Hello, everybody, Welcome to Laura Kane after Dark. It's the most wonderful
time of the year. Speak for yourself. Eric Grimmer over here, my
co host, the busiest guy on the planet this month. Apparently because you
have so many obligations. I am so so many parties. Oh, I
have a story in a minute. Producer Brian, Hello, Aldy, Hi,
Brian. Okay. Today we have a brand new game that we're going
to play, which is gonna be really fun. I don't know if I
should talk about this in my house chat. It just came to me,
and I don't. I'm going to. You know what, what has stopped
me before? Nothing? Right, So I'm gonna go ahead and do that.
But first we need to talk about something really cool we're doing this holiday
season. Oh yes, okay, what's in the box? Okay, well,
what's in the box? What's in the Box of the Boss, the
Magical Holiday Box? And they're right now as of right now, more could
be added. There's one thousand dollars worth of prizes presence in this one box.
What we're trying to do is raise some money for a sober living called
the Dollhouse Club Sober Living House and It is run by a woman named Claia
and she sells merchandise on her Instagram Wait hold on, called the doll Face
Club. You can it's cool. The stuff she makes is so cool.
She drops like collections, and then the money she makes from that goes to
the house. Everything in the house has been thrifted and redone and remade and
there are thirteen girls that live there right now and they need things. They
need things they need to keep the lights on. They need like, you
know, games for them to play when there's downtime. Like I lived in
a sober living home for two months well after I got out of rehabit and
I'm telling you what, it saved my life. So I really am passionate
about this and I'm really really impressed by this woman who started this. And
they do things throughout the community, the girls do and it's just an empowering
thing. So anyway, five dollars is all it costs to for an entry,
and you can go to lur Kane after dark and you will see the
link. Hold on, so excited, And every five dollars you donate,
your name will go into a hat. So if you donate like ten times,
your name goes into a hat ten times. So our goal is to
raise some money for this house. So in the box so far, what's
in the box? What's in the box? Eric, what's at the box?
Start with the yes, the sweatshirt. We have some Laura Kane after
Dark merch they sought after, so that's like the smallest thing in the box.
Then we have the Jaywartzler two hundred dollars cash money from j he is
the most generous man on the planet, he really is. So you get
two hundred dollars cash. Then from La joya cosmetic surgery center five hundred dollars
which you can use in the surgery center for an upcoming surgery if you are
planning on that, or you can use it in the medspa for product,
for botox, for filler, for whatever you want. And you get a
year's worth of the glam Fam membership which is one hundred and twenty dollars,
which gets you a bunch of discounts and stuff. So that is a total
value of six hundred and twenty dollars. Now, next on have from San
Diego Crystals and Jewelry, this beautiful hand carved box. This box is I
forgot what country this box is from. I apologize, but it's like really
special hand carved inside lined with red velvet, and inside we have a necklace
which is that's tiger's eye, which is a very h Come on, Eric,
come on. And then you know what this is. Do you know
what that is? It's sage. It's sage. What it's called smushtick?
Okay, well, anyway, exactly, you have a crystal bead bracelet,
you have a gosh wah do you have the gosh one? There a couple
of crystals, really interesting, cool, beautiful real stones. This one I
think that is a darn it. I forgot what it's called. Yes,
rose quarts, thank you. And then there is that is another kind of
crystal, and I well, I don't know the name of it. But
Eric, oh my god, here's the goshwa oh my god, what are
you doing? Your hand looks like huge, And here's the thing that you
use on your face. Stop it. This is supposed to be professional.
Comes it down, and then this cool thing and it's just in this beautiful
box, which is worth one hundred and fifty dollars with all of these things
combined, so everything in here is worth one thousand dollars. There could be
more added, and I think there will be more added to the Holiday Magical
Box. So for your five dollars, this money, a portion of the
money will go to the doll Face Club sober living facility. If I haven't
told you this before, you have a magical box. That's what I've been
told. Oh my god, which reminds me of my host chat. Oh.
But I'm not going to talk about that yet because we need to talk
about our fabulous sponsors that have donated such amazing prizes, like Jay Wartzler from
Capiralink. Like the best guy on the planet, I asked, not the
nicest. I said, Hey, J, would you like to donate?
So he's like, of course, boom right away, two hundred bucks.
Boom. Here's more about Jay and capital growth. Are you ready to take
control of your financial future? Look no further than Jay Wartzler. You're trusted
and our favorite certified financial planner. Life is full of financial decisions and with
thirty plus years of experience and a dedication to your financial wellbeing, Jay is
your partner and achieving your financial goals. So if you're at or near retirement
and you want to know. If you have sufficient assets and income sources for
a comfortable retirement, or if you are simply changing jobs and you're unsure about
what your options are with your current retirement plan, please reach out to j.
Jay Wurtzler and the team at Capital Growth go the extra mile to ensure
your financial success. Their office is a one stop shop for financial advising,
estate planning, tax preparation and divorce analysis. Call j today at eight five
eight five five two six y nine six zero or email him at JAYW at
Capitolgrowthinc dot com. Also adding a six hundred and twenty dollars prize to the
Magical Holiday Box is Lahoya Cosmetic Surgery Center. Yeah, Lajoya Cosmetic Surgery Center
is the place to go if you're looking to rejuvenate your appearance, tighten and
shape your body, and just just something special for yourself. You deserve to
look your very best. Lahoya Cosmetic Surgery Center offers over ninety procedures and treatments
for a natural, youthful appearance. They are absolutely the best in the business.
Try out their treatment planner at glamfam dot com. It's so easy and
amazing to use. We can't say enough great things about their board certified plastic
surgeons. And guess what they offer flexible payment plans so you can start your
journey to a better you right now. Free consultations too. The very best
in the business is in our own backyard. How lucky are we? Make
sure you tell them that. Laura Kane after Dark sent you We love everything
about La Joya Cosmetic Surgery Center. Go to the glamfam dot com. Yeah.
By the way, when you walked in here tonight, your skin looked
insanely cool. Oh that's because I'm using all those products that I got,
like, oh, like the best it's ever yes, Oh yeah, it's
best you've ever looked. Yeah, and all those products from long Yes,
Oh thank you Lahoya Cosmetics, Hi doctor Reader Eye money. Now. The
Beautiful Box is from San Diego Crystals and Jewelry, and I just visited their
new location on Prospect in La Joya, which is kind of right across the
street from Duke's La Joya on right there on Prospect. Oh my gosh,
it's huge and it's got so much all the crystals you could possibly imagine,
gold, silver, engagement rings, scarves, They fix jewelry, they make
custom jewelry, they are these two stores. One is an ob on Newport
that's the original store, and then one is in the new one in La
Joya, and it's run by eight brothers. They are the greatest guys.
In fact, my friend met one of them at they were at a street
fair in La Mesa. They had little Christmas street fair over the weekend and
San Diego Crystals and Jewelry. We're there with a little booth and she's like,
I met the nicest guy. I'm like, oh, I know,
Sammy. Sammy and I are like this anyway, San Diego Crystals and Jewelry.
Thank you so much for sponsoring the podcast. All right now, my
host chat, I want you guys to know about something on Facebook. It's
a Facebook group that you need to know about. It's called buy Nothing.
Have you heard about this, Brian, No, I don't use Facebook because
I am under the age of forty. But I okay, I understand,
but this could be worth your while. Okay. Now, it's called buy
Nothing and it's only in your neighborhood. You can only join in your own
vicinity. So basically what it is people will list things on this group that
they don't want anymore. For free, and if you're lucky enough and you
want it and you comment, they'll pick you and you get to go pick
it up or whatever. Well I just happened. I haven't looked at it
in a while. I've got a lot of things from buy Nothing. This
woman was listing this brand not brand new, but really nice monitor, computer
monitor, and a brand new web camera. And I'm like, oh my
god, we need a new monitor so bad. And it would be great
to have a new webcam because the other one it was shorting out. Remember
well she picked me. Is that the one by Nothing? Yes? Yes,
but you would be in your neighborhood. Oh okay, she picked me.
I picked it up. We have a brand new monitor, we have
a brand new camera, and it was for it was zero cost me this
much. So it's called by Nothing. It's really cool. You can list
stuff like if you don't want anymore, and people will come pick it up
for you. You don't have to deal with it anymore. It's just really
great. Now. My other thing, I have a Christmas party for a
company. They invited me to this party and the party is at a location
where there is a high, very high probability that I will be seeing an
ex boyfriend. Oh you know what I'm talking about. I should probably come
with you. A boyfriend I dated for about five months and he may or
may not have broken up with me via text message. I'm not sure I'm
saying that for sure or not not. I'm just saying maybe, why would
you guys be running in the same circle. Still, the party happens to
be at his location, so you're gonna go, Well, yeah, I'm
gonna go because I really I love the people that are throwing the party,
and it's kind of like a work thing. But I'm gonna tell you what,
I am going to look so freaking hot. Not that I wanted him
back. I don't want him back, But does this ever work? Let
me ask you this, does it ever work? Just say you broke up
with somebody, Okay, you see them a year later they are looking like
absolutely incredible. Would you say, oh my gosh, I blew. It
depends on why they broke up with you, so then probably then he might
just say, oh, she looks good, and then that might be it.
It's not that I want him back, because that's not the case.
I just want him to be sorry that he ever did that to me,
is that just like a girl? I don't know? Is that like weird?
What night is that? It's tomorrow? Oh? Why where were you
gonna come with me? Yeah? I was gonna come with you. Oh
with your pack schedule? Yeah? Can you? No, I don't see.
No, I don't need any help. I'm fine. It's not for
my work. It's for another company. It's a it's a company that that
handles clients that I work with. I'll just say that. And there so
I'm I'm kind of freaking out a little bit, but I'm also I'm intrigued,
and I'm telling I already know what I'm wearing, and let me just
say, oh god, I need to approve the outfit first. You will.
It's very low cut, oh god, but classy. It's classy.
That does not sound classical. A long dress, uh huh, long sleeve,
but a long plunge. What shoes are you wearing? I don't know
yet that you can help me, Oh god, because it is not going
to be some clunky grandma shoe. When have I worn a clunky grandma shoes?
Oh? My god? Half the office you wear, I would say,
are clunky or grandma. Right now, I'm wearing socks. You guys
don't really see me in shoes. Whatever I should. I think you should
wear that dress with clear loose height heels in your chicken leg stocking. I
think so too. I think that would be That would be amazing. Yeah,
been there done that, That would be irresistible. No, plus,
the dress is long on a cover in no way. No, I just
wants to give him a at the party. So he's walking around with the
ten his pants, that would be awesome. Oh god, I mean if
I had that affec that would be pretty cool. Yeah, you just might.
Here here's like in a woman's mind, this is what we think.
We think. You know what, I'm going to make him regret that he
ever did that to me because I'm going to make him think, oh my
god, why did I do that? I messed up so bad? Look
at her, she's so incredible, And you have to be you have to
like, if you run into him, you have to be so nonplussed by
it, where you're just like, oh, I oh pleasant. If you're
too nonchalant about that, it's obvious that you're faking it, or it's obvious
that's still affecting me. Yeah, So I won't. I'll be I'm going
to be completely normal, nice, fine, nothing weird, nothing awkward.
That's the last thing I want. Just let another dude take you home in
front of him. Oh yeah, oh not you, No, you don't
count. Yeah, someone that you know. Yeah. Oh, I need
to find like a really super handsome young guy that's gonna be like, hey,
baby, look at me, like, Bryan, do you know what
I'm implying, Like, let a guy take you home? No, what
are you plying? You get it? Eric? Like yeah, that that
I'm with somebody know that you're gonna get Yeah, we're gonna get laid.
Yeahh Like you're gonna go to towntown. You must be old. If you
immediately pick up on that, well, well, would that make him feel
worse? I don't know. It'd be kind of funny, though, it
be funny. I think I would. I would go just to watch that
happen me too. Yeah that party you're not invited to, well, I
know, okay, I don't want to watch it happen. I want to
see you galvant around this party and then let some other old guy take you.
Old guy, Now, young people are at this I don't know,
but you know, what I've realized. I think I'm I'm most definitely attracted
to younger men. I can't help it. God, I know I have
to be realistic, Ugar Jesus, No, not like that, not like
twenty years young, came Mary Kayla to her. No, not like a
sixth grader who you're sick just because you watch that movie. Shut up.
That is horrible. She went to jail for that. Hello, my god,
all right, what do you have a host chat? I do backup?
Define younger men like out of high school as long as they're eighteen,
and you know, they can be in high school as long as they're in
as long as they're in their forties. Okay, No one in their thirties.
No, that's two years. That's way too young. Yeah, that's
way to you. Somebody in their forties. I'm very comfortable with. Okay,
and that's not really younger men. But well for me it is.
To Grandma Moses, here it is. Yeah. And then of course,
my true true wish would be defined to find to Anna a Cole Smith situation.
Oh yes, like one hand job earns you like fifty grand All I
have to do is push a running the wheelchair, give the one hand job
like every month and then I'm good and you need to look really old then
need to be not into younger guys. Well, so it's either way.
I don't know whatever, but I'll tell you what happens. Old is dirt
rich millionaires out there listening. Yeah, is super into you. I'm so
into you. Those are That's what I'm going to do for you anyway,
be like my got you're so hot, You're so hot? Can I see
your wien or please? Oh my god, Okay, I'd be happy to
show it to you. I don't know about that, or you are somebody's
mother Jesus, I know, but they're used. They they know me.
My kids know me. They're not going to be freaked out by anything I
say. Come on now, Eric, what's up? What's up in your
life? So I'm not going to talk about it tonight because we've got a
lot of things to do, but I am going to talk about it next
week. Oh I had I had a rough beginning of December like this,
No I didn't tell you, but like, well, so my mom passed
on the first of Disceember, yes, and I thought I was doing okay,
And on the first December I wasn't doing okay, so yeah, so
and things have I'm kind of private about, like my private life. Yes,
so what kind of has happened in the last couple of months has made
me think about talking about it with people, because there's a lot of people
that are new to our show and don't know, and I've never really told
much about what happened. But now with this new information that I've been informed
about, I feel like it's important with is it about your mom? No?
Is it a family it's a it's my only remaining family member. Okay,
yeah, all right, Yeah, do we want to do it next
week? Maybe next Thursday? Yeah, we'll do it next next week.
Okay, are you okay? Because my father passed away in nineteen ninety eight,
he was sixty years old. Yeah, and I'm not kidding. It
was like two years ago on the sixteenth of Decembers when he passed, you'd
think that by this time. Yeah, you know, boy, did it
hit me? Yeah? It just does some years. Some years you're fine.
Yeah, like last year, I was fine. This year, On
the first I woke up at like four thirty in the morning, sobbing,
like out of nowhere. Yeah, and then I was confused. I was
like disoriented because I was like, I don't know what's going on. But
then I realized what it was. It was just all of ausd and it
was like, oh, it's the first and you just really miss her?
Yeah, I do, because it was our favorite time of year. Oh
so I haven't celebrated the holidays really. Last year was the first year that
I celebrated since she passed. Same kind of thing, since my dad passed,
the Christmas time has not been the same. Yeah, it's just not
like I didn't have the joy of like doing stuff that I normally liked doing.
Yeah, well that's totally understandable. Yeah, Like last year was the
first year that I listened to Christmas music, Like from the time she died
till last year, if I even heard a Christmas song, and I was
all, uh so this year you can't really listen. So I was just
that day. Yeah, it was just that. And the subsequent days,
like I got very quiet and I just kind of, you know, it
was weird, Okay, Like I was like, God, I hope the
whole month isn't going to be like this, but are you going to talk
about your mom as well? Yeah, on Thursday. Okay, because you
usually tell the story about your mom this time of year. Since we missed
last week, I don't want to miss that. Yeah, okay, so
we'll do that a week from today. Yes, and I'm sorry, Oh
no, it's okay, thank you. It's hard. Eric's an orphan,
I am. Yeah, that's sad, isn't the parent? I know,
But that's the way I see it. That's that's exactly how I felt.
Actually, I don't know the definitely, the cutof of orphan is well,
it's when you don't have parents anymore. Yeah, only when you're before eighteen,
before you're legally an adult, or there's a proper definition, but it
feels that way. I'm sure it feels you know, it is. It's
weird because I think there's so many people like you're so lucky to have your
mom, Like it is, like I tell people all the time, like
whatever little grievances you have or however might annoy you wherever, call just drink
it in because man, there's gonna be a day where you don't have that,
and you're like, this is important. Yeah, it's super important because
I've just noticed, like she she passed right before COVID, and so I
was super isolated during COVID. So not only did I have that happen and
then all the subsequent remaining family drama that went with it from prior to her
death, just the prior year before she died, and then subsequently after,
but then I was in complete isolation, so I had little interaction with anybody,
so you know, I started to get super angry and super you know.
So it was it was a while before I snapped out of that.
So you know, it got you know, and I think I just have
some tools for people to, oh good, you know, utilize them to
help. Have you ever had anybody really close to you pass My great grandfather
passed when I was fifteen sixteen. Were you close to him, Yeah,
moderately. So it's it's just so ugh. It is so rough, Yeah,
it really is, you know. And even even I know, you
believe in an afterlife, in a heaven and in a God and everything,
and that's you know, that's comforting. But and that's the That was one
of the hardest things that I struggled with because I grew up in a very
religious household, and like, while my mom was sick, I was like,
you know, just give her more time, just you know, And
I prayed a lot. And then when she died, and she didn't die
she had brain cancer, so she didn't die super like peacefully, right,
and so I stopped believing in a lot like at that point, I was
just like, and she was so religious, and I would go in,
like I would visit her every night, and sometimes she wouldn't know I was
there at that point, and she would be just like staring at the ceiling
and she'd be like why, God, Like, why did you do this
to me? And so it's it's heart wrenching, you know, but God,
there's always a reason. And yeah, maybe the reason is what you're
going to say on Thursday. Yeah, help you know, because honestly,
coming out of that, I was like, what was what was the silver
lining to this? You know, with everything that happened. And I'll get
into it a little more on next week, but yeah, it it was
some My December started off bang. I was like sobbing. Yeah, I
was weird. I've never had that happen before. And then other things happened
to some other things happened no, no, no, prior yeah, yeah,
okay, okay, we'll get didn't do it next week? Yeah?
Okay. First of all, I have some questions, and then we're going
to play this new game I got, and then we'll be done. Okay.
Here are some very serious questions that I want to know if you they're
controversial answers because I don't know if there is an answer controversial questions both,
Oh okay. For example, does a straw have one hole or two holes?
One hole? It has two openings. I think it has two holes.
There's one hole that has sixty one said one hole? Yeah, they
did like a pole. Okay, it's just one continuous hole. It's one
hole, but it's two openings. Yeah, well, okay. Whatever is
Die Hard a Christmas movie? Yes, that's Christmas movie? Fifty five percent
said no, it's not. Absolutely is a Christmas It is a place on
Christmas Eve, that's it. And so is The Long Kiss good Night?
That's a Christmas to talk about that one, but whatever, that is Christmas
movie? What about Way to Mate? You two have never seen The Long
Kiss Good Night? Geena Davis? Oh, I watch good movies typically.
I don't know if I want to see that, ouch, Brian, what
about Home Alone? Is home? Alone a Christmas movie? Yeah, yes,
Home Alone is the second best Christmas movie. Okay, I've never seen
it. You haven't seen I have no interest. You should watch Home Alone
usually really it is funny. Yeah, I don't like that slapstick humor.
Where the have you watched National Christmas Vacation? Best movies of all time?
Yeah? Home Alone is really good. You should watch it. Plus McCaulay
Coulkin's great in it, and Joe Pashion is great in it. So is
Catherine o' harra. Like a Christmas story, No, it's fine. They've
played it too much so stupid. Yeah, I'm not a Christmas story family.
That stupid lamp with the leg I love that when I first saw it.
Then the tremendous achievement over again. Okay. Is a hot dog is
sandwich? No? It's meat between bread. No, it's meat between buns.
Closer to a hamburger than the sandwich. What is the best day of
the week? Everybody? Friday? Friday? Friday was second place, Saturday,
Saturday was first. Monday Friday is better. I think Friday is great.
The anticipation of the weekend gets you through Friday. I'm a fan of
Tuesdays too. I don't know. I just don't. That's weird. I
know, and I like Mondays now because of our podcast. Oh I love
my dread Mondays does. Does pineapple belong on pizza? Yes, it's still
it's actually I know, I'm in the minority. It's delicious though, it's
so good. It's actually an even split fifty to fifty. I do love
a roasted pineapple though. Pineapple and pizza. It's because it's basically roasted,
and it's actually like, it's actually really good. I love theory. I'm
against it, but it tastes too good. I don't want anything sweet on
my pizza, I know, but it actually really worked. It's good.
Which brownie is better? Peace middle piece? I kind of like that crusty
edge. I'm gonna say the edge. I leave the edge. I like
soft brownies all the way around. I had a great brownie at Keith's Christmas
party on Sunday. That is fascinating. Here it was. It had ginger
in it. That sounds horrible. Oh, it was delicious. Cannibalism.
That's kind of gross. It was good. This is very controversial, this
question. Okay, could Jack have fit on that door? At the end
of Titanic with Rose and not fallen off and died. Controversial it is he
could have. She didn't. She didn't want him on there, nagging at
her the whole thing. That's just yeah, well anyway, Uh, PlayStation
or xbox xbox, I don't even know what the difference is. I've never
played one. You're in the minority, I know, not by much,
though. Is cereal soup no? No? Is it okay to wear socks
with sandals? No, unless you've got terrible feet, but then just absolutely
not. What about socks with crocs? No? Yeah, yeah, two
of the most disgusting shoes ever, only if you acknowledge that crocs are indeed
the worst shoe ever made. No, Birkenstocks are the worst. No,
Crocs are worse than Burke. Oh, they're both hideous. My son swears
by crocs. He says they're the most comfortable thing in the whole wide world.
I will can pull off Birkenstocks. Oh no, they can't know they
can. Birkenstocks makes everybody look like they have a cank call. My girlfriend
lives in Brooks. Oh my god, They're awful, just awful. I
don't love them, but I can they get the pass. Crocs do not
get to pass though, But if you're already going to stoop to that level,
you might as well wear socks with them. Oh god, and you
got it. If you're gonna stoop to that level, get real crocs,
not fake crocs. Who cares whatever. Okay, Now we're gonna play this
new game I got. I found it on Instagram. It's that's not funny.
Now here's the here is the boy. Here's how we're gonna do it.
Rian's gonna come up on the desk with us. You can move the
big magical present off the table for now. Now you're each gonna get a
card and you're gonna there's a scenario on the card. Okay, okay,
get your cough out of the way. Okay. You will read what the
scenario is and then you have to act it out. I can't tell you
one minute. You know, you tell us what it is, act it
out. The goal is you acting it out has to make one of us
laugh. Now, if that happens, you get to keep the card.
Whoever has the most cards at the end wins this game. I'm in.
Okay, So do you want scoot scoot? Your booch as I tell my
dogs, scoot your booch, scoot your booch. Booch. Oh, I
don't tell my dog's the spooch there gooch, just like a I know.
Okay, So do you want me to go first? Or do you want
to go first? Or I'll go first. Okay, I'm gonna pick and
don't not laugh, just to be sure. Offer you the card Brian.
Brian's not gonna laugh at me, but you might. Oh, I will
laugh at you. Okay, I'll laugh for Here's my scenario. A nineteen
fifties husband returning home from work. Oh, I wish I had that one.
And are we allowed to talk or no? No? I have to
act it out, okay, and then try to make you guys laugh.
Okay, okay, here we go, ready and I get sixty seconds?
Okay, honey, I'm home. I thought you said you can't talk.
No, I can talk. I'm acting it out. You can't, got
it, honey, I'm home. Please answer the door. Oh hello,
honey. Oh, I've had the first day. I'm so glad you are
dressed in that beautiful house dress with heels. Where's my cocktail? Thank you?
I would like to sit down in my favorite seat. You look beautiful.
By the way, work was very, very difficult. So please will
you massage my feet because I really need my feet massage, and I really
want that cocktail. Is dinner ready because I really need it on the table
by five? Where are the children? Are they doing their homework right now?
That would be great. I don't want to see any children for the
first hour while I'm home because Daddy needs to dress because he's been at work
all day. Okay, well you laughed. You laughed even though it was
not at That was the least funny thing I ever. Okay, here's volley.
It's the first volley. Well, because you're a man, I'm not
a man, all right, Brian, you go next? Oh lord,
Braddy, No, okay, oh my god. Now what's your scenario?
What is it? You discovered your partner's search history? Okay, go Hey.
I was using the computer and you left open a tab and it said
furry underwear porn, And so I went through the rest of search history,
which you clearly forgot to clear. And I'm getting really uncomfortable with this.
Shiet. Let me read out to you all the things I found in your
search history. Naked grandma older naked grandma young, Grandma's naked flies, naked
Japanese underwear, fetish naked in parentheses. Okay, that sucked. Okay,
you don't get the card. I didn't laugh. No, okay, this
is going to get better. I promise Eric understand this. Just act out
that, act out the scenario. Obviously these we're just getting warmed up.
We're getting warmed up your family member. The target is in a coma and
you're discussing, Oh, this probably is not good. After you talk about
your let's pick a different one. That sounds hilarious. That's not funny.
You're in bed with your partner. You're a sexy talk newbie, and then
you read this scenario. Oh sexy talking. Maybe you're in bed with your
partner who wants you to try dirty talk for the first time. Okay,
here we go, now, here we go. No, now we're warming
up. Hey sexy, why don't you strip out of those pajamas and ride
me like a pony in front of a grocery store. Keep going, I
want you to pour some Sugarrogbie song because he's because his face makes when he
laughs, it makes me laugh. How can you tell me you constructed joke
to Laura, and she'll be so deadpan and all all you have to say
is pour some sugar on. It's a song lyric, a song you say
the original, Baby, I want you to put your cock inside of me
like that's dirt. I thought it was supposed to be funny. It's supposed
to be funny. Supposed to be funny. Said something like, let's put
the egg up my bum this time. I don't know if I liked when
the celery went down my urethra, but it felt better coming back out.
Oh my god, you know mine is a telepathic tattletale. You're outstanding at
reading minds. Put your hand on the target and share with the group some
of their thoughts. Give me your ap. You can't touch me, you
can't read me. Okay, wow, I really have a lot to do
this this this month. You know what. Tomorrow I gotta get off to
work. Okay, what do I gotta do? This podcast is going too
long? And oh my god, this game is so stupid. You know
what? I think? What where Laura is wearing is the most hideous thing
I've ever seen. I was thinking must hair, like, why is her
hair is a freaking long. It looks stupid. Your magic hair, my
magic island grows one week from the next. Whatever, that's what gay sexes?
O god, oh see you're okay, we're getting the warmed sorry whatever,
here you go. Oh my god. Okay what you're introducing the target
and they're you're introducing their award. Oh, porn awards MC read the top
part. Okay, hold on, hold on this Okay. Well I'm still
thinking. Okay, because well half the stuff I want to say I do
not want to say, or half stuff it's coming to mind. I'm not
going to say. Just say it. No, probably you shouldn't. No,
probably shouldn't. Okay. Congratulations to Laura Caine. You have won a
newcomer this year. No one thought they would happen on account of her age,
but she did it, defying all odds. And not only that,
she broke the record for most eggs and egg plants in but at one time
with an impressive sixteen eggs, a full more than a dozen and three egg
plants. This just shows real dedication. She did spend a week in the
hospital with a prolapsed colon, but uh. Congrats to Laura Kane for most
eggs and eggplants in bomb at one time around the applause for you could newcomer,
My god, wait some really bad stuff. Wait my turn. Okay,
okay, now you read what it is? Bad breath ballad deer valad
deer, like you have to write a poem. You're a poet. You're
a poet with bad breath performing for the target. Oh god, Okay,
okay, you're a poet, remember, yes, And I guess I'm the
target. They're once what a lady from Nantucket put her foot God in a
bucket? I just give this. Okay, that was too much, it's
too much, too close. Okay, embarrassed patient. The target is a
doctor and you've come in the office because something is stuck in your butt.
What are the chances of that one of those egg plants probably or the dozen
in a quarter eggs? Hello, miss Cane, I'm doctor Rimmer. Hi,
doctor Rimmer. Thank you so much for seeing me on such short notice.
And I know you haven't seen me before, so I really appreciate it.
I have a situation going on i'm a little bit embarrassed about, but
it's very, very uncomfortable, and I'm afraid that it's going to get infected.
Hey, that's the lady that won the porn Award for most eggs and
egg plants you bite At one time, I thought I recognized you. I
decided to play with the extra large anal beads this time, and unfortunately I
stuck them way too far up and I can't even with my finger dig it
out. Doctor, do you have a tool that can take out the extra
large antal beads from my anus? I do? Okay, thank you,
Yes, you're welcome. I know nobody attempted just to laugh. You laughed
the anal beads. I went, okay, one more round of this game,
which I think I'm gonna like take back. Okay, Oh you gonna
send that back to maybe I can't do this, Okay, okay, okay,
No, I don't. I don't lack the vocal. It was Donald
Duck going through with drawls. I can't. Okay, a small smiler.
You're competing with the target and a smallest smile contest, determining who can maintain
the most subtle, tiny grim without break. I kind of love this.
No, no, I love this here Okay, No I make you laugh?
No, I want and I know it's whoever he wanted to do.
My kids and I play. We've played this game before and it's funny.
Okay, okay, we're doing the smallest smile contest. Eric, you be
the jet. But where's the no but this we're not doing a contest.
I have to make something funny out of this. Then do it. It
says that it's okay, whatever, go because I can beat you in the
smallest smile contest for sure. Give me an example of what this looks like.
I'll do it to the camera, and that I'll do to you.
Okay, just use the camera. Watch that is so dumb. That's what
you look like. What I tell a joke? Okay, it's a small
smile. Okay, you prove you can do the contest. I don't have
to make that funny. Give me a new card. That's ridiculous. That's
a terrible card, and then I have my joke. It's infatuated mind.
You're a mind? Okay, what you're a mind? That what seducing the
target through an imaginary pane of glass sitting right in front of that? Hey,
eric's the target. You're going to seduce your I know what I need.
I just don't know. If I want to do it, do it.
That means you need to do it. Okay, and scene, I'm
gonna regret this so much. I my god, that's going to stand the
episode. That's not getting your front page. Okay, we gotta end with
that because that's too good. That was too good. I lose all you
want to play here? All right, this one is we'll push them one
more. All right, that was good. That was good. Miming Elvis
impersonator? What's the scenario? You're singing Jailhouse Rock? Is only Elvis Presley
can Okay, that's going back in them. No, I don't even know
the lyrics to jail House Rock. That's a dumb one. How do you
make that funny? Suiting in the Jewel House Rock? I don't know.
It's one two three, Oh, corny casanova. You're at a club when
you spot the target on the other end of the bar. Okay, yes,
okay, here we go flirt with a woman. I want to see
this. He's like, hey, babe, you got a jil Well,
Hello, they're a pretty lady. Hey, oh am, I I'm not
supposed to talk. Okay, how are you tonight? You're beautiful. Can
I see your tag on the back of your shirt? I just wanted to
see if it said made in Heaven. God, that's so cheesy and stupid.
I thought I had. I actually had a tag hanging out of my
flirty Forrest Gump. You're Forrest Gump trying to seduce the target. That's good.
Oh this is good. Hey Brian, Brian, Hey, Brian,
I think you're awfully cute. Brian, Run to be Brian, run run.
Oh No, that wasn't even Forrest Gump that said that. It wasn't
I was, Brian. You're awfully handsome. I wish I was a handsome
man, but I'm not. But you're a handsome man, and I want
to be with you. I'm not sexy man, what. I would love
to have your company, And I don't know what the hell? What forts
comes out? Like? You? You do it? You do it then
mm hmm. Life is like a box of joan us. They all make
me off and some of them give me an allergic reaction. You never know
what you're gonna gain. Jenn A, Oh, Jenna, where is jenn
Ay? Jennay? You said you have the h I b what's that?
Jen A? Sharing needles. Jenny. Is that from the movie that's how
she dies? Oh, that's how she dies? But that's I was bed
do We are we gonna do more? Okay, okay, uh I got
a terrible one, hopefully not. He's got all the singing one karaoke night
cue up summer and from the movie Grease. Oh you know this song?
Do you know this time? Actually? I mean I know other songs from
Grease, but not that one you pick? I keep picking? All right,
here we go boom and then I'll talk it. You're sharing an obituary
for the target who was not well liked while alive. Who's the target?
I'm sure it's me. You're universally beloved, but also Eric is too.
Oh it's called obituary. Oh okay, that's definitely me. Oh okay,
okay, okay. Today we have just buried Eric Rimmer, well liked among
some. I don't know anyone left who did, but I'm assuming there are
some. As a behalf on behalf of the well established company, and as
they're representative, Jerome's Furniture Store would like to repay the favor until Eric to
eternally suck a big acadicts in rotten hell. We didn't want your sweaty balls
on our couches anyways, made you rotten hell? Fuck off? Need a
dick? But ps, your ball sweat permanently stained all the leather in our
test chairs. Come on, that was funny. He didn't get a lot
of Oh my god, I just pretend. All right, Okay, do
one more and then I'm gonna tell my joke. Then we're gonna be We're
gonna end this. Trader Joe's cashier, Oh wait, what's the scenario though?
You're a Trader Joe's cashier checking out a customer. Okay, well,
how are you tonight? Let me? Would you like a bag for these
items? I brought my own bag? Oh you did? Okay, great,
okay, let's see raging Mitchell arts. Okay, well you must be
single. Let's see we have just bland vegetables. This is how it goes.
This is what happens to Trader Joe. When was the last time you
were at Trader Joe's about a week ago? There? Oh, this is
so good. Have you had this before? It's amazing? That's great.
No, they always say that like stuff like that. Okay, let me
reado. Okay, Okay, we do it. You could hear with the
oh six balls of wine and you were here three days ago. Wow,
wow like to drink. I like this wine too. I'd have about one
per month, so that's great. Six all right, all right, go
great Laura. Oh my god, it's so good to see you again.
Oh my god, the same old hit in the same old cart, Bland
food, Bland Food. I do see you have an egg plant and some
sandwich bags, so it must oh my god, it must be your weekend
break a new record. And that's the yeah, oh my god, the
egg plant and the eggs, No, you got Okay, hold on,
they're not but they're not mean. So the best you could do is really
passive aggressive, like you'd be like, oh, these look delicious. I
wouldn't know. I'm not a fat ass, but because they have a lot
of calories. But I bet you'll really like him. Yeah, yeah,
seriously already all right, all right, okay, so Brian, you end
us with a bang, and then I'll tell the story. I mean,
the joke. If I can tell the joke. I'm bad at telling jokes.
I don't know if I can remember the much like maybe because it makes
more sense. Oh, this is great. You're the person's lover and they
don't like it when you refer to their is going to be my target because
he's already disgusted by them, So this is gonna be easy. Okay,
God, okay, let's see. Uh Okay, So you're disgusted every time
you hear the word vagina, which is which is yourself? Yeah? Exactly?
Hey, Eric, how are you this week? By the way I
can see your vagina, you should probably start wearing underwear. I probab wouldn't
see your vagina so much. God, cambell till more like Cambell mouth.
Anyways, Man, are you just sweaty or you're happy to see me because
she was lost something coming out of your Vaginay? Okay, you're taking this
too far. You are making him one of his mouth a little bit.
I could feel the bile rising up. I will attempt Let me try to
attempt to sell this joke if I can remember. It doesn't make sense really
coming from a woman. But maybe what is the difference between a garbonzo bean
and a chick pea? I feel like I've heard this one. I don't
know what is I've never had a Garbondo being on my face. See,
Oh my god, what I just knock over? That wouldn't make you laugh
O, because you've already heard it. I gotta you gotta smile at me.
Yeah, I got I got it. I got maybe a chortal online.
I did get an LLL. Okay, so that's my big joke.
Yeah whatever, At least I remembered it. How he hadn't end like that?
How are we going to end? Okay? I've got mm hmm.
What's this? Well, I've got one thing to close out with. Okay,
let's do it. This is a discussion. Oh, recently I saw
a poll online saying that like something like seventy percent of young people the utes,
as they say, don't like seeing sex scenes graphic sex scenes in movies
anymore. And discuss what do you think about sex scenes and movies? When
is it good? When is it too much? When is it bad too
graphic? Is it better if it's more graphic? I haven't gotten to this
part in the Morning show on Apple with Jennifer Aniston, but apparently there's some
like crazy, crazy sex scene that people want nuts over with her and John
hamm Oh that it was so like realistic that people online were not liking it
at all. Now, as far as the younger people not digging it,
that surprises me, just because you think like that younger people are just a
little bit more free thinking and stuff. But maybe the pendulum is swinging back
toward a little bit more conservative type of way of thinking, and I think
they're just too addicted to online adult videos. They are not phased by anymore.
Now it's just boring. Oh that's sad. Yeah, out of okay,
out of your group of people that you know, Brian, your age,
what percentage watches porn regularly? Oh, I have no clue. Okay,
that's weird. Well no, but is that that's time? Well,
I don't really have a very big group anymore. Like, okay, we're
roommates. Did a roommate ever? I don't know. You never caught anybody,
No, thank god. I caught somebody one time watching and like doing
something to it. Yeah, I know it was horrible, like choking it,
like the money. Okay, But just in general, when you see
a sex scene on in a TV show, movie, play, graphic,
novel, audiobook, if I'm alone, I'm fine with it. If I'm
watching it with somebody, else, I get a little uncomfortable. Ma Okay,
let's say you're watching alone. Are you fine with it? Or do
you ever go? Oh? That would have been better if it was a
little more intense or a little more graphic or is that two graphic or unfortunately?
The what I think what I view when I see it. I think
about the cameraman. I think about the staging and sexy it is, and
how like how they're really not like they're truly acting. Did you okay?
In May December? Did you did you? Were you awake to see the
most awkward sex scene ever? What? Well? I don't remember it with
Natalie Portman and the husband. No, I must have fallen away. Oh
they so he they have sex Okay, her and the husband of the Mary
Kayla Torno like the kid, Oh you're talking about? Oh in this movie?
Yes? Yeah, and he like gets off of her and you see
full hard dong. I missed a hard dick. I think it was humid
dreamy. Laura's answer, she likes Okay, let me rephrase that awkward sex
seed I've ever seen, I think. Let me let me postulate this was
Game of Thrones, better, worse or neutral because of its graphic, nudy
and sexy. I've never seen you think it was better. You think it
would be worse if it didn't have those things. Yes, interesting, I
thought that was kind of ballsy, a little shocking and I and it's like,
to me, it was I mean, to me, it's very brave
of an actress to like totally go naked in front of like all the cameramon,
the whole world. Do you remember Brown Bunny? Did you ever see
that movie? No, Chloe Sevenier literally performed oral on I forget what his
name was. It was Joe. Oh, No, I forget what his
name was. Thousands of young women everything on pilm okay, like for real,
for real weird. I was like, if but they usually have to
like wear a sock, and they were like, oh no, there was
no sock. It may have been a prosthetic. No, I'm gonna go
back. I can see that big hard dong. I'm sad I miss that,
I know, because you don't get to see dick's very often. More
and more and more you do more. No, I'm saying, like on
a regular TV show, you could see boobs all day long, butts all
day long, sometimes not about butts and stuff. I think I don't know.
I think I think the problem is that they're too much just used for
shock value and they don't actually add anything to the story. Did you ever
see the movie Bad Lieutenant? Yes, with that what's his face? Walk
hard? I tell yes, that's the first like dick I saw on camera.
Oh my god, that's an old like movie. But for example,
the show the HBO show Euphoria. Oh I love that show. Okay,
sure, a lot of boobs and dick in that one. For example,
let's look at Sidney Sweeney, who famously who has large breasts beautiful, showed
them on the show quite you know, and her career kind of took off.
But now I go, wow, look at Sidney Sweeney. She's all
popular now, not because she's that great of an actress, because she's all
right, but she's nothing remarkable she actually is. She's all right, Okay.
All she does in Euphoria's cry and show her boobs, like that's the
only two things she does in the entire show. Anyway, she's not that
she's an alright actress, but what she's famous for is the fact that she
showed her boobs and she has large boobs, Like I just I don't know,
it's it like for her, I think it actually probably detracted from any
talent she does have. And do you think the future, like her future
roles will she won't get like the ones that she really maybe, I mean,
maybe she will, but like I mean, it's just you know,
it's hijacking over talent, just the human mind. Also though, like it
depends on Like I watched Infinity Pool this weekend. Oh how is that?
You can skip? It? Wasn't it okay? And it was okay,
It's kind of interesting, but there's a bunch of sex in it, and
it's like a bunch of orgies and it makes no sense, like they're point
They're literally pointless orgies. If you took them from the story and nothing would
change. I'm not a fan of that. Jennifer Lawrence was in a movie
that I just watched on and she was fully naked. That was kind of
funny, but also I could have done without though weren't you interested to see
what she her body? I mean, it was nice and I was shocked
that she, like an actress of her caliber, would do that. That's
that's kind of what I was shocked. Moors showed everything. You what,
Julian moorees showed everything? And that's a high caliber actress. Yeah she has,
hasn't she well? Anyway? But you're the thing, is it better
because she actually showed it? Or would it been would it have been just
as good if it was implied? That's it. I guess it just depends.
Boobs are one thing lower genitals. I think it's kind of weird to
show. Yeah, because are you trying to cueue up the movie to the
dick park? Really just trying to Okay, watch this. We're not going
to We're gonna watch it as a family. No, we're going to close
out this podcast. Okay, now, did you find it? Yeah,
it's coming, it's coming, but we're gonna it's coming. I've been laughing
this whole podcast. Good for you, No, a little bit. I'm
a stone cold bitch. I know you really are. So what's happening?
I know we're not gonna wait until the dick comes on? We're gonna we're
off. Maybe let's no because people don't want to wait for this, because
come on, no, because that's gonna be I'm and then wait quietly until
the dick comes on. Screen, and that's right. Next week we have
Clia from the Dollhouse Club. Oh yeah, she's gonna be here to talk
about her history and the house that we're donating money to through the big magical
holiday box full of prizes. And she's gonna be here on Monday night,
Tuesday, and then you're going to tell your story, your mama and what's
going on with you on Thursday. Yes, so it's going to be a
jam packed week next week. Thank you so much for watching us or listening
to us this week. We sure appreciate it. Happy Holidays, everybody.
We love you. Holidays, we love you. Thanks for watching. Love
your podcast, Love your podcast. I love you. My sweet babies,
can wait to see you. Bye bye