WEBVTT

1
00:00:03.040 --> 00:00:07.519
Welcome to Round three of the Parenting
Roundabout podcasts for the week of June nineteenth.

2
00:00:07.559 --> 00:00:12.039
I'm Terry Morrow, and I'm here
with Nicole Heretics Hello, and Catherine

3
00:00:12.080 --> 00:00:16.440
he Leco. Hello. We're moms
of teens and young adults, and when

4
00:00:16.480 --> 00:00:19.399
it comes to parenting, we've been
there, done that, bought the T

5
00:00:19.519 --> 00:00:22.839
shirt. But we're still waiting for
that day when we'll reach the finish line

6
00:00:22.879 --> 00:00:25.879
and have no further need to lay
down in a dark room with a wet

7
00:00:26.000 --> 00:00:30.480
rag over our eyes worrying about something
or other. Wednesday is complaint Day here

8
00:00:30.519 --> 00:00:35.920
on Parenting Roundabout, and today we
are complaining about more parenting research that potentially

9
00:00:35.960 --> 00:00:41.240
could make our lives harder, or
would if we still had little kids.

10
00:00:41.359 --> 00:00:47.719
Well we don't, so Catherine tell
us a little bit about this. It's

11
00:00:47.799 --> 00:00:54.560
a dopamine. What's the dope on
dopamine? Right? So I thought this

12
00:00:54.679 --> 00:01:03.600
at NPR. It's it says it's
called Tips to Outsmart Dopamine or I forget

13
00:01:03.600 --> 00:01:07.840
the back title, but anyway,
it's about the The author Michael and Duclef

14
00:01:08.319 --> 00:01:15.959
coined the term anti dopamine parenting for
what she's describing here, so she's not

15
00:01:15.000 --> 00:01:19.480
trying to be you know, write
a book and you know, come up

16
00:01:19.480 --> 00:01:26.840
with a new term. She's just
so basically, um, you know,

17
00:01:26.959 --> 00:01:33.799
when kids are watching, you know, using screens or eating sweets or whatever,

18
00:01:34.879 --> 00:01:38.200
they get a hit of dopamine.
And not just kids, of course,

19
00:01:38.799 --> 00:01:42.760
we also get this. Are they
suggesting that we cut it out too?

20
00:01:42.879 --> 00:01:48.920
Because this has been the episode of
the paraging around about by gusts By.

21
00:01:49.760 --> 00:01:56.359
So it talks about the research that
like you think, like, okay,

22
00:01:57.400 --> 00:02:00.319
I really need you know, an
ice cream cone, or I need

23
00:02:00.359 --> 00:02:06.359
to surf it's social media, or
I need to watch another episode of TV

24
00:02:06.519 --> 00:02:12.000
or whatever because that I'm craving it, right, and once I get it,

25
00:02:12.000 --> 00:02:15.520
it'll I'll feel better or I'll feel
good. And the research is like,

26
00:02:15.599 --> 00:02:23.039
actually no, it actually doesn't make
you feel better. It just makes

27
00:02:23.080 --> 00:02:28.680
you want to keep doing what you're
doing or to you know, do that

28
00:02:28.759 --> 00:02:32.919
thing, and eventually you don't like
it, and it's like, why am

29
00:02:32.919 --> 00:02:36.159
I doing this? You know?
I mean I think we have what we

30
00:02:36.199 --> 00:02:38.080
can relate to that, right,
You're like, why am I still on

31
00:02:38.159 --> 00:02:44.680
Instagram like this? Why have I
watched fifty Big Bang Theory clips in a

32
00:02:44.800 --> 00:02:47.520
row? I never even watched that
show, but it's oh, there's another

33
00:02:47.520 --> 00:02:55.000
one. We thought you'd like.
No anyway, So she comes up with

34
00:02:57.319 --> 00:03:01.199
some ways to kind of deal with
this with kids, and and honestly,

35
00:03:01.319 --> 00:03:07.960
we could probably use them for ourselves, right, So wait five. Her

36
00:03:07.960 --> 00:03:14.439
first tip is wait five minutes,
basically like and I thought this was going

37
00:03:14.479 --> 00:03:19.159
to be like give your kid like
the five minute warning or whatever, but

38
00:03:19.400 --> 00:03:24.520
it's more like, endure five minutes
of them being mad that you took away.

39
00:03:25.199 --> 00:03:32.240
You're living that they wanted an even
and also, you know, out

40
00:03:32.280 --> 00:03:36.800
of sight, out of mind,
like if it's time to stop using the

41
00:03:36.800 --> 00:03:40.120
tablet, don't like just plug it
in at the bedside table, you know,

42
00:03:40.240 --> 00:03:46.719
like actually put it where nobody can
see it, right, And then

43
00:03:47.240 --> 00:03:52.439
you know, there's some activities that
a kid will feel better after they do

44
00:03:52.520 --> 00:03:59.719
it. The example that she she
gave was like she traded her kid playing

45
00:03:59.800 --> 00:04:05.639
like sort of mindless games on a
screen for playing a more educational app and

46
00:04:05.919 --> 00:04:13.479
then the kids more willing to give
it up. Yeah yeah, right,

47
00:04:14.240 --> 00:04:23.199
smart thinking mom. And then another
one was to create places in your home

48
00:04:23.240 --> 00:04:30.959
where your child can't access or see
problematic devices. Again, yeah right,

49
00:04:30.399 --> 00:04:36.720
this is something Derek. This is
something that we all, I mean,

50
00:04:36.759 --> 00:04:41.399
we've all heard the advice not to
keep our plugging our phone next to our

51
00:04:41.399 --> 00:04:46.279
bed, but yes, does anyone
do that? Mine is on my desk.

52
00:04:46.519 --> 00:04:49.000
That's like I have to get up
out of bed to go get it.

53
00:04:49.279 --> 00:04:56.519
Oh my gosh, that's how I
used to be right in the morning.

54
00:04:57.319 --> 00:05:00.560
Well, I used to plug mine
in down downstairs and then yeah,

55
00:05:00.959 --> 00:05:09.959
go to bed upstairs until my alarm
clock finally gave up the ghost and you

56
00:05:10.000 --> 00:05:15.920
know, my old timy actual clock
radio, and I had to start using

57
00:05:16.519 --> 00:05:19.160
my phone for it. But so
you take your phone and you put it

58
00:05:19.240 --> 00:05:24.600
like the farthest surface in your room
from your bed. So then when the

59
00:05:24.600 --> 00:05:27.959
alarm goes off, you have to
get up. You have to actually get

60
00:05:28.000 --> 00:05:34.160
up. Yeah sometimes that works.
Yeah, times you just then go back

61
00:05:34.160 --> 00:05:39.800
to bed. But still you've got
a little exercise in between. But yeah,

62
00:05:40.120 --> 00:05:44.240
I can I can see that making
an area for your kid that has

63
00:05:45.240 --> 00:05:49.199
presumably other things that are entertaining,
but not those things. Right, do

64
00:05:49.199 --> 00:05:55.879
you have to lock him in there? You just like throw a cookie into

65
00:05:55.920 --> 00:06:01.439
the room. I mean, there
are books. Read the books. Right,

66
00:06:01.560 --> 00:06:09.519
I'll be back to get you in
an hour. You'll be fine,

67
00:06:11.160 --> 00:06:15.560
Yeah, I mean I think this
this definitely falls in the category of like,

68
00:06:15.639 --> 00:06:21.199
this is this is sensible, and
I definitely see why I should do

69
00:06:21.240 --> 00:06:27.480
this. Um yes, but it
does also sound like it might be hard.

70
00:06:28.480 --> 00:06:35.319
Yeah yeah, and then hard to
like model good behavior. Yes,

71
00:06:35.800 --> 00:06:39.560
right, can you say when you're
a grown up, you can watch a

72
00:06:39.600 --> 00:06:47.000
screen anytime you want, bring mommies
some ice cream and rife, go do

73
00:06:47.079 --> 00:06:54.040
something else. Yeah, but again, like we've talked about this too.

74
00:06:54.519 --> 00:07:00.639
You know, when our kids were
little, we really didn't have yeah,

75
00:07:00.759 --> 00:07:04.480
iPads, and we didn't Oh man, would that have been so great?

76
00:07:04.680 --> 00:07:16.240
I can imagine just so many dinners
out right. But this is yeah,

77
00:07:16.439 --> 00:07:20.079
this is completely off the topic,
except that it is a thing that does

78
00:07:20.120 --> 00:07:27.680
not involve a screen or food.
While I was mindlessly looking at social media

79
00:07:27.720 --> 00:07:30.519
this morning and watching video after a
video after video, there was a video

80
00:07:30.560 --> 00:07:33.839
maybe you guys have seen this,
where this woman she took a big bowl

81
00:07:34.519 --> 00:07:39.720
and she put all her kids little
toys, like little plastic toys in it

82
00:07:39.759 --> 00:07:43.319
they could get wet, and she
poured water over it, and she put

83
00:07:43.360 --> 00:07:46.560
it in the freezer, and then
when it was completely frozen, she went

84
00:07:46.560 --> 00:07:49.560
outside. She flipped it over she
pulled off the bowl and there's like this

85
00:07:49.800 --> 00:07:53.839
dome of ice with all these little
toys in it. And then she put

86
00:07:53.839 --> 00:07:58.079
a little Elsa doll on top from
dozing, and she called her a little

87
00:07:58.120 --> 00:08:01.360
toddler out and said, look,
Elsa, froze all your toys. He'd

88
00:08:01.399 --> 00:08:05.920
like spent the latter next hour hammering
at it and pouring water over it,

89
00:08:05.959 --> 00:08:09.199
and just like and he would like
pull one toy out and go. I

90
00:08:09.399 --> 00:08:13.439
did it. And then he pulled
another toy out and he said, my

91
00:08:13.519 --> 00:08:18.199
muscle. I used my muscle.
It was so adorable. And I realistically

92
00:08:18.240 --> 00:08:20.079
know that if I tried to do
that it would be such a gosh awful

93
00:08:20.240 --> 00:08:24.040
mess that I would wish I had
never done it. But looking it on

94
00:08:24.079 --> 00:08:26.759
a video, what a cool idea. So that's the kind of thing you

95
00:08:26.759 --> 00:08:28.240
need to do people. That's the
kind of out of the box think.

96
00:08:28.279 --> 00:08:35.360
And you got a show freeze your
kids twice throwing outside and say when you

97
00:08:35.399 --> 00:08:37.720
got all the toys out, let
me know, I'll let you back in.

98
00:08:39.759 --> 00:08:43.480
You can watch a five minute video
and then and somebody also set your

99
00:08:43.480 --> 00:08:50.200
toys on fire. See what you
can do. But that's a cool idea.

100
00:08:50.360 --> 00:08:54.000
I like that is that that is
very clever. But oh my gosh,

101
00:08:54.120 --> 00:08:56.799
he finally, finally, he kept
throwing glasses of water on it to

102
00:08:56.840 --> 00:09:01.240
melt the ice. And I'm thinking
he's going to be completely wet and somewhat

103
00:09:01.559 --> 00:09:05.679
cold. What he's done with this? Are you thinking he had his little

104
00:09:05.759 --> 00:09:16.519
fingers at all? Right? But
but there's no screen, There were no

105
00:09:16.639 --> 00:09:22.279
screens involved. He was outside,
right, He's never had the benefit of

106
00:09:22.279 --> 00:09:30.879
watching the movie A Christmas Story to
know that he can lick frozen. He

107
00:09:30.960 --> 00:09:33.879
could learn something from that. There
you go, it's a life lesson.

108
00:09:37.600 --> 00:09:41.159
Wow. Anyway, we will link
to this this article because I thought it

109
00:09:41.240 --> 00:09:46.600
was it was interstable. You know. I like the white wait five minutes

110
00:09:46.679 --> 00:09:52.639
thing in particular because I think that's
good because sometimes kids need time to to

111
00:09:54.120 --> 00:09:58.679
pivot. And if we're just wanting
to row, settle down and just do

112
00:09:58.720 --> 00:10:01.840
this other thing, it's like sometimes
they can't. Sometimes they need to deal

113
00:10:01.879 --> 00:10:07.279
with the feelings right and reorganize in
their head what they're going to be doing.

114
00:10:07.879 --> 00:10:13.399
I know kids with with um motor
planning problems, which both mine were,

115
00:10:15.080 --> 00:10:18.720
they need time. They need a
yeah, yeah, a buffer to

116
00:10:18.879 --> 00:10:22.120
move from one thing to the next. So interesting to think that all kids

117
00:10:22.440 --> 00:10:28.759
need that with this dopamines thing,
but you know, given the five minutes,

118
00:10:30.000 --> 00:10:35.600
yeah, and it's it's also about
like you know, know that it

119
00:10:35.639 --> 00:10:43.840
will only take five minutes for them
to complain about it, um so so

120
00:10:43.919 --> 00:10:46.000
you can usually wake that out,
you know, Yes, Like it's not

121
00:10:46.039 --> 00:10:50.720
going to be a pleasant five minutes
and you're gonna, yeah, you know,

122
00:10:50.840 --> 00:10:54.360
you might falter and be like all
right, fine, you can have

123
00:10:54.519 --> 00:10:58.960
it back, you know, but
if you don't, then you know,

124
00:10:58.240 --> 00:11:03.799
pretty soon I'll get all right,
But if you're going to fight with them,

125
00:11:03.960 --> 00:11:07.840
it's going to take longer than five
minutes. Yeah, absolutely, and

126
00:11:07.879 --> 00:11:11.840
then you're gonna go fume for the
next forty five minutes. So yeah,

127
00:11:13.080 --> 00:11:20.919
just let it go. Well,
we'll let go for today's round three.

128
00:11:22.320 --> 00:11:31.559
Yes, and yeah, it's gonna
say something to add on to that before

129
00:11:31.600 --> 00:11:39.960
my mind is frozen. Okay.
Tune in tomorrow when we'll obsess about what

130
00:11:39.039 --> 00:11:43.799
happens when kids want to quit an
activity, and then on Friday to see

131
00:11:43.840 --> 00:11:46.840
what we've come up with for our
Roundabout roundup picks this week. Find all

132
00:11:46.879 --> 00:11:52.159
our episodes are Parenting Roundabout dot Com
and talk back in the comments there.

133
00:11:52.159 --> 00:12:01.519
On our Facebook page or on Twitter. You will find this A roundabout chat