WEBVTT

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M blame you about. Hello,
and welcome to Two Therapists on the Microphone.

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I am doctor Harrison Davis and I'm
doctor Asia Dickerson. Two Therapists on

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the Microphone is a sure about mental
health relationships and social issues that personally affect

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you. We broadcast live every Monday
evening at seven o'clock PM on the our

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Black Media Network. Harrison and I
are two licensed therapists with decades of clinical

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experience, and we really want to
hear from you. We want you all

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to tell us about your situations and
the dilemmas and stuff that you're going through

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in your life. So please send
us your questions by visiting www dot two

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therapist dot com and click on as
two Therapists at the top of the page.

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I think you can also probably do
the same thing by seeing us direct

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messages on fashre. Can I get
those two that's too much? Or you

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just shoot us a message on social
media? We do check those absolutely.

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So that's yeah. You like doctor
Asia just mentioned, we are too sense.

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That's like keywords psychotherapists like that means
we know what we're doing. And

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because there's some other folks out there, I watch them and they're trying to

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give some relationship advice. They've never
been married, they're not licensed, they've

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never finishing in type A graduate program. I don't even know if they went

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to college, you know, and
some of the advice that they're giving people

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sounds more like entertainment. Well,
I'm definitely entertained by you. I'm entertained.

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I'm not, I'm not. I
have to turn it off sometimes.

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But today, you know, this
is still June of twenty twenty three,

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and we're here to highlight primarily Black
fathers, you know, for Father's Day,

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we're gonna celebrate it all damn month
of June. And we got a

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email from the website from somebody and
like I mentioned last time, you know,

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in order for us to help the
brothers out, the Black fathers in

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particular, um, we sometimes have
to focus on the things that aren't so

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good. You know, we're gonna
have to correct some thing. So we're

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also here to support you and help
guide you on the right path. So

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that's just to give your a little
warning about we're about to hear. And

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I thought the Asian take it from
there, Yeah, because whatever the information

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is, well, I'll say,
depending on what it is Harrison is probably

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going to be the one who's going
to present it to you nicely, and

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I'm going to present it to you
like everybody else wants to present it to

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you. But either way it's going
to be presented to you. I don't

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know. I'm well, we'll see, all right. So we have a

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message from She refers to herself as
Melissa, female, age forty six in

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the Marietta, Georgia area. Background
of history. Ex husband and I are

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divorced over ten years ago. He
be married and recently got divorced again.

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I am in a two year relationship
planning a future together. Recently my uninvolved

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ex with our three children eighteen female, eighteen senior, sixteen year old male,

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a sophomore who's a thirteen year old
girl in the seventh grader. Let

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me back up, trying at how
to best explain this the way she put

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it here, But her uninvolved X
and those were the ages and genders of

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her three children took her back to
court for custody of the younger children to

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live with him. I was,
I want to say, I am planning

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on having a graduation get together for
my oldest at my boyfriend's house. And

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my ex is not going to be
welcome. Okay. We never had a

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relationship that was amicable. He still
continues to lie manipulate in old funds.

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To me, I know it's not
about me, but I gave him the

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option to have a party on a
different day and he was not happy with

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that and said it's his parenting weekend
and that our younger kids then would not

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be able to tend at ten and
he was going to have a party the

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same day. I hate putting my
daughter in the middle and my wrong for

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not having him at ten. So
synopsis, they have three children together.

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When it is eighteen, he's taken
her back to court for custody of the

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two youngests, and the graduation weekend, I'm assuming the weekend is on his

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weekend. She does not want him
at the party she's having because it's going

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to be at her boyfriend's house,
and so he's like, well, the

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kids, it's my weekend. The
kids will be with me, and they

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just won't be at the graduation party. So her question is am I wrong

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for not wanting him there? For
not having him there? And I have

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a lot to say, So I'm
gonna let Harrison start yeah, this is

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actually the first time I'm here,
I'm hearing it. I decided not to

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read it on email, so I
don't I don't know. I think it's

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a bigger question besides am I wrong? Am I right? You know?

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Uh? This is uh. I
would explore the dynamics between you and your

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baby daddy. Now you you you
you married him, you had the kids,

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and I'm not blaming anybody for you
know, the state of your affairs

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right now. Um, but I
think there needs to be some more priority

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placed on the two of you working
things out for the sake of the kids.

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That's that's that's that's what I would
suggest. Not no one's wrong or

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right. You know, you're you're
entitled to have a party. I don't

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see anything wrong with it for your
son. You know, the dad's not

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invited, but perhaps you know the
guy, you know him, that's your

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baby daddy. That's true x lsban. You knew how he was going to

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respond, you know, to you
having a party on his weekend. You

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know, I think I would have
encouraged you to try to work this out

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early in advance, try to smooth
things out, because you still got a

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cool parent. You know, those
other two younger kids, and my god,

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it's been like, well she said
it got divorced ten years ago,

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yes, ten years ago, and
they've never had an amicable relationship. They

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always hated that. So there's there
is a side of me that wonder's you

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know, she was damn and she
did damn and she she didn't. It

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didn't matter. I I would have
suggested, you know, talking to the

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baby daddy, that's what I'm gonna
call him, the x husban well before

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graduation time and work out a plan
on what they're gonna do so that their

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son can be happy and satisfied and
not embarrassed about things. But we didn't

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do that. We didn't do that
at all. Because it also sounds like

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you you poured some fuel on that
wound and it got irritated. So that's

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that's that's my first initial take on
it. We could have approached this a

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lot differently. No, if the
differently she could have approached it, if

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it were me, would have probably
possibly been a tab more volatile. Or

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let's let me back up. One
thing that we're missing is that to me,

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there's too much going on already.
He's taking her to court for customer

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of the two kids, so our
reside. You can't say anything to me

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for me because there's already a court
case open. Let's just go ahead and

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have this address in court right quick. Let's get something written up so that

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you can't have kids right. You
can't have the two youngest ism during the

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weekend of the graduation because this guy
is trying to control the graduation party and

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saying if I can't come, which
God, trust me, nobody wants you

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there. She doesn't want you.
It's her boyfriend's house. Why do you

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want to be there, Her family
doesn't want you there. Uh, the

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eighteen year old might not want you
there either. I would like to get

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a little more information about that.
But why would you want to try to

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force yourself into a party of people
who don't like you? So you believe

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he's doing it out of spite?
He okay, And so he said he's

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gonna have his own party where nobody's
gonna come. Nobody's gonna come to your

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party. Guy. Your mom might
be there because you know she's doing her

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best to try to remain neutral.
You have a bunch of people, probably

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who you think are your friends,
who ain't thinking about they haven't thought about

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you or your kids at this point, then not think about him again.

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Your second ex wife probably isn't coming
right now. Like everybody's keeping their hands

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off of you. You got too
much going on. They're not coming to

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your little funky party. So I
so I hear what you're saying. Let

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should get it. So I acknowledge
the mom Melissa, I think it's her

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name. Yes, she may not
she you know, she may not have

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put energy in trying to avoid this. But what I'm also hearing is that

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the baby daddy, the divorced husband, the ex husband, he's acting more

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like a child situation. I think
that it's important for Melissa and her boyfriend

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to be able to set their boundaries. It makes no sense for her ex

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husband, who we are currently having
court issues like with, to be at

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her boyfriend's house, her boyfriend of
two years. You just want to start

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a fight. You're gonna come,
and you're gonna say, he's gonna come,

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and he's gonna say something stupid.
He's going to try to pick a

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fight, and then the whole day
is going to be ruined for the eighteen

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year old is a daughter for the
eighteen year old daughter so instead, he

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says, if I can't come and
ruin the day that way, I'm going

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to try to ruin the day by
keeping her two youngest siblings from being there

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as well, because it's my week. Yeah. Yeah, the question I

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would have if I was able to
talk to them, where are the adults

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in this situation? Where and where
are I get that? He's more of

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a child. And it would be
great if this black man, I don't

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know, this father um would have
taken a higher road and become a little

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bit more mature for the sake of
his kids, for God's sakes. You

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know, that's the disappointing part right
there. You know, I'm trying not

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to place blame. I guess you're
right. I'm trying to give the nice

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approach. How do you take somebody
to court to try to take their kids

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and then expect them to let you
come to their boyfriend's house. I don't

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know. I don't even expect to
be and don't expect to be in my

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space, expect that whenever you come
close enough to my hand is going to

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make contact. We see, Oh
take heed? Uh? What would be

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great? You know if all of
them could attend the same party, regardless

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of the location, for the sake
of the kids. That's that's the optimist

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within me that I would have encouraged, you know. But but what it

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sounds like there is a narrative here
that the ex husband cannot do, that

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he's not capable of doing, that, that he's going to be spiteful,

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and he's trying to sabotage everything.
I'm not quite sure why, you know,

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because it looks like he has a
bad track record, you know,

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with families and wise. But that's
that's something that is disappointing with the story.

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M It would have been great.
We had a happy ending where they

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all go to the day on party. I've seen that before. You know,

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the ex shows up. Yeah,
the ex shows up with the new

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boyfriend or girlfriend whoever, and they
all get together for the sake of the

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kids. I have seen that before. But apparently that's not going to happen

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here. I'm I'm not ready to
put all the blame on the ex husband

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because there is another person who plays
a role here. But he is definitely

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sabotaging things, that is for sure. I'm not even wanting to call it

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blames so much as the logical consequence
of taking somebody to court to try to

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take their kids. The logical consequence
is they don't invite you to group our

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partnering things anymore. I know a
lot of families, myself included, who

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will have joint parties, joint birthday
parties, joint celebrations and alledge. That

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takes time. That's never well.
Some people they break up amicably or they

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have this stuff in core orders,
but if it's not in there, it

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takes some years to cultivate for not
just forgiveness, but um yeah, cooperation.

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That's where cooperation in a decent co
parenting relationship takes time. And sometimes

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it can be great and something happens
and it goes bad again that we work

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back up to it being great,
and then sometimes it goes bad again.

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But either way, I think is
a more volatile situation for them to be

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forced to be around each other knowing
that they hate each other. In this

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moment they hate each other. I
could tell what happened. I could tell

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this the Melissa person. Uh I
hated for Melissa. I'm not. I'm

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not hating anybody. I I want
a happy outcome, especially for the high

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school graduate. You know, so
let's let's dig a little bit deeper into

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this, so we can you know, throw out some theories, you know,

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perhaps like how did the husband ex
husband get to this point? What

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what has motivated the Melissa, the
woman who wrote us to exclude the husband,

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you know, how did they get
to this point? That's that's what

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I want to talk about, and
so we can help our audience to look

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at some warning signs and try to
avoid a situation like this. This is

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just horrible. I feel bad for
the high school graduate. Right. They

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have a whole narrative in my head
for how it came. So let's start

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with them, with the wife,
the ex wife, Melissa, and how

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does she get here? You know, let's start with ten years ago.

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She was married to a man in
love and you know, it didn't work

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out. And so she's young too. Ten years ago it didn't work out.

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So they were together for a minimum
of eight years, possibly more,

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but they were together almost a decade. So they got married at college age.

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She's forty six, so I would
say thirty late late twenties. That's

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right, that's right, you're correct, Okay, that's right. Okay,

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Yeah, something happens. They had
three kids, right. Okay, so

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they used to like each other.
They did a lot. Obviously they liked

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something about each other. Okay,
well it kept them together for a minute,

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and then and then it didn't work
out. Uh. And whatever he

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did in that marriage, he maybe
did in the second marriage. But now

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he's all alone. She sounds like
the wife, the ex wife, is

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trying to cut him out of just
the graduation party. Yeah, the celebration.

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He wasn't invited. I get it. He owes her money. I

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saw that, and it sounds like
he really wasn't there throughout the ten years.

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She said, uninvolved, uninvolved,
That is right. So that that

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tells and that's what fueled her to
playing the party, the graduation party without

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the dad. So I sant to
get that now, you know, I'm

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just wondering she thought about all the
options. Did she know how he was

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going to react? That's what I
would ask her. Of course she did.

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Now, now this is where where
I'm I'm in line with with where

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you were going with that, Harrison, And this would be the what I

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would tell her, because what's what's
gonna happen is, especially if he's uninvolved,

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he's punishing the two youngest kids because
it's it's there, it's his weekend,

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and they can't elect not to go. So my as from someone who

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just had a child graduate from high
school, let me tell you there are

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plenty of graduation parties the weekend of
the graduation. Feel free to move yours

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to the next weekend. Okay,
people will appreciate it. I was going

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to like two, three four graduation
parties in one day. I would have

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loved to move. Mind too.
Well, we had ours on a Thursday,

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which was great. No one else
had their schedule for a Thursday,

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and people appreciated that. But if
someone else had had and one the following

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weekend, I would have attended.
And if this woman were to have hers

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on the following weekend, the children
will be able to be there. You

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can still leave your ex husband now
and people will have had a week to

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rest from the other graduation parties.
You might while you kid might wind up

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with more money more Yeah, so
I like that. So thinking logically about

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it, like having it on a
weeknight, you know, having it on

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a Thursday night or Friday night,
maybe a week after graduation instead of the

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weekend, having on a Thursday.
Because I'm pretty sure she had to know

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that, the jerk that he is, she knew that, and she knew

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that was his weekend. You know
what I'm saying is wrong or right,

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you know, but we we gotta
make decisions sometimes that are best for our

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kids, you know. So,
But she went ahead and move head forward

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with her plans to have the graduation
party on a Saturday, when it sounds

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like the joint custod agreement stipulates that
he has the kids on the weekends,

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you know so, So I like
to look at all sides of the story.

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Well, I mean another thing.
I also see that if she had

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family coming in from out of town
and may have been difficult for her to

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move it to another weekdad. But
like we just said, a week day.

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Now here's the part where she was
maybe there was maybe a little sprinkle

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of panty, just maybe on her
party half the party at my boyfriend's house,

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because we already know he can't come
to the boys. I saw that.

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I saw that because you read it. I was reading why is it

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at the boyfriend's house? Does he
have a huge can you get a center?

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And tell her? Asked ex husband? Does he want to pay for

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half the event? Center or sit
out. There's a part of We're gonna

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talk about the husband x husband in
a second, but but it's a part

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of me that, like you believes
she she was playing some type of Petty

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roll in this. I am convinced
she knew Patty though, where she could

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feign ignorance, like what what did
I what did I do? You all

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know he has a huge house and
like you said, maybe he has a

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00:18:33.240 --> 00:18:36.720
poll. It's set up. I
don't know, Patty. It's like a

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light switch, it's like the honors
off. So if you may deemed it

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just a little bit, but you
know, she she played a role in

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this too. I'm not blaming her. I'm not blaming her, you know,

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but but I truly believe as adults, especially parents, we have to

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be a little bit more savvy with
these things, uh, to avoid embarrassing

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the kids. Uh. It can
be difficult at times, and we gotta

253
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jump through some logistical hoops, you
know sometimes. But that would have been

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one way. I like what you
did, what you said about it just

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happening on a Thursday. She knew
that was his weekend. She knew he

256
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was a jerk, and she knew
he was gonna say no like you said,

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she knew he was a jerk.
You already knew he wasn't going to

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agree to you keeping the kids on
the very important weekend that was already his,

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and you're not inviting him. I
hear it. They may have had

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family coming in out of town that
was the best I get it. I

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acknowledge all of that. However,
Mom, in the story, you know,

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we could have made some different decisions
to avoid this outcome. It's not

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your fault. I want to make
sure I'm clear. I'm not blaming you.

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But you gotta work with a jerk, and when you gotta work with

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a jerk, you gotta you gotta
be you know, elaborate with some of

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your playing. You gotta be creative. The youngest kid is thirteen, so

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you don't. You only have a
half more decade to deal with him.

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You'll be creative for five and more
years. So Mom, that's that's our

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tips for you, mum. But
the graduation may have taken place already,

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but you know, that's just something
to help you out because you got two

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more right back to back, you
know. And for the listeners out there

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who are in similar situations, just
think about it. Doesn't have to be

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your weight. You know, it's
just a graduation party. Call them up.

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Hey, I know we can't stay
at each other because you know I

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you know, I'm holding my good
right now talking to you. But you

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know we we're gonna have to work
this out. Well, you made a

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good point at the beginning our rather
end of me reading that note from the

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listener, and that was be proactive. You could have pre plans or so.

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Considering that the majority of graduations are
over now, some of you have

280
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children who are going into twelfth grade
this year or who will be graduating from

281
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college, start making a plan.
Now whatever count you live in, their

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academic calendar has been posted. They
have already told you what day graduation is

283
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going to happen. Start making your
plans. Now. That plan might be

284
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there, you need to go ahead
and go to court and have a judge

285
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to say that you get the weekend
after graduation, so you know in a

286
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year you don't even have to deal
with that. That plan may be that

287
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you go ahead and put a down
payment on an event center so that you

288
00:21:26.640 --> 00:21:30.599
can be paying for it over the
year, or that you and your ex

289
00:21:30.640 --> 00:21:36.640
start doing some cold parent coordination now
so that maybe you walk and get along

290
00:21:37.240 --> 00:21:42.680
in the year, but also avoid
the embarrassment. Yeah, ask the kid

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what they want to because part of
that is although they're eighteen and their prefrontal

292
00:21:48.079 --> 00:21:55.440
cortex isn't fully developed, still you
want to respect their boundaries in their autonomy.

293
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And they may very well say I
don't want that person there, or

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I do want that person there,
or they might say who because Harrison,

295
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I can't tell you. I can
tell you a few, but there are

296
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so many similar issues that I saw
in the past month, just from my

297
00:22:11.920 --> 00:22:19.960
kid having friends or my friends having
kids that are graduating. Where one the

298
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child's mother lived with her mother,
they always a multi generational house, nice

299
00:22:26.279 --> 00:22:30.039
size house, those of their space. But when the child graduated, she

300
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invited the mother invited her father to
the graduation party at her mother's house,

301
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and despite the fact that they've been
divorced for thirty something year, Grandma was

302
00:22:38.559 --> 00:22:45.359
like, absolutely not, and he
can't come. And now that you've disrespected

303
00:22:45.440 --> 00:22:48.000
my boundaries, you need to find
you somewhere else to live in. The

304
00:22:48.079 --> 00:22:55.480
mother's apparently right, because apparently you
forgot whose house this is. She is

305
00:22:55.519 --> 00:22:59.279
real nice about it, but she's
like, look, it might be time

306
00:22:59.319 --> 00:23:03.559
for us to go ahea and separate
because you forgot whose house this is.

307
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I've seen others where um, well, so for my child's graduation, you

308
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had to have tickets to get in. So if you couldn't, if you

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weren't getting along well enough with the
mother to get a hold to the ticket

310
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to get into the graduation, you
did not get to watch your child walk

311
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across the stage because I can't just
show up. Yeah, yeah, I

312
00:23:22.880 --> 00:23:27.000
was wondering that the dad attend the
graduation, is what I was wondering.

313
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All this hoopla over the party,
you know, what about the damn graduation?

314
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And so you bring up some good
points. I like that plan in

315
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advance, you know, and be
creative with it. And also I'm also

316
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familiar with talking with some clients,
you know that when they're going through divorce

317
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and they have to do a co
parenting plan, custody agreement, you know.

318
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I think the holidays visitation sometimes is
a part of it. In birthdays,

319
00:23:56.039 --> 00:23:59.480
you know, and who's going to
have the kid. When it sounds

320
00:23:59.480 --> 00:24:03.960
like we may need to negotiate graduation, you know, And that's something I

321
00:24:04.039 --> 00:24:08.400
have never seen in there. But
you can add whatever you want to to

322
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your divorce order. Like you said, we see every holiday. Um,

323
00:24:14.279 --> 00:24:18.319
we see random holidays that are in
other people's things like Easter, we have

324
00:24:18.480 --> 00:24:23.319
spring break, we have summertime.
You could separate it up and put some

325
00:24:23.440 --> 00:24:27.559
breaking in there. And I know
couples who have done that, but I

326
00:24:27.640 --> 00:24:33.440
never thought about including gradu Nobody thinks
that far ahead when the child is five.

327
00:24:33.559 --> 00:24:36.880
They aren't. Obviously, we see
what can happen, you know.

328
00:24:36.960 --> 00:24:40.559
So that's a note out to our
listeners out there. So let's let's talk

329
00:24:40.599 --> 00:24:44.920
about homeboy, you know, come
on, let's talk about it. I

330
00:24:44.960 --> 00:24:49.240
want to help the brother out.
I do because I smell the pettiness.

331
00:24:51.000 --> 00:24:53.559
I smell it. You you are
not the man you were meant to be.

332
00:24:55.119 --> 00:24:59.200
You know, if if you're creating
these extra hoops to try to hurt

333
00:24:59.240 --> 00:25:03.359
the mom your ex wife, whether
you know, and involving the kids and

334
00:25:03.519 --> 00:25:08.200
ruining this graduation ceremony, I don't
know if you prepare for the consequences of

335
00:25:08.279 --> 00:25:12.119
that. You know, the kid
is graduating. You know, you're really

336
00:25:12.279 --> 00:25:18.680
putting a wish between you two because
of your behavior, trying to be selfish,

337
00:25:18.720 --> 00:25:22.799
you know, and sabotage this whole
thing for your kid. That's what

338
00:25:22.880 --> 00:25:26.720
I want you to do. Really, look at yourself in the mirror,

339
00:25:26.759 --> 00:25:29.960
you know, whatever you got,
pull up your phone, whatever, and

340
00:25:30.039 --> 00:25:33.720
ask yourself, is this the dad
I want to be? Is this how

341
00:25:33.759 --> 00:25:38.039
I want my kids to know me? Fighting with your two youngest children.

342
00:25:38.559 --> 00:25:44.440
You're trying to punish the mother because
of her not allowing you to come to

343
00:25:44.440 --> 00:25:48.720
a graduation party, but you're actually
punishing the two younger kids, who at

344
00:25:48.759 --> 00:25:52.319
thirteen and sixteen, are going to
remember this, that they couldn't be there

345
00:25:52.359 --> 00:25:55.240
and that and they're not going to
blame mom for not letting you come.

346
00:25:55.279 --> 00:25:59.240
They're gonna blame you. At a
minimum let them be there for a couple

347
00:25:59.240 --> 00:26:03.720
of hours, and he may have
already lost the eighteen year old senior who

348
00:26:03.920 --> 00:26:07.319
just graduated. I think you lost
her. Okay, The six teen year

349
00:26:07.359 --> 00:26:10.720
olds is waiting for her chance or
his chance, and depends on how close

350
00:26:10.799 --> 00:26:14.079
the eighteen year old. It's with
the other two siblings, you know,

351
00:26:14.119 --> 00:26:18.039
because they're gonna take sides and they
they're paying attention to this. That's that's

352
00:26:18.079 --> 00:26:22.119
the party. It really surprised me
the length that you're willing to go to

353
00:26:22.160 --> 00:26:26.799
cause this much disruption for your kids. Why why can't you just making about

354
00:26:26.839 --> 00:26:32.559
them? I would have even encouraged
them. Hey, lay back, sit

355
00:26:32.599 --> 00:26:38.240
back, let them have that party. You are not attended. Show your

356
00:26:38.440 --> 00:26:45.119
kids what it's like to be a
grown ass man who is secure and confident.

357
00:26:45.559 --> 00:26:49.759
And then the following weekend you take
them all out, you throw your

358
00:26:49.759 --> 00:26:52.720
own party. He say he was
going to have his own party? Can

359
00:26:52.799 --> 00:27:00.200
your party not? Wait? Sorry, I don't know what outdoing that took

360
00:27:00.240 --> 00:27:06.279
on the trip take them to Mexico. You should. You should have some

361
00:27:06.359 --> 00:27:10.799
money saved up since you haven't been
paid your child support, so take that

362
00:27:10.920 --> 00:27:15.279
money and take them on a trip. But he could have made a lot

363
00:27:15.279 --> 00:27:21.519
of a lot some some other decisions
that would have been helpful with that,

364
00:27:21.759 --> 00:27:25.920
you know, because he could have
turned out to be the bigger person,

365
00:27:26.640 --> 00:27:30.319
you know, like you said,
and uh and shore appreciation for his kids.

366
00:27:30.400 --> 00:27:34.599
Do something and they're gonna remember when
they're older in age, you know,

367
00:27:34.839 --> 00:27:37.559
do something and make them go.
That's my daddy, you know,

368
00:27:37.720 --> 00:27:41.440
he he he made sure. You
know, my sister was taken care of,

369
00:27:41.680 --> 00:27:45.799
you know, my mom's house and
his house. You know, but

370
00:27:45.880 --> 00:27:48.319
that's not that's not what happened,
you know, you you may be painting

371
00:27:48.359 --> 00:27:52.920
yourself into a corner. Uh,
you know, pinning yourself into a corner

372
00:27:52.960 --> 00:27:56.319
where they're considering you to be like
a monster. You know, you're not

373
00:27:56.359 --> 00:27:57.640
a friendly person. You're not going
to help out. As a matter of

374
00:27:57.680 --> 00:28:02.240
fact, when you step into the
picture, you cause chaos, you know.

375
00:28:02.599 --> 00:28:06.200
So so that's that's what I would
want Homeboy to think about. You

376
00:28:06.279 --> 00:28:11.599
know, the narrative that you're creating
with your kids, there is an even

377
00:28:11.680 --> 00:28:18.759
bigger narrative that he has created by
trying to take custody of teen age children

378
00:28:18.680 --> 00:28:23.640
unless they have requested to change households. Number one of judge is going to

379
00:28:23.680 --> 00:28:29.039
take their opinion into account. They're
going to say, do you want to

380
00:28:29.039 --> 00:28:30.759
live with your mom and your dead
thirteen and sixteen? Yeah, And this

381
00:28:30.839 --> 00:28:34.519
is not helping, but it is
like that is the biggest lap in the

382
00:28:34.519 --> 00:28:38.160
face for you to try to take
someone's children from them. And I almost

383
00:28:38.160 --> 00:28:41.079
said to try to take a woman's
children, But it's the same step in

384
00:28:41.119 --> 00:28:45.359
the face when you try to try
to keep a man from seeing his kids.

385
00:28:45.599 --> 00:28:48.400
That's the biggest, the meanest thing
you can do to somebody is to

386
00:28:48.440 --> 00:28:52.720
try to take their children. And
the steps that you take to do that

387
00:28:52.799 --> 00:28:56.359
include oh, they're crazy, they
need to take a psychological evaluation, and

388
00:28:56.640 --> 00:29:00.200
or you bringing up everything they told
you they did back when y'all were in

389
00:29:00.240 --> 00:29:03.759
love and they told you about that
time they went to jail when they were

390
00:29:03.799 --> 00:29:07.200
twenty two, and you're bringing that
up in court when somebody is forty six,

391
00:29:07.319 --> 00:29:11.160
Like they do this get so ugly
they do, and you end up

392
00:29:11.200 --> 00:29:15.200
not getting what you want. All
you've done is created chaos and in more

393
00:29:15.319 --> 00:29:21.319
resentment and anger. Yeah, so
I'm I'm I'm convinced you can do better

394
00:29:21.319 --> 00:29:25.279
than this, you know, And
you know, I encourage grown men to

395
00:29:25.440 --> 00:29:30.799
be men, and I don't know
if he was ever taught or he was

396
00:29:30.839 --> 00:29:34.599
ever shown how to be a man, you know, to stand there so

397
00:29:34.680 --> 00:29:40.359
that your kids will admire you and
go to you when they need help.

398
00:29:40.400 --> 00:29:42.559
They go to the mom's the mom
too. But but you know, you're,

399
00:29:42.599 --> 00:29:47.920
you're you're just demonstrating you're you're just
as young as they are. You

400
00:29:48.000 --> 00:29:51.559
know, you're you're no longer the
cool parent. Yeah, he's not the

401
00:29:51.640 --> 00:29:55.920
responsible, caring parent, you know. Uh, And I know you may

402
00:29:55.920 --> 00:29:57.720
not have had a blueprint. I
ran into those clients all the time,

403
00:29:57.839 --> 00:30:00.680
they don't. They don't know,
they don't have a clue. But at

404
00:30:00.720 --> 00:30:04.480
this age, I'm assuming he's in
his late forties. Two, it's time

405
00:30:04.519 --> 00:30:08.160
to stop acting like a damn kid, you know. Two. What's best

406
00:30:08.160 --> 00:30:11.880
for the kids, even if you
got to take a hit, even if

407
00:30:11.920 --> 00:30:18.680
you got to sit at home by
yourself doing your kids graduation party planned the

408
00:30:18.680 --> 00:30:22.920
next one next week, just like
not the Asia said, I would rather

409
00:30:22.079 --> 00:30:26.559
you do that. Be the hero
that you were meant to be to your

410
00:30:26.640 --> 00:30:32.279
kids. The marriage didn't work out
twice, you know, and so you

411
00:30:32.279 --> 00:30:36.000
don't have a good track record.
Let's save your relationship. And I say

412
00:30:36.039 --> 00:30:38.559
I didn't say that. Doctor Harrison
said that. I'm in agreement. You

413
00:30:38.599 --> 00:30:41.839
don't have it. May be nice
about it, but I tell you the

414
00:30:41.839 --> 00:30:47.799
truth, I'm just meaning about it. So you already have a lot going

415
00:30:47.839 --> 00:30:51.400
on in your in your life.
You are creating more drama in your life

416
00:30:51.440 --> 00:30:55.319
by messing around with teenagers. You
don't think a thirteen year round and sixteen

417
00:30:55.359 --> 00:30:59.279
year old can run away from your
house if they want to and behind that,

418
00:30:59.279 --> 00:31:00.960
That's what I used to see all
the time when I worked with teenagers.

419
00:31:02.279 --> 00:31:06.039
Kids will just be like bed I
know how to leave. I'll be

420
00:31:06.079 --> 00:31:07.880
back. The police aren't going to
look for me. I'll be back before

421
00:31:07.920 --> 00:31:11.680
the police and do anything, and
you'll just be mad about it. And

422
00:31:11.720 --> 00:31:15.119
I dare you to try to hit
me about it. You're That's what I've

423
00:31:15.119 --> 00:31:19.880
seen parents so much. And they
may do something and piss them off,

424
00:31:19.920 --> 00:31:25.160
and they turn that phone on or
that web cam and it's a live stream

425
00:31:25.799 --> 00:31:30.640
and the world will see you as
the monster and your kids set you up.

426
00:31:30.920 --> 00:31:33.279
I have seen that. But brother, man, you have created this

427
00:31:33.440 --> 00:31:38.920
environment. You you have created that
type of environment where it would make them

428
00:31:38.960 --> 00:31:42.079
feel comfortable doing something like that.
I hope it's like that happened. I

429
00:31:42.160 --> 00:31:45.640
man, I'm just thinking, like, how dare you think you're gonna insert

430
00:31:45.720 --> 00:31:49.880
yourself into a graduation party after you
try to get full custody of someone's kids?

431
00:31:49.960 --> 00:31:55.599
Like staying down? Sir? Ye
say to stay earlier, stand down?

432
00:31:55.839 --> 00:31:59.200
So what does that sound like?
What does that sound like? His

433
00:31:59.319 --> 00:32:07.039
action? Um a five year old? Yeah, at the playground, I

434
00:32:07.160 --> 00:32:10.519
take I take something from you,
like I snatch your ball, and now

435
00:32:10.559 --> 00:32:14.279
that you want your ball back,
I'm gonna hit you. Yep, I'm

436
00:32:14.319 --> 00:32:17.119
gonna fight you for one of your
stuff. Yep, yep, yep.

437
00:32:17.880 --> 00:32:23.200
So I'm gonna hit you. So
he's the bully trying to make other people

438
00:32:23.279 --> 00:32:29.079
mad because he's mad he can't have
his way. Instead of taking a mature

439
00:32:29.200 --> 00:32:31.599
route, I just want you to
start to think about that path that you

440
00:32:31.799 --> 00:32:36.519
on. There's another one out there. Let's let's not be that lot five

441
00:32:36.599 --> 00:32:39.319
year on the playground. Now you're
mad, you're gonna go hit somebody you

442
00:32:39.319 --> 00:32:45.160
know, and storm off like a
little kid. So that's that's what I

443
00:32:45.160 --> 00:32:47.200
have to say about that. It's
unfortunate. I wish these two could have

444
00:32:47.200 --> 00:32:52.400
worked things out. I hope people
listening are getting some good tips and ideas

445
00:32:52.799 --> 00:32:57.880
and start planning. If this is
you coming up and you already know that

446
00:32:57.960 --> 00:33:01.599
your situation might look something like that, I go ahead to ivo avvo,

447
00:33:01.880 --> 00:33:07.039
find you a good family court attorney
and get you get some new information put

448
00:33:07.039 --> 00:33:12.880
into your court order so you don't
have these issues. And the challenge that

449
00:33:12.880 --> 00:33:17.720
I have for parents out there who
are co parenting and they're they're not with

450
00:33:17.759 --> 00:33:24.000
the the kids of the parents,
you know, consider taking a loss every

451
00:33:24.200 --> 00:33:29.839
now and then, you know,
regarding these celebrations. You know, if

452
00:33:29.880 --> 00:33:32.920
it's not in that that that divorce
decree. Um. I don't know how

453
00:33:32.920 --> 00:33:38.279
you're gonna fight it, but I
would rather you sit at home by yourself

454
00:33:38.359 --> 00:33:45.200
that night and playing an amazing weekend
the following weekend. You can always outdo

455
00:33:45.359 --> 00:33:47.759
them. You don't have to fight
them. Let them do what they do,

456
00:33:49.200 --> 00:33:51.960
yeah, because it's all that you
don't end up looking bad to the

457
00:33:52.039 --> 00:33:54.759
kid, and then you just do
your own thing and make it better.

458
00:33:55.240 --> 00:33:58.720
Yeah. And to some of the
women out there, I know the guys

459
00:33:58.720 --> 00:34:00.480
are jerks, and I'm using a
term so I don't have to. I

460
00:34:00.519 --> 00:34:04.039
don't cuss, yeah, because there's
some different words. I like you.

461
00:34:04.920 --> 00:34:08.519
I know you you got one of
those jerks though. You got with them,

462
00:34:08.920 --> 00:34:12.800
you know, so they're yours,
you know. But at the same

463
00:34:12.840 --> 00:34:15.719
time, you're gonna have to work
with them. You can't make them be

464
00:34:15.800 --> 00:34:20.599
something that they're not. And if
you know what to anticipate from them,

465
00:34:20.679 --> 00:34:22.960
let's find a creative way to work
around that so you can get the outcome

466
00:34:23.199 --> 00:34:25.880
you want. Well, So there's
a better way to say that. Because

467
00:34:25.920 --> 00:34:29.559
I say you don't you don't have
to work with them, I say,

468
00:34:29.599 --> 00:34:31.119
you try your best to work with
them, and when you can't, you

469
00:34:31.159 --> 00:34:36.039
work around them, okay, but
you get what you need such I would

470
00:34:36.119 --> 00:34:37.920
love to work with you, but
if you make that difficult for me,

471
00:34:38.000 --> 00:34:42.519
I will work around you. Got
you. Thank you so much. I

472
00:34:42.519 --> 00:34:46.000
hope that that was a good topic. That one came through. I was

473
00:34:46.039 --> 00:34:52.039
getting a little hot. Well that
was uh so. I hope you guys

474
00:34:52.199 --> 00:34:55.079
enjoyed that. And when I ask
the thing that I came up last week,

475
00:34:55.679 --> 00:35:00.199
uh anything you want to share with
the audience about a less and that

476
00:35:00.280 --> 00:35:05.360
you learn this past week, and
you can go first, because I may

477
00:35:05.400 --> 00:35:08.960
not have one. Yes, there
is a lesson I learned this past week,

478
00:35:09.039 --> 00:35:14.880
and that is pay attention to what's
not said. People. I always

479
00:35:14.920 --> 00:35:16.719
say, pay attention to what's said. This week I learned, pay attention

480
00:35:16.800 --> 00:35:21.360
to what's not said. If you
ask someone a three part question, then

481
00:35:21.360 --> 00:35:24.039
they answer two parts of it,
pay attention to why they didn't answer that

482
00:35:24.159 --> 00:35:29.159
one part, and let that be
your answer. Absolutely. I like that.

483
00:35:29.480 --> 00:35:32.840
And this past week I also learned
a lesson. It's an old one.

484
00:35:32.960 --> 00:35:37.559
I have to continue reminding myself.
You know, when things don't go

485
00:35:37.599 --> 00:35:39.960
your way, you're trying to make
something happen, just focus on you.

486
00:35:40.840 --> 00:35:45.039
Don't even think about the other party
or the other individuals you know, who

487
00:35:45.079 --> 00:35:49.480
you were trying to do something with. Focus on you, and then you

488
00:35:49.599 --> 00:35:52.000
eventually get what you want. But
as long as you're thinking about people outside

489
00:35:52.000 --> 00:35:54.440
of you, who don't even want
to be in your circle or who are

490
00:35:54.480 --> 00:35:58.840
not in your you have excluded them
from the circle, then you're you're taking

491
00:35:58.880 --> 00:36:01.079
the focus off union achieve even your
goals. So that's that's what I gotta

492
00:36:01.119 --> 00:36:05.320
say about that. I like it. I like that a lot. So

493
00:36:05.360 --> 00:36:09.760
you guys, we've been talking tonight
about co parenting, you know, and

494
00:36:09.760 --> 00:36:14.119
and high school graduation. It's that
time of the year and what do you

495
00:36:14.199 --> 00:36:20.639
do when your expouse is a jerk? So we had a lively discussion about

496
00:36:20.639 --> 00:36:22.199
it. I want to thank you
guys from listening. You've been listening to

497
00:36:22.239 --> 00:36:25.960
the two therapists on the microphone.
I am doctor Harrison Davis and I'm doctor

498
00:36:25.960 --> 00:36:30.760
Asia Dickerson. And we will see
you guys next week Monday at seven o'clock

499
00:36:30.760 --> 00:37:15.039
a m. See you then.
I like that like that, like like

500
00:37:15.039 --> 00:37:51.360
like it, like it lger like
like that, like that, like that like