Hello, everybody, Welcome to Laura Kane after Dark. I'm Laura Kane.
You are This's Eric. Remember what's ups? Oh my god, our hair,
our hair tone is exactly the same color. And this is like a
rooty wig that I have. I was gonna say, this is my magic,
this is my actual hair. Yeah right, you just totally grew it
out. Eric was me like, okay, you saw the last episode.
You know it was a complete disaster. It was great, awesome, did
a great job. I did a good job. Brian was a little office
game. I think, Wait, me me being you, I don't know
anyways, all I'll say is when we were starting this show, I had
to go through and correct a number of things that she screwed up. I
was like why, I don't know. I got I got nervous. But
our opening bumper did not play, and I was like, why is it
not playing? And I was like, anybody, we're going straight to it.
And I was like, oh, because she turned it off. Our
sponsors played, and that's all that really matters, right Okay, right now,
great, Now I'm gonna have to get my hair done because if my
hair looks like that, do you want to take that off or you're like
gonna be you still have blue right here? I do from your eye shadow
like I wear a blue eye shadow. He punched in the face and Rob
Zombie. You guys, I have something very important we have to do,
and I and after we talk about our sponsors. But I want to talk
about something first. So first of all, our last episode, it was
I was screaming inside because you guys are so incredibly mean. What do you
mean me and my private parts? That wasn't very nice. That was Eric.
I just want to point out I did you did say I forgot it
was funny though you don't remember what you said, said all sorts of horrible
thing. Oh that you had to drive Vagina, drive Vagina, A drive
Vagina, and then my auditions on my milk corn whatever. Listen. That
was very off the cuff. That's what they call spontaneous improv. Yeah,
if you're gonna play with your wig the entire time, you're gonna need it.
I had to move it to one side because I was getting very You're
playing with your wig the whole time during our last time, the last part,
because I'm not used to being a girl. Okay, so so now
get used Eric slash Laura last episode kind of let it out of the bag.
This hasn't been confirmed yet by the bye, but we are having supposedly
wanting to planning on having a party in May for Brian's second anniversary slash my
birthday. Wait to let it out of the bag, Laura, you did
you did it? No? Uh, And we'd really love to have it.
It's a kwan, So we're gonna we're trying to like make that happen
because I'd be so fun. It's called manifesting. You're not me anymore.
I'm me, You're you. I take the way off because it's making it's
throwing you off. I'm me, not you. It's throwing you off.
Oh, by the way, I got a comment. What was on TikTok
yes about my hands? Somebody wrote enough with the hands already because I always
do this, you know, I'm always I gesticulate a lot. No,
it's not a good thing. I see I talk with my hands. Did
you want to talk about the other compliment that you got? What compliment?
The one that you sent Brian and I would you like me to read that
book? No? No, no, no, don't read it. That's
just that would get us in a huge trouble. Could I bleep out certain
words? Can I read it? Let me read it? Yeah, Brian,
please be a producer. Well you are, but produce this this segment
that's about to happen. I would, I don't think so here, I'll
do it. I don't trust you either. Oh, I swear to God
I'll do it, and I'll do it great. Watch you're just like These
are just some of the dms I get. I'm ready to mute him if
we need to. Okay, please, okay, I'll have a dump button
or you have a dum dum. Well whatever mute button we do. Yeah,
and so, I mean, it was so sweet. And that's the
thing that I thought was really nice about it. It was, Yeah,
some dms I get are really sweet. They were. Some dms I get
are like the guy who wanted me to step on his temple with the highest
stiletto I could find so his brain could come out of his ears. This
was a little worse. I mean, this one is that one was just
plain disturbing. This one is just plain gross and like naughty and really naughty
from some stranger like ew. So I said to the boys and I'm like,
Okay, here's one of our fans. Here's some you're some fan feedback.
Yeah, well, I don't want you to read it. I don't
I don't try. I don't know what you mean. You don't trust I
don't try it. Okay, Brian, you do it. I'll read it,
think about think about your mom, well, think about your mom watching
it. No, look at I'll read it. I have it right here.
It really says, get your finger ready, to get your finger ready,
okay, okay, I would like to slip your bank blank panties down
your legs ever so lightly, then gently touch your now dripping blank, slide
my fingers into blank for more baby. Oh, if you have nudes,
I'd love it if you sent me some of your sexy self so I can
blank thinking of your blank. Okay, that was better. That was better.
There you go anyway, So that's just kind of that insane. No,
it's it's not actually Brian, And that's that's what's insane about it.
For the rat that was fathom saying I can't even fath them say that someone
I am in the relationship, right, Yeah, it's shockingly just also corny
too, totally. Please take the wig off. You're you're throwing me off.
Okay, is it like looking in a mirror if you have like a
horrmone problem. I do have a hormone problem. It's like looking one of
those funhouse mirrors, Like looking at a funhouse Mirrorhuh. Okay. We have
to do something very important, but we needs well, we're going to do
that. But there's something that we as a show need to do together,
and I'm willing to do it every twice a week or once a week,
I don't know, but we need to figure it out. So we're gonna
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Dot Co. You need to cross something out. No, I don't need
to cross something out. Okay. Anyway, Thank you so much to Capital
Growth Inc. And the Joya Cosmetic Surgery Center for being our responsor. Thank
you guys, guys. Okay, see love you. Now. I know
somebody one either the Mega Millions or the powerball. It was like a one
point five billion or some damn thing. It's somebody New New Jersey or something.
One I don't know won the big one that just happened. Do you
guys follow this at all? Do you follow the Mega Millions lottery? I
never even bought it, Okay, I never have either. Right about scratchers,
that's it. I've avery bought a scratcher. Alright. Here we are
kind of fun. First of all, I have this is what we have
to do first as a show. We're gonna pick You're gonna pick two numbers.
You're gonna pick two numbers. I'm gonna pick two numbers, and I'm
gonna play those numbers every week. Those are my two numbers? You're going
to be like that? What's wrong with one and two? I guess I
mean it could happen. What I mean the gods of Actually it could happen.
Okay, six thousand, No, you can't. Doesn't go up that
far. Then it goes to up to like fifty or something. Fifty one.
Okay, so sixty one. No, I don't think it was at
sixty one. Go do one and two? One and two? I actually
I don't like that. What are your favorite numbers? Seventy seven and then
seven? So we get some angel numbers? They don't it doesn't go up
to seventy seven. Oh that's right. Sorry, there's other angel numbers.
There's I don't like the other ones. How about seven? Okay, seven
is one of them? Then what how about twenty three for your age?
All right, okay, twenty three and seven? Those are your numbers?
Take my numbers? No, no, I'll remember. Oh is this an
astrology bullshit thing? No, I'm going to take these numbers. I'm playing
it. I'm going to play them every week. Are you going to charge
it with crystals or something? I'll tell you what's in my wallet. There's
something there's wait, you will believe what's in my wallet for woo woo stuff.
My mom even sent me something. This is unbelievable. But first of
all, Eric, what are your numbers? Because I'm going to play him
every week and we're gonna win the one of these to our age, Let's
just do our age. Fifty seven and seven, yes, he is,
you're fifty seven? No your fifty six? Yes, but I'll be fifty
seven next year, so no, to you'll be fifty seven next I don't
want to do my age. I have my own favorite numbers. We know
you're like fifty nine or something. Wow, Okay, I'll do fifty six.
Okay and wait two wait, it's fifty six too high though, I
okay, let's not do our age then, I don't think I think you.
Let's be safe and just pick numbers we know we're safe. Okay,
twenty two and seventeen that was my number. Okay, but I'll pick a
different number, oka, okay, seventeen, twenty two, I'm going forty
four and eleven. Okay, also twenty three and seven right? Seven okay,
seven, twenty three, twenty two, forty four, seventeen and fifty
No no fifties. What was the other one? Eleven four forty four forty
four? Better all write about them. I'll do it after the show.
But I'm gonna play it every week now we hit it. Yeah, we'll
all split it, even though I'm the one that's probably going to pay for
the tickets every single time. You can have tickets plus the less than one
hundred dollars it will take. Okay, then I bet I put out.
Okay, I'll take all. We will repay your money plus a healthy seven
percent interest, which amount to about three dollars or something. How long it
takes, I'm okay with that. So we all split. Let's say it's
up to six hundred million. Let's say go TAXI plus then minus taxes.
Well whatever, Okay. I have a couple of questions for you. If
we win the lottery and we all split it three ways, who is the
first person you're gonna tell to go to hell? Nobody? What? Like?
I just want them. I just want the lottery, you know what,
I believe it? Bleep, no peace out. Would you quit your
job? You know what I would not? I would I would put in
minimal effort. That's not okay. I just wouldn't feel back. So I'm
like, if I don't get like we are, they gonna fire me?
Like it's fine, Like no, I would totally still work. But I
know I would too because I actually really like what I do. Me too,
so I would take a lot more. I would, Well, here's
what I would do. You would invest it with Jay? Of course,
God, I wouldn't be believe me if this next half of my life,
I'm gonna be a lot smarter about my real quick Let's oh, you're over
halfway. Just to put that out there, Let's just say we each get
okay, let's say we get six hundred million. Let's say after taxes we
each get sixty million. Break it down from what are you doing? Well,
I'm gonna give Okay, I'm gonna buy my car out because it's the
least, so I don't have a car payment anymore. I pay all my
debt and to play all okay, that's all to the casino. Oh no,
I'm going to pay off all my kids student loans and all of that.
So I wiped clean, clean clean. Then I'm going to go on
a trip and you know where I really want to go with Evan because her
boyfriend is from Vietnam. I want to go to Vietnam. I want to
go to Hochiman City. Want to go too? Do you do you want
to go in December because Hot Lee's going to meet me there. He is.
Yeah, we're well, I'll talk to you about it. I'm manifesting
it. I'm manifesting it. Vie to Vietnam. Well, this is what
we want to do in December. But this is not somecember. You are
just this year. I don't run. Well, if it is, you
know how much it is to fly right now? And it's the layover is
I think it's like a thirty hour trip with a layover that's twelve hours somewhere.
It's thirteen dollars a ticket. I know that's the cheapest. And that's
like this far ahead of time. Yeah, So anyway, I think I'll
just watch Good Morning Vietnam. So anyway I would I would say to my
job, hey, I'm going to take a little time off, but I
don't. I mean, I really like this job and I'm grateful. I
hope you let me do that because life's too short and you should see the
world, right, So I would do that. I would take a little
money out obviously and go on a trip. But I wouldn't move, I
like where I live. I wouldn't. I wouldn't change anything drastically. And
I wouldn't tell anybody no way. I mean, I would tell my mom,
of course, because I'd help my mom out. But you know what,
she'd probably spend the money in the casino. Wait, i'd have to
show you something that my mom sent me. You'd you'd have to give her
an allowance while she's doing that. Eric, what would you do with your
sixty million invest it? Oh boy, that was almost a all of this,
Like would you keep anything to splurge for yourself or yeah, I'd keep
smon an account and I'd like, would you splurre? John like im media
travel just travel, just travel. Yeah, okay, I would I go
on a big Amazon fun filled fun filled Amazon offers the big Giant team.
I would buy TIMU. Okay. So my mom, she's one of the
last people I think on the planet that has a subscription to the National Inquirer.
No way, dead serious. Now, she sent me this thing that
is from the National Inquiry and supposedly this has been in the National Inquirer for
years and years and years and years, and it supposedly gives you good luck.
It's the dumbest thing you've ever ever seen in your life. This is
from the National you know what, you know what, but you know what
is in the National Inquirer. It's every everybody's bad luck. Well, the
fact that they're advertising something that brings you good like I don't know. And
you know what I did with it. It was getting so crumpled in my
wallet that I glued it to a piece of harder, harder paper so it
wouldn't it's the blue dot. Now you're supposed I know, seriously, this
is it is so dumb. But my mom mailed this to me and she
said, Laura, you're supposed to stare at this blue dot. It's there
were instructions on it, and then you rub your hand around it clockwise,
or you put it next to your money, which I have it next to
my money, and it's supposed to multiply your money. I want to be
the idiot that gets paid six figures to make up ritual glible white woman,
I know. And then I also have a photo of a rupie because you're
supposed to keep a rupee in your wallet. It's an Indian dollar. Well,
why would you keep a rupia? It's not even hard because I looked
up what's good luck and what brings money? And supposedly you're supposed to put
some shells. I didn't. I could order them on Amazon, but I
haven't ordered them yet. And then a picture of this goddess but I can't.
Which it's a lot to cram in. Your wallet has no money,
so it's got plenty of space. I don't even want to tell you guys
what I did. Oh no, you went to the casino. Oh my
god, are you kidding me? I'm concerned about to start getting upset.
Listen, wait, this wasn't wait we're talking about the lottery here. I'm
not addicted. I could stop at any time. What did you do?
Just tell me now so I can. She'll be like, she's like,
I've been gambling for twenty years. If I was addicted, I think I
would know. First of all, I do not have a gambling fund.
If you know what I mean, there's funds somebody else have no money anymore.
I I'm not going to do. Not ask me any questions about this,
Okay, but I had a really bad day on Friday, night Friday
night, I can't. Okay, now you have to tell her, no,
no, no, it's really inside. I'm not inside, but I
can't. Was the dress with the er in the front that you wore to
the cane? Oh? Oh yeah, she told us about that. Yeah,
you already told us about that. Are you recovering okay from that?
So on Saturday, I was really kind of bummed out about something and I
was I was just really bummed, and a friend of mine was with another
friend and she's like, she randomly texted me and she's like, hey,
where at Sekwan? We'd love it if you came. And I'm like,
I just got out of the shower. I just blowed down my hair,
I had no makeup on, and I go but and then I kind of
told her what had happened, and she's like, oh my gosh, you
need some girl energy. Come with us, she goes, she goes,
I'll lend you one hundred dollars. You can play it and you know,
and we'll just have fun and we'll just talk and don't. I'm like,
okay. So I literally drove out there, no makeup on, no money,
I wore sunglasses inside the casino at night like I was at some celebrity
or something because I didn't have any makeup on. I was embarrassed with the
one missing lens. There they were a different fake bear and then lost it.
No big surprise there. And then my roommate called, and then I
was on the way home, so I was there for just a little while.
We had a piece of pizza, we talked. It was fun,
We had our time. So then my roommate calls it this, Hey,
where are you right now? I go, oh, well, I'm at
Sakwan, but I'm leaving. I'm coming home. And he goes, well,
I'm at this other casino. Just meet me there, and I'm like
no, I go, well, it is kind of close. I went
to two freaking casinos. Was no, we don't talk about it any other
casinos except for Saquon. Oh okay, so I went there was another one.
I went to, Oh boy, and you get a card when you
go to when you go to a casino, you get like a player's card.
If you're insane, yeah no, if she it gives you points.
I used to gamble. I never got a card because that's how they get
you. You never sign up for their card. It's also how they track
you. If you're counting cards, you never get a card. You know
what. My friend said that she goes the minute I win, because she
won one thousand dollars on the slots and she took out her card right away.
She's like, I don't want them tracking how much you want. So
she didn't win anything else that night. But anyway, I don't know.
But but with the card, I got like thirty dollars worth of free food.
Oh yeah, the comps can be nice. Yeah, the comps were
pretty fun. I don't know. So that's what I did there. My
name So when I was counting cards, they couldn't stop me. You could.
You can count cards, not very well, I used to a little
bit. Not what does that mean cards? Yeah, it's when you so
every card that gets laid out in that they use casinos when you're playing blackjack,
use six decks in their shuffle. There is a way to kind of
mentally ballpark or calculate the ballpark probability of the next what the next card is
going to be, not either a face card or anything else either, trying
to figure out it's going to be, whether what's the chance of it being
a face card or not being a face card, because generally, if there's
more face cards going out, you're more likely to win. So you basically
you're you are keeping track of every card that's coming out, you are assigning
it a number, and then you're adding it all up. It's called the
running counts, and so the higher the running count, the lower the chances
are you have of winning that revice versa. So basically, if you know
the count's low, and that means that there should be a lot more face
cards coming up, you want to up your bet, whereas if there's not
many, you want to lower your bet. So when you play the tables,
do you give them your card? Is that? How how do they
track you out? I didn't have a card, Oh just saw because you
just stick it in the machine when you play the lot. Normally you would
just hand them. You would just you would sit down on the table,
you'd throw them your card. They'll oh, I see, We'll like swipe
you in, and they swipe you in and then they yeah, okay,
I got it. But yeah, so I'm like, okay, that's was
pretty sad. But I didn't I didn't do anything, that's right. I
just went you need to play real games. Your money will last longer.
I know, you know what what game I played where my money lasted a
long time was Keynote. It's just such a dumb, boring game. Keino
is just you just pick up like eight numbers and then you push start in
it, like numbers pop up and if they match, like if you get
three, you get a dollar, if you get four, you get like
ten dollars. Blackjack, Blackjack's fun. I was scared. I'm just scared
to play the card games. Me and Eric will go with you sometime and
Eric will never well he'll go to saquand. But that's about it. We'll
play it. We'll play the five dollars minimums. They still exist. And
black check's fun. Even if you're like an ovie, it can. The
rules of blackjack are really you can you can learn the rules of blackjack in
like ten minutes. Okay, you can learn to actually the master of the
rules of blackjack in ten minutes. Master the rules. Because blackjacket is all
comes down the probability. So there is a the like the have you played
Roulette rule? It sucks. Don't play roulette. That's the worst odds.
Blackjack. You you already know the set probability of your win rate, so
you might win, you might not, You probably won't. It's always favored
against you, but you can at least already know that out like I already
know the odds. Don't talk to me. Don't talk me into playing anything
else. You have at least two hundred bucks you could go spend it.
No dot, if it exists, it's ready for to be gambled. Let
me tell you one funny story. Okay, a long time ago, the
CEO of fed X, I think it's fed X, the company was about
to go under. You have thirty three thousand Yes, I've heard this.
Wait wait allegedly, whild say allegedly because what if it isn't? Pretty sure
it's true? Okay, anyways, it doesn't matter if it's like, I'm
not accusing him of crime, So okay, anyways, takes the last thirty
three thousand dollars in companies money they're about to go under the next week or
two, takes it to a casino, turns into like four hundred thousand dollars,
pushes them through, and they end up becoming are today. Yeah,
no, you're you're I saw that on some documentary. I don't know if
it's true now, but I don't know if it's true. But I did
see that on a documentary. What Yeah, what a legend? Yeah,
legend. I was like, all right, you sold me. I got
right, you were right. I do have at least two hundred bucks.
Oh wait, what time is it right now? Okay? Oh no,
dear god, oh my god. Open twenty four to seven okay. And
then I have one final question about the lottery, because we're going to play
it every I remember the numbers, or I'll get the numbers and I'll play
it every week, and I'll let you know. If you were guaranteed to
win the lottery, but you had to give up some part of your body,
how much would you require and what would you give that? A single
strand of hair that's all give up. No, it'll never grow back.
The I'm talking about, like that single strand of hair is gone forever.
That's that's a cop out. Yeah, it is fine. Arm hair,
Eric. What let's be realistic if because I'm talking, I'll tell you what.
I'd give up your legs, you know, half your body? No,
an arm for sure. Four let's say twenty million, uh, huh
minimum, I'd give a kidney for five hundred billion dollars. I give up
some of my hair, just a couple of strands for for twenty million,
you said i'd give a kidney. Is that the but? Is that the
price? Or can we go higher? I want more? Yeah? I
want five hundred billion for ten hairs. That's my that's my minimum. I
mean you can give me more if you want to, but I'm like,
that's the least all. So someone said that I would get one hundred million
dollars. Would you give up a kidney? No, I'd give up like
my little toe. No, don't, don't give up a toe toes.
Your little toe is actually very important to your balance. What about your pinky?
No, that's like your hand strength or something. What about this one?
No, I use that a lot. That's the most important. I
use that finger more than any other fingers. I didn't want to give up
anything. Yeah, no amount of money. You're life changing life. Oh
you know what? Okay? Here for for five hundred million, I would
get a a sectomy. That's not taking anything not Yeah, it is,
nothing gets removed exactly. I couldn't get anybody pregnant. That nothing gets removed.
Though. Okay, here's what I yeah, it's my it's my the
kids with a like one hundred billion. I give my left arm from the
elbow down if I could get one, it was like a super cool terminator
arm for real, one hundred billion. If I could get like the most
advance it's prosthetic. Ever, that was like a term in their arm.
Yeah, I do it for a hundred and it have to be one hundred
billion. That's like ridiculous, guys. That is come on, I know,
like I was trying to be realistic. I am being realistic. Why
would you just give up a kidney you don't need both of them? Yeah,
but there's health issues when you lose your kidneys. I wouldn't. I
wouldn't do anything one. Yeah, okay, I can use my gall bladder.
I don't think you want to, though it's pretty important. People get
it out all the time. Yeah they can't or you're appendix. But mean,
do you need your clean I can get I get here five hundred million
tonsils oh million. The only thing I'll say is I've heard that is incredibly
painful. For that is like one of the most painful recoveries. I don't
know why tons getting your tonsils out, I'd be willing to risk it.
Do kids do that all the time? Isn't that like a yeah, I
have to be able to be able to eat ice cream all day done.
They can take my wisdom teeth excep. They're already gone. Oh my god,
I'll give them one molar. They can have one molar, okay,
for one hundred billion, maybe a submolar really cool, let's be real.
Okay for one molar. How about how about one million for one molar?
Five million? Okay? Million? And then because I'll just buy a replacement,
then one million, I'll buy a Veneer. Good idea. They don't
get to dictate that. I can never get any replacement for it. If
I take give them my arm, I'm sure as hell getting on prosthetic.
No, I'm not saying that. I'm saying like, you wouldn't do it
for just one million? You guys are I want five million? Those are
crazy willing? You were willing to massage your dad for seventy five dollars.
I didn't say I know, I did. I said you did I know?
I did? I know? I did? All right? Cue the
Rando news music because I have some stories we need to discuss. Oh boy,
okay, there's a new trend. I have two new trends, gift
registries, four divorces. That's kind of dope. You agree with this?
No, I would never give someone a gift further so pretentious. But listen,
here's the reason. When you split, obviously you split your things as
well, so you are left without sometimes things. I know, but that's
what this trend is. Here's what it is. Hey, we're getting married,
can you give us stuff? Hey we're getting divorced, can you still
give us some more stuff? That's true, but there's like this is like
one of the new things, the new trends. Okay, let me ask
you this. Oh what I've noticed. I've seen this happen a couple times
in the last month. I just had someone I know do this. When
someone has a birthday, Do you think it's appropriate to send someone a gift
registry? No? I don't either. For their birthday, they send out
a gift registry. Yeah, like they'll say, here, you can buy
me something on Amazon. And some of the stuff is so it was so
expensive I could wait, like a four thousand dollars camera, Like I was
like, if you're an adult, I don't think you should be asking for
gifts aying no, I don't need even if someone now if they if someone's
gonna bring you a gift, that's fine regardless. But if like, if
someone's like what should I get you? You should you must say nothing.
I don't need any. Yeah, I don't need any to say that.
It should be a long you as an adult can like ask for gifts.
No is this was this a good friend of yours or just like a point
were you? Were you? Just like well when it when it came through,
I was like, oh, this has got to be a joke because
it was right before April Fool's Day, And so I clicked on the link
and it sent you directly to Amazon, and I could not believe the stuff
that was on it. I think that was a joke. It was not
a joke. No, that takes a lot of time to prepare registry.
And there was the cheapest thing on there. Uh, probably are going through
the whole thing. Yeah, probably a little over one hundred bucks. Did
you buy anything? Hell no, he barely spends money on themselves. Yeah.
I was like, no way, there's another new trend. You know
how people are doing that, like that intermittent fasting thing where they don't eat
after a certain or they don't eat for twelve hours or whatever. It is
called managed anarexia. Yeah, I don't eat for twelve days. There's something
now called speech fasting where people try to avoid talking until noon. Would you
like me to do that? What's the benefit or point of that. It's
going viral because a singer is doing it to protect her voice. But there's
science that says it can lower your blood pressure if you are in I guess
it's because you're kind of in a meditative state because you're not oh my thinking
and talking. This is so great. When she calls me at like six
in the morning, I'll be like, I'm voice fasting. No, you
wouldn't answer. I think Brian already does that. Don't you speech fast until
Yeah, I can tell you. I could just text you and say I'm
speech fasting for the next week. I don't. I actually don't talk a
lot in the mornings. I'm getting ready for Monday's podcast. Please don't call
me. Okay, now we're going back to the lottery. Now, I
just have I forgot to ask you this hypothetical, Eric, Yes, I
need to borrow ten dollars because I'm gonna go buy some lottery tickets. Oh,
I know this is going I hit it. What do you expect the
ten dollars back? Half the winnings, some of the winnings, nothing.
It depends on the conversation that we had before. I agree, it's just
simply it's after the show. I'm like, oh, by the way,
Eric, can I borrow ten dollars real quick? I'm gonna run up to
seven and eleven and buy some lottery tickets. And we don't have a discussion
that we just that would never happen. Why not? If then I'd ask
for the then I'd just be like, can I have the ten dollars back?
Okay? Let me come on. I wouldn't. I wouldn't expect to
get it if you weren't. That would be like I want if I hit
it big with the ten dollars you loaned me, you'd only want the ten
dollars back. Yeah, yeah, you would not expect me. Okay,
by the way, because I didn't say I didn't say no, you didn't,
you know, get me some lottery tickets too, So no, I
just want to here's what, here's what, here's how I at least I
would see it anyone. Anytime anyone says, can I borrow money? I'm
going to play lottery, It's like ten bucks to say, fine, but
how much do I am I getting if you win? And then we negotiate
what I'm going to get if they win with my money? So that's my
interest rate, and you know typically it's a lot higher than individual investment.
But you know, is this an agreement? Is this? Is this legal
because you had this talk? Of course, not I would make if we
had that discussion, I'd make you sign your name in blood before you walked
out of that Roman. I asked to crick your finger and be like sign
it. I'd asked for like ten percent, Like I want ten percent of
what you get. By the way, you guys know me, I'd give
like I'd give you guys tons of money. I'd give you money too.
I know you would. I know you I wouldn't, but I know you
wouldn't. I'd give I would ask for ten percent if you borrow money from
me and won the lottery. I mean, she's already in the will.
If we didn't have the conversation. Then I would just ask for my ten
dollars back. Okay, now here are things that are overpriced, but are
they totally worth it? I'll be the judge of that. Divorce is number
ten. Let me tell you something. Is it overpriced but worth it?
Okay? I when I I did it the wrong way so hard, because
when I got divorced, it was very contentious and it was we you know,
obviously we wanted to hurt each other because we were hurt, you know.
And so I hired this shark of a lawyer, and I the bills
added up like an all of a sudden. I was thousands and thousands and
thousands of dollars like not in debt, but that's what I owed. Like
I was paying like two grand a month, oh my god, to pay
off just in just as a payment. No, they didn't even cover it,
Oh my god. At one point, and I'm like, this is
not this is mediation divorce. I don't agree with that. Divorce is overpriced?
Do it? Don't get just do mediation if you If you're doing that,
well, divorce expense anyways, because you're giving up assets. It sucks.
Okay, A solid warm winter coat is that worth. Is that worth
like two hundred bucks in San Diego? No? But generally speaking, yeah,
yeah, I know. Do we ever? You know I have like
coats in the garage that I've never given a jacket all spend money on there
you go, same thing. I just spent money on it. Jacket from
where my Carlerfeld one? Is it a is it a like a laser or
I didn't show it to you yet. Does it have sparkles on the back?
No? No, that's the Alexander McQueen. Okay, I like that
one. That one's cool. What is this like a dinner jacket? Or
is this a leather jacket? No, bomber jacket. I'll show it to
you all right. How about premium wireless noise canceling headphones worth the money?
Experiences? Yes, totally. Yeah. Dental care yes, boy, I
need a couple things done, and it's like thousands. Make sure, listen,
I want you to make sure that if we're if we're going to be
living together and feeding each other and everything, you have a full set of
teeth. I don't care what you need to do. A hole in one
am I tell me that, And they told me that I might need a
tooth replacement. I know, I don't want them to pull the tooth,
but I start eating a stop drinking a red Bull, Well that's sugar free.
It wasn't the red bull. It was my gummy bear phase. That's
what screwed me. Air Conditioning, Yes, hiring movers worth the money,
Yep, it's insane. A quality mattress, a quality pillow, a quality
sofa, Yes, But I would if you're gonna, if you're gonna like
skimp on one of those things, I would say that the sofa mean too.
Well. No, not necessarily, because I had a sofa from CB
two, that high end furniture company. It's like a high end that I
don't even know what it is. Remember it was at my old place,
the blue one. It was so uncomfortable I couldn't wait to get rid of
it. This couch amazon most comfortable. I sleep on it all the time.
Okay, this couch is not that comfortable. It truly is. I
sleep all right, But it's for the money. Which was it for two?
Okay? So this is this, This is the love seat. But
I have a bigger one that matches for both. Eight hundred for both of
these eight hundred, Yes, did you have to build me yourself? It
was the easiest thing. It was like you slide thing one, and you
slide to this other thing. You slide the other things and then eight hundred
I don't know seriously, I mean it's like fake leather, but that doesn't
matter. And then finally good comfortable shoes and socks. Oh yeah, i'd
scamp scamp, yeah, depending on what their purpose. The purpose, Yes,
because you have no idea you start walking somewhere near and uncomfortable shoes.
Oh, because you do a lot of walking. So yeah, that that
I don't know. That I that I wouldn't know because I don't walk very
much except for when I walked the dog. Okay, so now, first
dates over video now more popular than first dates in person. No, no,
so apparently. A poll of people under thirty years old found first dates
over video now more popular in person. Sixty five percent of people under the
age of thirty would rather do their first date via zoom and get to know
a person or via like FaceTime. Okay, if it's a FaceTime call before
your first date, that I actually would recommend. But zoom, that's weird.
It's more efficient, it's cheaper than a real date, and a lot
of young people feel in intimidated face to face. Now, is that true?
Yes, because everybody does everything online. So I have been on a
first date in a long time. But I think probably if you haven't met
the person in if you haven't met them in person yet, maybe FaceTime first
is the idea. Yeah, please make sure you're not getting caffished, true,
because that's a thing now. Obviously, we have a new sleep hack
if you have trouble sleeping. Apparently, what you do is you wrap your
hoodie around your entire head and then wrap the arms of the hoodie under your
chin to keep it on. And that is better than a sleep mask.
So you could just strangle yourself apparently in the front. What's wrong with just
putting a pillow over somebody's face. Also, I think sleep masks are underrated.
They're great. I've never I have one. I've never once used it.
I've only used them a couple of times, but there is something comforting
about them. Do you use one? I have one, but I've never
used it, Like, I've never tried it. I tried it once and
it kept it kept. I have to tell you what I just bought because
I think I realized something. Oh my god, Oh my god. And
I bought it for my son too, because he suffers from this. What
Okay, I saw this on Instagram and I'm like, oh boy, Well,
first of all, I woke up. I've been waking up recently.
This is really embarrassing. This is really really embarrassing. I can't believe I'm
telling you this. No, I'm telling you I'm never ever ever going to
get a date after this waking up the period period. Oh so I think
I'm a mouth breather at night. Oh no, the mouth tape. There's
stuff. There's a mouth tape called hostage tape. Hostage tape. Yes,
and so you can get this whole sleep pack where you get this thing that
you breathe in your nose. It's like it's like menthol and then you put
I got Charlie because Charlie's a mouth breather too. Sorry, Charlotte is out
of him. I got him the nose strips, and then I got us
both the mouth tape. I wake up every time. The tape is like
stuck to my forehead. But like I got at least it's pink. It's
not like black. I got Charlie Black hostage mouth tape. I have mouth
tape at night because I sleep I'm a mouth and I was. I went
and got that nose tape and no, it was terrible. The first morning
I woke up, I was like, where is it? And it was
wrapped around my big toe, that album. And then that like, the
second night I tried it, it was on my it stuck to my back,
and then the third night it was on the headboard. I just threw
it away. I am a nosed either, and it's better, I know,
but like, oh my god. So anyway, my nose is stuff
though, you know, sometimes you gotta be a mouth for either. Yeah,
and then you wake up and your tongues all dry and yeah, horrible
one. Oh my god. Okay, and finally we're gonna end with just
a couple of questions. We're gonna play the question game. Alrighty, play
a couple of little a little bit of music. Interesting questions. I don't
know, just play something. No, not like that one, not that
one. What are all these buttons? That's fine? The question game?
Okay, what is the single most unbelievable thing you've ever witnessed, ever witnessed
I'm sure I'll go first. I now this is gonna seem like a cop
out, but it's truly was incredible and it's not unbelievable. But to me,
it was unbelievable when they handed when they well they didn't actually hand me
my son because he was he had to go to surgery right away. But
when he showed me, when they showed me my son, when he came
out of my stomach the first time, I was like, there is a
god, that is this is a gift from God? Where did this being
come from? Like it was the most incredible I know, but just experiencing
that, I can't it just like was mind blowing to me. That was
the most incredible thing, wholesome answer. I'm sorry, it just was the
first answer. I know, I know, I'm but that's the answer.
Well, do you guys have an answer? Some think unbelievable. I have
no clue. I also have a terrible memory, though I know you never
have any That's why sometimes I give you guys these questions ahead of time and
you still don't have an answer. Do you have anything unbelievable that you've witnessed?
You've witnessed like what, well, I don't even know if I've ever
told you this story, because I don't think it's ever come up. But
when I was modeling, I had come back to San Diego from I think
I had been in New York or I don't even remember where I was,
and I was going to another I was back in San Diego and I was
on the Eight. And this was back in the late eighties early nineties,
and there was a lot of freeway shootings going on. I don't know if
you remember that. There was people getting shot at on the freeway. And
I was in my car and I heard this pop and then shattering, and
there was It happened so fast, and there was a car to my right,
and there was a there was a guy in the driver's seat, a
guy in the passenger seat, and a guy in the back seat, and
he was leaning out and he had a gun and he had shot through my
back window. It missed me, it went through, dude. Yeah,
And I duck down and just I couldn't believe I didn't hit somebody or get
hit. And I just slammed my brakes on and just started to like go
over to the side of the road. I was on the eight going East
and they sped off and it was before cell phones, so I drove to
my parents' house and called the police. And I was the third person in
like four days that was shot at in one person and had died. And
never forget that. Yeah, and it was killed by like a serial killer.
That was crazy. I don't know if they ever caught the person that
did it. That is so scary are the people that did it. But
I'm so lucky. I will never forget that. Uh what instantly turned your
rage meter up to a thousand? How long have we got this question?
I know, okay, I'm sorry if you're one of these people, I
really am. But when you are riding your bicycle in those little bike shirts
and the little tight shirt that have little pockets with like the little like logo
because you're sponsored, and the little thin wheels on the bike, and you're
in the road in front of me, I get so mad. I do
not like bicyclists. I don't mind, except when they're is a bike cleane
or there is room for them to be on the side of the road and
they still insist on being blocking traffic. If there's no room, what can
you do? But there are sometimes there is room, and they're like,
I'd rather you just go on the sidewalk, like they can't. Actually,
I think that's against the lot. Well, so anyway, okay, don't
get me started. What oh, here we go. What's what's what gets
your rage meter up to one? Thing? Yeah? Got his fingers out.
I know. I was ready to start the countdown mountn entitlement. Oh,
entitlement drives me insane. Same, I can't stand it. Same.
Best fast food item period? Go oh god, come on, guys,
audience. Some type of sauce either from raising canes in and out or chick
fl a one of those three. It's it's one of their sauce. It's
a sauce. It's the best thing from a fast food restaurant. What was
the question again? Best fast food item? They're ever Peter McDonald's French fries.
Thank you fries. Boom. Here's the thing. They don't pass the
sniff test because if you let a McDonald's fries sit for longer than five minutes,
they suck. They're disgusting. That's why I eat them if I have
to. But if the fry being good is conditional on your ability to eat
it fast enough, it's disqualified. Any French fry is bad if it gets
lukewarm. Yes, yes, exhibit to Chick fil a fries used to work
there. We have some left fries. I eat them. They're not great
when they're cold, but they are still pretty edible and they're not even that
bad. Those are my second favorite. Those fries are not good. Okay,
Oh they're so good. I like what you guys are. That's why
we're soulmates. Yes, that's roast chick fries are the best. And right
now, you know what, that sounds really good. Maybe we'll do that
soon in a minute. It's really good. A minute. Okay, what
is the nicest thing somebody's ever said to you? I had a teacher in
high school tell me that I had the most beautiful blue eyes she'd ever seen.
Really, and you remember that I do. And that's the most she
was the French teacher. Yeah, oh my god. And that's stuck with
you. That really must have been important to you. It was very nice.
I was very shy school. You were, oh, very and not
popular. Wait when and then Marla came into play and then you guys were
like, all, well, we we knew each other before that. But
when I went to from junior high to high school, I was I wasn't
popular in high school till my senior year. Oh okay, yeah, I
was super quiet. And then you got and then you got hot because then
you became a model. You went through your your ugly dog. I definitely
did, for sure, Brian. What is the nicest thing somebody's ever said
to you? And you're short years of compliments? Oh my one, Yes,
that's hard one to pick out. I'm not sure. Actually, I
think the nicest thing that somebody's ever said to me is you thank you for
saving my life? That's okay, Laura always going for the dramatic, wholesome
one. Yeah, nobody. Well, I'm not gonna I mean like humble
brag, not humble brag. Maybe it was the time that I saved someone's
life, not like like our saved someone from choking, but like you know,
sobriety thing. Yeah, sobriety thing, like I walked them through.
That's the best one, that's for sure for sure. And uh, I
don't know, Okay, this will be different. What song takes you back
to your childhood? Immediately? Love to Love You Baby by Donna Summer I've
got two. Okay, this will be good because this will be like us
in like when we're like in our thirties forties. Really because my answer is
living on a Prayer by bon Jovie. Oh my god, it's childhood.
It was my senior year in high school or something, I think, or
the Newsboys, which are like a Christian but they were actually surprisingly good.
But mine is and it reminds me of being I would think. I was
like eight or nine or ten in the backseat of Stacy's mom's Volvo and she
had this scratchy yes I remember, on the way to the beach and it
was Bonnie what is her name? Totally clips Tyler, Yes, totally you.
She's still recording, she's still recording albums. Yeah. And it was
the longest music video ever made. Yeah. I don't even think you know
the words. How do you know? You know this? I know the
song? Wow. It will only be making things right because we'll never be
wrong. We're going on to night. I was gonna stop. Did you
say we're going to murder tonight? No? No, said, I don't
know what I said? Oh my god? All right? Do you want
one more? Sure? One more? All right? What do you always
buy online everything? At this point, I know vitamins. Vitamins actually my
viamins like the one thing I buy in person because I never purposely buy my
just go I should get that. Oh yeah, I know, like when
you're Walgreens or something. I don't know. Me. It's pretty much everything,
except for when I go to my favorite Ross and go on that little
treasure hunt. Oh my god, let's go to Ross and then I'm Chick
fil a right now? Oh my god, do that We're going to Chick
fil av Ross run. Okay, that sounds like so much fun. Yes,
actually I'm going home. I have to tell you guys know I got
that vibe to Yeah. He was like, yeah, of course, vibe.
I would love to. Hell, no, I'm doing it, totally
do it. I don't. It's no, I'm not going to go home
after this, so I'll go with your work tomorrow or anything. There was
a total positive eye. He's like, yeah, should I wear this hair?
Yeah, let's go. Okay, good, let's do that. I
want to tell everybody how we prepared for Tuesday show. So I was I
had to run some errands and I called Laura, of course, and if
she doesn't answer. I just keep calling her until she picks up, and
she said, where are you, I said, Cournie Mason. She goes,
oh, I'm just getting off work, so i'll meet you there.
I said, great. So she goes meet me at Ross Dress for Less.
So I walk in and we we are kind of walking around doing our
own thing, and then I come over to her and she's got an armful
of outfits and I said, and she's looking. She goes, oh,
she was holding one. And I'm all, that is absolutely hideous, Like
you're not wearing that. She goes, no, but you are, so
we you know. She's like, I gotta we gotta get you a little
something for the show. We go to the dressing room and she's of course
it's a guy, and she says to the guy, he needs to try
on these dresses. And I'm all, it's for a bit at work,
like it's you know, I'm totally like trying to batpedal, and and the
guy was so nice. He goes, you can go ahead and go on
in with him. Yeah, so I was in the men's dressing. He's
like, it's fine shirt, ma'am. Yeah, I don't know what.
Yeah, what's what's your pronoun? First problem was I was in sweats,
I had no underwear on, and I'm trying on dresses. Oh my god,
that's silvery one with the feathers. No, the slit went so far
up to the to the crotch that Laura's like, can you stand up straight?
And I'm all, hell no, I cannot. Right on the one
that looked like it was so bad, and the flowery one that looked like
you were. I was told that I looked like Missus Roper. Yes,
that's perfect, that's a perfect description. Yeah. I was like, you
know, you look like Missus Roper. And I thought it was one of
the funniest things I've ever heard. And I realized that Britney Spears had been
doing a video, so I just posted who wore it better? And she
wore like just about the same exactly. I was told that I wore it
much better than she did. You actually looked better in it than she did,
And now I'm not I'm not pulling your chain. And it was the
same dress, it was just a different color. Truly. Yeah, it
was hilarious. So let's do it again. You want to do it again?
Oh my god? I can't wait. It was really funny. But
oh, this was the worst part. Where we finished this and we both
select this you know that blue number. Yeah, we're walking through and Laura
Laura was had like some stuff in her hands. She's like, oh,
I just want to dump this and go. And she's like, oh,
but we need to buy you your dress. There's an older man walking by
us with a shopping cart who looks at me like I was the scum of
the earth. And then she's looking at hoodies and I'm all, Nope,
you're not getting it. Nope, you're not getting it. So I've determined
that I should probably come shopping with you all the time. Oh yes,
yes, because I'd be like, no, you're not getting it. I
know. I'd like I need another hoodie, like I need a hole in
the head. Yeah. And he literally makes a point to push his car
his cart by me and just stare at me. That was so fun.
We can do it again. But by the way, like, don't get
too close you might catch it, I know, right, Like what's I
was like, what makes you think that I enjoy wearing dresses? Like I
was like, this is a nightmare for me, Like this is the worst
thing, Like, I think you probably had to bleep out half the words
I said, you are. You probably are a little more comfortable than most
men would be. Oh my god, no, it's it's the worst thing.
Like, yeah, he was not to point out that when you had
all those clothes in your kitchen, he was happily trying them all. Oh,
yeah, I was. I thought it was great. You are correct,
yes, yes, And I was shocked that I could fit into the
same size that I know you are. She's a big woman. Marla texted
me and she goes, what size are you? I can't believe you fit
into that dress. I said a double zero. She said, yeah,
keep telling yourself that it was a junior size. It was, so there
we go. Good boy, you look at you. I know. All
right, Okay, let's go. We gotta go. We gotta cut this
out. Yeah, we gotta get a Chick fil a again. Thank you
for watching this week. We apologize deeply for Monday slash Tuesdays the last episode.
What are you talking about? That was great because you can't unsee what
you saw. You cannot un it's out there forever now for you've you've seen
me in my underwear. I know. I know, dude, you stood
up. That's all I'm saying. We might have to pixelate that. I
might have to go pixelate that after the fact. Oh no, no,
Now we're gonna have to market like explicit. Well I was sitting down.
No, I made you stand up. Remember, Oh all right, the
things I do for this show, I know. I love you. I
love you all right. Thank you so much for listening and watching, and
we love you and love your podcast. I love you. Oh god,
that was funny Brian, because he always does that and it's very very annoying
your podcast. Oh there we go, my sweet babies. Bye bye,