone.

1413
02:50:01.040 --> 02:50:07.200
My unknown reader, be my friend
at this moment, for I am not

1414
02:50:07.360 --> 02:50:13.360
of iron, and my strength is
beginning to fail me. Listen, my

1415
02:50:13.600 --> 02:50:20.399
friend, I shall endeavor to tell
you exactly and in detail, as objectively

1416
02:50:20.440 --> 02:50:26.559
as my cold and clear mind will
be able to do it. All that

1417
02:50:26.719 --> 02:50:35.079
has happened. You must understand that
which my tongue may omit. I was

1418
02:50:35.399 --> 02:50:43.799
sitting engaged upon the preparation of my
lecture, seriously carried away by the absorbing

1419
02:50:43.000 --> 02:50:50.079
work, when my servant announced that
the strange lady in the black veil was

1420
02:50:50.440 --> 02:50:56.319
there again, and that she wished
to see me. I confess. I

1421
02:50:56.440 --> 02:51:01.719
was irritated that I was ready to
decline find to see her. But my

1422
02:51:01.840 --> 02:51:07.920
curiosity, coupled with my desire not
to offend her, led me to receive

1423
02:51:07.159 --> 02:51:16.719
the unexpected guest, assuming the expression
of majestic nobleness with which I usually greet

1424
02:51:16.799 --> 02:51:22.559
my visitors, and softening that expression
somewhat by a smile. In view of

1425
02:51:22.760 --> 02:51:28.680
the romantic character of the affair,
I ordered my servant to open the door.

1426
02:51:31.239 --> 02:51:37.639
Please be seated, my dear guest, I said politely to the stranger,

1427
02:51:37.079 --> 02:51:43.479
who stood as dazed before me,
still keeping the veil on her face.

1428
02:51:43.559 --> 02:51:52.600
She sat down. Although I respect
all secrecy, I continued jestingly,

1429
02:51:52.440 --> 02:52:00.760
I would nevertheless ask you to remove
this gloomy cover which disfigures you. Does

1430
02:52:01.000 --> 02:52:07.360
the human face need a mask,
this strange visitor declined, in a state

1431
02:52:07.440 --> 02:52:13.280
of agitation. Very well, I'll
take it off, but not now.

1432
02:52:13.840 --> 02:52:22.319
Later. First, I want to
see you well. The pleasant voice of

1433
02:52:22.360 --> 02:52:28.879
the stranger did not call forth any
recollections in me. Deeply interested and even

1434
02:52:28.000 --> 02:52:33.959
flattered, I submitted to my strange
visitor all the treasures of my mind,

1435
02:52:35.559 --> 02:52:43.040
experience, and talent. With enthusiasm, I related to her the edifying story

1436
02:52:43.120 --> 02:52:50.000
of my life, constantly illuminating every
detail with array of the great purpose.

1437
02:52:52.200 --> 02:52:56.959
In this I availed myself partly of
the material on which I had just been

1438
02:52:56.079 --> 02:53:05.120
working preparing my lecture. The passionate
attention with which the strange lady listened to

1439
02:53:05.239 --> 02:53:11.280
my words, the frequent deep sighs, the nervous quiver of her thin fingers

1440
02:53:11.319 --> 02:53:20.000
in her black gloves, her agitated
exclamations inspired me. Carried away by my

1441
02:53:20.159 --> 02:53:26.399
own narrative, I confess I did
not pay proper attention to the queer behavior

1442
02:53:26.920 --> 02:53:35.159
of my strange visitor. Having lost
all restraint, she now clasped my hands,

1443
02:53:35.719 --> 02:53:41.120
now pushed them away, She cried, and availing herself of each pause

1444
02:53:41.159 --> 02:53:46.760
in my speech, she implored,
don't, don't, don't stop speaking.

1445
02:53:48.120 --> 02:53:54.040
I can't listen to it. And
at the moment when I least expected it,

1446
02:53:54.479 --> 02:54:00.280
she tore the veil from her face, and before my eyes became before

1447
02:54:00.399 --> 02:54:05.760
my eyes appeared her face, the
face of my love, of my dream,

1448
02:54:05.319 --> 02:54:11.120
of my bounteless and bitter sorrow.
Perhaps because I lived all my life

1449
02:54:11.239 --> 02:54:16.639
dreaming of her alone, with her
alone, I was young with her,

1450
02:54:16.959 --> 02:54:22.760
I had developed and grown old with
her. I was advancing to the grave.

1451
02:54:24.559 --> 02:54:30.440
Her face seemed to me neither old, nor faded. It was exactly

1452
02:54:30.479 --> 02:54:35.680
as I had pictured it in my
dreams. It seemed endlessly dear to me.

1453
02:54:39.040 --> 02:54:43.719
What has happened to me? For
the first time in tens of years,

1454
02:54:45.120 --> 02:54:48.440
I forgot that I had a face. For the first time in tens

1455
02:54:48.479 --> 02:54:54.959
of years, I looked helplessly,
like a youngster, like a criminal,

1456
02:54:56.200 --> 02:55:03.079
quarter red handed, waiting for some
deadly blow. You see, you see

1457
02:55:03.760 --> 02:55:07.840
it is I. It is I, My god, Why are you so

1458
02:55:09.120 --> 02:55:16.559
silent? Don't you recognize me?
Did I recognize her? It were better

1459
02:55:16.719 --> 02:55:22.719
not to have known that face at
all. It were better for me to

1460
02:55:22.799 --> 02:55:28.920
have grown blind rather than to see
her again? Why are you silent?

1461
02:55:30.319 --> 02:55:37.040
How terrible you are? You have
forgotten me? Madam? Of course I

1462
02:55:37.079 --> 02:55:43.399
should have continued in this manner.
I saw how she staggered. I saw

1463
02:55:43.479 --> 02:55:50.399
how, with trembling fingers, all
almost falling, she was looking for her

1464
02:55:50.520 --> 02:55:56.559
veil. I saw that another word
of courageous truth and the terrible vision would

1465
02:55:56.639 --> 02:56:03.559
vanish, never to appear again.
But some stranger within me not I not.

1466
02:56:05.000 --> 02:56:11.840
I uttered the following absurd, ridiculous
phrase, in which, despite its

1467
02:56:13.120 --> 02:56:20.719
chilliness, rang so much jealousy and
hopeless sorrow. Madam, you have deceived

1468
02:56:20.799 --> 02:56:26.719
me. I don't know you.
Perhaps you entered the wrong door. I

1469
02:56:26.840 --> 02:56:31.559
suppose your husband and your children are
waiting for you. Please, my servant

1470
02:56:31.639 --> 02:56:37.840
will take you down to the carriage. Could I think that these words,

1471
02:56:39.319 --> 02:56:45.760
uttered in the same stern and cold
voice, would have such a strange effect

1472
02:56:45.879 --> 02:56:52.000
upon the woman's heart? With a
cry, all the bitter passion of which

1473
02:56:52.040 --> 02:57:00.520
I could not describe, she threw
herself before me on her knees, exclaiming,

1474
02:57:01.680 --> 02:57:07.319
so you do love me. Forgetting
that our life had already been lived,

1475
02:57:07.760 --> 02:57:13.079
that we were old, that all
had been ruined and scattered like dust

1476
02:57:13.280 --> 02:57:18.559
by time, and that it can
never return again. Forgetting that I was

1477
02:57:18.760 --> 02:57:26.559
gray, that my shoulders were bent, that the voice of passion sounds strangely

1478
02:57:26.319 --> 02:57:35.799
when it comes from old lips.
I burst into impetuous reproaches and complaints.

1479
02:57:35.680 --> 02:57:43.479
Yes, I did deceive you.
Her deathly pale lips uttered. I knew

1480
02:57:43.520 --> 02:57:48.840
that you were innocent. Be silent, Be silent. Everybody laughed at me,

1481
02:57:50.280 --> 02:57:54.040
even your friends, your mother,
whom I despised for it, all

1482
02:57:54.120 --> 02:58:03.000
betrayed you. Only I kept a
repeating he is innocent. Oh, if

1483
02:58:03.200 --> 02:58:07.879
this woman knew what she was doing
to me with her words. If the

1484
02:58:09.000 --> 02:58:15.120
trumpet of the Angel announcing the day
of judgment had resounded at my very ear,

1485
02:58:15.600 --> 02:58:20.639
I would not have been so frightened
as now. What is the blaring

1486
02:58:20.760 --> 02:58:26.639
of a trumpet calling to battle and
struggle to the ear of the brave.

1487
02:58:26.399 --> 02:58:31.159
It was as if an abyss had
opened at my feet. It was as

1488
02:58:31.200 --> 02:58:35.079
if an abyss had opened before me, And as though blinded by lightning,

1489
02:58:35.520 --> 02:58:41.040
as though dazed by a blow,
I shouted, in an outburst of wild

1490
02:58:41.440 --> 02:58:50.000
and strange ecstasy. Be silent.
I. If that woman were sent by

1491
02:58:50.159 --> 02:58:56.680
God, she would have become silent. If she were sent by the devil,

1492
02:58:56.079 --> 02:59:01.840
she would have become silent even then. But there was neither God nor

1493
02:59:03.120 --> 02:59:09.000
Devil in her, and interrupting me, not permitting me to finish the phrase,

1494
02:59:09.559 --> 02:59:13.920
she went on, No, I
will not be silent. I must

1495
02:59:15.159 --> 02:59:20.239
tell you all. I have waited
for you so many years. Listen,

1496
02:59:20.799 --> 02:59:28.040
listen. But suddenly she saw my
face and she retreated, seized with horror.

1497
02:59:30.120 --> 02:59:33.719
What is it? What is the
matter with you? Why do you

1498
02:59:33.840 --> 02:59:39.239
laugh? I am afraid of your
laughter. Stop laughing, don't don't.

1499
02:59:39.920 --> 02:59:46.120
But I was not laughing at all. I only smiled softly, and then

1500
02:59:46.200 --> 02:59:54.280
I said, very seriously, without
smiling, I am smiling because I am

1501
02:59:54.360 --> 03:00:01.799
glad to see you tell me about
yourself. And as in a dream,

1502
03:00:01.360 --> 03:00:07.559
I saw her face and I heard
her soft, terrible whisper. You know

1503
03:00:07.719 --> 03:00:11.760
that I love you. You know
that all my life I loved you alone.

1504
03:00:13.360 --> 03:00:18.319
I lived with another and was faithful
to him. I have children,

1505
03:00:18.760 --> 03:00:24.079
but you know they are all strangers
to me, He and the children,

1506
03:00:24.159 --> 03:00:28.239
and I myself. Yes, I
deceived you. I am a criminal,

1507
03:00:28.600 --> 03:00:33.360
but I do not know how it
happened. He was so kind to me.

1508
03:00:35.120 --> 03:00:39.319
He made me believe that he was
convinced of your innocence. Later I

1509
03:00:39.440 --> 03:00:46.040
learned that he did not tell the
truth. And with this, just think

1510
03:00:46.079 --> 03:00:54.280
of it. With this, he
won me. You lie, I swear

1511
03:00:54.440 --> 03:00:58.719
to you. For a whole year, he followed me and spoke only of

1512
03:00:58.760 --> 03:01:03.680
you. One day he even cried
when I told him about you, about

1513
03:01:03.760 --> 03:01:09.319
your sufferings, about your love.
But he was lying, of course,

1514
03:01:09.360 --> 03:01:13.239
he was lying, But at that
time he seemed so dear to me,

1515
03:01:13.799 --> 03:01:18.520
so kind that I kissed him on
the forehead. Then we used to bring

1516
03:01:18.600 --> 03:01:24.000
you flowers to the prison. One
day, as we were returning from you.

1517
03:01:24.479 --> 03:01:31.399
Listen. He suddenly proposed that we
should go out driving. The evening

1518
03:01:31.520 --> 03:01:37.120
was so beautiful, and you went. How did you dare go out with

1519
03:01:37.239 --> 03:01:41.879
him? You had just seen my
prison, you had just been near me,

1520
03:01:41.600 --> 03:01:48.200
and yet you dared to go with
him? How base be silent?

1521
03:01:48.360 --> 03:01:54.600
Be silent? I know I am
a criminal, but I was so exhausted,

1522
03:01:54.120 --> 03:02:01.559
so tired, and you were so
far away. Understand me, she

1523
03:02:01.680 --> 03:02:07.959
began to cry, wringing her hands. Understand me. I was so exhausted,

1524
03:02:09.440 --> 03:02:15.000
and he he saw how I felt, and yet he dared kiss me.

1525
03:02:16.840 --> 03:02:22.399
He kissed you, and you allowed
him on the lips. No,

1526
03:02:22.399 --> 03:02:28.040
no, only on the cheek,
you lie. No, No, I

1527
03:02:28.159 --> 03:02:35.280
swear to you. I began to
laugh. You responded, and you were

1528
03:02:35.399 --> 03:02:39.799
driving in the forest. You my
fiancee, my love, my dream,

1529
03:02:41.479 --> 03:02:48.079
and all this for my sake.
Tell me speak. In my rage,

1530
03:02:48.239 --> 03:02:54.639
I wrung her arms and wriggling like
a snake, vainly trying to evade my

1531
03:02:54.799 --> 03:03:01.639
look. She whispered, forgive me, forgive me, How many children have

1532
03:03:01.879 --> 03:03:09.600
you forgive me? But my reason
forsook me, and in my growing rage,

1533
03:03:09.680 --> 03:03:16.120
I cried, stamping my foot.
How many children have you? Speak?

1534
03:03:16.360 --> 03:03:22.559
Or I will kill you. I
actually said this. Evidently I was

1535
03:03:22.639 --> 03:03:30.239
losing my reason completely if I could
threaten to kill a helpless woman, and

1536
03:03:30.600 --> 03:03:37.799
she, surmising apparently that my threats
were mere words, answered with faint readiness,

1537
03:03:39.760 --> 03:03:43.200
kill me. You have a right
to do it. I am a

1538
03:03:43.239 --> 03:03:48.879
criminal. I deceived you. You
are a martyr, a saint. When

1539
03:03:48.920 --> 03:03:52.040
you told me, is it true
that even in your thoughts? You never

1540
03:03:52.120 --> 03:04:00.280
deceived me? Even in your thoughts? And again an abyss opened be for

1541
03:04:00.559 --> 03:04:07.920
me. Everything trembled, everything fell, Everything became an absurd dream. And

1542
03:04:09.079 --> 03:04:15.440
in the last effort to save my
extinguished reason, I shouted, but you

1543
03:04:15.600 --> 03:04:20.200
are happy. You cannot be unhappy. You have no right to be unhappy.

1544
03:04:20.840 --> 03:04:30.280
Otherwise I shall lose my mind.
But she did not understand. With

1545
03:04:30.399 --> 03:04:37.440
a bitter laugh, with a senseless
smile in which her suffering mingled with bright,

1546
03:04:37.000 --> 03:04:45.440
heavenly joy, she said, I
am happy. I happy, Oh,

1547
03:04:45.479 --> 03:04:50.319
my dear friend. Only near you
I can find happiness. From the

1548
03:04:50.399 --> 03:04:54.120
moment you left the prison, I
began to despise my home. I am

1549
03:04:54.200 --> 03:05:00.600
alone there. I am a stranger
to all. If you only I knew

1550
03:05:00.760 --> 03:05:05.920
how I hate that scoundrel. You
are sensible, You must have felt that

1551
03:05:07.040 --> 03:05:11.559
you were not alone in prison,
that I was always with you there,

1552
03:05:11.920 --> 03:05:20.319
and he be silent, Be silent, if you only heard with what delight.

1553
03:05:20.399 --> 03:05:26.280
I called him scoundrel. She burst
into laughter, frightening me by the

1554
03:05:26.319 --> 03:05:33.200
wild expression on her face. Just
think of it. All his life he

1555
03:05:33.239 --> 03:05:37.840
embraced only a lie, and when
deceived, happy, he fell asleep.

1556
03:05:39.280 --> 03:05:43.840
I looked at him with wide open
eyes. I gnashed my teeth softly,

1557
03:05:45.440 --> 03:05:52.239
and I felt like pinching him,
like sticking him with a pin. She

1558
03:05:52.479 --> 03:05:58.319
burst into laughter again. It seemed
to me that she was driving wedges into

1559
03:05:58.360 --> 03:06:05.440
my brain, clasping my head.
I cried, you lie, you lie

1560
03:06:05.520 --> 03:06:09.920
to me. Indeed, it was
easier for me to speak to the ghost

1561
03:06:11.319 --> 03:06:16.239
than to the woman. What could
I say to her? My mind was

1562
03:06:16.360 --> 03:06:22.000
growing dim, and how could I
repulse her? When she, full of

1563
03:06:22.079 --> 03:06:28.639
love and passion, kissed my hands, my eyes, my face. It

1564
03:06:28.760 --> 03:06:35.520
was she my love, my dream, my bitter sorrow. I love you,

1565
03:06:37.200 --> 03:06:43.319
I love you, and I believed
her. I believed her love.

1566
03:06:43.959 --> 03:06:48.680
I believed everything. And once more
I felt that my locks were black,

1567
03:06:50.120 --> 03:06:54.799
and I saw mysel of young again, and I knelt before her and wept

1568
03:06:56.040 --> 03:07:00.680
for a long time, and whispered
to her about my solf for rings,

1569
03:07:01.079 --> 03:07:07.559
about the pain of solitude, about
a heart cruelly broken, about offended,

1570
03:07:09.040 --> 03:07:16.520
disfigured, mutilated thoughts, and laughing
and crying. She stroked my hair.

1571
03:07:18.719 --> 03:07:26.000
Suddenly she noticed that it was gray, and she cried strangely, what is

1572
03:07:26.079 --> 03:07:33.399
it? And life? I am
an old woman? Already on leaving me,

1573
03:07:33.600 --> 03:07:37.920
she demanded that I escort her to
the threshold like a young man,

1574
03:07:39.639 --> 03:07:43.879
and I did. Before going,
she said to me, I am coming

1575
03:07:43.920 --> 03:07:50.159
back tomorrow. I know my children
will deny me. My daughter is to

1576
03:07:50.319 --> 03:07:54.319
marry soon. You and I will
go away. Do you love me?

1577
03:07:56.840 --> 03:08:01.399
I do. We will go far, far away. My dear. You

1578
03:08:01.520 --> 03:08:07.639
wanted to deliver some lectures. You
should not do it. I don't like

1579
03:08:07.760 --> 03:08:13.079
what you say about that iron grate. You are exhausted. You need a

1580
03:08:13.239 --> 03:08:18.280
rest. Shall it be so?
Yes? Oh, I forgot my veil.

1581
03:08:18.799 --> 03:08:22.959
Keep it, Keep it as a
remembrance of this day, my dear.

1582
03:08:26.040 --> 03:08:31.319
In the vestibule, in the presence
of the sleepy porter she kissed me,

1583
03:08:31.399 --> 03:08:37.520
there was the odor of some new
perfume, unlike the perfume with which

1584
03:08:37.559 --> 03:08:45.040
her letter was sent. It and
her coquettish laugh was like a sob as

1585
03:08:45.200 --> 03:08:52.520
she disappeared behind the glass door.
That night, I aroused my servant,

1586
03:08:52.239 --> 03:08:58.559
ordered him to pack our things,
and we went away. I shall not

1587
03:08:58.040 --> 03:09:05.200
say where I am at present,
but the last night and tonight therees were

1588
03:09:05.360 --> 03:09:13.520
rustling over my head, and the
rain was beating against my windows. Here

1589
03:09:13.680 --> 03:09:18.360
the windows are small, and I
feel much better. I wrote her a

1590
03:09:18.479 --> 03:09:24.680
rather long letter, the contents of
which I shall not reproduce. I shall

1591
03:09:26.040 --> 03:09:31.840
never see her again. But what
am I to do? May the reader

1592
03:09:33.040 --> 03:09:39.159
pardon these incoherent questions? They are
so natural in a man in my condition.

1593
03:09:39.239 --> 03:09:46.760
Besides, I caught an acute romatism
while traveling, which is most painful

1594
03:09:46.159 --> 03:09:52.040
and even dangerous for a man of
my age, and which does not permit

1595
03:09:52.159 --> 03:09:58.520
me to reason calmly. For some
reason or another, I think very often

1596
03:09:58.559 --> 03:10:05.600
about my young friend Kay, who
went to an untimely grave. How does

1597
03:10:05.680 --> 03:10:13.719
he feel in his new prison?
Tomorrow morning, if my strength will permit

1598
03:10:13.920 --> 03:10:18.600
me, I intend to pay a
visit to the warden of our prison and

1599
03:10:18.879 --> 03:10:35.719
to his esteemed wife our prison.
End of chapter ten, Chapter eleven of

1600
03:10:35.760 --> 03:10:41.840
the Man who Found the Truth by
Leonit Nikolayevich Andreyev, translated by Hermann Bernstein.

1601
03:10:43.680 --> 03:10:50.079
This LibriVox recording is in the public
domain. Recording by Carolyn Chapter eleven.

1602
03:10:52.440 --> 03:11:00.760
I am profoundly happy to inform my
dear reader that I have completely recovered

1603
03:11:00.840 --> 03:11:05.760
my physical as well as my spiritual
powers. A long rest out in the

1604
03:11:05.840 --> 03:11:15.239
country emid nature's soothing beauties, the
contemplation of village life, which is so

1605
03:11:15.559 --> 03:11:20.920
simple and bright, the absence of
the noise of the city, where hundreds

1606
03:11:20.920 --> 03:11:30.360
of windmills are stupidly flapping their long
arms before your very nose. And finally,

1607
03:11:30.879 --> 03:11:39.520
the complete solitude undisturbed by anything.
All these have restored to my unbalanced

1608
03:11:39.639 --> 03:11:46.879
view of the world, all its
former steadiness and its iron irresistible firmness.

1609
03:11:48.639 --> 03:11:56.200
I look upon my future calmly and
confidently, and although it promises me nothing

1610
03:11:56.319 --> 03:12:01.719
but a lonely grave and the last
journeyed to an unknown distance, I am

1611
03:12:01.840 --> 03:12:09.159
ready to meet death just as courageously
as I lived my life, drawing strength

1612
03:12:09.600 --> 03:12:18.040
from my solitude, from the consciousness
of my innocence and my uprightness. After

1613
03:12:18.200 --> 03:12:26.040
long hesitations which are not quite intelligible
to me, now I finally resolved to

1614
03:12:26.319 --> 03:12:33.559
establish for myself this system of our
prison in all its rigidness. For that

1615
03:12:33.840 --> 03:12:39.879
purpose. Finding a small house in
the outskirts of the city, which was

1616
03:12:39.959 --> 03:12:46.239
to be leased for a long term
of years, I hired it. Then

1617
03:12:46.399 --> 03:12:52.159
with the kinder sistance of the warden
of our prison. I cannot express my

1618
03:12:52.319 --> 03:12:58.239
gratitude to him adequately enough. In
words, I invited to the new place

1619
03:12:58.360 --> 03:13:03.479
one of the most experienced jay Lass, who is still a young man,

1620
03:13:03.959 --> 03:13:13.040
but already hardened in the strict principles
of our prison. Availing myself of his

1621
03:13:13.239 --> 03:13:20.559
instruction and also of the suggestion of
the obliging warden, I have engaged workmen

1622
03:13:20.120 --> 03:13:26.719
who transformed one of the rims into
a cell. The measurements, as well

1623
03:13:26.760 --> 03:13:33.520
as the foreman, all the details
of my new and I hope my last

1624
03:13:33.639 --> 03:13:41.840
dwelling are strictly in accordance with my
plan. My cell is eight by four

1625
03:13:41.040 --> 03:13:48.799
yards four yards high. The walls
are painted gray at the bottom. The

1626
03:13:48.920 --> 03:13:54.719
upper parts of the walls and the
ceiling are white, and near the ceiling

1627
03:13:54.280 --> 03:14:01.559
there's a square window one and a
half by one and a half yards with

1628
03:14:01.879 --> 03:14:09.600
a massive iron grate which has already
become rusty with age. In the door

1629
03:14:09.079 --> 03:14:16.000
locked with a heavy and strong lock, which issues a loud crak at each

1630
03:14:16.200 --> 03:14:22.079
turn of the key. There is
a small hole for observation, and below

1631
03:14:22.120 --> 03:14:30.879
it a little window through which the
food is brought and received. The furnishing

1632
03:14:30.920 --> 03:14:35.680
of the cell a table, a
chair, and a cot fastened to the

1633
03:14:35.760 --> 03:14:43.000
wall. On the wall a crucifix, my portray and the rules concerning the

1634
03:14:43.040 --> 03:14:50.520
conduct of the prisoners in a black
frame, and in the corner a closet

1635
03:14:50.840 --> 03:14:56.840
filled with books, this last being
a violation of the strict harmony of my

1636
03:14:58.000 --> 03:15:05.559
dwelling, I was compared held to
do by extreme and sad necessity. The

1637
03:15:05.760 --> 03:15:13.200
jailer positively refused to be my librarian
and to bring the books according to my

1638
03:15:13.440 --> 03:15:18.760
order, and to engage a special
librarian seemed to me to be an act

1639
03:15:18.840 --> 03:15:28.280
of unnecessary eccentricity. Aside from this, in elaborating my plans, I met

1640
03:15:28.360 --> 03:15:35.079
with strong opposition, not only from
the local population, which simply declared me

1641
03:15:35.159 --> 03:15:41.040
to be insane, but even from
the enlightened people. Even the warden endeavored

1642
03:15:41.120 --> 03:15:48.879
for some time to dissuade me,
But finally he clasped my hand warmly with

1643
03:15:50.000 --> 03:15:54.639
an expression of sincere regret at not
being in a position to offer me a

1644
03:15:54.680 --> 03:16:03.639
place in our present. I cannot
recall the first day of my confinement without

1645
03:16:03.680 --> 03:16:11.319
a bitter smile. A mob of
impertinent and ignorant idlers yelled from morning till

1646
03:16:11.760 --> 03:16:20.280
night at my window with their heads
lifted high. My cells situated in the

1647
03:16:20.360 --> 03:16:28.079
second story, and they heaped upon
me senseless abuse. There were even efforts,

1648
03:16:28.600 --> 03:16:35.440
to the disgrace of my townspeople,
to storm my dwelling, and one

1649
03:16:35.520 --> 03:16:43.520
heavy stone almost crushed my head.
Only the police, which arrived in time,

1650
03:16:43.159 --> 03:16:50.159
succeeded in averting the catastrophe. When
in the evening I went out for

1651
03:16:50.200 --> 03:16:58.760
a walk, hundreds of fools,
adults and children followed me, shouting and

1652
03:16:58.879 --> 03:17:05.319
whistling, keeping abuse upon me,
and even hurling mud at me. Thus,

1653
03:17:05.639 --> 03:17:13.000
like a persecuted prophet, I wended
my way without fear, amidst the

1654
03:17:13.120 --> 03:17:22.680
maddened crowd, answering their blows and
curses with proud silence. What has stirred

1655
03:17:22.879 --> 03:17:31.479
these fools? In What way have
I offended their empty heads? When I

1656
03:17:31.600 --> 03:17:35.959
lied to them, they kissed my
hands. Now, when I have re

1657
03:17:37.239 --> 03:17:43.399
established the sacred truth of my life
in all its strictness and purity, they

1658
03:17:43.479 --> 03:17:50.520
burst into curses. They branded me
with contempt. They hurled mud at me.

1659
03:17:52.520 --> 03:17:56.399
They were disturbed because I dared to
live alone, and because I did

1660
03:17:56.520 --> 03:18:05.719
not ask them for a place in
the common cell for rogues. How difficult

1661
03:18:05.840 --> 03:18:13.879
it is to be truthful in this
world. True, My perseverance and firmness

1662
03:18:13.280 --> 03:18:22.239
finally defeated them with the naivete of
savages who honor all they do not understand.

1663
03:18:22.920 --> 03:18:30.040
They commenced in the second year to
bow to me, and they are

1664
03:18:30.200 --> 03:18:37.120
making ever lower bows to me because
their amazement is growing ever greater, their

1665
03:18:37.200 --> 03:18:43.360
fear of the inexplicable is growing ever
deeper. And the fact that I never

1666
03:18:43.479 --> 03:18:52.000
respond to their greatings fills them with
delight. And the fact that I never

1667
03:18:52.120 --> 03:18:58.520
smile in response to their flattering smiles
fills them with the firm assurance that they

1668
03:18:58.600 --> 03:19:07.159
are guilt before me for some grave
wrong, and that I know their guilt.

1669
03:19:07.639 --> 03:19:15.280
Having lost confidence in their own and
other people's words, they rever my

1670
03:19:15.680 --> 03:19:22.719
silence, even as people rever every
silence and every mystery. If I were

1671
03:19:22.799 --> 03:19:28.479
to start to speak suddenly, I
would again become human to them, and

1672
03:19:28.559 --> 03:19:33.959
would disillusion them bitterly, no matter
what I would say in my silence,

1673
03:19:35.200 --> 03:19:43.319
I am to them like their eternally
silent God. For these strange people would

1674
03:19:43.520 --> 03:19:52.120
cease believing their God as soon as
their God would commence to speak. Their

1675
03:19:52.200 --> 03:19:58.680
women are already regarding me as a
saint, and the kneeling women and sick

1676
03:19:58.799 --> 03:20:05.520
ch children that I often find at
the threshold of my dwelling undoubtedly expect of

1677
03:20:05.719 --> 03:20:13.840
me a trifle to heal them to
perform a miracle. Well, another year

1678
03:20:13.959 --> 03:20:20.959
or two will pass, and I
shall commence to perform miracles as well as

1679
03:20:22.120 --> 03:20:28.799
those of whom they speak with such
enthusiasm. Strange people. At times,

1680
03:20:28.840 --> 03:20:33.680
I feel sorry for them, and
I begin to feel really angry at the

1681
03:20:33.799 --> 03:20:41.159
devil who so skillfully mixed the cards
in their game that only the cheat knows

1682
03:20:41.319 --> 03:20:50.520
the truth, his little cheating truth
about the marked queens and the marked kings.

1683
03:20:50.120 --> 03:20:56.959
They bow too low, however,
and this hinders me from developing a

1684
03:20:56.000 --> 03:21:03.600
sense of mercy. Otherwise, smile
at my jest, indulgent reader, I

1685
03:21:03.639 --> 03:21:11.600
would not restrain myself from the temptation
of performing two or three small but effective

1686
03:21:11.959 --> 03:21:20.920
miracles. I must go back to
the description of my present. Having constructed

1687
03:21:20.959 --> 03:21:28.559
myself completely, I offered my jailer
the following alternative, he must observe with

1688
03:21:28.760 --> 03:21:33.799
regard to me the worlds of the
prison regime in all its rigidness, And

1689
03:21:33.920 --> 03:21:41.319
in that case he would inherit all
my fortune according to my will, or

1690
03:21:41.520 --> 03:21:48.159
he would receive nothing if he failed
to do his duty. It seemed that

1691
03:21:48.319 --> 03:21:54.879
in putting the matter before him so
clearly, I would meet with no difficulties.

1692
03:21:54.840 --> 03:22:01.559
Yet at the very first instance,
when I should have been incarcerated for

1693
03:22:01.760 --> 03:22:09.520
violating some prison regulation, this naive
and timid man absolutely refused to do it.

1694
03:22:11.360 --> 03:22:18.120
And only when I threatened to get
another man immediately a more conscientious jailer

1695
03:22:18.920 --> 03:22:26.440
was he compelled to perform his duty. Though he always locked the door punctually,

1696
03:22:26.159 --> 03:22:31.879
he at first neglected his duty of
watching me through the peephole, And

1697
03:22:33.040 --> 03:22:37.760
when I tried to test his firmness
by suggesting a change in some rule or

1698
03:22:37.879 --> 03:22:46.719
other to the detriment of common sense, he yielded willingly and quickly. One

1699
03:22:46.840 --> 03:22:52.799
day, on trapping him in this
way, I said to him, my

1700
03:22:54.040 --> 03:22:58.680
friend, you are simply foolish.
If you will not watch me and guard

1701
03:22:58.799 --> 03:23:03.600
me properly, I shall run away
to another prison, taking my legacy along

1702
03:23:03.639 --> 03:23:11.360
with me. What will you do
then I am happy to inform you that

1703
03:23:11.440 --> 03:23:18.840
at the present time, all these
misunderstandings have been removed. And if there's

1704
03:23:18.040 --> 03:23:26.799
anything I can complain of, it
is rather excessive strictness than mildness. Now

1705
03:23:26.840 --> 03:23:33.520
that my Jaila has entered into the
spirit of his position, this honest man

1706
03:23:33.719 --> 03:23:39.319
trades me with extreme sternness, not
for the sake of the prophet, but

1707
03:23:39.399 --> 03:23:45.879
for the sake of the principle.
Thus, in the beginning of this week

1708
03:23:46.399 --> 03:23:52.719
he incarcerated me for twenty four hours
for violating some rule of which it seemed

1709
03:23:52.959 --> 03:24:01.840
to me I was not guilty,
and protesting against this seeming injustice, I

1710
03:24:01.920 --> 03:24:07.879
had the unpardonable weakness to say to
him. In the end, I will

1711
03:24:07.000 --> 03:24:13.000
drive you away from here. You
must not forget that you are my servant.

1712
03:24:13.479 --> 03:24:20.079
Before you drive me away, I
will incarcerate you, replied this worthy

1713
03:24:20.360 --> 03:24:28.600
man. But how about the money, I asked with astonishment. Don't you

1714
03:24:28.719 --> 03:24:33.159
know that you will be deprived of
it? Do I need your money?

1715
03:24:33.440 --> 03:24:37.959
I would give up all my own
money if I could stop being what I

1716
03:24:39.040 --> 03:24:43.520
am. But what can I do
if you violate the rule and I must

1717
03:24:43.559 --> 03:24:52.200
punish you by incarcerating you? I
am powerless to describe the joyous emotion which

1718
03:24:52.399 --> 03:24:58.200
came over me at the thought that
the consciousness of duty had at last entered

1719
03:24:58.239 --> 03:25:05.120
his dark mind, and that now, even if in a moment of weakness

1720
03:25:05.159 --> 03:25:11.600
I wanted to leave my prison,
my conscientious Jaila would not permit me to

1721
03:25:11.719 --> 03:25:18.799
do it. The spark of firmness
which glittered in his round eyes showed me

1722
03:25:20.200 --> 03:25:24.520
clearly that no matter where I might
run away, he would find me and

1723
03:25:24.719 --> 03:25:31.159
bring me back, and that the
revolver, which he often forgot to take

1724
03:25:31.280 --> 03:25:35.440
before, and which he now cleans
every day, would do its work in

1725
03:25:35.600 --> 03:25:41.639
the event I decided to run away, And for the first time in all

1726
03:25:41.719 --> 03:25:48.600
these years, I fell asleep on
the stone floor of my dark cell with

1727
03:25:48.000 --> 03:25:56.479
a happy smile, realizing that my
plan was crowned with complete success, passing

1728
03:25:56.600 --> 03:26:05.399
from the realm of eccentricity to the
domain of stern and austere reality. And

1729
03:26:05.799 --> 03:26:11.399
the fear which I felt while falling
asleep in the presence of my Jaila,

1730
03:26:11.959 --> 03:26:18.239
my fear of his resolute look,
of his revolver, my timid desire to

1731
03:26:18.360 --> 03:26:24.840
hear a word of praise from him, or to call forth perhaps a smile

1732
03:26:24.920 --> 03:26:31.879
on his lips, re echoed in
my soul as the harmonious clanking of my

1733
03:26:31.159 --> 03:26:43.120
eternal and last chines. Thus I
pass my last years as before. My

1734
03:26:43.399 --> 03:26:50.159
health is sound and my free spirit
is clear. Let some call me fool

1735
03:26:50.239 --> 03:26:58.360
and laugh at me in their pitiful
blindness. Let others regard me as a

1736
03:26:58.399 --> 03:27:05.719
saint and expect me to perform miracles, an upright man to some people,

1737
03:27:05.280 --> 03:27:11.200
to others, a liar and a
deceiver. I myself know who I am,

1738
03:27:11.680 --> 03:27:16.719
and I do not ask them to
understand me. And if there are

1739
03:27:16.879 --> 03:27:24.000
people who will accuse me of deception, of baseness, even of the lack

1740
03:27:24.239 --> 03:27:31.079
of simple honor, for there are
scoundrels who are convinced to this day that

1741
03:27:31.200 --> 03:27:37.319
I committed murder, no one will
dare accuse me of cowardice. No one

1742
03:27:37.639 --> 03:27:43.520
will dare say that I could not
perform my painful duty to the end.

1743
03:27:46.680 --> 03:27:52.239
From the beginning till the end,
I remained firm and unbribable. And though

1744
03:27:52.319 --> 03:27:58.159
a bugbear, a fanatic, a
dark horror to some people, I may

1745
03:27:58.239 --> 03:28:07.239
awaken an others a heroic dream of
the infinite power of man. I have

1746
03:28:07.440 --> 03:28:13.319
long discontinued to receive visitors, and
with the death of the warden of our

1747
03:28:13.559 --> 03:28:22.559
prison, my only true friend,
whom I visited occasionally. My last tie

1748
03:28:22.600 --> 03:28:31.959
with this world was broken. Only
I and my ferocious Jayla, who watches

1749
03:28:31.239 --> 03:28:39.079
every movement of mine with mad suspicion. And the black grate which has caught

1750
03:28:39.120 --> 03:28:46.959
in its iron embrace and muzzled the
infinite. This is my life, silently

1751
03:28:48.079 --> 03:28:54.399
accepting the low bows, in my
cold estrangement from the people. I am

1752
03:28:54.559 --> 03:29:03.280
passing my last road. I am
thinking of death ever more frequently. But

1753
03:29:03.440 --> 03:29:09.239
even before death, I do not
bend my fearless look. Whether it brings

1754
03:29:09.280 --> 03:29:16.879
me eternal arrest or a new,
unknown and terrible struggle, I am humbly

1755
03:29:16.959 --> 03:29:24.399
prepared to accept it. Farewell,
my dear reader, like a vague phantom,

1756
03:29:24.520 --> 03:29:31.239
you appeared before my eyes and past, leaving me alone before the face

1757
03:29:31.319 --> 03:29:35.559
of life and death. Do not
be angry, because at times I deceived

1758
03:29:35.600 --> 03:29:41.079
you and lied. You too would
have lied, perhaps in my place.

1759
03:29:43.040 --> 03:29:50.079
Nevertheless, I loved you sincerely and
sincerely longed for your love, and the

1760
03:29:50.239 --> 03:29:56.000
thought of your sympathy for me was
quite a support to me in my movements

1761
03:29:56.040 --> 03:30:03.959
and days of hardship. I am
sending you my last farewell and my sincere

1762
03:30:03.120 --> 03:30:11.879
advice forget about my existence, even
as I shall henceforth forgets about yours.

1763
03:30:11.879 --> 03:30:20.479
Forever. A deserted field, overgrown
with high grass, devoid of an echo,

1764
03:30:22.200 --> 03:30:28.479
extends like a deep carpet to the
very fence of our prison, whose

1765
03:30:28.639 --> 03:30:37.600
majestic outlines subdue my imagination and my
mind. When the dying sun illumines it

1766
03:30:37.959 --> 03:30:45.239
with its last rays, and our
prison, all in red, stands like

1767
03:30:45.360 --> 03:30:52.680
a queen, like a martyr,
with the dark wounds of its grated windows,

1768
03:30:52.200 --> 03:31:01.479
and the sun rises silently and proudly
over the plain with sorrow, Like

1769
03:31:01.559 --> 03:31:09.040
a lover, I send my complaints
and my sighs, and my tender reproach,

1770
03:31:09.200 --> 03:31:13.559
and vows to her, to my
love, to my dream, to

1771
03:31:13.680 --> 03:31:20.559
my bitter and last sorrow. I
wish I could forever remain near her.

1772
03:31:22.319 --> 03:31:28.399
But here I look back, and
black against the fiery frame of the sunset

1773
03:31:28.840 --> 03:31:37.159
stands my jailer, stands and waits
with a sigh. I go back in

1774
03:31:37.399 --> 03:31:43.760
silence, and he moves behind me, noiselessly, about two steps away,

1775
03:31:45.600 --> 03:31:54.399
watching every move of mine. Our
prison is beautiful at sunset. End of

1776
03:31:54.719 --> 03:32:01.600
Chapter eleven and of the Man Who
Found the Truth by Leoni T. Nikolayevitch

1777
03:32:01.680 --> 03:32:11.959
Andreyev, translated by Hermann Bernstein,
recorded by Carolyn in Groningen in the Netherlands

1778
03:32:11.559 --> 03:32:18.959
in May and June twenty fifteen.
Thank you for listening.