Hi, everybody. I am the one, the only, the r e
car In this game, I play none other than Hilda Swingson, the reformed
cannibal turned vegan Druid. When I am not driving the plot forward here,
I write such series as the Rules un Dying series, the Accidental Summoner series,
oh and the False Icon series with some guy named Rick wal Terry.
You can check me out at rachel Ecar dot com or wherever unfine books are
sold. Hey, y'all, I'm Teresa Glover. I'm the author of the
Caitlin Kelly Monster Hunter series with Falstaff Books, and also an editor at Falstaff
book And in this disaster piece, my name is Trin Karen, and I
am deeply concerned about building my upline and it's just a shame for all of
y'all that I finally have my voice back. Hey everyone, my name is
Rick Walteriri, and I wish you all well unless you're a fucking elf because
I play ooh face eater the uh it's been a while since we played Eldrich
Knight. Yeah that's what he is anyway. In real life, I write
several things including Bill of the Bill, the Vampire Tales, of the Crypto
Hunter all of that, but my very first little RPG Time Chaser is live
right now on Royal Road. Go look, go look me up. I
don't have some weird, wacky gamer name. I'm just oddly enough Rick Qualteriri
there and check it out. Your name is weird enough. Hi, y'all.
I'm Misty Massey. I'm the author of the Madchestral series of pirate fantasy
adventures and an editor for a bunch of small presses, most of which you've
heard of once or twice before. When I'm not editing and writing, I'm
here playing on where Crow, the slick, seductive thief who just wants everybody
to join the party. Not the party, but you know, theo ho
party. You'll you'll figure it out. Hey, everybody. I'm m Kay
Gibson, author of such books as the shadow Master Seivers series and the Techno
Manswer series. The Latest Villain's Return is out right now in audio, so
help a brother out and go pick it up. And I used to play
Georgina the NPC, and I have since taken over the dming duties for our
good friend mister John hartn Is, who, after battling death following getting hit
on the head by a Drew Hayes novel. He beat Death and the Game
and the Game of Magic. However, Jet's boss didn't want him in heaven.
They don't want him in hell, so he's stuck in a kind of
limbo state. At the moment, he's floating around talking to a lot of
famous authors who died in like like most authors, they don't get to go
either direction. So we wish him well and to speed to return to the
prime material plane. So when we last left off, this particular group of
adventures who never really had a team named the best I know of, was
just calling the fuck nuggets. Uh. They were They had landed in the
talent. They had landed in the town of Ragafuel. After bypassing a couple
of Yoko local guards, they made their way in and they talked to some
of the big wigs. You know, someone talks to some clergy. So
when got to up their essential oils for a while and got to talk to
some folks there, uh, And eventually they got to talk to Mayor Kyle,
and Mayor Kyle basically told him if you want the uh the Gemafu mark,
you must travel up the pass the mountain pass to find the ancient temple
that Rick's character was convinced was the thunder Lizard, and I think it was
to the god Tyrannus or Tirana regardless, that's where they're walking, and that's
where we picked up, hiking up the hill on a major adventure to find
the entrance to this mysterious temple to get the Gem of foud Mark. So,
as you can see on the screen, you are currently on an adventure.
What would your characters like to do? Wait? Wait, we're walking?
Yeah. Oh no, I didn't even I didn't even get to buy
good hiking boots. What is this? No? Because you because you all
made a bet. If you recall, you all made a bet on your
own lives that you would come back with the Gem of food Mark and any
treasure you could find within the temple, which you would then spend on the
economy in Ragafuel. Uh. I mean Georgina was the one lying. We
can mix up some tea tree oil and peppermint and put it on your feet.
It'll be fine. You'll feel so much better. Georgina made a bet
with them, and she's got the receipt to because they made a bet with
the town's share. If you had three to one odds and you put I
think almost your entire fortune. I think it was like three thousand gold.
You put like twenty five hundred all on yourselves at three to one odds,
So got to invest the money to make money. You guys are currently having
a happy, dandy time marching and up this you go up the hill,
you're crossing this nice bridge, and it is a dandy day. However,
it's it's midday and you're looking up that mountain hill and it's like by the
time you get there, it's probably gonna be dark. Okay, keep walking,
all right. As you keep walking, I would like and we're and
trend Karen to uh rolling perception checks. The browser is thinking about it.
We'll see how very fantastic. Well, the eighteen is good enough. Eighteen's
fairly fairly easy to notice that some of the rock is loose along the on
the path, and unfortunately, Georgina slips and falls, as does Gigi,
as does Gary and Madam Crunchy. Oh no, they're falling off. Wait
where are you going? Oh no, I can't lose half my downline like
this. Gigi, get back up. Here right now. Then all of
a sudden, the infamous Leviathan whales of natural rivers comes out of nowhere and
swallows them whole. Oh this seems bad. It splashes back down into the
water. As they fall, They're like, She's like, oh no,
madam Crunchy, oh no. And Georgiana is like I always hated move the
least, and and the whale goes back into the water and begins swimming down
river, leaving you wonderful for on your own to climb up this hill and
deal it. Maybe they'll come back later, maybe they'll fight their way free
of the whale. But for the meantime, it's just you four. So
do you want to say anything like you wave goodbye to your friends or just
give them move not care these things happen. I was about to say,
it's surprising how many giant monsters occasionally digest. Do I happen to know if
the rare freshwater mountain Leviathon has stomach acids that will actually digest them, or
is it possible we'll just find them in the stool down river and pre washed.
Give me a nature check with the advantage because of your duetic abilities.
Thank you very much. You're welcome nature. Teresa's a perception came through.
She saw nothing. She was oils oils, oils twenty. Well, I've
had a very deep conversation about my status, and I'm helment on making double
diamond, whatever that is, and I am deep in thought about my sales
practices. Do I need to roll again for advantage or is that sufficient?
I mean, you can get a natural twenty, you know, but a
twenty is perfectly fine. To know that, like no, the fresh water
mountain Leviath, and it does have stomach acids, but it likes to keep
the food in its throat and taken around places. They're actually kind of helpful
sometimes sometimes they're not. Just depends if these if you now, I don't
know it's going to react to the flavor of undead. I can't make promises
there. I mean that does tend to cause indigestion. But they're fairly fresh
so well spits nut swallows. Yes, they're very popular at parties. Sometimes
they just gargle and sometimes it goes out the blowhole, and there's nothing quite
like being blown by a whale exactly so. So sadly your friends are bye
bye for the remainder of this thing, so it's just this group now famous
scroll to the very bottom. Looks like we got swallowed by the rare mountain
freshwater Leviathan, all right, I think it's a shift there you go.
That should center the map for everybody now, sadly Teresa, Yes, uh,
your character is human correct. Uh No, she's a halfling halfling,
yes, just the same. No dark vision, So I went through and
everybody who has dark visions you would to see something. Those without dark vision
should see nothing. And actually got to get rid of Gigi here because she
is see That's what I was about to ask, because I'm like, my
screen isn't showing anything. Yeap, hey, I could see Moog's backside at
least I'm okay, all right, Uh that makes me feel better because I
was freaking out. Mooksay light torch or wander off Cliff moved, not care
either way. Anybody got a light yes, a and devians. We are
now playing with the lighting of the maps, so give like some mess with
this stuff. So you've got to deal with it, all right, uh
Trin Karen, I assume you would like perhaps the light cantrip put it on
yourself that would be delighted object. I could create a bonfire and then light
a torch. I think, I think I want to cast light on uh,
the meditato. Okay, where's where's the medoitato? Usually in my hand.
I was gonna say, it's so if she moves, that light source
will go with her. It's not you could cast it on yourself, or
you could cast it on the meditato. Yeah, put on the potato.
That just makes me the target of ship and that's not oh, without a
doubt, one hundred yeah. No, I'm gonna put it so you would
cast You would like to cast light on Hilda on the meditato? Yes,
yes, Well I got to put it on a token so it will be
one ah yeah, okay, I will, I will hand the meditato of
glowing Oh, all right, on to h I'll give it to the cleric.
Okay. Now I gotta switch the light source back over to Teresa,
which I was going to do in the first place. So you are no
longer emitting bright light. So I just went want to see it change.
Since it's on the meditato, like I can kind of throw it in my
bag and disguise it if I need to quick everybody as soon as soon as
he hands to Teresa hot potato. Oh no, no, no, no,
you understand fun. Oh what's fun is like the fact that you're near
a god's temple. So the glue that emits from the medotato is now stuck
in your hand. You can't cast spells, but the h gesturing components are
You're fucked. So let's play this game. Come on, let's do it.
It's fun. But well we have the glowing how's that revolution going for
you? Give us time, give me, give me a second. I'll
whip out the essential oils. Those work. It's solvents. Sometimes not every
solution. Every time potato gets stuck in somebody's hand, move cups off hand
and hands it to somebody else. That will be that will work as well.
Okay, you guys, very long set of stairs. It is now
past it has past sunset. Obviously. You get the crickets and the coyotes
and the wolves, and the nice foresting noise and the mountains, maybe a
goat in the distance, but you are on this ancient uh temple way moving
north. Well, first move moog will shut out, shut up, or
move will kill you. Their cricket. All right, So, considering it's
night time, do we want to go into the Fortress of Death at night
or rest and then go upstairs? Well? Move have questions to that.
Do we think Fortress of Death has light posts? It's the goat? If
not, it not matter, Misty, you cannot see. No, it's
just black. Can your character? Does your character have oh? Because you're
human? Coming close to the meditato? Okay, so do you want to
link arms like the Wizard of Oz cast and walk up the hill together?
No? No? Or yeah? You can walk up the monkeys? Here
we go walking down the street. Yeah, walking down the street. I
am the I do think the two people who can actually yeah see in the
dark should probably do more the scouting and and and Since y'all are significantly more
durable than I am, I want to get behind y'all. Okay, you
can just walk up the map. Let me know what you want to do.
Keep going, I'll keep them in within the range of my light source.
The wall of black you see ahead of you is just a visual representation
that it's you reach a precipice. You can't see above it, you can
walk past it. Okay, Well, my kidding. I'm we all know
where he'll He's walking the place with the best of you. Up that ass
yep, yep, stupid half face orc moog eate beans for dinner. Oh
god, oh side, give me a constitutionship move see if you if you
shark interface so all right, constitution I'm just you, oh lord, never
ever ever taught the moove? Haven't you learned? As I said, I
feel like the old gods are dead and everything has changed and new gods watch
over us. Anyone else get that feeling I do? You can walk right
past that black if you want move moot not Oh, keep come, keep
keep coming, keep climbing. There are things up here like this is like
you've seen those like the It's even to like France or Paris. Are like
those steps that just go on forever or just walk seen John Wick. It's
a lot like that. It just keeps going up, up, up and
up, and your thighs are burning. Uh. This is a hell of
a workout. But it's those weird kind of steps that are both like very
They're not very tall, but they're very long, so you can't take two
or three at a time. It's like up a little bit and then up
a little bit, and it's a it's a real shitty design, probably built
by Elves. Probably. Uh, giveing me au either perception or his for
your check, give me you know, give me history, give me give
me a history check who everybody if you want to know about the architecture,
So move get seventeen. Hildy is looking at Moog's ass. Uh, this
was in fact built by Elves with with It's an Elvish and Dwarvish combination.
The two came together and built this Templemogle turn turn around and pissed down the
stairs. Okay, sot me, I've moved to the side. Whoever's right
behind? Okay, that's true. Carre Okay, that was true. Carrots
say you gotta give you a dexterity saving throw to avoid a Moog piss Ugh.
Well, let's see if Beyond wants to play here. Hold on dexterity,
said yeah, to see if he gets splashed with moo whizz Yeah,
dex thirty saving throw. Uh. I don't know how proficient Moog is with
wiz. So let's say get above get above an eight. It's just P.
Never say it's just P in this group yeah, you successfully dodge it
and even dodge the splatter. You're just fine, as Moo screams up.
Listen, are you listening, elf ancestors? Moo disrespects you? Why why
must he be so hot? Yeah? Yeah, okay, so you climbing
up? Mood laughs that's stupid elves. Moog laughs even more at stupid dead
elves, knowing that that I Gouger Clan probably made many of them dead.
I don't think this looks like I Gouger clan work. Maybe spine Breaker spinebreaker
or pussies Spinebreaker kicked the face eater ass Are you disparaging the spine Breaker clan
in my presence? Eater as mo Yeah, we're not there yet. Okay,
well, don't quite understand it's it will be okay, half half face
orc Moog understand that, you dumb. It's not that good looking, is
he? Though? Come on, you can't reach the top? Is there
anything of interest going on? Okay? So there is, a Well give
me a perception check, all right, I'll let you know based on love
of your perception, wher reaches the top and wants to look around look at
me. Perception checks A four A four well, there's some broken rocks and
shit everywhere, Moog, and you smell your own asparagus piss behind you.
That's that's the highlight of your knowledge. Disgusting. Oh, he ain't my
asparagus. I'm touched hill. They rolled in eleven. Uh, well,
aside from the asparagus piss. And I don't know if Moog ever put his
dick away or not. If he did, I think I would be a
disadvantage. Oh, I'm tracking, Yeah, I'm not. Uh, you
know, I'm not Klaus okay us checking. I'm just gonna need to know
these things, all right. There is a very large broken statue here in
the middle, but there's so much rocks and rubbels around, and a few
would appear to be kind of like slightly glowing purply circles on the ground.
That's what I love gets you. Anybody else want to try when they get
up there, I'm trying. Hold on, sure, there we go?
What am I rolling? Perceptions? All right? Somebody wasn't distracted by the
dick? I was not. I am very to clamber up these steps,
all right, tired and frustrated and nearly blind. Trend Karen and on wear
somehow both get seventeen's perceptions are fact because she's annoyed. Fantastic, all right,
As you get closer, you see that this is a broken statue here
in the center, and but there appears to be a locking mechanism like a
passageway leading down. But there's a metal plate on front of the locking medisin
and the stairs that go down, and there is a symbol for a diamond
shape and a circle shape, and were on the map? Is that right
here in the center. I'm pinging it right right there? Okay, trink
Karen, didn't you say something about diamonds earlier? You're you're looking for diamonds
for achieving I'm going to achieve double diamond status. And that's only possible if
I really apply myself in these new sales techniques that they started telling me about
the other day. I mean, they're just revolutionary. Well, diamonds,
diamond look diamonds. Well, like I said, there's a circular shape and
like a diamond shape on the locks. It looks like it looks like two
objectsul be placed in there to unlock the lock? What shape is? Oh
wait, we don't have the gem of food mark. Oh well, nope,
but there's there's two holes of different shapes. Yes, also with a
seventeen for the both of you. Uh, there appears to be worse trinkaren
you are standing here based on a light. I'm gonna let you know one
there is what appears to be a diamond shaped something sticking out of the ground
right into that side that circle. But I won't I won't tell you what
the other one is. You've got a good role, but there's not a
little light for you two to see it. So right, Okay, so
there's a diamond shape something or other. I'm not dumb enough. Yeah,
there's a diamond shaped something. I'm not dumb enough to try to go and
touch things and you know, fall into stupid traps because I'm not that dumb.
So I'm gonna point out towards Moog and Hilda and be like, hey,
yo, there's a diamond shaped thingy over in that circle. Maybe get
it closer. Are on the ground. Uh there seem to be phosphorescent Uh,
circles that seem to glow. Uh did you just walk into the circle?
Move without he did? Okay, stupid circle move Now that you're standing
on it, there is in fact, what looks like a stone diamond sitting
in the in the like sticking up out of the ground itself. It's about
the size of your fist, and it's right there sticking out of the ground.
There also appears to there are well, there also appears to be an
indentation of the ground over here that's been drawn away that looks like a diamond
just ahead of you over here. You go to pick it up, and
nothing happens. Like you try, you can't No matter what you do,
you can't get a grip on it. You try, and you try and
just move tried. Uh, but there is there is a diamond. No,
there's another diamond pattern over here in the ground over this way, Yes,
just to the northeast of that. Yes. Is it like a diamond
end in haation or uh? Sort of. It's like it's like something was
like carved into the ground. So either that diamond thing goes there or there's
another diamond thing somewhere to go in there. And I'm all about filling holes
tonight. The phosphoric do you step into Do you step into the circle?
Nope, I'm out. I am pointedly on the edge of the circle.
Is this like a phosphorescent moss, a magical pigment. Can I analyze it
further? As I am? It would even a flish princess. Give me
an arcane roll or nature role nature if you don't mind. Sure, And
while she's doing that, I'm close enough to the edge of the circle that
moves and nature failed you today Hill does still, She's just something is on
her mind and it's distractingen circle is just stupid elf magic, elf magic week.
If you die from elf magic, it means you weak, and thus
MG will laugh at you. Since I'm standing closer to the circle that Moog
is in, can I look at it and see if I can determine anything
about it by using arcana as well? Sure? Uh, if you like,
either, roll me a general intelligence check or an arcana check, whatever
you feel more comfortable with. It's something magic, that's the You had a
nine. So it's something magic, but you can't figure out what it's too
freaking dark in here, that's what it is. I'm just distracted by the
fact that the dark I'm bending down the the phosphorescent stuff is it? Is
it like sand? Or is it paint flex? Or can I tell at
all what kind of magical stuff it is. You're kind of far away,
so what what are you? I'm sorry, I thought okay, I thought
the pink still me was okay, okay, well that's you know what that
that's fair. I'll allow that. I thought you were going to that circle.
I will Now what is it that you're trying to determine? Irmin?
I'm just looking at the phosphorescent stuff on the ground. Is it like,
is it like salt that's glow, pink salt that's glowing, or is it
glitter? Or okay, it appears to be some kind of like it's a
little bit of everything. There seems to be a bioluminescent moss with some kind
of like set aside rocks and they don't. But here's the thing. Nature
doesn't draw in circles like this, except for like mushroom rings. So some
it's someone clearly placed this year, I'll give you that. Is there some
that I can pick up that's not part of the circle? Uh? Sure
there's something. There's some pieces around here somewhere kind of thing. I'm picking
up a little and kind of rubbing it on my skin to see if I
can make myself bioluminescent. Uh, it scratches off in your skin a little
bit, you know, but it's it's kind of like you ever got some
of the goo from inside of a glow stick and put on your fingers for
a little while. We should never do because it's highly toxic, but we
all did the kids. Uh. It's kind of like that, yeah,
exactly, or like that or the glow in the dark sidewalk chalk you see.
Uh, you know. Uh, it's it's more like that, but
when you look at it, but there still seems to be something. Anybody
who's got any kind of like magic, like arcane based magic, senses that
there is a presence here. There is a magical presence here. Uh.
And there's also a holy magic present here as well a divine power. So
there's a blending of the two. I'm not experiencing any of that because not
magic and not holy. So yeah, so I'm just having fun rubbing it
on myself. So, yes, there is an actual stone diamond pattern sticking
out of the ground here, like like a stone diamond right there in the
ground. And there is a diamond shaped carved to the ground over here.
In fact, I'll even be so kind as too where to go there.
I'll put a generic crappy free hand diamond on the ground so you can see
him. Moog is disgusted by filled the cowards. We'll walk over and step
into this one. Okay, you step in fantastic, all right, Moog.
Once you're in shit, I did the wrong thing, all right,
Moog boom, you're in there. Uh one second, Moog. Once you're
in there, give me a quick favor and give me a charismas saving throw,
charismas saving throat. He's doomed. Oh yeah, if only eleven?
Okay? Cool? Uh. For those not inside the circle, Uh,
the ground that was right here sits up. The stone diamond that you saw
comes up out of the ground, chest first, inside of a play humanoid
figure. It's sitting right in the middle of its chest, and it starts
looking at you, Moog. The funny thing is, since you failed your
saving throw, the clay of this gollumn begins to shift and change, and
I'm gonna move him over here for the side for the moment, and what
I'm going to do instead is create it shifts into a giant Moog Mega Moog
giant stupid help must Okay, Okay, hang on now, Moog, you
are stuck inside that circle. But the rest of you, uh give me
an initiative climber to clip yourself. Uh, Rick, would you be so
kind to click on giant you and roll initia of it as well? Sure?
Oh man held a natural one giant fantastic god Tin, Karen and I
are rolling separately. We are not just rolling one die and claiming it both
of us. H y'all are just sin tonight, Come in so hold on,
I can I can add you in there real fast if you want to
click on your token and do it. If not, I can just add
you will I know, uh uh now I can't spell trin careen for to
save my life. Just tech care. You're just now trim are why in?
Like you're just Trent go Giant Moog destroy your enemies and actually, giant
Moog, you're up and do exactly that, Giant Moog, destroy your enemies.
These are all your enemies now, real Moog at the top of the
order, real mood. If you want to try to break free of the
circle, I need a athletics I need to excuse me. I need a
uh athletic saving throw and a constitution saving throw. Alright, Moog is confused
and he wants to see what's going to happen for this fantastic Okay, so
Moog sits back and giant Moog swing away, Merrill swing away. What powers
does this giant Moog have? Uh, it's you and it's a giant you.
Okay, This clay like much like a clay faced villain from a certain
Batman type character, just went to and did a little switch route and became
a giant Moog. So all right, let's see here. Do you like?
Do you like odds or evens? I'm always god, all right,
so, Hilda, odds are good for you. It's even so I believe
that's on weird next to me as well, Yes it is. I'm oh.
Based on your size, by the way, Rick, basing your size,
you have a ten foot to reach you can hit. You could also
hit drink caron if you wanted to. In fact, you could hit everybody
if you wanted to. Well, giant Moog is going to cast booming blade.
M h. So, and let's see here, and then I get
two hits with giant orphan or giant orphan splitter on onwear first is an eleven
second is twenty four. I think be a meat shield, not a meat
cleaver. It just depended on who walked into the circle. No, did
I plan time to just walk into a circle. Maybe maybe you know I
have uncanny dodge. Can I use that? Alright? Canny dodges for a
Dix thirty saving throw. So first give me yeah, all right, So
first you take four points of thunder damage from booming blade. Oh and just
so you understand, if you move, you will take more damage, and
then you take sixteen slashing damage as move brings down his giant acts on you.
What did I do to you? Do you have enough time? Okay?
Now missing Yes, on candy dodge attack that you can see, you
can have the damage as a reaction. Yes, I don't think you can
have the thunder damage. I think you have to attacked the physical but I'm
not sure on that. Yeah, chances are that's there's not a whole lot
of details here for I mean, it just says I can take my reaction
to have the attack. Okay, when an attacker that you can see hits
you with the attack, you can use a reaction to have the attacks damage
against you. So the physical hits you for how much? Rick, so
you can have that to eight. Yay, Now the thunder damage is around
you, so if you move, you're gonna take that. Okay, well
then I'm just standing really really still. I will I'll let you know that
if you attack him back, Hilda is in a position to give you both
advantage, and you hit, you'll get all your sneak attack damage. But
that is now Trinkaren's turn. Okay, I'm on a giant moog. Do
you want anything on a bonus action? No, mook is going. Giant
move is going to save any of that stuff. Fantastic. Okay, trin
Carring, you're gonna run away? Yes, I'm going to run back over
here behind the circle that he's trapped in, get at least a little closer
to being shielded again. Wouldn't that give Giant mooge hundred percent will because giant
moves out a ten foot reach, so if you leave, you will get
he will get anttack of opportunity against you. But that will take Giant Move's
reaction away, so any people else can move around except for poor on Weir.
Yeah, I'm still gonna I'm still gonna move because if I take a
direct hit just out out of a regular turn order. You're gonna myrtalize me
real quick. So that's a twenty two for nine damage. Okay, Orphan
Splitter comes crashing up over the hound and clips you right on the shoulder.
Trink, Karen. Orphan splitter bites into your flesh. It hurts like hold
in the holy hell, and you need to put some oils in that right
now to stop the burning. I don't know what you got on you,
but it stings. So whatever you feels the best application. I've done everything.
It's fine. Move impressed with giant orphan splitter, Go giant move,
kill them all? Move well, all right you? Oh sorry, move
forget. Moog's not supposed to be rooting for a giant move. True,
Carroen, you moved, but you still have an action in a bonus action.
Is anything you like to do at the moment, No, because he
is technically with us, so I don't want to like. Uh, well,
I will say this, give me a general intelligence check. Never mind.
Oh god, no, Moog's trying to kill you. Get the fuck
out. I am very pressed that I have been cleaved, that I am
in the dark, that I have a medotato stuck in my hand. I
am not having a good day, and I'm about to ask for a manager.
I I didn't say it was I didn't say it was stuck yet.
Just if you kept hot potato and I was going to stick it to your
hand anyway? Uh, would you like to hold an action? Perhaps?
Yeah, I'll pull out my crossbow and load it and hold it. Okay,
fantastic, you're holding a shot in case something cool happens. We'll say
that all right on weir Uh you got you got a rogue slapped hard by
a big old sword, and you're in the darkness and I didn't even deserve
it. And I'm in this dark. Oh yeah, you are now in
the dark, aren't you? Yes? Can you see anything? No?
Okay, sorry, I'm going to do this just for the sake of you.
I'm going to put this light right here, but it does not count,
just so you can actually see the map, but it does not count.
I assume you can see a little bit now, right Uh, yes,
okay, but I'm only putting that there so you can see the map.
You can't see move, so all your attacks are with this advantage.
But since Hilda is on the other side of him. That gives you advantage.
So it's a it's just a regular attack at his hand. On Hilda,
would you or would you be threatening giant Moog or not threatening giant Moog?
I haven't gotten I haven't gotten to my turn to process this information.
So right now there is a threat. Okay, so it's a threat.
So yes, you have advantage as an and disadvantage a regular attack for on
weir crow. So so it's still me, right, it's still you,
still me okay. I was just making sure that that I was. I
want to make sure because if the person's not giving them a threatening thing,
you don't get advantage anyway. Yes, stab stab giant moog, stab him
like he's dick height. You can put it right there. I'm going,
yeah, well I will go for where I last saw. It sounds great
to melsher, Okay, come on, there we go finally, God bond
any day. Now. The suspense is killing me. I know. I
blinek beaped. I think it's an eighteen o nine and just a nine to
hit. It's because it's wee wee's too small to hit right sadly in the
dark, sadly in the dark. You can't find the giant elfin dong h
and it just kind of like you just hit air right underneath this, underneath
this crotch. And now do you get like an offhand strike with your bonus
action Maybe I don't think so. I don't know. If you carry two
weapons, you can usually use like your uh bonus action striking off. Well,
the only other weapon that I have is a dagger. I mean,
okay, I can go for it. But yeah, you can offhand strike
and keep with your daggers bonus action as a rogue. So okay, fine,
I mean I'm trying to give you something. Yeah, I'm flinging around
in the dark. I look like a complete noodle. Well good thing.
No one else can see a sixteen Now. The thing is it does not
have Mooon's armor class. It has a Gollum's armor class and a sixteen hits.
So, uh, you sweep up with your dagger. You know,
Worriers Dick wasn't for the first shot, but you found his balls and Dick
on the second shot and come up with the upward slash right into the crotch
and take off five points of damage off giant mood, which I'll take off.
He's been circumcised. Oh, Dick, okay, Rick, Rick.
While mood takes mood takes no actual damage, he feels that shot in his
crotch. It feels like a dagger. Just in, Dick. You react
as if someone literally just knife someone knife you'r urethra and it's just you deal
with that. That's that's your life. Now A right move needs to join
battle and destroy on wear No, pal, buddy, no, all right?
Next up in the turn order, I assume you want to stay put
on were Oh god, yes, Okayoki. The thunderous entery energy still crackles
around, and you've seen move uses in the past. You know it's best
not to move. Uh. Next up the turn order is one miss cannibalistic
Hilda. What would you like to do? Bite into that big old hookah
ass or not? Don't tempt a girl out of curiosity. Does it count
as a humanoid? It's technically does, but it also it is humanoid shape,
but it counts as a construct. Okay, So I can't use hold
person, No, you have to hold monster. Well, I'd love to
hold a monster, but we're in a fight right now. Fair enough,
Okay, there's a spell hold monster, but it's not old person. Good
to know moove, I'm sorry. He's right next to you, and he's
like, what all right, let's be casting fourth level lightning. It's a
lightning bolt lightning call lightning because from the sky, got it? Okay,
yes, all right, that would be if he doesn't make a say,
thirty seven lightning damage. What's the additional seventh lightning then on the side,
because it's thirty seven lightning and seven lightning, what's the other lightning? I'm
not sure. Let me look. There's like an aftershock, like we take
a really good pe. The guy like seven seconds later, like you got
to pee again? You know, I thought it was so good. Okay,
Rick, give me a what looks like a deck stairity. Oh,
because I'm outdoors. That's the outdoors damage. So it is thirty seven plus
seven all right, four, so forty four total damage. Sixteen he takes
so giant mooks somehow dodges it partially takes twenty two total lightning damage. But
it was still pretty good. Please tell me it didn't spill over onto my
little square. Negative. It's a it's a it's women, is it?
It's one part one target. Okay, we're sorry. It's the shape of
Silda has ten feet tall and a sixty foot radius centered on a point.
The stall fails if you can't see the point when you cast the cell.
You choose a point, so it's a point and it's within five feet,
must make a dexterity saving throw. I would like you to. I would
like you to on the map, pick a grid intersection line and tell me
that's your point. Just hold your mouse down on it and that will pink.
So you want it right there? Correct? Yes, and it has
that ass Okay, So on the on you're saying, right here is where
you want it? Okay? And how big is the Uh? It's five
feet so it should be one square? Is worth one square? And yeah?
Okay cool, I would make it just beyond me. Now. The
thing is I can keep striking. It's a concentrate, so it keeps striking.
Understood, yep. I could pick a different point every turn. He'll
he'll have the same spell. I'm tracking you Oki doki? Uh? That
is that is your action. But do you have anything for a bonus?
Actually like to do? Moog? What the fuck? Oh? By the
way, Rick, you felt even though your guy dosh you felt twenty two
moreths of lightning go down through your brain, down your sternum and out your
bleeding dickle, which isn't bleeding, just feels like it is. Mug will
kill you are Did it make him any smarter? Does it sound like it?
Damn it? It's really hard, all right, top top of the
order, real moog. Would you like to try to break Would you like
to try to break free? Yes? Step one, give me an athletics
roll. See what you get? You are well, no, you're still
stuck in there. It's an eight like you go to push against the magical
barrier and like it sizzles your fingers and like you feel like uh uh you
feel the taunts of elven children. Oh god, now burn down, Hill.
I mean, I mean the really shitty ones like t look at the
ugly you're so like, just like imagine all the little shitty shit things of
like a little eight year old Sadia. But as elves are right, boo
boo, you're an elf man. You're such an elf man. Ugly orc
is now on elf. Ugly orc is now on elf. So yeah,
Hill, Hilda, Hilda, flash your boobs at him. Maybe that'll just
the problem is all of you hear this. You all hear the children mocking
moog ugly orcs and elf man killing Orc's ugly orcs are beautiful. No they're
not. No they're not. Okay, uh, giant Moog, what would
you like to do? Oh? Move's well, let's see here Hill does
attack hurt? Oh yeah, Moog will turn to her. Okay, So
first is booming bleed and then orphan splitter? So sixteen no, no,
no, no no no, that wasn't What did you throw? Where's your
role? Oh? Seventeen and twenty one? Oh yeah, so seventeen to
twenty one? Do either of those hit you? Hilda? Oh both of
them hit me. I'm a druid, fantastic you take eight thunder damage and
then seventeen slashing damage. You made me do math twenty five. Yeah.
You can also click in your character if you do it on the map,
you can just a little thing and just hit minus twenty five. Yes,
that's what I was looking for. I was having trouble clicking it. I
got it for you. Don't about it all right? So you and now
give me a constitution saving throw to see if your spell is main hained.
Why couldn't it be wisdom? So it's it's Unfortunately it's the constitution saving throw,
and you've got to beat half twenty five points of damage to twelve and
half. You need to get thirteen or better. Your spell is lost.
Oh that was my level for spell slot. You're going to die if I
live behind you. Moos like Mog will just point out this is this.
This is karma for shocking the fuck out of Moog. You might enjoy it
sometime. Get your ass out of here and help. Okay, Giant Mood,
that was your action. Is there a bonus action Giant Moog would like
to do? Does Giant Moog want to move? All right? Then next
up, Tren Karen, you were holding an action. Did you ever want
to use that arrow shot? Did you ever want to use that shot before
you come around of your turn? No, because I trend Karen is in
the midst of an ethical dilemma. Because okay, Giant Moog is still in
the dark. I can't really see what the hell is going on other than
from the lightning bolt that struck in there was a giant lightning Yeah, well
that's what I'm saying. And then he went right back into the dark.
So I don't really understand exactly what's happening, and I can't tell if it's
at like moove that we may need to actually use as a meat shield or
not. So I'm gonna stand here very confused, looking at the moog I
can't see, and the screaming move I can't that you can see. Would
you like to give you another intelligence just general intelligence check? Sure? Okay,
anide, Well, you're still You're standing in the dark. You've been
in the dark, and you will remain in the dark. You're just listening
to moo screaming move. I'm not making any progress on my double diamond status.
Maybe it's time to pivot to something like I don't know keytones or something.
You do hear the now now, the life cleric in you is hearing
the whales of a moog in pain. While he's giddy and happiness and seeing
the giant moog attack, he is also wailing in much much pain. I
need to know what Gollum moves armor classes, because that will determine my fourteen
Okay, I don't mind telling you guys, because it's like I don't hide
a lot, you know, unless it's a super monster. It's like,
you know, a fourteen is all I need to hit because he's made out
of clay. He just looks like moving to can do Move's abilities, but
he's got move's armor class. So uh, trink caring, that's the end
of your turn. Yeah, I'm gonna put away the crossbow and I'm going
to fish through my bag of tricks and see if i can find something.
But I'll pass the turn while i'm doing that. Sounds so you're going for
you're investigating your own gear. Sounds good to me. Yes, on rear
crow, you are up uh lightning struck. You see a target, you
still get a regular role. If you want to try to attack moves.
Uh, you've got to right there, you hit the dick, you might
as well go for trifecta. So why the hell not? It sounds good
to me. He wants to kill me anyway. So we're gonna go with
the dagger first this time because that was so much better than the rape er.
Fantastic. So you're like a bonus that you're going to do a bonus
strike with your dagger first. Sure, okay, should come up anytime.
Now, there we go. Fifteen fast giant Moog's reaction kicks in and he
casts shield, which automatically adds five to his armor class and makes that this
this gull now is an armor class of nineteen. Okay, so go to
status test play with us anymore. You could have just said, y'all go
away. You didn't have to kill us all we have fun with it.
It makes sense because little Moog is like he's feeling on this pain. He's
trying to guard his testicles. So your your dagger snip strikes out like a
like a like a venomous snakes. It hits the tip of the scrot but
then the magic kicksing pang and it bangs off. So but you still have
a rapier shot to try to beat that armor class. So now you can
try to like over the other apple oka nineteen or better, where the hell
is it fourteen? Fortunately, missus, thanks to a spell that that that
he has had some well guarded nuts as a true druid, My animal familiar
just came in. Hey break, how long does your booming blade last?
Four? A booming blade is just until the start of my next turn,
all right, So the there's no longer any crackling energy on you, so
you may move if you wish to miss the you can use use your bonus
be my question. So you can't use your bonus action to disengage if you
move me swing? Okay, well you can swing. That was a reaction.
Oh yeah, then fantastic. Yeah. Okay, you're right. You're
right, You're right now, so you get out of the way of giant
Moog. Next up is hid? All right? Question? Can I now
see the barrier around moog? Uh? Which moog? Little Moog? Oh?
Yeah, it's glowing. It's a glowing room type magic around it.
I'd like to dispel magic on that, please certainly? Uh? What little
move till the end of time? Three? Okay, so you have to
roll to try to dispel that magic? What do I roll? Specifically?
What is? So? It's base ten plus a point for every level of
the uh spell? So for you, you basically would thirteen no for if
it's three or lower, you automatically do it. If if it's higher than
level three, which it is, you have to roll for it. So
you're you use wisdom as your thing, right, correct? Just roll me
a wisdom check on role twenty because that that it's yours it's a twenty plus
or spell casting modifier. It goes twenty five. Well that it goes down
one second. Sorry, I had a fir assistent helping me roll. For
some reason, ROLL twenty is not collecting my spell safe so I'm having to
write them on a post it note. No, it's all good, all
good. So what that means is that giant mood, which took twenty five
points of damage, goes away, and the gollumn that was initially there it
turns back into a gollumn and you ash to kind of like screwed yourself because
this thing has got more hit points on the giant moog. So okay,
you're free. I welcome. Well, I probably should rule initiative right,
Yes you should. Twenty works works for me. So Hill, does there
anything you would like to have done with your bonus action? I have cast
a spell. I would like to I think I have a health potion.
Yes you may, checking my kit I inventory, that's what I was looking
for. Yes, I would like to drink a greater potion of healing.
Go for roll it add the points to your character, or if you tell
me what it is and I'll add it to your character for you doesn't tell
me what it is. It just says potion of healing Greater should be able
to click on it. Click on the potion and little think should pop up
in a roll twenty and they should be a little button to click. I
don't think it was given in like as that. Yeah, it wasn't given.
You regained forty four plus four hit points. Here, I'll do it
for you. I'll do it. There you go plus fourteen. There it
is, thank you, welcome. I will add it back to your total.
Thank you. There you go. Uh. You may move if you
wish to Giant Moog slash column use their reactions so you can run away if
you want to. Oh, that sounds very nice. I will get behind
little Moog. Sounds good. Top of the order. I didn't step on
the glowy circle thing. I just dispelled that fucker. All right, Well,
Moog is gonna walk around and go to the other side in case anybody
wants to actually jump in and uh and flank sounds good. And once there,
Moog will cast once again booming blade. Fantastic, and now we will
orphan split on this motherfucker. Nineteen and unfortunately only eleven. The nineteen definitely
hits, so all right, it was a seventh thunder damage he's boomed and
seventh slashing, so fourteen total. If if party mates not coward, that
second hit would have would have worked. But that okay, it's not like
Moog counting on any of you because the gull has got to get his turn
in the turnover too, so he goes on a eight mo Big Moog kicked
our asses. We have to regroup a second. Well, of course he
kicked your asses, he big Moog. All right, trick Karen. Okay,
So first thing that I'm gonna do is I'm going to get up on
this rock back behind the glowy circle thing, but not touching the glowy circle
thing, and that should put me within thirty feet of little Moog. My
correct in my mask is not responding with my measurements. Yeah it looks like
it. Yeah, okay, So I'm going to exactly I'm going to holler
out a bless y'all to everybody, because man, we've come this farm.
We're not going to lose right now, so that should buff everybody fantastic on
the rockery creatures. I'm sorry you said you climbed up on that rock right,
yes, yes, could be a favor just because I'm an asshole.
Okay, roll me a uh a dexterity saving throw, thank you Jesus,
just because I'm a jerk. You fall into here, God damn it?
Am I now trapped in the glowy box? Oh yes you are? One
second please, okay, one second. But this hits even better and I
love this. Okay, once she steps in, it's still hard. Holy
ship. That's a big ass appling and it's almost normal person. Yeah,
it's like they must be all of five feet tall. All right, so,
uh a gigantic trink caron appears you all are still blessed trim Karen is
in that circle and uh, I'm weird your third No, but she's also
giving off a big glow of light. Oh okay, so I can't see?
Oh yeah you could. You can see the map right because the it
just copies are over so like you know, a giant meditato. Yes,
there's a giant glowing meditato. There is a giant glowing meditato. Okay,
I got confused on when when I could see and when I couldn't, But
uh, I assume you can see on the map. Yes, yeah,
yeah, yes I can, I can. I this is hard. I
don't want to hurt my friend trink Karen and you could hold oh sorry,
like the real Karen is over that's clearly yeah. I'm I'm coming over here,
okay, right here on the edge, not not in. Oh maybe
I should go in. That would be interesting, just happen if there's two
of us inside, step in and find out, fuck around and find out.
I believe that. Okay, so it might, it might cancel it
out. I need to where's the little edge of this thing? Okay?
So the creature mutates. The creature mutates into a half drunkered half on wear.
Uh, that was your movement correct. Now on wear still has an
action, and giant on Wear is compelled to attack. So giant on Weir,
who has got a ten foot range and could hit either Moog or Hilda,
uh, should hit either Moog or Hilda with their rapier and dagger very
hard in the face. Do does actual on wear feel the need to to
strike my friends? No, but the cop the creature that is now copying
your essence really really wants to, and it's stealing your abilities, it's borrowing
your abilities to do just that it's almost like, gosh, this whole temple's
a test to see how you would do a team work and blah blah blah
blah fucking blah blah. So fuck them up. So here's the thing.
I want you to alleviate your fears in your anxiety. You too, Trink,
Karen and on were are peacefully inside of a magic circle. There just
happens to be monsters that look like you can use your abilities and fuck up
your friends, but you missed. You get to click the buttons and attack
your friends and isn't that fun? So fuck them up? Yeah? Get
ready, because is going to make you watch yourself die. Yeah? Thanks,
Okay, I'm striking at Moog at little Moog okay, little until I
die because that sounds good. His new nickname little yep any Dan no no
no no once he five. I think that's gonna hit. That hits.
This is what you get now. The best part is because there's another trade
care in there also offering it. You get all the sneak attack damage because
there's two creatures affecting Moog, so he is distracted, so you get all
the sneak attack damage. So uh, move takes sixteen damage. All right,
that's that's about how much damage you did to me. So we're equal
right now. But I am not going to I'm not going to do a
second attack. You have to. I why Yeah, because you're a violent
rock monster. The Clay Gollum is doing the attack. Missy just gets to
click the buttons and have far with this. What dude, I know you
don't want to. I told you, like I'm I'm a different kind of
DM and I we're having fun, right, it's fun for me. I'm
not even having to click the buttons. I'm getting you to hit each other,
and that makes me kind of horny, not gonna lie. So I'm
glad the Cameron's in here because like I'm half mass down here. All right,
click click away? I did? I did? Okay, sixteen.
I don't know. That's weird. No, it's a it's showing damnits,
but it's not showing okay, let me let me try this again. So
I don't know why it didn't come through. But no, no, I'm
sure Steve's gonna edit out the dead air. But we hope we want to
thank you all for the air. Oh my god, Bill says, damn
it Oh, dagger plus one twenty seven krit oh natural twenty fan so shit,
oh hang on here, so mood you take God damn, that's a
lot. Hang on because twenty seen now you don't get You don't get the
sneak attack twice though, Oh because they did on the first one. You
all can do it for one attack per turn. So just take all the
physical none of the sneak attacks, so a total of twenty you take twenty
damage from the dagger when when you get out of circle, going to hurt
you? Yeah, yeah, little Moog shut up? Okay first now,
Uh, next up is Hilda. Fuck, I'm surrounded by idiots. Okay,
one, two, three, four Boom. I have to go over
here to cast cure wounds on Moog a third level, get thirteen points of
damage back? Can I do the I think I do with a bonus action?
Can I touch his heini to do the healing? Or do I have
to use a bonus action? Uh? You can, No, you don't
have to do that. Rick and roll first. Content later move will remind
you that Mook has attacks that will hit them end you. She will then
just touch the back because she would like to live to see this idiocy.
Okay, so I've cast a spell you can't eat. You can't do Shillely,
can you because it's a second spell, even though it's a cantrip and
a bonus action, Well, A can't. Okay. The Schilely is a
cantrip, but you have to use your action to attack with it. It's
kind of like a booming blaze. I thought you had to activate it or
you don't have to activate it first. I'm pretty sure shale is like the
activation. Then you you have to use your actual action to attack. Cool.
I just didn't know if I had to put it on first. You
can. You can put it on now and have it ready for the next
round if you want. No, I'm probably gonna have to heal these assholes,
so I'm just going to duck and cover and hope I survive. This
sounds sounds sounds great, Okay, top of the order, little Moog.
All right, Moog will cast a booming blade again. At least you have
someone in range. So first Moog will do two orphan splitters. That's a
hit. It's really slow tonight, yeah, well, primetime gaming is slow
for everybody's twelve. No, hold on, I'm blessed. That's true.
That's the fifteen and before we do that, Moog will also take an action
surge, which gives me two more attacks one second. Now, move,
he's angry. This is all on me, isn't it? So? Fourteen
and nineteen yeah, they all hit. So give me a grain and total
for all your day. Okay, you said you said forty nine? Yes,
why is that not working now? Okay? Tren Karen, and on,
we are both uh rick Tomy's piast of kindness to describe h moogs where
he's attacking, specifically on these two male and female folks. Move is attempting
to spill this thing's guts out onto the ground. Okay, So he's just
hacking, chopping away like it's a tree, Like their midsection is a tree.
All right, So on here and drink. Karen, you feel as
if your your guts are being penetrated by steel four times over with a little
bit of thunder damage on the back. And so now on do they stick
you in the guts? He added some irritable bell syndrome on top of it,
so he is you feel each one of those hacks wax and smacks,
no damage to your bodies, but you feel every blow and it is you
can role play that as you see fits. Speaking of top of the order,
Giant half Trend Karen gets a turn. What would giant half trink Karen
like to do to mess these people up? Because there's gonna be some great
cleric spells you've always wanted to do to somebody doesn't doesn't Regular Trend Karen and
regular On Weird go first. Oh, technically you could try to break free,
So give me athletics roles if you want to try to break free of
the uh. The of the uh, we'll keep hacking. So yeah,
I need athletics roles for both of you to try to push yourselves through the
physically through the magical barrier. Sixteen is not going to do it for Teresa
and On Weird the way because it's like, I can't there's no acrobatics to
do. It's the fourteen of forty is not going to do it. It's
a little high. This this DC is a little high, so it's like
there's no you can't acrobatics your way out of it. It's all physically.
You're like trying to physically push yourself through magic. That sucks all right,
So, trend Karen, is there a spell you've always wanted to do cast
on somebody? So your giant with trin Karen havn't seen what she's seen thus
far? Can she? Is she smart enough to realize that this is a
bad guy stealing her energy, that is beating up on her friends. It's
it's this is death by this point, despite all the failed intelligence rolls,
Yes, it is clear that this is a bad guy mimicking your abilities.
Okay, I am having a bad day and you're not gonna make it worse.
So I'm going to cast a spiritual weapon on the trend can. Yes,
I'm I'm going to fuck stuff up here on myself because we all know
boss babes are pretty much targeting themselves. Oh nice. Yes, there's a
magical sword that appears in the grounds. It is going to be controlled by
you once. Second, there's a sword, which side you want it on?
By moog uh? Sure, there's a sword just southwest of the green
side and you have control over it. It does do damage. It's a
natural twenty So oh yeah, I'm gonna take out the tren Karen Gollum because
self loathing is a thing and We're just going to fantastic How much damage all
of that rage right on myself? So four? So it does a four
and a crit of three, so seven damage. Okay, got it,
And I assume that wherever it stabs the oh yeah you feel it? Oh
yeah, yeah yeah. Now and giant tren Carron still also gets a turn.
So now giant shrink Karen gets to attack as well. So what is
giant trin Karen gonna do? Giant trend Karen thinks that it is coming from
the other half of her golum self, so she will also cast a spiritual
weapon on on wear. Now you're attacking your friends. Oh no, you're
attacking your friends, So it's gonna you wanna you wanna make a giant spiritual
weapon. It's gonnattack one your friends like, this is your chance to finally
cut loose a little bit. Hey, do you have an inflict wounds You've
always wanted to hit somebody with, now's the time I don't mine is mostly
okay? Well, then at the spiritual weapons and healing spells, no guiding
bolts, no thing like, okay, that's fantastic. Well here's the thing.
There's now a giant weapon on this side, and I want you to
pick one of these people to attack, because giants you're and Karen's gonna do
that. M let's go remember it's the Gollumn, it's not you, I
know. Let's go for Hilda. Okay, swing that spiritual weapon for me.
See what it does? All right, so you already have a spell
activated. Just hit it again. Yep, Ye it missed. Yeah,
you missed the druid. You should be ashamed. Giant spiritual weapon. I'm
just saying you can't make you bless yourself final best interests. No, I
did not trink Karen when you cast the blessed? Did you cast blessed on
yourself as well? No? I did not. Okay, it was on
everybody else, all right. Giant on Weir or a little on weir can
try to break free if they like. Little on wear is going to attempt
to fling himself. Should I do athletics or can I do acrobatics? There's
nothing, there's nothing to bounce out of. What's that isn't it? He'll
just turn on the initiative. He'll does hild his last place. God went
he No, No, the trin karens or the trink Karen on weird thing
just went last nor Karen half got a turn. Now half they both get
a turn because they they went into the circle together and used I had to
be prepared for this, so uh, little trink Karen can like Like I
said, you can't bounce your way out of this when you have to physically
push yourself. So I need an athletics roll to try to break free.
Okay, I thought you rolled one earlier. Yeah, you rolled a fourteen.
You couldn't get out you did, okay, so uh, nothing you
can do physically from inside. So I would like giant on we or to
try to stab and kill somebody. I'll go for I'll go for Hilda because
moves already pissed off at me beyond all repair. So sounds great to me.
Whatever. It's the golum, the columns just having fun, the columns
doing what it was programmed to do. Dude, I would like a I
would like a rapier attack and a dagger attack. What would happen if all
four of us got in the circle. We are not trying this alright,
You're hit ah oh I do not want to be damage. Yeah that's that's
thirty points of damage right to Hilda's face, like it just it's because you're
so big, it basically hits you. Right he went through. Oh,
Hilney is dead. M Ghilda is at zero hit points. You took out
the healer. Smart move. I'm sorry, okay of them, I can
never but most of the time I can never hit anything. You did it.
Mark Gollum chose the person with half the a C. It's your turn,
so give me a death saving throw. That would be what a straight
D twenty? Straight D twenty? I always forget whether that is twenty.
Hildey now has two death strokes again two two fail death sake. Oh my
god, top top of the order. Move you're up and the only person
who could let you out too. Congratulations, Well move well, booming blade
this monster again, So you're not gona try to finish hill to all that
for all this time? She's right there. I'm not a kN elf all
right. That's a that's a credib one. That Stilla is the only one
he generally likes, all right, So fourteen and twenty three fantastic, give
me a give me little damage twenty seven damage. As he's continued to hack
away, like you know now now, like you know, as he's hacking,
he's trying to like you know, hook his like you know, his
acxe in there and actually pull out intestines. It only had like it only
had like twenty two hit points left. So with your final two swings swack,
sweat back, hilt, both the real on Weir and the real Trin
care and feel these blows. They feel a part of them die, this
connection. Something in you just died, and then the feeling goes away.
I m the club and Hilda is laying there bleeding out, and you only
have a few seconds to cast any kind of healing spell at range. Do
whatever you want, but we'll find out about that next week on the next
Authors and Dragons, because that's what we're gonna stop right now. With a
dying Hilda. Will leave the turn order as it is because you are not
done up here. But in the rubble where the clay Gollumn dropped is the
stone diamond shape for one of the pieces of the lock. We lose half
aches, orc, we green rock, We'll pick it. Something we've been
playing for a while now, So I wanted to give you guys an introduction
to a goofy kind of place style I like to have. So hopefully you
all had fun. Yeah, you can tell which which of which of us,
which of us play with like you know, with complete abandon of like
morality versus which of us do not A couple of you like I think Rick
Sale person really have played with me before when I ran like a couple of
one shot in the past. So like I I like to like let the
players kind of like screw around themselves a little bit. Are they Well,
here's the thing. The one on the death save is still stinging now that
being said, like I knew for factors for example, on We're or excuse
me, Trick Karen's guy, like they can heal from range. So everyone's
got a healing word. I know you're not gonna die. I don't think
you have healing word. Word. Well, the thing is like after it
goes down the barrier around you. Oh, no, healing word. I
was the one with the range healing spells. Yeah, she has range healing.
I have touch mook. Start digging a hole, but there's a lot
of there's a lot of there's a lot of clay there. You just gotta
push it on top of the mound. H it doesn't matter. You have
a turn next time and you could get to her healer. That's perfectly fine.
It let's see what hell there has, because I'm sure I want to
say, you've got a couple of wheel figure this out. Maybe maybe Moog's
had enough, Maybe Moog's got another, like another pipe of piss left in
him. I don't know what's going to happen, so uh, a golden
shower from Moog may give her the will to live against a little bit of
you know, he could pee on He's part magical something like it could be
like you know, like he could do not want to be saved by the
piss of life? Can we move on to question? Right? God,
I can only imagine, like you know, the kinks we would be uh,
like he could piss on you and like sprout like toadstools and fourteen ferry
dragons take flight. You don't know, but yes to the question. Authors
next week on authors and Fetishes, Question time question author Authors in water sports
next week. You I am not close, not yet get reincarnated as an
l yet. My goals corrupt everybody, but hopefully you have hopefully, hopefully
you guys did have fun. I wanted to tie something just a little bit,
like you feel a little different. And as soon as like someone hopped
in the circle, like there we go, and like I wasn't calling you
out, Teresa, but like when someone gets that close to a dangerous trap,
I need to see what's going to happen. So I gave you a
chance to make a this for next week and move on to the questions,
because we don't want to spoil the illusion. I'm thinking edit this shit out.
So questions, See, you're going to charge double for this one?
Yeah, cannon will are two different things. Do we do discord? First?
Is Rick ready? Do we have do we need a se Do we
have a segue to questions? Not really? Usually usually we just jump and
jump right over to the discord for questions. So our friend Celdriana asks,
a friend adopted a black cat. What should her name be? Well,
your friend already has the name. This is foolish. Yeah, her name
is Celdorina black Cat. I have a black cat. I've got you name
it. I have the voodoo, the voda and loa g I had a
I had a black cat named Geedy and he he died, And so I
want somebody else, Papa, that's a great one. Is it a boy
cat or a girl cat? What should her name be? Her name be?
Okay, well, I mean we went through a bunch of names before
we settled on Coco, and there was like Sui that was. That was
when we thought of that's a good little black panther names Sergeant, Fuzzy,
Boots, Lucifer, Lucifer, that's good, Lucier. Oh, the fucking
puns so cute. If you want to use the Japanese word for black,
so I don't know. They're so cute. I love black cats. It
took me so long to get a little voidling. That's another good one.
I would say, name it chuck because it's a cat. It doesn't know
if a girl names and boy names. Call it whatever the fuck you want.
That's true. I'm gonna ignore you anyway. My cats know their name,
Like Griff comes when he's called. In fact, he's looking up because
I just said his name and he's My cats do the same thing. I've
got. I've got three, and they know their names. I'll say it
and like especially Aggie shall come running. So yeah. The weird thing is
my cats don't just know their names. They know the names of the other
cat, so whichever one I'm yelling at, they know it's It's well,
the dogs know the cat's name, so if I call the cat, they'll
go running to the cat. So yeah, yeah, so yeah, I
have fun with it, like you can go classic. I mean, you
could get crazy. I had a cat named Jeff once, just because because
it's fun to have like Agatha, Gribb and Jeff and uh yeah, if
you give them a really normy name and then you start talking about them with
other people, you'd be like, yeah, David pissed on the floor the
other night. Actually, you should should get the cat and you should name
it Hildy after since I'm probably dead, remember me cat or little move,
Little Move. We had a Spike, Angel and Willow for a while there
my sister knit when before my sister got married, she had about five cats
and they were all named after pirates. So there was an ant Banni,
there was a that well black Beard, there was a Lafitte and uh,
I don't remember the other two. But you could name a cat po I
just well, I named my fish Poe. But you could name your little
cat Poe because ed girl and Poe loved his cat famously, and and that's
adorable. I've never had cats because I prefer to Reggaetron. I love it
Little in a Bit or Galvatron because it's dark. Was there a black Transformer.
I'm trying to remember if it's a really talks Rachel. No, I'm
talking about actual paint color, not a social I'm not dealing with the Well,
you had blasters voiced by a black gentleman, as was Jazz. But
if it's a girl, it should be rc. If you're going to name
after a transformer, No, what was the what was the other? The
Spider girl came later? Damn it Spider to something black Aracnia. It's a
mouthful I would not like. Yeah, that's a cute name, Black Racky.
You have Black Canary. I loved her in the five minutes that I
read comic books when I was a kid, So oh, five whole minutes,
five whole minutes. Yeah, I liked Green Arrow and that was about
the only hero that I liked. And so you know, you got one
every once in a blue moon because he was mostly a side character in Green
Lantern stuff. You really got a Green Air when they had The crossover thing
was green lantern and green arrow, so they were like presenting the two social
sides to any situation. I enjoyed that comic. It was really good.
Yeah I did too. Who else to say? I could name it Killer
Frost, but that sounds more like a white cat name. Oh you're a
pirate fan. What was her name? The Lionus of Brittany. Clisson was
her name? Uh? Oh? What was here? She's my favorite pirate
ladies. Are you thinking of of the the one, the Elizabethan one?
Uh? She's like four it's like from the fourteen or she's before a body
like Jean de Clisan. Was that it? She was like the Lioness of
Brittany. She like she was a French lady who husband got killed by the
king, so she went out and bought a frigate and murdered French for like
years. She joined the English and like shess like and I think the name
of her ship was just called the Revenge of the something. Oh bloody.
She was a famous pilateat was like. I loved her. Yeah, you'll
probably name your cat fluffy, that's what we're saying. How about wap just
wa? Yep? You mean like the song exactly where I was going with
that. Okay, okay, Bongos is even more suggestive. Let's put it
that way. If you haven't heard Bongos, I suggest all our listeners go
listen to it now. Our friend Zach of all Trades asks, oh dear,
what's something surprisingly wholesome about your character? I carry around a meditato.
I mean we trin Karen may be very self focused, shall we say,
but she really doesn't want to fuck up her friends all that much, even
if she doesn't like them all that much. Yeah, notice her weapon missed
well, Misty crab for the rest of it, I am now Hildy also
has a pet bunny. I think that's her her wholesome thing that she will
never tell the party about because Move would probably kill it, skin it,
and eat it and eat it for not necessarily in that order. Now knows
about it. Fantastic, Oh ship, I will be out of this.
I will. I will commit myself off to defending Flopsy's safety from now on.
If you live through this, or even if you don't. But Mo
has two fathers because orcs fuck whoever the fuck they want, and they don't
give a shit what you think about it, it's like a kid's book.
Moog has two daddies. Yeah, everybody, Gnarl gut Spiller and Mark testicle
Crusher. Yes, I've heard that just to day. It was fantastic.
I don't have a character in the game, so Gibbs character as I I
like to cry at movies. That's my sensitive side. I like a good
movie. I like a good cry. So I just cried it Dancing with
the Stars last night. I completely accept that. When my son was When
my son was little, I took him to see the Matthew Broader at Godzilla
movie, which I know is not the best Godzilla, but he was little
and he wanted to see it. And we got to the end of the
movie and he is sitting in my lap sobbing because the people were mean to
Godzilla. She was just protecting her babies, don't they understand? And he
and it was like, this is the sweetest thing ever. And the kids
onward. Just wants everybody to have fun. He doesn't want he's a fight
that he'd be perfectly happy never to get in a fight ever again. You
know, yeah, he'll steal stuff, but you know he's certainly good at
stabbing people in the face repeatedly. Did he have an or problem? He
doesn't know how that happened because in every other damn game he hasn't hit anything
to save his own life. So if you would hit, if you would
hit, giant move in the crotch one more time, I was gonna lop
it off and just let it fall right there on the ground. So I
clay, but I'm going to dig clay. Do you think that put it
in my pack? I seen a Commando where almost what I was walking with
the giant log. It's a lot like that. Next question, Uh,
pretty much. The last one. Yeah, I think we have here is
each of bolt Trades also asks what is the stupidest name for a boat you
can think of? The Zach I gotta throw it. I gotta throw a
jab in every every episode. Uh well, body mcboat face was pretty damn
bad. I love body mcboat face, and I will accept no no trashing
of body mcboat face. Okay, I take it back. Dumbest name for
a boat land Lubber. Yeah, that's dumb. Well, anything like my
midlife crisis, you know, things like things that are very obvious. Uh,
what would you name a boat? That's stupid, Rick. I mean,
I'm all for stupid boat names. I just google stupid boat names just
to see were some of the ones out there. Moisty is on that list,
but there's my favorite one. Who reads it for the wet spot.
Yes, you can make it the g spot and then no mail owner could
ever find it. Like the Nauta Ga, the Golden Shower, you know,
the Nauta Gal. I like that one. The filthy Ore. That's
a good one. G spots on the list. There you go. Uh
yeah, I like dirty Ore. That's pretty good. Dirty uh Dixie enormous.
What would anyone here know about that? Uh? Giant moog, giant
move giant moog, Oh god, the moisture missile. Jesus. If it's
a giant move boat, it would have to be one of those boats that
has a boat inside of it, so it could have a little moog too,
the little moog too, the s S peer pressure, ah, the
Sea Nile for the old people who have a ship Aquah full of semen.
Yeah, there we go. Oh the ahoy Okay, I like that one.
That's a good one. Uh yeah, I should know more boat the
fantasy not to worry better not not not even trying call it something like stupid
and like you know, and and just like base like the uss fork,
you know, yeah, just like the cat name the Jeff, this is
my this is my ship, Paul. You know ye, the boat sounds
even worse. Like we had a hamster here and I got to name it
and I needed it porpoise, and they were like, why did you call
them this hamster porpoise? I'm like, because I've never seen a hamster called
You're saying there was no porpoise in it at all. You just did it
for the halibit. But I'm bump how many feels I live for it?
Yeah, I'm pretty sure if I ever bought a boat, i'd name it
the s s What the hell was I thinking? Because yeah, says money
sink, you know, yeah exactly, Yep. At least it's not a
pool. That's a good both, Dame, I like that one. Wright
and ricks right and ricks Fields I can go with that are on the Facebook.
We actually had a lot of Facebook questions this time, but I will
narrow it down to a couple since we're getting late. Let's see, Zachary
Markson would like to know how many eight year olds. Do you think Jesus
can fit a box? So I mean to tickle myself. How many eight
year olds do you think that you could take in a fight to the death,
all of them. A pacifist I would be just destroyed by eight year
olds. Let's be less I could make unless it would be a verbal battle,
and then there would be so much. You don't actually basically overpower them.
You just outsmart them by turning them on your enemies. I can murder.
It's rampaging or of eight year old that my bid time. If it's
like you know, if it's all at once, it's like because they will
climb you like goblins they are. They will bring you down. That's going
to happen physically, they will come. I'm gonna grab a spot ten times
more energy than all of us over forty people. So that's why I'm saying,
you just malate the situation and you send them out to fight other people.
I just bake cookies and just start handing out cookies. And then when
you post a question late that give us parameters like is it a cage match?
I mean, do we have access to weapons? Like you know?
Are like? Am I fighting like you know eight and I have like an
ice pick in each hand or something, right, you know, if I
get a one at a time. It's like that scene in like was It
Ted with a kid charges Marky Mark. He just punches them with the face
and knocks his fat ass out. You know, it made me laugh,
so you know, like like I'm a I have cruel humor, so seeing
that makes me chuckle. I'm not gonna lie. So uh, you know,
I don't know a lots I could take on a lot of eight year
olds. I could probably, I could probably control between twenty eight and thirty
two, but it would take a judicious application of songs like Bingo and the
Farmer in the Dell and Tom and Monkey in the Middle, and cookies.
It would require a lot of cookies. I got the cookies. Fight maybe
not, but control I could do. So I'm gonna say if they're coming
at me with blood lust and these are like murdered and murder in their eyes,
I'm gonna say five because any more than that, yeah, I'm probably
unprobably overwhelmed. Yeah, if they're armed, Okay, let me see.
It's one of those scenario. It depends on what the If it's bare handed
bare handed. Yeah, I'm five to like eight, and then after why
you can like because anybody i'd be like to talk tough. But as people
who've ever trained in martial arts, hit heavy bag as hard as you can,
as fast as you can, for as long as you can. You'll
be gassed under the thirty seconds. You get tired very quickly going full out,
and they don't They're gonna grab your balls. No, that's what thing
you got to hit with kill shots, like you know, the first one
that comes in you like you the first one crush his face into your like
kneecap right, and it's like, you know, just I'm gonna spark.
You'd like to tag out of this conference, you like trip trip one and
start stopping their skull in. You know, there's a better way to take
them down though, it's like teaching them a game like magic, because then
they will never ever succeed as an adult simply because they'll never have any money.
See my assumption was Cushion is the rabbit. You start teaching them magic,
they're gonna bite, They're gonna chew your fingers off. So these are
like like zombie eight year olds. Any other questions shut can we clarify if
they were zombie eight year olds and thus amend our responses? Oh yeah,
I'm going to town on zombies. Yeah, okay, like little zombie eight
year olds from the Last of Us or something. But okay, So the
last question, Stephanie Taylor would like to know your favorite Halloween candy to receive
and to give out. Okay, so receiving Swedish fish. I love Swedish
fish is wrong giving giving out. I will give you motherfuckers I'm enjoyed because
I don't like those. I will give out the Swedish fish because you same.
I think we can arrange some trade here. Do you like all enjoy
No? No, that's coconut yuck, Reese's cups, Reese's Cups, and
and and and charm sweet sour pops. I love these, hence them being
in my desk. My favorite to get is some kind of recy cup,
recent peanut butter cup, the mini ones. I also like this time of
year you get the bats, and then Christmas time you get the trees,
which is the perfect peanut butter or chocolate ratio. I love those. Yeah.
To give out, I love giving candy corn or just to see look
of like sadness on their face, only followed by the little pack of raisins,
like here you go, buddy, there you go. Monster. Listen,
it was done to me, and this is part it was. You
have to pass it down, you know. And uh, someone's got to
keep that tradition going. So because and and actually I gave out butter fingers
because butterfingers have cotton seed oil, which I can't digest. So in the
pack mix, I would just give out all the butter fingers and I would
steal all the races. My favorite to receive is anything dark chocolate, because
milk chocolates a waste of time. Although I will accept Reese's peanut butter cups,
and I like to christabitter cups or Sorceress. Yeah. And I like
to give out like good candy. But we don't typically get any trick or
treaters, so I have to get like smaller packs of stuff because otherwise it
sits around my house. So this year we've got those little mini pegtes I
get you. I live in a third floor apartment, so I don't get
any trick or treaters ever, but I do give stuff like my friends nowhere
on a dirtill. So yeah, yeah, yeah. I live out in
the country, and until the neighbor moved here from Tennessee, we had no
street lights. She put up a lovely one, and I'm still irritated about
it. But but we haven't had trick or treaters in thirty years. I
still buy can a bag of candy, though, because the year I don't
is when they're gonna decide to brave it and show up at my door.
Exactly, I'd be the one handing out like a can of corn or something
because I have nothing else in my Oh my god, do you know that
target has like a ten pound bag of horribo? Oh my god, we
we got that candy this year. And it's got like the twin snakes and
the cola bottles and the sour bats and the gummy bears, and I steal
all the gummy bears, Guy bears. I love gummy bears. Is it?
Do you like Swedish fish because you like wine gums so much? Rick?
Well, No, I like wine gums because I like i'd like I
originally like Swedish fish so much, like so typically typically I like I do
Every Halloween, I played stupid, so I start off being very generous.
I'll just grab a handful and give each kid that, and then I'll be
like, okay, it's slow, and then you'll start to pick up and
I'll realize, okay, I'm almost out of fucking candy, so the kids
will come later get like, you know, here's our Hershey, kiss for
you and good for you. You know. Yeah, you're not giving out
raisins like I'm savage, comes to my house. This is all. This
is just evil cantankers. If someone comes to my house legitimate, we always
have candy. I would give them good candy. I like to give out
like full sized candy bars, not the fun size. Fuck that. If
people actually come to my house, I would give them real candy. But
they don't come to my house in my head like that, here's can here's
raisins, you little fox. Here's an apple with a razor blade sticking and
it have fun. I'm that guy. But it's like, you know,
if I get desperate, just take a glass and shatter and like, here's
healing crystals. You know. You know what? No one gets at their
Halloween candy? Have you noticed? No one? No one gets edibles handed
out? Sorry, every year. Yeah, I've been as legal as hell.
Nobody's giving that out. It's like a hundred bucks, right, totally,
we are not sharing that. The only kids who get that candy are
my own and she's twenty six. So don't think that I'm like a horrible
mom. Every year my mother, my mother would overreact and do the whole
I don't think of candy. You think for razor blades, Like, who
the fuck is doing this? Mom? Don't check for razor blades? Right,
yeah? Has anyone ever gotten a razor blade and gotten an apple for
pizza? You know? You know what? I have gotten an apple.
If I were if I were one of those like more edgy, like you
know, candy companies, I would make gummy razor blades. That's perfect.
When I was a kid, there were people that would give out caramel apples
wrapped up, and they would give out the popcorn, the candy popcorn balls
all wrapped up that they had made themselves, and and it was like,
oh, this is so awesome, and now you really got a lazy neighborhood.
That's stuff I'm going. That's that stuff going the trash because in New
Jersey, I hate to go to those houses, like thanks for your made
corn. I throw a wait in front of their face, like no,
get back in there, get me a beer, get no, give me
something. My family made toilet paper right here, cornballs with molasses every year,
and we would make it by like the metric freaking ton and those weren't
going anywhere because we would eat them all there. We weren't sharing that shiteah.
And it's good. It is good. I want to do. I
want to open the door munching on a full sized milky Way and then throw
like one of those dinky fun size in their bag. As I smirk at
them, you're eating the toblerne from the gift shop that's like the size of
like Ai, and you hand them like a fun size milky Way. I
remember getting the kilo pack of wine gums and taking these through customs and then
I'm like, I sent wonder Rick and he's like, oh, actually,
actually I have a good one because I because a couple of years ago,
I think it was for Father's Day, Alyssa got me this twenty five pound
gummy snake. I literally had to chop it up into like three pound chunks
and put in my freezer, and I still have like about eight pounds left,
and I should just pull like one of those chunks out and just sit
there and be munching at it as I'm handing out my cheap ass candy.
Well, it was like the one Easter they gave out like the twelve pound
peanut butter cup, or there was the size of an egg the peanut butter
like a peanut butter egg. But it's like, it's like, you can't
consume as much peanut butter. Your heart hurts, You will just not exist,
you will delete yourself. Don't eat this at one sitting like I tried.
Oh, I try getting bougie dark chocolate quinoa crunch peanut butter cups and
then I just keep those to myself. That's what I'm usually crunching on before
game night. If you ever see me shove something in my mouth real quick,
that would be what I give myself at least a fifty to fifty chance
of dying before I'm finished this gummy snake. Like George Martin finished the Song
of Ice and Fire before you finish that, So yeah, we should we
should play that on Rick's Gummy Snake versus the ending of the Song of ice
and Fire. I'm kind of I'm voting for on Rick there, especially after
that last George. Okay, I know, I know I'm twelve years too
late. Go away, he like just tweeted about it. So right,
Oh, I gave it. I'm done. I don't care. I don't
care. H Is there anything else? Any other cool questions? Or we're
just gonna sign off? I think we better we better stop because Steve's probably
going to come through the interwebs and hang all of us for as long as
we've gone on now. Oh yeah, he's gonna have our heads. Why
don't you walk us out of here? Gibbs? All right, well,
thank once again, thank you all very much for joining us for this episode
of a Quest for Uh. I was gonna say confidence, but it's confidence.
Uh. And we learned today that you know what we are confident and
cutting our friends and is that what playing the game is all about? So
on, behalf of everybody. We we'll see you all again in two weeks
time, but we'll see where they pick up what they do and who lives
and who dies, And thank you all so much, and we'll see you
in a couple of weeks. Bye bye, authors and Dragons brought to you
under Creative Commons License, meaning you are free to share this material so long
as credit is given to those who created it, which is us people.
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